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Waiting for Guffman Monologue

Waiting for Guffman by Parker Posey
Character: Libby
Gender: Female
Age (range): 18 - 55
Style: Comedy
Length: 3 minutes

 

Libby: My name is Libby Mae Brown and this is my monologue. And, um, there's a bed right here and... windows. This is a hospital. The door's right through here. Through here. Um, this is the hallway. And um, this is the chair that I sit in. And so, the bed is.. is right there. Um, I'll be just, you know, looking there. My stuff. Oh! I don't start here. I start back in the hallway.
Libby (as Susan):" Billy? It's Susan. I was going through my trunk of souvenirs and I found this doll. The doll we used to play with before the war. Before you went insane. You were sitting on that quilt that had at one time kept us warm and it was so worn, Billy, and it smelled of mothballs which brought back all those memories of those times that we spent in the attic. Locked up. With Muffin. And you told us that mother was wrong and we were right. Didn't you, Muffin? And I took care of you and Billy. But Billy was much more trouble than you, wasn't he, Muffin? Especially when he got to be bigger than Susan. And made her do things she did NOT want to do. Things that made her sick! And mother pretended she didn't know, but she did. Well, who's lying in bed in an insane asylum plugged into a life support system? And who's wearing fine jewels and expensive clothes? And whose husband accidently died just recently and left me all his money?
Libby: Oh, this is a, there's a plug here that hooks up to where he's breathing and stuff. Um... lemme just take it back.
Libby (as Susan): And whose husband just accidently died and left her all his money? And who's on top and who's on bottom, now?? Huh?? Who's on top and who's on bottom, now?? I'll see you in Hell, Billy. But at least I'm gonna have some fun before I get there!
Libby: Scene!