Envy Monologue
| Envy by Steve Adams | |
| Character: | Tim |
| Gender: | Male |
| Age (range): | 18 - 55 |
| Style: | Comedy |
| Length: | 5 minutes |
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Tim: I should have told you. That's the thing, I should have just told you. But I don't know what happened, I, I felt guilty or something, and I was just so, so wrapped up in the envy that I felt for everything you had. I mean it's true what they say, it's like a little, a little green monster that comes out and it just poisoned my head. And by the way, you did nothing wrong. I mean, you did nothing wrong, you just followed your dream, you did what you wanted to do. And I was always saying, don't do it, don't do it, and you did it--and it worked. I mean, it worked; I mean, look, you built a house, right? That's all you did, you built a house. I mean, it's a big house. I mean, it's a really big house. It's a, it's a large house. I mean it's.... it's gigantic, Nick. It's the White House. You built the White House across the street and we're in the shadow of it, I mean literally everyday at 4:00 we're in the shadow of it and you know that's not your fault. And you wanted to be friends still, and you didn't want to move and I love that, I mean it's such a, it's coming from such a good place. But it was, I mean, it really was just getting to me. Because everyday I would have to look at you and see you with all of this stuff and you know--buy the yellow Lamborghini that goes 500 miles per hour, have a bowling alley next to your bedroom, if I could do it I would have done it. Everybody should have a merry-go-round, of course you should have a merry-go-round. Jealousy everyday. And it was just chewing me up. I mean your kid's playing the concert piano and my kids banging trashcans and I don't think that has anything to do with the money, I think that's just his musical ability, but that's a whole other thing. And you just gave to us Nick, I mean you just gave and you gave and you're so generous, and, and, and what am I gonna give you? I gave you tube socks for Christmas last year, that's not going to work.... You gave us so much- the coffee machine. This beautiful, giant, rocket-ship sized coffee machine and Debbie loved the coffee and I'll tell you something- I never tasted it. I've been wanting to tell you that for a long time, I mean, it's that bad. I can't even tell you I haven't tried the coffee. Like it's going to make me feel better about myself that I won't drink your coffee. And you gave our kids flan. And all of a sudden my son's going "Daddy, Daddy, where's the flan? I want the flan" and I just wanna, it felt like a dagger in my heart, the flan, every time you'd request flan. And it just made me feel little. I felt like a little man who didn't like flan. That's what I felt like, Nick. And the horse! The horse was great Nick! Of course you should have a horse. Does it have to be a white horse that you come galloping up on and it neighs and it makes the whole thing. Of course, make it a beautiful white horse that I think, honestly, didn't like me. It doesn't have to do with anything other than I just don't think I clicked with the horse. I mean I think the horse sensed something. You know they say horse sense, I think that's a real thing, Nick, because the horse had a feeling, he would come over and he sensed the envy that I was feeling and he would come over and eat the apples and he would look at me and he gave me a weird look, I'm telling you, you know sometimes the side of the face, when you get one eye, that eye, he would keep the eye on me, and I knew that he was thinking something and that has nothing to do with what happened with the arrow because that was an accident, Nick. I swear to God, I swear to God, I couldn't do it if I tried. I'm sorry about this. I feel horrible. I feel bad, I feel like I have this fountain in my yard that I don't deserve; I don't deserve to be your partner; I don't deserve to be your friend...
