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City Slickers Monologue

City Slickers by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Character: Morelli
Gender: Male
Age (range): 18 - 55
Style: Comedy
Length: 2 minutes

 

Morelli: So I'm doin' this job on 60th and 3rd. Big friggin' ballbreaker of a job, right? And we got the area roped off, you know, so some schmuck don't come and take a wrecking ball between the eyes. All of a sudden this woman, with the big dark glasses, the Bloomigdale bags, she starts walkin' right through the ropes. I yell down at her, "Hey! You can't go there you stupid b!*ch!" Suddenly this steam fittin' bursts, and this enormous 2,000 pound g*[email protected] crane crashes right down on her legs! And she's screamin' "My legs! My legs!" and I say, "No sh!t, your legs, you got a 2,000 pound goddam crane on 'em" Now, do you know how in an emergency you can get, like, superhuman strength? I reach down and I lift this crane, and Ernesto's able to slide her out from under, and the doctors were able to save her legs. So the moral of the story is don't walk where you're not supposed to walk 'cause there might not be someone with superhuman strength to save your little ass. And don't do drugs. That's it.