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Pump Up The Volume Monologue

Pump Up The Volume by Allan Moyle
Character: Mark Hunter/Hard-Harry
Gender: Male
Age (range): 18 - 55
Style: Comedy/Drama
Length: 2 minutes


Mark Hunter/Hard-Harry: You see, I never planned it like this. My dumb dad got me this short wave radio set so I could just speak to my friends back east, but I couldn't reach anybody, I thought I was talking to nobody. I imagined that nobody was listening. Maybe I imagined one person out there, anyway one day I woke up and I realized I was never going to be normal and so I said f#@k it, I said so be it and Happy Harry Hard-on was born. I never meant to hurt anyone, honestly I never meant to hurt anyone. I'm sorry, Malcolm. I never said "Don't do it" I'm sorry. Um...anyway I'm done, stick a fork in me, it's been grand. This is Happy Harry Hard-on saying syionara, over and out.
You hear about some kid who did something stupid, something desperate. What possessed him. How could he do such a terrible thing? It's really quite simple actually. Consider the life of a teenager. You have parents, teachers telling you what to do. You have movies, magazines, and TV telling you what to do. But you know what you have to do. Your job, your purpose, is to get accepted, get a cute girlfriend, and think up something great to do with the rest of your life. What if you're confused and can't imagine a career? What if you're funny-looking and you can't get a girlfriend? You see no one wants to hear it, but the terrible secret is that being young is sometimes less fun than being dead.