Annie Hall Monologue
| Annie Hall by Woody Allen | |
| Character: | Alvy |
| Gender: | Male |
| Age (range): | 18 - 55 |
| Style: | Comedy |
| Length: | 3 minutes |
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Alvy: There's an old joke. Um, two elderly women are at a Catskill
Mountain Resource and one of 'em says "Boy, the food at
this place is really terrible. The other one says "Yeah I know, and such
small portions."
Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness, and
misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.
The, the other important joke for me is one that's usually attributed to
Groucho Marx. But I think is appears originally in Freud's "Wit and
It's Relation to the Unconscious." And it goes like this, I'm
paraphrasing, um: I would never want to belong to any club that would
have someone like me for a member. That's the key joke of my adult life
in terms of my relationships with women. You know, lately the strangest
things have been going through my mind--'cause, I turned
40. And I guess I'm going through a life crisis or something, I don't
know, and I, uh, and I'm not worried about aging. I'm not one of those
characters, you know, I, uh, well, I'm balding slightly on top. I guess
thatŐs the worst you can say about me. I, um, I think I'm going to get
better as I get older, you know, I think I'm gonna be the, the balding,
virile type, you know as opposed to say, the, um, distinguished gray, for
instance. You know, 'less I'm neither of those two. 'Less I'm one of
those guys with saliva dribbling out of his mouth who wanders into a
cafeteria with a shopping bag, screaming about socialism.
Annie and I broke up. And, and I, I still can't get my mind around
that, you know, I, I keep sifting the pieces of the relationship through
my mind, and, and examining my life and trying to figure out where did
the screw-up come. You know, and, and a year ago we were, in love, you
know. And, and, and, I'm not a, I'm not a morose type, I'm not a
depressed character. I, I, I uh, you know, I was a reasonably happy
kid, I guess. I was brought up in Brooklyn during World War
Two...
