Natural Born Killers Monologue
|Natural Born Killers by Denis Leary|
|Age (range):||18 - 55|
Denis Leary: Knock, knock! Who's there? Mickey. Mickey who? Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mantle, Mickey Rourke, Mickey Finn, Mickey Dolenz, Mickey Knox. Guilty? You bet your ass. But I think Charles Manson said it best when he said -- "I'm not herrrre, man...I'm not here!" I don't blame Mickey or Mallory. I blame Ajax and Jack Frost and Frosted Flakes and Achy Breaky, Lyndon Johnson, Johnny Cash, Johnny Carson, Johnny Quest. I blame the Pope, and Pop-Tarts, the Popile Pocket Fisherman. Ahh! I blame Jif, and jazz and O.J. Simpson, JFK, RFK, FDR, FBI, CIA, STP, AFL, CIO, ABC, NBC, JVC, VCR. I blame John Wilkes Booth and Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan and Mary Tyler Moore. I blame all people who use three names. Big Bird, guilty, Barney, guilty! I blame Jesus Christ and Jon Bon Jovi! I stick my right index finger in Wayne Newton's left eyeball! Not their parents, not drugs, not society-at-large. Do you want to know who I really blame? The Pittsburgh Pirates because in 1947, Major League Baseball scouted a hot young pitching prospect named Fidel Castro. Hot outta Havana High, he had big speed and a nasty curveball but at the last minute, the teams all rescinded their offers. Just think about that. If Fidel had been drafted, huh huh? No Bay of Pigs, no Kennedy assassination, no cover-up, no Vietnam, no Nixon, no Ford, no bell-bottoms, no Brady Bunch, no earthshoes, no Reagan, no crack. No, we'd all be eating hotdogs and apple-pie and smoking big fat Cuban cigars. M-I-C. See you real soon. K-E-Y. Why? Because they want to, that's why.