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Butterhead Star Wars* Monologue

Butterhead Star Wars* by MJ Ferruzza (* = can be any kids' movie)
Character: James
Gender: Male or Female
Age (range): 9 - 12
Style: Comedy
Length: 3 minutes

 

A kid at the movies:

So this is it!
The new *** movie is out and I am here to see it.
And I am ready.
I waited in line for...
[looks at wrist]
 Wait! Where's my watch?
[looks at other wrist]
Oh! There it is! ... I waited in line for 3 hours.
I got the first ticket.
And I got the best seat in the whole place!
Suckers!...
No time for popcorn... or a drink... or candy...
Hmmm.. I'd sure like some juju beans... no! I am set!
What does that say? Cellphone?
I would turn my cellphone to silent... but I left my cellphone in Mom's car!
Be quiet?
I will not talk in this movie theater because I asked no friends to come with me.
Tommy Earls loves *** but he would want popcorn or nachos...
and we would have ended up getting seats in the front row
where you have to arch your head backwards and see the screen like this...
[leans head back.. it gets stuck on something gooey]
Wait! What? What is this? Oh no! My head... it's stuck. Don't panic!
It's... [reaches hand back].. glue.. no.. gum.. no... it's ...
old popcorn butter turned into nuclear glue.
C'mon... [tries to pull forward but can't move head] C'mon!
You have got to be kidding!!! I have to watch the whole movie like this.
During the fight scenes... the aerial dogfights... the scary parts...
This is just great! Maybe if I try harder!
[he bucks back and forth to no avail]
No, Sir.. I did not mean to kick your chair!
No, Ma'am... I did not mean to trip your son!
What? No Mr. Usher... I am not causing a commotion.
Come with you? Where? Outside? But.. But.. But...
[Starts to cry a bit] I can't get my head off of this chair...
No, ma'am... he does not need scissors from your purse.
Don't give the usher those!
Too late.
Can I stay now? Now that you have embarrased me infront of the whole audience.
Thank you! Yes... I promise.. to be... yes...
Previews...
Oh what the heck.. Now I really want some juju beans... [gets up]...
and I have to go to the bathroom...
Yes I know I might miss the beginning of the movie...
[looks back] Hey! That was my seat... never mind!
[starts to leave] Yes, Mr. Usher...
... save a seat for me in the front row!

*** = can be just about any kids' movie