When It's Over Monologue
|When It's Over by Christyna Belden|
He said it would be easy, that no one would know. Just go quietly and have it done, after all he said it is only a little procedure. He said it was my responsibility to handle it, that I should have been more careful in the first place. I asked him to not make me go alone... he said he would call me later when it was done.
And so I went, alone and scared... not sure what I was doing or why; it had to be the only choice, the right thing to do... didn't it? I mean after all I'm young and I have my whole life in front of me. It was just one little mistake; I can't let that ruin my life... or his.
One of the other girls there began to talk to me her name was Jenny. She was chewing gum nonchalantly and just chatting away. She said this was her second time and that it wasn't a big deal anymore. But her eyes looked hard and hollow, but I just figured that was the type of person she was.
They called my name and in I went. It didn't take long really... just signing some papers, lying on the cold table, and then before I knew it... it was over.
That was days ago... I still haven't been home. Did he call that night? I don't really know. Would I have spoken to him? I can't really say. Oh they were right... don't get me wrong. It really was a simple little process, done quickly and efficiently... afterwards whooshing you out the door so they can get on to the next in line.
But they forget something. They don't tell you about the ache. Not a pain in your body but a pain that goes deep into your heart and feels like it will never go away. That is why I can't go home. My family will see it on me, the pain that is... I know I won't be able to hide it. Now I understood why Jenny looked like she did. This makes you hard and hollow.
Why didn't they tell me about this part? Where you want to die inside, where you wonder if it really was the only choice. Did I really have to? Was it really my only option? Will God ever forgive me? Will I ever forgive myself? (Collapses on the stage cradling the bundle) I think I would have named her Emily.