Actor Point >> Movie Scripts >> The Blast from the Past Film Script

The Blast From The Past Movie Script

Writer(s) : Bill Kelly, Hugh Wilson

Genres : Comedy, Drama, Romance

Search IMDb : The Blast From The Past


       FADE IN:



       SCENE 1 OMITTED

       EXT. SAN FERNANDO VALLEY - NIGHT

       OPEN on a MOVING WIDE SHOT of a mountain range with the
       distant lights of the San Fernando Valley behind it.
       BEGIN CREDITS as a NAVY JET drops down into the picture.
       PUSH IN on the jet's exhaust flame. Have the words "THE
       BLAST" come out of the flame. Then there is a SLIGHT
       EXPLOSION and the flame intensifies. The words "FROM THE
       PAST" jump out of the exhaust as the jet momentarily
       shakes.

       INT. JET

       The PILOT feels the jet shake. But he looks at his
       indicators and everything appears to be normal. He
       relaxes.

       EXT. JET

       We begin with a WIDER REAR SHOT of the jet and allow the
       plane to move away. Then SUPER: "LOS ANGELES, 1962"
       before continuing the main titles. A popular recording
       from that period has been playing throughout.

       EXT. CALVIN'S WORK SHOP - NIGHT

       Start on a CU of the HAM RADIO ANTENNA, WIND GAUGE and
       THERMOMETER attached to the roof of Calvin's shop. (We
       can hear military air traffic chatter on Calvin's
       Hallicrafter radio.) Then move down to the window where
       we see CALVIN Webber tinkering with a gadget at his work
       bench. Calvin's very pregnant wife HELEN appears. The
       music becomes source.

                           HELEN
                 For Pete's sake, Calvin!  We've got
                 guests!

                           CALVIN
                 Sorry, honey!  I just got to fooling
                 with this darn rheostat.

                           HELEN
                 Well, put it down and come in!

                           CALVIN
                 You bet, hon!

       They exit the workshop for the house.  Calvin has left
       the ham radio on.




                           NAVY PILOT (ON
                           RADIO)
                 Tower, Wolf One is five miles from the
                 overhead.

                           TOWER (ON RADIO)
                 Wolf One, Tower. Report the numbers.
                 You're number one for the overhead.

                           NAVY PILOT (ON
                           RADIO)
                 Wolf one.


       INT. COCKPIT OF JET - SAME TIME

       The YOUNG PILOT looks down at the flashing red light on
       his control panel. He speaks into the oxygen mask that
       hangs loosely from his helmet.

                           PILOT
                 Tower. Wolf One. I've got a problem
                 here.

                           TOWER (OC)
                 Say your problem, Wolf One. Are you
                 declaring an emergency?

                           PILOT
                 Stand by. One.

       INT. DINING ROOM

       DAVE, BETTY, BOB, and RUTH (30's) pass around the buffet
       table. Another period song is playing on the phonograph.

                           BETTY
                 Just remember: don't mention the
                 communists!

                           DAVE
                 Calvin's a great guy, but he's a
                 little, you know...

                           BETTY
                 Nutty.

                           RUTH
                 What's his wife like?

                           BETTY
                 Oh, you know, housewife.

                           DAVE
                 Likes to cook. Pregnant.

                           RUTH
                 Normal, then.

                           BETTY
                 Well, I wouldn't go that far.
                     (then)
                 Helen!

       Helen has entered from the kitchen with more food. She
       favors June Allison.

                           HELEN
                 Hi, Betty!  Dave!

                           BETTY
                 Just look at you!

                           HELEN
                 Any day now!

                           BETTY
                 This is my sister and her husband.

                           HELEN
                 Oh, hi! Welcome!

       INT. LIVING ROOM

       Calvin is using a cocktail shaker to very carefully make
       Rob Roys for the crowd at the bar. It's like watching a
       chemist at work. Calvin's a pipe-smoker.

                           CALVIN
                 So anyhow this duck says to the clerk,
                 "I'd like to buy this lip balm."  And
                 the clerk says, "Will that be cash or
                 a check?"  And the duck says, "Just
                 put it on my bill!"

       Polite laughter follows, but the guy out of Calvin's
       sight-line rolls his eyes.

       ANGLE - DAVE AND BOB

       with drinks. Helen is in the b.g., rushing around, over-
       serving everyone.

                           DAVE
                 He was the golden-boy professor at Cal
                 Tech.  But then he starts inventing
                 things.

                           BOB
                 What kind of things?

                           DAVE
                 You got me.  Some kind of special
                 synthetic rubber.  And some kind of
                 automated machine.  Anyhow, suddenly
                 he gets rich.  I mean rich!  And quits
                 teaching.

       ANGLE - CALVIN

       as his guests sample their Rob Roys.

                           CALVIN
                 How's that?

                           GUEST
                 Just what the doctor ordered!

       Calvin gives the man his patented thumbs-up sign.

       ANGLE - BETTY AND RUTH

       over by the patio doors. We can see Calvin's shop through
       the window.

                           BETTY
                 With all his money they could have
                 moved to Beverly Hills, but they
                 decided to stay in the Valley.  Calvin
                 spends all his time tinkering out
                 there in his workshop.  If you ask me
                 it's all very strange.

                           WOMAN GUEST #1
                     (chiming in)
                 He dug a huge hole out there for a
                 swimming pool. Then he decided he
                 didn't want it and filled the thing
                 in. And what's that big, high fence
                 for?

       The women look at Calvin.



       ANGLE - CALVIN

       with guests (one is called Harold) at the bar.

                           CALVIN
                 There currently exists a type of neon
                 light that lasts five years.  But you
                 won't see it on the market. Same is
                 true of batteries. I could take your
                 simple yacht battery and rig it to
                 last a decade, easily.

                           HAROLD
                 Well, what the heck kind of a
                 marketing system can't get great new
                 products like that out to the public?

                           CALVIN
                     (intense)
                 A veeeery good one, Harold. Free
                 market capitalism may not be a perfect
                 order, but it's the best we've got, or
                 will ever have.  And why?  Three
                 reasons!

       Poor Harold.

       INT. KITCHEN - SAME TIME

       Most of the guests are women, gabbing and helping Helen
       out as she removes a pot roast from the oven and busily
       jumps around the kitchen.

                           WOMAN GUEST #2
                 Say, Helen?  What does Calvin think
                 about this trouble down in Cuba?

                           HELEN
                     (rolling her eyes)
                 Oh, please don't bring that up!

       EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT, MOMENTS LATER

       A late guest named RON hurries up the walkway and into
       the house.





       SCENE 8 OMITTED

       INT. LIVING ROOM - A SECOND LATER

       Calvin is with another guest.

                           CALVIN
                 I'd say my baseball card collection is
                 as complete as any one I've ever seen.

       Ron pushes his way through the crowd.

                           RON
                 Calvin!  Hey, Calvin!
                 		(pointing over his shoulder)
                 Kennedy's going toe-to-toe with
                 Khrushchev on the television!

       Calvin immediately heads for the family room. Others
       follow.

       INT. FAMILY ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

       Everyone is huddled around the JFK TV press conference.
       There seems to be a lot of smokers. Helen appears
       shortly, wearing a hot pad mitten on each hand.

                           JFK
                 ...this sudden, clandestine decision
                 to station strategic weapons for the
                 first time outside of Soviet soil, is
                 a deliberately provocative and
                 unjustified change in the status quo
                 which cannot be accepted by this
                 country.

       Calvin cuts a knowing look at Helen who dutifully returns
       it.

       EXT. JET - NIGHT

       The plane swoops over the Valley and we see the
       spectacular lights of L.A. sprawl.  There is a TRAIL OF
       SPARKS coming from the jet's engine.

       INT. JET COCKPIT

       The plane is shaking terribly and the pilot is having a
       very hard time controlling it.

                           TOWER
                 Wolf One -- say intentions.

                           PILOT
                 I've got secondaries of an engine fire
                 and I'll need to find a clear area to
                 eject.

                           TOWER
                 Roger, Wolf One. Can you make it to
                 the ocean?

       EXT. JET

       The trembling plane circles to the west.

       INT. FAMILY ROOM

       Return to TV.

                           JFK
                 ...we will not prematurely or
                 unnecessarily risk the cost of
                 worldwide nuclear war, in which even
                 the fruits of victory would be ashes
                 in our mouth.  But neither will we
                 shrink from the risk at any time it
                 must be faced.

       INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT/ EXT. HOUSE, MOMENTS LATER

       To Helen's embarrassment, Calvin is ushering  all the
       guests to the front door. Helen is passing out hats and
       purses. She and Calvin speak simultaneously - somewhere
       in the middle we cut outside.


                           CALVIN
                 I'm sorry everyone, but given this
                 extraordinary turn of events, I think
                 it's prudent that we cut the evening
                 short. I'm sure this Cuban thing will
                 resolve itself, but in the
                 meantime...I'd suggest taking a
                 prayerful watch-and-wait stance!

                           HELEN
                 We'll do this again! Maybe next week.
                 Here's your hat. Could I wrap
                 something up for you? Did you have a
                 coat?

       Helen can barely get a "good night" out before Calvin
       shuts the door.

       ANGLE - DAVE AND BOB

       Following their wives out.

                 			DAVE
                     (sotto to Bob)
                 What'd I tell ya?!

       Bob whistles softly. Calvin's a nut all right.

       INT. FRONT DOOR

       Calvin turns to Helen, a grave expression on his face.

                           CALVIN
                 It's time.

                           HELEN
                     (misinterpreting, holding her
                      stomach)
                 Time? Oh, no Calvin. It's not time
                 yet. I still have--

       He points down.

                           HELEN (cont'd)
                 Oh, that time! You know Calvin, I'm
                 not sure I'm really ready for this.

                           CALVIN
                 On the contrary, I think we're the
                 only ones who are.

       He leads her out of shot.

                           HELEN (OC)
                 Calvin I'm sure everything's going to
                 be all right. I just know it is!

       EXT. BACKYARD - MOMENTS LATER

       Calvin and Helen leave the house; cross the patio; and
       hurry to the shop. Back in the house, the record player
       has been left on:  "How Much Is That Doggie In The
       Window...?"  Helen is carrying the pot roast which is
       wrapped in foil.

                           HELEN
                 Well, I'm certainly not going to let
                 the pot roast go to waste. Could you
                 just put that seat cover back on that
                 lawn chair?

       He does.

                           HELEN (cont'd)
                 Shouldn't we at least turn off the
                 phonograph?

                           CALVIN
                 It shuts off automatically.

                           HELEN
                 Did you rig it to do that? You're so
                 clever.

                           CALVIN
                 No.  They all do.

                           HELEN
                 I never know anymore.

       The SOUND OF THE TRAINER JET makes a low pass over
       Calvin's house.  Calvin sticks his head out the door and
       looks up.

                           CALVIN
                 I bet that's a fighter jet on his way
                 to Key West!  Good luck, amigo!

       INT. WORKSHOP

       They enter. The place is full of tools and gadgets--
       mostly construction equipment. The ham radio is still on.

                           TOWER
                 An emergency has been declared. I
                 repeat, an emergency has been
                 declared.

       Calvin and Helen speak over the Tower who is telling
       other aircraft in the vicinity to clear the area.

                           CALVIN
                 You hear that?!

                           HELEN
                 Yes.

       Calvin unplugs the radio and quickly wraps the cord.

                           CALVIN
                 We can listen to the rest downstairs!

       He pushes aside a table that is hiding a hatch in the
       floor and unlocks it by turning the hatch's wheel.  Then
       he opens the hatch and reaches inside to turn on a light.
       Red submarine light shines up from below.  All the while
       he and Helen are chatting:

                           HELEN
                 Calvin, I wish you would have at least
                 let me do the dishes. It's not going
                 to be that easy getting all that dried-
                 on food off my nice plates.

                           CALVIN
                 I just hope those plates aren't
                 radioactive by tomorrow morning.

                           HELEN
                 Cheese is particularly troublesome.

                           CALVIN
                 Worse than your Kraft Holiday dip?

                           HELEN
                 Oh, much worse. But not as bad as that
                 Mexican Jumping Bean dip. You remember
                 that?

                           CALVIN
                 Yeah, yeah. Okay.  Give me the roast
                 and watch your step.  I'll come back
                 for the radio.

       She steps into the hatch and onto a ladder.


       INT. JET - NIGHT

       The young pilot is bouncing around the now smokey
       cockpit.

                           PILOT
                 Tower, say again!!

                           TOWER
                 The SAR HELO is airborne with you in
                 sight.

                           PILOT
                 I'm marking the 180 radial for five
                 and ejecting.

                           TOWER
                 Roger, Wolf One.




       The pilot rights the plane; points the joy stick; and
       reaches for the ejection handles between his legs.

       EXT. JET

       The pilot ejects.

       INT. EMPTY COCKPIT

       This is the pilot's POV (were there a pilot.)  We see the
       coastline and we notice that the plane is making a... U-
       turn, away from the water and back towards the Valley.

       EXT. JET

       Streaking back to the Valley with a dramatic tail of
       sparks.

       EXT. THE PARACHUTING PILOT

       He notices that his plane is headed directly at him.  It
       misses him by a matter of yards.

       INT. LADDER - CONTINUOUS

       Taking the liberty of a CUTAWAY SECTION, we follow them
       down the ladder which is inside a corrugated metal tube.
       On either side of the tube we see layers of dirt.

                           HELEN
                 How long will we have to stay down
                 here?

                           CALVIN
                 I don't know. For this thing to blow
                 over, it could take days.

                           HELEN
                 Days??

                           CALVIN
                 Rather safe than sorry. That's my
                 motto!

                           HELEN
                 But, what if I go into labor? That
                 could happen any time.

                           CALVIN
                 I've read up on it. I'll deliver the
                 baby myself if I have to.

                           HELEN
                 Now you listen to me Calvin Webber,
                 when this baby comes, you're going to
                 be out in the waiting
                 room smoking yourself to death with
                 all the other fathers.

                           CALVIN
                     (chuckling)
                 Yes, dear!

                           HELEN
                 As long as we've got that straight.

       EXT. JET - SAME TIME

       It COMPLETES ITS TURN and STREAKS SKYWARD at a 90 degree
       angle to the ground... until it SPUTTERS and the ENGINES
       STOP.  Then, after a Road Runner-like beat or two, it
       begins to FALL DIRECTLY BACK TO EARTH, tail first.

       INT. SMALL ANTEROOM - SAME TIME

       The Webbers step off a metal ladder and face a vault-like
       chrome hatchway.  Calvin opens the six-inch thick door by
       pushing another switch on his small box. Helen takes the
       roast.

       EXT. JET - NIGHT

       With only the sound of wind, the jet continues to fall as
       the lights of the Valley rush up to meet it.



       INT. SHELTER - CONTINUOUS

       They step into a darkened room.

                           CALVIN
                     (with arms spread)
                 Home sweet home!

                           HELEN
                 To you maybe.

       Calvin flicks a wall switch and we HEAR A SERIES OF
       LIGHTS COMING ON.  The echoes of the sounds suggest a
       large, cavernous space.  All we can see is the cinder
       block wall behind them and the hatch door, which Calvin
       begins to shut by putting his body into it.

       Just then there is a TREMENDOUS DOUBLE EXPLOSION FROM
       ABOVE which knocks them to the floor. (Note: Helen hangs
       on to the roast, trying her best not to drop it.) The
       LADDER, CORRUGATED TUBE, ROOF, AND LOTS OR DIRT AND ROCK
       BEGIN TO CRASH DOWN INTO THE ANTEROOM. Calvin struggles
       to his feet and gets the vault door shut just in the nick
       of time.

                           HELEN
                 What was that?!

                           CALVIN
                 Are you all right?!

       Hanging on to the roast she nods vigorously, trying to be
       brave.

                           HELEN
                 Yes, I think so.

       Calvin hurries to a bright RED METAL BOX on the wall.
       Next to the box is a LARGE THERMOMETER OR GAUGE that's
       labeled "Radiation Count."  There are OTHER GAUGES that
       are dropping to zero.

                           CALVIN
                 Oh, no!  It's happened!  Look at that
                 heat!!  All my surface indicators are
                 knocked out!  Oh, my Lord...it's
                 actually happened!!

       INTER CUT - CU OF BOX AND THERMOMETER

       The box has a dial on it, next to which is a large lever.
       A foreboding sign reads  HATCHWAY TIME LOCKS, USE EXTREME
       CAUTION.  Calvin pulls the lever.

       BACK TO SCENE

       The chrome and steel EXIT HATCHWAY AUTOMATICALLY LOCKS
       with great noise, precision and...finality. There is the
       SOUND OF A REAR DOOR doing the same thing.

                           HELEN
                 What's that noise?

                           CALVIN
                 The locks.

                           HELEN
                 The locks?

                           CALVIN
                 To keep us from trying to leave. After
                 an atomic blast there's a radiation
                 half-life that lasts thirty five
                 years.

                           HELEN
                 Thirty -five years!

                           CALVIN
                 Then after that it's safe.

                           HELEN
                 It's safe.

       She continues to stare at him.

                           CALVIN
                 To go up.

                           HELEN
                 To go up.

       She continues to stare at him.

                           CALVIN
                     (confidently)
                 Hey, honey. Don't you worry. We're
                 going to be just fine.

       Helen bursts into tears.

       EXT WEBBER PATIO - DAY

       Two police detectives, LEVY and ATKINSON, exit the house.
       Uniformed workers carefully carry small pieces of the jet
       from the crash site. The detectives lead us to what's
       left of Calvin's shop. It's mostly a charred crater.

                           LEVY
                 According to Caltech, this Webber guy
                 was a bonafide genius and a borderline
                 nutcase.

                           ATKINSON
                 Well, he and Mrs. Nutcase must have
                 been out here when the plane hit.

                           LEVY
                 Unless we get a postcard or somethin',
                 that's my guess.

                           ATKINSON
                 What about relatives?

                           LEVY
                 All back East.

                           ATKINSON
                 The neighbors over there said the guy
                 spent day and night out here. She'd
                 bring him sandwiches and hot Dr.
                 Pepper.

                           LEVY
                 He drank it hot?

                           ATKINSON
                 Yeah.

                           LEVY
                 Good god.

                           ATKINSON
                 Yeah.



       INT. MASTER BEDROOM - SAME TIME (12 HOURS AFTER BLAST)

       Helen awakes alone and still dressed. She sits up and
       trys the phone on the night table. It is dead. She hangs
       up and exits.

       INT. KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM/PATIO

       Calvin is making sandwiches from the pot roast. Two empty
       Doctor Pepper bottles sit next to the stove where Calvin
       is heating the soda. He sees Helen enter the livingroom.

                           CALVIN
                 Hi, honey! Feeling better?

                           HELEN
                 No.

                           CALVIN
                 We have to be strong, sweetheart. If
                 not for ourselves, for the child.

                           HELEN
                 All our friends...

       He enters with her sandwich and a cup of Dr. Pepper.

                           CALVIN
                 Burnt to a crisp.
                     (indicating sandwiches)
                 I've given you the most well-done cut.

                           HELEN
                 I'm not hungry.

                           CALVIN
                 Hot Dr. Pepper! Your favorite!

                           HELEN
                     (leaving)
                 No, Calvin, you're favorite.

                           CALVIN
                 Really?

       She walks out onto the patio. She rubs her arms as if
       cold.

                           CALVIN
                 A bit chilly? Shouldn't be.
                 Temperature's a nice 73 degrees.



       He follows her out to the patio.

                           HELEN
                 Maybe I've just got the creeps.

                           CALVIN
                 How could you?! This is just like
                 home!

       A reverse angle shows for the first time the rest of the
       fallout shelter -- which looks very different from
       "home". Perhaps she starts to cry again.

                           HELEN
                 No. No! Calvin, this is different!
                 Believe me!

                           CALVIN
                 Would you like a tranquilizer?

                           HELEN
                 You have tranquilizers?

                           CALVIN
                 I told you! I've got everything!











        Helen groans in pain.

                           HELEN
                 Oh, no.

                           CALVIN
                 What?

                           HELEN
                 Uh, oh. Now it's time.

                           CALVIN
                 Honey?



       SCENE 29B OMITTED



       SCENE 29C OMITTED

       SCENE 29D OMITTED

       SCENE 29E OMITTED



       INT. VERY WIDE OF THE SHELTER - HOURS LATER

       We can only hear Adam's entrance into the world. There is
       Helen's pain, followed by Adam's cry, followed by
       Calvin's rejoicing.

                           CALVIN (OC)
                 The first child to be born on earth
                 after the annihilation!!



       INT. SHELTER - DAYS LATER

       SUPER: SEVERAL DAYS LATER

       Start on the record player in the living room. The
       country and western classic "Hey, Good Looking" is
       spinning.



       OMIT SCENE 30

       INT. SHELTER, BATTERY ROOM - SAME TIME

       Calvin walks through checking things over; pleased by
       what he sees.  He exits. ("Hey Good Looking" continues.)

       INT. SHELTER, FISH FARM - CONTINUOUS

       Calvin checks the switch he uses to control the lights.
       Then he checks out all the tiny fish swimming in the six
       feet by six feet tank.  When he hears a baby's cry he
       hurries away.(Music continues)

       INT. SHELTER, MASTER BEDROOM

       Calvin enters and smiles with great affection at his
       family:  Helen and a NEWBORN SON cradled next to her in
       bed.

                           CALVIN
                 Is there a problem?

                           HELEN
                 No, Calvin.  Babies cry.

                           CALVIN
                 I've noticed.

                           HELEN
                 What shall we call him?

       Calvin shrugs.

                           HELEN (cont'd)
                 Well, I was thinking...in light of the
                 situation...that we should call him
                 Adam.  That's not sacrilegious is it?

                           CALVIN
                 No.  I think it's just right.

                           HELEN
                 And I was wondering...if...if I could
                 have a...

                           CALVIN
                 Yes!

                           HELEN
                 If I...you know...

                           CALVIN
                 What? Whatever you want, Helen!

       She points upwards.

                           HELEN
                 I want a bedroom ceiling.

       They both look up. Then he tells her.

                           CALVIN
                 You've got it!

       Calvin happily gives her his patented thumbs-up sign.

       A MONTAGE:  1) CALVIN , IN A LARGE SUPPLY ROOM, PICKS OUT
       THE PLYWOOD HE'LL NEED FOR THE CEILINGS. ( 60'S HAPPY,
       BUSY SCORE COVERS ALL THIS.)

       2) HELEN, CARRIES LITTLE ADAM (THREE DAYS OLD) ONTO THE
       FAKE PATIO (WITH THE PLASTIC PLANTS AND THE PLASTIC
       GRASS). SHE LOOKS UP AT CALVIN WHO'S ON A LADDER
       INSTALLING A CEILING.

       SUPER: SEVERAL WEEKS LATER

       3) IN THE FAMILY ROOM, CALVIN SHOWS HELEN HOW HE'S RIGGED
       A PROJECTOR TO THROW A PICTURE ONTO THE TV SCREEN. SHE'S
       THRILLED TO SEE "THE HONEYMOONERS!" MAIN TITLES COME ON.
       ADAM, LYING ON A QUILT BY HELEN'S CHAIR, IS ABOUT FOUR
       WEEKS OLD. (IT'S IMPORTANT HERE THAT WE SEE A 8MM FILM
       BOX WITH THE "I LOVE LUCY" LOGO ON IT)

       SUPER: SEVERAL MONTHS LATER

       4) TOTAL DARKNESS. THEN CALVIN FLICKS A SWITCH AND A BANK
       OF OVERHEAD LIGHTS COMES ON TO SIMULATE SUNLIGHT. UNDER
       THE LIGHTS ARE SOIL BEDS ON WOODEN TABLES. CALVIN IS
       EXCITED TO SHOW HELEN THE TINY, YOUNG CARROTS COMING UP.
       HELEN HOLDS ADAM AT THREE MONTHS OLD.

       SUPER: A YEAR LATER

       5) IN THE DINING ROOM, HELEN IS SERVING POT ROAST AND
       SOME VERY NICE LOOKING CARROTS. ADAM IS SIX MONTHS OLD.
       HE WATCHES HIS PARENTS AS THEY SAY GRACE.

       6) HELEN "SHOPS" FOR SUPPLIES IN THE LARGE STOREROOM.
       ADAM, ONE YEAR OLD, RIDES IN THE SHOPPING CART.(1963)

       7) CALVIN NETS A WIGGLING, FULLY GROWN FISH.

       8) THE FAMILY WATCHES "THE HONEYMOONERS" TOGETHER. (ADAM
       IS STILL ONE YEAR OLD.)

       CALVIN ENJOYS HIS PIPE IN THE LIVINGROOM

       9) CALVIN EXAMINES THE REAR HATCHWAY AS HELEN APPROACHES
       WITH ADAM IN HER ARMS.

                           HELEN (OC)
                 Calvin?!

                           CALVIN
                 Right here!

                           HELEN
                     (arriving)
                 We looked all over for you. What are
                 you doing back here?

                           CALVIN
                 Oh, I was just examining this rear
                 hatchway.

                           HELEN
                 Why?

                           CALVIN
                 No reason.
                 		(then, off her look)
                 Well, it's pretty clear that the front
                 entrance caved in when the bomb went
                 off. So, you know, when the time is
                 up, we'll have to return to the
                 surface using, you know, this back
                 entrance.  Which is very nice because
                 it has the service elevator!

                           HELEN
                 Very nice. Unless it caved in, too.

                           CALVIN
                 Yes.  Well... yes.

       A sober beat, then:

                           CALVIN (cont'd)
                 You wanted to see me?

       Helen nods vigorously.

                           HELEN
                 Watch this!

                           CALVIN
                 What?

       She sets Adam (one year old) down on his wobbly little
       legs, steadying him at the shoulders.

                           HELEN
                 Go to Daddy, Adam. Go to Daddy.

       And Adam takes his first step. And then another! And
       another! It's a joyous event.

       CAMERA LEAVES THEM AND TRAVELS UPWARD THROUGH THE CEILING
       AND THEN, AGAIN USING THE DEVICE OF A CUTAWAY, IT
       CONTINUES THROUGH DIRT AND SEDIMENT ALL THE WAY UP TO THE
       SURFACE-- WHERE THE BACKYARD AVOCADO TREES ARE BEING
       BULLDOZED AND THE BACK FENCE HAS ALREADY BEEN TORN DOWN.
       THE WEBBER HOUSE FACED A QUIET RESIDENTIAL STREET, BUT IT
       BACKED ONTO VICTORY AVENUE (OR ONE OF THOSE VALLEY
       AVENUES) AND IN THE LATE FIFTIES AND EARLY SIXTIES THOSE
       MAIN THOROUGHFARES WENT COMMERCIAL.

       A SIGN tells us that this is the future site of MOM'S
       MALT SHOP."

       Some WORKMEN with shovels have discovered the REAR
       SHELTER DOORS where they have been digging.



                           WORKMAN #1
                 Hey, Boss!

       The construction BOSS comes over for a look.

                           WORKMAN #1
                 What do you make of this?

                           BOSS
                 Damn if I know.

                           WORKMAN #2
                 I bet it's some kinda septic tank.

                           WORKMAN #1
                 I've never seen a septic tank that
                 looked like that.

                           BOSS
                 Well, don't fool with it. If it is a
                 septic tank, I sure as hell don't want
                 to open it. We'll just lay the
                 foundation over it.

                           WORKMAN #1
                 Okay.

       EXT. WEBBER HOUSE, PATIO (THE REAL ONE) - DAY, SAME TIME

       A Realtor steps out with A COUPLE looking to buy the
       house.

                           REALTOR
                 ...and since it's almost certain that
                 the Webbers were killed, the bank is
                 selling the house and that back parcel
                 over there that's been re-zoned
                 commercial. It's right there on the
                 avenue.

                           WOMAN BUYER
                 Is that where the plane crashed?

       She points out to a LEVEL LAWN where the shop used to be.
       We can see the Malt Shop construction crew beyond that.

                           REALTOR
                 Yep, right there.

                           MAN BUYER
                 This place gives me the willies.

                           REALTOR
                 Yeah, I know what you mean. But the
                 price is right.

       EXT. BACK AT THE MALT SHOP CONSTRUCTION SIGHT -
       CONTINUOUS, DAY

       The guy driving the heavy front loader lets the bucket
       slam to the ground hard.

       INT. BACK AT THE SHELTER REAR DOOR - CONTINUOUS

       Calvin vaguely hears the noise made by the front loader.

       INT. SHELTER, LIVING ROOM - EVENING (1965-66)

       SUPER: 1965

       Calvin smokes his pipe and enjoys a Manhattan cocktail as
       Adam (three and a half) sits in his lap reading the title
       page from Alice in Wonderland.

                           ADAM
                 Al ice in won der lan.

       Calvin smiles pridefully over at Helen who works
       intensely on the couch making a coffee-can Santa from
       instructions in the The Redbook Crafts Collection.

                           CALVIN
                 Not bad for a three and a half year
                 old! I'd like to see the public school
                 system match that! I don't care how
                 terrific it is!

                           HELEN
                 Yes, he's very bright, dear. Much like
                 his father. But you know, Calvin,
                 maybe he's a little...young for
                 school.

                           CALVIN
                 Nonsense. People have no idea what the
                 human mind is capable of. Look at us!

       Helen ponders that statement.


                           ADAM
                     (pointing to the book's art
                      work)
                 Look, Daddy. Alice went down a hole,
                 just like us.

       Calvin smiles and messes up Adam's hair.

                           ADAM (cont'd)
                 Will I ever get to go up on top?

                           CALVIN
                 Yes, you certainly will. And you'll
                 find a nice girl and rebuild America.
                 Just the way it used to be.

                           HELEN
                 Oh, Calvin, I'm not sure we should be
                 making promises that perhaps can't be
                 kept.

                           CALVIN
                 I believe there will be other
                 survivors. In fact, I'm guessing
                 there's life on the surface, even now.
                 It's not life worth living perhaps,
                 but believe me, something's moving
                 around up there. And I don't just mean
                 the cockroaches.

       They both look nervously up at the ceiling.

       EXT. MOM'S MALT SHOP (NOW FINISHED) - DAY (1965-66)

       CARS PASS BY on the busy avenue.

       INT. MOM'S MALT SHOP - CONTINUOUS

       CLEAN CUT SURFER KIDS are being served their favorite ice-
       cream and malt treats by MOM herself and a young SODA
       JERK. Appropriate music comes from the jukebox.

                           MOM
                 I'm going to need two more banana-
                 splits and a cherry coke!

                           SODA JERK
                 You bet, Mom! Coming up!

       Two YOUNG MEN IN BEATLE HAIRCUTS enter. Everyone looks at
       them in amazement. (Perhaps there is also a record change
       here.)

       INT. SHELTER, CLASSROOM - DAY (65-66)

       Calvin is building and furnishing a classroom from
       materials available to him. He has had the forethought to
       bring down the books needed for his child's education.
       Little Adam is watching him.

                           CALVIN
                     (to Adam)
                 Nothing in the world is more fun than
                 learning new things.

       INT. FAMILY ROOM - NIGHT

       The family watches the same "Honeymooner" clip they
       watched before. Calvin still finds it funny. Helen
       wonders about that.

       INT. BEDROOM - LATER

       Helen is pouring cooking sherry into an empty Listerine
       bottle.

       EXT. MALT SHOP - DAY (1970-71)

       SUPER: 1970

       Other buildings have been constructed around the malt
       shop. Foot and car traffic are heavier.

       INT. MALT SHOP - SAME TIME

       The clean-cut kids have been replaced by FLOWER CHILDREN.
       Mom hasn't put a lot back into the decor, but she has
       made concessions to the fashions of the time. The jukebox
       plays something appropriate. Mom and the Jerk are five
       years older.

                           MOM
                 I can't tell the boys from the girls
                 anymore!

                           SODA JERK
                     (stoned)
                 Uh...yeah. It's like hard.

       Mom gives the Jerk a suspicious look.

       INT. SHELTER - DAY (1970-71)

       Calvin (40) is giving Adam (8) a boxing lesson. They work
       from a "How To" book and use gloves made from living room
       pillows. Adam's pretty good. Helen appears and watches
       with pride. Then she interupts.

                           HELEN
                 Boys! Excuse me, but I believe it's my
                 turn.
                     (holding out her hand)
                 Adam?

       He goes to her.

       INT. SHELTER - MINUTES LATER

       The hydroponic garden area is empty. A Perry Como song
       begins and Adam and Helen enter waltzing. Adam has
       changed shirts and combed his hair. Somewhere, Calvin is
       watching with pride. After a while Calvin cuts in. He and
       Helen dance beautifully. Then they kiss. Somewhere, Adam
       is watching with pride.

       INT. MALT SHOP - DAY (1975-76)

       SUPER: 1975

       The place continues its decline. Acid rock plays loudly.
       Mom and the Jerk serve the smallish crowd.

                           MOM
                 I miss those nice flower-power kids.
                 How 'bout you?

                           SODA JERK
                     (after studying her for some
                      time)
                 Um...uh...

       The acid rock song ends and an early, bad disco hit comes
       on the jukebox.

                           MOM
                 What the hell kind of music is that?!

       The Jerk puts his hands to his ears, he so hates the new
       music.

                           SODA JERK
                 Oh, man. I'm like not sure I like
                 that.



       INT. SHELTER, CLASSROOM  (1975-76)

       The room looks like Ricky Nelson's class.  There are twin
       pictures of Ike and JFK on the wall.  Adam is eleven.

                           CALVIN
                 This is what money looks like.  It
                 comes like this, in coin, or like this
                 in paper.  Or you can have an
                 "investment."  These are stock
                 "certificates" that we bought in your
                 name.  Of course, they're worthless
                 now, but at one time they were quite
                 valuable.

                           ADAM
                 They're pretty.  Can I have them?

                           CALVIN
                 Sure. Now, let's move on to our French
                 exam.

                           ADAM
                 Latin exam, Dad.  It's Tuesday.

                           CALVIN
                 You're right!  It's Tuesday already!
                 By gosh, time flies, doesn't it?!

                           ADAM
                 Tempus fugit!

                           CALVIN
                 En arte voluptus.
                 Que les bons temps roul�!

                           ADAM
                 Gerade aus dann links!

                           CALVIN
                 Sorgen sie bitte dafur das die gepack
                 sorgfaltic behandeldt warren!

                           ADAM
                 Haben sie etuas nettes in leder?!

                           CALVIN
                     (marveling)
                 You know, you have a wonderful sense
                 of humor, son!  I must say, the acorn
                 doesn't fall very far from the tree.
                 By the way, it's time I gave you
                 something. Come with me.

       Adam follows his dad out.

       INT. SHUFFLEBOARD COURT - CONTINUOUS

       They pass Helen who is absentmindedly poking at the puck
       with a stick. She's not having a very good day. She wears
       her hair dryer but it's not plugged in.

                           CALVIN
                 Hi, honey!

                           HELEN
                 Hi.

       INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

       Calvin hands Adam a cigar box. Adam opens it to see
       Calvin's remarkable baseball card collection.

                           ADAM
                 These are wonderful.

                           CALVIN
                 It's my entire baseball collection.
                 It's yours now.

                           ADAM
                 What's baseball?

                           CALVIN
                 It's a game, son. I can explain it
                 pretty easily. There's a pitcher.

                           ADAM
                 Like a painting?

                           CALVIN
                     (chuckling)
                 No, son. A pitcher.

                           ADAM
                 Like one of Mom's?

                           CALVIN
                 Uh, no. There's a man who throws the
                 ball -- to a man who has a bat.

                           ADAM
                 The nocturnal flying mammal?

                           CALVIN
                     (slightly pissed)
                 No. Sit down.

       They do.

       INT. SHELTER - NIGHT

       Start close on flashing roller skates. Then cut wider to
       show Adam roller skating. He passes Helen who has fallen
       asleep knitting in one of the lawn chairs. Then Adam
       passes Calvin who is on a ladder soldering a leaking
       ceiling pipe.

       EXT. MALT SHOP - DAY (1991)

       SUPER: 1991

       TWO PUNKS with spiked green hair enter to the strains of
       "My Sharona."


       INT. MALT SHOP - DAY (1991)

       Mom watches the punks enter. Then crosses to the Soda
       Jerk who now has a tattoo on his forehead.

                           MOM
                 I'm selling this place.  I want out of
                 this hell hole!

                           SODA JERK
                 Could I, like...oh, wow...like,uh...

                           MOM
                 Buy it from me?

                           SODA JERK
                 Yeah!  Yeah, that's it!

                           MOM
                 I'll give it to ya, no money down.
                 The neighborhood has gone to hell
                 anyway.

       She walks off.

                           SODA JERK
                 Cool.

       INT. KITCHEN  (1995)

       SUPER: 1995

       Helen has prepared a birthday cake. Having no birthday
       candles, she's used three votive candles. We can hear
       Calvin and Adam talking in the dining room. (She and
       Calvin are now in their 60's.)

                           CALVIN (OC)
                 No, no! The runner on second goes to
                 third! He's out there!

                           ADAM  (OC)
                 Why?

                           CALVIN (OC)
                 Because he's forced out at third! It's
                 a force!

                           ADAM  (OC)
                 Then why go there?

                           CALVIN  (OC)
                 Because he must!

                           HELEN
                 Calvin!

                           CALVIN  (OC)
                 Coming!

       Calvin enters.

                           CALVIN (cont'd)
                 Yes, dear?

                           HELEN
                 Get the presents and do the lights.

                           CALVIN
                 You bet.

       Calvin leaves while Helen lights the candles. The whole
       shelter goes dark. Calvin returns with two presents
       wrapped in whatever is available.

       INT. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS



       Helen and Calvin enter singing Happy Birthday. We see the
       ADULT ADAM for the first time in silhouette. His handsome
       face is revealed to us when the cake is placed before
       him.

                           ADAM
                 Thank you, Mom! Thanks, Dad!

                           CALVIN
                 Blow out the candles!

                           HELEN
                 Make a wish!

       He does both. His parents clap. Helen takes one of the
       presents from Calvin and gives it to Adam. He unwraps it.
       It's a green coat.

                           ADAM
                 Oh, boy! A jacket!

                           CALVIN
                 Your mom made that all by herself.

                           ADAM
                 No kidding!

                           HELEN
                 No kidding.
                     (aside, to Calvin)
                 Who else would have done it?

                           CALVIN
                 And I made these!

       He gives Adam the second present. Adam tears off the
       paper to find a pair of roller-skates that Calvin has
       redesigned. The new skates look kind of like
       rollerblades.

                           ADAM
                 Holy Cow! What the heck are these?!

                           CALVIN
                 Your roller-skates! I redesigned them!
                 I think this new design will work even
                 better!

                           ADAM
                 These are really swell! I mean swell!

                           HELEN
                 What did you wish for, Adam?

                           CALVIN
                 If he tells, it won't come true!

                           HELEN
                 Oh, that's just a bunch of baloney! We
                 never believed that in my family!

                           CALVIN
                 Well, we did in my family!

                           ADAM
                 I wished I could meet a girl.

       His parents don't have a reply for that.

                           HELEN
                 Oh. A nice one, I hope.

                           ADAM
                 Yes, ma'am.

                           CALVIN
                 One who doesn't glow in the dark.

                           HELEN
                 Calvin Webber! What a thing to say!

                           CALVIN
                 Well, we'll be going up in two years.
                 We'll know then. I'm very hopeful.

                           ADAM
                     (ardently)
                 Me, too.

       His parents stare at him for a beat, then:

                           HELEN
                 Let's eat our cake.

                           CALVIN
                 Yeah. Let's dig in!

       They do.

                           HELEN
                 Elbows, Son.

                           ADAM
                 Sorry, Mom!

                           HELEN
                 You never know. You may someday dine
                 at the White House with the president.

                           CALVIN
                 If we still have one.

                           HELEN
                 Yes...

                           CALVIN
                 You know, when we do go up...I'm going
                 to miss this old place. How 'bout you,
                 hon?

                           HELEN
                     (after a beat)
                 Would you excuse me?

                           CALVIN
                 Sure.

       Helen rises and exits.



       SCENE 48 OMITTED

       SCENE 49 OMITTED

       SCENE 50 OMITTED

       SCENE 51 OMITTED

       SCENE 52 OMITTED

       SCENE 53 OMITTED

       SCENE 54 OMITTED

       SCENE 55 OMITTED

       SCENE 56 OMITTED

       SCENE 57 OMITTED

       SCENE 58 OMITTED



       INT. BATTERY ROOM- LATER, SAME NIGHT

       Helen enters and goes into the generator room. Through
       the glass we can see (and hear) her scream. Straightening
       her hair and feeling much better, she exits as Calvin
       strolls by wearing his tool belt. She's headed out.

                           CALVIN
                 In the generator room again?

                           HELEN
                 Oh, yes.  It just fascinates me how
                 all    these things work.

                           CALVIN
                 I know exactly what you mean!
                     (then)
                 Hey, honey?

       She turns to him. He gives her his patented thumbs up
       sign.

                           CALVIN (cont'd)
                 Great cake!!

       She smiles wanely and leaves. He shuts the generator door
       she left open.

       SCENE 60 OMITTED



       SCENE 61 OMITTED

       INT.SHELTER, LIVING ROOM - VERY EARLY MORNING

       SUPER: THE PRESENT

       The room is quiet and empty.  The star-burst WALL CLOCK
       on the paneling says 6:15.

       INT. SHELTER, KITCHEN - SAME TIME

       Also empty.

       INT. STOREROOM - SAME TIME

       Also empty.  And with MEAGER SUPPLIES on the shelves.

       INT. POWER AND PUMP ROOM - SAME TIME

       The old pipes are rusted and patched. Some are leaking
       badly.

       INT. MASTER BEDROOM - SAME TIME

       Calvin wakes up. He looks over at Helen's bed.

       ANGLE - HELEN

       She wakes up. Then jumps out of bed.



       SCENE 67 OMITTED



       CLOSE ON THE RED METAL BOX

       that has been ticking on the wall for thirty-five years.
       Suddenly it STOPS TICKING and a rather annoying ALARM
       GOES OFF.  Calvin's hand reaches up and turns it off by
       throwing the lever up.

       ANOTHER ANGLE shows us the mechanism on the FRONT
       HATCHWAY switch to OPEN with a loud, vault-like move.

       ANOTHER ANGLE

       reveals the family in their pajamas standing in front of
       the front hatchway and red box.

                           ADAM
                 So...we just open this door and go up?



       Calvin grabs a handle and using all his strength, opens
       the front entrance hatch. And then must jump back when
       nothing but earth and rock pour into the room.

                           ADAM
                 Um...is that supposed to happen?

       His parents take a beat then race off like maniacs
       through the entire shelter to the back hatch door.  They
       knock over whatever gets in their way as they go. Adam
       follows.

                           ADAM
                 Hey, where are we going?!  Is
                 everything all right?!

       INT. BACK HATCHWAY - MOMENTS LATER

       Calvin and Helen arrive followed by Adam who can't
       possibly share his parent's deep concerns. Everyone is
       out of breath.

                           CALVIN
                 Should we say a little prayer first?

                           HELEN
                 Just open the door.

       Calvin attempts to open the big hatch, but can't.  Adam
       helps him.  Helen pitches in.  Slowly, with lots of
       squeaking, the DOOR OPENS. He steps through the hatch and
       flips a wall switch.  Red submarine LIGHTS COME ON....
       And the service elevator is intact.

       INT. ANTEROOM - CONTINUOUS

       Helen steps through and embraces Calvin joyfully.  The
       old folks break into a dance as Adam enters.

                           ADAM
                 Well, do we just go on up?!

                           CALVIN
                     (quickly back to business,
                      and way too dramatic)
                 No, son! We wait for night.  Now...is
                 precisely when... we must be at our...
                 most cautious.

                           HELEN
                     (barely a whisper, but
                      definitely tired of his
                      B.S.)
                 Oh, shit.

       Helen's eyes widen and her hand flies up to her mouth.
       She is just as shocked as Calvin.

                           CALVIN
                 Helen-Thomas-Webber!  Maybe we have
                 been down here a little too long!
                     (to Adam)
                 Please excuse her French.

                           ADAM
                 Shit is a French word?

                           HELEN
                 Yes, yes it is!

                           CALVIN
                 It's an archaic colloquialism, roughly
                 meaning..."good".

                           HELEN
                 Yes! That's right!

                           ADAM
                 Oh.
                     (then)
                 Well...then...shit!

       There is a pause, then:

                           CALVIN
                 C'est bon, Monsieur.

                           ADAM
                 Merci!

       SCENE 71 OMITTED



       EXT. THE MALT SHOP - NIGHT

       Cars flash by in a rare L.A. DOWNPOUR.  All that's left
       of Mom's is an EMPTY BUILDING with a painted-out front
       window and a "For Sale or Rent" sign.  There's ANOTHER
       SHOP attached to it CAMERA RIGHT but we can't see what it
       is.  The alley way on the left has always been there.

       INT. MALT SHOP - CONTINUOUS

       TWO DRUNK BUMS are sharing a bottle. One of them is the
       Soda Jerk, now a  dissipated middle-aged man (with a
       tattoo on his forehead.)

                           SODA JERK
                 ...all of these things...Alcoholics
                 Anonymous...Cocaine Anonymous...Heroin
                 Anonymous.

                           OTHER BUM
                 There's a Heroin Anonymous?

                            SODA JERK
                 Shut up! All of these things... ask
                 you to believe in a power greater than
                 yourself! Some sort of God on High!
                 Well...I have lifted my eyes skyward a
                 time or two... and I have certainly
                 not seen anything coming from up there
                 except a goddamn airplane -- that I
                 can't afford to get on!

       The cement FLOOR of the old Malt Shop begins to QUIVER
       AND RUMBLE.

                           OTHER BUM
                 Earthquake!  Another earthquake!

                           SODA JERK
                 Let her come!  Let's get this over
                 with!  And please, if there is a God,
                 let it be worse in Bel Air!!

       The Other Bum staggers to his feet and SPLITS for a back
       window.  Soda Jerk is fearless.  Until finally the
       HYDRAULIC DOORS of the back entrance SPLIT THE FLOOR with
       an eerie, struggling whine and LARGE CHUNKS OF CEMENT GO
       FLYING.  Then up comes RED SUBMARINE LIGHT followed by
       Calvin in his BIG YELLOW SUIT with Geiger counter
       ticking.

                           SODA JERK
                 Oh, God!  Oh, God!!  Oh,God, save me!!
                 For I have seen the light!!

       Calvin raises his hand and yells through his mask.

                           CALVIN
                 I come in peace!!

       The Soda Jerk FAINTS. Calvin, sounding like a deep sea
       diver and having to walk like Frankenstein, goes over to
       the Soda Jerk and studies his face in the light of his
       flashlight.  He is horrified by what he sees.

                           CALVIN
                 My, gosh...

       Calvin looks around the room and heads for the back.  He
       moves his Geiger counter around and gets a quiet (safe)
       reading. Then he removes a KITCHEN MATCH from a plastic
       container and strikes it against the wall.  The MATCH
       BURNS, so Calvin takes off his hood and visor and
       breathes the air.  It stinks in there.

       EXT. MALT SHOP - MOMENTS LATER, RAINING

       Calvin (out of the head gear and top of the suit) slowly
       pushes the door open and steps out. He's surprised to
       find an empty BODY SHOP behind the Malt Shop, where the
       avocado trees should be.

                           CALVIN
                 Where is my backyard?

       He points his flashlight around and heads for the ALLEY
       to his left.

       EXT. ALLEY - A MOMENT LATER, RAINING

       DERELICT CARS left over from the Body Shop sit against a
       fence. Calvin marvels at the cars, even in their present
       condition.  In a TIGHTER SHOT he studies the chrome-
       plated word "Toyota."   A HOMELESS MAN arrives to search
       through the garbage. Calvin hurries back towards the
       avenue.

       SCENE 76 OMITTED

       EXT. MALT SHOP - TEN MINUTES LATER, RAIN

       Calvin emerges from the alley that separates the Malt
       Shop from another storefront (perhaps now a rundown Thai
       restaurant.)

       CLOSER ON HIM

       watching the cars fly by on the wet avenue.  Suddenly, a
       cross-dressing STREET WALKER steps up to him with a
       cigarette.

                           STREET WALKER
                 You got a light, honey?

                           CALVIN
                 What?!  A light!  Yes, I've got a
                 light!

                           STREET WALKER
                 Good.

       Fumbling, he finally gets her little cigar lighted with
       one of his kitchen matches.

                           CALVIN
                 So...you...survived the blast, did
                 you?

                           STREET WALKER
                 The blast?  Honey, I have survived a
                 host of things. Like the song says: "A
                 country boy can survive!"

                           CALVIN
                 Yes, yes, the song.  So tell me...has
                 it been...hell up here?

                           STREET WALKER
                 "Hell up here?"  Honey, it's been hell
                 up here, down there and over yonder!
                 Hell everywhere.

                           CALVIN
                 Yes, I can tell that just looking
                 around.
                 		(then)
                 "Boy?"  Did you say you were a
                 "country boy?"

                           STREET WALKER
                 Cute Little Old Man, if you want a
                 boy, I can be a boy.  And if you want
                 a girl, I can be a girl.  I can be
                 anything you want me to be!

                           CALVIN
                 Really?

                           STREET WALKER
                 Uh-huh. And it's all yours for the
                 remarkably low price of only $200!
                 And if you act now, I might even throw
                 in some free lawn furniture.

                           CALVIN
                     (stumbling away from her)
                 No, I can't.  I'm sorry!  I have to
                 go!  I have to...

       He breaks into a trot, heading up the street past a seedy
       BAR (used to be the convenience store) just as a
       hopelessly DRUNK HAG of a woman is shoved out and told to
       stay out.  Calvin watches as the woman stumbles to the
       curb where she TOSSES her cookies.  TWO LOW RIDERS HOP BY
       full of TAUNTING YOUNG HISPANIC GANG MEMBERS, one of whom
       BRANDISHES A PISTOL and, just for fun, points it at
       Calvin.  When Calvin sees the pistol he ducks into the
       ADULT BOOKSTORE. The young gang member pulls the trigger
       and we (not Calvin) see that the realistic-looking pistol
       is really a water gun.

       INT. ADULT BOOK AND VIDEO STORE

       Calvin races in and, gathering himself, addresses the
       PAKISTANI MAN behind the counter.

                           CALVIN
                 Hello!  How are you this evening?!
                 Mind if I, you know, browse around?!

       The clerk just watches him.

                           CALVIN
                 Thank-Q very much!

       Then Calvin turns and has his first look at the
       material...and he GRABS HIS HEART and SCREAMS and FALLS
       back KNOCKING OVER a whole ROW OF VIDEOS AND MAGAZINES.

       INT. SHELTER, KITCHEN - AN HOUR LATER

       Calvin sits at the breakfast table, still breathing hard
       and holding his chest.  His family looks on with great
       concern.  The anti-radiation suit and gear is piled in
       the corner.

                           CALVIN
                 I'm going to give it to you straight.
                 There's no point in beating around the
                 bush. There were survivors.
                 Apparently,
                 the fallout has created....a
                 subspecies of mutants.

                           HELEN
                 Mutants?!

                           CALVIN
                 It's not a pretty sight. Some eat out
                 of garbage cans.  Others are...cover
                 your ears, Son, and hum.  I mean that
                 literally and I mean right now!

       ADAM covers his ears and hums.

                           CALVIN
                 Others are...multi-sexual.  It
                 seems...they can be both masculine and
                 feminine...simultaneously.

                           HELEN
                 No.

                           CALVIN
                 Yes.

                           HELEN
                 I don't believe it!

       Helen copes by moving around the kitchen doing things
       that don't need to be done.


                           CALVIN
                 Believe it. He tried to sell me his
                 body, Helen.
                 		(beat)
                 They offer lawn furniture as a come
                 on!

       She slumps, then resumes her needless activity.  Calvin
       takes Adam's arm and the son drops his hands and stops
       humming.

                           CALVIN
                 They've done a lot of re-building but
                 society, at least as we knew it, has
                 utterly collapsed. People throw up in
                 the streets. Others point guns.
                 There's something terribly wrong with
                 the automobiles and...and I...I can't
                 tell you the rest.  I just can't.

                           HELEN
                 Oh my. Oh,my, oh my, oh, my. So,
                 what do we do now?

                           CALVIN
                 We stay down here.

                           HELEN
                 We do?

                           CALVIN
                 Yes.

                           HELEN
                 Excuse me.

       She hurries into the living room.

       INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

       Helen let's out a silent scream, then hurries back into
       the kitchen.

       INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS



                           HELEN
                 For how long?  We've just about run
                 out of everything!

                           CALVIN
                 We'll make do.  I'm of the opinion
                 that these mutants will eventually
                 kill each other off and then--

                           HELEN
                     (rising)
                 No, Calvin.  We're not going to make
                 do.  Not me!  Not Adam.  We're going
                 up no matter what!  We deserve it.
                 Even if it's terrible!

                           CALVIN
                 Well, I am the head of this household--

                           HELEN
                 I want him to at least see the sky!

                           CALVIN
                 --and we will--

                           HELEN
                 And the ocean!  A mountain range!

                           CALVIN
                 --do as I say!

       Breathing heavily, Calvin suddenly clutches at his chest
       in great pain and collapses.

                           ADAM
                 Dad!

                           HELEN
                 Oh, no! Oh, my goodness!   Let's get
                 him into the bedroom.

       INT. HALLWAY - HOURS LATER

       Adam paces.  Then Helen comes out.  Behind her, we can
       see Calvin sleeping in his bed. She heads for the living
       room. He follows.

                           HELEN
                 He seems to be doing all right now.  I
                 don't know if he's had a heart attack
                 or just... a horrifying experience.
                 But we  need supplies and I've got to
                 stay with him.

                           ADAM
                 I'll go up.

       They go through the living room and cross to the patio.

                           HELEN
                 I'm afraid you've got to.

                           ADAM
                 I'll be all right.

                           HELEN
                     (patting his cheek)
                 You're my brave boy.



       Helen hands him a pencil and pad. Adam follows her to the
       fish farm.

                           HELEN
                 Just act normal.  If anybody asks,
                 simply say you're from out-of-town,
                 and that you're in town on business.
                 Write that down.

       He does.

                           HELEN (cont'd)
                 I'm going to give you a shopping list
                 and some money.  We need just enough
                 things to get us through the next year
                 or two.  And you'll find most of these
                 items at what used to be called a
                 grocery store or a hardware store.
                 Write that down.

                           ADAM
                 Yes, ma'am.

       At the fish tank, Helen pulls up a slim chain that is
       attached to a water-tight aluminum box which she quickly
       opens. The box contains $6,000 in wrapped one hundred
       dollar bills. Helen takes half of it.

                           HELEN
                 I don't know how far you'll have to
                 travel to find supplies, but if you
                 can't get home by nightfall, I want
                 you to look for something called a
                 Holiday Inn. Write that down. It's a
                 hotel. There might still be one
                 standing.

                           ADAM
                 Yes, ma'am.


                           HELEN
                 Let's get you packed.

       She heads back for the house. He follows.

                           ADAM
                 Right.

                           HELEN
                     (indicating money)
                 I just hope this is still good up
                 there.

                           ADAM
                 Mom?


                           HELEN
                 Yes?

                           ADAM
                 I was thinking that, uh...you know,
                 while I was up there and all...that
                 maybe I could, you know...try to meet
                 a girl.  I've, been thinking about
                 that a little...just these
                 last...fifteen years or so.

       They have stopped by the garden.


                           HELEN
                 Oh, Adam,that would be wonderful if
                 you could find a girl. One who's not a
                 mutant...and hopefully comes from
                 Pasadena. Nothing against Valley
                 girls,
                 but in my day anyhow, the girls from
                 Pasadena, I don't know...always just
                 seemed a little nicer.

                           ADAM
                 Yes, ma'am.

       They hug.

                           HELEN
                 Oh, there's also a thing called a
                 liquor store. Write that down.

       INT. ADAM'S ROOM - AN HOUR LATER

       He is packing. He looks at his cigar box and opens it. He
       studies the contents: The Cards, stock certificates, and
       an old photo of his parents. He decides to pack the box.
       Helen enters with a long shopping list.

                           HELEN
                 Here's the shopping list and $3,000
                 which should take care of everything.

                           ADAM
                 Yes, ma'am.

                           HELEN
                 Your father has a few final words for
                 you. You know, he'd fight a buzz saw
                 for you - he loves you so much. We
                 both do.

                           ADAM
                 Heck, I know that mom! You're my
                 parents.

       INT. MASTER BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

       Adam sets down his suitcase and goes to his father's bed.
       He sits. At the door, Helen dries her eyes with her
       apron.  Calvin indicates that he wants to whisper to
       Adam, who drops his ear close to his father's lips.

                           CALVIN
                 Adam...don't forget...don't forget ...

                           ADAM
                 Yes, father?! Yes?

                           CALVIN
                 ...the pipe tobacco.

                           ADAM
                 Yes, sir.  Is that all?

       Calvin nods. Adam rises and starts for the door. But
       Calvin remembers something and beckons him back to speak
       weakly into his son's ear.

                           CALVIN
                 Also...stay out of the "Adult
                 Bookstore."

                           ADAM
                 Adult Bookstore.  Why?

                           CALVIN
                 Poison gas. Invisible. Don't forget.

                           ADAM
                 I promise. Is that all?

                           CALVIN
                 One more thing. If you find a healthy
                 young woman, bring her back with you.

                           ADAM
                 I'll try.

       And then Calvin closes his eyes and sleeps.

       INT. MALT SHOP - SAME DAY

       The Soda Jerk has turned the rear exit into a religious
       shrine.  He's put flowers and candles and costume jewelry
       and religious icons (from all the Majors) on top of and
       around the broken cement.  Currently he's on his knees,
       rocking back and forth as he prays.

       And,lo! There came a rumbling even as from the very
       bowels of the earth and a great light showed forth
       followed by gates of armor which opened and shut and
       delivered up the vision of a young man whose countenance
       caused the Soda Jerk to be struck dumb and to fall on his
       face and to weep in fear.  And, Adam, taking pity on the
       man, put down his suitcase, and went to him, saying:

                           ADAM
                 Are you all right?

                           SODA JERK
                 Yes!  Yes!  Oh, Lord!  Yes, oh, yes!
                 But  where is the one who came last
                 night -- all in yellow?!

                           ADAM
                 All in yellow?  Oh!  That was my
                 father!

                           SODA JERK
                 Ooooohhhh!!  Of course! The father!
                 Forgive me!!  Can you forgive me for
                 my wasted life?!  Everything has been
                 so awful!!

                           ADAM
                     (comforting him)
                 I know it has been terrible.  But it
                 wasn't your fault. And now all the
                 decay is over with and things are
                 going to get better. You understand?

                           SODA JERK
                 Yes.

                           ADAM
                 I've got to go, now.

                           SODA JERK
                 Of course you do.  I'll stay here and
                 pray.

                           ADAM
                     (picking up his suitcase)
                 That's always a good idea! Would you
                 like some money? I have a great deal
                 of it.

                           SODA JERK
                 No. I don't need money anymore -- I
                 see that now.

                           ADAM
                 How do I leave here?

                           SODA JERK
                 The front door is open.  Will you be
                 back?

                           ADAM
                 I promise.

       Adam turns and leaves. The Soda Jerk falls to his knees
       and shakes all over.

       EXT. MALT SHOP - CONTINUOUS

       Adam steps out onto the sidewalk and sunlight falls on
       him much brighter than anything he has ever seen.  He
       looks at it on the arm of his coat and then, slowly, he
       looks up at the sky.

       INTERCUT - LOVELY CLOUDS AND BLUE SKY

       And now it is Adam who is dumbstruck. BYSTANDER #1
       appears and sees Adam looking up.

                           BYSTANDER #1
                 What?  What is it?!

                           ADAM
                 The sky!!!

                           BYSTANDER #1
                 The sky?  Where?

                           ADAM
                     (pointing)
                 Up there!!

                           BYSTANDER #1
                 I don't see anything!

                           ADAM
                 Just look!!

       Adam becomes momentarily interested in a parking meter.

       A MOTHER and her CHILD approach from the other direction.

                           WOMAN
                 What is it!

                           BYSTANDER #1
                     (pointing)
                 He sees something.

                           MOTHER
                 What?

                           CHILD
                 I see it, mommy!

                           BYSTANDER #2
                 Where?!


       Several more people are drawn over. A CONVERTIBLE goes by
       in the foreground with passengers who are looking up.

                           WOMAN
                 What is it?

                           ADAM
                 I have never in my life seen anything
                 like this!!!! Nothing even comes
                 close!!

       Adam continues down the sidewalk,looking up. A BLACK
       WOMAN POSTAL WORKER passes by.

                           POSTAL WORKER
                 Whatcha looking at?

                           ADAM
                 Oh, my holy stars! A Negro!

                           POSTAL WORKER
                     (with attitude)
                 Say what?!

                           ADAM
                     (offering his hand)
                 How do you do, ma'am.

                           POSTAL WORKER
                     (leary, but taking his hand)
                 I do alright.

                           ADAM
                 Good!

       The Pakistani exits the Adult Bookstore.


                           PAKISTANI
                 What is it?!  What do you see?!

       When Adam looks down to answer the man he sees the "Adult
       Bookstore" sign.

                           ADAM
                 Oh, no!

                           PAKISTANI
                 What?!

                           ADAM
                 Poisonous gas!!  Run for your life,
                 it's invisible poisonous gas!!!

       And everyone does run away, including Adam. The avenue is
       left totally deserted.



       INT. KITCHEN NOOK - SAME DAY

       Helen sits sipping tea, deep in thoughts of concern for
       Adam. Behind her Calvin appears in the open window.

                           CALVIN
                 You know--

       Helen is so startled she knocks the tea all over the
       place.

                           CALVIN (cont'd)
                 I just wanted to say that I think he's
                 going to be just fine.

                           HELEN
                     (holding her heart)
                 Thank you, Calvin. Thank you very
                 much.

       Calvin leaves, then comes back.

                           CALVIN
                 He's smart.

                           HELEN
                 Yes, dear, I know.



       SCENE 85A OMITTED


       EXT. CORNER BUS STOP - AFTERNOON, SAME DAY

       An L.A. bus comes directly at CAMERA.



       ANGLE - THE DRIVER

       is startled. He reacts.

       ANGLE - DRIVER'S FOOT

       slamming down the brake pedal.

       ANGLE - ADAM

       in profile. The braking bus stops an inch from his nose.
       Adam smiles. (Have him head for bus door in this angle.)

       ANGLE - THE DRIVER

       from over Adam. He is in shock.



       INT. BUS - A MOMENT LATER

       Start on a MOVING STEADY CAM SHOT on Adam's POV of bus
       passengers as he heads for a seat. The passengers look at
       him in amazement and some fear.

       ANGLE - ADAM

       going to his seat; smiling at the passengers. (He is
       carrying a $100 bill.)

                           ADAM
                 Hello! Hi. Good afternoon! Howdy.

       Adam finds a seat next to a heavily perspiring young
       PSYCHO HEROIN ADDICT.

       ANOTHER ANGLE OF THEM

       Adam shows the Psycho the $100 bill.

                           ADAM
                 I tried to give the driver this but he
                 wouldn't take it. He seems angry. A
                 lot of people do.

       The bus pulls out. It gets up to about twenty miles an
       hour.

                           ADAM (cont'd)
                 Oh, boy! Here we go! We're moving!
                 Wow.

       INTERCUT: PASSENGERS

       looking back at Adam with concern.

                           ADAM (CONT'D)

                 So this is public transportation. My
                 Dad says that it becomes more and more
                 important because of pollution --
                 which is more and more carbon dioxide
                 and other hazardous gases in the air.
                     (then, confidentially)
                 Do you have a gun, by the way?

       The increasingly nervous Psycho looks around, then nods
       that he does.

                           ADAM (cont'd)
                 Well, thanks for not waving it around.
                 And for not vomitting, for that
                 matter. Wow, we're really flying. Say,
                 do you know where I could find a
                 grocery store?

       The psycho shakes his head.

                           ADAM (cont'd)
                 I have to find that. And a hardware
                 store  and a liquour store and a
                 standing Holiday Inn. Although, I may
                 not need the Holiday Inn. That's still
                 kind of up in the air. It depends
                 really on how things go.

                           PSYCHO
                     (pointing)
                 There's a grocery store coming up.

                           ADAM
                 Thank-Q!
                     (jumping up)
                 Driver! Please stop the bus
                 immediately! I have to get off!
                     (then an aside to the psycho)
                 Do you think I should get a gun?

                           PSYCHO
                 I don't know...maybe.

                           ADAM
                     (back to driver)
                 Driver! Please stop, sir!

       INTERCUT - DRIVER IN THE REAR VIEW

       He's not going to stop until he wants to stop.

       ANGLE - OLD JEWISH COUPLE PASSENGERS.

       who are anxious for Adam to leave.

                           OLD JEWISH MAN
                 For the love of God! Let him off the
                 bus!! Can't you see he's meshugina!

       Adam leans in close to the OLD MAN.

                           ADAM
                 I'm sorry, what did you call me?

       The man and his wife take that the wrong way and start to
       scream.

       ANGLE - THE DRIVER'S FOOT

       hitting the brakes.

       EXT.- BUS

       stopping suddenly. Through the windows we see Adam go
       down.

       INT. BUS - CONTINUOUS

       The back door opens as Adam gets up.

                           ADAM
                 Thank you, driver! Good-bye, everyone!

       Adam exits the bus. Everyone, including the Psycho,
       heaves a huge sign of relief.

       INT. SUPER MARKET - MINUTES LATER

       Adam enters and (after getting over the automatic doors
       and the check-out technology) is overwhelmed by the
       magnificence of the postmodern California supermarket.
       The check-out counters alone are amazing. Seeing others
       do it, he takes a cart, placing his suitcase in it.

       INT. BAKERY COUNTER

       Adam passes the baked goods, paying particular attention
       to the elaborate birthday cakes.

                           ADAM
                 Is that a birthday cake?!

                           CLERK
                 Yes, it is.

                           ADAM
                 Gee-ma-nee!

       Adam leaves. The clerk turns to a fellow worker.

                           CLERK
                 Bakersfield.

       INT. AISLE

       Adam marvels at the abundance and variety. He passes a
       mother whose child is riding in the cart and that reminds
       him of his own mom -- when she used to let him ride that
       way.  Then he is surprised to see a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE so
       casually dressed in public. She (overweight) is in an
       unfortunate terrycloth halter-shorts combination.  He
       (hirsute) is in a sleeveless undershirt and baggy bathing
       trunks.

                           ADAM
                     (to himself)
                 My first mutants.

       INT. FRESH PRODUCE

       Adam picks up one of those huge California cucumbers that
       always amaze Easterners.  He shows it to the JAPANESE-
       AMERICAN CLERK.

                           ADAM
                 Is this because of the radiation?

                           CLERK
                 What?

                           ADAM
                 Nothing.

       INT. MEAT COUNTER

       Adam is looking at the live lobsters as a BUTCHER steps
       up.

                           BUTCHER
                 Help you?

                           ADAM
                 Yes, please.
                     (consulting his Mom's list)
                 I'm looking for all beef patties.



                           BUTCHER
                 Fresh or frozen?

       Adam chuckles because he thinks the man is kidding.

                           ADAM
                 Come on. Frozen. How much are they?

                           BUTCHER
                 Frozen, they're six-thirty a dozen in
                 the three pound box.

                           ADAM
                 Then I'll need, twelve into nine
                 hundred, seventy-five boxes. And
                 that's almost...five hundred dollars
                 just for the hamburger! And my Mom
                 only gave me three thousand dollars
                 for everything! The yacht batteries!
                 The diesel oil! The birthday candles!

                           BUTCHER
                 You could have a meat order that big
                 delivered to your home.

                           ADAM

                 Really?!

                           BUTCHER
                 Sure.

                           ADAM
                 Well, that's great then!
                 Terrific...except...it just occurred
                 to me. I don't know where I live! I'm
                 lost! I don't know where home is!
                     (then)
                 Would you excuse me?

                           BUTCHER
                 Gladly.

       Adam hurries away.



       SCENE 93 OMITTED

       SCENE 94 OMITTED



       A MONTAGE

       of Adam on another bus. He looks frantically out the
       window. We see his POV of shops and stores and people. At
       one point he sees two women joggers which he wonders
       about. Then he sees two men arguing violently. Gradually
       late day turns to night and Adam becomes more and more
       depressed. Then he sees something. He is elated. He jumps
       up and tells the driver:

                           ADAM
                 Driver! Stop this bus immediately!
                 Please sir!!

       EXT. - VENTURA BLVD - NIGHT

       The bus stops mid-block and Adam gets off. He crosses the
       street causing only one car to hit the brakes. On the
       other side of the avenue we see what has gotten his
       attention. It's an ADULT BOOKSTORE much like the last one
       we saw (probably owned by the same chain.) He's happy but
       when he looks next door he sees he's in a different
       place. Sad and lost he turns north and starts to walk
       until -- a billboard catches his attention. We pan up to
       see a billboard for liposuction that features an almost
       NUDE WOMAN. Adam is struck by the image and we spend some
       time cutting between him and it. Then gathering himself
       he turns and begins to walk south.

       ANOTHER ANGLE

       of him as he passes a BODY PIERCING STORE and wonders
       about that. Then he sees something that blows his mind.

       WIDER ANGLE

       of a STRAY DOG passing by. Adam reacts.

                           ADAM
                 Oh my. Oh, my goodness gracious! Oh,
                 my...Oh. That is so great!! Man alive!

       ANGLE - CU OF BASEBALL CARDS STORE WINDOW



       A sign says: COMIC BOOKS & BASEBALL CARDS BOUGHT, SOLD &
       TRADED.

       INT. CARD AND COMIC STORE - MOMENTS LATER

       Adam enters with his suitcase in one hand and his cigar
       box in the other.  He steps up to the counter where the
       owner (JERRY) sits reading the newspaper. He has a
       fondness for Navajo jewelry.

                           ADAM
                 Hello.

                           JERRY
                     (gives him a look, then goes
                      back to reading)
                 Hi.

       A YOUNG WOMAN enters from the back of the store and goes
       to another counter.  Neither man notices.

                           ADAM
                 The name is Adam Webber and I see you
                 buy baseball cards and although these
                 are a lot older than the ones in the
                 window, I was hoping you still might
                 be interested.

       He flips open the cigar box to reveal to Jerry riches
       beyond his wildest dreams.  Jerry actually moans and then
       must pretend the moan was a cough.

                           JERRY
                 How--how much do you want for the
                 Mickey Mantle, rookie season?

                           ADAM
                 I was thinking of selling all the
                 cards.

                           JERRY
                 Really? No kidding?

       He reaches in and looks through the cards.

                           ADAM
                 See, my problem is, all I have are
                 hundred dollar bills and I need
                 something smaller.  Ones, fives, tens.
                 Like that.

                           JERRY
                 I see what ya mean. Tell you
                 what...I'll give you five hundred
                 dollars in small bills for the whole
                 box.

                           ADAM
                 Oh, that would be wonderful!

                           JERRY
                 Well, we're here to help!

       A woman steps into the shot. She has come from the back
       of the store and her back is momentarily to us.

                           EVE (OC)
                 Oh, shit!

       Adam turns to her and is immediately awe struck. We
       reveal EVE RUSTOKOV. She tosses her lipstick into her
       purse. Eve works in the card shop and is on her way out.


                           JERRY
                 I'm workin' here, Evey-poo.  Don't
                 screw me up.


                           ADAM
                 Bon soir, mademoiselle!

                           EVE
                 Are you French?

                           ADAM
                 No.
                     (then, thinking fast)
                 I'm from out of town.
                     (then sensing the need for
                      further clarification)
                 I'm here on business.

                           EVE
                 Well, your business must not be sports
                 memorabilia, because this one Mantle
                 card right here--
                     (holds up a card)
                 --is worth six thousand dollars all by
                 its little self.


                           ADAM
                 Get out of here!

                           EVE
                 No, you get out of here.

       She closes his cigar box and gives it to him.




                           JERRY
                 Terrific...you're fired! You know
                 that?!



                           EVE
                 No, ferry--excuse me, Jerry, I quit.

       She walks back to the counter to get her coat.

                           JERRY
                 Oh, no! I fired ya! Just like the hair
                 salon guy and the Chevy dealer!  You
                 know why you can't keep a goddamn
                 job?!  Because you can't keep your
                 goddamn mouth shut!  That's why!

       Jerry is surprised when Adam suddenly takes his arm
       firmly.

                           ADAM
                 Sir? I would really appreciate it if
                 you wouldn't take the Lord's name in
                 vain again.

                           JERRY
                     (looking at Adam's hand)
                 Oh, you got a problem with that?


                           ADAM
                 I have a big problem with that.

       Eve sees a fist fight coming. She takes Adam by the arm.



                           EVE
                 Come on, Heathcliff, I'll walk you to
                 the corner.

                           ADAM
                 Yes, ma'am.  But my name is Adam.



                           EVE
                 Just come on.

       They head for the door and exit.

                           JERRY
                 Hah!  Adam and Eve!  The perfect
                 match!  I hope you two will be very
                 happy together!  Mazel-fuckin'-tov!
                 Don't try coming back, Ms. Big Shot!
                 I'm serious this time! You're finished
                 in the hobby business! Take that to
                 the bank, why don'tcha!

       Adam re-enters.

                           ADAM
                 I didn't want to leave without saying
                 how much I admire your jewelry.

                           JERRY
                 Hey, smart ass, how 'bout I kick your
                 butt?

       Adam walks towards the man smiling.

                           ADAM
                 How 'bout you what?

       Jerry takes a nervous step backwards, but Eve steps back
       in and pulls Adam out.

                           EVE
                 I said come on!



       Adam exits. Jerry doesn't know what to say.

       EXT. CARD STORE - NIGHT

       They exit the store.

                           ADAM
                 Where are we going?

                           EVE
                 We? I'm going home. And, judging by
                 that coat, I'd say you have to get
                 back to the barber college.

                           ADAM
                 No, I'm lost.

                           EVE
                 You're lost?

                           ADAM
                 Say,...did you just lose your job
                 because of me?

                           EVE
                 Forget it.  I'm sick of working for
                 that dickhead.

                           ADAM
                 Dickhead?

                           EVE
                 A walking penis capable of intelligent
                 speech.  A dickhead.

       A mental picture of that causes Adam to slump against a
       store window and drop his box of cards.

                           EVE
                 What's wrong with you?

                           ADAM
                 I just had a mental picture of...

                           EVE
                 Here, pick these up!

       Together they pick up the cards.

                           EVE (cont'd)
                 Where are you parked?

                           ADAM
                 I came on a bus.

                           EVE
                 Why doesn't that surprise me?

                           ADAM
                 I don't know. Why doesn't it?

       They rise.

                           EVE
                 Well, I guess because I'm a little
                 psychic...I have this thing.

                           ADAM
                 Oh, that's nice.

                           EVE
                 Let me guess something. This is your
                 first visit to La La Land. You're
                 staying somewhere over in Hollywood
                 because, like an idiot, you thought
                 that would be an exciting place to
                 stay.  Right so far?



                           ADAM
                     (could be a question, could
                      be an answer.)
                 So far?

                           EVE
                 Yes, I'm right?

                           ADAM
                 Right.

                           EVE
                 I knew it! So anyhow, you get on a bus
                 and before you know it, you're out
                 here in the San Fernando Valley
                 without a clue.  Which brings us to
                 here.  Correct again?

                           ADAM
                 Again.

                           EVE
                 Where are you staying? The Holiday
                 Inn?

                           ADAM
                 Yes! Yes! The Holiday Inn! That's
                 exactly right!

                           EVE
                 See? I'm psychic. Not completely, but
                 pretty much. That was pretty good,
                 wasn't it?!

                           ADAM
                 It was amazing.

                           EVE
                 Yeah. Thanks. Anyhow, let me predict a
                 bus for you to get on.

                           ADAM
                 Do you own a car?

                           EVE
                 I'm not taking you there, Sweetie.
                 Rule Number One in North America: No
                 strangers in the car.

                           ADAM
                 If it will make you feel any better, I
                 don't have a gun.

                           EVE
                 You don't?

                           ADAM
                 Nope.

                           EVE
                 Well, that changes everything. Get the
                 fuck away from me!!  I mean it!!

       She races around the corner.  He goes after her.

                           ADAM
                 I'm sorry!  I said something wrong,
                 didn't I!  Please forgive me!

                           EVE
                 Get away from me!!

       She runs into a parking lot.  He follows.

                           ADAM
                 Wait! Please wait!  I'll make a deal
                 with you!  I'll give you a Rogers
                 Hornsby, if you'll take me to the
                 hotel!

                           EVE
                 Rogers Hornsby?!?

                           ADAM
                 He's all yours. I was holding him
                 back.

       Adam takes a Hornsby card from his coat pocket and shows
       it to her.

                           EVE
                 Rogers Hornsby's worth like four
                 thousand dollars!

                           ADAM
                 So what?!  I've got two of him!
                 		(removing more cards from his
                 		 pocket)
                 And this many DiMaggios and Robinsons.
                 I was holding these out, too.

       She arrives at her car (dirty GEO) and anxiously unlocks
       the driver's door.

                           EVE
                 So for four thousand dollars, all I
                 have to do is drive you to your hotel?

                           ADAM
                 Yes.

                           EVE
                 And that's it?

                           ADAM
                 Yes.

                           EVE
                 I don't have to take a physical in
                 your space ship?

                           ADAM
                 Heck, no!  What?!

                           EVE
                 Okay.  What the hell?  You got a deal.
                 Get in.

       She gets in. He gets in the back seat behind her.

                           EVE (cont'd)
                 The front seat!

       He runs around to the front while Eve chats with herself.

                           EVE (cont'd)
                 Why am I doing this? What in the hell
                 is wrong with me? That's what I'd like
                 to know.



       SCENE 99 OMITTED



       EXT. HOLLYWOOD FREEWAY - MINUTES LATER

       Traffic is moving at fifteen miles an hour. The dash
       lights fascinate him but the car scares him.  She notices
       that he is gripping the seat belt for dear life.

                           EVE
                 So...Mister Andretti, your first time
                 on the freeway?

                           ADAM
                 It's Webber.  Adam Webber.

                           EVE
                 Mind if I change the station?
                 Better traffic reports on AM.

       She switches over to AM and runs by a Perry Como record,
       "Round and Round", looking for traffic.

                           ADAM
                 Wait!  Wait!

                           EVE
                 What is it?!

                           ADAM
                 It's Perry!

                           EVE
                 Perry?

                           ADAM
                 Perry Como!  You had him!  Go back!
                 Go back!

                           EVE
                 Okay, okay!  Take it easy!

       She gets Perry.

                           EVE
                 How's that?

                           ADAM
                     (star-struck)
                 Oh, I could die...

                           EVE
                 Over this?

                           ADAM
                 Yeah! Listen to this part. This is
                 where it really takes off!

                           EVE
                 You are one scary son-of-a-gun.




       EXT. FREEWAY

       Eve's car splits for the exit ramp.

       INT. EVE'S CAR

       The sudden speed scares Adam.

                           ADAM
                 Hey, what are you doing?!

                           EVE
                 I know a short-cut.

       EXT. OFF RAMP

       She comes off, catches the light and whips onto the
       surface street, tires squealing.

       INT. CAR

       Adam is hanging onto his seat belt. Eve puts the pedal to
       the metal.

                           ADAM
                 Gee-zooie!!  You better slow down!!!

                           EVE
                 I can't help it. Perry Como always
                 does this to me! I just get so
                 cranked!

       She turns Perry way up.

       EXT. AVENUE

       Eve does a dandy job of trading lanes and passing.  The
       little Geo's engine screams. Adam's sort of getting into
       it.

       EXT. HOLLYWOOD HOLIDAY INN - TEN MINUTES LATER

       The Geo flies up to a quick stop.

       INT. CAR

       Eve turns to Adam, who has had A Life Experience.

                           EVE
                 Card, please.  End of service.

       He hands over the card like someone in a post-sex stupor.

                           ADAM
                 That was...wonderful!  I've never felt
                 anything like that in my life.

                           EVE
                 Yeah, same here. Don't forget your
                 suitcase.

                           ADAM
                 Right.

       He gets out with the suitcase, and after shutting the
       door leans down to speak to her.

                           ADAM
                 You know--

       She tears off, leaving him there.

       INT. HOTEL REGISTRATION - MINUTES LATER

       Adam addresses the clerk.

                           ADAM
                 Good evening. I want to stay at this
                 hotel.

                           CLERK
                 Fill this out please. And I'll need a
                 card.

                           ADAM
                 A card?

                           CLERK
                 Yes, sir.

                           ADAM
                 Of course!

       Adam gives him a baseball card.

       INT. HOTEL ROOM - LATER SAME NIGHT

       A BELLBOY ushers Adam in and sets down his bag.

                           BELLBOY
                 Bathroom's there, TV's over there.
                 Remote's on top. Room Service menu is
                 on the table.

       Adam picks up the phone and listens.


                           BELLBOY (CONT'D)
                 You dial nine to get out.

                           ADAM
                     (beat, then)
                 Of what?

                           BELLBOY
                     (beat, then)
                 The hotel.

                           ADAM
                     (beat, then he hangs up)
                 I see.  Well, thank you very much.
                 You've been very, very nice.

       He offers two dollars.

                           ADAM (cont'd)
                 I was able to get some change
                 downstairs and my father taught me
                 that it's customary to tip in a
                 situation such as this.

                           BELLBOY
                 Thank you. Your father is a smart guy.

                           ADAM
                 My father is a genius.

                           BELLBOY
                 No kiddin'. Well...good night.

                           ADAM
                 Good night!  Sleep tight.  Don't let
                 the bedbugs bite!  That's what my Mom
                 always says...
                 		(choking up)
                 ...who I'm really beginning to miss.
                 I'm sorry.  It's my first night away
                 from home.

                           BELLBOY
                 How old are you?

                           ADAM
                 Thirty-five.

                           BELLBOY
                 You don't look thirty-five.

                           ADAM
                 How old do I look?

                           BELLBOY
                 Twenty-five? Around there.

                           ADAM
                 I guess living up here makes people
                 look older.

                           BELLBOY
                 Up here on the fifteenth floor?

                           ADAM
                     (catching himself)
                 Yes. Up here on the fifteenth floor.
                 Goodnight.

                           BELLBOY
                 Goodnight.

       Adam abruptly shuts the door in the man's face.
       He goes to the window and looks out. The height scares
       him to death. He jumps back.



       INT. SHELTER, DINNER TABLE - SAME TIME

       Adam's parents pray.

                           CALVIN
                 And Lord we ask finally that you send
                 an angel to look after and protect our
                 beloved son, Adam.  Amen.

                           HELEN
                 Amen.

       She begins to tear up and he pats her hand.

       INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAWN

       Adam sits by the window watching his first dawn.

       EXT. HOLIDAY INN - MORNING

       It's another bright, smoggy day.  And here comes Eve,
       marching from the parking garage to the hotel entrance.

                           EVE
                     (skyward)
                 What in the hell am I doing here?!
                 That's what I'd like to know! Somebody
                 tell me that.

       INT. FRONT DESK - MOMENTS LATER

       Eve is speaking to a DESK CLERK.

                           DESK CLERK
                 You don't have a last name?

                           EVE
                 All I know is that his first name is
                 Adam.  No!  Adam Webber!  That's it.

       INT. ADAM'S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

       He is seated on the bed, transfixed, watching a
       television commercial.The PHONE RINGS loudly.  Adam
       nearly jumps out of his skin.  After he figures out where
       the ringing is coming from, he answers the phone.

                           ADAM
                     (into phone, after a long
                      pause)
                 Yes?

       INT. LOBBY

       At the house phone.

                           EVE
                     (into phone)
                 Hi. This is the woman from the
                 baseball card store.  Remember me?

       INT. ADAM'S ROOM

       Boy, is he glad to hear from her!

                           ADAM
                 Yes!  Hello!  Hi!  Hot-diggity-dog!
                 Thank you for calling me on the
                 telephone!!

       INT. LOBBY

       Eve holds the receiver away from her for a moment.

                           EVE
                 Good grief. Hey listen, I'm in the
                 lobby.
                     (pause, then)
                 On the first floor! Where the hell
                 else would it be?


       INT. LOBBY, ELEVATORS - MOMENTS LATER

       The doors open and Adam hurries out, looking for Eve, who
       he sees and goes directly to, smiling all the while like
       a rumpled idiot.

                           ADAM
                 I am so glad to see you!!  I thought
                 I'd never see you again!

                           EVE
                 Okay, down boy. (holds up the baseball
                 card) I can't take this for driving
                 you home. I wish I could, but I can't.
                 So here, take it back. I could have
                 just left it for you at the desk, but
                 it's very valuable. Now take it.

                           ADAM
                 I can't, it's yours.

                           EVE
                 Take it. damn it!

                           ADAM
                     (with hand over his mouth)
                 Okay.

       He takes the card.

                           EVE
                 Why are you doing that?

                           ADAM
                 I haven't brushed yet.

                           EVE
                 Oh. Okay. Well, so long. Enjoy your
                 visit.


       She heads for the front door.  He goes after her.

                           ADAM
                 Wait, Eve, please!  Wait.

                           EVE
                 Please don't follow me.  Don't do it!

       EXT. HOTEL - DAY

       They exit.

                           EVE
                 I knew this would happen!  You're like
                 a lost puppy!

                           ADAM
                 Can't you please just talk to me for
                 one second?

                           EVE
                 Okay!  Damn!

       She stops, he stops.

                           EVE (CONT'D)
                 I should have taken the money and run!
                 That's what Troy told me to do!  But
                 do I listen?  No! Put your hand down!

       He does.

                           ADAM
                 Troy? Is he your husband? Or a
                 boyfriend?

                           EVE
                 No.

                           ADAM
                     (eyes to heaven)
                 Thank-Q!

                           EVE
                 Oh, stop that!  God! Listen, I know
                 you like me.  I can tell. But you know
                 what? A lot of guys like me.  Not me,
                 exactly. It's more like the legs or
                 the butt or the hair.  Or some
                 combination of the above.

                           ADAM
                 I think it's the eyes.

                           EVE
                 The eyes.  Okay. An eye-man.  Anyhow,
                 it never works out.  Okay?  Not that
                 you even need to know that!  You look
                 like crap, by the way.  What have you
                 been doing?

                           ADAM
                 Watching television in color.

                           EVE
                 Hey, no kidding?  In color?

                           ADAM
                 Cross my heart and hope to die.

       She looks at him for a beat or two, then abruptly turns
       away.

                           EVE
                 See, ya.

                           ADAM
                 Why doesn't it never work out?

                           EVE
                 What?

                           ADAM
                 Why does it never work out?  You
                 and...men?

                           EVE
                 Why?!  Who the hell knows?!

       He follows closely. She stops.

                           EVE (cont'd)
                 Okay, if you promise to leave me
                 alone, I'll tell you.

                           ADAM
                 ...Okay.

                           EVE
                 It never works out because I'm into
                 legs and butts and hair myself!
                 That's why! So I wind up with guys who
                 are very good looking, but
                 even more shallow than I am, if you
                 can picture that.
                 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go
                 find another low-paying, demeaning job
                 where some guy named Jerry keeps
                 telling me how lousy his marriage is.

                           ADAM
                 Why not go to work for me?

                           EVE
                 Doing what?

                           ADAM
                 Selling all my baseball cards.
                 And helping me buy enough food and
                 supplies to fill several large trucks.

                           EVE
                 Food and supplies?  Who for?  Like
                 starving people?


                           ADAM
                 Well, they're not starving yet, but
                 they need help.

                           EVE
                 How long would you need me?

                           ADAM
                 Two weeks.

                           EVE
                 What's the pay?

                           ADAM
                 What's fair?

                           EVE
                 I've got to make at least a thousand a
                 week.

       He gives her his patented thumbs up sign which of course
       is exactly like his father's.

                           ADAM
                 You got it!
                 Wait here while I change.

                           EVE
                 Sure.

       He walks back to the hotel.

                           EVE
                     (to herself)
                 My career's finally taking off...

       EXT. MARINE WHOLESALE SUPPLY, MARINA DEL REY - DAY

       Heavy-duty BOAT BATTERIES are being loaded into a U-Haul
       truck.  The store MANAGER steps up to Eve who is
       watching. Adam appears in the bg, thanking and being nice
       to the MEN loading the truck. He looks mighty stupid in
       another one of his Dad's old outfits.

                           MANAGER
                 Why would someone need twenty yacht
                 batteries?

                           EVE
                 I just work for the guy.

                           MANAGER
                 And who does he work for?  The CIA?

                           EVE
                 Naw...it's some sort of charity
                 thing..I guess for starving people
                 with yachts.



       INT. PRICE CLUB - LATER SAME DAY

       Eve and Adam shop with two carts, both full of CASES OF
       DR. PEPPER.

                           EVE
                 Why not buy them milk or something--
                 instead of Dr. Pepper?

                           ADAM
                 They like Dr. Pepper.

                           EVE
                 Who are these people?

                           ADAM
                 My Mom and Dad.

                           EVE
                 Very funny, smart ass.

                           ADAM
                 Hey!  Pipe tobacco!  I'm going to need
                 all of this! This is swell!

       He goes over to a huge supply of Prince Albert.

                           EVE
                     (to herself)
                 Swell? Run, Eve.  Run.

       EXT. LOADING DOCK - SAME DAY

       Eve and Adam watch as a man with a forklift puts a year's
       supply of toilet paper into the back of the rental truck.

       EXT. GROCERY STORE PARKING LOT - SAME DAY

       A crowd has gathered to watch Adam and Eve empty seven
       shopping carts full of non-perishable groceries.

       ANGLE - 5 MINUTES LATER

       Eve goes to get into the truck. Adam hurries by her.

                           ADAM
                 Wait! Wait!

                           EVE
                 What?

       He opens the door for her. She shakes her head and gets
       in.

       EXT. HOLIDAY INN - THAT NIGHT

       She drives the truck to a stop. He keeps the beat to the
       song on the AM radio. It's Volar�. Adam loves it. Eve
       hates it. They come to a stop and she snaps off the
       radio.


                           EVE
                 Well, another day, another dollar.
                     (then)
                 Stop staring at me!!

                           ADAM
                 Sorry.

       He gets out.

                           EVE
                 Pick you up at eight tomorrow morning.

                           ADAM
                 Hey, you know. I was thinking...

                           EVE
                 Night!

       She pulls away.

                           ADAM
                 Night!

       EXT./INT. U-STORE-IT - NEXT DAY

       Adam drags the last 50-pound bag of flour into a self-
       storage locker and pulls down the sliding door which he
       padlocks.

                           ADAM
                 We'll have to rent a refrigerated
                 truck for the beef and poultry.

                           EVE
                 It's your life.  And, by the way, it's
                 a dandy.

                           ADAM
                 I guess we'll need another locker.

                           EVE
                 No problem.  We'll just sell another
                 baseball card.

                           ADAM
                 You know, Eve -- don't get mad, okay? -
                 -  but, I'd just be lost without you.



                           EVE
                 Thank you.

                           ADAM
                 And, um ...I guess...
                 I guess you and I, uh...

                           EVE
                 Adam?  Don't even think about it.
                 Okay?
                 I'm sorry.  I know that sounds mean,
                 but believe me, it would be meaner if
                 I didn't say it. Okay?

                           ADAM
                 Okay.

                           EVE
                 Now, let's take the truck back and get
                 something to eat.

       She hops in behind the wheel.  He (hurt) is a little
       slower getting in his side.

       EXT. FREEWAY - LATER, SAME DAY

       Traffic is moving about forty miles an hour.  Their truck
       is in one of the middle lanes.

       INT. U-HAUL - CONTINUOUS

       Adam screws up his guts and turns to her.

                           ADAM
                 There's something else I would like
                 you to help me with.

                           EVE
                 Name it.

                           ADAM
                 Well, this is going to sound a little
                 crazy.

                           EVE
                     (laughing)
                 Oh, I'm sure it will!

                           ADAM
                 Then forget it.

                           EVE
                 No, no!  I'm sorry!  What is it?

                           ADAM
                 This is for me.

                           EVE
                 Think of me as your genie.  Just ask.


                           ADAM
                 Well... Okay. I would like you to help
                 me find a...wife.

                           EVE
                 A wife?

                           ADAM
                 Yes.

                           EVE
                 What for?

                           ADAM
                 Because I want to get married.

                           EVE
                 Why?!

                           ADAM
                 I don't want to be alone.

                           EVE
                 You can be single and not alone.
                 Marriage bites!

                           ADAM
                 Bites what?

                           EVE
                 The big one!

                           ADAM
                 It does?

                           EVE
                 Sure.

                           ADAM
                 I didn't know that.

                           EVE
                 Everybody knows that. Ask my divorced
                 sisters. Or ask my divorced mom and
                 dad.

                           ADAM
                 They're all divorced?

                           EVE
                 Everybody's divorced.

                           ADAM
                 It didn't used to be that way.

                           EVE
                 I wouldn't know.
                     (then)
                 What kind of wife are you looking for?

                           ADAM
                 One who's not a mutant.

                           EVE
                 No dogs, huh? Okay.

                           ADAM
                 And if possible, I'd like to marry
                 someone from Pasadena.

       She is speechless. Then:

                           EVE
                 When do you need her by?

                           ADAM
                 Two weeks.

                           EVE
                 Well, I could probably get you laid in
                 two weeks, but to locate a non-mutant
                 wife from Pasadena...that could take
                 some
                 time.

                           ADAM
                 That's what I was afraid of.


       INT. DINER - LATER, SAME DAY

       Adam and Eve are in a booth. The WAITRESS approaches with
       sandwiches and drinks.

                           ADAM
                 What do you mean, you can get me laid?

       He and the waitress look to Eve for an answer.

                           EVE
                 Could we talk about that a little
                 later?

                           ADAM
                 Of course.

                           EVE
                     (sugary, to waitress)
                 Thank you.

       The amazed waitress leaves.  Adam automatically lowers
       his head and says grace.  Two HAPPENIN' GUYS at the
       counter look over and chuckle at the rube.  Eve flips
       them a mean bird and mouths the words "fuck you" as Adam
       continues to pray. The guys shut up.

       EXT. EVE'S HOUSE - LATE DAY

       Eve shares a frame Santa Monica bungalow.  It's in a
       pretty nice neighborhood on a quiet street.  Her GEO
       FISHTAILS into the picture and comes to rest half in the
       street, half on the curb.  Adam is driving.

                           EVE
                 Get out!

                           ADAM
                 The engine is still running.

       She rips the keys out of the ignition.

                           EVE
                 Now, get out!!

                           ADAM
                 Yes, ma'am!

                           EVE
                 Stop that ma'am crap!

                           ADAM
                 Sorry!

       They get out.

                           EVE
                 You almost got us killed!

                           ADAM
                 I told you I've never driven before!

                           EVE
                 Never drive again!

                           ADAM
                 You said it would be easy!

                           EVE
                 I was wrong!!

                           ADAM
                 Is this your house?

                           EVE
                 Yes!

                           ADAM
                 I like it.

       She storms off for the house where a YOUNG MAN is coming
       out the front door in a cut-off T-shirt and spandex
       exercise shorts.

                           EVE
                 Swell!


       EXT. PORCH

       CLIFF is leaving with a cardboard box full of clothes.
       He is exceedingly GOOD LOOKING AND IN VERY GOOD SHAPE.
       Eve and Adam come up the steps.

                           CLIFF
                 What are you bitching about now?

                           EVE
                 What are you doing here?

                           CLIFF
                 I forgot some of my stuff.

                           EVE
                 Your stuff?  Let me see that.

       She looks in the box.  Holds up a pair of old briefs.

                           EVE
                 You came back for these?

                           CLIFF
                 Hey, they're Ralph Laurens.  And who's
                 this interesting looking fellow?

                           EVE
                 This is Adam.  Adam, meet Cliff.

                           ADAM
                     (offering hand)
                 How do you do?

                           CLIFF
                 I do fine, Adam.  How 'bout yourself?
                 		(eyeing Eve)
                 You doin' any good?

                           EVE
                 Go home, Cliff, wherever that might
                 be.

                           CLIFF
                 Shana Gillroy's apartment.  Remember
                 her?  The model who went to Harvard?
                 Well, I better get going!  Bye, Adam.
                 Nice coat!

       Cliff smiles and bounces down the steps.

                           ADAM
                 Why, thank you!  Very nice to have met
                 you, Cliff!
                 		(then to her)
                 May I ask you a question?

                           EVE
                 He's a former boyfriend. We lived
                 together for about six months.  And
                 yes, I'll admit it.  I've still kind
                 of got a thing for him.
                     (entering the house)
                 That's what you wanted to know, isn't
                 it?

                           ADAM
                     (following)
                 Actually,no. I was wondering why Cliff
                 likes to wear another man's
                 underpants.

                           EVE
                     (OC)
                 What?!

       INT. EVE'S HOUSE - NIGHT

       Very good music is playing. Adam listens to one speaker
       then crosses to listen to the other. Then he goes back to
       the first.

       INT.EVE'S KITCHEN - SAME TIME

       Eve is pouring champagne into a glass that contains two
       sugar cubes.  Next she adds several dashes of bitters.
       TROY, HER GAY ROOMMATE, throws together a tray of
       appetizers as dinner cooks on the stove.


                           TROY
                     (sotto)
                 Eve!  This guy is un-be-liev-able!

                           EVE
                 I knew you'd like him.

                           TROY
                 Darlin', this is X-File stuff!  Think
                 about it!  The guy's got all this
                 easily negotiable property. He's
                 obviously setting something up very
                 big.  Like a self-sustaining island
                 off the coast of South America, for
                 instance. Or perhaps he's the head of
                 a cult that's doing weird things with
                 poultry and pipe tobacco. I've heard
                 worse.

       He rushes out with the tray.

       INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

       Troy enters with sushi appetizers. Adam is looking at the
       ceiling.

                           ADAM
                 You have very nice ceilings.

                           TROY
                 I do? Well, thank you! You like
                 ceilings?

                           ADAM
                 Not particularly.

                           TROY
                 Well, I hope you like these! Fresh sea
                 urchin wrapped in seaweed. Or "nori"
                 if you prefer. I love sushi.

                           ADAM
                 I love Lucy!

                           TROY
                 You nut!

       Eve enters with Adam's drink and two white wines.

       .

                           EVE
                 Here you go.  One champagne cocktail.

                           ADAM
                 Thank-Q!

                           EVE
                 I thought only hookers drank those
                 things.

                           ADAM
                 Well, I know Mom sure likes 'em!

       Eve and Troy look at each other as she hands him his
       wine.

                           TROY
                 Dinner in fifteen minutes. Why don't
                 we sit and chat.

       They do.



                           TROY
                 So, Adam...where on earth are you
                 from?

                           EVE
                 Out-of-town.  That's all he'll say.

                           ADAM
                 It's a very small place. People don't
                 even know it's there.

                           TROY
                 And it's called...?

                           ADAM
                 Maybe Eve can guess.  She's psychic.

                           TROY
                 Really?  Since when?

                           EVE
                     (defensive)
                 Since that guy rear-ended me in Palm
                 Springs.

                           TROY
                 Oh, yes.

                           EVE
                 I even guessed his hotel, didn't I?

                           ADAM
                 Right on the button.

                           TROY
                 Well, Dionne Warwick, guess his home
                 town.

                           EVE
                 Give me your hand.

                           TROY
                     (to himself)
                 Oh, my God...

       Adam holds out his hand and she takes it, rubbing her
       finger slowly and gently around in his palm.  For her,
       it's psychic stuff.  For him, it's spine-tingling.

                           EVE
                 Okay, let's see...I'm not promising
                 anything. You okay?

                           ADAM
                 Um-hum.

                           EVE
                 I'm seeing...snow... lots of snow.
                 Way up North.  Are we getting hot?

                           ADAM
                 Yes!

                           EVE
                 You live in...Alaska.  The only way in
                 or out of your place is by plane
                 and... you've definitely come down
                 here for food and supplies and... to
                 find a wife!

                           ADAM
                 Wow.

       She tosses back his hand and grabs her wine for a victory
       gulp.

                           TROY
                 That's right?

                           ADAM
                     (to Eve)
                 I've never met anyone like you in my
                 life.

                           TROY
                 She's right?!

                           EVE
                 Hey, butthead, I'm clairvoyant.


                           ADAM
                 I've got goose-bumps all over me.

                           TROY
                 Why not just go to... Nome for
                 supplies and a wife?  Isn't that
                 closer?

                           EVE
                 Yeah, right!  That's where you'd go to
                 find girls!  Nome.  He's gay, by the
                 way.

                           ADAM
                 Good for you.

                           TROY
                 Well, we try. Listen, let me just ask
                 you a few questions.  When did Alaska
                 become a state?

                           ADAM
                 1959.

                           TROY
                 Who use to own it?

                           ADAM
                 Russia.

                           TROY
                 When did we get it from them?

                           ADAM
                 1867.  Seward's Folly. We paid 7.2
                 million dollars for it. A tidy sum
                 then, as well as now. I'm quoting my
                 father, of course.

                           TROY
                 What's the capitol?

                           ADAM
                 Juneau.

                           TROY
                 Hello! It's Anchorage!  Gotcha!

                           ADAM
                 Sorry, that's the largest city.

       Troy jumps up and runs out of the room.

                           ADAM
                 Where's he gone?

                           EVE
                 He's gone to check your answers on his
                 computer.

                           ADAM
                 He has a computer?

                           EVE
                 Sure.

                           ADAM
                 In the house?

                           EVE
                 No.  We keep it in the backyard.  Of
                 course, in the house.  It's in there.

                           ADAM
                 May I please be excused?

                           EVE
                 Uh...yeah.

       TROY'S OFFICE

       He has "Alaska" on his computer screen.  Adam enters and
       looks at the computer, which captivates him.

                           ADAM
                 This must be very new.

                           TROY
                 Yeah.

                           ADAM
                 It's so small.

                           TROY
                 What are you talking about? This is
                 the new Mac. You a hacker?

                           ADAM
                 I don't think so.

                           TROY
                 You don't have a computer in your
                 cabin?

                           ADAM
                 No.

                           TROY
                 How do you get through those winters?
                 		(reading screen)
                 Well, you're right.  Juneau.
                 		(then, covering the
                 		 screen with his hand)
                 What's the highest peak?

                           ADAM
                 Mt. McKinley.  It's also the highest
                 point in North America.

                           TROY
                     (after peeking at the screen)
                 Okay, maybe she is psychic.  Let's go
                 eat!

                           ADAM
                     (indicating computer)
                 That would knock my father out.

                           TROY
                 Yeah?

                           ADAM
                 Oh, yes.
                     (to himself)
                 It would probably kill him.

                           TROY
                 He's a Windows guy then, huh?

                           ADAM
                 Yes. He likes windows.

                           TROY
                 Well, I think Windows stink. What do
                 you think of that?

                           ADAM
                 ...I guess it's...just a matter of
                 personal taste.

                           TROY
                 True.

       Troy exits. Adam follows.


       (EDITORIAL:  Scenes 131, 132, and 133 should follow scene
       134 rather than precede it.)








       INT. SHELTER, MASTER BEDROOM - SAME TIME

       Calvin Webber is sleeping soundly.  Helen stands quietly
       at the door looking at him. She finishes off her
       champagne cocktail and very quietly shuts the door.

       INT. ANTEROOM - MOMENTS LATER

       Helen goes into the elevator. Obviously, she's had too
       much to drink.

       INT. MALT SHOP - MOMENTS LATER

       The floor rumbles and the metal doors open emitting the
       red light.  Soda Jerk and TEN OF HIS FOLLOWERS stand up
       expectantly and anxiously.  Helen appears--and looks at
       this terribly odd assortment of people.

                           SODA JERK
                 Who are you?!

                           HELEN
                     (beat, then)
                 I'm the mother.

                           SODA JERK
                 It's the mother!!

       And they all fall down on their knees and worship her
       with much wailing and rejoicing.  Several speak in
       tongues. Helen stares at them wide-eyed, presses the
       button on the control box, and goes back down.


       INT. DINING TABLE - NIGHT

       Adam's impeccable table manners serve to highlight Eve's
       and Troy's utter lack of same.

                           TROY
                 But first, you have to start with the
                 clothes!

                           EVE
                 Exactly.
                 		(then to Adam)
                 You understand that, don't you?  You
                 have no chance of meeting a woman
                 dressed like that.

                           ADAM
                 All right.

                           EVE
                     (to Troy)
                 So, what are you seeing?

                           TROY
                     (looking Adam over)
                 I don't know.

                           EVE
                 Money is no object.  He's got cards up
                 the wazoo.

                           ADAM
                 The what?

                           EVE
                 Wazoo!  Try to listen.
                     (then to Troy)
                 Whataya think? Surfer, grunge, hip-
                 hop, Euro trash?

                           TROY
                 You're serious, aren't you?

                           EVE
                 What's that supposed to mean?

                           TROY
                 It means that your taste in men's
                 apparel is as bad as your taste in
                 men.

                           EVE
                 Well, that's blunt!

                           TROY
                 I'm sorry. But if the shoe fits.

                           EVE
                 And I suppose you see him in some sort
                 of strapless  thing, don't you?

                           TROY
                 I see "elegant."

                           EVE
                 Yeah? Like Ralph Lauren?

                           TROY
                 That's what I'm sensing.

                           ADAM
                 The guy with the underpants!

                           EVE
                 That's boring!

                           TROY
                     (indicating Adam)
                 Not on him.

                           ADAM
                 I'm not wearing his pants.

                           TROY
                 Why not? He has great pants.

                           ADAM
                 I just don't want to.

                           TROY
                 Okay.

                           EVE

                 Why don't you take him and pick out
                 his clothes?

                           TROY
                 Alright, I will.

                           EVE
                     (talking with her mouth full)
                 I'm busy tomorrow anyway. I have to
                 buy six thousand paper napkins.

                           TROY
                 What do you think, Adam?

                           ADAM
                 About clothing?

                           EVE
                 Yeah.

                           ADAM
                 Whatever you two want. If you've got
                 the time, I've got the wazoo.

       Eve and Troy watch him eat for a beat or two.

                           TROY
                 Isn't it a little tiring to sit up
                 straight like that?

                           ADAM
                 No.

                           EVE
                 What about holding your right arm up
                 like that all the time?

                           ADAM
                 It's fine. Just give it a try.
                 And for gosh sake, Eve, take your foot
                 off the chair!

       She does. Eve and Troy emulate Adam.





       SCENE 135 OMITTED

       SCENE 136 OMITTED



       EXT. EVE'S HOUSE - DAY

       Troy and Adam get out of Eve's car with a lot of
       packages. They head for the house.

                           ADAM
                 I guess a lot of those tall buildings
                 we saw this morning are new.

                           TROY
                 Almost all of them.

                           ADAM
                 The recovery is very impressive.

                           TROY
                 The recovery? Oh , yeah! Hey, they
                 rebuilt the freeway in six months.

                           ADAM
                 Amazing. I'm very impressed.



       INT. EVE'S HOUSE - SAME DAY

       Eve is on the couch doing her toenails when Adam and Troy
       enter. Adam is in a casually elegant outfit that looks
       terrific. Both he and Troy are carrying lots of other
       packages and garment bags. We see names like Gucci,
       Armani and Lauren. Eve is visibly impressed by Adam's
       makeover.

                           TROY
                 Well, what do you think?

                           EVE
                 I think...it...works.

                           TROY
                 Let me show you the entire trousseau!

                           ADAM
                 But first let me show her these!

       He reaches into a bag and removes a box that contains --
       a pair of rollerblades.

                           ADAM (cont'd)
                 Eve, can I skate around your block?

                           TROY
                     (making it sexual)
                 How 'bout it, Eve? Can he skate around
                 your block?

                           EVE
                     (beat, then)
                 No.

       SCENE 137A OMITTED

       SCENE 137B OMITTED

       SCENE 138 OMITTED




       EXT. VENICE BEACH - LATER, SAME DAY

       There is a most unusual band shell location on the beach
       that is completely covered by graffiti. Eve and Troy sit
       at one of the many stone tables watching Adam skate all
       over the place. He wears spandex workout pants and a T-
       shirt.



       The starting CRANE SHOT begins on the nearly deserted
       commercial section of Venice Beach and then takes us to
       the band shell.

       ANGLE - CLOSER

       of him skating and them watching.

                           EVE
                 He's going to kill himself.
                     (then, to Adam)
                 Go skate out on the bike path! It's
                 that way!

                           ADAM
                 Okay!

       He heads out of the band shell. We follow him as he
       skates into an area that has been given over to the
       homeless. They sit around in their sleeping bags and
       blankets and cheer (and jeer) Adam when he passes by. He
       takes them to be more mutants.

       EXT. BIKE PATH - CONTINUOUS

       Adam skates to it and is amazed to see two very pretty
       girls skating in their tiny bikinis. A nearly nude body-
       builder guy goes by on a bike. Then Adam sees the ocean.

       ANGLE - WAVES

       breaking on the beach and rocks.

       EXT. BEACH - MOMENTS

       Adam tosses off his roller-blades and walks trance-like
       towards the waves.

       ANGLE - TROY AND EVE

       appear on a dune behind him and watch.

       ANGLE - ADAM

       Adam raises his arms to greet the ocean, perhaps like a
       Plains Indian would. Then he joyously runs into the surf
       and dives.

       ANGLE - TROY AND EVE

       watching.

                           EVE
                 That water's freezing!

                           TROY
                 He's from Alaska.

       ANGLE - ADAM

       He surfaces and throws his fists in the air.

       ANGLE - TROY AND EVE

                           TROY
                 That's why little things mean so much
                 to him.

       ANGLE - ADAM

                           ADAM
                 I LOVE THIS!!

       Begin the record "YMCA" over this.

       INT. EVE'S LIVING ROOM - NEXT DAY

       Eve enters from her morning shower to find Troy and Adam
       goofing to The Village People song. She gives Troy a
       disapproving look.

                           TROY
                     (defensive)
                 What?! He wanted to hear some
                 standards!

       (My hip daughters tell me that "YMCA" is enjoying a huge
       rebirth of popularity at their parties. Apparently they
       line dance to it.)

       EXT. FREEWAY - SAME DAY

       A helicopter shot follows the U-Haul in traffic.
       (Continue music.)

       EXT. SELF-STORAGE - SAME DAY

       Adam and Eve fill a second storage site. (Continue
       music.)

       EXT. BASEBALL DIAMOND, PUBLIC PARK  - DAY

       We see the infield of a gay softball team wheel a double
       play.

       ANGLE - TROY AND ADAM

       Cheering the play with other gay fans.

                           ADAM
                 I get it! I finally get it! You have
                 to see it to understand it!

       Music ends.



       INT. EVE'S KITCHEN - NEXT DAY (RAIN)

       She looks out the back window at the rain and shakes her
       head. She exits the back door with an umbrella.

       EXT. EVE'S BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS

       Eve hurries to Adam who is sitting on a lawn chair in the
       middle of the small back yard, enjoying the rain. She
       holds the umbrella over her head.

                           ADAM
                 Hey, Eve!

                           EVE
                 Have you ever heard the saying, "He
                 hasn't got enough sense to come in out
                 of the rain?"

                           ADAM
                 Yep.
                     (then watching the rain hit
                      the palm of his hand)
                 You know, my father -- who is a
                 scientist -- says that everything is a
                 miracle. Everything. Until recently I
                 wasn 't sure what he meant by that.

                           EVE
                 Yeah? No kidding. Listen, you still
                 want to go girl hunting tonight?

                           ADAM
                 I certainly do!

                           EVE
                 Okay. But you know, this business of
                 finding you a wife -- it's kind of
                 ridiculous, don't you think?

                           ADAM
                     (rising)
                 No it's not!

                           EVE
                 Yes it is. A girlfriend maybe. But a
                 wife? I mean...

                           ADAM
                 Then just help me find a girlfriend!
                 That's all I ask.
                 I'll give you every single card I've
                 got left!

                           EVE
                 Hey, screw you! Okay? You think I'm
                 just somebody you can buy off! Listen,
                 let me tell you something--

                           ADAM
                     (taking her by the arms)
                 Would you do it just because you're my
                 friend? My very best friend.

                           EVE
                 Well...yeah. Okay.

       He hugs her.

                           ADAM
                 Thank Q, Eve!

       She's uncomfortable with the hug. Wait a minute. No she's
       not.

       EXT. "THE FORTIES" NIGHT CLUB - SAME NIGHT

       This hip, up-market club is based on a 1940's theme.
       Establish the YOUTHFUL RICH arriving in their black four-
       wheel vehicles and silver Porsches. Coats and ties. Eve,
       Troy and Adam arrive on foot. Adam notices the valet
       parking.

                           ADAM
                 Why did you park way back there?

                           TROY
                 Miss Rustokov refuses to let total
                 strangers drive her car.

                           ADAM
                 Oh. I see.

       Eve looks like she owns the place.

       INT. NIGHT CLUB ANTEROOM - SAME TIME

       As they enter Adam grabs Troy, who is leading the way.

                           TROY
                 What?!

                           ADAM
                 Ladies first, Troy! That was close.

       Adam and Troy follow Eve in. The club is NOISY AND
       HOPPING. The house music is from the 40's. Adam, Eve and
       Troy enter a long corridor of booths and walk forward.
       Adam's got on that terrific dark suit. Women notice. Eve
       notices them noticing.

                           ADAM
                 My goodness gracious!  This place is
                 something!

                           EVE
                 Look unimpressed.

                           TROY
                 Bored even.

       Adam gives it a shot and goes too bored.

                           TROY
                 Vaguely bored!

       He gets vaguely bored but misses unimpressed by a mile.

                           EVE
                 Unimpressed, but still interested.

       He tries that. It's like watching a neon sign switch back
       and forth:  First interested, then not.

                           EVE
                 No!  Not crazy!

                           ADAM
                 Do I look crazy?

                           EVE
                 Yes!

                           TROY
                 Be loose.

       He overplays that.

                           EVE
                 Just be yourself.

                           TROY
                 Always good advice.

                           EVE
                 For him. It doesn't work for the rest
                 of us.

                           ADAM
                 Holy Mo-ly, Miss Pay-o-ly!! This place
                 is neat-o!!

       Adam enters the main room. Eve and Troy follow.



       INT. MAIN ROOM

       There is a bar, a seated section, and a dance floor with
       a DJ booth. The DJ is in a white dinner jacket and does a
       perfect Humphrey Bogart impression as he ad libs his
       speel between records.

       ANGLE - BAR

       JASON and JONATHAN wave when they see Eve and Troy
       approaching. They ad-lib hellos. Here, and at the tables,
       the recorded MUSIC IS SO LOUD THEY MUST SPEAK OVER IT.

                           EVE
                 Jason, Jonathan, this is Adam! Adam,
                 that's them!

       They shake.

                           ADAM
                 How do you do?! It's very nice to meet
                 you, Jason and Jonathan!
                     (confidentially, to them)
                 My mother always told me that if you
                 meet a person for the first time it's
                 easier to remember their names if you
                 use those names right away.

       Jason and Jonathan just stare at him.

                           TROY
                 He's from Alaska!

                           JASON/JONATHAN
                     (relieved)
                 Oh!

       A slightly drunk beauty named SOPHIE appears behind Eve.

                           SOPHIE
                 Hi, there, Eve, who's the hunk?

       Eve hates Sophie.

                           EVE
                 Get lost, Sophie.

       Sophie pushes her way right up to Adam.

                           SOPHIE
                 Hi. I'm Sophie.

                           ADAM
                 Hello, Sophie, I'm Adam Webber.

                           JASON
                 Adam lives in Alaska.

                           SOPHIE
                 No shit?

                           ADAM
                 Tu parle Francais? Tu a un tres bon
                 accent.

                           SOPHIE
                 You speak beautiful French!
                 J'ai habit� a Paris un an.

                           ADAM
                 Paris!! La ville de lumieres!
                 C'est bien rencontrer quelqu'un pour
                 pratiquer le francais.

                           SOPHIE
                 Si tu veux, nous pouvons pratiquer
                 beaucoup des choses ensemble.


       Eve steps in and takes Adam's hand, drawing him away from
       Sophie.

                           EVE
                 Quit showing off!  We're here on
                 business!

                           ADAM
                 Good-bye!

                           SOPHIE
                 Non, cherie. A bientot.

       Eve leads Adam to a table. Troy follows.

                           ADAM
                 I thought I was here to meet women.

                           EVE
                 Not that one!

                           ADAM
                 I like her.

                           EVE
                 And don't be so obvious!

       INT. TABLE - TEN MINUTES LATER

       Adam, Eve and Troy examine female patrons over drinks.
       It's white wine for her, imported beer for Troy, and a
       Rob Roy for Adam.

                           EVE
                 What have you ordered?

                           ADAM
                 It's a Rob Roy. A very popular drink,
                 I'm told.

       ANGLE - LOVELY BRUNETTE

       slinking by.

       ANGLE - TABLE

                           ADAM (OC)
                 What about her?

                           EVE (OC)
                 No way.

                           ADAM
                 Why?!  I think she's very attractive.

                           EVE
                 Adam!  She's got bitch written all
                 over her!  You do know what "bitch"
                 means, don't you?

                           ADAM
                 Yes, I have a dictionary. But I can't
                 understand for the life of me why you
                 would call her that!  Or why Cliff
                 would say that about you.

                           EVE
                 Because we're bitches!  Look at her!
                 Look at the expression on her face!
                 The walk, the jewelry, the
                 fingernails.  Please!

                           ADAM
                 How 'bout this one?

       "This one" is a KILLER BLOND.

                           EVE
                 Are you kidding?!  You wouldn't even
                 be a crumb on her table!  You don't
                 see that?!

                           TROY
                 Eve?!

                           EVE
                 Well, I'm trying to educate him!  It's
                 nothing personal.

                           TROY
                 Adam,  I think for you, we should go
                 for "sweet."

                           ADAM
                 Okay. I like that.

                           EVE
                     (swigging her drink)
                 Yeah, sweet.  That's a nice way of
                 putting it.

                           ADAM
                     (to Troy)
                 What do I say to Miss Sweet when I
                 meet her?

                           TROY
                 Um... Eve?

                           EVE
                 It's not so much what you say but how
                 you say it.  Women like men who are
                 unpredictable.

                           ADAM
                 Really?

                           EVE
                 Yes, really! Basically, they want what
                 they think they can't have.  Same with
                 guys.  That's why everybody is walking
                 around here sending off "you can't
                 have me" signals!

       ANGLE OF MEN AND WOMEN

       doing precisely that. Then:

       BACK TO TABLE

                           ADAM
                 That's ridiculous.

                           EVE
                 Maybe. But that's how it works.

                           TROY
                 Ah-ha! There's " Miss Sweet."  At the
                 hors d'oeuvres table!

       INTERCUT - MISS SWEET

       She's a pretty young thing with a sweet face.

                           EVE
                 Yeah.  Could be.  Go say hello, Romeo.
                 Looks like a healthy non-mutant to me.

                           ADAM
                     (very serious)
                 Okay. All right.
                     (then)
                 And what do I say?

                           EVE
                 Say something surprising. And funny.
                 Lie, if need be.

                           TROY
                 Yes! Lying is always a very effective
                 dating tool.

                           ADAM
                 Okay. Thank you, my friends.

       Adam rises.

                           ADAM (cont'd)
                 By the way, that's a great play.

                           EVE
                 What?

                           ADAM
                 Romeo and Juliet. I cried at the end.

                           EVE
                 Did you?

       Adam nods and shoves off.

                           TROY
                 I'm not sure I want to watch this.

       Eve puts her hand to her head -- hating herself and still
       not  sure exactly why.

       ANGLE - ADAM

       crossing to Miss Sweet.

                           ADAM
                     (to himself)
                 Surprising and funny. Well, I know a
                 duck who bought some lip balm...

       INT. HORS D'OEUVRES TABLE

       Adam sheepishly approaches Miss Sweet, then gathers
       himself:

                           ADAM
       Hi!

                           MISS SWEET
                     (not sweet)
                 Yes?

                           ADAM
                     (beat, then)
                 I was wondering if you might help me.
                 I...I seem to have lost my
                 Congressional Medal of Honor somewhere
                 around here.

       Miss Sweet stares at him for a beat or two, then
       chuckles.

                           MISS SWEET
                 Oh, now, that's a great one!

                           ADAM
                     (big smile)
                 You like it?

                           MISS SWEET
                     (a little clap)
                 Bravo!

                           ADAM
                 Thank-Q!

       They both laugh.

       ANGLE - EVE AND TROY

       Stunned...as they watch Adam and Miss Sweet. Another
       pretty young woman (HEATHER) joins Adam.

       ANGLE - ADAM AND GIRLS

       Heather is a friend of Miss Sweet's.

                           MISS SWEET
                 This is my new friend...

                           ADAM
                 I'm Adam Webber.

                           MISS SWEET
                 He's really funny!

                           HEATHER
                 Hi!  I'm Heather!

                           ADAM
                 "Heather?"  I don't believe I've ever
                 heard that name before.

       There's a slight beat before both girls laugh.

                           HEATHER
                 Yeah, right!

                           MISS SWEET
                 I told you!  He's funny!

       ANGLE - EVE AND TROY

       More stunned. Eve finds that she very much hates watching
       Adam having a good time with other healthy non-mutants.

       ANGLE - ADAM AND HIS NEW FRIENDS

                           MISS SWEET
                 We work on Rodeo Drive.  But we're
                 both professional dancers.

                           ADAM
                 Really?

                           HEATHER
                 You dance?

                           ADAM
                 I took a dance lesson everyday of my
                 life until a couple of days ago.

                           MISS SWEET
                 You're kidding!

                           ADAM
                 No, I'm not! My mom taught me.

                           MISS SWEET
                 Your mom was a dancer?

                           ADAM
                 She is a dancer! And a lovely one! You
                 would like her very much! Shall we
                 dance?

                           MISS SWEET
                 Sure.


       They head for the dance floor.

       ANGLE - TROY AND EVE

       watching.

       ANGLE - THE FLOOR

       A jitterbug song comes on and so does Adam.



       He and Miss Sweet are a little rough on take-off, but
       they hit smooth sailing soon enough. He's terrific at
       picking up the new stuff she shows him.

       ANGLE - EVE & TROY

       They are shocked.

       ANGLE - DANCE FLOOR

       Heather cuts in on Miss Sweet as the other dancers stop
       to watch someone who is so much better than them. The
       three of them begin to dance together.

       ANGLE - TROY & EVE


                           TROY
                 You know, he's a very, very good--


                           EVE
                 Shut up!

       ANGLE - DANCE FLOOR/ EVE

       Adam dances beautifully with the two women. We CUT BACK
       AND FORTH between them and Eve.

       ANGLE - DANCE FLOOR

       Adam, Miss Sweet and Heather complete their dance with
       great aplomb.  Other dancers applaud them. Someone is
       WHISTLING LOUDLY OFF CAMERA.  Adam and his dance partners
       look over to:

       ANGLE - EVE

       She is whistling like a guy calling his dog.  Troy is
       embarrassed.

                           TROY
                 Must you...

       Eve points at Adam and beckons broadly for him to come
       over -- a basketball coach calling her player off the
       floor.

                           TROY
                 What in the hell is wrong with you?!!

       ANGLE - DANCE FLOOR

                           MISS SWEET
                 Is that your girl friend?

                           ADAM
                 No. Would you please excuse me?

                           HEATHER
                 If you'll please come back.

                           ADAM
                 I will certainly try.  And thank you
                 both very much for the dance.

       He leaves.

                           MISS SWEET
                 When was the last time you saw manners
                 like that?

                           HEATHER
                 Yeah.  It's like meeting a foreigner
                 or something.

       ANGLE - TABLE

       as Adam comes over. The music is not so loud now.

                           EVE
                     (to Troy)
                 Go to the bathroom.

                           TROY
                 Right here?
                 		(then, off her look)
                 Well, you're being so bossy I wasn't
                 sure!

       Troy rises and exits.  Adam arrives and sits down.

                           ADAM
                 You wanted to see me!

                           EVE
                 You're not from Alaska!  Where'd you
                 learn to dance like that?!  And there
                 are no starving people, are there?!

                           ADAM
                 Why are you suddenly so mad at me?

                           EVE
                 Don't change the subject! I want you
                 to tell me the truth about yourself.

                           ADAM
                 I've never lied to you.  I've maybe
                 let you believe things that you wanted
                 to believe, but I've never lied.

                           EVE
                 You think I'm some sort of sap?! Don't
                 you?!

                           ADAM
                 No.  I admire you.  I...I fell in love
                 with you the first time I saw you.
                     (off her look)
                 I did. I think that you are the most--

                           EVE
                 I want to know exactly who you are and
                 what you're really up to!

                           ADAM
                 All right. Let me tell you the whole
                 thing. In 1962--


                           CLIFF (OC)
                 Well, well, well.  Don't we clean up
                 nice?

       Cliff steps up to the table.  Adam, automatically a
       gentleman, rises and offers his hand.

                           ADAM
                 Hello, Cliff, how are you this
                 evening?

       Cliff barely shakes his hand.

                           CLIFF
                 Not bad.

       Then he sits in Adam's seat.

                           CLIFF
                 But I do miss that green sport coat of
                 yours.

                           ADAM
                 Thank you very much. But, Cliff,
                 that's my seat. And I was just--

                           CLIFF
                     (to Eve)
                 How 'bout a drink at the bar?

                           EVE
                     (pause, then)
                 Sure.

       They rise.  Cliff gestures to the chair.

                           CLIFF
                 It's all yours.

       Eve and Cliff go to the bar.  Adam sits down glumly.  He
       looks across the room and catches the eye of Miss Sweet
       who is seated at a table with Heather.  A GOOD LOOKING
       GUY is hitting on them.  CUTTING BACK AND FORTH between
       Adam and them we see Miss Sweet's smile escalate.  Then
       she nudges Heather who also looks over and smiles. Adam
       smiles back.  Finish with a CLOSER SHOT OF HIS POV of
       Miss Sweet's hair, butt and legs.

       ANGLE - BAR

       Eve and Cliff are in cozy conversation at the bar.
       Jonathan, Jason, and Sophie are in the bg.

       ANGLE - Troy

       returning from the restroom.  He is surprised to see Eve
       at the bar with Cliff.  When he looks back at the dance
       floor table, Adam is not there.

       ANGLE - EVE AND CLIFF

       Sipping wine.

                           EVE
                 So where is your roommate, the model?

                           CLIFF
                 You know, I don't know.  And looking
                 at you, I don't care.  It's been too
                 long, Eve.

                           ADAM (OC)
                 Please excuse this interruption.

                           CLIFF
                 Oh, brother...

       WIDER - BAR

       Adam steps closer, looking past Cliff at Eve.

                           ADAM
                 Eve, I don't mean to be rude, and
                 please excuse me Cliff, but Eve, isn't
                 Cliff just a butt with hair?

                           CLIFF
                 What?!

                           ADAM
                 I'm sorry, and legs. Legs, butt and
                 hair.  Well, isn't he?  And shallow,
                 as well?

                           CLIFF
                     (the shallowest guy in the
                      world)
                 Shallow? I'm shallow?!

                           EVE
                 Go home, Adam.  Go to your hotel.

                           CLIFF
                 Yeah. Before I kick your ass.

       He gives Adam a shove.

                           ADAM
                 Cliff, I must warn you. I know how to
                 defend myself.

                           CLIFF
                 Do ya?

       Cliff throws a right which Adam calmly blocks and
       counters with a short right jab to Cliff's mouth,
       snapping his head back.  It's not a big punch, but very,
       very quick. It makes Eve mad and astonishes Troy, Jason
       and Jonathan.

                           EVE
                 Stop it, you two!

                           CLIFF
                     (slightly insecure)
                 I guess we shouldn't fight in here.

                           ADAM
                     (lowering his guard)
                 Yes, I agree.

       Cliff draws back another right.  Adam flicks out a quick
       left to Cliff's cheek, again snapping his head back, but
       not his body. (These aren't big movie hits.) Cliff takes
       a beat or two then draws back his right fist again.  Adam
       pops him in the nose. Cliff drops his right arm to his
       side.

                           EVE
                 Adam?!

                           ADAM
                 I'm sorry.

                           CLIFF
                     (increasingly insecure)
                 Maybe we shouldn't fight at all.
                 Fighting is pretty immature.

                           ADAM
                     (lowering his guard)
                 It certainly is.  I agree with you
                 completely.

                           CLIFF
                 Eve? I'm leaving.

                           EVE
                 I don't blame you!

                           ADAM
                     (turning to Eve)
                 Eve, I'm sorry.

       Seeing an opportunity, Cliff rears back with another
       right. Adam deftly pops him in the mouth again with a
       short right jab.

                           CLIFF
                     (deeply insecure)
                 Well, good night, everyone.

       Troy, Jonathan and Jason say good night to him.  Cliff
       walks unsteadily away bleeding from the mouth and both
       nostrils. (Hopeful that no one has noticed that he's very
       subtly just gotten the crap beat out of him.)

                           EVE
                 I'm leaving, too.

                           ADAM
                 But, Eve, I would--

                           EVE
                 And tomorrow maybe Troy will help you
                 out--because I quit!  This is
                 ridiculous! You're ridiculous! I'm
                 ridiculous!

       She exits. Adam looks over at Troy who shrugs.

       EXT. EVE'S HOUSE - MIDNIGHT

       Troy takes out his keys as he approaches the front door.
       But the door opens. Eve stands there in sweats. Agitated.

                           EVE
                 He go back to the hotel?

                           TROY
                 Uh..he might of.

       INT. EVE'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

       Troy enters. She slams the door.

                           EVE
                 What's that mean?

                           TROY
                 We did not leave together.

                           EVE
                 Who did he leave with?


                           TROY
                 What's it to you?!

                           EVE
                 I'm his pimp. He left with the
                 dancers, didn't he?

                           TROY
                 Hey, you're the psychic. Eve, the
                 psychic pimp.  You tell me.

                           EVE
                 Those sluts!

                           TROY
                 Yeah. But who's not a slut these days?


       He enters the kitchen

       INT. KITCHEN

       She follows him: He gets something to drink.

       .

                           EVE
                  Where are you going?

                           TROY
                 To bed.

                           EVE
                 To bed?

                           TROY
                 Yeah.  I'm not the one who's in love
                 with the guy.

                           EVE
                 What?!  Now hold on!  Wait one damn
                 minute!

       Troy exits into his office.


       INT. OFFICE

       He plops down on the chair.

       .

                           EVE
                 In the first place, I don't fall in
                 love with weirdos I've only known for
                 four or five days.

                           TROY
                 Yes, you do.

                           EVE
                 And I don't fall in love with grown
                 men who collect baseball cards!!

                           TROY
                 Uh, yes, you do.

                           EVE
                 Or pee in their pants when they see
                 the ocean!

                           TROY
                 Yes, you do!

                           EVE
                 Or have perfect table manners.

                           TROY
                     (sitting up)
                 You know, I asked him about that. And
                 he said that good manners are a way we
                 have of showing other people that we
                 respect them. See, you'd eat like a
                 slob if you
                 were alone, but since another human
                 being is present, you show that person
                 respect by going to the trouble of
                 having proper manners. I didn't know
                 that. I thought it was a way of
                 appearing superior.
                     (then)
                 Know what else he told me?

                           EVE
                     (sitting on the bed)
                 What?

                           TROY
                 He thinks that I am a gentleman and
                 that you are a lady!

                           EVE
                 Well, consider the source. I don't
                 even know what a lady is.

                           TROY
                 Exactly! I thought a gentleman was
                 somebody who owned horses. Turns out,
                 the short and very simple definition
                 of a gentleman or a lady is: someone
                 who always attempts to make the people
                 around him or her feel as comfortable
                 as possible. That's it! If you don't
                 do that, nothing else matters. The
                 cars, the clothes, the houses...

                           EVE
                 Where did he get all that information?

                           TROY
                 From the oddest place. His parent's
                 told him. I don't think I got that
                 memo.

                           EVE
                 So now I suppose he's trying to make
                 those two dancers feel as comfortable
                 as possible.

                           TROY
                 He didn't leave with them.

                           EVE
                 Well...I admit it. I'm glad to hear
                 that.

                           TROY
                 He left with Sophie.

                           EVE
                 What?!!

                           TROY
                 It's true.  She swept him out the door
                 whispering little French things into
                 his ear.

                           EVE
                 Oh, no! Not Sophie! No way! Please
                 don't tell me that!!


                           TROY
                 What are you going to do? Go over to
                 her place and kick in the door?

                           EVE
                 You're goddamn right I am!

       She exits, then sticks her hand back in.

                           EVE (cont'd)
                 You coming?!

                           TROY
                     (cringing)
                 I don't think so.

                           EVE
                 Coward!

       She exits.

                           TROY
                 Gentleman coward, to you.

       SCENE 148 OMITTED



       EXT. HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

       Eve hurries out of the house leaving the front door wide
       open.  She runs down the porch steps, across the yard,
       and to her car, which she unlocks with the usual
       fumbling.

                           EVE
                 Come on!  Come on, damn it!

       INT. CAR

       She jumps in and sticks the key in the ignition.  Adam
       appears at the passenger window.

                           ADAM
                 Hi!

       Eve SCREAMS BLOODY MURDER as she throws open her door and
       jumps out into the street where she falls down, hurting
       her knee.  Adam runs around the car to help her to her
       feet. Dogs start barking in several houses.

                           ADAM
                 Eve?!

                           EVE
                 Scare me, why don't you?!!?  You
                 stupid son of a bitch!!!

                           ADAM
                 I'm really sorry!

                           EVE
                 What in the hell are you doing here!!
                 You're supposed to be over on San
                 Vicente Boulevard having unsafe sex
                 with that slut Sophie!!

                           ADAM
                 I know...and I'm really sorry.

                           EVE
                 Well, you should be!  Thanks to you,
                 my heart is in my neck!

                           ADAM
                 What?

                           EVE
                 Goodnight!

       Eve marches, with a limp, back to the house.

                           ADAM
                 Eve, if you'll let me, I can --

                           EVE
                 Look! I'm limping!  How attractive is
                 that?!  What if this is for life?!

                           ADAM
                 I know first aid!

                           EVE
                 Well, you had better!!

       He chases her up the porch steps.

       INT. LIVING ROOM - THIRTY MINUTES LATER

       Lights are low and warm.  Adam is attempting to swab the
       abrasion on Eve's knee through the tear in her old sweat
       pants.

                           EVE
                 Wait a minute.

       She reaches down and gives the knee hole a good rip,
       revealing her leg from above the knee to the gym sock.

                           EVE
                 There.

                           ADAM
                 Thanks.

       He takes the back of her calf in one hand and applies the
       antiseptic to her knee with the other.  It stings and she
       flinches.

                           ADAM
                 Steady. Steady.  It's going to be all
                 right in no time.

       He leans down and blows on the wound.  CU of that.  CU of
       his hand on her calf.  CU of her looking down at him,
       watching as he blows gently on her knee.

                           ADAM
                 I went to Sophie's and she was very
                 hospitable.

                           EVE
                 Is that what you call it?

                           ADAM
                 But it just wasn't where I wanted to
                 be so I left as politely as I could
                 and found a taxi.  But I asked the
                 driver to drop me here instead of at
                 the hotel.  There's a song Mister Como
                 sings called "On the Street Where You
                 Live."  You know it?

                           EVE
                 Sing it to me.

                           ADAM
                     (softly, saying it as much as
                      singing it)
                 "All at once am I--several stories
                 high-- knowing I'm--on the street--
                 where you live."  It's about a young
                 man who is overjoyed just to be
                 standing in front of the house of the
                 person he loves.

       She reaches down, and taking hold of his collar, draws
       him to her and they kiss very romantically and at length.
       Then:

                           EVE
                 Adam...dumb question, but humor me.
                 Have you ever had sex before?

                           ADAM
                 No.


       She sits up.

                           EVE
                 How is that possible?

       During the following speech CAMERA pushes past him and
       lingers on her as she gradually realizes that Adam is
       mental.

                           ADAM
                     (sitting up)
                 In 1962, when the bomb was dropped on
                 Los Angeles, my parents were in our
                 fallout shelter.  That's where I was
                 born. We
                 only survived because it was a huge
                 shelter as fallout shelters go. My
                 father worked on it secretly for
                 years. When he had to, he used
                 contractors, but always from out-of-
                 state and always for just a portion of
                 the job. He told them it was a secret
                 government experiment done through
                 CalTech. My Dad's not a liar, but he
                 felt in this case he had no choice. Of
                 course, it had to be a secret, because
                 we had just enough supplies to last
                 three people thirty-five years. That's
                 also why I have no brothers or
                 sisters. The air vent was the really
                 tricky part, but he was able to cut
                 into a flood control sewer. What I'd
                 like to do Eve, is take you down into
                 the fallout shelter with me. We could
                 live there with my Mom and Dad. My dad
                 said if I found a healthy girl I
                 should "bring her on down". And you
                 look plenty healthy to me.


                           EVE
                 Uh-huh. Adam?

                           ADAM
                 Yes, Eve?

                           EVE
                 I want you to go back to the hotel
                 now.  I'll call you a cab.

                           ADAM
                 Of course.  I shouldn't be over here
                 at this hour.

       He rises.  She gets up and leads him to the door.

                           EVE
                 That's right.  And I'll see you in the
                 morning in the lobby.  Do you mind
                 waiting outside for the taxi?

                           ADAM
                 Not at all.  And Eve thank you for
                 tonight...and for the kiss. My first.

                           EVE
                 My pleasure.

                           ADAM
                 It was at least as good as the sky.

                           EVE
                 Really?  Okay!

                           ADAM
                 And I think better than the ocean. I'm
                 serious!

                           EVE
                 Neat. Goodnight!

       EXT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

       Adam comes out glowing with happiness. He looks
       heavenward. And does his patented thumbs up.


       Behind him we hear Eve locking all the locks on her front
       door.

       EXT. VALLEY AVENUE - DAY

       A REFRIGERATED U-HAUL TRUCK lurches down the street.

       INT. TRUCK

       Adam struggles with the gears as Troy worries about his
       driving skills.

                           TROY
                 Goddamn, Adam!


                           ADAM
                 Wait a minute!

       He promptly pulls over and turns off the engine.

                           TROY
                 I'm sorry. I took the Lord's name in
                 vain again, didn't I?  I'm so sorry.

                           ADAM
                 No!  There's an Adult Bookstore back
                 there!  I'll be right back!

       Adam jumps out of the truck and runs off.

                           TROY
                 Without question, the strangest man
                 I've ever met.

       EXT. ADULT BOOKSTORE - MOMENTS LATER

       Adam runs up.  The bookstore looks familiar.  Adam runs
       to the next store. It's a bar.  He runs to the next
       store.  It's the Malt Shop.  Adam is thrilled.  He tries
       the front door and at first it does not open.

       INT. MALT SHOP

       The Soda Jerk is leading about twelve followers in
       prayers.

                           SODA JERK
                 Give us a sign!  That's all we ask!
                 Give us some sort of sign!

       The front door opens and Adam peers in.  He sees the Soda
       Jerk; smiles broadly at him and waves.  Then he closes
       the
       door.  The Soda Jerk grabs his heart and faints.  His
       followers rush to his aid.

       INT. TRUCK - MOMENTS LATER

       Adam jumps in.

                           ADAM
                 Okay, Troy!  Let's get those all-beef
                 frozen patties!

                           TROY
                 How 'bout we check with Eve first?

                           ADAM
                 You bet!

                           TROY
                 So, did you buy a movie?

                           ADAM
                 What?

                           TROY
                 A magazine?  A toy perhaps?  In the
                 bookstore.

                           ADAM
                     (concentrating on his
                      driving)
                 No, I wouldn't go in one of those
                 places with a gas mask on.

                           TROY
                     (laughing in agreement)
                 I know what you mean!  I usually wear
                 a big hat and dark glasses.

                           ADAM
                 Does that work?

                           TROY
                 Yeah...Seems to.

       Adam would not have thought that.

       INT. EVE'S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER

       Adam springs in, Troy drags in behind him (knowing the
       deal). Eve is standing away from the door next to a kind
       looking professional woman named Dr.Aron.

                           ADAM
                 Hi, Eve!

                           EVE
                 Hi, Adam.  This is, uh....

                           ARON
                 I'm Nina Aron, Adam.

                           ADAM
                 How do you do?

                           ARON
                 Very well, thank you. I'm with the
                 County Family Services Department. Eve
                 tells me you've been living in a bomb
                 shelter most of your life.

                           ADAM
                 Fallout shelter. There's a difference.

                           ARON
                 Adam, I'd like to introduce you to my
                 associate -- Mr. Brown.

       BROWN appears from the kitchen.  He's good-sized man who
       dresses casually.  Adam becomes uneasy.

                           ADAM
                 Hello.

       He nods politely.

                           ARON
                 We want you to come with us so we can
                 talk some more about your experiences.

                           ADAM
                 Come where?

                           ARON
                 My office.

                           ADAM
                 For how long?

                           ARON
                 Well, that depends...

                           ADAM
                 I thank you very much for the
                 invitation, but I'm quite busy today.
                 Perhaps I could see you tomorrow.

                           EVE
                 Adam....you should go with Dr. Aron.
                 It's the best thing.  The best thing
                 for you. I promise.

                           ADAM
                 ...All right, Eve.  If you say so.

                           EVE
                 ...I do.

                           ADAM
                     (to Aron)
                 Could I please just go home?  I was
                 lost, but this morning I found home
                 and I promise not to bother any of you
                 ever again.

                           ARON
                 Let's go talk first, Adam.

                           ADAM
                 Yes, ma'am.



       The two come forward.  One opens the door and one beckons
       for Adam to step out.

                           TROY
                 Good-bye, Adam.

                           ADAM
                 Goodbye.

       Adam looks back at Eve, who looks away. Adam exits.

                           ARON
                     (to Eve)
                 You'll be hearing from me.

       She shuts the door. Troy sits dejectedly.

                           EVE
                 Well what was I supposed to do?! He
                 wants me to live underground with him!
                 That's like Silence of the Lambs,
                 don't you think?!

                           TROY
                 I know...I know. You did the right
                 thing.

       Eve goes to the window and watches as WE SEE ADAM BREAK
       FROM BROWN AND RUN OFF with him chasing.

                           EVE
                 Oh, no!

                           TROY
                 What?!

       She runs out.  He follows.

       EXT. STREET

       Adam races down the sidewalk.  He cuts left and runs
       between houses.  Brown is not as fast.

       EXT. EVE'S FRONT YARD

       Eve and Troy run out to Aron who is dialing her cell
       phone.

                           EVE
                 Oh, my God!

                           ARON
                 He'll catch him.
                 		(then into phone)
                 Hi. This is Nina Aron.  I've got a run
                 away and I'm going to need police
                 assistance.

                           EVE
                 No!  Not the police!  Don't call them!

                           ARON
                 I have to. If a complaint is made and
                 the person resists obser--

                           EVE
                 No, I can't have that! They'll come
                 with their cars and their guns and
                 their handcuffs--

                           ARON
                 Calm down, please. This man needs help
                 and you need protection from him.
                 That's obvious.

                           EVE
                 You know, I don't think so. I'm
                 confused but you know, I don't think
                 he'd ever hurt me. I don't think he'd
                 hurt anyone.

                           ARON
                 And now you must let me be the judge
                 of that!

                           EVE
                 I was frightened and I didn't know
                 what to think! But you know-I believe
                 him. I think he just wants to go home.
                 Wherever the hell that is...

                           ARON
                 Let's all remain calm. That's the key
                 thing.





       Suddenly Adam appears from the side of the house,
       startling everyone. He tosses his hotel key to Eve.


                           ADAM
                 The key to my hotel room!  I want you
                 to have my baseball cards!
                 		(running to the truck)
                 And please be sure to pay my bill!

                           ARON
                 Young man, stop right there!

       Aron looks around for Mr. Brown.






       Adam jumps into the truck. Aron yells for him to stop.

                           ARON
                 Stop, right now! Get out of that
                 truck!

                           TROY
                 Adam, you really shouldn't try to
                 drive that truck!

                           ADAM
                     (starting the engine)
                 Bye, Troy!

                           TROY
                 Bye, Adam!

                           ADAM
                 And thanks for always being happy!

                           TROY
                 What?

                           EVE
                 Gay.

                           TROY
                 Oh.
                 		(yelling to Adam)
                 Well, you're...certainly welcome!

       Adam gets the truck in reverse and backs out of the
       driveway and into a parked car.

                           ARON
                 Hey!!! That's my car, you son of a
                 bitch!!

       Getting the truck in first, Adam has to go down the
       sidewalk a bungalow or two before he can get back onto
       the street.  He clips two parked cars as he does.  Brown
       comes running from the side of the house.  His pants are
       torn.

                           ARON (cont'd)
                 Where the hell have you been?!

                           BROWN
                 I fell down!
                     (to Troy and Eve)
                 What's the license number of that
                 truck?!

                           ARON
                 Don't ask them!  They're as fucked-up
                 as the other guy!

                           TROY
                 Let's all just try to remain calm.
                 That's the key thing.

                           ARON
                 How 'bout I just knock the shit out of
                 you?!

       Brown has to grab her.

       EXT. U-STORE-IT - LATER, SAME DAY

       Eve and Troy arrive in her GEO to see that the two locker
       doors are open and much of the stuff has been carried
       off.  Eve drops her head in disappointment.

                           TROY
                 I guess he took what he could.



                           EVE
                     (putting her head in her
                      hand)
                 Good God...you don't think there
                 really is a bomb shelter, do you?

                           TROY
                 Fallout shelter.

       She gives him a look.

                           TROY (cont'd)
                 There's a difference.

       INT. SHELTER, PATIO - LATER, SAME DAY

       Helen is using the hip-reduction machine while Calvin
       reads, How to Win Friends and Influence People. The
       distant sound of the hatchway being open gets their
       attention.  Then:

                           ADAM (OC)
                 Mom?!  Dad?!  I'm home!

       They jump up and race into the living room, meeting Adam
       halfway.   The parents kiss and hug their son before
       noticing that he's got the Soda Jerk with him.

                           ADAM
                 I've got almost everything we need!
                 And this nice man...

                           SODA JERK
                 Archbishop Melker. We met earlier.

       He promptly drops to his knees in supplication.

                           ADAM
                 ...and his church group have
                 volunteered to help us bring the
                 supplies down.  But we've got to
                 hurry.

                           HELEN
                 Are you in trouble, son?!

                           ADAM
                 I think I'm being chased by a
                 psychiatrist.

                           HELEN
                 A psychiatrist?!

                           SODA JERK
                 It happens.

                           HELEN
                 My goodness! How bad is it up there?!

                           SODA JERK
                 Horrible.

                           CALVIN
                 You have something on your forehead.

                           SODA JERK
                 I know.

       INT. ADAM'S HOTEL ROOM - DUSK

       Eve and Troy look around.  She opens a drawer and sees
       how nicely folded and put away things are.  Troy notices
       "TV Guide" and the Gideon Bible sitting out with a page
       marker in it.  He opens the night table drawer and takes
       out the cigar box.

                           TROY
                 This it?

       Eve nods.

                           TROY
                 What do you want to do with it?

                           EVE
                 Give it back to him.

                           TROY
                 And if we can't find him?

                           EVE
                 We'll find him.

       INT. BATHROOM, ADAM'S HOTEL ROOM

       Eve enters and looks at how tidy Adam's toiletries are;
       how the comb is just right in the brush; how the tooth
       paste (Ipanna in a '61 tube) has been squeezed from the
       bottom; and at how he has hung up his socks to dry.  It
       makes her very sad.  She picks up the toothpaste and
       holds it as if it were his ring.

                           TROY (OC)
                 Hey, Eve?  Eve?

       He enters with stock certificates and sees that she's
       very close to crying.

                           TROY
                 What's wrong?

                           EVE
                 I don't know.  Everything's so neat.
                 It's all just so...goddamn dear.
                 		(starting to cry)
                 Damn!

                           TROY
                 See these?  Found them in the box with
                 the cards.  These are stock
                 certificates.  IBM.  AT&T.  Polaroid.

       Instead of taking the certificates, she hands him the
       toothpaste and sits down on the bed in a funk.

                           TROY (cont'd)
                     (looking at the toothpaste)
                 Ipana. I think I remember that brand.
                     (then)
                 Oh, here, you should read this.
                 "Trademark, 1961."

       He holds out the tube and she takes it to read.


       EXT. REAR OF MALT SHOP - SAME TIME

       Adam, the Soda Jerk and fifteen followers hurriedly
       unload the truck, taking provisions into the back door of
       the malt shop.

       INT. JASON'S OFFICE - SAME TIME

       Their pal Jason is on the phone with Troy.

                           JASON
                 Purchased in 1958 and '59?  Ten
                 thousand shares of each?  They'd be
                 worth millions. Hell, I don't
                 know...millions upon millions upon
                 millions!  How 'bout that?

       INT. HOTEL ROOM - EARLY EVENING

       Troy is on the phone.  Eve is standing, looking at the
       stock certificates.

                           TROY
                 Thanks, Jason.

       He slams down the phone and jumps to his feet.

                           TROY
                 Millions upon millions upon millions!
                 The cards. The stock!  The clothes!
                 The toothpaste!  The guy was on the
                 level!  And you blew it!  A man walks
                 into your life who is the kindest,
                 most polite, honest, trustworthy,
                 incredibly rich guy you have ever met
                 in your life!! And what do you do?!

                           EVE
                 Have him committed.

                           TROY
                 Yeah! That's thinking.

                           EVE
                 He was always so "nice"! How was I
                 supposed to know that's a good thing?!
                 "Nice" is weird! Nice is...what is
                 "nice"? It's not cool! I'll tell you
                 that.
                     (beat, then)
                 Was it ever?

                           TROY
                 I don't know. I like to think so.

                           EVE
                 Well, at least I fell for him before I
                 found out he was rich! That's new.
                     (then)
                 Wait a minute! He said today he knew
                 where home was. What happened this
                 morning?! Where did you go?!

                           TROY
                 To get some frozen poultry.

                           EVE
                 Then what?

                           TROY
                 We came back to the house!

                           EVE
                 You didn't stop anywhere else?!

                           TROY
                 No. No, wait a minute. We stopped at a
                 porno store.

                           EVE
                 What?!

                           TROY
                 An adult bookstore. He was very
                 excited about seeing it. You think
                 home is under a dirty bookstore in the
                 Valley?

                           EVE
                 Come on.

       She heads out.

                           TROY
                 Trendy address.

       They exit.


       EXT. ADULT BOOKSTORE - NIGHT

       Troy and Eve approach and enter.



       INT. ADULT BOOKSTORE - NIGHT

       The Pakistani looks up briefly when Eve and Troy enter.
       There are two male customers in the bg. Eve taps her foot
       on the floor hoping to hear a hollow sound.  But it is
       solid.  She and Troy move about the store tapping their
       feet and finally jumping up and down.  The Pakistani and
       two customers become concerned.

                           EVE
                     (to Pakistani)
                 Have you got a basement?

                           PAKISTANI
                     (indicating merchandise)
                 Believe me, all the really good stuff
                 is right here.

                           EVE
                 Is there a back entrance?

                           PAKISTANI
                 Are you kidding?  Of course.

       He points to the rear of the store.

       EXT. REAR MALT SHOP PARKING LOT - NIGHT

       The Soda Jerk drives the rental truck away leaving the
       lot empty and the door to the Malt Shop closed. Troy and
       Eve appear after the truck is gone.

                           EVE
                 Why would you put a fallout shelter
                 under a porno shop?

                           TROY
                 None of this stuff was here in 1962.
                 The Valley was mostly small homes and
                 fruit orchards.

                           EVE
                 Well, we've come a long way, haven't
                 we?  I want to go home.

                           TROY
                 Yeah.  Maybe he'll call.

       They turn left to get back to the avenue.

       INT. EVE'S HOUSE - NIGHT

       The phone is ringing.  Then the recorder answers.

                           TROY
                 Hi. Troy and Eve are out so leave a
                 message. And if you want to leave a
                 number don't say it fast! I hate that!
                 Say it slow. Thank you.

       Beep,

                           ADAM
                 Uh, Eve...this is Adam.  Look, I just
                 wanted to thank you for everything you
                 did for me...and I wanted to tell you
                 that I...uh...that I wish so many good
                 things for you. I wish so hard that
                 all of your dreams come true. Um...I,
                 uh...



       EXT. AVENUE - NIGHT

       Eve lets Troy drive.  She clutches the cigar box and
       rests her head on the seat as they pull away from the
       curb in front of the bookstore.  A low rider passes them
       on the left.  Eve sees an old hag being shoved out of the
       bar and a homeless man slipping into the abandoned malt
       shop and the cross-dressing STREET WALKER making eyes at
       passing cars and Adam hanging up the pay phone he just
       used.

                           EVE
                 Adam!!

                           TROY
                 Where?!

                           EVE
                 Stop!

       She rolls down her window.

                           EVE
                 Adam!!

       ANGLE - ADAM

       Turning when he hears Eve yell his name.

       ANGLE - EVE

       Running from the car.  The cigar box falls to the street
       and the contents scatter.  Eve could care less.  Besides,
       Troy is there to retrieve everything.

       In a series of cuts and slo-mo action the couple race
       into each other's arms...to the pleasure of all the
       lowlifes mentioned above.  Now the street looks more like
       Capra than Scorsese. She's surprised that she wants to
       kiss him so bad. He's surprised that he gets so
       aggressive.

       INT. SHELTER, KITCHEN - LATER, SAME NIGHT

       Helen watches Calvin work on the timing device for the
       locks with a screwdriver.

                           HELEN
                 How long will you set it for this
                 time?

                           CALVIN
                 I thought ten years.

                           HELEN
                 Well, that's...considerably shorter
                 than before.  I was wondering, Calvin,
                 why set the locks at all.  I mean the
                 radiation is gone and...

                           CALVIN
                 To keep what's up there from getting
                 down here! It's not the radiation I'm
                 worried about.

                           ADAM (OC)
                 Mom?  Dad?

       They turn to see Adam walking forward with Eve.

                           ADAM
                 I'd like for you to meet Miss Eve
                 Rustokov.

       Calvin knows a Russian name when he hears one. But he
       chooses not to pursue it.

                           EVE
                     (stepping forward, offering
                      her hand)
                 How do you do, Mrs. Webber?  Mr.
                 Webber?

                           WEBBERS
                     (rather dumb-struck)
                 Hello.

                            EVE
                 Uh-huh. I've heard so many wonderful
                 things about you.

                           HELEN
                 Well, please excuse us!  We...we
                 haven't entertained a guest in...um...

                           CALVIN
                 Some time.

                           HELEN
                 What can I offer you, Eve?

                           ADAM
                 Mom?  Eve and I have to go.

                           HELEN
                 What?

                           ADAM
                 I can't explain it now.  But I want
                 you to set the locks for two months.
                 You have more than enough of
                 everything.  Then we'll be back to get
                 you.

                           CALVIN
                 But, I don't understand.

                           ADAM
                 And, I'm asking you to trust me
                 without understanding why.

                           CALVIN
                 Well, in that case...of course, son.

                           HELEN
                 Of course.

                           EVE
                 They are wonderful parents.

                           ADAM
                 We have to go.

                           HELEN
                 No, wait! At least stay for dinner!

                           CALVIN
                 Yes, please! You must.

                           ADAM/EVE
                 Well...sure...okay.

       INT. BAR - AN HOUR LATER

       Calvin mixes drinks just like he did at the party in
       1962. Adam is with him.

       INT. - KITCHEN

       Helen races around, just like she did in 1962, getting
       the roast ready. Eve. watches.

                           EVE
                 Adam said I shouldn't mention the
                 Communists.

                           HELEN
                 Oh, yes! Please, don't mention the
                 Communists!

       INT. - DINING ROOM

       Helen hurries out of the kitchen to take her seat. The
       others are already there.

                           HELEN
                 Eve. I hope I'm not being nosey, but
                 are you and Adam...um...dating?

                           EVE
                 Yes, Mrs. Webber we are.
                     (then)
                 I'm also from Pasadena.

       Helen nearly comes unglued. Calvin is pleased, too. He
       raises his tea cup.

                           CALVIN
                 A toast! To Adam and Eve!

       The others also raise their cups and everyone clicks.
       Then they drink.

                           EVE
                     (gagging)
                 What is this sh...stuff?!

                           CALVIN
                 Hot Dr. Pepper! Most people don't know
                 how good it is heated up.

                           EVE
                 You know, they don't, do they?

       They begin to eat.

                           EVE (cont'd)
                 What about grace?

                           HELEN
                 Oh, my goodness! We almost forgot!
                     (then)
                 I like your friend, Adam.

       They all join hands and lower their heads. Calvin leads
       them.

                           EVE (VO)
                 And you thought your parents were
                 weird.

       EXT. BEAUTIFUL VALLEY NORTH OF LA - MORNING

       Adam and Eve are with a REAL ESTATE BROKER. The broker
       unlocks the gate of a chain-link fence and Adam and Eve
       step onto the property. The broker's Lexus is in the b.g.

                           BROKER
                 It's like the Garden of Eden, don't
                 you think?

       Adam and Eve respond but we can't hear them under Eve's
       narration.

                           EVE (VO)
                 You see, that night, Adam had a choice
                 between me and his parents.







       SCENE 173 OMITTED

       EXT. VALLEY PROPERTY - DAY

       Adam and Eve are working with a TEAM OF ARCHITECTS AND
       CONTRACTORS at the site of a new home. They have plans
       and are discussing dimensions.

                           EVE (VO)
                 It's truly amazing what you can get
                 done when you have unlimited funds.
                 Did you know you can have whole houses
                 built in just a matter of months. All
                 you have to say is this..."I don't
                 care what it costs."  And then, of
                 course, you've got
                 to really mean it, which no one ever
                 does.

       EXT. NEW HOUSE - DAY

       It is under construction.


       EXT. MELROSE RETRO FURNITURE STORE - DAY

       Adam, Eve and Troy enter.

       INT. RETRO STORE

       This is great stuff from the fifties and the sixties.
       Adam finds things very similar to what he grew up with.
       There's a
       lamp (or something) that's just like the lamp (or
       something) from the Webber living room.

                           ADAM
                 That lamp is perfect!

                           STORE OWNER
                     (very faggy)
                 I'm holding that for Elton John.

                           TROY
                     (faggy right back)
                 Oh, I think not.

       SCENE 176 OMITTED  (REFER TO SCENE 172D)



       EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF MALT SHOP (FLASHBACK) - NIGHT

       Adam and Eve embracing as Troy picks up baseball cards
       and the street people look on.

                           ADAM
                 Eve, I've got to go back! My parents
                 can't handle this up here. And there
                 was no bomb, was there?



                           EVE
                 No.

                           ADAM
                 See! I can't tell them that!  I can't
                 ever let them know. It makes their
                 life..well, frankly...
                 a joke.  I can't let that happen.  You
                 understand?

                           EVE
                 We can make this work, Adam! Believe
                 me! I'm very good at making things
                 work!

                           ADAM
                 My mother's like that.

       They kiss again.



       INT. MALT SHOP - DAY

       Eve and Troy are showing large color drawings to the Soda
       Jerk.  In CU we see the Malt Shop exterior all dolled up
       with a big lighted sign that says "GIVE ME SHELTER."
       There's valet parking and the Adult Bookstore and Bar
       have been turned into a Souvenir Center (think Planet
       Hollywood).  Another drawing shows fashionable guests
       boarding the elevator.

                           EVE (VO)
                 It took a while to convince Archbishop
                 Milker that Adam wasn't God, and he
                 was pretty broken up about it, too,
                 until I showed him my plans for Los
                 Angeles' hottest and most original
                 night spot.

       Other drawings show dancing on the shelter patio and
       guided tours being shown various parts of the shelter.

                           EVE
                 You'll be a ten percent partner and
                 still retain ownership of the
                 entrance.

                           SODA JERK
                 Praise the Lord.  And I mean the real
                 one.

       EXT. BEAUTIFUL VALLEY NORTH OF L.A. - TWO MONTHS LATER

       A 1962 Cadillac leads a 1962 windowless van through
       automatic gates that have signs on them saying:  PRIVATE
       ROAD and NO TRESPASSING. Troy drives the van. Eve drives
       the Cadillac. Adam is her passenger.

                           EVE (VO)
                 Our idea was to bring Adam's parents
                 up to the surface very slowly.  Make
                 them very comfortable and then break
                 the bad news to them that there was no
                 nuclear holocaust. And if that doesn't
                 kill them Adam's going to tell his
                 father about the Internet.

       EXT. EXACT REPLICA OF THE WEBBER HOUSE - DAY

       The cars pull up and Adam lets his parents out. They go
       bonkers when they see the house.





       INT. LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

       The parents enter first. They are thrilled, shocked, etc.

       INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

       As a demonstration, Troy removes a hot cup of coffee from
       the microwave.  Helen is happy to see this handy new
       device.  Calvin, the inventor, sticks his head into the
       machine to investigate its workings.

       INT. FAMILY ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

       Adam demonstrates the VCR to his parents as Troy and Eve
       look on.

                           ADAM
                 You put the tape in here and you get a
                 movie -- in your own home.

       We see the main title to Natural Born Killers come up on
       the screen. Troy and Eve rush forward.

                           EVE/TROY
                 No!!

       INT. ADAM'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME

       It has been turned into an office for Calvin.

                           HELEN
                 This is your bedroom?

                           ADAM
                 No, Mom, I've turned it into Dad's
                 office.

                           HELEN
                 Well, where are you --

                           ADAM
                 Eve and I...eloped.  We're married.

                           HELEN
                 No.

                           ADAM
                 Yes.

                           EVE
                 Is that all right?

                           HELEN
                 It's wonderful, dear! Wonderful!!

       They hug.

                           HELEN (cont'd)
                 Calvin!  They're married!

                           CALVIN
                     (offering his hand to both)
                 That's wonderful. We Webber guys have
                 mighty good luck when it comes to
                 women.

       Calvin points out the computer.

                           CALVIN (cont'd)
                 What's that thing?

                           ADAM
                 It's kind of a combination television-
                 typewriter-telephone-post office type
                 of thing.
                     (leading Calvin out)
                 I'll show it to you later.

       EXT. PATIO - AN HOUR LATER

       Adam and Calvin exit the house. They wear baseball gloves
       and start playing catch. (Calvin notes the modern
       construction of his glove, but does not comment on it.)

                           CALVIN
                 This is great son, just great. By the
                 way, Eve's last name. Rus-to-kov,
                 that's not Russian, is it?

                           ADAM
                 It's Ukrainian. Her grandparents
                 immigrated here.

                           CALVIN
                 Uh-huh.

                           ADAM
                 Dad, I don't know how to tell you
                 this. And I was going to wait a while,
                 but I think...Dad,there was no bomb.
                 A plane crashed into our backyard. I
                 looked it up in old newspapers.

                           CALVIN
                     (after a while)
                 You're sure?

                           ADAM
                 Positive. The Soviet Union collapsed
                 without a shot being fired. The Cold
                 War is over.

                           CALVIN
                 That's what everybody believes?

                           ADAM
                 Yes, sir. It's true.

                           CALVIN
                 What? Did the politburo just one day
                 say - "We give up?"

                           ADAM
                 Yes. That's kind of how it was.

                           CALVIN
                 Uh-huh.

       Adam throws the ball, but Calvin makes no attempt to
       catch it.

                           CALVIN
                 My gosh, those Commies are brilliant!
                 You've got to hand it to 'em!  "No, we
                 didn't drop any bombs!  Oh yes, our
                 evil empire has collapsed!  Poor, poor
                 us!"  I bet they've even asked the
                 West for aid!  Right?!

                           ADAM
                 Uh, I think they have.

                           CALVIN
                 Hah!!! Those cagey rascals! Those sly
                 dissemblers! Those, uh...
                     (he can't think of another
                      description, so he moves on)
                 They've finally pulled the wool over
                 everybody's eyes!

                           EVE (VO)
                 Have you ever in your life seen a son
                 who did more for his parents?

       Helen comes out with a tray of champagne cocktails.

                           EVE (VO)
                 Adam says that this is simply how
                 things work.  First the parents take
                 care of the children and then the
                 children take care
                 of the parents. He says historically,
                 that's how it works.

       INT. LIVING ROOM

       Eve and Troy are sitting by the window.  Adam and Helen
       come in to offer cocktails to Troy and Eve.

                           EVE (VO)
                 Whenever Adam gives me such obviously
                 incorrect information, I just smile,
                 slap him on the knee, and look out the
                 window.
                 Why spoil his dreams?  They're such
                 wonderful dreams.

       The CAMERA wanders off of them and shoots out the glass
       doors. We see Calvin behind the house...measuring off the
       dimensions for a fallout shelter.

       EXT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

       Calvin continues to measure as we pull way back and up.
       Perry Como sings "We'll Meet Again".

                                                          FADE OUT:

                           THE END