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Witches of Eastwick Monologue

The Witches of Eastwick by Michael Cristofer
Character: Daryl
Gender: Male
Age (range): 18 - 55
Style: Drama
Length: 2 minutes


Daryl: Sorry. Just having a little trouble, a little trouble at home. A little domestic trouble. Nothing to be alarmed at, just a little...female problem. Hi! Don't pay any attention! It's a cheap trick! Anybody can do it, I taught it to them myself! Ungrateful little B!*CHES aren't they? Can I ask you something? You're all church going folk. I really want to ask you something. Do you think God knew what He was doing when He created...woman? Huh? No sh!t! I really want to know. Or do you think it was another one of His...minor mistakes like Earthquakes. Tidal waves. Floods! Think women are like that? What's the matter? You don't think God makes mistakes? Course He does. We all make mistakes! Of course when we make mistakes they call it evil! When God makes mistakes they call it nature! So what do you think? Women. A mistake?! Or did He DO IT TO US, ON PURPOSE? Because I really want to know! Because if it's a mistake maybe we can do something about it! Find a cure! Invent a vaccine! Build up our immune system! Get a little exercise! You know, twenty push-ups a day, and you never have to be afflicted with women, EVER AGAIN!