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Muppet Movie Monologue

The Muppet Movie by Jerry Juhl & Jack Burns
Character: Kermit
Gender: Male
Age (range): 18 - 55
Style: Comedy
Length: 2 minutes

 

Kermit: I didn't promise anybody anything. What do I know about Hollywood anyway? Just the dreams I got from sitting through too many double-features. Then why did you leave the swamp in the first place? 'Cause some agent fella said I had talent. Hm. He probably says that to everybody. On the other hand, if you hadn't left the swamp, you'd be feeling pretty miserable anyhow. Yeah, but then it would just be me feelin' miserable. Now I got a lady pig, and a bear and a chicken, a dog, a thing -- whatever Gonzo is. He's a little like a turkey. Yeah, a little like a turkey. But not much. No, I guess not. Anyhow, I brought 'em all out here into the middle of nowhere. It's all my fault. Still...whether you promised them something or not, you gotta remember they wanted to come. But that's because they believed in me. No, they believed in the dream. Well, so do I, but-- You do? Yeah! Of course I do. Well then? Well, then...I guess I was wrong when I said I never promised anyone. I promised me.