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The Distinguished Gentleman Movie Script

Writer(s) : Adam Resnick

Genres : Comedy

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                                       Rev. 3/25/92 (Blue)
                                       Rev. 4/03/92 (Pink)




                 THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN



                          written
                             by
                        Marty Kaplan




HOLLYWOOD PICTURES                     PRODUCTION REVISION
500 South Buena Vista
Burbank, CA 91521                      March 17, 1992
(818) 560-3370

    THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92
    FADE IN:
1   A FLASH OF LIGHT                                            1
    A radiant shiny something dazzling in EXTREME CLOSEUP.
    BEGIN TITLES.
    CAMERA very slowly PULLS   BACK. The sparkling surface
    turns out to be a lot of   carats. WE SEE the stone, then
    the ring, then suddenly,   in b.g., something HUGE SWEEPS
    by. REVEAL a mechanical    claw above the ring, hanging
    from a crane. The ring    sits in a sea of tiny dolls,
    joke eyeballs, and other   carnival junk.
    The claw descends on the ring again and again, sometimes
    catching it for a moment then tragically dropping it --
    accompanied by OOHS and AAHS (O.S.) of hope and disap-
    pointment. INTERCUT with the HANDS of a young black man
    working the controls. The EYES of a young black woman
    watching him work. Another guy's HANDS digging in his
    pocket for change. QUARTERS going into the slot.
                             MAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
               This'll never work, Tommy.
                             TOMMY (O.S.)
               Be positive, Armando. Course it will.
    The claw inadvertently snags a rabbit's foot.
                              TOMMY (O.S.)
               Look.   See what a lucky fuck I am?
                             WOMAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
               He don't mean the ring, hon, he
               means the whole plan.

                              TOMMY (O.S.)
               So do I.
    The claw catches the   ring and closes on it. QUICK CUTS
    of their FACES as the   crane rises. A very pretty lady.
    A beefy Latino with a   two-day beard. Their apprehension.
    Tommy's confidence.    Then his exceptional smile. He gets
    the ring.
2   INT. PENNY ARCADE - DAY                                     2
                             TOMMY
               Okay -- one down, one to go.
                      (returning to the
                       claw)
               You got quarters, Loretta?
    END TITLES.

    THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              2.
3   EXT. FLORIDA LUXURY HOTEL - DAY                             3
    Palm trees. The smell of money. Valets in Foreign
    Legion khakis greeting arriving luxury cars.
4   INT. HOTEL FUNCTION ROOM - DAY                              4
    A big crowd of GUESTS at a cocktail reception. A lot
    of lime jackets, cherry trousers, and blue hair. People
    wear name tags.
    ON Tommy, in pastel bow tie and full waiter drag, con-
    firming orders for a group of guests. He speaks in a
    PRISSY, OVER-SOLICITIOUS VOICE:
                           TOMMY
             That's a diet ginger ale, an extra-
             spicy virgin mary no salt, a club
             soda -- good choice -- a lime
             rickey, and a bourbon and a
             planter's punch. Five people,
             five drinks... it's Kismet!
    Tommy turns away, looking toward the entrance to the
    room.
5   INT. LOBBY - DAY - CLOSE SHOT - THE RING                    5
    glittering on Loretta's finger. LORETTA, stunning in
    designer clothing and accessories, enters. Her looks
    attract looks.
6   INT. FUNCTION ROOM - DAY                                    6
    Tommy, maintaining his vantage point, repeats another
    order, this time in a heavy CARRIBEAN ACCENT:
                           TOMMY
             That's a vodka tonic, a Pellegrino,
             lime and no ice, a gin Gibson
             straight up with ex-tra onions
             -- I am also fond of de onions --
             and a Chardonnary spritzer...also
             with extra onions -- no, no, do
             not worry, that is just a little
             joke. There will be no onions
             whatsoever in your spritzer!
    He LAUGHS HUGELY, rather amused with himself.   The guests
    aren't.
                           GUEST
             You don't need to write it down?
                                                (CONTINUED)

    THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            3.
6   CONTINUED:                                                6
                            TOMMY
             Mr. Memory?   Do not make me laugh!
    He LAUGHS HUGELY, turns, takes two steps away and makes
    absolutely no effort to get their drinks. He looks
    toward the door.
7   INT. HALLWAY/ENTRANCE TO FUNCTION ROOM - DAY              7
    Loretta approaches the function room, where pert  DEBBIE,
    wearing a JOHNSON FOR CONGRESS button, staffs a  felt-
    covered table. On  a nearby easel, a photo of a  silver-
    haired Man with a legend in blue and gold: JEFF   JOHNSON.
    THE NAME YOU KNOW.

                           LORETTA
                    (Eurotrash accent)
             I'm not too late, am I, dear?
                    (extending a hand)
             Hello, darling, Alma Preston,
             how are you today?
                           DEBBIE
             Thanks for coming, Ms. Preston,
             I'm Debbie Bartle.
                    (consulting a list)
             Do we have your check yet?
    Loretta pulls a Mont Blanc pen and a checkbook from her
    bag.
                           LORETTA
             No, honey, I don't think you do, we
             just got in last night from our
             place in Barbados -- how much is it?

                           DEBBIE
             Five hundred a person.   Barbados?
                           LORETTA
                    (writing)
             Yes, we're just down the beach
             from Mick Jagger and Jerry.
                    (looking up)
             You wouldn't turn down a couple of
             thousand, would you?
    A pleased smile from Debbie. Loretta opens the check-
    book, flashing the immense RING in front of Debbie.
                           DEBBIE
             Um, that's a lovely ring.
                                                (CONTINUED)

    THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              4.
7   CONTINUED:                                                  7
                           LORETTA
             Oh, thank you. I thought it might
             be a little gaudy...who should I
             make this out to?
                           DEBBIE
             Johnson for Congress. It's not
             gaudy, it's just...nice and big.
                           LORETTA
             That's my Carlos...I can't even
             look in a store window. We're
             walking down this street in Rio,
             we pass a jewelry store...I didn't
             even turn my head and he's in the
             shop...
                    (holds up ring)
             ...$250,000. I said it's crazy...
             but you know Carlos.
                             DEBBIE
             I wish I did.
    ON Tommy watching Loretta. A Guest standing just behind
    Tommy -- wearing MRS. ZEKE BRIDGES name tag -- watches
    JEFF JOHNSON gladhand the room robustly.
                           MRS. BRIDGES
             I hear they had him open for six hours.
    ZEKE, a very fat cigar-smoker, marvels at Johnson's
    appearance.
                           ZEKE
                    (chuckling)
             The sum' bitch looks terrific.

    Tommy, eavesdropping, joins Zeke's chuckle, which unfor-
    tunately turns into a wheeze and then a cough. Zeke
    turns to Tommy.
                           ZEKE
             How about taking our orders, son?
                           TOMMY
             Absolutely my friend!    How can I
             pleasure you?
                           ZEKE
             Bourbon straight up and a Perrier
             rocks for the lady.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

    THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             5.
7   CONTINUED:   (2)                                           7
                           TOMMY
             Ah! Fire and ice! Wonderful!
             But may I suggest you make that a
             double sir? After all, so many
             guests, so few of me -- who knows
             when I may be back?
                           ZEKE
             Sure, why not.
    AT THE ENTRANCE LORETTA pauses before going into the room.
                           LORETTA
             You know where the powder room is, hon?
             I should freshen my face before I go in.

                           DEBBIE
             It's just over there.
    ON JEFF JOHNSON with his well-groomed wife, VERA, and a
    barrel-chested Man in full resort wear, wearing an OLAF
    ANDERSEN name tag.
                           JOHNSON
             So how the heck are you, Olaf?
                           ANDERSEN
             I should be asking how you are, congressman.
    Johnson pats his chest and smiles at Vera.
                           JOHNSON
             This old ticker never felt better.
                           ANDERSEN
             It's good to see you back on your
             feet, Jeff. We need you in Washington.
    Inconspicuously, a pretty young redhead whispers to Vera.
    This is JENNIFER, Johnson's Administrative Assistant
    (his AA).
                           VERA JOHNSON
             How's that granddaughter of yours,
             Olaf? Ready for the Olympics?
                           ANDERSEN
             She'll be thrilled you asked after her.
8   IN THE HALLWAY Loretta emerges from the Ladies' Room...    8
    catches a spike heel... recovers her balance... then
    frantically searches her hands and clothes, SCREAMS,
    and gets down on hands and knees.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

    THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             6.
8   CONTINUED:                                                 8
                             LORETTA
             My God!    My God! Oh my God!
    Debbie rushes over to her.
                           DEBBIE
             What's the matter?
                             LORETTA
                      (hyperventilating)
             My --   my ring. My diamond. I took
             it off   in the ladies' room to wash my
             hands.    I was just putting it on --
             I must   have dropped it.

                           DEBBIE
                    (getting down)
             Let me help you, we'll find it.
                           LORETTA
             Call Security!
9   IN THE FUNCTION ROOM Tommy maintains his watch on          9
    Loretta. Zeke Bridges taps Tommy on the shoulder.
                           ZEKE
             Hey, what about our drinks?
    Tommy instantly assumes an ANGRY YOUNG STREET BLACK
    VOICE:
                             TOMMY
             Yeah?    What you want?
                             ZEKE
             What?    You already took our order.

                           TOMMY
             That wasn't me! You must be
             thinking of Jamal. I'm Karim.
             What you want?
                           ZEKE
             Bourbon straight up and a Perrier
             rocks.
                             TOMMY
                      (snorts derisively)
             Hunh.
    He walks two steps...and once again makes no attempt to
    get the drinks. Zeke returns to Jeff Johnson.
                                                (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             7.
9    CONTINUED:                                                 9
                            ZEKE
              Don't get me wrong, Jeff. Pyramid
              Insurance doesn't want special breaks.
              I just think we ought to be able to
              set our own rates without Uncle Sam
              sticking his nose in our business.
     Johnson signals Jennifer to come over.
                            JOHNSON
              Do you know my AA? Zeke Bridges,
              this is Jennifer, my Administrative
              Assistant. Zeke's been a
              tremendous help to us. I'd like
              you to listen to his view on health
              insurance.
                            JENNIFER
              I'd be very happy to.
                            ZEKE
              At Pyramid Insurance, we call our
              approach the Patient's Bill of
              Rights.
10   IN THE HALLWAY Loretta and Debbie are on hands and      10
     knees, still looking. A pair of shoes comes INTO FRAME.
     They LOOK up at a bullet-headed man.
                             BRUNO
              Ms. Preston?   Bruno Handler, hotel
              security.
                             LORETTA
              My ring!   My ring! Oh my god...!

                            BRUNO
              Now just calm down, Ma'am... can you
              describe the ring?
                            LORETTA
              It's a diamond ring! A big diamond
              ring! Oh my Christ!
     She's frantic.   Debbie takes Bruno aside.
                            DEBBIE
              I saw it. It's huge... it must be
              like eight carats. She says it was
              a quarter of a million dollars!
     Bruno turns back to Loretta, trying to calm her.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             8.
10   CONTINUED:                                                 10
                            BRUNO
              Ma'am... calm down.   Now, is the
              ring insured?
                            LORETTA
              Of course it's insured! But you
              know how it works -- if I report
              it, they'll cancel me. And I don't
              want another ring! I need this
              ring! The ring Carlos gave me.
     Bruno turns, speaks into the walkie-talkie he's carrying.
                            BRUNO
              Where the fuck is housekeeping? I called
              for those dickheads ninety seconds ago.
11   IN THE FUNCTION ROOM the Guests have gathered to hear      11
     Johnson speak. As Andersen introduces him, Tommy con-
     tinues eyeing Loretta.
                            ANDERSEN
              Now I won't run through Jeff's
              record -- he's been in Congress
              twenty years, and I've only got two
              minutes. I'll just say this: When
              those of us in pharmaceuticals, or
              agribusiness, or insurance, or
                     (indicating himself)
              utilities, or you name it -- when
              we've needed him, Jeff's been there
              for us. And we've been there for
              Jeff, too -- we raised a hundred
              thousand dollars today!
                     (APPLAUSE)
              Without further ado, our man in
              Washington, Jefferson Davis Johnson.
12   IN THE HALLWAY Debbie hears the APPLAUSE (O.S.).   She     12
     gets up.
                            DEBBIE
              I should be in there. Good luck,
              Ms. Preston. I hope you find it.
     She leaves.   Loretta, mascara smeared, gets up, as
     does Bruno.
                            LORETTA
              I can't go in there like this. God!
              Please... listen... I'll pay a ten
              thousand dollar reward for anybody
              who finds my ring. Just don't tell
              Carlos!
                     (suddenly grim)
              He'll kill me.

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            9.
13   IN THE FUNCTION ROOM, as Johnson takes questions, Tommy    13
     slips out.
                            QUESTIONER
              What do you make of all this campaign
              reform business, Jeff?
                            JOHNSON
              Well, y'know Ernie... these days,
              everyone's down on the political
              action committees and so-called
              special interests. But, heck, I
              think you and Fran have a right to
              participate in our democracy in
              exactly the way you're doing today.
              I'm in Congress to represent you.
              I don't want any so-called reform
              to take that power away from you.
14   APPLAUSE (O.S.). IN THE HALLWAY Bruno issues orders to     14
     two Maintenance Men.
                            BRUNO
              I want every heating grate opened and
              inspected. I want every air
              conditioning duct vacuumed. Do you
              understand what I'm saying?
     AS he speaks, Bruno SEES Tommy pass through the hallway
     ... spot something on the floor... pick it up... furtive-
     ly put it in his pocket... and walk rapidly toward the
     door to the kitchens.
                            BRUNO
                     (running after him)
              Hey, you! Waiter! Hold it right
              there!

     Bruno puts an arm on Tommy. Tommy instantly assumes a
     frantic, wimpy, craven persona, along wth his CARRIBBEAN
     ACCENT.
                            TOMMY
              No! Please! Do not report me!
              I will be deported!
                             BRUNO
              Calm down.   What've you got in your
              pocket?
                            TOMMY
              I told the CIA everything! I agreed
              to poison the pineapples! My green
              card is in the mail!
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             10.
14   CONTINUED:                                                  14
                            BRUNO
              Stow it! I'm not Immigration, I'm
              hotel security. Now, what did you
              just put in your pocket?
                             TOMMY
              Nothing.
                            BRUNO
              I'm warning you, flathead, get cute
              with me and I will tear you a
              second asshole. Now a valuable
              diamond ring is mising...
                             TOMMY
              Valuable?
     We can almost see the light bulb click on above Bruno's
     head.
                            BRUNO
              Very valuable. All right, I'll
              give you a hunnert bucks for it.
                            TOMMY
              A hundred and five?
     Bruno snorts agreement, goes for his wallet... Tommy goes
     gor the ring... then suddenly leaps back in a cringe!
                            TOMMY
              No! It's a trick! You will
              call me a thief and send me back
              and the Security Police will make
              me stand on my head in the guano
              pit! I have seen such things on
              CNN!
     Bruno snaps and GRABS TOMMY BY THE COLLAR.
                            BRUNO
              Jesus, I'm not trying to trick
              you...
                            TOMMY
              No, no... it is a trap! I must
              turn this over to police.
     He starts to leave.   Bruno grabs him.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              11.
14   CONTINUED:   (2)                                             14
                            BRUNO
              Listen, dipshit... a valuable ring
              is missing and there's thousands
              of dollars in reward money waiting.
              So you'd better fork over...
                            TOMMY
              How big is this... reward?
     Another lightbulb.
                            BRUNO
              Um, five hundred dollars.
                            TOMMY
              You said 'thousands.'
                                 BRUNO
              Yeah.     Right.    A thousand dollars.
                            TOMMY
              No, no, no...you said thousands.
              With an 'S'. This is plural.
              This means "two or more thousands."
                            BRUNO
                     (deep sigh)
              Okay, you win. Two thousand.
                               TOMMY
              Or more.     Two or more.
     Bruno's had enough -- his grip tightens around Tommy's
     neck.
                            TOMMY
              Just making a point.
15   IN HOTEL LOBBY AT THE CASHIER'S DESK Bruno slides a          15
     check to the Cashier, who counts a stack of bills.
     Bruno picks up a house phone, dials.
16   INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY                                        16
     ARMANDO, still unshaven, answers the RINGING phone.
                                 ARMANDO
              Hello?
     INTERCUT with Bruno in the lobby.
                            BRUNO
              Hello, may I speak with Ms. Preston?
                                                   (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              12.
16   CONTINUED:                                                   16
                            ARMANDO
              She's in the bathroom. This is
              Carlos. Can I take a message?
                            BRUNO
                     (smiling to himself)
              No, thanks, I'll call back.
     ARMANDO hangs up the phone and exits the hotel room.
     BRUNO crosses to the far side of the lobby, where Tommy
     waits inconspicuously. He gives him the money. Tommy
     gives him ring.
                            BRUNO
              Now get back to work!
     As Tommy heads back to the function room, Bruno picks up
     a house phone, dials, listens. He dials again, listens.
     No answer. He dials the operator.
                            BRUNO
              This is Bruno in Security. Put me
              through to 502 -- there must be
              something wrong with the line, I can't
              get an answer... What do you mean,
              there's no one in 502? I just spoke to
              them!... No one's registered in 502? Are
              you sure?... Well, check again!... Shit!
     He hangs up, looks at the ring, and realizes he's been
     taken. His face twisting with rage, he hurries after
     Tommy.
17   ON TOMMY MOVING swiftly through the function room toward 17
     an exit. Zeke Bridges grabs him.

                             ZEKE
              Hey!   Where the hell are our drinks.
     Surprised, Tommy opts for an EAST INDIAN ACCENT.
                            TOMMY
              I remember... you were the sloe gin
              fizz and the mango daquiri? With
              perhaps a small umbrella for the lady?
                            ZEKE
              Bourbon neat and a Perrier, dammit!
                            TOMMY
              And would you still be wanting the
              umbrella then?
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             13.
17   CONTINUED:                                                  17
     As Zeke's face flushes in anger, Tommy SEES Bruno come
     into the room, blood in his eye. Tommy turns sharply and
     heads out the terrace doors to the --
18   EXT. COURTYARD - DAY                                        18
     Tommy conceals himself behind a pillar, across the court-
     yard, away from the Guests. But from another direction,
     Johnson and Andersen approach, arm in arm, and sit on a
     bench by the pillar.
                            JOHNSON
              Olaf, there's something I wanted to
              sound you out on. As a special
              friend.

                             ANDERSEN
              Shoot.
     Tommy moves away from the pillar, sees Bruno roaming the
     terrace, and retreats.
                            JOHNSON
              I'm thinking of retiring from
              Congress.
     Andersen's eyes widen in astonishment.
                             ANDERSEN
              You're what?
                            JOHNSON
              I'm thinking maybe I won't run.
              Maybe I should listen more
                     (indicating his heart)
              to this. Really appreciate these
              years. Sail around the world.
              Climb mountains. Enjoy the finer
              things of life.
                            ANDERSEN
              Jeff. Listen to me. You can't
              retire. Florida needs you. I need
              you. I need you on rates. I need
              you on regulations. I need you on
              those environmental nutcases --
                            JOHNSON
              Olaf, if I retire this year, I get to keep
              all the money left over in my campaign
              treasury. Comes to a very tidy nest-egg.
                             ANDERSEN
              How tidy?
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             14.
18   CONTINUED:                                                  18
                            JOHNSON
              One-point-three million.
                     (chuckles)
              It's called the grandfather loophole.
     Bruno has gone.   But Tommy stays.   His eyes light up at
     the money.
                            ANDERSEN
              Come on, Jeff. Look at what you'd be
              giving up. Going to the best resorts
              in the world and calling it "official
              business." Golfing and skiing and
              fishing, and never picking up a tab.
              And, Jeff -- there's no aphrodisiac
              like power. You can have some of the
              most intelligent, attractive women
              in the country. You've got it made!
                            JOHNSON
              Oh, I suppose that one-point-three
              may seem like spare change to the
              head of Gulf Coast Power, but to a
              country boy like me --
                            ANDERSEN
              Okay, Jeff. I get it. Look. There's
              a little software company that's
              about to go through the roof.
     Johnson smiles at the direction the conversation is
     taking.
     ON Tommy also smiling, in admiration at the transaction
     going down.

                            ANDERSEN
              A few thousand worth of stock options
              would stand to make you quite a pile.
              As long as your blind trust buys them,
              you're clean -- the SEC can't shake a
              stick at you. Half a million, easy --
              and that's just a start.
                            JOHNSON
              Well, if you put it like that... I
              now see I have a duty to continue
              my career in public service.
     Johnson stands, puts his arm on Andersen.
     Tommy emerges, shakes his head, and laughs.
                            TOMMY
              I'm in the wrong business.

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92                   14A.
19   EXT. BAIT SHACK - DAY                                          19
     A ramshackle bait shack, paint peeling, on the inland
     waterway. At the rear of the shack, Armando shoots hoops
     into a tattered net. Loretta, back in jeans, looks at
     her watch.
     A bondo-patched Econoline van pulls up. Tommy jumps out,
     big smile. He gives Loretta an energetic round of
     APPLAUSE.
                            TOMMY
              The best li'l roper in America!
     But she doesn't want the charm.
                            LORETTA
              You took your time.
                            ARMANDO
              Cops bust you, Tommy?
                               TOMMY
              Busted?   Moi?    Fuck no.
     He pulls out the wad of bills.       Their faces brighten
     considerably.
                            TOMMY
              That look like busted?
20   EXT. CAPITOL - NIGHT                                           20
     Washington, D.C.   The illuminated dome of the Capitol.
21   INT. CONGRESSIONAL OFFICE - NIGHT                              21
     CAMERA ROAMS the well-hung walls. From the photos and
     memorabilia, we realize that we are in the office of Rep.
     Jeff Johnson.
     In the reflections on the frames, we GLIMPSE some
     MOVEMENT on the desk explaining the considerable
     BREATHING and MOANING (O.S.).
                               JOHNSON (O.S.)
              Oh my God.     Oh my God. Oh my...
     But then a strange GURGLING sound (O.S.) escapes from
     Johnson.
                             JOHNSON (O.S.)
               ... God.
     A silent beat.   Then a horrified CRY.      Jennifer rises
     INTO FRAME.
                               JENNIFER
              Oh my god!

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            14B.
22   INT. CHURCH - FLORIDA - DAY                               22
     The congregation is SINGING. We SEE the widow Johnson.
     At her side, in the aisle seat, a powerful man with bushy
     eyebrows, about 60, in a three-piece suit and watch
     chain: congressman DICK DODGE. The HYMN ends. Dodge
     steps up to the pulpit.
                            DODGE
              It was my honor to serve in Congress with
              Jeff Johnson for a generation. No one
              could have been a better legislator. No
              one could have been a finer husband and
              father. And now --
     He presses the tips of his fingers together and looks
     skyward, as if communing with his memory of the deceased.

                            DODGE
              And now God has called his servant home.
     ANGLE ON Jennifer, in black.
                            DODGE (O.S.)
              We will miss him. But we are grateful
              that his passing was so peaceful -- and
              so like him -- working late into the
              night at his desk, the consummate
              public servant.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

                                                             15.
22   CONTINUED:                                                    22
     Vera sneaks a look at Jennifer, who is poker-faced.
23   EXT./INT. VERANDA/JOHNSON HOME - DAY                          23
     On the veranda of the gracious  home, mourners pay
     respects to the family. Dodge   puts a gentle hand on
     the widow's shoulder and draws  her aside. He throws
     a look at Jennifer, who joins  them.
                            DODGE
              Vera, I know you're still in shock
              from Jeff's... passing. But we have
              to talk about his seat.
     Vera stares at Jennifer.   She knows the score.

                            JENNIFER
              Mrs. Johnson, if you'd like to
              discuss this in private --
                            VERA
              You can stay -- what's the
              difference?
                            DODGE
              Vera, I'd like you to announce that
              you're going to run for Congress.
              Let a few days pass to show proper
              respect. But next week, I want to
              stand next to you at a press
              conference where you declare for
              Jeff's seat in the House.
                            VERA JOHNSON
              No, Dick -- no.

                            DODGE
              There's nothing to be afraid of,
              Vera. With your name, you can't
              lose. People around these parts
              are so used to voting for Jeff
              Johnson -- why, Mrs. Jeff Johnson
              would win in a walk.
                            VERA JOHNSON
              Dick, I was a Washington wife for
              twenty years. Twenty years of
              Potomac bullshit is plenty for one
              lifetime.
                            DODGE
              Vera, we're talking about becoming a
              Member of Congress. We're talking
              about a sure thing.
                                                (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              16.
23   CONTINUED:                                                   23
                             JENNIFER
               Don't worry about running the
               office -- I'll be there night
               and day.
                             VERA JOHNSON
               I'm sure you would, dear. But I
               couldn't give you the same job
               satisfaction Jeff gave you.
     Jennifer, embarrassed, didn't know Vera knew.    Nor
     did Dodge.
24   OMITTED                                                      24

25   EXT. CONDOMINUM COMPLEX - DAY                                25
     A retirement community in the Florida sunshine.
26   INT. CONDO ELEVATOR/HALLWAY - DAY - THE ELEVATOR DOORS       26
     open. A supermarket shopping cart full of groceries,
     tied with a big bow, rolls out, pushed by Tommy. Loretta
     accompanies him.
     Tommy BUZZES at a door. It's answered by Tommy's
     GRANDMA, a limber lady in leggings and a bright top.
     She sees the groceries, kisses him.
                             GRANDMA
               This is very sweet of you, darling.
               But you shouldn't have done it.
               Where did you get the money?
                             TOMMY
               You don't want to know.

27   INT. GRANDMA'S CONDO - DAY                                   27
     Tommy and Loretta are watching the track results on the
     local tv news. Tommy, playing solitaire, shuffles bril-
     liantly. Grandma comes in from the kitchen, shaking
     her head.
                             GRANDMA
               How did I end up with a thief
               for a grandson?
                             TOMMY
               Grandma -- I told you.    I'm not a
               thief. I'm a con man.     An artist.
                             GRANDMA
               But also a crook.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             17.
27   CONTINUED:                                                   27
                             TOMMY
               But I only con crooks, Grandma.
               You can't con an honest man. Only
               somebody who wants something for
               nothing.
                      (pause)
               But the good Lord must have been
               fond of pigeons, because he made
               so many of them.
                             GRANDMA
               Sometimes I just wish you were
               more like your Daddy...
                             TOMMY
               You mean, dead?
                             GRANDMA
               No, smartmouth... I mean someone
               who made something of himself.
                             LORETTA
                      (pointing at TV)
               LOOK...it's the ad!
     VIDEO...a cheap TV spot -- a busty blonde in a skimpy
     outfit tossing her hair and pouting.
                             LORETTA (V.O.)
                      (fake Swedish accent)
               I am Inga. I'm here from Sweden
               and I'm s-o-o lonely. I need a
               man...and so do my girlfriends.
     VIDEO...Scantily-clad babes to match the names.    Loretta
     speaks along with the V.O.

                             LORETTA (AND V.O.)
               ...Maria, my hotblooded Spanish
               friend...Babette, the Parisian
               pussycat...and many others. So
               call the "Girls of Many Nations,"
               at 1-900-555-NATO.
     SUPER:   CALL 1-900-555-NATO.
                             LORETTA
                      (Swedish accent)
               So what do you think of my accent,
               Grandma?
                             GRANDMA
               Compared to what? Loretta, why
               don't you go baste the turkey?
                                                  (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92               18.
27   CONTINUED:   (2)                                              27
     Loretta gets up and goes for the kitchen. We hear a
     high-pitched ELECTRONIC WARBLE. Tommy reaches into
     Loretta's purse and pulls out a cellular phone.
                                TOMMY
                         (calls to Loretta)
              See?      I told you TV advertising
              works.
     He opens the phone and speaks in a toneless, recording-
     like voice.
                            TOMMY
              Hello...you have reached Girls of
              Many Nations. For Hot Blooded
              Italian Wildcats, press "one" now.
                     (nothing)
              For Perky American Cheerleaders,
              press "two" now.
                     (nothing)
              For a Sultry Swedish Love Goddess,
              press "three" now...
                     ("BEEP")
     He covers the mouthpiece and calls to Loretta.
                            TOMMY
              Bingo! Loretta...guy wants to
              speak to Inga.
                            LORETTA
                      (o.c.)
              Tell him to call back.      I'm
              basting.
     TOMMY grins mischievously and speaks into the phone in
     the husky voice of a SWEDISH WOMAN.
                            TOMMY
              Ja, this is Inga. Hello Paul...
              how are you tonight? You are
              feeling naughty? That's all right
              ...you have your what in a bowl of
              oatmeal? Yes, that is very
              naughty, and maybe a little sick.
                               GRANDMA
              Disgusting.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             19.
27   CONTINUED:   (3)                                            27
                            TOMMY
              Oh NO! It's my husband Lars.
              He's home early, I must go before
              ...you want to talk to Lars too?
              So you like to talk dirty out of
              both sides of your mouth.
                     (normal voice)
              Man, you are one twisted bastard!
     Laughing, he hangs up.
                            GRANDMA
              Tommy, please!
                            TOMMY
              Sorry, grandma, just getting a
              third minute out of him.
     He clicks off the phone and slams it back into Loretta's
     purse. Loretta, meanwhile, has reappeared.
                            LORETTA
              You hung up on Paul? He's one of
              my best customers.
                            GRANDMA
              I can't believe any relative of
              mine does that for a living.
                            LORETTA
              C'mon Gramma...it's only my voice.
              They never actually meet me.
                            GRANDMA
              So my granddaughter talks dirty
              for a living and my grandson's a
              thief.
                            TOMMY
              What's up, Grandma? Are you
              embarrassed to show my picture
              around the pool?
                            GRANDMA
              Of course I'm not. Look.
     She goes to her sewing basket and pulls something from
     it. She unfolds it: a long piece of needlepoint she's
     been working on.
     INSERT
     It spells out Tommy's full name:   Thomas Jefferson
     Johnson.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             20.
27   CONTINUED:   (4)                                            27
                            GRANDMA (O.S.)
              Look what these arthritic hands
              been doing.
     BACK TO SCENE
                            GRANDMA
              Make me proud of you, Tommy. Make
              me proud of the name you carry.
     In the silence between them that follows, we HEAR the tv.
                            GENERAL MANAGER
              I'm Ned Grable, vice president and
              general manager of WFLA. We think
              Mrs. Jeff Johnson did the right
              thing in not running for the
              congressional seat left vacant by
              her husband's death.
     The editorial catches Grandma's attention.
                            GENERAL MANAGER
              Jeff Johnson's name may still be magic.
              But it'll take more than the magic of
              name recognition to solve our region's
              problems. I'm Ned Grable.
                            GRANDMA
              Name recognition. Lordy, what a
              notion. People have to be some
              boobs just to vote for someone
              because their name is Johnson.
     Tommy's eyes widen.
                            GRANDMA
              I remember once back in Georgia,
              they even elected a dead man. His
              name was still on the ballot --
              people were just used to voting
              for him.
                            TOMMY
              What did you say, Grandma?
28   EXT. BAIT SHACK - DAY                                       28
     HOMER, the proprietor of Homer's Pit Stop, wearing fuel-
     smeared overalls, is dieseling a Customer's boat down by
     the water.
                              TOMMY (O.S.)
              Homer!    Get your ass over here!
                                                  (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92               20A.
28   CONTINUED:                                                 28
     Up by the racks of junk food and beer, and pails of fish
     slop, Tommy and Armando await Homer. In b.g., an older
     black gentleman plays checkers, solo. This is VAN DYKE.
                            ARMANDO
              What's this about, jefe?
                            TOMMY
                     (calling)
              Loretta! Get off the damn phone!
                            ARMANDO
              This better be good.
                            TOMMY
                     (sarcastic mimic)
              "This better be good." Loretta!
     ON LORETTA on the pay phone, moaning in Swedish ecstasy.
                            LORETTA
              Oh, ya, ya, God, you're so big!
                     (waving at Tommy)
              Uh-oh, I have to go now, my
              husband Sven is home early...
     Tommy grabs the phone.   He pushes aside a protesting
     Loretta...
                            TOMMY
              Goddammit, Inga, is it that
              pervert again! Damn!
     He smacks the receiver with his hand.
                            TOMMY
                     (into receiver)
              Listen, you little shit -- I just
              spent eight years in the joint,
              nobody talks to my woman like
              that! I got your adress, I got a
              machete, I got two Rotweilers...
              I'm gonna come to your house and
              tear your ass up!
                     (hangs up, laughing)
                            LORETTA
              Okay, Tommy, what's so damn
              important?
                            HOMER
              Yeah, I got work to do.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            21.
28   CONTINUED:   (2)                                           28
     They all look at him expectantly. He takes a dramatic
     pause, then launches into a "Come to Jesus" speech.
                            TOMMY
              My friends, I want to tell you
              about a town where the streets are
              paved with gold. This is a town
              where the marks give you money
              before you ask. A town where they
              take you to dinner after you fuck
              'em. A town where when they need
              money, they just print more. This
              is a town where a guy bounced nine
              hundred checks and he didn't even
              have to skip town!!!

                            ARMANDO
              Ain't no town like that.
                            LORETTA
              You mean Vegas?
                            TOMMY
              No.
                     (beat)
              Washington, D.C.   I'm going to run
              for Congress.
     His big smile meets their blank surprise.   Their faces
     fall.
                            LORETTA
              What is this, a joke?
                            HOMER
              I don't get it.

                            ARMANDO
              What's the con, Tommy?
                             TOMMY
              Van Dyke.   You remember Willie
              Sutton?
                            VAN DYKE
              Of blessed memory.
                            TOMMY
              You remember what he said? They
              asked him, Why do you rob banks?
              And he said, That's where the money
              is. I tell you, people -- Washington.
              That's where the money is.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            22.
28   CONTINUED:   (3)                                           28
     Tommy produces a sheaf of Xeroxes and pamphlets.
                            TOMMY
              I found this shit in the library.
              You know how much a congressman
              makes? A hundred and thirty a year
              -- and that's just base pay for
              getting your ass elected. Then
              there are these things called PACs,
              and these lobbyists, whose whole
              point in life is to buy you off.
              It's the con of a lifetime -- and
              the damn thing is, it's legal!
              This is hot, people, we can do this!

                            ARMANDO
              Who "we," white man?
                            TOMMY
              You never heard of staff, Armando?
              I get in, I get a staff allowance
              of five hundred and thirty-seven
              grand a year --
     Loretta wolf-WHISTLES.
                            TOMMY
              -- which I will generously share
              with you.
                            LORETTA
              And how exactly were you going to
              get your butt to Congress?
                            HOMER
              Yeah -- why would anyone vote for
              you?
                            TOMMY
              Not for me, Homer. For Jeff
              Johnson. Name recognition -- that's
              what it's all about. You think
              folks know their congressman died?
              I get on the ballot as Jeff Johnson,
              I guarantee they'll vote for me.
              Now all's I have to do is get on the
              ballot.
                              LORETTA
              Which is how?
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92           23.
28   CONTINUED:   (4)                                          28
                            TOMMY
              Which is where you folks come in.
                     (picking up a ream
                      of forms)
              All's we have to do is collect
              five thousand six hundred
              twenty five signatures.
                            ARMANDO
              You shittin' us?
                            HOMER
              In your dreams, Tommy.
                            TOMMY
              You people got a better idea?
                            VAN DYKE
              I do.
29   INT. SILVER FOXES CHAPTER - DAY                           29
     Senior citizens fold brochures, stuff envelopes, make
     phone calls. Van Dyke and Tommy enter.

                            TOMMY
              Okay... gimme the four-one-one on
              these Silver Foxes Again. It's a
              bunch of old folks who like to
              vote?
                            VAN DYKE
              Don't laugh, they get an enormous
              turnout. But the big thing is,
              they have their own line on the
              ballot. They already got the
              signatures.
                            TOMMY
              Ah.
                            VAN DYKE
              The lady we're meeting, Hattie
              Rifkin, they call her the condo
              queen.
                            TOMMY
              So all I have to do is snow one
              old lady. Don't sound like major
              surgery.

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            24.
30   INT. INNER OFFICE - SILVER FOXES - DAY                     30
     Tommy and Van Dyke are seated opposite HATTIE RIFKIN, a
     high-energy woman, 70s, with a frizz of white curls.
                            HATTIE
              So, what brings you here?   You want
              to talk politics... talk!
                            VAN DYKE
              We were wondering who you were going
              to run for Congress this year.
                            HATTIE
              Oh, the usual sacrifical lamb.
              Probably Sylvia Roland. She just
              lost her husband, she needs to meet
              new people. Why?
                            TOMMY
              Mrs. Rifkin... I want to run.
                            HATTIE
              Well, I want to run too -- but with
              this plastic hip, it's not gonna
              happen.
     Tommy breaks up.   In spite of himself, he's charmed by the
     salty old babe.
                            TOMMY
              What I mean is... I'd like to run
              for Congress on the Silver Fox
              ticket. I care about you and your
              issues.
                            HATTIE
              Yeah, that's what my son says. But
              does he call? Anyway, what makes
              you think a group of alter cockers
              are gonna support a man who hasn't
              clipped his first nose hair yet?
                            TOMMY
              Because I can win.
                            HATTIE
              No, no... a Democrat can win. A
              Republican can win. A Silver Fox
              can only make a symbolic point.
                            TOMMY
              Mrs. RIfkin, if you give me a ballot
              line, and if I can get support
              from...
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            25.
30   CONTINUED:                                                 30
                            HATTIE
              If... if. Ven die bubbah halla
              tsehen qulishkes, het gehaya zadeh.
                            TOMMY
              Sure, but... besser die viller ein
              der kenner.
     Hattie cracks up.   Tommy leans over and translates for
     Van Dyke:
                            TOMMY
              She said, 'If my grandmother had
              balls, she'd be my grandfather.'

                            HATTIE
                     (recovering)
              Where the Hell did you learn to
              speak Yiddish?
                            TOMMY
              The same place I learned to hustle
              shtarkers at gin rummy. From Morris
              Elfbein... the Gin King of Miami
              Beach.
                            HATTIE
              No kidding... you knew the Rudolf
              Valentino of Dade County?
                            TOMMY
              He taught me a great deal. He
              taught me you don't always need the
              best cards to win.
                            HATTIE
              Maybe not in gin, but in politics,
              young man, you need money to win,
              you need a name to win, you...
                            TOMMY
              Oh, I have a name.
                            HATTIE
              What, you're an athlete, a movie
              star? I don't get out as much as
              I used to. You're not on MTV, are
              you?
                           TOMMY
              No ma'am. My name is Johnson.      Jeff
              Johnson. The Name You Know.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92                26.
30   CONTINUED:   (2)                                               30
     She ponders for a minute.    And then she gets it.   A
     wicked smile.
                            HATTIE
              Jeff Johnson. Well,     that's a name
              even our Alzheimer's    Group will
              remember.
                     (beat; shakes    her head)
              Still, for a full-up    campaign, we'd
              need materials, we'd    need ads...
                            TOMMY
              You leave that to me, Mrs. R.
31   INT. JOHNSON HOME - DAY                                        31

     The widow Johnson is pouring tea for Tommy, now in super-
     nerd drag -- wire-rim glasses and tweed sport jacket.
                            VERA JOHNSON
              I'm not sure I understand, Professor
              Franklin -- you wrote your doctoral
              thesis on my husband?
                            TOMMY
              He was a great man, Mrs. Johnson.
              He did so much for my people.
                               VERA JOHNSON
              He... did?
                            TOMMY
              Oh, yes. I'll never forget when he
              said 'Welfare is a drug -- and you
              gotta kick it cold turkey.' It
              was... inspirational.

                            VERA JOHNSON
              Really... well, I'm sure...
                            TOMMY
              And I was actually in the audience
              when he said, 'If you people would
              just get off your dead asses and
              look for work, this country might
              be fit to live in again.' Powerful
              stuff.
                            VERA JOHNSON
              It's very kind of you to say so.
              And you're very kind to come all
              the way from... where was it?
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            27.
31   CONTINUED:                                                 31
                            TOMMY
              Wilson-Pickett State Teachers College.
              But I didn't just come to pay
              respects, ma'am. I came because
              your husband deserves an archive.
              A place where scholars can study
              his legacy. A storehouse for the
              record of his remarkable career.
                             VERA JOHNSON
              I see.   So you want... his papers?
                            TOMMY
              Oh, not just his papers, Mrs.
              Johnson. Everything. Buttons,
              posters, bumper stickers. All the
              paraphernalia of his campaigns --
              proof of his political genius. Now
              I realize that you may have a
              sentimental attachment to a few
              items...
                            VERA JOHNSON
              Take 'em.
                            TOMMY
              I beg your pardon.
                            VERA JOHNSON
              Take 'em all. Would you like the
              wedding photos, too?
                            TOMMY
              Well, I don't think that's necess...
                            VERA JOHNSON
              Good -- that way you won't have to
              go rooting around in the garbage.
              Is there anything else?
                            TOMMY
              Well, um... no.
                             VERA JOHNSON
              More tea?   Or something stronger?
              I know it's  only ten-thirty, but,
              hell, sun's  over the yardarm
              somewhere,  right?
                            TOMMY
              Actually, ma'am, I should be getting
              back.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            28.
31   CONTINUED:   (2)                                           31
                            VERA JOHNSON
              You're in pretty good shape for a
              professor. D'you work out?
     Tommy rises and packs his briefcase hastily.
                            TOMMY
              Look, I, um, have a class to
              teach. You know how blind
              students are... they're so
              dependent.
                     (edges toward door)
              Don't worry ma'am... your
              materials will be in good hands.


32   EXT. WHARF - DAY - CLOSE ANGLE - A SCISSORS                32
     cuts the RE- off a RE-ELECT JEFF JOHNSON bumper sticker
     in familiar blue and gold.
     Van Dyke, Armando, and Homer have a production line going,
     doctoring the old Johnson campaign materials, slicing off
     and painting out the RE-'s and the years.
                            VAN DYKE
              Are you sure you don't want to come
              to Washington with us, Homer?
                            HOMER
              You bums got time on your hands.
                     (indicating bait shack)
              I got a business to run.
     ON LORETTA working the RINGING pay phone.

                            LORETTA
              Hello? Who? The League of Women
              Voters? Sorry, Mr. Johnson won't be
              attending the debate. No -- no,
              Betty, I'm sorry, I can't tie up
              this line.
                     (hangs up; it RINGS)
              Hello? The Sarasota Star-Ledger?
              I'm sorry, we're out of photographs.
              No, you can't, Mr. Johnson has just
              had surgery for a deviated septum.
                     (hangs up; it RINGS)
              Hello?
                     (brightening)
              Ya, this is Inga.
     PAN TO TOMMY training a home video camera on a poster that
     reads JEFF JOHNSON FOR CONGRESS.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             29.
32   CONTINUED:                                                  32
                            TOMMY
                     (very white)
              We're not going to show you Jeff
              Johnson waving a flag. We're not
              going to show you Jeff Johnson
              kissing babies. We're not going
              to show you Jeff Johnson doing
              anything, because you already
              know what Jeff Johnson can do.

33   INT. JOHNSON HOME - NIGHT - ON TV SCREEN                    33
     The poster fills the screen.

                            TOMMY (V.O.)
              Tomorrow, vote for Jeff Johnson.
              The name you know.
     A very puzzled Vera Johnson watches the ad on tv.
34   SERIES OF SHOTS - NIGHT (MOS)                               34
     The congressional district sleeps. But   in the darkness,
     a kind of D-Day onslaught is under way.   QUICK SUPER-
     IMPOSED CUTS of Tommy's secret army of  Silver Foxes,
     opening crates, fanning through parking  lots, swarming
     over lawns, driving in stakes, tacking  up posters
     everywhere.
     INCLUDE Tommy climbing a telephone pole... Armando shinnying
     up a light pole across the street... Loretta and Van Dyke
     pulling on a rope... which hoists a huge bundle to Tommy...
     who opens and unfolds it... and gets an end through the
     air to Armando. They unfurl the biggest banner imaginable.

              JEFF JOHNSON:   THE NAME YOU KNOW
35   EXT. COMMERCIAL STREET - DAWN                               35
     CAMERA TILTS DOWN. Every square    inch of town seems to
     have been plastered with JOHNSON   FOR CONGRESS material.
     It's on billboards, bumpers, bus   shelters, balloons,
     banners, utility poles... all in   the late congressman's
     signature design.
36   QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS - DAY                                 36
     The Econoline, now a JOHNSON ad on wheels, ghetto-blasters
     mounted front and back on the roof, rolls by a Jewish deli
     ...a soul food joint... a whitebread country club... a
     Chinese restaurant... At each, Tommy's amplified VOICE says:
                                                  (CONTINUED)

       THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             30.
36     CONTINUED:                                                  36
                                 TOMMY
                 Jeff Johnson.    The name you know.
       In a different appropriate accent.
37     EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY                                37
       In front of a polling place, Van Dyke pulls up in a hearse
       with an ELECT JOHNSON banner. So, driving muscle cars, do
       Armando, Homer, and Loretta -- Tommy's get-out-the-vote fleet.
       Exhilarated senior citizens pile out, led by Hattie.
38     INT. POLLING PLACE - DAY                                    38
       An ordinary Couple, 40s, sign the registration book, then
       enter adjacent voting carrels. After a moment, the
       HUSBAND leans out.
                               HUSBAND
                 Who are we voting for Congress?
                               WIFE
                 Don't we always vote for Johnson?
                               HUSBAND
                 That's it -- Johnson.
       HIS HAND punches the hole in the ballot next to Johnson.
39     VIDEO                                                       39
       A NETWORK ANCHOR at an election-night news set.
                               NETWORK ANCHOR
                 If you're just joining us, our
                 exit polls project that in Florida,
                 an unknown, independent candidate
                 whose sole asset appears to be his
                 name may just possibly win a slim
                 victory.
40     OMITTED                                                     40
thru                                                               thru
42                                                                 42
43     EXT. BAIT SHACK - NIGHT                                     43
       Blinding lights. Media circus.     TV power cords, a huge
       tangle snaking back toward mobile   generators. Cameramen
       narrowly miss knocking each other   into the water. A
       STEEL DRUM BAND plays "Happy Days   Are Here Again."
                                                   (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             31.
43   CONTINUED:                                                   43
     The small crowd -- Tommy's cronies, their pals, and a
     jubilant contingent of Panthers led by Hattie -- lets
     out a great WHOOP.
                               FLORIDA REPORTER #1
                 Is that him? Tricia, I believe
                 Congressman-elect Johnson is
                 coming this way.
     For the first time, we see Tommy wearing a beautifully-cut
     suit. He's instantly engulfed by lights, cameras, and
     Supporters.
     An amazed CAMERAMAN, watching Tommy, whispers to a Producer.

                               CAMERAMAN
                 Jesus -- he's not... white. I
                 actually voted for the guy. I
                 thought he was Jeff Johnson.
     Tommy jumps onto a bench.    APPLAUSE from his Supporters.
                               TOMMY
                 Thank you, thank you, all of you,
                 for your help. Give yourself a
                 round of applause.
     They do. As APPLAUSE continues (O.S.), CAMERA PANS from
     Reporter to Reporter to Reporter, their mikes bearing the
     call-letters of different channels.
     ON GRANDMA being interviewed. She wears a JOHNSON FOR
     CONGRESS button and speaks with manifest pride.
                               GRANDMA
                 I've never been so proud in all
                 my life. He was always such a
                 good boy...well, I think he meant
                 well. Sometimes -- well he was a
                 clean child. That's important, I
                 think...
     PAN TO FLORIDA REPORTER #2 doing a stand-up.
                               FLORIDA REPORTER #2
                 Then in Massachusetts, there was
                 a guy named Kennedy who got
                 elected, but he wasn't really a
                 Kennedy.
     PAN TO --
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             32.
43   CONTINUED:   (2)                                            43
                            FLORIDA REPORTER #3
              A lot of dead incumbents get
              re-elected, actually. It's an
              American tradition.
     ON Tommy. Speaking meaningfully, with great sincerity,
     he shows a gift for political discourse.
                            TOMMY
              We ran a positive campaign. We
              campaigned on the issues. The
              issue is leadership. Leadership
              for the future. Ask not what you
              can do for your country. The
              people have spoken. The only
              thing we have to fear is fear
              itself. If you can't stand the
              heat stay out of the kitchen.
              Live Free or Die. And in
              conclusion...read my lips!
                     (APPLAUSE and CHEERS)
44   INT. AIRPLANE - DAY                                         44
     Tommy looking out the window at the city below.
45   EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - AERIAL VIEW - DAY - (STOCK)         45
     The approach to National Airport gives a good view of
     Washington and its landmarks.
                            TOMMY
              The promised land.
46   EXT. AIRPORT RUNWAY - DAY                                   46

     The plane touches down.
47   INT. NATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY                                 47
     Through the airport move our Floridians. They look like
     they're going to opening day at the track.
                            VOICE (O.S.)
              Congressman Johnson! Congressman
              Johnson!
     Tommy looks. It's REINHHARDT, a young straight-arrow
     bearing two huge document briefcases, which he puts down
     to shake hands.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              33.
47   CONTINUED:                                                   47
                             REINHARDT
               Arthur Reinhardt. You remember me
               -- I Fed-Exed that material to you
               in Key West?
                             TOMMY
               Reinhardt, my man! Of course!
               You look just like I pictured you.
               Nice wing tips.
                             REINHARDT
               Thank you. Congressman, I hope you
               don't think I'm out of line for
               meeting you here -- I thought you
               might want some help with logistics,
               settling in at your hotel --
                      (indicating the
                       briefcases)
               Since you didn't make it to the
               Harvard seminar, I put together a
               set of their papers for you.
                             TOMMY
               I like your initiative, Reinhardt,
               but to tell you the truth, I've
               never been much of a student. Maybe
               you can brief my staff sometime.
     Reinhardt looks Tommy's cronies over.     Not your classic
     Hill types.
                             TOMMY
               But thank you, I will take you up on
               those logistics. Hey! Entourage!
               What hotel we at?

     They look at one another, puzzled.
                             TOMMY
               Reinhardt, it appears that the
               staff has neglected to nail down
               some details.
                             REINHARDT
               Oh, Jesus, the IMF's in town.    Where
               are we going to find a room?
                             TOMMY
               Four rooms.
48   OMITTED                                                      48

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              34.
49   INT. AIRPORT BAR - DAY                                       49
     The entourage is enjoying a round of libations.
     Reinhardt runs up.
                            REINHARDT
              I got lucky at the Madison. Thank
              god there's been a coup in
              Uruguay. Their delegation just
              checked out.
                            TOMMY
              You're a wizard, Reinhardt.    I
              knew you could handle it.
50   EXT. AIRPORT TAXI RANK - DAY                                 50

     Tommy's entourage and their luggage are being packed into
     a cab. Tommy turns to Reinhardt.
                            TOMMY
              So when does the House open for
              business?
     Reinhardt hasn't heard it put quite that way before.
     Reinhardt gets his courage up.
                            REINHARDT
              Say, Congressman, you got my
              resume, didn't you?
                            TOMMY
                     (hasn't a clue)
              I'm sure I did.
                            REINHARDT
              There's something I wanted to ask you.
              I know it's a big step, but -- I'd
              like you to consider me to be your AA.
                            TOMMY
              That's quite an offer, Reinhardt,
              very decent of you, but I'm just a
              social drinker.
                            REINHARDT
              No. AA. Your Administrative
              Assistant. I worked for
              Congressman Johnson. I'd like to
              work for you, Congressman Johnson.
                              TOMMY
              Really.
     Tommy looks at his own troops, then back to Reinhardt.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            35.
50   CONTINUED:                                                 50
                             TOMMY
               You mean like an affirmative
               action thing?
     Tommy opens the cab door.
                             TOMMY
               Tell you what -- I'll think about
               it, okay?
     Tommy gets in and closes the door.
                             TOMMY
                      (through the open
                       window)
               Thanks for getting us settled,
               really appreciate it.
                      (to driver)
               Madison Hotel.
51   OMITTED                                                    51
52   EXT. MEMORIAL BRIDGE - MAGIC HOUR                          52
     The bridge over the Potomac has a classic view of the
     Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument. Their
     taxi drives by.
53   OMITTED                                                    53
&                                                               &
54                                                              54
55   EXT. CANNON BUILDING - DAY                                 55
     Morning. Tommy and cronies get out of a cab and bound up
     the grand flight of stairs. In b.g., the Capitol dome.

56   INT. CANNON GROUND FLOOR CORRIDOR/ELEVATOR - DAY           56
     They walk the superb ground floor corridor of Cannon,
     salivating. Marble columns... chandeliers... grand
     offices. Real class.
     AT AN ELEVATOR with a sign above it -- MEMBERS ONLY --
     they stop. Tommy presses the button. The door opens.
     The seated ATTENDANT gets a load of this group.
     Especially Loretta.
                             ATTENDANT
               Sorry, folks, this elevator's
               for Members only.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             36.
56   CONTINUED:                                                  56
                            TOMMY
              That's okay, they're with me.
              Sixth floor please. Cannon 609.
              I'm going to my office.
                            ATTENDANT
              I said Members only.
                            TOMMY
              I am a Member. Now take us to six
              before I haul your ass in front of
              the committee on disrespectful
              behavior.
                            ATTENDANT
              Elevator don't go to six. You
              have to get off at five and walk.
57   INT. CANNON STAIRWELL - DAY                                 57
     Looking puzzled, they make their way up a drab stairwell.
58   INT. CANNON TOP FLOOR - DAY                                 58
     Not classy. On one side of the hallway, the windows give
     out on a brutally ugly courtyard. On the other side of
     the hall are cages: windowless storage bins behind metal
     fences crammed with junk -- and an occasional xerox
     machine, Mr. Coffee, and pitiful staffer at a tiny desk.
     Tommy opens the door to 609.
59   INT. TOMMY'S RECEPTION AREA - DAY                           59
     Tommy's office is a small, dark garret, with dirty car-
     peting, bare shelves, and a pile of bulging canvas U.S.
     Mail bags.

                             TOMMY
              Wait here.
     He heads further into the office.
60   INT. TOMMY'S OFFICE - DAY                                   60
     Equally unattractive.   Perched on the desk:   Reinhardt.
                             TOMMY
              You again!
                            REINHARDT
              Good morning, congressman.
                            TOMMY
              What is this shithole?
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             37.
60   CONTINUED:                                                  60
                            REINHARDT
              Excuse me?
                             TOMMY
                      (gesturing, peeved)
              This.
                            REINHARDT
                     (casual)
              Oh -- you missed the freshman   lottery
              for offices. They assign them    by
              draw. You didn't show for the    draw,
              so you got the worst office in   Congress.
                            TOMMY
              I missed what lottery?
                            REINHARDT
              It was all in the briefing books I
              mailed you.
                            TOMMY
              What else did I miss, Reinhardt?
                            REINHARDT
              Are you hiring me, congressman?
     Tommy gives Reinhardt a good once-over, seeing him anew.
                            TOMMY
              You're shaking me down, aren't you?
     Tommy laughs, then clasps Reinhardt's shoulders.
                            TOMMY
              This is fantastic, Reinhardt. I
              haven't been here five minutes,
              and you're shaking me down. God,
              I'm gonna love this town. You're
              hired, man. Just tell me what to
              do next. I don't want to miss out
              on any of the good shit.
                            REINHARDT
              The dinner for new Members is
              tonight, at Union Station. Do you
              have black tie?
     BEGIN elegant, spirited classical MUSIC.
61   INT. UNION STATION - MAIN HALL - NIGHT                      61
     With its hundred-foot barrel-vaulted ceiling and grand
     windows, the magnificent Beaux-Arts station has been
     beautifully restored.
                                                (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             38.
61   CONTINUED:                                                  61
     A big crowd slowly makes its way along a red carpet to
     the party.
     Tommy was born to wear a  tux. In his  lapel, a red-and-
     gold eagle pin. On his   arm, Loretta, in a dramatic
     shoulderless and nearly  backless gown, with three-quarter
     gloves. The other Women   in sight are far more conserva-
     tively dressed.
62   INT. UNION STATION - ADIRONDACKS RESTAURANT - NIGHT         62
     A STRING QUARTET provides the music. Tommy and Loretta
     linger uncertainly near the entrance. Then:
                            TOMMY
              Let's meet some natives.
     Tommy leads her over to two Men, 30s, excellent haircuts.
     Both wear pins. He extends a hand.
                            TOMMY
              Tommy Johnson, how'd you do, nice
              party, heck of a railroad
              station, isn't it?
                            RAFE
              Rafe Simon, freshman from Tulsa.
              And this is Bo Chandler --
                            BO
              -- from Lufkin, Texas. You must
              be the one who didn't come to Harvard.
                            TOMMY
              No, I couldn't, it was my Princeton
              reunion....

                            RAFE
              Jeff Johnson? You're Jeff Johnson?
              The guy from Florida?
                              TOMMY
              That's right.
                            RAFE
                     (to Bo)
              The rest of us are out there on the
              campaign trail, raising money,
              kissing ass, making speeches,
              dragging our butts from place to
              place -- and he slides in on pure
              name recognition!
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            39.
62   CONTINUED:                                                 62
     He puts his face close to Tommy.
                            RAFE
              Let me tell you something, Jeff.
     A tense beat.   Then Rafe breaks into a smile.
                            RAFE
              Fuckin' brilliant.
     Bo winks at Tommy.
                            Tommy
              Thank you. Thank you both very much.
                     (to Loretta)
              Isn't that nice, now, don't you think?
                     (to Rafe and Bo)
              This is Miss Loretta, boys.
     She extends a regal hand to each, Liza Doolittle at the
     ball.
                              LORETTA
              How do yo do.    How do you do.
                            TOMMY
              And it's Tommy. My friends call
              me Tommy. "Jeff" is my...
              professional name. So what line
              of work were you boys in before
              you got elected? You lawyers or
              something?
                            RAFE
              Oh, no, I did morning weather and
              traffic for KTOK in Tulsa.

                            BO
              You don't remember me? I was a tight
              end for the Oilers -- my knee gimped out.
     The origins of the gentlemen's political success is not
     lost on Tommy.
                            BO
              Hey, stop by my reception after
              the swearing in tomorrow, okay?
                            RAFE
              Yeah, but don't you go to his
              reception before you go to my
              reception.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            40.
62    CONTINUED:    (2)                                          62
                             TOMMY
               Fine, but I'm gonna be real
               offended if either of you miss my
               reception.
      They leave.
                             TOMMY
               I think we have to have a
               reception.
      AT THE BUFFET, as Tommy and Loretta help themselves
      generously to oysters and champagne, they overhear TWO
      MEMBERS passing by.

                             FIRST MEMBER
               So then I ran an ad calling him a
               draft dodger, but then he ran an
               ad calling me a plagiarist.
                             SECOND MEMBER
               What did you do?
                             FIRST MEMBER
               Oh, leaked a rumor that his father-
               in-law was a Nazi. I went up ten
               points in a weekend.
                             TOMMY
                      (to Loretta)
               We're in the majors, doll.
62A   THE BALCONY is full of people working one another. As      62A
      Tommy and Loretta pass some large stone statues, a man
      extends his hand -- liquor lobbyist KEN KORNGOLD.

                             KORNGOLD
               Congressman? I'd like to introduce
               myself. Ken Korngold. National
               Distilled Spirits Association.
                             TOMMY
               Tommy Johnson. Distilled Spirits,
               is that right?
                             KORNGOLD
               It's super that you won, congressman.
               Any way we can help, please don't hesitate.
                             TOMMY
               Pleasure's all mine, Ken, hope you
               can make it to my reception. Do
               you happen to have a card?
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             41.
62A   CONTINUED:                                                  62A
                             KORNGOLD
                      (giving him one)
               I sure do.
63    INT. UNION STATION - MEN'S ROOM - NIGHT                     63
      Tommy is along a wall where other guests are similarly
      occupied.
                             TOMMY
               You now what I love about this place?
               The way everyone calls you a
               Member.  Every time I hear that,
               it makes me think of Mr. Happy
               here.

      The Member next to him bursts out laughing.
                             TOMMY
               Don't you be peeing on my shoe.
      They go to the sinks.    The Member introduces himself.
                             IOWA
               Mike Strangland. Iowa -- first CD.
                               TOMMY
               You got a CD?    Shit, I missed
               that, too.
                             IOWA
               First Congressional district.
                             TOMMY
               Ohhh. Tommy Johnson. Florida.
               So Iowa -- how'd you get to
               Washington? You do the crop
               report on tv?
      IOWA has a big open face and a flat Midwestern voice.
                             IOWA
               No -- I owe it all to the Vietnamese.
                               TOMMY
               War hero?
                             IOWA
               P.O.W. When I got back to Cedar Rapids,
               I spent so many years telling the
               Rotary Club what was wrong in Washington,
               they finally told me to put up or shut
               up -- so I put up. And here I am.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              42.
63   CONTINUED:                                                   63
                            TOMMY
              Wait a minute. What's wrong in
              Washington?
                            IOWA
              C'mon -- there's acid rain killing
              fish, and no one's stopping it...
              there's topsoil washing away, and no
              erosion program... there's chemicals
              in our livestock -- God, I sound like
              a Boy Scout.
                            TOMMY
              That's alright, Iowa -- this place
              could use a few geeks like you.

64   INT. UNION STATION - ADIRONDACKS - TOMMY'S DINNER            64
     TABLE - NIGHT
     Tommy shakes hands around the table, taking business
     cards as he goes.
                             FIRST LOBBYIST
              Pete Slocum.   Asbestos Information
              Institute.
                            SECOND LOBBYIST
              Mike Gustofson. Freedom to
              Advertise Coalition.
                            THIRD LOBBYIST
              Paul Zeckhauser. American Tobacco
              Council.
                            TOMMY
              Hey... thank you... nice to see
              you... hope you can make it to my
              reception. Have y'all met Miss
              Loretta?
     TOMMY'S TABLEMATE is lawyer-lobbyist TOMMY O'CONNOR, 40s.
     As Waiters serve lobster bisque, he hands TJ a business
     card.
                            O'CONNOR
              Tommy O'Connor. Soon as I saw how
              you got elected, I knew you were a
              real comer. Hell, I bet old Olaf
              Andersen voted for you.
                            TOMMY
              Who's Olaf Andersen?
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             43.
64   CONTINUED:                                                  64
     O'Connor points.    ON THE DAIS, Andersen is engrossed with
     Dodge.
                            O'CONNOR (O.S.)
              I won't tell him you asked.
              Chairman of Gulf Coast Power.
              Constituent of yours, client of
              mine.
     BACK TO SCENE
                            O'CONNOR
              Pays the rent, know what I    mean?
              Say, could I host a little    welcome-
              to-Washington thing for you    down at
              my law firm? Meet some of     my clients,
              five hundred a head -- you    could
              pick up twenty, twenty-five    grand
              to get you started.
                            TOMMY
                     (cautious)
              And how much of that do you get?
                               O'CONNOR
                        (amused)
              Oh,    it doesn't come off the top.
              Down    the road, I'll bill 'em each
              five    hundred an hour whenever I
              take    you to lunch.
                            TOMMY
              Tommy, I think this is the beginning
              of a beautiful relationship.
65   INT. UNION STATION - ADIRONDACKS - NIGHT - ON DODGE         65

     making a speech from the dais.
                            DODGE
              Tonight we unite the two great
              pillars of our system -- political
              and financial. To the forty-four
              newly-elected Members of Congress,
              I say, Look around you tonight.
              Look around, and be thankful for
              the generosity.
     Tommy inspects the sea of barracudas.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            44.
65   CONTINUED:                                                 65
                            DODGE
              The people you see not only provided
              tonight's hospitality. They are the
              people you serve. That's our system
              of checks and balances at its best.
              Their support helped get you
              elected... your work will help
              them... and their support will help
              you in your next campaign, which I
              remind you is already less than two
              years away.
66   INT./EXT. ADIRONDACKS - LARGE DOORS - NIGHT                66
     In b.g., the Capitol dome. As Tommy and Loretta leave,
     they pass Dick Dodge, who is saying goodnight to guests.
     He stops them.
                            DODGE
              You know, Mr. Johnson, it's
              customary for new Members to pay a
              courtesy call on the old fogies in
              the leadership. Especially from
              their HOME STATE.
                            TOMMY
              Well, I would have, but I just got
              to town. It's an honor to meet you,
              sir. A real privilege. This is
              Miss Loretta.
                            LORETTA
              Public liaison.
     She pronounces the word so carefully, it sounds lewd.

                               DODGE
              How do you    do?
                     (to    Tommy)
              You could    make up for it by having
              a nightcap    with me.
                     (to    Loretta)
              May I have    my car take you home?
67   EXT. CAPITOL HILL - NIGHT                                  67
     Tommy and Dodge walk up steps toward the Capitol.
68   INT. HALLWAY - CAPITOL - NIGHT                             68
     A darkened hallway. A hand-lettered sign by a door reads
     COMMITTEE ON POWER AND INDUSTRY. THE CHAIRMAN. MR.
     DODGE. Tommy and Dodge approach. As Dodge unlocks the
     door:
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            45.
68   CONTINUED:                                                 68
                            TOMMY
              Excuse me, Mr. Chairman, but this
              ain't no homo shit we up to, is it?
                            DODGE
              No.  No, it's not. But --
                     (amused)
              Good thinking, Johnson. I'm
              impressed by your instincts.
69   INT. DODGE'S OFFICE - CAPITOL - NIGHT                      69
     A single table lamp lights Dick Dodge's office, reflecting
     off the velvet drapes, sculpted ceiling, and crystal
     chandeliers. Tommy and Dodge are in leather armchairs,
     ties undone. On the table between them, a bottle of Jim
     Beam. Dodge casts a cool eye on Tommy.
                            DODGE
              Tell me, Johnson. Why did you come
              to Washington?
                            TOMMY
              Well... of course... it's a chance
              to do something for my country. I
              mean, there's the topsoil thing, and
              acid rain is killing the cattle --
                            DODGE
              Cut the bullshit, Johnson. I saw how
              you got elected. Flukes like you are
              either nutcases or troublemakers.
              I just want to know which one I have
              on my hands. Who sent you here?
                            TOMMY
              No one sent me.
                            DODGE
              You pulled off that upset on your
              own?
                            TOMMY
                     (acknowledging modestly)
              Kid's got his talents.
                            DODGE
              I'm impressed, Johnson, I am.     But
              why did you run for Congress?
                             TOMMY
              No bullshit?
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              46.
69   CONTINUED:                                                   69
                             DODGE
              No bullshit.
                            TOMMY
              Opportunity knocks.    This town is
              the fuckin' Yukon.
     A stunned silence from Dodge -- then deep and generous
     laughter.
                            DODGE
              What a refreshing answer.
     He laughs again, richly amused.   Tommy joins in the
     laughter.

70   EXT. CANNON - DAY                                            70
     Shining in the bright sun.
71   INT. TOMMY'S OFFICE - DAY - ON TOMMY'S DESK                  71
     Hundreds of business cards. An expert riffle, a one-
     handed cut, and Tommy deals lightning fast, a perfect
     diamond formation with two cards in the middle. He turns
     them over one at a time.
                            TOMMY
              Food... drinks.
                            LORETTA
                     (reads card)
              Ken Korngold, National Distilled
              Spirits Association. Bob Rafferty
              ...Wisconsin Cheese Board.
                     (to Tommy)
              What do you want me to do?
                            TOMMY
              You're on cheese. I'll handle
              booze.
     He reaches for the phone...
72   EXT. DISTILLER'S BUILDING - DAY                              72
     Pan from Capitol Hill to gleaming glass office building.
                            TOMMY (V.O.)
                     (taking the phone)
              Ken! Ken Korngold! Tommy Johnson
              here... Right -- last night. How's
              it going, big guy?
                             KORNGOLD (V.O.)
              Congressman!

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            47.
73   INT. KORNGOLD'S OFFICE - DAY                               73
     Expensive furniture, rugs, and art.
                            KORNGOLD
              How are you on this helluva fine
              day! I'm looking forward to your
              reception.
     INTERCUT TOMMY AND KORNGOLD
                            TOMMY
              Actually, that's why I'm calling,
              Ken. You said if I needed some
              help --
                            KORNGOLD
              You name it, congressman. Issue
              papers, testimony, floor speeches --
                            TOMMY
              Tell you what I have in mind. I
              was just thinking, wouldn't it be
              a plus for old Ken Korngold if I
              was to -- how should I put this --
              showcase some of his distillers'
              products at my reception? You know,
              like they put Reese's pieces in
              E.T.? It's called "product
              placement." People come in, they
              have a tremendous time, they see
              your products, they think well of
              you -- and they think well of me,
              too. It's good for both of us,
              Ken. What do you say?
                            KORNGOLD
              Well, it's a new one on me, but
              hey, sure, I think we can help you
              out.  Say, while I have you on the
              line, there was one thing...
74   INT. HOUSE CHAMBER - DAY                                   74
     The SPEAKER administers the oath of office to the
     assembled House.
                            SPEAKER
              Do you solemnly swear that you
              will support and defend the
              Constitution of the United States...
     ON GRANDMA next to Tommy, eyes welling with pride. It's
     the one day a year that non-Members (meaning families)
     can be on the floor.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              48.
74   CONTINUED:                                                   74
                            SPEAKER
              ... against all enemies, foreign and
              domestic; that you will bear true
              faith and allegiance to the same...
75   INT. TOMMY'S OFFICE - DAY - VIDEO - WIDE SHOT OF HOUSE       75
     The 435 Members (with family) taking the oath, watched
     on C-span by Loretta, Armando, Van Dyke, and Reinhardt.
                            SPEAKER (V.O.)
              ... that you take this obligation
              freely, without any mental
              reservation or purpose of evasion...

76   INT. HOUSE CHAMBER - DAY                                     76
     ON IOWA taking the oath, his toddler in his arms.     PAN
     along faces of other Members... to Tommy.
                            SPEAKER (V.O.)
              ... and that you will well and
              faithfully discharge the duties
              of the office on which you are
              about to enter. So help you God?
                             TOMMY (AND MEMBERS)
              I do.
                            SPEAKER (V.O.)
              Congratulations. You are now
              Members of Congress.
     Sustained APPLAUSE.   Tommy kisses Grandma.
     INTERCUT Tommy's cronies APPLAUDING.

     ON THE FLOOR Tommy dries Grandma's tears with a finger.
                            GRANDMA
              It's just that -- I'm so happy you
              straightened out.
     Tommy smiles ambiguously. As APPLAUSE continues, his
     eyes roam the room and make contact with Dick Dodge,
     standing at one of the leadership tables. Tommy winks
     conspiratorially at him. There's such diabolical glee in
     it, it even takes Dodge aback.
77   INT. CANNON TOP FLOOR - DAY                                  77
     A beautiful black woman, 20s, walks briskly down the
     busy Cannon corridors. CELIA. There's intelligence in
     her eyes, and fire.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            49.
77   CONTINUED:                                                 77
     She makes her way down the corridor,
     exchanging AD LIB greetings, glancing in at the sedate
     receptions, and drawing closer to the source of the
     REGGAE (O.S.) -- Tommy's office. She looks in.
78   INT. TOMMY'S RECEPTION AREA - DAY                          78
     It's packed, mainly with men.  Everyone has drinks and
     talks noisily. It looks like  a fraternity smoker for
     lobbyists. MUSIC comes from  a boom box. The bar -- a
     tablecloth over some desks -- is lavishly stocked. So are
     the bookcases, which now look like liquor store shelves.
     ANGLE ON LORETTA, in a cocktail dress and a HELLO MY NAME
     IS MISS LORETTA badge, staffing a little table, handing
     Celia a name-tag.
     INSERT
     Celia's hands print CELIA KIRBY.    PRO BONO.
     BACK TO SCENE - ON Tommy and Reinhardt talking with a
     LOBBYIST.
                            FOURTH LOBBYIST
              It's an informal breakfast. You
              give us your views, we give you
              bacon and eggs, plus a couple of
              thousand dollar honorarium.
                     (winking)
              For your favorite charity.
     Tommy looks at Reinhardt, who explains.
                            REINHARDT
              The Tommy Johnson Foundation.

                            TOMMY
                     (savoring the word)
              Honorarium. I like that.
     Loretta appears with a platter of food.
                            LORETTA
              Herring, gentlemen?
                            FOURTH LOBBYIST
              Uh, no thanks.
                            LORETTA
              Really? We've got it in cream sauce
              and in wine sauce.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            49A.
78   CONTINUED:                                                78
                            REINHARDT
              I think I'll pass.
     Tommy steers her aside and takes a roll of soggy,
     toothpick-impaled herring.
                              TOMMY
              What is this?    Where's the cheese?
                            LORETTA
              The cheese guy didn't return my
              call. So I called the guy at the
              American Smoked Fish Institute.
     She points at the food table. There's nothing but a
     few boxes of crackers and two huge mounds of herring --
     one white, one pink. The centerpiece is a large
     smoked fish, eyes staring accusingly.
                            TOMMY
              Oh, that's just wonderful. Sixty
              heavy hitters drop in, and I'm
              feeding 'em cat food.
     He breaks off, as Celia comes into view in the doorway
     behind. Tommy picks her up on his radar.
                            TOMMY
              We'll talk about this later.
     We follow Tommy through the crowd until he reaches Celia.
                              TOMMY
              Hi   there. Glad you could make it.
              So   you're... Celia Kirby. That's
              an   extremely beautiful name. For
              an   extremely beautiful woman.
                            CELIA
              Wow! That's smooth. After ten
              straight hours on my feet making
              small talk and breathing cheap
              cigar smoke, that's exactly the
              kind of line I'm ready to fall for.
                            TOMMY
              Whoa, slow down.
                            CELIA
              Sure, sure, forget it. Can you just
              tell me, which one's Congressman
              Johnson?
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            49B.
78   CONTINUED:   (2)                                          78
                            TOMMY
              What if I said... me?
                            CELIA
              Oh. I see. So tell me, Congressman,
              just how deep is the shit I'm
              standing in?
     Tommy has to laugh.
                            TOMMY
              Don't worry about it. Why don't
              we just start over again?
                            CELIA
              Celia Kirby. I'm the legislative
              director of Pro Bono.
                            TOMMY
              Ah. Pro Bon. That's an extremely
              beautiful name. For an extremely
              beautiful organization. Um... what
              is it?
                            CELIA
                     (amused)
              We're a public interest research
              and advocacy group. I'd like
              to brief you on our priorities this
              session. Can I call your AA to get
              on your schedule?
                            TOMMY
              Why don't you brief me over dinner
              tonight?

                            CELIA
              I want an appointment, Congressman,
              not a date.
                            TOMMY
              Yeah, sure, we'll type it up on the
              schedule, it'll be an appointment,
              except with wine and flowers on the
              table.
                             CELIA
              No thanks.   I really should be going.
                            TOMMY
              Won't you at least stay for a drink
              and some herring?
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             49C.
78   CONTINUED:   (3)                                           78
                             CELIA
               I'm afraid I'm busy.
                             TOMMY
               Well then, can I tempt you with a
               smelt?
                             CELIA
               No thanks.
                      (extending her hand)
               Nice to meet you. I'll be in touch
               with your office. I especially look
               forward to hearing your view on
               extending the sexual harassment law
               to include congressmen.

                             TOMMY
               I love the way you say that.
     She slips out through the sea of revelers.
79   EXT. CAPITOL - DAY                                         79
     A fine Washington morning.
80   OMITTED                                                    80
81   EXT. CAPITOL STEPS - DAY                                   81
     Rep. ELIJAH MARSHALL, 50s, black, and a pain in Dodge's
     ass, is shaking hands and saying goodbye to some
     Constituents. Dodge approaches.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 3/25/92            50.
81   CONTINUED:                                                  81
                            DODGE
              I heard in the steam room you're
              going to try to screw up my ethics
              bill.
                              MARSHALL
              Not screw up.    Amend.
                            DODGE
              Come on, Eli, your amendments don't
              have a chance in hell to pass. My
              bill isn't perfect, I know, but
              it'll pass. And the President'll
              sign it.

                            MARSHALL
              "Isn't perfect"? Dick, your bill's
              the Incumbents Protection Act! How
              can you even call it an ethics bill?
                            DODGE
              Because the public wants an ethics
              bill! So that's what we call it.
                            MARSHALL
              But it's got no teeth! It won't
              change a thing, and you know it.
                            DODGE
              Come on, Eli, you're a politician,
              too. The less you're going to do
              about something, the more you have
              to talk about it. You know that.
     They start walking.

                            MARSHALL
              I see. We close the bank, we
              stop the rubber checks, we raise
              the prices in the barber shop, we
              stop fixing parking tickets, and
              abracadabra! We say we've cleaned
              up Congress. Well, I don't think
              the American people want what
              this place has become.
                            DODGE
              That's the beauty of it! They
              must, Eli -- they keep re-electing
              us.
                            MARSHALL
              Not anymore! This new Congress is
              full of new faces.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            51.
81   CONTINUED:   (2)                                           81
                            DODGE
              Oh, I wouldn't read too much into
              that. A few extra retirements, some
              redistricting -- nothing more than
              that. It's still business as usual
              up here.
     Dodge takes his glasses from his pocket and wipes them.
                            DODGE
              I live in the real world, Eli.
              Do you? What's unemployment up
              to in your district? Eight
              percent? Eight-five?

                            MARSHALL
              Eight point six.
                            DODGE
              Power and Enterprise is about to
              fund a solar demonstration plant,
              Eli. It could mean a whole lot to
              a district -- new jobs, new
              construction -- that interest you?
                            MARSHALL
              You can't bribe me, Dick.
82   INT. DODGE'S RECEPTION AREA - DAY                          82
     Dodge and Marshall enter.
                            DODGE
              Eli, the people who elected you.
              They sent you here to help them.
              Don't you want to?

                             MARSHALL
              Not  if it means supporting your bill.
              All  you want is the perfect platform
              to  campaign for Speaker. Dick Dodge.
              Mr.  Clean. What a joke!
                            DODGE
                     (undeterred)
              Come on board, Eli.
                     (leaning in)
              You know -- you can't save the
              world if you can't save your seat.
     Tommy enters.   Marshall gives him a once-over and extends
     a hand.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            52.
82   CONTINUED:                                                 82
                            MARSHALL
              We haven't met. Eli Marshall.
                            TOMMY
              Tommy Johnson.
                            MARSHALL
              I know. The Florida upset. Well,
              now that you're here, what are
              you going to do with it? You
              gonna feather your own nest, or
              are you gonna make something of
              your office?
                            TOMMY
              I plan to be as good a congressman
              as all the others.
                            MARSHALL
              Exactly what does that mean?
                            TOMMY
              Well, ever since I got back from
              Nam, I've wanted to do something
              about the rain forest --
                            MARSHALL
              No, do me a favor, don't tell me.
              I try not to get depressed until
              the second week of a new
              session.
                            DODGE
                     (ushering Tommy into
                      his office)
              Eli, you'll excuse us -- we have a
              meeting.
83   INT. DODGE'S OFFICE - DAY                                  83
                            DODGE
              Johnson, I'm the chairman of a
              committee up here called Power and
              Industry. We've got an open seat,
              and I was wondering if you'd
              consider filling it.
                            TOMMY
              Is this good news?
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              53.
83   CONTINUED:                                                   83
                            DODGE
                     (tongue in cheek)
              Well, it is a difficult assignment --
              look at what we cover: energy,
              health, telecommunications,
              environment... the committee is
              constantly beset by a swarm of
              special interests. These are
              powerful people, they've got all the
              money in the world, and they're
              not shy about using it.
                            TOMMY
              So... this is very good news.

                            DODGE
              Most members would give their right
              nut for it.
                            TOMMY
              So what do you want from me, Dick?
                            DODGE
              Congressman... I just want you to
              smile for the cameras.
84   INT. POWER AND ENTERPRISE COMMITTEE - DAY                    84
     The committee members -- all white males, except Tommy --
     mill around, awaiting the start of the hearings. As the
     TV cameras whir, Dodge shakes Tommy's hand warmly. Big
     smiles and an explosion of flashbulbs.
     Dodge breaks off and Tommy drifts over to Reinhardt.
                            REINHARDT
                     (indicating dais)
              So, Congressman, welcome to the
              honey pot. You should be one
              happy freshman.
                            TOMMY
              Yeah? Well, I'm not. I'm suspicious.
              One thing I've learned is, when
              somebody gives you something for
              nothing, the nothing ain't nothing.
              It's something. What is it? Why
              me?
     Reinhardt puts his hand on Tommy's shoulders.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92               54.
84   CONTINUED:                                                    84
                            REINHARDT
              Congressman, I don't want you to
              take this the wrong way, but...
              you're black. And I mean that in
              the nicest possible way.
                              TOMMY
              Keep talking.
                            REINHARDT
              Dodge wants to run for Speaker.
              And he ain't gonna make it without
              votes from the black caucus.
     Suddenly, Dodge reappears.   He throws his arm around
     Tommy's shoulders.
                            DODGE
              Tommy, someone I want you to meet...
     Dodge steers TJ to a preppy-looking man at the witness
     table -- BARCLAY "SKEETER" WARBURTON.
                            DODGE
              Skeeter, do you know Tommy Johnson?
              Meet the new member of the committee.
              Tommy, this is Barclay Warburton.
                            TOMMY
              Pleased to meet you, Barclay.
     WARBURTON'S voice is aristocratic, a la George Plimpton.
                            WARBURTON
              Skeeter. Please. Been called
              that since boarding school.

                              TOMMY
              Skeeter.
                            WARBURTON
              Damned fine to meet you.
     As Dodge and Tommy head for the dais, Tommy imitates
     Warburton's lockjaw.
                            TOMMY
              "Tommy. Please. Been called
              that since reform school."
     Dodge chuckles, shakes his head in mock rebuke. Tommy
     takes his seat at the lower dais, smiles at the Members
     on his left and right.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             55.
84   CONTINUED:   (2)                                            84
     ON THE UPPER DAIS, Dodge gavels...
                            DODGE
              This EPA oversight hearing of the
              Committee on Power and Industry
              will come to order. I'd like to
              welcome our first witness, the
              distinguished Administrator of the
              Environmental Protection Agency...
                     (Warburton nods)
              ... but before I do, I note that
              a new Member is joining us today,
              the distinguished gentleman from
              Florida.

     THE BIGGEST EXPLOSION OF FLASHES YET... and as the motor
     drives whir, Tommy flashes his biggest smile yet.
85   INT. TOMMY'S RECEPTION AREA - DAY                           85
     Tommy's office walls are now richly hung with plaques,
     awards, and framed photos. We see he has been named the
     PESTICIDE COALITION'S Man of the Month. The winner of
     the NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION'S Achievement Award. The
     MOTION PICTURE ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA'S Outstanding Young
     Legislator. Etc. The liquor is gone.
     Loretta is at the receptionist's desk.   A LOBBYIST
     enters.
                            FIFTH LOBBYIST
              Morning. Ron Yaeger. Snack-PAC --
              Snack Foods Political Action
              Committee. I have a ten o'clock.
                            LORETTA
              Please have a seat. The congressman
              is running just a little bit late.
     He sits and opens his briefcase. Van Dyke approaches him
     with the dignity of a superb butler.
                            VAN DYKE
              Would you care for some herring?
86   INT. CAPITOL FUNCTION ROOM - DAY                            86
     Tommy rises to speak at a breakfast meeting. The podium
     bears the seal of the American Poultry Association.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            56.
86   CONTINUED:                                                 86
                            TOMMY
              Let me start with a confession. I
              don't know much about poultry.
              But I do know something about
              people. And let me tell you: I
              like you people. So when you have
              something to say about poultry,
              I listen. Thank you very much.
     He sits down to generous APPLAUSE. ON Armando, in
     attendance, CLAPPING, marveling at the response TJ gets.
87   INT. CATACOMBS - MOVING - DAY                              87
     Capitol Hill is actually two worlds: the aboveground
     buildings that visitors and television cameras see, and
     the catacombs, the busy tunnels and corridors connecting
     the congressional office buildings and the Capitol.
     They're surprisingly unglamorous -- exposed pipes, white-
     washed brick walls, dumpsters, pizza carry-outs -- and
     through them move the legislators and their staffs.
     And here is Tommy, whistling ZIPPEDY DOO DAH. He loves
     this place. Passing a snack bar, he greets the Cashier.
                             TOMMY
              My man.
     He blows a kiss to a pretty Teller in the credit union.
     Passing the barber shop, he calls out to the Shoeshine
     Guy. He passes a black TELEPHONE MAN at an open panel of
     wires.
                              TELEPHONE MAN
              Tommy!    What's up, man?

                            TOMMY
                     (whispering)
              Sweet Sue. Third race at Santa Anita.
88   INT. TOMMY'S RECEPTION AREA - DAY                          88
     Several lobbyists are now awaiting Tommy balancing plates
     of herring on their knees. Some are enjoying it more
     than others. Tommy breezes in.
                            TOMMY
              Hey, how you folks doin', good to see
              you, Van Dyke making you comfortable?
     Tommy hits a button on a tape deck, turning on some EASY
     LISTENING.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            57.
88   CONTINUED:                                                 88
                            TOMMY
              Be with y'all shortly.
     BEHIND THE DIVIDER, outside Tommy's office door, Tommy has
     a word with Reinhardt. Tommy indicates his office.
                              TOMMY
              She in there?
     Reinhardt nods.   Tommy gives himself a couple of squirts of
     Binaca.
                            TOMMY
              Stick around for this, Reinhardt.
              I've finally figured something out
              about the women in this town.
89   INT. TOMMY'S OFFICE - DAY                                  89
     Tommy and Reinhardt meeting with Celia and an elfin guy
     in corduroy.
                            CELIA
              Thank you for seeing us, congressman,
              we won't take up much of your time.
              This is Ira Schecter, our research
              director.
                            TJ
              Hi, good to meet you, you folks know
              Reinhardt, don't you? Don't rush, Miss
              Kirby, we can take as long as we want.
                            CELIA
              But you have people waiting, and --

                            TOMMY
              That's all right. They can wait.
                              CELIA
              Well.
     She pulls documents from her briefcase and hands them to
     Tommy.
                            CELIA
              These are issue papers. This
              session we're targeting auto
              insurance premiums, child safety,
              and food additives.   As votes come
              up, we know you'll be hearing plenty
              from the other side. We'd just like
              a clean shot at making our case, too.
                            (MORE)
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            58.
89   CONTINUED:                                                 89
                            CELIA (CONT'D)
                     (rising)
              So, we'll follow up with your staff
              in the next week or...
                            TOMMY
              Wait a minute, you just got here. I
              clean my calendar, and you're out
              the door. Let's back up, give this
              stuff the attention it deserves.
              Car insurance... Ira, what do you
              pay?
                            IRA
              Oh, I've got an '85 Plymouth, about
              six-fifty a year...
                            TOMMY
              Six-fifty? Highway robbery! A chop
              shop wouldn't give you more than a
              hundred forty for a junker like that.
                     (beat)
              Or so I've heard.
                     (beat)
              But I'm flying blind here, I need
              depth. Could Miss Kirby put together
              a briefing? Maybe schedule a
              Saturday or two to really dig into
              the issues?
                            IRA
                     (surprised and pleased)
              Oh... we'd be delighted. We've got
              some figures that will amaze you.
                            TOMMY
              I'm sure you do.
                            CELIA
                     (rising)
              Well, we won't take up any more...
                            TOMMY
              Whoa, whoa, hold on, what about
              child safety?
                            CELIA
              Well, we're sponsoring a bill
              imposing safety standards on
              imported toys...
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92               59.
89   CONTINUED:   (2)                                              89
                            TOMMY
              Great! About time! I     hate imported
              toys. What about food    additives?
              How about we block out   a few
              evenings, you can take   me through
              the details.
                            IRA
              Celia, if that's what the
              Congressman wants... any problem?
                            CELIA
                     (to him)
              You want to do this in the evening?

                            IRA
              I'm away for the next two weeks.
     She gives him a look.    Ira turns to Tommy.
                            IRA
              So, when can Celia start your
              briefings?
                            TOMMY
              Saturday night?
                            IRA
              Saturday night sounds fine.
                           CELIA
              Fine. Wednesday morning.      Nine-
              fifteen.
90   INT. CATACOMBS - NIGHT - CLOSE ANGLE - A SIGN                 90

     On a door in the House sub-basement:    MEMBERS ONLY.
91   INT. HOUSE GYM - NIGHT                                        91
     The regular evening pickup basketball game. Even among
     these ruthless players, Tommy's street moves are outstand-
     ingly down and dirty. His principal accomplice: Elijah
     Marshall.
92   INT. LOCKER ROOM - HOUSE GYM - NIGHT                          92
     A standing poker game among the towel- and robe-clad
     Members.
     It's Tommy's shuffle and deal.    He is convincingly awkward.
     A BULLDOG of a man examines his hand, tosses two cards in.
     He assembles his new hand. Four fives and an ace.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92               60.
92   CONTINUED:                                                    92
     ON Tommy's hand.   A pair of threes.
     The betting starts, at a couple of chips, and comes round
     to Tommy. He pushes a stack of chips to the center.
                            TOMMY
              Let's get serious, fellas.
93   INT. CATACOMBS (OR CORRIDOR) - NIGHT                          93
     Tommy, Marshall, and the Bulldog, back in suits, exit the
     MEMBERS ONLY door and move through the catacombs.
                            MARSHALL
              I need your help on the ethics
              bill, Leon. I want you to co-
              sponsor my amendments.
                            BULLDOG
              You make a persuasive case, Eli.
                            MARSHALL
              That wasn't a yes.
                            BULLDOG
                     (courteously
                      ambiguous)
              I promise to give it the attention
              it deserves.
     The Bulldog gives Tommy a friendly squeeze --
                            BULLDOG
              Better luck next time, son.
     -- and leaves them.   Tommy and Marshall continue on.

                            MARSHALL
              He took six hundred dollars off
              you that last hand, didn't he?
                            TOMMY
              Yeah, he's taking a real shine to
              me.
                            MARSHALL
              If I didn't know better, I'd say
              you lost to him on purpose.
                            TOMMY
              Nothing wrong with letting the
              chairman of the ethics committee
              roll you once in a while.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92           60A.
93   CONTINUED:                                              93
                            MARSHALL
                     (shaking his head)
              You fit in real well up here.   Too
              well.
                            TOMMY
              So Eli, how come you haven't asked
              for my help with your amendments?
                            MARSHALL
              Give it a rest, Tommy. You've got
              a great jump shot. But everyone
              knows you're Dick Dodge's boy.
                            TOMMY
                     (bristling)
              I'm nobody's boy, mister.
                            MARSHALL
                     (weary)
              Don't waste your outrage on me.
              I know what you are.
                            TOMMY
              I'm no different from anyone else.
                            MARSHALL
              That's not true. Some people here
              actually try to do something
              besides save their own ass.
                            TOMMY
              You know, Eli, I like you, I really
              do. You remind me of my father.
                             MARSHALL
              Oh, really?   How so?
                            TOMMY
              He thought I was scum, too.
     BELLS begin RINGING and LIGHTS FLASHING on all the clocks
     and sconces down the corridor. Three RINGS, pause,
     three RINGS, pause... Marshall does a U-turn. Tommy
     doesn't follow suit.
                            MARSHALL
              Aren't you going to vote?
                            TOMMY
                     (indicating clocks)
              Vote? Is that what that is? We
              got a pool going in the office on
              when it'll go off next.

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            60B.
93A   INT. LOBBY OUTSIDE HOUSE CHAMBER - DAY                    93A
      It's called "Gucci Gulch." The lobby just outside the
      doors to the House chamber is pandemonium -- a sea of
      lobbyists, lawyers, PACmen, Members, and staffers
      urgently trying to find their masters and signal them
      thumbs-up or-down. Tommy enters, sweeps the room with
      his eyes, looking for Reinhardt, shrugs, then goes
      through the doors onto the floor.
93B   INT. HOUSE CHAMBER - DAY                                  93B
      Tommy goes to a console on the rear of a seat.
      A blue light says OPEN. Tommy inserts a card (it looks
      like an electronic hotel key). Red, green, and amber
      lights at buttons labeled NAY, YEA, and PRES. Tommy
      shrugs, pushes NAY.
93C   INT. LOBBY OUTSIDE HOUSE CHAMBER - DAY                    93C
      As Tommy heads away, he passes a class trip -- a dozen
      fifth-graders and their TEACHER, who hails him.
                              TEACHER
                Excuse me -- Congressman? Do you
                have a moment? We're from the
                Hawthorne Avenue School, in Union,
                New Jersey? I'm Mrs. Kozlowski.
                Social Studies. We were just
                learning how a bill becomes a law.
                       (indicating the
                        BELLS)
                Was that a vote?
                               TOMMY
                Yes, it was.

                              TEACHER
                And what did you vote?
                              TOMMY
                I voted "Nay." It's a terrible
                bill. It'd destroy the fabric of
                American life.
                              TEACHER
                And what was the vote on?
      Tommy hasn't a clue. He calls out to Rafe, who is among
      those leaving the chamber.
                              TOMMY
                Hey, Rafe! Tell these kids what
                that vote was about.
                              (MORE)
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             61.
93C   CONTINUED:                                                  93C
                              TOMMY (CONT'D)
                       (to kids)
                Guy's got a real knack for
                explaining things.
                              RAFE
                Well, it was a motion to reconsider
                the motion to reconsider.
      Bo, passing by, intervenes.
                              BO
                No, it was the rule on amending the
                reauthorization.

                               TOMMY
                Which means?
                               BO
                Clean Air.
                              RAFE
                       (overlapping)
                School lunches.
                              TOMMY
                You're in excellent hands, kids.
94    INT. RESTAURANT - DAY                                       94
      A NOISY restaurant popular with lobbyists. Power photos
      on the wall. Table hopping. People SHOUTING greetings
      across the room. Waiters in long aprons. Tommy is
      having lunch with Tommy O'Connor.
                              O'CONNOR
                You're a gentleman, Tommy. We can
                always do bid'ness -- I like that
                in a Member.
                              TOMMY
                Thank you, Tommy. I love you too.
                              O'CONNOR
                Listen, I'd like to do more money
                for you -- I just need to know
                your positions on a few issues.
      O'Connor takes out a pen and leather notecard case.
                              O'CONNOR
                For instance, where are you on
                sugar price supports?
                                                   (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            62.
94   CONTINUED:                                                 94
     Tommy has no idea, but he's certainly open to
     suggestions.
                            TOMMY
              Sugar price supports. Where do
              you think I should be, Tommy?
                            O'CONNOR
              Shit -- makes no difference to me.
              If you're for 'em, I got money for
              you from my sugar producers in
              Louisiana and Hawaii. If you're
              against 'em, I got money for you
              from the candy manufacturers.

                             TOMMY
              You pick.
                            O'CONNOR
                     (writing)
              Let's put you down as for. Now
              what about putting limits on
              malpractice awards?
                             TOMMY
              You tell me.
                            O'CONNOR
              Well, if you're for 'em, I got
              money from the doctors and
              insurance companies. If you're
              against 'em, I got money from the
              trial lawyers. Tell you what,
              let's say against. Now how about
              pizza?

                            TOMMY
                     (indicating his plate)
              I'll stick with the salad.
                            O'CONNOR
              Not for lunch, shmuck, for PAC
              money. A lot of the frozen
              pizzas use phony cheese. There's
              a law pending requiring them to
              disclose it on their labels.
              Where do you stand?
     Tommy thinks it through.
                            TOMMY
              If I vote for the labels...then I
              get money from the dairy industry...
                                                 (CONTINUED)

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92          63.
94   CONTINUED:   (2)                                         94
                             O'CONNOR
              Good...
                            TOMMY
              And if I vote against the labels,
              I get money from the frozen food
              guys.
                            O'CONNOR
              Excellent! And don't forget the
              ranchers, because they get hurt
              if pepperoni sales go down!
                            TOMMY
                     (laughing in
                      admiration)
              A pepperoni lobby. I love this
              town.
                            O'CONNOR
              So which is it?
                            TOMMY
              Fuck the cheese people. Thanks to
              them my office smelled like smelt
              for a week.
                              O'CONNOR
              All right.    For.
                            TOMMY
              So Tommy, tell me -- with all this
              money on every side, how does
              anything get done?
                              O'CONNOR
              It doesn't!    That's the genius of
              the system!
95   INT. TOMMY'S OFFICE - DAY                                95
     A briefing in progress. Flip charts, ring binders, Celia,
     Ira, a couple of other Pro Bono types. Tommy is riveted
     by Celia.
                            CELIA
              It comes down to a question of
              what is acceptable risk. Are we
              willing to feed our kids a
              substance that causes cancer in
              lab rats? More important, who
              gets to make the decision?
              Bureaucrats and big corporations,
              or the people whose lives depend
              on it?

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            64.
96   INT. TOMMY'S BOILER ROOM - DAY                             96
     Tommy's staff shares one small office.   Everyone's on the
     phone.
                           VAN DYKE
              Mr. Willie? Congressman Johnson is
              calling. Can you take his call?
              Thank you. Please hold.
     Van Dyke puts him on hold, counts to three, gets back on
     the line.
                            VAN DYKE
              I'm sorry, Mr. Willie, he just
              picked up another call. Listen, I
              know why he was calling -- he
              hasn't heard from you about his
              fundraiser...
     PAN TO Armando.
                            ARMANDO
              ... That's right, Mr. Brown, on
              the thirtieth... A thousand a
              couple...A whole table? He'll be
              so happy to hear it. Thank you so
              much.
                     (calling)
              Loretta! Put down nuclear power
              for ten g's.
     PAN TO Loretta, who chalks the figure onto a toteboard.
                            LORETTA
              Cool.
                     (into phone)
              Mr. Newburg? It's Miss Loretta,
              from Congressman Johnson's office,
              how you doin'?
     On Loretta's bulletin board is a map of the United States,
     with flags, pushpins, and air travel routes.
                            LORETTA
              Say, the congressman's going to be
              out your way next week... Palm
              Springs, the Bob Hope Classic --
              yes, a celebrity player. As long
              as he's on the coast, we were
              wondering whether you aerospace
              people might want to lay on a lunch
              so you can hear his views... Uh-huh
              ... Uh-huh... Lovely. Now what kind
              of contribution to his foundation
              you folks thinking about?

     THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              65.
97   INT. TOMMY'S OFFICE - DAY                                    97
     Celia continues her briefing.
                            CELIA
              ...And in the 1988 study, it was
              up to eight per hundred-thousand.
              Um...am I losing you on these
              mortality rates?
                            TOMMY
              No, I was just wondering how much
              of this is a statutory problem,
              and how much is a regulatory one?
              I mean, didn't the Merton Act
              cover most of this?

                            CELIA
                     (surprised)
              Hmmm, that's an excellent point.
              Let me see something...
     As she starts rummaging in her briefcase, we TRACK AROUND
     to a COMPUTER SCREEN on Tommy's desk -- it displays THE
     EXACT WORDS HE'S JUST SPOKEN.
                            CELIA
              Wow...you're right. Maybe we can
              get them to amend Merton-Simmons.
     RACK FOCUS...reveals REINHARDT in b.g., sitting at
     another computer terminal. He is typing in Tommy's
     responses, which appear on Tommy's screen.
                            TOMMY
              Well, for Merton to apply you have
              to show high contagion...sounds to
              me like your contagion rates are
              no higher than the common clod.
     In b.g., Reinhardt DIVES FORWARD to his keyboard and
     begins correcting his typo. Celia looks puzzled.
                            TOMMY
              Common cold.
                     (beat)
              Must have picked up a little
              dyslexia over the weekend.
                           CELIA
              I see. Well, I must say I'm pretty
              impressed.
                            TOMMY
              You're also impressively pretty.
                                                 (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92           66.
97    CONTINUED:                                                97
      Celia is startled. Tommy is embarrassed...the dumb
      compliment he's just spoken was one Reinhardt typed on
      the computer screen.
                               CELIA
               Oh come on...
                             TOMMY
               You're right. Sorry.      Excuse me a
               second.
                      (calls out)
               Arthur?
      Without explanation, he THROWS HIS PENCIL hard out of
      frame.

                               REINHARDT (O.S.)
               Ow!
98    EXT. GULF STREAM JET - AIRBORNE - DAY                     98
      A jet flies through the sky.
99    INT. GULF STREAM JET - DAY                                99
      Tommy and handful of other Members listen to their GUN
      LOBBYIST host.
                                GUN LOBBYIST
               Frankly, we    think the semi-automatic
               has gotten a    bad rap. That's why
               the American    Sporting Gun Users PAC
               put together    this trip.
      ON TOMMY AND DODGE enjoying champagne and hors d'oeuvres.

100   EXT. DUCK BLIND - DAY                                     100
      Tommy, wearing full L.L. Bean drag, wading with the other
      Members.
      Someone blows a shrieking DUCK CALL. A flock takes flight.
      Everyone in the group raises their weapons: AK-47s. A
      burst of GUNFIRE. Rambo time.
      We SEE the flock still flying.
      One duck drops at the feet of the hunters.
                             TOMMY
               Must have had a heart attack.

       THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              67.
101A   EXT. GOLF COURSE - FIRST TEE - DAY                            101A
       A LARGE SIGN READS:
                SCRAP IRON INSTITUTE CELEBRITY PRO-AM.
       Tommy tees off. He is wearing a veritable pro     shop of
       custom golf gear, all emblazoned with logos of    corporate
       sponsors and lobbies. He hits the ball about     200
       yards...but more or less perpendicular to the    hole.
       REVEAL BOB HOPE standing nearby, watching.
                              BOB HOPE
                I knew all these congressmen get
                a slice, but I didn't know it was
                that big.

101    INT. JET - DAY                                                101
       Tommy on the phone.
                              TOMMY
                Did you miss me?
102    INT. PRO BONO OFFICES - DAY                                   102
       Celia at her desk in the somewhat ratty Pro Bono offices.
                              CELIA
                Where did you go?
       INTERCUT CELIA AND TOMMY
                              TOMMY
                Oh, a fact-finding mission, some
                issue conferences, a few speaking
                engagements, a charity event... the
                usual.
                              CELIA
                More like the Petroleum Institute
                Ski Cup, the NRA Open, the --
                                TOMMY
                Hey.    Have lunch with me tomorrow.
                              CELIA
                I can't -- we're having a press
                conference.
                              TOMMY
                What is it -- the ozone layer?     No
                fault? Killer apples?
                                                    (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            68.
102   CONTINUED:                                                 102
                             CELIA
                      (laughing)
               Toy safety. Wait a minute.
               Tomorrow's Friday. Aren't you
               back early?
                             TOMMY
                      (beaming)
               You remembered! That means you
               missed me.
103   EXT. JEFFERSON MEMORIAL - NIGHT                            103
      Tommy and Celia walk over the bridge to the cherry trees
      by the Tidal Basin.

                             TOMMY
               So, how'd you end up hustling for
               Pro Bono instead of pesticides? I
               mean, you could have been a big-
               time lawyer, right?
                             CELIA
               Oh, I was for a while.   It...
               depressed me.
                             TOMMY
               At a hundred grand a year, how
               depressed can you get? Doesn't
               it depress you to lose all the
               time?
                             CELIA
               Sometimes. Mostly it gets me
               angry. And the anger keeps me
               going. Sure, I wouldn't mind
               winning a few. And it's not like
               I'm allergic to money...
                             TOMMY
               So why do you do it?
      She skips a stone on the water.
                             CELIA
               God, it's so embarrassing to come
               out and say it.
                             TOMMY
               Say it.
                            CELIA
               Meaning. I need my life to mean
               something.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92               69.
103   CONTINUED:                                                    103
      This actually hits Tommy.    Celia, embarrassed, changes
      the subject.
                             CELIA
               My question is, how'd you get
               named after a Memorial?
                             TOMMY
               Grandma like Jefferson. Y'know,
               "Life, liberty and the pursuit of
               happiness." It's a lot to live
               up to, so I specialized in the
               last part.
                             CELIA
               And how's the pursuit going?
                             TOMMY
               Fine...'til I met you. Now...the
               better I do, the worse I feel.
      They have stopped walking.    They are standing close
      together. They kiss.
                             TOMMY
               So...when can I see you again?
               How about dinner Saturday night?
      She shakes her head.
                             CELIA
               How about Sunday morning?
                             TOMMY
               Brunch?

104   INT. OLD CHURCH - BALTIMORE - DAY                             104
      In the pulpit, Rev. Elijah Marshall thunders:
                             MARSHALL
               The wages of sin is death! And
               to the man who values Gold over
               Goodness...the Lord allows no
               exemptions!
      REVEAL TOMMY and Celia in the front pew. Marshall
      appears to be preaching directly to Tommy, who wears a
      slightly sick smile.
                             MARSHALL
               To the man who shows no respect
               for the privilege of walking this
               Earth, God allows no deductions!
                             (MORE)
                                                (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            70.
104   CONTINUED:                                                 104
                             MARSHALL (CONT'D)
                      (AMEN)
               And to the man whose pockets are
               bulging and whose soul is empty...
               the Lord grants no 90-day extension!
                      (AMEN)
               And when the last trump sounds,
               believe me, you will be audited!
                             TOMMY
                      (aside to Celia)
               This is one hell of a date.
105   EXT. CHURCH - DAY                                          105

      On the steps, Marshall shakes hands with his Congregants.
      Tommy and Celia exit the church. Marshall takes Celia by
      the hands and kisses her familiarly. Tommy is taken
      aback.
                             MARSHALL
               Hello, darling. Glad you could
               make it.
                             CELIA
               I liked the sermon, Uncle Eli.
                             TOMMY
               Uncle Eli?
                             MARSHALL
               My niece says you're not half as
               slimy as I thought.
                             TOMMY
               Your niece?

                             MARSHALL
               That would put you somewhere
               between a lizard and a toad.
               Quite a step up.
      Tommy looks from Marshall to Celia and back again.
                             TOMMY
               How could I have missed the
               family resemblance?
106   EXT. CANNON BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING                  106
107   INT. CANNON TOP FLOOR - DAY                                107
      WHISTLING happily, Tommy rounds the corner and heads to
      his office.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92           71.
107   CONTINUED:                                                107
      Ahead of him, encamped in the hallway, he sees a phalanx
      of SENIOR CITIZENS, many carrying placards, and some
      camera crews. Tommy adjusts his tie, turns on the charm,
      and approaches.
                             TOMMY
               Ladies! Looking good!   How can I
               help you folks today!
      But Hattie Rifkin and her troops will have none of it.
                             HATTIE
               Don't "Ladies!" me, you dick!
      The camera lights go on.

108   INT. DODGE'S OFFICE - DAY                                 108
                             DODGE
               Now let me get this straight. You
               voted to make people on Medicare
               pay more money to their doctors?
                             TOMMY
               The Medical Association made a
               persuasive case. Ten grand from
               their PAC, plus Christmas in Aspen.
                             DODGE
                      (shaking his head)
               Tommy -- if I'm not mistaken, you
               wouldn't be here without the good
               senior citizens of your district.
               You got to dance with the girl
               that brung you, son. If you have
               a bit of business to do, do it
               quietly... in the corridors... in
               the subcommittees... with little
               amendments. You mess around on
               the big ones like Medicare, you'll
               be dead meat on election day.
                             TOMMY
               Yeah, well, then it's thanks for
               the memories, and on to the next
               gig.
                             DODGE
               Do you know what your problem is,
               son? You don't think big enough.
               You have a real knack for this
               town, but you have the soul of a
               two-bit hustler. Listen to me,
               Tommy.
                             (MORE)
                                                (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            72.
108   CONTINUED:                                                 108
                             DODGE (CONT'D)
               Five hundred thirty-five Members
               of Congress. Some are smart, and
               some stupid. Some good, some not.
               But all of them, son, all of them
               consumed by the single overriding
               imperative that defines the very
               Washington way of life.
                              TOMMY
               Which is?
                             DODGE
               Getting re-elected.

                             TOMMY
               Wait a minute. You're talkin'
               'bout my re-election?
                             DODGE
               You don't know what percent of the
               incumbents who ran last time got
               re-elected, do you?
                              TOMMY
               Fifty?   Sixty?
                             DODGE
               Ninety-six. And ninety-eight
               before that. It's like that
               election after election. If you
               don't fuck up, you can be here,
               raking it in, for life. Life,
               Johnson.
      Tommy considers this.   Then a big smile.

                             TOMMY
               I can think of worse places to
               get life.
                             DODGE
                      (smiles)
               I knew you had it in you.
                             TOMMY
               So how do I get the Silver Foxes
               off my ass?
                             DODGE
               Oh, throw them a bone... why
               don't you co-sponsor a bill for
               mandatory universal health
               insurance?
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            73.
108   CONTINUED:   (2)                                           108
                             TOMMY
               What's that mean?
                              DODGE
               Nothing.   It'll never pass.
109   INT. TOMMY'S RECEPTION AREA - DAY                          109
      A couple of Lobbyists await Tommy. Van Dyke mans the
      desk. In come ELLEN JUBA, 40s, and her 13-year-old
      daughter, MICKEY, whose pony tail sticks out from her
      Florida Marlins baseball cap.
                             VAN DYKE
               May I help you?

                             MRS. JUBA
               Yes, I'm Ellen Juba. This is my
               daughter, Mickey. We'd like to
               see our congressman. We live in
               the district.
                             VAN DYKE
               Just a moment, please.
                      (dials; into phone)
               Could you come out? Thank you.
                      (hanging up)
               Be right with you.
                      (to Mickey)
               I like your hat.
      Loretta comes out and extends a hand.
                             LORETTA
               How do you do, I'm Miss Loretta,
               public liaison for the congressman.

                             MRS. JUBA
               Ellen Juba. My daughter Mickey.
               We'd like to see him.
                             LORETTA
               Y'all from the district? Up    here
               seein' the sights? How'd you    folks
               like some gallery passes? Go    on
               over and listen to the great   debates
               of our day?
      She reaches into Van Dyke's desk drawer to get some passes.
                             MICKEY
               We don't want to go to the gallery.
               We want to see Congressman Johnson.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            74.
109   CONTINUED:                                                 109
                             LORETTA
               How 'bout a House key ring for each
               of you? Here -- see that? Isn't
               that something? Turns into a pen.
                             MRS. JUBA
               You don't understand. We're not
               tourists. We're constitutents.
                             LORETTA
                      (helpfully)
               You aren't with some organization,
               are you, honey?
                             MRS. JUBA
               I'm a goddam citizen! Isn't that
               enough!
                             MICKEY
               We're not leaving here till we
               see him!
      Loretta exchanges a look with the Lobbyists, who get the
      picture. She picks up the phone and speaks nonchalantly.
                             LORETTA
               Oh, Armando? Could you come out
               front, please?
      Tommy enters, carrying an enormous tennis trophy.
                             TOMMY
               Look what I won! Must be that
               new racket.
      Armando has come out to hear this.

                             ARMANDO
               There a problem, congressman?
                              MRS. JUBA
               Congressman?   You?
      Armando tries to escort her out.
                             MRS. JUBA
               Get your hands off me!
      Mickey tries to block Armando.
                             MICKEY
               Let go of her, you creep!
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92                 75.
109   CONTINUED:   (2)                                                109
                             SIXTH LOBBYIST
               Careful, she may be armed!
                                MICKEY
               Stop it!     Get away from her!
      Armando, defending himself from Mickey, manages to knock
      her hat off. With the hat comes her (apparently false)
      pony tail.
      ON MICKEY.   She's bald.    Her skull bears the mark of surgery.
      Everyone stops.    It's quiet.
      Mickey's eyes burn into Tommy's.        Then she picks up her
      hat.
                                 MICKEY
               Come on, Ma.      It's okay.    Let's go.
                                TOMMY
               Wait.     What happened to you?
                                 MICKEY
Not just me.
110   INT. TOMMY'S OFFICE - DAY                                       110
      Tommy and his staff listen to the Jubas.
                             MICKEY
               I was lucky. They said they got it
               all. I'm going to be okay. But
               what about the others?
                                 TOMMY
               The others?
                             MRS. JUBA
               They call it a "cancer cluster."
               Oh, at first, none of us in the
               neighborhood wanted to believe it,
               but then we all saw it -- for me,
               it was when the two-year-old across
               the street developed a brain tumor,
               same as Mickey. We looked at
               everything -- the water, the air,
               dump sites, insects, you name it.
               But we didn't have to look that far.
               It was staring us in the face.
                                 TOMMY
               What?
                                                      (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            76.
110   CONTINUED:                                                 110
                               MICKEY
               Power lines.
                             MRS. JUBA
               High-voltage power lines. The
               wires cause magnetic fields -- and
               the magnetic fields cause cancer.
               Especially in children.
                             TOMMY
               I never heard of that.
      Mickey pulls a stack of journals and xeroxes from her
      book bag and gives it to her mother, who in turn gives
      the materials to Tommy.

                             MRS. JUBA
               The studies, the numbers -- it's
               all there.
                             MICKEY
                      (to Tommy, skeptical)
               You're not actually going to read
               those, are you?
                             TOMMY
                      (caught)
               Oh, they'll be read...
                             MICKEY
               Why don't you come see for
               yourself?
      Tommy has no quick answer.
111   EXT. PARK/SCHOOL - FLORIDA - DAY                           111

      Children playing on swings and seesaws in a small public
      park. TILT UP. A pair of electric power derricks
      carrying 225,000-volt lines almost directly overhead.
      The derricks cast shadows across a nearby school.
      We SEE the neighborhood. Quite a few FOR SALE signs.
      A house with a moving sale in progress on the front lawn.
      ON Tommy taking it all in.   With him are Celia and the
      Jubas.
                               MRS. JUBA
               Five children   in the neighborhood
               have cancer.    One more has
               precancerous   lesions. Pregnant
               women around   here are scared to
               death.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            77.
111   CONTINUED:                                                 111
                             TOMMY
               This is Mickey's school?
                             MRS. JUBA
               Turns out a lot of schools are near
               power lines. The land's cheap, so
               the schools tend to buy it from the
               power companies in the first place.
                             TOMMY
               But isn't the school district
               responsible?
                             MRS. JUBA
               We asked the superintendent to
               measure the magnetic field inside
               the school. He said, Okay, only
               it'll cost forty thousand dollars,
               and what program did we want him to
               cut that from?
                              TOMMY
               Nice.
                             MRS. JUBA
               We're nobody, congressman. You're
               somebody. We need your help.
      Tommy takes Celia aside.
                             TOMMY
               Do you believe it?
                             CELIA
               It's impossible to know. No one's
               really looked into it hard enough.

                             TOMMY
               But why isn't it being investigated?
                             CELIA
               Why didn't they investigate breast
               implants all those years? What
               about those side-effects of that
               sleeping pill, Halcion? Why isn't
               anything being investigated? It's
               always the same.
                              TOMMY
               Money talks.
                              CELIA
               You got it.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

       THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             78.
111    CONTINUED:                                                  111
                               TOMMY
                 There must be something I can do
                 for those people.
                               CELIA
                 Don't tell me you're actually
                 developing a conscience.
                               TOMMY
                 Shit, I hope not -- it'd be a
                 fucking nuisance in Congress.
                               CELIA
                 No, that's not fair. Some people
                 on the Hill actually believe in
                 things, and try to do a decent job,
                 and don't forget why they went to
                 Washington, and who sent them.
                               TOMMY
                        (amazed)
                 No shit.
                        (remembering)
                 Oh, yeah, I met one of those
                 geeks. So what can I do?
                               CELIA
                 Make a stink. Round up some
                 Members and hold a press
                 conference. Get that committee of
                 yours to hold hearings. Haul in
                 in the Environmental Protection
                 Agency, the Surgeon General, the
                 National Academy of Sciences. Get
                 the issue on every breakfast table
                 in America.

112    OMITTED                                                     112
112A   INT. POWER AND ENTERPRISE COMMITTEE - DAY                   112A
       A press conference. Half a dozen congressmen, Tommy
       among them. Iowa is speaking to the few Cameras and
       Reporters. Beside him, Mickey Juba and her mother.
       Reinhardt and Ceila among the handful of staff and
       onlookers.
                               IOWA
                 This goes beyond personal tragedy.
                 It goes to a public health hazard
                 of unknown proportions. It goes
                 to the right of ordinary people to
                 know all the facts --
                                                    (CONTINUED)

       THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              79.
112A   CONTINUED:                                                   112A
                               TOMMY
                 Yeah, right -- people ought to
                 know if their neighborhoods are
                 killing them.
                               DODGE (O.S.)
                 Amen, gentleman. Amen.
       They turn, somewhat surprised to see Dick Dodge, who
       joins Iowa at the microphones, a natural leader.
                               DODGE
                 What a fine effort this is. I am
                 totally sympathetic. Congressional
                 hearings should be scheduled as
                 soon as possible. The American
                 people deserve no less.
       He puts an arm around Mickey.
                                DODGE
                 Message:   we care.
112B   INT. TOMMY'S HOUSE - NIGHT                                   112B
       Tommy and Celia are watching the press conference on TV.
                               CELIA
                 Well, congratulations. You've
                 found yourself your own hopeless
                 cause.
                               TOMMY
                 Speaking of hopeless causes...
       They kiss, and slide OUT OF FRAME.

113    OMITTED                                                      113
&                                                                   &
114                                                                 114
115    INT. DODGE'S OFFICE - NIGHT                                  115
       An impressive THUNDERSTORM pounds on Dodge's windows.
                               DODGE
                        (pouring)
                 On the rocks, or neat?
                               TOMMY
                 Whatever you're having.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            80.
115   CONTINUED:                                                 115
                             DODGE
               Well, why ruin good bourbon with
               the taste of some shitty Sears
               icemaker, that's what I always say.
                      (handing Tommy a glass)
               Cheers.
                               TOMMY
               Cheers.
      Dodge downs his drink.   Tommy follows suit.
                             DODGE
               Son, you're a real comer. I
               wouldn't be surprised if you ended
               up in the leadership. I'll say
               this: if I were Speaker, I'd
               sleep better with you as a
               lieutenant.
                             TOMMY
               Why, thank you, Mr. Chairman. You
               know, to tell you the truth, I
               didn't know you'd be on my side on
               those power lines.
                               DODGE
               But I'm not.
                             TOMMY
               But you said you were sympathetic --
                             DODGE
               Of course I did. We're all
               sympathetic to little girls with
               cancer. But I'm not sympathetic
               to holding an inquiry.
                             TOMMY
               But you said --
                             DODGE
               I know what I said. But that was
               just a press conference, son. I
               wasn't under oath.
      The intercom BUZZES.
                             DODGE
                      (into phone)
               Yes?... Bring them right in!
                      (hanging up)
               Look. Son. It's great to get
               your name in the paper.
                             (MORE)
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             81.
115   CONTINUED:   (2)                                             115
                             DODGE (CONT'D)
               I bet the gentleman from Iowa was
               all over the evening news in Des
               Moines tonight. Getting good
               press -- letting them know you
               care -- that's what it's all about.
               Smart move, Tommy. But that's as
               far as I'd go with this, if I were
               you.
      The door opens. Dodge turns to see Olaf Anderson, Tommy
      O'Connor, and Zeke Bridges enter.
                             DODGE
               What a surprise!

                                ANDERSEN
               Mr. Chairman!
                             DODGE
               Mr. Chairman! Hello, Tommy. Zeke
               you're looking well, good to see you.
                             ZEKE
                      (wheezing)
               Good to see you, you old sum' bitch.
                             O'CONNOR
               Evening, Mr. Chairman, thanks for
               taking the -- Tommy, you s.o.b., they
               let you in here?
                      (indicating Andersen and
                       Bridges)
               You folks finally get to press flesh!
               Olaf, meet Tommy Johnson. Tommy, Olaf
               Andersen. Chairman of Gulf Coast
               Power.
                             TOMMY
               The boys here have told me a lot
               about you.
                             O'CONNOR
               Yeah -- I told him you voted for him!
      They all share a laugh.    Except for Bridges, who squints
      at Tommy.
                             ANDERSEN
               Glad to meet you, son. They tell me
               you've got a real talent for the
               game.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            81A.
115   CONTINUED:   (3)                                          115
                             O'CONNOR
               And this is Zeke Bridges, CEO of
               Pyramid Insurance.
                             ZEKE
                      (still puzzling)
               Congressman.
                             TOMMY
               Good to meet you.
                             DODGE
               Help me with these, would you,
               Tommy?

      He hands Tommy a couple of drinks.
                             TOMMY
                      (to Zeke)
               Chivas on the rocks?
                             ZEKE
                      (taking the drink)
               You look awfully familiar.
      Tommy just smiles.
                             DODGE
               Tommy and I were just talking about
               power lines.
                             TOMMY
               Yeah, what a coincidence. I
               thought this little party might be
               for me.
                      (to Anderson)
               You may not like this.
                      (to Dodge)
               I think we should hold those
               hearings.
                             DODGE
               You really fell for the line that
               parents group fed you, didn't you?
      Tommy is struck by Dodge's intelligence.
                             TOMMY
               How'd you know I met the parents
               group?
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            81B.
115   CONTINUED:   (4)                                          115
                             DODGE
               Oh, I keep my ear to the ground,
               that's what a good politician does.
               Listen, Tommy, why don't we just get
               Olaf's take on this.
                             ANDERSEN
               It's tragic, cancer's a terrible
               thing, but there's no way you can
               link it to power lines. Truth is,
               there's a bigger electromagnetic
               field given off by an electric
               blanket, or a microwave oven, than
               by those derricks.

                             TOMMY
               But there are studies that say --
                             ZEKE
               For every study that says one thing,
               I'll show you a study saying another.
               We've studied it ourselves. Nada.
                             ANDERSEN
               There's not a single state health
               official anywhere in this country
               who says power lines cause cancer.
                             TOMMY
               But what if you're wrong?
      As Tommy persists, Andersen looks increasingly angry.
                             TOMMY
               People didn't use to say smoking
               causes cancer, either. What if the
               evidence is just building, and some
               day we wake up and discover that
               your power lines are killing us?
                              ANDERSEN
                       (exploding)
               "Kill  us"? "Kill us"? You calling
               me a  murderer? You're saying there's
               blood  on these hands? How dare you
               talk  to me like that, you --
      O'Connor puts a restraining arm on Andersen.
                             O'CONNOR
               Calm down, Olaf, calm down, he
               didn't mean it that way, did you,
               son? Alright, gentlemen. Easy.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             82.
115   CONTINUED:   (5)                                             115
      Andersen backs off, regains his composure.    The outburst
      makes an impression on Tommy.
                             Tommy
               I'm just saying, it's worth looking
               into.
                             ANDERSEN
               Tommy -- do you want to move the power
               lines? Do you know how much it
               would cost to bury them? Millions.
               Tens of millions. I don't have that
               money. The state doesn't have that
               money. You people up here sure
               don't have that money. You know
               who'd end up paying for it? Folks
               who sent you here, that's who.
                             O'CONNOR
               Now how'd you like the   people in
               your district to think   of you as the
               putz who tripled their   electric bill?
               You think they'd thank   you for that
               on election day?
                             TOMMY
               All I'm saying is, maybe we should
               hold hearings to look at --
                             O'CONNOR
               Think for a minute, boychik. You
               hold your hearings. Overnight,
               everyone who lives near a substation
               finds the value of his home in the
               toilet. You kill the real estate
               market.

                             ZEKE
               You kill the insurance companies.
                             O'CONNOR
               You kill the school district.
                             ANDERSON
               You kill the local economy.
                             DODGE
               For a smart boy, you're not
               thinking very politically.
      Tommy watches the LIGHTNING.
                             TOMMY
               Maybe I should think about it.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             83.
115   CONTINUED:   (6)                                            115
                              DODGE
                Yeah, the system ain't perfect,
                but the fleas come with the dawg.
                                 ANDERSEN
                Oh, by the    way, Tommy, on a completely
                different    subject -- You don't have a
                state PAC    yet, do you? I'd like to
                give you a    hundred thousand dollar
                corporate    contribution to start one
                up.
                              ZEKE
                My company would be honored to do
                the same.

                              TJ
                Can you do that?     I thought there
                were limits --
                              O'CONNOR
                Oh, it's all aboveboard, we all
                believe deeply in the rules. It's
                just that the state rules are often
                more flexible about these things.
                              ANDERSEN
                Are you interested?
                              TJ
                I'm always interested in the
                happiness of my constituents.
                              DODGE
                I'll drink to that.

      Dodge and Andersen shoot each other a look.
116   OMITTED                                                     116
&                                                                 &
117                                                               117
118   EXT. TOMMY'S HOUSE - NIGHT                                  118
      Tommy pulls up in a Corvette with Florida congressional
      plates in front of his Capitol Hill row house.
119   INT. TOMMY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT                                119
      Tommy slips into bed next to Celia, who's half asleep.
                                CELIA
                Mmmm...
                                                   (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            84.
119   CONTINUED:                                                 119
                               TOMMY
               Mmmm...
                             CELIA
               So what did he say?
                               TOMMY
               Who?
                               CELIA
               Dodge.    The hearings.
                             TOMMY
               Oh -- I, uh, haven't asked him yet.

      Celia suddenly looks quite awake.
                             TOMMY
                      (casual)
               It wasn't the right moment.
               Besides, I was thinking, maybe I
               ought to line up some other Members
               first -- you know, get my ducks in
               a row.
                               CELIA
               Oh.
120   INT. HOUSE STEAM ROOM - DAY                                120
      Dick Dodge and several other towel-clad MEMBERS.
                             DODGE
               You see that ABC poll?
                               THIRD MEMBER
               Free fall.
                             DODGE
               President in trouble like that, he's
               liable to do something desperate.
               Some damn fool stunt.
                               FOURTH MEMBER
               Invade Japan.
                             FIFTH MEMBER
               Declare war on Congress, more like
               it.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 3/25/92             85A.
120   CONTINUED:   (A1)                                            120
      The door opens.     Eli Marshall, fully dressed, comes in.
                             MARSHALL
               You shafted me on the ethics bill.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            86.
120   CONTINUED:                                                 120
                             DODGE
               Hello, Eli, good to see you.   Why
               don't you loosen your tie?
                             MARSHALL
               It's a closed rule. I can't get my
               amendments on the floor. I can't get
               a recorded vote. I can't get squat.
                             DODGE
               Last time I looked, it was the Rules
               Committee in charge of that. This
               isn't the Rules Committee, Eli.
               This is the steam room.

                             MARSHALL
               This is the U.S. Congress! The
               American people deserve better than --
                             DODGE
               You know what your problem is, Eli?
               You've got sermonitis.
      The other Members chuckle.
                             DODGE
               Can't open your mouth without
               climbing into the pulpit, can you?
               Why don't you just calm down, have
               a massage --
                             MARSHALL
               I've got news for you, Dick. I'm
               going to run against you for Speaker.
               I may not have a rat's ass of a
               chance to beat you. But I sure as
               hell can tell the world the kind of
               sleaze you stand for.
121   EXT. CAPITOL TERRACE - DAY - TOMMY AND DODGE               121
                             DODGE
               I went too far with him, I know it.
               You know him pretty well, don't you?
                             TOMMY
               Oh, I don't know...
                             DODGE
               Come on, you play basketball
               together, you're seeing his niece,
               you've been to his church --
                             TOMMY
               How did you know that?
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             87.
121   CONTINUED:                                                  121
      Dodge indicates his bloodhound nose.
                             DODGE
               He'll listen to you, Tommy. I want
               you to go make peace between us.
               Tell him we'll work something out
               on his amendments -- not a vote, I
               won't go that far, but at least
               he'll get to say his piece on the
               floor. Just get him off my back.
               Can you do that for me?
                             TOMMY
               That's not a question, is it?

                                DODGE
               That's right.     Is there a problem?
                             TOMMY
               No, no -- I've still got my right
               nut, I can work with that.
122   INT. CRAB HOUSE - NIGHT                                     122
      A WAITER removes an empty pitcher of beer.
                                WAITER
               Another?
                             TOMMY
               Sure, why not.
      Marshall takes a boiled crab from the platter between them,
      places it on the butcher paper in front of him, christens
      it --

                             MARSHALL
               The honorable Dick Dodge.
      -- raises a big wooden mallet, and SMASHES it on the crab,
      smiling.
                             TOMMY
               You know, Eli, sometimes people do
               things they regret. Everyone makes
               mistakes. Fact is, Dick's been
               under a lot of pressure lately --
                             MARSHALL
               That man's a walking quid quo pro
               -- prid quo -- quid pro quo, and
               you know it. He put you up to
               this, didn't he?
                                                   (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             88.
122   CONTINUED:                                                  122
                             TOMMY
               What do you mean?
                             MARSHALL
               Don't shit me, Tommy. You're Dick
               Dodge's yes-man. I know what
               you're up to. This is damage
               control.
                             TOMMY
               I'm not a yes-man. When Dick says
               no, I say no.
      Marshall SMASHES down again with the mallet.    Crab carnage.

                             MARSHALL
               You know why no one on the Hill
               drops a dime on anyone else? Mutual
               assured destruction. Our little
               gentleman's agreement. Everybody
               has something on somebody, so nobody
               has anything on anybody, because
               everybody wants to save his own ass.
                             TOMMY
                      (interested)
               Oh, yeah? What do they have on you?
                             MARSHALL
               They think I'm a pompous ass.
                             TOMMY
               Shit, that ain't no secret.
123   EXT. CRAB HOUSE - NIGHT                                     123

      Reinhardt and Loretta about to go in.
                             LORETTA
               You sure they don't want to be
               alone, Reinhardt?
                             REINHARDT
               No, no -- I bet they've been talking
               about the ethics bill all night.
               Come on, Loretta, you'll know how to
               get Marshall's mind off business.
124   INT. CRAB HOUSE - NIGHT - ON MARSHALL AND TOMMY             124
                             MARSHALL
               Shit, this place isn't about passing
               laws any more. It isn't about doing
               good any more. All it's about is...
               being here.
                                                (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             88A.
124   CONTINUED:                                                 124
      Loretta and Reinhardt approach their table.
                             LORETTA
               Well, as I live and breathe.   Tommy!
      Tommy is surprised to see them.   She flashes a smile at
      Marshall.
                             TOMMY
               Eli, this is Loretta Hicks, from my
               staff. Loretta, Congressman Marshall.
                             LORETTA
               Pleasure to meet you.

                             MARSHALL
               Entirely mine.
                             TOMMY
               You know Reinhardt, my AA?
      Marshall nods.   Reinhardt turns to Tommy.
                             REINHARDT
               Excuse me, congressman, could I just
               do a couple of quick calendar things
               with you?
                             MARSHALL
                      (to Loretta)
               Would you care for a drink?
                             LORETTA
               Tell you the truth, nothing for me.
                             MARSHALL
               Well, when a pretty lady shoots him
               down, an old man knows it's time to
               go home.
      Marshall rises, pulling out his car keys.
                             MARSHALL
               You kids have a good time.
                             REINHARDT
                      (indicating pitcher)
               Listen, you gentlemen look like
               you've had a few -- Loretta, why
               don't you be a designated driver?
      Loretta stands and takes Marshall's keys from him.
                                                   (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             89.
124   CONTINUED:    (2)                                           124
                             LORETTA
               Excellent idea.
                               MARSHALL
               Ah.    The good Samaritan.
                             LORETTA
               Good night, y'all.
      They leave.
                             REINHARDT
               Now we've already got the Bankruptcy
               Institute breakfast tomorrow, but if
               you don't mind we could wedge in the
               Prune Board --
      This isn't what Tommy wants to be doing now.    He gets up.
                             TOMMY
               I'm packing it in.
                             REINHARDT
                      (also rising)
               Can we talk while I drive you?
                             TOMMY
               Thanks, I'll walk. I could use
               the air.
125   INT. MARSHALL'S CAR - MOVING - NIGHT                        125
      Marshall and Loretta are singing.
                             MARSHALL and LORETTA
               "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,
               that saved a wretch like me -- "
126   EXT. CAPITOL HILL STREET - NIGHT                            126
      Tommy is on foot. Marshall's car, with its Maryland
      congressional plates, pulls over.
                             LORETTA
               Come on, honey, no use you getting
               mugged.
127   INT. MARSHALL'S CAR - MOVING - NIGHT                        127
                             MARSHALL and LORETTA
               "I once was lost, but now am found;
               was blind, but now I see... "
      Tommy, in the back, cradles his head.   As Loretta heads
      into a traffic circle, she SEES

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             90.
128   EXT. TRAFFIC CIRCLE - NIGHT - A HOOKER                      128
      in high sling-back heels.
129   INT. MARSHALL'S CAR - NIGHT                                 129
                             LORETTA
                      (turning to look)
               Check out the fuck-me pumps on that.
               Mm-mm. I gotta get me some shoes
               like that.
                              TOMMY
               Loretta!   Please! Your mouth!
130   EXT. TRAFFIC CIRCLE - NIGHT                                 130

      With a SCREECH of brakes and a CRUNCH of metal, a TAXI
      rear-ends them, SLAMMING Marshall's car into a lamppost.
131   INT. TAXI - NIGHT                                           131
      The Taxi Driver looks at the wreck for a moment.   Then
      he lays rubber and SQUEALS away.
132   INT./EXT. MARSHALL'S CAR - NIGHT                            132
      On the back floor, Tommy stirs. Seems to be okay.
      Lifts himself to see up front. The windshield is
      smashed. Loretta and Marshall are both unconscious.
      Tommy climbs into the front but can't get the door open.
      He kicks out a broken window and climbs through.
      He runs to a phone on the corner and dials 911.
                             TOMMY
               I need an ambulance right away.

      IN THE CAR no motion from Loretta or Marshall.
      AT THE PHONE he dials another number.
                             TOMMY
               Evening, Mrs. Dodge, Tommy Johnson
               here, sorry to call at this hour,
               is Dick back from the Gridiron
               dinner yet? Could I speak with him
               for just a moment?
133   INT. DODGE BEDROOM - NIGHT                                  133
      MRS. DODGE is in bed. She hands the phone to Dodge,
      who's in white tie and tails, looking more sinister
      than splendid.
                             MRS. DODGE
               Tommy Johnson.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92           91.
133   CONTINUED:                                                 133
                             DODGE
                      (into phone)
               What's wrong?
      INTERCUT Tommy and Dodge.
                             TOMMY
               How did you know?
                             DODGE
               Good news doesn't come at this hour.
                             TOMMY
               I went out with Marshall. We got into
               an accident. He's out cold. I'm okay.

      Dodge looks off balance.
                             DODGE
               Were you driving?
                              TOMMY
               No.   Someone else. Loretta.
      Dodge recovers his equilibrium.
                             DODGE
               The girl from your office?
                             TOMMY
               Yeah. She's out, too. I don't
               like the way it looks. For anybody.
               Look. You said you wanted to get
               back into Marshall's good graces.
               Well, here's an opportunity.

                             DODGE
               Listen carefully. Tell the
               ambulance to take you to Walter
               Reed. It's a privilege they give
               congressmen. It's also the only
               hospital without a bunch of goddam
               reporters shtupping the nurses in
               exchange for leaks. They'll keep
               it quiet. I'll handle the police.
               You go home and keep your mouth shut.
134   INT. PARKING GARAGE - NIGHT                                134
      Two figures approach one another in the shadows:
      Reinhardt, and the Taxi Driver who rear-ended Marshall's
      car. The cabbie nods.   Reinhardt hands him an envelope.
      The Driver inspects the cash.

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             91A.
135   INT. TOMMY'S BATHROOM/BEDROOM - MORNING                      135
      Tommy is shaving.   He HEARS the local tv news from the
      bedroom.
                             WASHINGTON ANCHOR (V.O.)
               ... and the Beltway is bumper-to
               bumper, so you might as well take a
               day of annual leave and enjoy
               yourself. At the top of the news,
               Maryland Congressman Elijah Marshall
               is in satisfactory condition at
               Walter Reed Hospital after an
               overnight accident in the District.
      Tommy bolts into the bedroom.    On the television he sees

136   VIDEO - EXT. WALTER REED HOSPITAL - GATES - DAY              136
      A CORRESPONDENT doing a stand-up.
                             CORRESPONDENT
               That's right, Tom. Marshall
               reportedly had alcohol in his blood.
               Also slightly injured was an
               unidentified woman whom police say
               has a record in several states for
               prostitution.
      Tommy looks sick.
                             TOMMY
               Oh sweet Jesus.
                             WASHINGTON ANCHOR
               Linda, Congressman Marshall --
               that's Reverend Marshall, isn't it?

                             CORRESPONDENT
               Right you are, Tom. How this plays
               into his longstanding campaign to
               reform congressinoal ethics is now
               anyone's guess.
                              WASHINGTON ANCHOR
               Thank you.   In other news...
      Tommy leaps for his clothes.
137   INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY                                 137
      Tommy races down the corridor.   Ahead of him, Celia,
      coming out of Marshall's room.   She freezes at the sight
      of him.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              92.
137   CONTINUED:                                                   137
                             CELIA
               Get away from him.
      He approaches her.
                             CELIA
               And get away from me.
                             TOMMY
               I have to talk to you.
                               CELIA
               Go away!
                               TOMMY
               I was set up!
                             CELIA
               You were set up? You were in the
               car! I didn't hear your name on the
               news!
                             TOMMY
               No, someone screwed him --
                               CELIA
               "Someone"?
                             TOMMY
               Celia, something stinks here --
                             CELIA
               Yeah -- it's you! You don't give a
               damn about anything! And to think,
               the other night, I actually thought
               you cared about someone else.

      He puts his hand to her face.    She brushes it off.
                             CELIA
               Not me, you jerk -- Mickey Juba!
               You caved on those power lines,
               didn't you? I knew it. Damn it, I
               knew it! What did you get for it?
               Tommy O'Connor's box at the
               Redskins? Someone slip you a condo
               in the Virgin Islands?
                             TOMMY
               If you'd give me a chance to --
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92               93.
137   CONTINUED:   (2)                                              137
                             CELIA
               God, I hate this town -- the only
               reason I stay is because I hate it
               so much.
                               TOMMY
               Celia --
                             CELIA
               Get the hell out of here.
138   EXT. FLORIDA PARK - DAY - LONG SHOT - TOMMY AND               138
      MICKEY JUBA
      sitting on the ground, backs to us, beneath the power
      lines. A quiet moment.
      REVERSE ANGLE - TWO SHOT.   Mickey is shuffling a deck of
      cards.
                             MICKEY
               Is it thumb over, or thumb under?
                               TOMMY
               Under.
      She tries her hand at a false shuffle.
                               TOMMY
               Not bad, kid.    You've got potential.
                             MICKEY
               So what's happening? I thought you
               were going to kick some ass on --
      She indicates the derricks.      Tommy looks at her, comes to
      a decision.
                               TOMMY
               I am.
      He takes the deck from her, fans it face up, pulls all the
      kings and aces, stacks them on top, and squares the deck.
                             TOMMY
               This is one's called the double
               duke. How many players?
                               MICKEY
               Six.
                             TOMMY
               Who's the mark?
                                                    (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            94.
138   CONTINUED:                                                 138
      She points to an imaginary poker player.
                             MICKEY
               Number two -- over there.
      Tommy, smiling, calculates something for a moment, then
      gives the deck four shuffles. He hands Mickey the cards.
                              TOMMY
               Your deal.
      She deals out six hands in a circle on the ground.
                             TOMMY
               Look at the sucker's hand.

      She turns over the hand at number two.   It has the four
      kings. Mickey WHISTLES at the hand.
                             TOMMY
               Look at your hand.
      She turns over her own hand. It has the four aces.
      Mickey looks at the power lines, at the hands, at TJ.
      Then, understanding:
                             MICKEY
               That's what you're going to do?
      Tommy nods.   Her face opens into a big smile.
                             MICKEY
               Let's kick some ass.    What do I do?
                             TOMMY
               Something very important.

139   INT. TOMMY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY                             139
      Tommy pow-wows with Loretta Van Dyke, and Armando.   Aside
      from a sling, Loretta looks okay.
                             VAN DYKE
               Why are we meeting here, Tommy?
               There trouble at the office?
                             TOMMY
                      (impersonating Dodge)
               "I keep my ear close to the ground."
               His ear my ass. He had an inside
               man.
                             ARMANDO
               That little fuck Reinhardt?
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             95.
139   CONTINUED:                                                   139
                             LORETTA
               Hot damn -- I knew my driving wasn't
               that bad. Speaking of which -- you think
               I should wear one of those whiplash
               things, Tommy? There some insurance
               angle I should be working here?
                             TOMMY
               We got bigger fish to fry, darlin'.
                             VAN DYKE
               What do we do?
                               TOMMY
                      (beat)
               The big con.
                             LORETTA
               We gonna git that sucker.
                             TOMMY
               Dick always said I should think big.
                            ARMANDO
               Whoa! Aren't we gettin' out of our
               league, man? That Dodge is a pro!
                             VAN DYKE
               You can't con a con, Congressman.
                             LORETTA
               Shit, that's right, Tommy -- these
               politicians are serious slick fish.
                             TOMMY
               You people gone soft on me? Bunch
               of fuckin' incumbents I got here.
               Now listen up. Thursday morning
               Dodge has a breakfast with the Arts
               Caucus in the Longworth Room. Armando
               -- find out how fast I can get from
               Longworth to my office. Loretta --
               we need some scoop from the EPA for
               the roper, I'll give you a list.
               Van Dyke -- call Hattie at the Silver
               Foxes, and --
                             LORETTA
               Wait a minute -- we need a new roper,
               don't we? Everyone around here
               knows our faces.
      Outside a HORN sounds (O.S.).    Tommy looks at his watch.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            96.
139   CONTINUED:                                                 139
                             TOMMY
               Right on the nose.
      He throws open the bay window of the narrow house. Just
      below is a pickup truck with "Homer's Pit Stop" lettered
      on the side. Homer gets out.
                             TOMMY
               My man!
      The others come to the window to see Homer, still wearing
      his fuel-smeared overalls, and SHOUT greetings.
                             TOMMY
               Now let's get to work.

140   INT. POWER AND ENTERPRISE COMMITTEE - DAY                  140
      The Members are being seated for a hearing. At the dais,
      Tommy approaches Dodge. A beat as Dodge studies Tommy's
      face.
                             TOMMY
               Eli Marshall caught his tail in a
               crack, didn't he?
                             DODGE
               He did.
                             TOMMY
               You kept my name out of it.
                             DODGE
               I did.
                             TOMMY
               I owe you one.
                             DODGE
                      (pleased)
               You learn fast.
                             TOMMY
               Do me one favor, Dick. Next time
               you pull some heavy shit involving
               my ass, tip me off, okay?
                             DODGE
                      (indulgent chuckle)
               Alright, son.
                      (BANGS gavel)
               This hearing of the Power and
               Enterprise Committee is now in
               order. The health of America's
               securities industry --
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              97.
140   CONTINUED:                                                   140
      Reinhardt approaches Tommy and slips him a packet of
      materials.
                             TOMMY
                      (whispering)
               Thanks. Listen, Reinhardt, something's
               come up, and I don't quite know how
               to handle it. There's a guy from
               the EPA -- I don't know him -- says
               he wants to see me. Tonight. Out
               of the office. Alone, he says.
               Sound of it makes me nervous. I'd
               feel better if you were there.
                             REINHARDT
               You got it, jefe.
141   EXT. GRANT'S STATUE - NIGHT                                  141
      A man waits, alone, in the shadow of a large statue.
      It's Homer. In a jacket and tie, his stubble shaved off,
      he looks like a plausible government worker. Tommy and
      Reinhardt approach.
                             TOMMY
               Mr. Yancey?
                             HOMER
                      (cold)
               I thought you'd be alone.
                             TOMMY
               He's my AA. He goes where I go. If
               you can trust me, you can trust him.
      Homer eyes Reinhardt a moment, then continues.

                             HOMER
               Congressman, I have information I
               think you may want. It's about
               something going on at the EPA.
                             TOMMY
               What have you got?
                             HOMER
               I got a wife and three kids, and a
               note on my house, that's what I got.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            98.
141   CONTINUED:                                                  141
                             TOMMY
                      (laughs)
               Nothin' comes for nothin' in this
               town, do it?
                      (to Reinhardt)
               You got any cash on you? I'm kind
               of light.
                             REINHARDT
                      (whispering)
               You can't do that!
                             TOMMY
                      (to Homer)
               This stuff's pretty good?

                             HOMER
               In the right hands, it could mean a
               great deal.
                            TOMMY
               Okay. Sunday. Fifth race at Del
               Mar. Blueboy is running twenty to
               one. I'd take a major position.
                             HOMER
               You have to be shitting me.
                             TOMMY
               No, not at all -- my Cousin Henry
               spends his days pumping water into
               horses' stomachs and stuffing
               Percodan up their butts. Trust me.
      Reinhardt is interested in this.   And he admires Tommy's
      m.o.

                             HOMER
                      (after a moment)
               Alright. The White House is putting
               heat on the EPA. They want us to
               announce a major investigation of
               the relation between power lines and
               cancer clusters.
                             REINHARDT
               But didn't the EPA already do a study?
                             HOMER
               Yeah, but when the draft got to the
               White House, they didn't like it. So
               they brought their own scientists in
               to kill it.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            99.
141   CONTINUED:   (2)                                           141
                             TOMMY
               Why did the White House change its
               mind?
                               HOMER
               Who knows?
                             TOMMY
               Is there new evidence?
                             HOMER
               Yeah -- their polls have dropped
               like a rock. They need an issue.
               This one makes them look good on
               the environment, and they don't have
               to spend a penny.
                             TOMMY
               And what good is this to me?
                             HOMER
               Come on, congressman, in this town,
               information is currency. And
               advance information is gold.
      Reinhardt nods in agreement.
                                HOMER
               But you've    got to move fast. Once
               the White    House goes public with
               this, they    can't turn back. If your
               friends at    the power company want to
               kill this    investigation, they'd better
               do it now.     Evening, gentlemen.

      After Homer leaves:
                             REINHARDT
               Blueboy. Twenty to one. Is your
               Cousin Henry always right?
                             TOMMY
               I ain't got no Cousin Henry.
142   EXT. PAY PHONE - BY REFLECTING POOL - NIGHT                142
      Reinhardt dials.
                               MRS. DODGE'S VOICE (V.O.)
               Hello?
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             100.
142   CONTINUED:                                                 142
                             REINHARDT
               Mrs. Dodge, it's Arthur Reinhardt.
               May I speak to the Chairman, please?
                               DODGE (V.O.)
               Hello?
                             REINHARDT
               Are you sitting down?
143   INT. ART CAUCUS ROOM - DAY                                 143
      The Longworth Room, a small circular committee room with
      an ornate rotunda. The Arts Caucus breakfast is ending.

                             THIRD MEMBER
               Unless there is further business,
               our caucus stands adjourned.
      Dodge gets up.    As he makes to leave, Tommy comes in.
                             TOMMY
               Got a minute, Dick?
      Tommy takes him aside.    The room empties except for them.
                             TOMMY
               Listen, Dick, I heard something.
               There's got to be some bid'ness in it.
      Tommy very discreetly gestures with his thumb and palm:
      money.
                             TOMMY
               Maybe we can go in on it together.

                             DODGE
               I'm listening.
                             TOMMY
               The EPA is going to make a stink
               about power lines. The White House
               is pushing them to do a big study.
                             DODGE
               That's very interesting, my friend.
               I've heard that, too.
                             TOMMY
                      (acting surprised)
               Nothing gets by, do it?
      Tommy touches his nose, in tribute to the master.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            100A.
143   CONTINUED:                                                143
                             DODGE
               But thank you, son -- I'm glad you
               chose to share it with me. We do
               make quite a team, don't we?
                             TOMMY
               I -- I hope it wasn't my press conference
               that started this.
                             DODGE
               No, this is a stunt for the polls.
                             TOMMY
               So do you think there's something
               in it for us?

                             DODGE
                      (musing)
               If we got the EPA off Olaf Andersen's
               back, he'd be extremely appreciative.
                             TOMMY
               And how do we do that?
                             DODGE
               My committee writes the EPA's programs.
               We audit their funds. We confirm their
               appointees. I've got them by the balls.
                             TOMMY
               And you're going to -- ?
      Tommy makes a squeezing gesture, grins.
                             DODGE
               Oh, no, not at all -- just...
               persuasion. Strenuous persuasion.
                             TOMMY
               That's allowed?
                             DODGE
               Persuasion, yes. Intimidation, no.
               But it's a gray area. Who's to say
               which is which?
                             TOMMY
               Dick, wait a minute -- shouldn't we
               check out the tip? Make sure the
               EPA's really going through with this
               investigation?
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             101.
143   CONTINUED:   (2)                                          143
                             DODGE
               Of course.
                      (looks at watch)
               He should be in by now.
                             TOMMY
               Who?
                             DODGE
               Skeeter Warburton, of course.
               Always go right to the top, son.
144   INT. DODGE'S RECEPTION AREA - DAY                         144
      Dodge passes his Secretary's desk on the way into his
      office.
                             DODGE
               Get me the EPA Administrator, please.
145   INT. CORRIDOR/STAIRWELL - CANNON - DAY                    145
      Tommy jogs along the corridor. A tourist Family stares at
      him. He explains his haste with a smile --
                             TOMMY
               There's a vote on the floor.
      -- and ducks into the stairwell.
146   INT. CATACOMBS - PHONE CABLE ROOM - DAY                   146
      In a chamber crammed with cables, the Telephone Man
      listens to a handset. He now sports a gold Rolex on his
      wrist -- his horse must have come in. Van Dyke, also
      there, looks at any array of dials and meters, whose
      hands all suddenly move. Some electronic phone CHIRPS,
      then the filtered RINGING of a call.
                             VAN DYKE
               Here he comes.
      The Telephone Man nods, adjusts some wiring, smiles
      satisfiedly.
                             TELEPHONE MAN
               And there he goes.
147   INT. TOMMY'S OFFICE                                       147
      Loretta wears a beaded sling, which adds to her look.
      She is at Tommy's desk, watching his phone as it RINGS.
      Tommy comes in.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             102.
147   CONTINUED:                                               147
                             TOMMY
               The Administrator.
      Loretta picks up the phone.
                             LORETTA
               Office of the Adminstrator.
                      (listens)
               Thank you, I'll put you right
               through.
      She hands the phone to Tommy, who mimics the George
      Plimpton voice.
                             TOMMY
               Warbuton here.
                      (listens)
               Thank you.
                      (waits)
               Mr. Chairman! I do hope there's
               something I can help you with today.
148   INT. DODGE'S OFFICE - DAY                                148
                             DODGE
               I need a straight answer from you,
               Skeeter. Is the White House on
               your ass about power lines?
                             TOMMY
               Off the record?
                             DODGE
               Of course.
                             TOMMY
               I was looking forward to some
               serious sailing this week -- Tish
               and I have a lovely spot right by
               Kennebunkport. Instead, here I am
               at three in the morning, writing
               testimony to your committee about
               cancer clusters.
                             DODGE
               Thanks for your candor, Warburton.
                            TOMMY
               Not at all. You must come sailing
               with us. Cheers. Bye-bye.
      Tommy passes the phone back to Loretta.
                             TOMMY
               Next.

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            102A.
149   INT. ANDERSEN'S OFFICE - DAY                              149
                                ANDERSEN
               Yes?
                             SECRETARY (V.O.)
               Zeke Bridges on line two.
      Andersen punches the button to connect the call.
150   INT. TOMMY'S OFFICE - DAY                                 150
                             LORETTA
               I'll just put you through to him.
      She passes the phone to Tommy.

                                TOMMY
               Olaf?
                      (coughs)
               Olaf, Zeke Bridges. Listen, you
               sum' bitch, I'm so mad, I can't
               sit down to shit. Have you heard
               what I heard?
                      (wheezes)
      INTERCUT with Andersen.
                                ANDERSEN
               What's that.
                             TOMMY
               The EPA's fixing to make a big
               stink about power lines and
               cancer. They're going to serve
               us up for breakfast.
                             ANDERSEN
               Wait a minute. There's no
               scientific proof --
                             TOMMY
               Proof don't mean shit. We're
               talking politics. They make a
               federal case out of power lines,
               I'm screwed. Whole insurance
               business is screwed. You know how
               much cash I'd have to pay out in
               settlements? Even if I stiffed
               everybody on claims, the legal
               fees'd be enough to kill me.
                             ANDERSEN
               I can't believe it.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             103.
150   CONTINUED:                                                150
                             TOMMY
               You better believe it. You're
               screwed, too. Every hot dog trial
               lawyer in America soon be lining up
               to sue both our asses. We got to
               move on this, Olaf. If I wasn't
               tied up here, I'd go to Washington
               myself. Shouldn't you be getting
               on a plane? Just between us -- you
               find a way to stop this, I'll find
               a million bucks if I have to.
151   INT. CORPORATE JET - DAY                                  151
      A very worried Andersen.

152   INT. HILL CORRIDOR - DAY                                  152
      Tommy and Dodge walking along a Capitol hallway.
                             DODGE
               Olaf will be at my office at five o'clock.
                             TOMMY
               How do we play it?
                            DODGE
               Cool. Real cool. You just follow
               my lead.
153   INT. DODGE'S OFFICE - DAY - DODGE, TOMMY, ANDERSEN,       153
      O'CONNOR
                             DODGE
               I don't know how I can help you on
               this one, Olaf. This is the EPA.
               This is the President.
                             ANDERSEN
               This is my lifeblood!
                             DODGE
               I see that, Olaf, I see that. But
               in this town, you pick your fights.
                             ANDERSEN
               This could mean six figures, Dick.
      Dodge says nothing, but makes his eyebrows fly.
                             ANDERSEN
               High six figures.
      Dodge flicks his eyebrows again:   More.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             104.
153   CONTINUED:                                                153
                             ANDERSEN
               Seven figures?
                             TOMMY
               Between us. It's not that much --
               what can you get for half a
               million these days?
                             ANDERSEN
               How the hell can I funnel that
               kind of money to you?
                             O'CONNOR
               If that's what you want, we can
               always find a loophole. No one
               will see your fingerprints.
                             ANDERSEN
               No one will know?
                             DODGE
               No one will know.
                             O'CONNOR
               You're only in trouble if someone
               can prove a connection.
                             DODGE
               Of course there's no connection.
               Olaf's just making a contribution
               as a patriotic citizen. And in
               return for it, he's getting --
                             TOMMY
               Good government.

                              DODGE
               Exactly.   A little access, that's
               all.
154   INT. ORNATE CAPITOL HALLWAY - DAY                         154
      Dodge, Andersen, Tommy, and O'Connor walking along. Up
      ahead, a cocktail reception. On an easel by the door:
      HAZARDOUS WASTE ASSOCIATION MEET YOUR REPRESENTATIVE NIGHT.
                             DODGE
               I've got to do a drop-by. You
               gentlemen like to join me for a drink?
155   INT. ORNATE FUNCTION ROOM - DAY                           155
      Dodge and Tommy work the room genially. Tommy spots
      Celia talking to some Guests and goes over to her.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            105.
155   CONTINUED:                                                 155
                              TOMMY
               Hi.
                             CELIA
                      (to Guests, smiling)
               Excuse me.
      She turns, starts to walk away.   Tommy stops her.
                             TOMMY
               Look. Whatever you think of me,
               just promise me one thing.
      She glares at him angrily.   But then she's surprised to
      hear:

                             TOMMY
               Come to the Clean Air hearing
               tomorrow.
                              CELIA
                       (baffled)
               What?
                             TOMMY
               Power and Enterprise.    Noon.
                              CELIA
               But why?
      He gives her an enigmatic smile and slips away.
      As he rejoins Dodge, Tommy SEES WARBURTON enter the room.
      Alarmed, TOmmy moves in on Dodge, steering him to avoid
      the EPA Administrator.

                             TOMMY
               Shouldn't we be heading off, Dick?
                             DODGE
               Let's work the room just a bit more.
                              REINHARDT (O.S.)
               Congressman!   Mr. Chairman!
      As Dodge turns to see him --
                             DODGE
               Evening, Reinhardt.
      -- he SEES Warburton.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            106.
155   CONTINUED:   (2)                                          155
                             REINHARDT   (O.S.)
               Good to see you, sir.    By the way,
               I thought your opening   statement in
               committee yesterday was   brilliant.
      Dodge points out Warburton to Tommy.
                             DODGE
               Well. Look who's over there --
               Skeeter Warburton from the EPA.
               The very man we want to see.
                             TOMMY
                      (trying to turn him)
               Have you tried the oysters, Dick?

                             DODGE
               At a hazardous waste event?
                      (shakes head)
               I think we'll go talk to him.
                             TOMMY
               No, he's the wrong man --
                             DODGE
                      (bemused by Tommy)
               You don't understand -- he's the
               perfect man.
                             TOMMY
               But -- but you don't want to bother
               him with this. Talk to one of his
               underlings --
      Dodge looks at Tommy with curiosity, not understanding his
      reluctance.

                             DODGE
               Nothing beats man-to-man.
                                TOMMY
               Here?     Not here!
                             DODGE
               A public place. What could be better?
                             TOMMY
               But it's the wrong time!
                             DODGE
               While the iron is hot, son.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92               107.
155   CONTINUED:   (3)                                            155
                             REINHARDT
                      (chiming in
                       helpfully)
               No time like the present.
                             TOMMY
               Shut up, Reinhardt, I'm talking to
               the Chairman. Beat it, okay?
                             REINHARDT
                      (smiling to Dodge)
               I'll go get him.
      Reinhardt heads for Warburton.

                             TOMMY
                      (puts hand on abdomen)
               You heard about this stomach thing
               going around?
                             DODGE
               Come on, son, we've got the
               people's business to do.
      He leads Tommy off to one side.      Reinhardt brings
      Warburton to them.
                               WARBURTON
               Mr. Chairman.    Congressman.
                             DODGE
               I've got a big problem, Skeeter.
                               WARBURTON
               What's that?

                             DODGE
               Your power lines investigation.
                             WARBURTON
               What power lines investigation?
      Tommy is sweating bullets.
                             DODGE
               We're off the record, Skeeter.
               This witch-hunt for cancer clusters
               is bad news for everyone.
                             WARBURTON
               I don't know what you're talking
               about, Dick.
                                                    (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             108.
155   CONTINUED:   (4)                                          155
                             DODGE
               Alright, I know you're being a
               good soldier --
                             WARBURTON
               No, I'm being straight with you --
                             DODGE
               Then let me be straight with you. You
               announce this study -- I'm not talking
               about the results down the road, mind you,
               I'm just talking about the announcement
               -- and there's broken crockery everywhere.
               Real estate. Utilities. Insurance.
               Schools. Local governments.
               It'll cost jobs. Uproot families.
                             WARBURTON
               I agree with you completely. There
               isn't going to be an investigation,
               old chap, I promise you.
                             DODGE
                      (beat)
               I'm glad we understand each other.
                             WARBURTON
                      (beat)
               Yes, I think we do.
      Tommy silently rejoices in his good fortune.
                             DODGE
               And we'll just forget about that
               phone call this morning?

                             WARBURTON
               We didn't speak on the phone.
                             DODGE
                      (vastly impressed)
               Excellent.
      Dodge claps him on the shoulder, then heads off with Tommy,
      who is delighted to have dodged a bullet.
                             TOMMY
                      (imitating Warburton)
               "There isn't going to be an
               investigation, old chap."
                             DODGE
                      (chuckling)
               You're bad.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92           109.
155   CONTINUED:   (5)                                        155
      They join up with Andersen and O'Connor.
                             DODGE
                      (sotto voce)
               Worked like a charm. We scared him
               shitless. The investigation's dead.
                             ANDERSEN
               Waiter! Champagne!
                      (to Dodge)
               See you at the Clear Air hearings.
156   INT. TOMMY'S RECEPTION AREA/CORRIDOR - DAY              156
      As Reinhardt comes into the office, Tommy intercepts him.

                             TOMMY
               Morning, Reinhardt! Got a minute?
               I need your advice on something.
                             REINHARDT
               Sure.
      Tommy leads him back into the corridor.
157   INT. TOMMY'S BOILER ROOM - DAY                          157
      Van Dyke, Armando, and Loretta work the phones.
                             VAN DYKE
               Is this the assignment desk? Yes,
               I'm calling from Chairman Dodge's
               office, on the Hill. We wanted
               to be sure CNN was sending a crew
               to the Clean Air hearing today.

                             ARMANDO (OVERLAPPING)
               No, not the new emission standards.
               We're breaking news. This is the
               biggest thing since Watergate.
                             LORETTA (OVERLAPPING)
               This is Cynthia Leeson in the White
               House Press Office. My boss wanted
               me to let you folks know -- we're
               making a major announcement at the
               Clean Air hearings today.
                      (listens)
               No, I can't tell you, but it's hot.
                      (listens)
               Well, if the New York Times wants
               to be the only paper in town to
               miss the story of the year, that's
               up to y'all.

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              109A.
158   INT. TOMMY'S CAGE/CORRIDOR - DAY                             158
      Tommy has drawn Reinhardt into the cage.
                             TOMMY
               I want to do a little    something
               nice for Dodge. That     EPA thing --
               he's been good to me,    Reinhardt. Is
               there some way I can,    like, throw a
               bouquet to him at the    hearing today
               without having to sit    through
               that boring testimony    shit?
                             REINHARDT
               Why don't you ask him to give you
               the floor at the start?

                               TOMMY
               He's do that?
                             REINHARDT
               For some flattery? In a New York
               minute. Just tip him ahead of time.
                             TOMMY
               Good thinking.
      They return to the corridor.     Tommy looks at his watch.
                             TOMMY
               Say, Reinhardt, my Grandma's plane
               comes in at ten. You wouldn't mind
               picking her up and driving Miss
               Daisy around, would you?
                             REINHARDT
               Can't one of the others do it?

                             TOMMY
               No, I don't trust them the way I
               trust you.
      TOMMY pats him on the back and sends him on his way.
159   INT. TOMMY'S OFFICE - DAY                                    159
      Tommy, joined by his cronies and the Jubas.
                             TOMMY
               This is it, people.     Game time.   Let's
               get it right.
                             ARMANDO
               Tell me one thing, jefe. How do
               you know Andersen is going to bite?
                              TOMMY
               I don't.   You run a con, you run a risk.

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92             110.
160   INT. POWER AND ENTERPRISE COMMITTEE - DAY                 160
      A hundred or so members of the public -- trade groups,
      Hill staffers, lawyers, tourists -- settle into their
      seats.
      VAN DYKE escorts Hattie Rifkin and a busload of Silver
      Foxes.
      Loretta comes in with Ellen and Mickey Juba.
      GRANDMA comes in, on Reinhardt's arm. She is dressed up
      as a biddy, down to a hat with fruit on it.
      COMMITTEE MEMBERS head for their seats at the dais.
      OLAF ANDERSEN is at the witness table, along with a couple
      of other businessmen. In a seat behind Andersen, Tommy
      O'Connor.
      THE PRESS.   A good turnout, with several camera crews.
                             WASHINGTON REPORTER #1
               You know what this is?
                             WASHINGTON REPORTER #2
                      (confidential)
               It's very hot. Electric cars.
      CELIA is seated with Ira, her Pro Bono associate.
                             CELIA
               I'm cutting out early.
                             IRA
                      (indicating TJ)
               Don't want to run into him?

                             CELIA
               You got that right.
      AT THE DAIS Tommy has a private word with Dodge.
                             TOMMY
               Dick, I thought it might be a nice
               way to open if I congratulated you
               on the fine work you been doin'
               on this committee. Really express
               our appreciation. Especially on
               behalf of the minority community.
                             DODGE
               Why, thank you, son.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            111.
160   CONTINUED:                                                160
                             TOMMY
                      (indicating cameras)
               Wouldn't hurt to have tape like that
               in the bank, would it, Mr. Speaker?
      HOMER slips in next to Reinhardt, who is surprised to see
      him.
                             REINHARDT
               Mr. Yancey? Arthur Reinhardt.      Are
               you testifying for the agency?
                             GRANDMA
                      (leaning over)
               Hello, Homer, dear.

                             REINHARDT
               No, Mrs. Johnson, you must be
               mistaken -- let me introduce you.
               This is Mr. Yancey of the EPA.
                             GRANDMA
                      (to Reinhardt)
               Don't be silly, child.
                             HOMER
               Homer Norton. Homer's Pit Stop,
               Axahatchee, Florida.
                             GRANDMA
               Homer's known Tommy since they were
               in diapers.
                             REINHARDT
                      (getting up)
               What the -- ?

      From the row behind Reinhardt, Armando clamps Reinhardt
      down.
                             ARMANDO
               Move and you're history.
      DODGE GAVELS the meeting to order.
                             DODGE
               This meeting of the Power and
               Enterprise Committee to consider
               the reauthorization of the Clean
               Air Act is now in session. Today's
               first business is a panel of
               national leaders in the field of
               utilities.
                             (MORE)
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            112.
160   CONTINUED:   (2)                                          160
                             DODGE (CONT'D)
               Before I welcome them, Chair would
               like to yield to the gentleman from
               Florida for a word. If there is
               no objection from the Committee -- ?
               The gentleman may proceed.
                             TOMMY
               Mr. Chairman, on behalf of the
               other members of this committee,
               and on behalf of myself, I have a
               very personal statement to make.
               From the bottom of my heart, I want
               to thank you -- thank you for your
               leadership, for your insight, for
               your boldness...
      Dodge preens for the cameras, until:
                             TOMMY
               ... and for your courage.
               Especially your courage.
                             DODGE
                      (surprised)
               My courage?
                             TOMMY
               Your courage in exposing the
               corruption that eats away at this
               institution. Your courage in
               taking on the special interests.
               Your courage in taking a major new
               step --
                             DODGE
               But I've... I've... I've done
               nothing new, nothing at all -- what
               are you talking about?
                                TOMMY
               You're    right -- integrity isn't new
               to you,    Mr. Chairman, it's second
               nature    to you. Still it's a rare
               public    servant who'll take on the
               special    interest money, take on the
               PACs --
      ANDERSEN, wary, senses danger.
                             TOMMY (O.S.)
               take on the lobbyists and fat cats --
      CELIA is fascinated.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            113.
160   CONTINUED:   (3)                                            160
                               TOMMY (O.S.)
                 ... and who'll stand up instead for
                 ordinary American citizens...
      ON ELLEN AND MICKEY JUBA
                               TOMMY (O.S.)
                 ... the plain people who just want
                 peace of mind -- who just want to
                 know they're raising their kids in
                 safe neighborhoods and sending them
                 to safe schools.
      ON THE DAIS Dodge wants to wrap this up.

                               TOMMY
                 Yes, courage, Mr. Chairman, is a
                 quality that you have in abundance --
                               DODGE
                 Well, yes, thank you, but we have to
                 move along, if the gentleman would --
                               TOMMY
                        (undeterred)
                 Ladies and gentlemen, yesterday, the
                 Chairman and I had a meeting in his
                 office with Olaf Andersen of Gulf
                 Coast Power, and his lobbyist,
                 Mr. Tommy O'Connor --
                        (indicating)
                 these gentlemen here. Chairman
                 Dodge and I listened in astonishment
                 as Olaf Andersen offered us seven
                 figures -- that's one million
                 dollars, ladies and gentlemen.

      A BUZZ in the room.   O'CONNOR leans forward to Andersen.
                               O'CONNOR
                 Dodge double-crossed us.
                                 ANDERSEN
                 You're fired.
      ON TOMMY
                               TOMMY
                 One million dollars, if we would
                 stop the EPA from investigating the
                 connection between power lines and
                 cancer clusters.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            114.
160   CONTINUED:   (4)                                          160
      Shocked MURMURS sweep the room. REINHARDT is aghast.
      HOMER and ARMANDO are delighted.
                             TOMMY
               Isn't that right, Mr. Andersen?
      Tommy flicks his eyebrows at Andersen, provocatively,
      imitating Dodge.
                             ANDERSEN
               That's a vicious lie.
      Dodge GAVELS sharply, turns to Tommy.
                             DODGE
               Will the gentleman yield?
                             ANDERSEN
               That's not possible! You can't
               give anyone that kind of money!
      Dodge continues GAVELING.
                             TOMMY
               Oh, yes, you can. As Mr. O'Connor
               said to you, quote: "If that's
               what you want, we can always find
               a loophole. No one will know."
               Remember saying that, Tommy?
                             O'CONNOR
               I do not!
                             DODGE
                      (standing)
               I insist that the gentlemen yield!

      Tommy also stands, and produces a video tape.
                             TOMMY
               You can't deny it, Mr. Andersen! We
               have the whole thing on this tape!
      The room erupts. THE PRESS loves it. Still cameras CLICK
      and WHIR. DODGE despairs. REINHARDT puts his hand over
      his face.
                             TOMMY
               Yesterday, at Chairman Dodge's
               courageous suggestion, I taped the
               whole conversation. It's all there.
               Mr. Chairman, I thank you. The
               people thank you. America thanks you.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92               115.
160   CONTINUED:   (5)                                           160
      AUDIENCE APPLAUDS DODGE. The clapping is considerably
      sweetened by the Panthers and the rest of Tommy's claque.
      DODGE gauges their reaction, gets an inspiration. The
      storm leaves his face, and becomes a smile, which he
      beams on Tommy.
                             DODGE
               I thank the distinguished gentleman.
               And I thank my fellow citizens. Our
               methods in this investigation may
               have been unorthodox, but together --
                      (indignant, at Andersen)
               we have exposed a canker at the very
               heart of democracy.

      APPLAUSE. Tommy is amazed at Dodge's survival skills.
      REINHARDT, delighted at the turn, claps heartily.
      ANDERSEN, livid, leaps up and shouts at Dodge.
                               ANDERSEN
               You bastard!    You set me up!
                             DODGE
               Witness is out of order!
                             ANDERSEN
               You stood to make a million bucks
               off of me! Who offered you more?
               I want to know!
      A new BUZZ sweeps the room. O'Connor tries to restrain
      Andersen, who sloughs him off.
                             ANDERSEN
               You're as big a whore as he is!
      MICKEY JUBA catches Tommy's eye and mouths a question.
                               MICKEY
               Now?
      Tommy shakes his head:   no.
161   INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY                                   161
      The phone by Eli Marshall's bed RINGS.    He answers.
                             MARSHALL
               Hello?  No. You're joking.
                      (to Man in next bed)
               You mind if I put on C-span?

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            116.
162   INT. POWER AND ENTERPRISE COMMITTEE - DAY                 162
                             ANDERSEN
               There's no loyalty any more, is
               there, Dick? What about the three
               hundred grand you squeezed from me
               for that goddam voter registration
               front of yours -- that just water
               under the bridge?
      O'Connor tries again to restrain him.
                             ANDERSEN
               Don't touch me, you scum!
      MICKEY JUBA mouths:

                             MICKEY
               Now?
      Tommy shakes his head again.    No.
                             ANDERSEN
               What about the two hundred k for
               your phony foundation, Dick?
               How about the ten thousand copies
               if your goddam autobiography you
               muscled me to buy -- what's all
               that, ancient history?
      Andersen advances toward the dais, pointing now to six or
      seven other Members of the Committee among the total of
      28.
                             ANDERSEN
               And you -- what about those bundled
               checks from my executives? I gave
               you my condo in Vail! I gave you my
               corporate jet to fly all over the
               world! I gave your kids summer jobs!
               I put up scholarships to put your
               kids through college! I hired your
               goddam wife to redecorate my office!
               You telling me none of that counts
               for anything?
      Andersen grabs Dodge by the throat.
                             ANDERSEN
               I thought you people were for sale!
               I was wrong -- you're just for rent!
      Dodge struggles free of Andersen, who is dragged away from
      Dodge by Capitol Police.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92              117.
162   CONTINUED:                                                   162
                             DODGE
               How dare you impugn my integrity!
               Everything I've done has been
               completely legal!
                             TOMMY
                      (acting astonished)
               Mr. Chairman! You mean to say you
               did all that stuff? You took all
               that money?
      Shock in the room. Some BOOS. IOWA does a nice HOG
      CALL. TJ sends a little wave and smile to Celia.
                             DODGE
               There's nothing I've done that --
                      (indicating other Members)
               -- that these gentlemen haven't done!
      Committee Members rush to dissociate themselves from
      Dodge.
                             MEMBERS
               No!... Not me!... Just him!... I
               never!... He crossed the line!
                             ANDERSEN
               They're whores! All of them!
      MICKEY JUBA tries again.
                               MICKEY
               Now?
      TJ nods yes.

                             MICKEY
               Throw the bums out!
      LAUGHTER and APPLAUSE.   She's touched a nerve.   TJ leaps
      into the moment.
                             TJ
               Damn straight! Throw the bums out!
               This place is an outhouse!
      ON THE PUBLIC. GASPS, WHOOPS, and APPLAUSE.    Reinhardt
      sinks lower and lower into his seat.
                             VOICES
                      (calling)
               Throw the bums out! Throw the bums
               out!
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            118.
162   CONTINUED:   (2)                                            162
      Tommy, enjoying the triumph, can't help rubbing Dodge's nose
      in it.
                             TOMMY
               I owed you one.
      Dodge wheels on Tommy, exploding.
                             DODGE
               You lowlife hustler! Who are you
               to talk? You got into this House
               through fraud. You think I didn't
               check up on you?
      He pulls a piece of paper from the pile at his place.

                               DODGE
               Ladies and   gentlemen, I have here
               some rather   startling revelations
               about this   Mr. Johnson before you.
               This man is   nothing but a con man!
      A fresh BUZZ from the room.
                             DODGE
               A common grifter!
                      (consulting paper)
               He's wanted in three counties for
               bunco! He's a convicted swindler!
      Some BOOS.   REINHARDT emerges from his hole, encouraged.
                             DODGE (O.S.)
               A fugitive from justice for card
               sharping, bookmaking, confidence
               games --

      ON DODGE AND TOMMY
                             DODGE
               -- and other charges the FBI has
               only begun to investigate! I dare
               you to respond!
      A hush in the room.
                             TOMMY
               You know what? He's right!     But
               let me tell you something --   all
               that's nothing, compared to   what I
               pulled here in Washington...   and
               this shit's all legit!
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            119.
162   CONTINUED:   (3)                                         162
      LAUGHTER and APPLAUSE.   Dodge BANGS the gavel repeatedly.
                             DODGE
               The gentleman is out of order! The
               gentleman is out of order! This
               committee is adjourned!
      GRANDMA leaps to her feet.
                             GRANDMA
               Stop banging! Stop banging!      That
               man has something to say!
      Massive APPLAUSE. Dodge is stunned by the enormity of
      the sentiment against him.

                             TOMMY
               Adjourned? Fine. Leave.
                      (indicating cameras)
               Turn your backs on the whole
               country. That what you want to
               do, gentlemen?
      The Members remain in place, paralyzed.
                             TOMMY
                      (to the room)
               I'm a con man. A small-time con
               man. Do you know what it was like
               for me to come to Congress? It
               was for like dying and going to
               heaven. If I did back home the
               kind of scams I've run in Congress,
               my ass would be in Sing Sing. But
               no, I'm not a crook -- up here,
               I'm a distinguished gentleman!

163   INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY                                 163
      Eli, watching on television.
                             TOMMY (ON TV)
               Now don't get me wrong. They're
               not all bums. But boy, do the
               rotten fish stink up the barrel.
      Marshall APPLAUDS.   The Man in the next bed joins in.
164   INT. POWER AND ENTERPRISE COMMITTEE - DAY                164
                             TOMMY
               Now tell me, people -- while these
               guys are buying and selling each
               other, who's standing up for you?
                             (MORE)
                                                (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92            120.
164   CONTINUED:                                                164
                             TOMMY (CONT'D)
               I'll tell you who. Nobody! Nobody
               gets five hundred bucks an hour to
               lobby for the average Joe! There's
               no Shnook PAC! There's no National
               Association for Ordinary Assholes!
               Sure, everyone's against cancer, but
               "everyone" doesn't have an office
               on K Street!
                      (to committee Members)
               Don't you folks get it? We're
               supposed to be the people's lobbyists.
               Congress is supposed to be America's
               political action committee.

      APPLAUSE and SHOUTS of support. Several Members on the
      dais join the applause, seeing a winning issue.
      CELIA shakes her head in wonder.
      Tommy goes to Mickey and stands her up on a chair.
                             TOMMY
               She's right. Throw the bums out --
               starting with me! I'm gonna found
               me a new party. The Don't Vote For
               Me Party. Any of y'all want to
               join up?
      APPLAUSE and CALLS of enthusiasm.
                             TOMMY
               Well, come on, then! C'mon, get
               up, we got work to do!
      The room erupts, electrified, chanting.

                             VOICES
               Throw the bums out! Throw the bums
               out!
      Tommy is engulfed by people and lights.
      Dodge, Andersen, and O'Connor -- desperate, snarling --
      are pinned to the wall by the SHOUTING Press Corps.
      Loretta AND GRANDMA watch Tommy bask in his new
      notoriety.
                             LORETTA
               That Miss Oprah's gonna love his
               ass.
                                                  (CONTINUED)

      THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN - Rev. 4/3/92               121-124.
164   CONTINUED:   (2)                                            164
      CELIA arrives where Tommy is standing.   She looks at him
      a beat. Then a big smile. They kiss.
                             CELIA
               Tommy Johnson. Kamikaze congressman.
165   EXT. CAPITOL STEPS - DAY                                    165
      Tommy and Celia walk down the steps, arm in arm.
                             CELIA
               I can't wait to see that tape you
               made.
      Tommy pulls it from his pocket, glances at it, and tosses
      it away.
                            TOMMY
               Why? I bought it this morning.
               It's blank.
      As they continue down the steps, CAMERA CRANES UP to WIDE
      SHOT of the Capitol and the town beyond.

                                                  FADE OUT.




                                 THE END