Bridesmaids Movie Script
BRIDESMAIDS Written by Annie Mumolo 8/12/09 INT. CLEAN, UPSCALE. MODERN BATHROOM. Annie is in nice lingerie, happily getting ready for the day. She puts a lot of effort into her appearance. Products everywhere, too many hair-flips, eye-cream, no hair out of place. She walks into the bedroom, where TED, a gorgeous man sleeps. She sneaks back into the bed, carefully positioning herself and moving the sheets to show her good parts. She coughs and nudges Ted to wake him up then pretend sleeps. TED Good morning. Annie pretends to wake up. TED (CONT'D) Wow, you look beautiful. ANNIE (ACTING EMBARRASSED) What? No. I don't. Oh my God its the morning. I look terrible. I just woke up. TED Last night was fun. ANNIE Yeah, I had the best time. I have't had that much fun on a first date in years, ever... She brushes the hair off his forehead as if he were her long time lover. TED So listen Annie, I like you. So, I want to be up front with you. I'm not really looking for a relationship right now. Annie's eyes grow large. She uncomfortably smiles at him, nodding. ANNIE Oooooo. Oops. I mean, yeah. What? TED I just want to be honest right off the bat. 2. ANNIE Yeah, yeah. Ok. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Annie struggles to maintain her composure. TED I'm just so busy and I don't have time for another person...I... ANNIE Yeah, me too, I'm soo busy-- TED And summer's coming-- ANNIE Yeah, summer, exactly. It's a crazy season. So you just wanna give me a call in the fall or--? TED Yeah, I'm not gonna be in town much even in the fall-- ANNIE You shouldn't be! Yeah, Halloween-- TED I'm gonna be travelling a lot for work. ANNIE Me too, I'm just- so many business trips to places that are just far away‘cause I'm doing really well at work. TED And honestly, (sits up) I don't even know how I feel about the whole monogamy thing, is one person really enough for anyone? I mean, I like to be with a lot of different people. ANNIE It is sooo refreshing to hear you say that, because isn't that what everyone thinks but is afraid to say? I mean, i's science. I'm-I don't want a relationship either. Let's just say that. And I wouldn't even care whatever you do or I do, I just wanna have tons of fun, like no strings attached at all. I'm just different from other girls. 3. TED Yeah. Well anyway, I really should get going. I was gonna get a haircut today. ANNIE Yeah, they say that every couple months it's good to trim the ends, you know, get all the dead stuff. So, cool. Cool. 've cut hair before. He waits, but Annie doesn't budge. TED Well, like I said I got stuff to do. Annie notices a picture of a sailboat above the bed. ANNIE Yeah, me too. Gonna try to get some sailing in before the weather gets crazy... TED HOLLY Cool, well I don't wanna be Get up the jib.. late. Ted gets up. Awkward moment leading into... EXT. HOUSE. FRONT DOOR. MOMENTS LATER. TED Oh, and thanks for the lemon bars. ANNIE Oh, no problem. Made from scratch. EXT. DRIVEWAY Annie stands at the closed driveway gate waiting as Ted repeatedly presses the button. She smiles at a neighbor. TED Sometimes it sticks! ANNIE No, I love it! The gate starts to open. Annie exits. ANNIE (CONT'D) Byyyyee! 4. EXT. STREET. OUTSIDE THE GATE Annie sits in her old shitty car. She lets out an exasperated sigh, then sees the clock. ANNIE Oh, shit. The brakes squeak as she very slowly drives away. INT. ANNIE'S CAR IN TRAFFIC. CONTINUOUS. Annie gets out her phone and speed dials LILLIAN. INT. LILLIAN'S BEDROOM. Lillian is getting dressed. Upscale, professional clothes. LILLIAN It's summer?! What the hell does that mean? He can't date anyone in the summer? ANNIE I guess? I don't know. I feel so stupid now. LILLIAN No he's stupid Ann, not you. ANNIE I think I might be a little bit stupid. LILLIAN Ew. Did you have sex with him? ANNIE No! But I gave him a blow job. LILLIAN What?! ANNIE Well, he kept putting it in my face. Lillian's boyfriend DOUGIE enters the bedroom eating a Luna Bar in his sweats. He's stretching and flexing his muscles trying to make her laugh. 5. LILLIAN Well, at least he was honest with you so you don't waste your time with him. DOUGIE Baby, look how hard I worked out. Look at all this sweat. LILLIAN Can you see that I'm on the phone? I'm talking to Annie. DOUGIE Hey Annie. LILLIAN Are you eating my Luna Bar? Those are for women you know? DOUGIE Shit. Really?! LILLIAN It's not gonna do anything to you. DOUGIE Oh my God. My breasts are getting bigger. He tries to rub up against Lillian. LILLIAN Ew, go take a shower. Dougie leaves. DOUGIE (O.S.) I'm gonna play with my new boobs in there. LILLIAN I swear I cannot handle him right now. He has been driving me crazy. Sometimes it feels like I'm kissing my brother. I don't know what do. Annie pulls into an alleyway behind HARRINGTO'S JEWELRY STORE and starts changing into her work uniform in the car. A white blouse and navy skirt. ANNIE At least you have someone. God, wha's wrong with me? 6. LILLIAN There's nothing wrong with you. But I think maybe, and don't get mad at me, I've said this to you before, you need to stop trying so hard. ANNIE I still don't think I do that. LILLIAN OK, so you had a first date last night. Did you bring him a present? Annie is silent. LILLIAN (CONT'D) Ann, what did I tell you? ANNIE I brought him lemon-bars because I was making them anyway, as a friend. Yo're right, that's weird. DOUGIE (O.S.) Shit! LILLIAN What?! DOUGIE (O.S) I just chipped a nail! LILLIAN Ok, I don't know if it's because I'm tired or what, but I wanna kill him. ANNIE Ok, just take a deep breath, look in the mirror and remember when I was getting my braces off and farted at the orthodontist. Lillian laughs. LILLIAN Oh my God. We need to hang out. 'm coming to Milwaukee this weekend. ANNIE Are you serious? 7. LILLIAN We'll go to Joni's and pig out and I'll bring some shitty magazines, and I'm gonna spend the night. ANNIE God, I haven't seen you in months! LILLIAN I'll call you tomorrow. Bye. They hang up. Dougie is in the doorway wearing her nightie stretched over his body. DOUGIE Baby, I'm going through some changes... LILLIAN (laughing) You're an idiot. We see she gets a kick out of him. INT. HARRINGTON'S JEWELRY STORE. Annie enters hurriedly pulling her hair into a bun. ANNIE Hi. Sorry, sorry! I'm here. I'm here. DONNA (quickly) Annie! Thank God. OK people! Gather around me please, in a tight semicircle. Annie and six other employees gather around DONNA. DONNA (CONT'D) (slightly overdramatic) Something terrible has happened. Donald will not be coming in to work today. He stepped on a wasp and there is some uncomfortable swelling. Employees mumble. DONNA (CONT'D) Annie? Where's your tie? Everyone looks at Annie. She holds it up and starts to put it on. 8. DONNA (CONT'D) Now, I have an eye doctor's appointment that I can't change or they'll will charge me. So someone will have to cover for Donald in engagement rings. Now I-- Annie and SANDY, a male co-worker, shoot their hands the air eagerly. DONNA (CONT'D) Sandy? Today's your day. SANDY Ooh, my horoscope said I would be presented with an opportunity at work today. That is eerie. That is eerie. DONNA Annie, that means you'll be alone in keepsakes. You think you can handle it? EMPLOYEE (SOTTO) Yeah, look out. There might be a bum- rush for letter openers... The employees snicker. ANNIE Sometimes there is, so....there have been. At times, there has been. DONNA Alright everybody, let's get to work! Saneel?!...OPEN SESAME! SANEEL, the security guard, rolls his eyes and unlocks the doors. Everyone goes to work. Donna gathers her things and starts walking towards the exit with Annie tailing behind her. ANNIE Donna, can I talk to you for a second? I feel like if you gave me a shot at engagement rings sometime, I could really- DONNA Annie, what is the calibration of a 2 carat diamond in a standard English setting? ANNIE Five? 9. DONNA I just made all of that up. None of that was real. I just put words together. You're not ready for the big leagues. Understand? ANNIE It's so hard to make commission over there. DONNA Sweetheart...did I ever tell you the story of the little paralyzed Chinese girl who wanted to be dancer? ANNIE Many times. DONNA She was paralyzed Annie, had no feeling in her legs, and then one day after years of believing in herself, she stood up out of that chair and tap-danced for the king. On his birthday! My point is, Sandy makes a real effort around here. He connects with the customer. And when he wants to make a sale, he goes for it. ANNIE Okay. (beat) I do want it. DONNA (smiling) Good. Showing up on time is a wonderful place to start. Donna talks to herself and gathers her things. DONNA (CONT'D) Uhh! A wasp! Who walks around even their own backyard without at least a thin sandal. It's reckless! Donna exits. A customer passes Anni's section. ANNIE Hello, can I interest you in a sterling silver money clip that will create memories for you and your family? No? We cut to a HOME IMPROVEMENT SHOW on T.V. 10. T.V. HOST When Dave and Rhonda bought this house, it was a medical clinic. I've never seen so many cupboards! INT. ANNIE AND STEVE'S APT. THAT NIGHT. STEVE, Annie's mid-thirties roommate, sits on the couch shirtless and is enthralled by the show. STEVE Noooo. That's, that's sooo smart. Annie enters the apartment, tired. She throws her keys down and sifts through her mail. Steve presses mute. STEVE (CONT'D) There you are, you stayer-out-all- nighter. Did you make out? Sleep over? As Annie heads for her bedroom, he walks towards her room. STEVE (CONT'D) Don't go in the bathroom. Are you going to bed? ANNIE Yes. I'm beat. STEVE Your ex-boyfriend got more mail, I did what you said and just threw it away. ANNIE Thanks. Goodnight Steve! She shuts the door behind her. STEVE That credit lady called! She wants to talk to you, Annie! She's gonna find you. Steve sits back on the couch, un-mutes the T.V.. ALLEN (ON SHOW) This is where they bagged the animals that didn't make it through the testing. We turned it into a cozy Moroccan reading room. 11. STEVE Gross/Amazing. INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM. She sits on her bed grabs a “Sounds to Relax” CD with a post-it that reads, “Love, Mom”. She plays it and lies down. We hear a loud Tibetan woma's voice wailing. NOT relaxing. She turns it off and curls up on top of her bed. INT. JONI'S RESTAURANT. THAT FRIDAY NIGHT. Annie and Lillian read magazines. ANNIE You're right. God, she's getting really skinny. LILLIAN Ann. ANNIE What? LILLIAN (quietly) Your boyfriend just walked in. REVEAL: An orange-skinned BODY BUILDER with HUGE arms and legs in a tiny muscle tank and shorts. ANNIE Oh my God! Look, he showed up with your mom. It's a short grey-haired OUTDOORSEY WOMAN in hiking boots. They laugh to themselves. Annie keeps reading. ANNIE (CONT'D) Cool! They're making a WKRP movie. LILLIAN Here Annie, let me turn the page for you. ANNIE What? Lillian splays her hand over the magazine showing off a sparkling DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING. 12. LILLIAN (playfully) I just want to help you turn the page of your magazine for you... ANNIE Lillian! What is that?! LILLIAN I'm engaged. ANNIE What?!! LILLIAN He proposed at dinner last night. I wanted to tell you in person and show you this rock! ANNIE It's beautiful. Lillian. Oh my God, this is...this is crazy! LILLIAN I know Dougie and I have been fighting a lot, but I've been so stressed out with WORK-- ANNIE That's not I mean. I mean, I remember when we met him at Lake Mills. You lost your virginity to him right in front of me on the dock, remember? LILLIAN Oh you want to get into who's done what down at the lake? ANNIE No, I don't. It's just making me realize how long we've known each other. LILLIAN Well then, who better to be my Maid of Honor? ANNIE Oh my God! I don't know what to say! LILLIAN Annie, you're my best friend. Honestly I didn't even have to think about it. 13. ANNIE Uh, wow. Yes! Of course! Yes! My God. I've never been in a wedding. LILLIAN It's no big deal, and I don't want to make it one. It's not gonna be a big crazy thing. I wanna keep it simple. (beat) What dessert are you gonna get? ANNIE I know what you're doing. Don't downplay this. I'm happy for you. And someday when hell freezes over and I get married, you can be my Maid of Honor. But for right now, this is about you. OK? This is you're day, and it is a big deal. LILLIAN Ok, but I still don't want this to be a huge production. I just want to have all my friends meet each other, have fun, dance, drink, whatever. ANNIE Then that's what it'll be. Did you guys set a date? LILLIAN Oh God, not yet. I don't want a super long engagement, but there's a lot to do. ANNIE Well you are very fortunate because you happen have the best maid of honor in the whole wide world, and-- Lillian's cell phone rings, she looks at it and smiles. LILLIAN (mocking) Can you hold that thought. I's my fiancee calling. Lillian gets up laughing. Annie laughs along with her. ANNIE Ooo, haha... Annie continues laughing alone. She looks around the room as her smile disappears. She remembers... 14. FLASHBACK. EXT. LILLIAN'S COTTAGE. LAKE MILLS.- 1980 - DAY. Annie and Lillian at 7 years old standing outside eating popsicles, smiling. YOUNG ANNIE Lillian Marie Donovan. Do you take your husband, forever, to be your husband? Lillian stands by a poster of Eric Estrada in his C.H.I.P.s uniform that is taped to a tree. YOUNG LILLIAN I do. Do you Annie Lucille Walker, take your husband, forever? Reveal Annie standing next to a poster of John Baker from Chips. ANNIE I do. LILLIAN And now we will leave on our honeymoon to... LILLIAN/ANNIE SEA WORLD!! The girls rip the posters off of the trees. An old station wagon sits in the dirt driveway. They get in the back seat, look straight ahead and just sit there. END FLASHBACK - BACK TO RESTAURANT. 'S thought. LILLIAN The madness has begun. Dougie's parents are having an engagement party for us next Friday. ANNIE Awesome!... 15. EXT. STREET/NEWSSTAND. NEXT MORNING. Annie, in her jogging clothes, reaches for a wedding magazine, but a woman's magazine catches her eye. It ANNIE (looking around) Ooh, what's this... She finds the article. “Hurry, before he gets away! Top five ways to reel him in.” MAN (O.S) Excuse me. A HOT ATHLETIC GUY with his golden retriever is reaching for a magazine. She can't thing of what to say. She remembers the magazine! It reads “#1. A simple, flirty 'S working! Her cell phone rings, she tries to ignore it, but it keeps ringing... ANNIE Hello? HELEN (ON PHONE) Annie!? ANNIE Yes? It's HELEN (early 30's) Lillian's bridesmaid and friend from the tennis Club. She's a tall leggy blond, all smiles. East coast pretty with a lot of cream cashmere turtleneck sweaters in her closet. She is sitting in a cream colored living room on a huge cream couch with lots of candles glowing. INTERCUT: HELEN Hi. ANNIE Hi. HELEN Hiiii! This is Helen. I'm one of Lillian's bridesmaids. 16. ANNIE Of course, Helen. Hi! HELEN Congratulations on being selected. ANNIE Oh, thank you. Annie, reads “#2. Expose your best asset. ASAP” She panics, starts to elongate her right leg, points her toe, flexes her leg, flips her hair. He seems confused but politely smiles and goes back to his magazine. HELEN Annie? ANNIE Sorry, yes. Hi! HELEN Maid of Honor!! ANNIE Yeah. It is quite an honor. HELEN It's the number one spot. So how many times have you been in the B.P? ANNIE I'm sorry, the what? HELEN Bridal Party? ANNIE I've never even been in a wedding before. HELEN What!? I've never even heard of that. ANNIE Um, well, it should be fun. Annie sees that the hot guy is leaving to pay for his magazine! She reads“#5. Make a funny observational joke that pertains to HIM. (ya know, LIKE SEINFELD!!] Men LOVE SHE and the golden retriever meet eyes. ANNIE (CONT'D) Um Helen, can you hold on for a second? 17. HELEN OH-- Annie covers the phone and approaches the hot guy. ANNIE Hey, you're dog's really cute. MAN Oh thanks. ANNIE It's kinda funny right? That when girls are ugly, they're called dogs, but dogs are cute. Annie laughs. He half smiles but does not respond. ANNIE (CONT'D) (beat) Well, some dogs are ugly. Some girls are ugly. I know a lot of ugly girls. But I'm not friends with them. I've seen a lot of ugly dogs too. But some people I know who are considered dogs, you know, they have a good personality, and are better looking to people cuz of that. And people who are not nice...that's ugly to me. And female dogs are called bitches, that's weird. I'm just kidding. It's a joke. I have better ones. The guy leaves. She hears a voice coming from her phone. HELEN'S VOICE Hello?! ANNIE Helen! Sorry. Yeah um, I'm really excited for all the wedding stuff and-- HELEN YAY! OK, I will get your e-mail from Lilly with all of the other girls' information, and when you respond to any wedding related e-mails from now on, just remember to hit “REPLY ALL”. Did you know there are six of us? ANNIE Yeah, Lillian told me last night. Awkward silence. 18. HELEN Well, can't wait to meet you and hear what your planning for the bachelorette. Any ideas? ANNIE Not yet. But they are coming, and I will fill you in-- HELEN Oop! There goes my other line. See you Friday! She realizes there might some research to do for this ‘bridal party' thing. She instead grabs two wedding magazines. ANNIE Just these. Noticing a magazine by the register that reads ”(some bad MESSAGE) ANNIE (CONT'D) And this. INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT. LATER. Annie at her desk reading the wedding magazines. She Googles “Maid-of-Honor duties”. She clicks on a web-site '. She presses ‘print', then notices it's 120 pages long. ANNIE Whoa. Email DING. She checks her inbox. 48 NEW MESSAGES. “Bridesmaids!”, “So excited to meet you!”, “Wedding Bells!”,“Super fun!”,”Engagement party!” “Hotel Rates”,“Shoes”,“Shower themes“ “Does anyone have...”,“Cute Favor Ideas”,“Fitness program”,“Lingerie?” “Special thoughts” “Poem suggestions?” “Invite list for shower” “Contact list for bachelorette” “Making memories” “French manicures?” etc. ANNIE (CONT'D) Oh my God. 19. INT. ANNIE'S BATHROOM. DAY OF ENGAGEMENT PARTY. Annie gets ready as she talks on speaker phone. ANNIE He probably didn't see you, Mom. INTERCUT: INT. SCREENED IN PORCH. JUDY'S HOUSE Annie's mom, JUDY, (50's) is on the phone while painting a very lifelike portrait of Wynona Judd from a photograph that's pinned to it's corner. JUDY Oh, he saw me alright. He was married to me for fourteen years, he knows what I look like. I'm sure it was because BARB was there. You know how jealous she gets. ANNIE Yeah, I'm sure that's it mom. JUDY Am I on speaker phone? ANNIE Yeah. JUDY I don't know how to talk this way. ANNIE Mom I'm running a little late so-- JUDY Oh, the engagement party. Lillia's getting married, I can't believe how time flies. You're day will come dear. Give Lillian a kiss for me please, and tell Laurie and Ed I just could't afford the plane ticket, but I will be at the shower. ANNIE I already told them, they understand. 20. JUDY BARB could afford to come. Did you know what kind of car she drives now? A 2007 P.T. Cruiser. She looks ridiculous parading all around Fort Myers in that thing. ANNIE Ok, Mom-- JUDY I don't know how she gets in and out of that little car with those big legs. ANNIE I should get going. I have long drive. JUDY Oh and honey, I picked you up a couple of things when I was at the Steinmart with Janice so look for a package in the mail. ANNIE Mom I told you you don't have to send me-- JUDY Oh stop. I love doing it. Ok? I love you sweetie. ANNIE I love you too Mom. Bye. They hang up. Annie walks to the kitchen. ANNIE (CONT'D) Ok, how do I look? STEVE Ooooh. You tryin to hook up tonight? A lot of people do at these wedding things you know so you have a good chance. ANNIE Nevermind... STEVE I like the black tights with the black shoes, it's very elongating. ANNIE Oh. Well, thank you. 21. STEVE But I think you need more dark up top to balance it out, do have any black beads? ANNIE (looking at herself] That's actually a good idea. She starts to leave but sees a guilty look and some frosting on Steve's face. She looks over at her saran- 's. ANNIE (CONT'D) How many moonpies have you eaten? Tell me the truth. STEVE Um......two. ANNIE Ok, now really tell me the truth. How many did you eat? STEVE Four. Nine. They stare at each other. EXT. HIGHWAY. LATER. Annie is finally driving along. she hears sirens. ANNIE Shit! She pulls over. OFFICER RHODES approaches, chewing gum. RHODES Good afternoon ma'am, You in a hurry to get out of the city? ANNIE No. Was I speeding? RHODES Is that even possible in this rig? He finds this funny, Annie does't. RHODES (CONT'D) You know funny thing about brake lights, you're supposed to have ‘em. 22. ANNIE Ooooh. Yeah. Mine are out. RHODES Yeah, and you're headin' up Witches Curve. That's a risky move. ANNIE I'm sorry. I usually only drive in the city and they've never pulled me over. To tell you the truth, those lights have been out for like a year. RHODES Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy hot-dogger. That is not something you wanna go broadcasting to a police officer. I might feel obligated to give you a yea's worth of tickets now. ANNIE What? No.. I- RHODES You just admitted it. ANNIE Can you do that? RHODES You admitted it. (beat) Yeah, I can't do that though. ANNIE Look, I'm really sorry. I promise I will get the lights fixed tomorrow morning. I'm kind of in a hurry. I'm going to my best friend's engagement party, I'm the Maid of honor and so I really - RHODES Oh, yeah. My little sister was just in a wedding. She lost some of her hair from the stress. Again, not funny. ANNIE Am I getting a ticket? He searches for words. She's cute and he wants to keep her there. He keeps smiling. Awkward silence. 23. RHODES Uh, yeah. That's what happens when you break the law. Um...license and registration. ANNIE Here. He writes a ticket. RHODES (searching for words) Ooo, I like that air freshener. Did you get that at the gas station? ANNIE I don't remember. RHODES Smells like Christmas. (sniff) Yeah, it smells like Christmas. He rips the ticket off. RHODES (CONT'D) Well, here you go. And just so you know it's a just a fix-it ticket. So if you get those lights repaired, you wo't have to pay anything. ANNIE Oh, Okay. RHODES Whoa, are those moon-pies? ANNIE Oh yeah. RHODES (mumbling) Oh, those are my favorite. ANNIE What? RHODES Nothing. (mumbling) Those are my favorite. ANNIE Do you want one? 24. RHODES No. It's too much trouble, they look all wrapped up. She doesn't get the hint. He really wants one. RHODES (CONT'D) Well, have fun at your party. Annie drives off. He watches. EXT -THE HUNT CLUB. CHICAGO SUBURB. Annie, a little embarrassed, hands her keys to the valet and grabs the moon-pies. She walks into an elegant country club dining room, lively cocktail party. Music, happy people, etc. She is greeted by Lillia's mom, LAURIE. LAURIE Annie, sweetheart! ANNIE Hi Mrs. Donovan! They hug. LAURIE Oh! And you brought your famous moonpies! Laurie takes the tray. LAURIE (CONT'D) Can you believe our Lillian? ANNIE I know, I'm so happy for her. LAURIE Well, clue me in. Is there anyone special in your life? ANNIE Nope. LAURIE That's my girl. (whisper) Sleep around. I'm serious. Travel the world and try all the cuisine you can. You know what I mean by that, right? MARY, Laurie's friend, approaches. 25. MARY Laurie, where did you get that sweater? It is one-hundred percent out-of-sight! LAURIE Shhh, I got it at Glory Gay's. MARY Ooooh. I can't even walk in there. The blouses alone make my wallet open. LAURIE It's worth it, though huh? Mary, I want you to meet Lillian's Maid of Honor. MARY Oh, very special job. LAURIE This is Annie Walker. She lived next door to us in Milwaukee until the girls graduated from high school. ANNIE Hi. LILLIAN (O.S.) Ann! ANNIE Lil! It was nice meeting you Mary. Annie leaves. LAURIE (TO MARY) Her father ran off to Florida with a younger woman who was working at a Chrysler dealership. MARY Oh my. LAURIE Poor Judy, never quite got over it. She also ended up moving to Florida to take care of her parents. MARY Oh, that is tough. Well it's nice Annie and Lillian have stayed friends. LAURIE They're like sisters. 26. They continue gabbing as Annie rushes to Lillian. They hug. LILLIAN Hey! ANNIE Hey! What's up? Where's Dougie? LILLIAN Smoking a cigar with my dad. Le's go get a drink. They weave towards the bar. DOUGIE Annie!!! LILLIAN Hold on Dougie, we're getting drinks! They get to the bar and grab glasses of wine. ANNIE This place is so fancy. Dougie's parents belong here? LILLIAN Yeah. So does Dougie. This is the tennis club I've been playing at. ANNIE Oh. Wow. I guess it's not what I pictured. Lucky you. LILLIAN Tennis courts are tennis courts if you ask me. But I have met a lot of really cool people here. I can't wait for you to meet the girls. ANNIE Oh! So where's this guy you were telling me about? LILLIAN. Oh shoot, Matt's not coming. I guess he got back together with his ex or something. Anyway, Dougie just told me. Sorry. ANNIE That's ok. 27. DOUGIE There she is! Dougie picks Annie up and swings her around. LILLIAN Dougie, be careful. God, you reek! He puts her down. DOUGIE Annie, make sure when my fiance gets cold feet you tell her what a great guy I am. He grabs Lillian and kisses her on the cheek. LILLIAN (waving the cigar scent away) Ugh. Wash your face. She gives in and kisses him. Then says to Annie.. LILLIAN (CONT'D) Come on. Let's go say hi to the rest of the bridal party. They approach LESLIE, Lillian's cousin, late 30's, standing with her husband PAUL. ANNIE Leslie, hi! How are you guys? LESLIE Well, I just squeezed my third kid out last month and I feel like I'm walking around in a fat suit. She swigs beer out of a bottle. PAUL I keep telling her she looks great. (beat) Oh, I'm sorry. Is this your boyfriend? A 30 YEAR OLD AVERAGE GUY with a neckbrace stands behind Annie. Paul goes to shake his hand. She stops him. ANNIE No, no. (to the guy) Hi. (to them) No. Annie meets DANA who is with her husband Ernie. 28. LILLIAN Annie this is Dana, we met here in my tennis class. Dana, Annie. DANA Hi! Dana Shig. Its so nice to finally meet you Annie. I've heard so much about you. This is my husband Ernie. ERNIE has just put food in his mouth. DANA (CONT'D) Don't you just love weddings? I mean, (she starts to cry) I just love like the feeling and...everyone comes together you know? And it's forever! It's a journey, and WE get to go on it too! ANNIE Wow, that's beautiful. I never thought of it that way. DANA This is all so amazing. I'm going to make a scrap book for Lillian. Dana takes her camera out then reaches out her hand. DANA (CONT'D) Hi. I'm Dana and this is my husband Ernie. So...how did you two meet? She refers to a bald man who looks like a chemistry teacher, who is slowly walking by looking for someone. ANNIE No, I don't know him. He's not with me. He's just passing by. I'm not here with anyone. BECCA stands very close to her husband KEVIN, a good looking stockbroker type. BECCA Lil! Is this Annie?! Annie and Lillian walk over. BECCA (CONT'D) Hi Annie! I'm Becca. I've heard so much about you. This is my husband Kevin. 29. LILLIAN Dougie's partner. BECCA So, are you so excited?! All of this reminds me so much of my wedding. ANNIE OH-- BECCA Two months now! It was the best day of my life. I'm married now! It's like...I'm just better now! It might sound weird but... I feel legit. Just like, feminine. Look at my nails! Two beautifully french manicured hands with a HUGE 3 carat diamond ring. BECCA (CONT'D) Ooooops, where are my manners. Hi! I'm Becca Whitman. REVEAL a very smart looking, older African-American MAN standing next to Annie. He is wearing an ascot and smoking a pipe. MAN The name's Captain Arnold Dubois. MEGAN is Dougie's sister. An ODDBALL. She looks like she might be at the wrong party. She is single and lovin' it! MEGAN Annie! Hey! What's up? ANNIE Megan! How are you? MEGAN I just got pins in my leg! I fell off a cruise ship. ANNIE Oh shit! MEGAN Yeah. I was on a singles cruise. It was nighttime. (MORE) 30. MEGAN (CONT'D) I was port-side, having a drink with a gentlemen and old Megan here decided to show off and I tried to climb into one of the lifeboats with my clogs on. I saw a dolphin. ANNIE Wow. Well, I'm glad you're OK. MEGAN Listen Annie. You're single right? You and I are gonna scam on guys this whole time. You and I are gonna party and get naked with guys. This whole time Annie, no bailing. Lillian re-appears, grabs Annie. LILLIAN Ann, there you are! MEGAN Think about what I said Annie! LILLIAN (to Annie) I'm saving you. Now I really want to introduce you to Helen. looking around) There she is. In slow motion, a tall and gorgeous HELEN turns to us. She wears a tight, cream-colored, floor-length evening gown. Annie straightens her plastic beads. LILLIAN (CONT'D) Helen, this is Annie. HELEN Hiii. ANNIE Hi. HELEN Hiii. This is my husband Perry. LILLIAN Perry owns Atmospheria candles. ANNIE Oh, the Starbuck's of the candle world? Those are popping up on every corner. Which one do you own? 31. HELEN All of them. It's the family business, his father started it. ANNIE Oh, wow, that's pretty cule. PERRY Yeah, yeah. Currently we dominate the U.S. home illumination sector as a whole and six out of seven homes in upscale neighborhoods have one of our products, including the club. ANNIE That is a lot. HELEN Perry donated a few for tonight. The room is all aflame. HELEN (CONT'D) So how do you like our club? ANNIE Yeah, I was just telling Lillian i's very elegant. HELEN So you live in Milwaukee? ANNIE Yeah in the nice part. I work at Harrington's Jeweler's. I love it. HELEN I think I've heard of them. ANNIE It's pretty well-known in the jewelry world. It's got like the biggest market for all the jewelry they sell and 'm actually gonna be getting a promotion PRETTY SOON-- LILLIAN You are? ANNIE Yeah, so I'm pretty excited about it. It's gonna be...pretty big. So, if you ever need a discount-- 32. HELEN You're funny. Listen Annie,I know you said you've never been in a wedding before so I just want you to know that we all have, especially me, so if you need any help, don't hesitate to ask. ANNIE Thank you. LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER. Groomsman DEAN finishes a speech. They are now in the dining room. DEAN So cheers to you two, our last single friends finally crossing over into the world of marital bliss, welcome to the other side! Dana snaps a photo, crying. Helen approaches the podium. HELEN Hello everyone. My name is Helen Harris the Third, an honored member of the bridal party. In honor of Lillian and Dougie, I'd like to take this opportunity to read a poem that I penned last summer while I was sitting on a swing at an exclusive resort in Santorini. Annie whispers to the person next to her. ANNIE Am I supposed to give a speech? As Helen reads, Annie looks around the room and sees everyone in awe. Dana starts to cry. She reads from a fancy sheet of stationary. HELEN With every blink of an eye, every kiss of a lip, every stroke of a lovers hand, every...scent of a woman, every breath you take, every move you make. Love conquers all. Annie sees that Lillian is touched. Helen gets emotional. 33. HELEN (CONT'D) They say when you choose a mate, yo're choosing a best friend. Dougie, yo're a lucky man. Lillian, I know you're going to make a wonderful wife, because you have been the best friend that I could ever ask for. Annie's face goes blank. HELEN (CONT'D) I have never had a friendship like this. I'm so happy you two are finally taking this big step together and I ca't wait for all of the adventures that await us. People are moved, sniffling. Including Lillian. HELEN (CONT'D) Now “Dougly”, sorry, inside joke. You better not keep my Lil on a leash. I still need my drunken nights at Rockin Sushi! TO DOUGIE AND LILLIAN!!! The crowd erupts with laughter and applause. People are crying, hugging, and standing. HELEN (CONT'D) Thank you. Thank you! Now wher's Annie? Annie? Stand up Annie. The room looks around. Annie slowly rises. HELEN (CONT'D) There she is. Annie is our Maid of Honor everyone. And I'm sure she'd like to take this time to say a few words. Annie? Annie stands up to the applause. The room falls silent as she walks to the podium. ANNIE Um, hello everybody. Hi everyone. 'm Annie. Wow, it really smells like vanilla in here. MEGAN It's the candles Annie. ANNIE Thanks Megan. Lillian this is gonna be awesome. Um, uh, God, oh, oh, oh, what's that saying? (MORE) 34. ANNIE (CONT'D) Ayay, um, God, um, what is it? It's a good one, a good saying, it's Irish. It's like a-like a toast. Is it Irish? Something about a road...Oh God, 'm blanking. So I'll just say I'm so happy to be a part of this whole celebration and happiness. You two are so happy together and hope you have a happy lifetime of happiness and celebrating. And I love you and....Lillian, w've been best friends since we were like 5...'ve never been to Greece... 't know if she's done. Annie sees Helen has moved over to sit next to Lillian. ANNIE (SINGING) (CONT'D) “Did you ever know that you're my hero...You're everything I wish I could be..” C'mon you guys know the words. Some people reluctantly sing along. ANNIE (CONT'D) “I could fly higher then an eagle. For you are the wind beneath my wings. Flyyy, flyyyyy, so fly into the sky, so fly until we touch up high--” EXT-COUNTRY CLUB. LATER. Lillian and Annie are at the valet. ANNIE Oh my God, tell me I didn't sing. LILLIAN No, you sang. They both laugh. ANNIE God, I don't know, I was just maybe a little out of my element, and after Helen's speech-- LILLIAN Ann, stop. 35. ANNIE I'm so embarrassed. What did you think of your engagement party? LILLIAN Besides the impromptu concert from Bette Midler, it was perfect. They laugh and hug. LILLIAN (CONT'D) I gotta go say bye to some people I do't know. Drive safe. Lillian goes back inside. Helen appears out of thin air. HELEN Annie! Great job tonight.. ANNIE I'm feeling slightly mortified. HELEN No, nononono. Not at all. Everyone gets a little nervous and carried away during those kind of things. So listen, 've been brainstorming some theme ideas for Lillian's shower. I was thinking somewhere along the lines of Alice in Wonderland meets...are you ready? Hollywood. And for the bachelorette? Vegas. ANNIE Aren't I supposed to be planning some of these things? HELEN Oh, well, I hadn't heard from you and-- ANNIE She just got engaged two weeks ago. HELEN Well, I figured since you don't have any experience that you might get overwhelmed by events of this caliber. ANNIE Helen, I'm pretty capable. I think I can handle it. A guest walks by and taps Helen. 36. GUEST Excuse me, you left your poem inside. You have beautiful cursive. HELEN Thank you. The guest says nothing to Annie and walks away. HELEN (CONT'D) Annie, I didn't mean I didn't think you couldn't do it. I'm sure you are aware of all your duties. We'll see--we'll see you soon. Helen walks away. A OLD LADY passes by her. WOMAN You're very pretty. MEGAN (O.S.) Annie! Megan is running towards her with a piece of paper. MEGAN (CONT'D) Annie wait! I wanna give you my numbers. A place just opened up near my house. From 4-7 every weekday, Karaoke, two dollar wings and all you can eat MAN sandwiches if you know what I mean. Annie is nervous, starts biting her nails. INT. ‘SEXY NAIL' NAIL SALON. NEXT DAY. NAIL TECHNICIAN Your nail too short for french manicure. ANNIE (disappointed) Oh well... NAIL TECHNICIAN That's Ok. I fix for you. Make you sexy. ANNIE Oh, great! INT. HARRINTON'S. DONNA'S OFFICE. LUNCHTIME. Donna and Annie are eating lunch in the break-room. 37. DONNA And then they put a solution in my eyes to dilate them, which caused temporary blindness and with the loss of my sight, my hearing became bionic. Do you need some help dear? Annie struggles to open a bag of chips but her new ULTRA LONG, french-manicured nail-tips are making it very hard. ANNIE No, I got it. DONNA'S OFFICE. CONTINUOUS Annie and Donna are doing inventory. Annie gets text. ANNIE Sorry... Well, it's official. Lillian set a date. October tenth. Why did I just get a stomach ache. DONNA Don't be nervous. It's not all on your shoulders. Doesnt she have other bridesmaids? ANNIE Yeah and they've all done this before so I'm feeling a little pressure. I have to make this really nice for Lillian. DONNA I wish I could help. Weddings are a lot different now then they were in my day. They look at Donna's wedding picture on her desk. ANNIE That dress is beautiful. DONNA I still have it. I was hoping my daughter Elizabeth would wear it but when she and Alice had their “ceremony” they both wanted to wear suits. (beat) Ok, we need two Shannisburg tennis bracelets. Annie struggles to write with her nails. ANNIE Oops. Hold on a sec, hard to write... 38. DONNA They're very long. INT. SEXY NAIL. THAT NIGHT. ANNIE Hi. I need to make these shorter. NAIL TECHNICIAN No, not sexy! ANNIE I know, it's... I can't work with them so long. NAIL TECHNICIAN Okay. 7 dollar for file. No more sexy though. ANNIE Ok. NAIL TECHNICIAN Short nail is ugly. ANNIE Alright. INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM. Annie looks up different bridesmaid dress shops EXT. ‘OCCASIONZ' BRIDAL SHOP. DAYTIME. ANNIE Here it is! HELEN Ooh, Occasionz. I'm impressed. ANNIE Everyone this is Occasionz, supposedly it's you know, one of the best bridal shops in town, so, that's cool. Oh and also, there's a restaurant inside, so um, I figured, we could maybe have lunch after. So, let's go! She goes to the door. It is locked. She sees a buzzer. 39. ANNIE (CONT'D) Oh, I didn't see that. She presses the buzzer. VOICE FROM INSIDE Hello? ANNIE Hi, we're hear to see some bridesmaids dresses. VOICE FROM INSIDE What's your name? ANNIE Oh, Annie. VOICE FROM INSIDE (snotty) What's the reservation name? ANNIE (to the girls) Oh, she must be talking about the restaurant. (back into the intercom) No, we're here to look at dresses. VOICE FROM INSIDE I heard you the first time. So I take it you don't have a reservation for the dress shop? BECCA (whispers) You didn't make a reservation? ANNIE Um, no, I'm sorry, I didn't know I had to make a reservation for that. Sorry! Anyway, we're all out here now and-- VOICE FROM INSIDE The next available appointment for bridesmaid fittings is in seven weeks and we don't take reservations over the intercom so you'll have to call. ANNIE Seven weeks?! VOICE FROM INSIDE I'm sorry maybe you can't hear me. I just said a few seconds ago that we do't have a reservation for the next seven weeks. (MORE) 40. VOICE FROM INSIDE (CONT'D) And when you make your reservation do't forget you'll also need to make an appointment. ANNIE What? DANA (whispers) You didn't make an appointment? VOICE FROM INSIDE I SAID-- ANNIE No, I can hear you. Would it be possible for you to make an exception for us because we drove all the way out here and I didn't know about the reservation/ appointment thing so... VOICE FROM INSIDE Hold on. LILLIAN Annie, we can go somewhere else. ANNIE No, no. I'll work it out. Don't worry. BECCA This really is the best place though, that's the thing. HELEN Listen, I know the-- WHITNEY (intercom] Hello, this is the manager? ANNIE Yes, hello! WHITNEY We can fit you in seven weeks, that is all we have available. We only take parties that have a reservation and that have made an appointment over the phone. I'm going to ask you to not buzz in again. Thank you. Byyyyyyye. Helen approaches the intercom. 41. HELEN Whitney? WHITNEY (irritated) Yes? Who is this? HELEN Whit, it's Helen. WHITNEY Helen?! Hiiii! HELEN Hiiii! WHITNEY Hi! HELEN Hi! Listen, I'm out here with a whole bunch of girls and we had a little miscommunication and our reservation- appointment wasn't made. Is there any way to fit us in? WHITNEY Say no more. Buzzzzzzzz. The girls happily enter. LILLIAN (sotto} Wow, thanks Helen. INT. ‘OCCASIONZ' BRIDAL SHOP. DAYTIME. Whitney and Helen are leading the girls down the hall. Lillian and Annie tail the group. LILLIAN Ann, don't worry about it. We got in. Annie sees racks of wedding dresses. ANNIE Hey, you want to sneak off and look at the wedding dresses? LILLIAN Oh my God. Annie, I didn't tell you? Guess who Helen is friends with? Lady Lavonia Jean St. Petsois JuJu. (MORE) 42. LILLIAN (CONT'D) That famous wedding dress designer tha's in all those wedding magazines? As a favor to Helen she's going to design my dress for almost nothing. Normally they're like twenty grand. She's French. ANNIE Wow. That's amazing. LILLIAN (GIDDY) I have to send my measurements to France. Annie is a little disappointed. INT. BRIDESMAIDS DRESS ROOM. They all stand in a room stuffed bridesmaids dresses. Lillian's cell phone rings. LILLIAN Surprise, surprise. It's my Mom. Mom? Can you hold on a second? She covers the phone and talks to the girls. LILLIAN (CONT'D) Start looking at dresses. I'll be right back. I think maybe you guys should decide anyway and pick out something you like since you're the ones wearing it. Cool? (nodding) Have fun! What's up Mom? Ugh! They're booked? Lillian leaves talking to her Mom. HELEN Ok ladies, start your (french) engines! Shots of dresses being pulled off of the racks. Fighting for the same dress, shirts coming off, dresses zipped up the back and dresses not fitting, etc. INT. ANNIE'S DRESSING ROOM Annie loves the dress she has on. She talks to herself in the mirror. ANNIE Hi I'm Annie. Can I get a martini? What you mean you need to see I.D.? (giggling) 43. FANTASY. UPSCALE PARTY. LIKE AN OVERDRAMATIC PERFUME AD. Annie, in the dress, is talking to the bartender. BARTENDER Well, with that dress on you look about... .eleven. ANNIE Thank you. Annie laughs. And turns away right into, a GORGEOUS male model in a tuxedo. HOT MAN IN TUX Excuse me, you dropped an earring. An UNDERWEAR MODEL appears, in his underwear. UNDERWEAR MODEL I'll get it for her. MAN IN SURGEONS SCRUBS No I will! MAN IN RED BATHING SUIT I'll get it! I'm a lifeguard. Tons of men begin to yell and fight over her. The chaos forces Annie to make a DRAMATIC EXIT from the CASTLE. She runs down the stairs like Cinderella into the forest. They men begin to chase her. She runs through the trees out of breath, she is face to face with a sexy, sweaty, lumberjack, wh's chopping wood. It's CHRISTIAN BALE. ANNIE Hi. CHRISTIAN BALE Hi. I'm Christian Bale. I'm just chopping some wood, I like to do that between movies. ANNIE Hello Christian. They hear the voices of the men from the party screaming for her. 44. ANNIE (CONT'D) Oh, Christian! I need a place to hide. CHRISTIAN BALE Quick, get inside my muscles. They embrace. CHRISTIAN BALE (CONT'D) I love this sash. They look into each others' eyes, just about to kiss and-- HELEN Hi Annie! INT. ANNIE'S DRESSING ROOM. Helen has flung open Annie's dressing room curtain, putting an abrupt end to her fantasy. She is wearing cream colored lingerie, showing off her TOTALLY amazing body. Annie is uncomfortable. HELEN Look at your cute little boobies. Ooh, is that the dress you like? ANNIE Yeah. I think it will look good on everybody, it has a sash-- HELEN A sash? Annie, this isn't the Sound of Music tryouts. ANNIE Huh? DANA (O.S.) I told you Becca I can't wear strapless! BECCA (O.S.) Why not?! Annie and Helen come out to see all the bridesmaids arguing. DANA Because, I-- 45. LESLIE Why don't you two shut your traps? No one's going to be looking at us. Le's just get the one with the shawl, 'm always freezing at these things anyway. MEGAN I gotta say I'm still leaning towards the one that I found. It is a very ugly. LESLIE Absolutely not. ANNIE Well, what about this one? Everybody stops and looks at Annie. ANNIE (CONT'D) I think it would be flattering on everyone and we could totally wear it again. The sash comes in different colors not just this one. HELEN Everyone! We can't all have the dress that we want. I've been in a lot of weddings and when choosing a bridesmaid dress, you must ask yourself, “If invited, would I wear this a dress to...The ACADEMY AWARDS!” DANA Ooo, I never thought of it that way. All the girls agree. HELEN With that in mind, I say we wear this one. Helen holds up a dress. The girls like it. ANNIE Or this one! People wear sashes to the Academy Awards all the time. HELEN Only if they're nominated for the Sound of Music. 46. ANNIE I think Lillian would like this one. HELEN Well, I think Lillian would like THIS one. Lillian walks in. LILLIAN Hey! I'm hearing lots of excitement in here. She touches Helen's dress. LILLIAN (CONT'D) Oooo, I like this one. What about you guys? HELEN I love it. Right guys? The girls all agree. Except Annie. LILLIAN Cool. Let's eat! Helen dumps the dress in Annie's arms and follows Lillian. HELEN I think it might look best in cream. LILLIAN Ooh, good idea. They exit. LESLIE Well, that was easy. The girls head back to change. ANNIE This dress is almost $500! DANA/BECCA That's not too bad/that sounds about right. ANNIE No, that's what I'm saying. That's a great price. 47. EXT. ‘OCCASIONZ RESTAURANT' BRIDAL-THEMED CAFE. PATIO. Andrea Bocceli music playing. Waiters in tuxes etc. The girls sit at a beautiful table looking at men's. LILLIAN This place is kind of amazing. I did't even know it existed. BECCA The southwestern cobb is really good. I come here and eat sometimes. MEGAN Great, there's a fly that really likes me. ANNIE They only have salads. DANA So Annie, what's your deal? Are you dating anyone? ANNIE No, no. Not right now. I had a boyfriend for three years but we broke up like six months ago. BECCA Oh, I hate to hear stuff like that! What happened? ANNIE It just didn't work out. HELEN Is that the guy who stole a bunch of money from you and gave you an STD? Everyone freezes. HELEN (CONT'D) Lillian told me. Annie shoots Lillian a look. LILLIAN I'm sorry, I was just talking about you cause I was worried about you and-- 48. ANNIE No it's fine. But he didn't steal the money, I loaned it to him. And HPV is really common right now. Everyone looks around. ANNIE (CONT'D) Around fifty percent of sexually active men and women acquire HPV at some point in their lives and by age fifty, eighty percent of women will be infected with a genital HPV infection. LESLIE Really? ANNIE About 6.2 million new cases of HPV affect Americans each year. MEGAN Ew, it's on the butter you guys. The fly's on the butter. HELEN Well, I don't have it. ANNIE Very few HPV infections show any signs or symptoms. Therefore a lot of infected people don't even know they have it, yet they transmit the virus to their sexual partner. Silent. Everyone is a little grossed out.. ANNIE (CONT'D) Anyway, it's fine, the past is the past. We weren't meant to be. My last pap-smear came back normal so that's cule. But you know, I'm dating, here and there... HELEN Do you have anyone in mind to bring to the wedding? ANNIE Oh, I didn't even think about that. LESLIE Who needs a date? Just go stag and make out with someone there. 49. DANA If you wanna meet a nice man, Annie, you should come to karaoke night at my church. We sing hymns to rock beats! BECCA Wait. I have the perfect guy for you Annie. Mike Donahue. He went to school with Kevin. LILLIAN Mike from the fourth of July last year? Ooh, I've seen him Ann. He's hot. ANNIE Really? BECCA And Kevin said he just sold his company for an embarrassing amount of money. But he's totally down to earth. You guys have to meet. I'm texting Kevin right now. HELEN I know Mike too. Megan is digging a dead fly out of the butter. MEGAN The fly just committed suicide. Death by butter. DANA Oh my gosh, if you guys got married you could live out here and see us all the time! LESLIE Yeah, and then pop out a couple kids, sit around and talk about nothing while your vagina flaps in the wind like a wet paper towel. HELEN (sotto) Oooh, I didn't know we were going to hear that word at lunch today. DANA I was set up with Ernie. As soon as I met him, I knew. LILLIAN Yeah Annie, you never know. 50. ANNIE Yes. EXT. HIGHWAY. ANNIE DRIVING BACK Annie is lost in thought. She hears. Sirens. ANNIE What?! Come on! She pulls over. Officer Rhodes approaches. RHODES Well, look who it is. ANNIE Oh hi. RHODES I see your still driving around with busted tail lights. ANNIE I'm sorry, money's been tight and...I forgot(laughing). You're not gonna give me another ticket for that are you? RHODES Nah... The reason I pulled you over today, is that--(searching) you were driving too slow. Backing up traffic. ANNIE I was? RHODES Yep. You were going ten miles under the speed limit. That's a moving violation. It's...underdriving. It's in the books. But, I'm just going to give you a warning this time, but I do have to um...write some stuff down on a piece of paper. He begins to write. Beat. RHODES (CONT'D) Man I'm hungry. I'm doing the Master Cleanse. You ever heard of it? ANNIE Yeah. 51. RHODES Cayenne pepper water for three days now. It's supposed to clean you out, make you feel lighter. It's working. The only problem is I get so hungry. I just want a big slab of ribs. You ever crave that kind of stuff? ANNIE Don't talk about cravings right now. I am PMS'ing like crazy. It's taking everything in me not to stop and the store and get like three kit-kats and a bottle of wine. I'm so irritable right now. They stare at each other out of awkwardness. ANNIE (CONT'D) Sorry. RHODES No, it's OK, I've got three sisters. We had tampons in the pencil drawer. Sometimes my friends and I would say they were cigars and smoke'em. (beat) Okay. I have finished writing down the things I need to write, on this paper. OH! He hands her a business card. RHODES (CONT'D) This is a buddy of mine. Owns a body shop in Milwaukee. Might be able to help you out for a good price with those taillights. I'll write my name on here so you can tell him who referred you. ANNIE Thanks. RHODES That's my name right there. In case you forgot it from last time. It's Nathan Rhodes. ANNIE Thanks. Annie. I'll get those fixed. I get paid next week. Bye! She drives off. Rhodes wishes he had been more suave. 52. INT. HARRINGTON'S JEWELRY STORE. DAYTIME. ANNIE Trust me, I've been in the jewelry business for a long time. Nothing says “I'm sorry for your loss' like a sterling silver money clip. An OLD WOMAN CUSTOMER looks at her stone-faced. ANNIE (CONT'D) We also have yo-yos you can engrave. In memory of...um, what's your friend's name? The old woman walks away as Sandy approaches. SANDY Paychecks. Here you go Annie. She and Sandy open their checks. SANDY (CONT'D) Oh my God, I scored this week. 'm gonna buy Sharita a new Panasonic telephone. It's cordless and has intercom. What about you Annie? ANNIE I'm gonna pay for a cream-colored gown that I'll never wear again. INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM Annie is on the phone as she gets ready for her date with Mike. ANNIE Help me! I can't find anything to wear for my date with Mike tonight. LILLIAN I don't know. Shoot, I can't talk now. I'm with Helen and we have a conference call with Lady Lavonia Jean St. Petsois JuJu about my dress. Ugh. I'm so sorry. She's calling! I gotta go. Have fun! Lillian hangs up. Steve walks in. 53. STEVE That credit lady called you again. I told her you were at the tailors. ANNIE Listen, I'm going on a date. This? (holds up a dress) or this? (what she's wearing) STEVE I don't like those pants. ANNIE What's wrong with'em? STEVE They give you four corners. Annie's not following. STEVE (CONT'D) It's when a girls butt looks like it has four corners. It's not a good thing. ANNIE Shit. These are my only clean pants. STEVE Do you have a tube skirt? ANNIE Thanks Steve. STEVE Wait. If you stand like you are right now facing that angle, it looks good. She looks in the mirror again, grabs her bag and leaves. INT. THAI RESTAURANT. THAT NIGHT. BAR AREA. Annie sits next to Mike Donahue. He is tall, dark and handsome. They have cocktails. ANNIE I'm not an expert in corporate real- estate but I've always been interested in it. So, yeah I totally agree. Mike smiles, he is cute! 54. MIKE I have to admit, I told Becca 'm not really keen on set-ups. I know i's early, but so far so good. ANNIE Me too. MIKE And thanks again for coming from Milwaukee, I know it's quite a drive. ANNIE I can do that drive in my sleep these days. MIKE Next time maybe I'll come to you. Annie smiles. MIKE (CONT'D) You have got great teeth. ANNIE Thank you. I brush'em every day. She flashes her teeth. The hostess comes up. HOSTESS Your tables ready. MIKE Finally! Mike guzzles down his cocktail as they read their menus. MIKE (CONT'D) Well, I don't know about you but since we're at a Thai restaurant, I'm gonna try the dog. Mike laughs at his own joke and continues drinking. ANNIE So, Becca tells me you play a lot of tennis. MIKE I try to squeeze in a game now and then. We should play sometime. 55. ANNIE Oh, yeah I haven't rea-- MIKE (GETTING LOUDER) Yeah, my game's pretty solid. I did win a couple tournaments at the club. I tend to- Jesus Christ! (whispers) It smells like B.O. in here huh? I think it's the people. A very effeminate waiter brings them their drinks. WAITER Here ya go. I'll be back to take your order in two secs. I'm swamped! ANNIE No problem. MIKE Whoa, get a load of our waiter. 'm surprised he didn't put pink umbrellas in our drinks... Annie laughs, but is a little uncomfortable. MIKE (CONT'D) Or AIDS. Mike laughs. Annie is HORRIFIED. Mike swigs from his drink. MIKE (CONT'D) Seriously, AIDS is crazy. You do't have it do you? ANNIE No. MIKE (singing) Neither do I... He raises his eyebrows up and down at her. LATER. Annie hasn't touched her food. He's eating with his hands and drunk. Other patrons are beginning to stare. 56. MIKE (LAUGHING) So I started to get a little chub, you know what that is. How could I not with those huge canteloupes waving in my face. Anyway, I looovee massages, am I right? As he's laughing he lets out a huge burp. MIKE (CONT'D) (still laughing) Whoa-ho! Excyuuuuse me! I got that from Steve Martin. Still laughing, he pats his pockets. MIKE (CONT'D) Oh shit. I forgot my wallet. EXT. MINI-MART. LATER THAT NIGHT. Annie's car pulls up. INT. MINI MART Annie is on the phone, looking at the herbal drinks. “Calm” “Focus” “Sex Appeal” “Lean”. She finally picks “Calm”. RHODES appears holding a bag of mini carrots. ANNIE Hey, it's me, I just had to tell you about my night. Oh my God. Call me. RHODES Annie Walker. I thought I heard your car out there. ANNIE Very funny, Officer...Jones? RHODES Jones? Oh boy. Guess somebody thought he was a little more memorable than he was. ANNIE No. Sorry. I'm a little out of it. I'm not drunk. RHODES That's ok. Call me Rhodes. (notices her drink) Trying to get “calm”? 57. ANNIE Yeah. Recovering from a date. RHODES Oh. ANNIE Finish your cleanse? RHODES Yeah, trying to wean myself back to the really bad foods I like eating. EXT - MINIMART. CONTINOUS. ANNIE Thanks for the drink. (beat) So are you one of those cops that sits in that same spot everyday and sneaks up on people? RHODES A lot of people get up to high speeds on this road. I tell people its better to pay for a ticket than have your family pay for a funeral. ANNIE That's a very good point. OFFICER RHODES Want a carrot? ANNIE Yes. I'm starving. CONTINUOUS: They are leaning on the back of his car eating carrots. ANNIE (CONT'D) Ew! What is this? Annie pulls out a very dry, warped discolored carrot. RHODES Oh, you got the ugly carrot. ANNIE The what? 58. RHODES There's one in every bag. You should eat it. ANNIE No. I think you should eat it. The're your carrots. He goes to eat it. She grabs it out of his hands. ANNIE (CONT'D) No, no! Don't eat it! EW!!! She throws it on the ground. RHODES Don't litter. He picks it up. INT. RHODES' POLICE CAR. ANNIE I don't think I've ever wanted to get of out a restaurant faster in my life. RHODES Yeah, I don't go on blind dates. It seems unnatural. ANNIE I have no idea what am I going to tell my friends who set us up. RHODES Just tell her the truth. ANNIE Yeah. You're probably right. Now Rhodes and Annie are driving in his police car. ANNIE (CONT'D) It's an ok job. It's commission, so it's unpredictable. I don't know, I always wanted to finish my bachelor's but that's kind of financially impossible right now. Plus I'd feel like ninety around all those college students. 59. RHODES You know my dad used to say that life is like a hallway of doors. You can stand at the same door forever if you want. Or you can open a different door. And that one may not be the right door, but i'll open up a whole new hallway of doors. Anyway, it worked for me. I was kinda lost and I opened a door and the next thing I knew I was a cop. And I love my job. ANNIE Hmm. I think I get it? RHODES Or you can always sell moon-pies by the side of the road. ANNIE Moonpies. What? RHODES It's a joke. You had moon-pies in your car the first time I pulled you over. ANNIE Oh yeah. INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT COUNTER. LATER They are waiting in line. OFFICER RHODES When I get married I don't want the kind of wedding people have these days. I want it to be like a carnival. You know dunk tanks? People win prizes... ANNIE Yeah, and you can have elephants, trapeze artists and a big scale to guess the bride's weight. OFFICER RHODES Ok, first of all that's a circus wedding and I'm talking about a carnival wedding. 60. ANNIE Sorry. (to clerk) Yeah I'll have the number four, and can you make that Super Biggie? DISSOLVE TO: They are sitting in the restaurant, mouths full of BURGERS OFFICER RHODES And then she moved to Hawaii and now lives with a guy who sells shaved ice. And supposedly she has really long armpit hair now. That's pretty much the last girlfriend I had. ANNIE Well, lets just say my last boyfriend that I lived with broke up with me over the phone. Then come to find out, he had borrowed $30,000 in my name without telling me, putting me in horrible debt that I'm still paying off. Because I can't find him. OFFICER RHODES Wow. You win. ANNIE'S CAR. CONTINUOUS. Annie in her car, engine running. ANNIE Oh my gosh. It's twelve thirty! I should probably... RHODES Oh, before you go. There is something I want to give you. I was gonna wait but, I think you'll want this now. He jokingly gives her the ugly carrot. ANNIE For me?! OFFICER RHODES Well I know you've had a terrible night. He gives it to her. Her phone rings. 61. ANNIE Sorry, one sec. Hello? Ted!? Hey! Oh my gosh! No,no. Can you hold on a sec? She waves at Rhodes and mouths... ANNIE (CONT'D) I guess I'll see you around? RHODES Yeah. Don't forget about those taillights. They're really starting to bug me. ANNIE K. Bye.(to Ted) So, you're in town? EXT - TED'S HOUSE. NEXT MORNING. He opens the front door, leading Annie out again. TED Next time I won't call so late. ANNIE No, it was fine. Like I said, I mean I was just driving. TED Awesome. It's cool that we can just hookup and whatever. No strings. ANNIE Me too. I love it. I feel good right now. TED Cool. Bye. EXT. GAS STATION. CONTINUOUS. Annie pulls in, her tank is way passed empty. She looks in her purse frantically. ANNIE Shit!! No! No! I left my fucking credit card at the restaurant! Shit! She picks up her phone and dials. 62. ANNIE (CONT'D) Hi, Donna, it's Annie. Um, sorry but I just ran out of gas and I'm gonna be a little bit late. Yes, I know, 'm really sorry. I will get there as soon as I can. I promise, I'm so sor---hello? INT. HARRINGTON'S JEWELRY STORE. Annie comes running onto the floor putting her tie on. HELEN Annie, hi! I almost left, but they said that you were coming and that you were late. Helen is standing there looking gorgeous. HELEN (CONT'D) I had to come into Milwaukee for a charity luncheon right down the street and I thought I'd come in and say hi. ANNIE Hi! HELEN And as the leader of the bridesmaids, I thought it'd be fun to pick up some little gifts for all the girls. ANNIE Leader of the bridesmaids? Um, wouldn't that technically be me? Honor? HELEN Well, no, sweetie, you're the Maid of Honor, and we're all bridesmaids, and out of all of us, I'm the leader. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Um, I wanted to get something that we could wear to the rehearsal dinner or something. That would be fun. Where are the diamonds? ANNIE Oh, well, what about a nice pen..or a tortoise-shell handled sterling silver letter opener? No? Ok, let me get Sandy. HELEN Oh! And Annie we really need to start planning the bachelorette. 63. ANNIE Yes. Yes. I'm on it. Got some ideas. So I'll let you know. HELEN Can't wait. INT. ANNIE'S APT. THAT NIGHT. Annie arrives home from work frazzled to find Steve on the couch watching the same Home Improvement show. TV HOST Wow, well I have never seen a transformation like this. This old tour bus is stunning. GIRL ON SHOW Thanks. STEVE Unbelievable. (to Annie) You got another package from your mom. ANNIE Hey thanks for saving my butt today. Like I said I'll pay you back as soon as I can. She opens the package. And pulls out a red blazer. STEVE No problem. But you should always put gas in when it gets to a quarter tank. Especially cause you have such a shitty car. ANNIE Thanks. Can I ask you a question? What do you think of Vegas? STEVE Ooo. Let me turn this off. Vegas is a black hole but I must have it in my life. Does that make sense? ANNIE I'm just asking because some of the girls are talking about going for Lillia's bachelorette party and I've never been. 64. STEVE Oh no. Now I don't know about weddings. When you go on a bachelorette, does the bride pay? ANNIE No, everyone pays for themselves. And you pay for the bride. STEVE Ok, I'm gonna say no. You cannot afford that. Vegas is not cheap. Airfare, hotels, food, cars, drinks, clubs, show tickets. Remember this morning? You cannot afford Vegas. ANNIE Well, I could save up for it. STEVE No, you need to win a contest to go to Vegas/You had gum for lunch yesterday. Ooh, “Night Moves.” Can I have this? A lightbulb goes off in Annie's head. Steve holds the blazer out and reads the tag. ANNIE Told you I'd pay you back! Annie runs into her room. She sits down at the computer and begins typing feverishly. We see these words: “Dear bridal party”, “great idea”, “bachelorette party”, “Florida”, “Sea World!”, “Free place to stay!”. She presses send, and is very pleased. The phone immediately rings. ANNIE (CONT'D) Hello? HELEN Hi. ANNIE Hi. HELEN Hiiiii. 65. ANNIE Hi Helen. Helen is dressed in cream under a cream blanket. All around her is a ridiculous amount of white glowing candles. There are too many flames. HELEN I just got your e-mail. Um...Sea World? ANNIE Well it's not just Sea World. It's a weekend in Florida. See, when Lillian and I were kids we went there and she loved it and has always talked about going back. Ask Dougie. I think it would really mean a lot to her. We could stay at my Dad's house, he won't even be there. Then we could go out at night and got to the beach and then Sea World on one of the days. HELEN But a bachelorette at Sea World? ANNIE Like I said, Sea World would just be a part of it. HELEN Well, I have been talking to the other girls, and I was thinking we should go to Las Vegas! Annie's other line rings. ANNIE Oh, can you hold on? That's my other line. She clicks over. ANNIE (CONT'D) Hello? BECCA Hi, Annie. It's Becca. Becca, in her shabby-chic home office paints a front porch sign that says “The Whitman's” 66. BECCA (CONT'D) I was just looking at your e-mail, yo're so cute. Sea World. What about Turkey? That's where we went for for MY bachelorette. ANNIE Oh well, Turkey's really far away. BECCA It's super old though! They have awesome restaurants. It's very exotic. Have you ever seen Aladdin? It totally looks like that. ANNIE Hang on... Annie clicks back over to Helen. ANNIE (CONT'D) Helen, I'm sorry can I call you back? HELEN When? ANNIE Just a few minutes. I'll call you back. Annie clicks over. ANNIE (CONT'D) Becca? BECCA Hi. You know, if you wanna go some place closer than Turkey. Helen JUST e-mailed me about going to Vegas. ANNIE Oh, I don't know. Everybody always goes to Vegas. It seems just cliche to me. BECCA I never get sick of it. I love blackjack. I have a system. Annie's other line. ANNIE Oh, my other line's ringing. Can I call you back? 67. BECCA When? ANNIE Soon. Annie clicks over. ANNIE (CONT'D) Hello? DANA Annie, it's Dana! ANNIE Of course it is.. Dana is on her porch swing drinking lemonade. DANA I love your idea about Sea World. ANNIE Really? DANA Yeah, but then Helen just called me and said we should go to Vegas. ANNIE But Vegas is so hot, don't you think? It's like, hot and dry. People get sick there all the time. DANA I haven't had that experience. My skin always clears up there. ANNIE Yeah, I just think it's probably not-- Hold on. (clicks over) Hello? MEGAN Annie, it's Megan. Megan is at work, in front of a wall of computer and television screens. It is a technical haven, looks like NASA. 68. MEGAN (CONT'D) I can't talk right now, but I was thinking for the bachelorette, something more along the lines of a personal challenge weekend. Have you ever heard of the Nevada Project? ANNIE (defeated) No. Leslie in her Sopranos style living room on a treadmill. Her kids run around. LESLIE I gotta be honest. I've been married for nine years, this may be the last bachelorette party of my career and I want the sweaty nuggets of a gay man pounding me in the face at some point during this trip. I'll pay whatever I have to pay. (to the kids) Tyler stop it, put that back! Paul! QUICK CUTS BETWEEN: BECCA Vegas has these party busses that have flat screens in them and dance floors-- DANA Or we could take hummer limos around everywhere. ANNIE That sounds really expensive. HELEN Oh but it's gonna be so much fun! Besides money shouldn't be a problem if Lillian's our friend. ANNIE Oh no, no, I was just thinking about everyone else. That's all I'm saying. MEGAN What I'm saying is, they drop you off in the middle of the desert. You have to kill your own food and find your way back. Not everyone makes it. Seriously. 69. LESLIE Seriously. I want balls in my face. BECCA So I think Vegas is a good idea. DANA I agree with Helen. Vegas. MEGAN Oh, you know what else is in Nevada? Vegas! LESLIE Balls. Vegas. HELEN Vegas it is. LILLIAN (on the phone) Holy Shit Annie! We're goin' to Vegas! INT - JEWELRY STORE. DAY. SANDY (eating a cookie) No can do, I need all my shifts. 'm trying to save up and take my lady to Maui. ANNIE Please, one day a week, just for a little while. I've already asked everybody else. I really need the money. SANDY Sorry. My hands are tied. Sharita's got my dick in a chip-clip. ANNIE That's alright. I understand. SANDY Mmm. Mm. These are the best peanut butter titties you ever made. ANNIE They're called peanut butter kisses. SANDY That's not what they look like. 70. INT. AIRPLANE. The bridesmaids sit in first class. In the distance, Annie's head pops up from her seat in row 3O of coach. EXT. AIRPORT. LAS VEGAS. The girls wait by the curb with their luggage. Megan appears next to Annie. MEGAN Here we are. The city of lust. Annie, do you know how many men are looking for trouble in this town right now? We are gonna nail it down. We should tell everybody we're twins cause guys looking up with twins! ANNIE Yeah, I've heard that. Ok everybody! You guys, hey we're here, we're in Vegas! Woo! Lillian walks up. LILLIAN Annie, come here. Why didn't you tell me you weren't sitting with us? ANNIE Oh, it's no big deal. I didn't want to blow all my money on a first class ticket. I'm here though, right?! LILLIAN I'm so excited! ANNIE Ok, you guys, gather around. Welcome to Lillian's bachelorette party! We should probably get a bunch of cabs and head to our beautiful hotel, The New Marquis Royal Suites... As Annie's talking, a limo pulls up behind her. “The New Marquis Royal Suites.” HELEN Lillian, look what's happening. 71. LILLIAN Oh my God. You guys, is this for us?! HELEN I got a limo from the hotel. We're in Vegas! Yaaaay!! They all pile into the limo, excitedly talking. ANNIE Ok, everyone just get in the car. Got a ride to the hotel. It's taken care of. MEGAN (from inside the limo) Sit by me, Annie! EXT. THE NEW MARQUIS ROYAL SUITES. LATER The girls' excited talking continues into the lobby. LILLIAN This hotel is amazing! You guys! HELEN Come on Lillian, you're staying with me in the master suite. It's all set. LILLIAN Oh! Okay! Then party in room 812 in one hour! (waving her key) UPSTAIRS. HOTEL HALLWAY. CONTINUOUS. Girls get off the elevator, giddy with excitement. Annie gets back into the elevator. ANNIE Uh! Shoot! I left my sunglasses downstairs. Ugh! Where's my head? EXT. HOTEL. CONTINUOUS. Annie sneaks out, rolling her bag. She catches a cab. EXT. HOTEL RICK. LATER. Cab pulls up to a tiny broken down building. A sign reads “Hotel Rick. Vacancy. Some T.V.s.” An old man rides a bicycle in circles in the parking lot, smiling. 72. INT. HOTEL RICK. CHECK-IN DESK. Lobby is very outdated. Wood panel walls etc., The hotel brochure is on the desk. It is probably the picture she saw online, it does NOT look the same. The clerk enters. ANNIE Hi, I have a reservation for Walker. RICK, an East Indian man, stands behind the desk in front of a large portrait of himself, posed exactly as he is now, with the same outfit. He holds the pose, smiling. RICK Okay, two nights? ANNIE Yes. Rick waits for her to notice the painting, but she never does. RICK Do you want towels? ANNIE Yes. RICK Do you need sheets? ANNIE Yes. RICK No pillow though, ok? Annie just stares at him. INT. THE NEW MARQUIS ROYAL SUITES The door opens to reveal a gorgeous huge feminine suite. HELEN AND LILLIAN (gasp) OH MY GOD! INT. HOTEL RICK. ANNIE'S ROOM Annie opens her door holding unfolded sheets and towels. The room is very ugly, bare mattress, lots of brown. 73. ANNIE Oh my God. INT. THE NEW MARQUIS ROYAL SUITES Megan and Leslie stand in their grande bathroom. Hot tub, plush towels, flat screen T.V. Candles burning. MEGAN Oh my gosh, I can't believe this. LESLIE He-llo Vegas! INT. HOTEL RICK. ANNIE'S BATHROOM There's an old toothbrush and comb by the dirty sink, a pair of athletic socks hanging over the shower rod where a curtain should be. There is a cat staring at her. ANNIE Hello cat. INT. THE NEW MARQUIS ROYAL SUITES Dana and Becca open their curtains revealing a spectacular view. They scream and jump up and down. INT. HOTEL RICK. Annie opens up her curtains to a back lot. Something is on fire! Rick tries to put it out. The old man rides by. ANNIE (screams in shock) INT. THE NEW MARQUIS ROYAL SUITES. THAT NIGHT. Annie stands outside room 312. She is dressed more preppy than she's ever looked. She knocks on the door. Becca opens it. We see disco lights and hear rap music. There are shirtless male waiters, penis balloons and a slide show of naked men. The room looks like a sex club. The girls are dressed like borderline prostitutes. BECCA Oooh, Annie's here! 74. BRIDESMAIDS Wooooooh! BECCA Isn't this amazing? Lillian runs over and hugs Annie, wearing a condom veil and drinking out of a penis straw. LILLIAN Annie! I wanna see a drink in your hand in one minute! Lillian pulls Annie into the room. Helen is getting off of the phone. HELEN Ok you guys, change of plans. The Velour Cobra had an opening at 9 so I got us a dinner reservation. Isn't that radical? EVERYONE Woohooo/Ooooh/Alright! ANNIE Oh. Yeah. Cool. Alright Everyone raises their glasses. The night has begun. INT. THE VELOUR COBRA. CLUB RESTAURANT -LATER THAT NIGHT Annie is concentrating on the bill. ANNIE Okay, mine was...great, got it. Becca scoots in next to her. BECCA Annie, I didn't get a chance to ask you, how was your date with Mike? Give me all the details. ANNIE Oh, um, we had dinner. BECCA Do you think you'll go out with him again? He told Kevin he thought you were really great and hot. 75. LESLIE (from her end of the table) Hey wha's the damage down there? ANNIE Oh, I got it right here, I figured out what I owe so, should I just pass it around? LESLIE(TO ANNIE) Why don't we just all split it? It's so much easier. BECCA,DANA,HELEN,MEGAN Yeah/Just split it/Who cares? ANNIE Yeah, it's probably just easier...just split it. MEGAN Here, let me see it. Ok.. .It's a hundred each plus tip. ANNIE (sotto) I had soup and ice water. MEGAN Plus we're paying for Lillian...everyone just put $125. ANNIE (sotto) No alcohol...or any real food. BECCA It'll all even out by the end of the night. ANNIE How does it even out? How does that happen? Everyone, including Annie, puts in their money. Helen moves over to Annie. LILLIAN Thank you everybody!! HELEN Annie, don't tell Lillian, it's a surprise. (MORE) 76. HELEN (CONT'D) My friend Sean Michael works for a promotional company and they're having this big event tonight at Tara Rei's stepbrother's Club, Sacrifice. ANNIE Really?! HELEN I think it should be our first stop. H's reserving seats for us in the VIP section. It's a $150 cover and there's a one bottle champagne minimum of $750 per table, he said people from the Real World go in there all the time. ANNIE I thought we were going to the Jungle Lounge after this. HELEN We are. After that. ANNIE Oh...um...wow. Awesome. Here's the thing I was going to stop by the hotel, the Marquis Suites. I think I ate something weird on the plane probably, my stomac's not right. HELEN Oh, well we're only gonna be there for an hour or so, you can just meet up with us after. ANNIE Okay. Perfect. HELEN I'll just text you when we're getting ready to leave. I hope you feel better. Lillian comes up already a little tipsy. LILLIAN Ok, Leslie spilled the beans. Le's get our asses over to Sacrifice. What are we waiting for? Wooooooo! Lillian looks at Helen's legs. LILLIAN (CONT'D) Whoa whoa. Helen, turn around. Are those those Ransom Jeans? 77. HELEN Don't tell Perry I bought them,I ordered them from New York. They're insanely expensive. But I gotta tell you guys the compliments I get on my ass make them worth every penny. She sticks her butt out. Lillian slaps it and all the girls laugh. She is the life of the party. EXT. RESTAURANT. CONTINUOUS A party bus pulls up. As the doors open, dry ice pours out. Inside there's a disco ball, dance poles, crazy lights. The girls all scream and run onto the bus. With the commotion, no one notices that Annie stays behind. INT. CASINO. LATER. Annie enters casino alone, sadly weaves through the slot machines. INT. PARTY BUS “My Prerogative” by Bobby Brown comes on VERY LOUD making conversation difficult. Lillian looks around for Annie. LILLIAN Oh my God, Annie our song! Wher's Annie? DANA What?! LILLIAN Where's Annie?! MEGAN I don't know!(to Helen) Where's Annie! HELEN What?!! DANA Where's Annie! HELEN She's meeting us later!!! DANA (to Lillian) Oh. She's meeting us there! 78. LILLIAN Why!? BECCA I don't know! Why? HELEN Annie HAS DIARRHEA!! LILLIAN Is she okay?! Should I call her!? HELEN She's fine! She's gonna meet us in an hour, it's all set! (to the other girls] ANNIE HAD REALLY BAD DIARHEA! They continue partying, drinking, dancing. INT. CASINO. Annie passes four fun college age party guys at a craps table. DAVE No, no, no wait. Wait. (to Annie) Hey, will you roll for me? Can she roll for me? CRAPS GUY Only if she's playing. ANNIE Me? What do I have to roll? DAVE Anything but a seven or eleven, as many times as you can. What's your name? ANNIE Annie. DAVE I'm Dave. This is Brian, Brian and Mark. Ok Annie, do your thing. Annie rolls a four. The guys all cheer. GUYS Yeah! Four! Annie rolls again, another four. She laughs. 79. GUYS (CONT'D) Yeah, four! Holy shit, two fours. One more time, third time's a charm! Annie rolls again. Another four. She ca't believe it! ANNIE Four! Ahhhhhhhhh! (giddy laughing) GUYS Annie! Annie! Annie! Annie gets a text message. ANNIE Oh, hold on. You guys, my phone. CRAPS GUY No cell phones at the tables m'am. Its a casino rule. ANNIE I'll go outside then. CRAPS GUY No, you gotta play the game out. You have to finish your roll. She continues to roll all fours. The guys scream. EXT. CASINO. A HALF HOUR LATER. The guys are carrying Annie on their shoulders, cheering for her. She is laughing.. ANNIE Ok, guys put me down, put me down. Whoa, that's my breast. BRIAN #1 Sorry. She reads a text message from Helen. “We're leaving Sacrifice. It's boring. Meet us at the Jungle Lounge” ANNIE It was nice meeting you guys. I gotta go. DAVE What do you mean? Where are you going? 80. ANNIE I'm here with a bunch of friends and 'm supposed to meet them at this club. MARK We love clubs! We'll come with you. DAVE Come on, we'll get your cab. ANNIE Oh, Ok. As the cab drives away, we hear: BRIAN 1 (O.S.) Dude, we gotta get Brian some food asap. I've seen that look before. INT. CAB. PARKING LOT IN FAST FOOD RESTAURANT. LATER Everyone eats huge burgers including the driver (not Annie, she is annoyed!) ANNIE You guys almost done? BRIAN 2 Sorry we haven't eaten all day. MATT I have NEVER seen a drive-thru line like that dude. CAB DRIVER It's because of the concert. They continue eating. CONTINUOUS: The cab is pulled over, all the guys are outside, peeing. Annie gets a text from Lillian. “The Jungle Lounge is awesome! We need to dance. P.S. It's RAINING in here! WHERE ARE YOU? Xoxo Lil” She texts back, “On my way!” 81. CONTINUOUS: A huge fist fight is going on in the car, yelling etc. CONTINUOUS: Traffic has stopped. ANNIE How much further? CAB DRIVER Do you think I know? How do you think I know? EXT. JUNGLE LOUNGE. Annie and the guys get out of the cab. DAVE Oh, shit. We can't go into this place. We got kicked out last night. BOUNCER Hey, what'd I tell you guys?!!! GUYS Whoa, it's ok, we're just goin next door! DAVE Oh, Annie, here's your cut of the craps money. Eight hundred bones. ANNIE For me? DAVE You won big for us tonight. Buy your friends a round of drinks and come next door after. BRIAN 2 Yeah, bring your friends. ANNIE Bye guys. DAVE The Roller!!! 82. GUYS Woohoo/Yeah/ The Roller!/Annie! They all high five. Annie turns to bouncer. ANNIE Hi. One please? BOUNCER 60 bucks. ANNIE Here ya go. INT. JUNGLE LOUNGE. Annie walks through the club. She calls Lillian. No answer. She gets a a drink. Time passes. Her phone rings! LILLIAN Annie! ANNIE Hello!? LILLIAN Are you ok? ANNIE Yeah, I'm fine. I'm here! Where are you?! LILLIAN What do you mean here, where? ANNIE I'm at the Jungle Lounge, where are you guys? This place is huge! LILLIAN You're where? ANNIE The club! LILLIAN Listen I can't hear you! We had to leave the Jungle Lounge, Becca-- ANNIE What?! 83. LILLIAN Meet us at the-- ANNIE Hello?!! INT. PARTY BUS. Loud music. Lillian tries to call Annie back. Annie tries to call Lillian back. They both get voice-mails. Annie gives up. It starts pouring rain on her inside the club. Everyone jumps up and screams with excitement. Thunder! CLUB D.J. Me Tarzan, you Jane. It's time for the dance spotlight. If it lands on you, you gotta shake it! The spotlight immediately lands on a soaking wet Annie. She dances very angrily. Jungle dancers dance very close to her and put vines around her neck. INT. BAR NEXT DOOR Annie walks in. GUYS Yeah, she's back/ the Roller!/ Yeah! DAVE What happened to you? ANNIE I don't even know. DAVE Roller, I can't stand seeing you like this. (to bartender] Get this fine lady a shot! ANNIE I'll have two lemon drops. INT BAR. HALF HOUR LATER. Annie and Dave are wasted. 84. ANNIE That's what I'm saying. Some people have everything and others have just little bits of things. It's not fair. I don't get it.....I mean I think I hate Helen. DAVE I hate Helen. ANNIE That is the sexiest think anyon's ever said. INT. ANNIE'S ROOM. HOTEL RICK. In the dark, Annie and Dave are passionately making out. Knocking things over, etc. DAVE I hate Helen. NEXT MORNING. ANNIE'S HOTEL ROOM The cat jumps on the bed and meows. Annie opens her eyes to see Dave sleeping. She notices his college tattoo on his arm (tasmanian devil with a lacrosse stick?). DAVE Hey. ANNIE Hi. Sorry I fell asleep while we were making out. I guess I was pretty tired. DAVE Its ok. Sorry I gave you a hickey. ANNIE Oh shit. There's a knock at the door. Annie opens it to reveal NICOLE, (20), pretty and sweet. NICOLE Is Dave here? DAVE Nicole!? Hey, Nic. NICOLE This is a surprise. 85. Brian 1, Brian 2 and Mark appear in the doorway as well. BRIAN 1 Dude, I'm sorry. She made us bring her here. MARK She said you have her fake I.D.. NICOLE Yeah and I couldn't go anywhere last night. I tried calling you fifty fucking times. And YOU? You were what, hooking up with this fossil?! ANNIE First of all- NICOLE Shut the fuck up or I will kick your ass bitch. ANNIE Ok, that is not nice. NICOLE And what are you forty? ANNIE No, I'm in my low thirties...(under her breath) and you could never kick my ass. NICOLE What did you say?! ANNIE (timid) You heard me. Annie immediately gets punched in the face. Annie is shocked and swings back, hitting Nicole in the face. She's proud of herself. Nicole's two friends enter and jump on Annie. HUGE GIRL FIGHT. EXT. HOTEL RICK. FIVE MINUTES LATER. Annie is outside of the hotel. Guys are pulling the girls off of Annie. NICOLE Baker Community College bitch! 86. The girls leave in victory. Dave turns and mouths to Annie “I'm sorry.” INT. ANNIE'S HOTEL BATHROOM. She frantically tries to cover up her HUGE hickey and evidence of the fight, with make-up. She remembers a small cowboy print tablecloth from the other room and wraps it around her neck like a scarf. INT. THE NEW MARQUIS ROYAL SUITES. BUFFET TABLE All the girls are hung over and eating. Annie arrives. MEGAN Annie! LILLIAN Whoa. What are you, going to a rodeo? ANNIE That's hilarious. MEGAN Annie, you missed it. I scammed all night last night. I met this guy named Darwin. He works for Cingular. He had a friend. LESLIE What happened to your face? LILLIAN Yeah, why are you wearing all that makeup? ANNIE It's covering up bruises, cuts and a hickey. I got into fight with a community college student and her friends because I spent the night with her boyfriend after spending the entire night trying to find you. LILLIAN What?! ANNIE Forget it. 87. LILLIAN I was trying to find YOU. I tried to call you all night! ANNIE Well, I-(to Lil} Can I talk to you for a minute? Annie takes Lillian away. LILLIAN What is going on? You told Helen you were sick. ANNIE I wasn't sick. Helen told you that because... I couldn't afford to go with you guys. LILLIAN Why didn't you say something?-- HELEN (O.S.) Lillian, we're going to be late for our honey facials. ANNIE Helen, can you just give us a minute? HELEN I'm just saying, we're gonna be late. I don't wanna be rude. ANNIE That's funny. You know what? As the Maid of honor, which is what I am and what you are not, I am asking you to just give us a minute. HELEN Excuse me Annie. ANNIE No, excuse me! LILLIAN Annie take it easy. ANNIE I need to take it easy? 88. DANA Annie, if it makes you feel any better (getting emotional] I got slapped last night. LESLIE Here we go... DANA By this huge girl. She was a working in the bathroom. I just... I didn't cut in line. I didn't! She chased me! BECCA Becca it's over. MEGAN Annie, she looked like Popeye. BECCA She lives here! She lives in Vegas. HELEN You're not going to run into her. Just shut-up about it. LILLIAN Guys stop! Please! Annie, I'm so sorry about last night. I feel horrible. I want to hear everything that happened. Tonight, you're not leaving my side. We're hittin' the strip club all of us and we're going to put this shit behind us. Okay?! The girls agree. Dana rubs her arm. LESLIE Oh your arm does not still hurt. INT. FANCY CASINO SHOPPING MALL. LATER. Bridesmaids window shop. Something in a fancy boutique catches Annie's eye, she smiles. Ransom jeans. INT. STRIP CLUB. THAT NIGHT The ladies sit at the front row tables. COCKTAILER What can I get you ladies? 89. ANNIE First of all , we're gonna need some ones over here. Here's a hundred. Keep twenty for yourself. LILLIAN Oooh, Ann! A siren goes off. V.O. Good evening ladies, and welcome to Thunderbird. Our first male entertainer has been roaming the prairie for many, many lonely nights... A horse winnies. Ladies scream. V.O. (CONT'D) Here he is...looking for a sweet lady to keep him company under the stars...say hello to Cowboy Ron! A male stripper comes out on a cardboard horse, humping 'S looking for someone. The room goes wild. V.O. (CONT'D) There he is ladies looking for that special woman, looking for his briiide...And I believe the person he's looking for is Lillian Donovan! The girls scream. Lillian mouths to Annie “I'm gonna kill you.” Cowboy Ron takes her up on stage. He puts her in a chair and humps her face. Everyone is cracking up. MEGAN Leslie, your missing it. LESLIE Don't talk to me. Nobody talk to me. Leslie has her hands on the bare ass of a stripper who is dancing in her face. Stripper #2 appears. V.O. Wow, looks like Cowboy Ron has a friend on the prairie and he's lookin' for a lady too. 90. LILLIAN (pointing to Annie) Get her! Get her!! ANNIE NO! NO! Stripper #2 pulls Annie up to the stage, lays her on the ground and simulates sex with her. Standing above her, pulls his chaps off. We see that his balls are not all the way tucked into his g-string. The girls cringe. As he stands above her, in slow motion, we see a bead of sweat leave his balls and fly into Anni's open laughing mouth. She dry heaves. The stripper is oblivious, goes to another girl. Lillian and Annie roll around on the ground laughing. EXT. STRIP CLUB. Everyone's laughing as they exit the club. ANNIE I need some gum. BECCA That was disgusting! I'm so glad I'm married. MEGAN It was awesome! DANA I got a picture of the balls. I got it! LESLIE (puts her arm around Annie). You lucky bitch. LILLIAN Only you Annie. Hands down, best moment of the weekend. Annie finally feels a part of the group. INT. AIRPLANE. DAY. Annie walks to first class, everyon's sleeping. She hears Lillian laughing really hard, pointing at pictures in a magazine. 91. LILLIAN Oh look, there's your boyfriend. HELEN Ew, he's like 65. Ok, look Lillian that's you. LILLIAN Oh my God. You know who that actually looks like? Remember when we went to Miami and we had to rent towels-- HELEN Ew, at that beach, that weird beach! LILLIAN And that lady came up to us wearing that mesh top! HELEN She was crazy. Annie sinks. A flight attendant appears. FLIGHT ATTENDANT Excuse me. Hi. ANNIE Hi. FLIGHT ATTENDANT I'm sorry, you can't be up here. You have to go back to coach. ANNIE I was just stretching my legs. FLIGHT ATTENDANT That's not true. Annie stares at her. The flight attendant holds out her hand for Annie to grab. FLIGHT ATTENDANT (CONT'D) Come on...it's ok, c'mon. C'mon. EXT - AIRPORT PARKING. PAYBOOTH ATTENDANT Ok, that's going to be seventy -five dollars. 92. ANNIE What? ATTENDANT Twenty-five dollars a day. Three days. Seventy -five dollars. ANNIE I thought it was seven. ATTENDANT Oh, hmm mm. That's for this lot, you parked in this lot. The lots are exactly the same, separated by a white line. Annie empties her wallet, her poker winnings are gone. EXT - HIGHWAY Annie is driving. She sees Rhodes, and stops. EXT. HIGHWAY. LATER. RHODES Oh, I know what's going on. You're jealous of that Helen girl. ANNIE Excuse me? No, I'm not. RHODES If you say so. ANNIE I'm telling you I am not jealous of Helen, okay? She's tall and thin and rich and pretty. They both laugh. RHODES Oh come on, you know you got it goin' on... ANNIE Oh yeah, I got it goin' on... RHODES You're right, you don't. 93. ANNIE (laughing) Thanks a lot. They nudge each other. He accidentally nudges her off the car. RHODES Sorry! Now Annie is back in her running car. ANNIE Have a good rest of your shift. RHODES Actually, I'm heading home. Got my sister staying with me for a few days. Sh's been thinking of divorcing of her husband. ANNIE Oh. Sorry. RHODES He had an affair and they've got kids so it's complicated. ANNIE Hmm. Sounds familiar. RHODES My sister is a hell of a woman, you know? And her husband is- you know what I think cheating is? It's weak. It's a weak person that cheats. Something clicks with Annie, she sees him in a new light. ANNIE No, no. Um, I feel the same way. Um, anyway um, maybe I'll drive by you next week. I have to make this drive again...so... She tries to flirt a little, pulls her hair back. He sees her hickey!!!! She starts itching her arm, still flirting and laughing. ANNIE (CONT'D) Ugh, great, I think I was allergic to the soap at the hotel. Ahhhhh. 94. RHODES Yeah. I should go..now. Don't forget to call my friend about those tail lights. They're really starting to bug me. ANNIE I promise. Ok, well, have a good weekend. RHODES You too. He abruptly walks back to his car. She drives away confused. INT. ANNIE'S APT. LATER THAT EVENING. Annie arrives home to another “mom” package. She pulls out some cheap cosmetics. She pulls out a bottle of White Diamonds perfume by Elizabeth Taylor, low calorie mints, some pepper spray, a book titled “100 Survival tips For the Independent Woman.” A check for $25. She opens the book, sees chapters entitled “You Don't Have to Work for AAA to Change a Tire.” “ How to Jack a CarJacker.” “Anyone with Arms Can Skin a Deer” etc. She tries to read but the itching is driving her crazy. INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE. NEXT DAY Annie's on the table while the DOCTOR examines her skin. DOCTOR Well, I've got good news for you. You're going to live. Hahahah. It's not an allergic reaction though. ANNIE Oh, that's good. DOCTOR You've got body lice. ANNIE Oh. DOCTOR Have you recently come in contact with or slept anywhere that you think you might HAVE-- 95. ANNIE I know where I got it. DOCTOR You're gonna have to wash every fabric in your apartment and I'll give you a topical cream that should knock it out pretty quick. I've got some samples. EXT - LILLIAN'S APT. DAY Annie sits on the doorstep. Lillian runs up with a bunch of stuff in her arms and opens the door. They enter the apartment. LILLIAN I'm so sorry. I was at our travel agen's trying to figure out how to get my da's family out here, they all have to fly at different times, uggh. What's that on your arms? She sees some of Annie's lice medicine motion. ANNIE Huh? Oh...I did a face mask. I must have gotten some on me and didn't rinse it. LILLIAN Oh shit, I'm sorry, I have to check one thing really quick. When is my hair consultation? Lillian frantically looks through her calender. ANNIE Listen, I want to talk to you about-- LILLIAN Oh no. (starts to cry) ANNIE What's wrong? LILLIAN I knew it. I'm going to have my period on my wedding day...and my honeymoon! ANNIE It's ok. I mean it's not like it's your first time doing it. 96. LILLIAN It's our wedding night though! ANNIE You can still have sex, just put a towel down in the bed. LILLIAN I can't believe this. This sucks. (beat) Oh, Annie I wanted to ask you. Do you think for the cocktail party before the reception we should have a string trio or a horn trio? ANNIE' Can you just realize what you just asked me right now? LILLIAN What? ANNIE You just said a string trio or horn trio. I thought you didn't want anything fancy, you know, just “keep it simple.” “Not a big deal.” LILLIAN I know but now that I'm planning everything it's just...I wanna do it right. It's once in a life time. It's my wedding. Lillian's phone rings. LILLIAN (CONT'D) Ugh! It's Dougie's Mom. She's mad at me because I won't let her invite everyone from her work. Oh! That reminds me. If you're not going to bring anybody, will you let me know? I gotta free up some spots. (into phone] Hello? Lillian walks away with the phone. Annie is speechless. INT. ANNIE'S LAUNDRY ROOM. Dryer is going. Annie is sorting a huge pile of sheets, towels, etc. Her cell phone rings. ANNIE Helen. 97. INT. HELEN'S LIVING ROOM. CREAM COUCH HELEN Annie? Where are you? Inside a truck? ANNIE No, I'm doing laundry, what's up? HELEN Annie, the shower needs to happen soon. We haven't heard from you and everyone is- ANNIE I know. I know. I'm trying to-- HELEN Annie can I dialog openly with you? I know you're having some financial trouble and I think it would be best if I did the shower. Now before you say anything, let me say that showers can be very expensive and I think what's important here is what's best for Lillian. ANNIE Wow. HELEN You don't have to give me an answer now BUT-- ANNIE You should have it. You should have it. HELEN Great. Well, I'll definitely need some help. ANNIE Ok? HELEN Could you bring the cookies? Annie hangs up, looks at her laundry piles. Pissed. INT. HARRINGTONS. LATER Annie behind her counter. 98. GIRL Excuse me!! A snotty thirteen year old, valley-type, rich girl stands at Annie's counter with an iced coffee chewing gum. GIRL (CONT'D) I'm looking for a birthday gift for my best friend. ANNIE Your best friend? GIRL Yeah. ANNIE For now. GIRL (sip] What do you mean? ANNIE Well, what's gonna happen when you get older? Did you ever think of that? What about when she makes new friends and they're more successful than you are? Girl stares annoyingly, chewing and sipping. ANNIE (CONT'D) Huh? And they buy her facials and designer dresses for cheap and yo're stuck selling jewelry to teenagers wh's outfit cost more than your rent? GIRL Ummm....you're weird. ANNIE You're stupid. GIRL You have no chin. ANNIE You're gonna be a slut in high school. GIRL You are an old, single loser who has no friends, works in a jewelry store, colors her own hair, and will never know the feeling of owning a luxury car. 99. She sips in victory, slurps up the last drop noisily. ANNIE (quietly] You. Little. Cunt. The girls eyes widen. The camera pans to show that the girl's dad and Donna have been there the whole time. INT. DONNA'S OFFICE Donna stands across from Annie wh's cleaning out her locker. She sadly starts to leave. ANNIE Bye. DONNA You know, I knew a girl once. Karen Stippleton. She was really something. The life of the party, a concert pianist, she had naturally curly hair, and skin black as night. But one evening at a dinner party I walked in on her in the bathroom putting a vile of cocaine up her buttocks and last I heard, she was playing the saxophone outside of a drug store. And I'm gonna say something to you I should have told her. Don't waste your life. Find out what your gifts are and use them. Donna hugs Annie, then leaves her in the break room. INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT. LATER THAT DAY. Annie arrives completely depressed. Outside her doorstep is yet another package. Annie takes it inside. INT. ANNIE'S APT. STEVE Ooh, another package from your mom? ANNIE Yep. It is a beautiful pink and white striped box with her name and address in calligraphy. When Annie opens the lid, “Canon in D” plays and a real butterfly flies out. 100. She reads, “A Shower for Lillian.” Steve comes over to see. On one side of the box, there is a beautiful sculpture of Lillian and Dougie as Bride and Groom, a candle with Lillian's face printed on it and some chocolates. Annie takes the invitation out, opens it quickly. ANNIE (CONT'D) Are you kidding me? The invitation reads: HELEN (V.O.) Please join us for a Parisian Brunch at the home of Helen Harris III to celebrate the marriage of Lillian Donovan and Douglas Price. Let us “shower” Lillian with gifts and love. Date: Sunday the 20th. Time: 2:00 post meridian. Address and phone number below. Responde S'il Vous Plait. Yay! Annie picks up the phone, calls the R.S.V.P. number. Canon in D. plays. and a recorded message begins. HELEN (V.O.) (CONT'D) Hello. This is Helen. You have reached the Responde S'il Vous Plait line for Lillian's shower. ANNIE You have got to be kidding me. HELEN (V.O.) Please listen to all of the following menu options before making your selection. If you would like to reply “oui”, press one. To reply “no”, press two. For where the bride and groom are registered, press three. If you require a vegetarian meal. Press 4. If you are vegan, press 5. A dairy free meal, press 6. Kosher meals will not be available. For the Lillian and Dougie story, narrated by me, please press 7. To hear a twenty-four hour wedding music mix, press 8, put your phone on speaker, light the Atmospheria candle you've just received and think about the eternal union that is marriage. I'm Helen Harris IV, and this is me saying au revoir! But before I do, here's a message from SUSAN SARANDON! 101. SUSAN SARANDON (V.O.) Hello, I'm Susan Sarandon, the movie star. I just wanted to say congratulations to Lillian and Dougie. Even though I don't believe in marriage, I do “believe in the church of basebal”. Just kidding. That's a line from my movie Bull Durham. I- Annie hangs up quickly. INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT. DAYTIME. Annie's relaxation CD is playing as she lies talking on the phone to her Mom, who is painting a very life-like picture of Enrique Iglesias in concert. JUDY Is there an animal over there? ANNIE No, it's a C.D. She rolls over and turns it off. JUDY So, I'm flying straight to O'Hare the day of the shower cause I wanna get my hair done. Did you see that invitation? I didn't get the significance of the dead butterfly, but it looks like w're gonna have fun. ANNIE I'm not. JUDY Oh, c'mon. ANNIE I already know what it's gonna be like. It's gonna be uncomfortable and weird...I don't wanna go. JUDY Sweetie, listen to yourself. You ca't let her new friends get in the way of your being a part of one of the best days of Lil's life. NO way. You have a history with her that no one else has. So you walk into that party knowing that. 102. INT. ANNIE'S CAR. Annie drives to Helen's. She sees a pink and white highway sign (that looks like a traditional highway exit sign) “Lillian's Shower Rue. This exit” ANNIE Oh my God. She turns into the gates of “Whitewater Estates.” There is, a life-size sculpture of a bride and groom. As she gets closer, she sees they are real life models. They smile at Annie, wink at her and wave her by. At the next stop sign, a butler appears with a tray. BUTLER Are you a guest of Helen Harris? ANNIE Yes. BUTLER The shower is one mile away. He hands her a pink lemonade. ANNIE I don't have a cup-holder. As she's driving, little pink things start to fly beside her car. ANNIE (CONT'D) WHAT THE- One flies in her car. They're Rose petals! Annie's shitty car drives down a road covered with Rose petals. At the driveway, she is greeted by a valet in a pink bow-tie and beret. As she reaches for her gift from the passenger seat, another valet opens that door and take it. VALET This will be placed in the gift room for you madame. He reaches for the cookies she made, and she stops him. ANNIE I'll take those. 103. Annie watches the valet drives her car away. When she turns back around, there is a man with a white horse holding out his hand to her. HORSEMAN Would you like an assisted ride to the main house? ANNIE Do I have to? An annoyed Annie arrives at the house on the horse with the man leading her on foot, holding the cookies. She dismounts. The front door is swung open by two attendants. As she enters the mansion, groups of girls pass by her... SHOWER GIRLS This is the most amazing shower 've ever been to/Can you believe this?/What a lucky bride/What a good friend... Helen's house is ALL cream and white with gold. Couches are puffy, etc. Annie walks to the backyard. We hear French standards. Beautiful tables are set. Swans and bunnies milling about. Attendants ready to serve. In the middle of everything stands an eight foot tall round “sign” that says “Lillian and Dougie” in puffy pink cursive. A waiter offers Annie champagne. She takes it. BECCA AND LESLIE(O.S.) Annie! They walk to her. LESLIE Do you believe this shit? Annie is still staring at the sign. BECCA That's a big cookie huh. ANNIE Where? They point to the “sign”. Annie walks closer to see it is indeed a huge cookie. LESLIE See. Sugar cookie. 104. Leslie takes a piece off, eats it. LESLIE (CONT'D) It's even better if you dip it in the chocolate. REVEAL a glorious four tiered chocolate fountain. Girls are around it dipping strawberries and pieces of the big cookie, laughing. Helen is there taking their praise. Annie is pissed and plops her tupperware of cookies on a nearby table. LILLIAN Annieee!!! Lillian runs to her. LILLIAN (CONT'D) (under her breath) Can you believe this? LAURIE (O.S.) Lillian! LILLIAN Coming Mom! I gotta go say hi to my aunts. She leaves and Helen appears out of nowhere again. HELEN Hi Annie! ANNIE Beautiful party. HELEN Oh, it's nothing....so...Just make yourself at home. Enjoy! ANNIE Thanks. (under her breath) Asshole. HELEN What did you say? ANNIE I said I love this shower, and i's amazing. I said all that. Annie leaves. Two hip hop dancers wearing pink berets approach Helen and jam out in her face. 105. HELEN OK, not me, NOT ME! The GUESTS. Hip hop dance with the GUESTS! 'S looking. INT-HELENS POWDER ROOM Annie puts lotion her hands. She sees a magazine photo of 'S face super imposed over them. On the counter is a framed photo of Helen, soft lit, posed with her hand gently 'S face. She also sees a photo of Helen and Lillian from Vegas on the plane. Happy. As Annie leaves, she runs into her Mom, wh's new hairstyle is a bit overdone. ANNIE Mom. Hi! They hug. ANNIE (CONT'D) Wow! You look great. JUDY Thank you sweetheart. (to herself) I wish Barb could see me now. ANNIE Not today Mom. JUDY You're right. Well I'm happy to see you! I'll see you out there. I need to wash the horse off my hands. Mom goes into the bathroom. Megan approaches. MEGAN Annie, did you see the party favors? ANNIE I'm sure they're perfect and amazing. MEGAN They're dogs! 106. ANNIE What? MEGAN Yeah. And they're wrapped up like presents. They said we have to wait until we leave but I cant stop thinking about them. I gotta go tell Lillian. EXT- HELEN'S BACK YARD- MOMENTS LATER Annie now stands next to the chocolate fountain. She looks around, drops her glass in it and unplugs it with her foot. It stops flowing. She looks around and throws some leaves in it and walks away. CONTINUOUS 'S attention by microphone. HELEN Hello ladies. Bonjour. (french sentence)Yay! Welcome. I am your host Helen, a bridesmaid in Lillian's wedding. I want you all to have a wonderful time. Eat, drink, please have some cookie! She laughs and then becomes very serious. HELEN (CONT'D) Lillian. Today's your day. I'd like to make a beautiful toast, “You are pretty, fun, sweet, look at all of your friends. Girlpower!” Everyone enjoy your lunch, served along with the musical stylings of...The LILLIANETTE'S!!! A quartet, all in pink and white and harmonize. ‘Lillian, Lillian, Lillian, Lillian! When Lillian was a little girl...” Judy claps and enjoys the music. She leans over to Annie. JUDY I don't know what's going on honey. The shower is a hit. 107. INT. HELEN'S GREAT ROOM. LATER. Everyone sits surrounded by decorations, pictures of Dougie and Lillian as babies, flowers, fire in the fireplace. DANA Everyone it's game time! Please take your piece of paper, put it on top of your head, and with your other hand try to draw what Lillian and Dougie's first baby is going to look like!!! Ready? GO! Everyone draws, giggles, looks at their stupid drawings, laughing. Annie cheats and draws it on her lap. CONTINUOUS: DANA (CONT'D) And the winner is...Annie? Dana holds up a perfectly realistic drawing of a baby. ANNIE Yeah, that's mine. Thank you. CONTINUOUS: Girls spin a blind-folded 86 year old ELLIE around 3 times, Then they swing her holding her hands and feet. SHOWER GIRLS One... two...three! Annie looks confused. They throw Ellie onto a huge pile of pillows. This is a terrible game. SHOWER GIRLS (CONT'D) Find the veil! C'mon Ellie! Come on Look! You can do it! It's right there! Ellie feels around in the huge pile of pillows. She finds the veil, holds it up in victory and then falls down from dizziness. SHOWER GIRLS (CONT'D) YAAAAY! YOU DID IT! WoooHoo! CONTINUOUS: 108. HELEN #9. What is Lillian's favorite ice cream flavor? Write it down...quickly. ANNIE (under her breath, to the woman next to her) Ew. Kinda smells funny in here. Doesn't it? Smells bad. This house has a weird smell. HELEN OK, last one. For the big prize. #10. What is the craziest place Lillian and Dougie....? Helen strongly hints with a weird smile instead of saying, “...had sex?” Shower Girls Ooooh and Ahhhh. ANNIE (under her breath) Wow, looks like someone's a pervert. It's none of my business. She's gross. CONTINUOUS: GIRL 1 (very emotional) I'm putting a blue bead on this “advice necklace” to represent the ocean. It may not always be smooth sailing but you can ride the waves together. Dana cries and takes a picture. Everyone applauds, ANNIE (to person near her) The ocean's are really polluted right now. Its not something to joke about. INT-HELEN'S GREAT ROOM - HALF HOUR LATER Lillian opens presents in front of huge photograph of herself. LILLIAN Oh! My towels! Thank you Dana. DANA I just wanted to get you something you could use everyday and something pretty. Dana takes a picture, Lillian grabs another box, giddy. 109. LILLIAN Annie. (opens it) Oh, our mugs! Thank you Annie. ANNIE Well, you registered for 'em so thank yourself, you picked them out. I did't do anything... HELEN This one's from me. Helen hands Lillian her gift. Lil opens it and holds up beautiful lingerie. SHOWER GIRLS Oooo/Ahhhhh etc. MEGAN Ooh, brothel gear... ANNIE (sotto] It's disgusting. Here Mom's here. LILLIAN Wait, what's this? Lillian pulls out an envelope. ANNIE (sotto) Wow, cash. Kinda tacky. Lillian opens the envelope. LILLIAN Oh my God. Helen. Lillian holds up the tickets. LAURIE Honey what are they? LILLIAN Two first class tickets to Sea World. How did you-- ANNIE Are you fucking kidding me? JUDY Annie! 110. ANNIE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! LILLIAN Annie! What is going on with you? ANNIE Nothing have fun at Sea World. HELEN Why don't we go in the other room and-- ANNIE Shut up you ridiculous person, you a sneaky little cream and white cashmere--. HELEN Annie. Everyone I am so sorry, I really don't know what you mean. ANNIE I think you do.(laughs) Horses? Sculptures? Posters? Look at this stupid house! This stupid marshmallow puffy furniture! (pointing outside) And look at that cookie! Would you please everyone! Speaking of that cookie. I never got a piece! Annie marches into the back yard. ANNIE (CONT'D) (shouting, we see her through the large WINDOWS) Did you honestly think 30 women were gonna finish this?! You know what!? 'll help you out! She tries to take down the cookie and struggles with it. We watch her from the house. Fall over with the cookie, she runs over to the chocolate fountain and tries to tip it over, it's obviously too heavy. She tries to empty it with her hands onto the ground. ANNIE (CONT'D) Mmmmm. Nothing says friendship like a thousand gallons of hot unsanitary chocolate! Hello swan, are you having fun? Did you enjoy the hip-hop dancers? 111. Everyone is watching Annie. She is fighting and punching the air like a crazy person, chasing a swan. A little girl starts crying. Annie walks back through the house, through the crowd holding her chocolate covered hands in the air. ANNIE (CONT'D) I actually thought I wanted to be like you...and you and YOU, to be a part of this world. That's not who I am. I make bad choices. I'm broke, I lost my stupid job, I'm thirty two years old and I still answer booty calls. I don't like Mike Donahue cause he () on our date. I have a single black hair that grows out of my chin and I can't wear white t-shirts cause something about my sweat turns the pits yellow! AND you know when we were in Vegas? When you were all staying at your luxury hotel? I was staying at Hotel RICK where got BODY LICE! So Helen, you can have the coveted Maid of Honor title. You can have it all wrapped up in a big pink obnoxious musical box! Because all its brought me is a big pain in my ass. Congratulations! Annie leaves and Lillian runs after her. LILLIAN Annie stop! I don't know what's going on. ANNIE Well let me fill you in. Ever since you got engaged, my life has turned to shit. LILLIAN I'm sorry the the happiest time in my life has brought you so much misery. Do you know how selfish that sounds? ANNIE I'm selfish? You're the one that's been so wrapped up in all this. Designer dressed, extravagant hotels, this shower, this is not you! LILLIAN This is my wedding and you've made it all about you. 112. ANNIE Well at least my friendship's not for sale. This hangs in the air. Annie storms off. Lillian storms back inside. HELEN Do you think she still has body lice? LILLIAN Anyone else?! Anyone else have something they wanna say to me?! Dana can't contain herself. DANA I got my chin done! Becca stands up. BECCA Kevin smokes pot! Leslie stands up. LESLIE I'm pregnant! Megan stands up. MEGAN I took two dogs already. There in the back of my van! INT. ANNIE'S CAR. MOMENTS LATER- HIGHWAY. Annie is pissed. She sees a squirrel in the road (close up of squirrels big eyes). She tries to avoid it, slams on her breaks and BOOM! Annie is rear-ended! The driver behind her backs up, peels out and drives away. ANNIE Thank you! Her car won't start. Trying to keep it together, she grabs her running shoes from the back seat and storms down the highway, trying not to cry. A cop car pulls next to her. I's Rhodes. DISSOLVE TO: 113. Rhodes is looking under her hood. RHODES Well, I can't say I'm surprised. ANNIE Yes. Taillights. I know! RHODES You should've taken it to my friend- ANNIE I KNOW! Yes, you're friend! But I didn't ok?! I didn't get them fixed! I don't-- RHODES Whoa. Don't take it out on me. This is your fault. ANNIE HE hit ME! RHODES You had no taillights! You did't get them fixed! You don't get to blame anyoe else. It's your fault. Annie starts to walk away. RHODES (CONT'D) Where you going?! Annie keeps walking. RHODES (CONT'D) Oh, you're going to walk fifteen miles?! Another WISE decision! ANNIE (TURNING AROUND) What do you know?!! RHODES I know that you not taking responsibility is why we're standing out here! YOU did not make an effort to fix that problem. This hits Annie. Rhodes is physically worked up. 114. RHODES (CONT'D) DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT DRIVES ME?! SEEING YOU ALL THE TIME, AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN THOSE FIXED?! DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING THAT IS?! ANNIE Why are you yelling at me?! RHODES It's dangerous! You're putting your life, and others in danger! ANNIE I'm! Sorry! He calms down. RHODES Look, all I know, is that you're kinda crazy. You're always stressed out or late, complaining about something, and now you're yelling at me! And for some reason, all I've ever wanted to do is ask you on a date. ANNIE Well save yourself the trouble, and don't. RHODES Yeah, I'm not much of a hickey guy anyway. Annie remembers her hickey. He saw it?! ANNIE Well, I have said “no” anyway. RHODES Well, then you have yourself a good night ma'am. Annie regrets that. He drives away leaving her there. She is alone. EXT. BILL COZBI'S AUTO ELECTRIC. Annie's car gets towed into the shop. 115. INT - BILL COZBI'S AUTO ELECTRIC BILL enters with a clip board. He is a stocky Milwaukee good guy. BILL Rhodes told me a while back you might be stopping in. I'm Bill Cozbi. ANNIE Oh, hi. BILL I was beginning to think we'd never see ya. ANNIE Yeah, I know. I'm irresponsible. BILL Nah, no one likes taking care of that stuff. But you are going to have to leave your car here for a week or so. ANNIE A week? INT. STEVE'S CAR. CONTINUOUS. STEVE So you kind of had a bad time at the wedding shower? ANNIE Yes I did. Everything's just... She starts crying. Steve hands her a tissue from the middle console. ANNIE (CONT'D) I'm sorry, I just--this has been a really shitty day. STEVE Yeah. Ok, don't get mad at me, but it seems like you have a lot of those. ANNIE Yes I do! Right? Thank you. 116. STEVE Have you considered the idea that maybe, possibly, perhaps, it's you that makes them shitty? Annie stares at him. STEVE (CONT'D) I'm just saying, maybe it's your attitude. ANNIE This is not about attitude. It's just the facts! My life hasn't turned it out the way I expected. I don't have any of those things that gives a person points in the world. STEVE I think that might be your problem. I think you read too many of those magazines. You don't need things to be someone. Tyra said that. Tyra Banks. INT. ANNIE AND STEVE'S APT. Annie sits on the couch with Steve in a daze, watching 'S Lillian. She doesn't even know what to say, so she doesn't answer. CUT TO: INT. JONI'S Annie reads a shitty magazine at the counter. She turns to see the gray-haired, outdoorsy WOMAN that she and Lillian pointed out. WOMAN Is anyone sitting here? ANNIE No. The lady sits next to Annie and smiles at her. CUT TO: 117. INT. COFFEE SHOP. DAY. Annie looks in the classifieds. A lot say “college degree required.” She looks up and sees TED has walked in. TED Hey Annie. ANNIE Oh, hey Ted. You're in town. TED Yeah, yeah. Listen I'm going out tonight but I should be home around 11, you wanna come over? ANNIE Really? Ok, sure. Ted smiles at her. Annie stops herself. ANNIE (CONT'D) Wait no. No. No. I don't think I do. Because answering your booty calls and having you kick me out after a night of no-strings-attached sex doesn't feel good. NO girls feel good after that and if they say they do they're LYING. But it's not your fault. Its me. It's me. Have a great life. And you can keep the plant. Annie grabs her stuff and leaves. INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM THAT NIGHT She lies on her bed staring at the ceiling. She picks up the phone. INT. LILLIAN'S PARENTS HOUSE Lillian's phone lights up, it's on silent. She is 'S names cut out and being placed at different tables. Her mom, Laurie, Helen, and two women argue about the seating chart. Lillian looks distraught. 118. BACK TO ANNIE'S BEDROOM Annie sadly hangs up. INT. QUAINT BAKERY. DAY TIM, the owner is sitting with Annie. TIM Well, I can't think of anything else to tell you. Did you have any questions? ANNIE No, I think we've covered everything. I'm really excited and thank you. Annie gathers her things. ANNIE (CONT'D) I'll see you next Monday. What time do I start? TIM Four a.m. Annie is a little surprised. Ti's smiling. TIM (CONT'D) You'll get used to it. Annie smiles back. ANNIE I won't be late. TIM Oh and I wanna try one of those moonpies. ANNIE (smiling] Yeah. Ok. INT. COLLEGE CAMPUS. Annie weaves through the crowded hallway, approaches a window. 119. ANNIE Hi, I'm here to inquire about financial aid. Her cell phone rings. ADMINISTRATION LADY Take these to the second window. ANNIE I'm sorry? Annie's trying to find her phone. ADMINISTRATION LADY The second window. ANNIE Thanks. It's too late, she looks at her phone. It was Lillian. No message. She doesn't call her back. EXT. BILL COZBI'S. EVENING Annie gets out of Steve's car. INT. BILL COZBI'S. BILL Parts and labor, we're lookin' at eight hundred dollars. But with your discount... ANNIE Discount? RHODES Yeah. Rhodes and I worked out a deal way back when, so, this one's on the house. ANNIE Are you serious? BILL Yep. I owe him big time. He runs background checks on all the guys my daughter dates. There's been a lot of 'em. 120. ANNIE You're kidding! If you see him, would you thank him for me and tell him that I'm crazy and I'm sorry. He'll know what you mean. EXT. HIGHWAY. Annie drives past Rhodes' at his post, flicking her brand new taillights. He sees her, but does't respond. 'T pull her over. She drives by him again and swerves all over the road. He really wants to pull her over, but he doesn't. She goes back one more time, throws a bunch of trash and diet coke cans out of the window. He still ignores her. She gives up and goes home. 't get to this point until this morning. wanted to see if we're going in the right direction with annie uniting bridesmaids and saving the day. INT. ANNIE'S APT. NIGHTTIME. Annie and Steve are in the kitchen, sh's cooking. Steve reads out of the college brochure. STEVE Ok, you can take Women's Studies or Spanish...oooh The History of Wine. The phone rings. ANNIE Hello? MEGAN Annie. It's Megan, Becca Leslie, Dana and Helen. ANNIE Oh. Hi-- INT. HELEN'S ESCALADE MEGAN Lillian's missing! 121. ANNIE What do you mean she's missing? MEGAN We were all supposed to get spray-tans today and she never showed up. No on's heard from her. She could be anywhere, doing anything! She could be ANYWHERE-- LESLIE Jesus Christ, give me the God damn phone. Leslie grabs the phone from Megan. LESLIE (CONT'D) Annie, it's Leslie. Look, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. The weddin's the day after tomorrow, she's been really stressed, so she just probably freaked out and went somewhere. We just want to find her and probably talk her off a ledge. Any ideas? ANNIE Um, gosh I..I don't know. Um, I'll come to you guys. I'll be there in an hour and 45 minutes. I wanna help. Annie hangs up, grabs her keys. She stops, comes back and grabs a small paper bag, and runs out the door. STEVE What about the Science of Jazz? EXT. HIGHWAY. CONTINUOUS Annie pulls over. She puts the piece of paper in the small paper bag. She gets out of the car, leaving it running. A few seconds later she comes back without the bag. Takes a deep breath and drives away. INT. HELEN'S ESCALADE. 2 HOURS LATER. DANA Maybe she's at the park. HELEN The park? Don't be stupid Dana. LESLIE Jeez, take it easy. 122. HELEN Well, it's closed is all I'm just saying. MEGAN Maybe she flew somewhere. Everyone always hides in Mexico. BECCA I don't think she'd leave the country. Maybe she went to the reservoir. HELEN Why would she go to the reservoir? Its just a big tank of water. DANA Ernie and I sometimes go for our morning walk there. It's the next best thing to a lake. ANNIE Oh my God! I think I know where she is. INT. HELEN'S ESCALADE. The girls drive on a dark road. LESLIE How much further? ANNIE We're almost there. BECCA I'm think I'm getting carsick. HELEN Is that supposed to be a dig on my driving? DANA Well you do speed up and slow down a lot. HELEN Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't take a stunt driving course in Renegade missions. BECCA Why do you always have to be so condescending? 123. LESLIE Yeah, its getting really old. HELEN I was being funny! DANA Well it came out a little mean Helen. HELEN Dana who's side are you on? All the girls start yelling. Helen loses control of the car for a split second and drives off the road hitting something. BOOM! The girls scream!!! She pulls over. All the girls are wide eyed and speechless. BECCA What was that? DANA Did we hit something!? HELEN Was it a person? ANNIE Guys it's just a flat. I've gotten tons of them. Annie goes to get out of the car. BECCA/DANA No!/ Annie don't get out!/ It's pitch dark out. HELEN Everybody calm down. I'm calling 911. LESLIE You don't call 911 for a flat tire! A huge truck drives by moving their car a little bit. The girls SCREAM! ANNIE Guys! We're fine. Helen, put the hazards on. Helen puts them on. 124. LESLIE I'm calling AAA. BECCA I'm calling Kevin! ANNIE Helen, do you have a jack? HELEN Probably?! DANA What if we get hit just sitting here? Or kidnapped or chased by an animal? ANNIE Dana calm down. LESLIE Shit! I don't have any service. BECCA Me neither! DANA Oh my God! We're gonna die... Annie has had enough and gets out. The tire is definitely flat. She opens Hele's trunk, lifts the bottom (wherever the jack is in an Escalade] She goes up to the window. INT. HELEN'S ESCALADE. CONTINUOUS. ANNIE Everyone's gotta get out, if you want me to fix this. They complain that its dangerous, i's cold, but they do. Annie puts the jack under car. LESLIE So, how can I help? ANNIE Hold the flashlight. Leslie and Megan watch as Annie pumps the jack. She really does know what she's doing! The car is raising. 125. ANNIE (CONT'D) Megan hand me the wrench. Megan hands it to her. Annie starts to unscrew the lug nuts handing them to Megan, with Leslie by her side. Dana and Becca stand with Helen. DANA That's pretty cool she knows how to do change a tire. BECCA I know. I can't believe she's doing it. Dana and Becca move over to Annie. Helen waits alone. HELEN Just don't scratch anything. The girls are all crouched down to watch Annie in awe. DANA So what are you doing now? ANNIE I'm removing the lug nuts so we can take the tire off. BECCA How does that little thing lift the whole car? MEGAN It uses hydraulic power. It gives a human being the lifting capacity of 1.5 to three tons. LESLIE How do you know this stuff? MEGAN I like cars. There's a real artistry to them. HELEN Are you guys working or talking? We do't have all night. DANA (quickly) Annie is doing the best she can Helen. So why don't you just stand over there and be quiet and wait. 126. Everyone's speechless. HELEN Excuse me?! Dana stands. She has had it with Helen. DANA I said, will you, for once, shut the fuck up!!!?? Dana approaches Helen. The other girls are standing now. DANA (CONT'D) Lillian probably left because of you anyway. HELEN What!? DANA You're so- bossy! You've been acting like you're in charge this whole time! Do't you realize how much pressure sh's under? You know, Lillian did not want to leave her reception in a unicorn-drawn carriage?! She said “That's not me.” And you ordered it anyway! You've been pushing her this whole time! Annie was right. MEGAN Yeah! Helen glares at Megan. HELEN What are you talking about? The only reason you're even in this wedding is because you're the groom's sister. Weirdo. MEGAN I'd rather be the groom's sister than have cameltoe from my $600 pants. We see that Helen has cameltoe. Megan has surprised them. HELEN Why is everyone attacking me? I wasn't the one who caused a huge scene at Lillian's bridal shower and made her cry. 127. Everyone looks at Annie. LESLIE I hate to interrupt this riveting discussion but a really creepy guy in a Trans Am just pulled over. The guy gets out of the car. He is thirty-ish, wears at- shirt with a cat on it and camouflage shorts. TRANS AM MAN Hey it's pretty late. What are you ladies doing? Becca and Dana scramble into the woods. Leslie gets behind the car. ANNIE Just changing the tire. TRANS AM MAN You guys need some man hands for that? ANNIE Nope I think we got it. But thank you. He doesn't leave, the girls worriedly look at each other. TRANS AM MAN Look, if you guys get tired, I live right up that hill. You ladies can just leave your car here, come on up and let us all lay down together. He starts to walk toward them. The girls are scared. Annie gives Megan a look. Megan tries to distract him. MEGAN Hey! Are those snowflake rims? The guy looks at Megan. TRANS AM MAN Yeah, found ‘em in a junk yard. Restored ‘em myself. MEGAN I bet you got a formula 4OO under there? TRANS AM MAN Well, well. Someone knows her cars. 128. MEGAN I'm in the Firebird club. TRANS AM MAN You don't say. I never met a lady in the FBC before. He walks over to Megan, she gives Annie a nod. Annie rushes to the tire and quickly continues changing it. MEGAN You ever make it up to the Trans Am Nationals in Dayton? Becca, Dana, Leslie and Helen are huddled together. They talk in a loud whisper. BECCA What's happening? What's happening? DANA I can hear animals. BECCA Be quiet! The guy is moving closer to Megan. MEGAN Remember Smokey and the Bandit? TRANS AM MAN It's my favorite movie. “Give me a Diablo sandwich and a Dr. Pepper and make it quick . I'm in a goddamn hurry.” He leans into her. MEGAN Why don't you show me what's under the hood? Back at Helen's car. Leslie sneaks over to Annie. LESLIE How's it comin'? ANNIE Almost there. The guy has lifted up his hood and Mega's looking. He puts his hands on her ass. 129. TRANS AM MAN You wanna get in the backseat? MEGAN Uh... He is really getting aggressive, pushing against her. MEGAN (CONT'D) Hey take it easy! HELEN (O.S.) Hey what about me? He turns around to be hit with a huge piece of wood by Helen. He falls. DANA Oh my God!! Annie is frantically releasing the jack. ANNIE OK, everybody in the car! Get in! Megan, Helen let's go! All the girls scramble in the car, Helen starts it. Annie is finishing. TRANS AM MAN Hey you! HELEN Annie get in! TRANS AM MAN I'm gonna get you bitches!! He is coming towards Annie! She turns towards him with the jack. ANNIE Back away! Or I will shove this Jack so far down your throat you will shit out...your fucking..face! TRANS AM MAN Whoa, whoa. Alright. Alright. I'm leaving. ANNIE Get out! 130. TRANS AM MAN I am! I live up the hill though if you change your mind. Annie backs up and jumps in the car. Helen peels away. The girls drive away fast. CONTINUOUS The girls still driving. Megan's eating chips. LESLIE Megan I was freaked out when he leaned up against you. That was a pretty gutsy move. MEGAN Annie's the one who tried to make him eat a car jack. ANNIE Helen hit him over the head with a tree. They all continue talking, Helen and Annie smile. ANNIE (CONT'D) There it is, turn left up here. Go down the little hill. Ok, that's the driveway. It's dark and very rustic. It's LILLIAN'S LAKE HOUSE FROM THE FLASHBACK. Where Lillian and Dougie met. LESLIE God I haven't been here in forever. ANNIE The house is right up here. They pull up to a small cottage and get out of the car. HELEN Her car's not here. DANA Doesn't look like any lights are on. BECCA She's not here. Annie is sitting on the front step, defeated. 131. ANNIE I thought she'd be here. I really thought she'd be here. I'm sorry. DANA Annie, it's ok. ANNIE No, it's not. I don't know what happened. I messed everything up. Lillia's not even talking to me. I think I'm so afraid to see what's really happening. Lillian's moving on to this great life and I feel left behind. And know matter how hard I try, I don't fit in to her life now. Everyone is silent. HELEN Annie, Lillian loves you. (beat] I know I haven't made things easy for you.. I don't have a life and I am bored. Perry is always away and I'm constantly alone and she's been there. And I've been a bridesmaid nine times and although I may have implied it, I....I've never been a Maid of Honor. I wanted to make everything special for Lillian because... I don't have a lot of friends. I wanted her to like me better and to impress her, and everyone else. And I'm just good at throwing parties. I always have been. In fact sometimes I think people only ask me to be in their wedding's because of that. ANNIE Lillian wouldn't do that. If she asked you to be in her wedding it's because you are her friend. Trust me. Dana is crying and takes a picture. The're both startled by the flash. HELEN I'm sorry about the Sea World tickets. ANNIE I'm sorry that when I left the shower I told your neighbors you were shooting a porn. 132. HELEN Oh, I didn't know that you did that. ANNIE Oh, well, sorry. HELEN I deserved it. ANNIE I must say you do put on some pretty spectacular events. HELEN Well, I'm really rich. They smile. ANNIE It is getting pretty late. DANA What should we do about Lillian? ANNIE She'll come home when she's ready. INT. ANNIE HALLWAY. LATE THAT NIGHT (EARLY AM] Annie enters exhausted to find Lillian sitting against her door. Annie walks up and slides down to sit next to her. After a minute. ANNIE You okay? LILLIAN Yeah. Didn't mean to make anyone worry. ANNIE It's okay. I really am sorry. LILLIAN I'm sorry too. I didnt want things to turn out like this. I got so caught up in the frenzy of everything, wanting this one day to be perfect. ANNIE Well its easy to get caught up. 133. LILLIAN And it doesnt help that all my friends hate eachother. ANNIE I'm sorry. But it's all good now. We all talked and everythings cool. HELEN Really?! ANNIE Yup, Helen and I are best friends now. We're going shopping for cream sweaters tomorrow. LILLIAN She's really not so bad. ANNIE I know. LILLIAN I just wish the wedding hadnt become about everything and everyone else but me and Dougie. And now, it's become this thing I never wanted. I did want simple. I wanted colored lanterns, twinkly lights and food everywhere. I wanted a DJ to play all those stupid wedding songs. ANNIE It's not too late to have those things. LILLIAN I'm sorry I didn't know all the stuff you were going through too. Annie is clearly sad. ANNIE It's fine. I just feel really lost right NOW AND-- Lillian hugs her. LILLIAN Nothing's going to change. ANNIE Oh God dont say that. 134. LILLIAN I mean between you and me. ANNIE You want to come in? Steve's home. This could be your last chance as a single woman. LILLIAN Ooooo... EXT HIGHWAY. VERY EARLY NEXT MORNING The small paper bag sits on the side of the road. Cop car pulls up. This is Rhodes' spot, we've seen before. He gets out and walks over to it, confused. He picks it up and it says, “Officer Rhodes”. He's a little weary but opens it and pulls out a note. “I hear you like moonpies.” He looks in the bag and smiles. EXT. WEDDING RECEPTION. BELMONT CLUB. DUSK. Becca and Kevin are slow dancing happily very much in love. Leslie and Paul dancing with two boys trying to join in. They are all happy, he rubs her stomach. Perry and Helen are dancing. They look like they are talking and working things out. He hugs her and kisses her. Lillian and Dougie dance into frame. They are very close. Smiling and kissing. They've never looked happier. She smiles at someone. It's Annie. Annie is watching everyone from the side, smiling also. Steve approaches. STEVE Thanks a lot for bringing me. ANNIE Thanks for coming with me. Megan appears on her other side. MEGAN Yeah, thanks for bringing him. 135. Megan winks at Steve, he grabs her hand and they go to dance. Annie is alone, watching everybody. We see the wedding as a whole. It's a beautiful event. Colored lanterns, twinkly lights, food everywhere. Simple, fun...very Lillian. EXT. RECEPTION. LATER Annie and Lillian walking out of the reception. LILLIAN So when does school start? ANNIE A week. I'm scared. I'm gonna be the oldest one there. LILLIAN So what? Now you can have an affair with your teacher and it won't be gross. They walk down the steps. LILLIAN (CONT'D) Thanks for everything today. Yo've been the best Maid of Honor ever. ANNIE Really? LILLIAN (kidding) MMM. No. That's not true at all. You were pretty terrible. Today you were good. Annie sees the hotel shuttle. ANNIE Oh, I want to catch this shuttle back to the hotel. LILLIAN You're always gonna be my best friend. They hug goodbye. She runs down the stairs. ANNIE I will see YOU in a couple weeks Mrs. Price! 136. Lillian waves goodbye and turns to go back inside. Annie runs towards the shuttle. She's too late. The shuttle drives away without her. She JUST missed it. ANNIE (CONT'D) Wait! Wait! Stop! Great. Of course. The shuttle is gone, but there's something that was on the other side of it. RHODES (O.C.) Need a ride ma'am? It's Rhodes, leaning against his car like Jake in sixteen candles. Annie is all smiles and walks up to him. ANNIE How did you know I was here? RHODES It was really complicated. I remembered the name of this place, I called them up, told them I was a cop calling on official police business, doing a very big investigation and uh, made them tell me all the weddings they had planned for the next two months with a bride named Lillian. [ALT: I'm a cop] Annie smiles. ANNIE Wow. They're looking at each other, not knowing what to do. ANNIE (CONT'D) So, did you get the moonpies? RHODES Yes I did. ANNIE Did you like' em? RHODES Yeah. No. I couldn't eat them. They were completely covered in ants. ANNIE Ooo, I didn't think about that. 137. RHODES You probably should have put it in a plastic wrap or maybe a foil or something. Tupperware would've worked but then I'd have to get it back to you-I'm gonna kiss you right now so... He walks to her and takes her in his arms. They are about to kiss. Rhodes stops. RHODES (CONT'D (CONT'D) I didn't want to miss my chance again. ANNIE (SMILING) Me neither. They MAKE OUT. The end. ALT ENDING Annie is walking back to her hotel. A cop car pulls up next to her. RHODES (O.C.) Need a ride ma'am? She turns to see Rhodes driving slowly next to her. ANNIE How did you know I was here? RHODES I'm a cop. They're looking at each other, not knowing what to do. ANNIE So, did you get the moonpies? RHODES Yes I did. ANNIE Did you like' em? RHODES Yeah. No. I couldn't eat them. They were completely covered in ants. 138. ANNIE Ooo, I didn't think about that. RHODES The real reason I came here today is that I have something that belongs to you. He opens his hand to reveal the ugly carrot. She smiles. He stops the car and unlocks the passenger door. She gets in. They drive off into the sunset.