The Kid Monologue
| The Kid Monologue by Walter Ben Hare | |
| Character: | The Kid |
| Gender: | Male or Female |
| Age (range): | 8 - 14 |
| Style: | Classical |
| Length: | 4 minutes |
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- Suppose you was a kid like me,
- And ma would take you on her knee
- And fill the wash rag full of soap,
- And hold you tight as any rope,
- And wash yer eyes and nose and chin,
- And 'hind your ears, and ever'thin',
- And git some soap suds in yer eye,
- And up yer nose, till you 'ist cry!
- I bet you'd be as sore as me,
- I bet you'd say worse words than "Gee!"
- Now wouldn't you?
- Suppose you was a kid, I say,
- And got washed thirty times a day,
- I bet you'd kick and holler, too,
- And do things that you shouldn't do.
- I bet you'd even cry and bawl,
- For you don't have to wash at all!
- And what's the use of it, I say?
- You 'ist get dirty right away.
- And then you have to wash some more!
- I bet that it 'ud make you sore!
- Now wouldn't it?
- When I get growed and am a man
- I'll wash on the installment plan.
- And all my little girls and boys
- Can play around with yells and noise,
- And every day wade in the creek--
- And only wash 'ist once a week!
- And then, 'ist here--and here--and here!
- [Points to forehead, cheeks and chin]
- And wash with soap 'ist once a year!
- Now if you was my little boy,
- I bet you'd laugh and shout for joy!
- Now wouldn't you?
Credits: Reprinted from Readings and Monologues À La Mode. Walter Ben Hare. Minneapolis: T.S. Denison & Co., 1921.
