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Mini's First Time Movie Script

Writer(s) : Nick Guthe

Genres : Comedy, Crime, Drama

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                           MINI'S FIRST TIME


                              Written by

                              Nick Guthe
          
          
          
                                                     CLOSE ON:
          
          The face of MINERVA "MINI" DROGUES, 18, watching something.
          She looks extremely bored by the television images flickering
          across her eyes. She has a pretty face: Large eyes, and pouty
          mouth. Her knowing look is incongruous with a face clearly
          still that of a girl.
          
          -                    MINI (V.O.)
                    I know what you're thinking. Don't
                    bullshit me, because I do... You're
          -         thinking, oh dear lord in heaven,
                    please, I'm begging you. I'll gouge
          -         out my eyes with the straw in my
                    drink right now. I'll jam every
                    last kernel of popcorn into my
          -         mouth until I suffocate, just not
                    another fucking teenage coming-of-
                    age story.
          
          We pull back to reveal her body, which is moving out of that
          awkward stage between adolescence and womanhood. Though tall
          and thin, her hips haven't quite rounded. She's wearing a
          "FUCT" T-shirt and jean shorts.

                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    Well, relax...no prom night
                    highjinks, no nerds becoming
                    popular and no Shakespeare set in
                    high school...I promise.

          CLOSE ON: THE TV SCREEN. "When Animals Attack" is on. In a
          series of quick cuts:
          
           A zoo keeper is mauled by an elephant.
          
           A sport fisherman is attacked on the deck of a boat by a
          shark he and his buddies thought was dead.

           A pit bull clamps down on his owner's arm.
          
           An alligator hunter stupidly puts his head in the mouth of a
          just-captured alligator, only to have it chomp down on his
          skull.
          
                               MINI (V.O.)
                    Since it happened, everyone's
                    asked me how it all started.
          
                                                                     2.
          
          
          
          Mini's face registers no reaction to the gruesome images. We
          now see she is sitting in the living room of a well-appointed
          Studio City hillside home.

          INT. THE LIVING ROOM- EVENING- A PARTY.
          
          TEENAGERS OF PRIVILEGE and their UPTIGHT PARENTS are milling
          around, dancing and chatting as A DEEJAY spins tunes.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    I suppose the obvious answer is my
                    eighteenth birthday...
          
          Mini dances with a few friends in a very short mini-skirt and
          halter top. She clearly understands how to the drive the boys
          crazy and this is not lost on her mother, DIANE, 42, who
          stands off to the side, nursing a drink with some other HYPER-
          AEROBICIZED MOTHERS.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    See, I was blessed with a terrific
                    mom. Not only is she a lush, but
                    she also hates me.
          
          Diane is beautiful, but there is an essential hardness to her
          that comes from a life spent trading on her looks. The
          blouse and mini-skirt she wears are inappropriately revealing
          for the occasion of her daughter's birthday.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    A few days before the party, I
                    overhear her on the phone ordering
                    me a male stripper. Nothing says "I
                    love you" like ten inches of man
                    meat in your face.
          
          Diane and the other mothers are talking about Mini's dancing.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    And knowing dear old ma, she'll try
                    and nail him after the party...in
                    my bed.
          
          Mini's friend KAYLA, a little rounder, but also brash, comes
          dancing over. She's swaying her hips provocatively at Mini,
          almost challenging her.
          
          MIKE RUDELL, a tanned and trim man of 55, watches their
          display, clearly enjoying the way it's jump-starting his
          imagination.
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     3.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       That guy? Our neighbor Mike Rudell,
                       big shot TV producer and the guy my
                       mom screws whenever the batteries
                       run out.
          
          Kayla and Mini begin dancing together in a very explicit way,
          clearly trying to make the adults uncomfortable.

                               MINI
                       Yo, bee-ach!
          
                                 KAYLA
                       Yo, birthday bee-ach!
          
                                   MINI
                       Is it on?
          
                                 KAYLA
                       Oh, it's on!
          
                                 MINI
                       That's my girl!
          
          Mini grabs Kayla and dips her low.
          
          INT. THE KITCHEN - LATER.
          
          Kayla instructs some CATERERS to start wheeling a giant
          birthday cake into the living room. The caterers look
          confused, but Kayla is insistent and the young men obey,
          starting to wheel the cake down the long hall.
          
          INT. THE LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          The cake emerges from the hallway. The caterers begin singing
          "Happy Birthday", as Diane turns to see it and her eyes flash
          rage. As Diane comes storming over, we switch to SLOW MOTION.
          
                                  MINI (V.O.)
                       See, to understand me, you need to
                       understand that life, in my
                       opinion, is all about new
                       experiences. "Firsts" is what I
                       call them.
          
          As she strides across the room, the look of vitriolic rage on
          Diane's face grows stronger with every step.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   4.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                       Somewhere around fourteen, when I
                       had my first...rhymes with duck, I
                       realized that the goal of life, any
                       life, should be to cram as many
                       "firsts" into it as possible.
          
          We switch back to real time.
          
                                 DIANE
                       What the hell are you doing? I said
                       wait until-
                           (looking around)
                       She's not even here, you morons!
          
          A YOUNG CATERER'S face turns white.
          
                                 CATERER
                       But, but her friend said--
          
          POP! Suddenly the lid to the cake flies off and from behind
          we see A NUDE MINI rises out of it like Venus on the half
          shell.
          
                                   MINI
                       SURPRISE!
          
                                                     MINI'S POV:
          
          A collection of reactions from the party goers: The mothers
          are numb, the fathers pretend to be disturbed, while copping
          looks, and her friends are in stitches. Some are even waving
          dollar bills.        M
                                  MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                       That was definitely a first, but
                       more importantly, it was the first
                       time I really understood my
                       potential...And that's when it all
                       started.
          
          Mini leans over and gives her STUNNED mom a big hug.
          
                                   MINI (CONT'D)
                           (doing her best Donna
                             Reed)
                       Oh, Mom, this is the best birthday
                       ever!
          
                                                                   5.
          
          
          
          INT. MINI'S BATHROOM - NIGHT
          
          Mini stands in a bathrobe with a towel around her head,
          having just taken a shower. She removes the towel to reveal
          she's just changed her hair color to FLAMING RED.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    That little stunt got me grounded
                    for a week, but it was worth it.
          
                                                   CUT TO:
          
          Mini blow drying her hair.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    See, I just don't understand people
                    who live their lives as one big
                    routine.
          
                                                   CUT TO:
          
          Mini evenly spreading the base to her make-up.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    They're basically saying "I'm not
                    worthy of a unique experience on
                    this earth."...Well, sorry, but I
                    am.
          
                                                   CUT TO:
          
          Mini applying blush to her cheeks.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    The law of firsts has served me
                    well, because it's liberated me
                    from the usual pathetic, repetitive
                    concerns of high school.
          
                                                   CUT TO:
          
          Mini applying eye liner.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    I simply don't care if I'm popular,
                    because if I did, then I'd be
                    constantly stressing about whether
                    my clothes are cool enough, or if
                    Troy, the "gay but he doesn't know
                    it yet" quarterback, is gonna call.
          
                                                                      6.
          
          
          
          INT. THE HALLWAY OF MINI'S HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
          
          Mini and Kayla walk down the crowded halls attracting lustful
          looks from some of the more aggressive boys.
          
          They approach a group of FOOTBALL PLAYERS.
          
                              KAYLA
                        (whispering, worried)
                    Oh, God, it's Troy.
          
                              MINI
                    Just keep walking and don't look at
                    him.
          T
           ROY, a cocky, chiseled, all-around nightmare, sticks his
          tongue in his cheek, simulating a blow job.
          
                              TROY
                    Yo, Kayla, I got some more of what
                    you were looking for Saturday
                    night.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Ahh...The joys of the American
                    educational system.
          
          Kayla puts her head down, her face turning red, as Mini stops
          to address Troy and his posse.
          
                              MINI (CONT'D)
                        (suddenly brightening)
                    Actually, Troy, I think you
                    confused her with that senile,
                    toothless grandmother of yours.
          
          "Ooohs" and "Aaahs" erupt from the onlookers as Troy looks
          concerned his ambush has backfired.
          
                              TROY
                    Yo, Mini, why don't you use that
                    mouth for something useful and suck
                    my dick?
          
          More students start to gather, overhearing them.
          
                              MINI
                    Actually, now that you mention it,
                    I can't think of anything I'd
                    rather do than suck your dick.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     7.
          CONTINUED:
          
          Troy looks around, surprised and emboldened by her
          declaration.
          
                                 TROY
                       Well, it's all for you, babe.
          
          Mini moves closer, looking him right in the eye.
          
                                 MINI
                       Really?
          
                                 TROY
                           (daring her)
                       If you can fit it all in.
          
          The crowd has now swelled to a few dozen, as everyone is
          riveted by the exchange. Suddenly, Mini starts unzipping his
          fly.
          
                                 TROY (CONT'D)
                       Hey, what the?!
          
                                 MINI
                           (grabbing his belt buckle)
                       I'm going to suck your dick, Troy,
                       you said I could.
          
          Troy tries to push her away, but she's got a grip on his
          belt. Everyone watching is almost speechless at first, but
          then giggles start to erupt.
          
                                 TROY
                       Yo, this ain't funny!
          
                                  MINI
                       No, Troy, I want to suck your dick
                       right now!
          
                                 TROY
                       Jesus, Mini, come on, get off!
          
                                 MINI
                           (screaming)
                       No, Troy! You said I could, now
                       come on!
          
          She gets down on her knees, struggling to get a hand in his
          pants. The crowd howls with approval, as they almost can't
          believe their eyes.
          
          
          
          
                                                               (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   8.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                              MINI
                    Let's see it! Come on, I want to
                    suck your throbbing member right
                    now!
          
          Troy finally pushes her off, humiliated, and runs down the
          hall as the mob laughs at him. Kayla looks at her gratefully
          and smiles.
          
                                                   CUT TO:
          
          Mini applying frosty hot pink lipstick, making her lips as
          full as possible.
          
                                 DIANE (O.S.)
                    Mini?
          
          Mini looks towards the door, deciding to ignore her mother.
          
                                 DIANE (O.S.)
                           (screaming)
          
          MINI?!
          
          Mini turns towards the sound.
          
                                 MINI
                    WHAT?!
          
          Diane comes storming in.
          
                              DIANE
                    When I call you, I expect you to
                    answer.
          
                              MINI
                        (flatly)
                    Sorry.
          
                              DIANE
                    Don't patronize me.
          
                              MINI
                        (sugar sweet)
                    Sorry!
          
                              DIANE
                    If you're trying to get me to call
                    you a spoiled little ungrateful
                    bitch, you're out of luck, because
                    I won't give you the satisfaction.
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   9.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI
                       Thanks, mommy.
          
          Diane's eyes narrow, as it's clear Mini knows exactly where
          her mother's buttons are.
          
                                 MINI (CONT'D)
                       What do you want?
          
                                 DIANE
                       I'm going out and I need you to
                       wait for the delivery from the
                       liquor store. They'll be here by
                       nine.
          
                                 MINI
                       Fine.
          
          Diane gives Mini the once over, lingering on her mini-skirt.
          Diane winces at the outfit.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Just thought you should know, that
                       makes your thighs look fat.
          
                                  MINI
                            (deadpan)
                       Gosh, you're right, mom, I'm such a
                       cow.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       It's a freakin' miracle I'm not
                       anorexic after eighteen years of
                       her little pep talks.
          
                                 MINI
                       Have fun, don't do anything I
                       wouldn't.
          
          Diane turns and leaves.
          
                                 DIANE
                           (over her shoulder)
                       Well, that doesn't leave much.
          
                                 MINI
                           (under her breath)
                       Cunt.
          
          Mini turns back to the mirror.
          
                                                                    10.
          
          
          
          INT. MINI'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
          
          Mini pulls on a pair of thigh-high stockings, as a lit
          cigarette hangs from M
                               her mouth.
          
                               MINI (V.O.)
                    My mother moved out to LA from Ohio
                    when she was twenty to become an
                    actress. Even though she was a
                    total flatliner, somehow she
                    managed to land a few bit parts on
                    soaps...without screwing anyone.
          
          INT. A HALLWAY OF THE HOUSE - LATER.
          
          Mini walks along the corridor in a pair of "fuck me" pumps,
          as the doorbell is heard ringing.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    When she gets really sauced, she'll
                    pop the tapes in and make me watch,
                    then I'll threaten to call the
                    suicide hotline.
          
          She continues through the living room towards the door,
          hiking her mini skirt up a little.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    After a few years, she got
                    desperate and spread 'em for this
                    fat, ugly producer when he promised
                    to give her a role in some bullshit
                    cable series that was basically
                    softcore porn. She got knocked up
                    with me and he told her she
                    couldn't be on the show, unless she
                    hoovered me out.
          
          She reaches the front the door.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    Excuse me for one sec.
          
          She opens the door to reveal a delivery boy, JIMMY 20's, with
          six cases of liquor stacked on a handcart.
          
                              JIMMY
                        (nervously excited)
                    Hey, Mini, how you doin'?
          
                              MINI
                    You're late.
          
                                                                     11.
          
          
          
          INT. THE KITCHEN- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini watches as Jimmy carefully lifts one case after another
          on to the counter.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    She was gonna do it, too, at least
                    that what's she told me when she
                    was feeling particularly loving.
                    But then she heard rumors the show
                    wasn't gonna fly and realized
                    eighteen years of child support
                    beat thirteen weeks on "Skin
                    Tight", so I got to stick around.
                    ...Bad choice.
          
          Mini opens one case, takes out a bottle and heads out of the
          kitchen.
          I
           NT. THE WET BAR - LATER.
          
          Mini mixes herself a large Sapphire martini.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Anyway, what Mom didn't count on
                    was the prick having a heart attack
                    and croaking a year after I was
                    born.
          
          She pours it into a martini glass and drops an olive in.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    When she tried to collect on his
                    estate, she found out he'd owed the
                    government two point five in back
                    taxes.
          
          EXT. A RUN DOWN STUCCO APARTMENT BUILDING IN THE VALLEY-
          
          CIRCA 1993.
          
          Diane walks down the steps to a waiting Porsche, with a
          SLEAZY LOOKING, BUT CLEARLY RICH GUY behind the wheel.
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  12.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Now, if she had been smart, she
                       would've set her sights a little
                       lower and gone after a guy who
                       would've worshipped the ground she
                       walked on and wouldn't care that
                       she already had a kid...
          
                                                     CUT TO:
          
          Diane getting into the car. She turns to the driver and gives
          him a flirty smile. IT'S NOW A DIFFERENT, but just as SLEAZY
          GUY smiling back at her.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       But not mom, she was gonna bag
                       another elephant if it meant
                       gobbling every knob from Hollywood
                       to the Palisades.
          
          As the car pulls away, we see an 8 YEAR OLD MINI watch from
          an upstairs window of the building.
          
          INT. THE SAME RUN DOWN APARTMENT - EVENING
          
          Mini sits watching TV as Diane walks in with YET ANOTHER
          SLEAZY GUY, his hands all over her. Diane looks surprised
          and pissed to see Mini still up.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Jesus Chr--Mini, why aren't you in
                       bed?
          
          Mini just stares at her, then shifts her penetrating gaze to
          SLEAZY GUY #3. He looks unnerved by Mini.
          
          SLEAZY GUY #3
          
          I thought you said we'd be--
          
                                 DIANE
                       Don't worry, Larry, she's going to
                       bed, right now. Aren't you?
          I
           NT. MINI'S TINY BEDROOM - NIGHT
          
          Mini lies awake as the SOUNDS OF DIANE FUCKING SLEAZY GUY
          #3's brains out waft through the thin walls.
          
                                                                    13.
          
          
          
          INT. THE KITCHEN OF DIANE'S APARTMENT - EARLY MORNING.
          
          Mini sits at the kitchen table eating cereal as THE FOURTH
          SLEAZY GUY emerges from Diane's bedroom, he's tucking his
          shirt in. He looks a little startled to see her up.
          
          SLEAZY GUY #4
          
          Oh...Uh, hi, uh, tell your mom I, uh, had a good time.
          
                              MINI
                    Oh, I will...Like some coffee for
                    the road?
          
          The guy looks at her a little surprised, then smiles.
          
          SLEAZY GUY #4
          
          Sure...thanks, kid.
          
                                                     CUT TO:
          
          Mini watching the PORSCHE PULL AWAY from the curb. In her
          hand, she holds a bottle of MAXIMUM STRENGTH EX-LAX.
          
                                                     CUT TO:
          
          SLEAZY GUY #4 driving down the freeway, drinking coffee from
          a paper cup. Suddenly, a look of absolute dread overcomes
          him.
          
          INT. DIANE'S APARTMENT - LATER.
          
          Diane emerges from her bedroom in her bathrobe, looking
          disheveled. She glares at Mini, who sits at the kitchen
          table eating her cereal.
          
                              DIANE
                    Do you want to live in this shit
                    hole your whole life?
          
          Mini just stares at her.
          
                              DIANE
                    Then stay in your fucking room
                    until they leave. Got it?
          
          Mini says nothing. Suddenly, Diane picks up a SMALL PIECE OF
          POTTERY from the coffee table and throws it at Mini's head.
          Mini ducks as it SMASHES behind her on the wall.
          
                                                                  14.
          
          
          
          CUT BACK TO: 18 YEAR OLD MINI MIXING HER MARTINI IN THE WET
          BAR.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    So it pretty much went on like that
                    until...
          
                              MALE VOICE (O.S.)
                    Mini? Diane? I'm home.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Five years ago, when she met
                    Martin.
          
          Mini starts downing the drink in a few big gulps.
                               M
                               MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    It was a win-win...
          
          INT. A HOTEL BALLROOM - NIGHT
          
          Mini, Diane and MARTIN TANNEN, 45, a trim executive in an
          Armani suit and $300 haircut, mingle at a large corporate
          cocktail party. Martin, a man who understands, in his world,
          style over substance is a way of life, works the crowd
          effortlessly.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    He didn't want kids, but needed a
                    ready-made family to help project
                    an image of stability for his
                    corporate outings...We finally got
                    out of Reseda...
          
                                                     CUT TO:
          
          Mini at the bar, stealing the drink of a TROPHY WIFE who has
          turned her back on it, to make a point to her OLDER HUSBAND.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    It was great for about a year...
          
                                                     CUT TO:
          
          LATER. Martin finishes talking to a client and heads out on
          the balcony to get some air, where he sees Diane kissing a
          HANDSOME YOUNG EXECUTIVE off to the side. Martin stiffens as
          he watches in SLOW MOTION her tongue slip into his mouth.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    Then he figured out what he had
                    married...by then it was too late.
          
                                                                  15.
          
          
          
          INT. THE FRONT DOOR TO THE HOUSE - NIGHT
          
          Martin puts his keys and cell phone on a table near the door.
          
                              MINI
                        (breezing past him)
                    You're home early.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    First time in three months he's
                    walked in before Letterman. He
                    totally forgot my birthday party,
                    and right now I'm thinking his pin
                    cushion must have given him the
                    walking papers or...found a new
                    pin.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Yeah...uh...
                        (searching)
                    A dinner with a client got
                    canceled.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                    Bingo.
          
                                 MINI
                    Tough day?
          
                              MARTIN
                    About the same...
          
          They head back into the living room.
          
                              MINI
                    Protecting all those poor
                    defenseless oil companies from
                    those big bad environmentalists?
                              M
                               ARTIN
                    Someone's got to make the payments
                    on your Beemer.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    He's a partner at a public
                    relations firm, which is ironic
                    because I can't remember the last
                    time he and my mom were seen in
                    public together...or had relations.
          
          He plops down on the couch, taking an electronic organizer
          out of his breast pocket.
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    16.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Is your mother around?
          
                                 MINI
                       No, she went to a party off
                       Beachwood. She was in one of her
                       "happy moods", so I doubt she'll be
                       sleeping here...
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Oh.
          
                                 MINI
                           (innocently)
                       If you were thinking of inviting a
                       guest over.
          
                                 MARTIN
                           (measured)
                       I wasn't, but thanks for the
                       concern...You're going out on a
                       school night?
          
                                 MINI
                       Yeah?
          
          Martin punches a few buttons on the organizer, his mind
          clearly elsewhere.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Mmm...Is your homework done?
          
                                 MINI
                       Haven't even cracked a book.
          
                                 MARTIN
                           (not listening)
                       Mmm...
          
          INT. MINI'S BATHROOM- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini double checks her purse for everything: lipstick,
          compact, Altoids, a flask of liquor and a string of condoms.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Considering how many guys my mom
                       has done in his bed, you've got to
                       admire his resolve. He could've
                       left her years ago, but with no pre-
                       nup, he loses half and he just
                       won't give in.
          
                                                                  17.
          
          
          
          EXT. THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini walks out the front door, revealing an impressive front
          of the house with stone pillars and a brick circular drive.
          Martin's MERCEDES 500 SL COUPE and Mini's BMW Z3 convertible
          sit in the open garage.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Their arrangement actually keeps
                    everything very calm.
          
          Mini gets into her BMW.
          
          EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
          
          The BMW drives down the street, weaving in and out of
          traffic.             M
                               MINI (V.O.)
                    As I said, the rule of firsts
                    guides my life. Once you've gotten
                    into every club in town and had
                    enough Ivy League lawyers cum too
                    fast, drastic measures are called
                    for.
          
          EXT. HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - NIGHT
          
          Mini walks past the neon covered shop windows.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    I thought it would be a goof if I
                    put a photo ad in one of those 25
                    cent "outcall" massage newspapers
                    they sell around town. But I just
                    got a bunch of pervs breathing
                    heavy on my voice mail. So I went
                    to an escort service, and when they
                    found out I was 18, they told me
                    they had two tricks in the same
                    hotel that night...if I was up to
                    it.
          
          She passes OLDER PROSTITUTES soliciting cars that have slowed
          down for a peek.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    Would you look at them?
          
          One of the prostitutes gives her a threatening look.
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     18.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                       It's pathetic. I mean, she's got to
                       be, what? At least twenty
                       eight?...In dog years.
                           (pausing)
                       Oh, wait, that would make her four.
          
          She arrives in front of the HOLLYWOOD ROOSEVELT HOTEL.
          
          INT. A HALLWAY OF THE HOTEL - NIGHT
          
          Mini walks down a hall and stops in front of a room and
          knocks. She looks around trepidatiously, as she waits for an
          answer. The door opens and a MIDDLE AGED MAN opens the door.
          He's very well groomed in a creepy middle american way. He
          could be a serial killer or...
          
          INT. A HOTEL ROOM - LATER.
          
          Mini pulls her red top on and heads for the door, as the man
          sheepishly follows her.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       My first night as a call girl was
                       a serious let down. It turns out
                       both guys were in town for the
                       "Promise Keepers" convention.
          
          She reaches the door. He opens it and points to the room
          across from his. Mini walks across and knocks.
                               M
                                  MINI (V.O.)
                       The first one got so excited I
                       didn't even get a chance to get my
                       panties off before he creamed
                       himself.
          
          A HEAVIER MAN in a denim shirt opens it.
          
          INT. THE OTHER HOTEL ROOM - LATER.
          
          The heavier man is on his knees, weeping as he hugs Mini
          around the waist.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       And the other said I looked so much
                       like his niece, he started
                       whimpering and praying for
                       forgiveness.
          
          She rolls her eyes in frustration.
          
                                                                   19.
          
          
          
          EXT. FOUNTAIN AVENUE - NIGHT
          
          Mini drives home, suddenly a SIREN is heard and she sees the
          FLASHING LIGHTS of a cop car behind her. Mini pulls over
          looking pissed.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Time to bat the eye lashes...
          
          The cop car pulls up behind her and a FEMALE COP WITH A BUZZ
          CUT gets out, approaching the car. Mini looks in her mirror,
          with a sly smile. The cop reaches Mini's door and looks down
          at her, clearly attracted to her.
          
          EXT. A BACK ALLEY OFF FOUNTAIN - NIGHT
          
          THE POLICE CRUISER is parked with its lights off.
          
          INT. THE CAR - CONTINUOUS
          
          THE FEMALE COP is lying on the seat with her legs spread, as
          Mini goes down on her. The woman is clutching the steering
          wheel with her left hand and the seat with her right, hanging
          on for dear life as Mini rocks her world.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    This? Are you kidding? My first
                    woman and my first cop?...It
                    would've been perfect if she hadn't
                    wanted to cuddle afterwards.
          
          INT. THE TANNEN'S HOUSE - LATER.
          
          Mini unlocks the door and walks in to find Diane passed out,
          face-up on the sofa in a loosely-tied bathrobe. At the sound
          of the door, Diane looks up.
          
                              DIANE
                        (slurring)
                    Oh...wha- what are you doing here?
          M
           ini stops and looks at her mother, absorbing her insightful
          question. Mini sighs and heads for the bedroom.
          
                              DIANE
                    Did you have fun, dear?
          
                              MINI
                    Yeah, I turned two tricks and went
                    down on a dyke cop.
          
          
          
          
                                                              (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     20.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 DIANE
                       Thass nice...
          
          Mini heads down the hallway.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       God, what's gotten into her? She
                       was almost warm and fuzzy.
          
          INT. MINI'S BEDROOM- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini walks in and stops dead in her tracks. A GREASY-HAIRED
          NAKED MAN lies passed out on her bed. His body hair is thick
          and matted. His genitals are covered by her pillow, which he
          cradles like a teddy bear.
          
          Mini's jaw tightens slowly.
          
          INT. THE LOBBY OF THE PENINSULA HOTEL - NIGHT
          
          Mini walks through the lobby past TWO BUSINESSMEN sitting at
          the bar, chatting up TWO VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMEN in their mid
          twenties.
          
                                  MINI (V.O.)
                       After that night, things really
                       picked up.
          
          The men's eyes instinctively follow Mini, as their dates
          exchange a glance of annoyance.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       My one rule which the agency wasn't
                       too happy about was, of course,
                       only firsts, no repeat customers.
          
          EXT. AN OFFICE BUILDING IN SHERMAN OAKS - DAY
          
          This time Mini walks in, dressed like a normal high school
          student, past a SECURITY GUARD.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       But believe me, they didn't have
                       too much trouble honoring that
                       request.
          
          INT. AN IMPRESSIVE CORNER OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mini is led in by a SECRETARY who presents Mini to one of the
          PENINSULA BUSINESSMEN sitting behind a large oak desk.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   21.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       I'd make house calls to offices at
                       lunch hour and we'd say I was
                       someone's niece or cousin in town
                       on vacation.
          
          The man stands up and greets her like she's family, and then
          quickly shuts the door.
          E
           XT. A HOUSE IN THE HILLS - NIGHT
          
          Mini arrives in her convertible and gets out dressed in a
          cheerleaders uniform.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       And then when football season
                       started, Saturday through Monday...
          
          INT. THE ENTRANCE TO THE HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
          
          A HUSKY MAN in a football jersey opens the door to find Mini
          waving her pom poms with a Texas sized grin on her face.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       I was busier than Domino's.
          
          INT/EXT. A MULTI LEVEL PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT
          
          Mini drives into the garage.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Then one Thursday night I get a a
                       last minute gig at a fuck pad in
                       Westwood that some executive keeps
                       so "wifey" doesn't find the motel
                       bills on the gold card statements.
                       They say I'm just his type...young.
          
          INT. THE LOBBY OF A MODERN APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
          
          Mini walks quickly through the lobby.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       They tell me he's not big on the
                       chit-chat and he loves paying extra
                       for the stuff we charge extra for.
          
          INT. THE HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE APARTMENT- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini knocks on the door.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  22.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                    MALE VOICE (O.S.)
                       It's open.
          
          INT. THE APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
          
          The executive "convenience" apartment is cold, sterile and
          clearly just used for short amounts of time. Mini opens the
          door, passing the closet, the bathroom door and then stops
          suddenly as she sees...
          
          MARTIN, her stepfather, sitting up in bed.
          
          She quickly turns away before he sees her face.
          
                                    MARTIN
                       Hello?
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Can you fucking believe it?
          
          Mini goes back towards the front door, panicking. She
          absently hangs her jacket up in the closet, to buy some time.
          
                                  MINI
                       Uh...hi,
                           (quickly adopting a
                            southern accent)
                       Sorry, I'm Mlate.
          
                                  ARTIN
                       Don't worry about it.
          
                                 MINI
                       Mind if I freshen up?
          
                                    MARTIN
                       Sure.
          
          Mini ducks into the bathroom.
          
          INT. THE BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mini shuts the door, turns on the light and looks at herself
          in the mirror. She's almost white from the shock. She looks
          down at the counter.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       My own dad! My first thought was
                       "how sick is he?" But then I
                       started thinking...I'm one to talk,
                       and...well...
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  23.
          CONTINUED:
          
          Mini's expression softens as she examines herself closer.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Why not? I mean, he isn't my real
                       dad...and talk about a first. The
                       more I thought about it...
          
          A wicked glint dances across her eyes.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       ...the more turned on I got. Then I
                       thought that if my mother could do
                       some strange guy in my bed, I could
                       do her strange guy in this bed.
          
                                 MARTIN (O.S.)
                       Everything alright in there?
          
                                 MINI
                           (still in her southern
                            accent)
                       Just peachy. Listen, Sugar, would
                       you mind turning the lights off,
                       I'm kinda new to all this and a
                       little shy.
          
                                 MARTIN (O.S.)
                       No, that's fine, but can we get
                       this show on the road?
          
                                 MINI
                       Sure can, in two shakes of a lamb's
                       tail.
          
          INT. THE BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Martin turns the light off next to the bed. A little bit of
          light from the street sneaks in around the edges of the
          blinds. After a second, the door opens and Mini comes out in
          a bra and panties.
          
          Mini crosses the room slowly and sits on the edge of the bed,
          letting her hair fall over her face. Martin tries to pull her
          hair away from her eyes, but she turns away, playfully
          shaking her head "no".
          
          She reaches down and touches him through the sheet. He looks
          up at her, clearly excited, but she keeps her gaze down. He
          reaches over to the nightstand and picks up his wallet.
                               M
                                  INI
                       What did you have in mind tonight?
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   24.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MARTIN
                       The deluxe.
          
                                 MINI
                       Oh, so you want complete access?
          
                                 MARTIN
                           (voice quivering)
                       Y...yes.
          
                                 MINI
                       You do know that's extra?
          
          He nods.
          
                                  MINI
                       Just so we're clear...Now, close
                       your eyes.
          
          Martin furrows his brow, disappointed.
          
                                  MINI
                       Come on.
          
          He obeys.
          
                                 MINI
                       Now just keep them shut for a
                       while.
          
          Mini pulls the sheet back, revealing his body to her. She
          starts kissing his chest, inhaling deeply. She looks up at
          his expectant face, intoxicated with her power. Her mouth
          starts to move down his chest. Martin lets out a small,
          almost self-conscious gasp.
          
                                                       FADE OUT:
          
          INT. THE ROOM - LATER.
          
          It is still dark as Martin and Mini lie under the sheets,
          post coitus in the "spoons" position. Martin has a dreamy,
          satisfied look on his face. Mini smiles to herself.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       I can't believe I pulled that off.
                       Keeping my face hidden actually
                       wasn't that hard, and he pretty
                       much let me do whatever I wanted.
          
                                                                   25.
          
          
          
          INT. THE BATHROOM- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini is getting dressed.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    And you know what?...He was damn
                    good. I don't why Mom is throwing
                    the cat all over town, when she can
                    have this every night.
          
          INT. THE BEDROOM- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          The room still dark, Mini emerges from the bathroom, dressed.
          
                              MARTIN
                    I...
                        (searching)
                    that was...you were really good.
          
                              MINI
                        (southern accent)
                    Thanks, Sugar.
          
                              MARTIN
                    I'd like to see you again,
                    but...uh...I never got your name?
          
          Even in the dark, he looks a little embarrassed. Mini smiles.
          
                              MINI
                    Ginger.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Ginger, I won't forget.
          
          INT/EXT. UPPER LEVEL OF THE BUILDING'S PARKING GARAGE-
          
          LATER.
          
          Mini walks to her car, giddy with excitement.
                               M
                               MINI (V.O.)
                    I literally couldn't feel the
                    ground under my feet. A first to
                    top all firsts. I knew I'd tell him
                    one day, but I wanted to savor it
                    for a while.
          
          She reaches her car and looks for her keys in her purse. Her
          eyebrows furrow as she has trouble finding them. Suddenly,
          she realizes they aren't there. She freezes.
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     26.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MARTIN (O.S.)
                       Ginger! You forgot your...
          
          Startled, her head whips around to see Martin walking towards
          her, carrying her jacket. He stops, the realization setting
          in.
          
                                    MARTIN
                       ...Jacket.
          
          Seconds go by as Mini allows a pathologically triumphant
          smile to spread across her mouth.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Here's to immediate gratification.
          
          Martin starts to look nauseous, as Mini walks slowly over and
          gives him a deep, wet kiss right on the mouth.
          
                                 MINI
                           (whispering)
                       You were great.
          
          Martin just stares straight ahead, numb. After another moment
          he walks to the railing of the garage, staring down at the
          street below.
          
          MARTIN'S POV: A few cars rush by on the street below. It
          appears to be about a three or four story drop.
          
          He looks back at Mini. He starts to lift a leg over the
          railing.
          
                                 MINI
                       Uh, that fall probably won't kill
                       you, and considering what a caring
                       nurturer your wife is, I don't
                       think that's a risk you can afford
                       to take.
          
          Martin looks down at the street for another moment.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       God, what a drama queen. Don't let
                       this little act fool you. He'd
                       never let mom get all his money.
          
          He glances back at her, looking tortured.
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    27.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    This is just his twisted public
                    relations brain working overtime to
                    figure what the appropriate
                    response should be to fucking your
                    stepdaughter...ah ha! Contemplate
                    suicide!
          M
           artin backs away from the railing.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Now that's thinking outside the
                    box.
          
          INT. AN ALL NIGHT COFFEE SHOP - LATER.
          
          Martin and Mini sit at a booth. Martin stirs his coffee
          looking shell shocked. Mini devours a plate of Belgian
          waffles covered with whipped cream.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    We spent the next few hours just
                    sitting there. I don't think we
                    said three words. I think he was
                    trying to find a way to justify the
                    whole thing, but it was actually
                    one of the sweetest nights I ever
                    spent with a guy.
          
          EXT. VENTURA BLVD- JUST BEFORE DAWN.
          
          Mini drives home with the top down.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    He told me it was a monumental
                    mistake and that we should both
                    never mention it again. I told him
                    that was fine.
          
          INT. THEIR KITCHEN - MORNING
          
          Mini sits at the table eating cereal. Martin enters, looking
          a little guilty as they exchange an awkward glance.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Suddenly, he started coming home
                    every night and even started really
                    asking me about my homework.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Morning, Kiddo, you finish those
                    math problems?
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  28.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Kiddo?
          
          Mini looks up at him, raising her eyebrows.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       I'd be happy to help you with it,
                       if you need.
          
                                 MINI
                       Actually, I'm thinking about
                       starting a 401K plan at work, could
                       you help me pick a good mutual
                       fund?
          
          Martin looks down uncomfortably.
          
          INT. THE LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
          
          Martin watches television next to Diane, who's passed out
          with an empty bottle of vodka sitting on the coffee table. A
          BOTTLE OF PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION is open as well. Martin
          looks over at Diane, pokes her to make sure she's truly
          blitzed, checks his watch and stands up.
          I
           NT. MINI'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
          
          Mini lies in bed under the covers, reading. The door to her
          room opens. She looks at the clock. It reads: 12:15am. Martin
          enters.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       It took exactly one week.
          
          INT. MINI'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
          
          The lights are off, and the two of them are going at it under
          the covers.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       In the beginning, I was concerned
                       this would violate my rule as he
                       technically was a repeat customer,
                       but then I realized this was my
                       first affair, and with my
                       stepfather no less. To be perfectly
                       honest...I loved it. Talk about
                       electric, knowing at any moment she
                       could walk in was better than any
                       drug. It reminded me of when I was
                       young and brought guys home after
                       school.
          
                                                                    29.
          
          
          
          INT. MINI'S BATHROOM - NIGHT
          
          Mini and Martin are locked in an embrace behind a steamed-
          over glass shower door.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    At first, we were very discreet,
                    only doing it when Joan Crawford
                    wasn't home or was completely
                    comatose.
          
          INT. MINI'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
          
          Mini and Martin post coital, catching their breath, as they
          both stare at the ceiling. Martin looks over at her and they
          share a conspiratorial smile.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Then we got bolder, doing it before
                    she would pass out. I think we were
                    seeing exactly how far we could
                    push the envelope.
          
          INT. THE LIVING ROOM - EVENING
          
          Mini and Martin poke their heads out from the hallway that
          leads to Mini's bedroom. Diane is watching TV with a martini
          glass in her hand.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    One night we did it before
                    "Entertainment Tonight" ended.
          
                                                     DISSOLVE TO:
          
          Them under the covers, but this time the lights in her room
          are on.              M
                               MINI (V.O.)
                    We even almost got caught.
          
                              DIANE (O.S.)
                    Mini?
          
          Mini and Martin stop at the sound of her voice, they look at
          each other, realizing Diane's right outside.
          
                              MINI
                        (startled)
                    Yeah?
          
          
          
          
                                                              (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  30.
          CONTINUED:
          
          Suddenly, the door flies open, as Martin ducks under the
          covers. Diane stands there with a drink in her hand and what
          appears to be cocaine residue under her nostrils. She appears
          truly wired and incoherent, it's unclear whether she's even
          noticed someone else in the bed.
          
                                 MINI
                       God, I've told you a thousand times
                       to knock.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Have you seen Martin? I think he
                       was in his study a half hour ago.
          
                                 MINI
                       Uh...can't say that I have.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Well, I assume he's gone out, so
                       I've invited Ricardo over for
                       a...cocktail. You know how children
                       make him uneasy, so I'd appreciate
                       if you and...
                           (pointing to Martin under
                            the sheet)
                       ...your friend could either stay in
                       here or use the back door when he
                       arrives.
          
          For a moment, Mini can't believe her mother appears to have
          no problem with there being a man in her bed.
          
                                 MINI
                       Oh...sure, no problem.
          
          Diane shuts the door.
          
                                 MINI
                       Okay, she's gone.
          
          Martin pokes his head out of the covers. The two of them
          share a smile, not believing their luck. They start to laugh
          and then after a moment she kisses him deeply and they resume
          where they left off.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Looking back, that may have been
                       the moment we fell in love.
          
                                                                    31.
          
          
          
          INT. A WOMEN'S CLOTHING STORE IN A SHOPPING MALL - DAY
          
          Mini tries on a cocktail dress, as Martin looks on, giving
          his approval.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    We became inseparable.
          
          EXT. THE TANNEN'S POOL - DAY
          
          Mini sits at the pool side table, as Martin helps her with
          her homework.        M
                               MINI (V.O.)
                    Mom thought it was cute how we had
                    suddenly grown so close, and
                    thought it was wonderful how Martin
                    had taken an interest in my
                    education.
          
          From inside the house, Diane is seen lighting a cigarette,
          looking out at them and smiling.
          
          CLOSE ON HER HOMEWORK: Mini has drawn a dirty cartoon which
          indicates how well endowed he is. She jots down an arrow next
          to the words "actual size".
          
          Martin blushes, averting his eyes.
          
          EXT. THE OUTDOOR PATIO AT IL CIELO RESTAURANT - NIGHT
          
          The two of them sit at a romantic table in the candlelight,
          as A WAITER refreshes their wine.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Now that we were spending time
                    together, I actually started to
                    find out what Martin was like for
                    the first time.
          
          Martin tells her something and they both crack up.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    He wasn't the drip I thought he
                    was.
          
          EXT. VENICE BEACH - SUNSET
          
          The two walk hand in hand, stopping to watch the drum rhythm
          circle filled with LOCAL PERCUSSIONISTS and ON LOOKERS moving
          to the throbbing beat.
          
          
          
                                                               (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  32.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       He was funny, charming, sweet and
                       even a little shy.
          
          Mini jumps into the circle, dancing along with the other
          revelers. Martin is content to watch, until she runs to the
          edge of the circle and pulls him in. Reluctantly, he begins
          to move with her and slowly start to enjoy himself.
          
          EXT. OCEAN AVENUE- SANTA MONICA- EARLY EVENING.
          
          Mini and Martin walk close together, but not the way couples
          do.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Being seen in public was no sweat,
                       as long as we didn't act like a
                       couple.
          
          EXT. MULHOLLAND DRIVE - NIGHT
          
          Martin's Mercedes snakes through an "s" curve, as the lights
                               M
          of the city twinkle in the background.
          
                                  MINI (V.O.)
                       This went on for two months, before
                       we had the talk we both knew was
                       coming.
          
          The car pulls off the road at one of the tourist overlook
          areas with a view of the city.
          
          INT. THE MERCEDES - CONTINUOUS
          
          Martin pulls up the parking break and turns to her.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       So...
          
                                 MINI
                       So.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       I don't want to have to sneak
                       around in my own house.
          
                                 MINI
                       Well, I don't think telling her is
                       such a hot idea.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                         33.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MARTIN
                       I mean, I don't want to live under
                       the same roof with her.
          
                                                        CLOSE ON:
          
          A FEW RAIN DROPS HITTING THE ROOF OF THE CAR.
          
                                 MINI
                       You can't leave, she'll get half.
          
          Martin exhales, knowing she's right.
          
                                 MINI
                       Can I ask how the hell you married
                       her without a pre-nup? Her?
          
                                 MARTIN
                           (sighing)
                       She wasn't as bad an actress as you
                       think.
          
                                 MINI
                       Well, there is another option.
          
          THE RAIN PICKS UP, PLINK, PLUNKING ON THE ROOF.
          
                                   MARTIN
                       There is?
          
          Her eyes harden as she looks out at the city.
          
                                 MINI
                       But it will take some planning...
                       and some resolve.
          
          Martin's eyes suddenly widen.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Wait, you don't mean-
          
                                   MINI
                       Kill her?
          
          She lets the word linger, as the rain beats down steadily.
          
                                 MINI
                       No, of course not, she is my
                       mother.
          
                                   MARTIN
                       Good...
          
          
                                                                    (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  34.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI
                       But I've been thinking, if she
                       suddenly got ill-
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Ill?
          
                                 MINI
                       Unstable, unpredictable,
                       irrational...dangerous to the
                       safety of her husband...her
                       child...She would have to be sent
                       someplace where they could give her
                       the care she needs.
          
          Martin searches her eyes, almost unsure he's heard her right.
          Her gaze is unwavering and after a few seconds he realizes
          she's serious. He can't help but let the hint of a grin cross
          his lips.            M
                                  ARTIN
                       It would be for her own good.
          
                                 MINI
                       The only truly caring action we
                       could take.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       As painful as it would be for me to
                       be without my loving wife.
          
                                 MINI
                       You did it for the well being of
                       your daughter. The selfless act of
                       a devoted parent.
          
          The sexual tension arises between them, as he starts moving
          closer to her lips.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Of course, we'll have to make sure
                       her episodes are well documented.
          
          She responds in kind, tilting her head.
          
                                 MINI
                       And corroborated by friends and
                       people outside the family.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       A public complaint by a neighbor
                       wouldn't hurt.
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     35.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                              MINI
                    No, that would be useful.
          
          Their lips are now almost touching.
          
                              MARTIN
                    And we'll find her a very
                    comfortable place out in the
                    country.
          
                              MINI
                    With lots of fresh air.
          
                              MARTIN
                    It will be a much better life for
                    her.
          
                                 MINI
                    Much.
          
          Unable to stand it, their lips meet and they start to
          hungrily tear at each other's clothes.
          
          EXT. THE CAR - CONTINUOUS
          
          The car rocks gently back and forth in the rain, as another
          car whizzes by, spray flying up behind it as it disappears
          around a curve.
          
          INT. MINI'S BEDROOM - MORNING
          
          Mini wakes up with a look of pure joy, ready to face the
          world.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    I awoke the next morning, as
                    excited as I could remember. Unlike
                    most firsts which are over too
                    quickly, this would take
                    determination...
          
          EXT. THEIR BACKYARD- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini swims on her back in the pool, a lit cigarette dangling
          between her lips.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                    Stamina...
          
          INT. THEIR KITCHEN - MORNING
          
          Mini and Martin sit together, eating breakfast.
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    36.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       And imagination.
          
          Diane storms through the living room in the background,
          passing out of sight, behind the door frame.
                               M
                                  MINI (V.O.)
                       I decided to start simply.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Goddamn it! Goddamn it! Goddamn it!
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Part one, violent mood swings-
                       slash-uncontrollable rages.
          
          Cushions from the living room couch fly past the door frame.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Fucking shit! Where are they?
          
          Mini stirs her coffee innocently. Diane again can be seen
          through the door, this time throwing magazines and papers off
          the coffee table.
          
                                 DIANE
                       I'm gonna be late! It took me three
                       weeks to get an appointment with
                       Anton...
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Anton Michelle, masseuse to the
                       stars and reported possessor of one
                       of the biggest schlongs in town.
                       Rumor has it, he's pouring the pork
                       to every rich wife between Malibu
                       and Pasadena. He must be incredible
                       if Mary Magdalene dragged her ass
                       out of bed this early.
          
                                 DIANE
                       ...and now I'm gonna miss it
                       because I can't find my fucking car
                       keys?!
          
          Martin and Mini exchange a smirk. She turns towards them,
          eyes ablaze.
          
                                 DIANE
                       I could use a little help in here!
          
          Martin looks up from his morning paper as cheerful as can be.
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  37.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                              MARTIN
                    Coming, honey.
          
          INT. THE LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mini and Martin walk in to see Diane on all fours, looking
          under one of the sofas. Her panties are blatantly visible
          from under her mini-skirt. Mini and Martin exchange a smirk.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Diane, sugar, do you remember where
                    you put them when you came home
                    last night?
          
                              DIANE
                    Yeah, in the fucking bowl by the
                    fucking door where I always
                    fucking put them!
          
                              MINI
                    Well, uh, you were kinda out of it
                    last night.
          
                              DIANE
                    No, I wasn't! I had one drink with
                    Marie, one!
          
                               MARTIN
                    Uh, are you sure? You did seem a
                    bit tipsy.
          
                              DIANE
                    Yes, I'm sure, you dickless wonder.
          D
           iane starts rummaging through the drawers of a desk near the
          front door.
          
                              MINI
                        (under her breath)
                    Now don't you listen to her, you
                    are not a dickless wonder.
          
          Martin tries not to let on how much he's enjoying this.
          Completely frustrated, Diane stops looking and heads for the
          "key" bowl by the door.
          
                              DIANE
                    Mini, I'm taking your car. Martin,
                    take her to school.
          
          Diane grabs a set of keys.
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  38.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Diane, I have a meeting with
                       Chapman, he's our biggest client--
          
                                 DIANE
                           (opening the door)
                       Tell him it's an emergency.
          
          She slams the door behind her. Mini looks at Martin with a
          sly grin then removes a cell phone from her pocket and dials
          a number. As she waits for an answer, she twirls DIANE'S KEY
          RING around her finger.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Now, here comes the really fun
                       part. I realized a year ago that by
                       lowering my voice a bit I could do
                       a passable job imitating...
          
                                 MINI
                           (mimicking Diane)
                       Hello, Anton? It's Diane Tannen, I
                       know it's late notice, but I'm
                       going to have to cancel our
                       appointment. What? No, of course, I
                       realize I'll still have to
                       pay...yes, something came up.
          
          INT. THE "OFFICE" OF ANTON MICHELLE - LATER.
          
          ANTON MICHELLE, 30, the very muscular "it boy" masseuse is
          furiously fucking JEANETTE LANG, a similarly hyper-
          aerobicized wife, on his massage table.
          
          He's bent her over the table and is taking her from behind
          when, suddenly, the door flies open. They both look up to
          see...DIANE with a stunned expression.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Anton? But...Jeanette?
          
                                 JEANETTE
                       Uh...hi, Diane?
          
                                  ANTON
                            (french accent)
                       But, Mrs. Tannen, you call and
                       cancel zee session thirty meenutes
                       ago?       D
                                  IANE
                       What? No, I didn't!
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  39.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 ANTON
                       Yes, I spoke to you myself, you say
                       sometheeng come up.
          
          Diane looks at Jeanette, her eyes narrowing.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Jeanette, you knew I had an
                       appointment today, did you pretend-
          
                                 JEANETTE
                           (flustered)
                       No, I, I ...Anton called me and
                       told me he had a cancellation.
          
                                 ANTON
                       Yes, I call her after you call me.
          
          Jeanette nervously tries to wrap the massage towel around
          herself.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Why, you sneaky little bitch!
          
          Suddenly, Diane LUNGES for Jeanette, grabbing her by the hair
          and pulling her off the table. Jeannette shrieks as Anton
          struggles to pull up his pants and pry them apart.
          
          INT. THE TANNEN'S DINING ROOM - EVENING
          
          Diane sits at the table with her arm in a sling. Martin cuts
          her meat for her, as Mini pours her some red wine.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Needless to say, word of the
                       L'incid�nt de Anton spread quickly
                       through the community.
          
                                 MINI
                       Do you think she'll press charges?
          
                                 DIANE
                       Are you kidding? She should get
                       twenty to life! When I told Margo
                       and Penny about her little stunt,
                       they both said they'd have ripped
                       her eyes out. She'll be lucky if
                       anyone speaks to her again.
          
          Martin holds up a forkful of food.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    40.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Here comes the choo-choo.
          
          Diane grabs the fork with her good hand.
          
                                 DIANE
                       For god's sake, I didn't break both
                       hands.
          
                                 MINI
                       Jeez, I still can't believe you
                       broke your hand on her face? It's
                       so Linda Hamilton.
          
                                 DIANE
                           (slugging some wine)
                       I hope she enjoys shitting out the
                       teeth she swallowed.
          
          INT. THE ROSA ANGELICA FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS
          
          CLOSE ON: The store's owner, CARLOS, 50, picking up the
          RINGING PHONE.
          
                                 CARLOS
                       R
                        osa Angelica, this is Carlos.
          
          MINI IMPERSONATING DIANE (O.S.)
          
          Hello, Carlos, it's Diane Tannen calling.
          
                                 CARLOS
                       Ah, s�, Senora Tannen, como esta?
          
                                 MINI IMPERSONATING DIANE (O.S.)
                           (annoyed)
                       Uh, Carlos...english, comprende?
          
                                 CARLOS
                           (taken aback)
                       Okay.
          
                                 MINI IMPERSONATING DIANE (O.S.)
                       I'm going to need a delivery to the
                       house.
          
          EXT. THE TANNEN'S HOUSE - DAY
          
          A "MOONWALK" INFLATABLE CARNIVAL RIDE is being inflated on
          the front lawn by a WORKER, as TWO JUGGLERS warm up next to
          it, tossing clubs between them.
          
          
          
                                                              (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  41.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Phase two: wild shopping sprees
                       carried out in a euphoric state.
          
          FIVE DELIVERY VANS from Rosa Angelica are parked outside as
          FIVE DELIVERY BOYS unload their cargo. It appears that they
          have brought the entire inventory of Rosa Angelica. DOZENS OF
          BOUQUETS and ARRANGEMENTS line the driveway. Mini stands
          outside next to Carlos, sucking on a lollipop.
          
                                 MINI
                       Gosh, look at all the pretty
                       flowers.
          
                                  CARLOS
                       Your mother said you are having a
                       big party!
          
                                 MINI
                           (innocently)
                       I know, can you believe all this?
          
          Just then, Diane's Jaguar pulls into the driveway. She looks
          at the trucks, her expression souring. She stops the car and
          flies out.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Carlos, what the hell is going on?
          
                                 CARLOS
                       Senora Tannen, the delivery you
                       ordered yesterday for the party?
          
                                 DIANE
                       Ordered, I didn't order anything?!
                       Who told you to bring these here?
          
                                 CARLOS
                           (flustered)
                       But, but, Senora, you did, you
                       called me, I talked to you.
          
                                 DIANE
                       No, you didn't!
          
                                 CARLOS
                       S�, you said you were having a
                       party, don't you remember?
                                 (MORE)
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  42.
          CONTINUED: (2)      CARLOS(CONT'D)
                    You were very excited, saying you
                    were going to have the most
                    wonderful party and invite everyone
                    you knew and it had to be just
                    perfect. Perfect, that's what you
                    said.     M
                               INI
                    Mom, is that what you were talking
                    about yesterday?
          
                               DIANE
                    What?!
          
                              MINI
                    Well, it was after lunch and you
                    had washed your pain killers down
                    with some wine. You mumbled
                    something about a party before you
                    took a nap.
          
                              DIANE
                    No, I did not!
          
                              MINI
                        (wincing)
                    Mom, you did. The doctor said no
                    more mixing pain killers and
                    alcohol.
          
                              DIANE
                    But, but...I only slept for--
          
                              MINI
                        (to Carlos)
                    I am so sorry. Listen, we'll pay,
                    don't worry.
          
          Mini leads Carlos back to his vans, just Martin's Mercedes
          pulls up. Diane turns around to see his car and a look of
          dread strikes her.
          
                               DIANE
                    Oh, god.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Right on cue. Let's see how
                    convincing he is.
          
          Martin gets out of the car, surveying the damage. A look of
          pure indignant outrage overcomes him and it's impossible to
          tell this is an act.
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   43.
          CONTINUED: (3)
          
                              MARTIN
                    What is going on?! Carlos, what the
                    fuck are all these flowers doing
                    here?!
          
                               MINI (V.O.)
                    Oooh, now I see why he makes the
                    big bucks.
          
                              CARLOS
                    Se�or Tannen, we--
          
                              DIANE
                    Uh, Martin, I, I...
          
                              MARTIN
                    Diane, did you order all this?!
          
                              MINI
                    Mom, go inside, just go, I'll
                    handle him.
                        (trying to calm him)
                    It's under control, Dad. Please,
                    let's not make a scene.
          
                                                   MONTAGE:
          
          -Mini opens the front door to find A DELIVERY VAN from
          WATERFORD CRYSTAL pull up.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Over the next few days, whenever
                    Mom had passed out from too much
                    drinky-drinky...
          
          -The door opens again as A FURRIER holding a full length mink
          coat stands before her with a big smile on his face.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    I'd pull out her wallet...
          
          -A SALESMAN dangling the keys to a FORD MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE
          which is parked behind him in the driveway.
                               M
                               MINI (V.O.)
                    ...and reach out and touch someone.
          
          -A FLATBED TRUCK hauling a 30 FOOT SAILBOAT behind it pulls
          up in front of the house.
          
          
          
          
                                                              (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    44.
          CONTINUED: (4)
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    It's really remarkable what you can
                    order with a Platinum card these
                    days.
          
          INT. THE TANNEN'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
          
          A strung out Diane sits on the couch, smoking and nursing a
          Vodka tonic. THE DOORBELL rings and Diane reacts like a dog
          in a thunderstorm, a jolt of fear coursing through her body.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Talk about easy. After a week of my
                    version of the home shopping
                    network, the doorbell might as well
                    have been a canon.
          
          Diane gets up and walks unsteadily towards the front door.
          
          INT. A CLASS ROOM AT MINI'S HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
          
          Mini and Kayla sit in a history class, looking dreamily at
          their teacher, WARREN BISHOP, 25, an earnest young preppy in
          the middle of a lecture.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    At this point, dear old mummy was
                    so spooked, I was actually afraid
                    she might stop drinking. So I
                    needed a back up plan, to keep
                    her...off-balance.
          
                              BISHOP
                    As we see from a closer examination
                    of the facts, Abraham Lincoln's
                    decision to...
          
          Bishop's voice fades out as he continues to speak.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Now, here's someone I'd like to
                    make sit, roll over and then toss
                    me his snausage. But today...
                    priorities are priorities.
          
          Mini raises her hand.
          
                              MINI
                    Mr. Bishop, can I go to the little
                    girls room?
          
          
          
          
                                                               (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     45.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 BISHOP
                       Of course, Mini.
          
          INT. THE HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mini walks down the empty corridor.
          
          INT. THE GIRL'S BATHROOM- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          The SCHOOL NURSE, HELGA HAUPTF�HRER, 55 and very Aryan,
          enters the empty bathroom and walks into a stall.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       The school nurse, a regimented
                       Kraut lush named Helga Hauptf�hrer,
                       or "der F�hrer" as she was
                       affectionately known, starts
                       jonesing for her afternoon nip...
          I
           NT. THE STALL - CONTINUOUS
          
          Hauptf�hrer sits down and takes a bottle of vodka out of her
          nurses coat.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       ...exactly 45 minutes after lunch
                       each day.
          
          She takes a long slug.
          
          INT. THE NURSE'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mini quickly picks the flimsy lock on the medicine cabinet
          with a paper clip. She quickly looks through the bottles.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Which leaves me free to help myself
                       to the candy store.
          
          Mini finds what she needs and holds it up to read the label.
          
          CLOSE ON: THE LABEL indicating "RITALIN" and the dosage.
          
          Mini quickly closes the cabinet, walks out and stuffs the
          bottle in her pocket, just before Hauptf�hrer enters.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  46.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Thank god for the quack who
                       invented ADD and the lazy parents
                       willing to let "Der F�hrer" keep
                       their kids comfortably numb on what
                       basically amounts to legalized
                       speed.
          
          INT. THE TANNEN'S KITCHEN - EVENING
          
          Mini stands at the counter, making her mom A MARGARITA. She's
          cutting up all kinds of tropical fruits and putting them into
          a blender.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       My fears of mom giving up the sauce
                       were unfounded. Actually, she
                       started drinking more.
          
          She then takes a few tablets of Ritalin and grinds them up
          with their coffee grinder. She pours that into the blender
          and puts the lid on.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Which gave me the perfect
                       opportunity to prescribe her a
                       little pick-me-up.
          
          She turns on the blender.
          
          INT. DIANE'S DRESSING ROOM- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Diane's getting dressed for a party, trying to gracefully
          camouflage her cast with jewelry.
          
                                 DIANE
                           (annoyed)
                       Mini! I asked you for that drink
                       ten minutes ago!
          
          Mini walks in, carrying the margarita.
                               D
                                  IANE
                       Put it on the counter.
          
                                 MINI
                       You're welcome.
          
          Diane takes a pain killer and washes it down with the
          margarita.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  47.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 DIANE
                       Mmm...this is really good. What's
                       in it, Sweetie?
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       The first time in my life she calls
                       me "sweetie" and I've just slipped
                       her the mother of all Mickeys.
          
                                 MINI
                       Oh, this and that.
          
          INT. A POSH PARTY IN THE HILLS - NIGHT
          
          The party is chock full of TROPHY WIVES and their decidedly
          less attractive HUSBANDS. Diane is in a full blown booze and
          Ritalin induced monologue, having cornered TWO WOMEN.
          
                                 DIANE
                       My god, let me tell you, breaking
                       my hand on that bitch's face...
          
          The two women recoil.
          
                                 DIANE
                       ...was the best thing that ever
                       happened to me.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Phase three: rambling incoherent
                       monologues in public.
          
                                 DIANE
                       I feel fantastic, just fabulous. I
                       mean, I feel like I could run a
                       marathon like that Bruce Jenner
                       guy. He did that, right? Boy, I'll
                       tell you before he had that face
                       lift that made him look like a drag
                       queen, I would've let him stick his
                       javelin in me any day.
          
          Suddenly, her ears unconsciously pick up the strands of a
          conversation going on behind them between TWO HUSBANDS.
          
                                 HUSBAND #1
                       So I looked each and every juror in
                       the eye-
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   48.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 DIANE
                           (spinning around)
                       I want to talk to you about juries,
                       will you come and talk to me about
                       juries?
          
                                 HUSBAND #1
                       Uh...
          
                                 DIANE
                       I'd like to be on a jury and say
                       "guilty!" or "sidebar!" What do
                       you think goes on in all the
                       sequestered situations? Do you
                       think any of the jurors have sex
                       with each other? I was once on an
                       episode of Love Boat, playing the
                       role of "Bikini Girl" and my line
                       was "I'll have another," it was
                       with "Isaac" at the pool bar. I had
                       to suck one of the associate
                       producers off to get the line, but
                       it got me my SAG card, so I guess
                       it was worth it.
          T
           he men shoot each other an uncomfortable glance.
          
                                 HUSBAND #2
                       Uh, I think I could use a refill.
          
                                 HUSBAND #1
                       Me too,
                           (to Diane)
                       please, excuse us.
          
          They head towards the bar and Diane follows. The two women
          she turned away from shake their heads at the spectacle.
          
                                 DIANE
                       But, but we were talking about
                       juries and Isaac and, and that drag
                       queen I broke my face on and..
          
          The two men try to ignore her, but she keeps following them.
          She finally realizes they aren't stopping. She grabs the
          first man by the shoulder, pissed.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Hey! COCKBREATH!
          
          
          
          
                                                              (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  49.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
          The party stops. Everyone is staring at Diane as the music
          continues to play. She looks around the room at the
          disapproving eyes, panic setting in.
          
          EXT. THE HOUSE OF THE PARTY - LATER.
          
          Diane is led away by Martin and Mini, as other partygoers
          watch the sad scene. They both struggle to keep Diane from
          stumbling.
          
                              DIANE
                        (slurring)
                    ...And then I told him that I had
                    been an extra on Hello Larry and
                    Mike Farrell had tried to--
          
                              MINI
                    MacLean Stevenson.
          
                              DIANE
                    What?
          
                              MINI
                    MacLean Stevenson played "Larry."
          
                              DIANE
                    Right, that's what I said...and
                    then MacKenzie Phillips tried to
                    slip me the tongue!
          
          INT. THE MASTER BEDROOM - LATER.
          
          Diane lies passed out on the bed as Mini and Martin watch her
          sleep.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Listen, great job, but you need to
                    give me more warning. I was at
                    dinner with Chapman, and it's the
                    second time I've had to re-
                    schedule.
          
                               MINI
                    I'm sorry, but it was a golden
                    opportunity. You always said you
                    can't pay enough for good
                    publicity.
          
          INT. A HARDWARE STORE - DAY
          
          Mini and Martin peruse the aisles.
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     50.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       At this point, with all those
                       witnesses, Martin thought we could
                       get a shrink to have her sent away.
          T
           hey stop in front of a wall of tools: hand axes, hammers and
          saws. Mini selects a large hand axe.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       My feeling was that until they were
                       ready to weld the door to her
                       padded cell shut...
          
                                                     CUT TO:
          
          Mini picking out two black ski masks, two pairs of black
          goggles and two black sweatsuits.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       ...there was more work to be done.
          
          INT. THE SHERMAN OAKS GALLERIA - DAY
          
          Diane walks through the mall aimlessly. She wears a wrinkled,
          mis-buttoned pink blouse. Her eyes are hollow, her cheeks
          sunken. A few SHOPPERS throw her a concerned glance as they
          pass.
          
                                  MINI (V.O.)
                       Final phase: Complete psychotic
                       breakdown.
          
          MINI, disguised in a hat and sunglasses, leans on the railing
          from the next level up, watching her mother.
          
          INT. THE FOOD COURT OF THE MALL - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mini slides into a table next to TWO SKATEPUNKS.
          
                                    MINI
                       Hey, boys.
          
          The two guys exchange a glance. Cute girls like Mini clearly
          don't "hey, boys" them.
          
                                 MINI
                       Wanna have a little fun?
          
          INT. THE DISPLAY WINDOW OF A STORE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Diane looks at some clothes. RING! Her cell phone goes off
          and she answers it.
          
          
                                                               (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  51.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 DIANE
                       Hello?
          
                                 MALE VOICE (V.O.)
                           (breathy, threatening)
                       Diane?
          
                                 DIANE
                       Yes?
          
          The breathing increases, getting deeper and more menacing.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Hello?...What do you want?
          
                                 MALE VOICE (V.O.)
                       I can see you? Can you see me?
          
                                 DIANE
                           (alarmed)
                       Who is this?
          
                                 MALE VOICE (V.O.)
                       Do you feel safe?
          
                                 DIANE
                           (looking around)
                       Who is this?
          
                                 MALE VOICE (V.O.)
                       You didn't answer the question.
          
          Mini and the two skatepunks giggle with glee at the terror
          they're inflicting.
          
          She looks around, scanning THE MALL. Nothing seems out of the
          ordinary.            D
                                  IANE
                       This isn't funny. I'm hanging up.
          
                                 MALE VOICE (V.O.)
                       I wouldn't do that.
          
                                 DIANE
                       If this is some kind of joke...
          
                                 MALE VOICE (V.O.)
                       I assure you, I'm no joke. May I
                       say that pink blouse is very
                       fetching.
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   52.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
          Panicked, she heads for an exit. A FEW SHOPPERS look at her
          with concern.
          
                              MALE VOICE (V.O.)
                    Diane, your car is the other way.
                        (menacing)
                    Now answer my question. Do you feel
                    safe?
          
          A whimper escapes from her throat as she looks around.
          
                              DIANE
                    I'm hanging up.
          
                              MALE VOICE (V.O.)
                        (very calm)
                    Hang up and you're dead.
          
                              DIANE
                        (falling apart)
                    Why are you doing this?
          
                              MALE VOICE (V.O.)
                    Can you see me?
          
          She scans the crowd frantically, then starts walking towards
          a VICTORIA'S SECRET STORE for help.
          
                              MALE VOICE (V.O.)
                    Pick me out something sexy.
          
                              DIANE
                    Leave me alone!
          
                              MALE VOICE (V.O.)
                        (very calm)
                    But I'm so close to you...
          
          She stops, frozen in fear. Just then, the second SKATEPUNK
          comes up behind her, brushing into her. She jerks away from
          him.
          
                              DIANE
                        (screeching)
                    Get away!!!
          
          EVERY SHOPPER within ear shot turns around, including TWO
          SECURITY GUARDS.
          
                              SKATEPUNK #2
                    Take it easy, lady, what the hell's
                    your problem?
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    53.
          CONTINUED: (3)
          
          The skatepunk walks away.
          
          MINI and THE FIRST SKATEPUNK watch with amusement from an
          upper level as A SECURITY GUARD moves towards her.
          
                                 MALE VOICE (V.O.)
                       Peek a boo...I'm coming for
                       you...but that guard can't help
                       you. Maybe you should make a run
                       for that Gold Jag you drive home to
                       Mira Loma Lane.
          
                                 DIANE
                           (whimpering)
                       How do you know where I live?
          
                                 MALE VOICE (O.S.)
                       I know everything about you.
          
                                 DIANE
                       No!
          
          DIFFERENT MALE VOICE (O.S.)
          
          Maam?
          
          Diane spins around to find TWO SECURITY GUARDS standing
          behind her.
          S
           ECURITY GUARD #1
          
          I'm going to have to ask you to leave the mall. We'll walk
          you to your car.
          
                                 DIANE
                       No! I can't leave, he knows where I
                       live!
          
          SECURITY GUARD #1
          
          Maam, you're going to have to leave.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Did you hear me?! He knows where I
                       live!
          
          SECURITY GUARD #1
          
          Who knows?
          
          She hands him the phone.
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     54.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 DIANE
                       Him!
          
          The security guard puts the phone to his ear. The BEEPING
          sound of a hang up is heard. He nods to his partner, as he
          removes a walkie talkie.
          
                                 SECURITY GUARD #1
                           (into walkie talkie)
                       Yeah, this is Franklin, we've got a
                       code 7, get an EMS unit over here.
          
          The two guards grab her. She drops the phone and starts
          scratching at one guard's face. The other pepper sprays her,
          as she falls down, howling.
          
                                 DIANE
                       What are you doing?!
          
                                 SECURITY GUARD #1
                       Sorry, Maam, this is for your own
                       protection.
          
          RING! The phone is like a jolt of electricity through her
          body. Diane kicks and punches at the guards.
          
                                 DIANE
                       It's him! Answer it! Answer it! He
                       said he was gonna kill me!
          
          The guards finally tackle her, getting handcuffs on.
          
                                 DIANE
                       He, he knows where I live!
          
          THE OTHER SHOPPERS watch for a moment and lose interest,
          writing her off as just another LA kook.
          
          MINI watches from the upper level, quite satisfied.
          
          INT. MARTIN AND DIANE'S BEDROOM - LATER.
          
          Diane lies in bed, half awake, watching TV. A scotch and soda
          rests in her hand.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       After her performance at the mall,
                       I'm sure she would have qualified
                       as "committable". But that wasn't
                       enough, I wanted her to beg the
                       boys in the white coats to take her
                       away.
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  55.
          CONTINUED:
          
          Mini pokes her head in the door of the room.
                               M
                                  INI
                       Mom, we're going to get some
                       dinner. Do you want us to bring you
                       back something?
          
                                 DIANE
                       You're leaving? Both of you?
          
                                 MINI (O.S.)
                       For the last three days she hasn't
                       left the house.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Why don't we just order in?
          
                                 MINI
                       Mom, we can't stay in here forever.
                       Do you want to come with us?
          
          Diane considers the question by looking at her face in the
          bed side mirror. It's still puffy and blotchy from the pepper
          spray.
          
                                 MINI
                       Mom?
          
          She looks up at Mini.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Ah...vanity, the most predictable
                       of sins.
          
                                 DIANE
                       I...can't. You two go.
          
                                 MINI
                       Okay.
          
          EXT. THE BACKYARD - LATER.
          
          It is dark and quiet, as the evening dew rises on the lawn.
          
          INT. MARTIN AND DIANE'S BEDROOM - LATER.
          
          Diane is almost asleep when the phone next to the bed RINGS,
          waking her up. She stares at it for a moment, trying to
          decide if she should answer it. On the forth ring, she
          answers.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  56.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 DIANE
                       Hello?
          
          A DIAL TONE rings in her ear. She hangs up the phone. A
          second later it RINGS again. She waits two rings and then
          answers. Again a DIAL TONE.
          
          Now a bit freaked, Diane is fully awake and staring at the
          phone, waiting... PLINK! Something small hits the window
          across the room. Startled, she turns her head towards it.
          
          DIANE'S POV: Through the window, in the distance by the
          hedges a BLACK CLAD FIGURE is visible, wearing a ski mask and
          goggles. In the figure's right hand there is a gleaming,
          sharp kitchen knife.
          
          She can't believe her eyes.
          
          HER POV: The figure stands silently, bringing the knife up,
          indicating that he's going to cut her throat.
          
          Eyes wild with panic, Diane picks up the phone and dials 911.
                               D
          The phone dials and she waits.
          
                                  IANE
                       Please, please, oh god.
          
          She looks back out the window: THE HOODED FIGURE walks out of
          the bushes and heads towards the house.
          
                                 RECORDED VOICE (V.O.)
                       You have reached 911, if this is an
                       emergency, please remain on the
                       line...
          
                                 DIANE
                       Oh god, oh god!
          
          Diane realizes she doesn't have time to wait and runs out of
          the room, leaving the phone off the hook.
          
          INT. THE HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
          
          Diane stumbles down the hallway, almost tripping on the steps
          down to the living room. She goes straight for the phone on
          the end table next to the couch. She picks it up.
          
                                 RECORDED VOICE (V.O.)
                       Please continue to hold, your call
                       will be answered...
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  57.
          CONTINUED:
          
          She hangs up the phone and looks back at the hallway, but as
          she does, she sees reflected in a wall mirror: ANOTHER BLACK
          CLAD FIGURE outside the living room window, but this one
          holds a HAND AXE.
          
          She turns around to look out the window. THE FIGURE raises
          the axe slowly.
          
                                 DIANE
                       No...no...help! Help!
          
          She heads towards the front door to scream for help, but the
          axe wielding figure moves swiftly towards the door, making it
          unsafe for her to even try. Her face dissolves into utter
          despair, as she stumbles out of the room.
          
          INT. THE FAMILY DEN - CONTINUOUS
          
          Diane runs in to check that the sliding doors are locked. She
          clicks the lock shut, just as THE FIRST FIGURE with the knife
          appears in the door frame.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Oh, God! Help! Someone!
          
          Diane is transfixed by her own eyes reflected in the lenses
          of the goggles.
          
                                 DIANE
                           (softly )
                       No, please, no.
          
          She slowly backs away from the door, as the figure tries to
          open it. The door frame rattles on its track, as the figure
                               D
          violently tugs at the handle.
          
                                  IANE
                       Help! Someone please, help me!
          
          INT. THE LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          She runs back in, checking THE WINDOW. It's clear. She
          decides to check the front door. She runs over and looks out
          the peep hole.
          
          PEEP HOLE POV: It appears clear.
          
          She starts to undo the lock and then slowly peeks through the
          slit in the door, leaving the chain on.
          
          THROUGH THE SLIT: everything looks good.
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  58.
          CONTINUED:
          
          She opens the door and looks towards the front gate, which is
          open. She looks as if she's thinking of making a dash for the
          gates. Just then, from behind the gate, steps the AXE
          WIELDING FIGURE.
          
          It shakes a finger "no" at her, as it walks towards the
          house. Terrified, she slams the door, locking it behind her.
          She instinctively pushes her back against the door, hyper-
          ventilating. She looks up at the ceiling, her eyes filling
          with tears.
          
                                 DIANE
                       Please God, please God...please!
          
          She looks around the room, searching for options. Suddenly,
          her eyes bulge as she sees THE KNIFE WIELDING FIGURE standing
          not ten feet away in the door to the kitchen.
          
          Diane screams and runs back down the hallway, towards the
          bedroom. The knife wielding figure follows behind her. She
          looks back, as it runs after her, grabbing her by the
          shoulder. She shrieks and struggles out of it's grasp before
          running in the bathroom and slamming the door.
          
          INT. THE BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Diane throws her weight against the door, struggling to keep
          the intruder out. She looks for anything to help her, and
          then sees in the window to the bathroom...THE AXE WIELDING
          FIGURE standing silently, staring back at her.
          D
           iane collapses to the floor in a pool of tears. She looks up
          again at THE WINDOW: It's empty. The pushing on the door
          suddenly stops, but Diane is so disturbed, she doesn't notice
          through her sobs.
          
                                                     CLOSE ON:
          
          A PAIR OF BLACK GLOVED HANDS puts the bedroom phone back on
          its cradle.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Our work finished...
          
          INT. DOCTOR HOGGLY WOGGLY'S TYLER TEXAS BARBECUE - LATER.
          
          Mini and Martin laugh and giggle at the enormous slabs of
          beef put in front of them.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       We rewarded ourselves on a job well
                       done...
          
                                                                     59.
          
          
          
          INT. THE HALLWAY OF THE TANNEN'S HOUSE - LATER.
          
          Mini and Martin walk down the hallway towards the master
          bedroom.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    And we returned home expecting to
                    find her blabbering like a three
                    year old.
          
                              MINI
                    Mom, we're home!
          
                              MARTIN
                    Diane, honey, we brought you a
                    pulled pork plate!
          
          They reach the door to the bathroom. It's still closed.
          Martin and Mini exchange a look, not believing that Diane
          could still be in there.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Honey? You okay?...Honey?
          
                               MINI
                    Mom?
          
          Martin tries the door. Diane still appears to be leaning
          against it. He pushes hard on the door, opening it a few
          inches. Mini reaches in and shoves Diane over so they can can
          open the door. She appears drugged. They lay her flat and try
          to wake her up.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Diane, it's us, wake up.
          
          Mini slaps her hard across the face.
          
                              MINI
                        (feigning concern)
                    Wake up, Mommy.
          
                               MARTIN
                    Mini.
          
                               MINI
                    Killjoy.
          
          Martin lightly taps Diane's cheeks.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Diane, come on, come on.
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     60.
          CONTINUED:
          
          Mini looks up at the counter. AN EMPTY BOTTLE OF PRESCRIPTION
          SLEEPING PILLS lies open next to the sink.
          
                                   MINI
                       Martin...
          H
           e looks up and immediately sees the bottle.
          
                                  MINI
                       I picked that prescription up three
                       days ago. It was probably more than
                       half full.
          
          The two of them look at each other, studying each other's
          reaction. Seconds go by as both wait for the other to make
          the first move.
          
                                  MINI
                           (eerily calm)
                       I suppose we should call an
                       ambulance?
          
          The suggestion hangs in the air, as Martin feels Diane's
          wrist again.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Her pulse is almost gone.
          
                                 MINI
                       Do you really think they can save
                       her?
          
                                 MARTIN
                       I...I don't know.
          
                                 MINI
                       She'll only try it again. You know
                       she will.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       She will if we keep this torture
                       up.
          
          Martin looks down at Diane.
          
                                 MARTIN
                           (suddenly with resolve)
                       This is wrong, call an ambulance.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                              61.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                              MINI
                    Hold on, who are we to say her
                    choice was wrong? She put those
                    pills in her mouth.
          
                                MARTIN
                    Mini--
          
                              MINI
                    Don't "Mini" me, you've been
                    bankrolling my little project from
                    day one.
          
                              MARTIN
                    We both agreed murder was out.
          
                              MINI
                    I'd hardly call it murder, if
                    anything, we're just helping to
                    fulfill her last wish.
          
                              MARTIN
                    She wouldn't have taken the pills
                    if we hadn't-
                        (urgently)
                    Mini, for gods sake, she still has
                    a pulse.
          
                              MINI
                    So do people in comas. It's just a
                    matter of time-
          
                                MARTIN
                    Mini, we-
          
                              MINI
                    Look, you can drop the indignant
                    outrage, because if you really
                    cared, you'd have already grabbed
                    the phone and dialed 911 by now.
          
          She's got him and he knows it.
          
                              MINI
                        (softening)
                    Can't we just admit how lucky we
                    are? It's the perfect alibi, she
                    put the drugs in her system.
          
                              MARTIN
                    What? Just leave her here?
          
          
          
                                                         (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  62.
          CONTINUED: (3)
          
                               MINI
                    Exactly.
          
                              MARTIN
                    I don't know.
          
                              MINI
                    Can you think of one person she
                    knows who would say she's sane at
                    this point? This is just the
                    natural, sad and inevitable
                    conclusion to a tragic life.
          M
           artin ponders the choice.
          
                              MINI
                    We're this close from being
                    free...let's just let nature take
                    its course.
          
          INT. THE LIVING ROOM - LATER.
          
          Mini and Martin sit watching a game show called Absolutely
          Positive.
          
                              MINI
                    And so we passed the time watching
                    my favorite show.
          
                                                   CLOSE ON THE TV:
          
          A YOUNG MALE GAME SHOW HOST comes out on stage to the
          applause of the audience.
          
                              HOST
                    Welcome to "Absolutely Positive!"
                    The show where we give couples
                    about to get married a last chance
                    to make sure they're...
          
          He puts a hand to his ear, encouraging the studio audience.
          
                              STUDIO AUDIENCE
                    Absolutely Positive!
          
                              HOST
                    That's right! We send them out on
                    one last date with someone other
                    than their fiance, so they can be
                    sure they're really ready to make
                    that lifelong commitment.
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  63.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Our neighbor, Mike Rudell, the
                       scumbag at my birthday, produces it
                       and it's so twisted, I'm surprised
                       I didn't think of it.
          
          On the screen, the host introduces THE COUPLE, who nervously
          walk out to the studio applause.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Take happy couples about to marry
                       and try to break them up. The catch
                       is the couples are always sent on
                       dates with people just a little
                       better looking than their fianc�s.
          
          Then the TWO DATES are brought out to sit on either side of
          the couple. Both dates are, indeed, slightly better looking
          than the engaged couple.
          
          INT. THE BATHROOM - LATER.
          
          Mini checks Diane's pulse.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       And we waited some more.
          
          INT. THE LIVING ROOM - LATER.
          
          Martin sits on the couch. He looks up as Mini comes in from
          the bathroom, shaking her head "no", indicating she's not
          I
          dead yet.
          
           NT. THE BATHROOM - LATER.
          
          Mini checks Diane's pulse again.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Typical mom, she managed to fuck up
                       her last act of free will...
          
          INT. THE LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          The 11 O'clock news is starting, as Mini impatiently looks
          towards the hallway leading to the bathroom.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Finally, it was time to do the only
                       humane thing.
          
          Mini stands up.
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  64.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI
                       Come on, let's go.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       What?
          
                                 MINI
                       It's time to speed this up.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Speed this up?
          
                                 MINI
                       We can't wait anymore, our alibi is
                       only believable for maybe another
                       hour. We can say that after dinner
                       we went to a movie, but if she
                       hasn't croaked by midnight, you can
                       forget about this.
          
          Martin looks at her for a long moment, clearly realizing the
          implications of "speed this up".
          
                                 MARTIN
                       No, I'm sorry, this is going
                       somewhere I'm not prepared to go.
          
                                 MINI
                       Oh, but you were prepared to sit
                       here until the pills did her in? I
                       hate to break it to you, but
                       wherever you "weren't prepared to
                       go"...the hypocrite express just
                       rolled into the station.
          
          Martin stares straight ahead, coming to grips with the truth
          of his actions.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       What are you suggesting?
          
                                 MINI
                       Well, I thought we'd disembowel her
                       and leave her for the raccoons.
          
          Martin recoils.
          
                                 MINI
                       Kidding...God, you've lost your
                       sense of humor. Don't worry, it'll
                       be painless.
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  65.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
          Martin takes a deep breath, considering his options.
          
          INT. DIANE'S WALK IN CLOSET- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini goes through her mother's clothes, as Diane lies
          crumpled in a heap on the floor. Martin looks on impatiently.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    To be honest, I think we both knew
                    in our hearts it would come to
                    this. And as my first assisted
                    suicide, I was going to make it
                    flawless. M
          
                               ARTIN
                    Come on, we don't have time.
          
                              MINI
                    Look, if we're going to screw up
                    the details we might as well call
                    San Quentin and tell them to fire
                    up the dutch oven.
                        (off his confusion)
                    The gas chamber?
                        (exasperated)
                    Martin, please, I can't explain
                    everything.
          
          Mini holds a chic black Chanel suit up to the full length
          mirror.
          
                                                   CUT TO:
          
          Mini applying make-up and lipstick to Diane's face in front
          of her vanity mirror. Martin holds Diane's head still.
          
                              MARTIN
                    I don't think this is a good idea.
          
                               MINI
                    Have you lost your mind, "Mr.
                    Public Relations"? What's the one
                    thing all her friends are going to
                    be talking about when they find
                    out?
                         (waits for his answer)
                    "How did she look"? Do you think
                    anyone will think twice if the
                    answer is "fabulous"?
          
                                                                  66.
          
          
          
          INT. THE GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
          
          The door to the dark garage opens and Mini turns on a light.
          Martin, carrying Diane (now dressed in the suit) over his
          shoulder, struggles through the doorway.
          
          INT. DIANE'S JAGUAR- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini props Diane up in the driver's seat and begins touching
          up the make-up. She ties a silk scarf around Diane's neck,
          ever so elegantly. Satisfied, she turns the ignition key and
          lowers all the power windows in the car. She looks up at
          Martin.
          
                              MINI
                    Well, if you've got anything to say
                    to her, now would be the time.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Could you just pretend to have a
                    little remorse?
          
          INT. THE LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mini and Martin walk through the door to the garage and close
          it behind them. The hum of the car engine can he heard
          through the wall.
          
          INT. THE GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Diane sits in the driver's seat, as THE EXHAUST PIPE spews
          E
          fumes into the sealed garage.
          
           XT. THE HOUSE - LATER.
          
          The garage door is open and Diane's body is visible on the
          garage floor as Martin and Mini kneel beside her. The wail of
          an ambulance siren is heard as it pulls up in front, cutting
          the engine. Mini comes running outside in tears.
          
                              MINI
                    Help us, please! My mom, I think
                    she's dead!
          
          INT. THE GARAGE- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          TWO PARAMEDICS try to revive Diane, having laid her out on
          the floor of the garage. Mini sobs hysterically, as Martin
          hugs her.
          
                              MINI
                    Mommy, wake up!
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  67.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MARTIN
                       It's okay, sweetheart, everything's
                       going to be okay.
          
                                 FIRST PARAMEDIC
                       Mr. Tannen, I think you should take
                       your daughter in the house.
          
                                 MINI
                       Oh, please, don't let her die!
          
          EXT. THE HOUSE - LATER.
          
          Two POLICE CRUISERS are parked outside as Diane's body, now
          wrapped in a body bag, is being wheeled into the ambulance.
          
          A FEW "LOOKY LOOS" are standing at the gates to the house,
          interested to see what's happened.
          
          INT. THE LIVING ROOM - LATER.
          
          One of the paramedics fills out a report on a clipboard in
          the background, as Martin continues to comfort Mini. A MAN,
          30, with a slightly weary look, walks in the front door
          wearing an off-the-rack grey suit and barber shop haircut.
          
                                 GARSON
                       Mr. Tannen?
          
          Martin looks up.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Yes?
          
                                 MAN
                       I'm Detective Bill Garson, LAPD.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Yes?
          
                                 GARSON
                       I'm sorry to be here right now, but
                       whenever there's an apparent
                       suicide we are required to do an
                       investigation to rule out homicide.
          
                                 MARTIN
                           (clearly surprised)
                       Oh...uh...right.
          
                                 GARSON
                       It's really just a formality.
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     68.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI
                           (exploding)
                       My mother just killed herself! They
                       haven't even taken her away yet!
                       What's wrong with you?
                                 M
                                  ARTIN
                       Mini, please! He's just doing his
                       job.
          
                                 MINI
                       Tell him to leave! This is
                       outrageous!
          
                                 MARTIN
                           (to Garson)
                       Could we do this another time?
          
                                 GARSON
                       Of course we--
          
                                    MARTIN
                       Thank you.
          
          Mini looks at Martin, relieved.
          
                                 GARSON
                       But I do need to ask just a few
                       simple questions before I go.
          
                                 MINI
                       Didn't you hear him?! He said--
          
                                 MARTIN
                           (sharply)
                       Mini, it's okay...just go lie down
                       for a moment.
          
          INT. THE GARAGE- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Martin stands in the garage with Garson, going over what
          happened.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       So after dinner and the movie, we
                       came home at around 11:30 and found
                       her in the garage. I turned off the
                       car and opened the garage door to
                       let out the exhaust.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  69.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 GARSON
                       What about trying to revive your
                       wife?
          
          Martin seems a bit taken aback by the question.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Of course, we did that too, but I
                       couldn't feel a pulse. Mini took a
                       course at school in CPR and tried
                       that, but...
                           (taking a breath)
                       it didn't work.
          
                                 GARSON
                       So your wife did this sometime
                       between 8:00 and 11:33 when you
                       placed the 911 call?
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Yes.
          
                                 GARSON
                       May I ask why you left your wife
                       alone when she had been acting in
                       such an unstable state?
          
                                 MARTIN
                       We never thought she'd do anything
                       like...this. After the episode in
                       the mall, Diane hadn't left the
                       house for three days and my
                       daughter and I just needed a break.
                       It's been a very stressful time.
          
                                 GARSON
                       Of course. So this was your wife's
                       car?
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Yes.
          
                                 GARSON
                       Was it in the garage when you left
                       for dinner or did she drive it in?
          
                                 MARTIN
                       What?
          
                                 GARSON
                       Was it in the garage when you left?
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                              70.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                              MARTIN
                        (a little flustered)
                    Is, is that important?
                              G
                               ARSON
                    Just trying to reconstruct what
                    happened.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Oh, well...after she was brought
                    home from the mall, the car was
                    towed here and we put it in the
                    garage.
          
                              GARSON
                    And no one drove it during those
                    three days?
          
                              MARTIN
                    No, Mini and I have our own cars.
          
                               GARSON
                    We are going to have to impound it
                    for a few days to take it to the
                    crime lab.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Crime lab? Oh, okay.
          
                              GARSON
                    Again, purely routine.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Sure.
          
                              GARSON
                    Have you found a note yet?
          
                               MARTIN
                        (confused)
                    I'm sorry?
          
          Garson's eyes flicker for a split second.
          
                              GARSON
                    A suicide note? The deceased
                    usually leaves one.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Oh...right, no...not yet. But we
                    haven't really looked.
          
          
          
                                                         (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    71.
          CONTINUED: (3)
          
                              GARSON
                    Mind if I take a look around?
          
          Martin hesitates for just a split second.
          
                              MARTIN
                    No...of course not.
          
          INT. MINI'S BEDROOM- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini and Martin whisper together.
          
                              MINI
                    Who cares if we didn't leave a
                    note? Just relax.
          
                              MARTIN
                    But they said it's--
          
                              MINI
                    So what? He'll do his little dance
                    and chalk it up to another failed
                    actress who realized after forty
                    she might as well be dead.
          
                              MARTIN
                        (remembering something)
                    Oh, shit!
          
                              MINI
                    What?
          
                              MARTIN
                    The sweatsuits and goggles.
          
                              MINI
                    I already snuck out the back and
                    threw them in Mike Rudell's garbage
                    cans.
          
                              MARTIN
                        (exhaling)
                    Good.
          
                              MINI
                    Angelpie, just relax, we did it,
                    we're free.
          
          EXT. THE LAS HADAS RESORT- MANZANILLO MEXICO - DAY
          
          Martin and Mini arrive in a shuttle bus in front of the lush
          resort.
          
          
                                                               (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  72.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       After the funeral, I felt it would
                       be good idea if we took a vacation
                       and went somewhere where we could
                       act like a real couple for the
                       first time.
          
          INT. THEIR HOTEL ROOM - LATER.
          M
           artin tips the BELL HOP on the way out and the moment the
          door closes, Mini jumps into his arms.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Martin agreed and let me pick the
                       place. I chose Las Hadas in
                       Mexico, because that's where Dudley
                       Moore and Bo Derek did it in Ten.
          
          EXT. THE BEACH - DAY
          
          Martin spreads sun tan lotion on Mini's back.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       I figured sugar daddy/younger woman
                       would be old news down there.
          
          A few other OLDER MAN/YOUNGER WOMAN couples lounge near them,
          mixed among more traditional pairings.
          
          INT. AN OUTDOOR TIKI BAR/DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT
          
          MARIACHIS play a sexy Mexican ballad as Mini, wearing a thin
          sundress, dances very close with Martin.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       I could feel that Martin had let
                       the whole thing with the cops go.
                       It had been two weeks since Mom's
                       death and it already felt like it
                       happened a year ago.
          
          EXT. THE BEACH - NIGHT
          
          Mini lies on top of Martin on a lounge chair. They both stare
          up at the stars. The gentle breaking of waves further adds to
          the tranquility of the evening.
          
                                 MINI
                       You know, I've been thinking that I
                       might enjoy working in your office
                       this summer.
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  73.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                  MARTIN
                       Really?   Sure, if you want.
          
                                  MINI
                       I want.
          
          She moves to kiss him.
          
                                 MALE VOICE (O.S.)
                       Martin, Mini? Is that you?
          
          Martin and Mini look up to see MIKE RUDELL, their producer
          neighbor, peering at them in the dark. He has an arm wrapped
          around the waist of A YOUNG BLONDE who is clearly Playmate
          material.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       I swear I thought Martin was going
                       to wet himself.
          
          Mini quickly sits up, trying to make it look like innocent
          father/daughter closeness.
          
                                 MARTIN
                           (extremely tense)
                       Oh...hi, Mike, what, what are you
                       doing here?
          R
           udell comes over, clearly aware of how un-father/daughter
          they were lying.
          
                                 RUDELL
                       Last week Mini mentioned you two
                       were coming here for a little R&R,
                       and I suddenly realized I hadn't
                       taken a vacation in god knows when.
                       Jennifer, this is my neighbor
                       Martin Tannen and his daughter,
                       Mini.
          
          Martin barely looks at Jennifer as he shakes her hand. She
          looks equally uncomfortable.
          
                                 MINI
                       I'm sorry, but, Jennifer, have we
                       met? You look so familiar.
          
          Jennifer looks quite uneasy, as she forces a smile.
          
                                 JENNIFER
                       I don't think so.
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  74.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    And the icing is that Jennifer
                    works for the same escort service
                    that I did. Now this is rich.
          
                              MIKE
                    I wanted you both to know how sorry
                    I am for your loss.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Our loss? He just lost six or
                    seven freebies a year.
          
                              MIKE
                    If there's anything I can do...
                        (to Mini)
                    for either of you...
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Yikes, now that Mom's out of the
                    way, I guess I'm fair game.
          
                              MIKE
                    ...don't hesitate to ask. Remember
                    I'm just right across the fence.
          
          The meaning is not lost on Martin.
          
                              MARTIN
                        (measured)
                    Thanks, Mike, we appreciate it.
          
          INT. THEIR HOTEL ROOM - LATER.
          
          Martin paces back and forth as Mini sits on the bed. His neck
          muscles bulge with frustration.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Why did you tell him?!
          
                              MINI
                    I was just being friendly, I had no
                    idea he'd decide to come here.
          
                              MARTIN
                    He knows. He found the clothes and
                    goggles and he fucking knows!
          
                              MINI
                    I doubt he even knows where his
                    trash cans are.
                              (MORE)
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                             75.
          CONTINUED:             MINI(CONT'D)
                       You're overreacting. It's just
                       coincidence.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Yeah, well coincidence or not, he
                       saw us together.
          
                                 MINI
                       It was dark, I sat up before he saw
                       anything. M
          
                                  ARTIN
                       No, he knows. It was like he was
                       toying with us.
          
                                 MINI
                       Just relax, what is he going to do?
                       Go home and tell everyone we're a
                       couple? We'll just laugh it off and
                       tell everyone he vacations with
                       hookers.
          
          Martin stops and looks at her, surprised.
          
                                 MINI
                       Oh, come on, could that little
                       moment between you and Jennifer
                       have been any more awkward?
          
          His face turns a little red.
          
                                 MINI
                       I'm not jealous or anything, I just
                       think it's funny. Talk about six
                       degrees of penetration.
          
          Martin rubs his temples, clearly overwhelmed.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       You realize he could blackmail us?
                       If the police found out about us,
                       that suicide wouldn't look so
                       routine.
          
                                 MINI
                       Martin, please, calm down. Trust
                       me, nothing is going to happen.
          
          Her words don't appear to have calmed him.
          
                                                                     76.
          
          
          
          EXT. THE POOL - DAY
          
          Martin sits on a lounger, reading a book and looking very
          unhappy. From the pool, Mini emerges, soaking wet in a
          bikini.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    The next few days were a laugh
                    riot.
          
          Martin looks up from the book, looking around suspiciously.
          Suddenly, Mini appears behind him and gives him a kiss on the
          mouth. He instinctively pulls back.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Suddenly, Martin was acting like he
                    really was my father.
          
          Just then, Rudell and his bimbo enter the pool area, waving
          at them. Mini's head is not close enough for the scene to
          look incriminating, but Martin is too spooked to know the
          difference.
          
          INT. THE TANNEN'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
          
          Mini and Martin sit watching TV. Mini flips channels,
          stopping at Absolutely, Positive! Martin snatches the remote
          and grumpily changes M
                               channels. Mini looks very annoyed.
          
                               MINI (V.O.)
                    We returned home and things didn't
                    get much better.
          
                                                     MONTAGE:
          
          Mini trying on various sexy outfits in front of her mirror:
          
          -Catholic School girl.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    What little sex we were having    was
                    getting dull.
          
          -Cheerleader.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Quite frankly, with my little
                    project successfully completed...
          
          -Naughty Nurse.
          
          
          
          
                                                                (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  77.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       I was bored. I became concerned
                       that in my world of firsts I had
                       achieved my greatest first...
          
          -French Maid.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       ...at too young an age.
          
          -Marilyn Monroe in the sequined dress she sang to JFK in.
          
                                 MINI
                           (singing breathily)
                       "Happy birthday, Mr. President"
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       As for school, well, I was just in
                       no state to return to my studies
                       after the trauma of my mother's
                       death.
          
          THE DOOR BELL RINGS. Mini looks towards the hallway.
          
          EXT. THE FRONT DOOR TO THE HOUSE- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini answers it, having removed her Marilyn wig, but still in
          the sequined dress. Detective Garson stands at the door,
          looking her up and down. Mini hides her surprise well.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Uh oh.
          
                                 MINI
                       Yes?
          
                                 GARSON
                       Minerva Tannen, Detective Garson, I
                       don't know if you remember me?
          
                                 MINI
                       Drogues, my last name is Drogues.
                       And "yes", I remember you, you were
                       the big hearted lug who wanted your
                       questions answered while my mother
                       was still warm.
          
                                 GARSON
                           (ignoring her dig)
                       So, Mr. Tannen is your stepfather?
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  78.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI
                       Nice work, McGruff.
          
                                 GARSON
                       Again, I am sorry about that night,
                       but it is policy that we get the
                       preliminary facts as soon as
                       possible.
          
                                 MINI
                       What do you want?
          
                                 GARSON
                       I need to ask you a few more
                       questions about your mother's
                       death.    M
                                  INI
                       Sure, come on in.
          
          INT. THEIR LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mini leads him in.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       I know, it's stupid as hell to talk
                       to a cop without a lawyer, but I
                       didn't want to look jumpy and my
                       first real interrogation? I could
                       feel something tingle deep inside.
          
          Mini and Garson take a seat. Mini lights a cigarette. Garson
          looks over her outfit again.
          
                                 GARSON
                       It's a little early for the prom,
                       isn't it?
          
                                 MINI
                       A girl can dream, can't she?
          
                                 GARSON
                       Perfectly legal. So, anyway, we got
                       the preliminary coroner's report.
                       Although the pills knocked her out,
                       she died of the carbon monoxide
                       poisoning from the exhaust.
          
                                 MINI
                       Is it that important?
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  79.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 GARSON
                       Well, it's just a little unusual
                       for a suicide victim to use two
                       methods. Her choices seemed, I
                       don't know how to put it...
                       improvisational.
          
                                 MINI
                       Well, maybe she wanted to drift off
                       before the fumes got her? She
                       clearly put some thought into that
                       outfit.
          
                                 GARSON
                       Clearly...But dying from carbon
                       monoxide poisoning is actually
                       pretty painless, you just basically
                       pass out.
          
                                 MINI
                       I doubt she would have had an
                       intimate knowledge of how car fumes
                       feel when you choke on them.
          
                                 GARSON
                       I suppose you're right...Also we
                       checked the phone records and there
                       was a 911 call placed at 8:12. It
                       was a hang up and when the 911
                       dispatcher called back a few
                       minutes later, there was no answer.
          
                                 MINI
                       Really?
          
                                 GARSON
                       Any idea why she'd call 911?
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Okie fine, this may be the most
                       exciting thing I've done in a
                       while, but even I know when the
                       rush isn't worth the risk.
          
                                 MINI
                       Look, I think you should come back
                       when my father's around. He'll be
                       upset I let a stranger in the
                       house.    G
                                  ARSON
                       I think you're safe with me.
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     80.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                              MINI
                    Even so, he won't be happy.
          
                              GARSON
                    Not a problem, will he be home
                    tonight?
          
          INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - DAY
          
          Martin is on the phone.
          
                              MARTIN
                    And you let him in?!
          
          EXT. THE POOL - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mini lounges in a bikini, talking on the cordless phone,
          while sucking on a red popsicle.
          
                              MINI
                    I played it cool, it would've
                    looked worse to be defensive.
          
          Mini looks across the yard to see...
          
          MIKE RUDELL looking down at her from the upstairs balcony of
          his home. He's dressed in a plush terry cloth robe and is
          smoking a pipe, which he raises in greeting. His eyes are
          locked on hers.
          
                              MARTIN (V.O.)
                    Well, when's he coming over?
          
                               MINI
                    Tonight?
          
                              MARTIN (V.O.)
                    Tonight!? I've got a dinner with
                    Chapman. I've already cancelled--
                        (frustrated)
                    Damn it! Why didn't you call me?!
          
          RUDELL allows the folds of his robe to open in the breeze,
          revealing his chest and pair of silk boxers. He's in good
          shape for a man his age.
          
                              MINI
                        (annoyed)
                    Hey, I didn't know you had plans!
          
          Mini responds to Rudell's challenge, lowering a strap on her
          bikini top.
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  81.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MARTIN (V.O.)
                       Listen, I'll be home early so we
                       can get the story straight.
          
                                 MINI
                       Okay.
          
          Mini hangs up the phone, removing the popsicle slowly from
          her mouth.
          
          INT. THE LIVING ROOM - EVENING
          
          Martin and Mini sit across from Garson. Martin appears cool
          and relaxed, a scotch in his hand.
          
                                 GARSON
                       I really appreciate you taking the
                       time to help us out. There's just a
                       few loose ends we want to tie up.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Absolutely. What would you like to
                       know?
          
          Garson opens his briefcase and removes a report. He starts
                               G
          leafing through papers.
          
                                  ARSON
                       There appears to be some question
                       as to the time of death. You said
                       you went to dinner and a movie-
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Detective, not to be overly
                       sensitive, but do I need my lawyer
                       here? Because these sound like the
                       questions one asks when there's a
                       homicide investigation.
          
                                 GARSON
                       Mr. Tannen, I'd really like to just
                       finish this up, I've got real
                       homicides that need attention. How
                       about if I just ask you some
                       questions and the one's you don't
                       want to answer, we'll just skip?
          
                                 MINI
                       That sounds good, doesn't it, Dad?
                       I mean, let's just get this over
                       with.
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    82.
          CONTINUED:
          
          Martin looks at Mini, trying hard not to allow his anger to
          escape for a second.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Fair enough.
          
                                 GARSON
                       Terrific...now, the preliminary
                       blood report indicated she had
                       ritalin in her system.
          
          Mini's eyes shift between Garson and his note pad.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       I wasn't aware my wife was taking
                       ritalin.
          
                                 GARSON
                       Neither was her physician, he had
                       never prescribed it.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Well, as you may have discovered by
                       now, my wife had substance abuse
                       problems, I'm sure there were many
                       drugs she took without a
                       prescription.
          
                                 GARSON
                       I know, but it's an odd drug to be
                       taking. It's mostly given to adults
                       and children with Attention Deficit
                       Disorder to calm them. But in
                       people who don't need it, it has
                       the reverse effect, making them
                       incredibly hyper and agitated.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Again, Detective, I really can't
                       say why she was taking these drugs.
          
                                 GARSON
                       Fair enough...Mr. Tannen, were you
                       and your wife close?
          
                                 MARTIN
                       No...we led, for the most part,
                       separate lives. We had decided to
                       stay together for Mini.
          
          
          
          
                                                               (CONTINUED)
          
                                                               83.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                               MINI (V.O.)
                    O
                     oh...sacrifice personal happiness
                    for the benefit of the child.
                    Excellent.
          
                               GARSON
                    I see...
          
                              MARTIN
                    Listen, Detective Garson, I must
                    admit I don't see the relevance of
                    these questions. Diane was an
                    extremely disturbed person. Haven't
                    you interviewed enough people who
                    saw her at her worst?
          
                              GARSON
                    Yes, but what I'm still unclear
                    about is her time of death.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Well, that makes two of us...
                    Again, detective, we were out for
                    the whole evening.
          
                              GARSON
                        (looking at his notes)
                    After dinner you saw a movie that
                    night?
          
                              MARTIN
                    That's right.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Start time 9 o'clock.
          
                              GARSON
                    What did you see?
          
                              MARTIN
                    That new Jackie Chan movie where
                    the terrorists try to blow up Mount
                    Rushmore.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Running time 115 minutes.
          
                              GARSON
                    Ahh...My buddy told me the end is
                    crazy.
          
          
          
          
                                                          (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    84.
          CONTINUED: (3)
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    For god sakes, does he think we
                    wouldn't actually see it?
          
                              MARTIN
                    Yeah, he slides down Washington's
                    nose with the bomb strapped to him.
          
                              MINI
                    Dad...Don't give it away, he hasn't
                    seen it yet.
          
          Martin turns to Mini, giving her a fatherly smile.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Another demerit...
          
          Mini rolls her eyes at Garson.
          
                              GARSON
                    That's okay...Where did you see it?
          
                              MARTIN
                    The Galleria.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Drive time 17 minutes.
          
                              GARSON
                    And you got home at?
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Precisely...
          
                              MARTIN
                    11:30.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    With 12 minutes of previews. You
                    didn't think we'd forget the
                    previews?
          
                              MARTIN
                    Now, if there aren't any more
                    questions, it is a school night.
          
                              GARSON
                    No, that about wraps it up for now.
          
          
          
          
                                                               (CONTINUED)
          
                                                               85.
          CONTINUED: (4)
          
                              MARTIN
                    For now? Detective we are trying
                    very hard to put our lives back
                    together, but every time you come
                    by, it just dredges everything back
                    up. We've told you everything we
                    know.     G
                               ARSON
                    I wish I could be more definitive.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Well, I'm telling you the next time
                    you have a question, it had better
                    be because you're charging us-
          
                              GARSON
                    Us?
          
          Martin momentarily freezes.
          
                              MARTIN
                    I'm just asking you to please let
                    us deal with our grief and get on
                    with our lives.
          
                              GARSON
                        (standing)
                    Thanks again for your time.
          
          EXT. THE POOL - LATER.
          
          Mini sits in a chair as Martin paces.
          
                              MARTIN
                    What the hell was I thinking,
                    letting you talk me into this?
          
                              MINI
                    It's probably just routine stuff.
          
                              MARTIN
                    That was not routine, my dear.
          
                              MINI
                    Nice use of the word "us", by the
                    way.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Sorry, it just slipped out.
          
          
          
          
                                                          (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   86.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI
                       If I had a nickel for every time I
                       heard that-
          
                                 MARTIN
                           (sharply)
                       Okay.
          
                                 MINI
                       Look, just chill, I'm sure this
                       will blow over in a few days.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Chill?! Believe me, we'll be
                       chilling in a pine box if he
                       figures everything out. You do
                       understand they could go for the
                       death penalty?
          
                                 MINI
                       He's probably just trying to spook
                       us.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Hello?! They don't try and spook
                       you unless they think you did it!
          
                                 MINI
                       It was a great plan, no one can
                       prove we stuck those sleeping pills
                       in her mouth, because we didn't.
          
                                 MARTIN
                           (seething)
                       Well, if it was such a great plan,
                       why am I cancelling business
                       dinners to accommodate a detective
                       who appears convinced it wasn't a
                       suicide?
          
          Mini glares at him and then stands up, heading inside.
          
                                 MINI
                       I'll see you later.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Where are you going?
          
                                 MINI
                       Out.
          
                                                                  87.
          
          
          
          INT. A DANCE CLUB IN EAGLE ROCK - NIGHT
          
          The club is packed with YOUNG LATINO CLUBHOPPERS gyrating to
          the pulsating beat. Mini, in a tight crimson dress, has
          attracted quite a crowd, as she dances very provocatively
          with a MUSCULAR YOUNG LATINO.
                               M
                               MINI (V.O.)
                    Would he follow?
          
          His face and shoulders glisten with sweat, as she lifts one
          leg around his waist and then the other. As she straddles
          him, their hips rocking together, she puts her arms around
          his neck and leans all the way back, her hair hanging down in
          ecstasy.
          
          As she pulls herself back up, her eyes scan the room.
          
          MARTIN stands in the back, watching her, his eyes sullen.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Was there any question?
          
          Mini's eyes move quickly enough past him that it's ambiguous
          to him whether she spotted him or not.
          
          Martin watches as Mini leans in and in SLOW MOTION gives her
          partner a deep, long kiss. MARTIN looks ill.
          
          EXT. THE TANNEN'S HOUSE - DAWN
          
          Mini's car pulls into the driveway. She gets out, looking
          rumpled.
          
          INT. THE KITCHEN- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini walks in to find Martin, sitting at the table in a
          bathrobe. He's reading the paper, with a cup of coffee. Mini
          opens the fridge and removes a carton of orange juice, taking
          a big slug.
          
                              MARTIN
                    A phone call would have been
                    appreciated at some point. I was
                    worried.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Worried that refugee from a J.Lo
                    video rode me `til the tires fell
                    off?
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    88.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI
                       Uh...Martin, I'm not sure you're
                       aware, but at this point you can't
                       be my dad and my lover. Where I go
                       and how late I stay out is my
                       business.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       I wasn't saying that as a dad.
                           (very sincere)
                       Before your mother and I...grew
                       apart, I would worry if she was out
                       late.
          
                                  MINI
                       Well, that's sweet, but I'm not her
                       and I can assure you I won't end up
                       passed out in some greaseball's
                       fuck pad with my panties around my
                       ankles...
                            (cold, smooth)
                       u
                         nless I choose to.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       What the hell's gotten into you? I
                       just expressed concern for you and
                       you turn around and threaten me?
                       Mini, in a relationship, it's okay
                       to worry about someone else.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       I kind of have to admire this. He
                       really is one of the world's
                       premiere bullshit artists.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Haven't you ever been in a
                       relationship?
          
          The questions hangs in the air. Mini looks down, almost
          ashamed.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       My god, you haven't.
          
          She tries to hold back the tears as she looks up.
          
                                 MINI
                       Congratulations...
                           (sniffling)
                       you're my first.
          
          
          
                                                              (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     89.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
          He comes over and gives her a very sweet hug.
          
                                 MARTIN
                    Oh, angel.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    And I'd like to thank the academy
                    and god and, oh yeah, "Free Tibet".
          
          INT. AN ELEVATOR - MORNING
          
          Martin rides up in the elevator with other OFFICE WORKERS.
          His eyes look tired from staying up all night.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Fake tears aside...he actually was
                    my first relationship. Which, in
                    itself, was significant, because I
                    had always felt that by living my
                    life by the rule of firsts, I would
                    never be able to find someone who
                    could accept me on those terms.
          
          INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - MORNING
          
          He strides off the elevator sending "hellos" and nods to his
          employees, as he passes the large corporate logo: "BOYD,
          MATHER, TANNEN & ASSOCIATES".
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    And I was willing to give him the
                    chance to be that person...
          
          He reaches his desk, where his YOUNG SECRETARY, LOIS, is
          waiting with an envelope.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    ...if he could just hold it
                    together.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Morning, Lois.
          
                              LOIS
                    Mr. Tannen, this just arrived for
                    you.
          
          She hands him a manila envelope marked "MARTIN TANNEN- VIA
          MESSENGER". He takes it from her and walks into his office,
          sitting down. He opens the package to find an 8x10 glossy
          photo of:
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     90.
          CONTINUED:
          
          MINI SITTING WITH HIM AT THE POOL IN MEXICO. The caption
          reads: "THANK HEAVEN FOR LITTLE GIRLS".
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       That's when things started to get
                       interesting.
          
          Martin looks up, the empty look in his eyes revealing a
          terrified mind already calculating the potential outcomes. He
          examines THE ENVELOPE. There is a SPEEDWAY COURIER STICKER,
          but no return address.
          
          INT. MARTIN'S CAR - LATER.
          
          Martin angrily honks his horn in slow traffic as he talks on
          his cell.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Lois, I need you to re-schedule the
                       Chapman meeting...
                           (listening)
                       I know...Tell him...tell him it's
                       an unavoidable emergency.
          
          INT. SPEEDWAY COURIER - DAY
          
          Martin stands at the front desk, talking to A CLERK.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       What do you mean you don't keep
                       records on who your senders are?
          
                                 CLERK
                       When it's paid cash, we only keep
                       records on packages, not envelopes.
          
          EXT. THE SPEEDWAY BRANCH - CONTINUOUS
          
          Martin walks outside, frustrated. His cell goes off and he
          answers it.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Yeah?
          
                                 LOIS (O.S.)
                       Mr. Tannen, I just spoke to Mr.
                       Chapman...he told me to tell you
                       that he's going to be seeking a new
                       firm to handle his company's needs.
          
          Martin's jaw tightens.
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    91.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Thank you, Lois.
          
          Martin hangs up the phone, as he looks up, he sees across the
          street a large sign on a modern office building: RUDELL
          WORLDWIDE ENTERTAINMENT.
          
          Martin closes his eyes, trying to remain in control.
          
          INT. A CONFERENCE ROOM AT MARTIN'S FIRM - LATER.
          
          Martin walks into the office to find his partners, STEVE BOYD
          and CHARLES MATHER waiting for him. Martin looks surprised
          and concerned.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Steve? Charlie? What, what are
                       you doing in town? Why didn't you
                       tell me you were coming--
                                 M
                                  ATHER
                       We just heard about Chapman...not
                       that it matters.
          
                                 BOYD
                       We can't afford to lose any more
                       clients.
          
          The color drains from Martin's face.
          
                                  MARTIN
                       Jesus, guys, my wife just committed
                       suicide...
          
                                 MATHER
                       No one's saying this isn't a
                       difficult time for you, but
                       whatever's been distracting you
                       started long before that.
          
                                 BOYD
                       There's just no way to sugarcoat
                       this...you're a liability we can't
                       afford anymore...
          
          Martin sits very still, his world crumbling around him.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Fifteen years...we've been--
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     92.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MATHER
                           (curtly)
                       We'll be asking all our clients who
                       they would prefer to stay with, and
                       of course, you'll have an equal
                       shot to make your case with them.
          
          Martin continues to stare off into space, reeling.
          
          INT. MARTIN'S CAR - LATER.
          
          Martin sits in the traffic on Beverly Glen. The veins in his
          neck are starting to bulge as he stares straight ahead.
          Suddenly, he starts pounding on the steering wheel.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Fucking shit! Fucking shit! Fucking
                       shit!
          
          Just then, he looks over to the next car. A three year old
          GIRL in the back seat holds up her "PO" TELETUBBY DOLL to
          show him.
          
          CLOSE ON: AN UPSTAIRS WINDOW OF MIKE RUDELL'S HOUSE-
          
          NIGHT.
          
          Through a BINOCULAR'S VIEWFINDER: Rudell is seen through the
          window talking on the phone, unaware he's being watched.
          
                                 MARTIN (O.S.)
                       Look at that smug prick...He's
                       fucking with me and I will not be
                       fucked with.
          
          INT. THE KITCHEN OF THE TANNEN'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Martin and Mini stand in the dark kitchen, as Martin peers
          out the window through binoculars at RUDELL across the yard.
          
                                 MINI
                       What are you gonna do?
          
          Martin goes to a drawer and removes the LARGE KNIFE they
          bought at Williams Sonoma.
                               M
                                  ARTIN
                       I'm gonna go over there and tell
                       him to back off or he's gonna get
                       hurt.
          
          
          
          
                                                               (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   93.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI
                       Are you crazy? We're not even
                       positive it's him!
          
                                 MARTIN
                       My god, the picture was dropped off
                       at a messenger service right across
                       the street from his office! He was
                       the only person at the resort who
                       knew who we were!
          
                                 MINI
                       He could go to the cops and tell
                       them you threatened him, then
                       they'd really start investigating
                       us. It's just one photo and you
                       can't even really tell if it's me.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       That son of bitch just cost me the
                       firm I worked fifteen years to
                       build.
          
                                 MINI
                       Well, if you start waving that
                       thing around, he's gonna cost you a
                       lot more than that.
          
          INT. THEIR BEDROOM - LATER.
          
          Mini lies awake, looking annoyed as Martin keeps turning and
          shifting in bed.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Martin didn't sleep at all that
                       night and made damn well sure I
                       didn't either.
          
          EXT. THE FRONT DOOR OF MIKE RUDELL'S HOUSE - MORNING
          
          Mini walks up the long driveway.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       With Mommy Dearest out of the way,
                       I decided to take the matter of
                       Rudell into my own hands. I knew
                       Martin wouldn't approve, but at
                       this point...action had to be
                       taken.
          
          She arrives at the front door and rings the bell.
          
          
          
                                                              (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   94.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       I would catch him off guard,
                       disorient him and then kill him...
          
          The door opens and Rudell stands before her in the same plush
          bathrobe.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       ...with kindness.
          
                                 MINI
                       Hi, Mr. Rudell, I'm sorry to bother
                       you.
          
                                 RUDELL
                       Not at all, as I said down in
                       Mexico...
                           (slightly lascivious)
                       anything for a neighbor.
          
                                 MINI
                       May I come in?
          
          INT. RUDELL'S IMPRESSIVE LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Eighteen foot ceilings frame the room, garishly decorated
          with very modern, modular furniture. Rudell leads Mini in.
                               M
                                  INI
                       Wow, I haven't been here since you
                       redecorated.
          
                                  RUDELL
                       It was just finished. I'm sorry
                       your mother never got to see it
                       completed.
          
                                 MINI
                       I know she'd approve.
          
                                 RUDELL
                       If you don't mind me asking, ...how
                       are you doing?
          
                                 MINI
                       It's been hard, but I guess I've
                       just been telling myself that she's
                       probably much happier where she is
                       now.
          
                                 RUDELL
                       You're absolutely-
          
          
                                                              (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  95.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                    MINI
                       Positive!?
          
          Mini giggles, almost embarrassed.
          
                                 RUDELL
                           (chuckling)
                       Well, that too, but "correct" was
                       the word I was thinking of. Do you
                       like the show?
          
                                 MINI
                       Oh, god, it's my favorite. I love
                       how you never know if the couples
                       will decide to stay together.
          
                                 RUDELL
                       I could arrange for you to go to
                       the set one day if you'd like, or
                       even be a contestant?
          
                                 MINI
                       A contestant? Really?
          
                                 RUDELL
                       Sure, those dates are really quite
                       harmless. You just spend an evening
                       with the person. We prep you on
                       what to say before the show.
          
                                 MINI
                       It sounds like fun.
          
          Rudell lets his eyes take a walk all over her. Mini, keenly
          aware, blushes.
          
                                 RUDELL
                       Anyway, what's on your mind?
          
                                 MINI
                       Well, um...this may sound strange,
                       but you haven't seen any suspicious
                       looking people around our house
                       lately?
          
                                 RUDELL
                       No, is everything okay?
          
                                 MINI
                       Yes, it's just that since mom's
                       death, someone sent us a photo of
                       Martin and I together.
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  96.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                                 RUDELL
                    Together?
          
                              MINI
                    It indicated that we were...I know
                    this sounds crazy, but...a couple.
          
                              RUDELL
                    A couple? You and Martin? Hmmm...I
                    mean, certainly older men and
                    younger women are an
                        (searching again)
                    ...accepted part of society, but
                    for someone to do that, well...it's
                    just tasteless.
          
                               MINI
                    Exactly, so we're just trying to
                    figure who Rit could be.
          
                               UDELL
                    Hmm, I haven't noticed anyone at
                    all...Out of curiosity, what kind
                    of a picture could they send you to
                    indicate that you and Martin were
                    together?
          
                              MINI
                    Oh, it wasn't like we were naked or
                    anything. I mean, of course, he's
                    seen me naked, he is my step-
                    father.
          
                                 RUDELL
                    Of course.
          
          EXT. RUDELL'S POOL - LATER.
          
          Mini and Rudell sit at a table, enjoying iced teas, as Mini
          flirts shamelessly with him.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Much to my surprise, I was invited
                    to stay for a refreshing
                    beverage...
          
          EXT. RUDELL'S HOT HOUSE - LATER.
          
          Rudell shows Mini around his collection of rare tropical
          flowers. He plucks a tiger lily off a stem and puts it in her
          hair.
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  97.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       I knew he had had no shortage of
                       young women in his bed, but he had
                       been paying for it in one form or
                       another for a long time.
          
          EXT. RUDELL'S PUTTING GREEN - LATER.
          
          Rudell shows Mini how to use a pitching wedge on the small
          putting green off his back patio. He stands behind her,
          wrapping his arms around her, guiding her arms through the
          swing.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       And the one undeniable fact I had
                       learned from Martin is that there
                       is no greater thrill or triumph in
                       a man's life...
          
          INT. RUDELL'S KITCHEN - LATER.
          
          Rudell makes her a giant banana split, covering it with whip
          cream.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       ...than getting a ripe young woman
                       to open the gates to heaven for no
                       other reason than she wanted to.
          
          He accidently gets some whip cream on his nose. Mini reaches
          over and wipes it off, licking her finger clean. Rudell tries
          to hide the wonderment in his eyes.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Frankly, I'm surprised the
                       anticipation of pulling off a
                       mother-daughter double dip didn't
                       give him a stroke right there.
          E
           XT. RUDELL'S FRONT GATE - LATER.
          
          Mini walks out, skipping down the path, singing "The Candy
          Man" to herself.
          
                                 MINI
                       "Who can take tomorrow? Dip it in a
                       dream, separate the sorrow and
                       collect up all the cream, the candy
                       man, oh, the candy man can"
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     98.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       I left that day, exhilarated in the
                       knowledge that in one afternoon, I
                       had turned Rudell into a trout on a
                       line...and he'd follow me anywhere
                       I tugged the pole.
          
                                 MINI
                           (singing)
                       "The candy man can 'cause he mixes
                       it with love and makes the world
                       taste good..."
          
          INT. THE HALLWAY OF MINI'S HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
          
          Mini walks down the corridor with Kayla.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       The photos stopped coming and
                       although Martin was freaking out
                       about his business, things were
                       returning to normal. I even decided
                       to return to school.
          
          They approach TROY, the football player she humiliated
          earlier. Mini raises two fingers to her mouth in a "V",
          simulating cunnilingus, taunting Troy. His friends laugh and
          he wilts, pretending he didn't see her.
          
          INT. A CLASSROOM- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Mini and Kayla walk in with other students. Her teacher,
          Warren Bishop, comes over to her immediately.
          
                                 BISHOP
                       Mini, I've got a message for you to
                       go to the principal's office right
                       away.
          
          INT. THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - LATER.
          
          Mini is led in by A SECRETARY, as Detective Garson sits in a
          chair next to PRINCIPAL PATTY ANDREWS, 50.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Then things got interesting again.
          
          Mini immediately sizes up the situation and takes on the
          appropriate concerned tone.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     99.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI
                       Detective Garson, is everything all
                       right?
          
          CLOSE ON: A VIDEO MONITOR.
          A
            black and white surveillance tape of one of the school's
          hallways is seen.
          
                                 GARSON (O.S.)
                       Mini, this tape was shot a week
                       before your mother's death.
          
          The door to the nurses office is seen opening and Nurse
          Hauptf�hrer walks out.
          
                                 GARSON (O.S.)
                       The next day, the school nurse
                       reported two bottles of Ritalin
                       missing from the medicine cabinet.
          
          A few seconds later, Mini is seen entering the nurse's
          office, checking over her shoulder to make sure no one saw
          her. THE TAPE FREEZES, then fast forwards. Mini is seen
          leaving the office, stuffing something in her pocket.
          
          INT. AN EMPTY CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          A TV and VCR sit on a rolling cabinet in the corner, as
          Garson puts down the remote and looks at Mini. Principal
          Andrews is not pleased.
          
                                 GARSON
                       We've lifted two prints from the
                       door and the inside of the medicine
                       cabinet. They don't match the
                       nurse.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL ANDREWS
                       Mini, is there something you'd like
                       to say to Detective Garson?
          
          Mini eyes remain calm.
          
                                 MINI
                       Can we see the tape of the Der
                       F�hrer sucking down her afternoon
                       fix of Smirnoff, or don't you have
                       cameras in the bathroom stalls?
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 100.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 PRINCIPAL ANDREWS
                       Young lady, stealing anything,
                       especially prescription drugs is a
                       serious matter.
          
          Mini looks at Andrews, her eyes suddenly starting to tear up.
          
                                 MINI
                       You got me, okay?   But what was I
                       supposed to do?
          
                                 PRINCIPAL ANDREWS
                       What do you mean?
          
                                 MINI
                           (suddenly hysterical)
                       She...She said if I didn't, she
                       was...was gonna--
          
                                  PRINCIPAL ANDREWS
                       Who?   Another student?
          
                                 MINI
                       My mother! She made me steal them
                       for her! I didn't want to, but she
                       said she was going to send me to
                       boarding school in Canada if I
                       didn't!   P
                                   RINCIPAL ANDREWS
                       Canada?
          
                                 MINI
                           (sobbing)
                       The Yukon territories! Are you
                       happy, now? You got me!
          
                                 PRINCIPAL ANDREWS
                       Oh my lord, I had know idea, she
                       was--
          
                                 MINI
                       An addict? Detective Garson knew!
                       We told him, and now what? The
                       whole school's gonna know!?
          
          Mini hides her face in her hands.
          
                                 MINI
                       She's dead, my mommy's dead. Can't
                       we just leave her be?
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 101.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
          Andrews casts a harsh glance at a frustrated Garson.
          
                              PRINCIPAL ANDREWS
                    Detective Garson, I assume, there
                    won't be a need to press charges
                    against Ms. Drogues?
          
          Mini holds out her wrists to Garson.
          
                              MINI
                        (sniffling)
                    You gonna cuff me, Copper!?
          
          Garson looks at Mini, clearly not convinced of her innocence.
          
                              GARSON
                    She's free to go.
          
          INT. THE LOBBY OF MARTIN'S OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
          
          Martin gets off the elevator and heads across the lobby.
          GARSON and A UNIFORMED OFFICER approach him. Martin looks a
          little unnerved to see them.
          
                              GARSON
                    Ah, Mr. Tannen, we were just coming
                    up to see you. Have you got a
                    minute?
          
                              MARTIN
                    Detective, I told you no more
                    questions without my lawyer.
          
                              GARSON
                    I think you'd better call him.
          
          INT. AN INTERROGATION ROOM - LATER.
          
          Martin sits at a table, conferring with his lawyer, NED
          VOLANT, an impeccably dressed operator with a mane of thick,
          heavily gelled hair. Garson sits across from them.
          
                              GARSON
                    There's a small discrepancy that I
                    can't quite figure out and I was
                    hoping you might be able to explain
                    it.
          
                              MARTIN
                    I suppose I can try.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 102.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 GARSON
                       The final toxicology report came
                       back and your wife definitely
                       didn't die from the pills. She
                       wasn't conscious past 9:30, but it
                       was the fumes that killed her.
                                 M
                                  ARTIN
                       Well, hallelujah, thanks for the
                       update-
          
                                 VOLANT
                       Martin, easy.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       I'm sorry, but this is harassment.
          
                                 GARSON
                       See, here's what I needed to ask
                       you. The gas tank in the Jag was
                       almost full, just a gallon had been
                       used.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       And?
          
                                 GARSON
                       Well, if she was unconscious by
                       9:30, that means the car must have
                       been running for at least two hours
                       when you found her. An unconscious
                       person can't turn on a car, right?
          
                                 VOLANT
                       Detective, with all due respect,
                       could you get to the point?
          
                                 GARSON
                       Well, here's where I get confused,
                       see, that particular model idling
                       for two hours will burn at least
                       four gallons of gas.
          
          Martin tries to remain calm, as the panic starts to settle in
          for a long stay.
          
                                 GARSON
                       So, there's really no way the tank
                       could be almost full if it was
                       running for two hours. Is there?
          
          He looks at Martin, waiting for an answer.
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 103.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                              GARSON
                    So, I guess what I'm asking is,
                    whose idea was it to put her in the
                    car?
          
                              VOLANT
                    Martin, don't say anything.
          
                              GARSON
                    Now, Mr. Tannen, you clearly had
                    the most to gain from her death,
                    but I've learned from a number of
                    your wife's friends that she and
                    Mini had a strained relationship.
          
                              VOLANT
                    Again, Detective, my client won't
                    be answering anything, so let's
                    just cut the cat and mouse.
          
                              GARSON
                    I'd like Mr. Tannen to know that if
                    he's trying to be a protective
                    father by covering up something
                    Mini did, I'd be careful. The
                    district attorney is viewing this
                    case as an opportunity to show the
                    public that the rich don't get away
                    with murder in this town.
          
          Martin whispers something in Volant's ear and he in turn,
                               V
          whispers back.
          
                               OLANT
                    Does this mean he's offering Mr.
                    Tannen immunity if he says he was
                    protecting his daughter?
          
          Garson takes a sip of water, as Martin anxiously waits for
          his answer.
          
                              GARSON
                    It's a strong possibility. But he
                    wants Mr. Tannen to know he will go
                    for the maximum sentence if he
                    doesn't. No manslaughter, no plea
                    bargains, nothing.
          
          Martin's eyes shift slightly.
          
                                                                  104.
          
          
          
          INT. ANOTHER INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Garson, now finished with Martin, sits across from Mini and
          her lawyer, HERB PELHAM, who doesn't look nearly as confident
          as Martin's lawyer.
          
                              MINI
                    It was Colonel Mustard in the
                    library with the candlestick.
          
          Garson smiles at Mini, admiring her resolve.
          
                              PELHAM
                        (nervously)
                    Uh...Miss Drogues, as your lawyer-
          
                              MINI
                    Don't wet your pants, I know when
                    to shut up and swallow...
          
          Mini takes out a sip a water, letting a trickle of liquid
          roll down her chin.
          
                              MINI
                    ...my tongue.
          
          Even Garson appears a little intimidated by the overt
          flirtation.
          
                              GARSON
                    Look, the fact that the marriage
                    was unhappy and there was no pre-
                    nup gives all the motive to Martin.
          
                              MINI
                    So you want me to say it was his
                    idea?
          
                              GARSON
                    If it was his idea, give me one
                    reason you should take the fall?
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    At that moment I knew we had him.
                    If he was trying to get me to rat
                    on Martin, he didn't have enough to
                    charge either one of us.
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 105.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI
                       So if I tell the jury it was his
                       idea and I was scared for my life,
                       because he said he'd kill me if I
                       ever told anyone, then I walk?
          
          Garson instinctively leans forward in his chair, just a bit.
          Mini stares into Garson's eyes, unflinching. She looks around
          the room, weighing her options. Pelham attempts to whisper
          something in her ear. She waves him off.
                               M
                                  INI
                       Sorry, sport, but I'll take my
                       chances.
          
          INT. MARTIN'S CAR - LATER.
          
          Mini and Martin drive home together. There is an icy chill
          between them, as Martin looks over at Mini.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       I never doubted for a minute you
                       were going to hold firm. Not a
                       second. I hope you know that?
          
                                 MINI
                       Oh, I knew...I knew.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Good. You realize, we've got to
                       rely on each other?
          
                                 MINI
                       Who else do we have?
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Exactly. We're almost home free. My
                       lawyer says that gas gauge theory
                       is circumstantial as hell. I've
                       only got one concern now.
          
                                 MINI
                       What?
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Rudell. If a jury knew we were a
                       couple, we've both got a motive and
                       that changes everything.
          
          Mini puts her hand on Martin's, reassuringly.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 106.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MINI
                       Baby, don't worry about him, he's
                       just jealous 'cause you've still
                       got rockin' abs and a better
                       hairline.
          
          Martin looks over at her, softening.
          
                                 MINI
                       Even if he did send that picture,
                       what does it prove?...Nothing.
          
          INT. THE SHERMAN OAKS GALLERIA - DAY
          
          Mini walks through the mall.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       For all of Martin's talk of relying
                       on each other...
          
          MARTIN follows about a hundred yards behind.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Garson had succeeded in planting
                       the seeds of distrust.
          
          MINI turns around and Martin ducks into a boutique.
          
          EXT. A MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT
          
          Mini walks out of a movie theater, with Kayla and TWO BOYS.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Our relationship had turned into
                       what some might call...
          
          A few seconds later, Martin walks out of the theater, wearing
          dark glasses and a hat. He follows them.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       ...unhealthy.
          
          INT. THEIR LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
          
          Mini sits in front of the TV, watching a commercial. She is
          wearing the same "Fuct" T-shirt she wore when we first met
          her. Her eyes are filled with anticipation.
                               M
                                  MINI (V.O.)
                       Something had to give, and
                       ironically enough, it was the night
                       I was making my television debut.
                                 (MORE)
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    107.
          CONTINUED:             MINI(CONT'D)
                       I had asked Martin to be home by
                       eight for a big surprise.
          
          Martin walks in the front door with his briefcase.
          
                                 MINI
                       Oh, hey, come and watch. You're
                       missing me, I'm on TV!
          
                                    MARTIN
                       What? Why?
          
                                 MINI
                       Hurry up, the commercial's almost
                       over!
          
          Martin walks over.
          
          CLOSE ON: THE TV.
          
          Absolutely Positive! Comes back on and we see that MINI and A
          MALE CONTESTANT are sitting on either side of this show's
          BLONDE HAIRED ENGAGED COUPLE.
          
          Mini and her male counterpart are just a bit better looking
          than the engaged couple, both of whom have a midwestern
          wholesomeness.
          
          MARTIN'S FACE turns white.
          
          THE HOST turns to the camera.
          
                                 HOST
                       Welcome back to Absolutely
                       Positive. Now it's time to hear how
                       the date between Jason and Mini
                       ended.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       You? You went on-
          
                                 MINI
                       Yeah, I thought it'd be a gas...now
                       shhh...
          
                                                     CLOSE ON THE
                                                     SCREEN:
          
                                 HOST
                       Jason, you said that the reason you
                       wanted to come on the show was to
                       test your ability to resist
                       temptation.
          
          
                                                               (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    108.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 JASON
                           (a bit nervous)
                       Well, since Becky and I have dated
                       since high school and decided to
                       remain virgins until marriage, I
                       just wanted to go on a date with
                       another girl just to see how I
                       would react. You know, whether
                       there'd be any feelings of doubt
                       about my decision?
          
                                 HOST
                       So, after dinner, what happened?
          
                                 JASON
                       Oh, gosh, well she suggested we go
                       to a dance club she knew. I'm not
                       really a good dancer, but I said
                       "yes."
          
                                  BECKY
                           (hurt)
                       We never go dancing.
          
          Jason smiles at her uncomfortably.
          
                                 HOST
                       So, Mini, is Jason a good dancer?
                                 M
                                  INI
                       Well, he's a damn quick learner,
                       and not just at dancing.
          
          MARTIN shoots a look at Mini
          
                                 MINI
                       Martin, for god's sake, that was
                       their line. You think I talk like
                       that?
          
                                                     CLOSE ON THE
                                                     SCREEN:
          
                                 HOST
                       Oh, really? So there was some other
                       teacher-student stuff going on?
          
                                 JASON
                           (uncomfortable)
                       Uh, no, not really-
          
          
          
          
                                                              (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 109.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                              MINI
                    Oh, come on, what about when we
                    went back to your place?
          
                                 BECKY
                    You what?!
          
                              JASON
                    I, I don't know what she's talking
                    about.
          
                              MINI
                    Come on, don't be bashful. He put
                    on some soft music and-
          
                              JASON
                    No! This isn't true, why are you-
          
                              MINI
                    We started kissing and-
          
                                 BECKY
                    Jason!
          
                              JASON
                        (to Mini)
                    Shut up!
          
                                 STUDIO AUDIENCE
                    OOOOHHHHH!
          
                              MINI
                    But, Jay-Jay, it was really
                    special.
                        (to the host)
                    He loves to be called "Jay-Jay".
          
                              BECKY
                    You, you...
          
                              MINI
                    Let me tell you, Becky, you're in
                    for a wild ride from this Bronco.
          
                              STUDIO AUDIENCE
                    WHOOOOOOAAAA!
          
                                                   CUT TO:
          
          MARTIN staring at Mini.
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  110.
          CONTINUED: (3)
          
                              MARTIN
                    Did, did you...
          
                              BECKY (O.S.)
                    You slept with her?!
          
                              MINI
                    God, Martin, it was a one time
                    thing. He was a virgin, how could
                    I say "no"? Believe me, she'll
                    thank me after their wedding night.
          
                              MARTIN
                    You had me come home early to-
          
                              MINI
                    Don't be jealous. It won't happen
                    again. It was just a goof.
          
          Martin stands there, speechless, while ON THE SCREEN:
          
          BECKY dissolves into a puddle of tears as Jason tries to
          console her. Suddenly, she runs off stage.
          
          MARTIN picks up the remote and hits "mute".
          
                              MARTIN
                    Rudell? He let you go on?
          
                              MINI
                    Yeah, I thought it would be fun. I
                    wasn't really supposed to, you
                    know, "go all the way" but-
          
                              MARTIN
                    I can't believe you...th-that
                    couple, you ruined their
                    relationship.
                              M
                               INI
                    Excuse me, but the show is called
                    Absolutely Positive for a reason.
                    Clearly, the only thing Jason was
                    positive about was-
          
                               MARTIN
                    You're a sick little twist, you
                    know that?
          
                              MINI
                    Well, what does that make you?
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                    111.
          CONTINUED: (4)
          
                              MARTIN
                        (heading outside)
                    I need some air.
          
                              MINI
                    Oh, by the way, some intern from
                    your office stopped by earlier
                    today with something. It's on the
                    desk.
          
          Martin walks over to the desk and picks up an envelope marked
          "MARTIN TANNEN". He opens it to find...
          
          AN 8x11 PHOTO of him and Mini kissing passionately on the
          beach in Mexico. This time there is no question as to the
          nature of their relationship. Scrawled across the bottom in
          black marker is: "REMEMBER, I'M JUST ACROSS THE FENCE".
          
          Martin's eyes scan the photo, a look of resignation setting
          in.
          
                              MINI
                    What is it?
          
          Martin slowly holds it up for her to see.
          
                              MINI
                    Oh, my god.
          
                              MARTIN
                        (very evenly)
                    I think it's time I had a little
                    chat with our neighbor
          
                              MINI
                    No, this is exactly what he wants!
                    What if he's working with Garson?
          
                              MARTIN
                    Then he can't blackmail me. Wait
                    here, I'll be right back.
          
          Martin heads for the back door.
          
                              MINI
                    No, please, don't do this! Let me
                    go with you!
          
                              MARTIN
                    I said wait here.
          
          Mini jumps up and runs over to him, grabbing his wrist.
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 112.
          CONTINUED: (5)
          
                                 MINI
                       Don't do this, we can leave
                       tonight! We'll drive to Mexico!
          
          Martin looks up at her.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       He'll never leave us alone, you
                       realize that?
          
                                 MINI
                       No! Let me talk to him, he promised
                       me he wouldn't hurt us!
          
                                 MARTIN
                       He did? When?
          
                                 MINI
                       A few days ago!
          
                                 MARTIN
                       You saw him?
          
                                 MINI
                       I went to try and find out what he
                       knew! I spent the afternoon with
                       him-      M
                                     ARTIN
                       You...spen-
          
                                 MINI
                       I was doing it for us! I figured he
                       wouldn't turn us in if I...
          
                                    MARTIN
                       If you...?
          
                                 MINI
                       If I made him think I was...
                       interested.
          
          A wave of nausea washes over Martin's face.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       And was he?
          
          Mini nods.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Please tell me you didn't.
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   113.
          CONTINUED: (6)
          
          Mini hesitates.
          
                              MINI
                    No...
          
          Martin looks unconvinced.
          
                              MINI
                    I just made him think I would, so
                    he wouldn't turn us in.
          
          When Animals Attack comes on the TV in the background.
          
                               MARTIN
                        (sarcastically)
                    Thank you, I appreciate your
                    restraint.
          
                              MINI
                    Fuck you. I'd think you'd be a
                    little more appreciative.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Who were you doing it for when you
                    did it with that kid? Huh? Who was
                    that selfless act for!?
          
                              MINI
                    Oh, like you're such a martyr for
                    being faithful? It shows amazing
                    restraint to limit yourself to just
                    one stepdaughter!
          
                              MARTIN
                    Don't lecture me about fidelity!
                    Your mother was cheating within six
                    months of the "I do's"!
          
          He heads for the door again.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Now, if you'll excuse me...
          
          Mini grabs him again, desperate.
          
                              MINI
                    Please-- Look, I'm sorry, I really
                    am, but this isn't the answer!
          
          Martin grabs her wrist, forcefully.
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 114.
          CONTINUED: (7)
          
                              MINI
                    You're hurting me!
          
                              MARTIN
                        (through his teeth)
                    Calm down or I'll snap it in two,
                    do you hear me?
          
          Mini nods her head.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Now, I want you to wait here for
                    me. Do you understand?
          
          Mini nods again.
          
                              MINI
                        (softly)
                    Please don't do this.
          
          He lets go and calmly walks towards the sliding doors to the
          back yard. Mini watches him go.
          
          EXT. RUDELL'S FRONT DOOR- MOMENTS LATER.
          
          Martin stands outside and rings the bell. The door opens and
          Rudell stands there in a smoking jacket and pajamas. He looks
          Martin up and down with a self-satisfied smile, as Sinatra's
                               R
          "Nice and Easy" is playing on his stereo in the background.
          
                               UDELL
                    Martin, what a surprise, how are
                    you?
          
                              MARTIN
                    Just watched Mini on your show.
          
                              RUDELL
                    Ahh...was tonight the night? We
                    taped that two weeks ago. Let me
                    tell you, I have girls audition all
                    the time for me and...
                        (enjoying this)
                    She was fucking incredible.
          
          Rudell watches Martin's eyes for a reaction.
          
                              MARTIN
                    A natural, huh?
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 115.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 RUDELL
                       Like a duck to water...and totally
                       willing to take direction.
          
          Martin's jaw tightens, as Rudell is loving twisting the knife
          in him.
          
                                 RUDELL
                       I wish all the girls I worked with
                       had her...how can I put this?...
                       Need to please.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       You son of a bitch...
          
          Martin explodes, punching Rudell in the mouth, sending him
          staggering backwards inside.
          
                                 SINATRA (V.O.)
                       "Let's take it nice and easy..."
          
          INT. THE TANNEN'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mini stands at the window, nervously waiting on the phone.
          She looks out THE WINDOW at the fight beginning in Rudell's
          house.
          
                                 MINI
                           (frantic)
                       Yes, hello, you've got to send a
                       police car to 2376 Mira Loma Lane
                       right away! My father's gone crazy,
                       I think he's going to hurt our
                       neighbor...yes 2376 Mira Loma, oh
                       god, hurry!
          
          INT. RUDELL'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Rudell struggles to his feet and charges Martin, shoving him
          against his wet bar. Rudell grabs a glass and smashes it
          over Martin's face, grinding the glass into his face.
          
                                 SINATRA (V.O.)
                       "Hey, baby, what's your hurry?
                       Relax, don't you worry..."
          
          Martin screams in agony and throws Rudell off him. Rudell
          crashes into a glass coffee table, smashing it to pieces.
          
          Martin tries to pick the glass out of his eyes, as Rudell
          gets to his feet and grabs one of metal legs of the shattered
          coffee table.
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 116.
          CONTINUED:
          
          He rushes Martin, clubbing him in the head with it. Martin
          crumples to the floor and Rudell starts kicking him. Martin
          grabs Rudell by the ankles and flips him.
          
          The two men grapple on the floor.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Where are they?! Huh?
          
                                 RUDELL
                       What are you talk-
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Don't fuck with me! The negatives!
          
                                 RUDELL
                       What?!
          
          EXT. RUDELL'S PATIO AND POOL - CONTINUOUS
          
          Rudell and Martin crash through the plate glass window on to
          the brick patio. Martin gets to his feet first and grabs a
          golf club propped up on a chair next to the putting green.
          
                                 SINATRA (V.O.)
                       "The problem now of course is, to
                       simply hold your horses..."
          
          Rudell struggles to his feet, just in time to see the
          pitching wedge heading straight for his ribs. THWACK! Martin
          catches him square and he goes down like a sack of potatoes.
          Martin starts hitting him with one swing after another.
          
                                 SINATRA (V.O.)
                       "To rush would be a crime..."
          
          Rudell cries out in agony, as the blows smash one rib after
          another.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       You son of a bitch! How's that
                       feel?! You like that?! You thought
                       you could have my wife and my
                       daughter too?!
          
                                 SINATRA (V.O.)
                       "`Cause nice and easy does it, nice
                       and easy does it..."
          
          Martin bends down and grabs Rudell's hair, twisting his head
          around so he can look him in the eye. In the distance a SIREN
          is heard getting closer.
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 117.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Sorry, pal, she's mine! Diane may
                       have taken pity on you between
                       vodkas, but not her! Not her!
          
          Martin smashes his face into the patio. Rudell lets out a
          moan, grasping at the ground, trying to get up, but his legs
          don't obey him. Martin stands up and grabs the club, raising
          it with both hands above his head for a final swing.
                               M
                                  ARTIN
                       Now tell me where they are or I
                       swear to god, I'll crack your head
                       open!
          
                                 MINI (O.S.)
                       Martin, don't!
          
          He turns around to see Mini, tears coming down her cheeks,
          standing ten feet away. The SIRENS suddenly stop.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Go look for the negatives!
          
                                 MINI
                       No! This is insane!
          
                                 MARTIN
                       We need the negatives!
          
          He raises the club again. Mini runs for him, grabbing his arm
          before it comes down.
          
                                 MINI
                       You're gonna kill him!
          
          He tries to pull the club away.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       What are you doing! He'll tell
                       everyone!
          
                                 MALE VOICE (O.S.)
                       Freeze, police!
          
          Martin turns around to see TWO UNIFORMED OFFICERS with their
          guns drawn. Martin looks down at Rudell, gasping for air, his
          face covered in blood. He looks at his own blood-soaked
          clothes, the reality hitting him.
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                     118.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
                              OFFICER
                    Drop the club and put your hands
                    up!
          
          Martin obeys and Mini runs into the arms of the second
          officer. The first one moves quickly to Martin and shoves him
          on the ground.
          
                              MINI
                    Thank God! Thank God, you came!
          
                              MARTIN
                    Mini, you called them?! How could
                    you call them?!
          
          Mini buries her face in the officer's chest.
          
                              MINI
                    He's...he's crazy, I told him not
                    to! I told him to stop!
          
                              SINATRA (V.O.)
                    "Nice and easy does it...every
                    time."
          
                                                     FADE OUT:
          
          EXT. THE FRONT OF A POLICE STATION - DAY
          
          Mini emerges from the station with her lawyer as a throng of
          REPORTERS jostle for a photo.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    Needless to say, my appearance on
                    Absolutely Positive was the most
                    sought after clip in every newsroom
                    in town.
          
          TV VIDEO FOOTAGE OF: Mini at Martin's trial sitting in the
          front row.
          
                               MINI (V.O.)
                    The trial was quick. Once Mom's
                    affair with Rudell came out, the
                    D.A. realized he had a motive and a
                    slam dunk.
          T
           HE FOREWOMAN, an elderly hispanic woman, casts a harsh eye
          towards Martin and then reads the verdict.
          
                              FOREWOMAN
                    Guilty.
          
          
                                                                 (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   119.
          CONTINUED:
          
          Martin stares straight ahead, showing no emotion as Mini sobs
          behind him.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Since, Rudell was in a coma, the
                       issue of my relationship with
                       Martin was moot. Martin realized
                       trying to pin anything on me would
                       probably get him the chair.
          
          EXT. THE COURTHOUSE - DAY
          
          Martin, wearing an ORANGE PRISON UNIFORM, is led into a van
          by a DEPUTY.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       At his sentencing I begged for
                       leniency. He got off with ten for
                       the attempted murder of Rudell and
                       twenty to life for mom's death.
          
          EXT. THE TANNEN'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mini opens the door to find reporters camped on the lawn,
          snapping photos. Dozens of bouquets and wreaths are piled up
          next to the front door.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       The outpouring of support was
                       amazing.
          
          A MAILMAN hauls a bag of sympathy cards to the front door.
          She leads him inside where he dumps them next to three other
          bags full.
          
          EXT. A DUSTY TWO LANE ROAD IN THE CENTRAL VALLEY - DAY
          
          The sun is blistering hot as Mini drives Martin's Mercedes
          convertible with the top down.
          
                                 MINI (V.O.)
                       Martin's assets were put in a trust
                       for me and since I was eighteen, I
                       was allowed to live by myself.
          
          She turns down another road at a sign reading "LOMPOC STATE
          PRISON, 5 MILES".
          
                                                                 120.
          
          
          
          INT. A VISITING ROOM AT LOMPOC - DAY
          
          Mini and Martin sit facing each other behind a plexiglas
          barrier. There are dividers between each phone to provide the
          prisoners with a little privacy.
          
                              MINI
                    I'm sorry I forgot to bring that
                    book you wanted.
          
                               MARTIN
                    It's okay, Myou can mail it.
          
                               INI
                    Are you okay? You look like you
                    haven't showered in days.
          
                              MARTIN
                        (disturbed)
                    Well...uh...you have to be careful
                    about sh-...So how's school?
          
                              MINI
                        (excited)
                    You'll never guess what happened.
          
                              MARTIN
                    What?
          
                              MINI
                    I was voted valedictorian!
          
                              MARTIN
                    But don't you have to be-
          
                              MINI
                    The best student? I know! But the
                    students took a vote and they said
                    they wanted me to have it for
                    demonstrating remarkable courage in
                    the face of unspeakable loss.
          
                              MARTIN
                        (smiling sadly)
                    I wonder how the real valedictorian
                    feels?
          
                              MINI
                    Like slitting his wrists with the
                    sharp end of a protractor.
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 121.
          CONTINUED:
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Is Rudell out of his coma yet?
          
                                 MINI
                       I don't know, why?
          
                                  MARTIN
                       Why?
                           (taken aback)
                       Mini, if he recovers, he may try to
                       blackmail you with those pictures.
          
                                 MINI
                           (nonchalant)
                       Oh...I wouldn't worry about that.
          
                                  MARTIN
                       But if the D.A. got those pictures,
                       you could-
          
                                 MINI
                       I'm pretty sure he won't be doing
                       anything with them.
          
          He looks suddenly very worried.
          
                                 MARTIN
                       Mini, you're not thinking of
                       sleeping with him to keep him
                       quiet? Because I've met people in
                       here who could help us with him, if
                       it comes to that.
          
                                  MINI
                       Help us?
          
                                 MARTIN
                       They know people on the outside we
                       could...pay to make sure he doesn't
                       try to take advantage of you.
          
                                 MINI
                       Oh, gosh, that's so romantic. It's
                       like you're a real life criminal
                       with connections and everything,
                       but I'm a little surprised you
                       haven't figured it out yet.
          
                                  MARTIN
                       What?
          
          
          
          
                                                             (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                   122.
          CONTINUED: (2)
          
          Mini's eyes glint ever so slightly, as she examines Martin's
          face, almost as if he's an animal at the zoo.
          
                              MINI
                    Oh...wow, like I thought you were
                    just playing along `cause I'm your
                    only link to the outside world, but
                    you really don't know?
          
          Martin furrows his brow, confused.
                               M
                               INI
                    Rudell didn't send those pictures.
          
          He suddenly becomes very still, as Mini's lips curl in a thin
          smile.
          
                              MINI
                    You remember, Aurelio?
          
          Martin looks at her blankly.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Our cabana boy from Mexico?
          
          Suddenly, it hits him.   He looks almost nauseous.
          
                              MINI
                    What a sweetie, I thought I might
                    have to fuck him, but just giving
                    him the camera was enough.
          
          His knuckles tighten around the phone.
          
                              MARTIN
                    You...you...
          
                              MINI
                    It was pretty clear Garson wasn't
                    gonna give up, and sooner or later
                    he'd find enough to charge us. It
                    just seemed ridiculous that we'd
                    both end up suffering.
          
          Martins jaw tightens as his pupils go black.
          
                              MINI
                    Oh, come on, you would've done it
                    if you thought of it first...you
                    know I'm right.
          
          The veins start to bulge in his arm holding the phone.
          
          
                                                               (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                  123.
          CONTINUED: (3)
          
                               MINI
                        (suddenly switching gears)
                    Hey, listen, since conjugal visits
                    are pretty much out of the
                    question, I thought it would be
                    cool if we tried a little prison
                    phone sex.
          
          Martin stares at her, taking deep steady breaths.
          
                              MINI
                    They don't tap these lines, do
                    they?
                        (looking around)
                    I think I might even be able to
                    open my blouse without anyone
                    seeing...you ready?
          
                              MARTIN
                    Guard!
          
                              MINI
                    No? Are you sure? I won't be able
                    to come back for a few weeks.
                        (mock jealous)
                    Wait, have you met someone in
                    here?!
          
                              MARTIN
                    Guard!
          
                              MINI
                    Why, you old dog! I knew you
                    wouldn't be single in here for
                    long.
          
          A PRISON GUARD appears behind Martin's stall.
          
                              MARTIN
                    Guard! She did it! She just
                    admitted it! It was her idea!
          
                              MINI
                    I guess this means I could start
                    dating around too?
          
                              MARTIN
                    Don't let her leave! She's guilty!
                    Get the warden!
                              G
                               UARD
                    Okay, that's enough!
          
          
                                                              (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 124.
          CONTINUED: (4)
          
          The guard moves to take the phone from him. Martin clutches
          it to his head.
          
                              MARTIN
                    You bitch! You little whore!
          
                              MINI
                        (starting to cry)
                    Daddy, why are you saying those
                    things!
          
          The guard struggles to rip the phone away, but Martin holds
          on for dear life.
          
                              MARTIN
                    I'm gonna kill you! Do you hear me,
                    you little bitch!
          
                              MINI
                        (sobbing)
                    Daddy, stop! I love you! Don't say
                    that! I love you!
          
          Finally, the guard smashes Martin with a billy club, sending
          him sprawling on the floor. Martin screams behind the glass,
          but cannot be heard, as the guard hog ties him and drags him
          away by his feet.
          
          EXT. A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION CEREMONY - DAY
          
          SENIORS in gowns sit awaiting their diplomas, as PARENTS sit
          in the audience, fanning themselves with programs. Mini
          stands at the dais, addressing the class.
          
                              MINI (V.O.)
                    ...As many of you know, the past
                    few months of my life have been
                    very difficult. I don't know how I
                    would have gotten through it
                    without all of you. I really think
                    it is a testament to the love in
                    this institution, that I stand
                    before you today, as the first
                    straight "C" student in school
                    history voted Valedictorian.
          
          A FEW CHEERS go up from the rowdier students.
          
                              MINI (CONT'D)
                              (MORE)
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 125.
          CONTINUED:
                       Again, to Marvin Tepperman, the
                       real valedictorian, he deserved
                       this and I want to wish him a
                       speedy recovery. I spoke to his
                       doctors today and they say, with
                       medication and therapy, Marvin
                       should be able to attend Harvard
                       this fall.
          
          A polite smattering of applause is heard.
          
                                  MINI
                       While I may not have excelled in
                       the classroom, I think my recent
                       experiences in that bigger
                       schoolhouse we call "life", have
                       taught me a few lessons that I'd
                       like to share with my fellow
                       graduates.
          
          Her classmates instinctively lean forward a little to listen.
          
                                 MINI
                       Follow your heart and don't
                       question it, now matter where it
                       tells you to go. Trust me, it'll
                       open up a world of new experiences
                       you can't even imagine.
          
          Principal Andrews nods in approval.
          
                                 MINI
                       But as you listen to it, don't
                       forget your family, your parents.
                       Don't forget they're people too,
                       and while we may not always agree
                       with them, remember to love them
                       when they need love.
          
          A few PARENTS look almost surprised to hear positive things
          said about them.
          
                                 MINI
                           (voice breaking)
                       And I mean really love them, don't
                       just pay them lip service. Really
                       do it...Whenever you can.
                           (holding back tears)
                                 (MORE)
          
          
          
          
                                                            (CONTINUED)
          
                                                                 126.
          CONTINUED: (2)      MINI(CONT'D)
                    I know I did, and I just wish my
                    dad could be here today, so after
                    this speech I could just walk down
                    into the audience and give him my
                    love right here...in front of all
                    of you. Thank you and good luck.
          
          Mini puts her speech down, gently sobbing, as THE AUDIENCE
          ERUPTS. PRINCIPAL ANDREWS moves quickly to console her.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    Like I promised, no prom night
                    highjinks, no nerds becoming
                    popular, no Shakespeare shoved up
                    your ass.
          
          MINI'S FELLOW GRADUATES give her a standing ovation. A few
          PARENTS become misty-eyed.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    And in case you're feeling guilty
                    about having no one to identify
                    with but me, relax...
          
          MINI looks out across the crowd and a huge smile ripples
          across her face, as she waves to everyone in the golden
          sunlight.
          
                              MINI (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                    ...There's a first time for
                    everything.
          
                                                     FADE OUT:
          
          THE END