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30 Minutes Or Less Movie Script

Writer(s) : Michael Diliberti, Matthew Sullivan

Genres : Action, Adventure, Comedy

Search IMDb : 30 Minutes Or Less



                                 30 MINUTES OR LESS




                                     Written by

                       Michael Diliberti & Matthew Sullivan

                         

                                                                 12-11-09

          The following is very loosely based on some shit that actually
          happened...
                         OVER BLACK
                         
          We hear the roar of a V8 engine, piped out through some
          throaty, fucked up muffler, as
                         
          EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
                         
          An '89 Mustang bursts like a shot over a rise in the highway.
          It's got a rusted two-tone paint job, Maryland plates, and
          bald tires that scream as it peels off an exit and into the
                         
          EXT. SUBURBS - DAY
                         
          The car fast approaches a stop sign, dangerously blows through
          the intersection.
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - DAY - MOVING
                         
          We don't see the DRIVER, only the redlining RPMs, Vans slip-
          ons working the pedals, wristwatch being checked. The wheel
          cranks right as the car turns onto a -
                         
          One way street. A minivan flies right at us. The Mustang
          hops up onto the curb to avoid it, clips a trash can and -
                         
          Garbage explodes like confetti. The wipers engage, brushing
          the trash aside. The car whips another turn and
                         
          EXT. SUBURBS - DAY
                         
          The Mustang fishtails around a corner and skids away.
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
                         TIRES SCREECH
                         
          Brake pads smoke. The Mustang stops outside
                         
          EXT. HOUSE - DAY
                         
          The Driver jumps out of the car. As he rushes to the front
          door, we see the urgent package he is delivering.
                         
          TWO LARGE PIZZAS
                         
          Before he can ring the bell, the door opens and two smug 15-
          YEAR-OLDS stare out.
                         
                          15-YEAR-OLD
           That's 34 minutes. You're 4 minutes
           late. Pizza's free.
                         
          REVEAL our guy staring back at the kids. This is WILL (25),
          probably good looking in another life.
           2.
                         
          Right now, he is tired and unamused, wearing a red "Giorgio's
          Trattoria" hat and a sweaty matching t-shirt.
                         
                          WILL
           Gimme a break. You guys live two
           towns away. It's pretty much fucking
           impossible to get here in 30 minutes.
                         
                          OTHER 15-YEAR-OLD
           Exactly. That's why we ordered from
           your shitty "trattoria."
                         
                          WILL
           This is gonna come out of my paycheck.
           You sure you don't want to take the
           moral high ground?
                         
                          OTHER 15-YEAR-OLD
           We'd rather take the pizzas.
                         
          Will takes a calming breath. Hands over the pizzas.
                         
                          WILL
           Ok. You guys are pretty smart. You
           figured out a way to beat the system.
                          (PEEKS INSIDE)
           Got the house to yourselves?
                         
                          15-YEAR-OLD
           That's right.
                         
                          WILL
           Not bad. Any jailbait in there?
           Little pizza and a rainbow party?
                         
          The kids shakes their heads.
                         
                          WILL
           Seriously? Well, two hustlers like
           yourselves gotta have the place
           stocked with beer and whippits and
           shit, right? Just call the girls up
           and let them know the party's on.
                         
                          15-YEAR-OLD
           Man, we don't have any of that stuff.
                         
          Will makes a show of mulling this over.
                         
                          WILL
           I really shouldn't do this...but you
           seem like a couple of good dudes.
           I'll tell you what, you give me the
           money that your mom left you for the
           pizzas, and I'll grab you some beers.
                          (MORE)
           3.
                         
                          WILL (CONT'D)
                          (BEAT)
           But I get to keep the change as a
           tip. Deal?
                         
          The kids look at each other. One hesitantly pulls out some
          cash. Will snatches it and heads off.
                         
                          WILL
           I'll see you in like 20 minutes.
                         
          The kids look uncertain. As if sensing this, Will stops
          before getting into his ride.
                         
                          WILL
           You boys like Budweiser, right?
                         
                          15-YEAR-OLD
           Uh, yeah, totally.
                         
                          OTHER 15-YEAR-OLD
           Love that shit!
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - DAY - MOVING
                         
          The sun sets. Will cruises back into his own middle-class
          town in suburban Maryland.
                         
          A six pack of Budweiser rests in the passenger seat.
                         
          Will stops at a light. Checks out a PRETTY YOUNG THING in
          the Jeep beside him. She catches him looking, rolls her
          eyes. The light turns and the Jeep skids away.
                         
          Will self consciously removes his "Giorgio's" cap.
                         
          INT. GIORGIO'S TRATTORIA - NIGHT
                         
          Will enters and nods at CHRISTOPHER (40s), the manager. His
          balding head is nearly translucent from absorbing a day's
          worth of pizza grease.
                         
                          WILL
           Yo, Chris. Let me cash the fuck out.
                         
          Will hands over some cash to Christopher.
                         
                          CHRISTOPHER
           You have a pretty good shift?
                         
                          WILL
           For sure. I mean, the part where I
           had to drop off all those pizzas
           kinda sucked, but the rest was cool.
           4.
                         
                          CHRISTOPHER
           Oh, yeah? 'Cause, I got some kids
           calling in saying you ripped them off.
           Promised to buy them beer or something.
                         
                          WILL
           I actually did buy the beer, but it
           would have been illegal to give it
           to them, right? So I'm gonna do the
           responsible thing and drink it myself.
                         
                          CHRISTOPHER
           That's real funny. But I'm trying
           to run a business here.
                         
                          WILL
           What kind of business promises to
           deliver anywhere in 30 minutes?
           It's ridiculous.
                         
                          CHRISTOPHER
           I don't wanna hear another one of
           your bullshit excuses. You're fired.
                         
                          WILL
           Come on. If I didn't need this job,
           I wouldn't be doing this shitty job.
                         
          Chris is unmoving.
                         
                          WILL
           Fuck! Whatever!
                         
          Will storms off. As he gets to the door -
                         
                          CHRISTOPHER
           You know, you were an okay driver
           half the time. And you're not a Puerto
           Rican. Which means something to me.
                         
                          WILL
           That's poignant.
                         
                          CHRISTOPHER
           I guess I could rehire you, on a
           provisional basis. Of course, this
           would be at the slightly reduced
           "new company rate."
                         
                          WILL
           Are you fucking serious?
                         
                          CHRISTOPHER
           I don't know. Is there anyone else
           left in town for you to work for?
           5.
                         
          Will shakes his head. Swallows what's left of his pride.
                          WILL
           When do I start?
          EXT. SMALL APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
          Will sits on the darkened front stoop. He tosses an empty
          can into the bushes and gets to work on his fourth beer.
          He looks over at a parked Hyundai Elantra. A YOUNG MAN sits
          in the passenger seat with a pensive look on his face. He
          makes a sudden, surprised gasp. The homely YOUNG WOMAN who
          was just blowing him sits up from his lap and rearranges
          herself in the driver seat. She leans over for a goodbye
          kiss. The Young Man obliges with much fanfare.
          The Young Man gets out and the car pulls away. This is CHET
          (25), a clean cut guy dressed in the Gap Premium Collection.
          He heads toward the building, high off his BJ, humming
          Outkast's "Ms. Jackson." He stops when he notices Will in
          the shadows.
                          CHET
           What the hell? Have you just been
           sitting there?
                          WILL
           Yep. Caught the whole show. Really
           classy move at the end. You know,
           the kiss. Putting your tongue in
           her mouth right after you fucked it.
                          CHET
           Hey, a nice girl decides to pleasure
           me on a weeknight, in her car no
           less...I'm not gonna make her feel
           like an untouchable. I'm gonna make
           her feel like a lady.
                          WILL
           What manners. May I offer you some
           alcohol, sir. To wash the taste of
           yourself out of your mouth.
          Will offers his beer. Chet takes a slug, gurgles for effect.
                         
                          CHET
           By the way, she said she had a friend.
           Maybe we can go on our first double
           date since you tried to talk Jackie
           Fortunato and her cousin into having
           a four-way with us.
                         
                          WILL
           I misread their body language. It
           happens.
           6.
                         
          Will picks up some rented movies sitting beside him.
                         
                          WILL
           Come on. Let's go inside, drink
           your beer and watch shit get crazy.
                          (FANS MOVIES)
           Old favorites. You choose. Lethal
           Weapon, Lethal Weapon 2...was gonna
           get the third Lethal Weapon, but
           decided on a porn. So it's really
           between the first two.
                         
                          CHET
           I choose sleep. I gotta teach a
           class at eight.
                         
                          WILL
           You're a sub. Just call in sick.
           Like the real teacher did.
                         
                          CHET
           Come on, man, you know I got promoted
           to full-time last month. You bought
           me a laser pointer.
                         
          Will heaves a sigh.
                         
                          WILL
           Yeah, I know. I guess I'm just having
           a hard time accepting you as "the
           man." You know, flunking kids, giving
           out spite detentions to girls you
           wanna fuck, laser pointing at shit.
                         
                          CHET
           I also get healthcare and my summers
           off. It's not perfect, but it's a
           career.
                         
          Will grudgingly stands up.
                         
                          WILL
           I guess that's just the difference
           between you and me.
                         
          He holds up the Lethal Weapon DVDs.
                         
                          WILL
           I'm like Riggs. Cruising the streets.
           No rules, no attachments. Every
           other day some asshole is trying to
           take my badge. You're fucking
           Murtaugh. Always worried about your
           pension. Well, guess what, it gets
           old after the first movie.
           7.
                         
                          CHET
           I just got head. I'm totally Riggs.
          Will shakes his head, turns and walks off.
          INT. STUDIO APARTMENT - DAY
          Will wakes up, legs dangling over the edge of a tiny couch.
          His TV is still on, displaying the menu screen from a porn.
          Will looks down at his coffee table. Clears some magazines
          to reveal a file folder. Flips the cover -
          It's full of college applications, drafts of admissions essays,
          a junior college transcript. Will thumbs through one of the
          glossy applications. The kids look young. Very young.
          Will glances over at a picture on his wall: he and Chet at
          high school graduation, looking just as young. They have
          their arms around a pretty girl squeezed between them. Will
          and the girl look very high and very happy.
          Will shuts the folder, slides it back under the coffee table
          debris. He looks over at a clock: it is already 2:00 PM.
                          WILL
           Fuck.
          INT. MUSTANG - DAY
          Will jumps in and starts the engine. As he tucks his
          "Giorgio's" cap onto his head, he catches his reflection in
          the rear-view mirror.
                         
                          WILL
           You asshole. You titanic asshole.
           Come on down and get your prize.
                         
          He makes his fingers into a gun, puts it to his head...pulls
          the trigger and
                         
          BOOM!
                         
                         WE'RE IN
                         
          EXT. OPEN FIELD - DAY
                         
          A watermelon explodes in a shower of red, juicy bits. Loud,
          dumb laughter echoes.
                         
          Standing 20 yards away is DWAYNE (32), an intense, meaty guy
          in a sleeveless Baltimore Ravens t-shirt. On his left bicep
          is a tattoo of the Tasmanian Devil flipping the bird.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Fruit motherfuckin' salad!
           8.
                         
          Crouched beside him is JAY (27), tall and awkward, in a wool
          surplus cap. He carefully rigs homemade explosives to another
          watermelon, then looks up at Dwayne. His eyes are magnified
          into saucers by his thick glasses. There's a peculiar
          eagerness to please in them.
                         
                          JAY
           This one's gonna blow even bigger.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Boy, if you weren't such a skinny
           little bitch you coulda been in the
           military or something.
                         
                          JAY
           Whatever. I don't need the military.
           I taught myself how to do this shit.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I hear that. I taught myself how to
           eat pussy. And cut my own hair.
                         
          Jay jogs the watermelon a safe distance away. He returns
          and pulls out a detonator. Dwayne snatches it.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           This one's all me.
           (makes "radio" sounds)
           Mr. President, we have enemies at
           the gate. Give me the order.
           (more "radio" sounds)
           Fuck that, sir. I don't negotiate
           with terrorists!
                         
          Dwayne presses a button and
                         
          BOOM!
                         
          The explosion is so powerful that it sprinkles our guys'
          smiling faces with fruit juice.
                         
          INT. KITCHEN, NICE HOUSE - DAY
                         
          Large and early-90s chic. Dwayne and Jay have the fridge
          open, fixing themselves a cold cut plate. Dwayne is debating
          the amount of meat on the plate...adds some more.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Wanna make sure I get enough calories.
                         
                          JAY
           I thought you wanted to get diesel
           for the summer. Bang that towel
           girl at the community pool.
           9.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           It's obvious you don't know shit-all
           about physical fitness. You gotta
           bulk up first, then you slim down.
           I'm clearly in the bulk up phase. I
           told you to watch Pumping Iron like
           a month ago. If you'd listened to
           me, maybe you'd know what the fuck
           I'm talking about.
                          (BEAT)
           Grab some RC Cola.
                         
          INT. LIVING ROOM, NICE HOUSE - DAY
                         
          The shades are drawn. We hear a girl scream bloody murder!
                         
          The guys are watching FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3...in 3D. They
          both wear cheap cardboard glasses.
                         
          Jay jumps back as Jason wields a 3D ax.
                         
                          JAY
           Shit, man! It's so real!
                         
          Dwayne reaches out, "touching" the 3D images. He stands and
          starts humping the air.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Check it out. I ain't afraid of
           Jason. I'm fucking him.
                          (THRUSTING HARDER)
           You like that, Jason!? In the mask!
                         
          Jay cracks up. The lights flick on.
                         
           GRIZZLED VOICE (O.S.)
           Who are you two fags fucking?
                         
          Standing by the switch is Dwayne's dad, JERRY (70s). Most
          people just call him "THE MAJOR." The faded USMC tattoo on
          his thick forearm explains why.
                         
                          JAY
           Afternoon, Major.
                         
          Dwayne flops back onto the couch.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Dad, we're watching a flick. We got
           45 minutes and a potential 3D sex
           scene left. You're sorta coming in
           at the worst possible moment.
           10.
                         
                          MAJOR
           I bought that TV set so I could watch
           my programs, not so you and your
           friend could louse up my couch.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You gotta learn how to share the
           common space.
                         
                          MAJOR
           The only thing common in this house
           is you. You remind me of your damn
           mother. Fat, dumb, and in my way.
                         
          The Major grabs Dwayne and pulls him up off the couch. He
          gets right in his face...scary, intense. Dwayne turns to Jay.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Let's get outta here. This movie
           sucks anyway.
                         
          Jay gets up and files out the door. Dwayne goes to take the
          cold cut plate. The Major grabs his arm.
                         
                          MAJOR
           I paid for the damn cold cuts, too.
           Maybe if you had a job, or a fucking
           prospect, or a clue how to find any
           of the above, I'd let you eat 'em.
                         
                          DWAYNE
                          (QUIETLY)
           You know, you can be a real
           sonofabitch, dad.
                         
                          MAJOR
           That's what it takes, boy. In the
           Corps, men like you wore dresses to
           keep us entertained.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           That's pretty fucking disturbing!
                         
          Dwayne storms off.
                         
          EXT. NICE HOUSE - DAY
                         
          Dwayne and Jay head out, passing a brand new pickup truck in
          the driveway. Dwayne spits on it.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Fuck The Major!
                         
          The guys get in a shitty Ford Aerostar minivan and peel out.
           11.
                         
          INT. DIVE STRIP CLUB - DAY
                         
          R. Kelly's "Ignition (Remix)" pumps.
                         
          Large, fake breasts, sparkling with cheap body glitter and
          pierced at the nipples, shake before us. Their owner, JUICY
          (27), a petite Latina, phones in a lap dance as Dwayne pours
          his heart out to her.
                         
          Somewhere in the background, Jay hangs at the bar, all alone.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           - and he thinks he knows me. He
           don't know shit. I got ideas he
           could never dream of. I got plans
           bigger than his fucking house.
                          (BEAT)
           He didn't even raise me. My mother
           did. That was a good woman.
                         
                          JUICY
           Oh yeah? What happened to her?
                         
          Dwayne shifts, uncomfortably, at the sore subject.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           She passed on.
                         
                          JUICY
           I hope you're not one of those guys
           that comes here looking to get
           mothered.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I wouldn't mind nursing on them
           titties, mamacita.
                         
                          JUICY
           Sure. Whatever you say. Maybe just
           keep quiet for a while, forget about
           your old man and let me do my thing.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I wish I could forget about that
           asshole for good. I'm just waiting
           around for him to drop dead. Don't
           wanna mess with my inheritance.
                         
          This piques Juicy's interest.
                         
                          JUICY
           What kinda inheritance?
           12.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           When my dad got outta the service, he
           started buying lotto tickets. He'd
           play his dog tag numbers. In '91,
           the fucker won five million bucks.
          INSERT PHOTO: The Major holding a giant cardboard check.
                          DWAYNE
           He had some health problems a few
           years back, and since then he's been
           burning through the money like an
           NBA draft pick. Probably only got a
           million or two left. But it's mine
           as soon as he kicks.
          Behind inch-long fake eyelashes, Juicy's shrewd eyes narrow,
          mind working. She straddles Dwayne, tightly.
                          JUICY
           You know, with a million bucks, you
           could have anything. Be like a king.
           (almost a moan)
           King Dwayne.
                          DWAYNE
           That's right. And maybe I'll make
           you my queen. Let you polish my
           royal scepter.
                          JUICY
           Practice makes perfect.
          Juicy pantomimes a long, slow chicken head. Dwayne is blissed
          out. She smiles at him, sticky sweet.
                          JUICY
           Let me ask you a question...do you
           really hate your daddy?
                          DWAYNE
           Hate him like the Steelers.
                          JUICY
           Then maybe I can help you get that
           money now. Before he spends another
           penny.
                         
          Dwayne looks confused. Juicy puts his hands on her breasts,
          emboldening him.
                         
                          JUICY
           I know a guy in Baltimore. He could
           help you out. Probably do it for...
           (sizing him up)
           ...100Gs.
           13.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Do what?
                         
          Juicy leans in, whispers softly in Dwayne's ear -
                         
                          JUICY
           Kill your mean old dad.
                         
          On Dwayne's face as this new possibility pinballs around his
          mind, setting off a flood of different emotions.
                         
                          JUICY
           So, what do you think...you ready
           for your crown?
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT - MOVING
                         
          Will has one pizza left in the back of his car. He pulls
          over outside an office building.
                         
          INT. LAW FIRM, OFFICE BUILDING - NIGHT
                         
          Rows of cubicles. Speckled with late night STRAGGLERS, bleary
          eyes, too busy generating detailed lists of places they'd
          rather be to notice the pizza boy walking along. Will stops
          before one such work station, looks on for a beat.
                         
                          WILL
           Rio?
                         
          KATE (25) turns from the glow of her computer screen. She
          has short, messy hair and a sarcastic smile. This is the
          girl from the picture in Will's apartment.
                         
                          KATE
           That's the plan. Five days, six
           nights. Culture. Beaches.
           Acceptable probability of kidnapping.
           I leave in the morning.
                         
          Kate looks back at her computer, logged onto an Expedia
          checkout page for a Rio vacation. She moves the mouse pointer
          from the "proceed" key...closes the window.
                         
                          KATE
           This morning I loaded up an African
           Safari and a cruise to Alaska.
                         
                          WILL
           Oh, the places you'll go.
                         
                          KATE
           Fuck Expedia. Travel Advisor. Making
           it seem so easy.
           14.
                         
                          WILL
           It is. Just do it. Get away for a
           while.
                         
                          KATE
           Even if I could afford that...they
           fired two other paralegals last week.
           Now's not the time to be putting in
           for vacation days.
                         
                          WILL
           Ok. Done. I've got my dose of the
           actual working world. Can we eat?
                         
          Will lays a pizza down on her desk.
                         
                          KATE
           How do you keep sneaking up here
           past the security guard?
                         
                          WILL
           He's there like half the time. The
           other half I smile at him. I'm
           relatively certain he's a homosexual.
                         
                          KATE
           Interesting theory...
                         
          Kate opens the pizza box, grabs a slice.
                         
                          KATE
           Maybe I should set him up with Tom
           Small. He came out to me today on
           Facebook.
                         
                          WILL
           That kid beat the hell out of me and
           Chet in grammar school. Wow.
                         
                          KATE
           Tell me about it. He fingered me at
           junior prom while they were playing
           "No Scrubs."
                         
                          WILL
                          (WINCES)
           Really? What a fucking scrub.
                         
          Will grabs a slice. They eat quietly for a beat.
                         
                          KATE
           So, I've got some news...
           15.
                         
                          WILL
           I thought the Tom Small stuff was
           enough of a headline, but go ahead.
                         
                          KATE
           I'm getting back together with Mark.
                         
          Will's delicious pizza suddenly tastes like shit. He does
          his best to swallow it down.
                         
                          WILL
           But you...you broke up with
           him...ended the relationship.
           Finality was had.
                         
                          KATE
           Yeah, but we were talking and -
                         
                          WILL
           Forget it. I don't want to know.
                         
                          KATE
           You sound like Chet.
                         
                          WILL
           Woah, don't compare me to your
           brother.
                         
                          KATE
           Well, neither one of you seems to
           care that I don't have a life. Mark's
           not perfect...but a relationship is
           better than working late every Friday
           because I have nowhere else to be.
                         
                          WILL
           Sure. I get it. Here we are. Friday
           night. Nowhere to be.
                         
          Kate shoves Will, good-naturedly.
                         
                          KATE
           You know what I mean.
                         
          Will shrugs, quietly devastated. Goes back to his pizza.
                         
          INT. SPORTS BAR - NIGHT
                         
          Most of the PATRONS are fixated on an Orioles game blaring
          from a large flat-screen TV.
                         
          At a booth in back, Dwayne and Jay are in deep conversation.
           16.
                         
                          JAY
           I don't wanna stick my nose into a
           family matter...but killing your old
           man? That's pretty messed up...I
           mean, unless you think it isn't.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           What we have here is a classic "lesser
           of two evils" debate. You got one
           evil: me shaving a few years off The
           Major's shitty life. Then you got
           the other evil: The Major ruining my
           entire awesome life by blowing through
           my inheritance. Maybe I'm biased,
           but mine sure as shit seems like the
           lesser.
                         
                          JAY
           I guess I...sorta see where you're
           coming from. And you have been
           waiting around forever for that money.
           You deserve it, Dwayne.
                         
          Dwayne nods, seriously.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You know, there's a reason I sleep
           'til noon everyday. And it ain't
           'cause I'm lazy. It's on account of
           me having so many goddamn dreams.
           Big ones. And once that money's
           mine, they're all gonna come true.
                         
          Dwayne takes a long sip of beer, contemplative.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Like I had this one dream last night.
           I was cruising through town in a
           Lamborghini Diablo. The wind was
           blowing through my hair, ruffling my
           open shirt. There was a hot little
           piece of ass sitting next to me. And
           in the back seat, Jay...was you.
           Strapped. Wearing a pair of Oakleys.
                         
                          JAY
           Wow. I didn't know you dreamt about
           me, Dwayne.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           It was only this once, Jay. To be
           honest, I didn't know what to make
           of it. So I consulted my dream book,
           and found out it means this: you're
           my road dog. You got my back.
                          (MORE)
           17.
                         
                          DWAYNE (CONT'D)
           That's why I want to make you my
           partner.
                         
                          JAY
           In what?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           In crime. And business. You see, it
           ain't just about the inheritance money.
           It's about what I'm gonna do with it.
                         
          Dwayne leans across the table.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I'm about to clue you in on something.
           And then you'll understand the true
           magnitude of what's at stake here.
           Are you ready?
                         
                          JAY
           Yes. I'm totally ready.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Then answer me this...what's this
           town missing? I'll give you a hint.
           It's a cash business, crawling with
           sexy bitches.
                         
                          JAY
                          (BEAT)
           A Chinese food restaurant?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           No. A tanning salon.
                          (BEAT)
           Think about it. All that green.
           All that brown flesh.
                         
          Jay nods, thinking about. He smiles.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           It's also the perfect front for a
           prostitution ring.
                         
                          JAY
           Yeah, of course. Because of the booths.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Yes. And because of the bitches.
                          (BEAT)
           It can all be ours. 30 percent for
           you, 70 percent for me. You just
           gotta help me out here.
           18.
                         
          Jay looks conflicted. Dwayne goes dark, like a spurned lover.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I'm starting to wonder if my dream
           book was wrong about you. Maybe you
           sitting behind me doesn't mean you're
           my road dog. Maybe it means you're
           plotting to stab me in the back,
           like some snake in the grass.
                         
                          JAY
           That's crazy. I'd never do something
           like that. The dream book was right!
                         
          Jay looks Dwayne in the eyes, knows it's all or nothing...
                         
                          JAY
           Ok. I'll do it. But I'm not shooting
           him or anything. I'll hold him while
           you shoot him. That's it.
                         
          Dwayne chuckles.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Here's a fact: they don't build prisons
           for criminals, they build them for
           idiots. Shit, they got three different
           types of CSI on TV, just laying out
           how the police do their business...and
           still, idiots like you think you can
           just go out and do a murder yourself.
                          (BEAT)
           If you wanna be a millionaire, you
           gotta think like one. And
           millionaires don't kill people.
           They hire assassins. Which I did.
           We gotta pay him on Tuesday.
                         
                          JAY
           What? Why would you do that?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I was presented with an opportunity.
           I took it. 100 thousand bucks for a
           highly trained assassin is a steal.
                         
                          JAY
           But we don't have that kinda money.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Now we're addressing the real problem:
           how do we get the 100 grand? 'Cause
           once we get that, we get the million.
                          (MORE)
           19.
                         
                          DWAYNE (CONT'D)
           And once we get the million, we will
           literally own this town and every
           single thing in it.
                         
                          JAY
           I guess we could just...rob a bank.
           One of these local banks with nothing
           but a dipshit security guard.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Again, not quite thinking like a
           millionaire.
                         
                          JAY
           Okay, then let's hire someone to rob
           a bank.
                         
          Dwayne thinks about this for a second.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Fuck hiring them, we could just force
           someone to rob a bank for us. Like
           with blackmail, or death threats, or -
                         
                          JAY
                          (ALMOST INVOLUNTARILY)
           A bomb. Everyone's scared of a bomb.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I was gonna say hypnotism...but I
           like that. It's out of the fucking
           box. We just strap one to some
           motherfucker's chest, like we did to
           those watermelons. Think you can
           you build some kinda bomb vest?
                         
                          JAY
           Yeah, I mean...camel jockeys do it
           in caves. I got a garage workshop.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I'm pretty sure this is exactly how
           a millionaire would do it. And the
           beauty of it is: we don't lose any
           sleep, 'cause no one gets hurt.
                         
                          JAY
           Except The Major.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Yeah. The Major dies. But no one
           gets hurt.
                         
          Dwayne smiles. But a nagging thought interrupts him -
           20.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           There's just one problem. Where do
           we get our guy? 'Cause if we do a
           kidnapping, then we're right back
           where we started...doing shit that's
           gonna get us caught.
                          (MIND WORKING)
           What we need is someone to come to
           us...to a place where we can control
           the situation. Someone without any
           connection to us.
                         
          The guys stare at each other, stumped. Until something
          catches Dwayne's attention...a local commercial playing on
          the flat-screen. A PIZZA CHEF slides a pizza into a box -
                         
                          PIZZA CHEF
                          (ON TV)
           We'll deliver anywhere in 30 minutes
           or less! Or your pizza is free!
           Giorgio's Trattoria, where the
           customer gets what they want...pronto!
                         
          The guys look at each other.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Sometimes fate just takes out its cock
           and slaps you in the face with it.
                         
          INT. CHET'S APARTMENT - DAY
                         
          A hand grabs a beer from the fridge.
                         
           VOICE (O.S.)
           You're not trying to draw a psycho
           pension...you really are crazy!
                         
          Will heads into the living room with the beer. The voice
          belongs to Danny Glover. The guys are watching Lethal Weapon.
          Murtaugh (Danny Glover) has just stopped Riggs (Mel Gibson)
          from killing himself. Riggs looks at him, crazily, before -
                         
                          RIGGS
                          (ON TV)
           I'm hungry. I'm gonna get something
           to eat.
                         
          Chet looks over at Will. He is drunk, and in a dark mood.
                         
                          CHET
           Maybe you should pace yourself.
           It's noon on a Saturday.
                         
                          WILL
           Fridge is full, man. We're all good.
           21.
                         
          Will drains half his beer.
                         
                          WILL
           Let me ask you a question. You
           remember Tom Small?
                         
                          CHET
           Yeah, he used to kick our asses.
                         
                          WILL
           Turns out he was probably jerking
           off to it afterwards. He's gay.
                         
                          CHET
           I hope he chokes on a dick. I never
           liked him.
                         
                          WILL
           Your sister did. She let him finger
           blast her. Big time.
                         
          Chet pauses the movie.
                         
                          CHET
           What the fuck are you talking about?
           I don't want that shit in my head.
                         
                          WILL
           Sorry. Kate told me about it last
           night. I thought you should know.
                         
                          CHET
           You two were swapping stories about
           getting fingered? That's pretty cute.
                         
          Chet chuckles. Will ignores him, sips his beer.
                         
                          WILL
           The point I'm trying to make is this:
           Tom Small was an asshole. He was
           totally wrong for your sister. Just
           like every other guy she's ever dated.
           Right through to that Mark dude she's
           gonna get back together with. Un-be-
           fuck-me-lievable...
                         
                          CHET
           Whatever. Why the fuck are we talking
           about who my sister goes out with?
                         
          At a loss, Will shrugs. Chet turns back to the TV, presses
          play. Lethal Weapon resumes. Something blows up. Chet
          pauses the movie and stares at Will for a beat.
           22.
                         
                          CHET
          You sneaky son of a bitch...you want
          to fuck my sister, don't you?
                         
                          WILL
          Chet, I really don't...
                         
                          CHET
          My twin sister!? Which is basically
          like fucking me!
                         
                          WILL
          Hey, if you guys had that twin ESP
          shit this would be a completely
          different situation. There'd be
          logistical problems.
                         
                          CHET
          We look exactly alike!
                         
                          WILL
          You look like a lot of people. You're
          a normal looking dude.
                         
                          CHET
          This is so fucked up I can't even
          begin to process it. How long has
          this been going on?
                         
                          WILL
          If I had to put my finger on
          it...middle school-ish.
                         
                          CHET
          So all those sleepovers, they were
          just some kind of opportunity for
          you to peek in Kate's bedroom?
                         
                          WILL
          It might have happened a few times.
          Most of them were accidental.
                         
                          CHET
          You're a peeping Tom. You realize
          that, don't you? You're a sexual
          fucking deviant.
                         
                          WILL
          Fuck you. I'm as normal as they
          come. Your sister is attractive.
          She excites me, in a sexual way.
          Fucking sue me. Can't we just be
          adults about it?
           23.
                         
                          CHET
           You? An adult? Sort of stretching
           the term.
                         
                          WILL
           Hey, let's not say shit we can't
           take back.
                         
                          CHET
           Take back? Will, you got kicked out
           of junior college for punching a
           professor that made fun of some poem
           you wrote.
                         
                          WILL
           That poem was about your sister!
                         
                          CHET
           That is, literally, the saddest thing
           I have ever heard. Like retards
           playing freeze tag sad. No wonder
           you deliver pizzas for a living.
                         
                          WILL
           Fuck you! Maybe I was just hanging
           out with you for your sister. You
           were always a whiny little bitch.
           And you stuttered. All the kids
           used to call you "Chutter."
                         
                          CHET
           Whatever. I only started hanging out
           with you because you had a Nintendo.
                         
                          WILL
           Did you see my Nintendo naked?
           Because I saw your sister changing
           into her swimsuit at your thirteenth
           birthday pool party. And it was the
           highlight of the whole shitty event.
                         
          Chet bites his lip.
                         
                          CHET
           Okay. You wanna do this?
                         
                          WILL
           I think we already are.
                         
                          CHET
           Well, you know who I saw naked?
           Jenny Rifkin. While I was nailing
           her. The week after she dumped you.
                          (MORE)
           24.
                         
                          CHET (CONT'D)
           Why do you think every time you wanna
           bet on whose cock's bigger I'm always
           willing to go in? 'Cause I know
           mine's bigger. 'Cause she told me!
                         
                          WILL
           Wow...wow. You pulled a Judas on Jenny
           fucking Rifkin. That is messed up.
           Almost as messed up as how I sold your
           Cal Ripken signed ball for 200 bucks.
                         
                          CHET
           My grandpa left me that ball in his
           will! You helped me look for it for
           a month!
                         
                          WILL
           Now you know why we never found it.
                         
          Will bows.
                         
                          WILL
           We done here?
                         
          Chet's face is red with anger.
                         
                          CHET
           Not quite yet. There's actually a
           mystery I wanna solve for you.
                          (BEAT)
           I was the one who told John Tanner
           about how your mom fucked that
           lifeguard. And I always felt awful
           about it, because even though he
           swore secrecy, he told everyone else
           in town. And then your parents wound
           up getting divorced. But now...I
           don't give a shit.
                         
                          WILL
           What!? You ruined...my fucking life!
                         
          Will takes a swing at Chet. He dodges it and puts Will in
          some sort of choke hold.
                         
                          CHET
           Krav Maga, bitch. I bet your poetry
           professor didn't know this shit.
                         
                          WILL
           Get offa me!
                         
                          CHET
           You threw the first punch!
           25.
                         
                          WILL
           I'm gonna break this hold and then
           kick your skinny ass!
                         
                          CHET
           Try it!
                         
          Will flexes and tries to break the choke hold...no luck. He
          wrenches his back away from Chet and screams -
                         
                          WILL
           What the fuck is that!?
                         
                          CHET
           My knuckle in your spine! No holds
           barred you backstabbing fuck!
                         
                          WILL
           I'm gonna pass out...
                         
                          CHET
           Good!
                         
                          WILL
           (face bright red)
           I love her, Chet...I love Kate...
                         
          Chet lets Will go. He drops to the floor, panting.
                         
                          CHET
           Let me tell you something. And it's
           the truest thing you'll ever hear,
           from the person who knows you best
           in the world...you're not good enough
           for my sister. And you never will
           be. You're the lowest common
           denominator, Will. You're the square
           root of fucking zero.
                         
          Will gets to his feet.
                         
                          WILL
           Fuck you...Chutter!
                          (GRABS DICK)
           Square this!
                         
                          CHET
           Get out of my house. You're a shitty
           friend.
                         
                          WILL
           Right back at you.
                         
          Will storms out.
           26.
                         
          EXT. CHET'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY
                         
          Will screeches away in his car.
                         
          INT. STUDIO APARTMENT - NIGHT
                         
          A day or so has passed. Will sits on his couch, an unshaven
          mess, watching Lethal Weapon 2. Murtaugh and Riggs laugh
          and joke around. Best buds.
                         
          Will looks like he might cry. He goes for his beer, knocks
          it over. He stares at the growing puddle of beer...then
          grabs the folder with his college applications and uses them
          to sop it up.
                         
          INT. GIORGIO'S TRATTORIA - NIGHT
                         
          Will sits at a table, looking out through the misty window.
                         
          Christopher boxes a pizza and drops it in front of him.
                         
                          CHRISTOPHER
           Come on, wake up and get to work.
                         
          Christopher hands him the order slip. Will checks the address.
                         
                          WILL
           Where the fuck is this?
                         
                          CHRISTOPHER
           How should I know? It's 30 minutes
           away or the pizza comes out of your
           paycheck. Tick tock.
                         
          EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                         
          Will's Mustang travels down a dark, empty stretch of highway.
          The lone working taillight fades as the car disappears into
          the distance.
                         
          EXT. SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                         
          The Mustang stops at the mouth of a driveway. Overgrown
          shrubbery blocks anything beyond it from view. All that
          Will can see is a red and white radio tower jutting into the
          sky, beacon light flashing atop it.
                         
          Will checks the address, then drives through the open gate.
                         
          EXT. RADIO TOWER - NIGHT
                         
          The Mustang parks at the end of the driveway. Will gets out.
                         
          There is a large storage shed and, across a clearing, a radio
          tower built on top of a small office structure.
           27.
                         
          The office door is ajar. Florescent light glows from inside.
                         
                          WILL
           Hello?
                         
           DWAYNE (O.S.)
           (calling back from beyond door)
           Hey, bud! Sorry for the hike! The
           county's got us doing repairs at the
           ass end of the night!
                         
          This puts Will at ease. He heads toward the office. As he
          gets close, a figure appears in the doorway. It is Dwayne
                         
          WEARING A SCARY FUCKING GORILLA MASK
                         
                          WILL
           What the -
                         
          Will hears something behind him and whirls around -
                         
          To find Jay, also in a gorilla mask, charging at him.
                         
                          WILL
           Holy fuck!
                         
          Will makes a run for it. But the guys are on top of him in
          no time. He madly fights them off and dashes for his car.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Stop! We got a gun, you asshole!
                         
          Will breaks toward the cover of the shrubbery.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Fuck! Get him!
                         
          Jay is right on Will's tail. Without breaking stride, Jay
          picks up a large branch and wings it at him.
                         
          Will is hit in the legs and stumbles over himself. Jay leaps
          on top of him and locks his skinny legs around Will's body.
                         
                          WILL
           What the hell!?
           (at a loss)
           Rape!
                         
          Jay wrestles something from his pocket. A chloroform soaked
          rag. He presses it hard against Will's mouth and nose.
          Will soon goes limp.
                         
          Dwayne appears, looming above them. He pulls his gorilla
          mask back and smiles.
           28.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Step one.
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
          Blurry vision coming into focus. Two gorillas.
                         
          EXT. RADIO TOWER - DAY
                         
          Whereas the masks looked scary at night, they look ridiculous
          now. Will is propped up on the hood of his car, staring at
          his captors. His mouth is duct taped, hands bound behind his
          back. He wears his "Giorgio's" cap and a buttoned up olive
          green Army jacket.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You thought we were gonna rape you.
                          (CHUCKLES)
           Idiot.
                         
          Will mumbles something through the duct tape.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Just shut up. The tape is there for
           a reason. 'Cause this next part is
           gonna take a measure of calm. Are
           you with me? Can you be calm?
                         
          Will nods. Dwayne holds up his driver license.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Will Dixon, of 112 North Whatever-
           The-Fuck Street, right now you are
           wearing an explosive vest.
                         
          Will looks down at the jacket he is wearing, tries to get
          his hands loose so he can tear it open.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Calm the fuck down!
                         
          Will stiffens. For emphasis, Dwayne reveals the gun tucked
          down the front of his pants like a big metal cock.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Now stay still and my associate will
           show you.
                         
          Jay carefully unbuttons the Army jacket. Will is, in fact,
          wearing an explosive vest. It is a cobbled together but
          intimidating looking contraption, crisscrossed by multicolored
          wires. There is a thick lock at the hinge, with a digital
          display and a keypad.
                         
          Will begins to hyperventilate.
           29.
                         
                          JAY
           Take it easy, man. You're fine. I
           built this thing. It's pretty stable.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           For a fucking bomb. So don't trip
           over your shoelaces or anything.
           That thing's full of C-4. And the C
           is for chaos.
                         
                          JAY
           Actually, the C stands for "composite."
           But, yeah, I'd try not to slam into
           stuff.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Can I take that tape off now, pizza boy?
                         
          Will nods. Dwayne rips the duct tape off his mouth.
                         
                          WILL
           Help!
                         
          Dwayne chuckles.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You know where you are? You might
           as well be in space, motherfucker.
           Nobody can hear you scream.
                         
                          WILL
           Why are you doing this to me? I
           don't have any money.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Not yet. But you're gonna go get us
           some.
                         
                          WILL
           Okay. Sure, man. Whatever you say.
           I'll go sell my car. I'll get you
           like a thousand bucks.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I want 100 thousand.
                         
                          WILL
           Where the fuck am I supposed to get
           that much money?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           The Donner-Wells National Bank on
           Charles Road.
           30.
                         
                          JAY
           Across the street from the Olive
           Garden.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Yeah, the one across the street from
           the Olive Garden.
                         
                          WILL
           Do you guys have an account or
           something?
                         
          Dwayne shakes his head like Will is an idiot.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           No, I don't have an account! You're
           gonna rob it!
                         
                          WILL
           How the fuck am I supposed to rob a
           bank?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Figure it out. You got a bomb strapped
           to your chest. That's a start. It'll
           scare the fuck outta people. Maybe
           use your brain and go get a gun.
           Borrow one from a friend for all I
           care. It ain't rocket science.
                         
                          WILL
           Then do it yourself.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I would, but I'm already wearing
           this gorilla mask and you're already
           wearing that bomb.
                          (TO JAY)
           Tell him about the vest.
                         
          Jay turns to Will.
                         
                          JAY
           You seem like a pretty trustworthy
           guy. I mean, you got a job and all.
           But just in case you were gonna try
           to take the vest off, we booby trapped
           it to shit. There's also a remote
           detonator on the back, so we can
           trigger it by dialing a number.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           And it's on speed dial. So do what
           you gotta do, but we'll be watching.
                          (MORE)
           31.
                         
                          DWAYNE (CONT'D)
           You go anywhere near a police station,
           and Fourth of July comes early this
           year.
                         
          Dwayne nods at the timer on the side of the vest.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           It's 9:00 AM. You got 8 hours.
                         
          He hands Will a slip of paper.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Once you have the money, call this
           number and you'll be given instructions
           on where to drop it. You do good, we
           give you the six-digit combination
           that stops the timer and opens the
           lock. Tomorrow morning, you can go
           back to delivering pizza, the mail,
           whatever the fuck you want.
                          (BEAT)
           Now let me demonstrate what happens
           if you don't get us the money.
                         
          Dwayne looks over to where an oversized stuffed bear, rigged
          with its own bomb vest, sits on a tree stump 20 yards away.
          Dwayne mimes answering a phone -
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Hey, Teddy Ruxpin...what's that?
           You don't have the money? It was
           too tough to rob the bank, so you
           just went back to your bear cave and
           cried like a bitch? Well, guess
           what my stuffed friend...time is up.
                         
          Jay pushes a button on a detonator. Teddy Ruxpin explodes.
          All that remains is a cloud of stuffing.
                         
          Will is frozen in fear.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I liked that bear. I don't even
           know you.
                         
          Dwayne throws Will his car keys.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Go on. Get outta here.
                         
                          WILL
           Guys, can we please just talk about
           this?
           32.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Yeah, of course we can.
                         
          Dwayne pulls out the gun and fires two shots at Will's feet.
          Jay jumps backward, as does Will, who hits the hood of his
          car, slides across it and onto the ground by the driver side.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Be careful!
                         
          Will awkwardly gets to his feet and arranges himself in the
          car, adjusting to the weight of the bomb. As he starts the
          engine and backs away -
                         
                          DWAYNE
           That's right! Get the fuck out of
           here! You're wasting time!
                         
          Once the car is gone, Jay yanks off his gorilla mask. Dwayne
          stays primate.
                         
                          JAY
           What the hell, Dwayne? You told me
           that was a replica gun.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           It was. Then I paid a Mexican 50
           bucks to put a firing pin in it.
           Now it goes boom.
                         
                          JAY
           We didn't discuss a loaded gun!
           Especially not with the bomb around!
                         
          Dwayne gets right in Jay's face. The plastic eyes of his
          mask betray no emotion.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Don't you ever question me. I'm
           fucking this bitch. You're just
           holding the camera.
                         
                          JAY
                          (VOICE FALTERS)
           Sure, Dwayne...whatever you say.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Good. 'Cause this ain't the Marines.
           This is cash money. You hesitate, you
           fuck up...and I will leave you behind.
                         
          A tense beat. Dwayne pulls his mask off. He looks oddly calm.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Let's go get some breakfast.
           33.
                         
          EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
                         
          Will's car flies down the road. It screeches to a stop,
          tires smoking. Will jumps out, stumbles to the shoulder and
          pukes. He drops to his knees.
                         
                          WILL
           Oh, god! Holy shit! Fuck me!
           Someone please fucking help me!
                         
          Nothing but the wind.
                         
          Will fights back tears. He gets to his feet, wipes his mouth.
          He takes out his cell phone, scrolls through the contacts.
          He pauses on Chet's name...presses send.
                         
          The line goes to voicemail. Will looks at the bomb's timer:
          7 hours, 47 minutes and counting. He hurries to his car.
                         
          INT. CLASSROOM, JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
                         
          A laser dot dances around the middle of a United States map.
                         
          Chet is teaching a history lesson to a bunch of SEVENTH
          GRADERS that look very mature and very bored. As he indicates
          with his laser pointer -
                         
                          CHET
           This whole region here, about 830
           thousand square miles, was part of
           the initial Louisiana Purchase.
                         
                          SEVENTH GRADER
                          (COUGHING)
           Nice laser.
                         
          The class giggles. Chet, embarrassed, puts away the pointer.
                         
          There is a knock at the door. Chet turns to see Will's face
          in the door's window pane. He looks back to his class.
                         
                          CHET
           Take out your workbooks. Chapter 3.
                         
          Chet opens the door.
                         
                          CHET
           What do you want?
                         
                          WILL
           We gotta talk.
                         
                          CHET
           I'm working here. Do not mess with
           me at work.
           34.
                         
                          WILL
           Chet, for the love of god, just talk
           to me in private for one minute.
                         
          Chet sighs.
                         
          INT. HALLWAY, JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
                         
          Chet leads a jumpy Will into
                         
          INT. EMPTY CLASSROOM, JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
                         
          Chet shuts the door behind them. Will paces.
                         
                          CHET
           You wanna apologize, don't you? You
           look like shit. You've probably
           been up for days thinking about what
           an asshole you were. Well, it's
           gonna take a lot more than some
           pathetic groveling -
                         
                          WILL
                          (SUDDENLY)
           Chet! Shut up! I don't wanna
           apologize to you!
                         
                          CHET
           Then what do you want? Because we
           don't have anything left to say to
           each other.
                         
          Will swallows hard.
                         
                          WILL
           Here goes. And this is gonna sound
           crazy. Because it is fucking crazy.
           But last night two guys in masks
           jumped me and strapped a bomb to my
           chest, and now I have less than eight
           hours to rob a bank.
                         
          Chet just stares at Will, unimpressed.
                         
                          CHET
           You're hysterical. Got me. Great
           joke. I'm going back to work now.
                         
          Will steps in Chet's way. He unbuttons his jacket, revealing
          the bomb.
                         
                          CHET
           What the fuck? Is that real?
                         
          Will nods.
           35.
                         
          Chet jumps backward, stumbles over a desk and scurries on
          his ass to the other end of the classroom. He presses himself
          flat against the wall.
                         
                          CHET
           Stay away from me! What the fuck
           are you involved in!? Terrorism!?
                         
                          WILL
           Chet, do you really think I'm a
           terrorist?
                         
                          CHET
           Yes! One of the dumb ones! The
           ones they convince to wear the bombs!
                         
                          WILL
           I am not fucking around here. Two
           guys did this to me. And if I don't
           rob that bank in time this thing is
           gonna blow.
                         
                          CHET
           Seriously?
                         
                          WILL
           Seriously.
                         
                          CHET
           And your first idea was to come to a
           school filled with young children?
                         
                          WILL
           I didn't -
                         
                          CHET
           Just back the fuck away from me with
           that thing.
                         
          Will backs all the way up, so that the guys are on opposite
          ends of the classroom.
                         
                          WILL
           Listen, I think the vest is safe for
           now. These guys don't want me to
           blow myself up on accident before I
           get their money.
                         
                          CHET
           Oh, so you figure the two psychopaths
           that rigged a bomb to your chest
           made sure it was safe? There's no
           margin for error in their fucking
           bomb vest design!?
           36.
                         
                          WILL
           I don't know! All I do know is that
           this is real. This is happening.
           And I'm sure you hate me as much as
           I hate you right now, but I have
           nowhere else to go.
                         
                          CHET
           For what?
                         
                          WILL
           For help, Chet. I need your help.
           Please. I can't do this alone.
                         
          Chet looks Will over. His desperation is palpable. Chet
          bites his lip, weighing the situation...
                         
                          CHET
           Damn it!
           (takes a breath)
           I'd like to tell you to get fucked,
           but you know what the problem is...I'm
           a better man than you. And someday,
           I might actually forgive you. So if
           I let you blow up, or whatever, that
           shit might come back and eat at my
           conscience, and totally affect my
           relationships with other people.
           Like my wife and kids and shit.
                         
                          WILL
           That's a...very rational way to look
           at the situation.
                          (GENUINELY)
           And you're right, about being a better
           guy than me.
                         
          Chet takes a step toward Will.
                         
                          CHET
           Are you sure that thing isn't gonna
           blow at any second?
                         
          Will just looks at Chet...unable to offer any assurance.
          After a beat -
                         
                          CHET
           Could you just walk a few feet in
           front of me for a while?
                         
                          WILL
           I can do that.
                         
          Will opens the door, stops, looks back at Chet.
           37.
                         
                          WILL
           Thank you.
                         
          Will heads out. Chet takes a breath, bracing himself.
                         
          INT. HALLWAY, JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
                         
          Will walks down the empty hallway. He glances back over his
          shoulder, where Chet walks several feet behind him.
                         
                          CHET
           Yes, I'm still here. I really am
           this stupid. Just pay attention to
           where you're going.
                         
                          WILL
           I think I can handle it.
                         
                          CHET
           These floors get waxed once a week.
           On Tuesday, which today is. You hit
           a slick patch, trip and fall, and I
           got a classroom full of kids wearing
           their skin inside out.
                         
                          WILL
           Chet, I'm fucking nervous enough as
           it is. Please. I don't need you
           back seat driving me right now.
                         
                          CHET
           Obviously.
                         
          Will stops, turns back toward Chet.
                         
                          WILL
           Just for the record, this isn't a
           nuclear weapon strapped to my chest.
           And there are metal lockers on either
           side of the hallway. If I fall, and
           if this thing goes off, I'm probably
           not taking out the whole school.
                         
                          CHET
           Do you really want to debate this?
                         
          Will sighs, turns back around. A second later, the school
          bell rings and kids flood the hallway, changing classes.
                         
          Will freezes. Multiple kids shove past him. Chet sweats
          bullets, gives Will a look of death.
                         
          After a beat, the hallway empties again.
           38.
                         
                          CHET
           You're an asshole.
                         
                          WILL
           Whatever. It's over.
                         
          Will continues walking. He tries to lighten the mood -
                         
                          WILL
           Who was the chick in the white jeans?
                         
                          CHET
           Kristi Evans. Why?
                         
                          WILL
           You know why.
                         
                          CHET
           Oh, come on. Just keep walking.
                         
          The guys' voices fade as they continue down the hallway...
                         
                          WILL
           Come on yourself. You knew exactly
           who I was talking about.
                         
                          CHET
           Fuck you. She's in the eighth grade.
                         
                          WILL
           I bet you love it when she calls you
           Mr. Chet.
                         
                          CHET
           She doesn't call me "Mr. Chet."
           She's not a foreigner.
                         
          EXT. JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
                         
          The guys get to Will's car. Chet wraps up a call on his cell -
                         
                          CHET
           ...thanks so much, Mrs. Davis. I'll
           call you after I talk to the doctor.
                         
          Chet hangs up. He is standing by the passenger door. He
          looks over the roof of the car at Will.
                         
                          CHET
           So, this is it?
                         
                          WILL
           This is what?
           39.
                         
                          CHET
           Once I step inside this car, I'm
           basically in a steel coffin with you
           and...that thing. And if it goes
           off, all they're gonna find in there
           are two charred bodies and pieces of
           a bomb. They'll assume we were driving
           to a government building to blow it
           up. It'll be all over the news.
           Next thing you now, some militia or
           Islam group is claiming us as members.
           My family will be humiliated.
                         
                          WILL
           We'll also be dead, in that particular
           situation, so it won't really matter.
                         
                          CHET
           Exactly!
                         
          Will sighs.
                         
                          WILL
           I get it. Take your time, man.
                         
          Will gets in the car and shuts the door. He looks out at
          Chet, who stands uncertainly by the passenger side.
                         
                          CHET
           This is the world's biggest favor,
           you motherfucker. You didn't even
           help me move last winter.
                         
          Chet reluctantly hops in.
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - DAY
                         
          Will fires up the engine.
                         
                          CHET
           Given the situation, I think you
           should obey all traffic safety laws.
                         
                          WILL
           Fine.
                         
          Will pulls out of the school parking lot.
                         
                          WILL
           Okay, so where are we going?
                         
                          CHET
           I have no idea. I just got in your
           car. I thought you had a plan.
           40.
                         
                          WILL
           Well, I don't! I've been sorta
           preoccupied with this crushing fear
           of death!
                         
                          CHET
           No plan. I can't say I'm surprised.
                         
                          WILL
           Your plan is probably better. Just
           condescend me until I explode.
                         
          Will goes to turn on the radio. Chet grabs his hand.
                         
                          CHET
           Maybe we should turn on the radio.
           See if the signal sets the bomb off.
           That would be an interesting experiment.
                         
          Will heaves a frustrated sigh. Chet eases up.
                         
                          CHET
           Listen, let's just go back to my
           place. Figure out our options.
           Maybe you can get the vest off or
           something. I just don't want to do
           anything stupid.
                         
                          WILL
           Unless we have to.
                         
          The car hits a rough pothole. Chet's heart skips a beat -
                         
                          CHET
           Holy fucking shit!
                         
          - and he throws himself against the passenger side window,
          as far from Will as the confines of the car will allow.
                         
          Will slams the brakes.
                         
                          WILL
           Stop it! You're scaring the fuck
           out of me!
                         
                          CHET
           Okay. Okay. Fuck!
                         
          Chet makes the sign of the cross.
                         
                          CHET
           I'm cool now.
                         
          Will continues driving. Chet discreetly unlocks the passenger
          side door.
           41.
                         
                          WILL
           Why did you do that?
                         
                          CHET
           Do what?
                         
                          WILL
           I saw you.
                         
                          CHET
           It's in case I have to jump out.
                         
                          WILL
           If I survive the day, and you don't
           because you jumped out of a moving
           car and broke your neck, I'm gonna
           laugh my ass off.
                         
                          CHET
           And if abandoning ship saves my life,
           then that laugh will be mine.
                         
          The guys continue driving in silence.
                         
          SUPER COUNTDOWN: 6 hours, 59 minutes...
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
          INT. BATHROOM, CHET'S APARTMENT - DAY
                         
          The door is shut. Will sits on the toilet lid. He has the
          jacket off and we get our first complete look at the vest.
          The actual structure is composed of hollow metal tubes. The
          wiring that runs throughout the vest is messy and complicated,
          purposely so, to scare anyone out of fucking with it.
                         
          Will is in the process of trying to contort his arm so he
          can slide the vest off...no luck.
                         
                          WILL
           It's too tight!
                         
          He is calling off toward the
                         
                         KITCHEN
                         
          Where Chet is crouched in a corner, at the furthest point in
          the furthest room from the bathroom. He uses his laptop to
          look for websites on disarming a bomb.
                         
                          CHET
           What if we try to separate your
           shoulder?
           42.
                         
           WILL (O.S.)
           Fuck you!
                         
                          CHET
           Well, all these sites say different
           shit. There's not a lot of consensus
           in the bomb disarming community.
                         
          Will emerges from the bathroom, sliding the jacket back on.
                         
                          WILL
           This is pointless.
                         
          Chet shuts his laptop.
                         
                          CHET
           I agree. We gotta call the cops,
           have them fly in the bomb squad or
           something.
                         
                          WILL
           We can't. These guys said they'd be
           following me. And I don't have a
           clue what they look like. For all I
           know, they're outside right now.
           They see the cops show up, they blow
           the vest and cut their losses.
                         
          Will stares at Chet, hopelessly overwhelmed.
                         
                          WILL
           What do I do, man? What do I do now?
                         
                          CHET
           I don't know, Will...I guess you
           gotta rob the bank.
                         
                          WILL
           I haven't been inside a bank in three
           years! How the fuck am I supposed
           to rob one!? They wouldn't even
           give me a savings account!
                         
          Will drops onto the couch and puts his head in his hands,
          fighting hysterics. Chet offers a stock reassurance -
                         
                          CHET
           It's gonna be okay.
                         
                          WILL
           No, it's not! I'm gonna blow up!
           That's way worse than getting stabbed
           or shot. At least some people survive
           that. No one survives being blown
           up.
                          (MORE)
           43.
                         
                          WILL (CONT'D)
           No one is ever like, "Yeah, I heard
           Steve got blown up, tough break, but
           how's he doing now? Is he still in
           the Rec basketball league?" No of
           course he isn't, 'cause there's nothing
           left of Steve except a stain on the
           wall and a pair of fucking high tops!
                         
          Chet looks on as his friend begins to sob. It's a crushing
          sight. Chet strides across the apartment -
                         
                          CHET
           Pull yourself together!
                         
          - and attempts to give him one of those "get a grip" slaps.
          But Will flinches and Chet slaps him right on the ear.
                         
                          WILL
           Ow! Fuck! I think you popped my
           eardrum.
                         
                          CHET
           Sorry. Shit. I didn't mean to do
           that. But just listen to me now.
           You're not gonna die. You wanna
           know why? Because you know exactly
           how to rob a bank.
                         
                          WILL
           What are you talking about?
                         
                          CHET
           Point Break.
                         
                          WILL
           The movie?
                         
                          CHET
           Yes. That movie is like a how-to
           guide for bank robberies. You just
           bust in. Masks. Guns. Move fast.
           Stick to the tellers and don't bother
           with the vault.
                         
                          WILL
           Yeah...I guess it's pretty simple,
           right? And it's just a local bank.
           The Donner-Wells on Charles Road.
                         
                          CHET
           Really? I applied for a job there
           like a year ago.
           44.
                         
                          WILL
           You wanted to be a teller?
                         
                          CHET
           Yeah, so what? It's a good job.
           You get benefits.
                         
                          WILL
           Like what, a name tag?
                         
                          CHET
           What kind of benefits do you get?
           Free toppings?
                         
                          WILL
           That's really clever. No one ever
           said that shit to me before. Anyway,
           this is perfect. You know the whole
           layout of the bank.
                         
                          CHET
           Not exactly. They didn't hand me
           the security schematics with the
           application. But I sat in the waiting
           area for like 20 minutes. I know
           what the place looks like.
                         
                          WILL
           How many guards?
                         
                          CHET
           One. I think.
                         
                          WILL
           That's a start.
                         
                          CHET
           It's a great start. You can do it.
                         
          Will pauses.
                         
                          WILL
           You're gonna do it with me, right?
                         
                          CHET
           I was actually gonna stick to giving
           tips, ideas...motivational speeches.
           More of a consultant or advisory role.
                         
                          WILL
           Jesus Christ, Chet. Please. I'm
           begging you here. I need you on
           this. If I do it alone, I'm dead.
           45.
                         
                          CHET
           Are you gonna cry again?
                         
                          WILL
           That was a moment of weakness.
                          (BEAT)
           Yes. I'll fucking cry again if that's
           what it takes.
                         
                          CHET
           I should make you blow me.
                         
                          WILL
           Sure. Whip that shit out. I'm
           actually kinda curious. I wanna see
           if Jenny Rifkin lied to you. She
           obviously lied to me.
                         
          Chet cracks a smile.
                         
                          WILL
           All these guys want is 100 grand.
           We can do this.
                         
                          CHET
           We're gonna rob a bank for 100 grand?
           Just leave the rest of the money
           sitting there? Why?
                         
                          WILL
           I don't know. I guess they're very
           modest criminals. Who the fuck cares?
           Wait...you said "we" right?
                         
          Chet heaves a sigh.
                         
                          CHET
           I'm putting my life on the line for
           100 grand...what does 100 grand even
           buy these days?
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
          THE GRILLE OF A MURDERED OUT 1997 NISSAN SENTRA
                         
          As the car pulls into
                         
          EXT. BACK PARKING LOT, DIVE STRIP CLUB - DAY
                         
          Where Juicy waits by the service entrance, smoking a
          cigarette. She spots the car and runs over. It parks and
          the door opens. A glassy-eyed African-American man (30s)
          steps out. His muscled body is covered in calligraphic prison
          ink. This is VAUGHN.
           46.
                         
          Juicy throws her arms around him.
                         
                          JUICY
           I missed you so much, baby.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           You don't got enough dicks to keep
           you warm in that place?
                         
                          JUICY
           You know it's not like that. Those
           guys get Juicy, but you get Marisol.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           Well, Marisol...what I want is to
           get my money, kill that old ass man,
           then get the fuck out of here.
                         
                          JUICY
           Then that's how it's gonna go. We're
           just waiting on a call.
                         
          Vaughn stares at her.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           This is my impatient face.
                         
                          JUICY
           Well, I think I can keep you
           entertained.
                         
          Juicy gets in the open driver side door and makes a show of
          crawling over into the passenger seat.
                         
          INT. WALMART - DAY
                         
          Fluorescent lights and pop music. Will and Chet roam the
          aisles with a full shopping basket. They turn into the
          "Sports & Fitness" section, where they find a variety of air
          pistols. They are incredibly realistic, though clear and
          with orange nozzles.
                         
                          WILL
           Should we go with the handguns...or
           the Uzis?
                         
                          CHET
           Handguns.
                         
                          WILL
           That's such a Murtaugh choice.
                         
                          CUT TO:
           47.
                         
          A check out conveyor belt, as the guys' purchases drift past:
          air pistols, spray paint, ski masks, leather gloves, several
          5-Hour Energy drinks.
                         
          The tough REGISTER WOMAN looks at the guys with abject disgust.
                         
                          REGISTER WOMAN
           You sure you don't want to grab some
           condoms?
                         
                          WILL
           Uh, no. Why?
                         
                          REGISTER WOMAN
           Because this is usually what men buy
           before they rape someone, and I want
           to make sure you all use protection.
                         
                          WILL
           Lady, we're just...buying some stuff.
                         
                          REGISTER WOMAN
           Is that cash or credit for your rape
           kit?
                         
          Will looks in his empty wallet, takes out a credit card.
          Chet grabs his hand.
                         
                          CHET
           We'll pay cash.
                         
          INT. MINIVAN - DAY
                         
          The van is parked. Dwayne sits behind the wheel. Metallica's
          "Ride the Lightning" begins to play loudly.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You really fucked up this mix tape.
                         
          Dwayne ejects the tape, tosses it at Jay in the passenger seat.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           We're not speed freaks knocking off
           a 7-Eleven. We're masterminding a
           heist here.
                         
                          JAY
           Sorry, Dwayne. That song just means
           a lot to me.
                         
          Dwayne shakes his head. He turns and looks out the windshield:
          they're parked in the Walmart lot, watching the store entrance.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I wish he would hurry his shit up.
           48.
                         
                          JAY
           You worried about that other guy
           he's with?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           No, man. He picked him up at a
           school. So long as there ain't any
           cops, he can take the whole town
           with him. I just want my money.
                         
          Dwayne surveys the area. Something catches his attention:
          the bland strip mall across the street. There's a Blockbuster,
          Subway, and an empty space in between. Dwayne smiles.
                         
                          JAY
           What? You want me to run over to
           Subway, get us a couple sandwiches?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           If you had any vision, Jay, you'd
           know exactly what I'm thinking about
           right now. And it's not a sandwich.
                          (BEAT)
           Look how well trafficked that shopping
           mall is. It's the perfect place for
           the tanning salon.
                         
          Jay checks it out, nods.
                         
                          JAY
           Oh, you're totally right.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I've been thinking about it, and I
           want you to start off working the
           counter. Sounds like a demotion, I
           know, but it's an important position.
           Because we're gonna be using code
           words and shit. For example, if a
           customer walks in and says he wants a
           tan, that just means he wants a tan.
           But if he says he wants a "deluxe
           tan," that means a blow job and you
           gotta get one of the girls in there
           to suck him off. You with me?
                         
                          JAY
           So far. But what if he wants a fuck?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           There's gonna be codes for everything:
           missionary, anal, black chicks. I
           got it all written down back home in
           my files.
                          (MORE)
           49.
                         
                          DWAYNE (CONT'D)
           I'm not gonna bother getting into it
           with you right now, because you're
           supposed to be on lookout and you're
           no good at multitasking.
                         
                          JAY
           Okay. 'Cause they're about to get
           away.
                         
          Dwayne spots the Mustang pulling away.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Fuck.
                         
          He throws the van into gear.
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - DAY - MOVING
                         
          Will navigates the streets. Chet is in the back seat, where
          he has newspaper spread out and is spray painting the air
          pistols, and much of the car, black.
                         
                          WILL
           Be careful, you're getting paint
           everywhere.
                         
                          CHET
           Are you really worried about your
           upholstery right now?
                         
                          WILL
           Yes, because if I survive this shit
           I'm quitting my job. That means
           I'll probably have to give up my
           place and I'll be sleeping in the
           back of my car, which you're covering
           in toxic paint.
                         
          Chet touches up one of the guns, goes to flip it over.
                         
                          WILL
           That side isn't dry yet. You're
           about to ruin it.
                         
                          CHET
           It says it's fast drying.
                         
                          WILL
           Fast isn't the same as instant. You
           gotta let it sit for like 20 minutes.
                         
                          CHET
           How would you know? You do a lot of
           graffiti?
           50.
                         
                          WILL
           No, but I spray painted my bike last
           year after I got my license suspended.
           I didn't let it dry properly and I
           fucked it up.
                         
                          CHET
           We don't have time to sit around and
           literally watch paint dry. Aren't
           we going straight to the bank?
                         
                          WILL
           I was actually thinking we need to
           stop and steal a car first.
                         
          Chet drops the spray paint, whirls on Will.
                         
                          CHET
           What? No way! We've got a car.
                         
                          WILL
           Yeah, my car. I'm not gonna use it
           as a getaway vehicle. They can trace
           the plates. Even if we do get away,
           we'll be arrested.
                         
                          CHET
           Well, I can't hotwire a fucking
           automobile, and neither can you.
                         
                          WILL
           That's why I was thinking we'd steal
           one from your parents' friends. The
           Fishers. Remember how they used to
           pay us to clean their garage? They
           leave the keys in there. And they
           have a Datsun. That's a fast car.
                         
                          CHET
           I'm not stealing the Fishers' Datsun.
           Let's steal a car from your parents'
           friends.
                         
          Will seethes. He whips the car over to the side of the road
          and gets in Chet's face.
                         
                          WILL
           What friends? My parents don't have
           any. My dad moved away after your
           big mouth ruined his marriage and
           humiliated him, and no one wanted to
           hang out with the mom who everyone
           knew fucked a lifeguard.
           51.
                         
                          CHET
           You never should have told me! I
           was 13 years old. I couldn't process
           that kind of information. I had to
           tell someone else.
           (shakes his head)
           Fuck. I really am sorry about it.
           Okay? Despite what I said before.
           I was just a kid, but I messed up.
                         
                          WILL
           Okay.
                         
          Chet looks at Will, expectantly.
                         
                          CHET
           That's it? You're not gonna apologize
           for selling my Cal Ripken ball?
                         
                          WILL
           Sure. I'm sorry...I'm sorry that my
           family was going through a rough patch
           and I was smoking a ton of weed and
           listening to the Wu Tang Clan all the
           time. And that I needed some extra
           dough to indulge my habit. Which, in
           hindsight, was probably just a cry
           for help. But you never even noticed.
                         
                          CHET
           Thanks. Now I feel even worse.
                         
          Will sits there, stewing for a moment. Then he softens -
                         
                          WILL
           I shouldn't have stolen the ball. I
           knew it was wrong and I regretted it
           like the next day. I actually tried
           to buy it back but the guy wanted
           twice as much. I had to smoke even
           more weed just to get past the whole
           shitty incident. I guess that's why
           they call it a downward spiral.
                         
                          CHET
           I appreciate that you tried to buy
           it back. So, thanks.
                         
          An awkward moment passes.
                         
                          CHET
           We should probably get going.
                         
          Will turns back around, goes to pull out without looking and -
           52.
                         
          A horn blares as a speeding delivery truck barrels right at
          them. Will slams the brakes, barely avoiding a collision.
                         
                          CHET
           Fuck! Fuck! I just want this goddamn
           day to be over!
                         
          As Chet continues to freak -
                         
          SUPER COUNTDOWN: 5 hours, 15 minutes...
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
          EXT. THE FISHERS' GARAGE - DAY
                         
          Will keeps watch of the house. Chet squeezes through a garage
          window he has pried open.
                         
          INT. THE FISHERS' GARAGE - DAY
                         
          Chet drops ungracefully to the floor, right beside a well
          maintained 1977 Datsun 240Z.
                         
          Chet hurries over and unlocks the side door. Will enters,
          hauling the Walmart bag of supplies. He goes right for a
          set of hooks on the wall.
                         
                          WILL
           The keys aren't here. They always
           used to leave the keys out.
                         
                          CHET
           Yeah. When we were teenagers. This
           is fucked.
                         
                          WILL
           Let's just find them.
                         
          The guys ransack the garage. Chet knocks over a shelf full
          of clutter.
                         
                          CHET
           Sorry.
                         
          Will goes to the car and tries the handle. It's open. He
          scours the interior.
                         
                          CHET
           You hear that?
                         
                          WILL
           What?
                         
          Chet peeks through the glass pane in the door.
           53.
                         
                          CHET
           Mr. Fisher is coming!
                         
          As he looks for an escape -
                         
                          CHET
           Oh shit, oh shit. Are the keys in there?
                         
                          WILL
           No!
                         
          Will hops out of the car. He rifles through the Walmart bag.
                         
                          CHET
           What are you doing?
                         
          Will pulls the ski masks out of the bag, along with one of
          the freshly painted air pistols.
                         
                          WILL
           I'm doing what I have to.
                         
          Will puts a ski mask on, then throws one to Chet. The door
          opens and MR. FISHER (60s) enters. Chet quickly pulls down
          his mask. It's backwards.
                         
          Will levels the pistol -
                         
           MR. FISHER
           Oh, Jesus!
                         
          Mr. Fisher braces himself against a wall. Chet fumbles to
          turn his mask around. Will affects a deep voice -
                         
                          WILL
           Where are the car keys?
                         
           MR. FISHER
           They're in my pocket! I'm just
           reaching in my pocket for the keys!
                         
                          WILL
           Quiet down and do it already.
                         
          Mr. Fisher reaches into his pocket and produces the keys.
          They jingle as he holds them out in his trembling hand.
          Will snatches them.
                         
                          WILL
           Now listen, I don't want you to report
           this car stolen or anything until
           later tonight. Let's say 5 o'clock.
           6 to be safe.
           54.
                         
           MR. FISHER
           Sure. Anything you say.
                         
          Will seems unconvinced. He looks to Chet, who shrugs. Will
          turns back to Mr. Fisher and gestures violently with the gun -
                         
                          WILL
           If you fuck with us, I swear, I
           will...I will shoot your son. Taylor.
           I know where he works. At the fucking
           travel agency. He's the douchebag
           with the bangs.
                         
           MR. FISHER
                          (STUNNED)
           Please no. I won't do anything. I
           won't. Just leave Taylor alone.
                         
                          WILL
           I'm gonna trust you. But if you
           call the police, there's gonna be an
           undertaker styling his stupid fucking
           bangs!
                          (BEAT)
           Now open the garage door.
                         
          Mr. Fisher hits a switch that raises the garage door. Chet
          grabs their stuff and gets in the passenger side. Will backs
          toward the driver side.
                         
                          WILL
           The car's insured, right?
                         
          Mr. Fisher nods.
                         
                          WILL
           Okay. I feel better. Worse comes
           to worst, something happens to it,
           you can get a Honda. This thing
           doesn't even have airbags.
                         
           MR. FISHER
           Please, just go.
                         
          Will slides into the car and starts it up.
                         
          EXT. THE FISHERS' GARAGE - DAY
                         
          The car peels away.
                         
          INT. DATSUN - DAY - MOVING
                         
          The guys yank off their ski masks.
           55.
                         
                          CHET
           That old man's got a heart condition!
           You could have killed him!
                         
                          WILL
           My hand was forced!
                         
          Chet tries to get comfortable in the seat.
                         
                          CHET
           Awesome. I'm stuck inside an even
           smaller car with you and a bomb.
                         
          Will works the manual transmission. He steps on the gas.
                         
                          WILL
           This thing's got some pickup.
                         
                          CHET
           Could you just take it easy, we're
           doing fine on time.
                         
                          WILL
           I know...but there's one last stop
           we have to make.
                         
                          CHET
           Do you have to take a piss first?
           Because I do.
                         
          Will nervously drums his fingers on the steering wheel, trying
          to figure out how to say -
                         
                          WILL
           I need to see your sister.
                         
                          CHET
           Are you for real? Did you really
           just ask me that? You salt-in-an-
           open-wound motherfucker!
                         
                          WILL
           Chet, as if it isn't apparent, I may
           die today. I'll probably die today.
           And if there's one small thing that's
           clear to me now, it's that I've wasted
           two and a half decades as a pussy,
           watching everything I want pass me
           by. I don't wanna peace out of this
           world as a pussy. I need to tell
           her how I feel.
                         
                          CHET
           You're really gonna turn this into
           some sort of dying wish bullshit?
           56.
                         
                          WILL
           Yes, I really am. It means that much
           to me. I am not fucking around here.
                         
                          CHET
           I don't think you are. I mean,
           apparently, you love my sister so
           much that you're willing to put her
           life in danger by going to see her
           with a bomb strapped to your chest.
                         
                          WILL
           She won't be in danger. I promise.
           I got it all worked out. And you
           can even take a piss while I'm inside.
                         
          EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
                         
          The Datsun pulls around and parks in back.
                         
          PULL BACK TO REVEAL the minivan parking across the street.
                         
          INT. MINIVAN - DAY
                         
          Dwayne and Jay watch Will hurry out of the Datsun.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Where the fuck is he going? What's in
           there? Some sort of FBI headquarters?
           I told that guy not to fuck around!
                         
          Dwayne pulls out his cell phone, punches in the speed dial
          code. His finger hovers above the send button.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Maybe I should give that bomb a call.
                         
                          JAY
           No! Let me just go see what he's up to.
                         
          Dwayne smirks.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I was just fucking around. Are you
           gay for this guy or something?
                         
                          JAY
           I just wanna get the money, Dwayne.
           Same as you.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           All right. Then man up and go check
           it out.
                         
          As Jay reaches for the door handle -
           57.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Don't even tell me you're about to
           do a reconnaissance without a cover.
           What's you cover?
                         
                          JAY
           I don't know...I'm from the telephone
           company?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Yeah, nice fucking uniform.
                         
          Dwayne rummages in the back of the car, produces a shopping
          bag and starts filling it with random clothes strewn across
          the car. He shoves the bag at Jay.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You're a personal shopper. You're
           delivering the latest fashions to Mr.
           Quilby in marketing. Got it?
                         
          Jay nods, hops out with the bag and slams the door.
                         
          Dwayne looks down at the cell phone in his hand, twirls it
          as he hums a revival song...sings the lyrics, softly -
                         
                          DWAYNE
           "He's got the whole world in his
           hands. He's got whole fucking world
           in his hands..."
                         
          INT. STAIRWELL, OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
                         
          Will runs up the stairs, a phone pressed to his ear -
                         
                          WILL
           ...no, I'm here right now.
                         
           KATE (O.S.)
                          (OVER PHONE)
           Why are you acting so strange?
                         
                          WILL
           Because strange shit is going on.
           I'll explain everything. Just meet
           me where I texted you.
                         
           KATE (O.S.)
                          WILL -
                         
                          WILL
           Please. Just do it.
           58.
                         
          EXT. ROOF, OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
                         
          You can see the entire shitty town from up here. The access
          door opens and Kate emerges, wind tousling her short hair.
                         
                          KATE
                          (CALLING OUT)
           Will?
                         
          Will waves at her from where he is standing, way across on
          the other side of the roof. Kate starts toward him.
                         
                          WILL
           Stop!
                         
          Will takes out his cell phone and dials. Kate's phone rings.
          She answers it, confused.
                         
                          KATE
           What are you doing?
                         
          We STAY on Will. We can see Kate, standing 30 feet away,
          but her voice comes over Will's cell phone, with a delay
          that is slightly jarring.
                         
                          WILL
           Just don't come any closer.
                         
                          KATE
           Why not? What's going on?
                         
                          WILL
           I'm gonna give you the short version
           of an incredibly complicated and fucked
           up situation, so please be cool.
                          (BEAT)
           Some very bad guys strapped a bomb
           to my chest and they are forcing me
           to commit a crime.
                         
                          KATE
           Will, I swear, if this is -
                         
                          WILL
           I wish I was joking, but I'm not. I
           know it's a lot to swallow, but you
           gotta take it on face value, because
           there's a timer attached to this
           thing and it's counting down.
                         
          Kate's voice falters -
                         
                          KATE
           Oh my god, Will...we'll get help.
           I'll get you help.
           59.
                         
                          WILL
           I didn't come here for help. I'm
           taking care of it. I came here
           because, should things not work out
           today as I would like them to, I
           want you to know why I was doing the
           things I did.
                         
                          KATE
           Please, just let me call someone.
           Let me do something. This is crazy!
                         
                          WILL
           I don't disagree with you. It's
           fucking nuts. But that's not even
           what this is about.
                          (STRUGGLING)
           Do you remember when you found that
           picture in my car of you, me and
           Chet, with Chet cut out of it?
                         
                          KATE
           Will, I can't remember about some
           stupid picture while you're -
                         
                          WILL
           I need you to remember about the
           picture, and about how I stop by
           your office every Friday, and how
           I've always hated all your boyfriends,
           and how the two girls I've ever
           seriously dated have looked like
           less attractive versions of you.
                          (BEAT)
           Do you see where I'm going with this?
           I love you Kate. I have for a very
           long time.
                         
          Kate is barely holding it together.
                         
                          KATE
           Will, this is a lot you're putting
           on me! You just told me people are
           trying to kill you or something, and
           now you say you love me. What the
           fuck is going on?
                         
                          WILL
           A whole lot of shit. I'm sorry to do
           this to you, but I was afraid I'd never
           get the chance to tell you. And I
           know you have feelings for me, too.
           Maybe you feel for me the way you feel
           for a good friend, or - if the world
           fucking hates me - a brother.
                          (MORE)
           60.
                         
                          WILL (CONT'D)
           But what I hope is that you don't really
           know how you feel for me, and that
           maybe when you figure it out you'll
           realize it's the same way I feel for
           you. Does that make any sense?
                         
                          KATE
           Yes. I mean, I've known you forever.
           It's not an easy thing to figure out.
                         
                          WILL
           I don't need an answer now. Just
           think about it. And no matter what
           you decide, you're too good for
           assholes like Mark and the rest of
           them.
                         
          Kate manages a small, stifled laugh.
                         
                          KATE
           Okay. I will process all of this.
           It's just, the bomb -
                         
                          WILL
           It's distracting. I know. Anyway,
           I'd love to stay and talk some more,
           but I can't. I gotta ask you to leave
           now, because I'm running out of time.
                         
          Kate nods. Will hangs up the phone. She turns back toward
          the access door, stops. She yells across the roof at Will -
                         
                          KATE
           If I had time to think about it...I'd
           probably tell you that I've always
           felt very strongly for you. And I've
           never thought of you as a brother.
                         
          Will smiles, yells back -
                         
                          WILL
           That's a huge relief. Don't say
           anything else. I just really don't
           want to die now.
                         
                          KATE
           Try not to. Please.
                         
          Kate turns and continues to the access door.
           61.
                         
          INT. STAIRWELL, OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
                         
          Jay paces about the landing that leads up to the roof. He
          hears the door opening and hurries down to the entrance for
          the nearest floor. He tries the door, but it's locked.
                         
          Kate enters the stairwell from the roof access door and spots
          Jay trying to force the door open. She is holding back tears.
          He just looks incredibly confused.
                         
                          JAY
           I'm, uh...I'm a personal shopper.
           I'm looking for Mr. Quilby.
                         
                          KATE
           I'm sorry, I don't know who that is.
                         
          Kate continues down the stairs, tears coming now. Jay waits
          a beat, then hurries down and tries the door on the next
          level, which is open.
                         
          INT. MINIVAN - DAY
                         
          Jay jumps in the van, huffing and puffing.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           So?
                         
                          JAY
           It was just his girlfriend or something.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Getting one last blow job in case he
           don't make it. I kinda like this guy.
                         
          INT. DATSUN - DAY
                         
          Will, galvanized by the exchange, hops inside.
                         
                          CHET
           Did you tell her how you saw her naked
           when she was 13? That always works.
                         
                          WILL
           I said my piece. She's gonna think
           about it.
                         
                          CHET
           Shut up. She was freaked out.
                         
                          WILL
           Yes. By the bomb.
                         
                          CHET
           By you.
           62.
                         
                          WILL
           Would it be so bad if we ended up
           together? You and I would be family.
                         
                          CHET
           I don't want you in the family. You
           bring very little to the table. I
           want her to be with someone awesome.
           A pro quarterback. A war hero. At
           the very least, someone I've never
           watched porn with.
                         
                          WILL
           Well, now it's up to her.
                         
                          CHET
           Not if I set that bomb off myself.
                         
                          WILL
           Then you'd probably never get to rob
           a bank.
                         
          Will throws the car into gear and pulls away.
                         
          SUPER COUNTDOWN: 4 hours, 10 minutes...
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
          EXT. PARKING LOT, DONNER-WELLS NATIONAL BANK - DAY
                         
          The Datsun is parked in the half-full lot. The guys lean
          against the driver side, with their backs to the bank and
          the car providing cover. They each have a spray painted air
          pistol tucked into their pants.
                         
                          WILL
           You go for the money. I'll cover
           the crowd. In and out.
                         
          Chet clasps his hands around his stomach.
                         
                          CHET
           I'm not feeling so good. I drank
           like three of those 5-Hour Energy
           drinks.
                         
                          WILL
           It's just nerves. Let's pull our
           shit together and do this thing.
                         
          Chet reigns it in. The guys slide on the leather gloves and
          rolled up ski masks. They turn and stride toward the bank.
                         
          The guys stop as they get to the door. They pull the ski
          masks down and take out their air pistols.
           63.
                         
                          CHET
           What should I call you in there,
           like if I need to ask you to do
           something?
                         
                          WILL
           Call me Tivon. You'll be Darius.
                         
                          CHET
           I can tell you're not a black guy
           through the ski mask.
                         
                          WILL
           Fine. Then you'll be Luis and I'm
           Cruz. We're two loco motherfuckers
           and that's the way we gotta roll
           when we get in there.
                         
          INT. DONNER-WELLS NATIONAL BANK - DAY
                         
          It's business as usual for a dozen CUSTOMERS and about as
          many EMPLOYEES. They all just want to get done with their
          shit and go home, when -
                         
          Will and Chet burst through the bank doors, guns in hand.
                         
                          WILL
           Everybody put your hands in the air!
                         
                          CHET
           No, get on the ground!
                         
                          WILL
           Actually, listen to him and get on
           the fucking ground!
                         
          Will and Chet are on an adrenaline high, waving their guns
          everywhere. People scream.
                         
                          WILL
           Shut up! Please!
                         
          Will frantically scans the panicked crowd for -
                         
          The SECURITY GUARD (40s), rail thin and jumpy. Will points
          his gun right at him.
                         
                          WILL
           You, just stand right there and don't
           do shit! The rest of you get the
           fuck down! Spread your arms and legs!
           Why is no one listening to me!?
                         
                          SECURITY GUARD
           Just take it easy, man!
           64.
                         
                          WILL
           Don't be a hero, cowboy!
                         
                          SECURITY GUARD
           What the fuck does that mean? I'm
           not a hero! Or a cowboy!
                         
          As people drop to the ground, whispering nervously to one
                         ANOTHER -
                         
          Chet rushes the TELLERS standing behind the bulletproof glass
          partition.
                         
                          CHET
           All of you, back away from the counter
           and get out here! Anyone pushes a
           button and one of these people gets
           totally shot!
                         
          The Tellers hurry into the main area of the bank and get
          onto their stomachs.
                         
          Will looks to the Guard.
                         
                          WILL
           Very slowly, take out your gun and
           toss it away.
                         
          The Guard takes out his gun, lays it on the ground and shoves
          it away. The gun slides across the waxed floor and -
                         
          Right into the outstretched hand of a sobbing MOM (40s),
          whose DAUGHTER (11) lies beside her in a soccer uniform.
                         
                          MOM
           Oh, god! I don't want the gun!
                         
                          WILL
                          (TO GUARD)
           What the fuck!? Did you do that on
           purpose!?
                         
                          SECURITY GUARD
           It was an accident!
                         
                          CHET
           Are you guys working together?
                         
                          MOM
           No! Please take this gun away!
                         
                          WILL
           Just toss it, lady!
           65.
                         
          The Mom slides the gun away like it were on fire. It skids
          all the way across the floor, slams hard against a wall and
                         
          BLAM!
                         
           MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
           Ah!
                         
          A FAT MAN has been shot. He clutches his thigh.
                         
                          FAT MAN
           I think she got the femoral artery!
                         
                          MOM
           I'm sorry! It was an accident!
                         
                          FAT MAN
           Fuck you! Who slides a gun like that!?
                         
                          DAUGHTER
           Mommy, what's happening!?
                         
                          MOM
           Christi, be quiet. These men are
           dangerous.
                         
          Chet turns ashen. He moves close to Will, whispers urgently -
                         
                          CHET
           This is fucked. That dude is gonna
           bleed out and we're gonna go to prison.
                         
                          WILL
           Just calm down.
                         
                          FAT MAN
           Why is no one getting me help!?
                         
                          WILL
           Is anyone here a doctor?
                         
          Nothing. Just the heavy breathing of many frightened people.
                         
          Will hurries over to the Fat Man, who is bent over, hugging
          his leg.
                         
                          WILL
           Sir, let me see where you're hit.
                         
                          FAT MAN
           Just call me an ambulance!
                         
                          WILL
           Calm down, sir.
           66.
                         
          The Fat Man sits up, removes his hand from his leg. Will
          nervously takes a look. There is only a small amount of
          blood.
                         
                          WILL
           It's just a flesh wound. You're
           gonna be okay.
                         
                          FAT MAN
           But it hurts so bad.
                         
                          WILL
           You got shot, man. It's not supposed
           to feel good. But you're gonna be
           fine. And you'll have a great story
           to tell everyone.
                         
                          FAT MAN
           This is an awful story! This isn't a
           bank error in my favor! I got shot!
                         
                          WILL
           Point taken. Luis, how we doing on
           the money?
                         
          Chet snaps back to attention -
                         
                          CHET
           Oh, shit. Sorry, Cruz.
                         
          Chet picks out the most harmless looking teller, a mousy 20-
          something girl, and helps her up off the ground. He checks
          her name tag: SANDRA.
                         
                          CHET
           Hey, Sandra. I know you're probably
           scared right now, but if you go grab
           us 100 grand in a bag, we'll get out
           of here. This will all be over and
           you'll be fine. You trust me?
                         
          Sandra nods. Chet smiles, reassuringly. She hurries behind
          the counter, starts filling a bank bag with cash, as -
                         
                          FAT MAN
           My leg really hurts!
                         
                          WILL
           Can you please hurry up, Sandra!?
                         
          Sandra emerges from behind the partition with the bank bag.
          Will grabs it. He takes a last look at the people spread
          across the floor.
           67.
                         
                          WILL
           I'm really sorry, everyone. I know
           we probably fucked up your day.
           (looks to Fat Man)
           I'm thinking of you in particular,
           sir. Actually, you know what...
                         
          Will crosses to the Fat Man, offers the bank bag.
                         
                          WILL
           Quickly. Peel a few bills. On me.
           Anyone rats him to the cops and I'm
           coming for you. I remember faces.
                         
          The Fat Man hesitantly reaches for the bag. Opens it -
                         
          Red Dye explodes all over his face. He shrieks. Chet whirls
          on the teller.
                         
                          CHET
           What the fuck was that about, Sandra?
           I thought we had something going!
           What happened to trust?
                         
                          SANDRA
           I'm sorry! They make us do it!
                         
                          WILL
           Could you kindly fill another bag?
           Not a bank bag. A fucking garbage
           bag. And Luis, will you watch her
           this time?
                         
          Sandra hurries back behind the partition with Chet. He dumps
          out the contents of a trash can, grabs the bag and watches
          closely as Sandra stuffs it with cash.
                         
                          CHET
           Okay. That should be enough.
                         
          Chet grabs the bag and hustles out toward Will. They are
          home free, until -
                         
          They hear the wail of approaching sirens outside. They stop
          cold, panicked. Will whirls on the Tellers.
                         
                          WILL
           Fuck! Which one of you assholes tripped
           the alarm!? Was it you, Sandra!?
                         
                          SANDRA
           No! It was Mark! He pushed the
           button when you guys came in!
                         
          Another teller, MARK, looks up from the floor.
           68.
                         
                          MARK
           Sandra, you bitch! Now they're gonna
           kill us both!
                         
                          SANDRA
           Fuck you, Mark! You're the manager!
                         
          Will loses his shit -
                         
                          WILL
           Fuck both of you! Fuck all of you!
           I'm a regular guy! Just like you!
           I'm a regular guy and you fucked me!
           Thank you for fucking a regular guy!
                         
          People are freaked out. Sandra is crying, thinking she will
          probably get shot now.
                         
          Chet grabs Will and pulls him toward the door.
                         
                          CHET
           Let's just get the fuck out of here.
                         
          The guys slam through the doors, out into
                         
          EXT. PARKING LOT, DONNER-WELLS NATIONAL BANK - DAY
                         
          Just as a lone police cruiser screeches into the lot. Will
          and Chet make a run for it, but the cruiser cuts them off.
                         
          OFFICER ZURMAN (21), a jittery rookie, jumps out of the cruiser
          and levels his gun. The guys reflexively level theirs.
                         
                          OFFICER ZURMAN
           Drop your weapons!
                         
                          CHET
           Don't shoot us!
                         
                          OFFICER ZURMAN
           Drop the guns or I'll have to!
                         
          Chet looks at Will with utter desperation. In the distance,
          they hear the sirens of more cops approaching. Will tosses
          his gun, rips open his jacket and grabs a cluster of wires.
                         
                          WILL
           Fuck you! You just brought a gun to
           a bomb fight, officer! I pull these
           wires out and we all go! You got
           ten seconds to drop your gun and -
                         
          Zurman doesn't stick around for the rest. He turns and
          sprints away.
           69.
                         
          As the guys make for the Datsun -
                          CHET
           That was awesome.
                          WILL
           He was tempting a desperate
           motherfucker.
          The guys jump in the Datsun and peel out as two more police
          cruisers race toward the bank. The cruisers change course
          and give chase. The Datsun blows right by the parked
          INT. MINIVAN - DAY
          Dwayne watches as the cars speed off into the distance.
                          DWAYNE
           Holy shit! Our boy is causing some
           serious mayhem!
                          JAY
           He's gonna get caught or killed.
          Dwayne whirls on Jay, punches him hard in the shoulder.
                          DWAYNE
           Shut the fuck up! If you jinx this
           with your negativity, I'm gonna strap
           a bomb to your chest next.
          Jay massages his shoulder, pissed.
                         
                          JAY
           Oh, yeah, who's gonna build it?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You are!
                         
          EXT. STREET - DAY
                         
          Whiplash blur as the three cars race by, one after the other.
          Airborne leaves flutter in their wake.
                         
          INT./EXT. DATSUN - DAY - MOVING
                         
          Chet freaks out as they hurtle toward lunchtime traffic.
          Will weaves in and out of cars.
                         
                          CHET
           Shit! This is not cool!
                         
          Will is wild eyed, punching the gas. Chet's head is on a
          swivel. Behind them: police cruisers in hot pursuit. Up ahead:
          the world rushing at them at 80 mph, populated by nothing but
          potential collisions that will result in a fiery death.
           70.
                         
                          CHET
           Maybe we should pull over and
           surrender.
                         
                          WILL
           I can outrun these guys. They're
           not the FBI, they're local cops.
           Just shut up and let me concentrate.
           I do this for a living.
                         
          As they clip the side-view mirror off a Kia -
                         
                          CHET
           You don't do anything like this for a
           living! I am not a pizza, I am a man!
                         
          The cruisers are gaining ground, throttles wide open.
                         
          Will downshifts, spiking the RPMs into the red, as he banks
          a hard right and
                         
          EXT. TOWN CENTER - DAY
                         
          The Datsun explodes onto a crowded street. PEDESTRIANS
          crossing an intersection jump out of its way.
                         
          The cruisers take the turn into town. One makes it. The
          other slams into parked cars.
                         
          INT./EXT. DATSUN - DAY - MOVING
                         
          Will jumps the curb to avoid slow-moving traffic, slams into a
          newspaper dispenser. It flips up onto the hood and crashes
          into the windshield, where it stays lodged.
                         
                          WILL
           Holy fuck!
                         
          Will veers back into the street and blindly plows ahead as
          cars he cannot see swerve to avoid him.
                         
          He finally slams the brakes, the momentum knocking the
          dispenser loose and launching it onto the sidewalk, scattering
          Pedestrians.
                         
          Chet whirls around to see the cruiser flying right at them.
                         
                          CHET
           Go! Go! Go!
                         
          Will steps on the gas. The light ahead turns red.
                         
                          CHET
           Stop! Stop! Stop!
           71.
                         
          Will rolls the dice and blows through the intersection.
          He's lucky. The cruiser behind him is not. It's T-boned by
          traffic in a brutal, crunching collision.
                         
          INT./EXT. DATSUN - DAY - MOVING
                         
          The cruiser wreckage disappears in the rear-view mirror as
          Will floors it toward a green light.
                         
                          WILL
           That guy got fucked up.
                         
          In the rushing moment as they cross the intersection, Chet
          glimpses the other cruiser barreling toward his side of the
          car from the perpendicular street. He has a millisecond,
          maybe, to process their impending doom, and then -
                         
          The cruiser smashes into the back passenger side of the car.
                         
          EXT. TOWN CENTER - DAY
                         
          The Datsun is sent spinning like a fucking top. Its ruined
          back wheel catches, sending the car tumbling onto its roof.
                         
          INT./EXT. DATSUN - DAY - MOVING
                         
          Madness. The guys scream as the car continues to slide,
          upside down, out of control. As it slams into a row of
          parking meters, the world goes
                         
                         BLACK
                         
          Will blinks back to reality. He's hanging, inverted, by his
          seat belt. The car is a pool of shattered glass. It twinkles
          up at him. Hours could have passed, but it's only been
          seconds. He sucks in air. Satisfied that he is, in fact,
          still alive, he looks over at -
                         
          A battered and bruised Chet, head drooping straight back.
                         
                          WILL
           Chet? Are you okay? Chet!?
                         
                          CHET
                          (ROUSING)
           Oh my god...
                         
                          WILL
           Talk to me.
                         
                          CHET
           I thought you were gonna blow up.
                         
          Will's hands go to the bomb...still intact.
           72.
                         
                          WILL
           No. Luckily your side took most of
           the impact.
                         
                          CHET
           Awesome.
                         
                          WILL
           We gotta keep moving.
                         
          Will unclicks his seat belt and falls to the roof of the
          car. He moves to Chet, unclicks his belt and helps him down.
                         
          EXT. TOWN CENTER - DAY
                         
          Will emerges from the overturned car. He drags Chet out,
          along with the bag of cash. He glances up to see the OFFICER
          who crashed into them stumbling out of his own ruined car,
          which has turned a fire hydrant into a geyser. Another
          cruiser races to the scene.
                         
                          WILL
           Oh, fuck, man. Come on.
                         
          Will pulls Chet to his feet and they take off, rounding a
                         CORNER INTO
                         
          EXT. ALLEY - DAY
                         
          As Will huffs and puffs -
                         
                          WILL
           Chet...I don't know how to tell you
           this...but you got a piece of the
           car in you.
                         
                          CHET
           What!?
                         
                          WILL
           In your back.
                         
          Chet glances back to see a jagged piece of metal sticking
          out of his shoulder blade.
                         
                          CHET
           Ah! Get it out!
                         
                          WILL
           I will.
                         
                          CHET
           Do it now!
           73.
                         
                          WILL
           All right.
                         
          Without breaking stride, Will yanks the piece of metal out
          of Chet's back. He screams.
                         
                          CHET
           Is it rusty? Am I gonna get tetanus?
                         
          Behind them, two Officers turn into the alley in full sprint.
          They are way faster than the guys and soon gain on them.
          Will can barely keep up with Chet.
                         
                          CHET
           Why are you moving so slowly?
                         
                          WILL
           It's a combination of cheap sneakers
           and this heavy fucking bomb on my chest!
                         
          They burst out of the alley, onto
                         
          EXT. STREET - DAY
                         
          The guys frantically search for an escape, spot -
                         
          A bus pulling up to a stop down the street.
                         
          They sprint for the the bus, peeling off their ski masks and
          waving as it lazily rolls away from the stop.
                         
                          WILL
           Hey! Over here!
                         
          The bus slows and the guys trip over each other to board it.
                         
          INT. BUS - DAY - MOVING
                         
          The guys fall into seats, gasping for air, a complete mess.
                         
          Will looks out the window to see the Officers emerge from
          the alley and look around for them.
                         
          EXT. TOWN CENTER - DAY
                         
          A crowd has grown around the crash sites. Fire trucks and
          ambulances are on the scene.
                         
          Dwayne and Jay make their way through the crowd, trying to
          see what's what. Dwayne approaches a RANDOM LOCAL.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You hear what happened to the guys
           they were after?
           74.
                         
                          RANDOM LOCAL
           Sounds like they got away.
                         
          Dwayne and Jay beam.
                         
          EXT. RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY
                         
          The guys are covered in sweat as they hike along, eyes on
          the lookout. They arrive at Will's parked Mustang. Will
          hugs the car.
                         
                          WILL
           I never thought I'd see you again.
                         
                          CHET
           I thought you hated this car.
                         
                          WILL
           It's actually not that bad. You know,
           as compared to that Datsun. The
           Mustang's got more comfortable seats.
           And it never would have flipped over.
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - DAY
                         
          The guys get in. They sit there for a moment, silent except
          for their heavy breathing. Will's eyes go to the garbage
          bag sitting between them.
                         
                          WILL
           There's a 100 grand in there. 100
           fucking grand. Which we stole.
           From a bank.
                         
                          CHET
           I told a bunch of people I was gonna
           shoot someone. I was like "you
           fucking move, and I will kill you
           where you stand!"
                         
                          WILL
           I threatened to blow up a cop.
                          (BEAT)
           And you never said "I will kill you
           where you stand."
                         
                          CHET
           I know. But shit did get pretty crazy.
                         
                          WILL
           Yeah, it did.
                         
          Will starts to get a little emotional.
           75.
                         
                          WILL
           You know, there's no one I would
           have rather taken down a fucking
           bank with. I mean that.
                         
          Chet smiles.
                         
                          CHET
           Me, neither.
                         
                          WILL
           And as for all that shit I said...and
           all that shit I did...I hope you can
           forgive me. We've been friends for
           so long, and I guess you hurt the
           people you're closest to the most.
                         
                          CHET
           I messed up, too. I'm a dude who
           slept with his best friend's ex-
           girlfriend, and destroyed his parents'
           marriage, and sat on the sidelines
           watching his downward spiral. I'm a
           shitty human being. But I'm glad
           you know that now, because you can
           accept me for who I am.
                         
                          WILL
           I do. I accept you. Because you
           accept me.
                         
          Will goes in for a hug. Chet gets lost in the moment, before
          recoiling.
                         
                          CHET
           Woah! You still got a bomb on you.
                         
                          WILL
           You're right. Let's take care of
           that. But you owe me a hug.
                         
          Will pulls the slip of paper Dwayne gave him from his pocket.
                         
                          WILL
           It's all gravy from here.
                         
          Will takes out his cell and dials the number.
                         
                          INTERCUT WITH:
                         
          EXT. TOWN CENTER - DAY
                         
          Dwayne and Jay cross toward a McDonald's. Dwayne stops and
          answers his vibrating cell phone.
           76.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           This who I think it is?
           WILL (O.S.)
           Can't you hear the ticking in the
           background?
                          DWAYNE
           You know, you're a pretty funny guy.
           WILL (O.S.)
           Thanks. I'm happy to entertain a
           complete psychopath.
                          DWAYNE
           Now wait a second, you're the murderer.
           WILL (O.S.)
           What's that supposed to mean?
                          DWAYNE
           One of those cops who wrecked his
           car chasing you...he ain't breathing
           no more.
          Will goes white, covers the phone and whispers to Chet -
                          WILL
           We killed a cop.
                          CHET
           You were driving! I'm just an
           accomplice!
                          WILL
           They're gonna hunt us down and kill
           us. Cops don't take this shit lightly.
                         
                          CHET
           I bet he had like eight kids. We
           have to find them and support his
           family forever.
                         
          Dwayne is holding back laughter. Finally bursts out.
                         
           WILL (O.S.)
           What's so fucking funny!?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I'm just messin' with you. You didn't
           kill anyone. How'd a moron like you
           manage to rob a bank?
                         
           WILL (O.S.)
           Jesus! Can we just get this over
           with? Where do you want the money?
           77.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           There's a boarded up gas station out
           on Commerce Avenue, past the highway.
           Be there in 30 minutes.
                         
           WILL (O.S.)
           I'll be there in ten.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Then you'll be standing around with
           your dick in one hand, and my money
           in the other.
                         
          Dwayne hangs up. He dials another number -
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Yo, Juicy, wrangle your boy. Money's
           on its way.
                         
          EXT. ROAD - DAY
                         
          The Mustang shrieks past us.
                         
          SUPER COUNTDOWN: 2 hours, 58 minutes...
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
          INT. MCDONALD'S - DAY
                         
          Dwayne and Jay sit at a table with a fast food feast spread
          out. Dwayne eats a Big Mac, a look of utter satisfaction on
          his face, a man whom the gods have finally smiled down upon.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I remember the summer after my mother
           passed was the first year they had
           the Monopoly game at McDonald's. I
           musta come here three times a day
           trying to collect all the game pieces.
           Packed on 20 pounds, got acne from
           all the grease. The Major said I was
           the fattest, ugliest 13-year-old he
           ever laid eyes on. But I didn't care,
           I just wanted to win the money and
           get the fuck out of there. So, one
           night, I followed this skinny register
           kid home, jumped him. I kept whaling
           on him, asking him where they were
           hiding the Park Place piece. The
           million dollar prize. But he didn't
           know shit. A year later, The Major
           won the lotto. I asked him for a
           Sega Genesis. He bought me one of
           those paddles with the ball attached.
           78.
                         
          Dwayne goes for a fry, sees his carton is empty and grabs a
          handful of Jay's.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I'm not ashamed to admit that I've
           gone through some dark times since
           then. Depression. Addiction to a
           variety of shit, which I won't go
           into. I know you must think that's
           pretty silly, especially since you
           manage to get through the day and you
           don't got shit going on as compared
           to me. But that's just the way it
           is. That's life.
                         
          Jay looks pretty affected that Dwayne is opening up to him.
                         
                          JAY
           You know, I've been pretty low, too...
           if you ever want to talk about that
           kinda stuff.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           No. I don't. My whole point I was
           trying to make before you interrupted
           me was that that shit is all in the
           past. 'Cause I did it. I finally
           pulled it off.
                         
                          JAY
           We pulled it off, Dwayne. The two
           us. We're a good team.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Are we? Would you do anything to
           protect me, my money, my empire?
                         
                          JAY
           Yeah, sure...
                          (NERVOUS)
           I mean, like what kinda stuff are we
           talking about?
                         
          Dwayne takes out his cell, keys in the speed dial code and
          slides the cell across the table to Jay.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Would you push the button?
                         
                          JAY
           Why would you want me to do that?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           It's just a question, Jay. Would
           you? If I asked you?
                          (MORE)
           79.
                         
                          DWAYNE (CONT'D)
           I mean, it's no different than those
           watermelons.
                         
                          JAY
           Watermelons aren't alive.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Yeah, they are. Not the ones you
           blew up, though.
                         
          Dwayne stares hard at Jay. A tense beat.
                         
                          JAY
           No one gets hurt...right, Dwayne?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Oh, yeah. I forgot about that part.
                         
          Dwayne cracks a smile.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Anyway, he hasn't even made the drop
           yet. I'm gonna go take a shit.
           Stay away from the bathroom. Someone
           could get hurt.
                         
          Dwayne heads off. Jay eyes the cell phone he has left behind.
                         
          EXT. BOARDED UP GAS STATION - DAY
                         
          Weeds have overtaken the abandoned place. Will leans against
          his parked car, waiting. Chet is nowhere to be seen.
                         
          Will spots Vaughn's Sentra approach. It pulls into the
          station and Vaughn steps. He could not look more menacing.
          Juicy hangs back in the passenger seat.
                         
                          WILL
           Where are the other guys?
                         
                          VAUGHN
           I'm the only guy.
                          (BEAT)
           You got it?
                         
          Will picks up the garbage bag at his feet and walks it over
          to Vaughn. He opens it, looks in.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           What the fuck did you do...rob a
           bank?
           80.
                         
                          WILL
                          (INCREDULOUS)
           Yes.
                         
          Vaughn grins.
                         
                          WILL
           Now where's the code?
                         
                          VAUGHN
           I don't have any code.
                         
          Vaughn turns to leave. Will grabs his arm. Vaughn stops,
          looks purposefully down at Will's hand. Will draws back.
                         
                          WILL
           Listen, man, I just want the code.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           I don't know what the fuck you're
           talking about.
                         
                          WILL
           The code for the fucking bomb!
                         
          Will opens his jacket. Vaughn takes a sudden step back.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           What kind of stupid motherfucker
           wears a bomb to a drop?
                         
                          WILL
           Your boss put this on me.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           I am my boss.
                         
                          WILL
           Then give me the code!
                         
                          VAUGHN
           Motherfucker, I don't know no goddamn
           code. Whoever told you I did, lied
           to you. Now step the fuck off, or
           I'll shoot you in the face so you
           don't explode and mess up my boots.
                         
          Vaughn goes to leave again. Will runs ahead of him and gets
          in his way.
                         
                          WILL
           If you don't have the code, I want
           that money back.
           81.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           The only way you're getting this
           money back is if you kill me.
                         
                          WILL
           You don't know what I've gone through
           for that money!
                         
          In an instant, Vaughn has his gun out, aimed at Will's head.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           Do I look sympathetic? Now step the
           fuck aside.
                         
          INT. SENTRA - DAY
                         
          Juicy looks on with interest as Vaughn holds Will at gunpoint.
          Then she spots
                         
          EXT. BOARDED UP GAS STATION - DAY
                         
          Chet creeping up behind Vaughn, from wherever he was hiding,
          clutching a large metal pipe.
                         
          Juicy jumps out of the Sentra.
                         
                          JUICY
           Vaughn, look out!
                         
          Vaughn whirls around toward Chet, just in time to have his
          gun arm smashed by the pipe. The weapon drops from his hand.
          Chet takes another swing, cracking Vaughn across the face.
          He howls, blood spraying, and topples over. Chet goes for
          another swing, when -
                         
          Juicy jumps on him, wildly biting and clawing.
                         
          Will grabs the back of Juicy's track jacket for leverage and
          flings her away. She hits the back of the Sentra and careens
          clear across the trunk.
                         
                          WILL
           Let's go!
                         
          Will grabs the money. Chet kicks Vaughn's gun into the
          bushes. The guys break for the Mustang and get in.
                         
          Juicy gets to her feet, runs right by a dazed Vaughn and
          after the car, which pulls out into the road and leaves her
          behind, screaming and cursing.
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - DAY - MOVING
                         
          Will's mind is racing.
           82.
                         
                          WILL
           What the fuck was that?
                         
                          CHET
           They tried to screw us. You're a
           liability. They were just gonna let
           you blow up.
                         
                          WILL
           Not with the money they won't.
                         
          INT. JAY'S GARAGE WORKSHOP - DAY
                         
          A tidy space, filled with various half-finished devices,
          action figures and heavy metal posters. A low mechanical
          hum registers.
                         
          Dwayne sits on a stool in the center of the garage, while
          Jay carefully trims his hair with an electric clipper. Dwayne
          holds up a mirror to check out his work.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Never comes out this nice when I do
           it myself. You might wanna take some
           more off the top, though. I wanna
           look real professional when I go down
           to the morgue to identify the body.
                         
          Dwayne's phone chimes from a nearby counter. He grabs it,
          looks at the incoming number, slightly concerned. He answers -
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You drop the money yet?
                         
                          INTERCUT WITH:
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - DAY - MOVING
                         
          Will yells into the phone -
                         
                          WILL
           No! I've still got the money! And
           I cracked your friend's face open!
                         
           DWAYNE (O.S.)
           Why the fuck would you do that!?
                         
                          WILL
           You lied! You said I'd get the code!
                         
          Dwayne is panicked, covers badly -
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I gave him the code. He told me he
           committed it to memory.
                          (MORE)
           83.
                         
                          DWAYNE (CONT'D)
           He was probably just embarrassed that
           he forgot it. I'll call him up and -
                         
           WILL (O.S.)
           You didn't give him shit! I want
           the code now or you'll never see
           this money!
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Hold on there, big man. You got a
           bomb on you. I got a cell phone that
           detonates it. You're not exactly
           negotiating from a position of leverage.
                         
           WILL (O.S.)
           I'm holding the money. I blow up,
           and it blows up. Who has the leverage
           now? Go ahead and push the button,
           you idiot.
                         
          Chet freaks out -
                         
                          CHET
           Don't tell him to push the button!
           Pull over! Pull over!
                         
          Dwayne is getting pissed off.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Why don't you watch what the fuck
           you say! I own you! I tell you to
           rob a bank, and you rob a bank. I
           tell you to give me the money, and
           you give me the goddamn money and
           hope I show you some mercy.
                         
           WILL (O.S.)
           I'm tired of this bullshit. I'm
           already dead, right? So fuck you.
           At least I'll die rich. I can't say
           the same for you.
                         
          The line goes dead. Dwayne tears off his haircut smock.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           That piece of shit hung up on me!
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - DAY - MOVING
                         
          Chet grabs the wheel and forces Will to pull over.
                         
                          CHET
           Get me out of this car!
           84.
                         
          EXT. ROAD - DAY
                         
          Chet jumps out while the Mustang is still slowing down. He
          runs 20 yards away. Will turns the car off and gets out.
                         
                          CHET
           That was colossally stupid!
                         
                          WILL
           It was a negotiation tactic. He'll
           call back and I won't answer. Then
           he'll call back and I will answer, and
           he'll realize the only way he gets the
           money is if he gives me the code.
                         
                          CHET
           Sure! That seems like a perfectly
           logical pattern of thought! I bet
           that's exactly what he'll do!
                         
          INT. JAY'S GARAGE WORKSHOP - DAY
                         
          Dwayne tries Will's phone again. It goes to voicemail. He
          explodes like a pack of Mentos in a two-liter of Diet Coke.
          Throws his cell across the room. Overturns a work table.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Does this guy know who the fuck I am!?
                         
          Jay retreats into a corner. Dwayne's a big boy, and he soon
          tires himself out, hunches over, panting.
                         
                          JAY
           Dwayne...you never told me you weren't
           going to give him the code.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           We're not amateurs. He was a loose
           end. I let him live, someday I woulda
           been walking out of my mansion and...
           bam! FBI, CIA, NSA, all converging on
           my front lawn, 'cause a loose end turned
           state's evidence and they got what
           they need to put me away.
                         
          Dwayne shakes his head. Starts digging through the mess
          he's made...finds his phone.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Fuck it, Jay. I'll just kill The
           Major myself.
                         
          Dwayne keys in the speed dial code.
           85.
                         
                          JAY
           Don't do it.
                         
          Dwayne looks down at the send button.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You know what they say about a tree
           falling in the forest? Maybe the
           same thing applies to blowing up
           some motherfucker across town. Maybe
           it doesn't even make a sound.
                         
          Dwayne hits send.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Boom.
                         
          But Dwayne notices something...the phone in his hand is
          ringing. He puts it to his ear. The line connects -
                         
           FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)
           Hello...who is this...hello...?
                         
          Dwayne snaps the phone shut, looks to Jay, who tries to will
          the beads of sweat back into his pores.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Who did I just call, Jay? 'Cause
           she sounded cute for a bomb.
                         
                          JAY
                          (SWALLOWS HARD)
           Gina Kim. My seventh grade crush. Or
           whoever lives in Gina Kim's house now.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Where's the number for the bomb?
                         
                          JAY
           In my head. I switched it out of
           your phone while you were taking a
           shit. You're out of control, Dwayne.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I'm in perfect control!
                         
          Dwayne charges Jay. Jay holds up the hair clippers like a
          weapon, flicks them on. Dwayne rips the cord out of the
          wall, uses it to yank the clippers from Jay's hand, then
          whips him with the cord.
                         
                          JAY
           Stop it!
           86.
                         
          Dwayne goes to whip Jay again, but Jay moves like a jack rabbit
          and delivers a fierce kidney shot. Dwayne stumbles backward,
          falls onto the couch, groans -
                          DWAYNE
           You asshole...I make you my partner
           and you pull this shit...
                          JAY
           I'm tired of you pushing me around
           all the time! What kinda partner
           does that!?
                          DWAYNE
           Fuck you...I'm gonna piss blood,
           aren't I?
                          JAY
           That's what it said on the internet.
          Dwayne's phone rings in his pocket.
                          DWAYNE
           Go on. Get it out for me. I can
           barely move.
          Jay pulls the cell from Dwayne's pocket...opens it and puts
          it to his ear so he can answer -
                          DWAYNE
           Glad you came to your senses.
                          INTERCUT WITH:
          EXT. BOARDED UP GAS STATION - DAY
                         
          Vaughn has a rag pressed to his swollen, bloody face. Juicy
          is nearby, banged up and dirty. Vaughn yells into his cell -
                         
                          VAUGHN
           Who the fuck do you think you're
           talking to!?
                         
           DWAYNE (O.S.)
           I honestly don't know.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           Let me give you a hint: your boy
           just jumped me, tossed my bitch like
           a rag doll and split with the cash.
                         
          Dwayne realizes who's on the other line, recovers -
                         
                          DWAYNE
           That guy's not my boy. He's a dick.
           I'm sorry for all the, uh, confusion.
           87.
                         
           VAUGHN (O.S.)
           Confusion? The only motherfucker
           that's confused is you. Apparently,
           you think you can fuck me and survive
           the day.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I wasn't fucking you, I was fucking
           him. You gotta understand, you're
           like a pawn in a much larger game
           I'm playing here.
                         
           VAUGHN (O.S.)
           Did you just call me a pawn, you
           stupid fuck!?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I didn't mean it like that. I'm
           just juggling a whole lot of shit.
                         
           VAUGHN (O.S.)
           I want my money. Right now.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           That may not be possible.
                          (DELICATELY)
           I just want to put this out there,
           to keep you in the loop...but I may
           need to bump the hit.
                         
          Vaughn paces, furious.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           This isn't a reservation at Sizzler!
           You don't "bump" it! I want you to
           bring me my money right now, to where
           I am standing in this shit hole town,
           bleeding from the motherfucking face!
                         
           DWAYNE (O.S.)
           I don't exactly have the money...give
           me some time and -
                         
                          VAUGHN
           The deal's off! You just became the
           hit!
                         
          Vaughn hangs up, tosses the bloody rag to the ground and
          screams in frustration.
                         
                          JUICY
           He lives with his daddy. You already
           got the address.
           88.
                         
          INT. JAY'S GARAGE WORKSHOP - DAY
                         
          Dwayne looks down at his phone.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           That's it. The assassin's gonna
           kill me now. I'm gonna die. Game
           fucking over.
                         
          Dwayne cradles his arms around his wounded kidney, rocks
          back and forth, wallowing in defeat.
                         
                          JAY
           We can still get him the money. Try
           the pizza guy back.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Why? So he can fuck around again,
           and I wind up dead, anyway? No.
           I'd rather just sit here. I want to
           die right here on this couch.
                         
                          JAY
           No. We're gonna get that money.
           Just like we planned. All we gotta
           do is get the leverage back.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           How do we do that? Pizza boy's
           obviously got some kinda death wish.
                         
          Jay gathers his resolve.
                         
                          JAY
           We take the girl. The one he went
           to see. Then he won't try shit.
                         
          Dwayne looks up at Jay with something not unlike awe.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           That's actually...that's a great
           fucking idea, Jay. It's the best
           idea anyone's had all day.
                         
          Dwayne lowers his head. He removes the gun from his
          belt...holds it out to Jay. Jay takes it. Feels its weight.
          Then offers it back.
                         
                          JAY
           I was just trying to figure out how
           you would do it, Dwayne.
                         
          Dwayne takes the gun. Struggles to stand. Jay helps him.
           89.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Ok. Then let's do it right. We
           leave nothing to chance. Because if
           we go to prison for this, I won't be
           able to watch out for you.
                         
                          JAY
           Ok, Dwayne.
                         
          Dwayne looks over at a frame backpack hanging from a hook on
          the wall. PVC piping bulges from it.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You should probably bring the
           flamethrower, buddy. There's gonna
           be some evidence to dispose of.
                         
          EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD - DAY
                         
          Will and Chet sit on the ground, still 20 yards apart. Chet
          checks his watch.
                         
                          CHET
           It's been half an hour.
                         
                          WILL
           He'll call.
                         
                          CHET
           In another 30 minutes I'm calling
           the bomb squad.
                         
          Chet gestures to the vast emptiness all around them.
                         
                          CHET
           These guys obviously aren't watching
           you anymore.
                         
                          WILL
           You know, even if they get the bomb
           squad here in time, and they can
           somehow get this thing off me, we
           still gotta answer for the robbery.
                         
                          CHET
           I'll take the heat with you, Will.
                         
                          WILL
           Nah. I'll tell them I forced you
           into it. That you didn't have a
           choice.
                         
                          CHET
           Thanks, man.
           90.
                         
          Will looks at Chet for a beat.
                          WILL
           That's it? You're not gonna think
           about it a little longer? After all
           we went through...tear down the
           relationship, rebuild it...you're
           gonna let me go to prison alone?
                          CHET
           You offered.
                          WILL
           It was a test. Your grade: F minus.
           You know what the "F" is for?
                          CHET
           To fuck myself?
                          WILL
           You passed that test. Failed the
           important one.
          As the guys continue to argue -
          SUPER COUNTDOWN: 1 hour, 28 minutes...
                          CUT TO:
          INT. LAW FIRM, OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
          Kate walks down a hallway, turns into an office. Two figures
          rush past from the intersecting hallway and duck behind a
          corner.
                         
          Kate emerges from the office and continues into
                         
          INT. WOMEN'S BATHROOM, OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
                         
          Kate goes to the mirror, checks herself out. She's been
          crying. She splashes water on her face, then enters a stall.
                         
          The bathroom door opens and Dwayne and Jay enter. Dwayne
          pulls something hairy from his pocket.
                         
          Inside the stall, Kate reaches for some toilet paper...from
          underneath the barrier, she notices two pairs of dirty,
          masculine sneakers. Her breath goes shallow. She takes out
          her cell, quietly opens it. She presses the first 9 in "911,"
          but her keypad volume is on and the phone makes a dull,
          electronic beep that echoes in the quiet bathroom.
                         
           DWAYNE (O.S.)
           Why don't you just slide the phone
           under the door, so I don't have to
           kick it open and see you with your
           panties down.
           91.
                         
          Kate slides the phone out. One of the sneakers crushes it.
          She gets off the toilet, arranges her clothing and steps out
          out of the stall. She gasps at -
                         
          The two ominous men standing there in gorilla masks. Dwayne's
          gun is plainly visible, tucked into the front of his pants.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           What's the quietest way out of the
           building? 'Cause I might get excited
           in a confrontation, and you might
           wind up shot in the face.
                         
          EXT. LIVING ROOM, NICE HOUSE - DAY
                         
          The Major is watching reruns of Three's Company. He doesn't
          laugh or remotely smile at any of it.
                         
          The subtle click of a door opening does not escape his finely
          tuned senses.
                         
                          MAJOR
           Dwayne?
                         
          Nothing. The Major gets up and goes to a desk, rifles through
          a drawer and pulls something out. A simple pen. He clutches
          it like a weapon.
                         
          INT. HALLWAY, NICE HOUSE - DAY
                         
          The Major creeps along.
                         
           VAUGHN (O.S.)
           Just stay where you are, old man.
                         
          The Major turns to find Vaughn pointing a gun at him.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           I'm looking for your son.
                         
                          MAJOR
           Even if I knew where he was, I
           wouldn't tell you nothing.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           Don't be stupid.
                         
                          MAJOR
           You know, I saved a black man's life
           in the shit. So if I took yours I'd
           be even.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           I see where your son gets his common
           sense.
                          (MORE)
           92.
                         
                          VAUGHN (CONT'D)
           But you might want to readjust your
           attitude, because I ain't fucking
           around. I want Dwayne. I don't know
           why you'd want to protect him, the
           motherfucker hired me to kill you.
                         
          If this news has any effect at all on The Major, he doesn't
          show it.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           Just tell me where he is!
                         
          Vaughn pulls back the hammer of his gun.
                         
                          MAJOR
           You think I'm scared of death?
           There's a whole generation of gooks
           that think I'm the grim reaper.
                         
          Vaughn shakes his head. Almost imperceptibly, The Major
          repositions the hand with the pen in it. Vaughn is about to
          squeeze the trigger -
                         
          But The Major beats him to it, clicking the pen, which is
          actually a pen gun. It fires a .22 caliber round into Vaughn's
          neck. He drops the gun and clutches the geyser of blood.
                         
          The Major charges Vaughn, jumps on him and wrestles him to
          the ground, trying to jam the pen into the wound in his neck.
                         
                          MAJOR
           I'll ride you all the way to hell!
           I know exactly how to get there!
                         
          Vaughn reaches for his gun. His fingers curl around it and
          he whips it across The Major's face, knocking him backwards.
                         
          Vaughn scrambles to his feet, gun pointed at the felled Major.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           What now, old man!? You can't kill
           me! None of y'all can kill me!
                         
          The Major looks up at Vaughn, once again face to face with a
          loaded weapon.
                         
                          MAJOR
           Go on and -
                         
          BANG!
                         
          The Major goes limp, one searing hole in his chest.
           93.
                         
          Vaughn clasps a hand to his neck to staunch the flow of blood.
          He steps over the The Major's body and continues upstairs.
                         
          INT. BATHROOM, NICE HOUSE - DAY
                         
          Vaughn rifles through the cabinets, dumps all of the first
          aid supplies into the sink. He gets to work on his wound.
                         
          INT. DWAYNE'S ROOM, NICE HOUSE - DAY
                         
          The locked door is kicked open. Vaughn, neck crudely
          bandaged, flicks on the lights and looks around the childish
          room. Chinese Fighting Fish swim in a large tank, seem to
          stop and look out at him like guard dogs.
                         
          Vaughn ransacks the place. He finds a desk drawer locked.
          Takes out his gun and blows it open.
                         
          Vaughn pulls a stuffed file folder out of the drawer. Flips
          through it. It's full of details about Dwayne's plan, the
          tanning salon, etc.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           Motherfucker has lost his mind...
                         
          He finds a map of the town in the file. Three locations are
          highlighted: the bank, the boarded up gas station, and the
          radio tower. PUSH IN on the radio tower.
                         
          Vaughn stuffs the map into his pocket. He stops before leaving
          the room, turns and shatters the fish tank with the butt of
          his gun. Water spills out and the Chinese Fighting Fish flop
          onto the floor. As Vaughn lifts a boot to stomp them -
                         
          EXT. ROAD - DAY
                         
          Will and Chet are still arguing -
                         
                          CHET
           Look at the upshot, while you're
           behind bars you can finally finish
           your degree. If I was there, too,
           it would just be a distraction.
                         
                          WILL
           Great idea, Chet. Thanks a lot.
           I'll just sit here and figure out a
           fucking major.
                         
          Will stews. After a beat, his hand goes to his pocket.
          It's vibrating. He pulls out his cell.
                         
                          WILL
           Hey, it's them.
           94.
                         
          Will answers -
                         
                          WILL
           You ready to talk now?
                         
                          INTERCUT WITH:
                         
          INT. MINIVAN - DAY - MOVING
                         
          Dwayne drives with his cell pressed to his ear. Jay keeps
          watch on Kate in back. She is blindfolded, hands bound behind
          her back with duct tape.
                         
                          DWAYNE
                          (INTO PHONE)
           Yeah, I'm ready to talk. I want my
           money. Meet me back at the radio
           tower in 50 minutes.
                         
           WILL (O.S.)
           I've barely got an hour left!
                         
                          DWAYNE
           That's the point. I want you on a
           short leash.
                         
           WILL (O.S.)
           Fuck that. Give me the code first.
           Then you can have your money. You'll
           just have to trust me when I say
           that I don't want it.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Yeah, I'm sure. You just wanna go
           back to your fantastic life. Your
           great job. And that blonde bitch
           with the sexy voice.
                         
          Will's mind jumps to the only logical conclusion. Roller
          coaster stomach drop. His voice cracks as he asks a useless
                         QUESTION -
                         
                          WILL
           What the fuck is that supposed to
           mean?
                         
           DWAYNE (O.S.)
           It means that girl you paid a visit
           to today is sitting in the back of
           my van right now. And it ain't
           exactly consensual.
                         
                          WILL
           Fuck you! You crossed a line!
           95.
                         
          Dwayne just laughs, maniacally.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           There are no lines! There's just me
           and you and 100 thousand dollars.
           Once we get that shit in order, you
           can have her back, and your life,
           too. So you're gonna show up where
           I say, when I say. Alone. And if
           you try anything stupid, the two of
           you will be delivering pizzas to
           Saint Peter.
                         
                          WILL
           Let me talk to her.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You got ten seconds.
                         
          Dwayne hands the phone back to Jay, who puts it to Kate's
          ear. She is trembling.
                         
                          KATE
           Will...?
                         
           WILL (O.S.)
           Kate, I'm so sorry.
                         
                          KATE
           It's okay...I'm fine...I'm just really -
                         
          Dwayne snatches the phone.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           She's just really gonna die if you
           fuck this up.
                         
          Will absorbs this like a blow to the chest. The line
          disconnects.
                         
                          WILL
           Fuck!
                         
                          CHET
           What happened?
                         
                          WILL
           They have Kate.
                         
                          CHET
           What the fuck does that mean!?
                         
                          WILL
           They took her, man. They must have
           followed us to her office.
           96.
                         
                          CHET
           Damn it! You had to go see her!
                         
                          WILL
           I'm sorry. I messed up...I finally
           messed up worse than I could have
           possibly imagined.
                         
                          CHET
           We gotta get her back, Will. These
           guys are crazy.
                         
                          WILL
           We still got the money. As long as
           we have that, she's alive. Come on.
                         
          Chet grabs the bag of cash. They hustle into the car and it
          peels out, leaving behind a swirling cloud of dust. As the
          sun begins to set -
                         
          SUPER COUNTDOWN: 58 minutes...
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
          EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                         
          Two menacing headlights come at us on the empty road. They
                         BELONG TO
                         
          INT. SENTRA - NIGHT - MOVING
                         
          Vaughn holds up Dwayne's map as he drives. He seems to be
          on the right road, headed for the radio tower. He crumples
          the map and throws it in back.
                         
          EXT. SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                         
          The Mustang stops by the gate to the radio tower. Chet jumps
          out and disappears into the bushes.
                         
          EXT. RADIO TOWER - NIGHT
                         
          The Mustang pulls up. Will gets out and looks around the
          deserted place. He holds up the money bag.
                         
                          WILL
           I'm here!
                         
          In the shadow of the nearby shed, the minivan is revealed as
          its interior lights come on. The door opens and Dwayne
          emerges, in his mask.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           How much time you got left?
           97.
                         
          Will takes off the jacket and tosses it to the ground. He
          looks at the timer.
                         
                          WILL
           Ten minutes.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Damn. Maybe we should just wait
           around for the money shot.
                         
          The guys meet in a clearing. Dwayne nods at the bag.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           That the money?
                         
                          WILL
           Maybe. Where's the girl?
                         
          Dwayne grins.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           In the van. Maybe.
                         
                          WILL
           Get her out here. You're wasting time.
                         
          Will grips the bag close to him.
                         
          Dwayne whistles. The minivan door opens and Jay steps out.
          Strapped to his back is the frame pack we saw at his workshop.
          A long tube connects the pack to the handle of a metal pipe-
          like device in his hand.
                         
          Jay helps Kate, still bound and blindfolded, out of the van.
          They approach Dwayne and take up position behind him.
                         
                          KATE
           Will, are you there?
                         
                          WILL
           I'm here. It's gonna be okay.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           This is a fucking tearjerker.
                         
                          WILL
           Just let her come over here.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I will. But you should know, my
           associate over there is packing a
           flamethrower.
                         
          Jay aims the metal device he has been holding. He hits a
          button and a pilot light comes on.
           98.
                         
                          JAY
                          (FLAT)
           Just do what we say. Don't mess
           around or anything.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Unless either of you can outrun a 25-
           foot flame.
           (gestures to gun in his belt)
           Or a bullet.
                         
          Dwayne roughly pulls Kate away from Jay and shoves her
          forward. Will grabs her, pulls her blindfold off and pushes
          her behind him.
                         
                          WILL
           Get back.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I gave you the girl. Now give me
           the money.
                         
                          WILL
           How about we get the code out of the
           way first, since this bomb happens
           to be ticking so close to all of us.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Fair enough.
                         
          Dwayne pulls a slip of paper from his pocket.
                         
                          DWAYNE
                          (TAUNTING)
           You ready to be a free man?
                         
                          WILL
           Just give it to me!
                         
                          DWAYNE
           448921.
                         
          Will keys in the numbers. The timer freezes and the lock at
          the hinge opens. Will carefully extricates himself from the
          vest. He lays it down on the ground and steps away from it.
          His shirt is drenched in sweat from where the bomb sat.
                         
          Will takes a final look at the money bag, then throws it to
          Dwayne. He looks inside, smiles. Jay takes a peak.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           It's so fucking pretty, ain't it?
                         
                          JAY
           Yeah. It's awesome.
           99.
                         
          Dwayne looks up at Will.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Okay, you can get out of here now.
                         
                          WILL
           I actually have this sneaking
           suspicion that once we turn around,
           you're gonna put a bullet in both of
           our backs - and this is just a guess -
           burn our bodies.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           They say great minds think alike.
           And in this case, so do we.
                         
                          WILL
           I figured as much. That's why I got
           a gun pointed at you, too.
                          (LOUDLY)
           I got a sniper in the bushes locked
           on you right now.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Do I look that dumb?
                         
                          WILL
           I can't tell, you're wearing a mask.
                         
          Before Dwayne can react, he stops and blinks, something
          shining in his eyes.
                         
                          JAY
           Hey...on your forehead.
                         
          Dwayne's eyes turn upward, just barely making out the red
          dot that dances on his forehead.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Son of a bitch. Well played.
                         
          In the bushes, hidden from sight, Chet carefully aims his
          laser pointer at Dwayne's forehead.
                         
          Will grins at Dwayne.
                         
                          WILL
           We're gonna walk out of here now.
           If you shoot, my sniper shoots. I
           can't guarantee he'll get both of
           you. But he'll definitely get you.
                         
          As Will turns away -
           100.
                         
           VAUGHN (O.S.)
           Hold the fuck up.
                         
          Vaughn emerges from the darkness. He looks at Will.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           Wasn't expecting to see you here.
                         
          Without warning, Vaughn cracks Will over the head with the
          butt of his gun. He goes down hard. Kate screams. Vaughn
          points the gun at her and she shuts up.
                         
          Dwayne steps forward with the bag.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           It's all good. We got your money.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           Nice mask, Dwayne. Now throw the
           money over here.
                         
          Dwayne complies. As soon as the bag lands, Vaughn aims the
          gun at him.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Hold up. You don't have to do this.
           I just paid you.
                         
          Kate looks on, terrified, an unconscious Will at her side.
                         
          Vaughn's eyes burn a hole through Dwayne.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           I've been hit with a pipe, shot with a
           pen, and wasted my whole motherfucking
           day...all because of you and this job.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I don't know what you're talking about.
           Just take the money.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           I will. And then I'm gonna tie up the
           two loose ends in the gorilla masks.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I'm not a loose end!
                         
                          VAUGHN
           You're a fucking idiot. You are as
           loose as ends get.
                         
          Panicked, Dwayne's eyes flash over to Jay, who tightens his
          grip on the flamethrower handle. Jay catches Dwayne's eye.
          Dwayne nods. Vaughn sees this.
           101.
                         
                          VAUGHN
           What the -
                         
          Jay rears up with the flamethrower. Vaughn couldn't be more
          surprised to see the device Jay is holding spit a massive
          ball of fire at him.
                         
          Vaughn dives to the ground, fires off two wild shots, one of
                         WHICH -
                         
          Nails Dwayne in the shoulder, spinning him backward and
          knocking him off his feet.
                         
          Kate recoils in horror as: Vaughn scurries madly on the
          ground, intermittently firing, while Jay screams and tries
          to torch him with the 25-foot flame. A hand touches Kate's
          shoulder and she whirls around to find -
                         
                          KATE
           Chet!? What are you doing here!?
                         
                          CHET
           Not now. We gotta take off.
                          (LOOKS AROUND)
           Where's Will?
                         
          Kate looks to the empty spot beside her where Will just was.
                         
          Flames inches from him, Vaughn lines up a desperate shot -
                         
          Good news: the bullet only grazes Jay's side. Bad news: it
          keeps going and punches through the flamethrower backpack,
          which happens to be filled with gasoline, which happens to
          have an incredibly low flash point. So the spark from, say,
          a bullet, would cause
                         
          AN ERUPTION OF FLAMES
                         
          Meanwhile, Will pops up behind Chet and Kate, clutching the
          garbage bag.
                         
                          WILL
           I got the money. Let's get the fuck
           out of here.
                         
          They take off toward Will's car.
                         
          Dwayne groggily comes to...no SOUND, just a ringing. The
          first thing he sees: Vaughn storming toward him, god-knows-
          what spewing from his mouth. Vaughn levels his gun -
                         
          It doesn't make a sound for two reasons. The second being
          that it's out of bullets.
                         
          Dwayne fumbles for his own hardware. Muzzle flash.
           102.
                         
          Vaughn drops to his knees. Pulse snatched from him.
                         
          SOUND SLAMS BACK to the tune of Jay's screams. Dwayne looks
          over to see his friend in flames, flailing his arms and
          shrieking. Dwayne's head snaps to the other side, where he
          sees the Mustang's tires peel. He tears off his mask,
          frantically looks around. The money is gone.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           No!!
                         
          Jay disentangles himself from the backpack, the source of
          the flames, but his clothes are now ablaze. In his frenzy,
          he somehow manages to string together two coherent words -
                         
                          JAY
           Dwayne! Help!
                         
          Dwayne gets to his feet as the Mustang roars down the
          driveway. He looks to Jay, then to his minivan. Dwayne's
          face: Two roads diverge in a wood. Which to take?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Goddamn it, Jay!
                         
          Dwayne sprints over to Jay, rips off his jacket and uses it
          to beat the flames down.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Stop, drop and roll!
                         
          Jay hits the deck. Dwayne continues fighting the flames,
          finally falls on top of Jay with the jacket spread and
          smothers the last of them out.
                         
          Jay looks up at Dwayne with puppy dog eyes.
                         
                          JAY
           You came back for me...you said you
           never would.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           You didn't hesitate back there, Jay.
           You did good.
                         
          Jay smiles. Flames overtake the field all around them.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I'm gonna go put a bullet in that
           motherfucker and get our money.
           Think you can get outta here?
                         
                          JAY
           Yeah. Go get him.
           103.
                         
          Dwayne hurries toward the minivan. Jay stumbles up to his
          feet and limps off toward the woods.
                         
          EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                         
          The Mustang travels away from the rising flames.
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT - MOVING
                         
          Will's face is a mess of dirt, sweat and dried blood. He
          and Chet stare ahead, completely shell-shocked.
                         
          Kate looks from one of them to the other.
                         
                          KATE
           Uh...I just got kidnapped.
                         
                          CHET
           Yeah, that was totally Will's fault.
           In case you want to factor that in
           while you're mulling over the whole
           relationship thing.
                         
                          WILL
           I'm very sorry about the kidnapping.
           This is me, taking responsibility
           for it. Growing up. Like a viable
           life partner.
                         
                          CHET
           This man has spied on you in the
           nude before!
                         
                          WILL
           What? No, I didn't.
                         
                          CHET
           He's lying. He's trying to build a
           relationship on a foundation of lies.
           And it won't stand.
                         
                          KATE
           I just got kidnapped! Can we talk
           about that!?
                         
          Something catches Will's attention: a set of headlights
          rapidly growing larger in the rear-view mirror.
                         
          INT. MINIVAN - NIGHT - MOVING
                         
          Dwayne's speedometer is buried past 100 mph. His eyes burn
          with intensity.
           104.
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT - MOVING
                         
          Will hits the gas.
                         
                          WILL
           Oh, shit. One of those dudes is
           definitely not dead!
                         
          Chet and Kate look out the back window. Chet screams -
                         
                          CHET
           Hurry up! He's already on us!
                         
          EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                         
          Dwayne's car pulls even with the Mustang.
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT - MOVING
                         
          Will looks over at Dwayne, who pulls out his gun and takes
          aim. He flashes a sick grin -
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I own this town.
                         
          Before Dwayne can get a shot off -
                         
          EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                         
          An explosion rocks the minivan from inside. The back end is
          lifted off the ground and the car tumbles over itself. It
          lands on its roof and skids into a ditch.
                         
          INT. MUSTANG - NIGHT - MOVING
                         
          Chet and Kate watch the burning wreck disappear out the back
          window. They are equal parts confused and happy to be alive.
                         
                          KATE
           What the hell was that?
                         
                          WILL
           That was the bomb I carried around
           all day. I reactivated it and put
           it in the back of his van. I guess
           his time was up.
                         
                          CHET
           "His time was up?" Were you thinking
           that up the whole day?
                         
                          WILL
           I was prepared, yes. I can't help
           it if I'm the kind of guy who thinks
           about the future.
           105.
                         
                          CHET
                          (TO KATE)
           He's not that kind of guy. He doesn't
           think about the future. Ever.
                         
                          KATE
           What exactly happened since I saw
           you this afternoon?
                         
                          WILL
           Primarily, we robbed a bank.
                         
                          KATE
           What!? So you're, like, fugitives?
           What do we do now?
                         
                          CHET
           Yeah, Will. What does the future
           hold?
                         
                          WILL
           Nothing good if we stay in town and
           they pin this on us. Kate, I think
           you should put in for that vacation
           time. Right now. If anyone gives
           you a problem, tell them to fuck
           off. There's 100 grand in that trash
           bag by your feet. A third of it's
           yours.
                         
          Kate opens the bag...smiles through the dirt and grime.
                         
                          KATE
           Will, that's -
                         
                          CHET
           Fucked up. Why does she get a share?
                         
                          WILL
           Why do you get a share?
                         
          Chet stews. Will catches Kate's eyes in the rear-view.
                         
                          WILL
           Airport's 30 minutes away. Pick a
           destination. This time it's not a
           practice run.
                         
          EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
                         
          The car zooms off.
                         
          SUPER COUNTDOWN: 0 hours, 0 minutes...
                         
                          CUT TO:
           106.
                         
          EXT. DITCH - NIGHT
                         
          Wind fans the flames of the burning minivan. The shattered
          windshield sprouts another crack...then another, as -
                         
          Dwayne's foot kicks it out. He drags himself from the
          smoldering steel carcass. He is a charred, blood splattered
          mess, but he is alive.
                         
          EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
                         
          Dwayne is propped up against a sign, lingering on the edge
          of consciousness. The headlights of a lone pickup truck
          approach. Dwayne feebly waves the truck down for a ride.
                         
          INT. NICE HOUSE - NIGHT
                         
          The door opens and Dwayne stumbles through. He has made it
          home. He drops like a puppet whose strings have been cut.
                         
          From where his head has landed on the floor, Dwayne sees
          something odd...long red streaks. He crawls forward on all
          fours to investigate...
                         
          It is a trail of sticky red blood. Dwayne follows it until
          he comes upon its source...the crumpled body of his father,
          lying face down. Dwayne's face: shock and confusion and joy.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Dad?
                         
          Dwayne inches closer, pokes the body. Nothing.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Dad, are you -
                         
          The body emits a low groan. Dwayne rolls it over. His
          father's face is white, he's lost a lot of blood, but he
          isn't totally spent yet. He struggles to speak -
                         
                          MAJOR
           Dwayne...
                         
                          DWAYNE
           What happened to you?
                         
                          MAJOR
           Some guy...said you hired him to
           kill me.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Dad, I...I'd never...
           107.
                         
                          MAJOR
           Look at you...lip quivering like
           you're getting fucked...be a man.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           I am a man! I killed you, didn't I?
           Now I'm gonna use your money to open
           a tanning salon where they let you
           fuck the chicks.
                         
          This stirs something in The Major.
                         
                          MAJOR
           You mean...like those whorehouses...in
           'Nam...I used to tell you about?
                         
          Dwayne softens at the recollection.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Those were great bedtime stories.
                         
          The Major nods. Opens his hand. Reveals a cordless phone.
          Dwayne looks to the bloody streaks down the hall, leading to
          the phone table. The Major dragged himself the whole way.
                         
                          MAJOR
           Medics are late...probably a couple
           lazy spicks...you tell 'em I said
           so...all right, son?
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Sure thing, pop.
                         
          The Major looks up at Dwayne's bruised face, as if for the
          first time.
                         
                          MAJOR
           Hell of thing...I think I
           may...actually respect you now.
                         
          Dwayne's eyes well up. He reaches out, cradles his father
          as he expires. It's like a very bloody, white trash version
          of the Piet´┐Ż. Dwayne sobs uncontrollably, until -
                         
          He drops his father and pound-pound-pounds his chest in some
          approximation of a life saving resuscitation.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Get up, you pussy! Come on, soldier!
                         
          PULL AWAY as Dwayne pounds the body and distant sirens grow
          nearer.
                         
                          FADE OUT:
           108.
                         
          BLACK. THE DARKNESS RIPPLES...
                         
          Into waves. It's the ocean, long past sunset. PULL BACK to
          find a lone figure staring out at it, sitting on
                         
          EXT. BEACH - NIGHT
                         
          Will. Shirtless. Could be anywhere.
                         
          Chet approaches and sits beside him.
                         
                          CHET
           Fucking nine dollars to use the
           internet.
                         
                          WILL
           And?
                         
                          CHET
           Police think it was that black guy.
           They found some kind of map in his
           car. And I'm sure racial profiling
           played a part.
                         
                          WILL
           But nothing about us?
                         
                          CHET
           Nope. Guess it's time to head back.
                         
                          WILL
           I was thinking we'd stick around a
           little a longer.
                         
                          CHET
           Why? So you have more time to delude
           my sister?
                         
                          WILL
           Yes. And it'd be easier if you gave
           us five fucking minutes alone.
                         
          Chet stares out at the ocean for a beat.
                         
                          CHET
           You really think she's into you?
                         
                          WILL
                          (SWALLOWS HARD)
           I kissed her last night. No tongue.
           Then you walked in.
                         
          Chet just nods. Will gets up.
           109.
                         
                          CHET
           You're gonna go fuck my sister now,
           aren't you?
                         
                          WILL
           I'll be thinking of you the whole
           time.
                         
                          CHET
           At the very least...be a considerate
           lover. Give pleasure, before taking
           pleasure.
                         
                          WILL
           I think I'm reading you. And I will
           try my best.
                         
          Will heads up a trail that leads to a hotel bungalow. Kate
          opens the door, steps out onto the porch.
                         
          Will stops, looks back at Chet. He whistles. Chet turns.
                         
                          WILL
           You're Riggs! You always have been!
                         
          Chet smiles, shakes his head as -
                         
          Will reaches the porch. He stands close to Kate. His nerves
          clock overtime.
                         
                          WILL
           I lied and told your brother I kissed
           you. I thought it would make this
           easier.
                         
                          KATE
           Here's an idea: pretend you have a
           bomb strapped to your chest. Tick,
                          TICK -
                         
          Will closes the gap and kisses her. After a beat -
                         
                          KATE
           Is Chet watching us?
                         
                          WILL
           Probably. We should go inside. I
           promised him I'd satisfy you.
                         
          Kate laughs, leads him inside and the door shuts to -
                         
                          BLACK
           110.
                         
          CREDITS ROLL.
                         
          But they are pushed to one side of the screen, as the other
          side is filled with -
                         
          A lo-fi, 2001-style light tunnel. It deposits us in the
          furthest reaches of the galaxy, where we find -
                         
          A tanning bed. Rotating in orbit. Dwayne's voice booms and
                         REVERBERATES -
                         
                          DWAYNE
           GRAND OPENING SPECTACULARRR!
                         
          The tanning bed explodes, like a star gone supernova. From
          the light and fire and chaos...emerges a logo:
                         
                          MAJOR TAN
                         
          A bad MATCH CUT takes us to the same logo. Camera ZOOMS OUT
          unsteadily to reveal it is a banner above a strip mall
          storefront. We are watching a local commercial with
          appropriately poor production value.
                         
          INT. MAJOR TAN - DAY (LOCAL COMMERCIAL)
                         
          Dwayne walks backward down a hallway while addressing camera
          and trying not to trip -
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Here at Major Tan, our specially
           trained technicians are hard at work
           developing new technologies that
           harness the power of the sun, to
           ensure a cutting-edge tanning
           experience.
                         
          Dwayne enters a tanning room. A man in a lab coat stares
          down at a clipboard, on which a complicated scientific
          equation is written.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           How's it looking?
                         
          The man turns: it's Jay. His smiling face is speckled with
          healing burn wounds.
                         
                          JAY
           It's our most advanced tanning bed
           yet!
                         
          He gestures to a very ordinary looking tanning bed.
           111.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           Hey, don't just take this scientist's
           word for it. The proof...
                         
          Dwayne snaps his fingers. A BAD SPECIAL EFFECT makes him
          disappear, then reappear with a totally orange tan.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           ...is in the tan.
                         
          We follow Dwayne back out into the hallway.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           But Major Tan isn't just about looking
           good. It's also about feeling good.
                         
          Dwayne gestures to another room. The door opens and Juicy
          saunters out in a bikini. A beat later, a RANDOM GUY exits.
                         
                          RANDOM GUY
           That "Deluxe Tan" was fantastic!
                         
          EXT. MAJOR TAN - DAY (LOCAL COMMERCIAL)
                         
          Dwayne stands outside the store.
                         
                          DWAYNE
           So come on down to Major Tan...where
           we're proud to be a family business.
                         
          PULL BACK TO REVEAL...The Major beside Dwayne. He's only
          about four feet tall now, on account of the wheelchair. But
          he's grinning like a jackal, in a POW-MIA cap.
                         
          A SUPERED LOGO appears: Military Discounts Available!
                         
          As father and son smile and wave at us -
                         
          END COMMERCIAL.