Primary Colors Monologue
|Primary Colors by Elaine May|
|Age (range):||18 - 55|
Libby: You're right, none, Henry and me have already decided... this dies here. I'm sorry sweetheart, but it does....and here's why. You know what this is? Test results on Jack's blood. Uncle's Charlie's blood taken over the years. And this is the blood test result that Jack gave me that proves he's not the father of Loretta McCollister's baby, and you know what Jack? It's not your blood. Isn't that a riot? The blood sample Dr. Beauregard took was not from you. It was from Uncle Charlie. You sent him to have his blood tested in your place because you know good old Dr. Beauregard loves you want to teach those Yankees a lesson. Well he's not gonna love you enough to lose his license, Jack. Once he knows I have proof he'll fold like a cheap accordion. I know that won't prove you're the father of Loretta's baby, in fact I think your not, but it proves you thought you might be and that proves you f#@ked her and that will kill your chances.
You see Jack, she hasn't even heard. She's isn't even upset that you f#@ked your 17 year-old babysitter. And you know why, it's never the cheat that goes to hell, it's always the one who he cheated on. That's why you can still talk in that tender hearted voice about being in it for the folks and Suzie here can only talk in that voice from hell about your political career. Now what kind of sh!t is that, Jack? Oh, excuse me, I forgot it's the same old sh!t, it's the sh!t no one ever calls you on, ever, because you're so completely f#@king special. Because everyone's always so proud of you. Me, too. Me the worst. It just makes it a whole lot easier for me. I mean it's totally depressing. What have I been doing this for my whole pathetic f#@king life? So here's the deal. If you move on Freddie Picker, who I think we all agree Is a flawed but a decent man, I move on you. Yes, I will destroy this village in order to save it.