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Petulia Movie Script

Writer(s) : Larry Marcus

Genres : Drama

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                                PETULIA


                               Written by

                              Larry Marcus





 
                                                   March 30, 1967

          



          1 ALLEY LOADING PLATFORM AND CORRIDOR OF FAIRMONT HOTEL

          NIGHT
          The story begins in this grubby alley, where two extra
          large ambulances screech to a stop beside a loading
          platform. Onlookers gather in the alley entrance to
          see how many people died; nobody died, the backdoors
          of the ambulances are opened by attendants, and six
          perfectly fine victims of perfectly terrible automobile
          accidents are lifted into wheelchairs.
          The cripples are beautifully dressed, the men in tuxedos,
          the women in splendid evening dresses. One of the women
          wears a neck brace which forces her always to look
          skyward, so she cantt see the beautiful orchid corsage
          pinned to her bosom.
          Quickly, attendants roll the wheelchairs past all the
          stacks of fruit and vegetables on the loading platform,
          past great bales of laundry, past whatever horrors one
          finds behind the warm, smiling face of a hotel. Watch-
          men, pastry cooks, valets are watching the rush of the
          wheelchairs without much interest.
          Then doors swing open, and we are in the tram It of the
          grand ballroom.

          2 INTO GRAND BALLROOM
          It is a charity ball. The sign says "Shake for Highway
          Safety."' The wheelchairs and their occupants no longer
          interest us. They are the guests of honor, and people
          gather about them to arrange them appealingly, and we
          rush past the go-go band, the shakers, and the door
          prize, which is a little convertible, spinning endlessly
          on a pedestal.
          CAMERA reaches PETULIA, who is dancing with her husband,
          DAVID, but trying not to lose sight of ARCHIE. ARCHIE
          really wants to leave, but he is too polite to make it
          too obvious. As he bends over to put his punch cup on
          a table, he is bumped by the wheelchair of one of the
          guests of honor. He is not at all comfortable.

          0

          

          

          

          

          2 CONTINUED

          E
          It's not easy for Petulia to keep an eye on Archie;
          gasping faces get in the ways hunks of twisting bodies
          get in the way, and the dance won't end. The music
          stops for a second, everyone sags and thinks, "Thank
          God it's over," but instantly the music begins again
          and everyone good naturedly swears, "Those crazy kids
          are trying to kill us," and meanwhile Petulia sees
          that Archie has reached the place where you get your
          coat.

          MED. ARCHIE
          He is searching through his pockets for the ticket
          that will let him reclaim his coat. All the coats
          are in an incredible piles and in the semi-hysterical
          care of a debutante attendant.

          PETULIA' S VOICE
          You can't leave
          He turns and sees Petulia.

          PETULIA
          You're an official host.
          She nods to the ribbon and cardboard which along with
          'Official Host' says Dr. A. Bollen. Archie takes the
          ribbon off, as though to pin it on Petulia.

          PETULIA
          Careful. Can you tell I'm not wearing
          a brassiere?

          ARCHIE
          No.

          PETULIA
          Don't think about it. It will only
          excite you.
          Archie finally finds the ticket for his coat, which the
          attendant now tries to find. On through this Petulia
          continues.

          L`

          

          

          

          

          3

          2 CONTINUED

          PETULIA
          That's my husband over there,

          ARCHIE
          Ahh ...

          PETULIA
          I've been married six months and I've
          never had an affair,

          ARCHIE
          It can happen

          PETULIA
          Don't take it so bloody well. I've just
          turned you down. He's looking at us.
          My husband,

          MED. DAVID WITH HIS MOTHER AND FATHER
          somewhere near the free whiskey table asking for Pernod,
          which, of course, they don't have.
          The father is watching the charity affair with utter
          disapproval. He tips a waiter by shoving a half-dozen
          raffle tickets into the waiter's jacket pocket,

          MR, DANNER
          I hope you win the car, sir,
          Mrs. Danner is charmed by her husband's generosity.
          She simply adores the man. David is busy not watching
          Archie and Petulia,

          PETULIA'S VOICE
          Isn't he gorgeous? He's a naval architect.
          It really zings when you say it. "My
          husband David is a naval architect."
          Actually, we're starving. You wouldn't
          want to buy a sixty foot sloop? David's
          "Momma"` and "Poppa' keep us. Look how
          disgusted Poppa is. He hates this sort
          of thing.

          0

          

          

          

          

          L

          2 CONTINUED

          ARCHIEIS VOICE
          Poppa is too sensitive.

          PETULIA'S VOICE
          Sensitive, my ass. He's bored. Highway
          safety's so blah. Also, he hates amateurs.
          Give him something he can sink his teeth
          into - "Rheumatoid Arthritis" ® "Muscular
          Dystrophy"' -m and he's the best there is.
          A real pro. A little lame girl with a
          ribbon in her hair and a crutch under her
          arm, and Poppa can set the world on fire.
          He's really slumming tonight.

          BARNEY'S VOICE
          Hello, Archie.

          MED. PETULIA AND ARCHIE
          have been joined by BARNEY and WILMA, Archie's best
          friends. Barney and Wilma are taking off their coats.
          Barney is already beginning to move to the music.
          0 Wilma is doing absolutely nothing but looking at
          Petulia.

          WILMA
          Everybody came late.

          ARCHIE
          I came early. G'bye Wilma. G'bye
          Barney.

          DEBUTANTE ATTENDANT
          Could you describe the coat?

          ARCHIE
          A. coat. A raincoat. Sleeves.
          Barney has begun to snap his fingers and move his shoulders,
          becoming part of "The Scene", about which Wilma couldn't
          care less.

          WILMA
          You can't go, Archie. I'd be very

          DISAPPOINTED

          0

          

          

          

          

          2 CONTINUED

          E
          Archie accepts this silently,

          WI LMA
          Alright, then. I won't tell you who
          I bumped into last week

          ARCHIE
          buying a well larded rib roast.

          WILMA
          Smarty. Have you seen what she's done
          to her hair?

          ARCHIE
          Wild, huh?

          WILMA
          I said, "Polo, for heaven's sake, you
          look like a teenager."
          Archie doesn't seem too interested and, besides, all
          this is said while Wilma continues to look at Petulia.

          €�

          WILMA
          Your Mike's getting so fat. Is that
          much weight good for a boy his age?

          ARCHIE

          (SHRUGGING)
          If it's alright for a rib roast

          WILMA
          Smarty.
          Barney suddenly forgets the music to rescue his Vicuna
          coat which the debutante is smothering under other
          coats as she finally finds Archie's.

          W ILMA
          (to Petulia)
          I don't believe we've met.

          PETULIA
          Screw you, Wilma.

          ARCHIE
          Now you've met.

          

          

          

          

          B

          2 CONTINUED
          Wilma moves off with Barney. Archie can't spend one
          more second with his coat. He simply puts it on, and
          turns to leave, walking toward the door.

          PETULIA
          My name is Petulia,

          ARCHIE
          Itm not surprised,

          PETULIA
          Polo's your wife,

          ARCHIE
          Ex-wife, G' night.
          Petulia turns to face her husband David, who has taken a few
          steps toward her. She whirls around to face the departing
          Archie.

          PETULIA
          Archie!
          He turns, almost at the door.

          PETULIA
          Say something warm.

          0

          ARCHIE
          Like what?

          PETULIA
          I mean it
          There is something goofily desperate in her voice that
          stops him. He looks at her for awhile.

          ARCHIE
          Your hair, It gleams.

          PETULIA

          (DISAPPOINTED)
          Oh, Archie...

          ARCHIE
          Left arm or right? How do you brush it?

          PETULIA
          Left.

          ARCHIE
          An hour a day.

          0 PETULIA
          At least.

          

          

          

          

          0

          2 CONTINUED

          ARCHIE
          You' 11 have a problem. The bursa sheath.
          Very sensitive, Bursitis. It'll hurt.

          PETULIA
          I'll come to you.

          ARCHIE
          I wouldn't be able to help much. Just aspirin.

          PETULIA
          And sympathy?

          ARCHIE
          Sure.

          _. PETULIA
          Thank you, Archie. Damn it, how can I have an
          affair with an unmarried man. There has to be
          some equality of guilt.

          ARCHIE
          My divorce doesn't become final till next

          €�
          month.

          PETULIA
          I'll get my purse.
          But in turning to do so she sees David, then the
          spinning car, the door prize.

          PETULIA

          ARCHIE
          What?

          PETULIA
          I've been told that I'll be the one to draw
          the winning ticket. I'm always picked for
          things like that. I radiate incorruptibility.
          Money can't buy me.
          She shakes her head, thoughtfully. During all this the door-
          man has been busily opening and closing the door for them as
          they keep changing their mind.

          PETULIA
          It feels so super. Suddenly, all that love.

          

          

          

          

          8

          3 EXT. BUS TERMINAL

          All we see is the wheel of a car resting on the back
          of a small boy, pinning him to the ground and people
          shocked, not knowing what to do.

          ARCHIE'S VOICE
          Well, stay then.

          L PETULIA'S IMAGE ENDS AND WE ARE BACK IN THE GRAND BALLROOM

          PETULIA
          Archie, why do you play this dumb game?
          This crappy pretense at resisting the
          beautiful lady? You're bloody lucky I'm
          even talking to you. How many kids do
          you have besides fat Mike?

          ARCHIE
          Six.

          PETULIA
          G'night.

          ARCHIE
          Actually, only one besides Mike.

          PETULIA
          Meet you outside.

          5 EXT. DREAM MOTEL NIGHT

          A motel sign: "Dream Motel."' A concrete oval, spiral-
          ling up four floors. You drive to your room and everything
          is geared to get you to bed electronically. But you must
          have a car, and Petulia and Archie have come by cab.
          Archie is paying the cabbie.

          PETULIA
          (to cabbie)
          You mustn't take it personal.
          (she indicates the "No Cabs" sign)
          Lucky we don't have luggage.

          ARCHIE
          Does this trouble you?

          PETULIA
          A little.

          ARCHIE
          I suggested my place.

          PETULIA

          0
          I'd always imagined a tourist cabin, with
          paper thin walls, the sounds of a man from
          Tennessee in the cabin next door, sobbing
          endlessly, "M4ude, Maude, Maude 8 8"'

          

          

          

          

          91

          CONTINUED
          Archie sees a car moving through the processes of
          E registration. Grabbing Petulia's hand, he starts to
          what is presumably the entrance -- at least it is the
          bottom of the ramp. They arrive at the booth and
          Archie steps on the. place marked 'Stand Here.' A
          T.V. screen lights up.

          MAN ON TV
          Evenin'. Where's your auto?
          Archie nods for Petulia to see the T.V. camera which
          is scanning them.

          PETU LIA
          Lost in a hailstorm this side of Pocatello,
          Idaho. Those hailstones really came down,
          didn't they, Zeke?

          MAN ON TV
          No auto?

          ARCHIE
          No auto.

          MAN ON TV
          It's a problem.

          0

          ARCHIE
          Only if we make it one.

          PETULIA
          Do you have any slides or swings for children?

          MAN ON TV
          No, ma'am. You got kids?

          PETULIA
          No, no. I was told to be suspicious of
          motels which cater to the family trade.

          MAN ON TV
          This isn't that sort of place. No auto.

          WELL
          There is a small sound and a gadget reaches out which
          normally would fasten to the side of the car. On it is
          an electronic register, an electronic pen and a key with
          a great metal tag (as an example of how this might be
          designed, I recommend visiting a drive-in bank in Los
          Angeles). As Archie registers, and puts the ten dollar
          bill where it belongs, Petulia looks at the T.V. set.

          E

          

          

          

          

          10

          S
          s Continued

          PETULIA
          You've got a very nice T,V, face.

          MAN ON TV
          Thank you, ma' amp,

          PETULIA
          You have to use pancake make-up, things
          like that?

          MAN ON TV
          (a slight giggle)
          No, just be natural.
          Archie has finished registering and takes the keys.

          MAN ON TV
          We've got an elevator but its just for going
          out for the paper and the like. I mean when
          you don't want to take the car. You'll have
          to use the ramp because of the key. It lets
          you know when you get to your room.

          INT. RAMP

          Archie and Petulia start up ramp.
          It's a long dark run and they are soon winded,

          ARCHIE

          (GASPING)

          CHARMING

          PETULIA

          (GASPING)
          It shouldn't be charming. You're missing
          the whole point. It should be menacing .,,
          Another couple in a proper car, rushes by. There is
          a blaze of headlights, and a rush of sound.

          PETULIA
          ,..gray . terribly distraught
           headlights of passing cars lighting up our
          room .,.
          Archie tugs at her, and gasps.

          0

          

          

          

          

          11

          6 CONTINUED

          PETULIA

          (CONTINUING)
          ... a police car careening down the highway,
          sirens going full blast. And I plunge
          madly into your arms
          But she is now totally winded and cannot say another
          word. Archie reacts to a sudden phenomena: a tiny
          light on the key in his hand starts flicking on and off
          furiously. Just ahead of him is the door of their motel
          room. Archie is aghast at the pulsating key.

          ARCHIE

          (PLAINTIVELY)
          My apartment's only four blocks from

          HERE

          7 INT. DREAM MOTEL ROOM

          Stark is hardly the word but it will have to do. A
          control panel takes care of the drapes, T.V., stereo,
          announcements from the office, etc., etc., etc. There
          are mirrors everywhere and the first thing Petulia
          does is establish contact between the vanity mirror,
          the mirror on the bathroom door and the medicine cabinet
          mirror so that she is reflected endlessly.

          PETULIA
          You have 624 women in this room and
          I'm still counting.
          Archie moves behind her and begins unbuttoning the top
          buttons on the back of her dress.

          PETULIA

          (HARSHLY)
          Just wait a minute, okay?
          Archie plops on the bed in his coat, a most iropic smile
          on his face -- he is beginning to suspect he is not
          going to get laid. Petulia is examining all the Petulia
          faces in the mirrors.

          PETULIA
          My great-grandmother is ninety-one and
          still has a granite chin.
          Archie pushes a gadget beside the bed and it begins to
          vibrate. Petulia sees endless Archies vibrating on
          endless beds.

          

          

          

          

          12

          7 CONTINUED

          PETULIA
          What a lecherous lot

          ARCHIE
          She's ninety-ones eh?

          PETULIA
          But no fun.

          ARCHIE
          Not at ninety-one, hell

          PETULIA
          She stopped having fun at twenty-eight when her
          husband was killed in the first war, in a
          trench looking just like Cary Grant with a
          waxed moustache. She can't remember him but
          she does remember Cary Grant because he is
          from Bristol, too, and often in the news. If
          his picture is in the paper he gets a waxed
          moustache whether he likes it or not.
          She turns to face Archie. She is afraid and she is
          angry and she doesn-t know quite what to do from one
          moment to the next. But she knows he shouldn't be in an
          overcoat jiggling on a jiggling bed,

          €�

          PETULIA
          Stop being so damn casual.
          Archie sits up but is still casual,

          PETULIA
          We're about �td become lovers, Did you bring
          an instrument, Archie?

          ARCHIE
          Eh?

          PETULIA
          Ring for room service. Ask the robot for
          something splendid and musical,,

          ARCHIE
          Saxophone? Electric Organ? Tuba?

          PETULIA
          A tuba. Absolutely; Bless you, Ar--hie; A
          tuba; Something large and twirly and pom
           to pom .pomX Archie, this is an event. We
          0 are about to become lovers.

          

          

          

          

          7 CONTINUED

          ARCHIE
          You said that.

          PETULIA
          It can't be said often enough.

          ARCHIE
          Are we?

          PETULIA
          Are we what?

          ARCHIE
          About to become lovers?

          PETULIA
          No.

          ARCHIE
          Ah, you swinging young marrieds.
          He leaves.

          8 EXT. ROOM


          0
          Across from the ramp there is the elevator the man on
          T.V. mentioned. Archie is already there waiting for it
          to arrive. Petulia starts toward him angrily.

          PETULIA
          Where do you have to rush? If we were making
          love you would be exploring my navel about now.
          Time would be the last thing on your mind.
          An old man in a bathrobe, sadly out of contrast with
          the electronic motel, looks up from the open trunk of
          his car. The elevator doors open. Petulia and Archie
          enter,

          9 INT. ELEVATOR

          The elevator doors shut and inside the elevator a
          loud speaker begins playing a medley of San Francisco
          songs.

          PETULIA
          You. look like a gargoyle. Poor, dumb Archie.
          I'm all mixed up sexually. Old Mum's a
          prostitute. The oldest professional lady in
          0 all Bristol. Mavis, too, my sister. But
          I mean she's not a landmark yet.

          

          

          

          

          9 CONTINUED
          During this Archie notices that the back of Petulia's
          dress remains unbuttoned. He moves behind her and
          begins rebuttoning her. At the touch of his hand,
          something happens to Petulia.

          10 INT. FIRST AID ROOM

          Archie's hands are holding a little boy under the bright
          lights of a first aid table. The boy is a bloody mess but
          Archie's hands are soothing him even as they so gently
          prod, examining his injuries. Nurses are cutting the boy's
          bloody jeans off him, an expensive watch falls to the
          floor, they retrieve it.

          11 INT. ELEVATOR

          Petulia's head presses against Archie's hand. She
          kisses it, she rubs her cheek against it.
          The elevator has come to a stop and the doors have opened.
          Archie sees Petulia's tears on his hand.

          ARCHIE
          Real honest-to-God tears, Petulia?

          PETULIA
          Tears, Archie.

          0

          ARCHIE
          Petulia, you're a kook.
          He exits the elevator and whistles at a cruising cab.

          12 EXT. DREAM MOTEL

          Archie crosses to the cab and opens the door. He hustles
          Petulia inside the cab.

          ARCHIE
          If he gets you there in time, you can still
          pick the winning ticket and make somebody happy.

          PETULIA
          (very quietly)
          Archie, I'm going to marry you.
          The cab pulls away and Archie sees Petulia looking at him
          through the rear window. Archie allows himself the
          drollest of smiles.

          ARCHIE
          It's the Pepsi generation
          0 He walks into the night alone.

          

          

          

          

          15
          E 12 Continued
          A jalopy full of dizzy dames with "LOVE" painted in
          huge awkward letters on its side almost runs him
          down. Archie continues in the night.
          Now, we can see the Golden Gate Bridge.

          13 EXT. DANNER HOUSE DAWN

          The house is on the edge of the sea and a cliff rises
          behind it. Petulia is going up the open lift which
          climbs the cliff. It is a very different Petulia.
          She hurts.

          INT. ARCHIE'S BEDROOM MORNING

          Archie is sleeping. There is the SOUND of a bell
          ringing. After awhile Archie's hand reaches out for
          the phone.

          ARCHIE
          (into phone)
          I'm up, thanks.
          Then his dizzy brain realizes the ringing is continuing
          and is constant. He sees the alarm clock, 6:1 He
          stumbles and staggers to the front door.

          ARCHIE
          Yeah... yeah 000 yeah 000
          He opens the door to come face to face with the large
          and twirly front end of a tuba. The tuba is stark
          white for no particular reason.

          14A EXT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT

          We see some of the hall, a yawning milkman, etc., but
          mostly Petulia and the tuba.

          14B INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT

          Dazedly,.Archie steps back to make room for Petulia
          and the tuba.

          ARC HIE
          I'll make some coffee.
          Petulia blows with all her strength, emitting a sad
          little peep, then collapses to the floor, tuba and all.

          

          

          

          

          16
          14B Continued

          PETULIA
          Aren't I a kook? If you think you're

          SURPRISED

          ARCHIE
          (at the same time)
          No, I've been up for hours, waiting for
          the doorbell to ring,

          PETULIA
          , 0 think how surprised the-man who owns
           the pawnshop is going to be when he sees
          all that broken glass.

          14C EXT. PAWN SHOP

          A brick smashes the glass, scattering cameras, mandolins,
          etc. in the midst of which is the white tuba.

          PETULIA'S VOICE
          Archie, how come the burglar alarm didn't
          go off?

           14D INT. ARCHIE'S APT.

          0 The scene continues.

          PETULIA
          Wherets it all going to end if the
          burglar alarms won't go off? Take me
          to bed, Archie,

          ARCHIE
          Get the hell out of here . please.
          He reaches to help Petulia to her feet but as he touches
          her waist to lift her, she screams and faints,

          15 INT. HALLWAY OF DANNER HOUSE NIGHT

          But we don't know it's the Danner house. All we see is
          Petulia crumpling as she is struck. She hits the floor
          and just lies there, not making a sound.
          (Also SHOOT in slow motion.)

          16 INT. ARCHIE' S APARTMENT

          Archie breaks an ammonia ampule under Petulia's nose.
          Her head wrenches away and she opens her eyes. Archie
          has begun to prod her side; she is in pain.

          

          

          

          

          17

          16 CONTINUED

          PETULIA
          I've got a broken rib, I think, I can
          feel it broken, Archie.

          ARCHIE
          Don't you know you can puncture a lunge

          PETULIA
          Hopping around with tubas and stuff --
          isntt it kooky, though?
          Archie has begun to remove her dress.

          PETULIA
          When are we going to stop trying to
          undress me?

          ARCHIE
          Shut up.

          PETULIA
          Leave me alone, Archie.
          Archie sees she really means it,

          ARCHIE

          0
          It's just a rib to me,

          PETULIA
          That's why. Call a proper doctor,

          ARCHIE
          What do you think I am?

          PETULIA
          A hairy legged old lecher running around
          in pajama bottoms,

          ARCHIE
          Get your clothes off,

          PETULIA
          As a woman, not as a rib.
          Archie is harassed. The phone begins ringing. He grabs
          it angrily.

          ARCHIE
          (into phone)
          I'm awake! I'm awake; How many times
          are you gonna call?I
          He hangs up, then realizes this was the first wake up call.

          

          

          

          

          18

          16 CONTINUED

          E ARCHIE
          (to Petulia)
          You know what a- you'll drive me cuckoo.
          He sighs. and begins dialing a number. Petulia is in real
          pain. Like a,little child she crawls under the covers of
          his bed, pulling the quilt up around her as though Archie's
          left over warmth will make the pain go away.

          ARCHIE
          (into phone)
          Barney? Archie. Fine fine , , fine ,
          I want you to look at a patient for me.
          Now. At my place. My apartment, Barney,
          it's very complicated and I haven't had
          my morning coffee yet. Her name is Petulia.
          I don't know her last name, Barney. Yes,
          Petulia. Barney, shut up. I have to get
          to the hospital.

          16A BARNEY'S BEDROOM MORNING
          During the above we catch a glimpse of sleepy Barney
          sleepily asking stupid questions.

          16B INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT

          Archie hangs up, goes to a medicine case which he had
          hastily opened for the ammonia ampule and now he takes out
          a couple of pills, which he gives to Petulia,. She takes
          them obediently,

          PETULIA
          You've got a super build for a man your age.
          Archie says nothing. He crosses to the bathroom and
          hastily begins dressing.

          PETULIA
          Where are all the family pictures?
          Archie is busy brushing his teeth,

          PETULIA

          (LOUDLY)
          The family pictures!
          He looks out from the bathroom blankly,

          PETULIA
          Polo and the boys.

          €�
          Archie goes back to brushing his teeth electrically, with
          salt.

          

          

          

          

          19
          16B Continued

          • PETULIA
          I'll bet you named her Polo. Don't ever
          start mucking about with "Petulia".
          Archie exits from the bathroom, all the time continuing
          to dress,

          PETULIA
          What°s her real name?

          ARCHIE
          Prudence.

          PETULIA
          And you named her Polo. That's kind
          of sickening, Archie.
          Archie stops his dressing long enough to gaze at this girl
          in his bed, beyond which is an overturned tuba. Archie
          sighs somewhat philosophically, not nearly as amused as
          you'd think.

          17 INT. HOSPITAL

          We are in the examining room of the orthopedic ward.
          Archie is working on Oliver, the little Mexican boy of

          €�
          seven whom we have seen earlier as a bloody mess in the
          flashback. Now, Oliver is healing nicely, but it's still
          not pleasant to be examined. A woman hovers in the back-
          ground. A nurse assists Archie. Oliver is a brave, solemn
          little boy, with shadows of fatigue around his eyes. He
          is also a tough little bastard, let me tell you. He is
          now wearing the broken gold watch; though to fit his
          skinny wrist the band has been tied in a knot,

          ARCHIE
          I want him here every day. For therapy.

          WOMAN
          Si, Yes, doctor. I do,
          Oliver speaks only a few words of English, mostly the
          necessary scatological and sexual phrases that would be
          necessary in his line of business.

          ARCHIE
          Every day. Tell him that.
          The woman says it to Oliver in Spanish. Oliver says
          something obviously obscene.

          

          

          

          

          20

          17 CONTINUED

          ARCHIE
          What'd he say?

          WOMAN

          (EMBARRASSED)
          He say yes.

          ARCHIE
          (dubiously, to woman)
          You sure?
          (to Oliver)
          Otherwise we keep you in the hospital.
          You're not well, just better.
          (to woman)
          Say that.
          The woman tells Oliver in Spanish as Archie continues
          examining the leg.

          ARCHIE
          Sorry, pal.
          Oliver says something in Spanish.

          WOMAN:
          (smiling a bit)

          €�
          Where he learn such words shame on you.
          (then in Spanish)
          Shame.
          Archie realizes Oliver is in great pain and close to tears.
          He stops the examination and rubs his hand gently through
          the kid's hair,

          ARCHIE
          Every day. Same time. Two o'clock,
          right on the dot.
          (he hits watch on wrist.
          The last bit of glass falls
          out.)
          Sorry , ,
          Oliver swears in Spanish and the woman clacks her tongue.

          WOMAN

          (EMBARRASSED)
          He terrible.

          ARCHIE

          (CHUCKLING)
          I like the way he heals.

          0

          

          

          

          

          21

          17 CONTINUED
          Archie smiles and leaves. The nurse is left with Oliver
          who avoids her touch,

          NURSE
          Cut that out, you little spit,

          18 TNT. CORRIDOR
          Archie stops to hear what the woman has to say.

          WOMAN
          About the bill, Doctor.
          Barney is passing by.

          ARCHIE
          Is she okay?

          BARNEY

          (DARKLY)
          Lunch.
          Archie looks up at the woman.

          • ARCHIE
          His leg will be fine. Don't worry too
          much about the bill. Just enough to pay it.

          WOMAN
          I have money to pay it,
          A pipe smoking public relations man leads a casually
          dressed group past Archie and the woman.

          PUBLIC RELATIONS MAN
          Yea, we had ABC filming a documentary
          here last week

          19 INT. THE ROARING 20'S CAFE DAY

          All through the scene Barney and Archie will be served by
          topless waitresses while other topless waitresses slide
          down a big brass pole in the centre of the room. As the
          scene begins Barney is alone, morosely munching a corned
          beef sandwich. Now Archie appears, threading his way
          through topless fashion show. A topless ANNOUNCER is
          doing the fashion commentary into a chrome microphone,
          as the topless models majestically move about.

          €�

          

          

          

          

          22

          0 19 CONTINUED

          ANNOUNCER
          (no fashion cliche untouched)
          Springtime in Paree. Our elegante dinner
          pajamas. In airy aquamarine chiffon and
          Mediterranean blue peau de soie.
          Delightfully carefree, yet formal enough
          for an ambassadorial reception at the
          Palace of Versailles.

          BARNEY
          "Screw you, Wilma." Why didn't you tell
          me?

          ARCHIE
          How is she?

          BARNEY
          You tell me.

          ARCHIE
          Oh, great, terrific, you wouldn't
          believe it. Terrific. And her rib?

          BARNEY
          I taped it. Gave her some seconal.
          • Should have a vertical just to be safe.
          A waitress hovers

          ARCHIE
          Why do we have to eat topless?

          BARNEY
          The best Irish stew in town.
          He is eating a corned beef sandwich. Archie is ordering
          the same.

          BARNEY
          She said you beat her up. Kidding,
          of course.
          Archie bites into his sandwich with small enthusiasm.
          Breasts with their pasties always intrude.

          BARNEY
          You must have been a little rough on her,
          daddy.

          E

          

          

          

          

          23

          19 CONTINUED
          The second model, a beautiful topless Negress, is now
          wandering past the tables. The announcer goes on and on.

          ANNOUNCER
          Opening Night at the Opera. Though the
          curtain has risen on the first act of
          Aida, all eyes are on the Royal Box,
          Mi Lady in dazzling velvet: Cardinal
          Richelieu Rouge. The utter simplicity
          of her full-length gown is subtly accented
          by the merest suggestion of gay abandon.
          Archie eats his sandwich. An off-duty topless waitress
          sits in the corner having lunch, holding a napkin over
          her bosom with one hand, while eating with the other.

          BARNEY
          Archie ?

          ARCHIE
           Barney ?

           BARNEY

           (UNEASILY)
           You know how long I've known you?

          €�

          ARCHIE
          Forever?

          BARNEY
          That's how long. And Polo and the kids.
          That's exactly how long.
          Another silence. Archie is watching the brass pole.
          Every other girl sliding down looks like Petulia. Archie
          accepts his hallucination with mild pleasure. Barney
          will not be stopped.

          BARNEY'S VOICE
          So I have a right to my opinion; It's
          breaking Wilma's heart; That's all we
          talk about. You think you're different
          than anybody else? Every time I leave my
          house it's the last time, I'm never coming
          back. You're not listening to me, Archie.

          ARCHIE'S VOICE
          Barney, for Chrissake, I'm listening to you,

          BARNEY'S VOICE
          You're thinking about that hot cat in your
          bed, you bastard.

          

          

          

          

          24

          19 CONTINUED
          Now, in the continuous luncheon fashion show, the
          "Psychedelic Yvonne" has appeared, topless amid a wild
          pattern of lights, The dialogue between Barney and Archie
          continues elsewhere as the orgy of colors becomes:

          20 INT. HOSPITAL

          The left side of a patient's face and the right shoulder
          and arm of the patient's body are sprayed with a special
          liquid which instantly dries a violent blue and then very
          quickly starts changing into all the colors of the rainbow.
          These various colors indicate physical conditions. They
          are watched, measured, and timed by Archie, Barney and
          their assistants,

          BARNEY'S VOICE
          My record is far from spotless, if you
          don't know that, who does? But baby, it's
          just not the answer, not at our age.

          ARCHIE'S VOICE
          So what's the answer, baby?

          BARNEY'S VOICE
          • Someplace you can belch without saying
          excuse me!

          ARCHIE'S VOICE
          I can do that in the steam room at the YMCA.

          BARNEY'S VOICE
          (going right on)
          And if a little monkey business comes along,
          whose gonna throw rocks? You and Polo were
          a marvellous looking couple.

          21 INT. HOSPITAL LEAD ROOM

          The patient is in a lead room being scanned by an atomic
          computer. The activator moves in a rhythmic, graceful
          pattern over the patient's drab, withered body. In the
          control area Archie and Barney listen to the strange sounds
          emanating from the computer, each sound again indicating a
          physical condition. The patient's room looks like a comfy
          hotel room: wood paneling, couches, magazines, plants.
          The door leading to outside is three inches thick and
          solid lead. The noise from the equipment is deafening.

          IS

          

          

          

          

          25

          21 CONTINUED

          10 BARNEY'S VOICE
          Is there something wrong with being a
          groovy looking couple? People turning
          around to stare? What was it, Archie?
          The sex bit? Huh? The ole sex bit ,,,?

          ARCHIE'S VOICE
          Barney, what would you say if I told you
          that one day I just got very tired of being
          married?

          22 INT. A DECOMPRESSION OPERATING ROOM

          This is a really glorified pressure chamber where a complete
          atmosphere is created to suit whatever surgery is going on.
          The patient can no longer be seen. He is draped in plastic
          which creates a sub-atmosphere. The doctors and nurses
          are swathed in plastic, again in the atmosphere that lets
          them function best, (This is for real. It exists, for
          instance, at Mt. Sinai Hospital in New York.) The doctors
          and nurses communicate with each other through throat
          mikes and seem like other world automatons. In all this
          the patient simply does not exist. The colors are eerie
          yellows and blues with only occasionally and very
          impersonally the red of blood,

          €�

          BARNEY'S VOICE
          (he never listens)
          It's still better than being out there in
          the dark, all by your goddam lonesome!
          Nobody has a life anymore. Quicksand,
          It scares me. What do you want, Archie?

          23 INT. DOCTOR'S GYM

          Archie and Barney are in a white cubicle playing handball.
          Their dialogue, of course, continues,

          ARCHIE

          (GASPING)
          I don't know what I want. To feel something,

          BARNEY

          (GASPING)
          That's no answer; Archie, grow up!
          The ball comes whizzing at Barney who suddenly wants it
          to hit him, which it does,

          BARNEY
          Archie, what am I going to do about Wilma?

          0

          

          

          

          

          26

          24 EXT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT LATE AFTERNOON

          Archie has just parked his car and is going toward the
          entrance, when he sees Petulia sitting on a bus-stop
          bench, the tuba beside her. She is dozing.

          ARCHIE

          (SOFTLY)
          Hey, you.
          She opens her eyes, smiles.

          PETULIA
          I'm drunk.

          ARCHIE
          It's the stuff Barney gave you.

          PETULIA
          I'm drunk.

          ARCHIE
          I'll drive you home.

          PETULIA
          Thank you, I'll take the bus.

          0

          ARCHIE
          Don't be silly.

          PETULIA
          Don't pry, Archie.

          ARCHIE
          How'm I prying?

          PETULIA
          I'll go home by bus.

          ARCHIE
          If I were prying, I would ask you how you
          broke your rib. Right?

          PE TULIA
          You fall on a tuba and you break your
          rib. Right.

          ARCHIE
          Wrong. The rib was broken hours before
          your fall.
          L' During this the bus comes to a stop. Petulia rises shakily
          to board it but she can't go through the entrance with
          the tuba.

          

          

          

          

          27

          CONTINUED

          BUS DRIVER
          Anytime you're ready, Lady.

          ARCHIE
          I'll keep it for you.

          PETULIA
          It has to be returned. "Friends of
          the Evergreen,"
          Archie looks blank.

          PETULIA
          It's a lodge. In Chinatown. On Grant.
          Ask for Mr. Howard.
          The bus driver really leans on his horn to make everything
          charming.

          ARCHIE
          (shouting above horn)
          Petulia, take a cab!

          PETULIA
          (shouting above horn)

          €�
          Don't pry, Archie:
          She groggily enters the bus, leaving the tuba in Archie's
          arms.

          25 INT. BUS

          Petulia takes a seat at an open window. The bus is now
          stopped for a moment more by the traffic light. Petulia,
          under the best of circumstances doesn't make much sense,
          and now she's quite groggy.

          PETULIA
          Will you remember that? "Friends of
          the Evergreen."

          ARCHIE
          Petulia, where are you going?

          PETULIA
          Mr. Howard. Tell him I'm sorry I goofed.
          Archie, you know something? The tuba
          makes you look ten years younger, and
           . you'know ... Thingy
          0 The bus starts with a jolt and Petulia winces in pain.

          

          

          

          

          28

          26 INT. DANNER HOUSE KITCHEN

          Petulia is wincing with pain as she puts groceries on
          the shelf. David is watching her, concerned.

          DAVID
          Petulia?

          PETULIA
          Hi.

          DAVID
          You okay?

           PETULIA
           Uh huh.

           DAVID
           Sure?

           PETULIA
           Of course.

           DAVID
           Just before ---

          I

          PETULIA
          I'm fine.

          DAVID
          ... for a split second there

          PETULIA
          Ism okay.

          DAVID
          I thought maybe you

          PETULIA
          David.
          Somehow or other we begin to sense that madness has
          entered what is really a commonplace scene. Something
          has gone wrong and we can't for the life of us under-
          stand what and before we can even guess, we are:

          27 INT. BUS

           Petulia is still in the bus and we realize she has
          0 imagined the foregoing. She gets off the bus.

          

          

          

          

          29

          28 EXT. THE VERY. MODEST OFFICES OF THE "FRIENDS OF THE


          EVERGREEN" DAY.
          The sign on the door identifies this as a fraternal
          organization, founded in 1886 for the betterment of man,
          but the door is securely padlocked for the night.
          Archie stands there, holding the tuba and feeling
          stupid. Haplessly, he returns to his car and begins
          stowing the tuba inside, banging it against his nose
          in the process. He is a far from happy man.

          29 EXT./INT. A CLUTTERED, MEAN LITTLE KITCIEN


           IN A SLUM HOUSE DAY
          Petulia is filling the noisy old electric ice box with
          milk, ice cream and fresh fruit. A man enters from
          another room. He is a big, sleepy-eyed Mexican. He
          has just awakened, is wearing his pajama bottoms and
          is hairy, sweaty and fat.
          Petulia obviously knows tlleiman, nods hello, to which
          the man answers a non-committal grunt. He squeezes
          past Petulia to drink from the sink. He sticks his
          head under the tap.

          0

          PETULIA
          (she speaks slowly because he
          doesn't understand English)
          I came by to make sure there was enough
          milk and things.
          He finds the situation amusing, reaching in past Petulia
          to grab an orange. There should be a feeling of a
          possible relationship between Petulia and this man.
          In the next room a screen door opens and closes.
          Petulia closes the ice box door and we and she see
          Oliver and the Woman standing in the doorway.

          30 INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT NIGHT

          Archie is doing research at a desk. Working from notes,
          he is talking into a tape recorder about new techniques
          in the treatment of arthritis that would not require
          surgery. This is a moment to glimpse Archie as a
          thoughtful man. There are a couple of beer bottles
          nearby. The bed is still unmade. The tuba stands
          in the corner.

          0
          The front doorbell rings and Archie crosses over to
          let in his wife, Polo, a very attractive young matron.

          

          

          

          

          30

          30 CONTINUED
           Polo looks about the apartment dubiously, from tuba to
           unmade bed. She can't keep her eyes off the unmade bed.

          ARCHIE
          (after `awhile )
          Hi, Polo.

          POLO
          It's very nice.
          Archie looks at her questioningly.

          POLO
          I've never been here before.
          It's very nice.

          ARCHIE
          Thanks.

          POLO
          It's strange, coming into your husband's
          bachelor apartment for the first time.
          Feels slightly illegal. Is that a tuba?

          0

          ARCHIE
          That's a tuba.

          POLO
          Make a marvelous lamp.

          ARCHIE
          You just had to say it.

          POLO
          Predictable Polo.

          ARCHIE
          "Predictable Polo." Has a certain zing.
          How're the kids?

          POLO
          Looking forward to the weekend.
          Lest I forget
          She opens her large handbag, takes out a cellophane bag
          of cookies.

          POLO
          As usual, I baked enough for an army.

          ARCHIE
          Okay.

          

          

          

          

          31

          0 30 CONTINUED

          POLO
          This is very strange. I didntt think
          I'd feel like this. Mostly sad.
          Archie's sad, too, therefore he is more brusque than
          necessary. Also he is bugged by the cookies.

          ARCHIE
          You need anything, Polo?

          POLO
          No. Well, yes. Well, yes and no.

          ARCHIE

          (SMILING)
          I think that covers all the possibilities.
          Polo laughs, suddenly they share a moment of warmth.

          POLO
          It's such a puzzle. We really got on
          so marvelously. Never fought. Never
          screamed at each other. Not once.
          • Something in his silence, plus that damned unmade bed,
          is beginning to make her angry.

          POLO
          Everybody we knew envied us.

          ARCHIE
          We were a handsome couple.
          This makes her so angry she can now say what she came
          to say.

          POLO
          I think I've fallen in love. The
          man is Warren Smith. He's an engineer
          and very good with the children, but he
          wants to go back to school and get his
          masters in hydraulics.
          (very long pause)
          Well, say something.

          ARCHIE

          (BLANDLY)
          I think that's fine, Polo.

          • POLO

          (MILDLY)
          Go to hell.

          

          

          

          

          32

          0 30 CONTINUED
           Tie phone begins ringing. Archie crosses to it.

           ARCHIE
           Hello?
           (no answer)
           Hello?

          POLO
          Were going to'be married.

          ARCHIE
          Great.
           (into phone)
           Hello?

          31 INT. DANNER HOUSE NIGHT

          ' David is on the phone and Petulia'has just entered.
           David hangs up the phone.

          PETULIA

          • DAVID

          PETULIA
          She stops. She waits for a moment, wondering if the
          scene she imagined on the bus is now going to occur.
          Will David now say, "Just for a second there .?"

          DAVID
          Come on, let's eat. Morrie finally
          got a shipment of Dungeness crab.

          PETULIA
          About time.

          DAVID
          Well, poor guy. They had all that trouble.
          David crosses to the dining area. And that's that.

          32 INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT NIGHT


          POLO
          Not right away. He's also divorced.
          There's alimony ... child support
          It looks absolutely obscene.

          

          

          

          

          33
          • 32 Continued
          Archie sees her. looking at his bed.

          ARCHIE

          (ANNOYED)
          So the kids like him, eh?

          POLO
          Adore him.

          ARCHIE
          How about that?

          POLO
          Don't you have maid service?

          ARCHIE

          (SUDDENLY)
          What the hell are you doing, bringing
          me cookies?
          He flings the bag at her, barely missing her. They
          are both stunned by this outburst,

          'OLO
          • (shakily)
           Well ... this is a new side of your
          natured For two people who never fight
          Absently, Polo sags down on the edge of the unmade bed,
          which has so fascinated her. During the following, no
          matter what their bodies happen to be doing, Polo and
          Archie continue to speak in a most logical manner.

          ARCHIE
          What's so great about not fighting?

          POLO
          I came to tell you about Warren,

          ARCHIE
          You told me about Warren.
          He sits beside her, well not really beside her, actually
          as far away from her as the bed will permit. She decides
          she will instantly get up off the bed, but she does not.

          ARCHIE

          (CONTINUING)
          Warren is working for his m'tstah's
          in hydraulics.

          

          

          

          

          34

          0 32 CONTINUED
          Polo knows she shouldn't smile at Archie making fun of
          Warren, but she does. Archie touches her smile with his
          finger, then his hand moves across her face, to the back
          of her neck. It is a clumsy gesture and they clumsily
          sprawl on the bed.

          POLO
          Well, I'm afraid well still need
          all the money you pay me. And I'll
          be seeing him, Archie

          32A INT. POLO'S BEDROOM

          It's a nice enough room, which makes what she says
          later quite absurd,'
          She and Warren are preparing for bed ®m already in a
          boring ritualistic fashion; she with curlers in her
          hair, he hanging his trousers on a hanger,

          POLO IS VOICE
           , (continuing)
           ., at the house. I mean until Warren

          €�
          and I get married, which won't be

          32B. INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT

          By now, entirely out of habit, Archie's hand has
          pushed up Polo's shirt, as he continues the sex ritual.
          Wholly out of habit, Polo lets him. Their bodies, old
          friends for so long, and once having been lovers,
          simply ignore whatever tripe their mouths happen to
          be saying,

          POLO

          (CONTINUING)
          until he is established with some
          hydraulics firma I hope it won't be
          too long, I mean for everybody's sake.

          ARCHIE
          If he's a bright guy, he'll make out okay.

          POLO
          Needless to say there are certain problems.
          By now, Archie is on top of Polo, and out of habit she
          is adjusting her body for him.

          

          

          

          

          35
          32B Continued

          POLO
          He lives in such a depressing, rented
          room. It gives me claustrophobia.

          ARCHIE
          Poor Polo.

          POLO
          It's such an icky little room.
          Archie is, perhaps, two seconds away from entering Polo,
          when he suddenly sits up, wondering what the hell he's
          been doing. He walks to the far side of the room,
          sticks his shirt in, wipes the sleeve of his shirt
          across his face.
          Polo feels no particular rancor, the entire thing was
          totally unplanned, and she has no more desire to
          "make it" with Archie than he has with her. She pulls
          down her skirt and adjusts her garters.

          ARCHIE
          Tell the kids I'll come for them
          0 Sunday at eight.

          POLO
          They'll be ready. I thought the
          decent thing was to come here and
          talk in a civilized manner. About
          the change in my situation.

          ARCHIE
          I appreciate it, Polo.

          POLO
          Good night, Archie.

          ARCHIE
          You've got a run in your stocking.
          Polo exits, Archie can't figure out why in the world
          he even thought of making love to Polo after all this
          time. He sits down on the unmade bed, finds one of
          Polo's cookies on the sheets, and pops it into his
          mouth.

          33. EXT. TEA GARDEN DAY

          0 It's a busy Saturday and everything is lovely. A

          

          

          

          

          36

          33 CONTINUED
          LARGE GUARD with a bull horn is keeping people moving
          on the Japanese bridge. Many soldiers on pass, a few
          hippies, but mostly just tourists.

          LARGE GUARD
          (with bull horn)
          Now you folks keep moving along that
          bridge. You keep moving along and give
          other folks a chance. There's lots of
          pretty things to do. You keep moving
          right along. You won't want to forget
          our Niponese souvenir pagoda where every
          item is the real McCoy. That's right.
          Keep moving, that's the ticket.
          Sergeant, you've been standing there
          some time now.
          During this, MAY and Archie talk.
          '.s 32 and pretty. Its a nice day but Archie is
          not happy. Polo, Warren, maybe Petulia mostly it's
          kind of a lousy day to be a bachelor, . and May have
          been sitting on the grass. Gracefully she rises to
          her feet, doing everything just right, even this.
          0 She puts away her portable martini kit.

          ARCHIE
          Nobody in the world can sit on the
          grass and not wrinkle.
          She looks.

          ARCHIE
          No, perfect. Not even a blade of
          grass. Why don't I marry you, May?

          MAY
          Why don't you, Ar^hie?
          They walk along holding hands. Archie should feel
          better than he does.

          ARCHIE
          Tell me about Bobby Kennedy.
          She looks at him, smiling.

          ARCHIE

          (SHRUGGING)
          Picasso? Pickles?
          She smiles tolerantly as they walk along.

          

          

          

          

          37
          • 33 Continued)

          ARCHIE
          Choose a subject. Ice cubes. Any
          damn thing. Take either side. Talk
          for thirty seconds against ice cubes.

          MAY

          (EASILY)
          Why the hostility, Archie?

          ARCHIE
          That dress shop of yours. "Boutique."
          I've never seen one of those ... your
          rubber mannequins .. I've never once
          seen the pipe sticking out of their
          bottoms. Not once, not one damn time.
          That bothers me, May.
          May stops. She doesn1t know whether to be annoyed or
          amused. Shets a little of both.

          ARCHIE
          I'm not hostile, it's frustration.
          In all that perfection, how could a
          clumsy clot like me possibly be
          fitted in? I mean, without spoiling
          the whole effect.
          They have now reached the area of the stunted trees.
          Nuns are passing through empty benches; kids are
          improvising on the stage and shouting.

          MAY
          Don't worry about it. You'll be
          going back to Polo.

          ARCHIE
          No, she's found a fellah.

          MAY
          Oh.
          She watches the kids for a moment.

          MAY
          I'd just about given up on you,

          ARCHIE
          What I should do is marry you.
          For May this has been said once too often. She is now

          €�
          thoroughly annoyed.

          

          

          

          

          38

          33 CONTINUED)

          KAY
          Archie, if it would please you, I'll
          submit a list of my faults, some of
          which might shake you up a bit.

          ARCHIE
          It would be a fake list.

          MAY
          Probably, It wouldn't be a fake
          list. Actually, I wear arch supports,
          my depilatory causes a nasty little
          rash, and I've lost 10% of my hearing
          in less than a year .. Okay?

          ARCHIE

          OKAY;
          They laugh, kiss, grab at each other, and hurry toward
          the parking lot for Archie's car.

          34 EXT. STEPS OF ARCHIE' S APARTMENT DAY

          Petulia waits on the steps. When she is not being observed,
          when she is not "on," there are moments when Petulia seems
          utterly forlorn. This is such a moment. But then she sees
          Archie and May and instantly she is "with it."

          ARCHIE
          Well of all people.

          PETULIA
          All that crap about the humanitarian-
          ism of the medical profession.
          She darts alongside the building and begins frantically
          calling to a little old man in white duck pants and an
          "aloha" hat,
          May looks at Archie questioningly.

          ARCHIE
          Don't ask.
          Petulia and the old man are back joining Archie and May
          on the steps.

          PETULIA

          (ACCUSINGLY)
          Archie, this is Mr. Howard.

          0 MR. HOWARD
          I was looking at the foundation.
          Once in a while you find one from
          before the earthquake. It's a thrill,
          believe you me.

          

          

          

          

          39
          0 3L1. Continued
          Petulia resents any sense of cordiality at this
          particular time.

          PETULIA
          Mr. Howard is the'watchman for
          the "Friends of the Evergreen."
          Or was.

          ARCHIE
          The tuba.

          PETULIA
          No wonder people are becoming cynical
          about doctors.

          ARCHIE
          I tried to return it. The place
          was locked.

           MR. HOWARD
           No harm done,

           PETULIA
          • I didn't expect this of you,
          Archie'.

          ARCHIE
          I tried to return the tuba Friday

          NIGHT;

          MR. HOWARD
          It's O.K.

          PETULIA
          (accusingly to

          ARCHIE)
          The "Friends of the Evergreen" are
          very proud of their brass band.

          MR. HOWARD
          All's well that ends well.

          PETULIA
          Stay out of this, Mr. Howard.
          She sees May watching all this with wry amusement.

          PETULIA
          I'm Petulia Danner. I'm sorry about
          this.

          

          

          

          

          40

          0 35 INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT DAY

          Mr. Howard is casually testing the valves on the tuba.

          MR . HOWARD
          She said there was this elderly lady whose
          first husband used to play tuba with John
          Phillip Sousa. She said it would cheer
          her up and make her want to live. She
          gave me five bucks.

          ARCHIE
          (looking at Petulia)
          All that broken glass

          MR. HOWARD
          (finished with the tuba)
          Its okay.
          Archie crosses to the front door and opens it.

          ARCHIE
          Goodbye, Mr. Howard. Goodbye, Petulia.
          Petulia crosses to Mr. Howard and presses a dollar bill
          into his shirt pocket.

          €�

          PETULIA
          Take a taxi. You can at least say
          you're sorry, Archie.

          ARCHIE
          I'm sorry, Mr, Howard. Goodbye, Petulia.
          But Petulia just sits on the edge of a chair tapping
          her fingers in annoyance. Mr. Howard leaves. The door
          remains open for Petulia to leave. May watches Petulia
          in amused tolerance.

          ARCHIE
          What's the next move, Petulia?

          PETULIA
          I'd like to discuss your irresponsibility.
          People are passing in the hallway, peering in.

          ARCHIE
          Goodbye, Petulia.
           He advances on her, somewhat threateningly.

          €�

           PETULIA
           My rib.
           Archie slams the door shut ets a bottle and a couple g
           of glasses, pointedly, exclu ding Petulia.

          

          

          

          

          41

          0 35 CONTINUED

          ARCHIE
          I should explain about Petuliaa She is
          a kook. We are going to be married.

          PETULIA
          Archie, when you try to sound cool and
          "with it," you're really pathetic.
          We're trying to have an intelligent
          conversation...

          ARCHIE
          About what?

          PETULIA
          Well, about Polo, among other things.

          ARCHIE
          Polo is none of your damned business.

          PETULIA
          That's dumb. Dumb. She's my business
          and she's this lady's business. I
          happen to hate Polo.

          ARCHIE
          (to May)
          Needless to say she's never even met Polo.

          PETULIA
          I look at you and I know Polo.
          (to Map)
          Explain that to him.
          May looks at Archie in bewilderment, she is not quite sure
          how to react; but when she makes up her mind it will be
          the exactly right reaction. Also, in all truth, Petulia
          is frightened by May.

          PETULIA
          How many years were you married., Archie?
          Eight? Ten? Anyhow, the best, Wasted.
          Gone down the drain.

          ARCHIE
          Oh, come on ..o

          PETULIA
          Archie, we are from two different worlds.
          We've got nothing to agree on. Except one
          thing. You're a lonely screwed up mess.
          0 Archie, I'm trying to save you. You're
          a very special man.

          

          

          

          

          42

          0 35 CONTINUED

           ARCHIE
           Oh, God.

          PETULIA
          Tell him, May.
          Petulia doesn't like May's amused reaction.

          PETULIA
          You don't think so?

          MAY
          I won't put Archie on a pedestal. He'll do.

          PETULIA

          (ANGRY)
          You've got yourself another winner, Archie.

          MAY
          (to Archie)
          It's a joke, you're both putting me on.

          ARC HIE
          Petulia. I mean it. Tubas. All this
          E "I Love Lucy" jazz. It's only cute for
          awhile.

          PETULIA
          It's not meant to be cute. I'm
          fighting for your life.

          ARCHIE
          Who's trying to kill me?

          MAY
          The two million, five hundred thousand
          subscribers to the "Ladies Home Journal"
          ... right, dear?

          ARCHIE
          Petulia, go home and save what's his name.
          I really don't want to see you anymore.
          Archie's voice is cold. Petulia is suddenly defeated,
          mostly by May. She gets up and leaves.

           36 INT. HOSPITAL NIGHT

           It's after 3 a.m. and Archie is hollow-eyed and drenched
          0 with sweat from an emergency operation. He is with a
          patient in the recovery room, obviously concerned about

          

          

          

          

          43
          i 36 Continued
          the patient's chances. He crosses to a sink, bathes his
          face and hands with cold water. He is exhausted. As we
          sometimes glimpse Petulia when no one else is looking
          and see beyond the kookiness, so for an instant we see
          beyond Archie's look of professional assurance and see
          the fearful uncertainty. He now moves into the corridor,
          with each step assuming the doctor's look that is expected
          of him.

          PETULIA'S VOICE
          Hi.
          Archie turns. Petulia is in the medical library with
          books scattered all about her.

          ARCHIE
          You're kidding.

          PETULIA
          I think I've discovered a cure for cancer.

          ARCHIE
          Well, if you're on the brink of something.
          How did they let you in.

          €�
          She joins him.

          PETULIA
          You look exhausted.

          ARCHIE
          Do you know it's almost three? Doesn't
          Mr. Danner worry at all about things like that?
          Petulia looks at him reverently.

          PETULIA

          (TENDERLY)
          Look at you.
          Archie is so unaccustomed to hearing a straight line
          from Petulia that her tone and look of tenderness stop
          him for a moment. Then, without a word, they fall into
          step beside each other, leaving the hospital.

          37 EXT. PARKING LOT NIGHT

          At this time of night hardly a car remains. Archie's car
          is quite by itself.

          0

          

          

          

          

          37 CONTINUED

          ARC HIE
          Shall I drop you off?
          (she doesn't answer)
          It's too late for the bus.
          She gets in.

          38 INT . CAR

          ARCHIE
          Petulia, you've got to stop following
          me around like this.
          Petulia is absolutely silent but her eyes are devouring
          him with infinite tenderness which Archie is finding
          very touching. It is a facet of Petulia he has never
          seen before.

          ARCHIE
          Where to? I could use a steak sandwich.
          There's a jazz joint that stays open
          all night.
          He reaches to start the car just as she grabs at him,
          • awkwardly, aggressively.

          ARCHIE

          (SURPRISED)
          Hey, come on ®m why this sudden
          Petulia is relentless and voracious. Her hands and mouth
          are everywhere on Archie. A car is a lousy bedroom but
          it will have to do. Heads bump against windows, elbows
          jam against steering wheels, but Petulia will not be
          stopped. Finally, Archie grips her shoulders and forces
          her to stop.

          ARCHIE
          No.

          PETULIA
          Yes.

          ARC HIE
          Not here.

          39 INT. SUPERMARKET PRE-DAWN

          Though the streets outside are deserted, the supermarket
          is jammed with people. Archie is pushing a market
          • basket already piled high with groceries while Petulia
          keeps finding things to buy. Archie knows that Petulia
          is going through this massive shopping spree simply to
          get even for his rejection of the moment she chose to
          make love.

          

          

          

          

          45
          • 39 Continued

          ARCHIE
          It m not really hungry.

          PETULIA
          I'm starving.

          ARCHIE
          Am I being punished?

          PETULIA
          Loganberry jam ... we'll have a case.

          ARCHIE
          I'd rather have a new plastic raincoat.

          PETULIA
          You don't save anything on plastic raincoats.

          ARCHIE
          Shall I get another cart? Polo can fill
          three or four when she really puts her
          mind to it.
          Petulia gets the point and instantly takes her place

          0
          in the long line before the cashier.

          WOMAN SHOPPER
          (as if it's Petulia's fault)
          You know what time it is? It's after fivB.

          PETULIA
          Ilia sorry.

          WOMAN SHOPPER
          I want to go to bed.

          PETULIA
          So do we.

          40 EXT. SUPERMARKET

          Petulia and Archie leave the supermarket with their rolling
          basket of groceries. There is no one else on the street.
          In front of the market is a clown on a pedestal gesticu-
          lating with arms and mouth at people who are not there,
          but making no sound. Petulia quizzically looks up at the
          silent violent clown, while Archie waits for her at the
          car. Finally he taps the horn and she turns and looks at
          him. She starts running toward the car, suddenly wanting
          0 very much to be with him. They kiss lightly.

          

          

          

          

          46

          9 41 INT. ARCHIE'S BEDROOM NIGH'

          Archie is sound asleep, breathing heavily. Petulia sits
          wrapped in a blanket on the floor near the window, her
          head resting on the sill, lonely.

          42 TNT. ARCHIE'S BEDROOM NIGHT
          Petulia is sound asleep. Through the open bedroom door
          we see Archie drinking a lonesome Coke.

          43 INT. ARCHIES BEDROOM NIGHT

          Petulia and Archie are both in the bed, asleep and
          somehow as far apart as two human beings can be.

          44 INT. ARCHIE'S BEDROOM NIGHT

          In the midst of her sleep, Petulia begins jabbering in
          some language all her own. Archie Is eyes open and he
          looks at her and he smiles. Still sound asleep,
          Petulia finishes her statement, whatever the hell it
          was and settles down on the pillow. Archie looks at her.
          She wakes up. They look at each other so gravely that
          they both begin to smile. Neither one is having the
          best night of their life but both are aware of a sense
          • of tenderness that has caught them unexpectedly.
          45 INT. ARCHIEtS BEDROOM MORNING
          Petulia wakes up suddenly. Though she is nude under the
          sheets, Archie is fully dressed for his day with the
          boys. Though his clothes are very sporty he looks
          anything but sporty as he talks quietly into the phone-

          ARCHIE
          (into phone)
          Okay. Wells why not do some slides anyhow?
          (in sudden anger)
          To satisfy myself, that's who. Okay.
          He hangs up the phone and sees Petulia looking at him.

          ARCHIE
          Well, we knocked off another one. Another
          notch in the old stethoscope.

          PETULIA
          You're a wonderful doctor, Archie.

          ARCHIE
          I keep a little black bow tie in my desk. In
          0 case the services are in the morning and 1 have
          no time to go home. The neekband's all stained
          with sweat.

          

          

          

          

          47

          45 CONTINUED

          PETULIA
          Why are you dressed?

          ARCHIE
          Have to pick up the, kids, I'm already late.

          PETULIA
          You're not abandoning me? I mean, I wasn't
          all that bad, was I?

          ARCH IE
          Amateur night,
          He leans over and kisses her mouth.

          PETULIA
          Before I've brushed my teeth? Are you a
          communist, Archie?

          ARCHIE
          I guess so

          PETULIA
          Tell Mike to watch that weight.

          0

          ARCHIE
          Will you be here when I get back?

          PETULIA

          (SMILING)
          Dumb, Archie. Dumb.
          Archie starts out, then stops, troubled.

          PETULIA
          Yes?

          ARCHIE

          WELL

          PETULIA
          I'm divorcing David, if that's what you mean,

          ARC HIE

          (SHARPLY)
          That's none of my business.
          Petulia is suddenly hurt.

          PETULIA
          Phone me.

          9

          ARCHIE
          Where?

          

          

          

          

          48

          0 45 CONTINUED

           PETULIA
           Here.

          ARCHIE
          Listen, this worries me. Really.

          PETULIA
          Write the Number down so you won't forget.
          Archie grins, sighs, and starts out. Petulia will do
          anything to hold him one second more.

          PETULIA
          Hey,, you.
          Archie turns at the door.

          PETULIA
          Don't have any illusions about all those
          groceries. I can't cook.

          ARCHIE
          And you hate loganberry Jam.

          PETULIA
          No, as a matter of fact, I rather like it.
          He smiles, continues out.

          46 EXT. CORRIDOR & STEPS OUTSIDE ARCHIE'S APT.

          He has barely gone ten steps when he is stopped by a
          whistle. He turns. Her head is popped out the door (or
          window). Anything to hold him, anything.

          PETULIA
          If somebody calls and wants medical advice on
          something really obscure, is it okay if I
          wing it on my own?
          He makes an amused "you nuts" gesture and leaves, but
          not before Petulia says:

          PETULIA
          Phone.
          He is gone.

          47 EXT. A WHARF ON SAN FRANCISCO BAY

          • A cruise boat that takes tourists across the bay is ready
          to go.

          

          

          

          

          0 47 CONTINUED
          Mike and Steven, Archie's sons, are anxiously waiting for
          their father to join them. Archie is in a phone booth
          next to the ramp that leads to the boat. The boys are
          yelling to Dad to come ono

          ARCHIE
          (into phone)
          Hi,
          (to boys)
          Shut up, you guys,

          PETULIA'S VOICE
          Hi. What's all the noise?

          ARCHIE
          Mike.

          PETULIA
          Fat Mike?

          ARCHIE
          He's not all that fat.
          During this series of dumb, ordinary telephone conversa-

          €�
          tions to follow,, we begin seeing the moments which have
          brought on Petulia's current crisis with Oliver.

          48 INT. BULL RING TIJUANA

          It's a hot summer afternoon. Petulia and David have
          driven down from San Francisco. They are members of the
          "San Francisco Matador Club". David has drunk too much
          wine from his bota bag and the sour wine and the hot sun
          have made him violently ill. Though there are still two
          bulls left to kill, David and Petulia are leaving. As she
          moves down the spindly stairway, Petulia becomes aware of
          Oliver. He is with a gang of other kids at the butcher
          shed where the previous bulls are being dressed for market.
          They are all soaking banderillos in blood so they can be
          sold as "the real thing" .

          49 EXT. A STREET IN TIJUANA

          Petulia and David in their convertible. David has passed
          out in the back seat and Petulia is having a hell of a
          time trying to move the car out of the parking space.
          Again kids swarm about her like wild animals, trying to
          sell hats, cushions, gum, pottery, etc. Again she sees
          Oliver among them (or is it another kid who looks like
          0 Oliver?) ,

          

          

          

          

          50

          40 50 EXT. BORDER GATE AT TIJUANA LATE AFTERNOON

          Thousands of cars are waiting to get through. Hot, noisy,
          dusty, unbearable. Kids storm every car, hustling their
          captured audience. Among them is Oliver. Have the others
          been Oliver? In Petulia's exhaustion and discomfort, the
          heat, the flies, the blaring horny she can't be sure.
          (NOTE, All through the Tijuana scenes, we HEAR Archie
          and Petulia's telephone conversation. It is utterly banal
          and they know it and are amused by its banality.)
          PETULIA: I was dozing.
          ARCHIE: That's good.
          PETULIA: You left without having breakfast.
          ARCHIE: I had a cup of coffee on the way.
          PETULIA: A cup of coffee. You should have had
          eggs or waffles.
          ARCHIE: I'm fine.
          PETULIA: Me too.

          PAUSE
          PETULIA: I had a tall glass of pineapple juice.
          ARCHIE: Make some toast, too. And milk.
          Breakfast is a very important meal.
          PETULIA: I wish you'd remember that.
          ARCHIE: Well, goodbye.
          0 PETULIA: Archie?
          ARCHIE: Yes?
          PETULIA: You won't forget to phone.

          51 EXT. WHARF

          Archie hangs up the phone and starts running with his sons
          toward the boat. He is very pleased with his absolutely
          nothing phone conversation.

          52 EXT. BOAT DECK

          Children run scurrying around the mildly crowded deck.
          The boat is passing Alcatraz Island. Archie and the boys
          are standing at the rail,

          ARCHIE
          They used to think that escape from that
          prison was impossible.

          52A EXT. BOAT DECK

          Same scene, different Sunday. Warren and the boys are
          standing at the rail.

          WARREN
          They used to think that escape from that
          prison was impossible.

          52B BACK TO SCENE 52
          We resume with Archie and the boys.

          

          

          

          

          SI
          52B Continued

          MIKE
          Yes, Dad. Warren told us that last week.

          ARCHIE
          Warren. Well, we could have gone somewhere
          else. I didn't know you had been.

          STEVIE
          (the youngest)
          We thought maybe you had never been, Dad.

          ARCHIE
          No - well, thanks, actually I haven't
          been before, Stevie.

          MIKE
          In fact, we don't call him Stevie anymore.

          ARCHIE
          Who doesn't?

          MIKE
          Mom thinks he's getting a little old for
          being called Stevie, in fact.

          €�

          ARCHIE
          I called you Stevie two weeks ago -e we were all
          calling you Stevie two weeks ago -- I was.

          STEVIE
          Before that.

          MIKE
          Warren says that Alcatraz taught the world you
          can get out of anything if you want to bad
          enough.

          ARCHIE
          That's what Warren said, eh?

          MIKE
          Yes, Dad.

          53 ANOTHER VIEW OF THE BOAT
          The boys are watching Archie who is in that section of the
          boat where the radar and electronic equipment are kept.
          Archie is on the ship telephone. He is trying to keep
          a straight face but since he is obviously talking to Petulia,
          it is difficult.

          • MIKE :
          (to another kid)
          Doctors can do things like that. Call
          their patients from wherever they are.
          Archie finishes the call and returns to them, smiling.

          

          

          

          

          52

          53 CONTINUED

          ARCHIE
          How about clams on the wharf when we get back?

          MIKE
          Clams make Steve vomit.

          ARCHIE
          Oh.

          MIKE
          You forgot that.

          ARCHIE
          No, it just slipped my mind.
          Archie really does like his kids but his thoughts are
          somewhere else.

          54 INT. A FISH PLACE ON THE WHARF

          While Mike and Stevie are gorging themselves, Archie
          is at the wall telephone.

          ARCHIE
          • Hello there.

          LATE AFTERNOON

          55 EXT. THE BORDER GATE AT TIJUANA

          During this silent scene we watch Oliver seduce Petulia
          into giving him a lift in her convertible. Petulia is
          so bored as the cars take hours to get past the gate,
          Oliver is an absolute scoundrel. David is such a clod,
          passing out in the back seat, his legs hanging out over
          the door of the car, one sandal missing. His beautiful
          face is somehow an obscene parody of itself, fiery
          red from the sun.
          Oliver mimics David, Petulia, the guard at the gate,
          dances, skips, romps, annoys Petulia, makes her laugh,
          dares her, goads her. Finally, when Petulia's car is
          just one away from the border guard, Oliver impudently
          hops into the seat beside her, expecting to be thrown
          out but also expecting maybe a nickel in the bargain.
          But the joke's on Oliver. Petulia is even kookier than
          he is. Is it the look of David that sickens her? Is
          it her annoyance at having to wait so long and do the
          driving while he lies collapsed and useless? Is it
          that "useless" that goads her?

          

          

          

          

          53

          55 CONTINUED
          Most of all Petulia is doing something of absolutely no
          importance; she knows Oliver will hop out of the car the
          moment they reach the guard. All it amounts to is two
          kooks having a few seconds of horsing around.
          The joke is on both of them -- the guard, harassed by
          the honking of thousands of cars and having fully
          inspected the car just ahead of Petulia, waves the
          convertible on through.
          Petulia stops the car a few hundred yards past the
          border to let Oliver climb out, but he just sits there.
          Petulia thinks, "okay, you little bastard . " and
          zooms down the highway, intending to stop at the first
          moment the look of superior arrogance leaves Oliver's
          tough little face.
          During this we hear Archie and Petulia's second tele-
          phone conversation which is as blab and loving as before.
          ARCHIE: Hi, there.
          PETULIA: Hello.
          ARCHIE: I'm having lunch with the boys.
          PETULIA: You eat a good lunch, Archie,
          ARCHIE: I will, I will.
           PETULIA: You only had a cup of coffee for breakfast.
          ARCHIE: I'll eat a good lunch, Petulia.
          PETULIA: Like what?
          ARCHIE: Petulia, they have a thousand different
           things on the menu.
          PETULIA: You should have a sirloin steak with french
          fries or baked beans.
          ARCHIE: Okay.
          PETULIA: That's easy to say, Archie, But I know you.
          ARCHIE: Steak with french fries or baked beans.
          PETULIA: Do they have fresh sea-food?
          ARCHIE: Yes.
          PETULIA: Sea bass is nice.
          ARCHIE: Yes, sea bass is great.
          PETULIA: If they grill it,
          ARCHIE: I'll have grilled sea bass.
          PETULIA: Unless they do a nice omelet.
          ARCHIE: I'm sure they would if I asked.
          PETULIA: It's such a problem.
          ARCHIE: Yes, I know. Goodbye, Petulia.
          PETULIA: Phone.

          56 INT. FISH PLACE

          Archie laughingly hangs up. He goes back to his kids.

          

          

          

          

          54

          0 57 EXT. FORT WINFIELD SCOTT DAY

          The sign says all the dreadful penalty of being caught
          in the fort. Archie takes the boys in.

          ARCHIE
          Warren take you here?

          MIKE
          No.

          ARCHIE
          He would see the sign, eh? See

          57A INT. FORT ROUND THE GALLERIES

          The boys whoop off up some stairs.

          STEVIE
          Hey, this is great.
          Archie chases them through the floors.
          Archie sees a telephone above which is a sign which
          says that this phone is for the military and is to be
          used only in emergency. Archie approaches it warily,
          then loses his nerve and turns back to his kids.
          Archie wants to get back to Petulia.

          58 EXT. FORT BARRACK FLOORS DAY


          ARCHIE
          Alright?
          The boys look at him uncertainly.

          ARCHIE

          (CONTINUING)
          Its ten to two. Can you imagine that?
          The time really went
          The boys know that means he wants to take them home.

          ARCHIE

          (CONTINUING)
          I'm really bushed.

          MIKE

          (COLDLY)
          I feel okay.
          Stevie is willing to let his dad off the hook.

          STEVIE
          I been sneezing.

          

          

          

          

          55

          58 CONTINUED

          ARCHIE
          So I noticed.

          MIKE
          He's always sneezing.

          ARC HIE
          Hey, next week I want you guys over for the
          entire weekend. None of this three or four
          hour stuff.

          STEVIE
          All weekend?

          ARCHIE
          Why not?

          MIKE
          To do what?

          ARCHIE
          You 'gust wait!
           Stevie is instantly excited,

          • STEVIE
          Something really interesting?

          ARCHIE
          Bet your life'.

          MIKE
          What?

          ARCHIE
          Just leave it to melt

          MIKE
          Warren said something about the Roller Derby.

          ARCHIE
          Oh.

          STEVIE
          Friday night till late Sunday?

          ARCHIE
          Unless you guys don't want to.

          MIKE
          The Roller Derby's pretty darn interesting.

          ARCHIE
          Yeah.

          

          

          

          

          56

          58 CONTINUED

          MIKE
          We'd have to sleep over. I mean if we were
          going to spend the whole weekend.

          ARCHIE
          I want you to.

          MIKE

          (SUDDENLY)
          Well, it's fine by me.

          STEVIE
          Me toot Boy l

          ARCHIE
          Okay, it's a dealt
          Mike turns away.

          STEVIE
           He's going to cry I guess -- he does that.

          59 INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY DAY

          Archie has had a pretty good day with the boys, is thinking
          • about Petulia waiting in his apartment, and feels pretty
          damn good about the whole thing. He opens the door of
          his apartment. He is carrying a bag of Mexican paper flowers

          60 INT. APARTMENT

          It is empty. Archie knows at once that Petulia is gone.
          All the joy goes out of him. The apartment is a mess.
          The television set is on: a program without sound of
          soldiers fighting. Archie is so disappointed that
          Petulia isn't here. He angrily flips the dial getting
          the same type of program.

          ARCHIE
          A nice, neat kid.
          After all the exuberance he feels so empty. Everywhere
          things are scattered about.

          61 INT. BEDROOM

          The bedroom is the worst of all. The sheets and blanket
          have literally been stripped from the bed and flung pall
          mall onto the floor behind. Archie really is annoyed.
          Then he stops, he crosses slowly to the tangle of sheets
          and blanket on the floor. A lifeless arm protrudes.
          Archie crumples to his knees and tears at the blankets.
          Petulia is broken, bloodied and seemingly dead.

          

          

          

          

          57

          61 CONTINUED
          Th�-, phone is off the hook. Archie doesn't know where to
          turn first. He feels Petulia's throat for a pulse, isn't
          sure she has one,
          Petulia is wearing his hooded sweatshirt from Se. 23.
          Archie attempts heart massage, but Petuliats so taped up
          from the broken rib that this is impossible.
          Archie presses his mouth over Petulia's to attempt to get
          her breathing again. He tries this only for an instant
          then crosses to the phone, hangs it up and dials an
          emergency number.
          Archie goes back to Petulia. He feels again for a pulse
          in her throat, can find no pulse. He begins trembling.
          As always when a crisis really happens, it isn't as easy
          as the Red Cross advertisements say. Her mouth won't
          open right. His mouth seems unable to make the connection
          with hers. It all looks more like very bad love-making
          than a life-saving procedure.

          62 INT./EXT. HALLWAY & STEPS OUTSIDE ARCH IE' S APARTMENT

           Two special officers are moving Petulia down a hallway on

          0
          a stretcher. A third walks behind her pressing a rubber
          oxygen mask over her mouth.
          We feel Sunday late afternoon rudely shattered, but limp-
          ing along nevertheless. Television, cokes, sex, stereo,
          facials, isometric exercises. funny-papers, ailments;
          boring endless Sunday late afternoon -- suddenly bloodied.
          Doors are opening up and down the hallway. People come
          out to stare. A big friendly old sheepdog wild with
          enthusiasm, leaps at the stretcher and almost topples
          Petulia. Archie, smeared with Petulia's blood, his
          shirt-tails out, in a state of shock himself, whams the
          dog as hard as he can. This entire sequence should
          seem like a nightmare.
          The dog's owner goes berserk.

          DOG'S OWNER
          Don't you hit Lennie!
          Archie is too distressed about Petulia to even respond.
          At every door there is a tenant. A jumble of voices all
          spoken together.

          1ST TENANT
          0 That's sex for you.

          2ND TENANT
          It could be a gas leak.

          

          

          

          

          58

          62 CONTINUED

          0 3RD TENANT
          She's dead.

          4TH TENANT
          Those rescue cops never give up.

          5TH TENANT
          Yes'. but they're all racists.
          Of course, one of the officers is a Korean and the other
          a Negro. All through this we have also been aware of many
          T.V. sets, all with programs with various kinds of violence.
          One youbgster comes to the door holding a portable T.V. and
          we see on the tube war casualties being flown out of the
          Jungle by helicopters.
          Archie has crossed ahead of the special officers to lead
          the way down the steps. Half a dozen "hippies"' loaded
          down with Chinese food and a yellow guitar are coming up
          the steps. Everything is chaos.
          The officers just can't manage the stretcher down the
          narrow stairway. Poor Petulia is twisted and turned every
          which way - all in the name of saving her life.

          7TH TENANT

          €�
          (a rich old queen in
          purple Bermuda shorts)
          I had trouble like that with my piano. Two
          hundred dollars to bring it through the window.
          And its never been the same.
          A record player is playing a Herb Alpert recording and
          the stretcher seems to move along to its rhythm.

          63 EXT. A HIGHWAY RESTAURANT NIGHT

           This is the stretch of highway 1 - 01 going north from.Mexico.
          The restaurant is a mass of neon, and does very well in,the
          hot coffee department as the sleepy travellers take a
          break on their way north.
          Among the cars many are filled with bull fight
          afficianados.
          It's about ten p.m. There is a general feeling of
          exhaustion and spent passions. People are bleary-eyed,
          recovering from hangovers, beginning to feel the effects
          of sunburns. All this we see later. First we see Oliver.
          Oliver is sitting in the car staring coldly at David who
          0 has just awakened. David is probably just about to say
          "Who the hell are you" when Petulia appears carrying a
          cardboard carton of coffee and orange juice.

          

          

          

          

          59

          63 CONTINUED
          David takes a sip of coffee. Oliver grabs at the orange
          juice, toppling it, spilling some of it on the seat but
          saving most. He gulps it down then uses the straw to
          make bubbles. David looks at Oliver and then at
          Petulia, all through the bubbles.

          PETULIA
          Say hello to "Petulia"s Folly."
          David says nothing.

          DAVID
          Oh?

          PET ULIA
          (with careful wit)
          If, in the past, you thought me a bit odd,
          feast your eyes on this little goodie.

          DAVID
          What°s the problem?

          PETULIA
          (to Oliver)
          Why can't you speak English?
          (to David)
          Why the hell don't they teach them English?
          This little hustler picked me up in Tijuana --

          DAVID
          (to Oliver, very gently)
          What's your name?

          PETULIA
          I've got a name for him!
          Oliver doesn't understand what is being said, but he is
          getting uneasy.

          O LIVER
          Lady say "hey come on us go San Francisco
          ten bucks."

          PET UL IA
          You bleeding little liar!
          Oliver looks at Petulia innocently.

          PETULIA

          (CONTINUING)
          I never did!
          She's worried about David.

          

          

          

          

          60

          0 63 CONTINUED

          PETULIA
          What I said to this malicious little fink was
          that maybe one day if we went back to Tijuana --

          DAVIT?
          (to Oliver)
          San Francisco?

          OLIVER
          San Francisco.
          Each says it in his own accent, and so begins a word game.

          DAVID

          (GIGGLING)
          San Francisco.

          OLIVER

          { GIGGLING)
          San Francisco.

          DAVID
          Okay. "San Francisco."
          0 He pronounces it like Oliver.

           PET ULIA

           DAVID
          David doesn't answer her.

          DAVID
          (to Oliver)
          What's your name?
          (in bad Spanish)
          What are you called?

          OLIVER
           (pronouncing it Spanish)
          Oliver.

           DAVID
           (pronouncing it English)
          Oliver.

           OLIVER
           (pronouncing it Spanish)
          Oliver.
          They begin laughing again. Petulia is becoming
          t.
          completely unnerved.

          

          

          

          

          61

          0 63 CONTINUED

          PETULIA
          David. The San Diego bus is due at twelve
          fifteen. I've already bought him a ticket.

          DAVID
          We've got to get this on tape. He's really
          something else'. I get a real kick out of him!
          (imitating Oliver)
          "San Francisco." Unless he's a midget. Hey,
          sure! Oliver is a sixty-three-year-old midgets
          Oliver grins, not understanding but feeling he has an
          ally.

          DAVID
          (to Petulia)
          Get in. It's still a long drive. We'll
          never get home.

          PETULIA
          Okay. He can wait inside. The cashier's a
          sweet old dear. I'll have him keep an eye on
          the ckeeky little bugger!
          0 She opens the car door to take Oliver out, tense,
          wanting to get past this moment but fearful that she won't.

          DAVID
          You promised "Oliver" "San Francisco."

          PETULIA
          I did not.

          DAVID
          Like hell you didn't'.
          David abruptly hops over the seat and sits behind the
          wheel. He signals for Petulia to get in beside Oliver.
          Petulia hesitates.

          DAVID
          I dig, bitch, I dig!
          She's stunned. His hand reaches out and brutally jerks
          her into the car.

          DAVID
          I dig.
          CAMERA HOLDS on Petulia's frightened face. Now suddenly
          0 the face has a tube in the nose; there's another tube in
          her throat; and she's unconscious.

          

          

          

          

          62

          0 6L!. INT. EMERGENCY ROOM HOSPITAL

          Half a dozen people are working to keep Petulia alive.
          They're used to their work, it's no big deal for them.
          Actually the feeling should be that they're as relaxed
          as if they were mechanics working on a motor car.
          Archie sits on a white stool in a corner, watching
          everything, not as a doctor any more but as a"deeply
          involved man. When one of the doctors hits a vein by
          mistake and murmurs "Whoops ." Archie can take no
          more and leaves.

          65 INT. DOCTORS' SHOWER ROOM

          Archie sits on a little stone shelf, just letting the
          water from the shower hit him.

          BARNEY'S VOICE
          Hey you.
          Barney is looking over the shower door at Archie with a
          mixture of concern and anger.

          BARNEY
          (shouting over sound of shower)
          0 Did you know there's a policeman outside
          wanting to talk to you?
          Archie nods dully.

          BARNEY
          What the hell is going on?
          Archie nods dully.

          BARNEY
          Can you have dinner with us tonight?
          Archie nods dully.

          66 INT. BARNEY' S DEN (LATE AFTERNOON)

          Barney is working the film projector showing slides of a
          recent holiday with Wilma and their daughter. Each
          slide projects an enormous colored image against an
          entire wall. Archie is slumped on a couch popping
          peanuts into his mouth.

          BARNS Y
          You like this new lens, Archie? Is
          this the greatest lens you ever saw?

          0

          

          

          

          

          63

          66 CONTINUED

           ARCHIE
           Mrnmmmm?

          BARNEY:

          (ANNOYED)
          What am I supposed to do -- spend
          the money on belly dancers?i
          Wilma enters from another room. She's exhausted,

          .WI LMA
          (to Barney)
          Ask me what your daughter put in her
          steam inhalator,

          BARNEY
          I don't want to know,

          WILMA
          Ask.me, Cottage cheese,

          BARNEY
          Actually I'm relieved,

          0

          WILMA
          (to Archie)
          I'm afraid she's madly in love with
          your Stevie,

          ARCHIE

          (ABSENTLY
          Steven.
          Wilma looks at the pictures on the wall,

          WILMA
          Wasn't that a gorgeous week! I just
          adore Big Sur!

          BARNEY
          It rained every day. You kept
          insisting you were pregnant,

          WILMA
          (to Archie)
          You must take Polo and the boys --
          She stops embarrassed,

          €�

          BARNEY
          Wilma-The-Magic-Talking-Machine. Put
          a dime in and she talks all night.

          

          

          

          

          64

          66 CONTINUED

          0 WILMA
          I'm sorry Archie.

          ARCHIE
          Forget it.

          WILMA
          (she might cry)
          I just can't think of you without
          thinking of Polo.
          Archie nods.

          BARNEY

          (REMINISCING)
          Had to drive
          Made me run a frog test on her.
          forty miles in the rain. Almost hit a truck.
          Could have been dead and buried three years.
          Through this Barney keeps changing slides. Suddenly there
          is a picture of Archie, Polo and Wilma on another vacation.
          In this slide they are posing in corny T-shirts. The
          T-shirts say, "Kiss me you fool" and "I love the
          Rolling Stones"., etc.

          BARNEY

          €�
          Oh, hey, I'm sorry.
          Wilma looks very superior.

          WILMA
          I'll bet he's sorry.

          BARNEY
          There's nothing wrong with a little
          old-fashioned nostalgia.

          WI LMA
          Do you remember that crazy Labour Day
          weekend we drove to Tahoe?

          BARNEY
          (too quickly)
          I've got them right her
          Archie frowns at Wilma and Barney. But they are clumsy
          and obvious, and he is somewhat touched.

          BARNEY
          I keep everything. They just happen to be
          here. What do you think this is, a conspiracy?

          E

          

          

          

          

          6;

          E

          66 CONTINUED

          ARCHIE
          Yes,
          Really they are all good friends, and they laugh good-
          naturedly,

          WILMA
          Let's see them Archie.
          Barney starts showing different slides of the Tahoe vacation.
          Archie watches scratching his ear, and eating peanuts.
          Wilma looks like the tears are about to start,
          C.S. A child cries "Mommy!"

          WILMA
          (to Barney)
          You go this time.
          Barney goes, leaving the slide still showing on the wall.
          Wilma looks at Archie for a long moment.

          ARCHIE

          (SHRUGGING)
          • Wilma what do you want me to say?
          They were great old times,

          WILMA
          Archie what's happening to you?

          ARCHIE
          Nothing.

          WILMA
          Dontt say nothing -- the policeman
          even called here!

          ARCHIE
          Itm sorry.

          WILMA
          I've had a splitting earache all day.
          Friends have certain rights, even the
          right to be obnoxious. Do you love
          this woman?
          Archie shrugs.

           WILMA
          i Well you must feel something.

          ARCHIE
          Yeah I guess so. Pity.

          

          

          

          

          66

          66 CONTINUED

          0 W I LMA
          Pity. Go to the dog pound. You'll find two
          hundred dogs ready to be gassed.
          Policemen.
          Then Wilma sighs.

          WI LMA
          Shall I tell you something? I wish I
          had your guts.

          67 INT. INTENSE CARE UNIT DAWN

          Archie is in Petulia's little cubicle slumped on a
          chair, sound asleep. Petulia lies on the bed, tubes
          protruding from arms and neck. She is still unconscious.
          Archie is awakened by a nun entering the cubicle to
          hook up another pint of blood. Archie's presence
          disconcerts the nun. She can't show her annoyance
          openly, but is so disturbed she does her work badly
          this time.

          NUN
          Who would do such a thing to a girl like
          this? She's a child. Is there an
          orthopaedic problem, Dr. Bollen?

          0
          Archie doesn't answer.

          NUN
          A. doctor should get his sleep.

          ARCHIE
          You left the needle in.
          The nun would like to scream at Archie about the
          impropriety of his presence here but she can't.
          She is proud of the bottle of blood.

          NUN
          From the Archbishop's Fund.

          ARCHIE
          Take the needle out.

          

          

          

          

          67

          67 CONTINUED

          0 NUN
          All races and creeds. Why hasn't her
          husband been notified?

          ARCHIE
          I suppose they've tried.

          NUN
          It would be such a nice surprise to have his
          picture here when she finally awakens.
          Wouldn't that be nice?

          ARCHIE
          Yes,

          NUN
          It would give her some small comfort,

          ARCHIE
          I would put a bit more tape around the needle,

          NUN
          I mentioned her this morning in the chapel.
          I mention all my criticals.

          • ARCHIE
          In the future be more careful of the needle.

          NUN
          She hardly makes a bump under the sheets.
          She leaves. Archie moves closer to Petulia examining
          her throat and eyes for vital signs. He pushes open an
          eyelid and Petulia's dead eye stares glassily into his
          living face.

          68 INT. HOSPITAL DAY

          We spend awhile watching Archie function as a doctor,
          moving through the wards, examining broken legs, arms,
          or whatever. In one of these scenes we pass through
          the orthopaedic room.

          69 INT. ORTHOPAEDIC ROOM

          Oliver is being given therapy in a whirling bath. He's
          only one of some twenty patients and Archie barely
          notices him, simply waving to him as he does to other
          patients who don't need his care anymore. Oliver is
          too frightened of the whirling bath to give a damn
          about the doctor. Archie goes and we stay with Oliver.

          0

          

          

          

          

          68

          69 CONTINUED

          OLIVER'S ATTENDANT
          Come on, come on, get on with it.

          70 INT. A SMALL BEDROOM IN THE DANNER HOUSE


          JUST BEFORE DAWN
          Three weeks ago. Oliver is wide awake, wolfing down a
          loaf.of bread that he has stolen from the Danner kitchen.
          As he gnaws on the bread, he listens to indistinct
          sounds from the master bedroom. moans and groans,
          a sudden cry, all of which he supposes are the sounds
          of love-making. He grins to himself in the dark.
          Abruptly a door opens and Petulia is coming down the
          hall. She has hastily put on a pair of slacks and a
          blouse, and is struggling into a coat. Her hair is
          tousled, her face filled with anguish.

          71 INT. STAIRWAY DANNER HOUSE

          Petulia is hurriedly taking the hurriedly dressed
          Oliver down the steps. He is protesting. Before they
          can reach the front door, the door of the master
          bedroom opens. David is standing there in his
          pyjama pants.

          DAVID
          Hey, "San Francisco"!
          He pronounces it like Oliver does. He comes down
          the steps, three at a time. He stops before the kid.

          DAVID

          (GENTLY)
          I sure hope there's no hard feelings.
          Oliver understands none of this, and of course David
          knows this, but it doesn't stop him.

          DAVID
          It isn't a question of hospitality, I
          want you to understand that. I feel
          terrible. Dragging you all the way
          up to San Francisco and then not even
          showing you Fisherman's Wharf.
          Comprehend.?
          Petulia goes into the living room to find the keys
          to the car.

          DA VID
          0 Hold it a minute!

          

          

          

          

          69

          0 71A INT. DANNER HOUSE LIVING ROOM DAWN


          DAVID
          (to Oliver)
          What's the rushy Whereas the fire!
          He stoops down beside the boy and shows him a
          wrist watch.

          DAVID
          You've go to have some little memento.
          Right?

          PETUL IA
          David, for God's sakes
          The wrist watch is much too big for Oliver's skinny
          wrist so David starts to fasten it around Oliver's
          biceps. Even this is too skinny so David starts
          fastening it around Oliver's lower leg. Oliver
          has no idea what is happening, but his hustler's
          heart tells him he is being given something very
          valuable. Petulia is repelled.

          DAVID
          (to Oliver)
          You see the basic problem is we just don't
          have the room for all the folks my old
          lady invites for a visit. Were kinda
          short of room. I'd give you the shirt off
          my back. I'm West-Texas and proud of it.
          But start loading up the house with
          make-believe kids, plus every Tom, Dick
          and Harry whose one and only claim to
          fame is that he knows how to do "it" --

          72 EXT. DANNER HOUSE DAWN

          Petulia begins sobbing, and trying to tug the boy
          toward the lift.

          DAVID
          Hands off!
          The watch won't fasten to the leg either. David
          tries to fit it around the boy's neck. David begins
          to cry.

          S

          

          

          

          

          70

          72 CONTINUED

          DA V1'D
          It won't fit any place.
          Petulia somehow gets Oliver into the lift and pushes the
          button. which starts it moving upward.

          DAVID
          (calling up)
          I don't want any hard feelings' It
          was nothing personals Hey, we'll look
          you up sometime; When we're down that
          way., Have a real old-fashioned fiesta;
          We'll have a ball; "Oliver?"
          During the preceding speech we CUT to Petulia and Oliver,
          Oliver, infuriated at Petulia, defiantly shows her that he
          has David's watch in his fist.

          OL I VER
          He give me!
          Petulia stares out toward the sea. Davis is still screaming
          atl.them, and his voice sounds so unlikely in all the splendor
          of morning coming to San Francisco.

          0

          73 INT, HOSPITAL'S UNDERGROUND GARAGE DAY
          Archie is maneuvering his car out of his parking space when
          he sees the nun of the Intense Care Unit cross to another
          car driven by another nuns There are many cars with many
          nuns zooming around,

          ARCHIE
          How's your patient?

          NUN
          Oh, Mrs. Danner.

          ARCHIE
          Mrs. Danner. How's Mrs. Danner?

          NUN
          She woke up awhile ago.

          ARCHIE
          She woke up?

          NUN
          Should .I have called you`d

          0
          Archie starts out of the car.

          

          

          

          

          71

          73 CONTINUED

          ?N
          She's asleep now. I'm, to buy her blue
          Cornflowers and a hairbrush. Sister
          Teresa phoned the police. Prayers help,
          Dr. Bollena She asked for Mr. Danner.
          I hope there's no orthopedic problem.
          But really she's not all that bad, this nun, mostly she
          believes that the sanctity of marriage happens to be true.
          She is not unmoved by the look of exhaustion on Archie's
          face.

          NUN
          Blue Cornflowers.
          They exchange a smile.

          NUN
          I'm'also to go all the way across town
          and deliver a message to the Mendoza
          family, I'm to tell them everything
          is okay. And give them this.

          ARCHIE
          Let me.

          €�
          He takes the envelope on which the address has been written.

          7. EXT. MENDOZA HOUSE DAY

          This is the house in which Oliver is boarding. Now, as
          Archie drives up, there is no sign of anybody. Archie
          crosses to the door, puzzled. He knocks on the door but
          there is no answer. He goes around to the back. There's
          an old car without wheels, butane tanks, other junk but no
          sign of life. Archie knocks on the back door and finally
          the door is opened. Beyond the screen door is the Mexican
          we have seen earlier. He has been awakened from sleep and
          is annoyed.

          ARCHIE
          Mr. Mendoza?
          Mendoza yawns sleepily.

          ARCHIE
          I'm Dr. Bollen. Do you know Mrs.
          Danner? Petulia Danner?

          MENDOZA

          €�
          No hablo ingles. Lo siento.

          

          

          

          

          72
          74. Continued

          ARCHIE
          Petulia Danner. She gave me this
          address,
          The Mexican shakes his head in complete indifference, is
          already thinking about going back to sleep, and starts
          closing the door,

          ARCHIE
          She was beaten. Almost to death. Are
          you Mr. Mendoza?

          MEXICAN
          "Mendoza," si,

          ARCHIE
          (giving envelope)
          This is for you,

          MEXICAN
          Gracia.
          He starts to open the envelope. It contains a twenty dollar
          bill,

          ARCHIE
          Can I talk to you for a minute?
          Mendoza, with no idea what Archie is saying, starts closing
          the door and pocketing the money.

          ARCHIE

          HEYP
          He pounds on the door. The door opens. The Mexican says in

          SPANISH:

          MEXICAN
          (in Spanish)
          I work all night. Go away.
          He closes the door. Archie pounds on the door again.
          He hurts his hand. He sucks on the slight wound. He kicks
          at the door. He crosses around to the front of the house,
          A negro and a white teenager are passing.

          ARCHIE
          Do either of you fellows speak Spanish?
          a NEGRO TEENAGER
          I speak a lot of Polish, if it would be
          any help, sir.

          

          

          

          

          73
          • 74 Continued

          ARCHIE
          I've got to talk with this man in here.
          A woman was almost beaten to death.

          TEENAGER
          Here?

          ARCHIE
          Not here.

          TEENAGER
          You said here,

          NEGRO
          Almost, but not quite to death, sir?

          ARCHIE
          Yes.

          TEENAGER
          Here but not quite here?

          ARCHIE
          Listen, just find a cop, huh;

          • NEGRO TEENAGER
          He'd better speak Polish, sir. I'm on
          a fantastic Polish kick.
          The two chase each other down the street yelling "Da:" and
          "Paderewskii" and even "Yawohl;", etc,
          Archie looks at the house and then at his car and then at his
          bruised hand. He's furious„ A police car passes'. Archie
          looks, but somehow can't bring himself to hail it. He
          wonders why he let the police car pass. He goes back to his
          car,

          75 INTO INTENSIVE CARE UNIT DAY
          Archie moves swiftly to the screened cubicle that held
          Petulia. He goes inside. He stops short. An old man lies
          in the bed with a rubber stop in his mouth to keep him from
          swallowing his tongue until he regains consciousness. His
          false teeth lie on the table beside him. Archie is plunged
          deeper into the sense of the unreal.

          76 INT. A HOSPITAL ROOM

          Petulia is in a two-bedded room. She has blue Cornflowers
          and a hairbrush. She is conscious now but looks quite wan.

          I
          In the next bed is a middle-aged lady looking at T.V.
          Petulia sees Archie.

          

          

          

          

          7.
          • 76 Continued

          PETULIA
          Why weren't you there when I woke up?
          You better not say you were when the
          bill comes, Dr. Bollen.

          ARCHIE
          Who is this guy, Mendoza? Why am I
          always finding you in a different bed?
          What are you?

          PETULIA
          Avery sick girl.

          ARCHIE
          Who beat you up?

          PETULIA
          What happened to your hand?

          ARCHIE
          Nothing happened to my hand.

          PETULIA
          I love your hands. I want plaster of
          paris molds for bookcases. Bookends.

          €�

          ARCHIE
          Did David beat you up? Was it Mendoza?
          Why did you send him money?

          PETULIA
          I'm still very sick.

          ARCHIE
          I don't care.

          OTHER PATIENT
          This man is a doctor?

          PETULIA
          The world's best, madame
          The patient turns her back on the two of them.

          ARCHIE
          Petulia,you're turning me into a nut.
          Why hasn't David been here?

          PETULIA
          Ask me questions.

          €�

          ARCHIE
          Petulia, is it possible for you to
          tell the truth about anything?

          

          

          

          

          REIPULIA

          (DROWSILY)
          so Mendoza was looking after Oliver
          for nae She" s our cleaning lady s

          SISTER

          ARCHIE
          There was no Mrs o Mendoza Z

          PETULIA
          ' drowsily)
          I had to have some place for him to
          stay,, David would never have let e
          bring him home

          ARCHIE
          Bring who home?

          PETT LIA
          Iqm beginning to hurt.

          ARCHIE
          Petuliag I don't understand the kind
          of world you live ina Come on. For
          Ghri.st$s sake, a
          pretty young gi.rl9
          what the hell is going on, who would
          lay a hand on you, how could you get
          so screwed up?
          Through this Petulia simply lies there, just looking a
          Archie.

          ARCHIE
          I cans t stand it.

          PETULIA
          Irm asleep. They gave me a pill.and
          I' asleep,, Really0 I am really very
          sleepy,, Can we talk later, Archie?
          When ivm asleep kiss my forehead.
          She closes her eyes and sleeps. Archie gives her fore-
          head a kiss and she giggles. He leaves.

          

          

          

          

          CHANGE

          4/26/67

          75AA

          77 INTO ARCHIEBS APARTMENT NIGHT.
          Furniture Is pushed back and three pup tents circle the
          center of the room. Archie and his sons have been having
          a camp-in. They are all dressed in jeans and sweat shirts
          and Stevie even wears moccasins - as though they were in
          the:High Sierras. The remainders of T.V. dinners are
          scattered around plus. Coke bottles plus their bed rolls
          from last night. Actually though it :rust: have sounded.
          like a great idea the two bogs are very bored, Archie,,:
          though trying to be "with-it' is far away,, and they sense
          it.

          STEVIE.
          Shouldn't we police the area?

          ARCHIE
          Good idea. Police the area.

          MIKE
          This is keen, Dad. Water canteens and
          everything.

          STEVIE
          I'm out of water.

          

          

          

          

          76

          77 CONTINUED

          ARCHIE
          Always make sure you've got water.
          You'll find some in the kitchen. What's
          on T.V.?

          STEVIE
          I''m hot. In fact.

          ARCHIE
          Switch the fire off then.
          Stevie goes to switch the electric fireplace off.

          MIKE
          It's really keen, Dad.
          The bell rings and Polo is standing there, She looks around,
          smiling.

          POLO
          I' don't believe it.

          STEVIE
          Even canteens, Mom.
          0 Polo really only has eyes for Archie. She is troubled by
          how haggard and worn he looks.

          POLO
          Roller Derby starts at eight.

          STEVIE
          We have to police the area.

          MIKE
          It's really been keen, Mom. Nobody
          ever heard of a. camp-in.
          The two boys now busy themselves with straightening out the
          place as Polo crosses to-Archie,

          ARCHIE
          It's been really keen, Mom.

          POLO
          Poor Archie.

          ARCHIE
          Not "dumb" Archie?

          0

          

          

          

          

          77

          77 CONTINUED

          POLO
          Never. The brightest. I used to have
          such terrible anxiety that I would die
          suddenly. Before I could say thank you,
          Archie is very touched.

          STEVIE
          I have to go to. the latrine.
          Stevie goes.

          MIKE
          Is Dad allowed to come to the Roller
          Derby? I mean since Uncle Warren
          couldn't?
          He is so bad at matchmaking that Polo and Archie can hardly
          keep a straight face.

          78 INT. ROLLER DERBY

          The place is almost empty, but the, fans are wildly
          enthusiastic and are placed to look ;like thousands for the
          T.V. camera. The women's team is on the rink, skating,
          0 banging into each other with great good-natured brutality,
          One of the skaters bucks another clear off the rink, smashing
          through the rail.
          The kids are in heaven, but Polo is so shocked she instinc-
          tively turns-to Archie and buries her face in his shoulder.
          Out of habit, he lets her, even touching the back of her'
          head' comfortingly, assuring her no fatality has occurred.
          Mike, the ace matchmaker, watches them with satisfaction.

          MIKE

          (SCREAMING)
          Don't let'that old fat butt get awa
          with tat;

          POLO

          (SHOCKED)

          MICHAELE

          MIKE

          FAT BUTT;

          POLO
          (to Archie)
          Will you please tell.your son --

          0

          

          

          

          

          78

          78 CONTINUED

          0
          She turns to 4rchie and sees him watching the fighting
          intently.
          The women are really brutal with each other. One small
          blonde lady is being, pummelled unmercifully by several
          others. As her head twists and turns from the forest of
          fists she seems to become Petulia.

          STEVIE
          I want to go home.

          M IKE
          They don't mean it.

          STEVIE
          I want some popcorn.

          ARCHIE
          I'll get it.
          He rises quickly and moves to the refreshment counter behind
          the grandstand.
          Archie finds a telephone booth. Polo watches him at the
          • phone booth.
          Her eyes lose their warmth.
          The women's team races around the track. Archie returns with
          a box of Cracker Jacks.

          STEVIE
          I said popcorn.

          POLO

          (COLDLY)
          How is she? Dead I hope?
          Archie is stunned at Polo's abrupt coldness.

          ARCHIE
          You don't even know her.

          POLO

          (COLDLY)
          I just have to look at you.
          ,Archie stops, remembering this is approximately what Petulia
          had said about Polo. He does a "how odd:" without saying it.

          

          

          

          

          79

          78 CONTINUED

          ARCHIE
          She's not going to die.

          POLO
          What a shame.

          ARCHIE
          She has her first visitor. Mr. Danner.
          Polo couldn't care less. Five skaters smash into each other
          on the rink but Polo doesn't flinch. She wouldn't think of
          turning to Archie for comfort.

          ARCHIE
          "His Mastahs in'Hydraul:ics."
          They sit coldly wit4 their children, a million miles apart.

          79 INT. PETULIA'S HOSPITAL ROOM NIGHT

          The Mr. Danner who is with Petulia is David's father.
          Petulia lies in the bed staring straight ahead at an
          enormous cotton giraffe, obviously a gift. The patient in
          the next bed has three middle-aged girl friends visiting her.
          They are playing bridge. Their presence frustrates Mr.
          • Danner. The other patient's T.V. set is on, and on the tube"
          we barely notice the continued violence of the outside world.

          MR. DANNER
          It's been a terrible shock to us...
          to Mother and me,..Our sailor boy
          and his pretty bride.

          79A INT. FATHER DANNER'S LIVING ROOM

          He stands at a great eye of a window. Mother Danner is
          mournfully quartering apples for an apple pie.

          MR. DANNER'S VOICE
          As I told Mother, "the values we lived
          by just don't seem to mean anything at
          all anymore. Our kids can chuck out
          two thousand years of Western civilization
          ..of Christianity...as though it wasn't
          worth a red cent.'

          

          

          

          

          80

          0 79B INT. PETULIA'S HOSPITAL ROOM


          MR, DANNER

          (CONTINUING)
          I must say Mother's answer surprised
          and, well, really sort of tickled me:
          "It's easy to be an angel when you're
          old and worn out and nobody wants you
          anymore," You see we do try, Petulia.
          I mean there you were in that man's
          apartment. Where I come from ...in "little
          pockets of ignorance" I suppose you'd call
          it...you'll find people who still live by
          the unwritten law.

          790 INT. FATHER DANNER'S LIVING ROOM


          MR. DANNER
          There's still many a county courthouse
          where the husband could kill both
          parties and not spend one night in jail,
          O.S. We hear SOUNDS of a bell ringing incessantly in short
          bursts.

          79D INT. PETULIA'S HOSPITAL ROOM


          0
          The bell is still ringing signifying the end of visiting
          hours and the other patient's visitors sigh, put the playing
          cards together and prepare to leave. Mr. Danner makes no
          move to leave,

          MR. DANNER
          In the hospital of my dreams people
          won't be chased out like sheep. People
          are better than most of the medicines
          they give you. David has finally'got
          around to repairing that wharf. He hired
          a couple of boys. The three of them are
          really working up a sweat. He's thinking
          of sailing all the way down the coast to
          Lima. That's in Peru.
          All through this there's no response whatever from Petulia.
          Her eyes are fixed on the eyes of the giraffe.

          MR. DANNER
          They say Lima is a terrific city. If
          you watch out for flies and take sensible
          sanitary precautions. I'll tell you a
          secret but don't you snitch: I'm using
          propaganda on David so that the four of
          0 us can go. Mother's a better sailor than
          I am. Even though I served eighteen
          months on a mine sweeper. Which should
          have prepared me for anything.

          

          

          

          

          81
          79D Continued
          A nun looks in.

          NUN

          (BRIGHTLY)
          Visiting hours are over.

          MR. DANNER
          (taking his turmoil
          out on the nun)
          I had lunch with your Mr. Pearl less
          than two weeks ago;
          The nun looks blank.

          MR. DANNER
          Mr. Pearl happens to be the superintendent
          of this Hospital; Two weeks ago at the
          Blue Fox Restaurants Just the six of usl
          The nun shrugs and leaves. Mr. Danner is really trembling
          now from his controlled emotion. Petulia will not take her
          eyes from the giraffe. The patient in the next bed is
          grumbling something about "what's sauce for the goose should
          be' sauce for the gander", etc. Mr. Danner abruptly takes a
          • small leather bound photograph from his pocket. It's the
           wedding picture of Petulia and David. Without a word he puts
           it on the night stand. Petulia will not look at it.

           79E EXT. DAVID AND PETULIA DANNER HOUSE

           The end of Sc. 72 is very quickly replayed.

           80 EXT. BUS STATION DAWN

          During Sc. 79E and 80 we continue to hear Mr. Danner:. Its
          a tiny bus station and hardly anyone is around this time of
          mo'rnin'g. Petulia waits with Oliver who is very annoyed at
          what has been done to him. A few other early travelers are
          about.- As the bus comes into sight, Oliver, grasping his last
          chance of freedom, suddenly darts away. IN A SERIES OF
          FLASHES we see Oliver; hit by a car; the look of agony on
          Petuliaa's face; the reaction of the spectators; and finally
          the ultimate image: the boy pinned under the wheel.

          MR.. DANNER'S VOICE
          (during preceding scene)
          David and I went at it hot and heavy.
          About the value of psychiatry. I mean
          sensible psychiatry. None of that "Sex-
          is-the-reason-for-everything" junk. It
          E won't ever replace a visit to the wood-
          shed and a good whack across the backside,
          but its late in the old ball game for that.

          

          

          

          

          82
           81 JN 7-1 o PETULIA'S HOSPITAL ROOM NIGHT
          • The nun reappears.

          NUN
          I'm sorry Sir, but it's time for the
          lady's medication.

          MR. DANNER
          Does anyone ever report how filthy
          this room is?
          He loses all his aplomb, He squats, he points, he finds
          imaginary objects on the floor.

          MR, DANNER
          Look at this'. Look at this! I
          personally raised fifty thousand
          dollars for this Hospital during
          the last campaign. You didn't
          know that did you; Well ask Mr,
          Pearl'. I mean if you knew what
          he looked like'. Filthy'.
          He gets up to go, The nun leaves, Mr. Danner brushes
          imaginary dust from his knees. He's perspiring, dis-
          hevelled, and still hasn°t said what he came to say.
          He waits there a moment more, Finally in a flat voice

          40
          without even looking at him:

          PETULIA
          Tell David, it's alright. He can
          come out of the cupboard.
          The old man almost sobs. Instead he exclaims in a
          jolly voice.

           MR. DANNER
           Chin up'.

          81A ROLLER DERBY
          This time we are with the T.V. CAMERAMAN, and we are
          looking through his scanner. We see all the excited
          people, but among them sit Archie and Polo, as cold as
          death. Suddenly, on the scanner, we see Polo rise and
          begin to leave tugging the two boys along with her,
          Archie makes no move to stop them.

          82 INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR DAY

          Archie wearing his white doctor's smock enters
          Petulia's room.

          

          

          

          

          83

          83 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM


          0
          The'bed where the second patient lay is empty. In
          Petulia's bed is the withered old man who earlier had
          taken Petulia's place in the Intense Care Unit. He's
          quite chipper now but is in many splints and braces.

          OLD MAN
          I'm not sick! Don't waste time on me!
          Archie turns to face the nun in attendance.

          ARCHIE
          Where is she?

          NUN
          Mrs. Danner? They picked her up.
          Dr. Worthington said it was alright
          so long as she had proper nursing.

          ARCHIE
          Who picked her up.

          NUN
          Her husband I suppose.

          ARCHIE

          0

          DANNER

          NUN
          They had a long talk with Dr. Worthington.
          He seemed entirely satisfied.

          ARCHIE
          They kidnapped hero
          He hurries down the hall. The'nun is startled.

          OLD MAN
          Take care of the sick people! I'm
          in tip-top shape!

          81E EXT. DANNER HOUSE DAY

          Archie hops off the lift as it reaches the bottom of the
          cliff. At the front of the house we see David and two
          colored men at work on the wharf. At the wharf is the
          yacht. Archie racies up to the nearest door and begins
          ringing the bell.

           85 INT. THE MASTER BEDROOM

           Petulia couldn't be lovelier, or happier. She's in a

          IS
          special hospital bed. There are flowers everywhere. She
          has her own colour T.V. set which is silently showing
          scenes of violence. An efficient nurse is in attendance.

          

          

          

          

          84

          85 CONTINUED
          0 The nurse is sitting at the foot of the bed, and Petulia
          is brushing the nurse's hair.
          Archie stands in the doorway overwhelmed at the normality
          of it all. Obviously Petulia has fixed her hair too.

          PETULIA
          Hi Archie.
          Dazedly Archie crosses to the night stand where there
          is a pitcher of tomato juice. Because he has nothing
          else to do he sniffs the tomato juice,

          PETULIA
          (to nurse)
          This is Dr. Bollen of the Hospital.
          He's a splendid doctor,
          (to Archie)
          This is Agnes Lillywhite.

          NURSE
          Our young lady is doing nicely. We
          have a few problems, but nothing
          serious.

          PETULIA
          • I get hiccups.` I go along merrily
          hiccupping for hours on end.

          ARCHIE
          Why did you leave the hospital?

          PETULIA
          I was feeling ever so much better, Archie.
          Mrs. Danner looks in. She is wearing an apron and
          stirring a batch of something.

          MRS. DANNER
          Will you be staying for lunch, sir?
          Goodness knows there's plenty of meatloaf.
          She goes and David enters. He looks extremely handsome.
          He wears white duck pants and a slip-over sweater. And
          a happy-go-lucky grin.

          PETULIA
          You two haven't met.
          (to David)
          This is Dr. Bollen.

          0

          

          

          

          

          85

          85 CONTINUED

          0

          DAVID

          (CHEERFULLY)
          Yes, I thought so. Hello, there!
          David sees that Archie has no intention of shaking
          his hand, so he crosses to the bed and begins to
          playfully Drank Petulia up and down.

          ARCHIE
          (to Petulia)
          I want you to go back to the hospital.

          DAVID
          Dr. Worthington says she's doing fine.
          He's going to make daily house calls.

          PETULIA
          He's very good about that.

          ARCHIE
          Petulia _m® !
          During this Mr. Danner has entered. He is really the
          only one not good at the charade.

          0

          PETULIA

          (CHEERFULLY)
          Well, you're finally meeting our
          whole family.

          MR. DANNER
          Dr. Bollen, I wouldn't exactly call
          this good taste. Not to mention
          medical ethics.

          DAVID
          Dad, you old fuddy-duddy, things happen.
          Archie suspects he is having a nightmare. With the
          exception of Mr. Danner, he has never seen so many
          cheerful people in one place.

          ARCHIE
          (to Petulia)
          You told the policeman you had a
          dizzy spell.

          PETULIA
          Right. I fell on my bottom.

          0

          

          

          

          

          86

          85 CONTINUED

          0 ARCHIE
          You were beaten up. You were somebody's
          punching bag.

          MR. DANNER
          won't have you cross-examining this
          girl.

          ARCHIE
          Your son nearly killed this girl.

          DAVID

          (FRIENDLY)
          Hey now listen, doe, I'll stand still
          for only so much.

          MR. DANNER
          (to the nurse)
          I want you to remember what this man
          just said.
          (to Archie)
          Though it's none of your business, my
          boy was in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
          Looking at boats.

          PETULIA
          We've decided we're quite happy with
          the one we have.

          DAVID
          When Dad phoned me I was having dinner
          with a cousin of ours. Real mouth-
          watering Creole cooking.
          He and Petulia chuckle at each other as though this
          were some kind of private joke. Archie crosses to
          Petulia and just stands there looking at her. He
          doesn't know what to do.

          PETULIA

          (HAPPILY)
          I'm fine Archie. Except I burp a lot.
          Everybody gets dizzy spells.
          Archie looks incredulously from Petulia who has resumed
          brushing the nurse's hair; to David; to Mr. Danner who's
          obviously annoyed at Archie's bad taste; to Mrs. Danner
          who is in the dining room setting up an extra place
          for Archie. What can he do? Abruptly he rushes from
          the house.

          

          

          

          

          87

          86 EXT. HOUSE

          Archie runs toward the lift that will move him up the
          cliff. He can't get away fast enough. He climbs into
          the lift and pushes the button. The lift begins moving,
          but too slowly for him. He hops off the lift and begins
          scrambling up the side of the cliff.

          87 INT. PETULIA'S BEDROOM

          Petulia looks out the window and sees Archie scrambling
          up the cliff, She fits a curler into the nurse's hair.

          PETULIA'S VOICE
          Going back to the house was the only
          thing I could do.
           scenes 87A B D .,and E occur only in Petulia's mind.

          87A EXT. ATOP CLIFF DAY

          Petulia is waiting for Archie at the top of the cliff
          as he staggers toward her. Since everything is taking
          place in her mind, this is how Petulia really is.

          PETULIA

          (CONTINUING)
          Where else could I go? A lonely hotel
          room? I don't have a penny of my own.
          Mr. Danner promised me I'd never be left
          alone. I thought I'd try it for a few
          days. Don't be-angry. It was nobody's
          fault. Actually, if anyone is to blame,
          it's you, Archie.

          ARCHIE

           (GASPING)
           Me?I.o

          87B INT. FAIRMONT HOTEL NIGHT

          Petulia now recreates the moment when she first met Archie.
          Archie is searching through his pockets for the ticket
          to reclaim his coat, Petulia rushes up to him, with
          none of the fake nonsense of the actual meeting, but
          with absolute desperation. Archie is dressed as he
           is on the hill (Scene 86).

           PETULIA
           I'm Petulia Danner . save me like
           you saved Oliver ... save me from David!
           Don't lust scramble up the hill like a
          • b oody fool o

          

          

          

          

          88
          87B Continued
          Archie is stunned.

          ARCHIE
          I'm looking for the ticket for my raincoat.

          PETULIA

          NOL

          87C INT. PETULIA'S BEDROOM

          From her bedroom window Petulia watches Archie scramble
          up the hill.

          PETULIA'S VOICE
          Coming for me in that pokey little car.

          87D EXT. A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY ROAD DAY

          In Petulia's mind, a great white ambulance is moving
          majestically through towering trees, carrying Petulia
          to safety.

          PETULIA'S VOICE

          (CONTINUING)
          9 Why didn't you bring a proper ambulance?
          As though you really meant it.

          ARCHIE'S VOICE
          I didn't know what to do. I was going
          from one moment to the next.

          PETULIA'S VOICE
          Spectacular entrance, lousy exit. Sounds
          familiar, Archie.
          Suddenly all the anger goes out of Petulia.

          PETULIA'S VOICE:
          No, it's not your fault.

          87E THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE DAY
          Petulia dismisses the ambulance from her mind because
          she has something very serious to say to Archie. She
          is with him on the rocks below the bridge.

          PETULIA
          I went back to the house because I owed it
          to David. I have a brown thumb when it
          comes to men. I put them on the Cross and
          call them Jesus. And there they hang. I
          don't know why I do it. Not because of any
          high opinion of myself... oh, Archie, if you
          only knew...

          

          

          

          

          89
          87E Continued
          She looks up at the bridge and instantly creates David
          standing there. An incredibly heroic figure in a white
          blazer and turtle neck sweater. Yet somehow we must
          sense that despite how grand David looks, at any moment
          in Petulia's mind he may leap to his death.

          PETULIA
          Look at him. Isn't he super. A six foot
          three Coca Cola bottle. Empty. I did
          that. I'd ruin you, Archie.

          87F INT. BEDROOM

          We are now back in visual reality with Petulia, and
          the playful David who is trying to make Petulia laugh,
          which she does.

          PETULIA'S VOICE
          David was the gentlest man I ever knew.

           88 EXT. CLIFF

           Archie has neared the top of the cliff. His pants are
           ripped, his hands are scraped, he is gasping in anguish.

          €�

          PETULIA'S VOICE
          I'd ruin you. In five weeks, I'd be
          running around with a black eye.
          By now, Archie has reached the top of the cliff and is
          a complete mess. He turns for one last look at the
          Danner house and the yacht beyond. He shakes his fist
          maniacally.

          89 EXT0 MUIR WOODS DAY
          During the following SEQUENCE OF SCENES Archie is
          trying to get back to normality. He's having a nice
          sensible talk with Warren Smith, Polo's fiance. It
          is a pleasant sunny day and a group of Indian boys are
          being told about the forest by an Irish guide. In the
          background Archie's two children are playing with
          Warren's child.

          WARREN
          It's never too soon to think of the
          boys' education.
          Warren winks at him knowingly.

          ARCHIE
          Have you thought of doing something
          about that?

          

          

          

          

          90

          89 CONTINUED

           WARREN
           What ?

          ARCHIE
          ; ; ^ ^ ���,, That twi Lch v v d.

          WARREN
          What twitch? I don't have a twitch.

          ARCHIE
          You do. Come and see me. Don't touch
          it, it'll give you a phobia. I'll fix
          it for free.

          WARREN
          Thanks, I will. You know, I like you
          more t han I ever thought I would.

          ARCHIE
          Warren, you're a beautiful human being.
          They turn to watch the boys at play.
          Nearby, the guide is explaining something to the Indians.

          INDIAN CHILD
          What happens next?

          GUIDE
          Spring.
          Archie smiles hoeefully.

          90 INTO A MARVELOUS RESTAURANT NIGHT
          Beyond is the entire shockingly beautiful panorama of
          San Francisco. Archie and May are having champagne
          cocktails. They clink glasses and look at each other
          through candlelight. Archie spills some of his cock-
          tail but May doesn't spill a drop. Archie smiles
          hopefully.

          91 INTO DISCOTHEQUE NIGHT
          Archie dances with many girls, some hippies, some chic,
          all terribly young and unsmiling. Archie smiles
          hopefully.

          

          

          

          

          92 EXT. A SA111'

           For the first EQ ENCE BEGAN Archie is
           not smiling. He _L z ri g at Petulia. Archie and his
           boys are riding on ou side of a cable car. The car
          has stopped at the t p of the hill as has the car going
          the other way. in the other car is Petulia by herself.
          Petulia waves f.rst. Archie waves back. Petulia has
          shopping parcels.

          AR C HIE
          You look better.

          PETULIA
          Feel marvelous. Michael and Stevie?
          Archie nods,

          ARCHIE
          We?-re going to see the penguins.
          Everything okay with your

          PETULIA
          Oh yes, fine.
          The cars start down their separate ways.

          93 INT. PENGUIN PLACE DAY

          Thirty penguins march around the rim of their pool to the
          music of Pomp and Circumstance. Through the Public
          Address System, a voice explains that the penguins
          represent all nations and are gathered 'here for their
          own Olympics which they originated two million years ago,
          when penguins were nine feet tall and great athletes.
          Archie senses someone staring at him, turns and sees
          Petulia sitting in the grandstand with her parcels. He
          tries to ignore her by concentrating on his kids, but
          he cannot. Actually, he doesn't want to ignore Petulia.
          He looks back, she is still there, smiling happily.
          Archie gestures for the boys to stay where they are, then
          starts toward Petulia.
          The penguins are now going through various acrobatics
          while the narrator is telling more about their exotic
          origins. Archie stumbles through laughing children,
          ruins a tourist's snapshot, etc., until he finally reaches
          Petulia.
          Now one penguin is pushing another penguin in a baby
          carriage. Everyone thinks it's adorable.
          Archie sits beside Petulia not really knowing what to say.
          He hasn't decided whether to be angry that she has followed
          him,- or amused, or delighted -- or all three.

          

          

          

          

          92

          0 93 CONTINUED
          Now the taped music is blaring a Loud marching song as
          the penguins lumberingly form into a Roman legion, The
          laughter,, music and applause ?make any intimate conversa-
          tion almost impossible. But Petulia is waiting for
          Archie to say something.
          Archie sees that Mike has turned from the penguins to
          stare at his father accusingly. Mike won't stop staring.
          Mike now tries to make Stevie turn and look accusingly
          with him, Archie doesn't know what to do0
          Finally, Petulia rises and gathers her parcels,, still
          quite pleasant. She drops a parcel and Archie retrieves
          it for hero Its from a sportswear shop,, colorful and
          gay. As Archie gives Petulia the parcel, she touches
          his hand, running her fingers lightly over his skin,
          thoughtful, as though wanting to remember something.
          Petulia moves quickly through people toward the exit.
          Archie almost calls her back, but there is too much noise.

          9. INT. CORRIDOR ARCHIE'S APARTMENT DAY

          Archie is returning from work, weighted down with
          books for his research, plus miscroscope.
          He sees his apartment door ajar. His heart stops.
          He kicks his door open with his foot, not daring to
          think who will be inside.

          95 INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT

          No, you're wrong. Its not Petulia. Two elderly
          gentlemen in spotless dungarees are just finishing
          installing a portable greenhouse in Arc hie's living
          room. The Mexican paper flowers have been carefully
          moved.

          FIRST GENTLEMAN
          Oh, oho We were supposed to be out of
          here before you came home, Dr. Bollen.
          So you'd think it came from Santa Claus,
          The two elderly gentlemen chuckle at Archie's puzzled
          look.

          

          

          

          

          93

          95 CONTINUED

          FIRST GENTLEMAN
          Wonderful. i.sn g t - t ? They sell like
          hot cakes. Gives you something alive
          in all this stone.

          ARCHIE
          There must be some mistake.
          He sags down on a chair, draped in his research books.
          The two old gentlemen couldn't be more pleased.

          FIRST GENTLEMAN
          Mac and I get a, big kick out of people's
          first reaction. Its not a toy. It's
          a working greenhouse. You control heat
          and humidity with these.
          (he indicates dials)
          You've got a little bit of everything.
          Ornamental plants,, Zinnias, Asters.
          Even a little vegetable garden. The
          most important thing to remember is
          to keep the sun out. These new kind
          of lights work so much better, there's
          no comparison.

          €�

          ARCHIE
          You've got the wrong apartment l

          FIRST GENTLEMAN

          (CHEERFULLY)
          No we have not s Dr. Bollen3

          ARCHIE
          What screwball ...?I
          Then he stops, He knows what screwball.

          ARCHIE
          No gift card?

          FIRST GENTLEMAN
          It might come by mail.
          Archie starts chuckling. He crosses to the green-
          house, still chuckling.

          

          

          

          

          9L.

          95 CONTINUED

          €�

          ARCHIE
          This one heat, and this one humidity,
          right?

          FIRST GENTLEMAN
          Exactly. We've left a manual of
          operations, and wetll check everything
          out in a month. Okay, Dr. Bollen?

          ARCHIE
          (still chuckling)
          Okay, okay! Goodbye,'
          He enters the greenhouse, having to stoop almost double, as
          the two old gentlemen exit from the apartment.

          96 INT. GREENHOUSE

          Though extremely uncomfortable, Archie is entirely happy.
          Suddenly he is ripping up flowers and vegetables to make a
          kooky bouquet. He is positively exultant. He adds radishes
          and turnips to the bouquet. This is the happiest we have
          ever seen Archie.

          €�

          97. EXT. DANNER HOUSE DAY

          Archiets car is parked on the cliff.
          The Danner house is dark, deserted, abandoned.
          Archie is standing by himself on the wharf bouquet in hand.
          The yacht has gone. And so has Petulia.
          Archie feels utterly alone, and as a matter of fact, he is.
          He tosses the bouquet into the water. The lettuce floats.

          97A EXT. THE YACHT DAY

          Theoretically, we should be at some flea bag port in South
          America. Mostly, we SEE the yacht.

          40

          

          

          

          

          95

          0
          97A Continued
          Petulia is sunbathing on the yacht. She looks much better
          now. Weeks have passed, she has a golden tan. Beside her,
          a transistor radio has picked up a local broadcast which
          would be in either Spanish or Portuguese and which consists
          mostly of music.
          David hops onto the yacht carrying a bag of groceries.
          He, too, is deeply tanned, marvelously healthy, but somehow
          uneasy.

          DAVID
          Hi.

          PETULIA
          Did you get mama on the plane all right?

          DAVID
          Sure. But what a dinky plane. Poor
          mamats stomach problems are far from over.
          He enters the cabin. Petulia sits up after a moment, looks
          about, sees no one else, then then in alarm peers into one
           of the windows that looks down into the cabin.

          €�

           97B INT. CABIN

          David is stowing food into the refrigerator.

          PETULIA
          You didn't leave papa alone in that
          horrible little town?

          DAVID
          It's not such a horrible little town.
          (he holds up a can)
          Hearts of artichokes'

          PETULIA

          (UNEASILY)
          David...

          DAVID?
          Take your "Vitamer Zed," you blinkint
          Limey.

          €�

          

          

          

          

          96
          0 97B Continued
          He uses the English way of saying "vitamin," and then a bit
          too rakishly he tosses an orange up through the window.
          Instinctively, Petulia makes an effort to catch, misses,
          and it hits her lightly on the shoulder. Though it causes
          no damage,'David is suddenly in terror. He races up out
          of the cabin to Petulia.

          97C EXT. YACHT DAY

          David rushes to Petulia. Of course the orange did no damage
          whatever, but there is an abrupt tension between them. He
          flops down beside her and begins peeling the orange,

          DAVID
          Papa went with her at the last minute.
          Petulia REACTS, shocked.

          DAVID

          (CONTINUING)
          She was so pale and seared. They aren't
          even pressurized. The plane. You suck
          on a tube and hope it's oxygen.

          S
          During this he has peeled the orange and torn it into
          segments, which he now tries to feed her.

          DAVID
          Open.

          PETULIA
          How could he have gone? Just like that?

          DAVID
          Where mama is concerned, papa is a very
          loving man. Open.
          Instead, Petulia jumps frightened to her feet, She seems
          about to leave the yacht.

          DAVID
          Please don't.

          PETULIA
          He Dromised;

          DAVID
          Honey. It'll be okay, Cross my heart.

          0 PETULTA
          He promised.

          

          

          

          

          97
          0 97C Continued
          A middle-aged couple are passing by on their way to their
          luxurious yacht which is anchored close by. They are
          trailed by a rather tacky Mari-ache trio,

          W OMAN
          Hello there you gorgeous people.
          Everyone's invited for Margueritas
          and cha-cha-cha.

          PETULIA

          (DAZEDLY)
          Mr. and Mrs. Danner are gone,

          WOMAN
          (a`s corny as this)
          Oooh la la; Lucky you;
          The group goes off, toward their yacht. Petulia doesn't know
          what to do. David skims off his jeans and jackknifes into
          the water. The sun glints on his exquisite body. Confusedly,
          Petulia pops a segment of an orange into her mouth. David
          surfaces from the water laughing up at her. He looks great.

          97D EXT. YACHT NIGHT

          Petulia and David are returning from the other yacht. They
          are dressed casually, but very well. David is completely
          happy. Petulia is uneasy -- uneasy hell, she's frightened
          out of her wits. From the other yacht we still hear the
          SOUNDS of the Mariache trio and people squealing with delight
          David is humming along with the music.

          PETULIA
          We didn't have to come back this early..

          DAVID
          You're still not one hundred per cent
          well.
          They've reached the cabin. He enters. She waits outside.
          Suddenly his hand is around her wrist, somewhat too hard, and
          in a gesture he hopes is playful, he pulls her down the steps
          into the cabin.

           97E INTO CABIN

           DAVID
           Icy hands.

          0

          PETULIA
          Warm heart.

          

          

          

          

          98
          97E Continued

          10

          DAVID
          So they say,
          Petulia says nothing. She begins undressing,

          DAVID

          (CONTINUING)
          I didn't tell papa to leave.
          She doesn't answer.

          DAVID

          (CONTINUING)
          He only had the clothes on his back.
          She doesn't answer.

          DAVID

          (CONTINUING)
          I didn't.want him to leave.

          PETULIA
          All right, David.

          • DAVID
          "All right, David," through chattering
          teeth.
          Petulia crawls under the sheet of a bunk.

          DAVID
          Only a crazy man hits a woman. Or a
          coward. T won't ever again. I'd
          stick my hand into a garbage disposal.
          I would, Petulia. I'd grind it up,
          Petulia lies under the sheet, silent, rigid, David
          abruptly crosses to a cabinet and takes out a signal flare
          pistol. He snaps in a flare and tosses it at Petulia.
          She sits up in panic.

          DAVID
          Hang on to it. If I come for you let
          me have a flare. Between the eyes.
          I'll melt in ten seconds.
          Petulia is touched.

          0

          

          

          

          

          99
          97E Continued
          ��;IUL�iA
          I couldn't do that, Youtre too beautiful
          to melt.

          DAVID
          (suddenly angry)
          Girls are beautiful,

          PETULIA

          (GRINNING)
          So are centaurs, unicorns, minataurs,0.

          DAVID

          (GRINNING)
          , ,astron.uts, short order cooks, trumpet
          players,,,

          PETULIA
          Cavalry officers, aging poets, men of
          science,,.
          They are enjoying the nonsense. Then on "Men of Science':

          0 97F DAVID'S IMAGE:
          His finger is pressed against the doorbell over which is
          the nameplate "DR, A. BOLEN." The door finally opens and
          Petulia is standing there in Archie's hooded sweatshirt.
          Her eyes widen in terror as David enters Archie's apartment.
          She knows he has come here to kill her,
          97G The image ends. David is abruptly withdrawn, but Petulia
          is carried away by memory.

          PETULIA
          The first time I saw you, you were being
          charming to- somebody who didn't buy a
          boat after all, You were wearing a light
          blue turtleneck sweater. Your sunglasses
          w®re'pushed up into your hair. You had
          sandals, but'-no socks. Trying. to sell a
          forty foot yacht without socks. I had
          never seen anything so perfect. "He's
          not real. He's one of those plastic
          gadgets Americans do so well. Ah, but
          I want one."

          

          

          

          
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          mmarv. and , ._ r a 5 an Outsi ?5'.C

          F;}LO
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          POLO
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          ARGHT
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          101

          98 CONTINUED
          Then Petulia sees Archie beside her bed. He is wearing
          his hospital jacket which gives him the run of the place.

          PETULIA
          They can't keep any secrets around here.

          ARCHIE
          When did you get back?

          PETULIA
          A year ago. You didn't forget me,

          ARCH IE
          How could I? All those laughs.
          He dabs a Kleenex on her sweat-beaded face.

          ARCHIE
          So, Things go better with Mr. and Mrs. Danner,

          PETULIA
          Obviously,
          They look at each other tenderly.

          €�

          PETULIA
          Why did you let me get away?

          ARCHIE
          Bad timing. Dumb Archie.

          PETULIA
          Girls like me are very rare, Archie
          Archie cannot endure this,

          ARCHIE

          (SUDDENLY)
          I could.call an ambulance. Take you to a
          private hospital in Oakland. If we didn't
          make it in time, so what, I don't know
          how many babies I delivered as an intern.

           98A EXT. THE AMBULANCE DAY


           FOR AN INSTANT WE SEE PETU LIA'S IDYLLIC AMBULANCE

           AGAIN CARRYING HER TO HAPPINESS,

           DAY

           98B INT. LABOR ROOM


          40 ARCHIE
          There's nothing to it. Especially a
          girl with your pelvis, You've got a
          very superior pelvis.

          

          

          

          

          102
          98B Continued
           She begins to ;ry.

          ARCHIE
          We'd never be apart again0

          PETULIA
          You don't mean it.

          ARCHIE
          I do.
          Petulia twists in pain. The nurse looks over.

          NURSE
          That wasn't four minutes.
          The nurse makes a note then turns her attention to
          another lady who must be wheeled to the Delivery Room,

          PETULIA
          I hurt. Touch it Archie. Make it hurt less.
          His hand touches her belly very gently.

          PETULIA
          0 It doesn't help.

           ARCHIE
           You see?

          PETULIA
          But your hands were magic with Oliver.

          ARCHIE
          Who?
          Her pain has subsided, and she looks up at Archie.

          PETULIA
          Would you really?

          ARCHIE
          Yes.

          PETULIA
          You'd call an ambulance? At this
          late stage?

          ARCHIE
          Say the word.

          PETULIA
          No. I'm different now. Damn it Archie,
          why did I go to that Motel with you?

          

          

          

          

          103
          98B Continued
          The pregnant ladies react to this.

          PETULIA

          (CONTINUING)
          Do you realize we were actually only
          a one night stand? We never even gave
          each other a cold, All we really did
          was pass each other going the other
          way. Have I changed you, Archie?

          ARCHIE
          You turned me into a nut.

          PETULIA
          Is that good?

          ARCHIE
          Yes, I think so, Who knows? I hope

          PETULIA
          Archie, call the ambulance.
          Archie crosses to the phone, picks up the receiver,
          then almost at once he puts it down again.

          • PETULIA
          When I lay dying -- twenty years from
          now -- a middle-aged old lady --
          wondering what my life was all about,
          you won't even cross my mind.
          Archie winces. He starts out. He cantt even say
          goodbye.

          PETULIA
          Hey, wait I lied.

          ARCHIE
          About what?

          PETULIA
          I'll never forget you, Arnold.

          ARCHIE
          Arnold?
          He starts laughing, then she starts laughing. He crosses
          to her and holds her hand in his very tightly. Then he
          leaves.

          

          

          

          

          10TH

          99 INT. HOSPITAL LOBBY


          D
          Archie feels unexpectedly giddy and carefree. He
          meets David carrying a silly, sweet gift. David
          tenses for a show-down, Archie impulsively flips out
          David's tie and continues on his way,

          100 EXT0 HOSPITAL DAY
          As Archie exits from the hospital a kid on a roller
          board almost kills him.
          He has an ice cream bar. He sees three pretty girls,
          one with blonde hair like Petulia's. But it's the
          dark-haired girl who feels his gaze and looks back.
          Archie, watching the girl, and eating his ice cream,
          leans against an electrical appliance shop window.
          Inside, among endless other items is a single T.V.
          tube, on which the world's violence flickers silently
          and unnoticed as before.
          As we leave Archie, we feel a sense of euphoria -- well,
          what do you know, it all ended rather sweetly after all.

          101 INT. DELIVERY ROOM

          Petulia is looking up at the bright light on the
          ceiling. Two hands move toward her face holding an
          ether mask. The hands seem infinitely gentle. One
          hand touches Petulia's face to reassure her.

          PETULIA
          (in a whisper)
          Archie .?

          


                                 THE END