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Wedding Singer Monologue

The Wedding Singer by Tim Herlihy
Character: Robbie Hart
Gender: Male
Age (range): 18 - 55
Style: Comedy
Length: 2 minutes

 

Robbie Hart: You guys are off to a great start, don't you think? I mean, Cindy showed up, so right away, Scott, you gotta be pretty psyched, right? Well, I have a microphone, and you don't. SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY GOD DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!... You know, some of us will never, ever find true love, like, take for instance... me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right over there. And the lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine. But the worst part of all is that me, fatty, sideburns lady, and the mutants over at table nine will never, ever find a way to better the situation, because... apparently we have nothing to offer the opposite sex. Sir, one more outburst, I will strangle you with my microphone wire, do you understand me? Now let's cut the stupid cake 'cause I know the fat guy's gonna have a heart attack if we don't eat again soon. And while we're doing that, here's a little mood music for you.