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Hot Tub Time Machine Movie Script

Writer(s) : Josh Heald

Genres : Comedy, Sci-Fi

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                             HOT TUB TIME MACHINE



                                 Written by

                                 Josh Heald

                         

                         

                         
          Hot Tub Time Machine Theme
          Lyrics by Josh Heald
          Music by Def Leppard, Styx, Journey, Poison, or Whitesnake

          Water cranked to a hundred and three
          Got my tunes, my snacks, my booze, my skis
          (Got the) freshest moves you ever seen
          When I'm soakin in my Hot Tub Time Machine
          When you're going back to the 80s...
          And you might be fuckin some ladies...
          You bring your button fly jeans and some sweet hair gel
          Want blow? All you gotta do is yell
          (Yeah you're) lookin real smooth, (and you're) lookin real mean
          When you're soakin in your Hot Tub Time Machine
          Yeah!
          Hot Tub - Time Machine!
          Hot Tub - Time Machine!
          C'mon!
           (Sweet guitar solo - 16 measures]
           Relaxed as hell when you're goin through time
          That's the 54 jets workin' on your spine
           (Yeah) you gotta be loose and you gotta be lean
          When you roll up in your Hot Tub Time Machine
          Yeah your shirt's a little psychedelic...
          And you're lookin kinda like Tom Selleck...
          Yeah the chicks are wetter than the Everglades
          But double bag your dude, don't wanna get AIDS
          Just listen right up, consider me your dean
          In the college of the Hot Tub Time Machine
          Yeah!
          Hot Tub - Time Machine!
          Hot Tub - Time Machine!
          Yeah!



                         

                         FADE IN:

          EXT. POOL DECK - DAY


          BLUE SKIES. A BEAUTIFUL SUNNY DAY.
          CAMERA PANS DOWN to reveal A HOT TUB FULL OF HOT CHICKS IN
          BIKINIS. They splash about playfully. Then--

          A FUCKING LION JUMPS IN THE HOT TUB!
          As the girls SCREAM and scramble for safety, the BEAST ROARS
          and it becomes the:

                         MGM LOGO

                         DISSOLVE TO:

          INT. BEDROOM - DAY

          ADAM COLEMAN (late 30s, good-looking, sweet-natured face) is
          in a great mood as he packs a SUITCASE.

          LILY (O.S.)
          Ready for the wildest bachelor
          party of all time?
          LILY (early 30s, shirt and jeans, hot in a smart and classy
          sense) walks in the room, smiling.

                         ADAM
          You know it. I'm gonna bang all
          sorts of chicks this weekend!

                         LILY
          That's not the answer I was looking
          for.

                         ADAM
          Sorry, honey.
          Adam gives his beautiful fiancee a playful kiss.
          She shows him some PHOTOS.

                         LILY
          Look what I found...

                         

                         

                         

                         

          2.

                         ANGLE: PHOTO
          A BUNCH OF TEENAGERS and 20-SOMETHINGS PARTY IN A LARGE HOT
          TUB at a SKI RESORT. It looks like the most fun ever.

                         ADAM
          Check out that young stud. Can you
          believe he's about to get married?
          Lily and Adam look through more PHOTOS of a YOUNG ADAM (17)
          partying at a SKI RESORT with his FRIENDS:
          -- In full 80s SKI GEAR on a mountain...
          -- Eating PIZZA at "Papa Enzo's," stuffing their faces...
          -- Drinking BEERS at the "Brew Haus," an awesome pub...
          -- In the HOT TUB with SIX GIRLS...
          Adam snatches the last photo from her.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          Ignore that one. Nothing happened.

                         (BEAT)
          I love you.
          Lily laughs.

                         LILY
          Adam, you didn't know me yet.
          As Adam goes back to packing, Lily leafs through some more of
          the photos. She stops at one and her EXPRESSION CHANGES.

                         LILY (CONT'D)
          Who's this?
          Lily shows Adam a PHOTO:
          -- A SMOKING HOT SKI BUNNY (23, blonde, svelte, leg warmers).

                         ADAM
          I'm not sure.

                         LILY
          Really?
          Lily shows Adam another PHOTO:
          -- YOUNG ADAM with his arm around the SKI BUNNY, who looks
          like she was ambushed for the photo.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          3.

                         ADAM
          Oh! Jennie.

                         LILY
          Who's Jennie?

                         ADAM
          She's nobody. Ski instructor.
          (off her look)
          You didn't know me yet.
          Lily still looks at him a little hard.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          Lily, I was 17. She had boobs and
          a face. Of course I'm gonna take
          her picture.
          Lily still looks a little bothered.

                         LILY
          Do you still think of her?

                         ADAM
          Of course not! I think of you.
          As Adam goes to EMBRACE her:

                         LILY
          Hold on...
          Lily goes into the CLOSET.

                         ADAM
          Sweetie?
          She comes out a moment later with a CARDBOARD BOX, which she
          empties onto the BED. About FIFTY PORNO MAGAZINES spill out,
          ranging from TITS MONTHLY to BLACK ASS.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          How did you know where I hid my...
          treasure?
          Lily carefully picks up a BROCHURE from the pile, holding it
          by the corner, not wanting to touch it.

                         LILY
          Explain this.
          From ADAM'S POV, we see the brochure:
          -- A ski brochure featuring Jennie on the cover.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          4.

                         ADAM
          OK! You caught me! I
          occasionally... reminisce... about
          Jennie O'Keefe!

                         LILY
          That's gross.

                         (THEN)
          What's "occasionally?"

                         ADAM
          (without missing a beat)
          About two hours ago when you were
          on the phone with your mother.

                         LILY
          Jesus. Tell me how I'm supposed to
          let you go to your bachelor party
          and not be a basket case?

                         ADAM
          What are you so worried about?

                         LILY
          I'm worried that you're still
          thinking about this girl.

                         ADAM
          Baby, the girl in that picture was
          nothing more than a crush. I could
          never get her and there's no
          possibility I'll ever be with her.
          She was a total stranger.
          Lily gets a CURIOUS LOOK on her face.

                         LILY
          So... you're into strangers?

                         ADAM
          Well not the creepy "your mom was
          in an accident, now come with me"
          kind. But yeah, the hot lady in
          the supermarket kind of stranger.
          You have to admit - it's kinda hot.

                         LILY
          So you're saying if you and I
          didn't know each other, it would be
          pretty hot if we fooled around?

                         ADAM
          You kidding me? It would be
          fucking incredible.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          5.
          Lily smiles seductively, as Adam starts to get it.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          Wait a minute. Are you
          suggesting... yes. YES!
          Adam excitedly heads for the door.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          OK, I'll go down the hall. You get
          into character.
          (points at her)
          This fucking rules.
          Adam leaves the room and Lily REMOVES HER SHIRT, talking sexy
          and slowly building the fantasy...

                         LILY
          Oh I'm all alone in this big house.
          Cheerleading camp just ended and I
          need to get out of these sweaty
          clothes...

          ADAM (O.S.)
          Love where you're going with this,
          baby! Keep it up!
          She unbuttons her pants and SLIDES DOWN HER JEANS.

                         LILY
          Mmmm. My panties are so tight
          against my firm naked body...

          ADAM (O.S.)
          You should probably take them off!

                         LILY
          Are you gonna let me do this?

          ADAM (O.S.)
          Sorry! Continue! You were just
          about to take off your panties!
          She slowly slides out of her panties, kicking them away. Now
          she's TOTALLY NAKED. She continues to role play.

                         LILY
          It feels so good to be so naked. I
          hope no one can see me...
          Just then a BLACK MAN (late 30s, handsome, J Crew) saunters
          through the bedroom door, holding a coffee and all riled up.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          6.

                         BLACK MAN
          OK, so this asshole in front of me
          at the donut place is -- WHOA!
          Lily covers up and SCREAMS.

                         LILY
          Get out of here!!
          He SPILLS the coffee on his hands and their rug as he turns.

                         BLACK MAN
          Fuck! Ow! I'm sorry. I'll clean
          it up. That's gonna stain, though.

                         LILY
          Just leave!
          He heads for the door, just as:
          Adam comes in, wearing a MAILMAN hat and NOTHING ELSE.

                         ADAM
          Special delivery for -- Jesus
          Christ!
          The black man doesn't know which way to look. He covers his
          eyes and drips coffee, as he blindly steps toward the door.

                         BLACK MAN

                         (NOT LOOKING)
          Just tell me when I'm in the clear.

                         CUT TO:

          EXT. ADAM'S HOUSE - DAY

          Adam wheels his suitcase down the front path of this modest,
          well-kept suburban home, as a recovered, dressed, embarrassed
          and somewhat shell-shocked Lily follows with a small bag.
          They both stop 10 yards short of a RANGE ROVER, where the
          black man, NICK, waits in the car, waving.

                         LILY
          I can't wait for you to come back
          and marry me. Wow, that's crazy.
          Adam looks almost like it just hit him.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          7.

                         ADAM
          Yeah.

                         (REALIZATION)
          Wow.

                         LILY
          Tell me again I have nothing to
          worry about.

                         ADAM
          Babe, look at Nick...
          In the car, Nick air drums to whatever's on the radio.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          You think with him in charge, we're
          gonna get into any kind of trouble?
          We'll probably eat too much pizza
          and I'll twist my ankle getting off
          the ski lift.

                         LILY
          OK. Have an awesome bachelor
          party. Not too awesome.
          (hands him bag)
          I got you something.
          Adam looks in the bag.

                         ADAM
          Sandwich. Thanks.
          He puts it in his BACKPACK. She looks like she was expecting
          a different reaction, but she lets it go. He kisses her.

                         LILY
          Let me see your phone.
          He takes it out.

                         ADAM
          I told you, I'll call you when--
          She snatches it out of his hands. Adam looks confused, as
          she pockets the phone.

                         LILY
          Despite my anxiety, I'm not gonna
          be one of those women who wants an
          update every ten minutes. Even
          though I do want an update every
          ten minutes.
          Adam smiles. Lily looks a bit trepidatious.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          8.

                         LILY (CONT'D)
          Just make sure whatever happens,
          you're back for the rehearsal
          dinner.

                         (SHOWING CONCERN)
          I totally trust you.

                         ADAM
          You should. I'm a lame-o.

                         LILY
          Well at least you're a cute lame-o.
          Lily leans in and they NUZZLE their noses together in a
          disgusting display of affection. A FLASH goes off.
          From the car, Nick holds up his iPhone.

                         NICK
          I'm more than willing to forget
          about earlier, but this shit's
          going on Facebook.

          INT. NICK'S CAR - DAY - DRIVING

          Nick drives through SUBURBIA, while Adam rides shotgun.

                         NICK
          I have no idea what Facebook is.
          My phone has a button that says
          Send To Facebook. I've been
          sending shit there for months.
          Adam looks out the window, smiling.

                         ADAM
          I'm so psyched about this weekend!

                         NICK
          Ditto, buddy. I'm gonna help you
          make up for all the good times you
          missed when you were being a
          responsible member of society.

                         ADAM
          You're a good friend. I'm sorry
          for putting my career and self
          sufficiency above bowling night.

                         NICK
          This trip represents everything
          awesome about being a dude.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          9.

                         NICK (CONT'D)
          We're gonna drink too much, eat
          whatever we want...

                         (FANTASIZING)
          I might not even change my socks.

                         ADAM
          Live the dream.

                         NICK
          Best of all, we don't have to
          answer to anyone.
          Nick's PHONE rings and he answers it with his built-in
          BLUETOOTH. His phone voice is a little more "sensitive."

          NICK (ON PHONE) (CONT'D)
          Hi honey.

          COURTNEY (V.0.)
          Three goddamn bags of pretzels?

          NICK (ON PHONE)
          (trying to save face)
          I'm with Adam, honey.

          COURTNEY (V.0.)
          Hi Adam.
          (a little calmer)
          Nick, what have I told you about
          buying snacks that aren't on sale?

          NICK (ON PHONE)
          You said not to do it.

          COURTNEY (V.0.)
          And what did you do?

          NICK (ON PHONE)
          I bought three bags of pretzels.
          But I'm gonna eat them...

          COURTNEY (V.0.)
          That's not the point.

                         (ADMONISHING)
          Don't do it again.
          Nick and Adam exchange an embarrassing glance.

          NICK (ON PHONE)

          OK.

          COURTNEY (V.0.)
          Call me from the road. Adam, say
          hi to Lily.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          10.

          ADAM (ON PHONE)
          OK, I sure wi--
          CLICK. For a moment, there is an uncomfortable silence.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          Don't her parents own the
          supermarket?

                         NICK
          The whole damn chain.

                         (THEN)
          Just be thankful Lily doesn't have
          any family money. Nothing makes
          your dick softer.

          EXT. MOTEL -- DAY

          Nick's car pulls into the lot of a rundown motel.

          INT./EXT. NICK'S CAR - DAY

          Adam looks confused and slightly nervous.

                         ADAM
          This looks like a place where
          people die. Mostly from murder.
          A BALD, miserable-looking GUY in his late 30s (LOU) exits a
          room, carrying TWO SHOPPING BAGS. He gets in the back seat.
          Adam looks happy to see him.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          Lou!

                         LOU
          Yes, I'm living in a transient
          motel. Let's get that purple
          elephant out of the room.

                         ADAM
          Dude, it looks nice.

                         LOU
          Thank you. I hate your guts.

                         ADAM
          (re: the bags)
          What'd you bring?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          11.

                         LOU
          All my belongings.

                         NICK
          So you're sorta like a bum now,
          huh?

                         LOU
          In a sense.

          INT. NICK'S CAR - DAY - DRIVING

          Lou sits in the backseat, voraciously eating a bowl of
          cereal, as the other guys are up front.

                         LOU
          Our system is fucked, gentlemen.
          You tell me how a whore wife can
          fuck some black dude - no offense -
          and still take her cuckold of a
          husband for all he's got.

                         NICK
          Why would I take offense to that?

                         LOU
          It's offensive.

                         NICK
          Because he's black?

                         LOU
          And because he's fucking my wife.
          And because you're black. And
          because of all the oversensitive
          horrible garbage... you know what?
          Forget no offense. Just offense.
          Are you offended?

                         NICK
          Not really.

                         LOU
          Then shut the fuck up.

                         ADAM
          She's got a hell of an attorney.

                         LOU
          Yes and thank you so very much for
          giving her the referral.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          12.

                         ADAM
          She told me it was for a friend.

                         NICK
          So... what? Your wife likes black
          dick now?

                         LOU
          I'm gonna slaughter you in your
          sleep tonight.

                         ADAM
          (turns to Lou, genuine)
          Thanks for coming, man.

          EXT. UPSCALE APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

          Nick's car pulls up across from a nice apartment building, as
          a well-dressed, well-groomed, overly polished-looking YOUNG
          GUY in his 20s (JACOB) comes out, carrying a MESSENGER BAG.

          INT. NICK'S CAR -- SAME TIME

          The guys watch Jacob carefully cross the street.

                         LOU
          Oh, Adam's stupid brother's coming?
          Boo! Drive away before he gets in
          the car!

                         ADAM
          Be nice. I know Jacob's kind of a
          douche, but I'm trying to be closer
          to him since Mom died.
          Jacob gets in the back next to Lou.

                         LOU

                         (VERY INSINCERE)
          Hey buddy! How's it going? Good
          to see you!

                         JACOB
          You look dirty and you smell bad.

                         LOU
          You look gay and you smell like a
          basket of fancy soaps. Advantage
          me.

                         JACOB
          How is that to your advantage?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          13.

                         ADAM
          He's not gay. He's just... what
          are you again?

                         JACOB
          Metrosexual.

                         LOU
          You have sex with trains?

                         JACOB
          For your information, I fuck
          chicks. Hot ones.

                         LOU
          For your information, you fuck
          dudes. Gay ones.

                         JACOB
          Yeah, well at least I'm young and
          my life's full of potential. I
          hear you're homeless now?

                         LOU
          (to Nick and Adam)
          You told him?!

                         (GRIMACES)
          I hate all you people.

                         ADAM
          Will you two please shake hands and
          make up? We're gonna be spending a
          lot of time together.
          Jacob distractedly TEXTS on his phone.

                         JACOB
          Yeah, about that. Why aren't we
          going to Aspen? Vermont's lame.

                         ADAM
          It's gonna be fun.

                         JACOB
          Yeah, whatever.
          And with that, the guys travel in silence for a few moments,
          the lifeblood drained from the car. Finally...

                         LOU
          I've gotta take a shit.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          14.

          INT. BURGER KING REST STOP - DAY

          Lou walks from the bathroom back to the TABLE where Adam,
          Nick, and Jacob sit and eat.

                         LOU
          That was an ugly experience.

                         NICK
          I don't wanna hear about it.

                         LOU
          In a few years, when I'm dying of
          an exotic disease that causes my
          penis to bleed until it falls off,
          someone remember to tell the
          hospital to check out the filthy
          crapper at the Albany Rest Stop.
          It's the AIDS monkey of toilets.
          The guys put down their sandwiches.

                         ADAM
          Thank you.

                         LOU
          I don't know how you're doing it,
          man. I mean, Laurie's hot, don't
          get me wrong.

                         ADAM

                         (CORRECTING)
          Lily.

                         LOU
          Right. Lily. But one vagina?
          Forever?

                         ADAM
          That's the sacrifice.
          Jacob nods, agreeing with Lou's concern.

                         JACOB
          And you're OK with that? I don't
          know your sexual history, but you
          sure you got it out of your system?

                         ADAM
          I did OK for myself.

                         LOU
          He didn't do that well for himself.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          15.

                         NICK
          Yeah, isn't Lily your fourth?

                         ADAM
          Fifth. Thank you.

                         JACOB
          So you're averaging like one girl
          every eight years.

                         ADAM
          Assuming I got laid when I was
          zero.

                         LOU
          That would be awesome.
          Adam gives Lou a distasteful look.

                         ADAM
          I'm fine. Maybe some cold feet,
          but that's normal. Thank you
          everyone for your concern.

                         JACOB
          Just looking out for you. That's
          what brothers do, right? They look
          out for each other?

                         ADAM
          (takes a moment)
          Is this about something else?

                         JACOB
          Forget it.

                         ADAM
          No, let's do this. I'm sorry I
          wasn't around when you were growing
          up, OK? I was in college. And
          then I was working. Dad left.
          Someone had to take responsibility.

                         LOU
          Boooooring!

                         ADAM

                         (TO LOU)
          Shut up.

                         JACOB
          I said forget it.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          16.

                         NICK
          Guys, come on. Let's move past it.
          This is gonna be a fun weekend.

                         JACOB
          I still say Vermont sucks.

                         LOU
          You're confusing Vermont with
          yourself. This weekend is going to
          be incredible and you will not ruin
          it for me.

                         ADAM
          (softens, to Jacob)
          You might like it. Havenhurst is
          pretty awesome.
          Jacob shrugs, but Lou gets excited.

                         LOU
          Fuck yeah it is! We're gonna ski
          the trail and bone some tail!

                         ADAM

                         (LAUGHS)
          You'll have to bone some of that
          tail for me, man.

                         LOU
          Fuck that. You'll bone your own.

                         ADAM
          No I won't.

                         LOU
          Adam, trust me. Biggest mistake of
          my life - not fucking a whore at my
          bachelor party.

                         NICK
          That's the biggest mistake of your
          life?

                         LOU
          Fuck yeah. And he's not making
          that same mistake.

                         ADAM
          Uh... I'm not having sex with
          anyone this weekend.
          Lou looks at Adam, trying to figure things out.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          17.

                         LOU
          Ohhhh. I gotcha.

                         (WINKING)
          You're not having sex this weekend.

                         ADAM
          I'm not having sex this weekend.
          Without the winking.

                         LOU

                         (WINKING)
          Right. No winking.

                         (WINKS AGAIN)
          I understand.

                         ADAM
          I'm pretty sure you don't.

          INT./EXT. NICK'S CAR - DAY - DRIVING

          Nick's car transitions from the HIGHWAY to the MOUNTAINS to
          the WOODS, as we track the drive.
          Finally, the car passes a "Welcome to Havenhurst" sign.

                         NICK
          Gentlemen... welcome to Havenhurst.

                         ADAM
          Yes!

          EXT. HAVENHURST MAIN DRAG - AFTERNOON

          The car winds through the main thoroughfare. Rather than a
          quaint ski town, this place resembles a suburban nightmare,
          with STRIP MALLS and CHAIN RESTAURANTS. It's the exact
          opposite of the fun town we saw in Adam's photos.

          INT./EXT. NICK'S CAR - AFTERNOON - DRIVING

          The guys look out the windows, wearing bummed expressions.

                         JACOB
          so this is the coolest town ever?

                         ADAM
          Oh man. The Brew Haus is a PF
          Chang's.
          Lou notices a TGI Friday's, with a sign advertising a "Hannah
          Montana 3-D Experience!" He looks utterly disgusted.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          18.

                         LOU
          I don't even have the heart to tell
          you what I just fucking saw. But
          say goodbye to Papa Enzo's. This
          town sucks.

                         NICK
          What the fuck is going on?
          The car climbs a twisty part of the road.

                         NICK (CONT'D)
          Please god let it still be there...

                         JACOB
          What?

                         ADAM
          Pink Paradise. Best strip club
          ever.
          The car rounds the corner and a SIGN comes into view. The
          beginning reads "Pink."

                         NICK
          Yes! It lives!
          The car continues to climb and the whole sign comes into
          view: "Pinkberry."

                         LOU
          I wanna die.

                         JACOB

                         (OBLIVIOUS)
          Sweet, there's a Pinkberry here.

          EXT. PINE VALLEY INN - AFTERNOON

          The car pulls into the parking lot of this RUNDOWN lodge.

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / LOBBY - AFTERNOON

          The guys walk in and the first thing they notice is a bunch
          of CATS that wander anywhere they want.
          The large "living room" area off the lobby features a FIRE
          PLACE that has been BRICKED SHUT.
          TODDLERS and ELDERLY PEOPLE lounge and cry and nap.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          19.

                         LOU

                         (TO NICK)
          What have you done to us?

                         ADAM
          I'm not playing drinking games with
          my grandma.

                         NICK
          OK so the place skews a little
          older. Let's check in. We're not
          spending our time inside anyway.

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / HALLWAY - MINUTES LATER

          The guys walk silently behind a MIDDLE-AGED BELLHOP (PHIL),
          who struggles to wrangle their bags on a shaky hand truck.
          His job is made more difficult because he only has ONE ARM.
          He grunts and curses his way down the hall on the slow and
          laborious journey. But when Adam tries to pick up a bag...

                         PHIL

                         (CURT)
          Hey buddy. I'm not gonna tell you
          again. I fuckin' got it.
          Adam backs off.

                         LOU
          This guy's a dick.

                         NICK

                         SHH--

                         LOU
          No, fuck that.

                         (LOUDER)
          He's a dick. Oooh tough guy. He's
          gotta be Mister America.

                         JACOB
          Captain America.

                         LOU
          Go fuck yourself.
          Phil finally drops their bags at their room and then:

                         PHIL
          I'm ready to be tipped.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          20.

                         LOU

                         (SELF UNAWARE)
          You, sir, have no tact.
          Nick gives Phil a bill and he walks off down the hall,
          leaving the guys outside their room.

                         NICK
          Gentlemen... in this room lies the
          beginning of our awesome weekend.

                         JACOB
          Or a continuation of everything
          that's sucked so far.

                         LOU
          Yeah, I bet it's gonna be lame as
          shit in there. The furniture
          probably smells like mold.

                         JACOB
          I say we go to Foxwoods.

                         LOU
          I actually kinda like that idea.

                         ADAM
          Guys!
          Everyone looks at Adam.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          Let's give it a chance. We don't
          know for sure that the room sucks.
          Nick nods, appreciating the optimism. He opens the door:

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / SUITE - AFTERNOON

          The room SUCKS. The ancient furniture looks like it smells
          like mold and there is nothing redeemable about the place.

                         ADAM

                         (SHRUGS)
          OK, so now we know.
          The guys drag their bags in and depressingly take stock of
          the situation -- presently the dirty old room.

                         JACOB
          What the hell is with this place?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          21.

                         LOU
          It's like a Stephen King novel,
          except not as cool.

                         NICK
          We'll feel a lot better once we hit
          the slopes.

                         (SMILES)
          Plus, I know there's one thing to
          look forward to.

          EXT. PINE VALLEY INN / PATIO - AFTERNOON

          On a patio outside their suite, our guys stare at a KICK-ASS
          TOP OF THE LINE HOT TUB. Spacious seating, plenty of jets,
          underwater lighting. It's amazing.
          Adam, Nick, and Lou look energized.

                         LOU
          Thank. God.

                         ADAM
          At least some things never change.

                         JACOB
          What's the big deal about a hot
          tub?

                         ADAM
          Shame on you.

                         NICK
          There's plenty of time for tubbin'.
          Let's ski.

          EXT. MOUNTAIN - AFTERNOON

          At the top of the mountain, Adam, Nick, and Lou look
          ridiculous in TIGHT, RETRO-STYLE NEON SKI JUMPSUITS. Jacob,
          on a snowboard, is the only one dressed in current attire.

                         JACOB
          (re: their outfits)
          When's the last time you guys
          actually went skiing?

                         ADAM
          It's been a few years.

                         NICK
          I think we look good.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          22.

                         JACOB
          Then you're an idiot.

                         NICK
          All right, we race down the
          mountain. Loser buys first round.
          Premium shit only.

                         JACOB
          You gonna be all right?

                         NICK
          What does that mean?

                         JACOB
          I dunno - do black dudes ski?

                         NICK
          Of course black dudes ski. Aren't
          I wearing skis?

                         JACOB
          I'm just not sure you're
          representative.

                         NICK
          You're calling me an Uncle Tom?

                         JACOB
          I don't even know what that means.

                         NICK
          It means black dudes ski.
          (pulls down goggles)
          Catch ya at the bottom.
          Nick takes off and... gets about 15 FEET, before he hits a
          GRASSY PATCH and falls over.

                         LOU
          Black dudes don't ski.

                         ADAM

                         (MOCK YELLING)
          How's the bottom?

                         CUT TO:

          ADAM HITS A BAD PATCH AND FALLS DOWN.

                         CUT TO:

                         

                         

                         

                         

          23.

          JACOB AND LOU COLLIDE, BOTH TRYING TO AVOID A BARE PATCH.

                         CUT TO:

          NICK PICKS UP SPEED, BEFORE HITTING A BARE PATCH AND FALLING.

          A LITTLE OLD LADY SLOWLY SKIS PAST HIM, KICKING UP POWDER.

          EXT. HAVENHURST MAIN DRAG - NIGHT

          Nick wears his "going out clothes" and walks along the main
          drag talking into his PHONE. It is clear that he is being
          CONSTANTLY INTERRUPTED on the other end of the conversation.

          NICK (ON PHONE)
          No, the black ones... without the
          pleats... Because the pleats make
          me look fat... No, I put it on the
          Amex... Because I'm the best man...
          I know, but I'm organizing... I'm
          gonna get cash fr-- I'm gonna get--
          I'm gonna collect cash from the
          guys... Yes... Yes... Yes.

                         (LONG PAUSE)
          I love you too.
          Nick hangs up and we see that Adam, Lou, and Jacob have been
          walking with him, listening to his end of the conversation.

                         ADAM

                         (SYMPATHETIC)
          Dude...

                         NICK

                         (CLAPS HANDS)
          OK, who's ready to sink their teeth
          into a delicious dinner?

          INT. P.F. CHANG'S - NIGHT

           Our four guys looks MISERABLE, as they sit around a table at
           this popular Chinese food chain restaurant. Their
          overzealous WAITER (AIDEN) makes a big production of MIXING
          SAUCES, like he's Emeril.

                         AIDEN
          You fellas look like you can handle
          some spice. I'm gonna knock it up
          a bit... throw some chili sauce in
          there... oh yeah, there it is.
          This is gonna knock your socks off.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          24.
          Nick's expression looks like he wants to kill the guy.

                         NICK
          Thank you.
          The waiter walks away and Nick RAISES HIS GLASS in a toast.

                         NICK (CONT'D)
          I'd like to propose a toast. To my
          best friend, Adam. He may be
          throwing his life away, but at
          least he's throwing it away with a
          hot chick at his side.
          The guys LAUGH and clink glasses.

                         NICK (CONT'D)
          And so what if you only have one
          vagina for the rest of your life.
          Speaking as someone who's seen your
          wife's vagina -- it's definitely
          one of the good ones.
          Lou and Jacob look confused, but clink glasses anyway, as
          Adam mouths "What the fuck" to Nick.
          Jacob raises his glass.

                         JACOB
          To my brother, I say thank you for
          including me. I promise to try to
          make the most of it.
          The guys look confused at the backhanded graciousness.

                         ADAM
          Thanks for coming, man. It means a
          lot to me.
          Jacob nods halfheartedly.

                         NICK
          To Adam!

                         GUYS
          To Adam!
          The guys hug and clink glasses and excitedly CHATTER. Just
          then, a MANAGER appears at the table and CLEARS HIS THROAT.

                         MANAGER
          Gentlemen. You're going to have to
          keep it down.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         25

                         NICK
          Come on, man. It's our friend's
          bachelor party. We're just trying
          to roast him a little bit.

                         MANAGER
          Well if you like roasts, I suggest
          the roast peking duck. It's out of
          this world and as I'm sure Aiden
          has told you, he can make it quite
          spicy.
          The guys look bothered.

                         MANAGER (CONT'D)
          But as for the noisy kind of roast,
          that's going to have to stop. We
          have many other guests trying to
          enjoy the P.F. Chang's experience.
          The manager walks away. For a moment, the guys are quiet.
          Lou takes a bite of his food, chewing slowly.

                         LOU
          This kung pau chicken pairs very
          nicely with the 97 cab. Very
          impressive choice, Nick.

                         NICK
          Thank you.

                         LOU
          Also, this is the worst bachelor
          party I've ever been to.
          Everyone puts down their forks, cathartically fed up.

                         JACOB
          Totally agree.

                         ADAM
          Nick, look. You had great
          intentions. No one's blaming you.

                         LOU
          I'm blaming him.

                         JACOB
          I'm totally blaming him. I didn't
          even want to go skiing.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          26.

                         NICK
          OK I'll admit this trip is not off
          to the best start. But we're due
          for a victory!
          Nick thinks and actually gets an idea. He SNAPS his fingers.

                         NICK (CONT'D)
          Hot tub!
          A lightbulb goes off for Adam too.

                         ADAM
          Yes!
          Lou gets up and throws down his napkin.

                         LOU
          Why did we even bother with dinner?
          Adam and Nick get up too.

                         JACOB
          Guys, I'm still hungry.

                         LOU
          Quiet, men are talking.
          Aiden approaches.

                         AIDEN
          Get you guys some to-go boxes?

                         LOU
          I would like you to die. And then
          I would like you to leave.
          Aiden walks away, freaked out. Lou turns back to the guys.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          It's tub time.

          EXT. PINE VALLEY INN / PATIO - NIGHT

          Lou, Adam, and Nick all have HUGE SMILES, as they gaze at the
          tub. They each hold a TON OF BOOZE.
          Jacob looks indifferent and a little turned off by it all.
          Lou strips down to his underwear and CLIMBS IN.

                         LOU
          Oh my god. The water is perfect.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          27.
          He POURS A VODKA and SLAMS IT BACK.
          Adam climbs in with Lou, pouring his own drink.

                         JACOB
          I really don't see the appeal.
          It's like a glorified bath.

                         NICK
          Jacob. Son. The hot tub is the
          whole thing! You ski all day.
          Then you hit the town, get trashed,
          and lure some fine ladies back to
          the lodge for some good old
          fashioned tubbin'.
          Nick CRACKS A BEER and pats Jacob on the back.

                         NICK (CONT'D)
          So the town's dead? Fine, we skip
          that part and go right to the tub.
          Trust me. If there's fun to be
          had, the tub is a good start.
          Nick gets in.

                         NICK (CONT'D)
          Yes! It's amazing.
          Now it's just Jacob outside the hot tub. The other three
          guys are already starting to look more energized and happy,
          splashing around. After another beat of consideration...

                         JACOB
          Fuck it.
          Jacob strips down and gets in. As he submerges, he actually
          starts to loosen up a bit and smiles.

                         LOU
          Well?

                         JACOB
          I'm not convinced this is anything
          more than a bath, but it's nice.

                         NICK
          Hit him with some bubbles.

                         ADAM
          Coming right up.
          Adam CRANKS A KNOB. As the BUBBLES comes to life, we begin a
          TUBBIN' MONTAGE over Reel 2 Real's "I Like to Move It."

                         

                         

                         

                         

          28.
          -- In the tub, the guys DRINK like fish, pouring various
          combinations of VODKA, RED BULL, MOUNTAIN DEW, BACARDI, and
          anything else they can get their hands on.
          -- Jacob's LAPTOP is propped on the edge of the tub, playing
          BETTER OFF DEAD. Every so often, one of our guys takes a
          drink, playing a game, the rules of which only they know.
          -- Adam takes a big bite of the SANDWICH Lily gave him.
          -- Nick uses his iPhone to take video and pictures.
          More drinking games. The guys wear funny HATS and roll
          dice on a PIECE OF WOOD. Adam has to drink some tub water.
          -- The guys keep reaching into ADAM'S BACKPACK for MIXERS.
          -- Nick, Adam, and Lou LAUGH. Then, Lou lifts up Jacob's
          head, which he has been FORCIBLY HOLDING UNDER WATER. Jacob
          coughs and spits out water and looks pissed. Then he smiles
          and helps submerge Nick's head in the same way.
          -- Slam! Another bottle of vodka killed. Crush! Another
          empty Red Bull his the patio.
          -- A BEAR eats some DORITOS that have been left on a PICNIC
          TABLE. Yards away in the tub, the guys laugh and taunt it.
          -- Lou BLEEDS from where the bear has obviously SCRATCHED HIM
          across the chest. Still, he dances in the tub.
          -- Just for an instant (did we see that?), the guys are 3
          BLACK GUYS and ONE WHITE GUY, before changing back.
          -- The guys wear their SNOWSUITS in the tub. Adam very
          dangerously jumps in, attached to a SNOWBOARD.
          -- The CUTS get QUICKER and QUICKER, as hands reach into the
          backpack. More vodka. More Dew. More Red Bull. More
          Bacardi... The cuts SPEED UP and INTENSIFY until finally in a
          BRILLIANT FLASH OF LIGHT, we

                         EXPLODE TO:

          THE SUN RISING JUST ABOVE THE MOUNTAIN PEAKS.

          EXT. PINE VALLEY INN / PATIO - DAWN

          As the light of a new day spills into Havenhurst, we find all
          four of our guys PASSED OUT in the hot tub, the water calm.
          A KITTEN licks Lou's face. It's adorable. Until...

                         

                         

                         

                         

          29.
          Lou JOLTS AWAKE and PUKES ON THE KITTEN, sending it FLYING!
          This wakes up everyone and they stir to life, inspecting the
          carnage, mostly hangover-related.

                         NICK
          Oh my god, I wanna die.

                         JACOB
          I need a vitamin water.
          Adam reaches in his backpack, taking out two choices.

                         ADAM
          Red Bull or Fresca?
          Jacob takes the Fresca, as Lou inspects the CLAW MARKS.

                         LOU
          That fucking bear got me good.

                         ADAM
          Yeah he did.

                         LOU
          But we showed him, didn't we?

                         ADAM
          If by showing him, you mean we
          laughed and he got bored and
          wandered off into the woods with
          your sneakers, then yeah, we got
          him good.

                         LOU
          Fuck yeah.
          Lou picks up Adam's half-eaten sandwich and takes a BITE.

                         ADAM
          You just puked.

                         LOU
          That's why I'm eating your
          sandwich. I'm fucking starving.

                         NICK
          Guys, look...
          Their gaze turns to the MOUNTAIN PEAK, on which is a fresh
          LAYER OF POWDER. It looks like perfect skiing conditions.

                         ADAM
          Let's do it!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          30.

          EXT. PINE VALLEY INN / PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER

          As the guys walk across the front of the lodge, they pass
          some well preserved CARS all parked together: a 1985 Pontiac
          Fiero, a 1986 VW Golf, and a 1987 Ford Mustang coupe.

                         JACOB
          What is this, a shitty car club?
          The guys COMPLETELY MISS the BILLBOARDS ACROSS THE STREET:
          -- "Coming soon: the most spaced-out Mel Brooks film yet!

          SPACEBALLS!"
          -- A surfing MAX HEADROOM with a CAN OF COKE and the tag:
          "Catch the Wave!"
          -- A bull terrier named SPUDS MCKENZIE parking with some HOT
          BABES and a shitload of BUD LIGHT.

          EXT. MOUNTAIN - DAY

          In QUICK CUTS, the guys hit the slopes:
          -- In his ridiculous snowsuit, Nick skis down the mountain.
          With the new snowfall, he expertly glides along.
          -- Jacob applies some LIP BALM and flies down the mountain on
          a SNOWBOARD. People glare at him with confused expressions.
          -- Adam uses the snowplow method to slowly descend. He's a
          beginner skier. He takes the time to look at the
          surroundings and notices a YOUNGER, HOTTER CROWD skiing
          today. Lots of BLONDE SKI BUNNIES wearing PASTEL colors.

                         ADAM
          Well this place has improved.
          -- In the lift line, Lou passes a GUY wearing a BIG HEADBAND.

                         LOU
          Really, asshole?

          INT. GONDOLA - DAY

          Adam shares a gondola with Nick, as they make their way up
          the mountain. A DUDE IN SUNGLASSES sits across, napping.
          Adam takes a FLASK out of his backpack. He and Nick look
          over their shoulders like scheming kids as they take a nip.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          31.

                         ADAM
          I'm really glad we stayed. It's
          gonna be good to get away for a
          couple of days.

                         (QUALIFYING BEAT)
          I mean not like I want to be away
          from Lily. You know.

                         NICK
          Believe me I know.

                         ADAM
          I love her. But you guys are
          right. I'm gonna be with her for
          the rest of my life.

                         NICK

                         (NODS)
          For the rest of your goddamn life.

                         ADAM
          It gets easier, right? No offense,
          but watching you talk with Courtney-

                         NICK
          You're gonna be fine. You'll
          settle in, get the premium cable
          package - the usual deal.
          Adam nods.

                         NICK (CONT'D)
          You'll wake up every morning,
          comforted by the fact that your
          wife doesn't wield her family's
          wealth over your head like a
          hangman's noose.
          Adam looks concerned, as Nick wistfully goes on...

                         NICK (CONT'D)
          You'll breathe the air of life,
          making the occasional decision -
          maybe get some lawn furniture. How
          about steak for dinner? Yes, let's
          get that juice machine I saw on TV.
          Let's fucking go for it.
          Nick stares off into the distance.

                         ADAM
          Nick?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          32.

                         NICK
          Sorry, I lost myself there.

          DUDE IN SUNGLASSES (O.S.)
          Coke?
          Adam and Nick look at the guy across from them, who presently
          offers his SKI GOGGLES, on which is a mountain of COCAINE.

                         NICK
          That is a lot of cocaine.

                         ADAM
          I feel like we're in Scarface.
          Only with skiing.

                         (THINKS)
          Skiface.

          DUDE IN SUNGLASSES

                         (SNIFFS)
          Take it. It's good shit.

                         NICK
          I'm gonna pass.

                         ADAM

                         (DECLINES)
          Yeah, I'm good.
          The dude removes his sunglasses. He has a dead look in his
          eyes, studying Nick and Adam.

          DUDE IN SUNGLASSES
          You guys a couple of spazzes?

                         ADAM
          Spazzes?

          DUDE IN SUNGLASSES

                         (VERY ANGRY)
          Yeah, dipstick. You narcs? You
          Miami Vice? Which one's Crockett?
          Which one's CROCKETT?!

                         ADAM
          I'm Crockett, obviously!

                         (TO NICK)
          That's the Don Johnson one, right?
          The dude flips out a SWITCHBLADE.

          DUDE IN SUNGLASSES
          You show me you're not spazzes.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          33.

                         NICK
          We're not spazzes.
          The dude extends the coke once more.

          DUDE IN SUNGLASSES
          Show me.

          EXT. MOUNTAIN / TOP - MOMENTS LATER

          At the top of the mountain, Nick looks WIDE AWAKE. Adam, on
          the other hand, looks COKED OUT OF HIS SKULL. He sniffs,
          fidgets, clenches his jaw, and looks generally "up."

                         NICK
          Adam, you gotta chill. You just
          did one line.

                         ADAM
          I've never ridden the horse before.

                         NICK
          You're not riding the horse. The
          horse is heroin.
          Adam can't stop moving and fidgeting.

                         ADAM
          I don't know what kind of animal
          I'm riding, but it's the best
          animal of all time. I feel great!
          Adam uses his SKI POLES to push off the top of the mountain
          and he goes FLYING DOWN THE SLOPE.

                         NICK
          Adam! Jesus.

          EXT. MOUNTAIN / SKI TRAIL - DAY - CONTINUOUS

          Adam TUCKS down, still CLENCHING HIS TEETH. He PICKS UP
          SPEED as he flies down the mountain like a racer.

          FURTHER UP THE MOUNTAIN
          Nick has to pull up and slow down in the name of safety.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          34.

                         ON ADAM
          He zips along, never changing course or slowing. He BARELY
          MISSES a few TREES. But he can't stop himself before --

          HE BARRELS INTO A SMOKING HOT CHICK!
          The collision knocks Adam and the girl to the ground and
          finally stops Adam's hyper-speed descent.
          Adam gets up and shakes the cobwebs.

                         ADAM
          What a rush!
          He notices the girl on the ground and goes to help her up.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          Oh wow, are you OK?

          SMOKING HOT CHICK
          No thanks to you, asshole!

          IN SLOW MOTION --
          The girl stands up in a very hot and awesome manner, SHAKING
          THE SNOW from her luxurious blonde hair. It twinkles in the
          sunlight. As she turns to face Adam,
          NORMAL SPEED RESUMES. And he sees who it is:

                         ADAM

                         (MIND BLOWN)
          Jennie O'Keefe!
          Jennie squints at Adam, trying to place him.

                         JENNIE
          Do I know you?
          He stares at her, not believing what he's seeing. He still
          looks loopy from the coke.
          Just then, a a too-blond, mirror-sunglass-wearing, feathered
          hair, striped-jumpsuited guy (BLAINE) SKIS UP and GRABS ADAM.

                         BLAINE
          I'm gonna serve you a knuckle
          sandwich, airhead.

                         (TO JENNIE)
          You all right, babe?

                         JENNIE
          I think so.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          35.
          Blaine's TOADIES (TAD and CHAZ) ski up behind him, as Blaine
          ANGRILY RIPS Adam's lift ticket from his jacket.

                         BLAINE
          Your lift ticket's been revoked.
          Blaine throws it on the ground and laughs to his friends.

                         ADAM
          (a la Lethal Weapon 2)
          Diplomatic immunity.
          Blaine looks confused, as Adam RIPS Blaine's lift ticket, but
          he ends up RIPPING BLAINE'S JACKET too.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          Sorry, I was trying to... you can
          probably patch that up.
          Blaine PULLS Adam close by the collar and clenches his fist.

                         BLAINE
          You're dead meat, scumbag.
          Just then, SNOW POWDER flies in Blaine's face. Blaine lets
          go of Adam, as Jacob snowboards up and stops short, coming to
          his brother's side.

                         JACOB
          There you are! My brother's had a
          few too many triple Venti nonfat
          lattes if you know what I mean.
          (genuine, to Adam)
          Are you OK?
          Adam nods. Blaine looks confused. CHAZ and TAD look
          enamored with Jacob.

                         CHAZ
          Dude, they let you bring a
          skateboard on the mountain?

                         JACOB
          It's a snowboard. You know - no
          wheels.

                         TAD
          Genius! Man, not to get all fag on
          you, but I'm digging your fresh
          threads, bro.
          Adam and Blaine look equally confused with what's going on.
          Jacob takes the compliment well, like he deserves it.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          36.

                         JACOB
          Thank you. It's mostly North Face.
          A little EMS.

                         CHAZ
          Whatever it is, it works.

                         TAD
          Totally. What are you doing with
          this boner? You should be skiing
          with us. Like permanently.
          Blaine looks really annoyed with his friends.

                         BLAINE
          Guys!

                         TAD
          I mean, that's if Blaine thinks
          it's cool and everything.
          Blaine takes a deep breath, annoyed.

                         BLAINE

                         (TO JACOB)
          Get your spaz brother out of here.
          And for his sake, I don't wanna see
          him back on my mountain.

                         CHAZ

                         (EAGER)
          You're welcome any time though!
          Adam picks up his BACKPACK, which fell off during the
          collision. He stares at Jennie again and smiles.

                         ADAM
          You look JUST like this girl. I
          had the biggest crush on her--
          Blaine grabs the bag out of Adam's hand and SHOVES ADAM away.

                         BLAINE
          This is mine now.
          Adam looks at Blaine angrily, but Jacob holds him back.

                         JACOB
          Come on. Let's just go.
          Jacob ushers Adam off the slope, as Blaine shoulders the bag.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          37.

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / LOBBY - DAY

          Adam and Jacob walk in the front door. Gone are the children
          and old people. The living room off the lobby presently
          hosts what appears to be an amazing 80s RETRO PARTY. A radio
          plays Miami Sound Machine's "Conga."
          Girls and guys wear printed sweaters, feathered dos, and neon
          leggings. It's something out of a mid-80s Aspen photo shoot.
          Nick walks in behind them, looking as confused as them. He
          turns up his palms and shakes his head, at a loss for words.

                         ADAM
          What is going on?
          Lou strolls up to the guys, with his arms around TWO HOT
          CHICKS. He looks elated.

                         LOU
          Guys! I'm so glad you're here. I
          want to introduce you to Michelle
          and Sandy. These lovely ladies are
          having a roller skating party next
          weekend and no offense, but fuck
          your wedding -- I'm totally coming
          back. By the way...
          Lou rolls out a ZIPLOCK BAG full of cocaine.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          There's coke everywhere around
          here. This place rules!
          Lou dips into the coke and rubs it on his gums and we:

                         CUT TO:

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / SUITE - LATE AFTERNOON

          The suite looks a little "fresher." The furniture is the
          same, but everything's in better shape. It looks almost new.
          Adam, Jacob, and Lou sit in the main room with the TV on, as
          Nick emerges from a bedroom.

                         JACOB
          Has anyone else noticed that things
          around here are weird as shit?
          Adam and Nick nod. Lou shakes his head.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          38.

                         LOU
          Don't you ruin this. If you wake
          me from this dream, I'll kill you.

                         ADAM

                         (IGNORING LOU)
          What do you think happened?

                         JACOB
          I have no idea, but look...
          Jacob turns up the VOLUME on the TV. The NEWS airs.

          NEWSCASTER (ON TV)
          The Dow Jones Industrial Average
          closed just above 2,000 today...

                         NICK
          I'm ruined!

          NEWSCASTER (ON TV)
          In other news, the Tower Commission
          has rebuked President Reagan for
          not controlling his national
          security staff in an arms-for-
          hostages deal with Iran...
          For a moment, the guys sit there in stunned silence. Then...

                         LOU
          (with genuine emotion)
          We're in 1971.

                         ADAM

                         (CORRECTING HIM)
          We're in 1987.
          Everyone looks stunned and dazed.

                         JACOB
          What are we gonna do? I have plans
          next weekend.

                         ADAM
          We all have plans. It's my fucking
          wedding!

                         NICK
          Now hold on, we don't know for sure
          that we're in 1987.
          The TV shows a (real) COMMERCIAL for the COMMODORE 64
          computer, with a JINGLE that SINGS: "Are you keeping up with
          the Commodore, 'cause the Commodore's keeping up with you..."

                         

                         

                         

                         

          39.
          When it's over...

                          NICK (CONT'D)
          OK, we're in 1987.
          Adam stands up, completely losing it.

                         ADAM
          What the FUCK is going on?!
          Nick stands up and calmly takes charge.

                         NICK
          Everyone relax. I think I know
          what's happened. And when we're
          done discussing it, we're all gonna
          feel a lot better.
          Everyone looks to Nick, who seems to have the answer.

                         NICK (CONT'D)
          Two words: black hole.
          He lets it hang in the air for a moment, as if it's suddenly
          going to gel for everyone. But the guys look confused.

                         NICK (CONT'D)
          I saw a special on the Science
          Channel. And guess what?
          Sometimes this happens.

                         ADAM
          This happens?

                         NICK
          Yes. And the best thing for us to
          do is to stay put. The universe
          will eventually reverse itself and
          work out this little glitch.
          Nick sits down, looking satisfied in his know-it-all-ness.

                         ADAM
          This is a big glitch.

                         JACOB
          Yeah, you're an idiot. Black holes
          are in space. Not at a ski resort.

                         LOU

                         (HOPEFUL)
          So does this mean we get to go to
          girls' locker rooms and see them
          naked and they can't see us?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          40.

                         JACOB
          No, we traveled through time.
          We're not invisible.
          Lou looks upset.

                         LOU
          (under his breath)
          I'm still gonna do it.

                         ADAM
          Guys, ignoring the ridiculousness
          of how we got here for a moment--

                         NICK
          Black hole.

                         ADAM
          How are we supposed to get back?
          For a moment, everyone sits and absorbs the question. Then:

                         LOU
          We find a scientist.

                         CUT TO:

          INT. IBM / RECEPTION - LATE AFTERNOON

          Our guys WAIT NERVOUSLY near a RECEPTION DESK, above which is
          the "IBM" logo. Lou reads a MAGAZINE.

                         LOU
          This Dukakis guy seems like he
          might be the real deal.
          An affable MAN IN A SUIT approaches.

          MAN IN SUIT
          Gentlemen, how may I help you?

                         NICK
          We're waiting for a scientist.

          MAN IN SUIT
          I am a scientist.

                         LOU
          Where's your white coat?

                         SCIENTIST
          I'm not that kind of scientist.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          41.
          Lou stands up and throws down his magazine.

                         LOU
          This is bullshit! I told you--

                         ADAM
          Wait a minute. Just tell him.

                         NICK
          OK. You tell him, Adam.

                         ADAM
          Sir, we...

                         (EMBARRASSED)
          This is ridiculous.

                         SCIENTIST
          Nothing's too ridiculous in the
          name of science.

                         JACOB
          We're from the future.

                         SCIENTIST
          Get the fuck out of here.

          EXT. IBM OFFICE PARK - LATE AFTERNOON

          A SECURITY GUARD escorts our guys out of the building.

                         ADAM
          That went well.
          Lou starts walking off by himself.

                         NICK

                         (TO LOU)
          Where are you going?
          Lou points to his watch.

                         LOU
          Five o'clock. Happy hour.
          The guys look at him, confused.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          If it's '87, the PF Chang's will be
          gone, which means the Brew Haus
          still stands.

                         (THEN)
          It's Saturday. They have wet T-
          shirt contests on Saturdays.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          42.
          The guys' eyebrows raise. After a moment:

                         ADAM
          Well, maybe one drink. Just to
          confirm.

          INT. BREW HAUS - HAPPY HOUR

          SPLASH! A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST is underway on a STAGE.
          Whitesnake on the juke, PAC MAN on the tables, and cheap
          beers in the mugs - this is an amazing brew pub.
          Our guys sit in the back, wearing PINE VALLEY LODGE shirts.
          There are MANY EMPTIES on the table and they look VERY DRUNK.
          In a roped-off area in the corner, a cocky YOUNGER PHIL (the
          one-armed bellhop) wields a CHAINSAW that he uses to carve an
          ICE SCULPTURE, impressing the bar crowd. He has BOTH ARMS.

                         NICK
          Holy shit. It's that bellhop.

                         JACOB
          Should we warn him?

                         ADAM

                         (COVERS EYES)
          I don't want to see this go down.
          Phil TOSSES THE CHAINSAW IN THE AIR and...
          He expertly CATCHES IT, seamlessly continuing to carve. A
          GIRL leans in and gives him a kiss.

                         LOU
          Fuck that guy.
          ON THE STAGE, TWO GIRLS compete for wettest t-shirt. They
          both decide that NO T-SHIRT is the wettest option.

                         NICK
          God bless our country.

                         ADAM
          (in a daze)
          We're in 1987.

                         JACOB
          You can stop saying that. I don't
          think it's making a difference.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          43.

                         ADAM
          Seriously, we have to get back.
          (kinda losing it)
          We seriously have to get back!
          The guys subdue Adam, as a BIG-HAIRED WAITRESS brings drinks.

                         WAITRESS
          Here ya go, guys. Three Buds, one
          Bartles and James.
          The guys all stare at her like she's a museum artifact.

                         WAITRESS (CONT'D)
          What? I have lipstick on my teeth?
          Nick sips his WINE COOLER, feeling the eyes of the others on
          him.

                         NICK
          Hey, if it's available, I'm
          ordering it. I always wanted one
          of these when I was little.
          The waitress puts down the CHECK. Jacob picks it up,
          realizing something.

                         JACOB
          (to the waitress)
          Can you give us a second?
          She walks away, as Jacob turns to the guys.

                         JACOB (CONT'D)
          This is gonna be a problem.
          He takes out his wallet, showing his CREDIT CARDS and CASH.

                         JACOB (CONT'D)
          Guys, we're in trouble. Our cards
          aren't gonna work and our new money
          looks fake.
          The guys look concerned, but then Nick notices something:

          A TABLE FULL OF JAPANESE BUSINESSMEN.

                         NICK
          I've got an idea.
          As Nick gets up and approaches the businessmen, Adam looks
          around the room and by the bar, he spots --

                         

                         

                         

                         

          44.
          Jennie.
          He stares at her from across the room. Lou and Jacob notice.

                         ADAM
          I still can't believe it's really
          her!

                         LOU
          She's aged remarkably well.

                         (REMEMBERS)
          Oh, right. Why don't you just go
          talk to her?

                         ADAM
          I should go talk to her. To
          apologize, of course. You know,
          nothing inappropriate.

                         LOU
          Sure...
          Adam GETS UP. He slowly makes his way over across the room.
          Jennie is talking to TWO OTHER GIRLS as Adam approaches. He
          lurks near them like a creep. Jennie eventually notices him,
          as he keeps stealing glances. She doesn't look happy.

                         JENNIE

                         (TO ADAM)
          Listen putz, if you're gonna try to
          attack me again, my boyfriend will
          be here soon. He'll kick your ass.
          Adam tries to be casual.

                         ADAM
          No, no. No ass kicking. I just
          wanted to say I'm sorry about
          earlier. I lost control of the old
          skis there.

                         (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
          Looks like I shoulda taken another
          one of your classes!

                         JENNIE
          When did you take my class?

                         ADAM
          Certainly not when I was a kid! I
          mean, that would make no sense!
          Adam tries to recover.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          45.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          I was here for a convention. Power
          tools. And regular tools. All
          sorts of tools. I'm big into
          tools. It was a couple years ago.
          Jennie looks very suspect of Adam.

                         JENNIE
          Yeah, OK. Have a good night.
          Jennie starts to walk away with her friends.

                         ADAM

                         (TOO FRIENDLY)
          Hey, where ya going?
          She ignores him, but one of her friends quietly lags behind.

                         JENNIE'S FRIEND
          (quietly, to Adam)
          Are you with that guy over there?
          She discretely points out Jacob.

                         ADAM
          Yeah, he's my brother.
          She takes Adam's PALM and writes something on it.

                         JENNIE'S FRIEND
          There's a party later tonight at
          this address. Make sure he comes
          with you. He's way boss!
          Adam walks back to his friends.

                         JACOB
          How'd it go?
          He shows them his palm.

                         ADAM
          We got invited to a party later.

                         LOU
          sweet! What are we gonna do until
          then?

                         ADAM
          How about figure out how the hell
          to get back to the present day?
          Nick walks back to the table and SLAMS down a pile of CASH.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          46.

                         NICK
          Bam!

                         LOU
          We're millionaires!

                         NICK
          Close. It's a thousand bucks.

                         ADAM
          Where did you get that money?
          Nick points out the Japanese Businessmen.

                         NICK

                         (PROUDLY)
          Sold them my iPod.
          Jacob looks incredulous.

                         JACOB
          That was NOT a good idea!

                         LOU
          I agree. You left so much money on
          the table. It's a fucking iPod!
          You could've gotten a LOT more!

                         JACOB
          That's not what I--

                         ADAM
          (looking at watch)
          Fellas, we are not making progress
          and we're losing time.

                         NICK
          Adam, don't worry. Time's not
          moving forward in the future.

                         JACOB
          Uh, yeah it is. Lest we forget the
          lessons learned from Bill and Ted.

                         NICK
          Well then I give you Back to the
          Future.

                         JACOB
          That's not fair. You can't go
          right to Back to the Future.

                         NICK
          Why not?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          47.

                         JACOB
          Back to the Future had a time
          machine.

                         NICK
          Well so did Bill and Ted.

                         ADAM

                         (REALIZES)
          Wait, that's it! I can't believe
          I'm about to say this, but I think
          we have a time machine.

                         NICK
          Adam, all we did is get drunk in
          the hot tub.
          Everyone's EYES GO WIDE.

                         LOU
          (puts it together)
          A hot tub time machine.

                         CUT TO:

          EXT. PINE VALLEY INN / PATIO - EARLY EVENING

          All four guys soak in the tub. They TOAST with drinks.

                         ADAM
          Here goes nothing!
          They simultaneously DOWN their drinks. Nothing happens.
          Like the chimps in 2001, each of them begins FIDDLING WITH
          KNOBS and PUSHING ON LIGHTS, trying to find the magic button.
          After a few moments:

                         NICK
          Well, it was worth a shot.
          ANGLE WIDENS to reveal other PEOPLE in the tub. A GUY AND
          GIRL make out, two STONERS pass a joint, and one TOPLESS
          CHICK just chills out.

                         LOU
          (stares at girl)
          I love this place.
          As Lou pours himself another, Adam starts to lose it again.

                         ADAM
          Guys, we're running out of ideas
          here!

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          48.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          I mean we tried the scientist, the
          tub -- what the fuck do we do next?
          Lou DOWNS ANOTHER SHOT and gets a crazy look in his eye.

                         LOU
          I know what we do next.

                         CUT TO:

          EXT. PARKING LOT - EARLY EVENING

          A DELOREAN is parked in the empty lot. Adam, Nick, and Jacob
          look at it, drunkenly and bleary-eyed. Adam and Nick trade
          swigs from a BOTTLE OF WHISKEY.
          The gull wing door opens and Lou steps out, in a foul mood.

                         LOU
          Rental car agency fucked us!
          There's no flux capacitor.
          Lou pulls Jacob over and straps him in the driver's seat,
          before walking around to the passenger side.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          (to Adam and Nick)
          We'll travel to 2010. Then one of
          us will come back and get one of
          you. And so on and so forth.

          INT. DELOREAN - EARLY EVENING

          Lou sits in the passenger seat next to Jacob.

                         LOU
          Go light on the clutch. I don't
          wanna lose our deposit.
          Jacob starts the car.

          EXT. PARKING LOT - SAME TIME

          Adam and Nick watch the car pull out of the parking lot.

                         ADAM

                         (SOBERING SLIGHTLY)
          This will not end well.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          49.

          INT./EXT. DELOREAN - SAME TIME

          Jacob and Lou hit the road, picking up speed. They pass a
          COP, who pulls out, turning on his LIGHTS AND SIREN.

                         LOU
          Oh shit, they found me! I don't
          know how but they found me!

                         (LAUGHS)
          I always wanted to say that. Punch
          it!
          Jacob HITS THE GAS.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          Let's see the look on this pig's
          face when we hit 88 and disappear
          into thin air! Yeah!
          The SPEEDOMETER hits 75, 80, 85, and then 90. And then 95.
          The car SHAKES VIOLENTLY.

                         LOU (CONT'D)

                         (SURPRISED)
          This thing's a piece of shit.
          Up ahead, the ROAD CURVES DRASTICALLY.

                         JACOB
          Hey Lou?

                         LOU
          Yeah?

                         JACOB

                         (VERY CALM)
          We're doing a hundred. I can't
          control this car.

                         LOU

                         (NODS)
          I hear ya.

          EXT. ROAD - EARLY EVENING

          The Delorean BRAKES, but doesn't make the turn. It FLIPS
          OVER in a fantastic disaster and comes to a stop in a DITCH.
          The COP pulls over, gets out of his car, and DRAWS HIS GUN.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          50.

          EXT. PARKING LOT - EARLY EVENING

          Adam and Nick watch the accident from a distance.

                         ADAM
          So do you think we should run away?

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / SUITE - LATER THAT NIGHT

          Looking ragged as hell, the four guys walk into the room and
          silently collapse on various BEDS and COUCHES.

                         LOU
          I wonder if we'll still be here for
          our court appearance.

                         ADAM
          If we're still here in four months,
          I will happily go to jail, because
          I'll be fucked anyway.
          A GUY walks out of the bathroom, wearing only a TOWEL. He
          looks startled.

                         TOWEL GUY
          Who the hell are you dweebs?!
          Lou is up IN A FLASH. He IMMEDIATELY DECKS THE GUY OUT COLD
          and PUMMELS HIM on the floor! The others pull him off.

                         NICK
          Jesus Christ, what the hell, Lou?!

                         LOU
          I have no tolerance for intruders.

                         NICK
          This is probably his room! We're
          not registered here in 87.
          Lou thinks for a moment and looks a "little" sorry.

                         LOU
          I'm still pretty OK with it.

                         ADAM
          You have a problem.

                         LOU
          Just help me put him outside.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          51.

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

          The guys open the door to the suite and find TWO DUDES
          walking by. Adam stops them.

                         ADAM

                         (AWKWARDLY)
          Hey. Dudes. Our friend's...
          hellaciously wasted. He partied
          pretty hearty... to the max. To
          the extreme max.

                         DUDE #1
          Bodacious.

                         ADAM
          So you guys wanna fuck with him or
          what?

                         DUDE #2
          Excellent.
          The dudes take custody of the passed out TOWEL GUY and
          continue on down the hall, as our guys go back inside.

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / SUITE - NIGHT

          The guys look physically exhausted.

                         NICK
          Let's just go to sleep. We'll
          figure everything out in the
          morning. It's pretty late.
          Jacob checks his watch, rolling his eyes.

                         JACOB
          It's 8:45.
          The other guys look at their watches, surprised.

                         NICK
          Why am I so wiped out?

                         JACOB
          Because you're old and lame?

                         LOU
          Yeah, fuck that, we're going to
          that party!

                         ADAM
          We are not going to the party.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          52.

                         LOU
          Hear me out.
          Lou paces around the room like Patton addressing the troops.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          We saw the scientist. He was
          worthless. We tried the tub. Dead
          end. I got us a fucking time
          machine. From Hertz. It might as
          well have been a Nissan.
          Adam shakes his head, as Lou continues.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          Gentlemen, it's fucking 1987.
          Nixon's in the White House, gas is
          free, and we're about to put a man
          on the moon!

                         ADAM
          Did we go to the same school?
          Lou turns and addresses Adam directly.

                         LOU
          The point is you haven't even met
          your wife yet! She can't fault you
           for shit that went down 23 years
          ago! Even if 23 years ago somehow
          ends up being tonight!
          Adam starts listening a little more closely, as some of Lou's
          logic actually makes "some" sense.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          It's time to start facing the fact
          that we may not be going home. And
          if that's so, then we owe it to
          ourselves to make the best life we
          can for ourselves.
          The guys listen intently, as Lou's speech reaches a
          passionate climax.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          Because I don't want to be that
          college freshman who spends the
          first semester hiding in his dorm
          room, only to realize that come
          spring, he has no friends.

                         (MORE PASSIONATE)
          No!

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          53.

          LOU (CONT' D )
          I want to be that college freshman
          who fucks chicks way out of his
          league before they have an
          opportunity to realize he's not as
          cool as he's pretending to be!
          Nick nods. Even Jacob smiles.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          Are you with me?

                         ADAM

                         (CONFUSED)
          I don't know.

                         LOU
          Close enough. We'll talk some more
          at the party.

          INT. HOUSE PARTY - NIGHT

          It's like the 80s exploded. Music, clothes, hair, attitude --
          it's all on overdrive. In one section, PARTY-GOERS marvel at
          DUCK HUNT, while in another area, people make out and dance.
          Adam, Nick, Lou, and Jacob walk in the front door. They have
          updated their "looks" with 80s sweaters and other era-
          appropriate attire. They all look ridiculous, except for
          Jacob, whose youth lends him hipster appeal.

                         ADAM
          This sweater makes me look like a
          jerkof f .

                         LOU

                         (BREATHES DEEPLY)
          It's good to be home.
          In a corner, Phil puts his ARM in a SHARK TANK. Just as the
          shark goes to bite, he PULLS HIS ARM OUT, unscathed. A small
          crowd claps. Our guys are confused and upset.

                         NICK
          Was this like an 80s thing?

                         LOU
          If he doesn't lose that arm soon,
          I'm gonna take it from him myself.
          With that, Lou wanders off toward another room, leering at
          and groping girls as he goes.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          54.

                         ADAM

                         (RE: LOU)
          He's gonna be a problem.
          Tad and Chaz walk over, looking dapper and douchey. They are
          excited to see Jacob.

                         TAD
          Hey, glad you could make it!

                         ADAM

                         (ANNOYED)
          This is your party?

                         CHAZ
          Hey man, no hard feelings, all
          right? If your bro says you're
          cool, then we're cool.
          Tad puts his arm around Jacob and leads him into the party.

                         TAD
          There's some people I want you to
          meet. By the way, bodacious hair.
          Incredibly chic.

                         JACOB

                         (FLATTERED)
          Oh yeah? It doesn't really take
          that much product. It's all in the
          layering.

                         TAD
          Whoa. Product. You're blowing my
          mind right now. Did you spend time
          in Europe?

                         CHAZ
          Don't tell me. Prague. Do you
          want some coke?

                         JACOB
          Do you have Coke Zero?

                         TAD
          Ah, a conscientious objector. I
          like that. Gotta stay sharp.

          IN THE KITCHEN
          Nick mixes something in a large bowl, as plenty of EAGER
          PARTY-GOERS look on. He pours a red liquid into a tray of
          CUPS. An attractive PARTY CHICK follows his every move.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          55.

                         NICK
          These will be ready in 15 minutes.

                         PARTY CHICK
          (putting it together)
          So it's like jello. With vodka.

                         NICK
          Mmm hmm. You get drunk while you
          enjoy a delicious gelatin snack.

                         PARTY CHICK
          How come no one ever thought of
          this before?

                         NICK
          Don't know. I just invented it.
          Party chick looks into his eyes, dreamily.

                         PARTY CHICK
          I appreciate you.

                         NICK
          (way too heartfelt)
          I love you.

          IN THE LIVING ROOM
          Lou PLAYS AN ELECTRIC KEYBOARD for about 15-20 people. He's
          performing Ace of Base's "The Sign" and SINGING PASSIONATELY.
          Adam walks up to where Jacob aims a large VIDEO CAMERA.

                         JACOB
          He did a bunch of drugs and went on
          a rant about how much he resents
          Ace of Base.

                         ADAM
          That band's from the 90s.

                         JACOB
          I know. He made me borrow Tad's
          video camera. He wants to document
          the performance and sue the band
          for infringement when we get back.
          Adam sees Tad and Chaz behaving like cocks across the room,
          making hot girls drink too much.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          56.

                         ADAM
          (re: Tad and Chaz)
          So, you like these guys?

                         JACOB
          They're rich, popular, and they
          shower me with compliments.
          They're pretty much the best
          friends I've ever had.

          ON A BALCONY
          A CROWD gathers around Phil, who has removed the cover of a

          SPINNING INDUSTRIAL FAN.

                         CROWD
          Phil! Phil! Phil!
          Like a zen master, Phil reaches out and GRABS A FAN BLADE,
          stopping the fan WITHOUT INJURY. Everyone celebrates!

          IN THE KITCHEN
          Nick holds up a HOMEMADE BEER BONG, from which he drinks. He
          has his own CROWD rooting him on.

                         NICK'S CROWD
          Nick! Nick! Nick!
          He finishes the last of the beer, and the crowd celebrates.

                         PARTY GUY
          This guy should be in charge of
          everything!

                         NICK
          I should.

          IN THE LIVING ROOM
          Lou SITS ON A COUCH with Michelle, one of the girls we met
          earlier at the lodge. Her friend Sandy sits across from them
          next to Jacob, who looks uncomfortable.

                         SANDY
          Truth or dare?
          Lou confers with Michelle before answering.

                         LOU
          Dare.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          57.
          Sandy and Jacob confer, figuring out the dare. Lou meets
          Jacob's eyes -- he smiles, knowing Jacob has his back.

                         SANDY
          OK, we dare Lou to put a Twizzler
          up his ass.
          Lou stands up and angrily points at Jacob.

                         LOU
          You son of a bitch! Have you ever
          played this game before? It's
          supposed to be awesome!
          Lou nevertheless grabs a TWIZZLER from the snack bowl and
          shoves it down the back of his pants. His face contorts
          uncomfortably and he is almost on the verge of tears.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          This is a horrible thing you're
          doing and I hope you never have to
          experience what I am currently
          going through.
          Lou sits down and Michelle consoles him.

                         MICHELLE
          Your turn! Truth or dare?
          Before Sandy can even confer with Jacob:

                         JACOB

                         (SMILES)
          Truth.
          Lou throws up his hands in frustration. He looks miserable,
          as Michelle confers with him.

                         LOU
          (grumbling to Michelle)
          I don't care. Whatever. This is
          not the point of the game.

                         MICHELLE
          OK, each of you has to tell your
          darkest, most personal secret.
          Lou crosses his arms and shakes his head.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          58.

                         JACOB
          Oh wow, all right. Let me think.
          I've never told anyone this, but I
          was afraid of scary movies until I
          was 18. I even ran out of the
          theater a couple of times.

                         SANDY
          Oh you poor thing! Come here...
          She takes Jacob's head to her chest and strokes it gently.
          Lou makes a jerk-off gesture.

                         SANDY (CONT'D)

                         (SHY)
          I'm not sure I should tell mine.

                         MICHELLE
          Come on! You have to!

                         SANDY
          OK, but you can't laugh.

                         LOU

                         (WHO CARES)
          We promise. Let's hear it.

                         SANDY
          So this one time me and my friend
          Lori took a train to Baltimore. It
          was the summer and we wanted to
          party, but we had no money. So
          Lori found this businessman who was
          also looking for a good time and
          told him that we'd give him a half
          and half for seventy-five dollars.
          You know -- a suck and fuck.
          Lou and Jacob look shocked with the MATTER OF FACT
          storytelling. Michelle smiles. She's heard it before.

                         SANDY (CONT'D)
          Anyway, we get him up to his room
          and Lori starts going down on him,
          but I really wasn't into it. So I
          broke a piece of the bathroom
          mirror and used it to cut his
          artery on the-heck. Right here...
          She rubs Jacob's neck, pointing it out.

                         SANDY (CONT'D)
          He bled for about an hour before he
          died.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          59.

                         SANDY (CONT'D)
          Afterwards, we took his wallet to
          the bar and found out he only had
          forty-seven dollars.
          Michelle GIGGLES.

                         SANDY (CONT'D)
          Michelle! You said you wouldn't
          laugh!

                         MICHELLE

                         (GIGGLING)
          I'm sorry!
          Jacob and Lou look shell-shocked.

          IN ANOTHER ROOM
          Adam sits in a chair in the corner, secluded. To his LEFT --
          Nick's in the kitchen, catching POPCORN in his mouth and
          earning accolades from all his new fans.
          To Adam's RIGHT --
          The truth or dare game devolves, as Michelle PIERCES LOU'S
          EAR. He screams in pain, but at the end, he has a GOLD STUD
          in his RIGHT EAR. Lou points at Jacob.

                         LOU
          Fuck you, your turn.

                         JACOB
          That's the gay ear, you know.
          As Adam looks STRAIGHT AHEAD --
          He sees Jennie all by herself, browsing the hosts' CASSETTE
          TAPE COLLECTION. Adam takes a moment to check himself. Then
          he reaches for his DRINK and GULPS THE WHOLE THING, before
          getting up and WALKING OVER to her, catching her off guard.

                         ADAM
          So I lied to you earlier. I wasn't
          here for a power tool convention.
          Jennie instinctively looks around for her friends.

                         JENNIE
          I know. You don't look like you
          could handle power tools.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          60.

                         ADAM
          The truth is, Jennie, I've always
          liked you. But I've never really
          known you. I really wasn't
          supposed to meet you again.

                         JENNIE
          Who are you?!
          Adam shrugs, indicating he might as well tell her.

                         ADAM
          I came here from the future.
          She rolls her eyes - she's heard all the one-liners.

                         JENNIE
          Let me guess. You want to beam me
          up to your spaceship built for two?
          Or maybe you're wondering if these
          are astronaut pants?

                         ADAM
          Astronaut pants?

                         JENNIE
          Because my ass is out of this
          world? Give me a break, spaz.
          I've heard them all.
          She turns away. Adam goes after her.

                         ADAM
          No! No spaceship. No astronaut
          pants. Just regular time travel.
          With normal pants.

                         JENNIE
          OK, what's the punch line?
          An ARM comes from behind and CHOKES ADAM. It's Blaine.

                         BLAINE
          I thought I told you to stay off my
          mountain, partner!

                         JENNIE
          Blaine, stop!

                         BLAINE
          You talking to my girl? Huh? I
          can't hear you.
          Adam fights to breathe, as Blaine chokes him harder.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          61.

                         JENNIE
          Blaine, that's enough! Let him go!
          He can't breathe!
          Blaine doesn't stop. He smiles like an asshole.

                         BLAINE
          Can't breathe? Is that right? Can
          you breathe, partner? What's that?
          I can't hear you. Just tell me you
          can't breathe and I'll stop.
          Adam still struggles. Blaine just shrugs.

                         BLAINE (CONT'D)
          He's not saying anything. I guess
          he can breathe.
          Jennie pulls on Blaine's arm, trying to free Adam.

                         BLAINE (CONT'D)
          Babe, stop. Jennie, stop!
          Blaine turns and accidentally ELBOWS JENNIE in the face. She
          goes down. He releases Adam and turns to help her.

                         BLAINE (CONT'D)
          Baby, I'm sorry.
          (turns to Adam)
          See what you made me do?!

                         JENNIE
          Screw you, Blaine!
          Jennie gets up. She grabs Adam's arm and YANKS HIM along
          with her, as she storms away.

                         JENNIE (CONT'D)

                         (TO ADAM)
          Come on, let's go!
          Blaine looks ON FIRE, as he watches Jennie leave with Adam.

          LOU (V.0.)
          Sandy, I don't know what you did
          with this wine, but it is
          delightful.

          INT. APARTMENT - LATE NIGHT

          Jacob and Lou sit with Michelle and Sandy back at the girls'
          apartment. The whole place looks like a Madonna concert.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          62.
          Jacob looks uncomfortable, but Lou pours on the polite charm.

                         SANDY
          It's from a box. There's lots!

                         LOU
          Mmm. Fantastic.

                         (QUICK TURN)
          Do you mind if I borrow my friend?
          We'll only be a moment.

                         CUT TO:

          INT. APARTMENT / BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

          Lou has Jacob PINNED AGAINST THE WALL with his arm. He
          speaks quietly, but with purpose.

                         LOU
          You're gonna fuck her!

                         JACOB
          I'm not gonna have sex with her.
          She killed a guy!

                         LOU
          That guy was undesirable. You
          heard her. It was about the money.

                         JACOB
          Great, so she's a prostitute. I'm
          not sleeping with a hooker either.

                         LOU
          She's not a hooker. She's a girl
          who did what she had to do to make
          a few bucks.
          (tries new tactic)
          Listen, she's probably awesome in
          bed.

                         JACOB
          She probably has a hairy vagina.

                         LOU
          Exactly!
          Jacob looks confused.

                         JACOB
          I'm not having this conversation.
          It's pointless. I don't have a
          condom.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          63.

                         LOU
          Perfect! Me neither! No one here
          uses condoms. It's like heaven.
          Only with a lot more coke.
          Lou takes his COKE out of his pocket and SNORTS a bunch.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          How do I look?

                         JACOB
          Like a fucking madman?
          He slaps Jacob's arms.

                         LOU
          Rock and roll.
          Lou exits the bathroom and calls out to the girls.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          Who's ready to get laid by an
          awesome penis?!

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / LOBBY - LATE NIGHT

          Adam and Jennie are sitting on the floor by the fireplace,
          playing MONOPOLY.

                         ADAM
          Oooh, Atlantic Avenue. That's
          gonna cost you.

                         JENNIE
          How much?

                         ADAM
          I'll tell ya what...
          Adam moves her token up a few squares and makes a show of
          looking over his shoulder, as if someone might see.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          I'm not supposed to do this. But
          I'm gonna upgrade you to Marvin
          Gardens. It's a suite. Plus,
          there's an excellent buffet and a
          view of the pool.
          Jennie laughs, despite herself. She looks around, as if
          someone might see her. Adam notices.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          64.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          No one's gonna see you hanging out
          with the creepy spaz. Don't worry.

                         JENNIE
          I'm sorry I called you those names.

                         ADAM
          Hey, it's cool. I was being creepy
          and spazzy.

                         JENNIE
          You're still not gonna tell me how
          you know me?

                         ADAM
          I'm from the future.

                         JENNIE
          Fine, let's just drop it. I'm glad
          you're feeling better. Blaine had
          no right to hit you.

                         (SMILES)
          I bet he's going out of his mind
          right now.

                         ADAM
          What are you doing with a douche
          like him anyway? You're so much
          better than that.

                         JENNIE
          Yeah, well guys like you come to
          visit. Guys like him live here.

                         ADAM
          So if I lived here, I'd have a
          shot?
          For a moment, Jennie is thrown off. She's about to say
          something, but checks herself. Instead she nervously stands.

                         JENNIE
          I'm gonna get going.
          Adam stands up with her.

                         JENNIE (CONT'D)
          Thanks for being a good guy. I
          don't remember the last time I had
          this much fun playing such a stupid
          game.
          She gives Adam a sweet KISS ON THE CHEEK.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          65.

                         JENNIE (CONT'D)
          If you run into Blaine, you can
          tell him I blew you. But that's
          all. We didn't do anything else.

                         ADAM

                         (SURPRISED)
          We didn't do anything!

                         JENNIE

                         (SMILES)
          Shh. It's our little secret.
          Jennie exits, leaving Adam confused.

          INT. APARTMENT / BEDROOM - LATE NIGHT

          In the darkness, we hear SOUNDS OF SEX. Moans of pleasure,
          creaks of mattresses, multiple "yesses."
          On TWIN BEDS that are a little too close to each other, Lou
          and Jacob have sex with Michelle and Sandy. The girls and
          Lou are vocal. Jacob is silent.
          As Sandy rides him, Jacob notices some BROKEN GLASS on the
          bedside table. He can't take his eyes off it, as Sandy's
          hand keeps brushing up against the table.
          Lou, naked, DRINKS A CAN OF TAB while he delivers the goods
          to Michelle. He reaches over, mid-act, and hands the half-
          empty can to Jacob.

                         LOU
          Tab?

                         JACOB
          Stop talking to me!
          Despite the fact that this looks like very good sex -- it is
          very bad sex for Jacob.

                         FADE TO:

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / SUITE - LATE NIGHT

          Adam is asleep in bed, as Jennie quietly enters the room. He
          wakes up to find her wearing SEXY LINGERIE, as she CLIMBS ON
          TOP of him.

                         ADAM
          Jennie!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          66.
          He looks over and sees Nick SNORING in the other bed.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)

                         (WHISPERS)
          What are you doing here?!
          Jennie gives Adam a LONG WET KISS. He's freaked out.

                         JENNIE
          I thought about what you said and
          you're right. I should be with
          you.

                         ADAM
          I didn't necessarily say that.

                         JENNIE
          I want you, Adam!
          She RIPS OPEN her lingerie, revealing her AWESOME HEAVING

          NAKED BREASTS.

                         ADAM
          Oh my god!
          She kisses him again and they start to go at it. Just then --

          LILY (O.S.)
          What the hell is going on here?
          Adam pushes Jennie off him, as the LIGHTS GO ON in the room.
          Lily is standing in the doorway, looking sad and angry.

                         ADAM
          Lily?

                         LILY
          So you do like her better than me?

                         ADAM
          No, she just--
          Adam looks to where Jennie just was, but now the bed is
          covered with PHOTOS OF JENNIE. There's also a LARGE BOX OF
          TISSUES and some HAND LOTION.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          What's all this?

                         (LOOKS AROUND)
          Jennie?

                         LILY
          What's wrong with my vagina, Adam?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          67.

                         ADAM
          Nothing's wrong with it. It's
          beautiful.
          In the next bed, Nick rolls over and wakes up.

                         NICK
          It's a beautiful vagina. Among the
          prettiest I've ever seen.

                         ADAM
          Stay out of it, Nick!

                         LILY
          Would it be so bad to spend the
          rest of your life with my vagina?

                         ADAM
          No. It wouldn't at all.
          Lily turns and walks out the door.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          Lily, it wouldn't! I love your
          vagina! I love your vaginaaaaaa!

           SMASH CUT TO:

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / SUITE - MORNING

          Adam abruptly WAKES UP.

                         ADAM

                         (GROGGY MUMBLING)
          Vagina... huh?
          He sees Nick sitting on a bed on the other side of the room.
          He's ON THE PHONE, talking quietly with someone.

          NICK (ON PHONE)
          I just really need to get a few
          things off my chest. You're
          domineering and you think you have
          all the answers, but you don't.
          Not by a long shot.
          Nick is getting emotional.

          NICK (ON PHONE) (CONT'D)
          You think you're better than me?
          Last night I made jello shots and
          everybody loved me.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          68.

          NICK (ON PHONE) (CONT'D)
          They didn't care that I only
          brought home 60k last year. They
          loved me for me. They didn't go
          throwing their rich parents' weight
          around.
          (wipes away a tear)
          I don't know, Courtney.

                         INTERCUT:

          INT. CHILD'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME

          A 6-YEAR-OLD COURTNEY (Nick's future wife) listens to this
          crying man on the other end of the phone.

          6-YEAR-OLD COURTNEY (ON PHONE)
          It's OK.
          Nick CRIES a little bit harder.

          NICK (ON PHONE)
          It's so good to hear your voice. I
          love you, princess. I really do.
          You just make it so hard on me
          sometimes.

          6-YEAR-OLD COURTNEY (ON PHONE)
          It's OK.

          NICK (ON PHONE)
          You're right. It's OK. I just
          want it to be OK.
          Adam starts registering some of this conversation.

                         ADAM
          Who are you talking to?
          Nick looks at Adam and covers the receiver.

                         NICK
          Courtney.

                         ADAM
          What do you mean "Courtney?"
          Adam picks up ANOTHER PHONE.

          ADAM (ON PHONE) (CONT'D)
          Hello?

          6-YEAR-OLD COURTNEY (ON PHONE)
          Hello!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          69.
          Adam, freaked out, HANGS UP his phone.

                         ADAM
          Get off the phone!!
          But Nick is down the rabbit hole.

          NICK (ON PHONE)
          Baby, I gotta go. Just think about
          what I said. We're so great
          together. It's like when we're
          having sex - the way our bodies
          become one, as we both embrace the
          passion of the moment--
          On the other end, COURTNEY'S DAD has picked up the phone.

          COURTNEY'S DAD (ON PHONE)

          WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?!
          Nick hangs up the phone and stares at it, freaked out. Adam
          just shakes his head.

                         NICK
          OK, so that may have been bad.

                         ADAM
          What were you thinking?
          The DOOR OPENS and Lou strolls in, looking quite fresh.

                         LOU
          Guess who re-popped his 80s cherry?
          This guy!
          He points at himself in a celebratory manner, as behind him --
          The Towel Guy whose room this is comes RUNNING UP.

                         TOWEL GUY
          Hey, get the hell out of my room!
          In one move, Lou catches him inside the room, closes the door
          with his foot, and puts the guy in a HEAD LOCK. He then
          converts it into a SLEEPER HOLD, putting the guy to sleep.

                         NICK
          Oh, we're going to jail.

                         LOU
          Help me put him in the closet.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          70.

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / SUITE - CLOSET - MOMENTS LATER

          The guys drop the sleeping Towel Guy in the closet.

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / PATIO -- MOMENTS LATER

          Adam, Nick, and Lou take a soak in the tub.

                         ADAM
          Has anyone seen Jacob?

                         LOU
          He's grabbing drinks with Tad and
          Chaz. Which is what we should do.
          We'll start at the Brew Haus and do
          a three drink crawl up the street--
          Adam gets more fed up than ever.

                         ADAM
          Guys! I refuse to accept that
          we're stuck in 1987! Maybe you're
          loving it, Lou. But you don't get
          it. Nick's insane, Jacob's become
          a bigger douche than before, and I
          need to get back for my goddamn
          rehearsal dinner? Which is
          tomorrow!

                         LOU

                         (CALMLY)
          Adam. I know I don't look like I
          understand, but I do. You have a
          beautiful fiancee who means more to
          you than anything in the world.
          And if you could, you'd literally
          travel across time for her.

                         ADAM
          Yes.

                         LOU
          I get it, man. Life is about these
          moments. Moments where a regular
          Joe becomes a hero. Moments where
          you dig deep and find the
          motivation... the courage... the
          guts to do what's right and what's
          necessary. It's moments like
          these...
          Lou suddenly notices some COCAINE on the edge of the tub.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          71.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          Jesus, how come nobody told me
          there was coke out here?
          Lou SNORTS A BIG LINE.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          What was I saying?
          Adam and Nick get out and towel off. Lou follows.

                         ADAM
          Maybe we have to learn something?

                         NICK
          What do you mean?

                         ADAM
          You know, like Groundhog Day. We
          have to learn the meaning of life
          or some shit.
          Just then, a KITTEN licking a PUDDLE on the base of the tub
          JUMPS in the hot tub and VANISHES IN A BRIGHT LIGHT!
          For a moment, everyone is quiet.

                         LOU

                         (FREAKED OUT)
          I've gotta stop doing cocaine and I
          need to go to the hospital. I just
          saw a fucking kitten explode.

                         NICK
          I saw it too.
          The guys run over to the tub. The bubbles are on low, but
          there's NOTHING IN IT.

                         ADAM
          It didn't explode. It vanished.
          It went back... to the present.

                         LOU
          This is the present.

                         ADAM
          Our old present.

                         NICK
          So it is the tub!
          Lou POINTS at something.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          72.

                         LOU
          Um...
          The HOT TUB IS NOT PLUGGED IN, and yet it's clearly running.

                         ADAM
          OK. You guys know what to do.

                         CUT TO:

          EXT. PINE VALLEY INN / PATIO - MINUTES LATER

          The guys have a COUPLE BOXES OF KITTENS. One at a time, they
          get in the tub and take turns DIPPING THE KITTENS. When
          nothing happens, Lou DUMPS an entire box of kittens into the
          tub. The cats get ANGRY and CLAW AT HIS FACE and body.
          Eventually, the guys just shake their heads.

                         ADAM
          This isn't working.

                         LOU
          Maybe these aren't the right
          kittens?
          Adam points at him in a "now you're thinking" way.

                         ADAM
          We'll split up. Get as many
          different cats as you can. Let's
          all meet back here in an hour.

                         LOU
          You can count on me!

          INT. BREW HAUS - DAY

          Lou sits on a stool, munching on snacks. A TV shows the AFC
          conference championship game between the Denver Broncos and
          the Cleveland Browns. It's the 4th Quarter and the Browns
          score with 5:43 remaining on the clock to go up by 7.
          Two stools over, a SLICK-HAIRED ASSHOLE (RICK) sits with his
          bored-looking HIGH SOCIETY TROPHY WIFE (CANDACE).

                         RICK
          Yes!

                         LOU
          Hate to tell ya, pal. Browns are
          gonna lose by 3 in overtime.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          73.

                         RICK
          Eat shit and die, scumbag. I've
          got ten large on this game.

                         LOU
          Not only that, but I bet you
          Elway's gonna throw a touchdown
          with 37 seconds left.

                         RICK
          Fat chance, pal. Elway's done
          nothing all day.

                         LOU
          Care to make it interesting?

                         RICK
          Who the hell are you?
          Lou thinks about the question for a moment.

                         LOU
          Name's Musselman. Hank Musselman.
          I've got a cool name, huh?

                         RICK
          It's a good name. What did you
          have in mind, Musselman?

                         LOU
          I win -- your wife gives me a
          blowjob. A classy one.
          For the first time, Candace looks less than bored. She does a
          bad job of feigning disinterest.

                         RICK
          All right, buddy, fuck off.

                         LOU
          You win -- you can kill me. Any
          way you want. Knife, gun, torch,
          sword... I'll even make a video
          exonerating you.

                         RICK
          Yeah, right...

                         LOU
          I'm serious. You look like a man
          who has everything. Except the
          license to kill. Care to gamble?
          Rick looks at Lou long and hard. Lou doesn't flinch.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          74.

                         RICK
          37 seconds?

                         LOU
          Exactly.

                         RICK
          You have a deal.
          As Rick and Lou shake hands, Candace makes a show of looking
          offended.

                         RICK (CONT'D)

                         (TO CANDACE)
          Don't worry, babe. This yahoo's
          made a wager he can't possibly win.
          Lou picks up another HANDFUL of bar snacks. He puts them in
          his mouth and shows it to Rick.

                         LOU

                         (MOUTH FULL)
          Look. Who am I? I'm your wife.
          Nuts in my mouth. Get it?

                         (TO CANDACE)
          I like it slow and romantic.

          EXT. PET STORE - DAY

          Nick leaves a pet store, carrying a BOX OF KITTENS. On the
          street, he accidentally bumps into one of the Japanese
          businessmen from the night before. He has a THICK ACCENT,
          like Gedde Watanabe in "Gung Ho."

                         NICK
          Oh, sorry man.

                         (NOTICES HIM)
          Hey! How's that iPod working out
          for you?

                         JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN
          Oh, it's a very nice toy.

                         NICK
          If you like that, I've got a phone
          back at the lodge that will knock
          your socks off.

                         JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN
          I wish I could see it. But I am on
          my way to a very important business
          meeting.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          75.

                         NICK
          Oh yeah? More important than
          Bluetooth?

                         JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN
          My associates and I are co-
          financing a... how do you say it...
          supermarket business.

                         NICK

                         (SUSPICIOUS)
          You're not going to Boston, by any
          chance?

                         JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN
          Yes! Boston! We leave tonight.

                         NICK
          You're gonna franchise out the
          Gelman's Mom and Pop!

                         JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN
          Yes! How do you know this?
          Nick puts his arm around the guy and walks down the street.

                         NICK
          Walk with me a minute. Let me tell
          you about some companies you should
          really be looking into...

          INT. THE DECK - DAY

          Tad, Chaz, and Jacob enjoy drinks on a deck overlooking the
          mountain ski slopes.

                         CHAZ
          You really are a gas, Jacob. Tad
          and I think you're the cat's
          pajamas.

                         JACOB
          Thanks. I like you guys, too.
          A THIRD DOUCHEBAG arrives and gives a SECRET HANDSHAKE to Tad
          and Chaz. He drops off a PILL BOTTLE. This is GEOFFREY
          (pronounced JOFF-rey).

                         GEOFFREY
          Gentlemen.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          76.

                         TAD
          Geoffrey, please meet Jacob.
          Excuse his Jewish name. He really
          quite exceeds it.
          Jacob looks confused by that, as Geoffrey shakes his hand.

                         GEOFFREY
          Jacob, would you like some too?
          He offers a pill bottle.

                         JACOB
          What is it?

                         CHAZ
          Rohypnol. Geoffrey's father is a
          pharmacist, but we don't hold that
          against him.

                         JACOB
          Rohypnol?

                         TAD
          You slip it to a chick who won't go
          to third. Give it an hour and
          you'll be rounding home.

                         JACOB

                         (SURPRISED)
          This is a date rape drug.

                         GEOFFREY

                         (LAUGHS)
          What the fuck is date rape?

                         JACOB
          These are roofies!

                         CHAZ
          Roofies... I like that!

                         TAD
          Yeah, it takes the clinical name
          right out of it. It sounds so
          fresh, chicks might even take it
          voluntarily!

                         (TO JACOB)
          Hey, can we use that?
          Jacob looks beside himself.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          77.

          EXT. PINE VALLEY INN / PATIO - AFTERNOON

          A GUY and a GIRL are using the hot tub, which is still hot
          and bubbly, despite the fact that it isn't plugged in.
          Nick and Lou sit at the table, as Adam approaches with CATS.

                         ADAM
          I got regular cats. I figured
          maybe the kitten was a fluke.
          Nick takes the box out of his hands and puts it down.

                         NICK
          Come here.
          He leads Adam near the tub, where Lou points at something.

                         LOU
          There!

                         ADAM
          What am I looking at? It's some
          kind of stain.

                         LOU
          Smell it.

                         ADAM
          I'm not smelling it.

                         LOU

                         (NODS ENCOURAGINGLY)
          Smell the stain.
          Adam puts his nose up against the stain and SNIFFS. He
          recognizes something, but can't put his finger on it.

                         ADAM
          What is that?

                         NICK
          Red Bull.

          GUY IN TUB
          Hey, you fellas mind? I'm trying
          to get a handjob here.

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / SUITE - AFTERNOON

          Our guys sit and absorb the impact of what they've learned.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          78.

                         ADAM
          So you're telling me that Red Bull
          plus hot tub equals time travel?

                         LOU

                         (NODS PROUDLY)
          Mmm hmm. Hank Musselman's getting
          the Nobel Prize.

                         ADAM
          Who the fuck is Hank Musselman?

                         NICK
          There was just enough Red Bull for
          the kitten. Not nearly enough for
          a human. It's a weight
          distribution thing.

                         ADAM
          How did you even figure this out?

                         LOU
          Scientific method.

                         NICK
          He bet me 20 dollars I wouldn't
          lick the stain.

                         LOU
          I thought it was some guy's jizz.

                         ADAM
          What's wrong with you?

                         LOU
          It worked, didn't it?

                         NICK
          Yeah, except one little problem.
          There's no Red Bull in 1987.
          For a moment, they're all bummed again. Then Adam gets an
          encouraged look on his face.

                         ADAM
          Yes there is! Come on!
          Adam heads for the door, as Lou and Nick follow.

          EXT. BUNNY SLOPE - DAY

          Jennie instructs a group of TEENAGERS on the basics of
          skiing, as Adam approaches, with Nick and Lou in tow.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          79.

                         JENNIE

                         (CONCERNED)
          You can't be here. If Blaine sees
          you, he'll snap your neck. I told
          him I blew you and he's not happy.

                         ADAM
          Why would you do that?!
          Behind Adam, Nick looks at the group of TEENS and his eyes
          almost BUG OUT. He elbows Lou.

                         NICK
          (whispers, teeth clenched)
          Look.
          Lou looks to where Nick is looking:
          YOUNG ADAM, YOUNG NICK, and YOUNG LOU wait with other kids
          for Jennie to return to their lesson.

                         LOU
          Holy shit!
          Lou immediately approaches the kids, even as Nick tries to
          hold him back.

                         NICK

                         (TEETH CLENCHED)
          where the fuck are you going?!
          Lou walks right up to his YOUNGER SELF and looks himself
          square in the face.

                         YOUNG LOU
          What the hell do you want, old man?
          Lou PUNCHES his YOUNGER SELF in the face. Young Nick and
          Young Adam are freaked out, as is regular Nick. Adam doesn't
          notice, as he's arguing with Jennie.

          YOUNG LOU (CONT'D)
          What the fuck, dude?! I think you
          broke my nose! My parents are
          gonna sue the shit out of you!

                         LOU
          Herschel and Evelyn aren't gonna do
          a damn thing. They're losers.

                         YOUNG LOU
          How do you know my parents?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          80.

                         LOU
          Listen to me. Start putting
          minoxidil on your scalp. Tonight.
          Then, when Propecia comes on the
          market, start taking it. Every
          day. Hair is important.

                         YOUNG LOU
          I don't give a shit about hair.

                         LOU
          You will!
          (leans in, quietly)
          Or I'll tell everyone about how you
          jerked off to that issue of
          Playgirl.

                         YOUNG LOU

                         (QUIETLY)
          It was confusing! There were naked
          people and it had "girl" in the
          title!

                         LOU
          Hey, you don't have to justify to
          me, pal.

                         YOUNG LOU

                         (FREAKED OUT)
          Who are you?

                         LOU
          I'm God.

          ON ADAM AND JENNIE

                         JENNIE
          Fine. You wanna see Blaine? It's
          your funeral. He's in the
          warehouse at the end of Lawrence.
          Good luck.

          EXT. MOUNTAIN - DAY

          Adam walks off the mountain with Nick and Lou.

                         LOU
          Moment of truth.
          Lou takes off his hat and feels his scalp - no hair.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          81.

                         LOU (CONT'D)

                         (LOOKS BACK)
          That fucker!
          Just then, Lou's NOSE SLIGHTLY SHIFTS, the result of being
          broken and never fixed. It stays this wa for the rest of
          the movie.
          Lou touches his nose.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          Oh, that's just great.
          Jacob runs up, in a friendlier disposition.

                         JACOB
          Hey guys!

                         ADAM
          I thought you were with douche
          patrol.

                         JACOB
          Yeah I was. But it turned out
          those guys are date rapists.

                         ADAM
          Ah.

                         NICK
          Adam, where are we going?
          Adam gets a look of determination again.

                         ADAM
          To get my bag. We get that, we
          have the Red Bull, and our ticket
          home.

                         LOU
          Yes! The race is on!

                         ADAM
          What race?

                         LOU
          Duh, it's 1987? We're at a ski
          resort?

                         (SHAKES HEAD)
          Disputes like these are settled
          with a downhill ski race. Usually
          at dawn. It's the law.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          82.

                         ADAM
          You're an idiot.

          INT. WAREHOUSE - AFTERNOON

          Adam and the guys step into a warehouse. WET FLOOR, CHAINS
          hanging from the ceiling for no reason, STEAM rising from
          grates. As they enter, Chaz pulls down a large GARAGE DOOR.
          Up ahead, Blaine sits on some CRATES with Tad.

                         BLAINE
          Welcome to my lair.

                         ADAM
          You live here?

                         NICK
          Yeah, this is kind of a shitty
          place to live.

                         BLAINE
          I don't live here.
          Adam approaches Blaine, trying to speak maturely.

                         ADAM
          Look. Blaine. I think we got off
          on the wrong foot. You have some
          issue with me.

                         BLAINE
          You get blown by my girl? I'll say
          that's one hell of an issue.

                         LOU
          Whoa! You got blown?!

                         ADAM
          She didn't blow me. She lied to
          you to make you jealous. I'm not
          trying to steal Jennie. I just
          wanna get my bag.

                         BLAINE
          Oh, your bag. I was wondering when
          you'd come around for that.
          Tad holds up the BACKPACK over by the crates.

                         ADAM
          Yeah, I'll just take it and get out
          of your way.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          83.

                         BLAINE
          You will?
          Adam EXTENDS HIS HAND.

                         ADAM
          Whattya say? Can we work this out
          like gentlemen?
          Blaine PULLS A KNIFE. Tad and Chaz also PULL KNIVES.

                         NICK
          What is this town's obsession with
          knives?

                         BLAINE

                         (MENACING)
          How about I work this out like... a
          butcher?
          Just then, LIGHT SPILLS INTO THE DARK WAREHOUSE. A GUY in a
          polo shirt stands in a dooorway.

          GUY IN POLO SHIRT
          Hey! Scumbuckets! Back to work!
          Like naughty children being caught red handed, Blaine and his
          goons lose the knives and hustle toward the open door.
          Blaine grabs the backpack from Tad.
          Adam and the guys follow through the door and into --

          INT. SUNGLASS HUT - DAY

          Adam, Nick, Lou, and Jacob are confused, as Blaine, Chaz, and
          Tad spring to action, helping CUSTOMERS choose sunglasses.
          Jacob approaches Tad and Chaz, who look embarrassed.

                         JACOB
          You guys are posers! You're not
          better than me!

                         TAD
          Jacob, I wish you hadn't seen us
          like this.
          Adam stands near Blaine, who helps a WOMAN.

                         BLAINE

                         (TO WOMAN)
          These would look so good with your
          light complexion.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          84.

                         ADAM
          Listen asshole! I want my bag!

                         BLAINE

                         (TO WOMAN)
          Will you excuse me for a moment?
          Blaine walks behind the COUNTER and SHOVES THE BAG in a SAFE.

                         BLAINE (CONT'D)
          Safe's on a timer. It'll open
          tomorrow. We race at dawn. Winner
          gets the bag. Loser leaves town.
          Lou turns to Nick.

                         LOU
          See? I told you!

                         ADAM

                         (TO BLAINE)
          I don't wanna race you.

                         BLAINE
          Then I guess you don't want your
          bag.

                         (SMIRKS)
          See you at dawn.

                         ADAM
          Your girlfriend sucks one hell of a
          mean dick.
          Adam makes a SLURPING SOUND and Blaine fumes.

          EXT. HAVENHURST MAIN DRAG - LATE AFTERNOON

          Nick, Lou, and Jacob walk behind Adam, who looks pissed.

                         NICK
          What are we gonna do?

                         LOU
          That chick blew you?!

                         ADAM

                         (INTENSE)
          I've got a race to win.
          Europe's "The Final Countdown" begins playing over a MONTAGE:
          -- Skis are sharpened.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          85.
          -- Gear is polished.
          -- In the SUITE, Adam gets dressed in his GEAR.
          -- On a SMALL HILL, Jacob demonstrates some moves on skis.
          Adam doesn't get it. He's keeps falling.
          -- On the hill, Jacob teaches Adam how to SNOWBOARD. Adam is
          having an easier time standing up on the snowboard.
          -- The guys keep Adam awake and use a homemade SCALE MODEL of
          the mountain to formulate a plan, a la Iron Eagle.
          -- Back on the hill, Jacob and Adam snowboard next to each
          other. Adam makes it by a couple of obstacles. Jacob looks
          proud of him.
          -- The guys play an ATARI SKI GAME, trying out a strategy.
          Jacob uses a POINTER, looking disappointed.
          -- On the hill, Adam easily maneuvers by a few trees on the
          snowboard, kicking up snow and HIGH-FINING Jacob.

          EXT. MOUNTAIN / TOP - DAWN

          SLO-MO HERO SHOT of our four guys, as they ascend the top of
          the mountain. If we didn't know any better, it would look
          like Tony Scott directed a ski movie.

          END MONTAGE.

          EXT. MOUNTAIN / TOP - DAY

          A few yards away from Nick and Lou, Adam sits on the ground,
          as Jacob helps him strap into the snowboard.

                         JACOB
          Just stick to the plan and you're
          gonna be fine.
          Adam looks at Jacob seriously for a moment.

                         ADAM
          Jacob, I'm sorry for not always
          being the big brother I should've
          been. I was away at college, Mom
          gave you my Sega - there were a
          whole host of issues.
          Jacob nods and speaks genuinely to Adam too.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          86.

                         JACOB
          I know. I'm sorry too. I put a
          few things before my family and
          took my guilt out on you.
          (puts it together)
          I guess it was an inevitable I'd
          end up part of a roofie ring.
          Adam smiles and extends his hand.

                         ADAM
          Friends?
          Jacob takes Adam's hand and helps him to his feet.

                         JACOB
          Brothers.
          They EMBRACE. Lou looks disgusted.

                         LOU
          Gay.
          Blaine and his goons approach from below. Adam puts on his
          game face.

                         ADAM
          I didn't think you guys would show.

                         BLAINE
          This was my idea.

                         ADAM
          It's gonna make my victory taste
          all the more sweeter. Like a Peach
          Snapple.

                         BLAINE
          A what?

                         ADAM
          You'll see.
          Blaine actually looks rattled, as the two men get lined up.
          Adam is on a SNOWBOARD.

                         BLAINE
          What's that?

                         ADAM
          You're not afraid of getting beat
          by a guy on a skateboard, are you?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          87.

                         BLAINE
          I've seen you in action. You're
          reckless and terrible.

                         ADAM
          Reckless and terrible's my middle
          name. Because I feel the need...
          (pulls on goggles)
          for speed!
          Chaz holds out his arm as a starting line.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          Catch ya at the bottom.

                         CHAZ

          3, 2, 1... GO!
          Blaine takes off down the mountain like a professional
          skiier, which he pretty much is. Adam looks toward Jacob,
          who demonstrates the proper CROUCH. Adam slowly picks up
          speed, starting at about one mile per hour.
          Blaine looks back and can't believe how easily he's gonna
          coast to victory.

                         ADAM
          Here goes nothing.
          Instead of weaving back and forth, Adam just stays in the
          crouch, PICKING UP SPEED. He recklessly PASSES BLAINE,
          despite the many TREES and OBSTACLES on the course.
          He BEARS DOWN AND TRAVELS LIKE A BOLT OF LIGHTNING!
          Blaine finds the guts to alter his STYLE, skiing more
          recklessly too. He begins catching up to Adam.
          Blaine skis up next to Adam - they're both going full force.

                         BLAINE
          You can't beat me! I was born on
          this mountain!

                         ADAM
          I was born in a hospital like a
          normal baby!
          Adam bends down and picks up even more speed, NARROWLY
          MISSING trees and rocks. Blaine tries to keep up.
          Adam has the finish line in his sights, when he rolls the
          dice once too often. His SNOWBOARD GETS SNAGGED on a rock
          and Adam TUMBLES TO THE GROUND.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          88.
          The SNOWBOARD FLIES OFF INTO THE AIR!

                         CUT TO:

          EXT. MOUNTAIN / BASE - DAY

          Phil stands against a SHED, as a GUY THROWS A HATCHET at him,
          just narrowly missing his arm. Phil FLEXES HIS MUSCLES, as a

          HOT CHICK KISSES HIM.
          Then the SNOWBOARD FLIES INTO FRAME and SLICES OFF PHIL'S
          ARM, sending BLOOD SPLATTER EVERYWHERE!

                         PHIL
          Ahhhh! My arm!!!

          EXT. MOUNTAIN / TOP - DAY - SAME TIME

          Lou watches with BINOCULARS and PUMPS HIS FIST.

                         LOU
          Yes!

          EXT. MOUNTAIN - RACE - DAY

          As Adam tumbles on the ground, Blaine smiles, thinking he has
          the victory in the bag.
          But instead of stopping, Adam picks up speed, as he TUMBLES
          LIMB OVER LIMB, like a snowball going down the mountain.
          With 50 YARDS to go, Blaine bears down and tries to catch
          Adam. It's gonna be close.
          At the FINISH LINE, Adam's CRUMPLED BODY passes the line
          first. Blaine pulls up, pissed off to lose the race.
          Adam's momentum carries him forward another 50 yards, where
          he SMASHES INTO A DECK and finally comes to a stop.

                         CUT TO:

          A CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE POPS!

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / SUITE - LATE AFTERNOON

          A large "BON VOYAGE" BANNER hangs in the room.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          89.
          An ALL-OUT PARTY is going on in the guys' suite. GUESTS
          party everywhere, helping the guys celebrate.
          Sandy and Michelle flirt with the two dudes who took brief
          possession of the Towel Guy yesterday.
          The Coke Guy from the gondola talks with the Brew Haus
          Waitress.
          Adam's leg is in a CAST, as he sits at a table with Jacob,
          Nick, and Lou. The OPEN BACKPACK is in front of them. They
          DRINK and TOAST.

                         NICK
          You did it, man.

                         ADAM
          Ah, it was nothing. I just fell
          down the mountain.

                         NICK
          It was a beautiful fall.
          Lou goes into Adam's backpack and pulls out the SANDWICH,
          which he begins unwrapping.

                         ADAM

                         (DISGUSTED)
          Tell me you are not going to keep
          eating that.
          Lou takes a bite and SHRUGS.

                         LOU
          Chicken parm. It's my favorite.

                         ADAM
          Chicken parm?
          Adam takes the sandwich from Lou. He looks at it closely.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)

                         (LAUGHS)
          Chicken parm. On this roll.
          The guys look confused, as Adam stares at the sandwich.

                         JACOB
          Adam, what is it?

                         FLASHBACK TO:

                         

                         

                         

                         

          90.

          INT. FRENCH RESTAURANT - NIGHT

          Adam and Lily nervously make eye contact at the front of the
          restaurant, as a SNOOTY HOST shakes his head.

          ADAM (V.0.)
          It was our first date. You know
          those nights that are just perfect?
          This wasn't one of those nights.

          INT. MOVIE THEATER - DARK

          Adam and Lily sit through "From Justin to Kelly," the
          American Idol movie. They don't enjoy themselves.

          EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT

          Adam inspects a HUGE DENT in the side of his car. As he does
          so, a car drives by, SPLASHING A PUDDLE on Lily.

          ADAM (V.0.)
          If Lily knew where we were, I'm
          sure she would've walked home. And
          I wouldn't have blamed her.

          EXT. ITALIAN DELI - NIGHT

          In the RAIN, Adam and Lily run toward the entrance of a
          little deli. Inside the doorway, a LITTLE OLD WOMAN shakes
          her head no. Adam pleads with his eyes and she lets them in.

          INT. ITALIAN DELI - NIGHT

          Adam and Lily sit and talk animatedly at the counter in the
          small, empty deli, eating SANDWICHES.

          ADAM (V.0.)
          We were so hungry by the time we
          found that deli, we would've eaten
          anything. So what if it wasn't
          foie gras and pino noir. It was
          chicken parm and Italian soda. And
          it couldn't have been more perfect.

                         BACK TO:

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / SUITE - DAY

          The guys enjoy listening to Adam's story.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          91.

                         NICK
          That sandwich was special, huh?

                         ADAM
          You could say that. You could also
          say it gave me horrible diarrhea.

                         FLASHBACK TO:

          INT. ADAM'S APARTMENT / BATHROOM - NIGHT

          Adam SHITS HIS BRAINS OUT. When it looks like. he might be
          done, he turns around and VOMITS into the toilet.

          INT. ADAM'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

          Lily waits by the bathroom door with some PEPTO and a GLASS
          OF WATER. She looks very concerned.

          ADAM (V.0.)
          Lily had every opportunity to
          leave. She didn't know me at all
          and she certainly didn't owe me
          anything after the night I put her
          through. But she stayed.

          INT. ADAM'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

          Adam lays on the couch, his head in Lily's lap. She feeds
          him a little GATORADE. He keeps it down... for a moment.
          Then he turns and VOMITS into a BUCKET on the floor.

          ADAM (V.0.)
          She saw me at my worst and she
          stayed.
          Lily holds the bucket, as Adam pukes into it.

                         BACK TO:

          INT. PINE VALLEY INN / SUITE - DAY

          Nick, Lou, and Jacob look sick.

                         ADAM
          Don't you see? This is more than a
          sandwich. It represents all that
          shit. All that puke.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          92.

                         LOU
          Keep the sandwich.

                         JACOB
          This is disgusting.

                         ADAM
          She gave me this as a reminder of
          her love.

                         (THINKS)
          Or to give me horrible diarrhea so
          I didn't leave the room during the
          bachelor party. But mostly as a
          reminder of her love.
          Adam holds up the sandwich.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          This is the reason I need to go
          home.
          Adam stands up and walks toward the door with the sandwich.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          I'm gonna go prep the tub.
          Lou holds up a BAG OF CHIPS.

                         LOU
          Do you have any stories about these
          chips or can I eat them?

          EXT. PINE VALLEY INN / PATIO - CONTINUOUS

          Adam walks outside, taking a bite of the SANDWICH. He finds
          Jennie waiting in the TUB.

                         JENNIE
          There you are!

                         ADAM
          Jennie! What are you doing here?

                         JENNIE
          Making good on a rumor.
          Jennie STANDS UP in the tub and she's TOPLESS.
          Adam DROPS THE SANDWICH, shocked.

                         ADAM
          Whoa.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          93.
          Jennie continues talking, shamelessly exposing herself.

                         JENNIE
          When I saw you win that race
          against Blaine, everything changed
          for me. I realize now that I
          deserve more. I deserve a winner.

                         (SEDUCTIVE)
          Come and get your prize.
          Adam reaches next to the tub and hands her a ROBE.

                         ADAM
          Yeah, I... can't.
          She covers up, embarrassed.

                         JENNIE
          Oh my god. I missed my
          opportunity.

                         ADAM
          No, I'm not sure there ever was an
          opportunity. Jennie, you're
          terrific. You've brought me so
          many moments of joy, you'll never
          know. But I shouldn't have given
          you the wrong idea.
          Jennie looks sad and vulnerable, as Adam talks.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          The truth is there's a girl I need
          to go see. We have plans to spend
          the rest of our lives together.
          And I can't wait any longer.
          (listening to himself)
          And I'm totally cool with it.
          Adam smiles, feeling the rush of knowing he's ready. But
          then he sees how sad Jennie is. He moves closer to her.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          One day, you're going to find the
          right guy who's willing to give up
          everything and travel across time
          and space for your love.
          She nods and tears up a little bit, as Adam HUGS her.

                         JENNIE

                         (EMOTIONAL)
          I would totally blow you right now.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          94.

                         ADAM
          I know you would.

                         DISSOLVE TO:

          EXT. PINE VALLEY INN / PATIO - LATER THAT AFTERNOON

          The guys stare at the tub, which continues to bubble, even
          though it's not plugged in.

                         NICK
          We don't have to go yet, Adam.
          Things are just getting fun.

                         JACOB
          And we can do whatever we want
          without any real consequences.
          That's a lot to give up.

                         ADAM

                         (NODS)
          That's how I know I'm doing the
          right thing.
          Adam reaches in his backpack, but can't find the Red Bull.
          He turns it inside out and shakes it -- nothing.

                         JACOB
          Where's the Red Bull?

          BLAINE (V.0.)
          You looking for this?
          Across the patio, a drunk, disheveled Blaine holds the CAN.

                         BLAINE (CONT'D)
          You couldn't leave well enough
          alone, could ya? You couldn't just
          win the race and call it a day?
          You had to have Jennie too.

                         ADAM
          I don't want Jennie.

                         BLAINE
          That's funny. I don't want this
          soda, either.
          Blaine smiles like an asshole. Adam's face goes desperate,
          as Blaine OPENS THE CAN and DRINKS THE WHOLE THING.

                         ADAM
          Nooooo!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          95.
          Adam runs at Blaine and tackles him to the ground. On the
          ground, Adam BEATS THE LIVING HELL out of Blaine, messing up
          his face. It makes the Jared Leto scene from Fight Club look
          tame. Eventually, Adam's friends pull him off.
          Adam crawls to the Red Bull can and it's empty.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)

                         (DESPERATE)
          Why?
          Lou takes Blaine's pulse.

                         LOU
          Holy shit! You may have killed
          this guy! No wait... wait... I've
          got a pulse. Eh, so much for that.
          Nick puts his hand on Adam's shoulder.

                         NICK
          I'm sorry man. I'm really sorry.

                         ADAM
          The Red Bull's gone. He fucked us.

                         JACOB
          Not necessarily.
          Everyone looks toward Jacob.

                         JACOB (CONT'D)
          The Red Bull isn't really gone.
          (points to Blaine)
          It's in him.
          A beat, as everyone sorta gets it.

                         NICK
          It's worth a shot.

          TIME CUT TO:

          EXT. PINE VALLEY INN / PATIO - MOMENTS LATER

          Adam, Nick, and Jacob sit in the tub. Adam crosses his
          fingers.
          Lou stands outside the tub, fully dressed.

                         ADAM
          Come on, Lou.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          96.

                         LOU
          Nah, I'll take a rain check.

                         NICK
          What are you talking about?

                         LOU
          Listen, your lives at home sound
          all beautiful and happy with your
          barbecues and swimming pools and
          "oh, that sandwich reminds of some
          gay shit I did one time."
          Adam and Nick don't look thrilled to be reduced to this.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          But my life back there sucks. And
          in case you haven't noticed, my
          life here fucking rules. So I have
          a coke problem? I'll go to rehab.
          I have no money? I'll stop winning
          sex and start winning dollars.
          Lou DRAGS BLAINE by the foot closer to the tub.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          Guys, I was tailor-made for 1987.
          And you'll excuse me, but I value
          banging young chicks way more than
          all of your friendships combined.

                         (THEN)
          No offense.
          Adam, Nick, and Jacob kinda nod and understand.

                         ADAM
          Yeah, no, I get it.
          Lou goes around and gives them all hugs.

                         NICK
          Makes perfect sense, man.
          Lou squeezes Jacob's shoulder.

                         LOU
          I don't hate you as much as I used
          to.

                         JACOB
          (a little emotional)
          I hate you a little less also.
          Lou LIFTS BLAINE'S LIMP BODY.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          97.

                         ADAM
          OK, whenever you're ready, Lou.

                         LOU
          One small step for man! One giant
          asshole puking in a hot tub! Here
          goes nothing!
          Lou does the HEIMLICH MANEUVER on Blaine. It takes ONE...
          TWO... THREE THRUSTS until Blaine PUKES IN THE TUB! For a
          second, it's just a BIG SPLASH of VOMIT and nothing else.

                         NICK
          OK, well maybe if we--
          A BRIGHT FLASH CONSUMES THE SCREEN! And when it dies down,
          we see Adam, Nick, Jacob (and the floating puke) in the hot
          tub where we left them.
          Only Lou is missing.

                         ADAM
          What happened? Did it work?

                         NICK
          I didn't feel anything.

                         JACOB

                         (DISAPPOINTED)
          Guys, look.
          They see PEOPLE walking by, wearing COLORFUL FLARED-OUT SKI
          ATTIRE. The place looks the same as it did two seconds ago.

                         NICK
          Dammit. Even the deck furniture's
          the same. We fucking blew it. It
          didn't work.

                         ADAM
          Where's Lou?

          LOU (O.S.)
          Right on schedule!
           Lou walks toward them, but there's a lot that's "off" about
           him, including HAIR PLUGS, JEWELRY, and a SHITLOAD OF PLASTIC
          SURGERY (including a fixed NOSE) that makes him look at once
          older and younger.

                         NICK
          Ahhh!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          98.

                         LOU
          Oh, the face, eh? I was curious
          how you'd react.

                         (DISAPPOINTED)
          Didn't think you'd be scared.

                         ADAM
          Lou?

                         LOU
          You're damn right it's me.

                         ADAM
          What happened?

                         LOU
          You just traveled 23 years in three
          seconds. Took me 23 years. It's
          good to see you guys!

                         JACOB
          We're back? It all looks the same.

                         LOU
          It better! You know how much I pay
          the groundspeople around here? A
          lot. But that's all right, I'm
          fucking loaded. Look at all this.
          Everyone looks confused.

                         ADAM
          Will you fill in some of the blanks
          for me, please?

                         LOU
          I'll give you the short version,
          because time is of the essence.
          First of all, to settle an old bet,
          time most definitely has been
          moving forward. It is exactly
          three days since you've arrived
          here in beautiful Havenhurst.
          Jacob looks at Nick.

                         JACOB
          Told you.

                         LOU
          Secondly, I'm filthy rich. Made
          sports bets. Sued Ace of Base. I
          own most of V
          ermont. (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          99.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          I've been reimagining the state as
          my own personal playground. You
          could say I'm a little bit like
          Michael Jackson, except I don't
          fuck kids.
          Two YOUNG HOTTIES walk by and wave at Lou.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          I do fuck them, though. Haven't
          gone above 24 years old in 10 years
          and even then, it was a mistake.

                         (REMEMBERING)
          A horrible mistake.

                         ADAM
          Wait, fuck, Lou what time is it?

                         LOU
          Way ahead of you, Adam. You have 2
          hours to get to New Jersey in time
          for your rehearsal dinner.

                         ADAM

                         (DISAPPOINTED)
          Great, I blew it.

                         LOU
          Not even a little bit. I have a
          helicopter waiting in the parking
          lot and a private jet on my
          airfield five minutes away.
          The guys look stunned.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          I had some time to plan. God, it's
          good to have you guys back!

          EXT. PRIVATE AIRFIELD - AFTERNOON

          Lou's private jet takes off from the runway.

          INT. PRIVATE JET - AFTERNOON

          The guys sit back and enjoy the plush surroundings and the
          beautiful FLIGHT ATTENDANTS aboard Lou's jet.

                         LOU
          By the way, Adam, I hope you don't
          mind. Right after you left, I
          fucked Jennie silly.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          100.

                         ADAM
          Why would she have sex with you?

                         LOU
          You get the big time assist. All
          that talk of her finding the right
          guy who's willing to give up
          everything? Made her wetter than a
          log flume.

                         (SMILES)
          She's all-time top five.

                         ADAM
          Good to hear.

                         NICK
          Lou, I gotta ask you something.

                         LOU
          Time travel paradox.

                         NICK
          Exactly. Aren't there now two of
          you living here in 2010?

                         LOU
          Think really hard about that one.
          What happened to me when I was 19?
          Nick shrugs. He looks at Adam. Suddenly, both their eyes
          nearly pop out of their skulls.

                         NICK
          No way...

                         ADAM
          You went missing and were never
          found.

                         LOU
          Yeah, you're gonna have some
          lingering memories of both
          versions.

                         ADAM
          Wait a minute, what happened to...
          you know. Other Lou.

                         LOU
          You don't wanna know.

                         ADAM
          Lou...

                         

                         

                         

                         

          101.

                         LOU
          The kid sucked, OK? He couldn't
          take even a little bit of
          direction. Pretty soon I realized
          that having two versions of the
          same dude walking around -- as cool
          as that sounds -- didn't make very
          much sense to me.

                         NICK

          OK?

                         LOU
          So I took care of the problem.

                         NICK
          What did you do?

                         LOU
          I had to do it.

                         ADAM
          What did you do?

                         LOU
          I killed myself.

                         ADAM
          Jesus Christ.

                         LOU
          Yeah, it was really some
          existential shit. I mean, here I
          am committing homicide and I'm
          actually committing suicide.

                         NICK
          How could you?

                         LOU
          It was easy actually. For a
          minute, I thought I might be
          dealing with that whole Timecop
          thing. You know, the same matter
          can't occupy the same space at the
          same time bullshit and we both go
          poof? Especially after that whole
          nose thing. But no, it was just a
          murder. I didn't suffer.

                         ADAM
          I don't wanna hear any more.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          102.

                         LOU
          It was strangulation.

                         ADAM
          I don't wanna hear any more!
          They sit in horrified silence for a bit.

                         LOU
          You'll have to introduce me when we
          get there. Your families won't
          know me. Although I'm sure they're
          huge fans.

                         (ABRUPT)
          So hey, getting married, huh?
          Taking the plunge!
          Adam looks disturbed. Nick looks confused.

                         NICK
          This makes no sense at all.

          INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

          Lily looks beautiful, surrounded by FAMILY and FRIENDS.
          Still, she looks distant and lonely. Until --
          A LILY (the flower) comes into frame.
          Lily smiles and stands up. She turns around. Adam's
          standing there with a whole bouquet of flowers. Lily gives
          him a BIG HUG AND KISS. When she's done:

                         LILY
          Don't you ever let me take your
          phone again!

                         ADAM

                         (COY)
          I'm here on time. Just like I
          promised.
          Nick sits down next to COURTNEY and Jacob takes his seat.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          (no nerves at all)
          I'm so happy to see you and I can't
          wait to spend the rest of my life
          with you.

                         LILY

                         (TEARFUL)
          Me too!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          103.

                         ADAM
          You're the one.
          Lily notices Adam's on CRUTCHES.

                         LILY
          Oh my god, what happened?

          LOU (O.S.)
          My fault entirely, madam!
          The room is ABUZZ with CHATTER, as Lou makes a nearly REGAL
          ENTRANCE, wearing a WHITE TUXEDO.

          GUY AT TABLE
          Hey, it's Lou Blustein!
          The whole room APPLAUDS Lou, as he walks in. Adam and the
          guys can't believe it.

                         LOU
          I was partaking in a little ski
          adventure and I mistakenly wandered
          into your fiance's path. His
          broken leg is my broken heart. My
          most humble apologies.
          Lou scrapes and bows and regally kisses Lily's hand. She
          looks genuinely flattered.
          Lou gets up and whispers to Adam.

                         LOU (CONT'D)
          See? I'm awesome here. You
          shoulda stayed out of that tub.

                         CUT TO:

          INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT - LATER

          Nick SLOW DANCES with Courtney.

                         NICK
          I was thinking we'd invite Adam and
          Lily over for dinner when they get
          back from their honeymoon.
          That's... if it's OK with you?

                         COURTNEY
          Why wouldn't it be OK with me?
          That sounds nice.

                         (SMILES)

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          104.

                         COURTNEY (CONT'D)
          You look so good in this shirt, by
          the way. Nice choice.
          She puts her head on Nick's shoulder as they dance.

                         NICK
          So... how are your parents?

                         COURTNEY
          Still working hard. I really wish
          they could retire already, but it's
          tough competing with the big
          chains. I mean, they just have the
          one store...

                         FLASHBACK TO:

          EXT. HAVENHURST MAIN DRAG - 1987 - DAY

          The Japanese Businessman is on a PAY PHONE, speaking RAPIDLY
          in Japanese.

                         JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN

                         (IN JAPANESE)
          Hiro-san! Cancel the paperwork!
          We have to get back to Tokyo. I
          have inside information that
          undermines the supermarket deal.
          Nick stands next to him, nodding and SMILING WIDELY.

                         BACK TO:

          INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT - PRESENT DAY

          Nick enjoys dancing with his mellow, awesome wife.

                         NICK

                         (SMILES)
          You know what they say about hard
          work. Builds character.

          BY THE BAR
          Adam orders drinks, as his PHONE RINGS. He picks it up and
          in an instant, JACOB IS STANDING RIGHT BEFORE HIM as a VERY

          REALISTIC HOLOGRAM.

                         ADAM
          Ahh!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          105.

                         JACOB
          This is why we shouldn't have sold
          that iPod.
          Adam puts his hand through Jacob, who speaks with purpose.

                         JACOB (CONT'D)
          The Japanese have apparently
          cornered the technology sector over
          the past 20 years. We've dealt
          American businesses quite an
          irreparable blow.

                         ADAM
          What does that mean for us?

                         JACOB
          Pretty much nothing for us
          personally. We just get cooler
          phones and iPods and shit.

                         ADAM
          Oh. Great!
          Jacob CLICKS OFF and disappears, as Lily approaches. Adam
          can't help but beam from ear to ear.

                         ADAM (CONT'D)
          You're so beautiful.

                         LILY
          I know you were only gone for a
          couple days, but I missed you so
          much.
          Adam takes her hand.

                         ADAM
          Come on, let's get out of here. We
          have unfinished business.
          Lily smiles. She gets into it.

                         LILY
          It's about time. OK, what's the
          fantasy?

                         ADAM

                         (GENUINE)
          How about you're the woman I love
          and I'm the man of your dreams?

                         LILY
          Booor-ing!!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          106.

                         ADAM
          OK, you're a nurse and a snake bit
          my penis.

                         LILY
          Done and done.
          They bolt for the door and we

                         CUT TO:

          INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT - LATER

          The party is winding down and only a FEW GUESTS remain. At a
          table in the corner, Lou has an EXTENDED MAKE OUT SESSION
          with a STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL GIRL in her early 20s.
          They finally come up for air.

                         LOU
          So you're friends with the bride?

                         BEAUTIFUL GIRL
          Can you keep a secret? I'm
          actually kinda crashing the party.

                         LOU
          Naughty girl. You're secret's safe
          with me.

                         BEAUTIFUL GIRL
          I'm just in town for a couple of
          nights. I'm actually looking for
          my father. We've never met.

                         LOU
          I'm from here. Maybe I know him.

                         BEAUTIFUL GIRL
          His name is Hank Musselman.
          For a moment, Lou's expression FREEZES. He blinks. Then --

                         LOU
          No, never heard of him.
          He goes back to MAKING OUT WITH HER and we:

          FADE OUT.


                         THE END