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Scary Movie Monologue

Scary Movie by Shawn Wayans
Character: Buffy
Gender: Female
Age (range): 18 - 55
Style: Comedy
Length: 2 minutes


Buffy: Hello? Is someone there? Hellooooo? Ah! Ha, very funny. Who put you up to this? Cindy? Lose the cape, it's way too 90's horror. Oh, so what movie is this from? Die Cheerleader Die? Wanna play Psycho Killer? Can I be the helpless cheerleader? Is this where I'm supposed to beg for my life? "Please Mr. Scary Killer, don't kill me." Oh, is this where I'm supposed to bleed? Oh look I'm bleeding, eek! Eek! Oh, ya I'm supposed to run right? Ok, I'm running, I'm running! Help! Now I'm gonna fall and break my leg, leaving me helpless. There you go Mr. Scary Killer, I'm panicking now. Oh no! Somebody please help me! Oh God, no! No. Oh now what? Oh this must be the big climax, hope you don't mind if I fake it! Oh look at me, I'm all dead, I'm a gross scary, severed head. Come on, please. Do you know who I am? I'm Miss Teen, and you're really giving me a headache. And you got blood all over my Gucci sweater. I hope you're gonna pay for that. I will not be ignored by the likes of you.