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Clerks Monologue

Clerks by Kevin Smith
Character: Randal
Gender: Male
Age (range): 18 - 55
Style: Comedy
Length: 2 minutes

 

Randal: Oh f#@k you! F#@k you, pal! Jesus, there you go: trying to pass the buck! Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? Who tried to win back his ex-girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one? You want to blame somebody? Blame yourself! "I'm not even supposed to be here today" You sound like an asshole! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here - you're here of your own volition. You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulder, like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. Jesus, you over-compensate for having what is basically a monkey's job. You push f#@king buttons! Anybody could waltz in here and do our jobs. You - you're so obsessed with making everything seem so much more epic, so much more important than it really is. Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante - and badly I might add. I work in a sh!tty video store, badly as well. You know, that guy Jay's got it right man, he has no delusions about what he does. Us - we like to make ourselves seem so much more important than the people who come in here to buy a paper or God forbid, cigarettes. We look down on them as if we're so advanced. Well, if we're so f#@king advanced, what are we doing working here?