Ferris Buellers Day Off Monologue
| Ferris Bueller's Day Off by John Hughes | |
| Character: | Ferris Bueller |
| Gender: | Male |
| Age (range): | 18 - 55 |
| Style: | Comedy |
| Length: | 2 minutes |
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Ferris Bueller: The key to faking out the parents is the clammy
hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. A lot of people will tell you
that a phony fever is a dead lock, but if you get a nervous mother, you
could land in the doctor's office. That's worse than school. What you
do is, you fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and
wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then,
so is high school.
I did have a test today. That wasn't bullsh!t. It's on European socialism.
I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European, I don't plan on being
European, so who gives a crap if they're socialist? They could be fascist
anarchists - that still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that matter. Isms in my opinion
are not good. A person should not believe in an ism - he should believe
in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in Beatles - I just
believe in me." A good point there. Of course, he was the Walrus. I could
be the Walrus - I'd still have to bum rides off of people.
