|A.A. by Maddie Hicks|
|Age (range):||Early 20s|
Hello, my name is Sarah Goodman and I am an alcoholic. I've been sober for . . . . an hour and a half; and it's not going so well. In the hour and a half in which I was sober - not including the fifteen minutes I spent in here - my delicate yet mere existence was shattered into innumerable splinters of agony. My car, my one and only mode of transportation, was stolen; right in front of my apartment building. I was evicted from my apartment because I refused to date my landlord's son. My boyfriend of six years dumped me . . . for my best friend. I was fired from the only job I've ever been able to keep. On my way to this meeting, I was talking to my mother on my cell phone; and because the reception is so bad and because my mother is so deaf, she mistakenly thought 'I'm late' was 'I'm gay'. And now my traditional conservative Christian parents have disowned me. Oh, and my pet rat, Ralph, was eaten by a cobra that escaped from the zoo this morning.
So, you say alcohol can't solve your problems. Well it's true it can't find a cure for AIDS, or end world hunger, or date your landlord's son . . . . but I think this is one of those cases where liquor really, really helps.
So forget'em! Forget boyfriends and best friends. Forget bosses and landlords and parents! Forget 'em all! All I need is alcohol! Because that's the only thing that has always been there for me. And has always worked. No one can ever do what alcohol does for me. No one ever has, no one ever will, and no one ever can. And you know it. And boy do I know it.
But you know what I don't know, what is the point of this meeting? This whole association? Is it just another communist attempt at destroying the individual? T he American ideal? Trying to dilute the very things that make us unique. So we're flawed; who isn't? I'm proud of my 'problems'. You know, I haven't met one person who came to this program, 'cured' their alcoholism and then had a happy life afterwards. And isn't that what life's about? Finding what makes you happy? Well I think it is. In a single hour and a half of sobriety my life fell apart. So you know what? I am happiest when I am drunk!
Well, that's all I wanted to say. I'm not listening to anymore of your tripe and I'm through with this whole idea. That's it. I'm done, I'm gone, and I'm not coming back. I guarantee, you will not see me sober again. Oh, and for the rest of you - my comrades - I leave you with this image: Hello, my name is Sarah Goodman and I am proud that I am an alcoholic!!