Kicking & Screaming Monologue
| Kicking & Screaming by Noah Baumbach and Oliver Berkman | |
| Character: | Grover |
| Gender: | Male |
| Age (range): | 18 - 55 |
| Style: | Comedy |
| Length: | 3 minutes |
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Grover: Look, everybody else in America's already been to Prague.
What's the big deal if you send on extra? (Pause) I'm sorry. You see,
I've been needing to go there for a long time now. I mean there's Czech
and Slovakia, and a big Jewish cemetery, and the opera house. Maybe that's
Vienna where the opera house is. But that's near by. You know, and given
the opportunity I'd hit Vienna too. Hell, I'd do all of Europe if given
the chance. I can imagine Jane and some Pragueian idiot dancing the night
away. Horrible image. And the coffee. See, all I know is American coffee.
Or the beer, or whatever is good over there. It's got to all be better
over there. I mean, nothing I eat has any taste. It's been such a strange
time. What if I was there now? How would things be different? Isn't there
a big bridge with statues on it? I seem to remember that from a history
class. I mean, Jane and some guy kissing on the bridge, in public. Probably
some Czech writer. The image kills me. That's great. This is so frustrating
because I'm terrible at conflict. I hate it. And if I would have imagined
this problem while falling asleep at night I don't think I would have
spoken up to you. Even in my fantasy life, I would have just accepted
it. That's who I am. But today I have to go, I have to. And when I tell
people about this in the future, I know that, uh, it'll be the time that
I went. I know that when I review this whole episode in my head I'm not
going to know what I did, or why I did it. I don't know, maybe I've done
something to the real Grover. But it'll make a good story in my young
adult life. The time I chose to go to Prague. I'll look back on it and
won't believe that I actually went. You know, I went away. So let me go.
I have to, I need. Just put me on the plane. Let me go.
Ticket Agent: I think I can find a seat for you. [takes Grover's credit card] Very
good Mr. Carey. Now, I'll just need to see your passport. You can always go tomorrow.
