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Heathers Movie Script

Writer(s) : Daniel Waters

Genres : Comedy

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                               HEATHERS


                        An Original Screenplay

                                  by

                             Daniel Waters









                                                REVISED SECOND DRAFT

                                                Registered WGAW

                                                November 17, 1987








     FADE IN:

     EXT.   SUBURBAN STREET--DAY

     VERONICA SAWYER, a sullen seventeen year old beauty is
     jogging down a suburban street in a stylish running outfit.
     Evocative female voices can be heard, softly wailing.

     EXT.   NEIGHBORHOOD PARK--DAY

     VERONICA lurches into a neighborhood park, running with an
     increasing sense of desperation. The female voices wail louder.

     EXT.   PROMENADE--DAY

     VERONICA whooshes past a series of shops and a movie theatre.

     EXT.   THE SAWYER HOME--DAY

     Reveling in her own sweat and agony, VERONICA bounds onto
     the lawn of her impressive upper middle class home.

     She painfully rushes closer and closer to the front door as
     the female moans swell to a deafening summit. The evocative
     wailing cuts off as she grabs the doorknob.

     INY.   VERONICA'S BEDROOM--DAY

     VERONICA zips into a chic, but understated ensemble as she
     launches into voice-over narration.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               Heather told me she teaches people
               Real Life.

     Composed and unsweaty, VERONICA fingers her bangs in the
     mirror then rambles off.

     INT.   HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY--DAY

     Continuing her narration, VERONICA glides through a bustling
     high school hallway with a frozen smile.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               She said Real Life sucks Losers dry.
               If you want to fuck with the eagles,
               you have to learn to fly.

     OUTSIDE THE CAFETERIA

     With her back turned to the viewer, VERONICA stands at the
     outskirts of the cafeteria entrance. The viewer's viewpoint
     approaches and finally curls around VERONICA to reveal that
     she is writing in a diary, wearing a monocle.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               I said so you teach people how to
               spread their wings and fly. She
               said Yes.

     THE DIARY PAGE

     VERONICA'S pen sways across the diary page forming the words
     echoed by her voice-over.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               I said You're Beautiful.

     A sudden off-screen bark from HEATHER MCNAMARA causes the pen
     to recklessly rocket across the written words.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA (O.S.)
               God, come on Veronica!

     VERONICA coolly pops the monocle from her eye before angrily
     addressing the amusingly robust, conventionally beautiful,
     trendily coiffed HEATHER MCNAMARA.

                             VERONICA
               What's your damage, Heather? You
               ruined my...

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               God, I'm so sure. Don't blame me,
               blame Heather. She told me to haul
               your ass into the caf pronto. Back
               me up, Heather.

     From behind HEATHER MCNAMARA emerges a similarly trendily
     accessorized but noticeably more inhibited waif, HEATHER DUKE.
     She is clutching a tattered copy of "The Catcher in the Rye."

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Yeah, she really wants to talk to you.

                             VERONICA
               Okay, I'm going, I'm going. Jesus...

     INSIDE THE CAFETERIA

     VERONICA, flanked by HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER DUKE,
     strides into the lunchroom pandemonium.

     The stunning HEATHER CHANDLER turns from the tray before her
     toward her incoming comrades. She is dressed stylishly and
     expensively but not trendily; her hair, dramatically tied back.

                             VERONICA
                       (submissively)
               Hello, Heather.

     Pulling out a crumpled piece of yellow paper, HEATHER
     CHANDLER smiles. The content of what Heather says is
     consistently offensive but the tone in which she speaks
     is sexy, dangerous, and mysterious. She is a mythic bitch.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Veronica. Finally. Got a paper of
               Kurt Kelly's. I need you to forge
               a hot and horny but realistically
               low-key note in Kurt's handwriting
               and we'll slip it into Martha
               Dumptruck's lunch tray.

                             VERONICA
               Shit, Heather. I don't have anything
               against Martha Dunnstock.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               You don't have anything for her
               either. Come on, it'll be Very. The
               note'll give her shower nozzle
               masturbation material for weeks.

                             VERONICA
               I'll think about it.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
                       (looking off)
               Don't think.

     POV ON CAFETERIA LINE

     Unattractive and quite overweight, MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK
     guiltily plops two jellos on her tray and clunks forward in line.

     CAFETERIA ENTRANCE

     VERONICA's arm, seemingly involuntary, latches onto the
     outstretched pen.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Splendid. I'll dictate. Veronica
               needs something to write on.
               Heather, bend over.

     Both HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER DUKE bend over. HEATHER
     CHANDLER violently laughs.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               How nice. Two assholes: no waiting.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER DUKE stand erect, embarrassed.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Heather Duke, back down.

     VERONICA scurries to the contorting HEATHER DUKE.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Dear Martha, you're so sweet..

     THE JOCKS' TABLE

     The traditionally handsome KURT KELLY, the serene black EARL
     FRAZIER and the massive RAM sit with other stereotypical
     Jocks taking in VERONICA and the HEATHERS.

                             KURT
               It'd be so righteous to be in a
               Veronica Sawyer-Heather Chandler
               sandwich. Punch it in, Ram.

     KURT and RAM raise their right arms and slam their fists
     together.

                             RAM
               Hell yes. I wanna set a Heather on
               my Johnson and just start spinning
               her like a fucking pinwheel.

     RAM makes a frantic spinning motion. EARL is bored.

                             EARL
               Shit. Right.

                             RAM
               Damn right right.

     CAFETERIA ENTRANCE

     In slow motion, VERONICA finishes the note and rises up
     along with her makeshift desk, HEATHER DUKE.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA hawkishly gazes toward the cafeteria line.

     VERONICA hands the note to an impressed HEATHER CHANDLER.

     MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK pays the CASHIER and then,
     grasping her lunch tray with both paws, moves toward
     VERONICA and the HEATHERS.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA excitedly tugs on HEATHER CHANDLER'S arm as
     MARTHA approaches. With a tranquil smile, HEATHER CHANDLER
     passes the note to her frantic disciple.

     In a self-consciously clandestine manner, HEATHER MCNAMARA
     saunters past MARTHA then wields around to sneakily tuck the
     note onto MARTHA's tray.

     The slow motion concludes as their plump victim shuffles
     past a magnetic preppie PETER DAWSON and a thin, black,
     bespectacled DENNIS. The guys are working a large stand
     which has a cashbox reading THE FAMINE FUND and a banner
     reading WESTERBURG FEEDS THE WORLD.

                             PETER
               Come on people, let's give that
               leftover lunch money to people
               without lunches! Those tater tots
               you threw away today are a delicacy
               in Africa! They're Thanksgiving dinner!

     HEATHERS' TABLE

     The Girls reach their table with HEATHER MCNAMARA and
     HEATHER DUKE sitting themselves down first.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
                       (looking to the stand)
               God, aren't they fed yet? Do they
               even have Thanksgiving in Africa?

                             VERONICA
                       (low key sarcasm)
               Oh sure, Pilgrims, Indians, tater
               tots; it's a real party continent.

     HEATHER CHANDLER draws up a clipboard.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Sawyer. Guess what today is?

                             VERONICA
               Ouch....the lunchtime poll. So
               what's the question?

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Yeah, so what's the question?

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               God-damn Heather, you were with me
               in Study Hall when I thought of it.
               Such a pillowcase.

                             HEATHER DUKE
                       (hurt)
               I forgot.

     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER briskly bop away from the table
     as a wounded HEATHER DUKE retreats to The Catcher in the Rye.

                             VERONICA
               Hey, this question wouldn't be that
               bizarro thing you were babbling
               about over the phone last......

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Shut up, it is. I told Dennis if he
               gave me another topic that was
               political, I'd spew burrito chunks.

     VERONICA shakes her head and looks off. She's suddenly
     captured by the sight of a JAMES DEANESQUE GUY sitting stark
     in a long, tan gunslinger coat, behind a Rebel Without a
     Cause lunchbox. They make eye contact.

     Transfixed, VERONICA crashes into seated BETTY FINN, a slightly
     overweight, unstylishly dressed sweetie surrounded by clones.

                             BETTY
               Sorry Veronica.

                             VERONICA
               Betty Finn. Gosh.....

     VERONICA crouches down, embarrassed and rueful.

                             VERONICA
               I'm really sorry I couldn't make it
               to your birthday party last month.

                             BETTY
               That's okay. Your Mom said you had
               a big date. Heck, I'd probably skip
               my own birthday party for a date.

     VERONICA gently laughs at BETTY's innocent awe.

                             VERONICA
              Don't say that.

                             BETTY
              Oh Ronnie, you have to look at
              what I dug up the other day.

     BETTY pulls from her purse a picture showing a YOUNG BETTY
     FINN AND VERONICA SAWYER, arm-in-arm, dressed in Halloween
     costumes: BETTY is an angel, VERONICA is a witch.

     VERONICA glows at the photo until HEATHER CHANDLER tows
     VERONICA away causing the picture to fall face up on the floor.

                             VERONICA
               I was talking with someone!

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Color me impressed. I thought you
               grew out of Betty Finn.

     THE COUNTRY CLUB KIDS' TABLE

     A coolly coed cabal of Country Club Kids icily eye the
     approaching VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER. Country Club
     kid COUTRNEY sourly speaks out.

                             COURTNEY
               Oh great. Here comes Heather.

                             COURTNEY'S FRIEND
               Shit.

     MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK'S TABLE

     Alone at a table in the Siberia of the cafeteria, MARTHA
     finishes a forkful of chicken. She spears her plate again
     and brings the fork up. The note is wedged inside it.

     THE COUNTRY CLUB KIDS' TABLE

     HEATHER CHANDLER, Veronica in tow, hits the Country Club Kids
     with a salvo of false pleasantness, capped by a scowling smile.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Hi Courtney. Love your blouse. Ooh,
               let me snare a tater.

     COURTNEY express elation in spite of yourself as HEATHER
     CHANDLER delicately takes a tot and turns around to face
     VERONICA. HEATHER CHANDLER inserts her finger in her mouth
     doing the "induce-vomiting" signal before devouring the tot
     and turning back around.

                             COURTNEY
               Thanks. I just got it last night at
               the Limited. Totally blew my allowance.

     HEATHER CHANDLER raises her clipboard. VERONICA closes her
     eyes and shakes her head with a half-smile.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               That's pretty very. Now check this out. You
               win five million dollars from Publishers
               Clearing House, but on the same day Ed
               McMahon gives you the check, aliens
               land on earth and say they're going
               to blow up the world in two days.
               What would you do?

     A stunned tableau; until Country Club Kid KEITH speaks.

                             KEITH
               That's easy. I'd just slide that wad
               over to my father. He's like one of
               the top brokers in the state.

                             VERONICA
               Wake up. In two days, Earth's going
               up like a Roman Candle. Crab Nebula City.

                             KEITH
               Man, in two days, my dad could
               double my money. Triple it.

                             COURTNEY
               If I got that money, I'd give it
               all to the poor. Every cent.

                             VERONICA
               You're beautiful.

     THE FAMINE FUND STAND

     PETER reaches into the Famine Fund Box and takes some bills.

                             PETER
               Dennis, my man, run over to Mickey
               D.'s and get me a Big Mac and some fries.

                             DENNIS
               But that's the Famine Fund money.

                             PETER
               Hey, even Bob Geldof's got to eat.
               If it makes you feel better, bag the
               fries, and nab yourself an Apple Pie.

     CAFETERIA THOROUGHFARE

     HEATHER CHANDLER drags VERONICA down a cafeteria lane.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               If you're going to openly be a bitch....

                             VERONICA
                       (submissive)
               I'm sorry, it's just why can't we
               talk to different kinds of people?

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I
               look like Mother Theresa? If I did,
               I probably wouldn't mind talking to
               the Geek Squad.

     She points to a table of unfashionably dressed and coiffed
     students. Some wear glasses, some wear braces, some wear both.

     THE GEEKS' TABLE

     The GEEKS react to being pointed at. Their boney leader RODNEY
     splatters milk over himself.

                             RODNEY
               Did you see that? Heather Number
               One looked right at us.

                             BIG CYNIC
               It must be love.

     CAFETERIA THOROUGHFARE

     VERONICA confronts HEATHER CHANDLER.

                             VERONICA
               Doesn't it bother you that everyone in
               the school thinks you're a pirahna?

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Like I give a shit. They all want me,
               as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped
               at Westerburg and I'm only a Junior.

                             VERONICA
               Pretend you're a missionary saving
               a colony of cootie victims.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
                       (giving in)
               Whatever. I don't believe this. We're
               going to a party at Remington University
               tonight and we're brushing up our
               conversation skills with the
               scum of the school.

     MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK'S TABLE

     Her sweaty lips moving rapidly, MARTHA anxiously reads the note.

     THE GEEKS' TABLE

     The nervous GEEKS fidget and roughhouse each other in an
     involuntarily immature reaction to their beautiful interviewers.

                             GEEK WITH BRACES
               No seriously, I'd probably go to
               the Pyrimads. With a girl.

                             GEEK WITH GLASSES
               Where you going to get a girl, stud?
               K-Mart?

                             BIG CYNIC
               Taking a hooker to the Pyramids on
               the last day of Mankind. You
               sentimental old fart.

                             BRACES
               Geez, forget it.

                             VERONICA
               What about you Rodney?

                             RODNEY
                       (quietly to the others)
               I told you she knew my name.
                       (beat of contemplation)
               I'd change my life. New clothes.
               New haircut. New house. New home.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               How sad! Blowing all your cash on
               two days of trying to be hip.

     VERONICA tugs HEATHER CHANDLER away from the table.

                             VERONICA
               If you're going to openly be a bitch....

     VERONICA again catches sight of the JAMES DEANESQUE GUY.
     He wraps his fingers around an egg and unfolds them back.
     The egg is gone. He smiles. VERONICA smiles back.

     Her trance is broken by a boisterous HEATHER MCNAMARA and
     HEATHER DUKE who careen into the two pollsters.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               God, scan on Martha Dumptruck.

     POV ON MARTHA

     MARTHA looks up from the note to the JOCKS' table and KURT
     KELLY, then flustered, back down at the note.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               This is the part I hate. The waiting.
               I'd say we're like twenty minutes from
               major humiliation. Come on, Veronica.

     HEATHER CHANDLER floats off. A disturbed VERONICA takes a
     moment to react.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Veronica?

     VERONICA follows the leader. She calls out.

                             VERONICA
               Damn..

     EXT.   SCHOOL PARKING LOT

     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER march into the school parking
     lot toward four HEAVY METALERS (one female) hanging out on a
     car hood. The girls' conversation is heard in voice-over.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               ..you Heather. Deep down all teenagers
               are the same. Didn't you see The
               Breakfast Club?

     BETTY FINN'S TABLE

     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER set themselves down with BETTY
     FINN and her LOOK-ALIKE FRIENDS.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)
               Look at me. I look great. I'm the girl
               in the commercials and the videos.

     JOCKS' TABLE

     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER warily stand at the outskirts
     of the JOCKS' bastion of vulgarity.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)
               I'm the blonde in the bikini on the
               horse holding a Pepsi can.

     INT.   SMOKE-FILLED HALLWAY

     In a dark, smoky hallway, VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER
     cough toward a batch of STONERS in tattered forms of dress.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)
               I'm the princess being spanked on the
               throne by Billy Idol's guitarist's guitar.

     INT.   THE SCHOOL LIBRARY

     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER click-click across the school
     library floor to where an ALL-OUT NERD studies in solitude.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER (V.O.)
               What do I get out of being friends
               with losers. I give them a piece of
               a winner and they stain me with loserness.

     PARKING LOT

     Heavy Metaler MATT grins.

                             MATT
               You get five million dollars but
               some Martians are going to zap you
               in two days. You hear that, Clyde?
               That's got to be the most spooky-ass
               question I've ever heard.

     BETTY FINN'S TABLE

     BETTY FINN daintily peeps up.

                             BETTY FINN
               I think we should use the money
               for an End-of-the-world get-together.
               We could invite guys.

     JOCKS' TABLE

     RAM sputters out some chicken to bellow.

                             RAM
               I'd pay Madonna one million dollars
               to ride my face like the Kentucky
               Derby. She should be paying me, though.

     STONERS' HALLWAY

     A FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET starts to speak, then stops...

                             FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET
               What?

     LIBRARY

     The ALL-OUT NERD lashes out.

                             ALL-OUT NERD
               This is important. With taxes, I'd
               be only getting 3.5 million and....

     PARKING LOT

     Heavy Metaler CLYDE turns from his friend MATT.

                             CLYDE
               If you want a good way to go out
               before the aliens land, get a lion
               from the zoo. Put a remote control
               bomb up its butt. When the lion starts
               tearing you up, press the bomb button.
               You and the lion die like as one.

     Two Heavy Metal lovers, JACKIE and STEVE, intertwined against
     the windshield blankly respond.

                             JACKIE AND STEVE
               Cool.

     CAFETERIA THOROUGHFARE

     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER continue their conversation
     chugging through another busy cafeteria lane.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Just imagine somebody like your
               quasi-fat, goody-good friend Betty
               Finn doing a Crest commercial. No
               one would buy Crest.

                             VERONICA
               Don't tell me. Crest would be
               stained with loserness.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Yeah, and who wants that on their teeth?

     HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEATHER DUKE burst back between them.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Oh God, here we go...

     POV ON MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK

     MARTHA, with awkward apprehension, stumbles toward KURT and
     the JOCKS. VERONICA and the HEATHERS stop breathing.

     MARTHA mumbles something unintelligible from where the girls
     stand. KURT'S head detonates with a terrifying cackle. MARTHA
     flees the cafeteria in horror. VERONICA spins away from her
     mirthful friends in disgust and makes eye contact with the
     similarly disturbed JAMES DEANESQUE GUY.

     VERONICA lurches away. She brakes against the Foodless Fund
     stand where PETER DAWSON is hollering away.

                             PETER
               A dime increases the time! A buck
               brings good luck! Hi Veronica. A
               five keeps the neighborhood alive!
               A ten and you die without sen!

     HEATHER CHANDLER wings a twenty dollar bill into the cashbox.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
                       (to Veronica)
               You wanted to become a member of
               the most powerful clique in the
               school. If I wasn't already the
               head of it, I'd want the same thing.

                             VERONICA
               I'm sorry? What are you oozing about?

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               That episode with the note back
               there was for all of us to enjoy,
               but you're determined to ruin my day.

                             VERONICA
                       (slapping her knee)
               We made a girl want to consider
               suicide. What a scream. What a jest.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Come on you jerk. You know you used
               to have a sense of humor.

     INT.   GIRLS BATHROOM

     Combing their hair in the bathroom mirror, the HEATHERS
     speak in comically whining-and-pathetic imitations of Martha
     Dumptruck as VERONICA shakes her head with a half-smile.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Ku-urt, let's pa-arty.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Ku-urt, I ne-ed an orgasm.

     HEATHER DUKE's gentle off-screen voice slices in.

                             HEATHER DUKE (O.S.)
               Veronica, could you come back here?

               HEATHER CHANDLER AND HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Gross!

                             VERONICA
               A true friend's work is never done.

     VERONICA reveals her right index finger is cut noticeably
     short, then walks over to the stalls.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Grow up, Heather. Bulimia's so '86.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Color me nauseous.

     THE STALL

     VERONICA stands in a tight stall with an ashamed HEATHER DUKE.

                             VERONICA
               Maybe you should see a doctor.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Yeah, maybe.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER (O.S.)
               Come on Heather. We want another
               look at today's lunch.

                             VERONICA
               Geez, don't listen to them.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA (O.S.)
               Did she have the pie or the ice
               cream for dessert?
                       (like a game show host)
               And the answer is.

     HEATHER DUKE holds up her copy of The Catcher in the Rye and
     makes a bizarrely defiant smile.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Yeah, you know Holden Caulfield in
               the Catcher in the Rye wouldn't put
               up with their bogus nonsense.

                             VERONICA
               Well, you better move Holden out
               of the way or he's going to get spewed.

     HEATHER DUKE puts down her book and opens her mouth.
     VERONICA sticks her finger in.

     CAFETERIA ENTRANCE

     A gnarly melange of chicken and potatoes is scraped off a plate
     into a cafeteria trashcan as VERONICA and the HEATHERS stroll
     by outside. VERONICA pauses to peer in at the JAMES DEANESQUE GUY.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               God Veronica, drool much? His name's
               Jason Dean. He's in my American History.

                             VERONICA
               Give me the clipboard.

     As VERONICA walks off, HEATHER MCNAMARA oinks out some amusing
     sexual noises.

     CAFETERIA/JASON DEAN'S TABLE

     VERONICA saunters to JASON DEAN.

                             VERONICA
               Hello Jason Dean.

                             JASON
               Greetings and salutations. Call me
               J.D. Are you a Heather?

                             VERONICA
               No, a Veronica. Sawyer. This may
               seem like a stupid question....

                             J.D.
               There are no stupid questions.

                             VERONICA
               If you inherit five million dollars
               the same day aliens tell the earth
               they're blowing us up in two days,
               what would you do?

                             J.D.
                       (suavely)
               That's the stupidest question I've
               ever heard.

     JOCKS' TABLE

     The JOCKS witness VERONICA and J.D.

                             RAM
               Who does that new kid think he is
               with that coat? Bo Diddley?

                             KURT
               Veronica is into his act. No doubt.

                             RAM
               Let's kick his ass.

                             KURT
               Shit, we're seniors, Ram. Too old
               for that crap. Let's give him a
               scare though.

     J.D.'S TABLE

     An intrigued J.D. laconically answers the question.

                             J.D.
               Probably just row on out to the
               middle of a lake. Bring along my
               sax, some tequila, and some Bach.

                             VERONICA
               How very.

     HEATHER CHANDLER breaks VERONICA's daze of admiration.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Come on.

                             VERONICA (to J.D.)
               Later.

                             J.D.
               Definitely.

     KURT and RAM move into the exiting VERONICA's place.
     RAM sticks his finger through a piece of pie on J.D.'s plate.

                             RAM
               You going to eat this?

                             KURT
               What did your boyfriend say when
               you told him you were moving to
               Sherwood, Ohio?

                             RAM
               Answer him dick!

                             KURT
               Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria
               have a No Fags Allowed Rule?

                             J.D.
               It seems to have an open door policy
               for assholes though, doesn't it?

                             KURT
               What did you say dickweed?

                             J.D.
               I'll repeat myself.

     J.D. gracefully stands, reaches into his coat, and pulls out a
     a .357 Magnum. He fires twice at the viewer.

     EXT.   THE SAWYER BACKYARD--DAY

     Croquet wickets have been set up in standard form. VERONICA and
     the HEATHERS stand at various positions in the yard holding
     different colored mallets next to matching balls. HEATHER
     CHANDLER knocks her ball through the middle wicket.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               God, they won't expell him. They'll
               just suspend him for a week or something.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               He used a real gun. They should
               throw his ass in jail.

                             VERONICA
               No way. He used blanks. All J.D.
               really did was ruin two pairs of
               pants...Maybe not even that...
                       (giggling)
               Can you bleach out urine stains?

     HEATHER CHANDLER knocks her red ball into HEATHER DUKE'S
     green one.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               J.D.? You seem pretty amused. I thought
               you were giving up on high school guys.

                             VERONICA
               Never say never.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               What are you going to do, Heather?
               Take the two shots or send me out?

     The Girls look to the doelike HEATHER DUKE with incredulous faces.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Did you have a brain tumor for
               breakfast? First you ask if you can
               be red, knowing that I'm always red...

     HEATHER CHANDLER places her foot on her red ball. She swings
     her mallet down hard on the red ball sending the adjacent
     green one rocketing into a flower bed.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Shit.

     HEATHER CHANDLER's next shot falls short of the next wicket.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
                       (to HEATHER DUKE)
               Damn. It's your turn Heather.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               No, it's Heather's turn.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA hits her ball through a wicket and squeals.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Anyway, I can say never to high
               school. I've got David.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               King David.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Maybe when you hit maturity you'll
               understand the diff between a Remington
               University man like David and a
               Westerburg boy like Ram "Wham-bam-
               thank-you-maam" Sweeney.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA misses her next shot.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Ram's sweet. Yo Heather, you're up.

     HEATHER DUKE tries to navigate a shot from the flower bed.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               No way, no day!

                             VERONICA
               Give it up girl!

     As her friends howl, HEATHER DUKE slams her ball out of the
     flower bed. The ball bounces off a tree and amazingly goes
     through a wicket. HEATHER DUKE squeals in delight.

              VERONICA                      HEATHER MCNAMARA
         Holy shit!               God, that was unbelievable!

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
              What. A. Shot.

     HEATHER DUKE's next shot falls short of the next wicket.
     VERONICA begins setting up her shot.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               So tonight's the night. Are you
               two excited?

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               I'm giving Veronica her shot. Her
               first Remington Party. Blow it tonight
               girl and it's keggers with kids all
               next year.

                             VERONICA
                       (missing her shot)
               Crap. So who's this Brad guy I've
               been set up with? Witty and urbane
               pre-lawyer or albino accountant?

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Don't worry. David says he's very
               so he's very.

     HEATHER CHANDLER again hits her ball into HEATHER DUKE'S.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Why?

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Why not?

     HEATHER CHANDLER slams HEATHER DUKE's ball back into the
     flower bed. VERONICA'S MOM calls out the back screen door.

                             MOM
               Heather, your Mother's here.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Come on whoever wants a ride.

     As the HEATHERS head into the house, VERONICA picks up HEATHER
     DUKE'S ball and exuberantly throws it back toward the wickets.

     Veronica's MOM, carrying a tray of pate, and DAD, carrying a
     Robert Ludlum book, place themselves around a patio table.

                             DAD
               Take a break Veronica, sit down.

                             VERONICA
               All right.

     VERONICA sinks into the empty middle deck chair.

                             DAD
               So what was the first week of
               Spring Vacation withdrawl like?

                             VERONICA
               I don't know, it was okay, I guess.

                             MOM
               Hey kid, isn't the prom coming up?

                             VERONICA
               I guess.

                             MOM
               Any contestants worth mentioning?

                             VERONICA
               Maybe. There's kind of a dark
               horse now in the running.

                             DAD
                       (looking up)
               Goddamn. Will somebody please tell
               me why I read this spy crap.

                             VERONICA
                       (smiling)
               Because you're an idiot.

                             DAD
               Oh yeah, that's it.

     DAD immediately returns to reading with a wide grin.

                             MOM
                       (shaking her head)
               You two....

                             VERONICA
               Great pate, but I'm going to have
               to motor if I want to be ready for
               the party tonight.

     EXT.   OUTSIDE 7-11--NIGHT

     A Volkswagen Cabriolet pulls up in front of a 7-11 with
     HEATHER CHANDLER at the wheel. VERONICA pops out of the
     car, into the store. HEATHER CHANDLER clamors to her.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Corn nuts!

     INT.   7-11

     Stylishly dressed-to-massacre, VERONICA reaches out to a bag
     of Corn Nuts as J.D.'s off-screen voice disarms her.

                             J.D. (O.S.)
               You going to pull a Big Gulp with that?

                             VERONICA
               No, but if you're nice I'll let
               you buy me a Slurpee. You know
               your 7-11speak pretty well.

                             J.D.
               I've been moved around all my life;
               Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas, Sherwood
               Ohio, there's always a 7-11. Any
               town, any time, I can pop a Ham and
               Cheese in the microwave and feast on
               a Big Wheel. Keeps me sane.

                             VERONICA
               Really? That thing in the caf
               today was pretty severe.

                             J.D.
               The extreme always makes an
               impression, but you're right, it
               was severe. Did you say a Cherry
               or Coke Slurpee?

                             VERONICA
               I didn't. Cherry.

     VERONICA smiles at her Coolness. J.D. returns the smile.

     7-11 PARKING LOT

     VERONICA and J.D. slurp by J.D.'s ferocious motorcycle.

                             VERONICA
               Great bike.

     HEATHER CHANDLER sounds her car horn with a grimace.
     VERONICA glares at her then turns back to J.D.

                             J.D.
               Just a humble perk from my Dad's
               Construction company or should I
               say Deconstruction company?

                             VERONICA
               I don't know. Should you?

                             J.D.
               My father seems to enjoy tearing
               things down more than putting things up.
               Seen the commerical? "Bringing every
               State to a Higher State."

                             VERONICA
               Time out....Jason Dean. Your Pop's
               Fred Dean Construction. Must be
               rough. Moving place to place.

                             J.D.
               Everybody's life's got static. Is
               your life perfect?

                             VERONICA
                       (gently joking)
               Sure, I'm on my way to a party
               at Remington University.

     VERONICA grows serious as the car horn sounds again.

                             VERONICA
               It's not perfect. I don't really
               like my friends.

                             J.D.
               I don't really like your friends either.

                             VERONICA
               It's like they're just people I
               work with and our job is being
               popular and shit.

                             J.D.
               Maybe it's time for a vacation.

     The car horn blares again.

     INT. DORMITORY ROOM--NIGHT

     DAVID, Heather Chandler's fine looking college beau, leads
     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER into a cramped, eclectically
     tacky dorm room. Music pounds the door.

     The semi-handsome BRAD leans aainst a desk while a WHINING
     STUDENT talks with COED ONE who sits on the floor.

                             DAVID
               Throw your coats on the bed, girls.

                             WHINING STUDENT
               That exam was so bogus.

                             COED ONE
               Oh I know. Which exam?

                             DAVID
               Veronica, this is Brad.

                             BRAD
               Excellent. Did you girls bring
               your partying slippers?

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Yeah, let's party.

                             DAVID
               She loves to party.

     As they head out the door, BRAD whispers something in
     BRAD'S FRIEND's ear causing the pair to snarl off a laugh.

     INT.   VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT

     The viewer is taken back and forth from a shattered post-party
     VERONICA to the traumatic dormitory party itself. The sobbing
     monocled VERONICA writes at her desk.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               Dear Diary, I want to kill and you
               have to believe.....damn pen!

     VERONICA frenziedly scribbles, trying to get her pen to write.
     She throws the pen across the room and pulls out another.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               You have to believe it's for more
               than selfish reasons. More than a
               spoke in my menstrual cycle. You
               have to believe me.

     DORMITORY HALLWAY

     The chaotic hallway rumbles with beer cups and loud music.
     VERONICA and HEATHER CHANDLER's stylish garb clashes with the
     laid-back dress of the COLLEGE STUDENTS.

     BRAD anxiously hands VERONICA a cup of beer as he watches
     DAVID and HEATHER CHANDLER move through a staircase door.

                             BRAD
               So, are you a cheerleader?

                             VERONICA
                       (dealing with a jerk)
               No, not at all.
                             BRAD
               You're pretty enough to be one.

                             VERONICA
               Gee, thanks.

                             BRAD
               It's so great to be able to talk
               to a girl and not have to ask
               "What's your major?" I hate that.

     They uncomfortably sip their beers. A deadly pause ensues.

                             BRAD
               So when you go to college, what kind
               of subjects do you think you'll study?

     INT.   DAVID'S DORM ROOM

     HEATHER CHANDLER and DAVID sit on the latter's bed, surrounded
     by a Macintosh and a series of obnoxious Ferrari posters.
     They kiss. DAVID doing most of the work.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Come on David, let's go back to the party.

                             DAVID
                       (unzipping his pants)
               Don't worry, we will. You're just so
               hot tonight. I can't control myself.

     DAVID pushes HEATHER CHANDLER's head down.

     DORM HALLWAY

     BRAD has given up on conversation.

                             BRAD
               So what do you say we head up to my
               room and have a real party. I've got
               the best Windham Hill C.D. collection
               in the dorm.

     A BIG AMIABLE STUDENT approaches before VERONICA can show disgust.

                             BIG AMIABLE STUDENT
               Brad-man, Robinson's looking for
               you. He says he owes you for blow
               and he just got some product himself.

                             BRAD
               You're kidding. That pecker actually
               scored something on his own?

                             BIG AMIABLE STUDENT
                       (ambling off)
               He's in Sheila's room, guy. Party up.

                             BRAD
               Excellent. Veronica, ever do cocaine?

                             VERONICA
               Ever since Phil Collins did that MTV
               anti-drug commercial I refuse everything.

                             BRAD
               Phil Collins? Are you sure he isn't
               drinking and driving?

                             VERONICA
               Jeez, right, then why don't I do drugs?

                             BRAD
               Hey, don't run away now.

     With a wink, BRAD squirms off. VERONICA dashes into the room
     with the coats.

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     VERONICA rampages through her diary.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               Seventeen is the last year Mom buys
               the Twinkies. When you make the
               jump from working weekends at Pizza
               Hut to thirty years at I.B.M., you
               lose something. Not innocence--power.

     J.F.K. the cat jumps onto the Diary.

                             VERONICA
               J.F.K.!

     VERONICA flings the screeching cat off and continues.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               Christ, I can't explain it, but I'm
               allowed an understanding that my
               parents and these Remington University
               assholes have chosen to ignore. I
               understand I must stop Heather.

     DORM "COAT" ROOM

     Panting, VERONICA collapses at a desk in the "coat" room.
     She draws a Vodka bottle from a stockpile of liquor and pours
     some in her beer cup, slouching down in her chair.

     VERONICA lights a match from a 7-11 matchbook. She eerily
     brings her hand closer and closer to the fire until it touches.
     With an eek of pain, she tosses the match away into the Vodka
     cup, setting it afire. VERONICA laughs to herself before
     tossing the flaming cup out the window.

     EXT.   ALLEY OUTSIDE THE DORMITORY  NIGHT

     The flaming cup lands in a large rusted garbage can filled
     with other cups and various refuse. The flames spread...

     INT.   DORMITORY BATHROOM  NIGHT

     A dejected HEATHER CHANDLER walks into a multi-mirror-and-sink
     bathroom. Using a glass off one of the sinks, she gargles some
     water and then spits it at her own reflection.

     THE DORM "COAT" ROOM

     VERONICA closes the window as BRAD opens the door.

                             BRAD
               How's my little cheerleader? Now I
               know everyone at your high school
               isn't so uptight, come on.

                             VERONICA
               Hey really, I don't feel so great.

                             BRAD
               Let's do it on the coats. It'll
               be excellent.

     BRAD plops down onto the bed of coats and begins bouncing.

                             VERONICA
               I have a little prepared speech I
               give when my suitor wants more
               than I'd like to give him....
               Gee Blank, I had a nice....

                             BRAD
               Save the speeches for Malcom X.
               I just wanna get laid.

                             VERONICA
               You don't deserve my fucking speech!

     VERONICA yanks up her coat from beneath BRAD on the bed
     causing him to slide off onto the floor.

     DORM HALLWAY

     VERONICA storms into the hallway but slows down when she
     sees she's attracting attention. She notices an incited
     BRAD slither to the smiling DAVID who chats with some
     STUDENTS, HEATHER CHANDLER on his arm.

     BRAD causes DAVID's smile to ever-so-slightly diminish.
     DAVID whispers to HEATHER CHANDLER who proceeds to set
     down her beer and walk toward VERONICA.

     DORMITORY ALLEY

     The fire in the trashcan is raging.

     DORM HALLWAY

     A steel faced HEATHER CHANDLER comes face-to-face with VERONICA.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               What's your damage? Brad says
               you're being a real cooze.

                             VERONICA
               Heather, I feel awful, like I'm
               going to throw up. Can we jam, please?

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               No. Hell no.

     VERONICA'S eyes fall shut in a near-faint. She flings
     herself down off-screen with some ugly retching sounds.

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     VERONICA savagely scrawls in her diary, tears burning fierce.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               Betty Finn was a true friend and I
               sold her out for a bunch of Swatchdogs
               and Diet Cokeheads. Killing Heather'd
               be like offing the Wicked Witch of the
               West. Or is it East? West! I sound
               like a psycho. Tomorrow I'll be kissing
               her aerobicized ass but tonight let me
               dream of a world without Heather. A
               world where I am free.

     DORM HALLWAY

     VERONICA rises into view with tinges of vomit on her mouth.
     A smile breaks across HEATHER CHANDLER's granite puss.
     VERONICA runs off as STUDENTS laugh in the background.

     DORMITORY ALLEY

     VERONICA charges into the alley. She whips around to face a
     screeching HEATHER CHANDLER. In back of VERONICA, the
     trashcan bellows like Mt. Vesuvius.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               You stupid cunt!

                             VERONICA
               You goddamn bitch!

     The flickering flames cast HEATHER CHANDLER in a demonic light.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               You were nothing before you met me!
               You were playing Barbies with Betty
               Finn! You were a Brownie, you were a
               Bluebird, you were a Girl Scout
               Cookie! I got you into a Remington
               Party! What's my thanks? It's on the
               hallway carpet. I get paid in puke!

                             VERONICA
               Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
                       (totally in control)
               Monday morning, you're history. I'll
               tell everyone about tonight. Transfer
               to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson.
               No one at Westerburg's going to let
               you play their reindeer games.

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     VERONICA flings her diary across the room where it hits the
     wall behind the stunning figure of J.D. VERONICA gasps.

                             J.D.
               Dreadful etiquette. I apologize.

                             VERONICA
                       (exhaling deeply)
               S'okay....

                             J.D.
               I saw the croquet set-up in the back.
               Up for a match?

     VERONICA is simultaneously dismayed and exhilarated. She seems
     ready to burst out all her anxieties but instead....

                             VERONICA
               Sure. But I'm Blue.

     EXT.   THE SAWYER BACKYARD--LATE NIGHT

     The viewer's viewpoint glides through the grass of Veronica's
     backyard uncovering combinations of wickets and articles of
     clothing. A pair of girls shoes and a pair of guys shoes rest
     together by the first wicket.

                             J.D. (V.O.)
               Goddamn, no wonder you looked so
               mangled when I came through the window.

     Feminine socks and masculine socks lay crumpled by the next wicket.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               I've always treated Heather's teen
               queen power plays as bullshit.....

     As VERONICA quiveringly pauses, a stylish blouse and a
     rugged shirt are revealed mingling by another wicket.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               But I'm really scared. Who am I going
               to eat lunch with on Monday? I sound
               like an Afterschool Special.

     The viewer's viewpoint moves to a dress and a pair of jeans
     resting side by side at another wicket.

                             J.D. (V.O.)
               That was my first game of Strip
               Croquet, you know. I thank you.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               You're welcome. It's a lot more
               interesting than just flinging
               off your clothes and boning away
               on the neighbor's swing set.

     VERONICA'S blue mallet has been staked into the ground. Her
     panties hang on one end, J.D.'s underwear hangs on the other.

                             J.D. (O.S.)
               Well, I don't know. There's
               something to be said for...Ouch!

     VERONICA and J.D. are finally revealed, entangled in an
     artful pose upon J.D.'s gunslinger coat. They warmly kiss.
     VERONICA breaks off to uneasily giggle.

                             VERONICA
               What a night.

     J.D. gently bites in to VERONICA's neck. VERONICA grooves on
     it, closing her eyes tightly.

                             VERONICA
               What a life. I almost moved into high
               school out of sixth grade because I
               was some genius. We all decided to
               chuck the idea because I'd have
               trouble making friends, blah-blah-blah.

     VERONICA slides her head down against J.D.'s chest and
     gracefully rests on his lap. Gently fighting slumber, she
     murmurs up to J.D., who showers her face with slow kisses.

                             VERONICA
               Now blah-blah-blah is all I do. I use
               my grand I.Q. to figure out what gloss
               to wear and how to hit three keggers
               before curfew. Some genius.

                             J.D.
               Heather Chandler is one bitch that
               deserves to die.

                             VERONICA
               Killing her won't solve anything.

                             J.D.
               A well-timed lightning bolt through
               her window and Monday morning, all
               the other heathers, shit, everybody
               would be cast fucking adrift.

                             VERONICA
               Well then, I'll pray for rain.

                             J.D.
               See the condoms in the grass over
               there. We killed tonight, Veronica.
               We murdered our baby.

                             VERONICA
               Hey, it was good for me too, Sparky.

                             J.D.
               Just saying it's not hard to end a life.

                             VERONICA
               There's a big difference between
               the most popular girl in the school
               and dead sperm.

     They laugh. VERONICA maneuvers herself into a sitting position.

                             J.D.
               I guess I don't know what the hell
               I'm talking about.

                             VERONICA
               I know exactly what the hell you're
               talking about and you're right, you
               don't know what the hell you're
               talking about. Let's just grow up,
               be adults, and die.

                             J.D.
               Good plan.

                             VERONICA
               But before that, I'd like to see
               Heather Chandler puke her guts out.

     INT.   HEATHER CHANDLER'S BEDROOM--DAY

     HEATHER CHANDLER's bedroom is lushly and expensively
     furnished with a glass coffee table as an eye-catching
     centerpiece. HEATHER CHANDLER half-sleeps in twisted
     bedsheets as MRS. CHANDLER sticks her head in the door.

                             MRS. CHANDLER
               We are leaving soon for your
               grandmother's. If you care to join us...

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Bag that.

                             MRS. CHANDLER
               Is that a "No" in your lingo?

     As the door closes, HEATHER CHANDLER raises her arm and
     gives her departed Mother "the finger."

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Lingo this.

     INT.   THE CHANDLER KITCHEN--DAY

     The sound of a lock being jimmied is heard moments before
     VERONICA and J.D. burst through the door.

                             VERONICA
                       (quietly)
               Trust me. She skips the Saturday
               morning trip to Grandma's even
               when she's not hungover.

                             J.D.
               Then let's just concoct ourselves a
               little hangover cure that'll induce
               her to spew red, white, and blue.

     VERONICA opens the refrigerator. J.D. opens the cupboard
     beneath the sink.

                             VERONICA
               What about orange juice and milk?
               What's the upchuck factor on that?

     J.D. holds up a bottle of Pine-Sol.

                             J.D.
               I'm a Pine-Sol man, myself.

                             VERONICA
               Don't be a dick. That stuff'll
               kill her.

     VERONICA and J.D. make queasy eye-contact. VERONICA descends
     back into the refrigerator with some worked-up enthusiasm as
     J.D. suavely pours bits of various toxic containers (detergent,
     scouring powder) into a glass beer mug.

                             VERONICA
               O-kay. We'll cook up some soup and put
               it in a Coke. Sick, eh? Now should it
               be Chicken-Noodle or Bean-with-Bacon?

                             J.D.
               Man Veronica, pull the plug on that
               shit. I say we go with Big Blue.

     J.D. raises the glass filled with what is now a strange blue
     liquid. VERONICA stares at the glass, scared by her own thoughts.

                             VERONICA
               What are you doing? You just
               can't go.....Besides, she'd never
               drink anything that looks like that.

                             J.D.
               Okay we'll use this. She won't be
               able to tell what she's drinking.

     J.D. pulls down a ceramic cup and triumphantly pours the
     poisonously blue beer glass contents into it. An eerie pause
     ensues. VERONICA takes out a milk carton and a container of orange
     juice. She struts back to the counter in anger, icily muttering.

                             VERONICA
               Just give me a cup, jerk.

     J.D. sheepishly pulls down an identical ceramic cup. VERONICA
     tears it from him and pours some milk and then some orange
     juice into the cup.

                             VERONICA
               Milk and orange juice. Hmmmm. Maybe
               we could cough a phlegm globber in
               it or something.

                             J.D.
               Yeah, great.

     They both start coughing harshly.

                             VERONICA
               No luck? Well, milk and orange juice'll
               do quite nicely. Quite nicely.

                             J.D.
               Chick-en.

                             VERONICA
               You're not funny.

     J.D. turns on his heel and slinks away. VERONICA glares down at
     the mess of toxic containers. With both arms, VERONICA clumps
     the toxic containers together and drops beneath the sink to put
     them away. J.D. swaggers back into the kitchen as VERONICA bobs
     back into view.

                             J.D.
               I'm sorry.

     J.D. kisses the back of her neck. VERONICA closes her eyes
     with a grudging smile.

                             VERONICA
               Bonehead.

     VERONICA dreamily reaches out to one of the two ceramic cups.

     Not the one with milk and orange juice in it.

     HEATHER CHANDLER'S BEDROOM

     HEATHER CHANDLER angelically sleeps as VERONICA and J.D. enter.

                             VERONICA
               Morning, Heather.

     Like a lion, HEATHER CHANDLER rouses herself up.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Veronica. And Jesse James. Quelle
               surprise. Hear about Veronica's
               affection for regurgitation?

                             VERONICA
               We both said a lot of things we
               didn't mean, last night.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Did we? How the hell'd you get in here?

                             J.D.
               Veronica knew you'd have a hangover.
               So I whipped this up. Family recipe.

     J.D. holds out the ceramic cup. HEATHER CHANDLER snorts.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Did you put a phlegm globber in it
               or something? I'm not drinking that piss.

                             J.D.
               I knew this stuff would be too intense.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Intense? Grow up. You think I'll drink
               it just because you call me chicken.

     They do. They're right.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Just give me the cup, jerk.

     HEATHER CHANDLER rises from the bed and struts to J.D. in anger.
     She takes the cup, slams her head back and downs it all. She then
     launches her head forward, her face contorted in agony.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Corn nuts!

     HEATHER CHANDLER'S eyes slam shut and her limp body crashes
     through the glass coffee table. VERONICA and J.D. freeze.

                             J.D.
               Something tells me you picked up
               the wrong cup.

                             VERONICA
               No shit, sherlock. I can't believe
               it. I just killed my best friend.

                             J.D.
               And your worst enemy.

                             VERONICA
               Same difference. Oh jesus, I'm gonna...

     VERONICA staggers to a desk. J.D. laughs out of shock.

                             J.D.
               What are we going to tell the cops?
               "Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge."

                             VERONICA
               Stop kidding around. I'm going to
               have to send my S.A.T. scores to
               San Quentin instead of Stanford.

                             J.D.
               I'm just a little freaked, all right?
                       (a beat)
               You got what you wanted, you know.

                             VERONICA
               It's one thing to want somebody out
               of your life. It's another thing to
               serve them a wake-up cup of Drano.

     VERONICA stares off as J.D. paces like a caged animal. He
     scopes onto the rubble of the shattered coffee table and sees
     Cliff Notes for The Bell Jar plus a magazine proclaiming
     "THE FALL OF THE AMERICAN TEEN" sticking out from beneath
     HEATHER CHANDLER's body.

                             J.D.
               We did a murder. In Ohio, that's a crime.
               But if this was like a suicide thing.....

                             VERONICA
               Like a suicide thing?

                             J.D.
               Adolescence is a period of life
               fraught with anxiety and confusion.

                             VERONICA
                       (calming down)
               I can do Heather's handwriting as
               well as my own.

     VERONICA takes some stationery from the desk and begins
     writing, calling out her words.

                             VERONICA
               "You might think what I've done is
               shocking..."

                             J.D.
               "To me though, suicide is the
               natural answer to the myriad
               of problems life has given me."

                             VERONICA
               That's good, but Heather would
               never use the word "myriad."

                             J.D.
               This is the last thing she'll ever
               write. She'll want to cash in on as
               many fifty-cent words as poss.

                             VERONICA
               She missed "myriad" on a vocab
               test two weeks ago, all right?

                             J.D.
               That only proves my point more. The word
               is a badge for her failures at school.

                             VERONICA
               You're probably right..."People think
               just because you're beautiful and
               popular, life is easy and fun. Nobody
               understood I had feelings too."

                             J.D.
               "I die knowing no one knew the real me."

                             VERONICA
               That's good. Have you done this before?

     VERONICA's smile dies as she looks to HEATHER CHANDLER'S corpse.

     INT.   SCHOOL CONFERENCE ROOM--DAY

     At the head of a long conference table is the bearlike
     PRINCIPAL GOWAN. Circling the table is the gray-haired but
     savvy MRS. POPE, the black counselor PAUL HYDE, the yuppie math
     teacher KEVIN STAPLES, and most noticeably, the eccentrically
     dressed MS. PAULINE FLEMING. Coats are in chairs and cigarette
     smoke is in the air, as the group batters their way through a
     morning mourning conference.

                             PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Any other Principal would take the same
               position. Keep things business as usual.

                             COUNSELOR HYDE
               Heather Chandler's not your everyday
               suicide. She was very popular.

                             PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               I let the kids go before lunch and
               the switchboard'll light up like a
               Christmas Tree.

                             KEVIN STAPLES
               The parents will be sympathetic, sir.
               These are troubled times for the young.

                             MRS. POPE
               I must say I was impressed to see
               that she made proper use of the word
               "myriad" in her suicide note after
               brutalizing it in a vocabulary test.

                             PAULINE
                       (dramatically cutting in)
               I find it profoundly disturbing that
               we are told of a tragic destruction
               of youth and all we can talk about
               is adequate mourning times and
               misused vocabulary words.

     A collective sigh goes across the room.

                             PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Oh Christ.

                             PAULINE
               The school, meaning both students
               and teachers, must revel in this
               revealing moment. I suggest we get
               everyone into the cafeteria and
               just talk. And feel. Together.

                             PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Thank you, Ms. Fleming. Call me
               when the shuttle lands...Now is
               this Heather the cheerleader?

                             COUNSELOR HYDE
               That would be Heather Mcnamara.

                             PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Damn. I'd be willing to go half a
               day for a cheerleader.

                             KEVIN STAPLES
               Let's just pack it in an hour early.

                             PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Done. I hate Mondays.

     INT.   PAULINE FLEMING'S CLASSROOM--DAY

     The desks of the classroom have been maneuvered into an
     amusingly chaotic position by PAULINE'S PUPILS. She is furious.

                             PAULINE
               I said a circle you imbeciles! Forget
               it! Just sit down. I'm just so thrilled
               to be given an example of everything
               I've taught you. That example is
               Heather Chandler. I have the note!

     PAULINE melodramatically lifts the suicide note. The class AAAHS.

                             MALE STUDENT
               All right!

                             PAULINE
               I'll pass the suicide note around
               the room so you can feel its tragic
               beauty for yourself. Let us share
               together the feelings the suicide has
               spurred in us all. Who wants to begin?

                             FEMALE STUDENT
               I heard it was really gnarly. She
               drank Liquid Plumber and Comet and
               stuff then she smashed....

                             PAULINE
               Now, now, we're not here to rehash
               the coroner's report. Let's talk emotions.

                             THE ALL-OUT NERD
               Are we going to be tested on this?

     A stunned PAULINE glares until preppie PETER DAWSON speaks.
     The note continues to be breathlessly passed around.

                             PETER
               Heather and I used to go together,
               but she said I was boring. I realize
               now I wasn't really boring. She was
               just dissatisfied with her life.

                             PAULINE
               That's very good Peter.

     VERONICA lets out a laugh that she disguises as a sob by
     putting her hands over her face.

                             PAULINE
               Dear Veronica, Heather was your
               soulmate.....Share.

                             VERONICA
               Heather was cool, but cruel. The good
               looks and bad manners gave her power,
               but it could not give her happiness.

     The class stares to VERONICA as the suicide note is passed to
     her. She acknowledges it in horror, passes it on, then continues,
     realizing her ability to create truths for a captive audience.

                             VERONICA
               She realized the only way she could
               be happy was to give up her power and
               the only way she could do that was death.

     PAULINE cries. The PUPILS applaud. VERONICA queasily smiles.

     INT.   THE GIRLS LOCKER ROOM--DAY

     The GIRLS are finishing up putting on their clothes.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Oh God, it's so unfair. It's just so
               unfair! We should get a whole week
               off not just an hour.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Write the School Board.

     HEATHER DUKE gnaws on a chicken leg as she speaks.

                             VERONICA
               Watch it, Heather. You could actually
               be digesting food.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Yeah, where's your urge to purge?

                             HEATHER DUKE
                       (belching)
               Fuck it.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA pulls a Swatch from one of the lockers.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Look, heather left behind one of her
               Swatches. She'd want you to have it,
               Veronica. She always said you couldn't
               accessorize for shit.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA tosses the watch to a spooked VERONICA who
     stands up and solemnly puts it on. The FEMALE STONER IN ARMY
     JACKET stops next to their bench.

                             FEMALE STONER IN ARMY JACKET
               I'm sorry about your friend. I thought
               she was your usual airhead bitch.
               Guess I was wrong. Lot of us were.

     HEATHER DUKE bobs up from the world's largest sno-cone.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               What a waste.

     VERONICA zombiesquely moves into the shower area.

                             HEATHER DUKE (V.O.)
               Oh the Humanity.

     THE SHOWER

     VERONICA turns on a shower and lets the water spray against
     her clothes.

     THE LOCKER ROOM

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Veronica, what are you doing?

                             SQUEALING GIRL
               Everyone in the shower!

     The SQUEALING GIRL runs into the shower fully clothed. TWO
     GIGGLING GIRLS follow suit. The HEATHERS look to each other,
     laugh, and run in.

     INT.   THE GIRLS' COACH'S LOCKER ROOM OFFICE

     Heavy Metalers MATT, CLYDE, and STEVE plus Geek RODNEY sneak
     into a darkened room. Girls' laughter drifts in.

                             MATT
               Do I deliver or do I deliver?

                             RODNEY
               Hurry up, we're going to get caught.

                             MATT
               Mellow out Geek. Man, I never
               should have brought you.

                             CLYDE
               Let's see some pussy!

     MATT pulls a curtain revealing a semi-overhead view of the
     showering and clothed GIRLS.

     THE SHOWER

     The GIRLS splash and spin in balletlike slow motion. VERONICA
     stands facing the viewer, the Swatch noticeably attached.

     THE GIRLS' COACH'S LOCKER ROOM OFFICE

     Cautiously quiet pandemonium.

                             MATT
               Does this have something to do with
               menstrual cramps and shit?

                             CLYDE
                       (dazed)
               What the fuck?

                             RODNEY
               We're on Candid Camera, dudes. I
               can feel it.

                             CLYDE
               What the fuck?

                             STEVE
               Do you deliver or do you deliver?

     EXT.   OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL--DAY

     Pulling their coats over their wet clothes, VERONICA and the
     HEATHERS come out of the school.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               That was seriously warped, Veronica.

                             VERONICA
               Uh-huh.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               T.V. cameras!

     In the distance, a T.V. CAMERA CREW is interviewing STUDENTS.
     HEATHER DUKE dashes toward them. HEATHER MCNAMARA freezes.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Oh God, Veronica. My hair! My clothes!

     HEATHER MCNAMARA moans, vibrates, then suddenly races toward
     the cameras. VERONICA looks down at the soaked, stopped Swatch
     on her arm. She takes it off and drops it in a nearby trashcan.

     INT. THE DEAN LIVING ROOM--LATE AFTERNOON

     A massive T.V. set shows the image of HEATHER DUKE
     posed by a tree, talking into a microphone.

                             HEATHER DUKE (T.V.)
               I choose to remember the good times.
               Like when we got our ears pierced
               at the mall.

     The image of HEATHER MCNAMARA sitting in the grass talking
     into a microphone supersedes HEATHER DUKE's.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA (T.V.)
               I can still hear those late night
               talks on the phone.

     The image of PETER DAWSON sitting on a rock comes on next.

                             PETER (T.V.)
               The day I won her that stuffed rhino
               at the 4-H Fair, she said to me....

                             VERONICA (O.S.)
               You're an asshole! Mute him!

     VERONICA and J.D. are seen to be crashed on a couch. J.D.
     pushes a button on the remote control, cutting the sound.

                             J.D.
               Mute!

                             VERONICA
               Next channel, darling.

     The silent image of HEATHER DUKE on a staircase talking into a
     microphone is on the screen.

                             VERONICA (O.S.)
               Heather, how many networks did
               you run to!

     Country Club Courtney appears wearing a T-shirt reading BIGFUN.
     VERONICA takes the remote and turns the sound on.

                             VERONICA
               Oh, I have to hear this.

                             COURTNEY (T.V.)
               In my heart, Heather's still alive.

                             VERONICA
                       (muting Courtney)
               What are you talking about? She
               hated you! You hated her!
                       (to J.D.)
               What are you smiling at?

                             J.D.
               Heather Chandler is more popular
               than ever now.

                             VERONICA
               Yeah. Scary stuff.

     J.D. suddenly looks away from VERONICA with a mischievous
     half-smile. He inexplicably calls out.

                             J.D.
               Why son, I didn't hear you come in.

     J.D.'s father FRED DEAN, stands before them, handsome
     and threatening in a shirt and tie. He is rather
     malevolently holding a rowing machine.

                             FRED DEAN
               Hey Dad, how was work today?

     FRED DEAN slams down his rowing machine and straddles it
     before answering his own question. He rows as he speaks.
     The Brady Bunch sputters on the T.V. screen before him.

                             FRED DEAN
               It was miserable. Some damn tribe of
               withered old bitches doesn't want us
               to terminate that fleabag hotel. All
               because Glenn Miller and his band once
               took a shit there. It's just like
               Kansas. Do you remember fucking Kansas?

                             J.D.
               That was the one with the wheat right?

                             BIG BUD DEAN
               The Save the Memorial Oak Tree
               Society. Showed those fucks.

     J.D. turns to VERONICA with a bemused smile.

                             J.D.
               Thirty Fourth of July fireworks
               attached to the trunk. Arraigned
               but Acquitted.

                             FRED DEAN
               Fucking Kansas. Gosh Pop, I almost
               forgot to introduce my girlfriend.

                             J.D.
               Veronica, Dad. Dad, Veronica.

                             VERONICA
               Hello.

     VERONICA, with a forced smile, reaches to shaked FRED's hand.
     FRED DEAN extends his hand but makes no effort to stop rowing
     hence his hand pulls away from VERONICA. Pop and son laugh.

                             J.D.
               Jason, why don't you ask your
               little friend to stay for dinner.

                             VERONICA
                       (awkwardly standing)
               My Mom's making my favorite meal
               tonight. Spaghetti. Lots of oregano.

                             J.D.
               Nice. The last time I saw my Mom,
               she was waving out the window of a
               library in Texas. Right, Dad?

     BIG BUD DEAN stops rowing to grin a You-Think-You're-Tougher-
     Than-Me-But-You're-Not smile to J.D.

                             BIG BUD DEAD
               Right, son.

                             VERONICA
                       (weakly)
               Right.

     EXT.   THE SAWYER PATIO--DUSK

     Just as in the earlier patio scene, DAD and MOM SAWYER are
     seated at a patio table with an empty chair between them.
     Pate is on the table. DAD smokes a cigarette.

                             DAD
               Take a break Veronica, sit down.

     VERONICA walks into view and sits down.

                             VERONICA
               All right.

                             DAD
               So what was the first day after
               Heather's suicide like?

                             VERONICA
               I don't know, it was okay, I guess.

                             MOM
               Terrible thing. So will we get to
               meet this dark horse prom contender?

                             VERONICA
               Maybe.

                             DAD
                       (looking at his cigarette)
               Goddamn. Will somebody please tell
               me why I smoke these damn things?

                             VERONICA
                       (smiling)
               Because you're an idiot.

                             DAD
               Oh yeah, that's it.

     DAD immediately takes another drag with a wide grin.

                             MOM
                       (shaking her head)
               You two....

                             VERONICA
               Greate pate, but I'm going to have
               to motor if I want to be ready for
               the funeral tomorrow.

     INT.   HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM--DAY

     A montage commences showing the HEATHERS preparing for the funeral.
     HEATHER MCNAMARA models an all-black outfit in front of a
     dressing table mirror. She storms away, pouting.

     INT.   HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM--DAY

     Bobbing up from a fashion magazine whose cover story is FUNERAL
     CHIC, HEATHER DUKE finishes applying black lipstick. A look of
     horror passes over her face and she savagely scrubs her lips.

     INT.   CHURCH--DAY

     A MORTICIAN puts the finishing touches on HEATHER CHANDLER,
     smoothing out her clothes and buffing her face. He gently
     kisses her forehead then quickly rebuffs the spot.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM

     HEATHER MCNAMARA models another black outfit. She responds
     this time with a satisfied smile.

     HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM

     Traditionally made up, a smiling HEATHER DUKE brings a
     crucifix earring to her ear and attaches it.

     INT.   CHURCH--DAY

     HEATHER CHANDLER serenely lies in a coffin as FATHER FAUST
     bellows off-screen. A panorama of ADULTS and STUDENTS is
     revealed at this more social than spiritual event. VERONICA
     and J.D. watch from the back pew.

                             FATHER RIPPER (O.S.)
               I blame not Heather but rather a
               society that tells its youth that
               the answers are on the MTV video
               games. We must pray the other
               teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know
               the name of that "righteous dude"
               who can solve their problems....

     The bald FATHER FAUST finally comes into view.

                             FATHER RIPPER
                       (cont'd)
               It's Jesus Christ and he's in the book.

     KNEELING PODIUM BEFORE COFFIN--LATER

     BETTY FINN is kneeling before HEATHER CHANDLER'S open
     coffin. The viewer hears what she is thinking.

                             BETTY (V.O.)
               May Heather Chandler rest in peace
               even though she committed suicide.
               For-the-kingdom-the-power-and-the-
               glory-are-yours-now-and-forever-Amen.

     BETTY FINN makes the sign of the cross, rises, and exits.
     HEATHER MCNAMARA takes her place on the kneeling podium.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA (V.O.)
               Oh God, this is a tragic thing and
               sometimes I have a hard time dealing
               with it and stuff. Please send Heather
               to heaven and all that. Thanks. I
               mean, Amen.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA exits and PETER DAWSON moves in her place.

                             PETER (V.O.)
               Dear God, make sure this never
               happens to me. I do not think I
               could handle suicide and that's
               the God's honest truth. Pardon
               the pun. Fast-early-acceptance-
               into-an-Ivy-League-school-and-
               please-let-it-be-Harvard. Amen.

     PETER flees and RAM uncomfortably takes his place.

                             RAM (V.O.)
               Jesus God in heaven, uh, why did
               you kill such hot snatch. That's
               a joke, man. People are so serious.
                       (a beat)
               Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven,
               pray for us sinners....so we don't
               get caught. Another joke, man.

     RAM clumsily exits. HEATHER DUKE solemnly kneels in his place.

                             HEATHER DUKE (V.O.)
               I prayed for the death of Heather
               Chandler many times and I felt bad
               every time I did, but I kept doing
               it anyway. Now I know you understood
               everything. Praise Jesus. Alleluia.

     HEATHER DUKE departs and VERONICA kneels in her place.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               Hi. I'm sorry. Technically I didn't
               kill Heather Chandler but hey, who
               am I trying to kid, right? I just
               want my high school to be a nice
               place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy?

     CHURCH LOBBY

     HEATHER MCNAMARA dips a big comb in the holy water basin and
     then combs out her hair. VERONICA breezes by.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Veronica. What are you doing tonight?

                             VERONICA
               Mourning. Maybe watch some T.V. Why?

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Ram asked me out, but he wants to
               double with Kurt and Kurt doesn't
               have a date.

                             VERONICA
               Heather, I've got something
               going with J.D.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Please Veronica. Put Billy the Kid on
               hold tonight, I'll never forget it.

     EXT.   CHURCH PARKING LOT--DAY

     KURT KELLY and RAM stand by RAM'S van.

                             KURT
               We on tonight man?

                             RAM
               I still got to talk to Heather,
               dude. Weird funeral, huh?

                             KURT
               Pretty weird.

     Geeks RODNEY, FAT CYNIC, and BRACES thrust by KURT and RAM.
     BRACES obliviously steps on KURT's foot.

                             KURT
               That pudwapper just stepped on my foot.

                             RAM
               Let's kick his ass.

                             KURT
               Cool off, we're seniors.

                             RAM
               Goddamn Geek!

     BRACES gives them "the finger".

                             BRACES
                       (awkwardly defiant)    
               Sit and spin.

     KURT and RAM turn to each other more amused than angered.

                             KURT
               That little prick.

     The bolting Jocks effortlessly catch BRACES and put him into a
     hunched-over position. The other Geeks look on, ashamed.

                             KURT
               All right you piece of shit fag,
               do you like to suck big dicks?

                             BRACES
               Cut it out!

     RAM pushes BRACES down harder.

                             KURT
               Say it man. Say I like to suck big dicks.

                             RODNEY
               Leave him alone, Kurt.

     J.D. rides by on his motorcycle. He turns to watch KURT,
     wearing an overwhelmingly tinted motorcycle helmet that
     reads THE TRUE KILLER across the top. KURT is spooked.

                             RAM (O.S.)
               Say it!

                             BRACES
               Okay, okay, you like to suck big dicks.

     Unamused, RAM throws BRACES to the ground. BRACES semi-cries.

                             BRACES
               I like to suck big dicks. Mmm-mm!
               I can't get enough of them. Satisfied?

                             KURT
               I'm sure your friends are happy
               to hear that.
                       (with a lisp)
               Right, guys?

     ANOTHER PLACE IN THE PARKING LOT

     VERONICA and HEATHER MCNAMARA sashay through the parking lot.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Don't worry, Ram's been so sweet
               lately, consoling me and stuff.
               It'll be really very. Promise.

     Moving into the background, BRACES wipes dirt and blood off
     his face as his friends glumly watch on.

                             VERONICA
               All right, but I hope it isn't
               going to be one of those nights where
               they get shitfaced and take us to a
               pasture to tip cows.

     EXT.   COW PASTURE--NIGHT

     A COW stands sleeping. Giggling and drunk, KURT and RAM
     scramble around the COW. Uncomfortable and sober, VERONICA
     and HEATHER MCNAMARA look on.

                             KURT
               Is it sleeping, dude?

                             RAM
               I think so, man.

                             KURT
               Then get over on my side. Oh shit,
               cowtipping is the fucking greatest.

                             RAM
               Punch it in!

     KURT and RAM slam their knuckles and then lean against the
     COW, poised to shove. HEATHER MCNAMARA manages a smile but
     VERONICA glares it away.

                             KURT
               Count of three, guy.

                             KURT AND RAM
               One. Two. Three!

     An O.S. Moo and the Jocks' laughter is heard as mud splashes
     against the mortified faces of VERONICA and HEATHER MCNAMARA.

     DEEPER IN THE PASTURE--LATER IN THE NIGHT

     KURT stumbles after a more annoyed than scared VERONICA.

                             KURT
               "When I get that feeling, I need
               sexual healing....."

                             VERONICA
               Yeah, right, asshole.

     VERONICA makes her way up a hill, pausing to compassionately
     stare at RAM on top of a dispirited HEATHER MCNAMARA. KURT's
     intoxicated brain has trouble dealing with the incline.
     Majestically, J.D. appears at the top of the hill. KURT
     squints up the hill and falls over backwards.

                             J.D.
               What is this shit?

                             VERONICA
               I'm doing a favor for Heather. A
               double date. I tried to tell you
               at the funeral but you rode off.

                             KURT
                       (still face down)
               "Feel like making bah da dah bah da
               dah, feel like making love."

                             J.D.
               Another fucking Heather.
                       (harshly laughs)
               I'm sorry. I'm feeling kind of superior
               tonight. Seven high schools in seven
               states and the only thing different
               was my locker combination. We've broke
               through the peer pressure cooker. So
               what if we had to kill Miss Popularity..

     VERONICA clumsily high heels it up the hill.

                             VERONICA
               So what? Don't smile like that, Jesus!

                             J.D.
               Our love is God. Let's get a Slurpee.

     J.D. solemnly reaches toward VERONICA. She, less solemn,
     takes his hand. Their bodies disappear over the hill.

                             KURT
               "And she's buying the stairway to heaven.."

     INT.   NEWSPAPER/YEARBOOK WORKSHOP--DAY

     In a cluttered school workshop, Editor DENNIS and a YEARBOOK
     GIRL, wearing a BIGFUN T-shirt, confer over a layout sheet.
     Dennis's Famine Fund partner PETER DAWSON pouts behind them.

                             DENNIS
               I'm not belittling the Famine Fund
               Peter, but we're talking teen suicide!
               Westerburg finally got one and I'm
               not going to blow it.

                             PETER
               Great. Heather gets the headline and I
               get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon.

     VERONICA breezes in.

                             VERONICA
               Hi Guys. I came to check on this
               week's lunchtime poll topic.

                             DENNIS
               Don't worry about it, Veronica,
               sit down. That funeral yesterday
               must have been really rough.

                             VERONICA
               Oh. Sure.

                             YEARBOOK GIRL
               We were, uh, wondering if maybe you
               had some poems or artwork that
               Heather did that we could put in
               the Heather Chandler yearbook spread?

                             VERONICA
               The what?

                             YEARBOOK GIRL
               Take a look. We'll have a two page
               layout with her suicide note up
               here in the right hand corner.

                             DENNIS
               It's more tasteful than it sounds.

     Country Club COURTNEY and COURTNEY'S FRIEND come in giggling
     and whispering. Seeing VERONICA, they stop dead, then slide
     into chairs, laughing softly.

                             VERONICA
               I don't know. This thing leaves a
               bad taste in my mouth.

                             COURTNEY
               Like last night, Veronica?

     COURTNEY and COURTNEY'S FRIEND explode in laughter.

                             VERONICA
               I'm sorry? I don't get it.

                             COURTNEY
               You did last night.

     More laughter.

                             COURTNEY'S FRIEND
               Kurt told us of your little date.

                             VERONICA
               Yeah. And? I left him drunk and
               flailing in cowshit.

                             COURTNEY
               I don't know. He was really detailed.

                             PETER
               Shut up, Courtney.

                             VERONICA
               Don't shut up. I'd like to know just
               what I did.

                             PETER
                       (gesturing to the door)
               Let me show you that lunchtime
               poll topic, Veronica.

     HALLWAY OUTSIDE WORKSHOP

     PETER tells VERONICA.

                             PETER
               I rarely listen to Neanderthals like
               Kurt Kelly bu-ut he said you were
               bent over like a coffee table with
               Kurt going in one end and Ram coming
               in the other. Pardon the pun.

                             VERONICA
                       (dazed)
               Pardon the pun. Son-of-a-bitch.

     Dizzy, VERONICA hands a clump of dollar bills to PETER.

                             VERONICA
               Thanks Pete, for the Famine Fund.

     PETER cheerfully pockets the cash as VERONICA drifts off.

     INT.   VERONICA'S BEDROOM--DAY

     VERONICA arousingly speaks into her phone.

                             VERONICA
               Hi, Kurt? This is Veronica Sawyer. I
               didn't expect to be calling either. I
               guess my emotions took over. I was
               wondering if you wanted all those
               things you've been saying to really
               happen. It's always been a fantasy of
               mine to have two guys at once......
               Sure, you can write Penthouse Forum.

     Revealed to be lounging on her bed, J.D. laughs out loud.
     VERONICA throws a book at him.

                             VERONICA
               That's right, tonight. In the woods
               behind the school. Don't forget Ram.

     INT.  THE KELLY KITCHEN--DAY

     KURT hangs up with an amazed expression on his face.

                             KURT
               Women.

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     VERONICA and J.D. load guns on VERONICA's bed. VERONICA
     breaks into a laugh.

                             VERONICA
               I don't get the point of me writing
               a suicide note when we'll just be
               shooting them with blanks.

                             J.D.
               Get crucial. We won't be using
               blanks this time.

                             VERONICA
               You can't be serious? Hey listen,
               my Bonnie-and-Clyde days are over.

     VERONICA drops her gun in revulsion and launches off her bed.
     With a patient smile, J.D. pulls her back down.

                             J.D.
               Do you take German?

                             VERONICA
               French.

     J.D. flicks open his gun and pulls a bullet from the chamber.

                             J.D.
               These are Ich Luge bullets. My
               grandfather snared a shitload of
               them in W.W. Two. They're like
               tranquilizers only they break the
               surface of the skin, enough to
               cause blood, but not any real harm.

                             VERONICA
               So it looks like the person's been
               shot and killed when they're really
               just unconscious and bleeding.

     J.D. nods then stands to pace the room, his mind whirring.

                             J.D.
               We shoot Kurt and Ram. Make it look
               like they shot each other. By the time
               Kurt and Ram regain consciousness,
               they'll be the laughingstock's of the
               school. The note's the punchline.
               How'd it turn out?

     VERONICA clumsily extracts the note from her purse. She also
     plucks out the crumpled yellow sample of Kurt's handwriting of
     the opening note-forge scene. She proudly displays both
     papers.

                             VERONICA
               First tell me this similarity is
               not incredible.

                             J.D.
                       (warmly)
               Incredible similarity.

     VERONICA pulls back the note and reads.

                             VERONICA
               Ram and I died the day we realized
               we could never reveal our forbidden
               love to an uncaring and ununderstanding
               world. The joy we shared in each other's
               arms was greater than any touchdown. Yet
               we were forced to live the lie of Sexist-
               Beer Guzzling-Jock-Asshole.

                             J.D.
               Exquisite, but I don't think
               ununderstanding is a word.

                             VERONICA
               We don't want to make them out to be
               too secretly eloquent. Why would the
               Germans invent a bullet that doesn't
               kill people? I mean it was World War
               Two, not a school play.

                             J.D.
                       (rapid-fire)
               They used them on themselves to
               make it look like they were dead.
               Really quite a brilliant device, but
               too flamboyant to seriously produce.

                             VERONICA
               Neat. Let's try it out on J.F.K.

     VERONICA swiftly picks up her gun and aims it at the lovable
     tabby entering the room. J.D. rips it away from her.

                             J.D.
               It doesn't work on small animals!

                             VERONICA
               Oh.

                             J.D.
               Uh well hey, let's take a look at the
               homosexual artifacts I dug up. Now,
               prepare to be a little disappointed.

     J.D. lifts up a feminine shopping bag and gently dumps the
     contents on the bed.

                             J.D.
               We've got a Playgirl, a candy dish, a
               Joan Crawford post card, and lipstick.

                             VERONICA
               You must have had fun.

                             J.D.
               You know it. Oh man, I almost forgot.
               The one perfecto thing I picked up...

     J.D. reaches in both his coat pockets and triumphantly
     raises out two bottles of Perrier water.

                             J.D.
               Perrier water!

                             VERONICA
               Oh come on. Lots of people drink
               Perrier. It's come a long way.

                             J.D.
               This is Ohio. If you don't have a
               brewsky in your hand after dark you
               might as well be wearing a dress.

                             VERONICA
                       (mock-seductively)
               Oh, you're so smart. How about a
               little heterosexuality before we go?

     J.D. laughs then climbs onto VERONICA for a hugging kiss.

     EXT.   SCHOOL PARKING LOT--NIGHT

     A tense KURT and an excited RAM, playing air guitar, walk
     through the parking lot toward the woods.

                             RAM
                       (singing)
               Sex and Drugs and HBO is all I ever
               need! Whoa! Can you hear me! Hello
               Tokyo! I said Sex and Drugs and...

                             KURT
               Shut the fuck up, all right.

                             RAM
               Lighten up, dude. In those woods is
               some of the finest pussy in the school
               and we don't even have to buy it a
               hamburger and a Diet Coke. Punch it in!

     KURT feebly slams knuckles with RAM.

     EXT.   CLEARING IN THE WOODS--NIGHT

     VEONICA stands in the middle of a clearing in the woods.
     She nervously tucks the gun in the back of her dress as KURT
     and RAM emerge into the clearing from a path in the woods.

                             KURT
               Hi Veronica.

                             VERONICA
                       (forced cheerfulness)
               Hi Guys. Glad you could make it.

     RAM smacks his hands together.

                             RAM
               So do we just start fucking?

                             VERONICA
               I've made a circle on each end of
               the clearing. Ram, you come over here.

     KURT steps into the scratched-in-the-dirt circle next to him.
     A confused RAM walks past VERONICA and steps into a circle at
     the opposite end of the foggy clearing.

                             VERONICA
               When you get in the circle, strip.

     The guys pause, then slowly start taking off their clothes.

                             RAM
               What about you?

                             VERONICA
               I was hoping you'd rip my clothes
               off me, sport.

                             RAM
               Oh. Good idea.

     KURT and RAM awkwardly stand at opposite ends in their undies.

                             VERONICA
               Count of three, guys.

     RAM giggles in anticipation.

                             VERONICA
               One.

     KURT finally cracks a smile.

                             VERONICA
               Two.

     J.D. suddenly moves next to VERONICA holding a gun in his
     right hand and the feminine shopping bag in his left.

                             J.D.
               Three.

     J.D. almost non-chalantly shoots RAM in the forehead.

     VERONICA rips out her gun and swings it toward KURT. Using
     both hands, she fires, but misses completely. KURT runs
     away onto the path. VERONICA throws down her gun with a smile.

                             VERONICA
               Shucks.

     J.D. races to VERONICA in a white sweat.

                             J.D.
               Did you miss him completely?

                             VERONICA
                       (giggling)
               Yeah, but don't worry, it was worth
               it just to see the look on....

                             J.D.
               Don't move! I'll get him back!

     VERONICA's laughter cuts off like a faucet. Suddenly trembling
     and confused, she watches J.D. bolt into the woods.

     THE PATH

     A panicked KURT runs on the path through the woods.

     OFF THE PATH

     J.D., with a cold efficiency, weaves through trees.

     THE CLEARING

     VERONICA turns toward Ram's collapsed body.

     THE PATH

     KURT sees the opening at the end of the woods. J.D. suddenly
     moves into the light at the end of the woods and raises his gun.
     KURT runs back the other way with a strangled moan.

     THE CLEARING

     VERONICA approaches Ram's body with increasing shivers. He
     does not look bleeding and unconscious. He looks bleeding
     and dead, dead, dead.

     KURT barrels into the clearing as J.D. howls from the woods.

                             J.D.
               Now!

     In a burst of frightened, animal instinct, VERONICA whips
     around and fires her gun right into KURT's chest.

     SQUAD CAR IN SCHOOL PARKING LOT

     Two cops, MILNER and McCORD, smoke marijuana in a squad car
     already filled with smoke. After a coughing fit, MILNER shouts.

                             MILNER
               I heard it that time!

                             McCORD
               Wha?

                             MILNER
               Another gunshot! From the woods!

                             McCORD
               Shit, let's roll.

     The two officer explode out of the car.

     THE CLEARING

     J.D. puts his gun in RAM's right hand while VERONICA
     zombiesquely does the same with KURT and her gun.

                             VERONICA
               Kurt doesn't look too good.

                             J.D.
               Remember he's left-handed.

     A quivering VERONICA puts the gun in KURT's left hand.

                             MILNER (O.S.)
               Keep going until you hit the clearing!

     J.D.'s head snaps forward. He yanks up VERONICA. They both run
     into the woods behind RAM's body as the two Cops charge into
     the clearing, guns raised. Seeing the Jocks, they stop.

                             McCORD
               Mother of Shit!

                             MILNER
               Call in!

     MILNER looks toward where VERONICA and J.D. ran out.

                             MILNER
               I heard something out there. I'm
               checking it out.

     MILNER runs off as McCORD shouts into a walkie-talkie. He is
     holding the pulse of KURT KELLY.

                             McCORD
               This is Officer McCord and I've got
               two dead bodies in the woods behind
               Westerburg High. Oh my God, one of
               them's Kurt Kelly, the quarterback.

     IN THE WOODS

     VERONICA and J.D. flow through the trees. An Owl hoos.

     ANOTHER PART OF THE WOODS

     MILNER blindly barrels through the woods.

     JUST OUTSIDE THE WOODS

     VERONICA and J.D. come out of the woods and start running up
     a grassy hill toward VERONICA's car which is parked on top.

                             J.D.
               Faster!

     IN THE WOODS

     MILNER is jolted by an OWL-HOO, then continues moving.

     THE HILL

     VERONICA and J.D. reach the car, panting.

     MILNER races out of the woods just as VERONICA and J.D. slam
     the car doors closed behind them. MILNER huffs up the hill.

     THE SAWYER CAR

     VERONICA and J.D. somersault into the backseat and begin
     taking off their clothes.

     THE HILL

     MILNER continues to move up the hill.

     THE SAWYER CAR

     VERONICA and J.D., stripped down to their underwear, embrace.

     OUTSIDE THE CAR

     MILNER approaches the car and peers in. His crackling walkie-
     talkie startles him.

                             McCORD (O.S./walkie-talkie)
               Milner, can you hear me? What's going down?

     MILNER moves away from the car, then speaks into his walkie-talkie.

                             MILNER
               Think what I heard was just a
               stinking owl. All I got is two kids
               making out in the backseat of a
               car. Should I pry them apart?

                             McCORD (O.S./walkie-talkie)
               Forget it. I got all the answers
               back here, partner.

     THE SAWYER CAR

     Seeing the cop move away. VERONICA and J.D. stop kissing. They
     catch their breath, smile, then continue passionately necking.

     THE CLEARING

     MILNER runs back into the clearing.

                             MILNER
               What's the deal?

                             McCORD
               Suicide. Double Suicide. They shot
               each other.

                             MILNER
               That's Kurt Kelly!

                             McCORD
               Yeah, and the linebacker, Ram Sweeney.

                             MILNER
               Oh my God, suicide? Why?

                             McCORD
               Does this answer your question?

     McCORD reaches in the feminine shopping bag and pulls out the
     bottles of Perrier water.

                             MILNER
               Oh man, they were fags!

                             McCORD
               Listen up, "We could never reveal our
               forbidden love to an uncaring and
               ununderstanding world."

                             MILNER
               Ah Jesus H. Fuck. Kurt was a Parade
               magazine Honorable Mention...

     MILNER shakes his head slowly then suddenly looks up.

                             MILNER
               Wait a second. How did they shoot
               each other if we heard two separate
               sets of gunshots?

                             McCORD
               Shit, I always hear gunshots when I'm
               high. Life is one crazy bitch. Don't
               try to analyze it. The quarterback
               buggering the linebacker. What a waste.

                             MILNER
               Oh the humanity.

     INT.   SCHOOL CONFERENCE ROOM--MORNING

     Another morning mourning conference. The participants look a
     little more frazzled. PAULINE sits at the head of the table.

                             KEVIN STAPLES
                       (sotto voce to Counselor Hyde)
               After every touchdown or whatever,
               they give each other a little slap
               on the bottom. It seems innocent...

                             PAULINE (O.S.)
               Shut up.

     The elderly MRS. POPE shakes her head at the suicide note.

                             MRS. POPE
               Look at this. "Ununderstanding."

                             PAULINE
               Will you shut up! We were in a
               similar position Monday and I
               thoughtfully suggested that we get
               the students together for an
               unadulterated emotional outpouring.
               You took the suggestion as an
               opportunity to play yet another round
               of "Let's laugh at the Hippie."

                             COUNSELOR HYDE
               Pauline, if you want a tryout
               for the school play....

     PRINCIPAL GOWAN hoarsely breaks in.

                             PRINCIPAL GOWAN
               Shut up, Paul. I've seen a lot of
               bullshit--angel dust, switchblades,
               sexually perverse photography
               exhibits involving tennis racquets,
               but this suicide thing....I guess
               it's all on Pauline's wavelength.
               We're just going to write off today,
               and Friday she can do her little
               little love-in or whatever. Whatever.

     EXT.   STUDENT PARKING LOT--MORNING

     VERONICA's car is the lone vehicle in the student parking lot.

     THE SAWYER CAR

     A battered VERONICA climbs into the front seat, pulling on her
     blazer. She presses in the car cigarette lighter. J.D. rumbles
     from the back as other cars begin to fill the lot.

                             VERONICA
               We killed them, didn't we?

                             J.D.
               Of course.

     VERONICA tugs out the car lighter and savagely brands the palm
     of her hand. J.D. hurdles into the front seat and bats the
     lighter away. He lights a cigarette off the scorched flesh
     of VERONICA's hand as she wails away.

                             VERONICA
               Ich Luge bullets! I'm an idiot!

     J.D. drags on his cigarette. School buses are pulling in
     outside of the parking lot, in front of the school.

                             J.D.
               You believed it because you wanted
               to believe it. Your true feelings were
               too gross and icky for you to face.

                             VERONICA
               I did not want them dead.

                             J.D.
               Did to.

                             VERONICA
               Did not.

                             J.D.
               Did to.

                             VERONICA
               Did not.

     J.D. launches into a rapid-fire rendition of "did-to's".
     VERONICA responds by holding her hands over her ears and
     singing "We're Off to See the Wizard." J.D.'s "did-to's"
     get louder causing VERONICA to bang on the horn.

     PARKING LOT

     HEATHER DUKE and a vegged out HEATHER MCNAMARA stop sauntering
     through the parking lot to contemplate Veronica's hiccuping car
     and its sparring occupants.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Ah, young love.

     The SQUEALING GIRL bounds up to the Heathers.

                             SQUEELING GIRL
               Did you hear? School's cancelled
               today because Kurt and Ram killed
               themselves in a repressed
               homosexual suicide pact.

                             HEATHER DUKE
                       (incredulous, but amused)
               No way!

     THE SAWYER CAR

     J.D. pulls VERONICA off the horn and warmly places an unlit
     cigarette in her mouth. As he speaks, VERONICA wearily takes
     the cigarette from her mouth and puts it in her blazer pocket.

                             J.D.
               Football season's over, Veronica. Kurt
               and Ram had nothing to offer the school
               but date-rapes and A.I.D.S. jokes.

                             VERONICA
                       (looking to her burnt hand)
               Sure. Can we make an ice run
               before the funeral?

     STUDENTS head back to their cars and the Buses pull back out.

     EXT.   CEMETERY GROUNDS--DAY

     A typically John Waynesque Jock's Father-type, MR. KELLY,
     stands over his son's open grave. FATHER FAUST and a
     seated mixture of ADULTS and STUDENTS watch on.

                             MR. KELLY
               If there's any way you can hear me,
               Kurt buddy, I don't care that you
               really were some pansy. You're my
               flesh-and-blood. You made me proud.
               I love my homosexual son. My son's
               gay and I love him!

     In dark sunglasses, VERONICA wearily leans over to J.D.

                             VERONICA
               Your son's dead and you love him.

                             J.D.
               How do you think Mr. Kelly would
               react to a son with a limp wrist
               with a pulse?

     They quietly laugh. VERONICA sees a LITTLE GIRL staring at her.
     She is wearing Kurt's football jersey and her face is soaked
     in tears. VERONICA's smile turns into a nauseated grimace.

     INT.  SAWYER LIVING ROOM--NIGHT

     Still in stylish funeral garb and dark sunglasses, VERONICA
     collapses onto her couch, splaying next to her MOM. The
     Sawyer T.V. flashes against Veronica's shades.

                             MOM
               How was the funeral?

                             VERONICA
                       (deadpan)
               Superb.

     A young, statuesque blonde appears on-screen. A Super
     reading WHITNEY JAMES-W.E.T.C. COMMENTARY flashes on.

                             WHITNEY JAMES (T.V.)
               It looks like the teen suicide
               epidemic has hit home in Sherwood
               as the death toll at Westerburg
               High rockets to three.

     A shiny number three flashes on and off in the screen's corner.

                             WHITNEY JAMES (T.V.)
               Heather Chandler, Kurt Kelly, and
               Rupert "Ram" Sweeney all had good
               looks and popularity, but there's
               one thing they didn't have: Values,
               Ambition, and Hope.

                             VERONICA
               That's three things.

                             WHITNEY JAMES (T.V.)
               It rained everyday of my Maui
               vacation, but hey, I didn't kill
               myself. I'm Whitney James, Commentary.

     The camera pans to an affable ANCHORMAN.

                             ANCHORMAN (T.V.)
               Thanks Whitney, but I hate to say
               it. It looks like you brought that
               rainy weather back with you.
               Tomorrow's forecast calls for...

     INT.   VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT

     VERONICA lies on the floor next to a Vodka bottle. She
     drinks out of a Dixie cup as she talks on the phone.

                             VERONICA
               No, it's okay J.D., I just kind of
               wanted to talk.....Oh, a newsmagazine
               show on Channel 16. Really? On the
               suicides. No, sounds great. Bye.

     VERONICA hangs up and looks to her battered diary lying
     against the wall. She crawls to the diary and then reaches
     up to her night table to pull down her monocle and a pen.
     She sucks a cup of Vodka and begins writing.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit
               has a body count.

     Sitting up against her bed, VERONICA continues writing as
     J.F.K. laps up Vodka from the Dixie cup.

                              VERONICA (V.O.)
               The most popular people in the school
               are dead. Everybody's sad, but it's a
               good kind of sad. Suicide gave Heather
               depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain. I
               gave J.D. shit about the Ich Luge thing
               but what really frightens me is that
               I'm not frightened by what J.D.'ll do
               next. It's God versus my boyfriend
               and God's losing....

     VERONICA drops her head back and closes her eyes, popping
     out her monocle. She swoons down against the bed onto the
     floor and curls into a fetal slumber.

     THE CAFETERIA

     STUDENTS eat and buzz together in typical cacophony. All are
     wearing black armbands. A jukebox roars.

     PAULINE FLEMING and an entourage of STUDENTS such as PETER
     DAWSON and the HEATHERS invade the cafeteria, heads raised high.

                             PAULINE
               Peter, kill the jukebox.

     As the jukebox amusingly grinds to a halt, PAULINE hoists up
     a bullhorn to her lips and crackles...

                             PAULINE
               Could I have your attention?

     A startled Geek RODNEY splatters milk all over himself.

     STUDENTS whip their heads around to the front of the cafeteria.
     MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK warily looks up from her plate.

     PAULINE FLEMING chants with soaring self-importance.

                             PAULINE
               Our school has been torn apart by
               tragedy. I'm here today to fuse it
               back together through love! I want
               everyone to clasp hands. We need to
               connect this cafeteria into one mighty
               circuit. Let's begin a new happiness!

     A tableau of dumbfounded STUDENTS stare at the Bullhorn Woman.

     INT.   MAIN HALLWAY--SAME TIME

     Hungover in dark sunglasses, VERONICA stumbles down the hall. She
     stops to read a sign plastered on a wall: THE NEW HAPPINESS-
     A Special Lunchtime Announcement Ala Pauline Fleming. VERONICA
     takes off her sunglasses, squints, then continues down the hall.

     THE CAFETERIA

     PAULINE's Evita Peron-like composure is crumbling.

                             PAULINE
               Yo, what's the problem? I know you
               know how to hold hands. Ring-around-
               the-rosy-a-pocketful-of-posy...Forget it!
               I'm just so thrilled to announce that
               Whitney James of WETC News is taping a
               rap session with students from area
               high schools including Westerburg.

     Cheers raucously emerge from the enlivened students.

                             PAULINE
               Let's show the world Westerburg is a
               diverse happy home, not Suicide Central!
                       (shrewdly)
               You know there's some people who say
               Westerburg is too weak and wimpy a
               school to be on T.V. Is that true?

     The STUDENTS make loud, scattered rumblings of the word "No."
     PAULINE hungrily unbuttons her paisley blazer.

                             PAULINE
               No or Hell No?

                             STUDENTS
                       (louder)
               Hell no!

     Frightened and flustered by the fanatic camaraderie around her,
     MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK quakes for a moment then crawls
     underneath her table.

                             PAULINE
               I can't hear you....

     Fingering her bangs in an attempt at composure, VERONICA steps
     into the cafeteria and her fellow students boom.

                             STUDENTS
               HELL NO!

     As a blown away VERONICA takes in the panorama of students
     from different cliques chanting to the beat of PAULINE's
     gospel recital, PAULINE's voice is replaced on the
     soundtrack by the evocative female moanings of the opening scene.

     J.D., also wearing a black armband, stalks VERONICA from
     behind. His hand unzips her dress.

     The female voices swell louder as a glowing VERONICA takes in
     glorious images. Geek BRACES and a JOCK chant together, standing
     on chairs. HEATHER MCNAMARA and HEAVY METALER MATT look to each
     other dubiously then mindlessly shout out. A MORRISONESQUE
     STONER dances on a table of cheering BETTY-FINN-A-LIKES.

     J.D. slides his hand through the opening in Veronica's dress.
     The female voices cut off as the spell over VERONICA breaks.
     She swings her elbow into J.D.'s stomach.

                             VERONICA
               Can't you see this is a special moment?

                             J.D.
               I was just making it more special.

                             PAULINE (O.S.)
               Veronica, there you are!

     VERONICA spins to an electric PAULINE FLEMING glistening in the
     mouth of the cafeteria, flanked by HEATHER DUKE and PETER DAWSON.

                             PAULINE
               You people are in charge of getting
               delegates from every clique in the
               school to be on the Whitney James
               Teenage Suicide Prevention T.V. Special.
               Let's be able to say we were the ones
               who put peer pressure out to pasture.

     J.D. looks out through the cafeteria. He sees Martha poke her
     head out from beneath her lunch table then dart back under.
     J.D. moves away from the chattering group.

                             PETER
               Westerburg? A happy family?

                             PAULINE
               I'm sure you'll work something out.

                             HEATHER DUKE
                       (wickedly)
               Don't worry. We'll work something out.

                             VERONICA
               Yes. Yes. We'll work something out.
               I swear to God. Won't we J.D.?...J.D.?

     MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK'S TABLE

     MARTHA slithers from under the table up into her seat, and head
     down, trys to finish off a bowl of soup. She slowly looks up and
     freezes. J.D. is revealed to be seated across from her, behind his
     Rebel Without a Cause lunch box. He smiles warmly.

                             J.D.
               Greetings and salutations.

     INT.   J.D.'S LIVING ROOM--NIGHT

     VERONICA beams and babbles over the room while on the couch,
     J.D. restlessly works his channel changer.

                             VERONICA
               You shoulda stuck around, jerk. Ms.
               Fleming wants to redefine the high
               school experience.

                             J.D.
               She wants to ignore the high school
               experience. Our way's better. We
               scare people into not being assholes.

                             VERONICA
               Don't even talk about that stuff!

     J.D. comically cups his hands together to holler.

                             J.D.
               You mean the time you blew Kurt
               Kelly's ass away!

     VERONICA throws the first thing she can get her hands on, a
     framed picture of a woman, at the roaring J.D.

                             VERONICA
               You can be so immature!

                             J.D.
                       (looking off)
               You kids are making too much damn noise.

     FRED DEAN is revealed to be standing in the front doorway,
     holding a chest exerciser and waving a videocassette.

                             FRED DEAN
               We beat the bitches.

                             VERONICA
                       (mumbling)
               Oh beautiful. The Beaver's home.

                             FRED DEAN
               Judge told em to slurp shit and die.

     FRED DEAN crams the cassette in his V.C.R. and hefts up a chest
     exerciser. He begins pumping away as the image of a shabby
     building appears on the massive T.V.

                             FRED DEAN
               I put a Norwegian in the boiler room.
               Masterful. When that blew, it set off
               a pack of thermals I'd stuck upstairs.

     The building blows up. FRED DEAN cackles. J.D. politely
     applauds. FRED pops out the videocassette and bounces away.

                             FRED DEAN
               It's great to be alive!

                             VERONICA
               Do you like your father?

                             J.D.
               Never given the matter much thought.
               Liked my mother.

     J.D. picks up the framed picture that Veronica threw.

                             J.D.
               They said her death was an accident.
               But she knew when the explosives were
               set to go off. She knew...

     VERONICA slowly sits down next to J.D. with dazed concern.

                             VERONICA
               Let's just...settle down. Ms. Fleming
               has given us a chance to atone for...

                             J.D.
               Our sins? What sins? If you put a
               Nazi in a concentration camp, does
               that make you a Nazi?

                             VERONICA
               Maybe.

     J.D. exhales in frustration and changes some more channels.

                             J.D.
               Whoa! Amazing!

     THE T.V. SCREEN

     A music video flashes on the Dead T.V. screen. THREE GORGEOUS
     WOMEN, stylishly furnished, evocatively wail the female moans
     heard throughout the film. The video viewpoint then pans to
     two overly gorgeous young men wearing trendy hair and trendy
     clothes. They sing/shout before an all-white background. A
     SUPER in the corner reads BIGFUN/TEENAGE SUICIDE (DON'T DO IT).

                             BIGFUN (T.V.)
               TIMES ARE MEAN FOR A TEEN--WE KNOW!
               PARENTS IGNORE, TEACHERS BORE--WE KNOW!

                             J.D.
               It's the new BigFun video!

     VIDEO:   INT.   A GIRL'S BEDROOM--DAY

     Now in full screen, the video viewpoint cuts to a very depressed
     and very cute, white, female VID VICTIM ONE sitting at her
     dressing table. She pours a bottle of pills into her hand.

                             BIGFUN (V.O.)
               BUT THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO GO!

     BIGFUN magically materialize next to VID VICTIM ONE. The pills
     in her hand have turned into jellybeans. She is ridiculously happy.

                             BIGFUN
               TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO IT!
               TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO IT!

     J.D. pulls out a gun with an ethereal expression on his face.

                             J.D.
               We've made MTV.

     J.D. fires into the radiant image of BIGFUN, destroying the
     T.V. and disgusting VERONICA, who bolts off the couch. He
     raucously crawls after her.

                             VERONICA
               We're breaking up. I am out!

                             J.D.
               Wha-at? Come on, there's another
               T.V. in the kitchen. You know
               you used to have a sense of humor.

     J.D. playfully tackles VERONICA. This calms rather than angers.
     She turns on her back. J.D. follows suit.

                             VERONICA
               You're getting too cool for me, J.D.
               I don't know how to talk to you.

                             J.D.
               Our relationship's moving fast, I know,
               but I have real, real respect for you.

     VERONICA sighs, then rolls over into a crawling position and
     eventually into a walking-out-the-door position.

                             VERONICA
               I'm going to make this Ms. Pauline
               thing work. Lines of communication
               between the cliques. You were a phase....

                             J.D.
               Phase my ass! You'll be back! I'm
               storming Normandy beaches and you're
               running in place with Pauline Fonda's
               airhead peacenik exercise program.
               Have to stay tough! You'll be back.

     J.D. bounds up to a kitchen counter and flicks on a small T.V.
     BIGFUN can be heard booming their song. J.D. broods.

     INT.   EMPTY CLASSROOM--DAY

     J.D. moves to an empty row of desks. He turns the first desk as
     to face the second. HEATHER DUKE warily lowers herself into the
     second desk as J.D. flops a manilla envelope onto it. HEATHER
     DUKE opens the envelope and pulls out a stack of 8 by 10's.
     She gasps.

     The first shot shows a YOUNG HEATHER DUKE in a summer camp
     uniform that vibrantly reads HEATHER, She is holding one end
     of a large poster board drawing of two Eskimos rubbing noses.
     Holding the other end, in a summer camp uniform vibrantly
     reading MARTHA, is a YOUNG MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               What the.....

     With a harsh laugh, she takes in the next photograph. It has
     YOUNG HEATHER DUKE and YOUNG MARTHA eating toasted
     marshmallows off each other's sticks.

                             HEATHER DUKE
                       (trying to stay clam)
               Where did you get these?

                             J.D.
               Oh, I just had the nicest chat with
               Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously! It's
               scary how everyone's got a story to
               tell....Would you care to see the
               canoeing shots?

                             HEATHER DUKE
               What do you want from me?

                             J.D.
               Strength. Westerburg doesn't need mushy
               togetherness, it needs a leader.
               Heather Chandler was that leader but...

                             HEATHER DUKE
               But she couldn't handle it.

     J.D. laughs. She's on the ball.

                             J.D.
               I think you can. In Catcher in the Rye
               Holden says his ideal job'd be making
               sure some kids don't fall off a cliff.
               He doesn't realize if you pay too much
               attention to the kids, you'll back off
               the cliff yourself.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Very very. The photographs?

                             J.D.
               Don't worry. I'll ask you to do me a
               favor. You'll get the negatives and
               everything back then.

     J.D. launches away from his desk with a grin. He places a
     red ribbon on HEATHER DUKE's desk.

                             J.D.
               In the meantime, strength, And hey,
               there's a little gift.

     INT.   THE GIRLS BATHROOM

     A spooked HEATHER DUKE splashes water on her face and looks up
     into the mirror. In a trance, she pulls her hair back Heather
     Chandler fashion and ties it with the ribbon J.D. gave her.

     A BETTY FINN-A-LIKE moves up to the sink beside her. Two CHIC
     BABES enter the bathroom with pouting expressions. Seemingly
     in a trance, HEATHER DUKE bends over and wipes off her wet
     hands using the oblivious BETTY FINN-A-LIKE's dress. HEATHER
     DUKE winks to the now-giggling CHIC BABES and saunters off.

     HALLWAY

     HEATHER DUKE bursts through the bathroom door to wickedly
     strut down the hall. She scowls/smiles in perfect Heather
     Chandler fashion to various passers-by.

     EARL FRAZIER'S LOCKER

     VERONICA genially lobbys the big black EARL FRAZIER.

                             EARL
               Let me get it clear, Veronica. You
               want yourself a sweet homeboy for
               this T.V. show so you can show
               everybody what a loose, Martin Luther
               Cosby-lovng place Westerburg is.

                             VERONICA
                       (chuckling)
               Something like that. Will you do it?

                             EARL
               Damn, you're a shrewd one. Shrewd.

                             VERONICA
               I just want to show different kinds
               of people can get together and it
               doesn't have to be Vietnam. You don't
               get treated badly here do you?

                             EARL
               I don't get treated at all, but hey,
               don't worry about it. I'll do your
               thing. It'll give my Mom a smile.

     VERONICA hands him a Guest Pass tag.

                             VERONICA
               Things are going to change, Earl.

                             EARL
               Uh-huh.

     HEATHER DUKE impishly blinds VERONICA with her hands.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Guess who?

                             VERONICA
               Heather.

     HEATHER DUKE lets go with a small giggle. VERONICA turns to
     face her Heather Chandler-looking friend and her smile dies.
     VERONICA violently pushes HEATHER DUKE away and storms off.

     INT.   VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT

     Lying on the floor, VERONICA concentrates on her phone. With
     a deep sigh, she pushbuttons out a number. She pauses, then...

                             VERONICA
               Ouch. Your machine's got the most
               obnoxious beep. Heather, I'm sorry.

     INT.   HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM

     VERONICA's voice drones through HEATHER DUKE's answering machine.

                             VERONICA (O.S./machine)
               I'm just calling to say you can
               wear your hair any way you want to.

     A Male hand picks up the phone. It's College boy DAVID.

                             DAVID
               Hey Veronica Sawyer, barf on
               anybody's carpet lately?

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     VERONICA cringes.

                             VERONICA
               Is this David? Heather's David?
               What are you doing....

     HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM

                             DAVID
               What can I say? I was pretty broken
               up by Heather C.'s suicide. I needed
               somebody super-sensitive like Heather D.

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

                             VERONICA
               I'm delirious for the both of you.
               Can you put Heather on?

     HEATHER DUKE'S BEDROOM

     DAVID proudly looks down off-screen to his lap.

                             DAVID
               She can't really talk right now.

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     VERONICA slams down the receiver and pulls up a sleek leather
     address book. She severely scans through it. Tossing it away,
     VERONICA then descends into the sundry junk of her night
     table drawer and draws up another address book; this one is
     frayed and pink polka-dotted. She peruses it and dials.....

                             VERONICA
               Hello, Betty.....

     EXT.   SAWYER BACKYARD--DAY

     BETTY FINN hits her ball through a wicket and squeals in
     delight. VERONICA has a motherly smile on her face.

                             BETTY
               I don't believe it. I'm winning.

                             VERONICA
               Don't get cocky, girl.

     BETTY bends down to shoot then raises her body back up.

                             BETTY
               I missed you. I know I'm not as, as
               exciting as your other friends.

                             VERONICA
               That's bullshit. Just shoot.

     BETTY once again bends and raises.

                             BETTY
               Ronnie, I'm still a virgin.

                             VERONICA
                       (warmly)
               Shoot.

     BETTY finally shoots. Feebly.

                             VERONICA
               Betty, your daydreams are a lot
               better than my realities, believe
               me. I'm afraid though it's time to
               get your butt kicked.

                             BETTY
               Ronnie!

     VEONCIA gigglingly shoots, but misses the wicket. And instead
     hits BETTY's ball. Disturbed by the sudden dilemma, she
     determinedly walks to her ball and moves it away from BETTY's.

                             BETTY
               Hey, you're not settling for the two
               shots are you? Knock me out girl.
               It's the only way.

                             VERONICA
               It's not my style, okay?

                             BETTY
               Nice guys finish last. I should know.

     VERONICA sighs then knocks BETTY's adjacent ball sailing
     toward the porch and a statuesque HEATHER DUKE who does
     not budge as the ball whizzes past her.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Brav-o!

                             BETTY FINN
                       (nervously)
               I've got to get going, Veronica.
               See you at the studio.

                             VERONICA
               Sure. See ya.

     HEATHER DUKE walks toward the girls followed by a meandering
     desultory HEATHER MCNAMARA, who picks up a green mallet and
     fragilely swings it; her early robustness a forgotten memory.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Croquet won't be the same without Heather.

     HEATHER DUKE hustles back toward a passing BETTY FINN.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Oh Betty, wait. I almost forgot...The
               Whitney James Teenage Suicide
               Prevention T.V. Special isn't going
               to be taped at the studios. It's
               going to be done in the Park.

                             BETTY
               But I thought...

                             HEATHER DUKE
                       (heading back)
               It's going to be like a big picnic.
               Bring some potato salad...HEY, I'M RED!

     LATER IN THE GAME

     HEATHER DUKE's red ball slams into HEATHER MCNAMARA's green one.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Shit.

                             VERONICA
               So did you call people to tell them
               how to get to the studio tonight?

     HEATHER DUKE savagely "sends" HEATHER MACNAMARA's ball into
     the flower bed.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Back off. I called everyone, even that
               Stoner slut. Felt like giving my phone
               a bath. I told Betty just now...Damn!

     HEATHER DUKE's shot swerves wide of the wicket.

                             VERONICA
               You're so polluted. Talking down to
               people, making fake notes....

     VERONICA blows her shot.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               I don't see what gives you the right
               to lecture, Ronnie. You were
               soulmates with Betty Finn until you
               realized you're the cover of
               Seventeen magazine and she's the
               before half of a Scarsdale Diet ad.

     HEATHER DUKE bashes her ball into VERONICA's and prepares
     to send it.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Some people just don't matter. Why
               should those who do carry their
               weight? Am I right?

     As HEATHER DUKE swings down her mallet, VERONICA steps on her
     own ball. When HEATHER DUKE's mallet makes contact, the two
     balls slam against each other, unmoving, with a loud smack.

                             VERONICA
               No, you're wrong. It's not even
               your turn.

     The depressed and disoriented HEATHER MCNAMARA, laying
     against a tree, pipes in.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               She's right.....Boy, croquet's not
               the same without Heather.

     INT.  WETC T.V. STATION--DUSK

     In a sleek WETC station hallway, VERONICA SAWYER, a Guest Pass
     affixed to her heart, holds her hand in a spurting drinking
     fountain. She watches the water splash her car lighter burn-mark.

                             VERONICA
               Ich Luge bullets. I'm such a jerk.

     PETER DAWSON beams toward her, wearing a Guest Pass.

                             PETER DAWSON
               Veronica, I thought we lost you.

                             VERONICA
               I was waiting for my friend Betty.

     VERONICA looks at her watch then joins PETER's march down the hall.

                             PETER DAWSON
               Teens talking it out on T.V.! Would it be
               pretentious of me to attach a videocassette
               of the show on my Princeton application?

                             VERONICA
          Shucks, that's a great idea, Pete.

     They burst through the studio double doors.

     STUDIO

     VERONICA and PETER take in a panorama of attractive, clean-cut
     STUDENTS from various schools chatting near Wine and Cheese
     tables set up to the side of an impressive, elevated,
     circular stage. All STUDENTS are wearing pink armbands.

                             PETER DAWSON
               This is excellent, but I thought we
               were going to get equal representation
               on this thind: Geeks, Gearheads...

     Out of nowhere, a bubbling HEATHER DUKE knots a pink armband
     around PETER's arm with a giggle.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               They're probably just being
               fashionably late.

     PETER DAWSON prances off with a raucous laugh. VERONICA stares
     dumbfounded at the wicked homogeneity of the STUDENTS as HEATHER
     DUKE ties a pink armband on her.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Is this very or what? Oh, you've
               gotta meet Whitney James! Come on!

     HEATHER DUKE tugs VERONICA across the crowded studio floor to
     where the WETC news set is situated. Smoking casually in her
     anchor's chair is the beautiful WHITNEY JAMES.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Whitney, here's my friend.....

                             WHITNEY JAMES
               Ah please sit down.

     HEATHER DUKE glides away. VERONICA uncomfortably steps onto
     the news set and moves down next to WHITNEY JAMES.

                             WHITNEY JAMES
               I got a confession to make. My name
               used to be Heather, too.

                             VERONICA
               But my name's not...

                             WHITNEY JAMES
               People just don't take the name Heather
               seriously. They should, shouldn't they?

     WINE AND CHEESE TABLE

     HEATHER MCNAMARA surreptitiously picks up a bottle of wine and
     with a sad expression, proceeds to down it.

     THE NEWS SET

     VERONICA apologizes to a blissfully oblivious WHITNEY JAMES.

                             VERONICA
               I'm so sorry. I was led to believe there
               were going to be different kinds of social
               and psychological types at this gathering.

                             WHITNEY JAMES
               Oh, I was scared of the same thing, Heather.
               The minute you try to deal with the actual
               teenagers who have contemplated suicide
               you're stepping into quicksand. Quicksand
               filled with bad complexions, bad grades,
               bad parents, bad drugs, and all sorts of
               doody nobody wants to hear let alone
               bend down to clean up.

     WHITNEY JAMES tears open a bag of Corn Nuts and showers some
     into her mouth. She speaks as she sucks and chews.

                             WHITNEY JAMES
               I'm not knocking teen suicide. It's
               exciting stuff. My personal faves
               are those kids from loaded families
               grabbing the mike to whine how even
               though they bagged a B.M.W. on their
               birthday, they're still quote-unquote
               depressed. It's ridiculous. People who
               say money can't buy happiness don't
               know where to shop.

     WHITNEY JAMES titters. VERONICA is a statue of mortification.

     EXT.   THE NEIGHBORHOOD PARK--TWILIGHT

     In the neighborhood park, gloomy members of various cliques sit
     in silence at picnic tables. All are ludicrously wearing
     Guest Passes. BETTY FINN mumbles down to her potato salad.
     EARL FRAZIER stoically stares off into space. Heavy Metaler
     CLYDE holds an absurdly large picnic basket.

                             CLYDE
               What the fuck?

     NEWS SET

     Completely flabbergasted, VERONICA manages a light tone.

                             VERONICA
               The world wants winners, I guess.
               Not people stained with loserness.

                             WHITNEY JAMES
               Stained with loserness. Oh, I like
               it. Can I use that. It'd be
               dynamite on interoffice memoranda.

                             VERONICA
               It's all yours, Heather. Now if you'll
               excuse me, I'm going to go throw up.

                             WHITNEY JAMES
               Sure. Ciao.

     STUDIO FLOOR

     Sickened, VERONICA stumbles onto the studio floor. Studio
     lights suddenly pop on, momentarily blinding her. PAULINE
     grabs VERONICA by the arm and shouts into the air.

                             PAULINE
               Everyone take their places on the stage!
                       (to Veronica)
               Isn't this thrilling?!

                             VERONICA
               But Ms. Fleming, it's just not right.

                             PAULINE
               What, the wine? I realize you're all
               under 21, but it seemed like such a
               perfect touch.
                       (shouting upward)
               Could we get some more light up here?

     THE STAGE

     The pink armbanded Aryan youths form a circle on the circular stage.
     Pauline moves to a microphone at the center stage beside a
     seated WHITNEY JAMES who's tuning her electric guitar.

     VERONICA helplessly stands between the circle of STUDENTS and
     the two female hosts as the cameras go on. PAULINE sings/speaks
     into the microphone while WHITNEY JAMES strums her guitar.

                             PAULINE
               Our schools have been torn apart by
               tragedy. Let's fuse them back together
               through love. Let's clasp hands and
               connect ourselves in one mighty circuit
               like a dove.

     The students sthereally reach out to each other and clasp
     hands. VERONICA quivers for a moment then bursts through
     a handholding HEATHER DUKE and HEATHER MCNAMARA and off the stage.

                             PAULINE (O.S.)
               Let's begin a new happiness...

     VERONICA swaggers past a seated TECHNICIAN. He pushes up a
     console lever causing the outer edge of the stage, where the
     circle of hand-holding students is, to slowly spin around
     the singing PAULINE and the strumming WHITNEY JAMES.

                             PAULINE
               ...with no more suicide...

                             STUDENTS
                       (eeriely)
               Oh yeah...

     Ripping off her pink armband, VERONICA freezes. Standing at
     the wine and cheese table, gunslinger coat and all, is J.D.
     He turns around and raises his wine glass for a gleeful toast.

                             J.D.
               Holy traumatic experiences, Batman.
               I'm sorry you felt you had to put
               yourself through all that shit. I
               told you it wouldn't...Hey, it's in
               the past already, right?

                             PAULINE
               No more problems....

     Devastated,  VERONICA sways back toward the TECHNICIAN's console.

                             VERONICA
               Oh yeah.

     VERONICA slams the lever back down forcing the spinning circle
     of handholding, pink-armbanded STUDENTS to crash to the ground
     around a taken-aback PAULINE and WHITNEY JAMES.

                             J.D.
               Cute.

     WHITNEY JAMES playfully lets off a Hendrixian riff before
     coolly leaning over to her microphone.

                             WHITNEY JAMES
               Let's go for another take.

     OUTSIDE STUDIO DOORS

     VERONICA bursts through the studio doors, panting rapidly. She
     kicks off her shoes and begins to jog barefoot through the
     station hallway, weaving through various REPORTER-types.

     EXT.  OUTSIDE T.V. STATION--TWILIGHT

     VERONICA pops out the studio door, running faster.

     GRAVELLY ROAD

     She sprints down the side of a road. Her bare feet pound
     against sharp pebbles.

     THE NEIGHBORHOOD PARK

     VERONICA now barrels through the neighborhood park. She looks
     to her outcast classmates. In tableau, they stare back. BETTY
     FINN on a park carousel spins in and out of view.

     PROMENADE

     VERONICA speeds past the shops and the movie theatre. The viewer
     remains at the theatre ticket booth as MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK
     wearing a BIGFUN T-shirt, pushes three dollars through the
     ticket window to a bored female cashier.

                             CASHIER
               Bargain matinees are for the first
               show only.

                             MARTHA
               Oh, I forgot.

     MARTHA puts two crumpled bucks through the window. The
     CASHIER shines a cruelly patronizing smile.

     INT. SAWYER FAMILY/T.V. ROOM--NIGHT

     VERONICA huffs and puffs into her family room where her MOM and
     DAD are watching T.V.

                             DAD
               Hey Veronica, how'd that Teenage
               Prevention T.V. Suicide thing go?

                             VERONICA
               Color me educated. I learned high
               school happiness is for members only,
               Pauline Fleming wouldn't know reality
               if it lived in her uterus, and reality's
               name's Heather James. Also, J.D.'s a
               major creep.

                             MOM
               I don't know what you're talking
               about, honey, but can it wait a bit.
               We're watching this special program
               on Teen Problems.

     VERONICA half-bitterly laughs at the irony.

     INT.  MOVIE THEATRE

     The light of the screen flickers on an overwhelmingly sullen
     MARTHA. She moves her leg and knocks a large Coke across the
     floor. She tragically stares at the Cola pool.

     SAWYER FAMILY/T.V. ROOM

     A DAN RATHER VOICE booms from the T.V. The SAWYERS stare.

                             DAN RATHER VOICE (O.S.)
               Oh sure, I'll bet even back when I
               went to school there were drugs, even
               sex, but they were simpler times. The
               Sherwood suicides tell the bitter
               truth of today's young. What a waste...Oh

     VERONICA snaps off the T.V.

                             MOM
               Turn that back on!

                             VERONICA
               This condescending junk makes suicide
               seem like a cool thing to do. Hey
               kids, make your parents and teachers
               feel like shit! Get the respect in
               death you'll never get in life.

                             DAD
               If we're not going to watch that
               program, can I put on the game?

                             MOM
               Are you trying to tell me it is not
               a troubled time for the nation's youth?

                             VERONICA
               Everybody cares for youth but nobody
               cares about Joey Blow. When that news
               reporter gets home he'll scream at his
               son for not mowing the lawn in the
               right pattern.

                             MOM
               I'm lost. You don't get enough
               attention, you get too much attention.
               Which is it? Where are your shoes?

                         VERONICA
               All we want is to be treated like
               human beings, not like guinea pigs
               to be experimented on and not like
               bunny rabbits to be patronized.

                             DAD
               I don't patronize bunny rabbits.

                             MOM
               Treated like human beings? Is that
               what you said little Miss Voice of
               a Generation? Just how do you think
               adults act with other adults? You
               think it's all just Doubles Tennis.
               Adults can be horrible to other adults.
               When teenagers complain that they
               want to be treated like human beings,
               it's usually because they are being
               treated like human beings.

     VERONICA leans against the wall with a melancholy smile.

                             VERONICA
               I guess I picked the wrong time to
               be a human being.

     MOM is embarassed for getting so involved. She meekly
     gestures to a tray of pate with a compassionate smile.

                             MOM
               You'll live. Want some pate?

     HEATHER DUKE suddenly breezes in the room.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Hi everyone, door was open. Veronica,
               you missed it! Pauline and Whitney
               James were up there doing there
               suicide rap when the cops come in
               and announce that Martha Dumptruck
               tried to buy the farm. She gave
               the ticket girl at the Colfax
               theatre a suicide note then
               bellyflopped in front of a car.

                             VERONICA
                       (repulsed)
               Is she dead?

                             HEATHER DUKE
               That's the punchline. She's still
               alive, in stable condition. Another
               case of a geek trying to imitate the
               popular people of the school and
               failing miserably. Is that pate?

     VERONICA slaps HEATHER DUKE in the face.

     INT.   VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT

     HEATHER DUKE paces the room holding an icepack to her jaw.
     VERONICA is on the ground wiping off her bloodied feet.

                             VERONICA
               I said I was sorry.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               You are out of control. Heather and
               Kurt were a shock, but Martha
               Dumptruck, get crucial! She dialed
               suicide hotlines in her diapers.

                             VERONICA
               You're not funny. Ouch!

     VERONICA rubs her feet. HEATHER DUKS shakes her head.

                             HEATHER DUKE
                       (Heather Chandleresque)
               What. A. Martyr. Understand; Martha
               couldn't take the heat so she got
               out of the kitchen. Just think
               what a better place the world would
               be if every nimrod followed her cue.

                             VERONICA
               Just shut up and turn on the radio.
               Hot Probs is on.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Oh shit, yeah.

     HEATHER DUKE hastens to the radio and flicks it on. Ripping
     open a bag of corn nuts, she sets herself down next to
     VERONICA as a TROUBLED MALE VOICE cuts the air.

                             TROUBLED MALE VOICE (Radio)
               I know it's supposed to be funny
               that they never get off the island,
               but still, sometimes I feel like I'm
               on that island and Gilligan can be just
               so stupid sometimes.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               This sounds like a good one.

     INT.   RADIO STATION BOOTH

     A slob D.J. cackles into a W.E.T.C. conference call-type box.

                             D.J.
               Dude, you've got to remember if it
               wasn't for the courage of the fearless
               crew, the Minnow would be lost. The
               Minnow would be lost! Next call!

                             TROUBLED MALE VOICE
               But Skipper hates me....

     The D.J. rudely clicks off the TROUBLED MALE VOICE.

                             D.J.
               Whoa, they're coming out early tonight.
               What ever happened to teen pregnancy
               and acne? You've got the Dogcatcher on
               W etcetera and you're listening to Hot
               Probs. Who am I talking to?

     INT.    HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT

     HEATHER MCNAMARA is sitting clandestinely on her bedroom
     floor talking on the phone and through her radio. A dim
     Minnie Mouse lamp provides the room's only light.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               My name is Heather, I mean, not Heather.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA looks up at a Madonna poster on the wall.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               It's Madonna. Geez, no, not that.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA looks up to her Minnie Mouse lamp.

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     VERONICA and HEATHER DUKE simultaneously move into stunned
     kneeling positions, half-realizing who the caller is...

                             D.J. (radio)
               Hey babe, I need a name?

     RADIO STATION BOOTH

     The D.J. looks to the conference call box with exasperation.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA (box)
               My name is Minnie.

                             D.J.
               Ah, Minnie. Don't tell me, Mickey
               just confessed he got A.I.D.S. from
               Goofy at a New Year's Eve Party.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA'S BEDROOM

     A broken-down HEATHER MCNAMARA sobs.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               God has cursed me, I think. The
               last time I had sex, the guy killed
               himself the next day. I'm failing Math.

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     HEATHER DUKE excitedlly jumps up as HEATHER MCNAMARA drones on.

               HEATHER DUKE                 HEATHER MCNAMARA (radio)
          Holy shit, that's            My whole life is a mess.
          Heather! We'll               I was supposed to be
          crucify her!                 captain of the cheerleading
                                       team, but I probably won't
               VERONICA                because I miss practice when
          Oh man, she knows we         my Dad visits. My parents
          listen to this show!         are divorced and stuff and....

     INT.   CLASSROOM--DAY

     A blackboard reads POOR LITTLE HEATHER.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               Heather told everyone about Heather.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA is revealed in the front row wearing her
     cheerleader uniform. To the left, HEATHER DUKE dishes with
     some dreamy GUYS. At the back of the classroom, VERONICA,
     monocle in eye, writes in her diary.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               Yes, Dear Diary, I've cut off Heather
               Chandler's head and Heather Duke's head
               has sprouted in its place like some
               mythological thing my eighth grade
               boyfriend would know about. Heather's
               even doing the old note trick.

     A HOMELY GIRL is seen reading a note, glancing to a TYPICAL JOCK.
     VERONICA takes in the wicked panorama of the classroom.

                             VERONICA (V.O.)
               I did it J.D.'s way. I did it
               Pauline's way. Nothing's changed.
               I guess that's Heather's way. And
               jesus, what about J.D.? I can't get
               him out of my head. Are we going
               to the Prom? Or to Hell? And
               where's Heather going?

     HEATHER MCNAMARA suddenly rises and walks out of the classroom,
     passing a GRUFF TEACHER in a trenchcoat, carrying a briefcase.

                             GRUFF TEACHER
               Where's Heather going?

                             HEATHER DUKE
               She's going to cry-y-y.

     INT.   GIRLS BATHROOM--DAY

     HEATHER MCNAMARA struggles to open a bottle of sleeping pills.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Fucking child protector caps.

     THE GRUFF TEACHER'S CLASSROOM

     GRUFF TEACHER writes a math problem on the board. A flustered
     VERONICA squirms in her seat then leaps up and runs to the door.

                             GRUFF TEACHER
               Now where's she going? Is somebody getting
               raped today on All My Children or what?

     GIRLS BATHROOM

     The bottle is smashed open. A palmful of pills is poured out.

     HALLWAY

     VERONICA races down the hall.

     GIRLS BATHROOM

     HEATHER MCNAMARA is a chipmunk with a mouthful of pills.
     She pulls a glass from her purse and turns on a faucet, but
     no water comes out. She manages to mumble.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Give me a break.

     HEATHER MCNAMARA gets running water from another sink as
     VERONICA rushes in. VERONICA punches HEATHER MCNAMARA's
     face causing the pills to explode out of her mouth.
     HEATHER MCNAMARA slumps against a stall, onto the floor.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               What are you trying to do? Kill me?

     VERONICA jumps up and down on the pills on the floor.

                             VERONICA
               What were you trying to do? Sleep?

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Suicide is a private thing.

     VERONICA lunges forward to strike her. HEATHER MCNAMARA
     recoils with a wail. Half-regaining her composure,
     VERONICA slides down next to HEATHER MCNAMARA.

                             VERONICA
               You're giving your life away to
               become a goddamn statistic in U.S.
               Fucking A Today. That's got to be
               the least private thing I can think of.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               But what about Heather and Ram and Kurt?

                             VERONICA
               If everyone jumped off a bridge,
               young lady, would you?

     HEATHER MCNAMARA wipes tears from her eyes and smiles weakly.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Probably....

                             VERONICA
               Hey now, if you were happy every day
               of your life, you wouldn't be a human
               being, you'd be a game show host.

                             HEATHER MCNAMARA
               Let's knock off early. Go to the mall.
               Something lame like that.

                             VERONICA
               Sure.

     INT.   THE EMPTY CLASSROOM--DAY

     Comfortably slouched at a desk, J.D. laconically rumbles.

                             J.D.
               So it's come to this.
                       (turning to the viewer)
               Heather Chandler did polls. I want
               you to do a Petition, as a favor, as
               the favor. Do you know the group Big Fun?

     HEATHER DUKE sits at the desk opposite him torching the
     manilla envelopes (photographs) with a butane lighter.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               TEENAGE SUICIDE; DON'T DO IT!

                             J.D.
                       (post-chortle)
               Some teenybopper rag says Big Fun wants
               to play a Prom. It could be Westerburg's
               if we can get everyone's John Hancock.

     J.D. flips across a stack of blank, connected computer printout
     sheets. At the top is a small paragraph and the word PETITION.
     HEATHER DUKE blows ashes off her desk and grabs it, giggling.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               I'll get right on it coach. And hey,
               a little gift. I won't be needing it.

     HEATHER DUKE twirls her copy of Catcher in the Rye to a pleased J.D.

     INT.   STAIRCASE WINDOW--DAY

     HEATHER DUKE gothically ascends a staircase, holding the
     petition. She stops, arms raised high, to bathe in the
     sunlight blasting through the staircase window.

     INT.   CAFETERIA--DAY

     HEATHER DUKE, petition in hand, sashays toward the
     Country Club Kids table.

                             COURTNEY
               Oh great. Here comes Heather.

                             COURTNEY'S FRIEND
               Shit.

     INT.   SCHOOL BUS--DAY

     HEATHER DUKE chirps to a schoolbusful of various STUDENTS.

     EXT.   BLEACHERS--DAY

     The provocatively dressed Petitioner charms a bleacher of Jocks.

     STAIRCASE WINDOW

     HEATHER DUKE continues to bizarrely bathe in the sunlight of
     the staircase window.

     INT.   FAST FOOD RESTAURANT--NIGHT

     Now in Heavy Metal gear, HEATHER DUKE slams down the petition
     atop a booth of Metalheads.

     INT.   THE SMOKE-FILLED HALLWAY--DAY                                   139

     Decked out in denim, HEATHER DUKE vanishes into the Stoner
     Hallway smoke, with the petition.

     THE STAIRCASE WINDOW

     HEATHER DUKE further writhes in the sunlight until
     VERONICA's perplexed voice cuts into her bliss.

                             VERONICA (O.S.)
               Heather?

     HEATHER DUKE brings down her arms and the petition and turns
     to VERONICA, revealed to be descending down the steps.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Veronica! Color me stoked, girl. I've
               gotten everyone to sign this petition
               even the one who think BigFun are
               tuneless Eurofags. People love me!
                       (giggling)
               My God, you haven't signed!

                             VERONICA
               People love you but I know you.
               Jennifer Forbes told me the petition
               she signed was to put a jacuzzi in
               the cafeteria. And Doug Hylton...

                             HEATHER DUKE
                       (verbally winking)
               So some people need different kinds
               of "convincing" than others....
                       (happiness evaporating)
               Hey, just sign the petition!

                             VERONICA
               Don't talk to me like that.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               It was J.D.'s idea! He made
               out the signature sheet and
               everything. Now will you sign it?

                             VERONICA
                       (queasy)
               No.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Jealous much?

     VERONICA slaps HEATHER DUKE with all her might.

                             VERONICA
               Heather, why can't you just be a
               friend? Why are you such a MegaBitch?

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Because I can be! The same fucking cheek,
               goddamnit! Why are you pulling my dick?
               Do you think, do you really think, if
               Betty Finn's fairy godmother made her
               Cool, she'd still act nice and hang with
               her dweebette friends? No way! Uh-Uh!

     HEATHER DUKE stumbles down the stairs. J.D.'s voice cuts
     into VERONICA's concentration.

                             J.D. (O.S.)
               Wanna go out tonight?

     VERONICA grimly turns to see a smirking, descending J.D.

                             J.D.
               Catch a movie? Miniature Golf?

                             VERONICA
                       (jokingly but caustically)
               I was thinking more along the lines
               of slitting Heather Duke's wrists
               open and making it look like a suicide.

                             J.D.
               I could be up for that. I've already
               started underlining meaningful passages
               in Heather's copy of Catcher in the Rye,
               if you know what I mean. So are we on?

     VERONICA somberly steps forward to J.D., grabs his elbows, then
     pulls him gently, seemingly for a kiss. She spits in his face
     and bolts down the stairs, calling up to him.

                             VERONICA
               It's over, J.D.  Over!

                             J.D.
               I don't get it! You were wrong! I was
               right! Strength, damnit! Come back!


     INT.   SAWYER LIVING ROOM--DUSK

     Intensely clutching her schoolbooks, VERONICA walks through the
     front door into the living room where MOM and DAD sit with
     aggressively compassionate faces. VERONICA is a bit confused.

                             VERONICA
               Yes?

     MOM and DAD glance at each other before MOM speaks.

                             MOM
               Your friend Jason Dean just stopped
               by. He seemed very concerned about
               you. He said he thinks you might
               try to kill yourself.

                             DAD
               You have been depressed lately. Oh,
               he said this is for you.

     DAD holds out an envelope. VERONICA nabs it and rips it open.
     The note reads, in feminine manuscript: RECOGNIZE THE HANDWRITING?

                             VERONICA
               Oh my God....

     VERONICA runs off, her mother's voice trailing behind her.

                             MOM (O.S.)
               He says we should keep you away from
               sharp objects, closed garages, toxic...

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     VERONICA vaults through her bedroom door. A Barbie doll wearing
     a BigFun T-shirt hangs from a noose. With a whimper, she
     swerves away from it and dives onto her bed.

     EXT.   OUTSIDE THE SAWYER HOUSE--NIGHT

     J.D. laconically leans against his motorcycle with his legs
     suavely crossed. He looks up to Veronica's bedroom window and
     hears another whimper emerge. He puts a cigarette in his mouth
     and lights it with a smile.

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     VERONICA curls into a fetal position on her bed and closes her
     eyes.....tighter and tighter as J.D.'s voice.

                             J.D. (O.S.)
               "You can't ever find a place nice
               and peaceful because there isn't any."

     VERONICA flops around to see J.D. kneeling over her on her bed
     reading Heather Duke's copy of The Catcher in the Rye.

                             J.D.
               Nice. It's got that Catcher-in-the-Ryey-
               I-hate-the-world-and-the-world-hates-me-
               so-let's-commit-suicide ambience. Give
               it a try, underline something.

     J.D. giddily underlines words then slides into a prone
     position, tossing the book to an enraged VERONICA.

                             VERONICA
               Get off my bed, you sick psycho!
               You think you're a rebel! You're
               not a rebel! You're a sick psycho!
               Do you think you're a rebel? Do you
               think you're a rebel? I wanna know!

                             J.D.
               "You say tomayto, I say tomahto. Let's
               call the whole thing off...Hold it!

     VERONICA freezes and J.D. reaches up to her hand where she
     holds the Catcher in the Rye. Her index finger is curled into
     the book. Sitting up, J.D. carefully opens the book at that
     place and peers in.

                             J.D.
               Look at that. Eskimo. One word. I
               love it. I usually go for whole
               sentences myself, but hey this is
               perfecto. Eskimo. So mysterious...

                             VERONICA
               Wait a....You're not listening! I'm
               not on your side....

     J.D. obliviously underlines the word then pulls the flailing
     VERONICA up like an enthusiastic camp counselor.

     INT.   THE DUKE KITCHEN--NIGHT

     The sound of a lock being jimmied is heard moments before
     VERONICA and J.D. burst through the door. J.D. moves to the
     dishwasher and opens it like a burglar opening a safe.

                             VERONICA
               You're still not listening! I'm not..

                             J.D.
                       (pulling out the knife)
               Nag, nag, nag, nag. nag.

                             VERONICA
                       (taking the knife from him)
               This knife is filthy.

                             J.D.
               What in the hell do you think I'm
               doing? Taking out her tonsils?

                             VERONICA
               I think I know Heather a bit better
               than you, okay? If she was going to
               slash her wrists, the knife would
               be absolutely spotless.

     J.D. grabs a dishtowel and vigorously wipes off the knife.

                             J.D.
               How's this? Can you see your
               fucking reflection?

     She can and so can the viewer. Tears well in VERONICA's eyes.
     She begins to shudder, a shattered smile quaking on her face.

                             VERONICA
               Tomorrow someone else will move
               into her place. That person
               could be me.
                       (suddenly deliriously defiant)
               Ha, there's only one of us who knows
               Heather's handwriting and if you think
               I'm doing another suicide note.

                             J.D.
                       (laughing)
               You don't get it, do you? Society
               nods its head at any horror the
               American teenager can think to
               bring upon itself. We don't need
               gloves and does anyone really
               care about exact handwriting?

     J.D. tears his gloves off with a giggle. He takes a pen from
     the kitchen counter and paper from a cutesy memo pad. He
     shoves the pen in VERONICA's hand and grabbing her hand,
     forces her to scribble LIFE SUCKS on the paper.

                             J.D.
               Perfecto. Man, I've even got a
               marked-up Catcher in the Rye.
               What else does a suicide need?

     J.D. pulls out the copy of the Catcher in the Rye and opens a
     door revealing HEATHER DUKE, asleep in an artful pose on a
     couch, MTV images from the T.V. flashing against her.

                             J.D.
                       (raising the knife)
               If you'll excuse me......

                             VERONICA
               No-o!

     J.D. hops in the adjoinging room and slams the door. VERONICA
     races to the door wailing. She maniacally rattles the doorknob
     trying to open the locked door.

     INT.   AN ANOYNYMOUS T.V.

     The sound of the rattling doorknob subtly turns into wild
     African music thundering on the soundtrack as WHITNEY JAMES,
     in a T.V. screen, maniacally addresses the viewer. A shiny
     number 4 flashes on and off in the corner.

     INT.   NEWSPAPER/YEARBOOK WORKSHOP--DAY

     In speeded-up imagery, DENNIS, PETER, and the YEARBOOK GIRL
     manuever pictures of HEATHER CHANDLER, KURT, RAM, and HEATHER
     DUKE in mind-bogglingly countless ways in order to accomodate
     them all on the same two page layout.

     INT.   FRONT OF THE CAFETERIA--DAY

     With even more speeded-up imagery, four STUDENTS wearing "What
     a Waste, Oh the Humanity" T-shirts toss out tons of black
     armbands into a hungry crowd.

     INT.   FUNERAL HOME--DAY

     The wild African music and the speeded up imagery slams to a
     halt at the sigh of HEATHER DUKE lying serenely in a coffin.
     FATHER FAUST wearing dark sunglasses and a terrifying toupee,
     walks in front of her to address a sizable group of ADULTS and
     STUDENTS sitting in foldout chairs before him. FATHER FAUST
     dramatically looks over the crowd before finally speaking.

                             FATHER RIPPER
               Eskimo.

     FATHER RIPPER lets the word hang in the air, then holds up
     the copy of The Catcher in the Rye.

                             FATHER RIPPER
               Heather Duke underlined a lot of
               things in this copy of The Catcher
               in the Rye, but I believe the word
               Eskimo, underlined all by itself is
               the key to understanding Heather's pain.

     VERONICA stands in a corner with an "Oh brother" look on her face.

                             FATHER RIPPER
               On the surface, Heather Duke was the
               vivacious young lady we all knew her
               to be. But her soul was in Antartica,
               freezing with the knowledge of the way
               fellow teenagers can be cruel, the way
               parents can be unresponsive, and as she
               writes so eloquently in her suicide note,
               the way life can suck. We'll all miss
               Sherwood's little Eskimo. Let's hope
               she's rubbing noses with Jesus.

     HEATHER CHANDLER moves next to VERONICA holding a plate
     of steaming spaghetti. She is wearing nerdy glasses and
     something that looks like an intergalactic prison unifrom.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Is this turnout weak or what? I had
               at least seventy more people at
               my funeral.

                             VERONICA
               Heather? Wha...

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Oh God Veronica, my afterlife is
               s-o-o boring. If I have to sing
               "Kumbaya" one more time...

                             VERONICA
               What are you doing here?!

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               I made your favorite. Spaghetti.
               Lots of oregano.

     With a squeal, HEATHER CHANDLER plunges VERONICA's face into
     the plate of spaghetti.

                             HEATHER CHANDLER
               Dinner!

     INT.   VERONICA'S BEDROOM--NIGHT

     Uncurling from the fetal position that she had fallen asleep
     in, VERONICA's tightly closed eyes snap open in a sweat as her
     mother's voice continues to filter through the door. It's all
     been a dream...........

                             MOM (O.S.)
               Dinner! Veronica! Dinner!

     VERONICA closes her eyes and holds her heart. She suddenly
     launches to her desk, opens her diary, shoves on her
     monocle, catches her breath, and begins writing.

                             VERONICA (O.S.)
               Dear Diary, no one can stop J.D. Not
               the F.B.I., the C.I.A., or the P.T.A.
               That is to say, no one but me. I know
               where J.D. is coming from and where
               he is heading. He's wrong, but I'm going
               to teach him what's right. I'm going
               to stop J.D....If it's the last thing
               I do.

     VERONICA leans back in her chair, sweating. She reaches in the
     pocket of a blazer draped over the back of the chair and pulls
     out the cigarette J.D. had given her eariler in the film. She
     puts it in her mouth unlit then takes it out and puts it back
     in the blazer.

     EXT.   OUTSIDE THE SAWYER HOME--NIGHT

     J.D. remains laconically leaning against his motorcycle with
     his legs suavely crossed as he was before Veronica began
     dreaming. J.D. finishes his cigarette and pulls out a gun. He
     checks the bullets, puts the gun back in his coat, and heads
     toward the house.

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     VERONICA hugs J.F.K. the cat then rips down the hanging Barbie.

     EXT.   THE SAWYER FRONT YARD

     J.D. leans a ladder against the Sawyer house.

     INT.   THE SAWYER DINNER TABLE

     MOM sets down three plates of spaghetti. DAD watches on.

                             MOM
               Does she want a written invitation?
                       (yelling upward)
               Veronica! Dinner!

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     J.D. crawls through VERONICA's window. Hanging from the
     rafter, neck in a noose of bedshoots, is VERONICA.

     INT.   THE SAWYER DINNER TABLE

     MOM sets a glass of milk at VERONICA's place, distressed.

                             MOM
               Honey?

     VERONICA'S BEDROOM

     J.D. paces the room, sweating and ranting, waving a gun in
     one hand, the Barbie doll in the other.

                             J.D.
               I can't believe you did it. I was
               teasing. I loved you. Sure, I climbed
               up here to kill you, but first I was
               going to try and get you back. With
               amazing petition.

     J.D. throws the gun on the bed and pulls from his coat the
     computer printout sheet petition, then savagely rolls it out
     on the floor. It is filled with signatures of different
     sizes, styles, and colors. J.F.K. blinks.

                             J.D.
               It's a shame you can't see what our
               fellow students really signed.

     J.D. flicks open a switchblade. He runs the blade beneath
     the typed paragraph at the top causing it to peel off,
     reavealing another typed paragraph.

                             J.D.
               Listen. "We students of Westerburg
               High will die. Today. Our burning
               bodies will be the ultimate protest
               to a society that degrades is. Fuck
               you all." Not that subtle but neither's
               blowing up the school. Talk about your
               suicide pacts. When our school explodes
               tomorrow, it's going to be the kind of
               thing that infects a generation. A
               Woodstock for the 80's. Damn, we
               coulda toasted marshmallows together.

                             MOM (O.S.)
               Honey, are you all right in there?

     J.D. swiftly picks up the petition and heads out the window.
     MOM enters the room and, seeing her hanging daughter,
     launches into frantic screams.

                             MOM
               Oh God, I knew it! No, no! I want my
               baby back! I should have let you keep
               that job at the mall. I was just afraid
               of you coming home alone at night!

     VERONICA opens her eyes.

                             MOM
               I made your favorite! Spaghetti!
               Lots of oregano!

     VERONICA undos the noose around her neck but still remains
     hanging for the rope runs all the way down her back beneath
     her blazer and is tied around her waist. She undos the waist-
     knot and lands on her bed. She quickly puts a small pillow
     over the left-behind gun, unnoticed by her dazed MOM.

                             VERONICA
               Hey Mom, why so tense?

     THE SAWYER DINNER TABLE

     Montage music plays as VERONICA rears up from her dinner
     plate to see her stonefaced PARENTS and her CAT staring at her.

     INT.   J.D.'S BEDROOM--NIGHT

     J.D. tools with a bomb at his desk. A KNOCK on the door. J.D.
     turns down his stereo (and the Montage music).

                             FRED DEAN (O.S.)
               I need some help with my homework...

                             J.D.
               Sorry tiger, I'm a little busy....

     J.D. turns back up his stereo (and the Montage music).

     EXT.   FRONT OF WESTERBERG HIGH--MORNING

     The Montage music continues as school buses arrive in front
     of the school. STUDENTS pour out.

     EXT.   SCHOOL PARKING LOT--MORNING

     STUDENTS come out of their cars.

     INT.   HALLWAY--MORNING

     Typically hectic start-of-another-day-opening-and-slamming-of-
     locker-action. VERONICA darts through the thoroughfare to her locker.
     A passing PAULINE FLEMING screeches to a halt, grabbing VERONICA
     as she chokes on some styrofoam cup coffee.

                             PAULINE
               Veronica! J.D. told me you
               committed suicide last night!

                             VERONICA
               Where is he? Where's J.D.?

                             PAULINE
               We have to talk.  Whether to kill
               yourself is one of the most important
               decisions a teenager has to make.

                             VERONICA
               Get a job.

     VERONICA storms away to her nearby locker. She swirls her locker
     combination and opens it. She glances down the hall and freezes.

     In the distance, J.D. moves mechanically down the hallway
     carrying a large gym bag, wearing a Walkman.

     VERONICA climbs into her locker. She closes it until it is
     barely perceptibly ajar. J.D. strides past the locker and into
     the Boys bathroom.

     BOYS BATHROOM

     J.D smoothly moves into a stall and closes the door. He
     turns off his Walkman and ends the Montage music.

     THE HALLWAY

     The hallway slowly clears as STUDENTS go to class. The bell
     rings. A LATE STUDENT races through the empty hallway.

     VERONICA carefully hatches out of her locker. She treads down
     the hallway as if something were about to jump out at her.

     THE GYM

     A group of cheerleaders including HEATHER MCNAMARA are lazily
     doing cartwheels on the gym floor. On a small stage set up
     beside them, other STUDENTS are putting up folding chairs.
     PRINCIPAL GOWAN says "Testing" into a microphone.

     J.D., toting the gym bag, quietly opens the gym door and slips
     inside. He swiftly moves unnoticed to a position underneath
     the bleachers.

     THE HALLWAY

     VERONICA peers around a corner to see an empty hallway.

     UNDER THE BLEACHERS

     Using heavy black masking tape, J.D. tapes a thermal bomb to a
     steel support beneath the bleachers. Other thermal bombs can
     be discerned taped to other supports.

     THE EMPTY HALLWAY

     VERONICA cautiously treads down the empty hallway, trying to
     keep in control. Suddenly, packs of STUDENTS burst from
     classroom doors behind VERONICA. The excited swarms of
     STUDENTS move toward and past VERONICA, who has braked her
     troubled treading to stiffly contemplate her passing peers.
     She latches onto Geek RODNEY in a panic. RODNEY looks down at
     his clutched arm with a nervous smile.

                             VERONICA
               Rodney, where's everybody going?

                             RODNEY
               It's Friday.....

                             VERONICA
               Oh my God, the damn pep assembly....

                             RODNEY
               Yeah, these things are pretty artificial,
               but at least we all get out of class...

     VERONICA ignores RODNEY's amiable attemots at conversation to
     inquisitively move forward through the crowd.

     THE GYM

     J.D. darts from out underneath the bleachers to the gym doors.
     He pops the doors open and sees the crowd of STUDENTS move
     toward the gym. He suavely pauses then dashes down a nearby
     set of stairs.

     THE HALLWAY LEADING TO THE GYM

     VERONICA continues to tensely surf the tidal wave of STUDENTS
     heading for the gymnasium. She stops to watch her classmates
     file into the gym like lemmings with increasing sense of
     dread. She again latches onto a passing RODNEY.

                             VERONICA
               Rodney, what's underneath the gym?

     RODNEY (unconsciously) dramatically stops, turns to VERONICA.
     and says........

                             RODNEY
               The boiler room.

     VERONICA blanches then lunges through the crowd. She topples a
     couple disgruntled STUDENTS before careening down the
     staircase beside the gym.

     HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE BOILER ROOM

     J.D. walks by the firm glass windows of the boiler room,
     eyeing the pounding generators inside. He stops at a heavy
     steel door. Placing down his gym bag, J.D. proceeds to swiftly
     pick the lock. He swings open the steel door.

                             VERONICA (O.S.)
               May I see your hall pass?

     J.D. weilds around. A sweating VERONICA moves toward him,
     pointing the bedroom gun at him.

                             J.D.
               I knew that loose was too noose! I
               mean, noose too loose! Goddamn you!

                             VERONICA
               Like father, like son. A serious-as-
               fuck bomb in the boiler room that'll
               set off a pack of thermals upstairs.
               Okay, so let's start by slowly putting
               the bomb down on the ground.

     J.D. looks down at the gym bag already on the ground. He
     folds his arms and smiles. VERONICA forcefully moves closer.

                             VERONICA
               Okay, okay. I knew that. I knew that.
               Put your hands on your head.

                             J.D.
               You didn't say Simon Says.

     J.D. suddenly kicks out into VERONICA's stomach, doubling her
     over and causing her to drop the gun. J.D. gracefully
     retrieves it.

     THE GYM

     The pep assembly is in full swing with rowdy STUDENTS in the
     bleachers earthily shouting, giggling cheerleaders making
     swaying pyramids, valiant band members struggling to be heard.
     Various Jocks, including EARL, stand on the stage with
     PRINCIPAL GOWAN as a YEARBOOK PHOTOGRAPHER flashes away.

     THE HALLWAY BEFORE THE BOILER ROOM

     VERONICA bends over quivering and clutching her bruised ribs.
     J.D. raises the gun to her head.

                             J.D.
               Live by the sword...

     VERONICA swings her left arm up knocking J.D.'s gun hand
     upward. She then sails her right fist into his face. The blow
     annoys him more than it hurts him but J.D.'s momentary loss of
     composure allows VERONICA to come in with another much harder
     right hook. The blow sends J.D. stumbling back against the
     boiler room, jarring the gun loose.

     They simultaneously lunge for the gun. VERONICA, having the
     better grip, pulls so forecfully that after wrenching the gun
     from J.D., she loses control of it, flinging it down the hall.
     VERONICA pops up to retrieve it but J.D. moves his legs
     scissors-style around her and trips her.

     THE PREP ASSEMBLY

     The assembly mindlessly blares on. Cheerleader HEATHER
     MCNAMARA rah-rah-rahs. RODNEY and the other Geeks pass around
     a pair of opera glasses, all intensely scoping out the
     cheerleaders. A group of STONERS toke away beneath the
     bleachers, one of them lackadaisically leaning against a
     thermal bomb.

     THE BOILER ROOM HALLWAY

     A snarling J.D. stands up, pulling VERONICA with him.

                             J.D.
               You think just because you started
               this thing, you can end it?

     J.D. violently kisses/bites VERONICA. While kissing, VERONICA
     sees a fire alarm on a nearby wall. She closes her eyes then
     savagely knees J.D. in the groin. VERONICA bolts to the alarm
     and pulls it down. Nothing happens. J.D. gasps.

                             J.D.
               You, really didn't think I'd, forget,
               forget, to disconnect the....

     VERONICA rockets her body down and picks up the gun. J.D.
     grabs her and throws her against the steel boiler room door.

     A jostled VERONICA raises the gun. J.D. howls then bounds
     toward VERONICA, causing them both to careen down the steel
     steps of the boiler room. At the same time, he inadvertently
     kicks the gym bag/bomb down along with them. The gun spins
     from VERONICA's hand and slides away. The bomb flies out of
     the bag onto the boiler room floor. A digital clock on
     the bomb clicks on at 5:00....4:59....4:58...

     THE PEP ASSEMBLY

     The frenzied pep assembly crowd is now doing "The Wave". BETTY
     FINN and her similar co-horts deliriously get into the act,
     all sit in a circle at the bottom rows of the bleachers,
     pouting as STUDENTS bounce up and down around them. EARL and
     the other Jocks stand on the stage grinning and preening
     before the crowd.

     THE BOILER ROOM

     VERONICA and J.D. are in a heap at the bottom of the boiler
     room steps. VERONICA faintly works into a semi-sitting
     position and gives an astonished glance to the bomb, its
     digital clock clicking to 3:00. VERONICA crawls to the gun and
     levels it at a rousing-up J.D.

                             VERONICA
               The bomb's gone on, J.D.! How do
               you turn it off? Tell me!

     Fully standing, J.D. flicks open his switchblade. He gives
     VERONICA "the finger," screaming in exploded saliva...

                             J.D.
               Fuck you!

     Seething, VERONICA shoots up at J.D. blowing off "the finger."
     Shrieking in pain, J.D. drops the knife to hold this sudden
     geyser of blood. VERONICA achingly stands, pointing the gun.
     The bomb clicks down to 2:25.

                             VERONICA
               It's all over, J.D. Help me to stop it.

                             J.D.
               You want to wipe the slate clean as
               much as I do. Okay, so maybe I am
               killing everyone in the school
               because nobody loves me. You have a
               purpose though! Remember? Let's face
               it, the only place different social
               types can genuinely get along with
               each other is in heaven.

     VERONICA fires the gun at J.D.'s feet. The bomb clicks to 1:49.

                             VERONICA
               How do you turn the fucker off?

                             J.D.
               You're not listening. People are
               going to look at the ashes of
               Westerburg and say there's a school
               that self-destructed not because
               society didn't care, but because
               that school was society. Is that
               deep or what? I'll let you put it in
               your diary, babe. Free of charge.

                             VERONICA
               The bomb, asshole!

                             J.D.
               Just push the red button twice.
               That's what stops it. If that's
               what you want, babe?

                             VERONICA
               You know what I want, babe?

                             J.D.
               What?

     VERONICA fires the gun twice into J.D.'s throat. Coughing and
     moaning, he splatters against a generator.

                             VERONICA
               Cool guys like you out of my life.

     VERONICA saunters to J.D.'s writhing body.

                             VERONICA
               But babe, don't worry, these here
               were Ich Luge bullets.

     J.D. closes his eyes and slumps to the ground. VERONICA turns
     to the bomb and crouches over it. A lit green light is next to
     a green button. Above it, an unlit red light is next to a red
     button. The bomb's digital clock clicks to 00:17. VERONICA
     presses the red button twice, turning on the red light and
     stopping the clock. VERONICA falls back into a sitting
     position and sorely exhales, tears streaming down her face.

     THE PEP ASSEMBLY

     A cheerleader does a cartwheel in slow motion as eerie music
     plays. The manic crowd in the bleachers vibrates in slow
     motion as well.

     At normal speed, VERONICA walks to the doors of the Gym and
     peers in. The panorama of roaring students, posing jocks, and
     prancing cheerleaders continues to unfold in slow motion.
     VERONICA walks away from the gym.

     EXT.   THE FRONT OF THE SCHOOL   DAY

     VERONICA wearily pushes open the front door and emerges
     outside of the school. She closes her eyes to therapeutically
     bask in the sun's rays. A slight smile trembles onto her face.
     A strange voice kills it.

                             J.D. (O.S.)
               Color me impressed.

     J.D. stands starkly in the distance before her, blood spurting
     from his throat onto his gunslinger coat. He painfully speaks
     through his assasinated vocal cords.

                             J.D.
               You really fucked me up, Veronica.

                             VERONICA
                       (vertigo city)
               I thought I...you..

                             J.D.
               You've got power, Veronica. Power I
               didn't think you had. The slate is
               clean.

     J.D. pulls open his coat revealing that the bomb is attached to
     his torso. The green light is on and the clock says 00:10..00:09.

                             J.D.
               Pretend I did blow up the school. All
               the schools. Now that you're dead,
               what are you gonna do with your life?

     VERONICA takes the unlit cigrette from her blazer pocket and
     puts it in her mouth. She then folsd her arms.

                             VERONICA
               Perfecto.

     J.D. raises his arms in a crucifixion pose as the bomb clicks
     to 0:00. Nothing happens. An annoyed J.D. breaks out of his
     crucifixion stance and raps the bomb with his palm.

     THE PEP ASSEMBLY

     The sound of the bomb explosion plunges the cheering up-and-
     down pep assembly into chaos. Wailing students pour out of the
     bleachers screaming less out of fear than a "Whoa Dude" sense
     of excitement.

     THE FRONT OF THE SCHOOL

     VERONICA stands in the same position in front of the school
     with her arms still folded. Only now her cigarette is lit and
     her face and clothes are blackened in ash. Flames flicker in
     bushes behind her. VERONICA drags on the cigarette and turns
     to go inside.

     INT.   THE FRONT HALLWAY

     VERONICA strolls into the school and into a hallway of howling
     students, some of whom are tearing down Prom banners for the
     thrill of it. HEATHER DUKE rushes up to VERONICA and grimaces.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               Veronica, you look like hell.

                             VERONICA
               Yeah, I just got back.

     VERONICA tosses away the cigarette. She then grabs HEATHER
     DUKE by the shoulders and forcibly turns her around.

                             HEATHER DUKE
               What are you doing?

                             VERONICA
               Heather, my love, there's a
               new sheriff in town.

     VERONICA takes off HEATHER DUKE's red ribbon and ties it
     around the hair of her own head. She kisses HEATHER DUKE on
     the cheek, leaving a black stain. VERONICA calls off.

                             VERONICA
               Hey, Martha, wait up.

     MARTHA DUNNSTOCK/DUMPTRUCK revealed to be in an electric
     wheelchair, brakes to a stop and looks to Veronica, confused.
     VERONICA walks up beside her. MARTHA starts up her wheelchair
     and accompanies VERONICA away into a deserted hallway.

                             VERONICA
               My date for the prom kind of flaked
               out on me, so I thought if you
               weren't doing anything that night
               we could go to the video store and
               rent some new releases or something.
               Maybe pop some popcorn.

                             MARTHA
               I'd like that.

                             VERONICA
               So would I.

     VERONICA and MARTHA continue gliding down the hall
     Bogart/Rains style.