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Scott Pilgrim Vs The World Movie Script

Writer(s) : Edgar Wright, Michael Bacall

Genres : Action, Comedy, Fantasy

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                          SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD



                                  Written by

                        Edgar Wright & Michael Bacall




                       Based On The Graphic Novels by

                             Bryan Lee O'Malley





                                                         May 13, 2010                   

                         

                         

                         

          1 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 1

          Snowy suburbs of Toronto. From a nondescript house we hear:

          KIM PINE (O.S.)
          Scott Pilgrim is dating a high schooler?

          2 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' KITCHEN - DAY 2

          Four twenty-somethings lounge around a small kitchen table.
          STEPHEN STILLS, 25, shaggy hair, Canadian Cowboy chic.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Really? Is she hot?
          KIM PINE, 22, cute, bitter, sweatshirt with a zipper.

                         KIM PINE
          How old are you now, Scott? Like
          twenty-eight?

                         SCOTT
          I'm not playing your little games.

                         KIM PINE
          So you've been out of high school
          for like, 13 years and-

          SCOTT (O.S.)
          I'm twenty-two. Twenty-two!

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          And you're dating a high school
          girl? Not bad, not bad.
          YOUNG NEIL, 20, simple mind, layered T-shirts.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Like, did you guys 'do it' yet?
          SCOTT PILGRIM, 22, fresh faced and charmingly cocky with an
          unruly yet adorable mop of hair.

                         SCOTT
          We have done many things. We ride
          the bus. We have meaningful
          conversations about how yearbook
          club went and about her friends
          and, um...you know...drama.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Yeah, okay, have you even kissed her?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 1A.

                         2 CONTINUED: 2

                         SCOTT
          We almost held hands once, but then
          she got embarrassed.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 2.

                         2 CONTINUED: (2) 2

                         KIM PINE
          Well. Aren't you pleased as punch?

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          So, what's her name?

                         SCOTT
          (pleased as punch)
          Knives Chau. She's Chinese.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          (under his breath)
          Chinese...
          Young Neil pauses his Nintendo DS.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Wicked! How'd you meet her?

                         SCOTT
          I believe I mentioned the bus?
          Scott Pilgrim prepares to tell an amazing story:

          3 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 3

          KNIVES CHAU, 17, cute and innocent with clothes to match,
          sits next to her mother, MOTHER CHAU, 45, demanding.

                         MOTHER CHAU
          You are seventeen year old! Time to
          get interested in boy!

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Mom!
          Knives DROPS her bag, books scattering everywhere.

                         MOTHER CHAU
          You drop book.
          Knives crouches down to pick up her books, grumbling.

          SCOTT (O.S.)
          Hey...
          Knives looks up to see the cute and gallant SCOTT PILGRIM
          holding her books. TEXT appears in an on-screen box:

          "SCOTT PILGRIM, 22 YEARS OLD, RATING: AWESOME."
          Stars appear in Knives's eyes. Scott grins heroically. Scott
          winks at Knives. Scott winks at the camera.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 2A.

          4 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' KITCHEN - DAY 4

          Back in the kitchen, everyone looks at Scott...

                         KIM PINE
          Is that seriously the end of the story?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 3.

                         4 CONTINUED: 4

                         SCOTT
          Yes. It is.
          Young Neil unpauses his Nintendo DS.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          So when do we get to meet her?

                         KIM PINE
          Oh please. Let it be soon.
          DINGY DONG! The doorbell rings. Scott smiles broadly.

                         SCOTT
          That's for me.

          5 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - DAY 5

          An eager Knives stands outside. Scott opens the door a crack.

                         SCOTT
          You promise to be good?

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Of course I'll be good!

                         SCOTT
          No, really. Please be good.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Am I normally not?
          Stephen Stills comes to the door and peers through.

                         SCOTT
          Oh, hey. Knives, this is Stephen
          Stills. He's the talent.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Hey.
          STILLS shuts the door on a confused Knives.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Is she gonna geek out on us?

                         SCOTT
          She'll just sit in the corner, man.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          I mean, I want her to geek out on us.

                         SCOTT
          She'll geek. She geeks. She has the
          capacity to geek.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 3A.

                         5 CONTINUED: 5
          Stephen Stills quickly opens the door and waves Knives in.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 4.

                         5 CONTINUED: (2) 5

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          You're good.

          6 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - DAY 6

          Knives enters, looking around the rehearsal pad with awe:
          Bare bulb, ratty rug, drums, guitar, bass, LAME BRAND amps.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Wow.

                         SCOTT
          Knives, that's Kim. Lemme get your coat.
          Scott throws Knives' coat on the floor. Knives waves.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Hi, sorry, what was your name?

          KIM PINE (O.S.)
          Kim.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          You play the drums?
          REVEAL Kim sitting behind the drumset, sticks in her hands.

                         KIM PINE
          ...yes.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          That is so awesome.

                         SCOTT
          Knives, that's Young Neil.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Hi. What do you play?

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Uh, wow...Zelda...Tetris...that's
          kind of a big question.
          Knives stares blankly at Young Neil, who finally gets it.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Oh. I'm not in the band. I just
          live here.
          Sex Bob-Omb has geared up. Amps hum to life.

                         SCOTT
          Let's start with Launchpad McQuack.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          That's not the actual title of the-

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 5.

                         6 CONTINUED: 6

                         KIM PINE

          WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! 1-2-3-4!
          Kim BASHES the kit and Sex Bob-Omb EXPLODE INTO ROCK! GUITAR

          AND BASS LEADS LEAP INTO THE AIR, SPELLING OUT OUR TITLE...

          SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD
          TITLES continue over the song as the small rehearsal space
          seems to GROW with the music. Stephen Stills barks
          unintelligable lyrics.
          Knives watches, jaw ajar. The song ends, feedback lingering.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          You guys...are so...amazing.

          7 EXT. BUS STOP - EVENING 7

          Scott bids adieu to a stunned Knives as she gets on a bus.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I can't even...Sex Bob-Omb.
          Amazing.

          8 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' ROOM - EVENING 8

          The band and Young Neil lounge around Stephen Stills' room.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          She seems nice.

                         SCOTT
          Yeaaah.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          She seems awesome.

                         SCOTT
          Yeaaah.

                         KIM PINE
          Scott, if your life had a face I
          would punch it.

                         SCOTT
          Yeaaah...wait, what?

                         KIM PINE
          I mean, are you really happy or are
          you really evil?

                         SCOTT
          Like, do I have ulterior motives or
          something? I'm offended, Kim.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 6.

                         8 CONTINUED: 8

                          STEPHEN STILLS
           Wounded even?

                          SCOTT
          Hurt, Kim.

                         KIM PINE
          You? Hurt?
          Scott takes a breath, turns to Young Neil.

                         SCOTT
          Neil, you were saying she seems awesome.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Yeah, she seems awesome.

                         SCOTT
          Yeaaaah...

          9 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - EVENING 9

          Scott hangs his coat up in a tiny, one room apartment. He
          turns to WALLACE WELLS, dark hair, arched eyebrow, disloyal.

          "WALLACE WELLS, ROOMMATE, 24 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: HE IS GAY!"

                         SCOTT
          Before you hear some dirty lies
          from someone else, yes, I'm dating
          a 17 year old.
          Wallace looks up from the NOW magazine he's reading.

                         WALLACE
          Is he cute?

                         SCOTT
          Ha, ha, ha, ha.

                         WALLACE
          Does this mean we have to stop
          sleeping together?

                         SCOTT
          Do you see another bed in here?
          TINY BOXES OF TEXT indicate the ownership of the items in the
          one room flat: 95% belongs to Wallace, FUTON included.

                         WALLACE
          Yeah. You're totally my bitch forever.

                         SCOTT
          So. The whole seventeen year old
          thing. Don't tell too many people.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 6A.

                         9 CONTINUED: 9

                         WALLACE
          Hey, you know me.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 7.

                         9 CONTINUED: (2) 9

                         SCOTT
          I mean. Don't tell my sister.

                         WALLACE
          You know me.
          Wallace tosses the NOW magazine aside, starts texting.

                         SCOTT
          Who are you texting?
          RINGY RING. The phone goes. Scott picks up.

          STACEY (O.S.)
          Seventeen years old? Scandal!
          Intercut with STACEY PILGRIM, cute, peppy barista, gabbing on
          her cellphone in THE SECOND CUP. A sign behind her reads 'oIf
          you are using your cellphone, you will not be served'�.

          "STACEY PILGRIM, YOUNGER SISTER, 19, RATING: 'T' FOR TEEN."

                         SCOTT
          That's not true. Who told you?

                         STACEY
          Wallace. Duh.

                         SCOTT
          That gossipy bitch.

          WALLACE (O.S.)
          You know me.
          Scott turns to see Wallace on a second cordless.

                         SCOTT
          Wallace!
          Wallace clicks off. Scott sinks into an armchair.

                         STACEY
          Who is this mysterious child you date?

                         SCOTT
          Her name is Knives. Knives Chau.

                         STACEY
          A seventeen year old Chinese
          schoolgirl? You're ridiculous.

                         SCOTT
          It's a Catholic school too.

                         STACEY
          With the uniform and everything?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 8.

                         9 CONTINUED: (3) 9

                         SCOTT
          Yeah, the whole deal.

                         STACEY
          Oh my God, you haven't-

                         SCOTT
          No no no. We haven't even held
          hands. I think she hugged me once.

                         STACEY
          Um, Scott. Why are you doing this?

                         SCOTT
          I don't know...it's just nice, you
          know? It's just...simple.

                         STACEY
          It's been over a year since you got
          dumped by she-who-will-not-be-named.
          Scott glances down at the partially obscured NOW magazine,
          looking into the HOT GIRL'S EYES on the back cover album ad.

          STACEY (CONT'D)
          So, are you legitimately moving on,
          or is this just you being insane?
          Scott looks at a strip of photobooth pictures: he smiles next
          to a hot redhead in happier times.

                         SCOTT
          Can I get back to you on that?
          A SCHOOL BELL clangs loudly...

          10 EXT. CATHOLIC SCHOOL - DAY 10

          Wallace and Scott stand outside a CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL.
          Uniformed boys and girls pour out.

                         WALLACE
          I do not want to be here. At all.

                         SCOTT
          This school has boys too.

                         WALLACE
          I hate you. Even I would think twice
          about dating a seventeen year old.

                         SCOTT
          Well, she's only allowed out when
          the sun is up, so I wouldn't call
          it dating, more like...

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 8A.

                         10 CONTINUED: 10

                          WALLACE
           Playtime?

                          SCOTT
          That doesn't sound so good either.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 9.

                         10 CONTINUED: (2) 10

          KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
          Scott! Heyyyy!
          Knives skips to Scott. Her shy friend TAMARA lingers behind.

                         SCOTT
          Hey Knives, this is my cool gay
          roommate, Wallace Wells. He's gay.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Oh, hi! Do you want to know who in
          my class is gay?

                         WALLACE
          Yes. Does he wear glasses?

                         SCOTT
          Wallace, you go now! Begone!
          Wallace pulls Knives close. Whispers.

                         WALLACE
          You're too good for him. Run.

          11 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 11

          Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION (think a martial
          arts version of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION).
          They punch and kick in unison, side by side.

                         SCOTT
          Did you know the original name of Pac-
          man was Puck-man? You would think it's
          because Pac-Man looks like a yellow
          hockey puck, but actually it comes
          from the Japanese phrase paku-paku
          which means to flap ones mouth open
          and closed. They changed it over here
          because Puck-Man is too easy to
          vandalize. You know, scratch out the P
          and turn it into an F or whatever?
          Knives flips over Scott's back in a COMBO move.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Ohmigod, like...wow.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah. Wow.
          The game ends. CONTINUE appears, counting down: 10...9...8...
          Scott looks at Knives. She digs for quarters.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Oh, I got it!

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 10.

          12 EXT. "PIZZA PIZZA" - DAY 12

          Scott and Knives leave a pizza joint, slices in hand.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Tamara is into this Korean guy,
          Bobby, but everyone thinks Bobby
          has a crush on Mina.

                         SCOTT
          I thought Derek and Tamara had a
          mutual like-each-other thing going,
          what happened?

          A13 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY A13

          Scott and Knives shop for T-shirts. Hangers click in time.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I don't listen to much music. I
          know a lot of kids who play piano
          or whatever, but you guys ROCK.

                         SCOTT
          I knew I personally rocked, but I
          never suspected that we rocked as a
          unit. Thank you, Knives.

          13 INT. SONIC BOOM (RECORD STORE) - DAY 13

          Scott and Knives flip through records in perfect sync.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I mean, you guys are gonna be HUGE.

                         SCOTT
          Well, we're already pretty big. But
          it might be cool if cool people
          wore our T-shirt.
          Knives speaks to a female clerk, surly with tats and specs:

          "JULIE, 22, STILLS' GIRLFRIEND, RATING: WHAT IS HER PROBLEM?"

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Excuse me, do you have anything by
          'The Clash At Demonhead'?

                         JULIE
          Have you tried the section marked
          'The Clash At Demonhead'?

                         SCOTT
          Thank you, Julie.

                         JULIE
          Are you coming to my party Friday
          or will you be busy babysitting?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 10A.

                         13 CONTINUED: 13

                         SCOTT
          Thank you, Julie.

                         (TO KNIVES)
          You don't want to listen to her.

                         (MORE)

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 11.

                         13 CONTINUED: (2) 13

                         SCOTT (CONT'D)
          And you definitely don't want to
          listen to them.
          Scott puts The Clash at Demonhead CD back in the rack.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Oh, I heart them so much.

                         SCOTT
          I hearted them too until they signed
          to a major label and the singer turned
          into a total bitch and ruined my life.
          But that's just me.

                         KNIVES CHAU

                         (OBLIVIOUS)
          Envy Adams is sooo cool. Do you
          read her blog?

                         SCOTT
          Sorry, you were saying about me?

          14 EXT. SNOWY TORONTO STREET - DAY 14

          Scott and Knives amble down a snow covered sidewalk.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I mean, I've...I've never gone out
          with someone so talented.

                         SCOTT
          You go out with a lot of guys?

                         KNIVES CHAU
          ...no.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah, so whatever, man!

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I've never even kissed a guy.
          Knives blushes and looks at the ground. Scott hugs her.

                         SCOTT
          Me neither.

          15 EXT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - DAY 15

          Scott and Knives walk up to the front of Wallace's apartment.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          So this is your secret lair? Can I
          come in?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 12.

                         15 CONTINUED: 15

                         SCOTT
          My secret lair is one of those 'no
          girls allowed' deals.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Oh, okay.

                         SCOTT
          But do you want to see the house
          where I grew up?

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Sure.
          They literally walk across the street to a small house.

                         SCOTT
          Here you go.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Wow.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah. Wow.
          Wind blows. The light snowfall turns into sand...

          16 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - HOTTEST DAY 16

          ...Scott wanders alone through a barren land. He falls to his
          knees next to a lonely cactus.

                         SCOTT
          Oh God...so...so alone.
          A MYSTERIOUS GIRL rollerblades across the shifting sands. She
          wears fishnets, an army jacket, skirt and goggles. Her pink
          hair is funky but cool. She is hotter than the desert sun.

                         MYSTERIOUS GIRL
          You're not alone. You're just
          having some idiotic dream.

                         SCOTT
          Does that mean we can make out?
          But she's gone...

          17 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - ? 17

          ...SCOTT WAKES UP, sitting up in the FUTON.

                         SCOTT
          Oh God...
          Wallace wakes up to the left of Scott, rubbing his eyes.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 13.

                         17 CONTINUED: 17

                         WALLACE
          What is it, Scott?

                         SCOTT
          I had this totally weird dream.

                         OTHER VOICE
          Oh God.

                         WALLACE
          What is it, Scott?
          A scruffy, goateed guy wakes right between Scott and Wallace:

          "OTHER SCOTT, 22, WALLACE'S BOYFRIEND? FUN FACT: GUY CURIOUS"

                         OTHER SCOTT
          Can we skip the dreamtime? Color me
          not interested.

                         SCOTT
          But there was this girl...

                         WALLACE
          Girl?

                         OTHER SCOTT
          Was this an Envy related dream?

                         WALLACE
          We don't use the E-word in this house.

                         SCOTT
          No, it wasn't her. It was somebody new...

                         OTHER SCOTT
          Yay for that.
          Other Scott goes back to sleep. Wallace rubs his eyes.

                         WALLACE
          Speaking of new, weren't you
          supposed to take your fake high
          school girlfriend to the library a
          half-hour ago?

                         SCOTT
          What? It's like, six in the morning.
          Scott opens the bathroom door. Sunlight ignites the room.

                         SCOTT (CONT'D)
          Arrrrgh!

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 13A.

          18 INT. THE LIBRARY - DAY 18


                         KNIVES CHAU
          What's wrong?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 14.

                         18 CONTINUED: 18
          Scott is noticeably taller than all the teens in the library.
          He carries a stack of books for Knives.

                         SCOTT
          Libraries remind me of grade school.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          That must seem like a reeeeally
          long time ago.

                         SCOTT
          Uh. Let's talk about something else.
          The hiss of ball bearings catches Scott's attention. He
          freezes as he sees THE ROLLERBLADING GIRL FROM HIS DREAM
          skating towards the desk in SEXALICIOUS SLOW MOTION.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Do you know that girl?
          The Rollerblading Girl delivers a package from AMAZON.CA to
          the librarian. Scott's gaze follows the GIRL as she blades
          out of the library. Pensive guitar underscores his thoughts.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Scott?
          Scott continues to stare at the girl. Time slows to a crawl.

          STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)

          SCOTT!

          19 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - EVENING 19

          Scott stands in the rehearsal room, head still in the clouds.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          You only played one note for that
          entire song.

                         SCOTT
          It was...uh...my hand slipped.

                         KIM PINE
          Is your girlfriend distracting you?

                         SCOTT
          My girlfriend?
          A meek Knives sits next to Young Neil on the couch.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I'll... I'll be quieter.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Let's do that one again.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 15.

                         19 CONTINUED: 19

                         SCOTT
          Sorry, what are we doing?

          20 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - NIGHT 20


                         STEPHEN STILLS
          I told you like fifty times!
          Scott, Kim Pine, Stephen Stills and Young Neil walk down an
          icy Toronto street. Scott's head is still in the clouds.

                         KIM PINE
          We're going to this party, retard.

                         SCOTT
          Party?

                         YOUNG NEIL
          At Julie's.

                         SCOTT
          Ugh. I thought you guys split.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          We did. But, you know, there may be
          some label guys there, so...

                         SCOTT
          Aw, man. This is going to suck.

                         KIM PINE
          At least it will give us something
          to complain about.

                         SCOTT
          Awww maaan...

          21 INT. JULIE'S HOUSE - NIGHT 21

          A bored Scott stands next to Young Neil in a very crowded
          house party. Both have red plastic cups in hand.

                         SCOTT
          ...this sucks.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Sucks.

                         SCOTT
          I'm going to go pee due to boredom.
          Scott exits frame.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          I have to pee.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 15A.

                         21 CONTINUED: 21
          Neil sips his drink.
          Scott passes by COMEAU, a bespectacled hipster geek:

          '~COMEAU, 25, FUN FACT: KNOWS EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)'

                         SCOTT
          Hey Comeau.

                         COMEAU
          Hey Scott. Some party huh? You
          gettin' your drink on?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 16.

                         21 CONTINUED: (2) 21

                         SCOTT
          This is Coke Zero. I don't drink.

                         COMEAU
          You don't drink? I remember you
          getting ridiculously drunk off two
          G&T's one time and-

                         SCOTT

                         (QUICKLY)
          Comeau, you know everyone, right?

                         COMEAU
          Pretty much.

                         SCOTT
          Do you know this one girl with hair
          like this?
          Scott sketches an incomprehensible drawing of Ramona.

                         COMEAU
          Yeah man. Ramona Flowers. Someone
          said she was coming tonight actually.

                         SCOTT

          WHAT?

                         COMEAU
          You got the hots for her? I hear
          she's hardcore...
          Scott has already left a Scott-shaped dust cloud...

          22 INT. JULIE'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER 22

          Scott scans the party. His eyes go WIDE. He CRUSHES his
          plastic cup. There she is...playing the wall...RAMONA! Aloof.
          Enigmatic. Hot. Scott sidles up and stands next to her.

                         SCOTT
          Hey, what's up?

                         RAMONA
          Nothing.

                         SCOTT
          Hey, you know Pacman?

                         RAMONA
          I know of him.
          Scott begins to babble.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 17.

                         22 CONTINUED: 22

                         SCOTT
          Well you know Pac-Man was
          originally Puckman but not because
          Pac-Man looks like a hockey puck
          and paku-paku-paku means flapping
          your mouth and they changed it
          because if you scratch out the "P"
          and turn it into an "F'�? You know?
          Like...

                         RAMONA
          Yeah that's amazing.

                         SCOTT
          Um...am I dreaming?
          Ramona looks at Scott blankly. He slowly skulks away.

                         SCOTT (CONT'D)
          I'll leave you alone forever now.

          "THEN HE STALKED HER FOR THE REST OF THE PARTY..."
          Series of quick shots as Scott follows Ramona. He ducks
          around corners, spies from behind a much bigger dude. Ramona
          leaves the party. Scott grabs a startled Young Neil.

                         SCOTT

          DUDE!

                         YOUNG NEIL

          WHA?

                         SCOTT

          SHE'S TOTALLY REAL!

                         YOUNG NEIL

          WHO!?

                         STEPHEN STILLS

          RAMONA FLOWERS!

                         YOUNG NEIL

          WHUH?
          JUMP CUT. Scott RUNS towards Comeau.

                         SCOTT
          DUDE. What do you know about Ramona
          Flowers?!

                         COMEAU
          All I know is she's American.

                         SCOTT

                         (EXOTICALLY)
          American...

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 17A.

                         22 CONTINUED: (2) 22

                         COMEAU
          But you should talk to Sandra and

                         MONIQUE-

          "SANDRA AND MONIQUE, 24, TWO GIRLS COMEAU KNOWS"

                         SCOTT
          LADYDUDES! What do you know about
          Ramona Flowers?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 18.

                         22 CONTINUED: (3) 22

                         MONIQUE
          I think she has a boyfriend.

                         SANDRA
          Some guy back in New York.

                         MONIQUE
          Doesn't she have the most
          ridiculous name?

                         SANDRA
          I know. It's so 'oRamona Quimby,
          Aged 8'� and yet...Flowers.
          The girls laugh. Scott does not.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah. What else?
          JUMP CUT through a FLURRY OF FACES as Scott asks everyone

                         ABOUT RAMONA:

                         PARTYGOER #1
          I heard she kicks all kind of ass.

                         PARTYGOER #2
          She's on another level.

                         PARTYGOER #3
          She's got men dying at her feet.

                         PARTYGOER #4
          She's got some battle scars.

                         PARTYGOER #5
          Not to be entered into lightly
          We end on the surly JULIE (the rude clerk) who steps in front
          of Scott, arms crossed. Stephen Stills is with her.

                         JULIE
          What about Ramona Flowers?

                         SCOTT
          You know her? Tell me. Now.

                         JULIE
          She just moved here. Got a job with
          Amazon. Comes into my work.

                         SCOTT
          Does she really?

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Didn't you say she just broke up
          with someone, Jools?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 18A.

                         22 CONTINUED: (4) 22

                         SCOTT
          Did she reeally?

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          That they had a huge fight or whatever?

                         SCOTT
          Did they reeeally?

                         JULIE
          ...yes. But I didn't want Scott to
          know that, Stephen.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 19.

                         22 CONTINUED: (5) 22

                         SCOTT
          Yeah, I don't know what it is about
          that girl, she just-

                         JULIE
          Scott, I forbid you from hitting on
          Ramona. Even if you haven't had a
          real girlfriend in over a year-

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Hey whoa, whoa. Scott's mourning
          period is officially over. He's
          totally dating a high schooler.

                         JULIE
          Dating a high schooler is the
          mourning period.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          She's got a point.

                         SCOTT
          I thought you guys broke up.

                         JULIE
          I don't want you scaring off the
          coolest girl at my party Scott. We
          all know you're a total lady killer
          wannabe jerky jerk.

                         SCOTT
          That's garbage! Completely untrue.

                         JULIE
          That time with Lisa-

                         SCOTT
          Misunderstanding.

                         JULIE
          That time with Hollie-

                         SCOTT
          Not what it looked like!

                         JULIE
          That time you dumped Kim for-

                         SCOTT
          Hey, me and Kim are all good now.
          SCOTT looks to KIM. We hear the sound of arctic winds.

                         JULIE
          Whatever, Ramona is out of your
          league, let's leave it at that.

                         (MORE)

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 20.

                         22 CONTINUED: (6) 22

                         JULIE (CONT'D)
          And anyway, I'm not even sure she
          really did have a big breakup. She
          keeps mentioning some guy named
          Gideon.

                         SCOTT

                         (NOT LISTENING)
          Yeah, I don't know what it is about
          that girl, she just-

                         JULIE
          Forget it Scott!!!

          23 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 23

          Scott lies on the futon, WIDE awake. Wallace storms in.

                         WALLACE
          Guess who's druuunk?

                         SCOTT
          I guess Wallace.

                         WALLACE
          You guess right.
          Wallace flops onto the futon, landing next to Scott.

                         SCOTT
          So, that girl. From my dream.

                         WALLACE
          Girl. Okay...

                         SCOTT
          I saw her at the library...

                         WALLACE
          Library...can I pretend we're
          talking about a guy?

                         SCOTT
          So then I'm at this party, and hey!
          There she is.

                         WALLACE
          There he is.

                         SCOTT
          I think she's...

                         WALLACE
          You think he's...

                         SCOTT
          I think she's the girl of my dreams.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 21.

                         23 CONTINUED: 23

                         WALLACE
          Mmm. Then you should break up with
          your fake high school girlfriend.

                         SCOTT
          I've never been so sure about
          something.

                         WALLACE
          Then you should break up with your
          fake high school girlfriend.

                         SCOTT
          What's that?

                         WALLACE
          Break...up...fake...high
          school...girlfriend...

                         SCOTT
          I'm not getting it, friend.
          Wallace drifts off. RINGY RING! Scott answers. INTERCUT with
          STACEY sitting on a bus on her cellphone.

                         STACEY
          You're thinking of juggling two chicks!?

                         SCOTT
          Not even!

                         STACEY
          Well, you should break up with your
          fake high school girlfriend.

                         SCOTT
          Wait. Who told you?

                         STACEY
          Duh. Wallace.

                         SCOTT
          He's not even conscious!

                         STACEY
          Whatever. You of all people should know
          how sucky it is to get cheated on.

                         SCOTT
          Don't you have a job to do?

                         STACEY
          You're right. I should send out a
          mass text about this. Bye.
          Scott looks to Wallace, who is out cold, cellphone in hand.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 22.

                         23 CONTINUED: (2) 23

                         SCOTT
          Wallace, how do you do that?
          HARD CUT to MORNING LIGHT filling the room!

          SCOTT (O.S.)

          WALLACE!
          Wallace sits bolt upright. Scott sits at Wallace's computer.

                         SCOTT (CONT'D)
          Amazon.ca. What's the website for that?

                         WALLACE
          ...Amazon.ca.

                         SCOTT
          Awesome! I have to order something
          reeeally cool.

                         COMPUTER
          "You've got mail!"

                         SCOTT
          Dude! This thing claims I have mail!

                         WALLACE
          It's amazing what they can do with
          computers these days.

                         SCOTT
          Dude! Now I'm reading it!

                         WALLACE
          I'm so happy for you.

                         SCOTT
          "Dear Mr. Pilgrim, It has come to
          my attention that we will be
          fighting soon. My name is Matthew
          Patel, and I'm" blah blah 'ofair
          warning'� blah blah...hmm. This
          is...this is...THIS IS...!!!

                         WALLACE

          WHAT?!

                         SCOTT
          This is boring. Delete!
          'oCLICK.'� Scott walks to the front door. Moments pass.

                         WALLACE
          Scott. Are you waiting for the
          package you just ordered?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 22A.

                         23 CONTINUED: (3) 23

                          SCOTT
           Maybe.

                          WALLACE
          It's the weekend. It won't ship
          until Monday at the earliest.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 23.

                         23 CONTINUED: (4) 23
          DINGY DONG. Scott JUMPS to his feet.

                         SCOTT
          You were saying?
          Scott opens the door. It's KNIVES CHAU!

                         SCOTT
          Heyyy...

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Attack hug!
          Knives smothers Scott.

                         SCOTT
          Attack hug. That's cute.
          He plasters on his best fake smile.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Remember you were supposed to meet
          me at the bus stop a half-hour ago?

                         SCOTT
          How could I possibly forget?

          24 INT. SONIC BOOM - DAY 24

          Scott and Knives flip through the record bins, out of sync.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Yearbook club is getting SO boring.
          I cannot believe the music they put
          on while we work.

                         SCOTT
          That's sucky.

          25 INT. THE GOODWILL - DAY 25

          Knives buys a hip and trendy jacket. Scott sits on a couch
          next to the DO NOT SIT sign, still distracted.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Hannah broke up with Alan and now
          she's all into Derek...

                         SCOTT
          Uh huh.

          26 EXT. PIZZA PIZZA - DAY 26

          Scott and Knives walk out of a pizza joint. Knives chows down
          on a slice. Scott doesn't eat, his thoughts elsewhere.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 23A.

                         26 CONTINUED: 26

                         KNIVES CHAU
          ...but Tamara claims she has dibs
          on Derek.

                         SCOTT
          I tell ya'.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 24.

          27 INT. THE ARCADE - DAY 27

          Scott and Knives play NINJA NINJA REVOLUTION, side by side.
          Scott plays halfheartedly, his timing off.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Combo!
          Knives goes to flip over Scott, but he messes up. THE MIRROR
          IMAGE of Scott's videogame avatar appears on screen.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Uh oh, NegaNinja.
          NEGANINJA - squares up against Scott's avatar.

                         SCOTT
          I can never get past that guy.
          Scott has his little videogame head cut off. The 'oCONTINUE?'�
          countdown comes up...10...9...8...

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Do you want to keep going?
          Scott takes a long look at Knives.

                         SCOTT
          Um, I think...I think...
          Scott takes a deep breath. This is never easy. 3...2...1...

          28 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - EVENING 28


                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Game on, everybody. Game. On.
          An excited Stills addresses Sex Bob-Omb. Scott tunes his
          bass, alone by the window, staring out.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          I got us a show.

          KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)

          OH MY GOSH WHEN?!
          Knives BURSTS into frame. Scott winces.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Wednesday, The Rockit. And even
          better? It's the T.I.B.B.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          The Toronto International Battle of
          The Bands?!

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 25.

                         28 CONTINUED: 28

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          S'right. This guy at work was like
          "Steve, do you know anyone in a
          band?" and I was like 'oI'm in a
          band'� and he was like 'oYou're in a
          band?'� and I was like 'oYeah I'm
          totally in a band'�-

                         KIM PINE
          Great story, man.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Is there a prize or something?!

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Only a record deal with G-man Graves!

                         SCOTT
          What? Who?

                         KNIVES CHAU
          You don't know?

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Indie Producer of the millennium?!

                         SCOTT
          Oh.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Whoa.
          Stills gestures to Knives' home-made Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          If we win...it won't just be Knives
          wearing a Sex Bob-Omb shirt. It'll
          be the cool kids too.
          Knives can barely contain herself. She grabs Scott.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I will do everything I can to get
          out of study group and come.

                         SCOTT
          Sure. Great.
          We follow Scott as he walks in a daze to the bathroom.

          KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
          Oh my gosh, who are you battling?

          STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
          Crash and the Boys.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 25A.

                         28 CONTINUED: (2) 28

          YOUNG NEIL (O.S.)
          That one band with Crash? And
          those Boys?

                         KIM PINE
          Yeah that's the one.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          I hate them!

          KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
          Oh my gosh, I hate them too!

          STEPHEN STILLS (O.S.)
          Yeah, they suck.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 26.

          29 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE, BATHROOM - EVENING 29

          Scott pees in a state of dreamy reverie. The PEE BAR above
          his head slowly reduces. He stares at himself in the mirror.
          Scott exits the bathroom, entering...

          30 INT. DREAM HIGH SCHOOL - ? 30

          ...a long, empty HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. Scott's footsteps echo
          as he moves towards a classroom door with a STAR on it...
          RAMONA FLOWERS bursts through the door, skating past Scott
          and down the hall, PACKAGE from AMAZON clutched in her hand.
          Scott runs after her, around a corner, down a row of LOCKERS
          leading to...the outside of WALLACE'S APARTMENT???

          31 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - MORNING 31

          Scott LEAPS out of the futon and RUNS towards the front door,
          THROWING IT OPEN and startling Ramona Flowers just as she
          presses the doorbell. DINGY DONG...

                         SCOTT
          Hi, um, I was thinking about asking
          you out, but then I realized how
          stupid that would be.

                         (BEAT)
          Do you want to go out sometime?

                         RAMONA
          Um, no, that's okay. You just have
          to sign for this alright?

                         SCOTT
          I just woke up, and you were in my
          dream. I dreamt you were delivering
          me this package. Is that weird?

                         RAMONA
          It's not weird at all.

                         SCOTT
          It's not?

                         RAMONA
          No, it's just like, you've got this
          really convenient subspace highway
          running through your head that I
          like to use. It's like three miles
          in fifteen seconds.

                         SCOTT
          Right...

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 27.

                         31 CONTINUED: 31

                         RAMONA
          Oh yeah. I forgot you guys don't
          have that in Canada.

                         SCOTT
          You don't remember me do you? I met
          you at the party the other day.

                         RAMONA
          Were you the Pac-Man guy?

                         SCOTT
          No. Not even. That was some total
          ass. I was the other guy. You're
          Ramona Flowers right?

                         RAMONA
          That's me.

                         SCOTT
          So, you're like American?

                         RAMONA
          Why, am I coming off as rude?

                         SCOTT
          Not at all. Noooooo...
          Scott stands in awe of Ramona. She gives him a pen.

                         RAMONA
          You know...you need to sign for
          this. Whatever this is?

                         SCOTT
          It's something really cool. You'd
          be impressed.

                         RAMONA
          You still have to sign.

                         SCOTT
          But if I sign for it, you'll leave.

                         RAMONA
          Yeah. That's how it works.

                         SCOTT
          Okay well, can we just maybe just
          hang out sometime? Get to know each
          other? You're the new kid on the
          block, right? I've lived here
          forever. I mean...there are reasons
          for you to hang out with me?

                         RAMONA
          You're all over the place.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 28.

                         31 CONTINUED: (2) 31

                         SCOTT
          You are like...my dream girl.

                         RAMONA
          I need to find a new route.

                         SCOTT
          Either that or you need to start
          hanging out with me.

                         RAMONA
          You want me to hang out with you?

                         SCOTT
          Um...you know...if that's cool.

                         RAMONA
          If I say yes, will you sign for
          your damn package?
          Scott finally signs on the dotted line. And throws the
          package straight in the trash.

                         SCOTT
          Done. So, yeah. Eight o'clock?

          32 OMITTED [INTEGRATED INTO SC 34] 32

                         33 OMITTED 33

          34 EXT. PARK - NIGHT 34

          Scott finds Ramona waiting at the top of some stairs in the
          park. The Toronto skyline gleams in the night behind them.

                         SCOTT
          Why are you just standing there?

                         RAMONA
          Dude, I'm totally waiting on you.

                         SCOTT
          Sorry, I just assumed you were too
          cool to be on time.

                         RAMONA
          Well. You assumed wrong.

                         SCOTT
          So what do you want to do? We could
          get a slice at Pizza Pizza or flip
          through some records at Sonic Boom.
          Oh, or there's this awesome game
          called Ninja Ninja Revolution at-

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 29.

                         34 CONTINUED: 34

                         RAMONA
          I'm not into simulated violence.

                         SCOTT
          I'm cool with whatever you want to do.

                         RAMONA
          This is good.
          Scott and Ramona trudge through the snow in the empty park.

                         SCOTT
          This is good. So how'd you end up in
          Toronto?

                         RAMONA
          Just needed to escape I guess.

                         SCOTT
          Oh yeah?

                         RAMONA
          I got this job here. And Gideon had
          always said Toronto was one of the
          great cities so...

                         SCOTT
          Is Gideon...is he your boyfriend?

                         RAMONA
          He's...a friend.

                         SCOTT
          Was he your boyfriend?

                         RAMONA
          Do you mind if we don't get into
          that right now?

                         SCOTT
          It's so not interesting to me.
          They sit on some swings in the park.

                         RAMONA
          So what about you? What do you do?

                         SCOTT
          I'm between jobs.

                         RAMONA
          Between what and what?

                         SCOTT
          My last job is a long story filled
          with sighs.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 30.

                         34 CONTINUED: (2) 34

                         RAMONA
          I know plenty of those.

                         SCOTT
          Is that why you left New York?

                         RAMONA
          Pretty much. It was time to head
          somewhere a little more chilled.

                         SCOTT
          Well, it's certainly chilled here.

                         RAMONA
          Yeah.
          Uh. Chilled as in cold.

                         RAMONA
          Yeah.

                         SCOTT
          I'm totally obsessed with you.

                         RAMONA
          I didn't mean to get you obsessed.

                         SCOTT
          I just haven't been obsessed with a
          girl for a long time. It's weird.

                         RAMONA
          That's probably because you sleep
          with a guy.

                         SCOTT
          Um...

                         RAMONA
          I was guessing from your apartment,
          but you totally do!

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 31.

                         34 CONTINUED: (3) 34

                         SCOTT
          It's... we're just poor! We can't
          afford two beds! We're not gay!
          Actually... no... Wallace is pretty
          gay.

                         RAMONA
          Dude, relax. I believe you. You're
          too desperate to be gay.

                         SCOTT
          I feel so stupid.

                         RAMONA
          Aw... you're probably not that
          stupid.
          Laughing, Ramona hops off her swing.

                         SCOTT (CONT'D)
          I'm... mostly stupid.

                         RAMONA
          Well, you're definitely stupid if
          you want to go out with me.

                         SCOTT
          Exactly, yeah.
          The snowfall gets heavier.

                         RAMONA
          This is ridiculous. Isn't it like April?

                         SCOTT
          Yeah. I can barely see you. This whole
          thing is an unmitigated disaster.

                         RAMONA
          I think 'act of God' is a pretty
          decent excuse for a lousy date.

                         SCOTT
          So this is a 'date', eh?

                         RAMONA
          Did I say 'date'? Slip of the tongue.

                         SCOTT
          Tongue...
          The snow gets heavier still. Ramona walks away.

                         RAMONA
          Anyway, night's not over yet. I think
          there's a thingy up here somewhere.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 31A.

                         34 CONTINUED: (4) 34

                          SCOTT
           A thingy?

                          RAMONA
           A door.

                          SCOTT
          A door? I... I... I can't see you.
          I'm blind. Help me.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 32.

                         34 CONTINUED: (5) 34
          A door with a STAR on it appears out of the whiteness. Ramona
          opens the door. Scott and Ramona fall into blackness...

          35 INT. RAMONA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 35

          Scott shivers at the kitchen table of Ramona's cozy, girl
          friendly apartment. He watches as she slips out of her coat.

                         RAMONA
          What kind of tea do you want?

                         SCOTT
          There's more than one kind?

                         RAMONA
          We have blueberry, raspberry,
          ginseng, sleepytime, green tea, green
          tea with lemon, green tea with lemon
          and honey, liver disaster, ginger
          with honey, ginger without honey,
          vanilla almond, white truffle,
          blueberry chamomile, vanilla walnut,
          constant comment and earl grey.

                         SCOTT
          Did you make some of those up?

                         RAMONA
          I think I'll have sleepytime.

                         SCOTT
          That sounds good to me.

                         RAMONA
          Let me get you a blanket.

                         SCOTT
          That would actually be awesome.
          Ramona exits. After a moment alone, Scott ventures upstairs.
          He wanders towards a half open door. Pushing it open, he
          finds Ramona in her bedroom in her bra and skirt.

                         RAMONA
          Dude! I'm changing.
          Scott covers his eyes and our screen goes BLACK.

          SCOTT (O.S.)
          AAAH! Sorry, I'm just...cold!

          RAMONA (O.S.)
          Here, does this help?

          SCOTT (O.S.)
          That's...very warm. What is that?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 33.

                         35 CONTINUED: 35
          Scott opens his eyes to see Ramona hugging him.

                         SCOTT (CONT'D)
          Ohh...kay.
          They look into each others eyes...camera circles Scott and
          Ramona as they begin an awesome make out session. Scott
          imagines himself soundtracking the kiss with a slinky bassline.
          Ramona breaks off, smiling. Scott is in heaven.

                         SCOTT (CONT'D)
          Were you..were you just going to
          bring the blanket from your bed?

                         RAMONA
          I guess...

                         SCOTT
          Maybe...maybe we should both get
          under it...since we're so cold.

                         RAMONA
          Well...what about our tea?

                         SCOTT
          I can...not have tea.
          The slinky bassline continues as Ramona takes her skirt off,
          revealing black panties to complement black bra. Scott takes
          his shirt off. They tumble onto the bed and make out. Then-

                         RAMONA
          I changed my mind.

                         SCOTT
          Changed it to what? From what?

                         RAMONA
          I don't want to have sex with you,
          Pilgrim. Not right now.

                         SCOTT
          Ohh...kay.

                         RAMONA
          It's not like I'm gonna send you
          home in a snowstorm or anything.
          You can sleep in my bed. And I
          reserve the right to change my mind
          about the sex later.
          Ramona curls up next to Scott.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 34.

                         35 CONTINUED: (2) 35

                         SCOTT
          This is cool, just this. It's been
          like a really long time, and this
          is...I think I needed this.
          Whatever this is. So, thanks.

                         RAMONA
          You're welcome.
          They exchange a smile. Then without warning we jump cut to -

          36 INT. RAMONA'S ROOM - MORNING 36

          DAYLIGHT! Scott awakens. Ramona is gone. An arrow points to
          the empty spot in the bed next to him.

          'oNO RAMONA'�
          Another arrow point out that-

          'oSHE'S IN THE SHOWER'�
          Ramona steps out of the bathroom in a towel. Scott relaxes.

                         RAMONA
          I have to work.

                         SCOTT
          Work?

                         RAMONA
          You have to leave.

          37 EXT. RAMONA'S APARTMENT - MORNING 37

          Ramona skates towards the front gate, Scott walking next to
          her. WAIST DEEP SNOW covers the roads and sidewalks.

                         SCOTT
          Hey, can this not be a one night
          stand? For one thing, I didn't even
          get any...that was a joke.

                         RAMONA
          What did you have in mind?

                         SCOTT
          Umm...oh, come to the first round
          of this battle of the bands thing.

                         RAMONA

                         (TOTALLY UNIMPRESSED)
          You have a band?

                         SCOTT
          Yeah, we're terrible. Please come.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 34A.

                         37 CONTINUED: 37

                          RAMONA
           Sure.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 35.

                         37 CONTINUED: (2) 37
          Ramona shrugs and ROLLERBLADES through the snow...(somehow)

                         SCOTT
          Wait! Can I get your number?
          SSSSHHHOOP! Ramona skids to a stop, right back next to Scott.
          She hands him a note. '~RAMONA FLOWERS, 212 664-7665, xxxxxxx'~

                         SCOTT
          Wow, girl number.
          Scott looks back up. Ramona is already skating far, far away.

                         RAMONA
          See you at the show, Scott Pilgrim.

                         SCOTT
          Oh, hey! It's tonight...At The-

          38 INT. THE ROCKIT - NIGHT 38


          'oTHE ROCKIT, FUN FACT: THIS PLACE IS A TOILET'�.
          Ramona wades through a grungy venue under the stare of young
          hipsters, reaching Scott at the bar. He stands with Wallace
          and Stacey. She holds hands with a guy wearing glasses.

                         SCOTT
          You totally came!

                         RAMONA
          Yes. I did totally come.
          Scott is so amazed at her presence, his social skills vanish.

                         STACEY
          Excuse my brother. He's chronically
          enfeebled. I'm Stacey.

                         RAMONA
          Hey.

                         STACEY
          And this is Wallace, his room-mate.

                         WALLACE
          Hey.

                         STACEY
          And this is my boyfriend Jimmy.

                         WALLACE
          (staring at Jimmy)
          Heyyy.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 36.

                         38 CONTINUED: 38

                         STACEY
          And this is Knives, Scott's-
          Scott goes white. He didn't even see Knives come in.

                         SCOTT

          HEYYYYYYYY!

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Hey.
          Knives pecks Scott on the cheek. He pushes her away. Knives
          looks kinda sexy, wearing makeup and new clothes.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Do you like?

                         SCOTT
          I...uh...
          LEONE STAREDOWNS all around. Stacey stares at Scott. Knives
          and Ramona stare at each other. Wallace stares at Jimmy.

          SCOTT (CONT'D)
          Have. To. Go.
          Scott scurries off. We hear feedback from a mic onstage.

          PROMOTER (O.S)
          This next band are from Brampton
          and they are Crash And The Boys.

          39 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 39

          Scott runs backstage to see Stills obsessively flipping
          through a chart with hand drawn stats of their rival band.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          This is a nightmare. Is this a
          nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake up.

                         KIM
          Once we're on stage you'll be fine.

                         STILLS
          We were just on stage. For sound
          check. The sound guy hated us.

                         SCOTT
          It's just nerves! Pre-show jitters.
          People love us. Right?
          Scott sounds less than convincing. He looks up at Ramona and
          Knives sitting with Wallace, Jimmy and Stacey in the BALCONY.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 37.

          40 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 40

          Crash and The Boys tune up. A drunk Wallace turns to Jimmy.

                         WALLACE
          Jimmy. Do they rock or suck?

                         JIMMY
          They...haven't started playing yet.

                         WALLACE
          That was a test, Jimmy. You passed.

                         CRASH
          Good evening. I am Crash, and these
          are the Boys.

                         WALLACE

          IS THAT GIRL A BOY, TOO?

                         CRASH
          Yes.
          TRASHA, 8 year old girl drummer, gives Wallace the finger.

          A41 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS A41

          Sex Bob-omb peer at the band from offstage. Kim glowers.

                         KIM PINE
          They have a girl drummer?

          B41 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS B41


                         CRASH
          This is called "I am so sad. I am
          so very very sad." And it goes a
          little something like this.
          Crash and the Boys play a whole song in .04 seconds.

                         CRASH
          Thank you.
          Wallace yells from the balcony.

                         WALLACE

          IT'S NOT A RACE, GUYS!

                         CRASH
          This song is for the guy who keeps
          yelling from the balcony, and it's
          called "We Hate You, Please Die."

                         WALLACE
          Sweet! I love this one!

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 37A.

          B41 CONTINUED: B41
          Crash continues his rampage of musical hate.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 38.

          41 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 41


                         STEPHEN STILLS
          These guys are good. Are these guys
          good?
          Kim Pine scowls harder than ever.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          These guys are good.

          42 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 42


                         CRASH
          This is called "Last Song Kills
          Audience". It'll be our last song
          tonight and your last song EVER...
          Sound explodes from the stage. The audience are stunned.

          43 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 43

          Stills paces backstage as the others watch the band.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          How are we supposed to follow this?
          We're not going to win, we're not
          gonna sign with G-Man and we'll
          never play opening night at the
          Chaos Theatre.

                         (FREAKING OUT)

          GODDAMN IT SCOTT, WILL YOU STOP

          JUST STANDING THERE, YOU'RE

          FREAKING ME OUT!

          44 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 44

          As Crash And The Boys climax, Stacey turns to Ramona.

                         STACEY
          So, how do you know Scott?

                         RAMONA
          He's...um. He's a friend.

                         STACEY
          Hard for me to keep track
          sometimes. He has so many friends.
          Ramona arches an eyebrow. Stacey turns to Knives and Tamara.

                         STACEY
          So Knives, how did you meet Scott?

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 39.

          45 INT. THE ROCKIT, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS 45

          Scott looks up into the balcony, sees Stacey talking to
          Knives. He turns around and slaps Stephen Stills in the face.

                         SCOTT
          We gotta play now and loud!

          46 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 46

          Stacey and Ramona listen intently to Knives' story.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Well, I was on the bus with my Mom-
          Knives freezes, staring at the stage.

                         RAMONA
          Is that seriously the end of the story?

                         KNIVES CHAU
          OH MY GOSH, they're on!

          47 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 47

          ONSTAGE: A DISHEVELED PROMOTER walks to the mic.

                         PROMOTER
          This next band is from Toronto
          and...yeah. So give it up for
          Sex...Bob-Omb?
          SEX BOB-OMB walk on. Wallace and Knives give the only cheers.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Scott...you ready?
          Scott nods vigorously.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Kim...you rea-

                         KIM PINE

          WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB. ONE, TWO...
          ANGLE on Knives. She faints in the excitement.

          KIM PINE (CONT'D)

          THREE, FOUR!
          Sex Bob-omb rock out, barely into the first verse when a
          chunk of ceiling CRASHES down and a SPINDLY INDIAN HIPSTER
          KID DIVES HEAD FIRST through the hole, finger pointed at
          Scott as he sails towards the stage!

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 40.

                         47 CONTINUED: 47
          MATTHEW PATEL lands onstage and glares at Scott through a
          lopsided fringe. He wears an evil grin and a jacket that
          borders on flamboyant. He drags on a cigarette (blacked out).

                         MATTHEW PATEL
          Mr. Pilgrim. It is I, Matthew
          Patel. Consider our fight...begun!

                         SCOTT
          What did I do?
          Matthew Patel leaps in the air and sails toward Scott.

                         SCOTT
          What do I do?!

                         WALLACE

          FIGHT!
          Scott throws his bass to Young Neil and BLOCKS Patel with his
          left arm, then PUNCHES him across the floor with his right.
          Patel LANDS like a cat, FLIPS his fringe and GLARES at Scott.

                         MATTHEW PATEL
          Alright. Alright.

                         WALLACE
          Watch out! It's that one guy!

                         SCOTT
          Thank you, Wallace!
          Patel RUNS at Scott. Scott SPIN KICKS Patel in the chin and
          sends him flying into the air. They land in THE PIT, knocking
          hipsters down and squaring off in the resulting circle.

                         MATTHEW PATEL
          You're quite the opponent, Pilgrim.

                         SCOTT
          Who the hell are you anyway?
          The LIGHTING GUY spotlights the fighters.

                         MATTHEW PATEL
          My name is Matthew Patel and I'm
          Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend!

                         SCOTT
          You're what?

                         MATTHEW PATEL
          Ramona's first evil ex-boyfriend!
          All eyes WHIP up to Ramona...

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 40A.

                         47 CONTINUED: (2) 47

                         RAMONA
          Anyone need another drink?
          Patel attacks Scott with spin kicks. Scott blocks. Patel
          punches. Scott blocks, then holds his hand up for a time-out.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 41.

                         47 CONTINUED: (3) 47

                         SCOTT
          We're fighting because of Ramona?

                         MATTHEW PATEL
          Didn't you get my e-mail explaining
          the situation?

                         SCOTT
          I skimmed it.

                         MATTHEW PATEL
          You will pay for your insolence!
          Patel attacks, landing kicks and punches. Scott evades and
          counter-attacks. Patel evades, then lands more punches. Scott
          jump-spins away from danger. They pause, breathing heavy.

                         WALLACE
          What's up with his outfit?

                         OTHER HECKLER
          Yeah! Is he a pirate?
          Scott looks at Patel's outfit.

                         SCOTT
          Are you a pirate?

                         MATTHEW PATEL
          Pirates are in this year!
          Patel attacks again. They exchange furious blows, until Patel
          puts Scott in a choke hold. Scott looks up to Ramona.

                         SCOTT
          You really went out with this guy?

                         RAMONA
          Yeah, in the seventh grade.
          The Lighting Guy SWINGS the spotlight to Ramona in the
          balcony. We see a sketchy childlike ANIMATED FLASHBACK.

                         RAMONA (CONT'D)
          It was football season and for some
          reason, all the little jocks wanted
          me. Matthew was the only non-white,
          non-jock boy in school, probably in
          the entire state, so we joined
          forces and took 'em all out. We
          were one hell of a team. Nothing
          could beat Matthew's mystical
          powers. Nothing but pre-teen
          capriciousness. We only kissed
          once. After a week and a half, I
          told him to hit the showers.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 41A.

                         47 CONTINUED: (4) 47
          The spotlight swings back onto Scott and Patel.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 42.

                         47 CONTINUED: (5) 47

                         SCOTT
          Dude, wait...mystical powers?
          Patel levitates into the air and points at Ramona.

                         MATTHEW PATEL
          You'll pay for this, Flowers!
          Patel SNAPS his fingers and launches into a BOLLYWOOD SONG!

          MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D)
          If you want to fight me, you're not
          the brightest. You won't know
          what's hit you in the slightest.
          Patel levitates into the air. Four hot girls in skirts with
          fangs and bat-wings appear in the air around him.

          MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D)
          Me and my fireballs and my Demon
          Hipster Chicks, I'm talking the
          talk because I know I'm slick.
          Patel and the Demon Hipster Chicks shoot FIREBALLS at Scott.
          He flips back onto the stage, narrowly dodging the attack.

          MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D)
          Fireball Girls! Take this sucker
          down.
          The Demon Hipster Chicks unleash more fireballs. Scott
          dodges. The house drum kit is trashed behind him.

          MATTHEW PATEL (CONT'D)
          Let us show him what we're all
          about.
          Scott hits the ground, dodging a third wave of fireballs.
          They explode Crash and the Boys in the wings.

                         SCOTT
          That doesn't even rhyme.
          Scott rolls across the stage, GRABS one of Kim's CYMBALS and
          throws it Captain America style. It hits Patel square in the
          eyes. POOF, the Demon Hipster Chicks vanish.

                         MATTHEW PATEL
          This is impossible, how can it be?!
          Scott leaps into the air. Patel opens his eyes just in time
          to see Scott Pilgrim's FIST racing towards his face.

                         SCOTT
          Open your eyes. Maybe you'll see.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 42A.

                         47 CONTINUED: (6) 47
          K.O! Scott punches Patel. He explodes into COINS. They
          clatter to the stage floor. Scott lands and picks them up.

                         SCOTT
          Sweet. Coins.

          48 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 48

          Ramona makes her way out fast. Passes Stacey.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 43.

                         48 CONTINUED: 48

                         RAMONA
          Well, it was great meeting you.
          Tell your gay friends I said bye.

                         STACEY
          Gay friends?
          Stacey turns to see Wallace and Jimmy making out.

                         STACEY
          WALLACE?! Not again!
          Ramona passes Knives, who is being resuscitated by Tamara.

          49 INT. THE ROCKIT, STAGE - CONTINUOUS 49

          Scott picks up the coins onstage and counts them.

                         SCOTT
          Aw man. $2.40? That's not even
          enough for the bus home.

                         RAMONA
          I'll lend you the 30 cents.
          Ramona yanks Scott away. The Promotor ambles back onstage.

                         PROMOTER
          Yeah...so like, Sex Bob-Omb wins.

          50 INT. THE ROCKIT, BALCONY - CONTINUOUS 50

          Knives is now wide awake, clapping wildly from the balcony.
          Her eyes scan the venue for Scott...but he is long gone.

          51 INT. THE BUS - NIGHT 51


                         SCOTT
          Sooooooo...
          A bemused Scott and mortified Ramona sit on the bus home.

                         SCOTT
          What was all that all about?

                         RAMONA
          Uh, I guess...
          Ramona takes a breath. Looks deep into Scott's eyes.

          RAMONA (CONT'D)
          If we're going to date, you may
          have to defeat my seven evil ex's.

                         SCOTT
          You have seven evil ex-boyfriends?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 44.

                         51 CONTINUED: 51

                         RAMONA
          Seven ex's, yes.

                         SCOTT
          So I have to fight-

                         RAMONA
          Defeat.

                         SCOTT
          -defeat your seven evil ex's if
          we're going to continue to date.

                         RAMONA
          Pretty much.

                         SCOTT
          So, what you're saying is...

                         (BEAT)
          We are dating?

                         RAMONA
          Uh, I guess.

                         SCOTT
          Cool. Do you want to make out?

                         RAMONA
          Uh...
          Scott kisses Ramona. The studio audience 'awwww's.

                         52 OMITTED 52

          53 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - MORNING 53

          A bleary Wallace fries bacon. Scott bursts through the front
          door, a spring in his step. The studio audience applauds.

                         WALLACE
          Someone's happy.

                         SCOTT
          Well, someone got to second base
          last night. And someone has a
          second date tonight.

                         WALLACE
          Someone's lucky then.

                         SCOTT
          You know when I say '~someone', I mean
          me, right? I got to second base last
          night...maybe first and a half.
          Wallace shoots a look at the idiotically upbeat Scott.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 45.

                         53 CONTINUED: 53

          SCOTT (CONT'D)
          Oh, hey, I'm inviting Ramona over for
          dinner, so you can't be here tonight.
          I don't want you gaying up the place.

                         WALLACE
          Okay, Scott. But in return I have
          to issue an ultimatum.

                         SCOTT
          One of your famous ultimatums?

                         WALLACE
          It may live in infamy...You have to
          break up with Knives. Today. Okay?
          Scott huffs and helps himself to some of Wallace's bacon.

                         SCOTT
          But...but...it's HARD.

                         WALLACE
          If you don't do it, I'm going to
          tell Ramona about Knives. I swear
          to God, Scott.

                         SCOTT
          But you...you're...
          At this point a sleepy JIMMY wanders out of the bathroom and
          helps himself to coffee.

                         JIMMY
          Morning.
          Scott points bacon at Wallace accusingly.

          SCOTT (CONT'D)

          DOUBLE STANDARD!

                         WALLACE
          I didn't make up the gay rulebook.
          If you have a problem with it, take
          it up with Liberace's Ghost.

                         SCOTT
          You're a monster.

                         WALLACE
          Now put the bacon down and go do
          your dirt while I watch the Lucas
          Lee marathon on TBS Superstation.

                         SCOTT
          Who's Lucas Lee?
          Wallace points to a hunky actor on the cover of NOW magazine.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 45A.

                         53 CONTINUED: (2) 53

                         WALLACE
          He was this pretty good skater and
          now he's this pretty good actor.

                         (MORE)

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 46.

                         53 CONTINUED: (3) 53

                         WALLACE (CONT'D)
          He's filming a Winifred Hailey
          movie in Toronto right now.

                         SCOTT
          They make movies in Toronto?

                         WALLACE
          Yes. I am stalking him later.

                         SCOTT
          So, this Lucas Lee-

                         WALLACE
          Lucas Lee is not important to you
          right now! Get out.

                         SCOTT
          You suck. Surprising no one.
          Scott grumbles off. Wallace turns the television way up. We
          see Lucas Lee on a payphone in some crummy thriller.

          LUCAS LEE (ON TV)
          Listen close and listen hard,
          bucko. The next click is me hanging
          up. The one after that...is me
          pulling the trigger.

          54 EXT. PAYPHONE ON BUSY STREET - DAY 54

          A shivering and annoyed Scott dials the payphone.

                         SCOTT
          Oh, hey, Knives. Um, do you want
          to, like, talk or whatever?

          KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
          Are you wearing a tan jacket? Like
          a spring jacket? And a hoodie?

                         SCOTT
          Ummm...
          Scott checks what he's wearing. SPOOKY MUSIC underscores.

          KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)
          And a dorky hat?!

                         SCOTT
          It's not dorky! Why are you psychic?
          A beaming Knives knocks on the payphone glass.

                         SCOTT (CONT'D)
          Oh. Uh...okay. Hi.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 47.

          55 INT. SONIC BOOM - DAY 55

          The SPOOKY MUSIC continues on in the record store.
          Scott is on edge as Knives geeks over a standee for THE CLASH
          AT DEMONHEAD: it features sultry blonde singer ENVY ADAMS
          posing and the rest of the band shrouded in shadow and mist.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I can't believe they're coming to
          town. Will you take me to the show?

                         SCOTT
          Yeah, listen-
          The SPOOKY MUSIC gets louder, pounding inside Scott's head.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Oh, hey, I wanted to invite you
          over for dinner.

                         SCOTT
          Like, Chinese food?

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Yeah.

                         SCOTT
          Hmm. It's not my favorite.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Yeah. Well, to meet my parents.
          It's my birthday dinner.

                         SCOTT
          Uh...I think that's a really bad
          idea. Like, really, just so bad.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          No, it's okay. Why?

                         SCOTT
          Well I mean, I'm too old for you!

                         KNIVES CHAU
          No you're not! My Dad is nine years
          older than my Mom...

                         SCOTT
          And...and...are you even allowed to
          date outside your race or whatever?

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I don't care. I'm in...LOVE!

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 47A.

                         55 CONTINUED: 55
          Knives is so smitten, the word actually appears onscreen.
          Scott brushes it away. The SPOOKY MUSIC comes to a stop.

                         SCOTT
          Um, listen...I was thinking we
          should break up or whatever.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 48.

                         55 CONTINUED: (2) 55

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Really?

                         SCOTT
          Yeah...um...it's not going to work out.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Oh...
          Scott walks out, leaving Knives in the aisle.

          56 INT. THE BUS / RECORD STORE - DAY 56

          Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Knives.
          CROSSCUT with Knives still in the record store, in shock.
          ON THE BUS: Scott sighs, thinks of something happier...
          CROSSCUT with Ramona: rollerblading, her funky pink hair.
          ON THE BUS: Scott smiles, a little happier.

          57 INT/EXT. STEPHEN STILLS' BASEMENT - EVENING 57

          Sex Bob-Omb tune up. Kim spins a drumstick in her fingers.

                         KIM PINE
          Where's Knives? Not coming tonight?

                         SCOTT
          Oh. No. We broke up.
          Young Neil PAUSES his DS. Kim and Stills share a look.

                         SCOTT (CONT'D)
          OH! Check it out, I learned the
          bass line from Final Fantasy 2.
          Scott plays the insanely simple video game tune.

                         KIM PINE
          Scott, you are the salt of the earth.

                         SCOTT
          Aw, thanks.

                         KIM PINE
          Wait. I meant scum of the earth.

                         SCOTT
          Aw, thanks.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          You...you broke up with Knives?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 49.

                         57 CONTINUED: 57

                         SCOTT
          Yeah, but don't worry, maybe you'll
          meet my new new girlfriend soon.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Newnew.
          Kim mimes shooting herself. Stills unplugs Scott's amp.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Okay! From here on out, no
          GIRLFRIENDS or GIRLFRIEND talk at
          practice, whether they're old, new
          or new-new. We were lucky to
          survive that last round. This is
          sudden death now. Okay?

                         SCOTT
          Okay!

          DINGY DONG...

                         SCOTT (CONT'D)
          That's for me.
          Scott opens the door to see Ramona, now sporting BLUE HAIR.

          SCOTT (CONT'D)
          Hey...you're here?

                         RAMONA
          Yes. Like you said. Is it not cool?
          Scott ushers her in, weirded out by this hair development.

                         SCOTT
          You know your hair?

                         RAMONA
          I know of it.

                         SCOTT
          It's all blue.

                         RAMONA
          Yeah. I just dyed it. Are you going
          to introduce me?

                         SCOTT
          Oh yeah, this is Stephen Stills,
          Young Neil, that's... Kim.

                         RAMONA
          Hey everyone.
          Everyone mumbles back. Scott still stares at Ramona's hair.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 49A.

                         57 CONTINUED: (2) 57

                         SCOTT
          Is it weird not being pink anymore?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 50.

                         57 CONTINUED: (3) 57

                         RAMONA
          I change my hair every week and a
          half, dude. Get used to it.
          (to Sex Bob-Omb)
          So...uh...how do you guys all know
          each other?

                         YOUNG NEIL
          High school, I guess?

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          What Neil said.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          I'm Neil.

                         KIM PINE
          Believe it or not, I actually dated
          Scott in high school.

                         RAMONA
          Got any embarassing stories?

                         KIM PINE
          Yeah. He's an idiot.
          Scott fake laughs. Starts ushering Ramona out again.

                         SCOTT
          Okay. Cool. See you guys tomorrow.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Uh, what about rehearsal?

                         SCOTT
          Neil knows my parts.

                         YOUNG NEIL

                         (TO STILLS)
          I'm Neil.

          58 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 58

          Ramona lounges, reading a magazine. A tense Scott hurries
          around the kitchen area, preparing food as Wallace looks on.

                         WALLACE
          Are you doing okay there?

                         SCOTT
          Yeah, good. Good.
          Ramona goes to the bathroom. Scott drops the act.

                         SCOTT
          She changed her hair.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 50A.

                         58 CONTINUED: 58

                         WALLACE
          So? It looks nice blue.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 51.

                         58 CONTINUED: (2) 58

                         SCOTT
          I know, but she changed it without
          even making a big deal about it.
          She's spontaneous. Impulsive.
          Fickle. Oh my god, what do I do?

                         WALLACE
          I can't believe you were worried
          about me gaying up the place.
          Ramona returns. Wallace pulls on a jacket.

                         RAMONA
          How's dinner coming along?

                         SCOTT
          Yeah, good. Good.

                         WALLACE
          I'll leave you lovebirds to it. I'm
          heading up to Casa Loma to stalk my
          hetero crush.
          Scott stops Wallace at the door, with a panicked whisper.

                         SCOTT
          Don't go.

                         WALLACE
          Will you man the hell up? You could
          get to 2nd and a half base.

                         SCOTT
          You think so?

                         WALLACE
          Well, if you strike out in the next
          hour, come find me at the Castle.

                         SCOTT
          'oIf I strike out'�?

                         WALLACE
          Okay, 'owhen'�. See you in sixty.

          '15 MINUTES LATER'
          Ramona and Scott eat on the floor, picnic style. Scott has
          cooked garlic bread (and only garlic bread) for dinner.

                         RAMONA
          This is actually really good garlic bread.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 52.

                         58 CONTINUED: (3) 58

                         SCOTT
          Garlic bread is my favorite food. I
          could honestly eat it for every
          meal. Or just all the time without
          even stopping.

                         RAMONA
          You'd get fat.

                         SCOTT
          No. Why would I get fat?

                         RAMONA
          Bread makes you fat.

                         SCOTT
          Bread makes you FAT??

          '15 MINUTES LATER'
          A nervy Scott serenades Ramona on his bass guitar.

                         SCOTT
          So I wrote a song about you.

                         RAMONA
          Oh yeah?

                         SCOTT
          Yeah, it goes like this: Ra-mona,
          Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ra-mona,
          Ra-mona, Ra-ra-ra, Mona, Ooooh.

                         RAMONA
          I can't wait to hear it when it's
          finished.

                         SCOTT
          Finished?

          '15 MINUTES LATER'
          Scott makes out with Ramona on the futon. Scott smiles as she
          runs her hands through his hair.

                         RAMONA
          Your hair's pretty shaggy.

                         SCOTT

          OH GOD! I NEED A HAIRCUT DON'T I?!?
          Scott sits up like a shot. Ramona is taken aback.

                         RAMONA
          What?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 53.

                         58 CONTINUED: (4) 58

                         SCOTT
          Ha. No, sorry. It's just that I
          got... I got a bad haircut right
          before me and my big ex broke up. But
          it's so long ago, I can barely
          remember it...
          A deep voiced NARRATOR chimes in. Earl Jones deep.

                         NARRATOR
          Scott is acutely aware that his last
          salon haircut took place exactly 431
          days ago, three hours before his big
          breakup. He blames this largely on the
          haircut and has been cutting his own
          hair ever since.

                         RAMONA
          Sounds like a bad time.

                         SCOTT
          Not really.

                         NARRATOR
          It was.

                         SCOTT
          It was a mutual thing.

                         NARRATOR
          It wasn't.

                         SCOTT
          I mean, she told me it was mutual.

                         NARRATOR
          She dumped him. It was brutal.

                         RAMONA
          What was her name?

                         SCOTT
          She was Nat when I knew her. But
          she stopped liking that name.
          Then...she stopped liking me...

                         RAMONA
          Your hair is cute. I like it long.

                         SCOTT
          But it'd be cuter short! Wouldn't it?!
          Scott disappears and just as quickly reappears, now wearing
          his dorky SNOW HAT, hair tucked tightly beneath the flaps.

                         RAMONA
          What? Why are you wearing that?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 54.

                         58 CONTINUED: (5) 58

                         SCOTT
          I thought we could go for a walk.

          59 EXT. ENDLESS STAIRWAY - NIGHT 59


          '15 MINUTES LATER'
          Scott and Ramona climb a STAIRWAY, long handrail between them.

                         RAMONA
          Tell me we didn't come out here
          just so you could cover your hair
          with that hat.

                         SCOTT
          Nooo. I just love me some walking.
          Putting one leg in front of the other.

                         RAMONA
          You seem a little...heightened.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah. I don't know. I just, when I'm
          with you I feel like I'm on drugs. Not
          that I do drugs, unless you do, in
          which case I do drugs all the time,
          every drug, but...you make me feel...I
          don't know. Things seem a little
          brighter around you or something.
          Ramona and Scott finally reach the top of the stairs and
          NIGHT TURNS TO DAY, as if crossing a magical line.

                         RAMONA
          What is this place?

                         SCOTT
          A totally awesome castle. They're
          shooting this movie up here.
          Ramona looks up at the looming CASA LOMA, a castle surrounded
          by big, bright movie set lights.

                         RAMONA
          Who's in it?

                         SCOTT
          Winifred Hailey and some actor guy.

                         RAMONA
          Oh, who?

                         SCOTT
          I forget. Let's find out.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 55.

          60 EXT. CASA LOMA - CONTINUOUS 60

          A crew readies a shot of WINIFRED HAILEY held hostage by some
          GOON. A STAND IN takes the place of the leading man. Scott
          and Ramona approach some SPECTATORS, including Wallace.

                         RAMONA
          Did you find the guy you're stalking?

                         WALLACE
          I think I'm about to right now.

          FIRST A.D.
          Mr. Lee is travelling!

                         RAMONA
          Mr. Lee?

                         WALLACE
          Lucas Lee.

                         RAMONA
          Ooh.

                         SCOTT
          Ooh?
          The UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FANFARE announces LUCAS LEE as he exits
          his trailer, smoking a cigarette (blacked out). He skates
          towards the set, doing kickflips. The spectators go 'ooooh'�.

                         WALLACE
          I want to have his adopted babies.

                         RAMONA
          Oh, man. We gotta go.

                         SCOTT
          What? Why?

                         RAMONA
          I used to date that clown.

                         WALLACE
          Slut.

                         RAMONA
          Wallace. I am not a slut.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 56.

                         60 CONTINUED: 60

                         WALLACE
          I can think of no higher accolade.
          Lucas steps to his mark and puffs up into action hero mode.

                         LUCAS LEE
          Action.
          Lucas Lee points his board at the GOON.

                         SCOTT
          Oh...my...God...

                         LUCAS LEE
          Hey. The only thing keeping me and
          her apart is the two minutes it's
          gonna take to kick your ass.

                         SCOTT
          ...you dated a FAMOUS guy?!

                         RAMONA
          In 9th grade. We had drama. Actually,
          it might have been math. I just
          remember there being lots of drama.

                         LUCAS LEE

          HEY!!!
          Lucas Lee points at Scott, who remains oblivious.

                         RAMONA
          He just followed me around. He was
          a little snot nosed brat.

                         SCOTT
          He had snot? In his nose? But he's
          famous!

                         LUCAS LEE

          HEY!!!

                         RAMONA
          It's not a big deal. I only dated
          him for a week and a half-

                         LUCAS LEE
          I'm talking to you Scott Pilgrim!
          Lucas Lee stomps towards Scott, who gasps.

                         SCOTT
          He's famous and he talked to me!

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 56A.

                         60 CONTINUED: (2) 60

                         LUCAS LEE
          The only thing keeping me and her
          apart is the two minutes it's gonna
          take to kick your ass!

                         SCOTT
          Can I get-
          POW! Lucas Lee punches Scott, flooring him. Scott comes back
          up with a pen and paper, wobbly.

                         SCOTT
          Can I get your autograph?
          POW! Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He nods to Ramona.

                         LUCAS LEE
          Sup. How's life? He seems nice.
          Lucas Lee THROWS Scott up into a castle turret, crumbling it.
          Scotts CRASHES down through scaffolding onto the set. Lucas
          holds up his hands for a quick continuity photo, then stomps
          over to pick up a dazed Scott from the ground.

                         WALLACE
          Scott. Evil ex. Fight.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 57.

                         60 CONTINUED: (3) 60

                         LUCAS LEE
          Think you stand a chance against an
          A-lister, bro?
          Lucas Lee PUNCHES Scott again. He slides across the wet-down
          ground. A SET NURSE sprays Lucas' knuckles with antiseptic.

                         LUCAS LEE
          Some competish you are.
          Lucas Lee wanders off. Scott staggers to his feet, punchy.

                         SCOTT
          Hey... hey... hey! I'm not done-
          Scott spins Lucas around, only to find an identical STAND IN!

          LUCAS LEE (O.S.)
          Looks like you're seeing double.
          Scott turns to see the real Lucas, smirking on the sidelines.
          POW! The identical Stand In punches Scott to the ground.

                         LUCAS LEE
          He's good, right? Sometimes I let
          him do wide shots if I feel like
          getting blazed back in my winnie.
          Scott stands to fight the double. Suddenly, COUNTLESS
          STUNTMEN fan out behind the STAND IN, all identically
          dressed, all carrying skateboards and ready to rumble.

                         LUCAS LEE
          I'm nothing without my stunt team.
          The Stuntmen ATTACK Scott Pilgrim with a howl. Scott PUNCHES
          through a couple of the boards, Tae Kwon Doe style.

                         WALLACE
          Ask them how it feels to always get
          his sloppy seconds!

                         SCOTT
          How does it feel to-
          KROW! Scott takes a skateboard to the face, followed by a
          barrage of crippling skateboard blows to his knees and ribs.

                         LUCAS LEE
          I'm gonna get coffee. You homies
          want anything?
          We follow the smirking Lucas to the coffee station. We hear
          the noise of punching and kicking slowly subside to nothing.

          SCOTT (O.S.)
          Mr. Lee?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 58.

                         60 CONTINUED: (4) 60
          Lucas turns, shocked to see Scott, in front of a PAINTED 2-D
          SKYLINE BACKDROP, surrounded by many unconscious stuntmen.

                         SCOTT
          You're needed back on set.
          Scott CHARGES Lucas Lee and leaps into a FLYING KICK. Lucas
          GRABS his foot and hurls him through the backdrop. RRRIP!
          Scott lands in a CRUMP, framed through the torn skyline.
          Lucas stomps over to him, preparing for the deathblow.

                         LUCAS LEE
          Prepare... prepare to feel the wrath
          of the League of Evil Exes!

                         SCOTT
          The League of Evil Axes?

                         LUCAS LEE
          You really don't know about the
          "The League"?

                         SCOTT
          Ummm...

                         LUCAS LEE
          Seven evil exes? Coming to kill
          you? Controlling the future of
          Ramona's love life?

                         SCOTT
          ...no.

                         LUCAS LEE
          Oh, well then don't worry about it.

                         SCOTT
          Really?

                         LUCAS LEE
          Yeah, bro. Let's get a beer.
          Lucas offers a hand. Scott goes to shake it. POW! Lucas gets
          him square in the mouth. Scott smiles through his aching jaw.

                         SCOTT
          You are a pretty good actor.

                         LUCAS LEE
          I'm going for the Oscar this year.

                         SCOTT
          But are you a pretty good skater?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 59.

                         60 CONTINUED: (5) 60

                         LUCAS LEE
          I'm more than pretty good, ese.
          I have my own skate company.
          Lucas pulls down his shirt, revealing a skate company tattoo.

                         SCOTT
          So you can sell them, but can you
          do a thingy on that rail?
          Scott points to the LONG HANDRAIL on the stairs.

                         LUCAS LEE
          It's called a grind, bro.

                         SCOTT
          So can you do a grind thingy now?

                         LUCAS LEE
          Are you serious? There's like 200
          steps and the rails are garbage.

                         SCOTT
          Hey, if it's too hardcore...

                         LUCAS LEE
          You really think you can goad me
          into doing a trick like that?

                         SCOTT
          There's girls watching.

                         LUCAS LEE
          Somebody get me my board.
          Wallace taps Lucas' shoulder and hands him his skateboard.

                         WALLACE
          Hi. Big fan.

                         LUCAS LEE
          Why wouldn't you be?
          CLACK! Lucas GOES FOR IT, a perfect ollie onto the rail.
          Scott and Wallace watch as Lucas disappears from sight,
          sparking down the ENDLESS RAIL...HSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...
          Cut back to Scott & Wallace, impressed at Lucas.

                         SCOTT
          Wow.

          HSSSSSSSSS...
          Cut back to Scott & Wallace, very impressed at Lucas.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 59A.

                         60 CONTINUED: (6) 60

                          SCOTT
           Wow.

          HSSSSSSSSS...
          Cut back to Scott & Wallace. Scott's about to say '~wow' when-
          BOOOOOOOOM! A fireball appears from the bottom of the stairs.

                         WALLACE
          Wow, he totally bailed.

                         SCOTT
          Yes!
          Fist bump. Scott smacks his forehead.

                         SCOTT
          I didn't get his autograph.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 60.

                         60 CONTINUED: (7) 60

          FIRST A.D.
          Uh...that's a wrap everybody.

                         SCOTT
          Where's Ramona? Is she still here?

                         WALLACE
          No, she totally bailed.

                         SCOTT
          What's the deal? Seriously.

          61 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - DAY 61

          Scott slumps on the couch, phone pressed to his ear. Wallace
          cooks bacon in the kitchen (no pants). We hear the OUTGOING
          MESSAGE: This is an automated voice messaging system. RAMONA
          is not available, please record your message after the beep.

                         SCOTT
          Hey. It's me, Scott again. Call me
          back. Scott Pilgrim.

                         (HANGS UP)
          What's the deal? Seriously.
          Scott ambles over to the fridge and rests his head on it.

                         WALLACE
          Yeah, you said that last night.

                         SCOTT
          You know what really sucks though?

                         WALLACE
          What?

                         SCOTT
          Everything!

                         WALLACE
          Come on guy, you can't say you
          didn't see this coming. It was
          right under your nose.
          Wallace points to the NOTE Ramona scribbled which is pinned
          literally under Scott's nose on the refrigerator:
          RAMONA FLOWERS, 212 664-7665, xxxxxxx

                         WALLACE
          What did you think these were?

                         SCOTT
          Kisses? Seven little kisses?

                         WALLACE
          Seven deadly X's.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 61.

                         61 CONTINUED: 61
          Wallace cocks an eyebrow. Scott slides to the floor.

                         SCOTT
          Why does everything have to be so
          complicated?
          Wallace crouches down to join Scott on the floor.

                         WALLACE
          If you want something bad, you have
          to fight for it. Step up your game.
          Break out the L-word.

                         SCOTT
          Lesbian?

                         WALLACE
          The other L-word.

                         SCOTT
          Lesbians?

                         WALLACE
          Okay, it's 'olove'�. I wasn't trying
          to trick you or anything. Look, if
          she's really the girl of your
          dreams, then you have to let her
          know. You have to overcome any and
          all obstacles that lie in your
          path. You have the spirit of a
          warrior, Scott. You can do it! Be
          with her! It's your destiny!

                         (BEAT)
          Plus, I need you to move out.
          Scott's face falls, completely shocked at this bombshell.

                         SCOTT
          What? Why? Are you moving in with
          Other Scott or Jimmy or someone?

                         WALLACE
          Or someone. Either way, I'm kind of
          banking on her calling you back so
          I won't have to evict you and feel
          all guilty and shit.
          RINGY RING. Scott and Wallace look at the phone.

                         WALLACE
          I have a feeling that's for you, guy.
          Scott picks up. A SEXY, NON-RAMONA VOICE REPLIES...

          VOICE (O.S.)
          Hey Scott.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 62.

                         61 CONTINUED: (2) 61

                          SCOTT
           ...Envy?

                          WALLACE
           Oh, shit.

           ENVY (O.S.)
          It's been a long time.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah.

          ENVY (O.S.)
          A year I think?

                         SCOTT
          Approximately.

          ENVY (O.S.)
          How are you?

                         SCOTT
          I'm not doing so good right now.

          ENVY (O.S.)
          That's too bad. Still breaking hearts?

                         SCOTT
          What? No, stop. I've been-it's been
          different. You have no idea.

          ENVY (O.S.)
          Probably not. Do you have a
          girlfriend? Should I be jealous?

                         SCOTT
          Yes, you should. I have this
          totally awesome girlfriend who
          calls me all the time. And she's
          America. Uh. She's American.

          ENVY (O.S.)
          What's her name?

                         SCOTT
          I'm not telling you that. Ramona.

          ENVY (O.S.)
          Oh.

                         SCOTT
          What? Do you know her?

          ENVY (O.S.)
          Uh. No.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 63.

                         61 CONTINUED: (3) 61

                         SCOTT
          It sounded like you did.

          ENVY (O.S.)
          I gotta go. Nice chatting with you.

                         SCOTT

                         WAIT-
          CLICK...Scott slumps to the floor. Wallace appears over him.

                         WALLACE
          Okay. Everything does suck.
          Scott grunts. RINGY RING. Wallace grins and grabs the phone.

                         WALLACE
          Or does it?
          Scott sits bolt upright, expectant.

                         WALLACE
          Oh, hey Knives.
          Scott lays back down. FUCK.

                         WALLACE
          What's that? You're outside?
          Scott sits bolt upright again. FUCK! Wallace opens the door a
          crack. Knives shivers outside, pale and broken looking.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Is Scott here?

                         WALLACE
          You know what?
          Behind Wallace, we see Scott LEAP through a window head
          first. GLASS SMASHES.

          WALLACE (CONT'D)
          He just left.
          Knives sighs. Scott sprints away in the background.

          A62 EXT. STREET - DAY A62

          Scott walks fast down the street, freaked out and paranoid.
          He sees five '~X's looming above him on a pedestrian crossing
          and quickly diverts into an...

          62 EXT. ALLEY - DAY 62

          Scott rips the '~X-Men' patch off his jacket, when-

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 63A.

                         62 CONTINUED: 62
          WHZZZ - SOMETHING buzzes past Scott. He looks around.

                         SCOTT
          Dude.
          WHOOSH - another blast of air whizzes by.

                         SCOTT
          Please.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 64.

                         62 CONTINUED: (2) 62
          SHFFF - SOMETHING sweeps him off his feet. He's pissed now.

                         SCOTT
          I'm really not in the mood.
          SHWAA - SOMETHING slices the air in front of Scott.

                         SCOTT
          Okay, enough!
          Scott punches the air in front of him. Hits SOMETHING. A
          DIMINUTIVE DIRTY BLONDE dressed in a punk rock kung fu get up
          lands on the ground with a thump. She spins to face Scott.

                         MYSTERY ATTACKER
          You punched me in the boob. Prepare
          to die, obviously.

                         SCOTT
          Listen, I've had it today. Can we
          not do this right now?

                         ALT #1:

                         MYSTERY ATTACKER

                         (DIXIELAND ACCENT)
          Love to postpone, darlin', but I
          just cashed my last raincheck.

                         SCOTT
          What's that from?

                         MYSTERY ATTACKER

                         (OWN VOICE)
          My brain!

                         SCOTT
          Well whatever this is about, can it
          wait till I'm in the right frame of
          mind?

                         ALT #2:

                         MYSTERY ATTACKER
          Nuh uh. This is one nightmare you
          can't wake up from.

                         SCOTT
          Wait, am I asleep right now?

                         MYSTERY ATTACKER
          No.

                         SCOTT
          So, technically this is not a
          nightmare.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 64A.

                         62 CONTINUED: (3) 62

                          MYSTERY ATTACKER
           Right.

                         SCOTT
          So how can I not wake up? If I'm
          not actually asleep.

                         MYSTERY ATTACKER
          Don't question me!
          Scott shakes his head, baffled.

                         SCOTT
          Well, I'm really, really not up for
          this. Whatever it is.

                         MYSTERY ATTACKER
          Okay little chicken, then I'll see
          you later. But you won't see me.
          Because I'll be deadly serious next
          time.

                         SCOTT
          What?

                         MYSTERY ATTACKER
          Nevermind!
          PAF - the Mystery Attacker vanishes. Scott looks to the sky.

                         SCOTT
          Oh man. Someone help me.

          63 EXT. BLOOR STREET - DAY 63

          Scott is in his usual payphone, dialing Stacey frantically.

                         SCOTT
          It's Scott.

          STACEY (O.S.)
          What did he do this time?

                         SCOTT
          No, it's Scott. It's actually me.

          STACEY (O.S.)
          What did you do this time?

                         SCOTT
          I didn't do anything. It's everyone
          else that's crazy.

                         (MORE)

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 65.

                         63 CONTINUED: 63

                         SCOTT (CONT'D)
          Look I need to talk to you, I'm
          having a meltdown or whatever. Are
          you still working?

          STACEY (O.S.)
          I'm literally about to leave.

                         SCOTT
          Cool, I'm coming in.
          Scott hangs up the phone and walks two steps into-

          64 INT. THE SECOND CUP - CONTINUOUS 64

          Scott approaches the counter. Stacey has her back turned.

                         SCOTT
          Think I'll make it a decaf today.
          Stacey turns around, revealing herself to be JULIE!

                         JULIE

          SCOTT PILGRIM!

                         SCOTT
          AH! What did you do with my sister?
          Stacey taps on the window outside, mouthing that she has to
          go. Scott turns back to Julie, not happy.

                         JULIE
          What can I fucking get you?

                         SCOTT
          Is there anywhere you don't work?

                         JULIE
          They're called 'jobs', something a
          fuckball like you wouldn't know
          anything about. And by the way, I
          can't believe you fucking asked
          Ramona out after I specifically
          told you not to fucking do that!
          (Note to concerned reader: Everytime Julie says "FUCK", a
          black bar comes out of her mouth and the sound is bleeped.)

                         SCOTT
          How do you do that with your mouth?

                         JULIE
          Neverfuckingmind how I do it! What
          do you have to say for yourself?

                         SCOTT
          Uh. Can I get a caramel macchiato?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 66.

                         64 CONTINUED: 64

                         JULIE
          Maybe it's high fucking time you
          took a look in a mirror before you
          wreak havoc on another girl.

                         SCOTT
          Me? Wreak havoc?
          Julie points at THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD poster behind the
          counter with concert dates at the bottom.

                         JULIE
          Fucking speaking of fucking which,
          I hear the girl that kicked your
          heart in the ass is walking the
          streets of Toronto again.

                         SCOTT
          So I can pick up my coffee over
          here?
          Scott retreats away from Julie and bumps right into...
          RAMONA. They share an awkward moment. She looks at the floor.

                         RAMONA
          Sorry that got a little crazy last
          night.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah. You kind of disappeared.

                         RAMONA
          Yeah, I do that. Listen, I know
          it's hard to be around me
          sometimes. I'll understand if you
          don't want to hang anymore.

                         SCOTT
          No. No, I want to hang. The whole
          evil ex-boyfriend thing. No biggie.

                         RAMONA
          Exes.

                         SCOTT
          I mean, I know it's early days, but
          I don't think anything can really
          get in the way of how I SHIT!
          Scott hides behind Ramona as a lithe figure emerges from the
          steamed-milk mists of the coffee shop...the singer from THE
          CLASH AT DEMONHEAD has seemingly stepped out of the poster.

          "ENVY ADAMS, 23, FUN FACT: KICKED SCOTT'S HEART IN THE ASS."
          The icy, platinum blonde fashionista walks towards Scott.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 67.

                         64 CONTINUED: (2) 64

                          SCOTT (CONT'D)
           It's my ex.

                          RAMONA
          The big one?
          Scott nods. LEONE STAREDOWN between Envy and Ramona.

                         RAMONA
          I'm gonna...excuse me.
          Ramona goes to order coffee, leaving Envy to fix on Scott.

                         ENVY
          Your hair is getting shaggy.
          REVERSE: Scott is instantly wearing his DORKY HAT.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah?

                         ENVY
          So. That's Ramona?

                         SCOTT
          Yeah.

                         ENVY
          Okay, I'm jealous.

                         SCOTT
          YOU'RE jealous?

                         ENVY
          I'm allowed.

                         SCOTT
          You left me! For that cocky pretty boy!

                         ENVY
          You've never even seen him.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah. I know. You left me for a guy
          I've never even seen.

                         ENVY
          Maybe you'll see him soon. We're
          playing Lee's Palace. You guys
          should like, so totally come.

                         SCOTT
          That's so not going to happen.

                         ENVY
          Great. You're so on the list.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 68.

                         64 CONTINUED: (3) 64
          Envy disappears into the cappucino mists. Ramona returns.

                         JULIE
          Caramel Fuckiato for fuck Pilgrim!

                         SCOTT

                         (TO RAMONA)
          It's pronounced 'oScott'�.

          65 EXT. TORONTO RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY 65

          Scott and Ramona walk side by side, sipping their coffees.

                         RAMONA
          So...that was Nat?

                         SCOTT
          No, that was Envy.

                         RAMONA
          So...what did you guys talk about?

                         SCOTT
          She's totally jealous of you.

                         RAMONA
          Envy's jealous? How about that?

                         SCOTT
          Yeah. How. About. That.

                         RAMONA
          What happened with the two of you?

                         SCOTT
          Do you mind if we don't get into
          that right now?

                         (BEAT)
          She wanted to move to Montreal
          because she missed her best friend.
          This guy Todd.

                         RAMONA
          And two weeks later, you heard they
          were sleeping together I guess?

                         SCOTT
          Basically.

                         RAMONA
          I dated a Todd once. That didn't
          end well either.

                         SCOTT
          I can see how it sucks. Having the
          past come back to haunt you.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 68A.

                         65 CONTINUED: 65

                         RAMONA
          Is it wrong that I try not to think
          about it?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 69.

                         65 CONTINUED: (2) 65

                         SCOTT
          What do you want to think about?

                         RAMONA
          How warm my place is right now.
          Ramona stops and kisses him.

          66 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 66

          Scott lies between Wallace and Other Scott on the futon.

                         OTHER SCOTT
          And you didn't bang her? Are you gay?

                         SCOTT
          I couldn't stop thinking about my
          stupid ex-girlfriend.
          A bleary Jimmy sits up between them all.

                         JIMMY
          Is that the Uma Thurman movie?

                         WALLACE
          Scott. Just because Envy's back in
          town doesn't make it not over.

                         SCOTT
          Double negative. Tricky.

                         OTHER SCOTT
          It's over. Move on.

                         WALLACE
          Word.

                         JIMMY
          Mm.
          Scott stands (no pants). Music swells.

                         SCOTT
          Right. I'm not gonna let her toy
          with me. From this moment on, I
          will think of Envy Adams no more!

          67 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - DAY 67


                         STEPHEN STILLS
          I have distressing news.
          A deadly serious Stephen Stills addresses Kim, Scott and
          Young Neil. Ramona lounges on the couch...

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 69A.

                         67 CONTINUED: 67

                         KIM PINE
          Is the news that we suck? Because I
          really don't think I can take it.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          No. The Clash At Demonhead are
          doing a secret show tomorrow night.
          And Envy asked us to open for them.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 70.

                         67 CONTINUED: (2) 67

                         SCOTT
          I hate you.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          A gig is a gig is a gig. Is a gig.
          Maybe you can put your history
          aside until we get through this
          thing. You know, for the band? For
          the band. For the band?

                         SCOTT
          Can't we do our own secret shows?

                         KIM PINE
          All our shows are secret shows.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          We're doing it. G-man might be
          there! We play the next round of
          the battle Saturday. We need to get
          some buzz going. We need
          groundswell. We need stalkers.
          Stills paces past the window to reveal...KNIVES CHAU OUTSIDE.
          CRASH ZOOM on her tearful face, pressed against the window.
          TOTALLY CRUSHED to see Scott cuddling with Ramona.

                         SCOTT
          What would you do? If your ex was
          in a band and they wanted you to
          open for them?

                         RAMONA
          If my ex was in the band?

                         SCOTT
          Yeah.

                         RAMONA
          It might be a little awkward. But
          maybe it's the grown up thing to do.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah, we're all adults right?

          68 INT. DRUG SMART - EVENING 68

          KNIVES frantically rifles through racks of hair dye and rants
          furiously into her cellphone.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          He's dating a fat-ass hipster chick!
          I hate his stupid guts! I'm gonna
          disembowel him!

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 71.

          68A INT. KNIVES' BEDROOM - EVENING 68A

          Knives stands on her bed and continues ranting at Tamara.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          He only likes her cause she's old!
          She's probably like 25! She's just
          some fat-ass white girl, you know?

                         TAMARA
          I think you mentioned she was fa-

          68B INT. KNIVES' BATHROOM - EVENING 68B

          Tamara helps Knives color her hair under the bathtub spigot.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          She's got a head start! I didn't
          even know there WAS good music
          until like two months ago! Okay,
          this really burns.

                         TAMARA
          We should rinse-

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I mean, he knew I was cool but he
          thought I was too young, so he
          tried to find someone cool but old.

                         TAMARA
          She's cool? I thought she was fat-

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Well she THINKS she's cool. This is
          all her fault.

                         TAMARA
          Why?
          Tamara turns the faucet on and rinses Knives hair.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          It MUST be her fault. Obviously
          it's just a twist of fate or
          whatever, isn't it? Star crossed
          lovers! Born too late!
          Knives looks in the mirror: HER HAIR IS EXACTLY LIKE RAMONA.

          KNIVES CHAU (CONT'D)
          Oh God...I look so...so good.
          Knives throws a long scarf on, looking sexy, eyes narrowing.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 72.

          68B CONTINUED: 68B

          KNIVES CHAU (CONT'D)
          Scott Pilgrim destroyed my heart.
          But I know how to get him back.
          PUSH into Knives, as she plots. Tamara pops into frame.

                         TAMARA
          How?
          We see a TEXT MESSAGE typing onscreen:

          'oYUNG NEIL ITZ KNIVES. OMFG UR SO HOTT'�

          69 EXT. LEE'S PALACE - NIGHT 69

          A huge line of TOO COOL YOUTHS snakes outside a rock venue. A
          sign reads '~THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD - Sold out'.
          We hear loud music blasting through the open doors.

          70 INT. LEE'S PALACE - CONTINUOUS 70

          The LOUD MUSIC stops abruptly. Sex Bob-Omb bow onstage.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Thank you. We were Sex Bob-Omb.
          Wallace and Other Scott clap and cheer, drunk. The other
          snobbish kids in the audience shrug and disperse.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          We got some merch out the back, so-
          (to Scott and Kim)
          Okay. Bar. Now.

          71 INT. LEE'S PALACE - LATER 71

          A disillusioned Sex Bob-Omb hang with Ramona at the bar.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Level with me. Did we suck?

                         RAMONA
          I don't know. Did you?

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          She has to go. She knows we suck.
          Ramona excuses herself.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 73.

          72 INT. LEE'S PALACE, LADIES BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER 72

          Ramona does her eyeliner. She looks in the mirror to see two
          images of herself staring back. Or is it...
          "KNIVES CHAU, 17, SINGLE WHITE ASIAN" with identical hair,
          clothes and makeup, standing next to Ramona, looking hot.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Hey Ramona.

                         RAMONA
          Hey.
          Ramona exits, confused. Knives follows.

                         RAMONA
          What the hell?

          73 INT. LEE'S PALACE - MOMENTS LATER 73

          Ramona and Knives exit the bathroom together. Scott breaks
          into a cold sweat. Knives shoots Scott a sultry look.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Hey Scott.
          Knives heads into Young Neil's arms at the other end of the
          bar. Scott struggles with something resembling jealousy.

                         SCOTT
          What the hell?

                         KIM PINE
          Look who Knives is hanging with.

                         RAMONA
          Who is that girl again?

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Scottdatedher.

                         SCOTT
          Briefly. Briefly.

                         KIM PINE
          I bet Young Neil will date her even
          briefly-er.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 74.

                         73 CONTINUED: 73

                         RAMONA
          How old is she?
          A 'oWHEEL OF FORTUNE'� spins INSIDE SCOTT'S HEAD, with
          selections such as 'oIt was nothing'� and 'oShe was nobody.'� The
          wheel sticks between 'oI gotta pee.'� and 'oWho, her?'�

                         SCOTT
          I gotta pee on her.
          (turns beet red)
          I mean, I gotta pee. Pee time.

                         (SING SONGY)
          Peee time.

          74 INT. LEE'S PALACE, MENS BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER 74

          Scott washes his hands and looks up to see TWO SCOTTS staring
          back, one with fringed hair and a wicked glare!
          Scott whips around. He's alone. SPOOKY MUSIC begins...

          75 INT. LEE'S PALACE - MOMENTS LATER 75

          A freaked out Scott returns to the group. The lights dim and
          the stage fills with twisting blue tendrils of smoke.
          THE CLASH AT DEMONHEAD materialize, ENVY in a long black
          coat. Knives screams her teen brains out.
          The BASS PLAYER steps into the light, no longer shrouded in
          dry ice, he cuts a handsome, striking ROCK GOD figure.

                         SCOTT
          That guy on bass? That's Todd.

                         RAMONA
          I know.

                         ENVY
          Oh yeah...

                         SCOTT
          You know?

                         ENVY
          Oh yeah...
          Todd flips his fringe from his eyes. Stares at Scott.

          "TODD INGRAM, 25, EVIL-EX #3, FUN FACT: 9TH DEGREE VEGAN"

                         SCOTT
          Oh no.
          Envy lets her coat slip off, revealing a stunning figure.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 74A.

                         75 CONTINUED: 75

                         ENVY

          OH YYYEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

          76 INT. LEE'S PALACE - LATER 76

          Sex Bob-Omb, Knives and Ramona hang near the BACKSTAGE doors.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 75.

                         76 CONTINUED: 76

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Oh my God. Just oh my God.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Man, you have to see them live.
          They're so much better live. Oh.

                         SCOTT
          I think I'm going to throw up.
          Julie opens the backstage door and huffs.

                         JULIE
          I can't believe I'm even saying
          this, but Envy Adams would like all
          of you to come backstage.

                         SCOTT
          All of us?

                         JULIE
          Did I fucking stutter?
          The group shuffles backstage. Scott hangs his head like a
          condemned man.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          How do you know Envy???

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Scottdatedher.
           Knives makes a face that looks like this: >:O !!!!

          77 INT. LEE'S PALACE, RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA - NIGHT 77

          SEX BOB-OMB lounge on a couch on one side of the room. Envy,
          Todd and Julie lounge on a couch across from them.
          Knives in shock as she thinks a thousand thoughts. Envy burns
          a hole through Scott. Everyone else feels...'oAWKWARD'�.

                         TODD INGRAM
          Hey Ramona.

                         RAMONA
          Hey Todd.

                         TODD INGRAM
          Been a while.

                         RAMONA
          Mmm hmm.

                         TODD INGRAM
          Mmm hmm.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 76.

                         77 CONTINUED: 77

                         RAMONA
          (whispers to Scott)
          I think we should get out of here.

                         JULIE
          How was the tour? You played with
          The Pixies? You're a superstar now!

                         ENVY
          It's-yeah, it's not something I can
          really put into words.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Um...Envy? I read your blog.
          Todd and Julie glare at Knives.

                         ENVY
          So...Scott and Ramona eh?

                         RAMONA
          What of it?

                         ENVY
          You guys are a cute couple, you
          know? You suit each other.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          So what's your ulterior motive
          Envy, in general?

                         JULIE
          She doesn't need ulterior motives,
          Stephen. She's got a write-up in
          Spin!

                         KNIVES CHAU
          You're my role model Envy.

                         ENVY
          Just saying, cute couple. I like your
          outfit Ramona. Affordable?

                         JULIE
          I was going to say, Envy. Did you
          get those jeans in New York, they're-

                         ENVY
          I'm talking to Ramona right now.

                         JULIE
          Ramona lived in New York.

                         ENVY
          I was just there. We played the
          Chaos Theatre for Gideon. You know
          him, right?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 76A.

                         77 CONTINUED: (2) 77
          Scott looks at Ramona. She is about to answer when...Knives
          stands up, POINTS at Envy and SCREAMS-

                         KNIVES CHAU

          I'VE KISSED THE LIPS THAT KISSED YOU!

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 77.

                         77 CONTINUED: (3) 77
          Envy nods at Todd. He PUNCHES KNIVES SQUARE IN THE JAW! OMFG!
          Scott jumps to his feet, FACING OFF against Todd Ingram.

                         SCOTT
          Knives!?
          Young Neil rushes to Knives' aid. Scott boils. Todd smirks.

                         TODD INGRAM
          That's right. I'm not afraid to hit
          a girl. I'm a rock star.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          You punched the highlights out of
          her hair!
          ANGLE on Knives. Her hair is black and plain as before.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          He punched the highlights. Out. Of.
          Her. Hair.

                         ENVY
          You're incorrigible.

                         TODD INGRAM
          I don't know the meaning of the word.
          Young Neil escorts Knives out. Todd sits back down like
          nothing happened. Scott's face is a bright shade of rage.

                         JULIE
          So, are you guys doing anything fun
          while you're in town?

                         TODD INGRAM
          Fun? In Toronto?

                         SCOTT
          That is IT, you cocky cock! YOU'LL PAY

          FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY!
          Scott LEAPS across the table and SWINGS a punch at Todd.
          Todd THRUSTS a hand out and telekinetically FREEZES SCOTT IN
          THE AIR. Scott hovers, grasping his neck, choking. Todd's
          hair magically forms into a FAUXHAWK.

                         SCOTT
          KK...my neck...yy...your hair...

                         ENVY
          Didn't you know? Todd's Vegan.

                         TODD INGRAM
          It's not a big deal.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 78.

                         77 CONTINUED: (4) 77
          Todd telekinetically HURLS Scott through the club's wall!
          Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb peer through the newly made hole in
          the wall, to see Scott sprawled on some trash bags. He tries
          to keep cool, despite being in a lot of pain.

                         SCOTT
          No kidding...anyone can be...vegan.

                         TODD INGRAM
          Ovo-lacto vegetarian maybe.

                         SCOTT
          Ovo what?

                         TODD INGRAM
          I partake not in the meat nor
          breastmilk or ovum of any creature
          that has a face.

                         ENVY
          Short answer: Being vegan just
          makes you better than most people.

                         TODD INGRAM
          Bingo.
          Todd lifts up Scott telekinetically and throws him miles into
          the air. Scott sails out of shot and into space.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Hey man, question. I always
          wondered, how does not eating dairy
          products give you psychic powers?

                         TODD INGRAM
          You know how you only use ten
          percent of your brain? Well, it's
          because the other 90% is filled up
          with curds and whey.

                         KIM PINE
          Did you learn that at Vegan Academy?

                         TODD INGRAM
          Go ahead and get snippy baby, if
          you knew the science, maybe I'd
          listen to a word you're saying.
          Scott returns to earth with a THUMP. He moans in pain. While
          the others bicker, Ramona helps Scott to his feet.

                         SCOTT
          If I peed my pants, would you pretend
          I just got wet from the rain?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 78A.

                         77 CONTINUED: (5) 77

                         RAMONA
          It's not raining.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 79.

                         77 CONTINUED: (6) 77

                         SCOTT
          Oh. How about you give me the Cliff
          Notes on how and why you ended up
          dating this a-hole?

                         RAMONA
          Is that really important right now?

                         SCOTT
          If there's a key element in his
          backstory that can help me out in a
          critical moment of not dying? Yes.
          A brief, scrappy ANIMATED FLASHBACK of Young Todd and Ramona.

          RAMONA (V.O.)
          I was only dating Lucas until the
          minute Todd walked by. I guess
          that's not very nice, but I used to
          be kind of...like that.
          Young Ramona shoves Young Lucas down a hill and starts making
          out with Young Todd.

          RAMONA (V.O.)
          We hated everyone. We wrecked
          stuff. Nobody cared.
          Young Ramona and Young Todd wreck stuff. Nobody cares.

          RAMONA (V.O.)
          He punched a hole in the moon for
          me. It was pretty crazy.
          Young Todd punches a hole in the moon. It's pretty crazy.

          RAMONA (V.O.)
          A week and a half later, he told me
          his Dad was sending him to the
          Vegan Academy, so I dumped him.
          Does that help you at all?
          The FLASHBACK ends. Scott can only fixate on one aspect.

                         SCOTT
          Have you dumped everyone you've
          ever been with? You've never been
          the dumpee?
          Ramona shrugs.

                         RAMONA
          Look, I've dabbled with being a
          bitch. It's part of the reason I
          moved here. I was really hoping to
          put it all behind me.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 80.

                         77 CONTINUED: (7) 77
          Todd appears behind Ramona - ready for another round.

                         TODD INGRAM
          We have unfinished business, I and he!
          Scott stands up - sort of ready for another round.

                         SCOTT
          He and me.

                         TODD INGRAM
          Don't you talk to me about grammar!

                         SCOTT
          I...dislike you. Capiche?
          Understand?

                         TODD INGRAM
          Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.

                         SCOTT
          What?

                         TODD INGRAM
          Because you'll be dust by Monday.

                         SCOTT
          Um...

                         TODD INGRAM
          Because I'll be pulverizing you in
          two seconds. And the cleaning
          lady...cleans up...dust. She dusts.

                         SCOTT
          Sorry, so what's on Monday?

                         TODD INGRAM
          Cos it's Friday now and she has
          weekends off, so...Monday. Right?

                         ENVY
          Basically, you can't win this fight
          and you'll have to give up on this
          girl, '~cos Todd is going to kill
          you.

                         SCOTT
          You used to be so...nice!
          Scott CHARGES at Todd, who PSYCH-THROWS him back into the
          club. We hear a distant CRUMP. Stills calls through the hole.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Uh, we're going to Pizza Pizza for
          a slice, call us when you're done.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 80A.

                         77 CONTINUED: (8) 77

                          ENVY
           Oh, he'll be done real soon.

                          (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 81.

                         77 CONTINUED: (9) 77
          Sex Bob-Omb skulks away. Envy grins at Ramona, wicked.

                         ENVY
          Sorry, baby. Crummy way to end
          things, I know.
          Suddenly, the bass-line from FINAL FANTASY 2 rumbles through
          the walls. Todd calls to a roadie.

                         TODD INGRAM
          Get me my bass. The good one.

          78 INT. LEE'S PALACE - CONTINUOUS 78

          SCOTT stands in an elephant's graveyard of plastic cups and
          bottles, picking the hell out of his bass, amp pegged to 10.
          TODD INGRAM levitates, floating towards Scott with his bass.

                         TODD INGRAM
          You're going down. Vegan Style!
          Todd lands in front of Scott. BASS OFF! PICKS STRIKE STRING!
          Todd easily out-basses Scott, shredding him into oblivion.
          The enormous reverb LAUNCHES club debris towards Scott.

                         SCOTT
          The reverb is hurting my soul!!!
          Scott slides across the floor and slams right into the wall.
          Todd LEVITATES, fauxhawk rising. He hovers next to him.

                         TODD INGRAM
          That's right, Pilgrim. I actually
          know how to play bass.
          Todd DETUNES his bass and delivers a death note that BLOWS
          Scott right through the stage wall.

          79 INT. LEE'S PALACE, RATTY BACKSTAGE AREA- CONTINUOUS 79

          Scott crashes into a backstage food table. Todd floats toward
          him, savoring the kill. Envy appears beside him with a smirk.

                         TODD INGRAM
          I can read your thoughts. Your bass
          hand is badly injured. You're through.
          Scott turns around on his knees, cringing, holding a cup of
          MILKY LOOKING COFFEE in either hand as a peace offering.

                         SCOTT
          What say we drink to my memory?
          Fair trade blend with soymilk?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 81A.

                         79 CONTINUED: 79

                         ENVY
          I'm sorry, but that's pathetic.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 82.

                         79 CONTINUED: (2) 79

                         TODD INGRAM
          Dude. I can see in your mind's eye
          that you poured Half & Half into one
          of these coffees in an attempt to
          make me break vegan edge. I'll take
          the one with soy. Thanks, tool.
          Todd floats to the ground, takes one of the cups and drinks.

                         SCOTT
          Actually, I poured soy in this cup,
          but thought real hard about pouring it
          in that one. You know, in my mind's
          eye or whatever.

                         TODD INGRAM
          What are you talking about?

                         SCOTT
          You just drank Half & Half.
          TWO TRENDY POLICE TYPES BUST IN THROUGH THE WALL, making two
          more holes and pointing their fingers like deadly weapons.

          VEGAN POLICE OFFICERS
          Freeze! Vegan Police!

          VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
          Todd Ingram, you're under arrest
          for veganity violation code number
          827, imbibement of Half & Half!

                         TODD INGRAM
          That's bullroar!

          VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
          No vegan diet, no vegan powers.

                         TODD INGRAM
          But this is a first offense! Don't
          I get three strikes?
          Vegan Police Officer #2 flips open his CODE VIOLATION book.

          VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2
          At 12:27 a.m. on February 1st, you
          knowingly ingested Gelato.

                         TODD INGRAM
          Gelato isn't vegan?

          VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
          Milk and eggs, bitch.

          VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #2
          On April 4th, 7:30 p.m., you partook
          a plate of Chicken Parmesan.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 83.

                         79 CONTINUED: (3) 79
          Envy gasps, disgusted.

                         TODD INGRAM
          Chicken isn't vegan?

          VEGAN POLICE OFFICER #1
          The deveganizing ray! Hit him.
          The Vegan Police BLAST Todd with arcs of power from their
          finger guns. Todd's fauxhawk deflates into a bowl cut.

                         TODD INGRAM

          NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
          Scott rises into a stance to deliver his killer line...

                         SCOTT
          You once were a vegone, but now you
          will be gone!

                         TODD INGRAM
          Vegone?
          Scott HEADBUTTS TODD, exploding him! POOM! Scott dusts
          himself off as COINS rain down. Envy stares, jaw ajar.

                         SCOTT
          Uh, sorry I guess.

                         ENVY
          Sorry? You just headbutted my
          boyfriend so hard he burst.

                         SCOTT
          You kicked my heart in the ass. So
          I guess we're even. Natalie.

                         ENVY
          No one calls me that anymore.

                         SCOTT
          Maybe they should. Now let's get
          out of here.
          A battle worn Scott limps through the hole in the wall.
          Ramona follows, shooting Envy a look on the way out.

                         RAMONA
          Crummy way to end things, I know.
          Envy blinks, in shock. Julie pops into shot.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 84.

                         79 CONTINUED: (4) 79

                         JULIE
          For the record, I am so pissed off
          for you right now.

                         ENVY
          Shut the fuck up, Julie.

          80 INT. PIZZA PIZZA - NIGHT 80

          Sex Bob-Omb, Wallace and Other Scott munch pizza slices.
          Ramona and Scott, on the fringes. It's an odd mood.

                         WALLACE
          Envy Adams. I hate that bitch so
          much I kind of love her.

                         OTHER SCOTT
          Yeah. That Todd guy was cool too.
          And hot. I liked him.
          Scott sighs and holds a cold Coke Zero on his forehead.

                         RAMONA
          Are you okay?

                         SCOTT
          Uh huh.

                         RAMONA
          You sure about that?

                         SCOTT
          Do I look like I'm not okay?
          Scott does not look okay. Stills coughs.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          We're still going to the after show
          right?

                         KIM PINE
          I'm not sure it's gonna be much of
          a party, I think a third of the
          band just went 'opoom'�.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Cool bands never go to their own
          after parties. It's just the
          desperate people trying to rub
          elbows with label guys.

                         KIM PINE
          Then why would we...oh.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Neil, you down?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 85.

                         80 CONTINUED: 80
          Neil is at the counter with a catatonic Knives. He shrugs.

          STEPHEN STILLS (CONT'D)
          Scott? You're in right?

                         RAMONA
          Do you want to go?

                         SCOTT
          I kind of almost died back there, so...

                         RAMONA
          I'm not saying I want to go.

                         SCOTT
          Hey, we can totally go.

                         RAMONA
          I'll do whatever you want to do.

                         SCOTT
          So let's go.
          Scott takes another bite. Other Scott whispers to Wallace.

                         OTHER SCOTT
          Are Scott and Ramona fighting?

                         WALLACE
          Not to my knowledge.

                         OTHER SCOTT
          Oh.

                         WALLACE
          I mean, not with fists.

                         OTHER SCOTT
          Oh.

                         WALLACE
          Yet.

                         OTHER SCOTT
          Ooh.

          81 EXT. AFTER PARTY - NIGHT 81

          The whole gang trudge to the after party. Scott limps a bit,
          lagging behind. Ramona falls back with him.

                         RAMONA
          We really don't have to go to this
          thing. It'll probably be a bad
          scene all around and we've already
          had a full night.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 85A.

                         81 CONTINUED: 81

                         SCOTT
          No, I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just-

                         RAMONA
          It's just...?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 86.

                         81 CONTINUED: (2) 81

                         SCOTT
          Well, not that fighting harder and
          harder battles for your love is
          getting old or anything...but have
          you ever dated someone who wasn't a
          total ass?

                         RAMONA
          So far you're not a total ass.

                         SCOTT
          But I'm part ass?

                         RAMONA
          If it makes you feel better, you're
          the nicest guy I've dated.

                         SCOTT
          Wait...is that good?

                         RAMONA
          It's what I need right now.

                         SCOTT
          But not...later?

                         RAMONA
          Scott, I don't have all the
          answers. I'd just like to live in
          the moment if I can.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah, I'd just like to live.
          Scott and Ramona enter a big, fartsy, artsy WAREHOUSE.

          82 INT. AFTER PARTY - CONTINUOUS 82


                         RAMONA
          Okay, I know Todd was bad news. But
          are you saying Envy wasn't? We all
          have baggage.

                         SCOTT
          My baggage doesn't try and kill me
          every five minutes. What did you do
          to your ex-boyfriends to make them
          so insane?

                         RAMONA
          Exes.

                         SCOTT

                         WHATEVER-

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 87.

                         82 CONTINUED: 82

                         RAMONA
          No break up is painless. Someone
          always gets hurt. What about you
          and that girl Knives?

                         SCOTT
          Knives?

                         RAMONA
          Who broke up with who?

                         SCOTT
          I believe...I broke up with her.

                         RAMONA
          And was she cool with that?

                         SCOTT
          Knives is with Young Neil now,
          she's totally cool with it.
          They pass Knives and Young Neil. She seemingly has no
          interest in her date and simply stares at Scott lovingly.

                         RAMONA
          You sure about that?

                         SCOTT
          Yeah. She's very mature for her
          age. It was a very healthy break
          up. We're all peaches and gravy.
          We hear an offscreen distant '~nooooo' from Knives.

                         RAMONA
          And what about you and Kim?
          They pass Kim. She's also staring at Scott. Not lovingly.

                         SCOTT
          Me and Kim? I can barely remember.
          Why, is it important?

                         RAMONA
          Hey, you want to know everything
          about my past, dude.

                         SCOTT
          It was just...yeah. I don't know.
          It was high school. She had
          freckles. It was cool, I guess.

                         RAMONA
          That's it?

                         SCOTT
          Yeah, it kind of ended. We changed.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 88.

                         82 CONTINUED: (2) 82
          Scott and Ramona have reached the bar at the party.

                         RAMONA
          That's really the whole story?

                         SCOTT
          OKAY! I had to fight a dude to get
          with her! I fought a crazy eighty
          foot tall purple suited dude! And I
          had to fight 96 guys to get to him,
          too! He was flying and shooting
          lightning bolts from his eyes! He
          was totally awesome and I kicked
          him so far he saw the curvature of
          the earth! Does that make you feel
          any better?

                         RAMONA
          Well now you are being a total ass.
          Welcome to the club.
          In the back glass of the bar, Scott sees his reflection:
          fringed hair, wicked glare. He catches himself.

                         SCOTT
          Sorry. I'm not usually like this.

                         RAMONA
          Hey, don't worry. I don't know what
          I'm like anymore.

                         SCOTT
          I guess this whole ex-boyfriends thing
          is really messing with my head.

                         RAMONA
          Exes.

                         SCOTT
          Why do you keep saying-
          PAF! A foot appears out of nowhere and KICKS Scott in the
          head, sending him flying across the dance floor.
          Scott looks up at his opponent, the MYSTERY ATTACKER!

          SCOTT (CONT'D)
          Girl from earlier?

                         RAMONA
          Roxy?
          Scott gets up. The three square off in a triangle.

                         SCOTT
          You know this girl?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 89.

                         82 CONTINUED: (3) 82

                         ROXY
          Oh boy, does she know me.

                         SCOTT
          What...is...she...talking about?

                         ROXY
          He really doesn't know?

                         SCOTT
          (ping!)
          You and her?!

          'oROXY RICHTER, 23, 4TH EVIL EX : SAPPHIC AGGRESSIVE.'�

                         RAMONA
          It was just a phase.

                         ROXY
          Just a phase?

                         SCOTT
          You had a sexy phase?

                         RAMONA
          I didn't think it would count! It
          meant nothing.

                         ROXY
          It meant nothing???

                         RAMONA
          I was just a little bi-curious.

                         ROXY
          Well honey, I'm a little bi-furious!
          Roxy throws a SCORPION KICK at Scott's face. Ramona CATCHES
          her foot mid-air. Roxy flips out of the hold.

                         RAMONA
          Do that again and I will end you.

                         ROXY
          Back off hasbian. If Gideon can't
          have you, no one can. The League
          hath spoken.
          The girls square off, clearing the busy dance floor.

                         RAMONA
          Then Gideon best get his pretentious
          ass up here, '~cos I'm about to kick
          yours out of the Great White North.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 90.

                         82 CONTINUED: (4) 82

                         ROXY
          You unbelievable bitch.
          RAMONA pulls a LARGE HAMMER from her purse.

                         RAMONA
          Believe it.
          An embarrassed Scott watches with the rest of the crowd.

                         SCOTT
          Wallace?

                         WALLACE
          Uh huh?

                         SCOTT
          This is happening right?

                         WALLACE
          Uh huh.

                         SCOTT
          I mean, this is live?

                         WALLACE
          Oh yeah. KICK HER IN THE BALLS,

          RAMONA!
          With blinding speed, Roxy slips her belt off and WHIPS A
          RAZOR SHARP FLYING GUILLOTINE BELT BUCKLE at Ramona! Ramona
          CARTWHEELS as the buckle sails between her legs and SMASHES
          into a DISCO BALL. Mirrored shards fly everywhere.
          PAF! Roxy vanishes as Ramona SWINGS the hammer at her. It
          smashes a speaker. Sound on one side of the room cuts out.
          Ramona turns around just in time to see Roxy's deadly belt
          SAILING towards her. She BLOCKS with the hammer. The belt
          wraps around it. Roxy HURLS the hammer out the window.

                         ROXY
          I'm sending you back to Gideon in a
          thousand pieces, you slag.
          Ramona springs off of various pieces of furniture, LEAPING
          towards Roxy and PUNCHING HER IN THE FACE. Roxy REELS and
          SLAMS into the wall, leaving a dent in it.

                         RAMONA
          I'd rather be dead than go back.
          He's a creep, you're a bitch and
          you all deserve each other.

                         ROXY
          Give it a rest, Ramona. This is a
          League game.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 90A.

                         82 CONTINUED: (5) 82

                          RAMONA
           Meaning?
          Roxy points an accusing finger at the mortified Scott.

                         ROXY
          Meaning your precious Scott must
          defeat me with his own fists. Or
          possibly feet.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 91.

                         82 CONTINUED: (6) 82

                         SCOTT
          I'm not sure I can hit a girl.
          They're soft.

                         RAMONA
          You don't have a choice.
          Ramona positions Scott into a fighting stance as Roxy CHARGES
          with deadly intent. Ramona puppeteers Scott into a furious
          volley of PUNCHES on Roxy. She staggers, winces.

                         ROXY
          Fight your own battles, lazy ass!
          PAF! Roxy disappears then REAPPEARS between Scott and Ramona,
          kicking them apart with the splits. Roxy then KICKS Scott
          into the ceiling. He lands HARD on the floor.

          ROXY (CONT'D)
          Every Pilgrim reaches the end of his
          journey. Some sooner than others.
          Roxy lifts her leg over her head, preparing to drop her boot
          of DEATH on Scott's head. She grins at Ramona.

          ROXY (CONT'D)
          Your B.F's about to get F'd in the B!

                         RAMONA
          Her weak point's the back of her knees!

                         SCOTT
          What? How does that work?

                         RAMONA
          Whenever we were making out, I-

                         SCOTT
          Okay.
          As Roxy's leg descends, Scott reaches up with one finger and
          lightly TICKLES the back of Roxy's knee.

          GRAPHIC: 'oTICKLE TICKLE!'�

                         ROXY
          Oh...
          Roxy falls, still in the splits, throbbing with orgasmic
          meltdown. Scott watches as Roxy giggles between spasms.

          ROXY (CONT'D)
          You'll...never...be able to do this
          to herrrrrrrrrrr!
          Roxy screams in ecstasy before EXPLODING into COINS. A spent
          Scott is left standing in the middle of the room.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 91A.

                         82 CONTINUED: (7) 82
          The party starts up again, a wave of gossip spreading around
          the room. People text furiously and point fingers at Scott.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 92.

                         82 CONTINUED: (8) 82
           Scott flushes red and retreats back to the bar. Ramona
           follows tentatively. The gossip echoes around them.

                          RAMONA
           Sooooo...

                          SCOTT
          Two gin and tonics please.

                         RAMONA
          I thought you didn't drink.

                         SCOTT
          Only on special occasions. Why? Did
          you want one?
          Scott swigs down his drink. Ramona tries to lighten things.

                         RAMONA
          I guess we really don't know that
          much about each other do we?
          Scott seems immediately drunk.

                         SCOTT
          Maybe you could just give me a list
          of all your exes so at least I know
          who's going to beat my ass into the
          ground next.

                         RAMONA
          Oh, like a handy little laminate or
          something? Let me see if I can find one.
          (looks through bag)
          Maybe we could exchange our information.
          Scott has already downed his second drink.

                         SCOTT
          Just out of sheer curiosity and
          concern for my mortal well-being,
          is there anyone at this party you
          haven't slept with?

          EVERY GUY AND GIRL AT THE PARTY

          HEY!
          Ramona stops. Looks hurt. She touches her hair.

                         RAMONA
          I really think we should split.

                         SCOTT
          As in '~get out of here'? Or as in
          '~split split'?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 92A.

                         82 CONTINUED: (9) 82

                         RAMONA
          I'd hope you could figure that out.
          Or did you miss the part where I
          saved your ass?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 93.

                         82 CONTINUED: (10) 82

                         SCOTT
          How could I not? I feel like we just
          washed our sexy laundry in public.

                         RAMONA
          Dirty laundry. You're drunk.

                         SCOTT
          (holds up 2 fingers)
          I've had like one drink.

                         RAMONA
          Well I'm sorry I cared. I don't
          enjoy all this Scott. In fact I'm
          sick of it. I thought you might be
          more understanding.

                         SCOTT

                         I JUST-

                         RAMONA
          You're just another evil ex-
          boyfriend waiting to happen.
          Ramona walks off and loudly announces.

          RAMONA (CONT'D)
          And yes, there is someone at this
          party I haven't slept with. You.
          Ramona leaves. Another crescendo of gossip echoes around the
          room. Scott's friends gather round in a pity party.
          But then - Ramona returns, handing Scott a LAMINATED LIST.

          RAMONA (CONT'D)
          P.S. Here's your stupid list.
          Ramona exits proper. Scott looks at the list. It reads-

          'oPATEL, LEE, INGRAM, RICHTER, KATAYANAGI TWINS, GIDEON...'�

                         SCOTT
          Who the hell are the Katayanagi Twins?

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          You don't know?

          83 INT. STEPHEN STILLS' HOUSE - NIGHT 83

          Stills flips to hand drawn sketches of THE KATAYANAGIS,
          identical Asian twins dressed like pretentious New Wave fops.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          They're the next band in the battle
          and they are badass.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 94.

                         83 CONTINUED: 83
          We reveal a grim, terse Scott playing a doomy bassline. The
          rehearsal room feels empty without Knives or Ramona.

                         KIM PINE
          Ramona dated twins?

                         SCOTT
          Apparently.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          At the same time?

                         SCOTT
          You know what? I don't know and I
          don't want to know.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Good. You know how I feel about
          girls cockblocking the rock.

                         SCOTT
          Good. I play better in a bad mood.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          If it's gonna be an issue though,
          Young Neil can fill in for you.

                         SCOTT
          It's not an issue. You know bands,
          I know battles. We got it covered.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Well, we'd understand if you didn't
          want to take part.

                         SCOTT
          Not only do I want to take part. I
          want to take them apart.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Okay. I'm getting tingles.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Whoa...

          84 EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT 84

          Sex Bob-Omb and Young Neil load their gear at the venue.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Okay. We're doomed.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Oh...

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 94A.

                         84 CONTINUED: 84
          Flyers cover the outside walls of another rock venue;

          'oT.I.B.B! SEX BOB-OMB!! THE KATAYANAGI TWINS!!! AMP VERSUS

          AMP!!!! TWO BANDS ENTER!!!!!! ONE BAND LEAVES!!!!!!!!!!!'�

                         KIM PINE
          That flyer needs more exclamation marks.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 95.

                         84 CONTINUED: (2) 84

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Oh, we are going to get killed.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Come on. You're onstage in five.

                         SCOTT
          Aren't the Katamaris or whatever on
          first?

                         YOUNG NEIL
          I think you're both on first?

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Wait...amp versus amp? We're going
          on stage at the same time?

                         SCOTT
          That's impossible-

          85 INT. THE NINTH CIRCLE, STAGE - NIGHT 85


          'oACTUALLY, NO'�
          Two stages sit on either side of the auditorium. On one: a
          MONOLITHIC WALL OF ELK AMPLIFIERS. On the other, SEX BOB-OMB,
          with their dinky LAME BRAND amps behind them.

                         SCOTT
          Okay. My bad.

                         KIM PINE
          Your bad is saying my bad.
          Sex Bob-Omb stare up at the Katayanagi amps, sweating behind
          their instruments. Stills looks into the audience positioned
          between the bands: a legion of identical INDIE TEENS.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          We shouldn't even be here. We
          shouldn't even be here.
          Stills tries to run. Scott grabs him and pulls him back.

                         SCOTT
          Come on man! I put aside my
          problems for the music. If I can do
          that, we can do anything.

                         KIM PINE
          Did you speak to Ramona then?

                         SCOTT
          What? No. I haven't seen her since
          the other night.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 95A.

                         85 CONTINUED: 85

                         KIM PINE
          Oh. She's totally here.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 96.

                         85 CONTINUED: (2) 85
          Kim points to RAMONA in the crowd. She is totally there. Her
          hair is now the BRIGHTEST GREEN, and she stands next to a
          nondescript MYSTERY GEEK in blazer and black rimmed glasses.
          They are chatting. She looks happy. Scott turns bleak again.

                         KIM PINE
          Scott? Not that I care...but you should
          talk to her before she's gone...

                         SCOTT

                         THANKS KI-

                         KIM PINE
          And I really don't care.
          Scott nods at Kim's advice. He looks back to the crowd to
          find the MYSTERY GEEK staring right at him. Then-
          Disorienting LIGHTS and LASERS flash on the opposite stage.
          A wall of FEEDBACK builds...THE KATAYANAGI TWINS appear,
          sliding onstage behind their respective keyboard stands.
          KYLE KATAYANAGI, 23, is very serious and Japanese. KEN
          KATAYANAGI, 23, is serious and very Japanese.
          Scott, Stephen Stills and Kim share a nervous look.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Okay gang. Can we do this? I mean,
          we can do this. Right?

                         KIM PINE
          Right.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Scott?
          Scott is distracted again by the Mystery Geek staring at him.

                         KIM PINE
          Scott!
          Kyle Katayanagi hits a SINGLE NOTE on the keyboard, blasting
          an enormous wave of sound at Sex Bob-Omb. It's so loud that
          it shakes the foundations and rips the lighting rig from the
          ceiling, leaving a huge hole in the roof. The crowd cheers.

          AUDIENCE DUDE (O.S.)
          They brought the house down.
          Now an open air venue, SNOW falls onto the stage. An earth
          shaking BASS NOTE blows the dust off Sex Bob-Omb...
          Scott and Stills get into battle position. Scott screams!

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 97.

                         85 CONTINUED: (3) 85

                         SCOTT

          WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! WE ARE HERE TO

          MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT DEATH AND GET

          SAD AND STUFF! 1-2-3-4!
          Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT, their sound blowing a mass of snow
          towards the Katayanagis. For once, they sound awesome.
          Kyle looks at Ken. They share a nod. Ken turns their amps up
          to the Japanese character for 'o11'�. Their waveforms transform
          the swirling snow into a TWO HEADED WHITE DRAGON!
          Katayanagi SLAM their Moogs. Heavy weirdness EXPLODES from
          the amps! The Dragon blows a BLAST of snowy fire that BLOWS
          SEX BOB-OMB OFF THE STAGE. The crowd ERUPTS into cheers.
          Scott, Kim and Stills lie in a heap under their instruments.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Let's break up now and get it over
          with. We screwed the pooch in front
          of Gideon Graves. We're done.

                         SCOTT
          Gideon...is here? Where?
          Stills points to the 'oMystery Geek'�, who smirks and whispers
          in Ramona's ear. This is GIDEON GRAVES, 37, ASSHOLE.

                         SCOTT
          That's Gideon?
          Scott's eyes reflect Ramona's hair and turn GREEN. He
          struggles to his feet. The crowd slowly stops clapping as
          Scott pulls Stills to his feet, then helps Kim up.

                         SCOTT
          Alright. Let's do this!
          Kim, inspired by Scott's new hardcore attitude, comes in
          heavy on the kick drum. BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!
          Heads nod in time as Sex Bob-Omb ROCK OUT! Their waveforms
          transform a mass of snow into a GREEN EYED YETI!
          The Katayanagis fight back with their future sounds and their
          Sonic Dragon stalks towards Sex Bob-Omb, slinking on perfect
          beat with the Katayanagis' spooky music.
          The Yeti and the Dragons CLASH at center stage, fighting in
          time to the music!
          Scott and Stills bring their pick hands down like fierce
          PUNCHES. The Yeti brings it's fists down on The Dragon. Sex
          Bob-Omb HAMMER DOWN THE FINAL NOTE:

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 98.

                         85 CONTINUED: (4) 85
          The Yeti picks up The Dragon and THROWS it at the Katayanagi
          Twins, EXPLODING them and their amps into COINS.

          'o+999 ROCKING'�

                         KIM PINE
          That...was epic.
          The crowd goes bazooky. A DISEMBODIED SCOTT HEAD appears,
          hovering next to Scott.
          Scott looks for Ramona in the crowd, but she and Gideon are
          gone. Scott hands his bass to Young Neil.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Scott. What are you doing?

                         SCOTT
          Getting a life.
          Scott swipes the SCOTT HEAD and jumps into the still-
          applauding crowd. He can't find Ramona, but comes upon KNIVES
          standing alone in her homemade Sex Bob-Omb T-shirt.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I just came to see the show. I'm
          not even stalking you.
          Knives's unusally composed demeanor gives Scott pause.

                         SCOTT
          You seem... different.
          Knives shrugs, different.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I feel like I know stuff now.
          Scott and Knives lock eyes. Scott suddenly spots a flash of
          GREEN HAIR exiting the building.

                         SCOTT
          Ramona...
          Scott follows. Knives watches him go, eyes narrowing.

          86 EXT. THE NINTH CIRCLE - NIGHT 86

          Scott chases Ramona down the street outside the venue.

                         SCOTT
          Ramona. I have something I need to
          tell you.

                         RAMONA
          Yeah, I have something to-

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 98A.

                         86 CONTINUED: 86

                         SCOTT

                         (RUSHED)
          Great. Listen, I know you just play
          mysterious and aloof to avoid
          getting hurt. I know you have
          reasons for not wanting to talk
          about your past. And I want you to
          know, I don't care about any of
          that stuff. Why? Because I'm in
          lesbians with you.

                         RAMONA
          What?

                         SCOTT
          I really, really mean it.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 99.

                         86 CONTINUED: (2) 86

                          RAMONA
           Oh. Okay.

                          SCOTT
          What did you want to tell me?

                         RAMONA
          That we have to break up.

                         SCOTT
          What?

                         RAMONA
          Yeah...it's not going to work out.

                         SCOTT
          Oh okay...
          A sleek black '~61 Lincoln Continental pulls up behind.

                         RAMONA
          It's Gideon. I just...I can't help
          myself around him.

          VOICE (O.S.)
          That's the bad news.
          GIDEON GRAVES appears behind Scott with Stills and Kim in
          tow. The Lincoln parks. A driver opens the passenger door.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          The good news, Scottie, is I'm
          officially loving the Sex Bombs.

                         SCOTT
          Bob-omb.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          Three piece rock outfit with a semi-
          attractive female drummer? Music to
          my earholes.
          Scott glowers. Ramona looks at the floor. Stills is ga-ga.
          TEXT: An arrow points to Stills' crotch, captioned 'oPEE'�.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          You know, I'm not even going to wait
          to see how you guys do in the final.
          I'm signing you right now for a three
          album deal.
          Gideon produces a CONTRACT and clicks a pen.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          See? I'm not such a bad guy after
          all.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 99A.

                         86 CONTINUED: (3) 86
          Scott GRABS the contract and throws it onto the sidewalk.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 100.

                         86 CONTINUED: (4) 86

                         SCOTT
          You think we're gonna sell our
          souls to you? Well then guess-
          We hear SCRIBBLING. Stills has picked up the contract and is
          furiously signing it using Scott's back. Kim shrugs and signs
          it too, before trying to hand it back to Scott.

                         SCOTT
          Nuh-uh. I can't be part of the band
          with this douche-in-charge.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          Scottie, buddy, can I just say,
          keep your emotions in check. Don't
          let what's past screw up your
          future.
          Scott watches Ramona get into the Continental. She rolls the
          mirrored window up so Scott stares at his own reflection.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          The people need to hear us, Scott.

                         SCOTT
          Then you're going to need to find
          someone else to play bass.
          A cough. A meek Young Neil slides into view, bass in hand.

                         GIDEON
          Looks like we're all set.
          Young Neil signs the contract. There are hand shakes all
          round. Gideon turns to Scott and pats him on the shoulder.

                         GIDEON
          Oh and Scott, we should really be
          thanking each other. I mean, if it
          wasn't for me, you would have never
          been with Ramona, but if it wasn't
          for you, she wouldn't be back with
          me. So I guess it all shakes out.
          Gideon walks around to the driver side of the Lincoln.

                         GIDEON
          And hey, the whole League of Evil
          Exes thing? I was in a dark place
          when I put that together. Forgiven?
          Gideon disappears into the Lincoln and drives off and Sex
          Bob-Omb drift away. Scott stands alone. He slaps his head-

                         SCOTT
          I said '~lesbians'!

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 100A.

          87 INT. THE BUS / GIDEON'S LINCOLN - NIGHT 87

          Scott sits on the bus alone, thinking about Ramona...
          Ramona sits expressionless in the back of Gideon's car...
          Scott tries desperately to think positive...
          A smiling Gideon sidles closer to Ramona...

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 101.

                         87 CONTINUED: 87
          Scott walks forlornly down an empty street and bumps his head
          on a telephone pole. 'oTHONK'�.

          'oOH GOD WHY'�

          A88 EXT. THE PARK - NIGHT / DAY / NIGHT A88

          Scott sits on the swings, staring straight ahead.
          Night turns to day. Day turns to night.
          Scott remains in the exact same position.

          STACEY (O.S.)
          Was she really the one?
          Scott looks over to see STACEY on the swing next to him.

                         SCOTT
          The wha?

                         STACEY
          I mean, did you really see a future
          with this girl?

                         SCOTT
          Like...with jetpacks?
          Stacey stands to go, gives Scott a hug.

                         STACEY
          Time heals all wounds, little
          brother. Maybe next time let's not
          date the girl with eleven evil ex-
          boyfriends.

                         SCOTT
          Seven.

                         STACEY
          Oh. Well that's not so bad.
          Stacey heads off. Scott looks at the camera.

          88 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 88

          Scott enters. Flicks the light on. Gets a shock.

                         SCOTT
          Aaah!

          WALLACE (O.S.)

          TURN OFF THE LIGHT!
          Scott flicks the light off. Over PITCH BLACK...

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 102.

                         88 CONTINUED: 88

          WALLACE (O.S)
          Presumably you just saw someone's
          junk, and I apologize for that.

          VOICE (O.S.)
          Sorry.

          SCOTT (O.S.)
          Was that Other Scott or Jimmy or
          someone?

           WALLACE (O.S.)
           Or someone.

           VOICE (O.S.)
           It's Chris.

           WALLACE (O.S.)
           It's Chris.

          89 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - LATER 89

          Scott sits in the chair, wrapped in a blanket. SOME GUY lies
          in Scott's usual futon spot (wearing Wallace's monogrammed
          robe). Wallace hands Scott cocoa.

                         WALLACE
          Scott, you know I love you. But I
          need my own bed tonight. For sex.

                         SCOTT
          Right.

                         WALLACE
          I may need it the rest of the week too.

                         SCOTT
          Right.
          And the year.

                         SCOTT
          I get it.

                         WALLACE
          Maybe you can move in with Ramona.
          Scott stares deep into his cocoa and shakes his head.

                         SCOTT
          She's with Gideon.

                         WALLACE
          Ah. That sucks. But you know, it's
          probably just because he's better
          than you.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 102A.

                         89 CONTINUED: 89
           Scott nods.

                          WALLACE
          He'll certainly have better hair.
          Scott nods.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 103.

                         89 CONTINUED: (2) 89

                         WALLACE
          Either way, I think this fight is over.
          Scott nods.

                         WALLACE
          You can sleep on the floor until
          you get somewhere else to stay. I
          got you muffs and blinkers in case
          this might happen.
          Wallace produces earmuffs and a sleep mask.

                         SCOTT
          Thanks.
          RINGY RING. Scott stares at the phone. Some guy picks up.

                         SOME GUY
          It's for Scott.

                         SCOTT

                         (TAKES PHONE)
          Hello?

          GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
          Hey, pal. Just wanted to say I feel
          terrible about earlier. I don't
          want any hard feelings, so I
          figured why not be the bigger man
          and give you a call.

                         SCOTT
          Is Ramona with you?

          90 INT. GIDEON'S LAIR - CONTINUOUS 90

          Gideon appears to sit on some kind of throne. He calls off.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          I don't know. Are you with me?

          RAMONA (O.S.)
          Yeah.

          SCOTT (O.S.)

          AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          Geez buddy, it's gonna be alright.

          91 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS 91


                         SCOTT
          No, I just spilled cocoa on my crotch.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 104.

                         91 CONTINUED: 91

          GIDEON GRAVES (O.S)
          Sure you did. Well as you know, I'm
          opening a new Chaos Theatre in
          Toronto and The Sex Bobs are
          playing our grand opening tonight,
          and it would feel really weird for
          all of us if you weren't there.
          They just did a sound check and the
          acoustics in here are amazing.

                         SCOTT

                         (GRIM)
          Yeah. Maybe I'll see you there.

          GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
          I hope so, amigo. I don't want
          anymore bad blood between ex's.
          What do you say?

                         SCOTT
          Mm.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          Okay laters.
          Click.

          WALLACE (O.S.)
          What a perfect asshole.
          Scott turns, alarmed. REVEAL Wallace on the other cordless.

                         WALLACE
          Forget what I said earlier. Finish him.

          92 EXT. STREETS OF TORONTO - NIGHT 92

          Snow blows around a steely eyed Scott as he stomps towards a
          group of desolate WAREHOUSES near the water. A lone HIPSTER
          KID smokes a cigarette, leaning against a warehouse wall.

                         HIPSTER KID
          Password?
          Scott shrugs.

                         SCOTT
          Whatever.

                         HIPSTER KID
          Cool.
          The Hipster Kid waves Scott in.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 104A.

          93 INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT 93

          The warehouse is empty. Scott follows the sound of music to a
          GATED ELEVATOR. Two Hipster Kids guard the elevator.

                         HIPSTER KID
          Second password?
          Scott gives the slightest shrug.

                         HIPSTER KID
          Cool.
          Scott steps into the elevator. So far so good.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 105.

          94 INT. CHAOS THEATRE - CONTINUOUS 94

          Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON'S UNDERGROUND
          LAIR OF COOL SHIT...the CHAOS THEATRE.
          All HIPSTER KIDS have gathered in one spot of ultimate
          snobbery. They are legion, wearing identical outfits; Chuck
          Taylors, skinny jeans. COMEAU holds court among them.

                         COMEAU
          Yeah, their first album is so much
          better than their first album.
          Scott pushes through the idiot hordes. SEX BOB-OMB are
          playing onstage, now using SWEET BRAND amps, YOUNG NEIL on
          bass. Stills sees Scott walking by as they finish a song.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Scott!
          Scott pauses, looking up at his former bandmates.

          STEPHEN STILLS (CONT'D)
          Let it go. Don't give him the
          satisfaction.

                         SCOTT
          What if I want the satisfaction?

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Well, then you're doomed.

          GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
          Scott Pilgrim!
          Scott turns to see GIDEON sitting on a throne of cool atop a
          BLACK VELVET VIP PYRAMID. Ramona kneels at his side.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          Hey buddy, welcome to the Chaos
          Theatre. Somebody get this man a
          drink! Coke Zero right?
          A COCKTAIL WAITRESS with a fringe appears with a Coke Zero.
          Scott takes the beverage and THROWS THE CUP TO THE FLOOR!

                         SCOTT
          I'm not here to drink.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          I got no beef with you.

                         SCOTT
          What if I have a beef...with you?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 106.

                         94 CONTINUED: 94

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          Are you still mad about that whole
          thing with the Guild?

                         SCOTT
          You mean 'oThe League'�?

                         GIDEON
          Guild, League, whatever. It's
          ancient history.
          Gideon puts his arm around Ramona.

                         SCOTT
          I'll show you how ancient of
          history it is.
          Scott gets into a fighting stance. Gideon loses his cool.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          No use crying over spilt Coke,
          buddy. The lady made her choice and
          we're all gonna have to move on.

                         SCOTT
          Well I ain't moving...buddy.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          You want to fight me for her?

                         SCOTT
          Was that not clear?
          (to Sex Bob-Omb)
          Was that not clear?
          Sex Bob-Omb shake their heads. Gideon stands up, flexes.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          Now why on earth do you want to do that?

                         SCOTT
          Because, I'm in love with her.
          Ramona and Scott lock eyes. A new power comes over Scott. He
          reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty vintage T-
          shirt and pulls a FLAMING BLUE SWORD from his own chest.

          NARRATOR (V.O.)
          Scott earned the power of love...
          Ramona looks away from Scott. Gideon smiles.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          I think this deserves a song.
          Kimberly?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 107.

                         94 CONTINUED: (2) 94
          Kim scratches her head with her middle finger before
          grudgingly launching into a number.

                         KIM PINE
          We are Sex Bob-Omb, we are here to
          make money, and sell out and stuff.
          Kim clicks out a fast tempo. Sex Bob-Omb begin to ROCK OUT.

          A HORDE OF HIPSTER INDIE KIDS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM, ON BEAT.
          Scott swings at them with his FLAMING BLUE SWORD. He slashes
          at them to the beat, exploding each attacker into COINS.
          Scott then RUNS up the side of the pyramid towards Gideon.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          Ramona. My cane.
          Ramona hands Gideon a cane with G-MAN engraved on the handle.
          He unsheathes a SWORD that could not have fit in there.
          Scott and Gideon LEAP towards each other...Gideon descends
          like a vulture and SMASHES the sword out of Scott's hands.
          Scott hits the ground HARD, rolling to a stop.

                         SCOTT
          Your club sucks, by the way.
          Gideon approaches, to administer a final blow.

                         GIDEON
          If my cathedral of cutting edge
          taste holds no interest for your
          tragically Canadian sensibilities,
          then I shall grant you a swift exit
          from the premises. And fast
          entrance into HELLLLLLL.
          Gideon raises his sword. Then from above...

          KNIVES CHAU (O.S.)

          SCOOOOOOOOOTT!!!
          KNIVES CHAU sails into frame and KICKS the sword out of
          Gideon's hands. She lands awkwardly, tripping and falling
          down the side of the pyramid. Gideon chuckles.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          That is priceless.
          Scott looks to Knives, both concerned and amazed. She quickly
          recovers and POINTS a furious finger.

          'oKNIVES CHAU, 18 YEARS OLD, FUN FACT: SCOTTAHOLIC'�

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 108.

                         94 CONTINUED: (3) 94

                         KNIVES CHAU
          You'll pay for what you did to him!

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          Listen, Kung Pao Chicken, your old
          old boyfriend brought this all on
          himself. He was warned plenty of
          times. But did he listen? Did he f-

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I'm not talking to you. I'm talking
          to HER!
          Angle on a confused RAMONA standing behind Gideon.

                         RAMONA
          What?

                         KNIVES CHAU

          YOU BROKE THE HEART THAT BROKE

          MINE! GET READY TO CHAU DOWN!
          Knives leaps up the pyramid toward a shocked Ramona!

                         RAMONA
          You're kidding right?
          Knives pulls out KNIVES and charges! Ramona fights
          defensively, redirecting Knives' parries without harming her.

                         GIDEON
          You can't say I don't know how to
          put on a show.
          GIDEON lashes out at Scott. He can barely block Gideon's
          tremendous blows, distracted by his duelling exes.

                         RAMONA
          What the hell is your deal?

                         KNIVES CHAU
          You stole him with your advanced
          American slut technology.
          DUAL DUEL! The fighters weave in and out of each other,
          throwing blocks and punches, KUNG FU STYLE.

                         RAMONA
          I don't know what you're talking
          about, I didn't steal anyone.
          Scott lands a KICK to Gideon's chest, sending him flying off
          the edge of the pyramid. He then BLOCKS a punch from Knives
          to Ramona and spins her away, separating them.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 109.

                         94 CONTINUED: (4) 94

                         SCOTT
          Can we please stop all this
          fighting! Nobody stole anybody.
          Knives, I dated you and then I
          dated Ramona. Okay?

                         (BEAT)
          I mean...maybe I kind of forgot to
          tell Knives right away, but...

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Then you cheated on me, Scott!

                         (EYES NARROWING)
          You cheated on both of us.
          Knives and Ramona both look at Scott, neither amused.

                         RAMONA
          You cheated on me with Knives?

                         SCOTT
          No! I cheated on Knives. With you.

                         RAMONA
          Is there a difference?

                         SCOTT
          You weren't wronged?
          Scott breaks into a flop sweat.

                         SCOTT
          Right?
          Knives and Ramona stare at Scott.

          GIDEON (O.S.)
          Game over!
          STAB! A sword pierces Scott's chest from behind.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          Scottie. You can cheat on these
          ladies all you want, but you
          can't...cheat...death.
          Scott slides off Gideon's sword and falls to the ground...

          TEXT WITH ARROW POINTING TO SCOTT: 'oDEAD'�
          Everything goes white...SAND blows through frame...Scott's
          eyes blink open. He looks up into a BLINDING BLUE SKY...

          95 EXT. THE DREAM DESERT - DAY 95

          Scott sits up next to a lone cactus, rubbing his temples.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 109A.

                         95 CONTINUED: 95

                          SCOTT
           Ugh.
          Ramona appears out of nowhere; fainter than before.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 110.

                         95 CONTINUED: (2) 95

                         RAMONA
          I'm sorry. Dying probably sucks.

                         SCOTT
          You know what sucks? Getting killed
          by THAT guy. Why him?

                         RAMONA
          It's complicated.

                         SCOTT
          Well, maybe now would be the time
          to get into it. Seeing as I'm about
          to die.

                         RAMONA
          Alright... the truth is, it was me
          who was obsessed. I was crazy about
          him. But he ignored me. I was more
          alone when we were together than I
          ever was on my own. That's why I
          had to leave... and that's when he
          started paying attention.

                         SCOTT
          So why go back?

                         RAMONA
          I can't help myself around him,
          Scott. He just... has a way of
          getting into my head.

                         SCOTT
          Well, that's legitimately
          disappointing. I really will leave
          you alone forever now...

                         RAMONA
          No. I mean, he literally has a way
          of getting into my head.
          Ramona lifts her hair up on the back of her head, revealing a
          blinking CHIP implanted on her skull.

                         SCOTT
          That is evil.

                         RAMONA
          He's like that.
          Ramona covers the chip, self-consciously touching her hair.

                         SCOTT
          So this kinda sucks for everybody, eh?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 111.

                         95 CONTINUED: (3) 95

                         RAMONA
          I'm sorry it had to end this way.
          We had a good run, I guess.

                         SCOTT
          You can't say I didn't try. I
          really fought for you back there.

                         RAMONA
          Uh-huh.
          The winds blow harder, Ramona seeming to fade away.

                         RAMONA
          But someone was fighting pretty
          hard for you back there.
          Scott's eyes go wide with epiphany,

                         SCOTT
          Knives?

                         RAMONA
          I wish I was ever as fanatically
          devoted to anything as that girl is
          to you.
          Ramona slowly dissolve away in the sand.

                         SCOTT
          I feel like I learned something. Which
          would be great if I wasn't dead.
          Ramona is gone. Scott slumps to his knees.

                         SCOTT
          So...so alone.
          DA-DING. The PILGRIM-HEAD appears and rotates around Scott.

                         SCOTT
          Ahhhhhh...
          We FLASH BACK to Scott swiping the PILGRIM HEAD, then FAST
          FORWARD through the breakup with Ramona and Sex Bob-Omb. We
          hear Scott screaming throughout this magical restart.

                         SCOTT

          ...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

          96 INT. WALLACE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 96

          We FAST FORWARD all the way to Wallace's apartment, as Scott
          enters. He flicks the light on.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 112.

                         96 CONTINUED: 96

                         SCOTT

          ...AAAAAAAAAHHH! I CAN'T BELIEVE I

          HAD TO SEE THAT AGAIN!

          SOME GUY (O.S.)
          Again?

          WALLACE (O.S.)
          Turn off the light!
          Scott flicks the light off. On PITCH BLACK...

                         SCOTT
          Wallace, when my journey began, I
          was living in an ordinary world.
          Ramona skated through my dreams and
          it was like a call to adventure, a
          call I considered refusing. But my
          Mentor, that's you, told me if I
          want something bad enough I have to
          fight for it. So I did. There were
          tests, allies, enemies. I
          approached a deep cave and went
          through a crazy ordeal, during
          which I totally seized the sword.
          Sadly, I died. Then I resurrected!
          Now I realize what I should have
          been fighting for all along. But
          before I do that, I need to ask one
          final favor of you.

          WALLACE (O.S.)
          Sure thing, guy.

                         SCOTT
          Could you put a robe on and hand me
          the phone?
          Wallace flicks on a bedside lamp, hands him the phone.

                         SCOTT
          Toronto. Chaos Theatre. Gideon
          Graves.

                         (BEAT)
          Tell him Scott Pilgrim is calling.

          GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
          Scott. I was just about to-

                         SCOTT
          Hey, pal. I feel terrible about
          everything. I don't want any hard
          feelings, so I figure why not be
          the bigger man and give you a call.

          GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
          Um...

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 112A.

                         96 CONTINUED: (2) 96

                         SCOTT
          Sorry, what I meant to say is 'oI'm
          coming over to kill you'�.
          Scott hangs up and heads for the door, hardcore.

                         WALLACE

          GO KICK THAT GUY'S ASS!
          Wallace stands to high five Scott, exposing his junk.

          WALLACE (CONT'D)
          Ah, sorry.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 113.

                         96 CONTINUED: (3) 96

                         SCOTT
          You seen one...

          97 EXT. STREETS OF TORONTO - DAY 97

          Scott Pilgrim RUNS towards the desolate WAREHOUSES. The same
          HIPSTER KID smokes a cigarette against the wall.

                         SCOTT
          Your hair looks stupid.
          The Hipster Kid EXPLODES into COINS.

          98 INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY 98

          Scott approaches the two Hipster Kids guarding the ELEVATOR.

                         HIPSTER KID
          '~Sup?

                         SCOTT
          Whatever.
          Scott SPLIT KICKS them in the faces, knocking them out.

          99 INT. CHAOS THEATRE - CONTINUOUS 99

          DING! Scott exits the elevator and steps into GIDEON'S

          UNDERGROUND LAIR OF COOL SHIT: THE CHAOS THEATRE...AGAIN.

                         COMEAU
          Yeah, their first album is so-
          Scott KNOCKS DOWN Comeau and looks to Sex Bob-Omb.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          Scott! Let it go.

                         SCOTT
          Don't worry. I know what I'm doing.
          Stephen, the new line-up rocks. You
          guys sound better without me. Young
          Neil? You have learned well. From
          this point forward, you shall be
          known as 'oNeil'�. And Kim?
          Kim looks at Scott, deadpan as ever.

          SCOTT (CONT'D)
          Sorry about...everything.
          Kim shrugs.

          SCOTT (CONT'D)
          Sorry about me.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 113A.

                         99 CONTINUED: 99
          Kim SMILES at Scott for the first time ever.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 114.

                         99 CONTINUED: (2) 99

          GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
          Scott Pilgrim!
          Scott turns to GIDEON on his throne, Ramona at his side.

          GIDEON GRAVES (CONT'D)
          Hey buddy, welcome to the Chaos-

                         SCOTT
          Save it. You're pretentious, the club
          sucks, I have beef, let's do it.
          Scott goes straight into fight mode.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          You want to fight me for her?
          Ramona and Scott lock eyes. A strange new power overcomes
          Scott, different than before.

                         SCOTT
          No...I want to fight you for me.
          Scott reaches for the HEART DESIGN printed on his ratty T-
          shirt and pulls a FLAMING RED SWORD from his own chest.

          NARRATOR (V.O.)
          Scott earned the power of self-respect.

                         SCOTT
          Kim?

                         KIM PINE

          WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB, AND WE ARE HERE TO

          WATCH SCOTT PILGRIM KICK YOUR TEETH

          IN!
          Kim drives a hardcore beat. Sex Bob-Omb ROCK THE FUCK OUT.
          HIPSTERS ATTACK SCOTT PILGRIM to the BEAT. Scott swings his
          FLAMING RED SWORD, exploding each attacker into COINS.

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          Ramona. My cane.
          Ramona hands Gideon his cane. He unsheathes his SWORD. Scott
          and Gideon RUN towards each other, LEAPING in the air. They
          pass in the air and Scott SLASHES. They land on opposite
          sides of the platform, backs to each other.

                         SCOTT
          How's it going back there?

                         GIDEON GRAVES
          You dick.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 114A.

                         99 CONTINUED: (3) 99
          Gideon falls down. Dead, apparently. Scott calls out.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 115.

                         99 CONTINUED: (4) 99

                         SCOTT
          Knives! I know you're in here!
          Don't attack Ra-
          Knives SAILS through the air and KICKS Ramona in the head
          SUPER HARD. We hear a METALLIC KLONK.
          They square off, Ramona staggered, Knives pulling KNIVES.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Steal my boyfriend, taste my steel.
          Scott jumps between them, hands held out.

          SCOTT (CONT'D)

          ENOUGH!
          Knives tries to go around him. Scott GRABS her wrists. She
          kicks him in the face.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          No, Scott! This fat ass hurt me and
          I will have my revenge!

                         SCOTT
          No, Knives. I hurt you. I cheated
          on you.
          Knives steps back, stunned.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          You cheated on me Scott?

                         SCOTT
          I cheated on both of you. And I'm
          sorry. I was a different guy back
          then.
          Knives' frown melts. Scott turns to Ramona.

                         SCOTT (CONT'D)
          And...you're not a fat ass. She didn't
          mean that. So, are we all good?
          Ramona rubs the back of her head. The CHIP no longer blinks.

                         RAMONA
          Never felt better.

          GIDEON GRAVES (O.S.)
          Are we all done with the hugging
          and learning? I thought we had a
          fight going here.
          All turn to see GIDEON; bloodied, but still grinning, a
          lopsided slash across his face accentuating his smirk.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 115A.

                         99 CONTINUED: (5) 99

                         SCOTT
          Oh, you got a fight alright.
          Scott steps into a fighting stance. Knives joins him.

                         GIDEON
          Ramona. Are you with me?
          Ramona looks to Gideon, then joins Scott and Knives and
          STRIKES A FIGHT POSE, the three of them ready to rumble.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 116.

                         99 CONTINUED: (6) 99

          GIDEON (CONT'D)
          Wrong move, baby.
          Scott ATTACKS with his sword. Gideon BLOCKS, disarms Scott
          with one move, spins and BUTTS Scott in the face with the
          hilt of the sword. Scott teeters on the edge of the pyramid.
          Knives throws her knives. Gideon's lightning fast sword
          deflects them, SHING SHING!
          Gideon wheels towards Ramona, expecting her to move. She
          looks doubtful, takes a hesitant step towards him. He grins.

          GIDEON (CONT'D)
          Yeah. You're still my girl.
          Ramona steps up to Gideon and whispers in his ear.

                         RAMONA
          Let's both be girls.
          Ramona knees Gideon in the balls.
          Gideon SWINGS his sword at Ramona. Knives whips off her
          scarf, uses it to wrap up Gideon's sword arm and disarms him.
          Scott and Knives punch Gideon in the face in a volley of

          FREEZE FRAMES.
          Knives KICKS Gideon in the stomach and Scott follows with a
          PUNCH IN THE NOSE, sending Gideon sliding across the floor.
          Gideon gets back to his feet via backflip. He shakes off the
          assault and grins.

                         GIDEON
          You made me swallow me gum. That's
          going to be in my digestive tract
          for seven years!
          Gideon throws a series of Wushu moves that give him a POWER
          UP - his glasses glow, his HEALTH BAR increases. He makes an
          'oX'� with his fingers and a draws a NEW POWER UP SWORD.
          He cuts big arcs at Scott, Knives and Ramona. They barely
          dodge him. Scott SPIES his sword and picks it up just in time
          to BLOCK Gideon's attack. The swords create an 'oX'�.
          Ramona KICKS. Gideon BLOCKS, knocking her down.
          Gideon swings at Scott. Scott ducks. Knives attacks and
          scores a hit. Gideon hits her back, dropping her.
          SCOTT ATTACKS. They fence. Gideon spins low. Scott leaps in
          the air. Gideon spins again and swings upward. Scott blocks
          with his sword and is sent UP into the air. Gideon jumps
          after him. They CLASH in the air. Scott's sword SHATTERS.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 116A.

                         99 CONTINUED: (7) 99
          Scott lands hard. Gideon lands in front of him and raises his
          sword for the kill. Ramona swings Gideon's VELVET ROPE,
          cancelling out Gideon's digital sword.
          Gideon SLAPS Ramona in the face and sends her painfully
          tumbling down the pyramid. She lands painfully at the bottom.
          Knives and Scott share a look. They Get up and circle Gideon.
          COMBO ATTACK! FREEZE FRAME PUNCHES: Knives kicks and Scott
          punches, sending Gideon back and forth like a pinball: KICK
          PUNCH KICK PUNCH KICK! Gideon's face smashes with each
          impact.
          Ramona rises to see Scott and Knives kicking ass.
          Scott slides Knives through Gideon's legs. From the floor,
          she kicks him in the back of the head, then upends him like a
          wheelbarrow and KICKS HIM IN THE FACE, sending him spinning.
          Gideon lands HARD on his knees, defeated. One lens of his
          glasses cracks. He looks up at the steely eyed Scott.

          GIDEON (CONT'D)
          Who do you think you are Pilgrim?
          You think you're better than me?
          I'll tell you what you are. A pain
          in my ass. You know how long it
          took to get all the evil exes'
          contact information so I could form
          this stupid league? Like two hours!
          Gideon starts to pixellate quite badly. Not long now...

          GIDEON (CONT'D)
          You're not cool enough for Ramona.
          You're zero. You're nothing. Me?
          I'm what's hip. I'm what's
          happening. I'm blowing up right
          now.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 117.

                         99 CONTINUED: (8) 99

                         SCOTT
          You're right. I'm not cool enough
          for Ramona. And you got another
          thing right. You are blowing up.
          Right now.
          Scott spins and BACK HEELS Gideon in the face.
          Gideon's head EXPLODES, his glasses SAILING down the steps of
          the pyramid. Then his body follows suit in an almighty-

          POOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
          SHIMMERING COINS rain down. Scott and Knives kiss.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Whoa...

                         KIM PINE
          There goes our deal.

                         STEPHEN STILLS
          We're still getting paid, right?
          Kim points to the falling coins.

                         KIM PINE
          There goes our deal.

                         YOUNG NEIL
          Oh...
          Stills jumps off stage and picks up coins.
          The coin rain continues, silhouetting Scott and Knives in
          their kung fu poses. They share a smile.

          RAMONA (O.S.)
          You two make a good combo.
          Ramona, awake now, makes her way towards them.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah?

                         RAMONA
          Yeah.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 118.

                         99 CONTINUED: (9) 99
          The trio walk down the pyramid steps. Scott picks up Gideon's
          fallen glasses.
          The glasses GLIMMER. GIDEON'S VOICE echoes.

          GIDEON'S VOICE (O.S.)
          You can defeat me...but can you
          defeat...yourself?
          Scott peers into the glimmering lenses, spotting his EVIL
          MIRROR IMAGE staring back at him. The glasses dissolve and
          Scott whips around to face...

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Negascott!
          NEGASCOTT walks towards Scott, Knives and Ramona. Fringed
          hair. Dark clothes. Evil face.
          Knives and Ramona flank Scott in a fighting stance.

                         SCOTT
          No. This is something I have to
          face on my own.
          The girls reluctantly exit stage left as Scott walks forward
          to confront his dark side.
          Scott and Negascott face off. Both take a step forward...

          100-103 OMITTED 100-103

          104 EXT. THE WAREHOUSE - EVENING 104

          Knives and Ramona huddle in the snow outside Chaos Theatre.
          They look expectantly at the entrance, worried for Scott.
          Then...
          Scott strolls out with Negascott. They chat amiably, shake
          hands and part ways. Scott approaches Knives and Ramona.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          What happened?

                         SCOTT
          Aw, nothing. We just shot the shit.
          He's a super-nice guy. We actually
          have a lot in common.
          Scott runs his fingers through his hair.

                         KNIVES CHAU
          Your hair.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 118A.

                         104 CONTINUED: 104

                          SCOTT
           What?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 119.

                         104 CONTINUED: (2) 104

                         KNIVES CHAU
          It's getting really shaggy.
          Scott's HAT appears on his head! He looks totally freked.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah?

                         KNIVES CHAU
          I like it.
          Knives removes the hat from Scott's head, literally taking
          his guard down. Ramona sees this and smiles.

                         SCOTT
          You do?
          Scott smiles, then realizes Ramona has gone. He turns to see
          her, pulling her hood up and walking into the darkness.
          Scott calls after her. Steps tentatively away from Knives.

                         SCOTT
          Hey... Where are you going?
          Ramona, hoping to slip away, stops and turns back.

                         RAMONA
          I dunno. I should probably
          disappear.

                         SCOTT
          After all that?

                         RAMONA
          It's hard, you know? I came here to
          get away, but the past keeps
          catching up. I'm tired of people
          getting hurt because of me.
          Ramona looks at Knives as she says this.

                         SCOTT
          I think I understand.
          Snow begins to fall. Ramona straightens his parka tenderly.

                         RAMONA
          I should tahnk you, though.

                         SCOTT
          For what?

                         RAMONA
          For being the nicest guy I ever
          dated.

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 119A.

                         104 CONTINUED: (3) 104

                         SCOTT
          That's kind of sad.

                         RAMONA

                         (ALMOST LAUGHING)
          It is kind of sad.
          She takes his hand briefly, then lets it drop.

                         RAMONA
          Well... Bye and stuff.

                         SCOTT
          Yeah. And stuff.
          She turns to walk off again. Scott watches, then hears-

          KNIVES (O.S.)
          Go get her.
          Surprised, Scott turns back to see a smiling Knives.

                         SCOTT
          Wha?

                         KNIVES
          You earned it. You've been fighting
          for her all along.

                         SCOTT
          But what about you?

                         KNIVES
          (totally sweet and sad)
          I'll be fine. I'm too cool for you
          anyway.
          She grins and kisses his cheek.

                         KNIVES
          There's someone out there for me.
          We hear a COUGH - Young Neil sidles into frame behind her.
          Guitar still in hand.
          We hear a 2ND COUGH - Nega Scott also sidles into frame.
          Knives doesn't look back, but urges Scott to-

                         KNIVES
          Go talk to her. Before she's gone.
          Ramona walks on into the night alone, but then-

          SCOTT (O.S.)
          Hey... mind if I tag along?

                         (CONTINUED)

                         

                         

                         

                         

           INTEGRATED FINAL 119B.

                         104 CONTINUED: (4) 104
          Ramona is flabbergasted to see a cheery Scott walk alongside.

                         RAMONA
          You want to come with me?

                         SCOTT

                         (HOPEFUL)
          I thought maybe we could... try
          again?
          Ramona smiles. She holds out her hand like in the park scene
          earlier. Scott takes it.
          We see the door with the star on it, standing right in the
          middle of the street, snow swirling around it.
          Scott and Ramona walk towards the door, sunrise coming up
          over Toronto, night magically turning to day, winter turning
          to spring.
          Over this magical transformation, we hear a lush rendition of
          '~Ramona' swelling and hear whispers of gossip over Toronto's
          cell phone airwaves.

          JULIE (V.O.)
          Oh my God, can I blow your mind?
          Scott Pilgrim totally threw down
          with Gideon Graves at the grand
          opening of Chaos Theater. Yeah, it
          was apparently awesome.

          STACEY (V.O.)
          Oh my God, it was a HUGE fight. I
          mean bananas. My little brother
          kicked a guy's head off. Literally.
          It was unbelievable. Someone
          seriously should have been filming
          it.
          Scott and Ramona walk through the door. Tilt up to the
          heavens and reveal the CONTINUE graphic in the stars.



          CONTINUE? 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...