Original Piece Monologue
|Original Piece by Linda Richards|
I didn't mean for it to happen. It just did, I mean does anyone ever really decide for themselves who they would like to fall in love with? I just saw them and I knew. I didn't understand it then, didn't know who I really was, but even then I was changing. My life was taking directions that I couldn't understand the impact of at the time. I didn't understand all the oppression that I would have to endure over something as trivial as this.
I never knew until I was in the seventh grade. All the "cool" guys were coming to school hand in hand with their girlfriends. Everyone wondered where mine was. I've never had a problem getting girls to notice me. I've been asked out plenty of times, but I just wasn't interested. I even tried to go out with a few, but there was no feeling in it for me. All the guys began to talk about me. They all suspected that I was different, but I tried to hide it from all of them. I didn't understand what there was to feel ashamed about, but I was ashamed.
I started trying to dress like the rest of them, tried to talk about hot girls, tried to pretend that I wasn't dying inside. They made me hate who I was, hate myself for being different. I would lie awake and cry, hoping that when morning came, I would be what they all wanted. By the time I started high school, I knew that there was no going back. I knew that it wasn't a stage. I even began to feel at home in my own body.
To this day I hear people's harsh words as I pass by, "Freak! Fag! Gay." These words all hurt so much, yet I hear them all the time. Why does it matter who I have feelings for, so long as I am capable of loving, the same as you are capable of loving others. I hear people use the word gay in the meanest ways. I hear you say "That's so gay!" As if being "gay" is something bad, stupid, or ugly. I know that every one of you out there has probably said something like that at one time or another, and I urge you, think before you say something like that. It's hurtful.
I have recently found someone that I love very much and we've been together for almost a year now. His name is Damion and he's a great guy. I hate seeing the hurt in his eyes when people look down upon our relationship. I guess what I'm trying to say is that who a person loves does not determine whether the person is fit to live a normal life. I'm a person just like you. I bleed, I cry, I laugh, I love, and hearing hateful words and being attacked because of my beliefs hurts just as much as when it's done to you. My sexuality is just one part of me, just as yours is only a small part of the person you are.
Next time you hear someone use "gay" or "fag" or "queer" in a derogatory manner, please remember, it hurts. I don't ask for you to believe what I do, I don't ask you to choose the path that I have been given, I just want you to accept me for the person I am inside. Look beyond this and see a person that is just like you. (thinks to self) . Is that the problem? Am I a little too much like you for your comfort? Do you hate me because you see a little of me hiding in you?