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Malibu's Most Wanted Movie Script

Writer(s) : Fax Bahr, Adam Small, Jamie Kennedy, Nick Swardson

Genres : Comedy

Search IMDb : Malibus Most Wanted


                            Rev. 08/20/02 (2nd Blue)
                            Rev. 08/22/02 (2nd Pink)
                            Rev. 01/29/03 (2nd Yellow)




MALIBU'S MOST WANTED

               Written by
        Fax Bahr & Adam Small &
    Jamie Kennedy and Nick Swardson


                Story by
      Nick Swardson & Jamie Kennedy
and Fax Bahr & Adam Small & Jamie Kennedy




                            FULL YELLOW DRAFT
                            July 25, 2002

                       MALIBU'S MOST WANTED
     MUSIC: GRAND MASTER FLASH'S "The Message" KICKS IN and
     as MAIN TITLES ROLL we...

     FADE IN:

1    EXT. PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY - DAY                            1
     A tricked-out Cadillac Escalade with the windows tinted
     deep black rolls INTO FRAME.
                              FLASH (V.O.)
                'It's like a jungle sometimes,
                It makes me wonder how I keep from
                  going under...'
A1   ESCALADE                                                    A1
     passes three people doing tai chi on a bluff overlooking
     the ocean...
                              FLASH (V.O.)
                'Broken glass everywhere, people
                pissing on the stairs
                you know they just don't care...'

B1   ESCALADE                                                    B1
     passes a gorgeous Labrador retriever snatching a Frisbee
     midair...
                              FLASH (V.O.)
                'Can't take the smell,
                Can't take the noise,
                Got no money to move out
                I guess I got no choice...'

C1   ESCALADE                                                    C1
     passes two horse back riders galloping along the beach...
                              FLASH (V.O.)
                'Rats in the front room,
                Roaches in the back...'

D1   ESCALADE                                                    D1
     passes a gleaming mansion with a massive putting green-
     like lawn...
                                                (CONTINUED)

                                                              2.

D1   CONTINUED:                                                    D1
                                FLASH (V.O.)
                  'Junkie's in the alley
                  With a baseball bat...'

E1   ESCALADE                                                      E1
     passes blonde Little Leaguers playing baseball in crisp
     new uniforms.
                                FLASH (V.O.)
                  'A crazy lady, livin' in a bag,
                  Eatin' outta garbage pails,
                  Used to be a fag hag...'

F1   ESCALADE                                                      F1
     passes two rich housewives clutching shopping bags from
     the most expensive stores on the planet...
                                FLASH (V.O.)
                  'Don't push me cuz I'm close to
                    the edge,
                  I'm tryin', not to lose my
                    head...'

G1   ANGLE ON ESCALADE                                             G1
     Drives through a security gate and into a gated community
     of brand new mansions...
                                FLASH (V.O.)
                  'It's like a jungle sometimes, it
                    makes me wonder,
                  How I keep from goin' under...'
                                                    CUT TO:

2    EXT. GLUCKMAN MANSION (MALIBU) - DAY                          2
     A small crowd and the press are gathered around BILL
     GLUCKMAN, his wife BESS (40s, lots of plastic surgery)
     and daughter BRENDA (11) who are on the porch of their
     12,000-square-foot mansion.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                               3.

2   CONTINUED:                                                      2
                               BILL
                 ... And so if you elect me
                 governor, I promise to take care
                 of California the same way I take
                 care of my own family; with
                 compassion, caring, kindness, and
                 most of all, with an interest in
                 everyone. My friends...
                         (catch phrase)
                 'California is my family!'
    The crowd cheers and waves "Gluckman For Governor" signs.
                               BILL
                 Speaking of family, I'd like to
                 introduce my wife Bess...
    Bess smiles and waves.
                               BILL
                 ... and my daughter, little
                 Brenda.
    Brenda smiles and waves like a campaign-trail veteran.
                               BILL
                 Any questions?
    The press begins shouting questions.       Bill picks...
                              BILL
                 Deb?
                               REPORTER #1
                 Where's your son?

    Bill is instantly flustered and TOM GIBBONS, Bill's
    campaign manager (African-American, but the soul of
    William F. Buckley) steps in front of Bill.
                               TOM
                 Thank you for all your questions,
                 but we've run out of...
    Just then the ground shakes with a frightening RUMBLE.
    Everyone quiets down -- is it an earthquake?   As the
    RUMBLE HITS again, the surface of the water in the koi
    pond ripples, a la Jurassic Park.
    Reporters look around anxiously as another RUMBLE HITS;
    Bill's face falls as he sees...
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                             4.

2   CONTINUED:    (2)                                               2
    The Escalade rolls into the driveway, hopping up and down
    on its amped-up hydraulics like something from Crenshaw
    Boulevard on a Friday night.
    The rear doors pop open and MOCHA (a.k.a. CHADWICK VAN
    PELT), dressed head to toe in hip-hop gear, steps out of
    the passenger side.
                                MOCHA
                 Yo yo yoooo!   Listen up, y'all!
    He lays down a beat "human beat box"-style as MONSTER
    (a.k.a. MIRIAM SHAIDELBAUM) climbs out. She's big,
    wearing short shorts, a tight leather halter, huge hoop
    earrings and oversized designer sunglasses.
                               MONSTER
                 Y'all better chill...
    Next out is HADJI (a.k.a. YUSEF AMIRASLANI), a skinny
    Persian kid with cornrows.
                               HADJI
                 ... 'cuz B-Rad G about to get
                 ill!!!
    The driver's door swings open, and a gleaming white      pair
    of four hundred dollar, untied Nike sneaks as they      step
    to the pavement; we CRANE UP, PAST Nike sweats, to      BRAD
    GLUCKMAN, wearing a do rag under his Nike baseball      cap.
                               BRAD
                 Yo! What's up all you media
                 people?! This is B-Rad G, kickin'
                 it real from the 'bu,
                 represizzin'!!!
    Four fine white girls in bikini tops, vinyl shorts and
    Timberlands come out and dance behind Brad, shaking
    everything they've got. Reporters move in like vultures.
                               BRAD
                 'Y'all gathered here on this
                   special occasion.
                 Listen to my pops, he's your
                   West Coast liaison'
                 So show up, don't make me throw
                   up.
                               (MORE)
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                             5.

2   CONTINUED:    (3)                                             2
                               BRAD (CONT'D)
                 Take out your purse and cough some
                   dough up.
                 My chickens get wit you, if you
                   vote right.
                 And don't worry y'all, cuz my
                   girls is tight.
                 Immigration, education, runaway
                   inflation.
                 California ain't flowin' like old
                   constipation.
                 Vote Bill G on your election
                   ballot.
                 If you don't I'm gonna hit you wit
                   a mallot!
                 Get Glucked y'all!
    Tom again steps in and blocks Brad from view.
                               TOM
                 That's it for today, guys, very
                 busy schedule, thank you!!
    Reporters shout questions as Tom herds Bill up the steps.
    Two staff members hustle Brad into the house.
                                                   CUT TO:

3   INT. MANSION - DEN - 15 MINUTES LATER                         3
    Bill Gluckman's election team (GARY, JEN, and BRETT) work
    the phones as Tom paces; Bill stares out the window,
    lost.

                               TOM
                 What's the damage?
                               JEN
                 We're down nine points in the
                 polls.
                               BILL
                 In fifteen minutes?
                                 GARY
                 And dropping.
                               BILL
                 It's a disaster.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                             6.

3   CONTINUED:                                                    3
                               TOM
                 What's the spin?
                               BRETT
                 I called the Times and the
                 Chronicle, they're gonna play the
                 whole thing off as a joke.
                              BILL
                 Thank God.
                               TOM
                 How the hell did this happen?

                               BILL
                 I have no idea. I thought he was
                 out of town.
                               TOM
                 Jen, I gave you specific orders to
                 get some handlers and keep Brad
                 locked down until after the
                 announcement.
                               JEN
                 I did! They flew to the ranch in
                 Maui last night!
                               TOM
                 Maui?! Wasn't he at the villa in
                 South Hampton?
                               BILL
                 I thought he was at the chalet in
                 Aspen.

                               GARY
                         (checking laptop)
                 Nope... It was the compound in
                 Bermuda.
                               TOM
                 Oh for God's sake!   Can't we --
    Brad enters and Tom shuts up.
                               BRAD
                 Yo, Pops, that was off the
                 hizzook! I just got you another
                 million votes right dare!
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                              7.

3   CONTINUED:    (2)                                                   3
    Brad's pants are so baggy, they fall to his ankles,
    exposing his boxers. Brad pulls them up.
                               BILL
                 What are you doing here, son?
                               BRAD
                 I knew I had to show up in order
                 for you to blow up. So I had
                 Captain Tony fire up the Lear
                 jizzy and booya! I'm in da hizzy,
                 gonna be on the campaign trizzy,
                 24/seven, you know, kissin' babies
                 and whatnot. Pound it!

    Brad holds out his fist and Bill reluctantly hits it.          On
    his way out, Brad chest-bumps Tom.
                               TOM
                 Bill, you've got to shut this
                 down, now. Tell Brad he can't
                 work with you, period.
                               BILL
                 No, no. I love his enthusiasm...
                 It's just a little misguided.
                 There must be something he can do
                 for the campaign, where he can't
                 hurt us.
                               TOM
                 Such as...?
                               BILL
                 I don't know... phones, stuffing
                 envelopes, making signs,
                 something.
                                                    CUT TO:

4   EXT. HANCOCK PARK - BACK YARD - DAY                                 4
    Bill is at the end of a stirring speech to the Women's
    Organization of California.
                               BILL
                 ... in Bill Gluckman's
                 administration, women will have
                 better health care, women will
                 have better day care, and women
                 will have better jobs! From here
                 on in, my campaign has a new
                 slogan!
                                                 (CONTINUED)

                                                             8.

4   CONTINUED:                                                    4
    IN WINGS
    Tom signals Brad, who enthusiastically yanks a cord, and
    we...
                                                   CUT TO:

    WIDE SHOT - HUGE BANNER
    unfurls behind Bill. It is spray-painted graffiti-style,
    and reads: "BILL GLUCKMAN'S DOWN WITH THE BITCHES AND
    HO'S!"


    IN WINGS
    Brad looks on proudly; Tom closes his eyes, a migraine
    kicking in.
                                                   CUT TO:

5   INT. LIMO - DAY                                               5
    An angry mob of women chase the limo as it backs down the
    driveway full speed.
                            BILL
                      (stunned, hollow)
              Bill Gluckman's down with the
              bitches and ho's'?
                               TOM
                 It was supposed to read, 'Women
                 are first with Gluckman.'

                               BRAD
                 That's old school. Pops, you got
                 to keep your pimp hand strong.
                                                   CUT TO:

6   EXT. GLUCKMAN MANSION - DAY                                   6
    The limo pulls in.     Bill, Tom and Brad get out.
                               BRAD
                 Peep y'all later. I'ma go work on
                 my new campaign rhyme, 'Election
                 Erection.' It's gonna be large!
                 Yo! I'ma start on a new sign.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                              9.

6   CONTINUED:                                                     6
    He heads for the house.
                               TOM
                 That's it, Bill. If Brad doesn't
                 straighten up, your political
                 career is finished.
                               BILL
                 No, Tom. I promise you, I will
                 not lose this election over my
                 son.
                               TOM
                 What are you going to do?

                               BILL
                 Set up an appointment with my
                 shrink.
                                                    CUT TO:

7   INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY                               7
    Plush. Brad sits unhappily on an overstuffed couch
    opposite DR. FELDMAN. Bess and Bill sit off to the side.
                               DR. FELDMAN
                 So... Bradley...
                               BRAD
                 Why you keep callin' me dat?
                               DR. FELDMAN
                 Well that's your name, isn't it?

                               BRAD
                 It's my slave name, a'ight?    I
                 told you like fi'ty times.
                               DR. FELDMAN
                         (sighs)
                 Yes, okay... B-Rad...
                              BRAD
                 Wassup?
                               DR. FELDMAN
                 Let's play an association game.
    He picks up three CD's, keeping the backs to Brad.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                              10.

7   CONTINUED:                                                      7
                               DR. FELDMAN
                 Alright, B-Rad. I want you to
                 look at these...
    He turns the first one around. It's an NWA CD. Next is
    a Snoop CD, then a Naz CD, and last is Brad's high school
    yearbook photo.
                               DR. FELDMAN
                 Now, which one doesn't belong?
                               BRAD
                 Shoot. N.W.A., fool.   They broke
                 up a long time ago.

                               BILL
                         (losing temper)
                 Dammit, Brad, stop acting like a
                 gang member. You're from Malibu,
                 you live in a nice home...
                               BESS
                 With nice maids!
                               DR. FELDMAN
                 Bill, Bess, go to your happy
                 places.
    Bill sits back, frustrated.
                               DR. FELDMAN
                 What are your goals, B-Rad?    What
                 do you want out of life?
                               BRAD
                 To be the biggest rapper dere ever
                 was! See, I got something to say,
                 and I need the world to hear it.
                 I'm the shiznit. I'll buy y'all
                 cars!
                               DR. FELDMAN
                 I see. And when did you first
                 start feeling like you were
                 this... shiznit?
                               BRAD
                 Oh, damn... way back in the day.
                 I've had these beats in my head
                 since I was a little shortie...
                                               DISSOLVE TO:

                                                           11.

8   FLASHBACK - INT. GLUCKMAN LIVING ROOM - DAY (1980)           8
    Toddler Brad (3 years old) sits on the floor, playing
    with a toy as GLADYS, Brad's housekeeper (African-
    American, thirty) vacuums, while listening to her
    Walkman. The PHONE RINGS, Gladys pulls off her Walkman
    headphones and answers the RINGING PHONE.
                            GLADYS
              Gluckman residence.
    Brad takes the headphones and pulls them over his ears.
                            GLADYS
              No, Bill and Bess are out of the
              country until December.

    His eyes go wide as the hip-hop gold enters his head for
    the first time...
                            BRAD (V.O.)
              From then on it was hip-hop
              24/seven.
                                            DISSOLVE TO:

9   INT. GLUCKMAN DINING ROOM - NIGHT (1984)                     9
    SEVEN-YEAR-OLD BRAD sits alone at the table, wearing a
    Run DMC hat (a la "Rock Box", playing with his food. His
    headphones, around his neck, BLARE NWA.
                            BESS (V.O.)
              Finish those vegetables, Bradley.
                            BILL (V.O.)
              You can't be excused until you do.

                             SEVEN-YEAR-OLD-BRAD
              Tch.   Forget y'all.
    REVEAL: on the table across from Brad is a video
    conference system. Both parents are on separate monitors
    -- Bess's has a sign that reads, "Paris," and Bill's
    reads, "Tokyo." There is a place setting in front of
    each monitor, as if they're dining with him.
                            BILL (V.O.)
              That's it, mister.
                            BESS (V.O.)
              When we get home... sometime in
              the near future... you're going to
              be in big trouble!!
                                                (CONTINUED)

                                                            12.

9    CONTINUED:                                                   9
     Using the remote, Brad changes the channel on his
     parents' monitors to "Yo MTV Raps."
                                             DISSOLVE TO:

10   INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY (PRESENT)                   10
                                DR. FELDMAN
                  What I'm sensing, Brad, is that
                  your parents weren't really there
                  for you.
                               BRAD
                  Nope.
                                BESS
                          (defensive)
                  That's ridiculous!
                                BILL
                  What about your bar mitzvah?
                                             DISSOLVE TO:

11   FLASHBACK - INT. GLUCKMAN MANSION - LIVING ROOM - DAY        11
     (1990)
     Bill and Bess enter with suitcases. The house is crowded
     with relatives and Brad's 13-year-old friends.
                                BILL
                  Mazel tov, Bradley!

     UNCLE LOUIE, fifty and fat, with prayer shawl and
     yarmulke, moves past them and calls out to Brad:
                                UNCLE LOUIE (O.S.)
                  What's the theme of your party,
                  kid? Star Wars? Baseball?
                  Superheroes?
     REVEAL: THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD BRAD dressed like Flava Flav,
     a big clock around his neck, looking like he's just
     smelled a fart.
                                BRAD
                  It's O.P.P., bitch!
     Brad exits through French doors, and as we FOLLOW him
     OUTSIDE NAUGHTY BY NATURE'S "O.P.P." KICKS IN.

                                                           13.

12   EXT. GLUCKMAN MANSION - BACK YARD   - SAME TIME             12
     It's like we've suddenly stepped into a hard-core rap
     video -- big-bootied home girls in bikinis freak with
     clean-cut Jewish kids as the staff serve barbecue and
     malt liquor to the freaked-out guests. Among them, we
     see a 13-year-old HADJI, MONSTER, and MOCHA, all nicely-
     dressed for temple. Above, a huge spray-painted banner
     reads: "MAZEL TIZZOV B-RAD, ON HIS BAR MITZVAH!"
                                            DISSOLVE TO:

13   OMITTED                                                     13
&                                                                &
14                                                               14


15   INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY (PRESENT)                  15
     Bess sniffles and dabs her eyes.
                             DR. FELDMAN
               Bess, I'm sensing you'd like to
               share.
                             BESS
               B-Rad, you're a wonderful son...
               it's just that, well --
                             BILL
               Oh stop beating around the bush,
               Bess. What we're trying to say
               is, Brad, that your behavior is,
               well, it's an embarrassment to the
               family.

                             BRAD
               Yo, Pops, that hurts my feelings.
                             BILL
               I'm sorry, but it's the truth.
                             BRAD
               Don't be hatin'.
                             BILL
               And, Brad... I can't have you on
               the campaign any longer.
                             BRAD
               What?! Oh that's how it is?
               A'ight then. I'm Audi! I need to
               take a drive.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

                                                                14.

15    CONTINUED:                                                      15
      Brad leaves, slamming the door behind him.
                                 BESS
                   What can we do, doctor?
                                 DR. FELDMAN
                   Well, his lack of parental
                   guidance left Brad wide open to
                   outside influence, allowing hip-
                   hop culture to firmly imprint on
                   his psyche.
                                 BILL
                   Do you think we can bring him
                   back?
                                 DR. FELDMAN
                           (grim)
                   I don't know. This is the most
                   advanced case of gangsta-phrenia
                   I've ever seen.
                                 BESS
                   Oh no, not gangsta-phrenia!
                                                      CUT TO:

A15   EXT. GLUCKMAN BACK YARD - POOLSIDE - DAY                        A15
      Brad relaxes in a lounge chair, wearing sunglasses and
      sipping on a forty. Bess enters wearing a Chanel suit.
      She sits on the lounge chair next to him.
                                 BESS
                   Bradley, I know you're busy, but
                   we need to talk.
      Brad lifts his sunglasses and turns to his mother.
                                BRAD
                   What's up?
                                 BESS
                   After our therapy session I
                   realized that your father and I
                   could have been better parents.
                   We neglected you and I feel
                   terrible.
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                                 14A.
      MALIBU'S MOST WANTED - Rev. 8/22/02 (2nd Pink)
A15   CONTINUED:                                                        A15
                                   BRAD
                   For real?
                                 BESS
                   Yes.  So from here on out I'm
                   going to be a better mother. I
                   want to get closer to you... be
                   there for you. If ever you
                   need --
      Just then, her CELL PHONE RINGS.         She pulls it out from
      her hip and answers.
                                 BESS
                   Hello? Celeste! When did you get
                   back?! What?! Oh my God! I've
                   been waiting for that bag for six
                   months!
                           (to Brad, covering
                            phone)
                   It's my personal shopper.
                           (back to phone)
                   Stay right there. I'm on my way!
      She stands.
                                 BESS
                   So... where we... Oh yes. I'm
                   always here for you, Bradley. Do
                   you have my cell number?
      She hands Brad a piece of paper and exits. Brad pulls
      down his shades and takes a long sip from his forty.


16    OMITTED                                                           16

17    EXT. GLUCKMAN MANSION - PATIO - NOON                              17
      Brad sits at the massive dining room table as Gladys pours
      him a big glass of grape juice, then cuts up his food.
                                   BRAD
                   Gladys?
                                   GLADYS
                   Yeah?
                                 BRAD
                   Ever feel like you don't belong?
                                                       (CONTINUED)

                                                        14B.

17   CONTINUED: (A1)                                           17
                             GLADYS
               All the time, baby. Most folks
               only feel comfortable around folks
               who are the same as them. When
               they meet someone different, they
               get scared and angry, wanna keep
               'em down.
                                               (CONTINUED)

                                                               15.

17   CONTINUED:                                                      17
                                BRAD
                  What do you do about it?
                                GLADYS
                  Nothin' to do but keep it real.
                  Be proud of who you are.
                                BRAD
                  Yeah, you right... Gladys, when
                  they gonna leave our people alone?
                                GLADYS
                          (emotional)
                  I don't know, baby, I just don't
                  know...
                          (notices Brad's plate)
                  Eat your greens before they get
                  cold, boy.
     A PAGER GOES OFF. Brad searches his pockets, pulls out a
     pager -- that's not it; pulls out another pager -- that's
     not it either; pulls out a two-way -- that's the one.
                                BRAD
                          (reading pager)
                  Oh no, not again!
     He gets up and runs out of the room.
                                                     CUT TO:

18   INT. CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS - WAR ROOM - DAY (SAME TIME)         18
     Bill, Tom, the staff, and several AIDES of varying
     ethnicity are mid-meeting.
                                TOM
                  How'd it go with Feldman?
                                BILL
                  Great news. If he sees Brad five
                  days a week, he says we'll see
                  improvement in three to four
                  years.
                                JEN
                  But... the election's in two
                  months.
                                BILL
                  Right, good point.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                               16.

18   CONTINUED:                                                      18
                                TOM
                  We've been brainstorming on some
                  different approaches, and I think
                  we may have something solid here.
                                  BILL
                  I'm all ears.
                                  TOM
                  Guys?
     The team gathers around -- it's a gang pitch.
                                BRETT
                  Brad might act 'ghetto,' but let's
                  face it, he's never been east of
                  Beverly Hills.
                                JEN
                  But what if we give him a little
                  dose of reality?
                                GARY
                  Let him get a firsthand look at
                  the ghetto.
                                BILL
                  You mean, have Brad actually... go
                  there?
                                  TOM
                  Exactly.
                                BILL
                  Sounds dangerous...

                                BRETT
                  It'll be perfectly safe.
                                BILL
                  How does it work?
                                JEN
                  We hire actors to play gangsters.
                                TOM
                  They car-jack Brad,     then take him
                  on a 'tour' of the     'hood... give
                  him a little taste     of what thug
                  life's really like.      It might just
                  scare the black out     of him.
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                              17.

18   CONTINUED:    (2)                                              18
     Tom gets strange looks from everyone.
                               AFRICAN-AMERICAN AIDE
                  Excuse me?
                                TOM
                  Look, I'm as down as the next
                  brother, guy... fellah. I grew up
                  in Compton, okay? But let's get
                  over the P.C. thing and face
                  facts. Unless we do something
                  soon, Brad's gonna cost us this
                  election.

     The team all nods.
                                BILL
                  I don't know... it sounds so drastic.
                                TOM
                  Maybe drastic is what Brad needs,
                  Bill. He is twenty-four. I mean,
                  what's he gonna do for a living,
                  rap?
     They all chuckle.     Bill sighs.
                                BILL
                  Who do we get for the gangsters?
                                TOM
                  Remember the anti-crime spot we
                  shot last month?
                                GARY
                  We've got it cued up.
     They turn to the TV and Gary hits PLAY.
     On the monitor:     A Gluckman campaign ad plays.

19   EXT. GHETTO BASKETBALL COURT - DAY                             19
     A young, black gangbanger (SEAN), glares at camera.
                                NARRATOR (V.O.)
                  For too long, street violence has
                  torn Californians apart...
     A second banger (PJ), glares at camera.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              18.

19   CONTINUED:                                                     19
                                NARRATOR (V.O.)
                  Bill Gluckman wants to put our
                  divisions behind us.
     We cut wide: to reveal Bill Gluckman standing in between
     the two gangbangers. He's in shirtsleeves, tie loosened.
                                BILL (V.O.)
                  Fellas, instead of thinking of
                  yourselves as what set you're
                  from, or what crew you're rolling
                  with, why can't you both be
                  brothers. What do you say?

                                SEAN (V.O.)
                  I guess we never thought of each
                  other like that.
                                PJ (V.O.)
                  Me neither, dawg.
     PJ and Sean think is over, nod and shake hands.
                                BILL (V.O.)
                  You see...
                          (turning to camera)
                  'California is my family'...
     Cut to angle on Bill and the gangbangers playing
     basketball, having a wonderful time.
                                BILL (V.O.)
                  If we work together as a family
                  there's no telling how high we can
                  go.

     Bill flies by, obviously from an O.S. trampoline, and
     soars over the gangbangers for a monster dunk.
     Freeze on:     the two awestruck "gangbangers."

18   BACK TO SCENE                                                  18
     As they talk we see Brad, out the window, raising a
     banner.
                             TOM
               Those are our guys, right there.
                                BILL
                  Will he be safe?
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                               19.

18   CONTINUED:                                                      18
                                 TOM
                  Absolutely.
                                BILL
                          (fed up and
                           confused)
                  I don't know... can't we just...
     He looks out the window and sees Brad's new banner.       It
     reads, in graffiti colors: "ELECTION ERECTION."
                                BILL
                  Alright, fine, just do it.

                                                     CUT TO:

20   INT. MALI-BREW - DAY                                            20
     Brad urgently runs into the Mali-Brew Coffee Shop
     (Starbucks clone), where he and his crew spend ninety
     percent of their time. He is stopped at the door by a
     very worried Mocha and Monster.
                                 BRAD
                  Lemme go.
                                MOCHA
                  You don't want to see him like dis.
                                BRAD
                  What happened?
                                MOCHA
                  He O.D.'d again.

                                BRAD
                  Why didn't you stop him?
                                 MONSTER
                  I tried, yo!
                                BRAD
                  How many did he do?
                                MOCHA
                  Like twelve, thirteen, I don't
                  know!
                                BRAD
                  Damn. Twelve Frapachizzo's.
                  Brotha's caffeined out. Move
                  aside.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                                20.

20    CONTINUED:                                                      20
      Brad pushes past and looks on in horror at Hadji, pacing
      and talking to himself like a rabid dog on angel dust.
                                 HADJI
                   I'ma get mine! Step, fool!   I'll
                   cut you, I swear!
                                 BRAD
                   Just chill, Hadji, we're here to
                   help. What's up?
                                 HADJI
                           (frenzied)
                   I... I... I was pickin' up
                   aromatherapy candles at
                   Illuminations for Moms, right?
                   And the counter trick gave me
                   lemon when I specifically axed for
                   lilac!
      Brad turns to Hadji.
                                  BRAD
                   It's on now!
      MUSIC:   PUBLIC ENEMY'S "Fight The Power" KICKS IN as
      we --
                                                      CUT TO:

A20   EXT. MALI-BREW - DAY                                            A20
      Brad, followed by his crew, exit, ready for battle.
                                                      CUT TO:


B20   INT. MALL - DAY                                                 B20
      We're still listening to     "FIGHT THE POWER," only now it's
      a Muzac version, piped in     through the mall's PA SYSTEM.
      Brad, Hadji, Monster and     Mocha strut through the mall.
      Rich shoppers get out of     the way.
                                                      CUT TO:

C20   INT. MALL - ILLUMINATIONS - MOMENTS LATER                       C20
      Brad and his crew approach the OLD WOMAN CASHIER.
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                               21.

C20   CONTINUED:                                                     C20
                                 BRAD
                   Yo, fool! We got some hard-core
                   drama 'bout to go down right neow!!
                                  HADJI
                   Dat's right!
                                 BRAD
                   Dis is our mall. Always was and
                   always will be!
                                  MOCHA
                   Woof woof!

                                 OLD WOMAN
                   Oh, Mr. Amiraslani. I'm so glad
                   you came back. Our clerk
                   accidentally gave you the wrong
                   aromatherapy candles. Here you
                   go.
      She hands Hadji a box marked "Lilac."
                                 BRAD
                   You better be validatin' my
                   parking?
                                 OLD WOMAN
                   Of course, sir.
                                 BRAD
                   Dat's what I'm talkin' 'bout.    We
                   get ours!
                                                     CUT TO:

21    EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY                                         21
      Tom, standing by a limo, is speaking with Sean and PJ,
      dressed as their actual, preppy selves.
                                 SEAN
                           (incredulous)
                   Hold the phone, buddy... you want
                   us to scare this kid until he
                   starts acting like a nice little
                   white boy again?
                                 TOM
                   Don't think you can handle it?
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                               22.

21   CONTINUED:                                                      21
                                SEAN
                  Of course I can handle it. I
                  studied at Juilliard for God's
                  sake.
                                  TOM
                  Fantastic.
     Tom hands them a manila envelope.
                                TOM
                  Here's some background information
                  on Brad.

     PJ pulls Brad's CD from the envelope.
     INSERT - CD COVER
     It is Brad, throwing the Malibu sign, surrounded by women
     in thongs with gigantic asses. The title, in graffiti
     font, reads: "MALI-BOOTAY!"
                                  PJ (O.S.)
                  Malibootay?
     BACK TO SCENE
                                TOM
                  He considers himself a 'rapper.'
                                  SEAN
                  Frickin' A.
     They all laugh.        Tom hands them a checklist/itinerary.

                                TOM
                  Okay, so here's the story -- it's
                  your basic kidnapping...
                                SEAN
                  So we hold him for ransom?
                                 TOM
                  Right.   But when you see   him
                  acting ghetto and all, it    pisses
                  you off  so much, you tour   him
                  around the 'hood to show    him what
                  things are really like.
                          (hands PJ a list)
                  I had my guys brainstorm    a few
                  ideas...
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                             23.

21   CONTINUED:    (2)                                             21
                                PJ
                          (reading list)
                  'Mugging, drive-by shooting, crack
                  deal gone bad...'
                                SEAN
                  Why don't you have him steal some
                  watermelon while you're at it?
                                TOM
                  Pays fifteen grand apiece.
                                SEAN AND PJ
                          (quickly)
                  We're in.
                                 TOM
                  Good.
                                SEAN
                  Wait -- we're kidnapping him,
                  couldn't we get arrested?
                                TOM
                  Got you covered. Mr. Gluckman's a
                  billionaire -- if you run into any
                  problems with the law, we're very
                  close with the commissioner. On
                  the flip side, if you screw up and
                  a single hair is touched on
                  Bradley's over-privileged head, I
                  will make sure that you do serious
                  time. Clear?
                                 SEAN
                  Cris... tal.
                                 TOM
                  Good.
                                PJ
                  What about the money?
     Pulls out a smaller envelope.
                                TOM
                  Five up front, twenty-five when
                  you return him to us, white.
                                SEAN
                  ... As the driven snow.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                              24.

21   CONTINUED:    (3)                                              21
                                TOM
                  I'll call you.
     Tom gets in the limo and leaves as Sean and PJ head for
     their car.
                                PJ
                  Congrats, my brother.   We just
                  booked another gig.
                                SEAN
                  Yeah, but it's totally dangerous,
                  dude. You know what it's like in
                  the 'hood. We could get shot!

                                PJ
                  We can handle ourselves. Come on,
                  man, it's the ultimate acting
                  challenge.
                                SEAN
                  You know what really chaps  my ass?
                  After years of training and  study,
                  the only parts they'll give  us are
                  gangbangers. Just once I'd   like
                  to play a character who has  decent
                  grammar and doesn't wear
                  Timberlands.
                                PJ
                  Beats gettin' dunked on by Bill
                  Gluckman.
                                SEAN
                  Do we even know anybody down
                  there?
     They think, then come up with it at the same time.
                               PJ
                  My cousin.
                               SEAN
                  Shondra.
                                                    CUT TO:
22   INT. MALL FOOD COURT - WIENIE IN A BUN - CLOSE ON              22
     SHONDRA - DAY
     in a Wienie In a Bun uniform, chewing gum and looking
     like she's smelling something nasty.
                                                (CONTINUED)

                                                            25.

22   CONTINUED:                                                    22
     She's at the counter facing Sean and PJ.     PJ studies the
     menu.
                                SHONDRA
                  You zooted, nigga?

     WIDER
                                SEAN
                  Honest to God.
                                SHONDRA
                  That's the stupidest thing I ever
                  heard. I got better things to do
                  with my time, boy.
                                SEAN
                  Like work at Wienie In A Bun?
                                PJ
                  Really. You're the one always
                  talkin' about improvin' yourself.
                                SHONDRA
                  I am improvin' myself, fool. I
                  broke up with no-good gang-bangin'
                  Tec, I'm going to beauty school,
                  then I'ma hook up my own salon...
                                PJ
                  In the meantime, how about hooking
                  a brother up with a Pepsi and some
                  fries?
                                SHONDRA
                  Shut up, stupid.
                                SEAN
                  Do this, Shondra. You'll get some
                  real money so you can quit this
                  minimum wage crap and start up
                  your business.
                                SHONDRA
                  What you payin'?
                               SEAN
                  A grand.
                                SHONDRA
                  Make it trey, we on.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

                                                             25A.

22   CONTINUED:    (2)                                              22
                                SEAN
                  Jesus Christ, three grand?
                                SHONDRA
                  Or you can kiss my ass.
                                 PJ
                  Deal.   Now how about those fries?
     MUSIC:   An UPTEMPO RAP TRACK KICKS IN as we...
                                                   CUT TO:

                                                             26.

A22   INT. SEAN AND PJ'S APARTMENT - NIGHT                         A22
      Sean sits on a second-hand couch in their barren, low-
      rent apartment, concentrating on reading an Ebonics
      dictionary. PJ enters from outside, sweating and
      carrying a heavy box marked: "JOHN'S PROP HOUSE." He
      wears a stylish Nike baseball cap.
                              PJ
                We're strapped now, my brother.
      He sets the box down and begins pulling out guns.
                              SEAN
                They have everything we ordered?

                              PJ
                Glocks, Uzis, Tec-9s...
      PJ takes off the cap to wipe his brow, revealing that his
      hair has been braided into cornrows.
                              SEAN
                What the hell is that?
                              PJ
                Oh, my hair? Shondra just did it.
                        (off Sean's look)
                What? You hate it?
                              SEAN
                No. I just think it's a choice my
                character would have made.
                              PJ
                Don't go there, Sean. You're just
                jealous you didn't think of it
                first.
                              SEAN
                Whatever.
                                              DISSOLVE TO:

      SAME SCENE - LATER
      Sean enters with a big box marked "THUG LIFE." He has on
      a wig identical to Larenz Tate's braids and beads in
      Menace II Society.
                              SEAN
                Okay, got the gangsta wear.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                               27.

A22   CONTINUED:                                                     A22
      PJ bursts into laughter.
                                 SEAN
                   What's so funny?
                                 PJ
                   That wig, man! I didn't know this
                   was Halloween. Bring me back some
                   candy!
      He doubles over, falling on the floor.
                                SEAN
                   Whatever.

      Sean yanks the wig off and whips it into the corner.
                                              DISSOLVE TO:

      SAME SCENE - LATER
      PJ has on baggy jeans. Sean yanks them down so his
      boxers are hanging out. PJ smiles -- perfect.
                                              DISSOLVE TO:

      SAME SCENE - LATER
      PJ and Sean, now in full gangsta gear, practice their
      pimp struts...
                                              DISSOLVE TO:


      SAME SCENE - LATER
      Sean and PJ stand side by side in front of a full-length
      mirror, practicing making angry faces and pulling guns
      from their pants, as we...
                                             SMASH CUT TO:

      CLOSE ON SEAN
      His face filled with rage.
                                 SEAN
                   Gimme your ride, punk, or I will
                   dust yo ass!
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                                     27A.

A22   CONTINUED:    (2)                                                     A22
      WIDEN to reveal PJ watching Sean, shaking his head.
                                 PJ
                   Nope, you're not convincing me.
                   Remember your core character.
                   You're an oppressed black man from
                   the ghetto.
                                 SEAN
                   Yeah, I know, I'm having trouble
                   finding this one. Lemme try it
                   again.  Gimme your ride, punk, or
                   I will dust yo ass!

                                 PJ
                   Add a 'beeyotch' and I think
                   you're there.
      MUSIC: the MUSIC SEGUES from our MONTAGE RAP BEAT TO
      Mocha's HUMAN BEAT BOX, as we...
                                                 DISSOLVE TO:

B22   EXT. MALI-BREW PARKING LOT - LOW ANGLE - DAY                          B22
      as a car door opens, boots hit the pavement, and
      Shondra's incredibly fine ass slides INTO FRAME.          We
      FOLLOW it as it moves to:

23    INT. MALI-BREW - DAY                                                  23
      Shondra enters, looking ghetto fab hot. People look at
      her like she just landed from Mars. She raises her
      sunglasses, sees Brad and crew playing dominoes at a
      table. Brad slaps down the winner; points at Monster.
                                 BRAD
                   I'm thin to win!
                           (raps to Monster)
                   'The name is B-Rad,
                   Not Robbie Van Winkle...
                   Go get my latte nonfat,
                   And don't forget the sprinkle!'
      They pound and congratulate Brad on his      brilliance.
      Shondra drops her shades back down and      moves in. Hadji
      sees her first. His jaw drops, then he       tugs on Mocha's
      shirt, whose jaw drops, then Mocha tugs      on Brad's shirt.
                                 BRAD
                   Yo, what up, fool?   I'm --
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                                27B.

23   CONTINUED:    (A1)                                                23
     Brad sees Shondra and freezes.      Everything goes SLOW
     MOTION.

     BRAD'S POV - SHONDRA
     strutting toward him.

     BACK TO SCENE
                                  BRAD
                  Girl you fly.

                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                               28.

23   CONTINUED:                                                      23
                                 SHONDRA
                  Thank you.
                                BRAD
                  Let me get them tig ol' bitties.
                                 SHONDRA
                  Word up.
     She throws open her shirt, and before we see anything
     we...
                                                     CUT TO:


     REVERSE ANGLE - BRAD
     His eyes go wide, then we're...
     BACK TO REAL TIME: Brad snaps to as Shondra brushes by
     and then moves to the counter.
                                BARISTA
                  Can I help you?
                                 SHONDRA
                  Coffee.
                                BARISTA
                  Tall, Grande, Venti, nonfat,
                  soy --
                                 SHONDRA
                  Big...
                          (pointed)
                  ...black.
                                BRAD
                          (to Barista)
                  Yo, Krista the Barista. Put it on
                  my account.
                          (to Shondra)
                  Get yourself a blueberry scizonne
                  too, girl.
                                 SHONDRA
                  Cool, playa.
     She smiles.     Brad follows her over to the condiment
     table.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              29.

23   CONTINUED:    (2)                                              23
                                BRAD
                  I ain't seen you in here before.
                  Where you reside?
                                 SHONDRA
                  Compton.   You?
                                 BRAD
                  The streets.
                                SHONDRA
                  Which streets?
                                BRAD
                  Malibu... Represent.
     Bard throws the "M" sign.
                                SHONDRA
                  Right. I guess it's pretty
                  hardcore up in here.
                                BRAD
                  Hell yeah.
                          (points to his crew)
                  I'm down with the P.C.H. Hustlers.
                  And dems over dere...
     Brad points to three white wannabes in another corner.
                                BRAD (O.S.)
                  The Calabasis Crabs... and behind
                  dem...
     We PAN TO another table, where four thug posers sit.

                                BRAD
                  ... the Palaside Pimps.
                                 SHONDRA
                  Damn.   How do you deal?
                                BRAD
                  All day every day.
     She smiles seductively.
                                SHONDRA
                  Was that you droppin' rhymes when
                  I came in?
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                             30.

23   CONTINUED:    (3)                                             23
                                BRAD
                  Hell yeah, I'm a rhyma on tima...
     Brad hands her his CD.
                                SHONDRA
                  Mali-boo-tay, huh? Looks phat.
                  You gettin' any air play?
                                BRAD
                  I'm holdin' out for Power 106. I
                  sent Big Boy a CD, he just ain't
                  gotten back to me yet.

                                SHONDRA
                  Sounds just like that fat fool.
                  I'll talk to him 'bout it.
                                BRAD
                          (blown away)
                  Hold dup? You know Big Boy?
                                SHONDRA
                  Hell yeah. I see him at the swap
                  meet almost every Sunday.
                                  BRAD
                  For rizzill?!
                                  SHONDRA
                  For rizzeal.
                                  BRAD
                  Yo.    Holler at him for me.

                                SHONDRA
                  I don't know. I guess you do
                  kinda got it goin' on... It's
                  funny. I was just on my way down
                  to see him. Wanna roll with me?
                                  BRAD
                  Now?
                          (thinks)
                  Well, tonight was my Seder
                  dinner...
                                SHONDRA
                  Just helping out a brotha.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                               31.

23    CONTINUED:    (4)                                              23
                                 BRAD
                            (kisses Chai)
                   Let's bounce.
                                 SHONDRA
                   I'm just gonna hit the ladies'
                   room, a'ight, pimp juice?
      She heads off.      Brad turns to his posse.
                                 BRAD
                   Yo, y'all, this fine dimey is
                   hookin' me up with Big Boy
                   hisself.

                                 HADJI
                   Shut up!
                                 BRAD
                   I ain't lyin'!
      They pound, shake, hug.
                                 HADJI
                   Yo, but what about us?
                                 BRAD
                   Start droppin' beats. Soon as I
                   sign with Biggy, we gonna need
                   some sick tracks.
                                 HADJI
                   Bet!
      They all pound as Mocha starts throwing beats.


24    INT. MALI-BREW BATHROOM - SAME TIME                            24
      Shondra's on her Nextel cell phone.
                                 SHONDRA
                   It's on.
                                                     CUT TO:

A24   INT. CAR - DAY                                                 A24
      Sean listens to Shondra on his Nextel, then looks at PJ
      and nods gravely.

                                                        31A.

25   INT. BRAD'S ESCALADE - MOVING - DAY                        25
     They drive along the Santa Monica Freeway, heading east.
                             SHONDRA
               So what do you rap about?
                                               (CONTINUED)

                                                           32.

25   CONTINUED:                                                  25
                                BRAD
                  Oh, I can rap about anything.
                               SHONDRA
                  For real?
                                BRAD
                  Yeah, lemme kick it freestyle.
                          (raps)
                  'Traffic, traffic,
                   Lookin' for my Chap Stick,
                   Feelin' kinda carsick,
                   There's a Ford Maverick...'
                          (back to talking)
                  See? Dat's a million-dollar song
                  right dare.
                                SHONDRA
                  So, how did you get to be so down?
                                BRAD
                  I been a playa all my life, girl.
                  And I must say, of all the sisters
                  I been wit', you de finest. So,
                  you got a man?
                                SHONDRA
                          (bitter)
                  I did, but I just got through
                  kickin' his sorry ass to the curb.
                  I ain't nobody's 'gangsta
                  hoochie.' I am an entrepreneur.
                               BRAD
                  Word.
                          (then)
                  What's that?
                                SHONDRA
                  A businesswoman.
                               BRAD
                  Oh.
                                SHONDRA
                  One day I'ma have a chain of
                  beauty salons all up in the 90210,
                  just like Starbucks, only instead
                  of coffee, with hair and nails.
                  Makin' sick money turnin' all the
                  rich hoochies ghetto fab.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

                                                             33.

25   CONTINUED:    (2)                                               25
                                BRAD
                  That's genius, girl. Damn. You
                  fine and smart too. You gonna
                  blow up huge, no doubt.
     She's taken aback by his sincerity.      She doesn't get much
     validation from guys.
                               SHONDRA
                  Thank you.
                                BRAD
                  For real, girl. You like a cross
                  between Martha Stewart and Oprah.
                  I'ma call you Mothrah.
     She gives him a strange look, then notices where they
     are.
                                SHONDRA
                  Take this exit.
     Brad swerves across three lanes of the freeway to take
     the exit, and suddenly finds himself actually in South
     Central. He's awestruck -- he notices a homeless guy
     with a shopping cart loaded with bags of stuff.
                               BRAD
                  Yo. He really should use
                  delivery.
     Suddenly Sean pops his head into the car and stares
     directly at Brad. He puts a prop Tec 9 in Brad's chest
     and yanks him out of the car.

                                SEAN
                  Gimme yo ride, punk, or I will
                  dust yo ass... beeyotch!
                               BRAD
                  What?!
                                SEAN
                  You're gettin' jacked!   Move!
                               BRAD
                  Shondra?!
                                SHONDRA
                  Shut up, fool!
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                               34.

25    CONTINUED:    (3)                                              25
                                 BRAD
                   Dis a come-up?!
                                   SEAN
                   No.    It's a stickup.
                                 BRAD
                   I think I'm gonna throw up.
                                 PJ
                   And I'm about to wet you up if you
                   don't move!
                                 BRAD
                           (meekly)
                   Does this mean we're not going to
                   Big Boy's?
                                   PJ
                   Big Boy's?    What this fool talkin'
                   about?!
                                 SEAN
                   You jus' been kidnapped.
      They throw Brad in the car and get in.

A25   INT. BRAD'S ESCALADE - CONTINUOUS ACTION                       A25
      Sean takes off.
                                  BRAD
                   Kidnapped?!

                                PJ
                   Yeah. We got your rich Gluckman
                   ass now!
                                 BRAD
                   How you know me?
                                 SEAN
                   We saw you on the news the other
                   night!
                           (mocking)
                   B-Rad!
                                 PJ
                   Your papa's gonna pay or you're
                   gonna pay!
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                               34A.

A25   CONTINUED:                                                      A25
      Brad sneaks out his two way and types in...

      INSERT - TWO-WAY
      as Brad's frantic message pops on: "911! 911! I BEEN
      CAR JACKED! HELP! B-RAD!" A hand slaps a domino
      violently down next to the pager as we...
                                                     CUT TO:

26    INT. MALI-BREW - WIDE SHOT - DAY                                26

      Monster has just slammed down the winner, and the PAGER
      with Brad's message flies off the table and SHATTERS on
      the floor. Monster, Mocha and Hadji are unaware.
                                MONSTER
                   Bam! Y'all owe me seven hundred
                   dollars!
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              35.

26   CONTINUED:                                                     26
     Hadji reluctantly hands her a wad of cash as she laughs.
                                HADJI
                  A'ight, come on now, let's stop
                  messing around. B told us to lay
                  down some beats for the new album.
                                MONSTER
                  Lemme go free style.
                                HADJI
                  Free style, please! Your momma
                  rap better than you.

                                MONSTER
                  Don't you talk about my momma.
                                HADJI
                  I'll talk about your momma all I
                  want.
                                MONSTER
                  You ain't got the bizalls, bitch!
                                HADJI
                  Oh yeah? Peep dis. Your momma's
                  so poor, when she shops at
                  Barneys, she has to drive herself!
                               MOCHA
                  Oooh!
                                MONSTER
                  Yeah? Well your momma's so poor,
                  when she went to Monte Carlo, she
                  flew commercial.
                               MOCHA
                  Dang!
                                HADJI
                  Your momma's so poor, her round
                  the world cruise ended in Spain!
                               MOCHA
                  Bam!
                                MONSTER
                  Your momma's so poor, when she
                  stayed at the Four Seasons, she
                  could only afford three.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              36.

26    CONTINUED:    (2)                                             26
                                 MOCHA
                   Oh damn, it's on now!
                                                    CUT TO:

A26   EXT. SHONDRA'S FRONT YARD - DAY                               A26
      The ESCALADE pulls into Shondra's driveway and SCREECHES
      to a stop. PJ hauls Brad out of the back as Sean climbs
      out.
                                 PJ
                   Let's get him inside.

                                BRAD
                   Dang. Why you doin' this to a
                   brother?
                                   SEAN
                   A brother?
                                 PJ
                   Oh no you didn't.
                                 SEAN
                   Whose brother?
                                   BRAD
                   Yours, y'all.    I'm down.
                                   SEAN
                   Down?    God damn!
                                   PJ
                   Uh-oh.    You done did it now.
                                 SEAN
                   You are not black! You can never
                   be black. And your perpetratin'
                   ass is stealin' the only thing I
                   got -- my culture!
                                 PJ
                   What the hell makes you think you
                   know what's goin' down in the
                   'hood?!
                                   BRAD
                   B.E.T.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                              37.

A26    CONTINUED:                                                    A26
                                  PJ
                    You think this is a joke, wigga?!
                                   BRAD
                    I'm sorry.   Don't be hatin'.
                                  SEAN
                    You a long way from the beach now,
                    punk! You in South Central. The
                    ghetto. The 'hood. It's hard
                    core up in here! People here die
                    every day!
       Two LITTLE GIRLS are walking by.

                                  LITTLE GIRL #1
                    Hey, Shondra! Can you come on by
                    later? Princess just had her
                    litter of puppies.
                                  SHONDRA
                            (seeing Brad looking
                             puzzled by this;
                             waving)
                    Okay then.
                                  PJ
                            (covering)
                    They're pit bulls.
                                  SEAN
                    Mean pit bulls.
                                  PJ
                    Now get ya ass inside.

                                                    CUT TO:
27     OMITTED                                                       27
thru                                                                 thru
A34                                                                  A34

34     INT. SHONDRA'S HOUSE - SHONDRA'S BEDROOM - DAY                34
       Sean and PJ push Brad in. Bars are on the windows.     Sean
       pats Brad down, and pulls out his pager.
                                  SEAN
                    You got anything else on you,
                    fool?
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                            37A.

34   CONTINUED:                                                    34
                                BRAD
                  Uh... just this...
     Brad pulls out another pager, a phone, another phone.
     Sean and PJ both pull several more out of his other
     pockets, as well as his wallet.
                                PJ
                  All that James Bond electronic
                  crap can't save you now, fool.
                  Sit ya ass down.
     Brad does, and PJ duct-tapes his hands behind his back.

                                PJ
                  We gonna go call yo daddy.
                                SEAN
                  You better pray he home. If he
                  not, you're one dusted trick!
     Sean, PJ and Shondra exit, slamming the door behind them.

35   INT. SHONDRA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS ACTION        35
     Sean and PJ immediately drop their bad-ass personas.
                                SEAN
                  Did you buy my rage?
                                PJ
                  You're indicating.
                                SEAN
                  I'm indicating?
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                            38.

35   CONTINUED:                                                   35
                                PJ
                          (imitating)
                  'I will smoke your dumb wigga
                  ass'? Come on.
                                SEAN
                          (imitating back)
                  'If he not, you're one dusted
                  trick!' Please!
                                SHONDRA
                  Would you two fools shut the hell
                  up?

                                SEAN
                  Sure, Shondra, sorry. You're on.
                  Go play good cop. We've gotta
                  call Tom.
     Shondra rolls her eyes and heads back into the room.

36   INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS ACTION                             36
     Shondra enters.      Brad turns away.
                                SHONDRA
                  You a'ight in here?
                                BRAD
                  Oh yeah. I just been kidnapped,
                  carjacked, hands tied behind my
                  back, but other than that, it's
                  all good.

                                SHONDRA
                  Look, I'm sorry about all that, it
                  wasn't my idea.
                                BRAD
                  I thought you liked me.
                                SHONDRA
                  I do.
                                BRAD
                  Then how come you set me up?
                                SHONDRA
                  I had to. They...
                          (emotional)
                  ... they threatened to kill me if
                  I didn't play along.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                             39.

36    CONTINUED:                                                   36
                                 BRAD
                           (wide-eyed)
                   For real?
                                  SHONDRA
                   Oh yeah.   They straight-up killas.
                                 BRAD
                           (even more wide-eyed)
                   For Real?!
                                 SHONDRA
                   Lemme school you on something,
                   help you to stay alive, a'ight?
                   The one thing they hate more than
                   anything, that really sets them
                   off, is posers.
                                 BRAD
                   I feel you, girl, me too.
                                 SHONDRA
                   I'm talkin' 'bout you!
                                 BRAD
                   Me? But I hate posers! I got a
                   Ph.D. -- a Poser-Hater Degree.
                                  SHONDRA
                   Come on.   Quit frontin'.
                                 BRAD
                   I ain't fron'in'.
                                 SHONDRA
                   Listen to reason. If you just be
                   a nice little white boy and say
                   you're sorry, I think I can
                   convince them to let you go.
                                 BRAD
                   Damn. I am who I say I am. Why
                   won't anyone believe me? This is
                   a issue that's been comin' up a
                   lot in my life lately.

A36   INT. SHONDRA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME               A36
      Shondra exits, shakes her head "no" to Sean and PJ.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                               40.

A36   CONTINUED:                                                     A36
                                   SEAN
                   What's next?
      PJ refers to the itinerary they got from Tom.
                                 PJ
                   How about... number three?
                                 SEAN
                   Yeah, perfect. Let's take it to
                   another level, my man.
      He and PJ "get into character" and head in.


B36   INT. SHONDRA'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS ACTION                     B36
      They enter and glare at Brad.
                                 SEAN
                   A'ight, we put the call in to yo
                   pops, and you know what he said?
                                   BRAD
                   Huh?
                                 PJ
                   That he'd have to think about it.
                                  BRAD
                            (incredulous)
                   What?   Straight up?
                                 PJ
                   He's not sure he wants you back,
                   cuz.
                                 SEAN
                   Can't see as I blame him.
                                 BRAD
                   Come on, y'all, quit hatin'.   I'm
                   just a rapper, that's it.
                                   SEAN
                   Wigga please!
      Sean cuts the duct tape with a blade.
                                   SEAN
                   Come on.
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                             40A.

B36   CONTINUED:                                                    B36
                                 PJ
                   What you doin', fool?
                                 SEAN
                   I'ma teach this little white girl
                   a lesson!
                                 PJ
                   No, dawg, stick to the plan. Lay
                   low here at the crib 'til we get
                   the ransom.
                                 SEAN
                   The plan just done changed, Tree.
                   Wannabe claims he down, I'ma show
                   him just how un-down he is.
      Sean yanks Brad out by his collar.
                                                   CUT TO:

                                                          41.

37   INT. BRAD'S ESCALADE - LATE AFTERNOON                      37
     Sean pulls in and parks in front of a small Korean
     grocery.
                             SEAN
               A'ight, Malibu, go get us six 40s
               of O.E.
                             PJ
               And a fifth of Henny.
                       (to Sean)
               Anything else?
                             BRAD
               I'd like some Pringles.

                             SEAN
               This ain't a picnic, bitch!
                             BRAD
               I'm sorry, I'm sorry... y'all got
               some duckets, 'cause I'm tapped.
                             SEAN
               You about to go up in there and
               give this Korean bitch yo ends?
               Hell no.
                             PJ
               You jack that shit.
                             SEAN
               And if the Asiatic gives you any
               static, show the brotha this...
     He hands Brad one of the prop guns -- a Glock.    It's
     heavier than Brad thought. He drops it.
                             PJ
               Little trick claims he down, can't
               even swing a gat.
                             BRAD
               But...
                             SEAN
               Do it, punk, or I'll use that on
               you.
                             BRAD
               Okay, a'ight, I'll do it.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

                                                              42.

37   CONTINUED:                                                        37
                                PJ
                  You try to get away, I'ma let you
                  get a little taste of my steel,
                  understand?
     He holds up his prop gun.
                                BRAD
                  I feel you.
     Brad sticks the prop gun into his pants and gets out.        As
     soon as he's in the store, Sean and PJ burst into
     laughter.

                                PJ
                  This is gonna be classic.
                                SEAN
                  He's gonna run out of there a
                  scared little white boy.
     They laugh again and pound it.
                                                    CUT TO:

38   INT. KOREAN GROCERY - SAME TIME                                   38
     Brad walks in, very nervous.       He looks back -- his car is
     parked so that PJ can see him      through the door. PJ
     smiles and shows him the gun      again. Brad swallows and
     approaches the counter. The       KOREAN GUY behind it watches
     him closely.
                                KOREAN GUY
                  Yes?
                                BRAD
                  Yeah, uh, where the Old English
                  at?
                                KOREAN GUY
                  Back there, under security camera.
                                BRAD
                  Thank you, sir.
     Brad hurries to the back of the store, and spots a door
     by the beer cooler. He tries to open it. It's locked.
     Brad looks up to the security mirror and sees that the
     Korean Guy is watching him. He moves to the beer cooler
     and tries to calm down.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                                43.

38   CONTINUED:                                                         38
                                BRAD
                  Namyoho renge kyo, namyoho renge
                  kyo, namyoho renge kyo and
                  whatnot...
     It's not working. Brad tries a cleansing         breath. It
     doesn't help either. Brad gathers up an         armful of Old
     English 40s and heads for the front. The         Korean Guy
     watches him as he walks past the counter        toward the door.
                                KOREAN GUY
                  Can I help you?
                                BRAD
                  Naaw, but I'ma help myself to all
                  this O.E., and whatever else I
                  want!
                               KOREAN GUY
                  No, stop.
     Brad drops the beer. It CRASHES to the floor in SLOW
     MOTION. Brad makes a crazy, threatening face as he pulls
     back a fist, but the Korean Guy throws a fast right hand,
     landing squarely on Brad's chin. Brad goes down like a
     sack of hammers; then we FLASHBACK TO:
     Moments earlier: We realize we've just been in a fantasy,
     as Brad again approaches the counter with his beer.
                                KOREAN GUY
                  Can I help you?
                                BRAD
                          (nervous)
                  Let me axe you something.   Ever
                  been robbed?
                                KOREAN GUY
                  Oh sure. Last week was my fifty-
                  fourth time. But they were cool,
                  no gun to head, never scream; you
                  know, good people.
                               BRAD
                  Cool.
     He sets the 40s on the counter, then reaches into his
     waistband for his gun, and we...
                                                      CUT TO:

                                                             44.

A38   INT. BRAD'S ESCALADE - SAME TIME                             A38
                              SEAN
                How much did you have to give this
                guy, anyway?
                              PJ
                What are you talking about?
                              SEAN
                        (slowly)
                When you set this thing up
                yesterday, what did you pay?
                              PJ
                I thought you set it up.

                              SEAN
                You mean the owner doesn't know
                this is all fake?
                                PJ
                Oh damn.
                                SEAN
                Get in there!    He could get shot!
                              PJ
                I'm not going in there!    You go in
                there!
      They continue to argue as we...
                                                   CUT TO:

B38   INT. KOREAN GROCERY - CASHIER COUNTER - SAME TIME            B38

      Brad finishes reaching into his waistband for the Glock,
      but feels something else. He pulls out a small wallet
      that was Velcroed to his belt.
                              BRAD
                My emergency stash.    Thank you
                God.
      He pulls out a hundred and kisses it.
                              KOREAN GUY
                        (cheerful)
                Glad you got cash, 'cause if you
                try to jack me, I was gonna have
                to lay you out wid dis...
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                             45.

B38   CONTINUED:                                                   B38
      He whips a .44 from under the counter and aims it at
      Brad.
                              KOREAN GUY
                ... and wid dis.
      The Korean Guy's wife has an AK-47 on Brad, the red dot
      of its laser sight trained steadily in the middle of his
      forehead.
                                 KOREAN GUY
                   ... And wid dat.
      The Korean Guy's six-year-old boy has a sawed-off shotgun
      pointed at Brad's knees. The gun is bigger than the boy.
      The Koreans laugh at Brad. Brad drops the hundred on the
      counter.
                                 BRAD
                   Keep the change.
                                 KOREAN GUY
                           (ringing it up)
                   Thank you very much. Come again.
      As Brad looks out to make sure PJ and Sean haven't seen
      anything, the Korean Guy sticks the receipt in between
      two of the 40s. Unaware, Brad gathers his stuff and
      heads to the door.
                                 BRAD
                   Uh, I know this is gonna sound
                   wack, but what I'm about to do is
                   just a joke, so don't shoot me,
                   okay?


C38   EXT. KOREAN LIQUOR STORE - SAME TIME                         C38
      Sean and PJ, who are just running up to the door, watch
      stunned as Brad exits the store, pulling his gun out.
                                 BRAD
                   That's right! Next time I'll bust
                   a cap in yo trick ass!
                                 PJ
                   Did he actually do it?
                                 SEAN
                   This can't be happening.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                                46.

C38   CONTINUED:                                                      C38
                                 BRAD
                           (still shouting)
                   Yeah. I'ma come back later and
                   get some more.
      Brad turns to the guys.
                                  BRAD
                   Let's dip!
                                 SEAN
                           (incredulous)
                   You did it?

                                  BRAD
                   Straight up.   Trick didn't do
                   nothin'.
                                 PJ
                   Yo, what up with this?
      PJ pulls the receipt off of his 40.
                                 PJ
                   If you jacked this, how come you
                   got a receipt?
      Brad freezes.     They both stare at him.
                                 BRAD
                   I stole that too!
                                                      CUT TO:


39    OMITTED                                                         39

40    INT. GLUCKMAN MANSION - SPA - NIGHT                             40
      Bill and Tom lie facedown on matching massage tables,
      while massage therapists rapidly pound their backs.

      ANGLE UNDER TOM'S TABLE
      Tom is reading the itinerary through the face hole in his
      table. As the masseuses pound their backs, Tom and
      Bill's voices vibrate.
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                               47.

40   CONTINUED:                                                      40
                                TOM
                  ... a meet and greet with
                  Greenpeace, then drinks with the
                  offshore oil lobby.

     CLOSE ON BILL
     face through hole.
                                 BILL
                  Terrific.   How's the Brad project
                  doing?

                                TOM (O.S.)
                  Smooth... he's in South Central.
                                BILL
                  And he's okay?
                                TOM (O.S.)
                  He's in excellent hands.
                                                     CUT TO:

41   EXT. KOREAN LIQUOR STORE - NIGHT                                41
     Sean, holding Brad by the shirt, slams him against the
     Escalade.
                                SEAN
                  I've about had it, boy!
                                BRAD
                  Who you callin' boy?
                                SEAN
                  You got about five seconds to get
                  real, or I'ma Timbo stomp your ass
                  to de curb!
                                BRAD
                  What do you mean, get real?!
                                SEAN
                  Act your white self!
     He shoves a prop gun into Brad's ribs.
                                  SEAN
                  Five!   Four!
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                             48.

41   CONTINUED:                                                    41
                                BRAD
                          (freaking)
                  Okay, a'ight, chill.
     Brad takes a deep sigh, looks them in the eye, and begins
     to talk like a conservative white guy.
                                BRAD
                  I guess I now know I can never be
                  as cool as you guys. I promise I
                  will never, ever front or act like
                  a thug again, and I'm really
                  really sorry if I offended you.

     Sean and PJ move off to the side.
                                PJ
                  You buying it?
                                  SEAN
                  I can't tell.
                                  PJ
                  Me either.
                                SEAN
                  Let's give him the test.
                                                   CUT TO:

42   INT. MOVIE THEATER - ANGLE ON BRAD - NIGHT                    42
     Brad, in the seats, eating popcorn non-stop. He is
     flanked by Sean and PJ... They both watch Brad, as he
     stares at the horror film play on the screen.
                                SEAN
                          (off Brad's look)
                  You a'ight, man?
     Brad snaps out of it for a minute.
                                BRAD
                          ("white" guy)
                  Great, fine. Terrific popcorn.
     SCARY MUSIC    KICKS IN; Brad's eyes snap back to the
     screen. He     struggles to contain himself. The MUSIC
     INTENSIFIES,    we hear FOOTSTEPS, then a DOOR HANDLE
     TURNING, and    Brad can't hold on any longer. He leaps up,
     screaming...
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                              49.

42   CONTINUED:                                                     42
                                BRAD
                          (as himself)
                  Run, bitch, ruuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!
                  He gonna kiiiiiilllllll you!
     Other Patrons (multi-ethnic) turn and angrily "shush"
     Brad. Sean and PJ lock eyes: he failed the test.
                                                    CUT TO:

43   INT. ESCALADE - DRIVING - NIGHT                                43
     Sean and PJ are furious.     Brad is apologetic.

                                BRAD
                  I'm sorry, y'all, but this is just
                  who I am. I'm a rapper straight-
                  up.
                                SEAN AND PJ
                  Wigga, please!
                                BRAD
                  No, for real. I can rap about
                  anything.
                          (goes into rap)
                  'Bloodbath and Tree, hang all day,
                  They real tight, but they ain't
                  gay... No, they okay...'
                                PJ
                          (incensed)
                  You think you got mad skills, huh?
                  Well, we'll see about dat.


44   EXT. PROUD CHICKEN - LATER                                     44
     Sean, PJ, and Brad approach the club.
                                SEAN
                  I done had it with you, fool. You
                  better check yourself before you
                  wreck yourself. This ain't
                  Malibu!
                                BRAD
                          (sotto)
                  Represent.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                               49A.

44   CONTINUED:                                                       44
                                PJ
                  Yeah, we gonna see what you
                  represent neeow. We at the club.
                                SEAN
                  Cube, Snoop, they all came up
                  through here.
                                PJ
                  You want to prove yourself, this
                  the place to do it.
     They shove Brad into the club, then turn to each other
     and giggle like school girls.

                                SEAN
                  This is definitely gonna do it.
                               PJ
                  Pay day!
     They pound and follow Brad into the club.
                                                     CUT TO:

                                                               50.

A44    OMITTED                                                        A44

45     OMITTED (MOVED TO SCENE 44)                                    45

AA45   INT. THE PROUD CHICKEN - NIGHT                                 AA45
       Brad enters and takes in the club. Think 8 Mile.
       Hardcore GANGSTER TYPES and some tough HOME GIRLS check
       out rapper, DROP, whose ferocious, gravel-voiced raps
       show you exactly what kind of place you're in.
                                  SEAN
                    How you feelin' now, Malibu?

                                  BRAD
                    Finally, a place where I feel at
                    home.
                                  PJ
                            (disgusted)
                    Get yo' ass in there.
       Brad boldly fist-shakes jaw-dropped patrons as he wades
       through the crowd, AD LIBBING "Whassup?" and "Pardon me,
       homey."

       ON STAGE
       DROP finishes and the MC brings up STEEL and YOUNG DRE,
       announcing the Battle Rap Competition. Steel and Young
       Dre battle -- both are top-notch. At every insult, the
       crowd ROARS.


A45    ON BALCONY                                                     A45
       Shondra is    talking to a HOME GIRL, checking out the crowd
       below. She     suddenly sees Brad. She's eyes-wide
       horrified.     Steel finishes, the crowd CHEERS, and Young
       Dre starts    in on the mic.

       SAME SCENE - MEANWHILE
       Sean and PJ leave Brad and fight through to the DJ table,
       where the MC is standing, timing Young Dre.
       Brad looks around, then up.     He sees Shondra and starts
       for the stairs.
                                                       (CONTINUED)

                                                               51.

A45   CONTINUED:                                                     A45
      ON THE BALCONY
                                   TEC (O.S.)
                   Hey, girl.    Where you been?
      She turns and faces TEC, her ex-boyfriend, a no-nonsense
      roughneck gangbanger. He's very soft-spoken, almost
      expressionless.
                                 SHONDRA
                   None of your damn bizness, Tec.
                   Now let go.
      She yanks her arm away from him.

                                 TEC
                   Y'all been busy, huh?
                                 SHONDRA
                   Too busy for you.
                                 TEC
                   You been gettin' busy?
                                  SHONDRA
                   Hell no.
                                 TEC
                   Come on, girl, I'm cool.    Just
                   tell me who it is.
                                 SHONDRA
                   All you need to know is that it
                   ain't you, okay?

                                 TEC
                   You know, you ain't shit, Shondra.
                   You're just a chickenhead, and
                   that's all you'll ever be.
      Just then, Brad walks up, grinning like a fool.
                                 BRAD
                   What up, girl?!
      He gives her a sloppy kiss on the cheek.
                                  SHONDRA
                   You a'ight?
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                                52.

A45   CONTINUED:    (2)                                               A45
                                 BRAD
                   I'm fine, but you the finest!
                           (to Tec)
                   She a genius too, man! I'm
                   tellin' you, one she gets set up,
                   Mothra gonna blow up like Rosie
                   O'Donnell's head!
                                 TEC
                   Don't tell me you been hittin'
                   that?
      She tries to pull away, but Tec holds on tight.

                                BRAD
                   Damn, man. Don't you know how to
                   treat a lady? That's not nice.
                                 SHONDRA
                   Brad, don't --
                                 TEC
                   It's cool, Shondra.      The brutha's
                   right.
      Tec releases Shondra's arm and immediately grabs Brad by
      the throat and hangs him over the balcony.
                                 TEC
                   Didn't yo mama teach you to mind
                   you own bizness?
                                 BRAD
                           (being strangled)
                   Don't be hatin'.

                                 SHONDRA
                   Don't do it, Tec!
                                  BRAD
                   Auuuuuuuuu!
      Tec feels everyone looking at him. Now is not the time.
      He releases Brad and composes himself.
                                 TEC
                   Y'all both gonna be sorry.
      Tec stalks off.
                                  SHONDRA
                   You alright?
                                                       (CONTINUED)

                                                          53.

A45   CONTINUED:    (3)                                         A45
                                 BRAD
                           (coughs)
                   I'm okay. Who was that?
                                  SHONDRA
                   Old history.   Come on.
      Shondra grabs Brad and moves him to the stairs.

B45   AT THE DJ TABLE                                           B45
      Sean and PJ finally make it to the MC, who stands with
      the DJ.

                                  SEAN
                   Yo!
      Sean bumps the DJ table. A vicious look from the DJ, as
      Sean tries to play it off. The MC just looks at him
      disdainfully.
                                 PJ
                   Uh... My boy want Young Dre next.
      The MC looks them over...
                                  MC
                   Hell, nah...
                                 SEAN
                   Maybe a C-Note would open some...
                   equal opportunities?
                                 MC
                           (takes the cash)
                   What's his name?
                                  SEAN
                   B-rad.   From Malibu.
      The MC makes a face, but puts down Brad's name anyway.
                                 PJ
                           (enthusiastically)
                   Hey playa... You got any Will
                   Smith back there?
      The MC just looks at him...

46    OMITTED                                                   46
&                                                               &
47                                                              47

                                                           54.

A47   SAME SCENE - MEANWHILE                                     A47
      Shondra hauls Brad down the stairs and stops near the
      entrance.
                              BRAD
                Damn Shondra, where's the fire at?
                              SHONDRA
                        (fishing in her bag)
                You're going home.
                              BRAD
                You settin' me free?
                              SHONDRA
                No. I'm savin' your ass. I'm not
                havin' your blood on my hands.
                        (hands him keys)
                It's the blue Honda across the
                street.

      FROM THE STAGE
                              MC
                A-ight y'all. Up next, to
                challenge Young Dre, we got... B-
                rad from Malibu.
      Looks of confusion, as the Crowd searches for "B-rad."
                              SHONDRA
                Wait a second. Brad, don't do it.
      Brad turns to Shondra, looks at the keys, and shakes his
      head.

                              BRAD
                Shondra, I gots to do 'dis. this
                is my shot. I gotta prove myself.
      Shondra can't argue. Brad starts to the stage. A WAVE
      OF SHOCK, as the crowd realizes who B-rad actually is.
                              SHONDRA
                This is gonna be like an episode
                of 'Oz.'
      Brad gets his game face on and walks the gauntlet on his
      way to the stage -- an imposing path of intimidating
      looks.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                                55.

A47   CONTINUED:                                                      A47
      He is then dragged up onto the stage. He misinterprets
      the ANTAGONIZING CHANTS as encouragement and tries to
      high-five the crowd -- no takers. The MC and Young Dre
      laugh at him.
                                 YOUNG DRE
                   Nah, nah, nah... I ain't gonna
                   battle no bitch. What am I? Ike
                   Turner?
      The crowd LAUGHS.     Brad cluelessly laughs along with
      them.
                                 MC
                   A-ight, a-ight... We gotta do
                   this. Yo, Saltine... Heads or
                   tails?
                                 BRAD
                   Tizzaizzlszzs!
      Everyone is totally confused.
                                 BRAD
                           (apologetic)
                   Tails... I want tails.
      The MC flips and "tails" it is.
                                 MC
                   You wanna go first?
                                 BRAD
                   Nah... Ladies first.

      Brad LAUGHS, turning to the crowd to appreciate his lame
      burn... Nothing. Young Dre looks furious.
      Young Dre grabs the mic and the DJ spins. Young Dre
      proceeds to incinerate Brad. With every line, the crowd
      goes insane. (NOTE: Actual Young Dre Rap to Come.)
      As Young Dre flows, Brad is visibly shaken, but tries to
      play it off -- not so discreetly scribbling notes on his
      hand and up his arm.
      Young Dre finishes with devastating blow, dropping the
      mic on the stage. The crowd goes wild...
                                 MC
                   Whooo... GOD DAMN! Now, let's see
                   if this Eminem melts in yo ass and
                   in your hand.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                              55A.

A47   CONTINUED:    (2)                                              A47
      The DJ kicks the beat and the MC throws Brad the mic. He
      misses it and it drills him in the forehead. The crowd
      LAUGHS. Brad tries to regain his composure...
                                 BRAD
                   Can we start again?   I lost my
                   place.
      TAUNTS and LAUGHS as the beat plays again. Brad wags his
      head, ready to come in strong. He looks down at his
      notes... He's sweating so badly his arm is a mess of
      runny ink.
      He freezes again... The crowd is really on him now --
      collectively making the "choke" sign.
                                 BRAD
                   I'm cool... I'm cool.
      Brad finally starts up.
                                 BRAD
                   'You big and rough,
                    You act all tough,
                    I bet in your childhood
                    You never had much love.
                           (finishing)
                    Alert the media,
                    I'm a rap encyclopedia,
                    My shrink says I suffer from a
                      case of gansta-phrenia,
                    I'm tryin' to be meania,
                    I'm feeling much vigor,
                    I'm the "Bu's" number one,
                    hardcore NIGGAA!!!

      Complete silence.
                                 PJ
                           (terrified, to SEAN)
                   Let's get the hell out of here.
      Brad looks around as blank faces stare back at him.
                                  BRAD
                   I'm sorry...
      The crowd erupts with outrage and rushes the stage.
                                              SMASH CUT TO:
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                            55B.

A47   CONTINUED:    (3)                                            A47
      BRAD
      WAILS with terror as he's passed hand-over-hand above the
      CURSING CLUB PATRONS, (crowd surfing-style) toward the
      exit.
      Four THUGS run Brad out of the back door, into the...

B47   EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT                                           B47
      ... where they launch him into the dumpster with a
      resounding THUD.

      Brad's landing causes the lid to SLAM violently shut, and
      forces Sean and PJ, who've been hiding behind it, to pop
      up.
                              SEAN
                What was that?
      A RUMBLE comes from the dumpster and they pull back the
      lid.
      ANGLE ON: Inside the dumpster where Brad lies in the
      bottom -- his fall was broken by several loaves of old
      Wonder Bread.
      PJ and Sean fall into hysterics, as Shondra emerges from
      the club. She finds PJ and Sean apoplectic with
      laughter, shakes her head and begins to help Brad out of
      the dumpster.

48    BY BAR                                                       48

      Tec watches it all going down.
      SNUFFY, 20, skinny but tough-looking chollo, and not a
      member of Tec's crew, is standing next to Tec.
                                 SNUFFY
                   You gettin' played, ese.
                                TEC
                   Excuse me?
                                 SNUFFY
                           (laughing)
                   Loco boy hittin' your lady, homes,
                   and she's diggin' it.
                                 TEC
                   Yeah, Snuffy, that's right.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                               56.

48   CONTINUED:                                                      48
     Tec starts to laugh, then suddenly his fist explodes into
     Snuffy's face. Snuffy drops, and Tec starts to stomp him
     until his boys, 8-BALL and DEUCE, pull him off.
                                8-BALL
                  Not here, Tec.
                                TEC
                  A'ight, y'all, let's roll.
                                DEUCE
                  Whatchoo wanna do?
                                TEC
                  Bag me a white boy.
     As they move toward the exit we...
                                                     CUT TO:

49   EXT. HIP-HOP CLUB - NIGHT                                       49
     Sean and PJ are laughing uproariously. Brad walks in
     between them, devastated. Shondra's behind, looking
     bummed out as they head for the car.
                                SEAN
                  Hey y'all, check this out. I can
                  rap about anything! Haaa!!
                               PJ
                  Word.
                          (bad white rapping)
                  'Listen, all you rappers, the
                  name's Brad Gluckman. When on the
                  mic you could say I really suck
                  man!'
     They burst out laughing. Brad just stares ahead,
     pouting, sick to his stomach.
                                SHONDRA
                  A'ight, y'all had your fun, why
                  don't you chill...
                                PJ
                  'Cuz B-Rad G about to get ill!!!
     They burst out laughing again as they head for the car.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                                57.

49    CONTINUED:                                                      49
                                 SEAN
                   Damn. I haven't laughed like that
                   in a long time. 'Fess up, boy,
                   you can't hang.
                                 BRAD
                   I just want to go home.
                                 PJ
                   Uhn uhn, ain't happening. By the
                   way, forgot to tell you. We heard
                   from your pops, and guess what?
                   He ain't payin'.

                                 SEAN
                   He thinks y'all belong down here
                   in the 'hood with us brothas,
                   seein' how you so 'down' and all.
                                 PJ
                   So, I guess that means we got to
                   ice your punk ass.
                                 BRAD
                   I don't care no more. I got
                   nothin' to live for. Go ahead and
                   smoke me.
      Brad gets in the car. Sean and PJ look at each other --
      this isn't what they expected.
                                                      CUT TO:

50    OMITTED                                                         50


A50   INT. SHONDRA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - SAME TIME                      A50
      (NOTE:    Scene A50 was formerly scene 54)
      Brad's lying on the bed, looking up dreamily.
                                  VOICE (O.S.)
                   Psst.   Hey, dawg.
                                 BRAD
                   Huh?
                                 VOICE (O.S.)
                   Down here, dawg.
      Brad looks over the edge of the bed.       A small gray RAT
      looks up at him.
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                             57A.

A50   CONTINUED:                                                    A50
                                 BRAD
                   Stuart Little?
                                 RAT
                   Negro, pleeeze. That little white
                   rat ain't got nothin' on me -- yo,
                   I'm Ronny rizat, represizzat.
                                 BRAD
                   I ain't never seen no talking rat
                   before. Although at the Malibu
                   County Fair they had a chicken
                   that played tic tac toe. Man, I
                   hated losing to that chicken.

                                 RAT
                   Why you so down, dog?
                                 BRAD
                   I'm a failure.
                                 RAT
                   Nah, nah it's not like that. You
                   need to stop listening to what all
                   them perpetrators is running and
                   believe in yourself.
                                   BRAD
                   For real?
                                   RAT
                   For riz-real.    Pound it.
      They punch it in.

                                 BRAD
                   So you saying if I put my mind to
                   it I can be whatever I want to be?
                                 RAT
                   Damn straight.
                                 BRAD
                   I could be a highstylin' pimp?
                                 RAT
                   They stylin-est.
                                 BRAD
                   I could drive a mad '63 El Camino
                   with 43-inch gold-plated dubs and
                   a trunk full o' bitches?
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                               57B.
      MALIBU'S MOST WANTED - Rev. 1/29/03
A50   CONTINUED:    (2)                                               A50
                                 RAT
                   You could have a roof rack full of
                   bitches. And some teeny-tiny
                   little bitches in the glove
                   compartment.
                                 BRAD
                   And I could be the biggest rapper
                   in the world.
                                 RAT
                   Rapper? Hell no! You stink! I'd
                   rather eat garbage than listen to
                   your tired ass rhymes.
                           (thinks about it)
                   Hmmm, garbage. That's making me
                   hungry. Peace out.
      The Rat runs off. Brad sighs, flops back down on the
      bed, utterly depressed.
                                                     CUT TO:

51    INT. SHONDRA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER                  51
      Brad lays on the bed, moonlit through the bars of the
      window. Shondra enters. Brad rolls over, away from her.
                                  SHONDRA
                   Hey...   You okay?
      Brad sniffles.
                                 SHONDRA
                   You know, it's not as bad as it
                   seems.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              58.

51   CONTINUED:                                                     51
                                BRAD
                  It's worse. Everybody's right.
                  My rhymes is weak.
                                SHONDRA
                  You just need a little experience.
                                BRAD
                  I should've run when you gave me
                  the chance.
                                SHONDRA
                  Naw. You were right. I respected
                  you for getting' up there.

                                BRAD
                  But you heard 'em laughing.   I
                  ain't nothin' but a busta.
                                SHONDRA
                  They just don't understand you.
                  None of them know how hardcore it
                  is up in... Malibu.
                                BRAD
                          (perking up)
                  Yeah?
                                SHONDRA
                  Yeah with the... traffic, and
                  the... parking, and...
                                BRAD
                          (getting excited)
                  Like, when the public be all up in
                  your private beach?
                                SHONDRA
                  Right. You just got to stick with
                  it, you know, don't let anyone
                  tell you who you are.
     Brad smiles, looks at her.
                                BRAD
                  Thanks, Shondra.
                          (beat)
                  You know what I was sayin',
                  earlier, in the car, about being a
                  playa and all? Well... I was just
                  foolin'. I never been with a
                  sister before.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              59.

51   CONTINUED:    (2)                                              51
                                SHONDRA
                          (mock surprise)
                  For real?
                                BRAD
                  Except for on the internet.
                                SHONDRA
                  I never would've known.
                                BRAD
                          (shy)
                  I think you about the finest girl
                  I ever met in my whole life, and,
                  well, since they gonna ice me in
                  the morning, I was wondering...
                  could I, kinda like, kiss you?
     She thinks, smiles, then sits down next to him on the
     bed. Brad sits up and looks at her face in the
     moonlight.
                                BRAD
                  You're so pretty.
                                SHONDRA
                  Thank you.
     Brad leans in and kisses her tenderly. She kisses him
     back. Encouraged, Brad opens his mouth wide and tries to
     stick his tongue down her throat. She pushes him back.
                                SHONDRA
                  I said kiss, fool. Damn.

     She gets up and heads for the door.
                                SHONDRA
                  I offered you a snack, not the
                  whole kitchen.
                                 BRAD
                  I'm sorry.   I'm sorry.   I'm chill.
     She rolls her eyes and leaves. Brad falls back on the
     bed, a dreamy smile on his face.
                                BRAD
                  Totally chill.
                                                    CUT TO:

                                                             60.

52   EXT. SHONDRA'S HOUSE - SAME TIME                              52
     Tec, with his crew, drives up, lights out, and KILLS the
     ENGINE. He looks at the house with death in his eyes.

53   INT. SHONDRA'S HOUSE - NIGHT                                  53
     Shondra exits the room and faces Sean and PJ.
                             SHONDRA
               A'ight, that's it, this game is
               lame. I want my money, and then
               y'all can get out.
                             PJ
               But we're not done yet...
                             SHONDRA
               You ain't never gonna be done.
               Did it ever occur to you two
               jackasses that this is the way he
               really is?
                               SEAN
               No way.
                               PJ
               Not possible.
                             SHONDRA
               Whatever. Look, I did what you
               asked, and I want my money.
                             SEAN
               Okay, I'll get it, you know, but
               settin' everything up was
               expensive, and I don't exactly
               have it right now.
                              SHONDRA
               Excuse me?   You playin' me?
     Shondra hands Sean the phone.
                             SHONDRA
               Y'all get me my money now, or I'ma
               go in there and tell him what's
               up.
                             SEAN
               Alright, okay, just relax...
     As Sean starts to dial, we --
                                              CUT BACK TO:

54     OMITTED                                               54
thru                                                         thru
60                                                           60

A61    INT. GLUCKMAN CAMPAIGN OFFICE - NIGHT                 A61
                               TOM
                 Yes, Sean. How's our little
                 project going?
                                               (CONTINUED)

                                                        67.

A61   CONTINUED:                                              A61
                                 SEAN (O.S.)
                   Great, terrific, we're making real
                   progress here.

61    INT. SHONDRA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME          61
      Sean reads from the checklist Tom gave him.
                                 SEAN
                   Your suggestions were really
                   helpful. He totally bought the
                   car jack and kidnapping...


61A   INT. SHONDRA'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME                      61A
      Brad listens intently as Sean continues.
                                 SEAN (O.S.)
                   ... we staged a fabulous liquor
                   store robbery. Mr. Gluckman's
                   going to be very happy...
      Brad's eyes widen.
                                 SEAN (O.S.)
                   But, he's still posing, so we
                   wanted to put him in a drive-by
                   shooting next... but, it's a
                   little more money then our
                   original projections...
      Brad slumps back.     He can't believe it.


61    BACK TO SEAN                                            61
                                 SEAN
                   So I was wondering if I could get
                   an advance.
                                 TOM (V.O.)
                   No deal. You get the rest when
                   Richie Cunningham steps through
                   the door here, and not one second
                   sooner, understand?
                                 SEAN
                   But -- Mr. Gibbons, hello?

                                                            68.

B61   INT. SHONDRA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT                      B61
      Brad crawls out from the vent and goes to the mirror.
                              BRAD
                Damn... they been playin' me all
                along. How could dey do dat? How
                could she do dat?
                        (getting angry)
                What-ever. If them fools wanna
                play, then let's play.
      He heads for the door, bad-ass and hardcore.

62    INT. SHONDRA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT                  62

      Suddenly, Brad's boot comes through the door. WOOD
      SHATTERS everywhere. Brad steps through with a furious
      look on his face. Shondra, Sean and PJ stare in shock.
                              SHONDRA
                What the hell do you think you're
                doing?
                              BRAD
                Hey! Listen up... Brad G is in da
                hiz, and things gonna start
                changin' round here!
                              PJ
                        (to Sean)
                Do something.
                              SEAN
                You must be out yo mind. Get back
                in that room before I beat your
                ass!
                              BRAD
                You feelin' froggy, den leap!
      Sean backs down.
                              BRAD
                Anyone else wanna step?
                              SHONDRA
                        (slightly attracted)
                What the hell got into you?
                               BRAD
                Shut up, ho.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                               69.

62   CONTINUED:                                                      62
                                SHONDRA
                  Who you callin' ho, ho?
                                BRAD
                  Yo, ho, the same ho that gave up
                  that weak-ass kiss five minutes
                  ago in the bedroom.
                                 PJ
                  Really?   Damn.
                                SHONDRA
                          (pissed off)
                  Who the hell do you think you
                  are?
                                BRAD
                  I'm B-Rad G, from 'Bu,
                  representin'! What y'all don't
                  realize is that I was tryin' to
                  put my mobbin' days behind me, but
                  rollin' with y'all done re-awoke
                  my inna killa. Let's start
                  droppin' bodies!
     Shondra, PJ and Sean watch, stunned, as Brad grabs a prop
     gun, his car keys and heads out.
                                SEAN
                  Come on, girl. Let's go!
                                SHONDRA
                  Uhn uhn. You created that
                  monster, you deal with it.

                                PJ
                  But we got big a problem here.
                                SHONDRA
                  Until I see my money, it's your
                  problem.
     Sean and PJ exit quickly.
                                                     CUT TO:

63   EXT. SHONDRA'S HOUSE - NIGHT                                    63
     Brad's at the car door as Sean and PJ exit and run up.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                            70.

63   CONTINUED:                                                   63
                                SEAN
                  Where the hell you goin'?
                                BRAD
                  I need to take a drive.
                                  PJ
                  Come on, man.    Chill.
                                BRAD
                  Today is a good day to die, didn't
                  have to use my A.K...
                          (Ice Cube-like)
                  Yey yey!

                                SEAN
                  Why you talkin' crazy?
                                BRAD
                          (getting in car)
                  Might as well go out in a blaze of
                  glory.  My daddy don't love me, my
                  rhymes is played. I ain't down
                  enough for y'all --
                                 SEAN
                           (panicked)
                  No.   You down, right PJ, er, Tree?
                                PJ
                  That's right, Bloodbath, he's very
                  down. As down as they come.
     Suddenly, Tec jumps up, yanks Brad's door open and shoves
     a Nine in his side.

                                  SEAN
                  Oh my God.
                                TEC
                  Get out of the car, white boy.
                                BRAD
                  Oh, you dat weak fuck from de
                  club.
     Tec can't believe what he's hearing.
                                BRAD
                          (not impressed)
                  Got somethin' for me?
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                             71.

63   CONTINUED:    (2)                                             63
                                TEC
                          (pulling a Tec 9)
                  Just this cap, fool! You ready to
                  die?
                                BRAD
                  Ain't that a coinky-dink? I was
                  just talkin' to my homies about
                  just dat...
                               TEC
                  Move!
                                BRAD
                          (getting out of car)
                  A'ight, but y'all should change up
                  your style, cuz these jackings is
                  gettin' tired.
     He heads for Tec's car.
                                BRAD
                  Yo, Bloodbath, if there's one tiny
                  scratch on my ride, I'ma eat
                  y'all's children.
                          (cheerfully)
                  Shotgun!
                                TEC
                  Tape up this fool's hole, man.
     A crew member yanks out some duct tape and tapes over
     Brad's mouth, then they throw him in Tec's trunk and slam
     it shut. Tec steps up to Sean and PJ.

                                TEC
                  What should we do with this
                  Bloodbath and his friends?
                                SEAN
                          (panicked)
                  I'm not Bloodbath! My real name
                  is Sean James, I'm an actor. I
                  swear!
                                TEC
                  Is Shondra hittin' the white boy?
                                SEAN
                  No way, man. She's in on the
                  scam, just like us.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                               72.

63   CONTINUED:    (3)                                               63
                                TEC
                  Scam?
                                PJ
                  Yeah. We're all being paid to
                  pretend to kidnap Bill Gluckman's kid.
                                 TEC
                  Gluckman?   The dude runnin' for
                  Governor.
                                SEAN
                  You've heard of him?

                                TEC
                  The dawg who's down with bitches
                  and hoes? Hell yeah, I've heard
                  of him. Just 'cause I live down
                  here you think I'm ignorant?
                                PJ
                  We didn't say that, brother.
                                TEC
                  A'ight then.
                          (looks at Brad)
                  Damn, we got Gluckman's son.
                  Fool's gotta be worth more alive
                  than dead.
                          (to his crew)
                  Let's roll.
                                                     CUT TO:


64   OMITTED                                                         64
&                                                                    &
65                                                                   65

66   INT. GLUCKMAN CAMPAIGN HQ - TOM'S OFFICE - SAME TIME            66
     Tom and the campaign strategy team, Brett, Gary and Jen,
     are eating takeout, mid-meeting.
                                TOM
                  All the polls say that since
                  Brad's been out of the picture
                  we're up six points.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                            73.

66   CONTINUED:                                                   66
                                BRETT
                  We're still dead in the urban
                  demo, though.
                               GARY
                  Gays too.
                                JEN
                  There's no way we can win without
                  them.
     The INTERCOM RINGS.
                               TOM
                  Yep?
                                SECRETARY (V.O.)
                  I have a Sean on the phone for
                  you, sir.
                                TOM
                  Put it through.
     INTERCUT WITH:

67   EXT. INDUSTRIAL STREET - FREEWAY UNDERPASS - SAME TIME       67
     Sean is on a pay phone, terrified. Tec stands next to
     him. The Escalade and Tec's car are parked nearby.
                                SEAN
                  Tom, we have a real problem.
                                TOM
                  I told you, no more money.
                                SEAN
                  I know you said that, but we're in
                  real serious troub --
     Tec rips the phone out of Sean's hand.
                                TEC
                  Listen, fool. Gluckman's boy has
                  been kidnapped for real, along
                  with your punk friends.
                               TOM
                  Excuse me?
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                           74.

67   CONTINUED:                                                  67
                                TEC
                  If Mr. Governor wants to see his
                  punk bitch son alive again I'm
                  gonna need five hundred grand by
                  tomorrow midnight.
                                TOM
                  How do I know this is real?
                                TEC
                  You think your actors are this
                  good?
     Tec puts the phone up to Sean.

                                SEAN
                  Help us, please...
                          (hiccup)
                  I'm...
                          (hiccup)
                  so...
                          (hiccup)
                  Scared!!!
     Sean begins to wail.      Tec yanks the phone back.
                                TOM
                  Okay, I'm convinced.
                                 TEC
                  Good.   Now get me my money.
                                TOM
                  Fine... Please don't do anything
                  until I talk to Mr. Gluckman and
                  arrange the finances.
                                TEC
                  You got ten minutes.
     Tec hangs up.
                                DEUCE
                  Now what?
                                TEC
                  We wait.
     Behind, no one notices as a low rider cruises by
     slowly.

                                                            75.

68   INT. LOW RIDER - SAME TIME                                   68
     It's Snuffy, his face swollen and bloody from the beating
     he took from Tec. He's with two of his homeboys, members
     of the Rollin' G gang, checking out Tec and the crew.
                             SNUFFY
               Is that him, ese?
                             LOC
               Yeah, that's Tec, homes, from the
               I-9's.
                             SNUFFY
               Call Cyco, tell him to bring it
               all. We gonna have a party.

     The homeboy works his cell, as we:
                                                  CUT TO:

69   INT. GLUCKMAN CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS WAR ROOM - NIGHT         69
     Tom stands there with the phone in his hands, shaken.
                             JEN
               What the hell's going on?
                             TOM
               Brad's been kidnapped for real.
                             BRETT
               What?
                             TOM
               They want five hundred grand or
               they'll kill him.
                             GARY
               Oh my God.
                             TOM
               Now let's not panic. Lemme just
               think this through for a minute.
               We could have a very interesting
               opportunity here.
                             BRETT
               Where are you going with this?
                             TOM
               Well, the negatives are obvious.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

                                                              76.

69   CONTINUED:                                                     69
                                GARY
                  Bill drops out of the race,
                  emotional distress...
                                TOM
                  I can handle Bill. Let's
                  brainstorm the positives.
                                JEN
                  There's so many. No more 'Brad
                  problem.'
                                BRETT
                  Right, right, I'm liking it.

     They start riffing on the idea, getting excited.
                                GARY
                  With a dead son, the sympathy
                  factor could give us big spike in
                  the female and gay demos.
                                BRETT
                  We've had such a problem with
                  Bill's rich guy image, we could
                  spin the issue to make him more
                  'Everymen,' you know, 'crime
                  touches everyone,' like that.
                                TOM
                  What about a voter backlash, like
                  how could he run on the heels of a
                  tragedy?
                                GARY
                  No -- we push the 'courage under
                  adversity' angle.
                                BRETT
                  Helps with his leadership profile.
                                JEN
                  Bill Gluckman, crusader/martyr...
                                BRETT
                  I've got the image -- Bill weeping
                  over Brad's open casket.
                                GARY
                  Then, after grieving
                  appropriately, he goes on the
                  offensive...
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                             77.

69   CONTINUED:    (2)                                             69
                                BRETT
                  Bill Gluckman's war on crime...
                                 GARY
                  ... drugs.
                                 JEN
                  ... gangs.
                                BRETT
                  War's hot now.
                                 GARY
                  War's great.

                                JEN
                  It's just what we've needed.
                                BRETT
                  It's like a green light to
                  Sacramento.
                                TOM
                  Next stop, the White House.
     The PHONE RINGS and Tom picks up.
     INTERCUT WITH:

70   EXT. INDUSTRIAL STREET - SAME TIME                            70
     Tec is on the phone.
                                 TEC
                  What up?
                                 TOM
                  No deal.
                                 TEC
                  Say what?
                                TOM
                  Bill Gluckman does not make deals
                  with criminals.
                                TEC
                  That's it, then, fool. I ain't
                  playin'. His ass is done.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                              78.

70    CONTINUED:                                                    70
                                 TOM
                   You do what you have to do, and
                   we'll do what we have to do.
      He hangs up and smiles.

A70   INDUSTRIAL STREET - SAME TIME                                 A70
      Tec hangs up; as he looks over, Brad is pulled from the
      trunk by two I-9s, his mouth still taped. Tec almost
      feels sorry for him.
                                 TEC
                   That's cold.
                           (to crew)
                   Lose the tape.
      Tec's homie rips the tape off Brad's mouth.
                                 BRAD
                   God damn that hurts!!! I get out
                   of this I'ma hafta teach y'all
                   some manners!
                                 TEC
                   Your daddy ain't payin'.
                                 BRAD
                   Yeah, yeah, tell me somethin' I
                   don't know!
                                   TEC
                   What?

                                 BRAD
                   You heard me, you half-steppin'
                   moist-ass bitch!
      Tec cocks his nine and aims at Brad.
                                 BRAD
                           (fearless)
                   Oh what, you gonna do me like
                   this? A'ight, then bring it.
                                   TEC
                   It's brought.
                                BRAD
                   Man up! Put this wannabe out of
                   his misery.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                                 79.

A70   CONTINUED:                                                       A70
      Tec is stunned -- the white boy isn't showing any fear.
      Brad steps forward, puts the gun to his own heart, and
      places his thumb on the trigger.
                                 BRAD
                   That gat's real, right?    Then do
                   it or I'll do it myself
                                 TEC
                           (unnerved)
                   Brotha straight-up crazy, and I
                   cannot deal with that shit.
      Suddenly GUNFIRE erupts as Tech's car is HIT with a
      BARRAGE of BULLETS. Brad, the crew, Sean and PJ drop to
      the street and roll under the car. Tec has to dive
      behind a nearby dumpster.

      ACROSS STREET
      Snuffy and three Rollin' G's are crouched behind their
      low rider, FIRING away.

      UNDER CAR
      The I-9s RETURN FIRE. PJ and Sean are in the fetal
      position, freaking out. Brad, thinking it's all fake, is
      laughing, having a great time.
                                 TEC
                   Lay down some cover, fool!
      Tec's pinned down behind the dumpster. He's without
      a weapon, and Rollin' G's are FOCUSING their FIRE on
      him.
                                 8-BALL
                   We're tryin', man, but they're too
                   strapped.
                                 DEUCE
                   What the hell we gonna do?
                                  BRAD
                   Punks.   Gimme dem gats.
      Brad grabs the Uzis and rolls out from under the
      car.
                                                        (CONTINUED)

                                                          80.

A70   CONTINUED:    (2)                                          A70
                                 BRAD
                   Y'all wanna play? Let's play!
                   You know who you're dealin'
                   with???
      He jumps up on the hood of Tec's car and OPENS FIRE with
      both Uzis, laying down a withering rain of lead.
                                 BRAD
                   I'm B-Rad G, from the 'BU,
                   y'all...
                           (out Denzeling
                            Denzel)
                   King Kong ain't got nothin' on me!
                   Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
                           (STOPS FIRING)
                   Damn. These special effects are
                   the bomb!
                           (resumes FIRING)
                   Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
      The Rollin' G's try to respond, but Brad's fire is too
      intense.
                                 SNUFFY
                   Devil's got some balls.
                                  LOC
                   For real!   Let's dip!
      They all hop in their convertible and tear-ass out of
      there as Brad jumps off the cars and follows on foot,
      FIRING after them as they turn the corner and SQUEAL
      away.

                                 BRAD
                   It's safe now, y'all.
      Tec emerges from behind the dumpster. The crew rolls out
      from under the car, followed by Sean and PJ. They look
      at Brad in awe. They're impressed.
                                   TEC
                   That was ill!    Y'all definitely
                   got juice.
      He offers his fist to Brad.        They pound.
                                 TEC
                   Where'd you learn that shit?
                                  BRAD
                   Damn.   Jus' MTV.

                                                          81.

71   OMITTED                                                    71
&                                                               &
72                                                              72
                                                CUT TO:

73   INT. CHANNEL 5 NEWS ROOM - NIGHT                           73
     HAL FISHMAN reads the night's news.
                             HAL FISHMAN
               Good evening. A Channel Five
               exclusive. A security camera
               captured incredible footage of
               gang violence tonight, as it flared
               on the streets of South Central.
                                                CUT TO:

74   OMITTED                                                    74

75   EXT. STREET CORNER - NIGHT (GRAINY SECURITY CAMERA         75
     FOOTAGE)
     of Brad, on top of Tec's car, FIRING the UZIS.
                             HAL FISHMAN (V.O.)
               This hardcore gangster, believed to
               be the notorious 'White Kong,' leader
               of I-9 street gang, fires his weapons
               with wanton disregard for human life
               or personal property.


     CLOSEUP - BRAD'S CRAZED FACE
     in SLOW MOTION as he FIRES.
                             HAL FISHMAN (V.O.)
               If you have any information on the
               whereabouts of this man, call our
               hot line at 1-555-GANG.
                                                CUT TO:

76   INT. GLUCKMAN MANSION - BILL AND BESS'S BEDROOM - NIGHT    76
     They sit in bed, stunned.
                             BILL
               Oh...
                                                CUT TO:

                                                            82.

77    INT. SHONDRA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME              77
      She's on the couch, blocking a wig, stunned.
                                SHONDRA
                ... my...

78    INT. MALI-BREW - MOVING - SAME TIME                         78
      Mocha, Hadji, and Monster, holding half-drunken lattes,
      are all staring at a TV mounted in the corner.
                                MOCHA
                ... Gaaaaa...


A78   INT. GLUCKMAN CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS WAR ROOM - SAME         A78
      TIME
      Tom stares at the TV.
                                TOM
                ... aaaaa...
      And then, in QUICK SHOTS, we INTERCUT BETWEEN:
                                BILL
                ... oooooo...
                                BESS
                ... aaaaaa...
                                MOCHA
                ... aaaaaa...
                                HADJI
                ... aaaaaa...
                                MONSTER
                ... aaaaaa...
                                TOM
                ... aaaaaa...
                                SHONDRA
                ... aaaaaa...
                                BESS
                ... aaaaaa...
                                BILL
                ... oooooo...
                                                 (CONTINUED)

                                                                83.

A78   CONTINUED:                                                      A78
                                   TOM
                   ... aaaaaa...
                                   MOCHA
                   ... aaaaaa...
                                   HADJI
                   ... aaaaaa...
                                   TOM
                   ... aaaaaa...
                                   GARY
                   ... oooooo...

                                   JEN
                   ... oooooo...
                                   BRETT
                   ... oooooo...
                                   BARISTA
                   ... aaaaaa...
                                   SHONDRA
                   ... aaaaaad!
                                                      CUT TO:
79    INT. MALI-BREW - NIGHT                                          79
                                 MOCHA
                   Dat is some hardcore shiznit,
                   y'all!

                                 MONSTER
                   If dat's what you got to do to get
                   on Big Boy's label, count me out.
                                 MOCHA
                   He ain't with Big Boy, fool! B-
                   Rad's hangin' with some serious
                   bangers!
                                 HADJI
                   What we gonna do, Moch?
                                 MOCHA
                   Bounce to our respective cribs,
                   jack our moms' and pops' biggest
                   gats, jet down to South Central
                   and save his ass.
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                                84.

79   CONTINUED:                                                       79
                               HADJI AND MOCHA
                  Word.
                                MONSTER
                  But... what if they don't have
                  coffee?
                                HADJI
                  Krista -- six Tsunamis to go!
                                                     CUT TO:

80   INT. GLUCKMAN CAMPAIGN HQ - WAR ROOM - NIGHT                     80

     Bill storms in. Tom quickly switches OFF the TV.          The
     staffers move aside as Bill confronts Tom.
                                BILL
                  Bradley's been involved in a gang
                  shooting.
                                TOM
                  Are you positive?
                                BILL
                  His face was on the news, Tom!   I
                  think I know my own son!
                                TOM
                  I'm sure there's a logical
                  explanation. Why don't you get
                  some sleep --
                                BILL
                  Sleep? He's shooting the hell out
                  of South Central. We've got to
                  get him!
                                TOM
                  What about the debate tomorrow in
                  Sacramento --
                                BILL
                  Forget the debate!
                                TOM
                  If you cancel, you can kiss this
                  campaign good-bye.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              85.

80   CONTINUED:                                                     80
                                BILL
                  You can shove the campaign up your
                  ass, Tom! I will not lose my son
                  over this election!
                                TOM
                  I understand you're upset, Bill,
                  but Jesus, for once in your life
                  think outside the box! We can
                  make Brad's whole gang thing a
                  positive...
                                BILL
                          (incredulous)
                  A positive!
                                TOM
                  If he's arrested or, God forbid
                  injured, we spin it so you are the
                  victim, you know, 'crime reaches
                  everyone,' something like that...
                                BILL
                  You're trying to get votes out of
                  this?
                                TOM
                  I'm trying to win, Bill, and you
                  don't seem to care!
                                BILL
                  I'm his father.
                                TOM
                          (laughs)
                  When did that happen?
                                BILL
                  I guess right now.
     Bill grabs Tom by the shirt and slams him into the wall.
                                  BILL
                  You're fired.
     As Bill takes off:
                                TOM
                  All right, guys, let's pitch on
                  how I get my job back.
     They just stare at him.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              86.

80   CONTINUED:    (2)                                              80
                               TOM
                  Guys?
                                BRETT
                  Just so you know, I never liked
                  the way you ran things around
                  here.
                          (walking out)
                  Bill? Mr. Gluckman?
     The other staffers follow Brett out, leaving Tom alone.
                                                    CUT TO:


81   INT. BILL GLUCKMAN'S HUMMER - MOVING - NIGHT                   81
     Bill hauls-ass down the 405, his headset on.
                                HUMAN OPERATOR (V.O.)
                  This is Lojack.
                                BILL
                  I need a location on license number...
                          (reluctant)
                  'D-SHIZNIT.'
                                HUMAN OPERATOR (V.O.)
                  That vehicle is at the corner of
                  McKinley and 82nd.

     INSERT - ON DASH NAVIGATION SYSTEM SCREEN
     Suddenly a map of South Central appears, with a red
     blinking dot at the corner of McKinley and 82nd.

     BACK TO SCENE
                                COMPUTER VOICE (V.O.)
                  Your destination is a Lojack
                  designated danger zone. Lojack
                  does not recommend you venture
                  into this area.
     RAP BLASTS IN as Bill punches the gas, as we:
                                                    CUT TO:

                                                             87.

A81   INT. TEC'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT                       A81
      A party is happening: Homies slam dominoes... Home girlz
      drink beer and talk... Sean and PJ are standing frozen in
      a corner, quietly crying... Hip-hop gangsters dancing...
      and finally we FIND Tec and the other I-9's gathered
      around Brad, as Tec solemnly hands Brad a Tec 9 automatic
      pistol.
                              TEC
                That's yours, B.
                               BRAD
                For real?   You shouldn't have.
                              TEC
                Welcome to the 9's.     Only way out
                now, is in a box.
                              BRAD
                In a box... right.
      Brad laughs.   They all join in, laughing hard as we --
                                                   CUT TO:

82    EXT. HADJI'S HOUSE - NIGHT                                   82
      Mocha, Hadji and Monster stand by Hadji's dad's Mercedes.
                              MOCHA
                A'ight, Monster, what kind of
                toast you strappin'?
                              MONSTER
                        (proud)
                This.
      Monster pulls a scuba divers' spear gun from the bag.
                              HADJI
                What the hell is it?
                              MONSTER
                My pop's spear gat. From the
                yacht.
      Mocha laughs and starts doing whale sounds.
                              MONSTER
                A'ight Free Willy, think you so
                bad, what you got?
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                            88.

82   CONTINUED:                                                   82
                                MOCHA
                          (embarrassed)
                  Never mind.
     He puts an old musty case in the car and starts to close
     the doors. Hadji stops him.
                                HADJI
                  Come on, let's see it.
                                MOCHA
                  A'ight, a'ight, chill.
     He opens the case, revealing an antique blunderbuss
     musket, with a flintlock hammer and a bell muzzle.
                                HADJI
                  Is that a freakin' musket?
                                MOCHA
                  What?  My pops is a collector.
                          (off their looks)
                  Come on, man, pirates used that
                  shit.
     Monster grabs the musket and points it at Mocha.
                                MONSTER
                          (imitating a pirate)
                  Aargh, matey, give up yer treasure
                  or I'll bust me harpoon in yer
                  booty.
     Monster and Hadji start laughing.

                                 MOCHA
                  Shut up!   Damn posers!
     He snatches the musket from Monster and carefully places
     it back in the case.
                                MONSTER
                  Hadji, how 'bout you?
                                HADJI
                  Couldn't get much, yo...
     Hadji opens a duffel and pulls out three Kevlar vests.
                                HADJI
                  When I told my pops we was going
                  on a drive-by, he gave me three of
                  these.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                               89.

82   CONTINUED:    (2)                                               82
                                MONSTER
                  Good thinking, but what heat you
                  got?
     He opens a plastic case, revealing a Stinger rocket
     launcher and four missiles.
                                HADJI
                  ... dis.
     Mocha and Monster are blown away.
                                 MONSTER
                  Dang!   Where'd you get all dat?

                                HADJI
                          (nonchalant)
                  Christmas present from Uncle
                  Ahmet.
                                                     CUT TO:

83   INT. HADJI'S DAD'S MERCEDES - MOMENTS LATER                     83
     Mocha, Hadji, and Monster snap on their seat belts.
     Hadji flips on the in-dash SOS Mercedes GPS system.
                                FEMALE OPERATOR (V.O.)
                  Yes, Mr. Amiraslani, can I help
                  you?
                                HADJI
                  Hell yes, chicken. I need a
                  location on license number D-
                  SHIZNIT.
                                                     CUT TO:

84   OMITTED                                                         84
&                                                                    &
85                                                                   85

86   INT. TEC'S HOUSE - NIGHT                                        86
     The party is now in full effect, the system up and
     cranked as the CAMERA FINDS Brad's in the middle of the
     dance floor, freaking and doing the robot with a couple
     of sisters. The girls whisper in his ear, he smiles, and
     they head for a bedroom.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              90.

86   CONTINUED:                                                     86
     Just as they exit, Shondra enters from the kitchen, and
     finds Sean and PJ, still tied up and terrified.
                                  SHONDRA
                  Where's Brad?
                                SEAN
                          (near tears)
                  I haven't seen anything.
     She moves on.     PJ lifts up his bound wrists.
                                 PJ
                  Shondra!   Little help, please.

     But she's gone.

87   INT. TEC'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER                     87
     Brad's on the bed with the two women, who are kissing
     him.
                                BRAD
                  Yeah, I just got tested positive
                  ... for G.A.M.E.
                                SISTER #1
                          (mock surprise)
                  Cool playa.
                                SISTER #2
                  Let's get busy.
     They laugh when suddenly Shondra comes through the door.

                                SHONDRA
                  That's the same damn line he used
                  on me, and now this no good
                  deadbeat weak-ass white boy won't
                  take care of little Malik.
                                  BRAD
                  What?!
                                SHONDRA
                          (sniffles)
                  You know he's yours...
                                SISTER #1
                  This gettin' heavy.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              91.

87   CONTINUED:                                                     87
                                   SISTER #2
                  Let's jet.
     The girls leave.
                                BRAD
                  Damn, why you throwin' salt on my
                  G.A.M.E.?
                                SHONDRA
                  I'm savin' your lily-white ass.
                  Come on.
                                BRAD
                  I ain't goin' nowhere. I'm a I-9
                  neow, straight-up. Peep my tat.
     Brad lifts his shirt and shows her the tattoo on his
     stomach: I-9 THUG.
                                SHONDRA
                          (urgent)
                  Listen, fool.
                                BRAD
                  Shut up, Shondra! I know y'all
                  set me up, I know it's all fake,
                  de kidnap, de stickup, de whole
                  nizzy.
                                   SHONDRA
                  Oh, damn...
                                BRAD
                  Why'd you play me, huh?

                                SHONDRA
                  For the money.
                                   BRAD
                                    What you need money
                  Money?!   Tch.
                  for?
                                SHONDRA
                  Look, fool, this may sound stupid
                  to you, but not everybody has
                  money, and to people that don't,
                  money is important!
                                BRAD
                  Please. You prob'ly still
                  flippin' me anyway, so --
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                               92.

87   CONTINUED:    (2)                                                   87
                                SHONDRA
                  Dammit, Brad, this is real.   Tec
                  and his crew are real --
                                BRAD
                  Oh really? Well if Tec is real
                  then this gat must be real...
     Brad pulls his nine.
                                BRAD
                  And if this gat is real then the
                       in it have got to be real.
                  caps
                  And seein' how my foot is real,
                       this would really hurt...
                  then
     Brad aims at his foot and pulls the trigger and BLAM!          He
     puts a BULLET through the toes of his sneaks.
                                BRAD
                  See dat. I just shot myself in
                  the foot and...
                          (feeling pain)
                  It's reaaaaalll! It's totally
                  reaaaaalll!!!
     Brad starts hopping around the room.
                                BRAD
                  I just shot my foot!!   I just shot
                  my foot!!!
                                SHONDRA
                  Stop hoppin' around, fool, so I
                  can look at it.

                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                             93.

87   CONTINUED:    (3)                                             87
     Shondra gets down on her knees to get a closer look.
                                BRAD
                  Oh gaawwwd!
                                SHONDRA
                  Lucky you're such a weak shot.
                  Cap just grazed your toe.
                                BRAD
                  But, it's real, Shondra, it's all
                  reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal!
     Tec enters, gun in hand.

                                TEC
                  Who's the hell's poppin' ca --

     TEC'S POV
     Shondra, on her knees, kneeling before Brad.

     ANOTHER ANGLE
                                TEC
                          (menacing)
                  What up, cuz?
     Shondra stands quickly, scared.
                                BRAD
                          (terrified,
                           covering)
                  Ha ha, Tec, my road dawg, yeah,
                  just the man I wanta see.
                                TEC
                          (to Shondra)
                  What's goin' on, Shondra?
                                SHONDRA
                          (nervous)
                  It's not what it looks like, Tec,
                  I swear.
                                TEC
                  Don't you lie to me. That was
                  always my line to you, and it
                  always was what it looked like.
                  Now what's up with your boyfriend
                  here.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                            94.

87   CONTINUED:    (4)                                            87
                                BRAD
                  Yo, dawg, love to kick it wit' you
                  and run the whole thizang, but I
                  got some bidness back in the 'Bu,
                  li'l somethin' somethin' with Big Boy
                  and whatnot, so if y'alls don't mind --
                               TEC
                  I do mind.
     Tec grabs Brad and drags him out.
                                SHONDRA
                  No, Tec, stop!


88   INT. TEC'S LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME                           88
     Tec hauls Brad in, followed by Shondra. The I-9s draw
     weapons; the room fills with tension. Sean and PJ look
     on, getting caught up in the action.
                                BRAD
                  Wait, Tec, lemme explain, 'cause I
                  don't belong here...
                                TEC
                  You done forgot already, fool? I
                  told you the only one way out of
                  the I-9s, and your 'E' ticket's in
                  this here chamber.
     Tec cocks his gun.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

                                                              95.

88   CONTINUED:                                                     88
     ANGLE ON SEAN AND PJ
     watching Tec, riveted.
                                SEAN
                  See how committed he is? That's
                  the rage I was talking about.
                                PJ
                          (in awe)
                  Word.

     BACK TO SCENE

     Tec aims at Brad.
                                BRAD
                  Please, don't be hatin'.
     Shondra steps in front of Brad.
                                SHONDRA
                  I won't let you do it, Tec.
                                TEC
                  No problem, then.   I'll just do
                  the both of you.
     Tec levels the barrel at Shondra and Brad. He starts to
     squeeze the trigger when suddenly Bill's HUMMER CRASHES
     through the wall. I-9's scatter and duck as the Hummer's
     front grill skids to a stop inches from Tec. The
     driver's door pops open and Bill jumps out.

                                 TEC
                  Damn fool!   You just hit my house!
                                 BILL
                           (ignoring him)
                  Brad!   Are you okay?
                                BRAD
                  Not really. And unless you
                  seriously strapped, you about to
                  be not really okay too.
     Bill turns:     six I-9s are aiming guns at he and Brad.
                                BILL
                  Hey there, fellas. Bill
                  Gluckman... I'm running for
                  governor.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              96.

88   CONTINUED:    (2)                                              88
                                TEC
                  We know who you are, fool.
                                DEUCE
                  You the candidate that's down with
                  bitches and ho's.
                                TEC
                  Tsss. Dude think we ignorant just
                  'cause we live down here. You
                  better recognize.
                                BILL
                  I absolutely recognize that street
                  violence is tearing Californians
                  apart... You see, guys, California
                  is my family, and hey, here's a
                  thought. Instead of thinking of
                  ourselves as what set we're from,
                  or what crew we're rolling with,
                  why can't we just be brothers?
                  What do you say?
                                TEC
                          (thoughtful)
                  Hmmm. I guess I never looked at
                  it like that before. What do you
                  say, 'brothers'?
     The I-9's smile, cock their weapons, aim them, and just
     as they're about to start blasting, the side WALL
     EXPLODES and Hadji's dad's MERCEDES CRASHES through.
                                TEC
                  Don't anybody know where the
                  driveway's at?! Damn!
     Gangsters fall back as Hadji, Mocha, and Monster jump out
     wearing the Kevlar vests and wielding their weapons.
                                HADJI
                          (freaking out)
                  Better step, y'all, or I'ma have
                  to waste all y'all up in this
                  piece!
                                 MONSTER
                  Yeah!   Drop yo gats!
     The I-9s, unafraid, point their guns right back at Hadji,
     Monster and Mocha. It's a multi-player Mexican standoff.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                            97.

88   CONTINUED:    (3)                                            88
                                DEUCE AND 8-BALL
                  Drop your gats!
     Nobody does.     Brad steps out.
                                BRAD
                  Hold dup, y'all. Before anybody
                  ices anybody I got to say something.
     No one stops him, so Brad turns to his dad.
                                BRAD
                  You really weren't gonna pay my
                  ransom?

                                BILL
                  I didn't know anything about that.
                  You've got to believe me, that was
                  not part of the plan.
                                BRAD
                  What was the plan? Send me down
                  here to scare me white?
                                BILL
                  It was stupid, I know. I thought
                  I'd tried everything... I just
                  didn't know how to deal with you
                  anymore.
                                BRAD
                  You've never known how to deal
                  with me 'cause you don't know me,
                  and you never cared to find out.
                  And now that your election's on
                  the line, that's when you take a
                  stand? That's bullshit, Pops.
                  Look at me, 'cause this is who I
                  am, and if you can't accept that,
                  then I'll walk out that door,
                  never see your sorry-ass again.
     Shondra, Tec, all the I-9's and Brad's posse slowly turn
     from Brad to Bill, completely caught in the moment,
     waiting for his response.
                                BILL
                  I'm not proud of myself, Brad. I
                  made a lot of mistakes, and I know
                  I wasn't there for you, and I
                  can't change that, but I always
                  loved you and still do...
                                (MORE)
                                                   (CONTINUED)

                                                                98.

88   CONTINUED:    (4)                                                 88
                                BILL (CONT'D)
                  ... and if you say this is really
                  who you are, then I believe you
                  and accept you, and from here on
                  in, I promise to be a real father
                  to you.
                                BRAD
                  Talk is cheap, Pops.    Prove it.
                                BILL
                  I'm here, ain't I?
     Brad looks at him.        Bill looks back.   Everyone looks on,
     riveted.
                                BRAD
                  A'ight, Pops, we cool.
                                  BILL
                  Much love.
     They pound.

     ANGLE ON GANGSTERS
     getting emotional.        A couple sniffle, a few wipe their
     eyes.
                                8-BALL
                          (sincere)
                  Wish I could talk to my pops like
                  that.

                                DEUCE
                          (emotional)
                  No doubt. He's raising his kid.
                                8-BALL
                          (dialing his cell,
                           wiping tears)
                  I'ma call my pops right now.
                                TEC
                  Would y'all get a hold of your
                  fool selves?! It's time to waste
                  these punks!
     The I-9s straighten up and re-aim their guns.
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                               99.

88   CONTINUED:    (5)                                               88
                                BRAD
                          (with confidence)
                  Tec, before we all go out in a
                  blaze of glory, can I say one last
                  thing?
                                TEC
                          (sighs)
                  Whatchya got to say?
                                BRAD
                  Moch, kick it freestyle.
     Mocha rests the musket in the crook of his arm, and does
     his human beat box thing as Brad begins to rap.
                                BRAD
                  'What's up with all this fightin'?
                  We all should be unitin'!
                  Y'all egos need deflatin',
                  Gangstas, please, quit all this
                    hatin'.'
                                TEC
                  Stop, please! If I hear you drop
                  one more rhyme, I'ma hafta smoke
                  myself.
                                BRAD
                  A'ight, cool, but all these gats
                  got to go!
     As Brad grabs the missile launcher from Hadji...
                                MOCHA
                          (moved, earnest)
                  Word up, B. All this hatin' is
                  wack!
     Mocha slams the butt of the musket down, and the
     flintlock slams forward. Everyone cringes. Nothing
     happens. Everyone looks at the MUSKET, then suddenly it
     EXPLODES and a rusty musket ball FIRES OUT, slamming
     Monster in the middle of her Kevlar breastplate. She
     flies back and slams into the wall, causing her spear gun
     to fire -- a SPEAR SHOOTS OUT and lands directly into
     Brad's left ass cheek. Brad howls and drops the MISSILE
     LAUNCHER...
     SLOW MOTION:     everyone watches it fall to the ground...
     REAL TIME:     it hits the floor and the MISSILE FIRES.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              100.

88   CONTINUED:    (6)                                               88
     Brad... Tec... Bill... and Shondra all watch in horror as
     the missile flies past gang members, through the kitchen
     door, and slams into the side of the gas oven. We hear a
     countdown BEEP BEEP BEEP...
                                TEC
                  Ruuuuuuunnnnn!
     Everyone runs for the nearest hole in the wall.

89   EXT. TEC'S HOUSE - NIGHT                                        89
     Bodies stream out of the house scrambling for safety when
     suddenly...
     The HOUSE BLOWS in a huge orange FIREBALL...
                                             DISSOLVE TO:

90   EXT. TEC'S HOUSE - NIGHT                                        90
     We CRANE PAST emergency vehicles parked in front of
     smoldering remains of Tec's house, then MOVE TO Tec, who
     is yelling at a cop.
                                TEC
                  I know my rights, man, and
                  these fools drove two damn
                  cars into my house, then they
                  blew the shit up! This all
                  better be rebuilt before my
                  ma comes back, or she will
                  make you wish you were never
                  born.
     CLOSE ON a FEMALE TV REPORTER speaking TO CAMERA.
                                REPORTER
                  I have two witnesses who were at
                  the scene of the explosion...
     She turns and the CAMERA WIDENS to include Sean and PJ;
     their clothes are singed and still smoking.
                                REPORTER
                  Can you tell us what happened?
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              100A.

90   CONTINUED:    (A1)                                            90
                                PJ
                  It was hard core, yo. All these
                  crazy busters was strapped to the
                  nines, and I was like, keepin' the
                  peace, telling the brothers to
                  talk it out, find their common
                  bond...
     Sean steps in front of PJ, speaking directly INTO CAMERA.
                                SEAN
                          (going for the   Oscar)
                  See, the explosion was   just a
                  metaphor for the anger   we
                  oppressed young men of   color have
                  buried deep inside our   hearts...
                  hearts turned dark --
                                REPORTER
                          (confused)
                  Okay, thank you, Bloodbath and
                  Tree.
                          (turns TO CAMERA)
                  And all of this mayhem is rumored
                  to have been caused by the
                  mysterious White Kong, who remains
                  at large. This is Soon Yi Baxter-
                  Hernandez, reporting from South
                  Central.
                                PJ
                          (speaking normally)
                  When's this gonna air?
                                SEAN
                  Can I get a copy of this?     I need
                  it for my reel.
     She glares and they move off... We FIND Brad and Shondra
     by an ambulance, talking as a paramedic bandages Brad's
     ass.
                               BRAD
                  Aaah!!!
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              101.

90   CONTINUED:                                                      90
                                 SHONDRA
                  You alright?
                                BRAD
                  I'm cool... still a little
                  confused maybe. I'm still not
                  exactly sure what was for real and
                  what wasn't.
                                SHONDRA
                  Well, as far as being real, I can
                  only vouch for two things.
     She kisses him full on the lips.

                                BRAD
                  I can deal with a little more of
                  that reality.
     They kiss again, then Brad breaks it.
                                BRAD
                  Wait a minute. You said two
                  things was real. What was the
                  other?
     Shondra smiles as we...
                                                  SLAM TO:
91   CLOSEUP ON BIG BOY                                              91
                                BIG BOY
                  What up, Shondra?

     WIDEN TO:

     INT. BIG BOY'S MANSION - LIVING ROOM - DAY
     It's an incredibly foofy Baroque nightmare.
                                BRAD
                  Damn, you knew Big Boy the whole
                  time?
                                SHONDRA
                  I told you we go way back.
                                BIG BOY
                  So Shondra tells me you drop
                  rhyme.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                              102.

91    CONTINUED:                                                     91
                                BRAD
                   Peep dis.
      He hands over a Mali-Bootay CD.
                                 BRAD
                   Once you hear my demo, you're
                   gonna want to give me Eminem play,
                   dawg!
                                 BIG BOY
                           (taking the CD)
                   I can't wait, y'all. Peace.

      Big Boy pounds Brad and they exit. Big Boy hands the CD
      to a British butler, who puts it in the system. Big Boy
      puts on the headphones and the butler hits play. Big Boy
      listens for a minute, then smiles.
                                 BIG BOY
                   I know exactly what to do with
                   this.
                                                    CUT TO:

A91   OMITTED                                                        A91
&                                                                    &
92                                                                   92

A92   EXT. BIG BOY'S BACK PATIO - DAY                                A92
      Big Boy stands there in his bathrobe.

                                BIG BOY
                   Pull!
      Brad's CD flies into the sky like a skeet clay pigeon.
      Big Boy raises a GLOCK and BLOWS it to kingdom come.
                                                    CUT TO:

93    INT. AMPHITHEATRE - IN WINGS - DAY                             93
      Brad and Shondra stand off to the side of a huge rally.
                                 BRAD
                   Damn. Twenty thousand people, all
                   here to support my pops. He must
                   have charisma.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                              103.

93   CONTINUED:                                                      93
                                SHONDRA
                  Like father like son.
                                BRAD
                  Shondra, girl. I just have to
                  thank you.
                               SHONDRA
                  For what?
                                BRAD
                  You the only one who accepted me
                  for who I really am.
                          (beat)
                  You also car jacked me, kidnapped
                  me and tried to turn me white, but
                  I'm gonna let that go.
     They kiss, tongues and all as Bill walks up.
                                BILL
                  Hey, kids... Sorry to interrupt.
                                BRAD
                          (turning)
                  What up?
                                BILL
                  Well, I'm about to go on and,
                  Brad... I want you to be part of
                  this.
                                BRAD
                  You mean, be onstage with you?

                                BILL
                  I need you to help me get the
                  urban vote. Introduce me.
                                BRAD
                  Dang, I'd be honored.
                                BILL
                  And, son, don't say it...
                          (beat)
                  Rap it.
                                BRAD
                          (blown away)
                  For real, Pops?
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                           103A.

93   CONTINUED:    (1A)                                         93
                                BILL
                  For real, son, for rizzeal.
     Shondra looks on proudly as MUSIC -- heavy on emotional
     strings, swells, driving the movie audience to feel as
     good as they've ever felt in a movie. Brad takes the
     stage.
                                BRAD
                  Hey, y'all! I'm here to introduce
                  you to my father, Bill Gluckman!
                  The big Gluck!!
     A rap beat kicks in as Brad goes all out.

                                BRAD
                  We all gather here on this special
                  occasion.
                  To listen to my pops, he's your
                  west coast liaison.
                  A speech from him, dude, is like
                  sex with a hoochi.
                  It's hot and excitin', like
                  shoppin' at Gucci!
                  Asians, Jews, Mexicans, too.
                  Everybody's votin', yo, it's a
                  cultural stew.
                  Once he's in office you'll
                  experience great riches.
                  As a thank you for helpin', you
                  can get wit my bitches!
                  Let's get Glucked! Y'all get
                  Glucked!
                  We get Glucked!
                  Come on everybody put your hands
                  up!
     Bill moves onstage and attempts to dance hip hop style.
                                BRAD
                  Immigration, education, and
                  runaway inflation.
                  It got me so stressed I need to
                  start masturbatin'.
                  California ain't flowin' like some
                  ol' constipation.
                  Vote for dad or I'll bash your
                  frickin' face in!
                  Come on everybody put your hands
                  up!
                                (MORE)
                                                  (CONTINUED)

                                                            103B.

93   CONTINUED:    (1B)                                         93
                                BRAD (CONT'D)
                  And if my dad wins this election,
                  he'll grow on y'all like a BAD VD
                  INFECTION!!
                  Yeeah! We all need a Gluckin'!
                  Let's all get Glucked! GO GLUCK
                  YOURSELF!!
     Brad raises Bill's hand up in victory and we FREEZE.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

                                                               104.

93   CONTINUED:    (2)                                                93
     SUPERIMPOSE: Brad did deliver the urban vote... to
     Bill's opponent. Bill Gluckman lost the election by a
     landslide.
                                                     CUT TO:

94   CLOSEUP ON FREEZE-FRAME TWO-SHOT - SEAN AND PJ                   94
     SUPERIMPOSE: Sean and PJ landed jobs more suitable to
     their talents...
     We WIDEN to reveal Sean and PJ in uniform and working at:


     INT. WIENIE IN A BUN - DAY
     We UNFREEZE.     Sean and PJ wait on a TEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL.
                                SEAN
                  Welcome to Wienie In A Bun.
                                PJ
                  How about a Double Dog?
     Tom leans in, with a "Manager" nametag, whispering
     angrily:
                                TOM
                  Push the Mega Meal, or you punks
                  are so fired.
                                                FLASH TO:


95   INT. MALI-BREW - FREEZE ON MOCHA, HADJI AND MONSTER -            95
     DAY
     sitting at their usual table, in mid-argument.
     SUPERIMPOSE: Mocha, Hadji and Monster continued to do
     nothing whatsoever, except for order coffee and argue...
                                                FLASH TO:

96   EXT. MANSION - CLOSE - FREEZE ON TEC - DAY                       96
     SUPERIMPOSE: Tec sued Bill Gluckman, and was awarded 100
     thousand dollars for damage to his house, and another
     thirty million for emotional distress. Tec moved...
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                               105.

96    CONTINUED:                                                      96
      UNFREEZE:     to reveal Tec leaving his driveway in a
      Bentley.
                                 TEC
                   What up, neighbor?
      PAN TO Bill, in his Hummer, leaving his driveway.       He
      waves grumpily as we...
                                                 FLASH TO:

97    EXT. SHONDRA'S NAIL AND BEAUTY SALON - DAY                      97

      SUPERIMPOSE: While waiting for his rap career to kick
      in, Brad invested his trust fund into a business that
      made sense.
      We CRANE DOWN FROM a sign that reads: "GRAND OPENING,
      SHONDRA'S NAIL AND BEAUTY SALON" to reveal a crowd of
      Malibu women gathered around Brad and Shondra as Shondra
      cuts a ribbon with a huge pair of scissors; the women
      rush inside.
                                 BRAD (V.O.)
                   I helped Shondra open up her salon
                   right here in the 'Bu.

A97   INT. SALON                                                      A97
      Shondra puts the finishing touches to a woman in a chair.
                                 BRAD (V.O.)
                   She styled up all the ladies in
                   Malibu so they were stone-cold
                   ghetto fabulous.
      Shondra spins the chair to REVEAL: BEES GLUCKMAN with a
      crazy ghetto hairstyle. She looks like Busta Rhymes.
      She checks herself in the mirror.
                                 BESS
                   I love it.
                           (alternate)
                   Boo-ya!
      She smiles revealing a GOLD TOOTH with a DIAMOND in it.

98    INT. NEWS STUDIO - NIGHT                                        98
      SUPERIMPOSE:     FOUR MONTHS LATER...
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                             106.

98   CONTINUED:                                                     98
     L.A.'s own, Hal Fishman reports.
                                HAL FISHMAN
                  It's official. Bill Gluckman is
                  California's next governor. We
                  have a live report from the
                  celebration at Gluckman
                  headquarters...
     PUSH IN TO the news monitor over Hal Fishman's shoulder,
     to...

99   INT. GLUCKMAN CELEBRATION - NIGHT                              99

     CHEERS, as Bill takes the mic (As he speaks, we SLOWLY
     PULL BACK, gradually revealing the people next to him on
     stage).
                                BILL
                  This is a monumental day for our
                  glorious state and there are
                  several people I need to thank
                  here tonight...
                          (beat)
                  There's the International
                  Brotherhood of Police Officers...
     APPLAUSE, as POLICE OFFICERS salute Bill.
                                BILL
                  The Southern California Rotary
                  Club...
     A table full of well-dressed PROFESSIONALS wave politely.

                                BILL
                  And our friends at the
                  Environmental Defense Fund...
     A group of granola-type ENVIRONMENTALISTS smile.
     Brad CLEARS HIS THROAT, causing Bill to look at him.
     Brad gives Bill a "reminder" nod...
                                BILL
                  Oh, and of course...
     PULL BACK TO REVEAL:     We're actually in the PROUD BIRD...
                                BILL
                          (matter of factly)
                  ... all the Bitches and Ho's...
                                                    (CONTINUED)

                                                               107.

99   CONTINUED:                                                        99
     A pod of SKANKY WOMEN snap their fingers in Bill's
     direction.
                                BILL
                  The Pimps... The Hoodrats...
     The lavishly-dressed PIMPS raise their canes to Bill.
                                BILL
                  The Association of Korean Grocers.
     An ASIAN FAMILY give Bill the "thumbs-up."
                                BILL
                  The Playas. The Ballers. The
                  Shot Callers. And a special shout
                  out to the I-9's.

     ANGLE ON TEC
     and his gang.     They wear dark suits and do rags.
                                BILL
                  And... The Women's Organization of
                  California.
     A table full of prim ELDERLY LADIES golf-clap and smile.
                                BILL
                  And most of all, I'd like to thank
                  my campaign advisor on urban
                  affairs, and my son, B-rad G.
     APPLAUSE as Brad grabs the mic at the podium.

                                BRAD
                  West Coast Reprezzizzin'!
     Bill and Brad hug.
     HIP HOP MUSIC KICKS IN and the entire       Ballroom turns into
     one huge dance party. Bill raises the        roof as he
     meanders into the celebrating crowd.        People of all
     different races and backgrounds dance       together, all
     having a blast...
     Hadji grinds on an ELDERLY CONSTITUENT's ass... she's
     into it.
                                HADJI
                  I'm totally taxing your ass.
                                                     (CONTINUED)

                                                            108.

99   CONTINUED:    (2)                                             99
     Bess compares her diamond ring to Tec's Bling-Bling.
                                BESS
                  You get that from Tiffany?
                                TEC
                  I think that was the Bitches'
                  name, yeah...
     They continue to marvel at each other's decorative
     accessories...

     ANGLE ON ELSEWHERE IN THE PARTY

     We see Sean and PJ are caterers, wearing "Wiener on a
     Bun" outfits/hats and circulating among the guests.
     They approach a well-to-do PARTYGOER.
                                PJ
                  Would you care for a wiener?
                  Courtesy of Wiener on a Bun.
                                SEAN
                  Or perhaps I can interest you in a
                  head shot? I'm trained in jazz
                  dance, tap, and I can do a
                  Southern accent.
     Tom enters wearing a "Wiener on a Bun" manager's outfit.
                                TOM
                  Idiots. What did I tell you about
                  bothering the guests? Now move
                  it, those wieners aren't serving
                  themselves.
     He pushes them out of there.
                                  BRAD (O.S.)
                  Yo, yo, yo...
     Everyone turns to see Brad still at the podium.
     Confusion...
                                BRAD
                  Last time I was here, y'all threw
                  my ass out. But now that I haves
                  yo attention, I gots somethin' I
                  gotta say... And I have to do it
                  the only way I know how... Kick
                  it, Moch.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

                                                               109.

99    CONTINUED:     (3)                                              99
      TEETH RATTLING BASS THUNDERS, as Brad pulls the mic out
      of the stand and begins prowling around the stage.
      (NOTE: Rap can be shortened.)
      SLOW MOTION:     Panic, as everyone realizes Brad is about
      to rap...
                                 BRAD
                   I wrote this one just for you,
                   Dad.
                           (starts to rap)
                   Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah,
                   yeah... Yeah...
                           (stops)
                   I'm sorry, I lost my place again.
                           (remembers)
                   Oh, here we go...
                   Election, erection,
                   I got an infection.
                   My pops, he won,
                   Defying all the pre-dections...
      Sean and PJ (waiters) drop their serving trays; Tec and
      the I-9's dive for Brad at the podium; Shondra screams,
      "NOOOOOO"...
      Brad is grabbed and thrown off the stage by the I-9's and
      is projected out over the audience, where we...
      FREEZE ON:     Brad's terrified face.
                                 BRAD (V.O.)
                           (cocky as ever)
                   What can I say, ain't nothing but
                   a thang...

      UNFREEZE and Brad falls to the ground.

100   EXT. COP CAR                                                    100
                                 HAL FISHMAN (V.O.)
                   After months of searching the
                   Southland for notorious criminal
                   White Kong, the LAPD has finally
                   made an arrest. The suspect, a
                   black man, was caught earlier
                   today...
      Footage of a BLACK MAN being put in a squad car.
                                                      (CONTINUED)

                                                                110.

100   CONTINUED:                                                       100
                                   TOM GIBBONS
                   'White Kong'?    Damn! I'm not even
                   white.
                                 COP
                   That's what they all say.
                           (alternate:)
                   Shut up, White Kong.

                                               FADE TO BLACK.




                               THE END