Jet Lagged Monologue
|Jet Lagged by Ruth Bell|
Hi. Hello Katie? I'm here. I found you. The flight was good, fine, okay. You know how I feel about flying. The plane didn't explode. I. I tried calling you . . . I just wanted to hear, I just wanted to hear your voice. Ugh. I bought you some flowers! First time for everything, do you like them? Not roses. I didn't want you to get the wrong idea. (Pause) They're impractical aren't they flowers? I knew you'd disapprove. You hate them. They've been murdered.
Talk. Speak. Say something! Laugh. Laugh at my outfit, my haircut and my shoes. (Pause) I'm wearing the jumper. Did you notice? You always liked this shirt. I wore it because, since it was your favorite. (Pause) It shrunk in the wash. I've started drinking coffee, I still hate the taste, but I drink it because, because it reminds me of you. (Pause) Would you like to get a coffee? We could go and get one. I noticed this coffee shop on the corner... near. The... next to the fruit shop. It's not far from here, a short walk, a ten-minute walk. We could sit there... and chat. Talk.
Is this not a good time? Do you want me to go? Would you like me to leave? I can go away? I don't mind, it's no big deal. I'll just call a cab and go back to the airport. Just disappear. The way you decided to disappear, leave me, go away. Catch a flight. Fly back home. Hope it doesn't explode, blown to bits, collide into a mountain.
The girl, she was sitting next to me on the plane. I told her all about you, that I was coming here to visit you. She said, she told me I had amazing eyes. I told her they weren't as beautiful as Katie's eyes. Those eyes, your eyes. (Pause) Remember that time, we had a fight and you were crying. I told you I thought you had beautiful eyes. Delightful red rimmed eyes. You laughed at me, at us, at the whole hopeless situation, and then you told me they weren't your real eyes as your eyes had been taken out, put in a box and sent on vacation, express post to the moon. (Pause) You said the view of Earth would look better from there, I thought you were joking.
I had this dream about you, your face all scrunched up, your face. Your eyes were shut, closed. You wouldn't open them. You couldn't. You'd forgotten how... I tried to teach you. . Katie?
They told me not to come, told me that it wouldn't change things, make any difference. But you know what I'm like, I didn't listen, I never listen, I just... Nothing seems.(Pause)
For fuck sake! Say something! Tell me what to do! Tell me what to say. Tell me what all of this means. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I thought you... Tell me where did you bury the microscopic clues?
I don't understand, I WANT to understand! Make all of this shit, all this poison that's melting inside of me, contaminated my brain go away.(Pause)
I haven't showered. I've forgotten how. Forgotten... which direction to distribute the soap. I'm scared it will wash your memory off. Ridiculous. It's just you need to understand. I'm not prepared. I want you to know, I'm not going to take that risk... chance.
I'm embarrassing myself. I've revealed too much. (Pause) I shouldn't have come. I should go. Forget I said anything, It's cold here, lucky I wore my jumper. I'll come by tomorrow and we can start again. Pretend this never happened. We could start a fresh.
Oh. Fuck. I'm lost for words. I don't know what to say. Tell me what to say"No! No don't. I'm going insane. Mad."(Pause)
The flight was good, fine, okay. You know how I feel about flying. The plane didn't explode. I .. I tried calling you . . . I just wanted to hear; I just wanted to hear your voice.(Long Pause)
They didn't burn your body; I think they must have forgotten. Not understood. You always said, "Death makes agnostics religious."
I am going to be religious. I want to blame god, his out to lunch he hasn't got back to me, I'm waiting for an answer. Waiting for a miracle. I want you back. I just want to hear your voice, your song.
There is a sign on the gates saying they are locked at sunset, the suns slowly going down. I wish you could see it. . .You'd think it was grand.
We'll speak tomorrow. Goodnight.