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He's Just Not That Into You Movie Script

Writer(s) : Abby Kohn, Marc Silverstein

Genres : Comedy, Drama, Romance

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                      HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

          
                               Written by

          
                      Abby Kohn & Marc Silverstein
          

          

          
                                                    July 20, 2007          

          

          EXT. PARK - DAY


          
          We float down through a serene, leafy park to the
          children's play area. There, in the sandbox, a BEAUTIFUL
          FIVE YEAR OLD GIRL plays among a group of kids.

          

                                 GIGI (V.O.)
                    I have a theory about how this all
                    started...

          
          A SIX YEAR OLD BOY approaches. He watches the little
          girl for a moment as she gently shapes her sand castle.

          
          And then - out of nowhere - THE LITTLE BOY PUSHES THE

          LITTLE GIRL DOWN.

          

                                 LITTLE GIRL
                    Why did you do that?

          

                                 LITTLE BOY
                    Because you smell like dog poo.

          
          Some of the other kids SNICKER at this brilliant one-
          liner. Our little girl's face turns red.

          

                                 LITTLE BOY (CONT'D)
                    You're so stupid just like dog poo!
                    You're made of poo!

          
          And then, just to punctuate, he JUMPS ON THE SANDCASTLE,
          smashing it. Finally, our little girl starts to CRY.

          

          INT. KITCHEN - DAY


          
          Our beautiful girl sits at a kitchen table with her MOM.
          She can only get out one syllable between big, wet sobs.

          

                                  LITTLE GIRL
                    Made. (SOB)   Of. (SOB)   Dog. (SOB)   Poo.

          

                                 MOM
                    Honey, do you know why that little boy
                    did those things? And said those things?

          
          The little girl shakes her head no.

          

                                 MOM (CONT'D)
                    Because he LIKES YOU.

          

          FREEZE FRAME ON OUR LITTLE GIRL'S FACE - TRYING TO

          PROCESS THIS.

          

          

          

          

                                     1

          

          7/20/7                                                 2.

          

          

          

                                 GIGI (V.O.)
                    Uh - excuse me -- but what - the - HELL?
                    Where did that rumor start? Because moms
                    have been spreading it for years.

          

          BACK TO THE SCENE - THE MOM CONTINUES...

          

                                 MOM
                    That little boy is doing those terrible
                    things because he HAS A CRUSH ON YOU.

          
          We see our little girl take this in, like she is just now
          beginning to understand the ways of the world.

          

                                 GIGI (V.O.)
                    Do you understand what this means? We
                    are all encouraged to believe that if a
                    guy acts like a total jerk -- that means
                    he likes you. Sure, that's a lesson that
                    might serve us as five year olds, but
                    many of us keep believing this advice
                    well into adulthood.

          

          INT. DORM ROOM - NIGHT


          
          A CUTE COLLEGE GIRL sits CRYING in front of her ANSWERING
          MACHINE, as her ROOMMATE looks on.

          

                                 GIGI (V.O.)
                    Then, as we get older, we carry on this
                    tradition of misreading the signals men
                    send by encouraging our friends to do the
                    same...

          
          The machine evilly flashes 0 in the NEW MESSAGES window.

          

                                 ROOMMATE #1
                    That Phi Delt so obviously liked you.
                    I'm sure he just lost your number.

          

          INT. HIGH RISE OFFICE - DAY


          
          A HOT EXECUTIVE WOMAN stands in the office hallway,
          watching a SEXY MALE COLLEAGUE walk by. He does not give
          her a second glance. Her FEMALE SECRETARY looks on.

          

                                 SECRETARY
                    He's not asking you out because he's
                    intimidated by your professional success
                    and emotional maturity.

          

          

          

          

                                    2

          

          7/20/7                                                     3.

          

          

          

          INT. BAR - NIGHT


          
          A BUNCH OF TWENTY-SOMETHINGS sipping cocktails. One of
          them is CRYING - smeared mascara, puffy eyes, etc.

          

                                 CUTE TWENTYSOMETHING #1
                    Here's the problem. He likes you TOO
                    much. You're TOO pretty and awesome.        He
                    can't handle it.

          

          INT. BURGER KING - DAY


          

          TWO FEMALE CASHIERS WORK SIDE BY SIDE.

          

                                 CASHIER #1
                    Trust me. It's because he's just getting
                    out of a serious relationship.

          

          INT. GYM - DAY


          
          TWO MIDDLE AGED WOMEN work out on ellipticals.

          

                                 MIDDLE AGED WOMAN #1
                    Trust me. It's because he's never had a
                    serious relationship.

          

          INT. JAPANESE DEPARTMENT STORE - DAY


          
          TWO HIPSTER JAPANESE GIRLS making their way through a
          crowded Tokyo department store.

          

                                 TOKYO GIRL #1 (SUBTITLE)
                    Shigeru's inability to commit clearly
                    stems from his failure to properly
                    imprint on his mother during breast
                    feeding.

          

          EXT. FRENCH POLYNESIA - DAY


          
          A PRETTY YOUNG WOMAN weaves BANANA LEAVES with a FRIEND.

          

                                 FRIEND (SUBTITLE)
                    I'm sure he forgot your hut number.    Or
                    didn't get enough approval from his
                    father. Or was eaten by a giraffe.

          
          This last part seems to cheer up the pretty woman.

          

                                 GIGI (V.O.)
                    Why do we say this stuff to each other?
                    Why do we tell each other these lies?

                                 (MORE)

          

          

          

                                    3

          

          7/20/7                                                   4.

          

                                 GIGI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    Is it possible that it's because we're
                    too scared, and it's too hard, to say the
                    one obvious truth that's staring everyone
                    in the face?

          

          THE SCREEN GOES BLACK.    AND THEN THE TITLE FADES UP:

          

                          HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU...

          

          INT. BREWER'S ART - NIGHT


          
          GIGI, pretty and approachable, sits in a booth at a hip
          Mt. Vernon date spot with CONOR, cute but holding onto
          his frat boy roots. They sip their near empty cocktails.

          

                                 GIGI
                    So, Janine told me you're a real estate
                    agent.

          

                                 CONOR
                    Yeah. But don't worry - not one of the
                    cheesy ones who puts his headshot on bus
                    benches and grocery carts.

          

                                 GIGI
                    So just like on frisbees and notepads?

          
          Conor laughs.    Gigi smiles -- she's doing well.

          

                                   CONOR
                    You got it.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Much classier.

          

                                 CONOR
                    My thoughts exactly.

          
          Gigi sips her drink, and looks at Conor.

          

                                 GIGI
                    I wonder why Janine never thought of
                    introducing us before?

          

                                 CONOR
                    Yeah, I don't know, I ummm -

          
          Their WAITRESS appears, cutting him off.

          

                                 WAITRESS
                    You guys ready for another round?

          
          Conor looks to Gigi.

          

          

          

                                      4

          

          7/20/7                                                    5.

          

          

          

                                 CONOR
                    You want one more?

          

                                 GIGI
                    Only if you do. But I mean, if you have
                    to get going I totally ...

          
          Gigi trails off. Conor considers this for a LONG MOMENT.
          We can see on Gigi's face that she knows that the outcome
          of this date hangs in the balance. It's an eternity.

          

                                    CONOR
                    Umm.    OK.   Sure. One more.

          
          Gigi breathes a SIGH of relief.

          

                                 CONOR (CONT'D)
                    You had Ketel and soda, right?

          
          Gigi NODS and SMILES, clearly flattered that Conor
          remembered her order. She scoots a little closer to him.

          

          EXT. BREWER'S ART - NIGHT


          
          Gigi and Conor HUG outside the restaurant.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Well, Conor, I had a really nice time.

          

                                   CONOR
                    Yeah.    It was really nice meeting you.

          

                                   GIGI
                    B-bye.

          
          Gigi waves flirtatiously and walks away, smiling.

          
          She turns around to look, and sees Conor TAKE HIS CELL

          PHONE OUT OF HIS POCKET.

          
          Gigi TAKES HER CELL OUT OF HER PURSE and dials.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    Hey, it's me. He's cute. I think it
                    went well.

          
          She sneaks another look over her shoulder to see Conor.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    And I think he might me leaving me a
                    message at home as - we - speak.

          

          

          

          

                                      5

          

          7/20/7                                                  6.

          

          

          
          We FREEZE FRAME ON GIGI, mid-step.    Then, THE IMAGE

          SLIDES OVER TO FIND:

          
          CONOR - also in FREEZE FRAME. The image UNFREEZES and we
          continue with Conor as he DIALS HIS CELL PHONE.

          

                                 CONOR
                    Hey, it's me...I just wanted you to know
                    that I was thinking about you.

          

          INT. EDDIE'S OF ROLAND PARK GROCERY - SAME


          
          ANNA, hot in an earthy sort of way, heads down the aisle.
          She holds her cell phone in one hand - a BOTTLED WATER
          and a BAG OF SOY NUTS in the other.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Conor, that's so nice.     Thank you.

          
          As Anna gets to the checkout, there's one person ahead of
          her. He looks back to see her - he's BEN, good looking
          and supremely likeable. They share a smile.

          

                                 BEN
                    Do you want to go ahead?

          

                                 ANNA
                    Hmm?

          

                                  BEN
                    Go ahead?   You've only got two things.

          

                                 ANNA
                           (into phone)
                    Hold on.

          
          She looks at what he's got - a SIX PACK OF SIERRA NEVADA.

          

                                 ANNA (CONT'D)
                    You've only got one thing.

          

                                 BEN
                    Well, technically it's six. And I'm
                    still mulling over a gum purchase. So...

          
          He steps aside to let her go.   She smiles.

          

                                 ANNA
                           (into phone)
                    Hey, let me call you right back.

          

          

          

          

                                     6

          

          7/20/7                                                    7.

          

          

          
          She hangs up the phone and moves past Ben, hands her
          things to the EMOTIONLESS CASHIER. As he rings them up -
          she looks back at Ben - they SHARE ANOTHER LOOK.

          
          She hands the cashier her ATM card - he swipes it.

          

                                   EMOTIONLESS CASHIER
                    Oh my word.

          

                                ANNA
                    Come on. Seriously. I just deposited
                    money today. There's no way -

          

                                 EMOTIONLESS CASHIER
                    It's not that. Let me check something.

          
          He turns and rifles through a stack of papers, finally
          finding what he was looking for.

          

                                 EMOTIONLESS CASHIER

                                 (CONT'D)
                    Congratulations. You won.

          

                                   ANNA
                    What?

          

                                 EMOTIONLESS CASHIER
                    Our "Sizzlin' Summer" promotion.     You're
                    our 1000th customer in June.

          
          The cashier reaches under the register and pulls out an
          IGLOO COOLER and hands it to Anna. She BEAMS.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Are you kidding?

          

                                 EMOTIONLESS CASHIER
                    Do I have that kind of manner? A joking
                    manner?

          
          Anna looks to Ben.   She looks like she's about to burst.

          

                                 ANNA
                    I swear to god, this is the most exciting
                    thing that's ever happened to me.

          
          Ben can't tell if she's kidding.

          

                                   BEN
                    Really?

          

                                   ANNA
                    Is that sad?

          

          

                                         7

          

          7/20/7                                                   8.

          

          

          

                                 BEN
                    No, it's - charming.     Congratulations.

          
          Anna smiles wide, admiring her cooler.    Then -

          

                                ANNA
                    Wait, no. I can't accept this. You were
                    here first. I didn't win at all.

          

                                 BEN
                    Yes, you did. Trust me - it's fate.      You
                    were meant to have that cooler.

          
          Anna throws her arms around him and hugs him.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Thank you SO MUCH.

          
          Ben can't help but laugh.

          

          INT. NATIONAL BREWERY LOFTS - NIGHT


          
          Conor enters his apartment.     ALEX sits on the couch
          watching TV.

          

                                   ALEX
                    Hey.    How was the date?

          

                                  CONOR
                    Fine.   You know.

          
          Conor heads for the kitchen, and turns back.

          

                                 CONOR (CONT'D)
                    Why are you here?

          

                                 ALEX
                    My cable's out.

          
          Conor returns from the kitchen with a beer.

          

                                 CONOR
                    You didn't hear the phone ring, did you?

          

                                  ALEX
                    Nope.

          

                                 CONOR
                    Shit. Anna gave me the "I'll call you
                    right back."

          

                                 ALEX
                    How long ago?

          

          

                                      8

          

          7/20/7                                                      9.

          

          

          

                                     CONOR
                      22 minutes.

          
          Alex winces.

          

                                     ALEX
                      Sorry, dude.

          

                                   CONOR
                      Do I call back?

          
          Alex shrugs.

          

                                   CONOR (CONT'D)
                      I know. I'll call back and say that I'm
                      going to bed.

          

                                     ALEX
                      At 9:30 PM?    Genius.

          

                                   CONOR
                      It is genius. Because then I can say:
                      "In case you were going to call me back -
                      don't - 'cause I'll be sleeping."

          

                                   ALEX
                      Sounds foolproof.

          
          Conor pulls off his jacket and tosses it next to a box -
          which contains about 50 FRISBEES. On each frisbee:

          

          A LARGE PICTURE OF CONOR, WITH HIS PHONE NUMBER AND THE

          TITLE: CONOR BARRY REAL ESTATE AGENT

          
          Conor dials his cell phone as he heads back to his room.

          

                                                                  CUT TO:

          

          CLOSE ON:   A CELL PHONE.    IT READS "CONOR CALLING"

          

          EXT. EDDIE'S OF ROLAND PARK - SAME


          
          We TILT up to find Anna and Ben. Anna looks at her
          phone, presses IGNORE and stashes it in her purse.

          

                                    ANNA
                      Sorry.   What was I saying?

          

                                   BEN
                      I think you were telling me how you don't
                      want to be like your mom and wake up and
                      realize you didn't pursue your dreams.

          

          

          

                                        9

          

          7/20/7                                                   10.

          

          

          
          Ben opens his GUM and offers Anna a piece.     She takes one
          and laughs, a bit embarrassed.

          

                                ANNA
                    Was I? Little intense for grocery store
                    chatter. Sorry.

          

                                 BEN
                    It's OK. I might even be able to help
                    you out. There's a guy at my firm who
                    has exclusively music clients.

          

                                 ANNA
                    That would be - amazing.      What are you -
                    like my savior?

          
          Anna digs through her purse to find a piece of paper.
          She writes down her number, and holds it out to him. He
          looks at it, contemplating. He doesn't take it.

          

                                    BEN
                    OK. Look.      I'm married.   I don't do
                    this.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Don't do what? Help struggling singers?

          

                                 BEN
                    Help hot Pilates instructing singers who
                    happen to be very charming.

          
          Anna takes the slip of paper and puts it away.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Do you want to give me your card? That's
                    legit. I bet you're allowed to do that.

          
          Ben considers this.

          

                                   BEN
                    Right.   OK.   I guess that would be OK.

          

          FROM INSIDE A CAR PARKED AT THE STORE:

          
          We see Anna and Ben talking.     They shake hands awkwardly
          and Ben HEADS TOWARDS US.

          

          INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS


          
          Ben gets in the car, bag in hand, and joins NEIL, 40,
          arty and kind looking, who's behind the wheel.

          

          

          

          

                                      10

          

          7/20/7                                                      11.

          

          

          

                                 NEIL
                    So, who was that?

          

                                 BEN
                    A prospective client.

          

                                  NEIL
                    Yeah right.

          

                                 BEN
                    I can talk to a woman Neil.        It doesn't
                    have to be like that.

          
          Neil looks at him, smirk growing.

          

                                  BEN (CONT'D)
                    Just drive.

          
          Neil starts the car and they pull away.

          

          INT. WESTSIDE LOFT - NIGHT


          
          Neil walks into a vast space. Nice art, a cozy yet
          architectural look - a cool place to live.

          

                                   NEIL
                    Hey, babe.    You here?

          
          We PAN over to a couch - where BETH is wrapped in a throw
          blanket, watching TV. She's got her hair in a messy bun.

          

                                  BETH
                    Hey honey.

          
          He joins her on the couch.        And sees that the TV is off.

          

                                 NEIL
                    Everything OK?

          

                                  BETH
                    Yeah.   Just got off the phone.

          
          Neil gets up again.

          

                                 NEIL
                    You want some tea or something?

          

                                 BETH
                    It was my baby sister.        She's getting
                    married.

          

          

          

          

                                       11

          

          7/20/7                                                12.

          

          

          

                                 NEIL
                    That's great. I've always liked that
                    Devon guy. That's really great.

          
          Beth looks at him.    She doesn't look that happy.

          

                                 BETH
                    Do you think it's great?

          

                                   NEIL
                    Yeah.

          

                                 BETH
                    So, you think it's great that they're
                    getting married, but you never feel like
                    we're going against nature or something
                    by not getting married?

          

                                   NEIL
                    No, babe.

          
          He sits back down, puts his arms around her.

          

                                 NEIL (CONT'D)
                    Going against nature is like that cat who
                    started nursing that monkey. We're just
                    two people who aren't married.

          
          Beth manages a weak smile.

          

                                   BETH
                    Right.

          

                                 NEIL
                    I actually think the odds of having a
                    successful relationship increase by not
                    getting married. Look at my parents -
                    all marriage got them was thirty two
                    years of misery and joint checking.

          

                                 BETH
                    Yeah, I know. I get that.

          

                                 NEIL
                    Like I've always told you - I love you -
                    and we don't need a marriage certificate
                    to legitimize our relationship.

          

                                   BETH
                    Yeah.

          

                                 NEIL
                    Lemme get you some tea.

          

          

                                       12

          

          7/20/7                                                 13.

          

          

          
          He exits. Beth starts to CRY, but quickly dries her
          tears, and forces herself to pull it together.

          

          EXT. HIGHLANDTOWN HOUSE - MORNING


          
          A brick row house in an up and coming neighborhood -
          clearly under massive renovation.

          

          INT. HIGHLANDTOWN HOUSE - SAME


          
          We make our way through rooms with plastic covering the
          doorways - until we find JANINE stepping into the
          hallway. She checks herself in a vintage mirror,
          straightens it a tad, then heads down the stairs to find
          GIGI, on her cell phone. Gigi slams it closed.

          

                                 JANINE
                    OK, so clearly he hasn't called.

          
          Gigi shakes her head.

          

                                 JANINE (CONT'D)
                    Maybe he's away on business.

          

                                 GIGI
                    He sells real estate. In Baltimore.
                    Staying in town is his business.

          

                                    JANINE
                    Right.

          
          Janine ponders this.

          

                                 JANINE (CONT'D)
                    Look, let me tell you - after the first
                    time I went out with Ben, he didn't call
                    me for eleven days. ELEVEN DAYS. And
                    now he's like the world's best husband.
                    That happens all the time.

          

                                    GIGI
                    Really?

          

                                    JANINE
                    Yes, really.

          
          Gigi manages a small smile.

          

                                 GIGI
                    This is all your fault.

          

                                    JANINE
                    What?    Why?

          

          

                                      13

          

          7/20/7                                                   14.

          

          

          

                                 GIGI
                    You set me up with him.

          

                                 JANINE
                    No - you asked if I knew any guys and I
                    gave Conor your number. That's not a set
                    up. When I do a set up - I weigh pros
                    and cons. I do my due diligence. All I
                    know about Conor is he sold us this
                    house.

          
          Gigi peers out the window.

          

                                 GIGI
                    He sold you a house in the ghetto.

          

                                 JANINE
                    It's a neighborhood "in transition."

          
          Gigi makes a move for the phone, Janine stops her.

          

                                 JANINE (CONT'D)
                    Seriously, stop.

          

                                 GIGI
                    He said he always hangs at Red Maple
                    after work. Maybe I should do a little
                    drive-by?

          

                                 JANINE
                    Please, don't. He'll call.

          
          Off Gigi - panic seeping in.

          

          FADE TO CHAPTER CARD:   ...IF HE'S NOT CALLING YOU

          
          AMBER, pretty if a little thick in the middle, sits in
          the courtyard of an office park in her work clothes.

          

                                 AMBER
                    Caller ID was the worst thing that's ever
                    happened to me. Total invasion of my
                    personal freedom. When a guy doesn't
                    call me, it is my right - my duty even -
                    to call him and hang up several thousand
                    times. Or at least until his mother
                    shouts at me in Albanian and blows a
                    police whistle into the phone. I mean,
                    calling and hanging up is an age old
                    expression of love and frustration and
                    too many wine coolers - and who is AT&
                    f'ing T to take that away from me?

                                 (MORE)

          

          

                                       14

          

          7/20/7                                                15.

          

                                 AMBER (CONT'D)
                    Next thing you know, someone is going to
                    ban me from sitting in my car in front of
                    a guy's house, blaring "Where Is Your
                    Heart" by Kelly Clarkson until his new
                    stupid girlfriend comes outside and
                    threatens to scratch my eyes out with her
                    acrylics. I mean, a girl deserves
                    freedom of expression, right?

          

          INT. GYM - DAY


          
          Pilates class. We pan down the row of mats, STUDENTS
          obediently doing The Mermaid. We finally land on Gigi's
          mat: Gigi manages to twist herself into a passable
          Mermaid - as her CELL PHONE lies in full view on her mat.

          

          INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - NIGHT


          
          Shower is on, curtain pulled. A CELL PHONE RINGS. An
          ARM SHOOTS out of the shower and grabs it from the sink.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Mom, I gotta call you back.

          

          INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT


          
          Gigi lays in bed, her CELL PHONE right next to her head.
          One eye POPS OPEN, checks the phone, and closes again.

          

          INT. MCCORMICK SPICES CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS - DAY


          
          A typical, corporate style office. Walled off cubicles
          for the junior execs, outer offices for management.

          
          Gigi is in her cubicle. Janine, her friend and, we now
          learn, co-worker, sits on Gigi's desk.

          

                                 JANINE
                    So, this was at the end of the date, or
                    at the beginning?

          

                                  GIGI
                    End.   Why - does it matter?

          

                                 JANINE
                    Yeah. "Nice meeting you" at the beginning
                    of the date is normal. "Nice meeting
                    you" at the end could be a blow off.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Maybe it was at the beginning.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Then that's fine. He's gonna call.

          

          

                                    15

          

          7/20/7                                                   16.

          

          

          

                                 GIGI
                    Or maybe it was at the end.   Or maybe it
                    was nice to meet me.

                                 JANINE
                    Wait - was it "nice meeting you" or "nice
                    to meet you"?

                                  GIGI
                    Shit.   I can't remember.

          

                                 JANINE
                    "Nice to meet you" is OK. "Nice meeting
                    you" is like "Do you want your receipt in
                    the bag?"

          
          The girls look up to find BETH standing there, listening.

          

                                 BETH
                    Remember the days when you guys at least
                    pretended to be working when I came in?

          
          Beth heads to her office.   Janine and Gigi follow.

          

                                 BETH (CONT'D)
                    Janine, how's the press release?

          
          Janine, clearly organized, flips open her notebook:

          

                                 JANINE
                    Beckon the baking to begin! McCormick,
                    the flavor expert, introduces five fun
                    filled flavors that will definitely
                    delight dessert divas!

          
          Gigi stifles a laugh.

          

                                 BETH
                    Maybe a shade heavy on the alliteration -
                    but otherwise good.
                           (to Gigi)
                    Where are we with the company newsletter?

          

                                 GIGI
                    I am so almost done with that. It's just
                    been a little hard to focus on my article
                    about the two sets of twins in market
                    research, when the guy - who may or may
                    not be the guy of my dreams - refuses to
                    call me.

          
          Beth looks at Gigi, more sympathetic friend than boss.

          

          

          

                                      16

          

          7/20/7                                                 17.

          

          

          

                                 BETH
                    Look, after my first date with Neil, I
                    called him. There are no rules anymore.
                    Why should you have to wait for him to
                    get off his ass?

          

          INT. MCCORMICK SPICES CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS - DAY


          
          Gigi sits at her desk, Janine standing by her side.
          She's got a few sheets of paper on her desk.

          
          Gigi takes a deep breath, picks up the office phone and
          dials. Janine gives her a thumbs up.

          

                                 GIGI
                    It's ringing.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Pretty standard.

          

                                  GIGI
                            (listening to receiver)
                    Yes!   Voicemail.

          

                                  JANINE
                    Your notes.

          
          Gigi nods - it's all under control.

          

                                 GIGI
                           (reading off her paper)
                    Hey, Conor. It's Gigi. I just thought,
                    I hadn't heard from you and, I mean how
                    stupid is it that a gal has got to wait
                    for a guy's call anyway, right?

          
          Gigi laughs, but as she looks back to the notes, she
          seems confused. She turns to Janine, panicked, mouthing -
          "What does this say?". Janine looks - she's no help.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                           (clearly ad-libbing)
                    I mean, we're all equal, right? More
                    than equal -- more women are accepted
                    into law school now than men, and we do
                    better in those police simulations where
                    you can mistakenly shoot innocent people -
                           (rifles through the pages)
                     - I mean I don't know if you saw that
                    Dateline - but women practically have
                    penises now, right?
                           (looks to Janine, helpless)
                    Well, call me. This is Gigi. Call me.

          

          

                                    17

          

          7/20/7                                                   18.

          

          

          
          Gigi hangs up, unsure.   She looks to Janine.

          

                                   JANINE
                    Don't worry.    He's totally gonna call.

          

          INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - LATER


          
          Gigi stares at the PHONE. Then she feigns disinterest in
          the phone. It still doesn't ring. Finally, she picks up
          the receiver to listen for a dial tone. And PANICS.

          

                                  GIGI
                    WHAT?   How can there be no dial tone?

          
          She frantically jiggles the cord, then hears something.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    Mom? Is that you? I can't talk now.
                    I'll call you back.

          
          She hangs up, stares at the phone again. A look of
          DETERMINATION crosses her face. She dials.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    Janine. It's me. Conor never called, so
                    I'm on the precipice of staging a casual
                    run-in at Red Maple. Pick up if you want
                    to stop me.
                           (beat, then really fast)

                    ALRIGHT-I'M-INTERPRETING-YOUR-SILENCE-AS
                    tacit-compliance-bye.

          
          Gigi hurriedly hangs up, and heads out the door.

          

          INT. RED MAPLE - NIGHT


          
          A CROWDED, SCENEY restaurant/bar - with a giant red
          Japanese maple growing behind the bar (thus the name).

          
          We follow a THIN, BLACK CLAD HOSTESS as we wind through
          the throng of stylish twentysomethings at the bar to:

          

          INT. RED MAPLE - KITCHEN - SAME


          
          A busy kitchen.   Off the kitchen a door leads to:

          

          INT. RED MAPLE - OFFICE - SAME


          
          ALEX sits at a small, cluttered desk, rifling through
          some papers. Then, from the doorway:

          

                                   KELLI ANN
                    Knock knock.

          

          

                                     18

          

          7/20/7                                                  19.

          

          

          
          Alex looks up to see KELLI ANN - Red Maple's hot hostess,
          standing in the doorway. She makes her way in.

          

                                  ALEX
                    Hey.

          

                                   KELLI ANN
                    So.    Here we are. Same shift again.

          

                                   ALEX
                    I know.    I make the schedule.

          

                                 KELLI ANN

                           (FLIRTING)
                    I figured it was no coincidence.

          
          She leans against the desk.     Alex keeps working.

          

                                 KELLI ANN (CONT'D)
                    I had fun the other night.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Yeah. It's amazing where 10 shots of
                    Patron will get you.

          
          Kelli Ann laughs, then thinks - wait, was that nice?

          

                                 KELLI ANN
                    Anyway - I was thinking, maybe tonight
                    after work...we could, you know...

          
          Alex stops what he's doing, looks up at her.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Look, Kelli Ann - what happened between
                    us the other night was - fun. But we're
                    way understaffed tonight - I even have to
                    man the bar - and that's why I scheduled
                    you. To work. So...

          
          He goes back to work. Kelli Ann stands there, frozen.
          Alex can feel her eyes on him.

          

                                 ALEX (CONT'D)
                    Are we good here?

          
          Kelli Ann's face goes flush. She tries to hide it.    She
          backs up, puts on a smile.

          

                                   KELLI ANN
                    No.    We're good.

          
          She leaves.   Alex exhales, goes back to work.

          

          

                                     19

          

          7/20/7                                                   20.

          

          

          

          INT. RED MAPLE - LATER


          
          In the back doorway leading to the alley, Alex stands
          chatting with TYRONE, 18, a busboy, who smokes a
          cigarette he holds just outside the doorway.

          
          Kelli Ann approaches, trying to squeeze through, and

          ACCIDENTALLY (ON PURPOSE) SHOULDER BLOCKS ALEX. HARD.
          He has to take a step to catch his balance.

          
          He turns around to see what happened, but Kelli Ann keeps
          walking eyes front. He and Tyrone share a look.

          

                                   TYRONE
                    Dude.

          

                                   ALEX
                    I know.

          
          Tyrone laughs as Alex shakes his head, not happy.

          

          INT. RED MAPLE - HOSTESS STAND


          
          Gigi enters slowly, looking around, searching for Conor.

          
          She tries to move toward the bar as she's met by Kelli
          Ann, who grabs a few menus and slaps on a smile.

          

                                 KELLI ANN
                    Are you joining us for dinner or -

          

                                 GIGI
                    I'm meeting someone.       A guy.

          

                                   KELLI ANN
                    Ugh.    Why?

          

                                   GIGI
                    Hmmmm?

          

                                  KELLI ANN
                    Nothing.   Sorry. For dinner?

          
          Gigi continues to scan the place, not paying attention.

          

                                 GIGI
                    I'm meeting someone.

          

                                 KELLI ANN
                    I believe you mentioned that.

          
          Gigi finishes her visual tour of the room - no Conor.

          

          

          

                                     20

          

          7/20/7                                                    21.

          

          

          

                                    GIGI
                       I'm gonna wait at the bar.

          

                                    KELLI ANN
                       That's a great idea.

          
          Gigi walks off.    Kelli Ann takes her place behind the
          hostess stand.

          

          AT THE BAR

          
          Gigi grabs a stool with a good view of the door.     Alex,
          now behind the bar, approaches.

          

                                    ALEX
                       What can I get you?

          

                                    GIGI
                       Oh, that's OK. I'm meeting someone.

          
          Alex takes her in.       She's clearly nervous.

          

                                      ALEX
                       Oh, yeah?    Got a hot date?

          

                                    GIGI
                       I don't know if you'd call it hot -- I
                       mean this guy Conor and I have only been
                       out the one time so --

          

                                    ALEX
                       Wait - Conor Barry?

          
          Gigi is busted.

          

                                    GIGI
                       Oh, uhh, yeah --

          

                                    ALEX
                       Conor's not coming in tonight. Did he
                       forget he was supposed to meet you?

          

                                    GIGI
                       See when I said "meeting someone" I guess
                       that was kind of a broad term, kind of a
                       wide interpretation of the word "meeting"-

          

                                    ALEX
                       Because I could just call him --

          
          Alex reaches for the phone.

          

          

          

          

                                         21

          

          7/20/7                                                  22.

          

          

          

                                 GIGI
                    NO! I mean, totally unnecessary. I
                    mean, I actually was just - in the area -
                    so I figured I'd just swing by and see if
                    he was around - because - uhhh ---

          
          Alex waits, looking at Gigi, amused.    She is panicking.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    I uhh, had to return his --

          
          Gigi frantically searches her coat pockets - searching
          for something, anything - and finally fishes out A PEN.
          She looks at it - and decides to go with it.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    Pen. I had to return this - pen. He
                    left this. So, I thought I should really
                    return it before he - you know -
                           (conspiratorially to Alex)
                    -- freaks out.

          
          Alex looks at her skeptically.   And then takes the PEN,
          and inspects it.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Dr. Frankel - Adult, Child and Geriatric
                    Dentistry.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Look, I'm not gonna judge about what may
                    or may not be important to someone.

          

                                 ALEX
                    That's not even his dentist.

          

                                  GIGI
                    Oh, really?   Then who's his dentist?

          

                                  ALEX
                    My dad.

          
          Gigi looks at Alex for a long moment, and finally folds.

          

                                 GIGI
                    I'm Gigi. Conor and I went out last
                    week. And I just...I thought if I ran
                    into him...I don't know. I'm gonna go.

          
          Gigi struggles to get out quickly. Alex looks at her -
          holding her pen, looking quite frazzled - and softens.

          

          

          

          

                                    22

          

          7/20/7                                                 23.

          

          

          

                                 ALEX
                    Hey. Just - hang out for a second.
                    Lemme buy you a drink.

          
          Gigi SMILES and sits back down.

          

          INT. RED MAPLE - NIGHT


          
          It's late. The bar is nearly empty. Alex is totaling
          receipts - and Gigi is still nursing a drink.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Look, you seem like a cool girl, so I'm
                    just gonna be honest - Conor is never
                    going to call you.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Oh really? How do you know?

          

                                 ALEX
                    Because I'm a guy.   It's how we do it.

          

                                 GIGI

                           (HOPEFUL)
                    He said it was nice meeting me.

          

                                 ALEX
                    I don't care if he said you were his
                    favorite female since his mommy and
                    Joanie Cunningham. Over a week went by -
                    and he didn't call.

          

                                 GIGI
                    But maybe he called me and I didn't get
                    the message. Or maybe he lost my number,
                    or was out of town, or was hit by a cab,
                    or his grandma died.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Or maybe he just didn't call because he
                    has no interest in seeing you again.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Yeah but my friend Terri once went out
                    with this guy who never called and she
                    totally wrote him off - then like a year
                    later she ran into him --

          

                                 ALEX
                    Your friend Terri's an idiot.   And she's
                    the exception.

          

          

          

          

                                    23

          

          7/20/7                                                 24.

          

          

          

                                  GIGI
                    OK.   But what if I'm the exception?

          

                                 ALEX
                    You're not. You're the rule. And the
                    rule is - if a guy doesn't call you, he
                    doesn't want to call you.

          

                                    GIGI
                    Really?     Always?

          

                                 ALEX
                    Yeah. Always. I know what blowing off a
                    woman looks like. I do it early and I do
                    it often. Trust me - if a guy is
                    treating you like he doesn't give a shit -
                    - he doesn't. No exceptions.

          
          Gigi thinks this over.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Why are you telling me all of this?
                    Aren't these man-secrets - like why men
                    need to watch televised golf?

          
          Alex LAUGHS.

          

                                 ALEX
                    I don't know. You looked like you could
                    really use the help.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Thank you. You've given me a lot to
                    think about.

          
          Gigi smiles at him.

          

          INT. MCCORMICK SPICES CORP. HQ - DAY


          
          Gigi comes in - carrying a MESSY HANDFUL OF PAPERS, with
          crazy hair and wearing the last outfit we saw her in.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Everything OK?

          

                                 GIGI
                    I was up all night.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Please say you were working on the
                    newsletter.

          

          

          

          

                                      24

          

          7/20/7                                                 25.

          

          

          

                                GIGI
                    Sure. It's basically done.   But this is
                    important.

          

                                 JANINE
                    What's happening with your hair?

          
          Beth comes out of her office and looks at Gigi.

          

                                 BETH
                    Please come in my office before the
                    others see that you have mini muffin
                    stuck in your hair.

          

          INT. MCCORMICK SPICES CORP. HQ - BETH'S OFFICE - DAY


          
          Gigi paces in front of Beth's desk.

          

                                 GIGI
                    I think I figured it out. Remember when
                    I went out with that notary public? And
                    he cheated on me? And then Anastasia
                    from upstairs told us that story about
                    how her boyfriend cheated on her at the
                    beginning - but then he totally changed
                    and they're married and crazy in love.

          

                                 BETH
                    I thought that guy was a process server.

          

                                 GIGI
                    No, notary. Anyway, the point is -
                    Anastasia is the exception. Not the
                    rule. We have to stop listening to these
                    stories - because the rule is that most
                    guys who cheat on you up front don't
                    really care about you very much.

          

                                 BETH
                    Okay...

          
          Gigi consults her crumpled pieces of paper.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Exhibit A: Chad, the drummer who lived
                    in his storage space. He only used me
                    for rides, yet I continued to stalk him
                    for most of 1998. Then there was Don,
                    who broke up with me every Friday so he
                    could have his weekends free. I was so
                    delusional about our relationship that I
                    referred to him as my husband to random
                    people like my dental hygenist.

                                 (MORE)

          

                                    25

          

          7/20/7                                                  26.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    And all my friends would tell me stories
                    about how things might work out with
                    these dipshits because they knew someone
                    who knew someone who dated a dipshit just
                    like mine, and that girl ended up getting
                    married and living happily ever after.
                    But that's the exception. And we're not
                    the exception - we're the rule.

          
          Gigi sits down, spent.   But Beth has been listening.

          

                                 BETH
                    OK. So let me see if I understand. What
                    you're saying is that when people tell me
                    about some girl they know who dated a guy
                    for thirteen years, and then he finally
                    married her -- that's the exception. And
                    the rule is that guys - like Neil - who
                    are with girls - like me - for seven
                    years without getting married - are never
                    getting married.

          
          Beth is serious.   Gigi freezes, tries to backtrack.

          

                                 GIGI
                    No. No, no, no. That's not what I'm
                    saying. This has absolutely nothing to
                    do with you. I was just talking, you
                    know, about me. Specifically.

          
          Off Beth, knowing it's about her, too.

          

          INT. SASSY NAILS - EVENING


          
          Anna and MARY, beautiful but doesn't know it, sit in side
          by side pedicure chairs. Anna holds a BUSINESS CARD.

          

                                 ANNA
                    It is impossible not to like this guy.
                    I'm pretty sure he was heavily flirting
                    with me outside Eddie's, and then he
                    tells me he's married. You'd think I'd
                    be pissed, but I literally could not stop
                    myself from liking him.

          

                                 MARY
                    But he's married.

          

                                 ANNA
                    I realize that. I keep trying to force
                    myself to picture him in some church
                    saying vows to some woman, and even that
                    doesn't cool it off. What is my problem?

          

          

          

                                       26

          

          7/20/7                                                  27.

          

          

          

                                 MARY
                    OK. There was this guy who worked in my
                    dad's printing business. Married for
                    fifteen years to a nice lady. And then
                    he meets this woman at some church event.
                    And he told my dad he just had never felt
                    anything like it before. I mean, he had
                    finally met the love of his life. So, he
                    divorced his wife, and he's been with
                    this other woman for 22 years and they
                    are blissfully happy. I mean, what if
                    you meet the love of your life - but you
                    already married someone else? Are you
                    supposed to pass them by?

          

                                 ANNA
                    You're right. I'm calling him.

          
          Anna pulls her feet out of the pedicure bath, goes in a
          private corner, and dials her cell phone.

          

                                   ANNA (CONT'D)
                    Hey, Ben.    This is Anna Marks.

          

                                  BEN (O.S.)
                    Hey, Anna.   What's up?

          

                                 ANNA
                    Well, I was just taking you up on your
                    offer. You said you might know someone
                    who could help me out and I thought we
                    could discuss it -- over coffee?

          
          Anna waits for a response. On the other end she hears
          some rustling, some silence, definitely awkwardness.

          

                                 BEN (O.S.)
                    Look, I just...I can't Anna. You seem
                    great. It's just - I don't know. I
                    should go. Take care.

          
          Anna takes this in - STUNNED. She hangs up. Her eyes
          sting. She can't face Mary so she just stares at weird,
          bleached out photos of nails and HOLDS BACK THE TEARS.

          
          Finally, she looks at her cell phone and dials again.

          

          INT. NATIONAL BREWERY LOFTS - NIGHT


          
          Conor opens the door to find Anna standing there.

          

                                 CONOR
                    I am so psyched that you called.

          

          

                                     27

          

          7/20/7                                                 28.

          

          

          

                                 ANNA
                    Cool.

          

                                 CONOR
                    I had sort of given up on you when you
                    didn't call me back the other night.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Well, you know. I was just thinking
                    about you.

          
          Conor buys it, and ushers her inside.

          

          INT. NATIONAL BREWERY LOFTS - NIGHT


          
          Anna is stretched out with a wine glass in hand, feet in
          Conor's lap. He rubs her feet as they talk.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Your turn.

          

                                  CONOR
                    OK.   Give me the categories again.

          

                                 ANNA
                    There are four. Sexy, smart, funny or
                    cute. And each person can only be two.
                    Like Sarah Jessica Parker is funny and
                    sexy. Or Bill Clinton is sexy and smart.

          

                                 CONOR
                    I love that you are hot for Clinton.

          

                                 ANNA
                    So, which am I?

          

                                 CONOR
                    What was I again?

          

                                 ANNA
                    Smart and cute.

          
          Conor smiles, happy for any compliment.

          

                                  CONOR
                    OK.   You're sexy. Very sexy.    And cute.

          
          She bangs him on the head with a pillow.

          

                                ANNA
                    No. Cute and sexy are in the looks
                    column. No one wants to be in all one
                    column.

          

          

                                    28

          

          7/20/7                                                29.

          

          

          

                                 CONOR
                    Well, I sound like a jackass if I say
                    you're all four. But you're so obviously
                    all four. Especially sexy.

          

                                 ANNA
                    You're the best.

          
          Anna sits up, and moves to Conor. She looks at him,
          pulls him in for a nice, long HUG.

          

                                   ANNA (CONT'D)
                    I better go.

          

                                 CONOR
                    Oh. OK. I mean, you could just stay
                    here tonight.

          
          Anna gives him a knowing look.

          

                                  CONOR (CONT'D)
                    What?   It's been a while.

          

                                ANNA
                    I know. It's just - I'm fried.    Is that
                    alright?

          

                                  CONOR
                    Sure.   Of course.

          
          Anna smiles and gets up. Conor reluctantly follows her
          to the door. She KISSES HIM ON THE LIPS, smiles, and
          leaves.

          

          INT. WESTSIDE LOFT - NIGHT


          
          Beth opens the door to find NEIL, standing on the couch
          in his socks, hanging a PAINTING.

          

                                 NEIL
                    Hey babe, is this straight?

          

                                 BETH
                    Why are you hanging that?

          

                                 NEIL
                    I told you I'd do it weeks ago.   You
                    don't like it there?

          

                                 BETH
                    I love it there. But just - stop.

          

          

          

          

                                       29

          

          7/20/7                                                   30.

          

          

          

                                 NEIL
                    It's the image, isn't it? I didn't see
                    it before, but - you're right - it
                    totally looks like a sagging boob.

          
          Beth is silent.

          

                                 NEIL (CONT'D)
                    You want me to take it down?

          

                                    BETH
                    No.     I want you stop doing anything nice.

          

                                 NEIL
                    Is this a trick?

          

                                 BETH
                    No. I need you to stop being nice to me -
                    unless you're gonna marry me after.

          
          Neil laughs.

          

                                 BETH (CONT'D)
                    Is that funny?

          

                                    NEIL
                    No.     It was just - I was just--

          

                                 BETH
                    See, you can't keep being nice to me and
                    I can't keep pretending like this is
                    something that it's not. We've been
                    together over seven years. You know me.
                    You either want to marry me or you don't.

          

                                 NEIL
                    Or there is the possibility that I just
                    don't really believe in the concept of -

          

                                 BETH
                    BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! Bullshit for every
                    woman who's been told by some guy that he
                    doesn't believe in marriage just to see
                    him turn around eight months later and
                    marry some twenty four year old girl he
                    met at the gym. Bullshit.

          
          Beth tries to hold back her tears. Neil looks stunned.
          He hops down off the couch and goes to her.

          

                                 NEIL
                    Honey, where is all this coming from?

          

          

          

                                      30

          

          7/20/7                                                     31.

          

          

          

                                 BETH
                    From the place that I have been hiding
                    from you for the last five years because
                    I didn't want to seem demanding, or
                    clingy or psycho or whatever. So I never
                    ask. But now I'm going to ---

          
          Neil looks at her.    She looks at him.

          

                                 BETH (CONT'D)
                    Are you ever going to marry me?

          
          Beth looks at Neil.    There is a long, painful SILENCE.

          

                                 BETH (CONT'D)
                    I can't do this anymore.

          
          She walks out of the room.

          

          FADE TO CHAPTER CARD:    ... IF HE'S NOT MARRYING YOU

          
          AMY sits with a sleeping baby in her arms.

          

                                 AMY
                    I was with Damon for six years. He asked
                    me to marry him on the phone, because
                    he's just so different and cool like
                    that. Said he'd eventually get me a
                    ring, which he didn't, but he did buy
                    himself a ring because isn't that so
                    hilarious and cool that the guy is
                    wearing the ring? Then, my favorite part
                    is, I stayed with him even after he took
                    back his proposal, and introduced the
                    idea of a "relation vacation." Isn't
                    that a cute name? Let me explain the
                    concept: it involves dating a girl from
                    the time she's thirty two to the time
                    she's thirty nine, possibly robbing her
                    of the ability to bear children, and
                    then, after all that, wanting to take a
                    year off. And giving it a fun name that
                    you can put on t-shirts.
                           (looks at the baby, smiles)
                    I left him.

          

          INT. HIGHLANDTOWN HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY


          
          Ben, our married guy from the grocery store, sits on the
          floor in a barely furnished room, and dials his cell.

          

          

          

          

                                       31

          

          7/20/7                                                 32.

          

          

          

                                 BEN
                    Hey, Anna. This is Ben. Look, I know
                    it's been a little while since you
                    called. I just - it took me by surprise.
                    But I offered to help you with your
                    career, and I don't see why I can't do
                    that, right? So, give me a call. Maybe
                    you can come by the office this week or
                    something. Okay, take care. Bye.

          
          Ben hangs up. And STARES INTO SPACE until THE DOOR OPENS
          TO REVEAL: JANINE. Gigi's co-worker. And Ben's WIFE.

          

                                   JANINE
                    Hey, how --

          
          Ben is CLEARLY STARTLED.

          

                                 BEN
                    Shit - you scared me.

          
          Janine looks at him.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Is everything OK?

          

                                  BEN
                    Yeah.   Everything's fine.   Why?

          
          She sits down next to him, looks at him intently.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Are you smoking again?

          

                                   BEN
                    No, sweetie.    Why?

          

                                 JANINE
                    Well - you get jumpy when you smoke.

          
          Ben puts his arm around Janine, and pulls her close.

          

                                 BEN
                    I'm not smoking. So, why don't we worry
                    about what color we're gonna paint this
                    room, instead of worrying about things
                    that aren't happening?

          
          Janine contentedly curls up to Ben.

          

                                 JANINE
                    I don't know - I was thinking maybe -
                    pink?

          

          

                                     32

          

          7/20/7                                                  33.

          

          

          

                                  BEN
                    Pink?   Seriously?

          

                                 JANINE
                    Well, I mean, at some point.

          
          Janine gives Ben a knowing look.   He gets it.

          

                                 BEN
                    You sure we're ready for this now?

          

                                 JANINE
                    No. But I mean, we could paint one room
                    pink and one blue just in case.

          
          Ben looks at her and LAUGHS.

          

                                 BEN
                    You've already created the perfect family
                    in this house, and we don't even have
                    drywall.

          

                                 JANINE
                    I'm sorry. I know I promised we'd wait
                    to talk about it -

          
          Ben looks at her, snuggled against him.

          

                                 BEN
                    I think we're almost ready to start
                    talking about it.

          
          Janine smiles CONTENTEDLY.

          

                                 JANINE
                    I've always liked the name Gisele.

          
          Ben LAUGHS.   She lets him.

          

          INT. PORTER'S - EVENING


          
          Packed, Federal Hill happy hour bar scene. Gigi and
          Janine stand, squeezed in among the after work crowd.

          
          JARRAD, early thirties, chats amiably with Gigi.

          

                                 JARRAD
                    Well, ladies, I guess I have to get back
                    to the office.

          

                                 GIGI
                    You go back to the office after happy
                    hour? What's happy about that?

          

          

                                        33

          

          7/20/7                                                 34.

          

          

          

                                  JARRAD
                    I met you.

          
          Janine and Gigi melt.

          

                                 JARRAD (CONT'D)
                    So, I'd love to call you sometime.    Do
                    you have a card?

          

                                  GIGI
                    Of course.

          
          Gigi hands him her card with lightning speed.

          

                                 JARRAD
                    And here's my info.

          
          Jarrad hands Gigi HIS CARD as well.

          

                                 JARRAD (CONT'D)
                    Look forward to hearing from you, Gigi.

          
          He starts to head over to his BUDDIES.   Gigi is confused.

          

                                 GIGI
                    So, wait -- how are we doing this? Are
                    you hearing from me or am I getting a
                    call?

          
          Jarrad turns back.

          

                                  JARRAD
                    What?

          

                                 GIGI
                    You said you'd love to call me, but then
                    you said "look forward to hearing from
                    you." See how that's kinda confusing?

          

                                 JARRAD
                    Look - we'll talk. We'll get in touch.

          
          He tries to take off again.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Ooopsie - you did it again. Very vague.
                    You know what? Why don't we just say
                    that you'll call me, and then we can skip
                    all the nonsense.

          
          Jarrad just gives her a blank stare.

          

          

          

          

                                    34

          

          7/20/7                                                   35.

          

          

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    Or I guess I could just call you --

          

                                 JARRAD
                    Goodbye, Gigi.

          
          He takes off.   The girls watch him.

          

                                   GIGI
                    He was cute.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Please don't cyber-stalk him.

          
          Gigi looks at the name on the card - JARRAD MONTROSE -
          and then - TEARS HIS BUSINESS CARD IN TWO.

          

                                 JANINE (CONT'D)
                    Wait - what are you doing?

          

                                 GIGI
                    I'm not calling him.    If he wants to see
                    me - he'll call.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Wow, that guy Alex really made an
                    impression on you. Was he hot?

          

                                  GIGI
                    No.   He was just -- right.

          
          Off Gigi, sipping her drink, full of optimism.

          

          INT. BALTIMORE BLADE - DAY


          
          The offices of Baltimore's gay weekly paper. The
          elevator opens - and in walks Mary, cheerful as always.

          
          We follow her down the hall as she ad-libs hellos to her
          co-workers. One thing becomes glaringly clear - SHE IS

          THE ONLY WOMAN WHO WORKS HERE.

          
          She gets to her desk and is descended upon by - BRUCE,
          NATHAN, and JOSHUA. All mid-20's. All gay.

          

                                   BRUCE
                    So?

          
          Mary looks at them, smiling, enjoying their impatience.

          

                                 MARY
                    He asked me out.

          

          

          

                                       35

          

          7/20/7                                                   36.

          

          

          

                                   NATHAN
                    Oh my god!    He called?

          

                                  MARY
                    Well -

          

                                  JOSHUA
                    He emailed?

          

                                  MARY
                    Umm -

          

                                 BRUCE
                    What? Did he travel by carriage and
                    leave his calling card with your lady in
                    waiting?

          

                                 MARY
                    He MySpaced me.

          
          The guys all look skeptical.

          

                                  NATHAN
                    Ouch.

          

                                 JOSHUA
                    I don't know. My slutty sister says
                    MySpace is the new booty call.

          

                                 MARY
                    Well, what am I supposed to do? Things
                    have changed. People don't just meet
                    organically anymore. If I want to make
                    myself more attractive to the opposite
                    sex, I don't go get a new haircut - I
                    update my profile. That's just how it
                    is.

          
          The guys look at her, starting to understand.   Mary's

          PHONE RINGS.

          

                                 MARY (CONT'D)
                    Back to work.

          
          She smiles at the guys - they disperse as she picks up.

          

                                 MARY (CONT'D)
                    Ad sales - this is Mary.

          

          INTERCUT WITH EXT. LIGHT ST. - DAY


          
          Conor sits on a bench, NEWSPAPER folded open on his lap.

          

          

          

                                     36

          

          7/20/7                                                  37.

          

          

          

                                 CONOR
                    Hey, it's Conor. Anna's - uh - friend.
                    Or whatever.

          

                                  MARY
                    Hey.   So, did you see it?

          

                                 CONOR
                    I'm not sure about this.

          

                                 MARY
                    You gotta trust me. It's a burgeoning
                    market. You're gonna make a fortune.

          
          Conor looks at the paper.

          

                                 CONOR
                    Yeah. I hope so. But, like - did you
                    have to put me on the page with the
                    massage ads?

          

                                 MARY
                    It was either that or on the page with
                    the personals. I made a call.

          

                                 CONOR
                    OK. You're right.      Hey, have you talked
                    to Anna lately?

          
          Conor leaves the paper and gets up. He walks away, still
          on the phone, we STAY WITH THE NEWSPAPER AND WE PUSH IN.

          
          UNDER VARIOUS 1 INCH ADS FOR MASSEUSES, S&M and LEATHER

          TYPE SERVICES - THERE'S A HALF PAGE AD UNDER THE TITLE:

          

          THE HOME FOR YOUR LIFESTYLE - CONOR BARRY - REAL ESTATE
          Under which is a picture of Conor, standing in front of a
          brick Tudor, a SOLD SIGN proudly displayed. In the
          background - TWO MEN look lovingly at their new home.

          

          INT. POTOMAC HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY


          
          PAIGE, blonde and angelic, looks on as LAURA, CATHERINE,
          and Beth pull on matching coral dresses.

          

                                 CATHERINE
                    I do not understand how you got mom to
                    sew all of these in two weeks.

          

                                 PAIGE
                    She wanted to do it.

          

          

          

                                      37

          

          7/20/7                                                   38.

          

          

          

                                 LAURA
                    Mom told me she felt like an old
                    Indonesian lady in a sweatshop.

          

                                 PAIGE
                    No, she didn't.

          

                                 BETH
                    Why again do you need to get married so
                    fast?

          

                                 CATHERINE
                    You're so pregnant.

          

                                 PAIGE
                    I'm not pregnant.

          

                                 CATHERINE
                    Chug a beer, then. I want to see you
                    chug a beer.

          

                                 PAIGE
                    We're in love, you assholes. That's what
                    people do when they're in love - they get
                    married.

          
          Everyone FREEZES.    And looks at BETH.   Big silence.

          

                                 PAIGE (CONT'D)
                    Bethie, you know I didn't mean --

          

                                   BETH
                    It's OK.    Neil and I are actually - done -
                    anyway.

          
          This is clearly news.

          

                                 CATHERINE
                    Why didn't you tell us?    You should have
                    told us.

          

                                 LAURA
                    You have to come over and have dinner
                    with me and Steven and the kids tonight,
                    OK? You can even stay over if you want.

          

                                 CATHERINE
                    Why would she want to hang out with us
                    and our husbands? Seriously, Beth, isn't
                    that exactly what you want to avoid right
                    now?

          
          But before Beth can even answer --

          

          

                                      38

          

          7/20/7                                                  39.

          

          

          

                                 PAIGE
                    You know what - if being in the wedding
                    is too painful-

          

                                 BETH
                    You guys, it's cool. I'm fine.    So I
                    lost a little time. Big deal.

          
          Beth grabs her purse and starts for the door.

          

                                 CATHERINE
                    So not a big deal. You're still really
                    young.

          

                                  PAIGE
                    So young.

                                 LAURA
                    Everything you learned in that
                    relationship is just gonna make the next
                    one so much stronger.

          

                                  BETH
                    Exactly.

          
          Beth exits, still wearing a half-sewn bridesmaid's dress.

          

                                 LAURA
                    She wasted so much time.

          

                                 CATHERINE
                    I knew he was never gonna propose.

          

                                  PAIGE
                    Shit.

          
          The girls nod in agreement.

          

          INT. LAW OFFICE - DAY


          
          Ben sits behind his desk, sifting through a pile of
          papers. We PAN around to Anna sitting across from him.

          

                                 BEN
                    I know it's here somewhere. I spoke to
                    George Lane in music, and he gave me this
                    whole list of references for you.

          

                                   ANNA
                    It's cool.    You can call me when you find
                    it.

          

          

          

          

                                     39

          

          7/20/7                                               40.

          

          

          

                                 BEN
                    I swear I didn't lure you here under
                    false pretenses.

          

                                  ANNA
                    I know.   But a girl can dream.

          
          He looks up at her and smiles.

          

                                 ANNA (CONT'D)
                    You're obviously too good of a guy.

          
          They share a LONG LOOK.

          

                                 ANNA (CONT'D)
                    Why are you married, again?

          
          Ben LAUGHS.

          

                                 ANNA (CONT'D)
                    Seriously. Why? It'll be good for me.
                    Tell me how you decided that you could
                    not be without this other woman.

          

                                 BEN
                    We'd been together since college. She
                    gave me an ultimatum: we get married or
                    we break up. So, we got married.

          

                                  ANNA
                    Seriously?   You just caved?

          

                                 BEN
                    It's complicated.

          

                                    ANNA
                    Really?

          

                                 BEN
                    You're a dick if you date a girl for too
                    long, and don't marry her. But you marry
                    her, and then you're an asshole for
                    marrying her before you're ready. Shit -
                    I don't know.

          
          He looks at her.

          

          

          

          

                                      40

          

          7/20/7                                                   41.

          

          

          

                                 BEN (CONT'D)
                    You're really hot and I'm obviously
                    attracted to you, but I guess the best I
                    can do is eventually find this piece of
                    paper, and call you, and hope I help in
                    some small way with your career, and be
                    happy about that.

          
          Anna takes this in.

          

          INT. HIGHLANDTOWN HOUSE - DAY


          
          Janine walks in from work to her construction site home.
          She peeks into the dining room, where she sees her CHERRY
          WOOD DINING TABLE covered in a THICK LAYER OF DUST.

          

                                    JANINE

                    JAVIER!

          
          She waits for a response. Nothing.    She starts to brush
          the dust off with her hands.

          

                                 JANINE (CONT'D)

                    JAVIER. I THOUGHT WE TALKED ABOUT

                    TARPING THE FURNITURE.

          
          Still nothing. So Janine drops her work things, and
          heads out the side door of the house to a STORAGE AREA.

          

          EXT. STORAGE AREA - DAY


          
          There are cans of paint, bags of cement, some tarps.
          Janine grabs a TARP, when she sees, on a window ledge,
          next to a folding chair - AN ALUMINUM FOIL ASHTRAY.

          CIGARETTE BUTTS. AN EMPTY PACK OF AMERICAN SPIRITS.

          
          She stares at them for a moment, then heads back inside.

          

          INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - DAY


          
          CLOSE ON: A TORN BUSINESS CARD, TAPED BACK TOGETHER. The
          name on the card is JARRAD MONTROSE. Gigi sits, staring
          at the card. She reaches for the phone, and then thinks
          the better of it. And again.

          
          Finally, she grabs the receiver, picks it up, and dials.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Hi, this is Gigi.

          

          INTERCUT WITH:   INT. RED MAPLE - OFFICE - DAY


          
          Alex sits in his office.    He talks into his CELL.

          

          

                                      41

          

          7/20/7                                               42.

          

          

          

                               ALEX
                   Gigi?

          

                                GIGI
                   Gigi Phillips. I had the - umm - dentist
                   pen.

          

                               ALEX
                   Right.

          

                                GIGI
                   I'm really sorry to bug you. I just - I
                   thought you had some really good insights
                   the other night and -- I had a question.

          

                                ALEX
                   Okay, maybe I need to be harsh -- Conor
                   is never going to be interested in you.

          

                                GIGI
                   No, I know. This is about -
                          (she looks at the card)
                   - Jarrad. You have a sec?

          

                               ALEX
                   Okay...

          

                                GIGI
                   So I meet him at happy hour and he was
                   completely charming --

          

                                ALEX
                   Lemme guess - he said the only thing
                   happy about this hour is you.

          

                                GIGI
                   He may have used some derivative of that.
                   So, he says he's going to call, but then
                   gave me his card and --

          

                                ALEX
                   He's not interested.

          

                                GIGI
                   You don't even know if he called --

          

                               ALEX
                   Did he?

          

                                GIGI
                   No. But the thing is, I honestly think
                   he's expecting my call.

                                (MORE)

          

          

                                  42

          

          7/20/7                                               43.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    He said "Look forward to hearing from
                    you" and not "Look forward to talking to
                    you." I mean, do you hear the
                    connotations?

          

                                   ALEX
                    He.   Is.   Not. Interested.

          
          Tyrone appears in Alex's doorway.

          

                                 TYRONE
                    Alex - this is jacked. The hostess is
                    giving me shit for not wearing a white
                    shirt -- this shirt is WHITE!

          
          Tyrone points to a VERY SMALL WHITE INSIGNIA on an
          otherwise BLACK SHIRT. Alex shuts the door on him.

          

                                 TYRONE    (O.S.) (CONT'D)
                    This shit is white.

          

                                 ALEX
                    If a guy gives you his phone number,
                    instead of taking yours, he's not
                    interested.

          

                                 GIGI
                    He took mine first, but then he --

          

                                 ALEX
                    And, if a guy wants to see you, he will
                    see you. I once called 55 Lauren Bell's
                    until I got the right one.

          

                                   GIGI
                    That's cute.    What happened?

          

                                 ALEX
                    As it turned out, her ass looked really
                    huge in daylight.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Is it your sensitivity that makes you so
                    popular with women?

          

                                 ALEX
                    Don't call him. He doesn't like you.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Again with the sensitivity.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Just trying to help.

          

          

          

                                     43

          

          7/20/7                                                  44.

          

          

          

                                    GIGI
                      I know.   Thanks.

          
          Gigi hangs up, re-tears up Jarrad's card.

          

          EXT. DUNDALK HOME - BACKYARD - DAY


          
          CLOSE ON:   HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM written across a CAKE.

          
          As the candles are blown out, we widen to reveal: Anna
          and Conor siting at a cheap picnic table in a tiny
          backyard, across from MAYA - Anna's mom.

          
          As Maya refills her glass from a BOTTLE OF WINE, Anna
          grabs a GIFT from her bag - hands it to her mom.

          

                                   MAYA
                      Oh sweetie - you didn't have to get me
                      anything.

          

                                   ANNA
                      Mom - you always say that and I always
                      get you something.

          
          Maya takes a BIG SIP OF WINE (not her first) as she tears
          open the gift, which is clearly a RECORD ALBUM.

          

                                     MAYA
                      You didn't.

          

                                   ANNA
                      It's no big deal.

          

                                     CONOR
                      What is it?

          
          Maya shows him the album - TIM BUCKLEY'S STARSAILOR.

          

                                     CONOR (CONT'D)
                      Tim Buckley.    Nice.

          

                                   MAYA
                      Here - put on my favorite.

          
          Anna takes the album and heads through the screen door.

          

                                   MAYA (CONT'D)
                      Did Anna ever tell you I knew Tim
                      Buckley?

          

                                    CONOR
                      No.   She did not.

          

          

          

                                       44

          

          7/20/7                                                   45.

          

          

          
          "Song to the Siren" plays as Anna returns to the table.

          

                                 MAYA
                    We met at a coffee shop in 1971. Hell's
                    Kitchen. I had no idea who he was. But
                    he had this big mop of hair and these
                    eyes that just looked past you and
                    through you and into you all at the same
                    time. Complete interest and disinterest.
                    It was amazing.

          
          Maya pulls out a cigarette and lights it.

          

                                 MAYA (CONT'D)
                    Of course, I was with Anna's father at
                    the time, so, you know...another
                    opportunity missed.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Mom, please -

          

                                 MAYA
                    It's the truth. I knew them all. Robert
                    Plant, Harry Nilsson, Graham Parsons...
                           (to Conor)
                    Have you seen the pictures of me from
                    when I was Anna's age?

          

                                 CONOR
                    Umm - I don't think so -

          

                                 MAYA
                    Sweetie go get that picture - you know
                    the one -

          
          Anna just looks at her - pleadingly.

          

                                 MAYA (CONT'D)
                    Go. Your mother's asking you to do
                    something for her on her birthday.

          
          Anna goes inside.   Maya looks to Conor, takes a sip.

          

                                 MAYA (CONT'D)
                    You'll see - we look strikingly similar.
                    My lips may be a bit fuller, but...

          
          She leans back, puts out her cigarette as Anna returns
          with A PICTURE. She hands it to Conor.

          
          INSERT: MAYA, in her early twenties. Black and white -
          somewhere in New York. The resemblance to Anna is scary.

          

          

          

                                     45

          

          7/20/7                                                     46.

          

          

          

                                  CONOR
                    Wow.   That's - unbelievable.

          

                                 MAYA
                    So that's what we're dealing with here,
                    for reference. Imagine meeting someone
                    who looks like that in a coffee shop.

          
          Conor looks down at the picture, then back up to Anna.

          

                                 CONOR
                    That's funny, because, I mean, I guess I
                    kinda did. Anna and I met at a
                    restaurant. That serves coffee. So, not
                    a coffee shop, but...still -

          
          He looks from Maya to Anna.     Maya stands up.

          

                                 MAYA
                    That's sweet. But if we're comparing
                    stories -
                           (indicating with her glass)
                    She's no me - and you're no Tim Buckley.

          
          With that, Maya heads inside.

          

                                 MAYA (CONT'D)
                    Anyone need a refill?

          
          Anna looks to Conor apologetically.    He just smiles.

          

          EXT. ANNA'S APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT


          
          Anna and Conor walk to the front door of her apartment.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Thanks again for coming with me.        You
                    make it so much easier.

          

                                 CONOR
                    Are you kidding? I like your mom.        She's
                    cool.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Yeah, well - cool's not always what
                    you're looking for in a mom.

          
          Conor smiles, understanding.

          

                                 CONOR
                    So, you want another -- foot rub?

          
          He's trying.   But it's awkward.

          

          

                                     46

          

          7/20/7                                                47.

          

          

          

                                 ANNA
                    Ugh. I'm just beat. I wanna put on
                    sweats and get in bed.

          

                                 CONOR
                    I'd be into that.

          
          Anna gives him a smile, opens her front door.

          

                                 ANNA
                    I'll call you tomorrow, OK?

          
          She gives him a KISS, and goes inside.

          

          FADE TO CHAPTER CARD:...IF HE/SHE'S NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU

          
          TRENT, early 30s, talks to the camera as he drives his
          Ford Explorer. He's cute - but trying a smidge too hard -
          - goatee, leather cord necklace he bought in Cancun, etc.

          

                                 TRENT
                    If a girl is into you, she's sleeping
                    with you. And if after a month - two
                    months at the very outside - she's not
                    sleeping with you, she does not like you.
                    I guess the trick is, how to spot this
                    girl early - so you don't waste the one
                    to seven weeks waiting to find out that
                    it's never gonna happen. So, I've got
                    some signs about how to spot this girl -
                    gleaned from my own experience, of
                    course. A girl will never sleep with you
                    if: she calls you cuddly or dependable,
                    she pops a zit in front of you, her name
                    is Amber or Christine, she takes a dump
                    in your bathroom or she takes home
                    leftovers in dates 1-3. I know it's not
                    scientific - but I'm just saying - you
                    were warned.

          

          INT. NATIONAL BREWERY LOFTS - NIGHT


          
          Alex knocks and opens the door in one motion.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Hey dude - you here?

          

                                 CONOR (O.S.)
                    Yep.

          
          Alex heads to the fridge, opens it and looks in.

          

          

          

          

                                    47

          

          7/20/7                                                48.

          

          

          

                                  ALEX
                    Wanna beer?

          
          He pulls TWO BEERS out, shuts the fridge and turns to
          find Conor standing there. He's wearing a REALLY TIGHT,
          SHINY SHIRT and EVEN TIGHTER, VERY BLUE JEANS.

          

                                 ALEX (CONT'D)
                    Or an apple martini?

          

                                  CONOR
                    Funny.

          
          Conor grabs the beer and opens it.

          

                                  ALEX
                    Need I ask?

          

                                 CONOR
                    It's for work. I'm trying to expand my
                    client base.

          

                                 ALEX
                    By pretending you're gay?

          

                                  CONOR
                    No.   By being more gay friendly.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Or, in real estate terms, by becoming
                    "gay adjacent".

          

                                   CONOR
                    Nice.    I may have to use that.

          
          Conor heads back toward his room.

          

                                 CONOR (CONT'D)
                    I'm gonna try something else. This may be
                    too much.

          

                                 ALEX
                    I don't know. You dress like that - and
                    you're already seeing a girl who won't
                    sleep with you - I think maybe you can
                    pull it off.

          

                                 CONOR (O.S.)
                    It's not that she won't sleep with me
                    douchebag...I have slept with her. It's
                    just, you know, she...um...

          

          

          

          

                                     48

          

          7/20/7                                                  49.

          

          

          

                                 ALEX
                    Won't sleep with you anymore.

          
          Conor reappears, now wearing A FRENCH CONNECTION TYPE

          TIGHT T-SHIRT AND BLACK JEANS.

          

                                 CONOR
                    Pretty much, yeah.
                           (re: his new outfit)
                    So, what do you think?

          
          Alex gives him the once over.

          

                                 ALEX
                    I think you're gonna have to beat 'em
                    away with a stick - you hot, sexy man.

          
          Conor rolls his eyes and heads back into his room.    Alex
          laughs to himself and takes another sip of beer.

          

          INT. FELL'S POINT CONDO - NIGHT


          
          Leather couch, framed Orioles jersey - typical bachelor
          pad. Gigi is making out with GREGORY, 30s.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Who would have thought that a random girl
                    from Pilates would fix me up with such a
                    good kisser?

          

                                 GREGORY
                    Back at you sister.

          
          Gigi beams.   They make out some more.

          

                                 GIGI
                    I can't wait to kiss you again.

          

                                  GREGORY
                    Umm.   We're kissing right now.

          

                                 GIGI
                    I know. But next time. The second date
                    kiss is way more intimate.

          
          As they start kissing again -

          

                                 GREGORY
                    Well, I'm going out of town tomorrow - so
                    I'll be out of touch for a bit.

          
          Gregory starts pulling off Gigi's top.    Gigi pulls away
          deftly.

          

          

                                     49

          

          7/20/7                                                   50.

          

          

          

                                 GIGI
                    Would you excuse me a quick second?    Too
                    many diet cokes...

          
          Gigi makes a beeline down the hall.

          

          INT. FELLS POINT CONDO - BATHROOM - NIGHT


          
          Gigi dials her CELL as she goes through Gregory's
          bathroom cabinets.

          

          INTERCUT WITH:   INT. ALEX'S APARTMENT - NIGHT


          
          Alex is also mid-makeout on his leather couch with a HOT
          WOMAN. The PHONE RINGS. Alex grabs it.

          

                                  ALEX
                    Yup.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Hey, sorry to bug you again.   Quick
                    question.

          

                                 ALEX
                           (to his hot lady)
                    Would you excuse me a second, babe?

          
          Alex walks into the hallway.

          

                                 GIGI
                    I'm making out with a guy - PG stuff -
                    and then he mentions he's going out of
                    town, so he's gonna be out of touch.

          

                                  ALEX
                    Run.

          

                                 GIGI
                    But maybe he is going out of town.

          

                                 ALEX
                    To where? The Arab Emirates? Where is
                    he going that he has to be out of touch?

          
          Gigi opens the bathroom door and SHOUTS down the hall.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Where are you going out of town to again?

          

                                  GREGORY (O.S.)
                    Pittsburgh.

          

          

          

          

                                     50

          

          7/20/7                                                 51.

          

          

          

                                  GIGI
                    Pittsburgh.

          

                                  ALEX
                    Run.

          

                                 GIGI
                    So, now what? I'm just supposed to run
                    from every guy who doesn't like me?

          

                                  ALEX
                    Uhh - yeah.

          

                                 GIGI
                    There's not going to be anyone left.

          
          Alex LAUGHS.

          

                                 ALEX
                    OK, I don't know why I'm saying this -
                    but I actually think I know a nice guy
                    who you might like.

          

                                  GIGI
                    Yeah?

          

                                ALEX
                    Yeah. He's a friend of my brother's.
                    Bill. We'll all meet for a drink - it'll
                    be good.

          
          Gigi smiles.

          

                                 GIGI
                    So, I'm in his bathroom right now.   What
                    do I now?

          

                                 ALEX
                    You gotta come out eventually. But I'd
                    really take my time. Let him sweat.

          
          He hangs up. Gigi finds some Crest Whitestrips and -
          with determination - decides to APPLY THEM.

          

          INT. GYM - EVENING


          
          Anna's rolling up mats, etc. as a sweaty Ben approaches.

          

                                 BEN
                    So, we ran into each other.

          

                                 ANNA
                    You came to my class.

          

          

                                    51

          

          7/20/7                                                 52.

          

          

          

                                 BEN
                    I didn't know it was your class.

          

                                 ANNA
                    You called and asked me.

          

                                 BEN
                    But you didn't call me back.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Because you said not to call back if it
                    was my class. Which it was.

          
          Ben recommits.

          

                                 BEN
                    We ran into each other.

          
          Anna LAUGHS.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Totally. A couple of innocent folks - by
                    happenstance - doing their daily workout
                    near one another.

          

                                  BEN
                    Exactly.   Thank you.

          
          As Anna picks up her bag and walks past him -

          

                                  ANNA
                    Wanna swim?

          
          Ben watches her go, not sure she's serious.

          

          INT. GYM POOL - NIGHT


          
          Big indoor pool. Clearly closed, lights off.    Anna opens
          the door with a KEY, Ben follows.

          

                                 BEN
                    I was just thinking - why can't we be
                    friends? Am I not allowed to make
                    friends anymore? Am I not allowed to be
                    friends with hot people? What kind of
                    reverse prejudice is that?

          

                                 ANNA
                    I hear you. Am I supposed to not be
                    friends with a guy just because he's
                    married, and happens to have this insane
                    smile and this ass that makes me want to
                    dry hump?

          

          

                                    52

          

          7/20/7                                                  53.

          

          

          

                                  BEN
                     I think I just fell in love.   A girl who
                     talks about a dry hump.

          

                                  ANNA
                     Classy, right?

          

                                  BEN
                     Classy is lame.

          
          Anna sits at the edge of the pool.

          

                                  ANNA
                     So, friends, right?

          

                                  BEN
                     Totally.

          
          And with that, Anna pulls off her top. And then her
          sweats. And, totally naked, slides into the pool.

          

                                  ANNA
                     You wanna come in?

          

                                   BEN
                     I'm sorry.   I don't trust myself.

          

                                   ANNA
                     OK.   You can just watch.

          
          He does.

          

                                  BEN
                     You may be the best friend I've ever had.

          
          Anna LAUGHS, and then dunks her head under the water.

          

          INT. HIGHLANDTOWN HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT


          
          Ben comes in the front door, drops his gym bag. Janine
          sits on the couch flipping through a magazine. He leans
          in to kiss her on the cheek. She does not look happy.

          

                                  JANINE
                     Honey - you smell different.

          
          Ben pulls back smoothly.

          

                                  BEN
                     Different how?

          

                                  JANINE
                     I don't know.

          

          

                                     53

          

          7/20/7                                                   54.

          

          

          

                                 BEN
                    Well that's an odd thing to say.

          
          She looks at him.    He tries to coolly meet her gaze.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Maybe it's the ashtray and cigarettes I
                    found. In the side yard. What part of
                    "my dad died of lung cancer" is hard for
                    you to wrap your brain around?

          

                                   BEN
                    What?

          

                                 JANINE
                    Do not lie to me, Ben.      Please.

          

                                 BEN
                    Are you serious? We have like eight
                    thousand undocumented workers in this
                    house daily. You find cigarettes, and
                    you automatically assume they're mine?

          

                                   JANINE
                    Well, yes.

          

                                 BEN
                    Honey, I'm not lying. And you are really
                    freaking out. I think the renovation is
                    getting to you because nothing is going
                    on. Just please - relax.

          
          Ben walks away.    Off Janine, wanting to believe him.

          

          EXT. BALTIMORE YACHT CLUB - DOCK - DAY


          
          Ben walks to a boat at the end of the dock. He stands,
          unsure, before deciding to KNOCK on the side of the boat.
          NEIL emerges - unshaven, possibly unshowered.

          

                                    NEIL
                    Ah.     My first visitor.

          

                                 BEN
                    This boat is sick. How come you never
                    invited me out before?

          

                                 NEIL
                    Well, this was supposed to be just for
                    Beth and I - for our retirement. Leave
                    our jobs. Sell the house. Take off.

          

          

          

          

                                      54

          

          7/20/7                                                   55.

          

          

          
          Neil is clearly having a tough time. Ben doesn't know
          what to say. They're silent for a second.

          

                                 NEIL (CONT'D)
                    Sorry. Where are my manners? Permission
                    to board granted. I'll show you around.

          
          Ben smiles, steps on to the boat.

          

          EXT. INNER HARBOR - DAY


          
          CLOSE ON: A cigarette being lit. WIDEN to reveal Neil
          smoking on the upper deck of his boat, steering it out
          into the bay.   Ben stands across from him, looking on.

          

                                   NEIL
                             (re: cigarette)
                    Sorry.

          

                                    BEN
                    It's OK.

          
          Neil switches to his left hand, away from Ben.

          

                                 NEIL
                    So Janine sent you to check on me?

          

                                   BEN
                    Yeah.    Pretty much.

          

                                 NEIL
                    Any message from Beth?

          
          Ben shakes his head no.    Neil seems disappointed.

          

                                 BEN
                    I think she's been busy getting ready for
                    her sister's funeral though, so...

          

                                 NEIL
                    Her sister's what?

          

                                   BEN
                    Wedding.    Her sister's wedding.   What did
                    I say?

          
          Neil is now LAUGHING HARD.

          

                                 NEIL
                    You said funeral.

          

                                 BEN
                    No, I didn't. Shit, did I?

          

          

                                       55

          

          7/20/7                                                   56.

          

          

          
          Neil LAUGHS HARDER.    Even Ben sees the humor.

          

                                 NEIL
                    The marriage thing is weird, man. I
                    never thought Beth would give me an
                    ultimatum.

          

                                    BEN
                    Really?     Why not?   That's what women do.

          

                                 NEIL
                    Right. I forgot. That's how Janine got
                    you to bite the bullet.

          

                                   BEN
                    Yup.

          
          Neil looks at Ben, curious.

          

                                 NEIL
                    Do you regret it?

          

                                   BEN
                    No.

          

                                 NEIL
                    So you're happy? You'd say you're
                    happily married?

          
          Ben looks at Neil as if he's crazy.

          

                                 BEN
                    I love Janine.

          
          Neil takes a drag and looks out over the harbor.

          

          INT. BO BROOKS CRAB HOUSE - NIGHT


          
          We PAN down one of the long tables to find Beth, SMACKING
          a crab with a mallet. HARD. AND LOUD. The others at
          the table turn to look at her, annoyed. And that's when
          we see - there seems to be a party and SPEECH underway.

          

                                 COUSIN
                    Now, I know when my cousin Paige says
                    those vows tomorrow, there are going to
                    be hearts breaking all over the world.

          
          Beth's sister, Paige, smiles.

          

                                 COUSIN (CONT'D)
                    So, keep in mind, her sister Beth is
                    still on the market.

          

          

                                      56

          

          7/20/7                                                57.

          

          

          
          The cousin WINKS at Beth.   Beth goes white.

          

                                 COUSIN (CONT'D)
                    Sure, she's an older model, but she's
                    still got a lot of miles left in her.
                    But don't stay on the lot too long,
                    Bethie, or next year's models will --

          
          KEN MURPHY, 60s, nearly tramples guests to grab the mic.

          

                                 KEN
                    OK - that's enough of the speeches. Time
                    to eat. So enjoy the crab. And the
                    yellow stuff is not hot mustard, it's the
                    crab's hepatopancreas.

          
          Mixed reaction from the crowd as Ken puts the mic down.
          He starts to return to his table - when he sees Beth
          trying to make a sneaky exit. He catches up to her.

          

                                 KEN (CONT'D)
                    Bethie, your cousin Jay has always been a
                    jackass.

          

                                   BETH
                    I know.    And even he's married.

          

                                 KEN
                    So, you'll get married a little bit later
                    than some people. Big deal. You never
                    did anything the way every one else did
                    it, and that's what I've always thought
                    was so great about you.

          

                                 BETH
                    I'm your oldest daughter, and I'm the
                    only one not married. If this was
                    Fiddler on the Roof you'd have to
                    sacrifice me or something.

          
          Ken laughs and puts his arm around Beth.

          

                                 KEN
                    Honey, look. When everyone else was just
                    going to camp at the Y, you borrowed my
                    New York Times, found some arts camp in
                    the Berkshires, wrote away for
                    information, then got accepted on your
                    own. You were nine. You never did
                    things the way everyone else did.

          

                                  BETH
                    Why not?

          

          

                                      57

          

          7/20/7                                                   58.

          

          

          

                                   KEN
                      Because that's you.   That's why you're my
                      favorite daughter.

          
          Beth's eyes go WIDE.

          

                                   BETH
                      I don't think you're supposed to say
                      that.

          

                                   KEN
                      Well, I don't give a shit. I'm retired,
                      and I'll say what I want. I'll say it
                      into the mic if you want --

          

                                   BETH
                      That's OK.

          

                                   KEN
                      It's true, though.

          

                                   BETH
                      I know.

          
          They HUG.

          

          INT. FRAZIER'S ON THE AVENUE - NIGHT


          
          Gigi sits sipping a drink, alone, when Alex comes in the
          door and goes directly to her table.

          

                                   ALEX
                      Sorry I'm late.

          

                                   GIGI
                      That's OK. I like a little time before a
                      blind date - prepare myself mentally,
                      remind myself not to tell the story about
                      my molars --

          

                                   ALEX
                      He's not coming.

          
          Alex motions to the WAITRESS to bring them another round.

          

                                   ALEX (CONT'D)
                      Can't wait to hear that story about the
                      molars, though.

          

                                   GIGI
                      How can he already not like me?

          

          

          

          

                                     58

          

          7/20/7                                                59.

          

          

          

                                 ALEX
                    I screwed up. I told Bill it was
                    Thursday, but I meant Tuesday.

          
          Gigi is disappointed. The waitress drops off their
          drinks. They toast - then observe the SCENE AT THE BAR.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Awesome. I'm stuck here with a guy who
                    can't distinguish Tuesday from Thursday -
                    and meanwhile this girl -
                           (motions to GIRL at the bar)
                    - she's probably meeting her soul mate
                    as we speak.

          
          The GIRL is standing between TWO GUYS.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Nope.

          

                                 GIGI
                    How do you know?

          

                                 ALEX
                    See the guy trying to work the Tom Cruise
                    thing. She's interested. He's not.

          

                                 GIGI
                    You cannot tell from a cursory glance
                    that he's not interested.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Actually, I can. I manage a restaurant.
                    I see this stuff go down every night.
                    Watch --

          
          As if on cue, Tom Cruise Guy BANGS his elbow into the
          GIRL, hard, causing her to spill her drink. Tom Cruise
          Guy sees, but doesn't acknowledge. Alex looks smug.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Man, you have a gift.

          

                                 ALEX
                    And check out droopy dawg on her other
                    side. He can buy her drinks all night,
                    and she'll insist there's no "spark."

          

                                 GIGI
                    Maybe there isn't.   You need a spark.

          

                                 ALEX
                    The "spark" thing is bullshit.

          

          

                                    59

          

          7/20/7                                                60.

          

          

          

                                   GIGI
                    Really?    Enlighten me.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Guys invented the "spark" so they could
                    not call and treat you kind of bad and
                    keep you guessing, and then convince you
                    that the anxiety and fear that it creates
                    in you is actually a "spark." And you
                    all buy it. You love it. You all thrive
                    on it because you all love drama.

          

                                  GIGI
                    I don't.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Really? So you don't wait until the last
                    minute on deadlines, or on phone bills,
                    because you love the drama of not knowing
                    whether you'll make it?

          
          She's busted.

          

                                  GIGI
                    Maybe.

          

                                 ALEX
                    And let me guess - when you were stalking
                    Conor that night - were you obsessing
                    about him calling for days, even though
                    the date was just kind of mediocre?

          

                                  GIGI
                    OK.   Yeah.

          

                                 ALEX
                    See, you thrive on drama. You gotta be
                    more like me - if a girl likes me great,
                    if not, there are plenty more like her -
                    probably with smaller pores and bigger
                    implants.

          

                                 GIGI
                    That's beautiful.

          

                                  ALEX
                    Thanks.

          
          They continue drinking and observing the scene.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Why are you sharing all this inside
                    dating information with me again?

          

          

                                     60

          

          7/20/7                                                  61.

          

          

          

                                   ALEX
                    I dunno.    I like you.

          

                                  GIGI
                    You do?

          

                                 ALEX
                    Don't start doodling my name on your
                    binder. I just mean, I like you, like I
                    like basset hounds. They're kinda
                    pathetic - so you want to cheer them up.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Again with the sensitivity.

          
          Alex smiles at her.   Gigi can't help but smile back.

          

          INT. HIGHLANDTOWN HOUSE - MORNING


          
          Janine walks down the hallway, with JAVIER (40, stocky),
          her contractor. She's inspecting the crown molding.

          

                                 JANINE
                    It looks good.

          

                                  JAVIER
                    Yes.

          

                                 JANINE
                    He does good work.

          

                                 JAVIER
                    He's very good.

          
          Janine stops and looks at Javier.   He looks back at her.

          

                                  JANINE
                    Javier.

          

                                  JAVIER
                    Yes.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Javier, if I asked you an honest
                    question, do you think you could give me
                    an honest answer?

          

                                  JAVIER
                    I think so.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Good. Because I think some of your guys
                    have been - smoking.

          

          

                                     61

          

          7/20/7                                                 62.

          

          

          
          Janine looks at Javier.    It's awkwardly silent.

          

                                    JANINE (CONT'D)
                    Javier?

          

                                 JAVIER
                    Is that the question?

          

                                    JANINE
                    Yes.

          

                                   JAVIER
                    Oh.    It seemed like a statement.

          

                                 JANINE
                    The question part was implied -

          

                                 JAVIER
                    I didn't really hear it in the inflection-

          

                                 JANINE
                    Javier - have your guys been smoking or
                    not?

          

                                JAVIER
                    No, ma'am. My guys don't smoke on the
                    job site. They're all good guys.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Are you sure your guys aren't sneaking
                    around here? And smoking? And lying to
                    me? And -- smoking?

          
          She's starting to freak Javier out.

          

                                 JAVIER
                    I'm pretty sure.

          

                                 JANINE
                    I need you to be honest with me, Javier.
                    Because I can't have someone lying to me.
                    To my face. Under my roof. On my time.

          

                                 JAVIER
                           (very softly)
                    That's a lot of prepositions...

          
          Janine does not hear him, and barrels on -

          

                                 JANINE
                    I mean, there is no reason for that kind
                    of dishonesty, is there? IS THERE? I
                    mean, we made promises to one another --

          

          

                                      62

          

          7/20/7                                                   63.

          

          

          
          Javier looks at her - what the hell is she talking about?

          

                                 JANINE (CONT'D)
                    What I mean is, we had a contract. Which
                    is like making promises to each other,
                    right?

          

                                 JAVIER
                    Maybe I should just get back to work.

          

                                    JANINE
                    Yes.   Fine.    Good idea.

          
          Javier starts to leave.

          

                                 JANINE (CONT'D)
                    But, we're good here, right?     Me and you?

          
          Blank stare from Javier.    Janine slaps on a smile.

          

                                    JANINE (CONT'D)
                    Okay, great.     The molding really does
                    look great.

          
          Javier gives a forced smile, and heads back to work.

          

          INT. MT. VERNON ROW HOUSE - DAY


          
          TWO WELL BUILT MEN (SKIP and LARRY) sip from bottles of
          Volvic water as they wander through a kitchen, inspecting
          the cabinetry. Conor comes into to frame, wearing a
          toned down version of his "gay friendly" clothes.

          

                                 CONOR
                    Hello, my name is Conor. Please sign in
                    whenever you get a chance.

          
          He gestures to a guest book on the kitchen island - next
          to which Anna stands. Conor joins her.

          

                                 ANNA
                    This is insane. You're like the Liza
                    Minelli of real estate.

          

                                   CONOR
                    I know.    Your friend Mary's a genius.

          
          The house is TEEMING WITH GAY COUPLES - opening closets,
          admiring floors, munching on complimentary cookies.

          

                                  ANNA
                    Alright.   Gotta run.

          

          

          

                                      63

          

          7/20/7                                                   64.

          

          

          

                                 CONOR
                    You got a class?

          

                                  ANNA
                    Uh, no.   Just some stuff.    See you later?

          

                                 CONOR
                    Sure.

          
          Conor goes in for a HUG, but Anna's not ready for it - so
          he just ends up grabbing her. It's awkward. She leaves,
          Conor tries to play it off, looks around the room.

          
          Skip and Larry look at him sympathetically.

          

                                 CONOR (CONT'D)
                    What?

          

                                 SKIP
                    She's holding out on you, isn't she?

          

                                 CONOR
                    I'm not sure I get your meaning.

          

                                 LARRY
                    It's obvious. She won't sleep with you.
                    It's written all over your puppy dog
                    face.

          
          Conor looks at them, decides not to fight it.

          

                                 CONOR
                    It's killing me. Literally.     I'm dying.

          
          Skip and Larry move closer, Larry grabs a plate.

          

                                 LARRY
                    Here, have a cookie.

          

                                 CONOR
                    I just - I have no idea what she's doing.
                    I cannot read her signals - at all. We
                    used to sleep together - all the time.
                    Well, that's not true, I don't know why I
                    said that, it wasn't all the time. But
                    it did happen - I know I'm not making
                    this up. And then, out of nowhere, it
                    stops. But she still calls, she stops
                    by, she sleeps on my couch, she wants a
                    massage, she leaves cute messages - but
                    it never goes ANYWHERE. I mean, what is
                    she doing?

          

          

          

                                    64

          

          7/20/7                                                   65.

          

          

          

                                 LARRY
                    Honestly - we may not have the best
                    insight. Gay signals have nothing to do
                    with straight signals.

          

                                 SKIP
                    He's right. Like - here's "I want to
                    sleep with you".

          
          He looks at Larry.   Larry looks back at him.    They don't
          break their gaze.

          

                                 LARRY
                    One, two, three - that's it.   Three
                    seconds or more - it's on.

          

                                 SKIP
                    Here's "I don't want to sleep with you."

          
          Skip look at Larry again.   Larry meets his gaze.

          

                                 LARRY
                    One, two -
                           (he looks away)
                    No. Thanks for playing.    Move along.

          

                                 SKIP
                    It's that simple.

          

                                 CONOR
                    You're right. That's no help at all.

          

                                 LARRY
                    But listen - I can tell you this. Gay or
                    straight, you're not going to get
                    anywhere by being inactive. She clearly
                    likes you - maybe she just wants you to
                    be a man and do something. So the next
                    time you're in the position - don't take
                    no for an answer.

          
          Skip looks at Larry, concerned.

          

                                 SKIP
                    That sounds like felonious advice.

          

                                 LARRY
                    You're right. Let me rephrase.    Don't
                    take maybe for an answer.

          
          Conor takes this in - that's not a bad idea.

          

          

          

          

                                      65

          

          7/20/7                                                  66.

          

          

          

          INT. ANNA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT


          
          Cute studio apartment. And Ben is in the bed. Anna
          walks in from the bathroom, in a robe. Ben watches her.

          

                                      BEN
                      Wait.   Stop.

          

                                      ANNA
                      What?

          

                                    BEN
                      Shit.   This is bad.

          

                                      ANNA
                      What?

          

                                   BEN
                      I am so into you.

          
          Anna BEAMS.   She joins him in bed.

          

                                   BEN (CONT'D)
                      I'm lying here watching you and I
                      seriously have never felt this way
                      before. I have to forcibly make my brain
                      stop thinking about you. I mean, all the
                      time.

          

                                      ANNA
                      Why stop?

          
          She looks at Ben.    He's not smiling.

          

                                   BEN
                      Because I don't do stuff like this.

          

                                   ANNA
                      Stuff like what?

          

                                   BEN
                      Like having sex with women who are not my
                      wife.

          

                                   ANNA
                      First of all, I'm not women.   I'm just
                      one.

          
          He waits.

          

                                   BEN
                      What's second of all?

          

          

          

                                        66

          

          7/20/7                                                 67.

          

          

          

                                 ANNA
                    I didn't have a second of all.

          

                                 BEN
                    I thought second of all was going to make
                    me feel better.

          
          Anna thinks.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Second of all - I can't stop thinking
                    about you, either.

          
          They look at each other for a LONG MOMENT.

          

                                 BEN
                    I have to tell her.

          

                                  ANNA
                    What?

          

                                 BEN
                    I have to tell her.

          
          Anna's eyes light up, but she tries to cover.

          

                                 ANNA
                    I don't want to push you to --

          

                                 BEN
                    I want to be with you. And I can't do
                    that if I'm lying to her.

          

                                 ANNA
                    You know what's best.

          
          As Ben pulls her to him, she lets a smile take hold.

          

          FADE TO CHAPTER CARD:   ...IF HE'S MARRIED

          
          LOUIS, 60's, with a kind but very wise face, talks to the
          camera in his FORMAL DOORMAN attire, standing in front of
          a posh Upper East Side building.

          

                                 LOUIS
                    Here's the thing - my daughter is happily
                    married with kids and running a tanning
                    salon on Staten Island. But if she
                    wasn't, I'd tell her the same thing I'd
                    like to tell a lot of the girls that come
                    in and out of this building on the arm of
                    a married guy.

                                 (MORE)

          

          

                                     67

          

          7/20/7                                                   68.

          

                                 LOUIS (CONT'D)
                    And here is that advice --- get stocks,
                    cash, annuities, a deed in your name.
                    Don't settle for flowers and a shopping
                    spree at Bendel's. Think to the future.
                    We all know that none of these guys is
                    gonna leave his society wife and let her
                    keep half the money and the classic eight
                    on Park Avenue. So, I wanna tell these
                    young ladies, as long as you only have
                    the guy for a finite period of time --
                    get something that can last. Because I
                    guarantee you - he won't. And that's the
                    best fatherly advice I can give.

          

          INT. RITE AID - DAY


          
          Mary and Anna, in sweats and Ugg boots and dirty hair,
          both load their carts with cheap beauty products.

          

                                 ANNA
                    I'm not picking out china patterns or
                    anything - but I've never felt anything
                    like this before.

          

                                 MARY
                    This is crazy. I can't believe he's
                    gonna leave his wife for you.

          

                                 ANNA
                    No, he's not leaving his wife for me.
                    He's just - he's a good guy. And he
                    can't really explore what we could be if
                    he's lying to her.

          
          Mary looks at her.

          

                                 ANNA (CONT'D)
                    He's kind of leaving his wife for me. Is
                    this crazy? This is totally crazy. We
                    barely know each other.

          

                                 MARY
                    I don't know.   Remember Becca, my
                    sister's friend. Some guy waits on her
                    at Bennigan's - by the end of the night
                    they both knew they had found the one.

          

                                 ANNA
                    You're totally right.   It can happen.

          

                                  MARY
                    Not for me.

          

          

          

          

                                    68

          

          7/20/7                                                69.

          

          

          

                                 ANNA
                    Well, what about texter?

          

                                 MARY
                    Texter has yet to make any verbal
                    contact. I mean, this guy could have had
                    surgery that left him without a voice
                    box, breathing through a stoma, and I'd
                    never know because I never actually hear
                    his voice.

          

                                 ANNA
                    I doubt he has a stoma -

          

                                 MARY
                    That's not the point. The point is - I
                    can't text. I'm not charming via text.
                    My sarcasm doesn't come through, I can't
                    type fast enough on the little phone
                    keyboard --

          

                                 ANNA
                    So don't text.

          

                                 MARY
                    It's not just texting. It's email and
                    voicemail and snail mail -

          

                                 ANNA
                    That's just mail -

          

                                 MARY
                    Whatever. None of it's working. I've
                    had a guy leave a voicemail for me at
                    work, and then I call him back at home,
                    and he emails me to my Blackberry, and
                    then I text him to his cell and then he
                    emails me to my home account from the
                    plane phone -- and it just totally gets
                    out of hand. I miss the days where you
                    had one phone number with one answering
                    machine that housed one cassette tape and
                    either the cassette tape had a message
                    from the guy or it didn't. That's it.
                    Now you have to go around checking all
                    your portals and get rejected by seven
                    different technologies. It's exhausting.

          
          Anna, who is trying a different shade of nail polish on
          each finger, calmly looks up at Mary.

          

                                 ANNA
                    So what about the singer guy?

          

          

                                    69

          

          7/20/7                                                   70.

          

          

          

                                   MARY
                    Jude.    Yeah, I like him.

          

                                 ANNA
                    That's great.

          

                                    MARY
                    Totally.     I felt like we connected.

          

          INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - NIGHT


          
          Gigi sits on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, eating
          graham crackers and watching SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL on
          TV. The phone RINGS.

          

                                   GIGI
                    Hello.

          

          INTERCUT WITH: INT. RED MAPLE - OFFICE - NIGHT


          
          Even in the office we can hear the din of the bar scene.

          

                                    ALEX
                    Oh, hey.     You're home.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Where am I supposed to be?

          

                                   ALEX
                    Out.    It's Saturday night.

          

                                 GIGI
                    You won't let me go out with guys who
                    don't like me. It's kind of limiting.

          

                                 ALEX
                    I was just calling to let you know - I'm
                    having a party at my place next weekend.
                    You should come.

          
          Gigi considers this.

          

                                 GIGI
                    I don't know. Won't Conor be there?
                    Might be kinda awkward.

          

                                 ALEX
                    He's in DC for the weekend at some real
                    estate conference. But there's gonna be
                    a bunch of single guys.

          

          

          

          

                                      70

          

          7/20/7                                                 71.

          

          

          

                                 GIGI
                    So I will have plenty of chances to be
                    awkward. Thank god.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Don't worry. I'll be there.      I'll talk
                    you through it.

          
          Gigi smiles.

          

                                 GIGI
                    So, the party - is it like a big party,
                    more of a mellow hang or --

          
          A CRASH outside Alex's office.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Yeah, OK. Gotta go - I think someone
                    just dropped 84 wine glasses.

          
          Gigi hangs up, and goes back to watching her movie.

          
          CLOSE ON: The TV screen as Mary Stuart Masterson (as
          WATTS) and Eric Stoltz (as KEITH) hang out in a garage.

          

                                 WATTS
                    Amanda Jones is no minor leaguer who'll
                    be swept off her feet at the touch of
                    your amateur lips.

          

                                 KEITH
                    I think I can handle it.

          

                                 WATTS
                    It's cool. I was just gonna work on it
                    with you but - if you're
                    comfortable...great.

          

                                  KEITH
                    Wait.   How do you work on it?

          

                                 WATTS
                    Pretend I'm a girl, OK?    I mean, pretend
                    I'm her...Amanda.

          
          Gigi sits up. A light bulb has gone off. As she watches
          Keith and Watts kiss on screen, a smile crosses her face.

          

          INT. MCCORMICK SPICES CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS - DAY


          
          Gigi blows in, dumps her things and turns to Janine:

          

          

          

          

                                    71

          

          7/20/7                                               72.

          

          

          

                                GIGI
                   He's into me.

          

                                JANINE
                   Awesome. I knew it.
                          (she hugs Gigi)
                   Who's this now?

          

                               GIGI
                   Alex. It's totally clear to me now.
                   He's Watts.

          

                                JANINE
                   What?

          

                                GIGI
                   From Some Kind of Wonderful.

          

                                JANINE
                   Wait, isn't Mary Stuart Masterson Watts?

          

                                GIGI
                   Yes.

          

                                JANINE
                   So, why aren't you Watts?

          

                                GIGI
                   I'm Eric Stoltz.

          

                                JANINE
                   What?

          

                                GIGI
                   Alex is Watts because Watts helps Eric
                   Stoltz go on a date with Amanda Jones,
                   but really she's in love with Eric Stoltz
                   herself.

          

                                JANINE
                   Wait - so who's Amanda Jones?

          

                                GIGI
                   I guess Conor at first. Now men in
                   general. But that's not the point.    The
                   point is -- he's into me.

          

                                JANINE
                   You know, I knew there had to be a reason
                   he was spending all that time with you.

          

          

          

          

                                  72

          

          7/20/7                                                 73.

          

          

          

                                 GIGI
                    I know! It's so obvious now -- there are
                    so many signs.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Oooh, gimme the signs.   I love to hear
                    about the signs.

          
          Janine rolls her chair closer to Gigi's desk.

          

                                 GIGI
                    At first they were small - like when I
                    first called he said "Good to hear from
                    you" -

          

                                 JANINE
                    Totally good sign.

                                 GIGI
                    Right? And then the next time I called
                    he was with a woman - but he still took
                    the call. And talked to me for a while.

          

                                 JANINE
                    You know it was a woman?

          

                                 GIGI
                    He called her "babe."

          

                                 JANINE
                    A guy does not leave a woman - to talk to
                    another woman - unless there's something
                    going on.

          

                                 GIGI
                    I know! And it gets more obvious. I
                    mean, please - there was no guy he was
                    going to fix me up with. The fix up was
                    him.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Wait - really?

          

                                 GIGI
                    He shows up - without this fictitious
                    Bill character - and the two of us
                    basically have a date. And then he calls
                    me to invite me to a party at his place.

          

                                 JANINE
                    You're right. He so likes you.

          
          Janine rolls her chair up to Gigi's computer screen.

          

          

                                    73

          

          7/20/7                                                   74.

          

          

          

                                   JANINE (CONT'D)
                      Let's look up places for your destination
                      wedding. Would you guys wanna do Napa
                      Valley - I've always wanted to go there.

          
          Gigi laughs but doesn't fight as Janine starts searching.

          

          INT. BALTIMORE BLADE OFFICES - DAY


          
          Mary sits at her desk, surrounded by her gays.    They are
          all looking at her computer screen.

          

          CLOSE ON:   A MYSPACE PAGE. NAME:"YOUR SOUL-UTION"

          SEX: MALE   AGE: 29 FROM: FUNKYTOWN FRIENDS : 1282

          

                                   MARY
                      There's no way he's already called - we
                      only met for coffee last night. I mean
                      we video iChatted. While holding coffee.
                      Kinda like having coffee.

          
          Nathan hands her the phone.

          

                                   NATHAN
                      Just call your voice mail.

          

                                   MARY
                      And he told me he had a gig last night,
                      so he probably got in real late. Did I
                      tell you he was singer?

          

                                    BRUCE
                      Just call.

          
          Mary cradles the receiver with her shoulder and dials.

          

                                    JOSHUA
                      On speaker.

          
          Mary hits the SPEAKERPHONE button.

          

                                   YOUR SOUL-UTION (O.S.)
                             (SINGING, in a sexy voice)
                      Maaaary. Mary, Mary, Mary, Maaaary.   Oh
                      my Maaary.

          
          Mary is clearly charmed.    The gays all SWOON.

          

                                   NATHAN
                      I just got hard.

          
          The other guys shush him.

          

          

          

                                      74

          

          7/20/7                                                   75.

          

          

          

                                   YOUR SOUL-UTION (O.S.)
                      Hey Mary, it's Jude. Just wanted to tell
                      you again how special it was to meet you.
                      So, call me back. Bye.

          
          BEEP.    Mary BEAMS.

          

                                     BRUCE
                      Amazing.    He'll sing to your babies.

          
          Mary basks in the attention.       Then, ANOTHER BEEP.

          

                                   YOUR SOUL-UTION (O.S.)
                             (SINGING, from speakerphone)
                      Jeeeeny. Jenny, Jenny, Jenny, Jeeeeny.

          
          All heads whip around at stare at the SPEAKER PHONE.

          

                                   YOUR SOUL-UTION (CONT'D)
                      Hey Jenny, it's Jude. Just wanted to --
                      oh shit, - what number did I call?

          
          SOME RUSTLING NOISES, and a HANG UP, followed by a dial
          tone. Mary stares at the phone - then pushes a BUTTON.

          

                                   AUTOMATED VOICE

                      ALL MESSAGES DELETED.

          
          They all head wordlessly back to work.

          

          INT. HOME DEPOT - DAY


          
          CLOSE ON: TWO SEEMINGLY IDENTICAL PLANKS OF WOOD. We
          pull back to reveal Ben and Janine, in the wide aisle of
          Home Depot, as Janine really studies the two pieces of
          wood. Finally, she POINTS to one of them.

          

                                    JANINE
                      That one.

          

                                    BEN
                      No.   That's the laminate.

          

                                   JANINE
                      That one isn't real hardwood floor?

          

                                   BEN
                      No. But it looks exactly the same - at
                      like one one hundredth of the cost.

          
          Janine considers this.

          

          

          

          

                                       75

          

          7/20/7                                                   76.

          

          

          

                                 JANINE
                    I still wanna go with the real wood.

          

                                 BEN
                    But you can't even tell the difference.

          

                                 JANINE
                    That's not the point.

          

                                 BEN
                    Then what's the point?

          

                                 JANINE
                    I just don't like the way it's pretending
                    to be wood. If you're not wood, then
                    don't try to look like wood.

          

                                 BEN
                    I don't think it's pretending --

          
          Ben is making light.   But Janine is all business.

          

                                 JANINE
                    It's a lie. Just be up front - tell
                    people what you really are.

          
          Ben takes this in.   His cheeks start to burn.

          

                                 BEN
                    You're right. I'm sorry.      You're totally
                    right.

          

                                 JANINE
                    It's OK. Maybe we should look at the
                    grills and come back.

          
          As she starts to steer their giant cart away, Ben just
          stands there, fused to the ground. Finally:

          

                                 BEN
                    I slept with someone.

          
          Janine stops, doesn't say anything.

          

                                   BEN (CONT'D)

                    I --

          

                                   JANINE
                    I heard you.

          
          She doesn't turn to face him.     Total silence.

          

          

          

          

                                     76

          

          7/20/7                                               77.

          

          

          

                                 JANINE (CONT'D)
                    You tell me this in Home Depot because
                    you know how I hate a public scene.

          

                                 BEN
                    That is not why I -

          

                                    JANINE
                    I knew it.     I KNEW IT.   You asshole.

          

                                   BEN
                    I'm sorry.    I'm so sorry.

          

                                 JANINE
                    And it's you that's been smoking, too,
                    isn't it?

          

                                  BEN
                    What?   Why does that matter?

          
          Janine turns to Ben.    She is IRATE.

          

                                 JANINE

                    HAVE - YOU - BEEN - SMOKING?

          

                                    BEN
                    No.   No.    I haven't.

          
          Janine just STARES AT HIM, FUMING.

          

                                 BEN (CONT'D)
                    Look, I talked to Neil, and he said I
                    could stay on his boat for a while if --

          
          Now Janine's eyes go wide with disbelief.

          

                                 JANINE
                    EXCUSE ME? And now you want to move out?
                    You're like - what - leaving me?

          
          Ben looks confused, but is trying to roll with it.

          

                                 BEN
                    No. NO. I just assumed that you
                    wouldn't want me to --

          

                                 JANINE
                    We're not going to deal with this? We're
                    not going to figure out a way to work
                    through this?

          

          

          

          

                                      77

          

          7/20/7                                                  78.

          

          

          

                                 BEN
                    I just assumed that once I told you, you
                    would want me -- out.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Is that what you want?

          

                                 BEN
                           (almost a whisper)
                    No.

          

                                 JANINE

                    OK.

          
          She heads down the aisle with the cart. Ben follows,
          confused - that didn't go how he thought it would.

          

          EXT. GRAMERCY MANSION - DAY


          
          The lush grounds surrounding a beautiful turn-of-the-
          century mansion. The procession of a wedding has just
          begun. TWO ADORABLE FLOWER GIRLS start things off.

          
          Then Beth's sister, Laura, processes down the aisle with
          her husband, STEVEN. Beth's sister Catherine and her
          husband GEORGE are next. Big smiles all around.

          
          Then Beth appears at the end of the aisle with her escort
          - BUDDY, a 12 year old CHOCOLATE LAB, wearing a coral bow
          tie. Beth forces a smile as she processes with Buddy -
          who stops to piss on a chair leg. Beth is not happy.

          

          INT. GRAMERCY MANSION - DAY


          
          A lavish reception. Beth takes her seat next to DAN,
          40s. Dan looks over at Beth's place card.

          

                                 DAN
                    You must be Beth.

          

                                 BETH
                    Yep.

          

                                 DAN
                    I've heard a lot about you from Paige.
                    I'd been lobbying for weeks to be seated
                    next to her single sister.

          

                                 BETH
                    Oh, yeah? So you are -
                           (looks at his placecard)
                    Dan.

          

          

          

                                    78

          

          7/20/7                                                  79.

          

          

          

                                   DAN
                    Uh, sort of.

          

                                   BETH
                    Hmmm?

          

                                 DAN
                    Well, I'm actually a wiccan.    So I have a
                    magickal name.

          

                                   BETH
                    Really?

          

                                 DAN
                    It's Brother Phoenix East-Horse. But I
                    didn't know if that would fit on a card.

          
          Beth slaps on a fake smile, and grabs for the wine.

          

          INT. ALEX'S APARTMENT - NIGHT


          
          A PARTY is in full swing. Typical affair for someone in
          their late 20's - mediocre food but decent alcohol.

          
          Gigi stands, somewhat uncomfortably, near the Chex Mix.
          She tries smiling at a TALL GIRL, who ignores her. So
          Gigi continues absently and compulsively shoving handfuls
          of Chex Mix into her mouth.

          

                                 NATHAN
                    It makes your breath stink.

          

                                   GIGI
                    Pardon?

          
          Gigi looks up to see Nathan and Bruce - Mary's gay
          coworkers who are now decked out in full-on Saturday
          night gay mode - standing next to her.

          

                                 NATHAN
                    Chex Mix. I learned the hard way. I
                    made out with a guy after eating like a
                    bag of the stuff. He said my breath
                    smelled like trout.

          
          Gigi puts her handful of Chex Mix back.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Thanks for the tip.

          

                                 NATHAN
                    I'm sorry. That was rude. And that guy
                    I made out with was a total asshole.

          

          

                                     79

          

          7/20/7                                                 80.

          

          

          

                                 BRUCE
                    You want me to smell you?   I'm sure you
                    don't smell like trout.

          
          Gigi LAUGHS.

          

                                  GIGI
                    Thanks.   I'm good.

          
          She cups her hand and surreptitiously checks her breath.

          

                                  NATHAN
                    I'm Nathan.   This is Bruce.

          

                                  GIGI
                    Gigi.   How do you guys know Alex?

          

                                 BRUCE
                    We don't. Our friend Mary heard about it
                    from some guy named Conor.

          
          Gigi smiles in recognition.

          

                                 NATHAN
                    How do you know Alex?

          

                                 GIGI
                    I hope - I mean I'm pretty sure -
                    something is about to happen between us.

          

                                 NATHAN
                    So, you're here as like a guest, or like
                    his date?

          

                                 BRUCE
                    I hate that - when you don't know if
                    you're a date - so you don't know if you
                    should bring a friend, or if you're like
                    co-hosting or if you should stay til the
                    end to have alone time --

          
          Suddenly, a look of DOUBT sweeps across Gigi's face.

          

                                 GIGI
                    He didn't really say.

          
          She reflexively GRABS FOR THE CHEX MIX and starts gorging
          on it again. Nathan stops her.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    But I'm sure I'm more than just a guest.
                    I mean - there have been signs.

          

          

          

                                    80

          

          7/20/7                                                  81.

          

          

          

                                    NATHAN
                    Cool.

          

                                 BRUCE
                    I did get a slight waft of trout, though.
                    Take a mint.

          
          He reaches in his pocket.    Gigi looks at him gratefully.

          

                                    GIGI
                    Thank you.

          

          INT. GRAMERCY MANSION - NIGHT


          
          Dinner is over. The dance floor is crowded. The bride,
          Paige, is out there. Beth's dad is dancing with her mom.

          
          Beth's dad gives Beth a wink as she heads onto to the
          dance floor with DOMINIC, 50s and fat.

          

                                 DOMINIC
                    So, where's Neil?

          

                                 BETH
                    We actually broke up.

          

                                DOMINIC
                    No way. You guys were together for like
                    ten years.

          

                                  BETH
                    Seven.   But yes, a long time.

          
          They continue to dance.

          

                                 DOMINIC
                    Too bad cousins can't marry, huh?    Cuz
                    then we could maybe --

          

                                 BETH
                    Eeew Dominic, gross.

          
          Beth swats Dominic on the arm, and he laughs. And then
          they are distracted by a COMMOTION ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

          
          Everyone has stopped dancing. They are looking to the
          floor, near the band. Beth pushes her way through to see-

          

          HER DAD. HE HAS FALLEN TO HIS KNEES. HE'S CLUTCHING HIS

          CHEST. AND HIS FACE IS TURNING AN ASHY, TERRIFYING GRAY.

          

          

          

          

                                      81

          

          7/20/7                                                 82.

          

          

          

          INT. ALEX'S APARTMENT - NIGHT


          
          The place is packed. Gigi is smashed into a hallway,
          trying to look relaxed. Alex comes up behind her.

          

                                 ALEX
                    I had no idea it would be such a
                    madhouse.

          
          Gigi turns to him and smiles.

          

                                  GIGI
                    Hey.   Great party.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Are any guys hitting on you? Do you need
                    me to evaluate their level of interest?

          

                                 GIGI
                    They were gay. Even I know that their
                    level of interest was probably low.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Well - too bad Bill couldn't make it. I
                    still think you guys would hit it off.

          
          Gigi smiles knowingly - on to Alex's scam.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Oh OK.  Right.
                           (air quotes)
                    "Bill".

          
          Alex doesn't know how to take that.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Anyway - I'm on my way to put out some
                    more liquor. But it looks like the food
                    could use some refreshing --

          
          He looks at the FOOD TABLE.     Everything is empty.

          

                                 ALEX (CONT'D)
                    Would you mind helping? I mean, just
                    refill the chips and stuff?

          

                                 GIGI
                    You mean, kind of like --- co-hosting?

          
          Gigi LOOKS ELATED.   Alex looks CONFUSED.

          

          

          

          

                                     82

          

          7/20/7                                                   83.

          

          

          

                                  ALEX
                    Uhh, OK.   The chips are on top of the
                    fridge.

          
          He walks away.   Gigi smiles BIG.

          

          INT. ALEX'S APARTMENT - A LITTLE LATER


          
          The party is now even more crowded. Gigi weaves her way
          through the crowd. She's deftly holding SIX DRINKS,
          passing them off to various people as she walks.

          
          She stops at the food table, rearranges a few bowls.

          
          She CATCHES ALEX'S EYE across the room, he's talking to
          friends. She smiles and gives a THUMBS UP. He gives an
          awkward thumbs up back and returns to his conversation.

          

          INT. ALEX'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - A LITTLE LATER


          
          Gigi is in the kitchen, mixing up some DIP. She chats
          with a couple of PARTY-GOERS, very much at home.

          

                                 PARTY-GOER #1
                    Really great party.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Thanks. When Alex said he wanted to have
                    a party, I was like "Let's do it."

          

                                 PARTY-GOER #2
                    Thanks so much for having us.

          

                                  GIGI
                    No problem.   Anytime.

          
          An attractive TALL GIRL enters the kitchen, and starts
          LOOKING IN THE CUPBOARDS. Gigi watches with interest.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    Can I help you find something?

          
          The Tall Girl finds a BOWL in the cabinet, and grabs it.

          

                                 TALL GIRL
                    No, that's OK. I got it.

          
          She brings the bowl over to the counter, and starts
          emptying Gigi's dip into the bowl. Gigi is THROWN.

          

                                 TALL GIRL (CONT'D)
                    Thanks for mixing that up.

          

          

          

                                     83

          

          7/20/7                                                   84.

          

          

          

                                   GIGI
                    What?

          

                                 TALL GIRL
                    Alex asked me to get the dip together.
                    Thanks for getting it started.

          
          Gigi's face grows red.   The Tall Girl tastes the dip.

          

                                 TALL GIRL (CONT'D)
                    Hmmm - could use a little more dill.

          
          Then the Tall Girl deftly grabs the dip, and chips, and
          heads back out to the party. Gigi looks to the confused
          party-goers, not pleased.

          

          INT. ALEX'S APARTMENT - LATER


          
          Bruce and Nathan wave to Gigi as they leave. People are
          getting coats - the crowd is definitely thinning.

          
          Gigi spots Alex in the kitchen and makes a beeline.

          

                                 GIGI
                    When someone's underwear ends up in your
                    toaster oven - it's been a good party.

          
          Alex looks at the toaster oven and laughs.

          

                                 ALEX
                    I guess people had fun.

          
          Then, the TALL GIRL emerges.

          

                                 TALL GIRL
                    Alex, you want me to start cleaning up?

          
          Gigi STARES DAGGERS AT HER.

          

                                 GIGI
                    That's sweet of you. But I thought I'd
                    stick around, so I'll take care of it.

          

                                  TALL GIRL
                    No.   I got it.

          
          The tall girl shoots Gigi a dirty look as she grabs a
          trash bag. Gigi grabs one, too. Alex looks mystified.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Knock yourselves out.

          

          

          

          

                                     84

          

          7/20/7                                                  85.

          

          

          

          INT. ALEX'S APARTMENT - STILL LATER


          
          It is really late. Everyone's gone - except the TALL
          GIRL and ALEX, who sit on the couch playing a NBA LIVE on
          the XBOX. Gigi enters from the kitchen.

          

                                 GIGI
                    I think I've rounded up the last of the
                    beer bottles.

          
          The tall girl and Alex do not look up from the game.
          Gigi stands there awkwardly.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    So, umm - what game is this?

          
          They ignore her.   She looks around.    It's awkward.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    Well, maybe I should just -- you know --
                    I mean it's past three and --

          

                                   TALL GIRL
                    YES!!    Suck it!

          
          Alex tosses down his controller.

          

                                 ALEX
                    You are sensational.

          
          The tall girl beams.   Gigi flinches.

          

                                 TALL GIRL
                    Did you say it's past three?     Man, I
                    gotta go.

          
          Gigi suppresses a SMILE. The Tall Girl gives Alex a hug,
          and heads out. Gigi, finally alone with Alex, sits next
          to him on the couch. They're silent for a moment.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Thanks for staying and helping clean up
                    - but I really gotta get to bed.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Is that an invitation?

          

                                  ALEX
                    What?

          

                                 GIGI
                    I'm sorry. That was cheesy.      I'm not
                    good at this.

          

          

                                     85

          

          7/20/7                                                 86.

          

          

          
          But then -- before Alex knows what's happening, Gigi is
          LUNGING at him. She puts his face in her hands, and
          starts to KISS HIM. REALLY KISS HIM. Finally, Gigi
          pulls away. She looks breathless.

          

                                   GIGI (CONT'D)
                    Yes!

          
          Alex looks a little afraid.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    I knew it. I knew it. The best
                    relationships grow out of friendships.

          
          She goes in to kiss him again.   This time he stops her.

          

                                   ALEX
                    Wait - what?

          

                                   GIGI
                    Ummmm....

          

                                 ALEX
                    Now you and I are in a relationship?

          

                                 GIGI
                    Well, I'd say if we're not at
                    relationship station--ship, we're at
                    least on the track.

          
          Alex gets up off the couch.

          

                                 ALEX
                    And why would you think that, exactly?

          

                                 GIGI
                    Because there were - you know - signs.

          

                                  ALEX
                    Really?   Like what?

          

                                 GIGI
                    Ummm - it was good to hear from me. You
                    talked to me even when you were with a
                    girl. I felt something...

          
          She trails off.   Alex is not pleased.

          

                                 ALEX
                    What are you talking about? What have I
                    been saying since I met you? If a guy
                    wants to date you HE WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN.

                    HE WILL ASK YOU OUT. DID I ASK YOU OUT?

          

          

                                     86

          

          7/20/7                                                87.

          

          

          

                                 GIGI

                           (SOFTLY)
                    No.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Why would you do this?

          

                                 GIGI
                    I thought you were Watts.

          
          Alex doesn't even hear her.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Why do women do this? Why do they build
                    this stuff up in their minds, take each
                    little thing a guy does and twist it into
                    something else --

          
          Gigi stands there, embarrassed, taking Alex's berating.

          

                                 GIGI
                    I'd rather be like that - than like you.

          

                                 ALEX
                    Excuse me?

          

                                 GIGI
                    Maybe I dissect each little thing, and
                    put myself out there too much, and maybe
                    I even thrive on the drama of it all--
                    but at least that means I still care.
                    You think you've won because women are
                    expendable to you? Sure, you don't get
                    hurt or make an ass of yourself that way,
                    but you don't fall in love that way,
                    either. You haven't won, Alex. You're
                    alone.

          
          Gigi grabs her bag.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    I may do a lot of stupid shit - but I
                    know I'm a lot closer to finding someone
                    than you are.

          
          Gigi turns and heads out the door.

          

          INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT


          
          Gigi looks at the phone, and then finally DIALS.

          

          

          

          

                                    87

          

          7/20/7                                                 88.

          

          

          

                                 GIGI
                    Hey Janine, I'm sorry it's so late, but I
                    just - don't start picking out your
                    bridesmaid dress, OK? I know this isn't
                    the first time this has happened, it's
                    just - this one wasn't about whether he
                    liked me. I just really liked him.

          
          Gigi hangs up, lays on the bed, snaps off the light.

          

          INT. POTOMAC HOUSE - DAY


          
          Ken Murphy, Beth's dad, lies in bed, in a Notre Dame
          sweatshirt, with papers, and books surrounding him. Beth
          clears his breakfast dishes off of the bed.

          

                                 BETH
                    You want anything else?

          

                                KEN
                    Yeah. Less of that cardboardy brown
                    stuff. More regular people food.

          

                                 BETH
                    The cardboardy brown stuff is called
                    whole grain bread.

          

                                 KEN
                    Maybe you could just fry me up a couple
                    sausage links?

          

                                 BETH
                    People who have just had heart attacks
                    generally are not advised to eat animal
                    fat, stuffed in synthetic casings.

          
          Ken looks at her, with a wry smile.

          

                                 KEN
                    Did I tell you that you're not only my
                    favorite daughter, but you're also the
                    prettiest? So much better looking than
                    those other dogs. Seriously.

          

                                 BETH
                    It's not gonna work this time.   But I
                    appreciate the effort.

          
          Beth takes his dirty dishes and heads for the door.

          

          

          

          

                                     88

          

          7/20/7                                                89.

          

          

          

          INT. POTOMAC HOUSE - DEN - SAME


          
          Beth hauls the dishes downstairs and through the den
          where Steven, Laura's husband, is on the couch, intently
          watching the golf channel.

          

                                 STEVEN
                    Hey, Beth. Grab me a beer if you're
                    going that way?

          
          Beth rolls her eyes.

          

                                 STEVEN (CONT'D)
                    And a little plate of cold cuts if there
                    are any left?

          
          Beth just keeps on walking.

          

          INT. POTOMAC HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME


          
          Beth walks by Paige, on the couch, and DEVON, Paige's new
          husband, on the floor, surrounded by a mess of VINYL
          RECORDS. He has an old BOBBY DARIN tune BLARING.

          

                                 BETH
                    You might wanna kill the volume just a
                    smidge. My mom is finally taking a nap.

          

                                 DEVON
                    You think your dad really wants to hang
                    on to all this vinyl? My collection
                    could use a bunch of these.

          

                                 BETH
                    Turn it the fuck down.

          
          Both Devon and Paige look at her, stunned.

          

          INT. POTOMAC HOUSE - KITCHEN - SAME


          
          The kitchen is a total MESS. Beth sets the dishes down
          in a precarious pile of other dishes, and sees her
          sisters Laura and Catherine at the kitchen table.

          

                                 BETH
                    I finally got mom to lay down in the
                    spare room. All we have left to eat is
                    some old jelly and ramen noodles, so
                    after I tackle some of these dishes,
                    maybe we can go to the store. Our new
                    brother is trying to co-opt dad's
                    property before he's even dead.

                                 (MORE)

          

          

                                    89

          

          7/20/7                                                  90.

          

                                 BETH (CONT'D)
                    And Laura, your husband would really like
                    a beer to go with his fifth consecutive
                    hour of the golf channel.

          
          Beth looks up. Laura is pointing to Catherine, who has
          her head in her hands. She's CRYING SOFTLY.

          

                                    BETH (CONT'D)
                    It's OK.     It's all gonna be OK.

          

                                 CATHERINE
                    What am I gonna do without dad?

          

                                 BETH
                    First of all, he's upstairs watching
                    'Oprah After The Show'.

          

                                 LAURA
                    And second of all - you have us.

          

                                 CATHERINE
                    But he's always been - the one who's
                    there for me.

          

                                 BETH
                    What about your husband?    Where the hell
                    is he?

          

                                 CATHERINE
                    Playing ultimate frisbee.    His team may
                    make the quarterfinals.

          
          Beth rolls her eyes.    The DISHES crash in the sink.

          

          INT. MCCORMICK SPICES CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS - DAY


          
          Janine sits at Beth's desk, across from Gigi, who stares
          at her in disbelief. Janine fiddles with a TILE SAMPLE.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Do you know who it is?

          

                                 JANINE
                           (shaking her head "no")
                    It doesn't matter.

          

                                 GIGI
                    So are you going to - leave - him?

          

                                 JANINE
                    Gigi, he's my husband. He's not just
                    some guy that didn't call me back. And
                    he did admit it to me. He didn't wait to
                    get caught. That takes courage.

          

          

                                      90

          

          7/20/7                                                 91.

          

          

          
          Gigi is clearly STUNG.

          

                                  JANINE (CONT'D)
                     I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.     I know
                     Alex was not just some guy.

          

                                   GIGI
                     It's OK.

          

                                  JANINE
                     It's my fault, you know.

          

                                   GIGI
                     What?

          

                                  JANINE
                     I'm willing to accept my responsibility
                     in this. I forced him into getting
                     married. He wasn't ready.

          

                                  GIGI
                     Janine - this is not your fault.

          

                                 JANINE
                     It is.  I've - changed. I used to be
                     fun. I was fun when we met.

          

                                  GIGI
                     You're still fun.

          
          A BEAT.   Janine looks at Gigi, the tears come.

          

                                  JANINE
                     We never have sex anymore.

          

                                  GIGI
                     Lots of couples got through lulls.

          

                                  JANINE
                     No. We never have sex. Realistically,
                     what did I expect him to do?

          

                                  GIGI
                     I don't think that's really --

          
          She looks down at the TILE in her hand.

          

                                  JANINE
                     This is too small. I gotta tell Javier.

          

                                   GIGI
                     What?

          

          

          

                                     91

          

          7/20/7                                                 92.

          

          

          

                                 JANINE
                    This tile. I gotta go.    Tell Beth I took
                    a personal day.

          
          Janine grabs her purse, heads out as Gigi looks on.

          

          FADE TO CARD: ...IF HE'S SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE

          
          MARIEL (50's, highly manicured, upper class type) sits on
          a yacht in what looks to be the French Riviera.

          

                                 MARIEL
                    My first husband was unimpressive. I
                    found him in bed with his big breasted
                    secretary when I came home early from the
                    Maldives. So unoriginal, it made me feel
                    sorry for him. My second husband was a
                    pinch more creative. Cheated on me with
                    my sister - but made me believe that I
                    was insane for being suspicious. At last
                    - some intrigue, some mind games - though
                    my sister's two year old eventually gave
                    them up. But my last husband -- he was a
                    gem. A veritable master at covering his
                    tracks. I poured over his phone records,
                    intercepted his credit card bills, had
                    him followed on countless occasions - and
                    never found a single shred of evidence.
                    It wasn't until he died that I found out
                    about the property he owned with his
                    Austrian mistress. But the real master,
                    I have to say -- is me. Three husbands --
                    countless boyfriends, and I haven't been
                    caught yet.

          

          INT. LAW OFFICES - HALLWAY -   EVENING


          
          Anna SQUEEZES Ben's hand as they stride down the hallway
          to his office. Anna is trying to suppress a smile.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god...

          
          Ben smoothly EXTRICATES his hand from Anna's.   He nods to
          COWORKERS as they pass.

          

                                 BEN
                    It was all you, babe.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

          

          

          

          

                                    92

          

          7/20/7                                                 93.

          

          

          
          Ben smiles at Anna, as they round the corner of the
          corridor to his office. He goes in, and she follows.

          

          INT. BEN'S OFFICE - EVENING


          
          Ben deftly shuts and locks the door behind them.

          

                                    ANNA

                    OH.    MY.   GOD.

          

                                 BEN
                    This is really good news.

          

                                 ANNA
                    I cannot believe this. He liked my demo.
                    Did you hear what he said? When he said
                    it was hauntingly beautiful? Did you
                    hear that part?

          

                                   BEN
                    Yep.    I was sitting right there.

          
          Ben smiles, and pulls Anna to him.

          

                                    ANNA
                    Thank you.     Thank you so much.

          
          With that, they start to KISS. It gets heated. CLOTHES
          START TO COME OFF. MOSTLY ANNA'S. They make their way
          over to the LEATHER SOFA.

          

                                 BEN
                    How is it that every time I see your
                    body, I'm shocked at how beautiful it is?

          
          Anna smiles at the compliment. She starts to work on his
          shirt when: SOMEONE TRIES TO OPEN THE LOCKED DOOR.

          

                                 BEN (CONT'D)
                    Dana, I need to go over the offering
                    statement. Can I get a few minutes?

          
          Ben continues to remove his shirt as he talks.

          

                                 JANINE (O.S.)
                    It's not Dana.

          
          BEN FREEZES.    Literally freezes on top of Anna.

          

                                   ANNA
                    Is -

          

          

          

          

                                      93

          

          7/20/7                                                94.

          

          

          
          Ben FRANTICALLY puts his hands over Anna's mouth. Then,
          working with speed and precision, he GATHERS ALL OF
          ANNA'S THINGS and shoves her - NAKED - into the CLOSET.
          There isn't enough room to stand, so she has to sit. She
          looks up at Ben, he closes the closet door.

          
          He goes to the door of the office.

          

                                BEN
                    Shit. I told Dana to get this lock
                    fixed. One sec.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Why do you even lock it?

          
          Ben re-buttons his shirt, gives the office a once over.

          

                                 BEN
                    I'd never get anything done if I didn't.

          
          Finally, Ben opens the door, and Janine is standing
          there, smiling.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Can I come in?

          

                                 BEN
                    Of course.

          
          She makes a show of CLOSING AND LOCKING THE DOOR.

          

                                 BEN (CONT'D)
                    What are you doing?

          

                                 JANINE
                    Sit down.

          
          Ben goes to sit behind his desk, confused.

          

                                 BEN

                    OK.

          
          Janine, clearly a little nervous, goes to straddle Ben at
          his desk chair. Her skirt is way too long to do this, so
          she has to regroup, and hike up the skirt. Ben glances
          over at the closet.

          

                                 BEN (CONT'D)
                    Janine, what are you doing?

          

                                 JANINE
                    I don't know. I just thought - maybe we
                    could, you know, relight the fire.

          

          

                                    94

          

          7/20/7                                                   95.

          

          

          

                                 BEN
                    Honey, did you hear what I just said? I
                    gotta get this offering statement out.

          
          Ben picks up some papers, but Janine is not giving up.

          

                                 JANINE
                    Look, I am trying here. Do you want to
                    save our marriage or don't you?

          
          Janine looks at Ben.   Ben is SILENT.

          

          INT. BEN'S OFFICE - CLOSET - SAME


          
          Anna sits, holding back tears, as she listens closely.

          

                                 BEN (O.S.)
                    Of course I do.

          

                                 JANINE (O.S.)
                    Then you'll let me do this.

          
          Then a ZIPPER OPENING, a chair CREAKING -

          

                                 JANINE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
                    Yeah, just like that, yeah...

          
          We HOLD ON Anna as she sits there, stonefaced.

          

          INT. RED MAPLE - BAR - EARLY EVENING


          
          Alex has the staff (of about 10) assembled for the pre-
          shift meeting. He consults a clipboard as he talks.

          

                                 ALEX
                    OK - Tyrone you bus 4 through 6 - and
                    pitch in with the servers when you -

          

                                 TYRONE
                    No...I'm on 8 thru 10. I'm always on 8
                    through 10. Been working here 18 months
                    doing 8 through 10.

          

                                  ALEX
                    Right.   Luis you take 4 through 6.

          
          The staff looks at each other - perplexed.

          

                                   TYRONE
                    Dude.    Luis quit like 10 months ago.

          
          Alex rifles through his papers, not sure what he's
          looking for. He slams his clipboard on the bar.

          

          

                                     95

          

          7/20/7                                                 96.

          

          

          

                                 ALEX
                    Do we even need to have this meeting?
                    Seriously? Does this serve any purpose?

          
          The group voice their opinions - a resounding "NO".

          

                                  ALEX (CONT'D)
                    Good.   Great. Get to work.

          
          The group disperses, Alex heads around the bar.   He sees
          Kelli Ann walking away and calls after her.

          

                                 ALEX (CONT'D)
                    Hey, Kelli Ann - any calls for me?

          

                                 KELLI ANN
                    Since you asked me 11 minutes ago?   No,
                    not a lot of phone traffic.

          
          Kelli Ann starts to turn away as she sees Alex grab his
          cell phone, look at it, then put it down. He grabs a
          beer, takes a swig - then grabs his cell phone again -
          staring at it, willing it to ring. He puts it down
          again. A HUGE SMILE grows on Kelli Ann's face.

          

                                 KELLI ANN (CONT'D)
                    Oh my god.

          

                                 ALEX
                    What?

          

                                 KELLI ANN
                    It's happened to you.

          

                                 ALEX
                    What has happened to me?

          

                                 KELLI ANN
                    What's her name?

          

                                 ALEX
                    Who?

          

                                 KELLI ANN
                    The girl, Alex.

          

                                 ALEX
                    There's no girl.

          
          Alex takes his beer and heads down the bar.

          

          

          

          

                                    96

          

          7/20/7                                                        97.

          

          

          

                                 KELLI ANN
                    You can't hide it man. I know strung out
                    and you are strung - out.

          

                                   ALEX
                    Please -

          

                                 KELLI ANN
                    This is amazing. Can't focus, right?
                    Jumping every time your phone rings,
                    checking your email 100 times a day.
                    Wishing you could write songs. Feeling
                    the need to bring up her name in random
                    conversations...

          
          Alex stops at the office door.

          

                                 KELLI ANN (CONT'D)
                    It's always the same. And it has
                    happened to you, my friend. Trust me.

          
          Alex looks at Kelli Ann, her words settling in.

          

                                   ALEX
                    Shit.

          
          Kelli Ann smiles, and as she walks away -

          

                                 KELLI ANN
                    Welcome to my world asshole.

          
          Alex takes this in, KNOWING SHE'S RIGHT.

          

          INT. BEN'S OFFICE - EVENING


          
          Janine, now fully dressed, hovers by the door.       Ben is
          back at his desk, eyes on his computer.

          

                                 JANINE
                    You sure I can't interest you in a little
                    beef and broccoli? I'm treating.

          

                                 BEN
                    I really gotta get this stuff done.

          
          Janine is clearly flailing.      She starts to go.

          

                                  JANINE
                    OK.   I'll see you at home.     I love you.

          
          She looks at Ben.    He has no choice.

          

          

          

          

                                      97

          

          7/20/7                                                    98.

          

          

          

                                 BEN
                           (covering his anger)
                    I love you too.

          
          Janine leaves. As soon as she's gone, Ben gets up, shuts
          the office door - and goes to the closet - when the door

          FLIES OPEN IN HIS FACE - NEARLY SMASHING HIM.

          

                                 BEN (CONT'D)
                    I had no choice. What was I supposed to
                    do when she -

          

                                 ANNA
                    You make me sick to my stomach.    You are
                    a disgusting excuse for a man -

          
          Anna pulls her clothes back on in a FURY.

          

                                 BEN
                    I didn't want to do it, Anna. You know
                    that it's you I want to be with -

          
          He puts out a hand to try to touch her.    She RECOILS.

          

                                 ANNA
                    Are you kidding me? You will never lay a
                    hand on me again. I may just be a piss
                    poor girl from Dundalk who works at a gym
                    - but I am so too good for you.

          
          Anna storms out.

          

          INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - NIGHT


          
          Gigi sits on her couch, a pile of BILLS in her lap - most
          of which say LATE, OVERDUE, etc. She's on the PHONE.

          

                                 GIGI
                    Dino, thank you again for letting me pay
                    over the phone. I assure you this late
                    payment thing will never happen again.
                    Yep -- just trying to trim some of the
                    drama out of my life.

          

          A CALL WAITING BEEP.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    That's my other line.   OK.     B-bye.

          
          Gigi CLICKS OVER.

          

                                 GIGI (CONT'D)
                    Hello?

          

          

                                    98

          

          7/20/7                                                99.

          

          

          

                                   MANS' VOICE
                    Hi, Gigi.    This is Bill.

          

                                    GIGI
                    Ummm -

          

                                 BILL
                    Alex's friend. We were supposed to meet
                    up - but Alex told me the wrong day.

          
          Gigi lets this sink in.

          

                                   GIGI
                    Bill.    So you do exist.

          

                                 BILL
                    I do. And I'd love to buy you dinner
                    sometime if you're game.

          

                                    GIGI
                    Yes.    Sure.   Why not?

          
          She puts on a smile.

          

          INT. DUNDALK HOUSE - DAY


          
          Anna stands in the cluttered kitchen of her mom's house.
          She writes out a CHECK, leaves it on the counter. She
          looks to the living room, where Maya sleeps on the couch.
          She watches her for a second, struggling with a blanket,
          before heading over to her. She crouches next to the
          couch, helps her adjust the blanket.

          

                                 ANNA
                    I'm gonna go. I left the check on the
                    counter. It should at least get you
                    through this month.

          
          Maya opens her eyes and looks up at her, smiling.

          

                                 MAYA
                    Thanks sweetie. I don't know what I
                    would do without you.

          
          Maya closes her eyes again. Anna sits there, watching
          her. Anna's eyes start to fill with tears - quietly, she
          begins crying. Maya finally notices.

          

                                 MAYA (CONT'D)
                    Baby - what's the matter?

          
          Maya struggles to sit up and hug her. Anna sits next to
          her on the couch, still trying to get it together.

          

          

                                      99

          

          7/20/7                                                 100.

          

          

          

                                  MAYA (CONT'D)
                     Is it money? Because you can take back
                     the check if -

          

                                  ANNA
                     No, it's not that. I mean - yes, I'm
                     broke - but it's not that. It's just -
                            (tearing up again)
                     I'm just so lost mom. I've been seeing
                     this guy - who is exciting and amazing
                     and thoroughly unavailable. I thought he
                     was - the one - but he turned out to be
                     such an asshole.

          
           Maya nods, almost smiling.

          

                                  ANNA (CONT'D)
                     And then there's -

          

                                  MAYA
                     Conor -

          

                                  ANNA
                     Yeah. Who I'm so horrible to. But he
                     takes it. And he's - there. Waiting.
                     But I just don't want to - I don't know -

          

                                   MAYA
                     Settle?   Like you think I did?

          
           Anna looks at her mother, guilty.

          

                                  MAYA (CONT'D)
                     Well, your father and I had a glorious
                     life together.

          

                                  ANNA
                     Are you kidding? All you talk about are
                     the things you didn't do, the people you
                     wish you could have been with, the Tim
                     Buckleys - anything but the life you
                     actually had.

          
           Maya looks at her daughter.

          

                                  MAYA
                     Those are just dreams Anna.

          
           Anna tries to process this.

          

                                  MAYA (CONT'D)
                     Now true - I did not like your father at
                     all when we met.

                                  (MORE)

          

                                     100

          

          7/20/7                                                101.

          

                                  MAYA (CONT'D)
                     Or after we got married for that matter.
                     But let me tell you this - life with him
                     was a hell of a lot better than life is
                     without him.

          
           Maya stands, walks slowly toward the kitchen.

          

                                  MAYA (CONT'D)
                     There are worse things in life than
                     settling.

          

                                  ANNA
                     Like what?

          

                                  MAYA
                     Like wishing you had.

          
           Anna considers this.

          

           INT. ANNA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT


          
           Anna lays on her bed, staring at the ceiling.

          
           The doorbell RINGS, Anna gets up to answer it. Almost as
           soon as she turns the knob, Conor is standing in the
           middle of her studio apartment. He is all amped up.

          

                                  ANNA
                     Hey, sweetie.

          
           She reaches up to give him a hug, he doesn't go for it.

          

                                  CONOR
                     See, why did you call me sweetie?

          
           Anna looks confused.

          

                                  ANNA
                     Because we always call each other that.

          

                                  CONOR
                     Why?

          
           Anna doesn't have an answer for that.

          

                                  CONOR (CONT'D)
                     I want to say something, OK? I mean, we
                     call each other sweetie, and we fall
                     asleep on the phone after talking for
                     hours and I washed your hair for you
                     after you had that shoulder surgery and
                     everything - it's like we're together.

          

          

          

          

                                    101

          

          7/20/7                                                  102.

          

          

          

                                   ANNA
                      I know that I -

          

                                   CONOR
                      Let me finish. Maybe it's my fault.
                      Maybe I haven't been clear about what I
                      want. So let me be clear. I love
                      hanging out, but I am so attracted to
                      you, and I just - I want both. I want to
                      make love to you. I know that sounds
                      kind of embarrassing coming out of my
                      mouth - I just freaked myself out, too -
                      but it's true. And I'm not sure what
                      happened, or why we stopped - but I don't
                      really care. I just --

          

                                   ANNA

                      OK.

          
           Conor is STUNNED.

          

                                   CONOR
                      What?

          

                                   ANNA

                      OK.

          

                                   CONOR
                      I'm talking about really doing this.
                      Like a full-on relationship.

          

                                   ANNA
                      Right.

          

                                   CONOR
                      With me.

          
           She LAUGHS.

          

                                   ANNA
                      Yes.

          

                                   CONOR
                      Did a bunch of gay people put you up to
                      this?

          

                                   ANNA
                      Please stop talking.

          
           He does.   They KISS.

          

          

          

          

                                     102

          

          7/20/7                                                   103.

          

          

          

           INT. ANNA'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - LATER


          
           Conor sleeps peacefully with his limbs wrapped around
           Anna. Anna lays on her back, eyes wide open, STARING AT
           THE CEILING. She's clearly not at peace.

          

           INT. POTOMAC HOUSE - DEN - DAY


          
           All of Beth's sister's spouses - Steven, Devon and George
           - sit on the couch watching basketball.

          

                                    DEVON
                     Shit!    Take him out.   He's done.

          

                                   GEORGE
                     Jesus.   This isn't some exhibition game.

          
           Beth comes downstairs, with another set of dirty dishes,
           and walks past them to the kitchen. The guys are annoyed
           that she blocks their view.

          

                                    STEVEN
                     Could you --

          

                                  BETH
                     Did anyone have time to run to the store?

          

                                  GEORGE
                     Nah, we're good. We just got drive
                     through.

          

                                  BETH
                     I didn't mean for you.

          
           Beth, annoyed, goes into the kitchen. She puts down the
           dishes in shock. The kitchen is SPOTLESS.

          
           She looks to the sink and sees the back of a man, doing
           the last of the dishes. He turns around. It's NEIL.

          

                                  NEIL
                     The dishes are all put away. There's a
                     load of laundry still drying, but the
                     other one is folded on top of the washer.

          
           He goes to the fridge, and OPENS it.    It's STOCKED.

          

                                  NEIL (CONT'D)
                     I remembered what your dad likes, but I
                     tried to get healthy stuff, too.

          
           Beth just looks at Neil, stunned.

          

          

          

                                      103

          

          7/20/7                                                       104.

          

          

          

                                      NEIL (CONT'D)
                       Ben told me.    I just - I wanted to help.

          
           With that, TEARS start to roll out of Beth's eyes.         Neil
           goes to her, and puts his arms around her.

          

                                    NEIL (CONT'D)
                       I know how much you love him.      But it's
                       gonna be OK.

          

           EXT. HIGHLANDTOWN HOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON


          
           Janine pulls up in her Land Rover and gets out. As she
           approaches the house, she stops in her tracks. ALL THE
           SCAFFOLDING IS GONE. THE HOUSE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL. She
           whips out her cell phone and dials.

          

                                    JANINE
                       Javier - does this mean what I think it
                       means? So when you say "done" - you
                       don't mean "we still need plumbing in the
                       upstairs bathrooms done" - you mean "done
                       done"?...Wow - you're amazing...OK...I'll
                       call when I see it...Bye.

          
           She hangs up the phone, steels herself, and walks inside.

          

           INT. HIGHLANDTOWN HOUSE - SAME


          
           As Janine enters - she can't believe her eyes.

          
           VARIOUS SHOTS as Janine walks from room to room - amazed.
           Where there once were plastic sheets there are now walls
           with vintage wall paper. All the floors are immaculate,
           the chandeliers sparkle - it's all perfect.

          
           She walks down halls and up staircases, past end tables
           and mantles - ALL COVERED WITH PICTURES OF HER AND BEN.
           Nice and tasteful.

          
           She ends her tour in the master suite - it's HUGE. And
           though full of furniture, the longer she stands there,
           the more empty it begins to seem. Her face transitions,
           from delight to loneliness, within a matter of seconds.

          
           She takes out her cell phone, hesitates, then dials...

          

           EXT. MEADOW MILL ATHLETIC CLUB - SAME


          

           CLOSE ON:   A LIT CIGARETTE.       A LONG DRAG IS TAKEN.

          

          

          

          

                                        104

          

          7/20/7                                                105.

          

          

          
           CUT WIDE TO REVEAL: Ben sitting on a ledge in front of
           the gym, smoking a cigarette, watching the passersby.
           He's clearly waiting for Anna to arrive.

          
           His PHONE RINGS. He looks at it - JANINE CALLING. He
           IGNORES the call, takes another drag of his cigarette.

          

           INT. HIGHLANDTOWN HOUSE - BEDROOM - SAME


          
           With Janine as the call goes to voice mail. She hangs
           up, confused. She sits on the edge of the bed, looking
           around the room, not sure what to do with herself.

          
           She notices a pair of pants and jacket thrown over a
           chair - goes to tidy it up. She picks up the jacket,
           checks the pockets, they're empty. She grabs the pants,
           takes them both to the walk-in closet. She hangs up the
           jacket. And as she folds the pants over - she HEARS
           SOMETHING HIT THE GROUND. She looks down to find -

          
           A PACK OF CIGARETTES. Her face pales. She stares at it -
           immobile. Her face tightens, her eyes well up.

          

                                  JANINE

                     YOU LYING SACK OF SHIT!

          
           - as she grabs two armfuls of his clothes off the racks
           and flies out of the closet.

          
           STAIRCASE - She hurtles down the stairs, throwing armfuls
           of clothes into the foyer. Then, she surveys the scene
           and, not satisfied, rushes back up the stairs.

          
           HALLWAY - As she flies back into the bedroom, she sees
           herself in the ANTIQUE MIRROR hanging in the hallway.

          
           Without even thinking she grabs it from the wall and
           SMASHES IT on the ground. She stands over it, breathing
           heavily, looking at the shattered glass.

          
           She EXITS FRAME and we hear her walk down the stairs, the
           camera HOLDING ON THE EMPTY WALL.

          
           After a beat we hear her walking back up the stairs - she
           ENTERS FRAME AGAIN holding a DUSTPAN AND BROOM. She
           kneels over and begins sweeping up her mess.

          

           INT. BOAT - DAY


          
           Neil lies on the bed, reading. The room is pretty messy -
           a lot of clothes strewn around. There is a KNOCK at the
           door. Neil gets up to answer it. It's Beth.

          

          

          

                                    105

          

          7/20/7                                                  106.

          

          

          

                                  NEIL
                     Hey.

          

                                  BETH
                     It's been a while since I've been here.
                     Turns out - that boat in the next
                     mooring, looks like yours -- not yours.

          

                                  NEIL
                     Oh no.

          

                                  BETH
                     No, it's no problem. Nice guy. Invited
                     me in for a white wine spritzer. Not
                     sure he gets a lot of visitors.

          
           Neil laughs.

          

                                  BETH (CONT'D)
                     Can I come in?

          
           Neil ushers her in, shuts the door.    Beth looks around.

          

                                  BETH (CONT'D)
                     I wanted to thank you. For coming by my
                     folks' house.

          

                                  NEIL
                     Of course. I really care about your dad.
                     And I really love you. Even if I can't
                     give you what you want.

          

                                  BETH
                     You're what I want.

          
           Neil looks at her - unsure of her meaning.

          

                                  BETH (CONT'D)
                     Our life together is what I want. Your
                     love is what I want. Did you see those
                     guys my sisters are married to? You are
                     a better husband to me - without being
                     married - than any of those real husbands
                     will ever be. And that's enough for me.

          

                                  NEIL
                     And you'd really be OK if we take the
                     marriage thing off the table?

          

                                  BETH
                     If you promise to love me and be
                     committed to me -

          

          

          

                                    106

          

          7/20/7                                                107.

          

          

          

                                  NEIL
                     I always have -

          

                                  BETH
                     Wait, I'm not done. And snake the shower
                     drain when my hair clogs it, and let me
                     eat Wheat Thins in bed.

          

                                   NEIL
                     I do.

          
           Beth smiles.   They KISS.

          

                                  NEIL (CONT'D)
                     So, I get to move back in?

          

                                   BETH
                     I guess.   But, you cannot bring those.

          
           She points to his pants - a RAGGEDY pair of CARGO PANTS.

          

                                  NEIL
                     What? You're just mad at me, and you're
                     taking it out on the pants.

          

                                  BETH
                     Look, I gotta win something. I let you
                     win the big battle, so throw me a bone.

          

                                  NEIL
                     OK. We're not getting married, but I'm
                     chucking the pants.

          

                                   BETH
                     Great.   We both win.

          
           They kiss AGAIN.

          

           INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - LATE AFTERNOON


          
           Gigi sits on her bed, head flung upside down, blow drying
           her hair. The phone RINGS but Gigi doesn't hear it.

          

           INT. RED MAPLE - OFFICE - SAME


          
           Alex, in his office, paces as he talks into the phone.

          

                                  ALEX
                     Hey, Gigi. It's Alex. I was just
                     wondering how you were doing. It's been
                     a little while since we've talked -- and
                     I was wondering how you were doing.

          

          

          

                                       107

          

          7/20/7                                                    108.

          

          

          
           Alex looks up. Tyrone is watching him, shaking his head.
           Alex motions for Tyrone to leave. He doesn't.

          

                                  ALEX (CONT'D)
                     Anyway, I was hoping to talk to you.
                     Obviously. But you're out. So, call me.
                     Sometime. Or tonight. I'm around. OK.
                     That's enough now. It's Alex.

          
           He hangs up.   Tyrone is unimpressed.

          

                                   TYRONE
                     Dude.

          

                                   ALEX
                     I know.   I know.

          

           INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - SAME


          
           Gigi flips her head back - oblivious to the phone call -
           and checks her hair. She heads out of the bedroom.

          

           EXT. ROWHOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON


          
           Conor and Anna climb the stairs of a three story row
           house. A "FOR SALE" sign is outside.

          

                                  ANNA
                     You seriously get a ton of people bidding
                     on this?

          

                                  CONOR
                     I know it's crazy. But it's a
                     neighborhood "in transition."

          

                                  ANNA
                     So that means what - that hip gay people
                     want to live out here?

          

                                  CONOR
                     Yeah. Hip gay people, young couples,
                     young families.

          
           Conor smiles as Anna heads into the house.

          

           INT. ROWHOUSE - CONTINUOUS


          

                                  ANNA
                     Weird - it totally reminds me of the
                     house I grew up in. I bet there is a -

          
           Anna goes into a little nook off of the kitchen.   And
           pulls down a BUILT IN IRONING BOARD.

          

          

                                     108

          

          7/20/7                                                   109.

          

          

          

                                  ANNA (CONT'D)
                     We totally had this same thing. My mom
                     would use this as her 'desk'. Isn't that
                     bizarre? It was always covered with her
                     little coupons and stuff.

          
           Anna looks up to Conor, who is just watching her.

          

                                  ANNA (CONT'D)
                     So, when do all the fabulous homosexual
                     couples start arriving?

          

                                  CONOR
                     Well, the open house is tomorrow. But I
                     have this one buyer. I mean, I want to
                     see if his girlfriend likes it first -

          

                                  ANNA
                     His girlfriend?

          

                                  CONOR
                     I mean, I had this idea -

          
           Conor looks - all of a sudden - to be sweating.

          

                                  ANNA
                     An idea for the open house?

          

                                  CONOR
                     No, an idea. For this house. For - me.
                     To buy. And hopefully, if you like it
                     and things continue to - you know...

          
           Anna turns to face Conor, trying to put this together.

          

                                  CONOR (CONT'D)
                     Anna, look. I have a plan. I know where
                     my life is going. And I want you to go
                     with me. I mean - I'm not saying you
                     have to move in now or anything - I just -
                     I don't want to buy a place that you
                     couldn't - at some point - see yourself
                     moving into.

          
           Conor takes her hands in his.   Anna starts to PANIC.

          

                                  CONOR (CONT'D)
                     So what do you think? I mean gut
                     reaction. I always go with my gut when
                     it comes to real estate or ---

          

          

          

          

                                    109

          

          7/20/7                                                    110.

          

          

          
           Anna looks at him. And at the PULL DOWN IRONING BOARD.
           She looks at the ironing board a long time, before
           turning back to Conor, holding back tears.

          

                                  ANNA
                     I can't do this Conor.

          

                                   CONOR
                     OK.   If it's too fast -

          

                                  ANNA
                     No. I mean this. Any of this. What
                     you're saying - what you're offering - is
                     what every girl wants. It's what I've
                     always wanted. It's just -

          
           Anna looks at him for a long time, not knowing how to say
           this. Conor looks at her, struggling, and suddenly sees
           it in her face. The answer he's been looking for. It
           all dawns on him in an instant.

          

                                  CONOR
                     You don't want it with me.

          
           Anna NODS sadly.   Conor takes this in.   A LONG BEAT.

          

                                  CONOR (CONT'D)
                     So, I have a question.

          

                                   ANNA
                     Okay.

          

                                  CONOR
                     Is it too late to dial it back to before -
                     and just keep sleeping together?

          
           Anna LAUGHS, and it breaks the tension.   Conor smiles.

          

                                  CONOR (CONT'D)
                     Because I thought that really -    you know
                     - gelled.

          
           Anna goes to Conor and HUGS him.

          

           EXT. PHILLIPS - NIGHT


          
           Your standard waterfront seafood restaurant. Gigi sits
           across from BILL, nice looking, if a bit conservative.

          

                                  GIGI
                     So, Alex told me you work in finance.

          

          

          

          

                                     110

          

          7/20/7                                                    111.

          

          

          

                                   BILL
                     Yes.   Yes, I do. Finance.

          

           A LONG PAUSE.

          

                                  GIGI
                     This is nice.

          

                                  BILL
                     It is.

          

                                  GIGI
                     A nice evening. And you planned it. And
                     called me when you said you would. And
                     showed up on time. Thank you, Bill.

          

                                  BILL
                     You're very welcome.

          
           ANOTHER AWKWARD LONG SILENCE.    Gigi smiles.

          

           INT. ALEX'S APARTMENT - NIGHT


          
           Alex now seems pretty agitated. He's shirtless, his
           hair's a disaster. He's holding his phone handset.
           Staring at it. He can't stop himself. He dials.

          

                                  GIGI (V.O.)
                     Hey it's Gigi. You've reached my cell.
                     I'm either having a very good time or in
                     a meeting - either way just leave a
                     message and --

          
           Alex hangs up. He stands there for a second, thinking.
           Then he runs into his bedroom like a madman.

          

           INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT


          
           Gigi and Bill stand awkwardly outside her door.

          

                                  GIGI
                     It was nice meeting you.

          

                                  BILL
                     Thank you for a lovely evening.

          

                                  GIGI
                     You, too.

          
           Bill reaches out for an ill timed hug.   It's awkward.

          

                                  GIGI (CONT'D)
                     Goodnight.

          

          

                                    111

          

          7/20/7                                                    112.

          

          

          

           INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - NIGHT


          
           She comes inside, drops her stuff and sits on the couch.
           Then, A KNOCK on the door. Gigi reluctantly gets up.

          

                                  GIGI
                     Did you forget something?

          
           She opens the DOOR.    It's not Bill.   It's ALEX.

          

                                   ALEX
                     Yeah.   I did.

          

                                     GIGI
                     Really?     What did you forget?

          

                                    ALEX
                     This.

          
           Alex reaches into his pocket and pulls out a PEN. THE

           SAME PEN THAT GIGI PRETENDED TO BE RETURNING TO CONOR.
           Gigi tries, without success, to suppress a SMILE.

          

                                                                FADE OUT.

          

           INT. THE OWL BAR - NIGHT


          
           A speakeasy from the 1900s that hasn't changed much. A
           PIANO starts to play on a tiny stage - empty. And then -
           a terrified but determined Anna takes her place in front
           of the mic. And begins to SING.

          
           It's a "THE LAST GOODBYE" by JEFF BUCKLEY - barely
           recognizable - more of a torch song. As she sings, she
           begins to gain confidence. We hear the song over:

          

           INT. WESTSIDE LOFT - DAY


          
           Beth and Neil's place. Neil comes in holding a few
           MESSILY PACKED BOXES. He is clearly moving back in.

          

                                  NEIL
                     How did all this stuff fit in here fine
                     before?

          
           Beth comes in after him, holding some of his clothes.

          

                                  BETH
                     I don't know. It expanded.

          
           Neil collapses on the couch. Beth sits next to him, a
           pile of clothes on her lap. She looks down and laughs.

          

          

          

                                       112

          

          7/20/7                                                      113.

          

          

          

                                  BETH (CONT'D)
                     No you are not trying to bring these back
                     in here -

          
           Beth holds the CARGO PANTS that she protested before.

          

                                    NEIL
                     What?    I have no idea what you're -

          

                                  BETH
                     We had a deal. These are not staying.

          

                                  NEIL
                     That's really gonna free up a lot of
                     space.

          

                                  BETH
                     They're going. I have a bag I'm taking
                     to the Goodwill.

          
           Neil watches her, smiling, as she walks across the room.

          

                                  NEIL
                     Okay, okay. You win. Just check to make
                     sure there's nothing in the pockets
                     before we give them away.

          
           Beth dutifully puts her hands in the pockets. And then
           she FEELS SOMETHING. Her face registers curiosity as she
           pulls out - A BLACK VELVET RING BOX. Beth looks at it,
           and when she looks up - Neil's down ON ONE KNEE.

          

                                  NEIL (CONT'D)
                     I love you so much. So much. I want to
                     make you happy. I need to make you happy
                     for me to even have a shot at being
                     happy, too.

          
           Tears stream down Beth's face.      Neil pops open the box,
           revealing an ENGAGEMENT RING.

          

                                  NEIL (CONT'D)
                     Will you marry me?

          
           Neil gets up and KISSES HER. They kiss, passionately,
           for a long moment. And then:

          

                                    BETH
                     Yes.    Of course, yes.

          

           INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - NIGHT


          
           Gigi and Alex stand in her entry.     She holds the PEN.

          

          

                                      113

          

          7/20/7                                                   114.

          

          

          

                                     GIGI
                        You came all the way here - at 11 at
                        night - to give me back a promotional
                        pen?

          

                                     ALEX
                        I thought I better come up with some
                        excuse to get over here. Isn't that how
                        it's done?

          

                                     GIGI
                        Sometimes.

          
           Alex looks at Gigi for a long moment.    He looks nervous.

          

                                     ALEX
                        Look, I can't stop thinking about you. I
                        drive by your place. I call and hang up.
                        I'm turning into -

          

                                     GIGI
                        Me.

          
           He LAUGHS.

          

                                     ALEX
                        Yeah.

          

                                     GIGI
                        Well, a wise person once told me that if
                        a guy wants to be with a girl, he will
                        make it happen. No matter what.

          

                                     ALEX
                        True.

          

                                     GIGI
                        Hmmm. Because when I was hurling my body
                        onto yours - you did not seem to want to
                        "make it happen."

          

                                     ALEX
                        Here's the thing about that. You were
                        right. I've gotten so used to keeping
                        myself at a safe distance from these
                        women, having the power - that I didn't
                        know what it felt like when I actually -
                        fell - for one of them.

          
           Gigi considers this.

          

          

          

          

                                       114

          

          7/20/7                                                 115.

          

          

          

                                  GIGI
                     Look, I've just been out with your friend
                     Bill. And it just might be exactly what
                     I need. No drama. He calls. He does
                     what he says.

          

                                  ALEX
                     I could do that stuff too.

          

                                  GIGI
                     But you didn't. And that same wise
                     person told me that I am the rule. That
                     I have to stop thinking that every guy
                     will change - stop thinking that I will
                     be the --

          
           But before she can finish her sentence, Alex KISSES HER.

           A LONG, SLOW, PASSIONATE KISS.

          

                                  GIGI (CONT'D)
                     - that I will be the exception.

          
           Alex looks at her.

          

                                  ALEX
                     You are my exception.

          
           They continue to KISS.

          

           EXT. GAY PRIDE PARADE - NIGHT


          
           A staple of summer in Baltimore.

          
           The rickety Baltimore Blade float comes by. It's a very
           phallic "blade" with a A BUNCH OF YOUNG SHIRTLESS MEN
           dancing and waving. Mary rides the float, too, waving to
           the crowd with Nathan, Joshua and Bruce.

          
           Conor, with a NATTILY DRESSED GAY COUPLE, stands on the
           street watching. Nathan calls down from the float.

          

                                    NATHAN
                     Jonathan?

          

                                  NATTILY DRESSED GAY
                     What are you guys doing up there?

          

                                    NATHAN
                     Dancing.    Get your asses up here.

          
           With that, the two Nattily Dressed Gays grab Conor, and
           climb up onto the float. They SHOUT over the music.

          

          

          

                                      115

          

          7/20/7                                                116.

          

          

          

                                  NATTILY DRESSED GAY
                     This is Conor. He just sold us on the
                     most amazing duplex in Mt. Vernon.

          

                                    MARY
                     Hey, Conor.    I'm Mary.

          
           Conor looks at Mary and SMILES. All of the gay men
           around them start to DANCE. LIKE REALLY, REALLY DANCE.

          

                                  MARY (CONT'D)
                     It's so great to finally meet you in
                     person.

          

                                    CONOR
                     You, too.

          
           They look at each other.   Is there a connection?

          

                                  CONOR (CONT'D)
                     Would you like to dance?

          

                                    MARY
                     I'd love to.

          
           Conor takes her hand - and the two of them do an old
           fashioned slow dance on the float. As everyone freaks
           around them, they smile and dance in each others' arms.

          

           EXT. HIGHLANDTOWN HOUSE - NIGHT


          
           Ben walks into the house and looks around - no Janine.

          
           As he heads to the stairs, he stops in his tracks. At
           the bottom of the stairs - ALL OF HIS CLOTHES are
           stacked, neatly folded into piles. He approaches, then
           sees a CARTON OF CIGARETTES on top of one pile -

          

                                    BEN
                     Shit...

          
           - and a NOTE taped onto the carton: BEN - KNOCK YOURSELF

           OUT. - JANINE P.S. I WANT A DIVORCE.
           Ben slumps down, devastated.

          

                                                         DISSOLVE TO:

          

           EXT. HARBOR - DAY


          
           A beautiful sunny day on the harbor. Anna's song fades
           out, and the sound of Gigi's voice fades up.

          

          

          

                                      116

          

          7/20/7                                                   117.

          

          

          

                                  GIGI (V.O.)
                     Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing
                     up. If a guy punches you, he likes you.
                     Never try to trim your own bangs.

          

           EXT. BOAT - DAY


          
           Out on the sparkling water, Neil's boat. As we get
           closer, we see garlands on the rails, on the bough. Even
           closer and we see - Beth on the arm of her father. He
           escorts her down a mini aisle. On the bough of the boat -
           is a TINY WEDDING. About six guests. And Neil, waiting
           for Beth at the altar.

          

                                  GIGI (V.O.)
                     And someday you will meet a wonderful guy
                     and get your very own happy ending.

          

           INT. MARY'S APARTMENT - DAY


          
           Mary sits at her desk, typing on her laptop.   ON THE

           SCREEN: MARY'S MYSPACE PROFILE.

          

                                  GIGI (V.O.)
                     Every movie we see, every story we're
                     told, implores us to wait for it. The
                     third act twist...the man who couldn't
                     get it together finally figuring it
                     out...the unexpected declaration of
                     love...

          
           Mary hits a button and a box comes up, which reads: ARE
           YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DELETE THIS MYSPACE PROFILE? Mary
           clicks "YES". MYSPACE PROFILE DELETED appears.

          
           Then, a KNOCK ON THE DOOR. Mary gets up, grabs her
           little purse, and opens the door. IT'S CONOR. Mary
           smiles, her face barely able to contain her happiness.

          

           INT. GIGI'S APARTMENT - DAY


          
           Gigi and Alex sit close on her couch, watching a movie.

          

                                  GIGI (V.O.)
                     ...the exception to the rule.

          
           We PAN over to the TV to find that they are watching:
           SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL. Watts and Keith finally KISS.
           Gigi can't suppress her smile as Alex pulls her close.

          

                                  GIGI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                     What we're not taught is how to read the
                     signs.

          

          

                                    117

          

          7/20/7                                                   118.

          

          

          

           INT. EDDIE'S OF ROLAND PARK - DAY


          
           Ben heads to the checkout line - holding a six pack of
           beer and a bag of chips. As he's about to put his stuff
           down, a PRETTY GIRL gets in line behind him.

          

                                  GIGI (V.O.)
                     How to tell the ones who want us from the
                     ones who don't. The one's who'll stay
                     from the one's who'll leave.

          
           He lets her go ahead of him. She smiles, takes him up on
           it. The cashier rings her up, she pays for her stuff,
           without giving Ben so much as a look. Ben gives his
           stuff to the cashier, along with a weak smile.

          

           EXT. BUTCHER'S HILL BROWNSTONE - EVENING


          
           From the outside looking in a ground floor window - we
           can see the living room of the lower apartment. Boxes
           fill the room - clearly a new tenant moving in.

          
           Janine enters, carrying two boxes. She opens one, and
           pulls out the ANTIQUE MIRROR (now with new glass).

          

                                  GIGI (V.O.)
                     And ultimately, we're not taught the one
                     thing that could save ourselves, our
                     friends, our families countless hours of
                     confusion, despair, and speculation.

          
           She hangs the mirror, straightening it slightly. She
           steps back, seems pleased. Then, IN FRONT OF CAMERA walk
           two people - the CAMERA FOLLOWS THEM down the sidewalk.

          
           We see it's Anna, walking with a NEW GUY - it's clear
           it's a first date. They stop at the corner, exchange an
           awkward hug. As they turn to go their separate ways -

          

                                  NEW GUY
                     It was nice meeting you.

          
           Anna smiles - the New Guy turns and heads off. Anna
           watches him go, and then turns and walks away from us.

          

                                  GIGI (V.O.)
                     That sometimes the happy ending...is just
                     moving on.

          
           Anna walks down the hill, the skyline of Baltimore in
           front of her.

          

                                   THE END