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The Pacifier Movie Script

Writer(s) : Thomas Lennon, Robert Ben Garant, Jason Fulardi

Genres : Action, Comedy, Family, Thriller

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                                 THE PACIFIER


                                  Written by
          
                      Thomas Lennon & Robert Ben Garant
          
          
                             Previous Revisions by
          
              Jason Fulardi, Scott Alexander & Larry Karaszewki

          
          
          
          March 3rd, 2004
                              
          
          
                                                            FADE IN:
          
          EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - DAY
          
          A fishing boat pushes over choppy water. FOUR GUN TOTING
          MEN on Jet Skis wearing black wet suits and goggles
          escort the boat. Flying above it is a HELICOPTER.
          
          INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS
          
          A SERBIAN MAN captains the wheel. SERB 2 scans the
          horizon with binoculars. He checks the GPS system, then
          his watch, then speaks into his throat mic. All italics
          are Serbian w/ subtitles:
          
                                 SERB 2
                   Fifteen minutes to delivery.
          
          EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
          
          The JET SKIER in the lead weighs in on a radio.
          
          INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS
          
          The HELICOPTER PILOT weighs in.
          
                                 PILOT
                    All clear from above.
          
          EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS
          
           The camera descends as the boat passes, and dives beneath
          the surface.
          
          EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
          
           The droning of engines becomes less pronounced. Foam
          from the boat and skis bubbles.
          
          Calm. Then from out of nowhere five NAVY SEALs wearing RE-
          BREATHERS appear, in neat formation like the Blue Angels.
          JET PROPELLED BACKPACKS push the SEALs through the water.
          
          The LEAD SEAL: SHANE WOLFE, points upwards. All eyes
          follow his finger to the underbelly of the boat above.
          From his belt, Shane takes a steel wand with an adhesive
          disc attached, aims it at the fleeing boat and FIRES.
          A cable shoots up -- THUD... The disc sticks to the
          boat's hull. Shane pushes a button on the wand retracting
          the cable and drawing himself closer.
          
          Dangling from the cruiser, Shane fixes a BOMB to the
          hull. He releases himself from the boat and speeds away --
          
                           
          
          
                                                                   2.
          
          
          
          BOOM. A dense explosion sends ripples through the water
          and ELECTRICITY crackling around the boat.
          
          INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS
          
          A SURGE of ELECTRICAL FORCE blasts from the control
          panel. SPARKS fly.
          
          The two Serbian Men jolt backwards -- WHAM -- and hit the
          wall. All the needles inside all the dials go LIMP. The
          roar of the engines DIES and the boat STOPS.
          
          EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN, UNDER THE BOAT - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane slips inside the hull, through the new hole.
          
          INT. SEA HAWK 1 - CONTINUOUS
          
          The chopper slows to a hover.   The Pilot looks below.
          
                                 PILOT
                    What's happening?
          
          EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - CONTINUOUS
          
          The jet skiers protectively circle the injured boat in a
          SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING move, and the Jet Ski drivers are
          simultaneously YANKED below the surface: a split second
          later they're replaced by our SEALS (ALSO IN BLACK WET
          SUITS AND GOGGLES) -- the switch happens in less than a
          second, way too fast for anyone to notice.
          
          INT. FISHING BOAT/CONTROL DECK - CONTINUOUS
          
          The shaken Serbs climb to their feet.
          
                                 SERBIAN 2
                    What happened?
          
          They look around, and see the SEALS, on the jet skis: In
          the masks they are indistinguishable from the GUN-TOTTING
          MEN they switched paces with. All seems clear. Serb 1
          pushes on the throttle... nothing.
          
                                 SERBIAN 1
                    We've been hit. We're taking on water.
          
          Suddenly the boat lists -- and water pours in, under the
          cabin door. They spring into action!
          
                                 SERBIAN 1 (CONT'D)
                    Grab the professor, quick!
          
                                                                    3.
          
          
          
          EXT. DECK - CONTINUOUS
          
          Serb 1 rushes out, shouting orders: He alerts four ARMED
          GUARDS and the Jet Ski drivers (now our Seals).
          
                                 SERBIAN 1
                    Something must be below us! Shoot! Shoot!
          
          The Armed Guards fire relentlessly into the water. Serb 2
          rushes below deck.
          
          INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS
          
          PROFESSOR CHARLES PLUMMER, bound to a chair and gagged,
          tries to YELP as the room begins to flood with water.
          
          INT. SHIP'S CORRIDOR - SIMULTANEOUS
          
          Serb 2 runs down steps to the lowermost hold. He tries to
          force the door open. When it finally opens, he is forced
          back by a three foot wall of water.
          
          INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS
          
          Professor Plummer panics, as the water rises up to his
          mouth He struggles, but can't get free. Up to his nose,
          over his head.... He's gone.
          
          Then Shane Wolf rises out of the water, hauling the
          Professor up. He cuts the Professor's GAG. Plummer
          screams. Shane removes his mouth piece. Shane doesn't
          seem the slightest bit fazed by the circumstances.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, United States
                    Navy. I'm gonna get you outta here. But
                    you have to do exactly what I say, when I
                    say it. My way -- no highway option. Do
                    you copy?
                           (Plummer nods, terrified.)
                    Where's the briefcase?
          
          The Professor gestures across the room, where a metal
          BRIEFCASE is floating. Shane calmly HANDCUFFS it to his
          own waist. As the water rises, to the roof.
          
                                 PLUMMER
                    How did you know where I...
          
          Shane sticks the mouth piece into Plummer's mouth, giving
          him his oxygen.
          
          EXT. ON THE DECK - SIMULTANEOUS
          
                                                                    4.
          
          
          
          The Armed Guards stop shooting into the water. One of
          our SEALS calls out to them, in PERFECT SERBIAN:
          
                                 SEAL
                    KEEP SHOOTING!
          
          The Guards fire again. The SEAL speaks into his neck mic.
          
                                 SEAL (CONT'D)
                    Give it a second, they're almost out of
                    ammo.
          
          The Seal calls out: "shoot more, more!" They do, until
          there's nothing but empty CLICKS from their guns.
          
                                 SEAL (CONT'D)
                    Now Lieutenant. Chopper's four meters at
                    your 10 o'clock.
          
          INT. SHIP'S HOLD - CONTINUOUS
          
          Just before the water envelopes him and Plummer...
          
                                 SHANE
                           (into his mic)
                    I've got the Prof and the case. First
                    round's on me back at Virginia Beach.
          
          Shane takes a deep breath, and pulls himself, the
          Professor and the briefcase UNDER the water.
          
          EXT. OCEAN'S SURFACE - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane and the Professor rise to the surface as the boat
          falters behind them. Shane pulls out a retractable
          CROSSBOW. It clicks open and he shoots a CABLE into the
          belly of the helicopter above him.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Hold on.
          
          INT. HELICOPTER - A SECOND LATER
          
          Shane appears at the Pilot's door, holding the Professor.
          Shane addresses the Pilot in perfect SERBIAN.
          
                                 SHANE
                    You know how to swim?
          
          The Pilot nods, terrified. Shane TOSSES the Pilot out.
          
          Shane swings into the hot seat and grabs the controls,
          pulling the Professor in behind him.
          
                                                              5.
          
          
          
          ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER - CONTINUOUS
          
          The SEALS on the Jet Skis SALUTE Shane in the chopper,
          then disappear gracefully back into the water.
          
          INT. HELICOPTER - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane smiles, clearly he loves this kind of day. He looks
          beside him, the Professor looks terrified. The Professor
          takes out his mouth piece.
          
                                 PLUMMER
                    Oh my God. I can't believe you... how'd
                    we... That was the most incredible...
          
          Shane sticks the mouth piece back in the Professors'
          mouth, shutting him up.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Better keep that on `til we get to the
                    rendezvous point.
          
                                 PLUMMER
                           (through the mouth piece)
                    Why? Poison gas?
          
                                 SHANE
                           (re: the oxygen)
                    No. I'm just not big on chit chat.
          
          EXT. MOUNTAIN CLEARING - A LITTLE LATER
          
          A Pave Hawk SH-60 helicopter, rotors whirling slowly,
          waits. Shane's chopper appears from behind a tree line
          and sets down atop the mountain by a stream.
          
          Shane and Charles sprint from the chopper towards the
          waiting Hawk. Charles stops Shane.
          
                                 CHARLES
                    Lieutenant, thank you. (He pats his
                    briefcase) You saved more than just my
                    life today. Can I call my wife to let
                    her know I'm okay?
          
                                 SHANE
                    Negative. Not imperative to the mission.
                    We have to keep moving. I have strict
                    orders to get you out of here safely.
          
                                 CHARLES
                    I'm safe, Lieutenant. Please. She thinks
                    I'm dead. (then) Don't you have a family?
          
                  
          
                                                                    6.
          
          
          
                                  SHANE
                            (this gets him:)
                     Make it quick.
          
          Charles picks up his briefcase. He holds the lock up to
          his mouth and whispers into it:
          
                                  CHARLES
                     Joe, Todd, Lulu, Peter, Tyler.
          
          The briefcase pops open. Shane looks at him, puzzled.
          
                                  CHARLES (CONT'D)
                     My kids. It's voice activated. Designed
                     it myself. I do security, that's my
                     specialty. (gestures back:) Those guys
                     back there tried to get this case open
                     for five days -- couldn't crack it. And
                     you should see what happens to you if
                     open it without the code. I have a
                     picture of my kids in here, you want to
                     see it?
          
                                  SHANE
                     Negative.
          
          Charles takes a cell-phone out of the case. Shane looks
          in the case: it's EMPTY, except for the phone and a
          family PHOTO. Charles dials his cell phone... nothing
          
                                  CHARLES
                     Battery's dead...
          
          Shane considers, then hands him his satellite phone.
          Charles dials, and talks...
          
                                  CHARLES (CONT'D)
                     Honey, I'm alive...
          
          INT. PAVE HAWK - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane climbs in the Hawk and approaches the cockpit.    The
          PILOT sits, back to him.
          
                                  SHANE
                     We're almost ready.    Just gives us a -
          
          The Pilot slumps forward... DEAD. Shane turns-
          
                                  SHANE (CONT'D)
                     Professor, RUN!!!
          
          WHAM.   Shane drops, knocked unconscious.   All goes black.
          
                    
          
          
                                                                   7.
          
          
          
          EXT. PAVE HAWK - MOMENTS LATER
          
          The helicopter is on fire. Wolf lies facedown in the
          stream. He looks around, barely conscious.
          
          SHANE'S P.O.V.: Everything is a blur, in slow-motion. He
          sees Charles, unconscious. A Huey Helicopter lands. A
          VERY TALL MAN steps out, and takes Charles' Briefcase.
          There is huge explosion, as the chopper ignites.
          Everything is ablaze. Shane reaches out, grabs the
          picture of Charles' kids then goes unconscious.
                                                      F
                                                      ADE TO BLACK:
          
          EST. HOSPITAL - DAY
          
          TITLE CARD: 1 Month Later
          
          INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
          
          Shane lies in a hospital bed, despondent. His arm and
          face bandaged.
          
          Shane's Captain enters: BILL FAWCETT (35) -- friendly,
          unassuming. He looks like he hasn't slept in days. Shane
          salutes him with his bandaged arm -- it hurts to salute,
          but he does it anyway.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Captain, sir.
          
                                 BILL
                    As you were Lieutenant.
          
          Bill sits down beside the bed. He takes a long look at
          Shane. He holds a REPORT in his hand.
          
                                 BILL (CONT'D)
                    We've been through a lot together Shane.
                    You're the best man I ever trained. And a
                    good friend.
          
                                 SHANE
                    ... I know sir. And I except full
                    responsibility for the mission's failure.
          
                                 BILL
                    Why the hell did you let him use the
                    satellite phone?
          
                                 SHANE
                    He had to call his family. A lapse in
                    judgement on my part that I regret sir.
          
                                                                   8.
          
          
          
          Bill shakes his head, disappointed. He pulls up a chair,
          and sits opposite Shane.
          
                                 BILL
                    ... Plummer was the best security expert
                    the department of defense ever had -- a
                    genius. He was working on a program that
                    scrambles launch codes. He called it
                    G.H.O.S.T.: Guided High-altitude
                    Scrambling Transmitter. One pulse from
                    the GHOST satellite and a country can't
                    launch its own nukes. That's what the
                    Serbians kidnapped him for, but they
                    couldn't get S
                                 inside the briefcase.
          
                                 SHANE
                    The case was empty sir, as I stated in my
                    report.
          
          Bill considers this. Then...
          
                                 BILL
                    Not a surprise, really. Not like the
                    professor to hide things where someone
                    might look for them. G.H.O.S.T. is still
                    out there, (Bill smiles:) which is why
                    I'm going to give you another shot.
          
          Shane sits up. He can't believe his good fortune.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Sir. Thank you. I... appreciate your
                    confidence.
          
          Invigorated, he pulls off bandages, disconnects an IV,
          and starts to rise.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    I'll need to put a team together. I'm
                    gonna need the mini sub, I need access to
                    an EP3 aries 2 spy plane...
          
                                 BILL
                           (interrupting:)
                    Negative. It's not that kind of mission.
          
          Shane listens, intrigued.
          
                                 BILL (CONT'D)
                    Two days ago, I got a call from the
                    professor's wife... Widow. She told me
                    someone had broken into her home.
                    Searched the place, top to bottom.
                                 (MORE)
          
                             
          
                                                                   9.
                                 BILL(CONT'D)
                    She's scared. The family's scared.
                    Whoever killed the professor must think
                    G.H.O.S.T. is in that house. Maybe it is,
                    maybe it isn't. Either way, I need
                    someone to stay at that house, and
                    protect them. And while you're there --
                    find out if the program is in there.
          
                                 SHANE
                    That's it? Why would you want me for
                    that, sir.
          
                                 BILL
                    The professor's wife requested you.
          
          Shane is surprised... Bill pulls a tiny tape recorder
          from his pocket, presses play, we hear PROFESSOR
          PLUMMER'S voice.
          
                                 CHARLES (O.S.)
                    Honey, I'm alive. Listen: A lot can
                    happen between here and home -- if
                    anything happens to me, call Lt. Shane
                    Wolfe. He's a good man... anyway, I
                    should go. I'll call you in an hour. I
                    love you.
          
          Shane is shocked, hearing the dead man's voice.
          
                                 BILL
                    ... You gotta problem with this mission?
          
                                 SHANE
                    Sirnosir. It's just that... I've never
                    been very good with kids, sir. Not even
                    when I was a kid sir.
          
                                                               CUT TO:
          
          INT. SHANE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
          
          Shane packs his duffel bag. He opens a drawer: There's
          five t-shirts, identical to the one he wears. He opens
          another drawer: Five khaki pants, also identical to the
          one he wears. He opens the closet: There's a massive fur-
          collared coat. Hm. He rejects it.
          
          Shane packs his duffel with military gear: GPS compass,
          night vision goggles, camouflage vest, machete... they
          all go in. Shane heads to the door, then goes back to his
          chest of drawers. He reaches in, and pulls out a small,
          old MEDAL: the ribbon is faded and frayed. He looks at it
          for a moment, then unzips his suit and pins it to the
          inside, like it's a lucky rabbit's foot.
          
                          
          
          
                                                                   10.
          
          
          
          EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - AFTERNOON
          
          A taxi door opens. Shane looks like a bad ass, ready for
          anything. He steps from the taxi onto an adorable TROLL
          doll on the sidewalk. It SQUEAKS.
          
          Shane's P.O.V.: Julie's unkempt suburban house, with toys
          all over the lawn, and a "BLESS THIS MESS" welcome mat.
          
          Shane double-checks the address. The sprinklers go off.
          Shane darts to the door and rings the bell (it's one of
          those long cheerful doorbells).
          
          WE hear TINY FEET approach -- then the door swings open,
          Shane looks down -- and sees LULU, 8, peering up at him.
          
          Shane eyes Lulu. Lulu eyes Shane, then:
          
                                 LULU
                    Mom! There's some weird bald guy at the
                    door!
          
          SLAM. Lulu shuts the door in Shane's face. Shane frowns.
          WE hear heavier footsteps approaching.
          
                                  EMALE VOICE (o.s.)
                           (before she sees Shane:)
                    Look, if you're with the Hare Krishnas,
                    we're not interested...
          
          The door opens revealing JULIE PLUMMER. Julie holds
          NAKED baby PETER, 2. She sees Shane, and stops, a little
          startled by his size...
          
                                 SHANE
                           (salutes:)
                    Lieutenant Shane Wolfe, reporting for
                    duty.
          
                                 JULIE
                    Of course. I'm so sorry.   Thank you for
                    coming.
          
          She hugs him. He's not quite sure what to do -- he's a
          rock, he doesn't flinch.
          
                                 JULIE (CONT'D)
                    Come in and meet the rest of the gang.
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - DAY
          
          It's warm and quiet.   Petite Julie SCREAMS up the stairs-
          
                                 
          
          
                                                                   11.
          
          
          
                                   JULIE
                    KIIIDDS!!!
          
          Shane startles, covers his ears.
          
                                 JULIE (CONT'D)
                    Get your butts down here and say "hello!"
          
          And then three pairs of feet come down the stairs. Lulu,
          ZOE, 15, and TODD, 14 line up like the perfect family
          portrait. Todd's hair hangs in his face. He wears a Sid
          Vicious shirt and a long trench coat.
          
                                 JULIE (CONT'D)
                    You've already met Lulu. This is Peter,
                    Zoe and Todd. Kids, this is Lieutenant
                    Wolfe. He's the man who is going to be
                    staying with us for a while.
          
          All the kids except for Todd-
          
                                   KIDS
                    Hi.
          
          Shane nods, stern. On the stairs, a Romanian MAID walks
          by, carrying a BABY.
          
                                 JULIE
                    And this is Helga and Tyler.
          
          Shane nods hello to them.
          
                                 SHANE
                           (official:)
                    Ma'am... Baby.
          
                                 JULIE
                    Kids, go finish your homework.   And I'll
                    be checking.
          
          Zoe, Lulu and Todd climb back up the stairs. Julie leads
          Shane into...
          
          INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
          
          Julie sits, Shane stands "at ease" (which doesn't look
          "at ease" at all).
          
                                 SHANE
                    You have a pleasant family, ma'am.
          
                         
          
                                                                  12.
          
          
          
                                 JULIE
                    Charles wasn't around too much. His work
                    took him all over the world. He'd be gone
                    six or seven months at a time. So I
                    think for the younger ones it's a little
                    confusing. Zoe and Todd... well, they're
                    dealing like your normal teenagers.
                    Maybe in Todd's case semi-normal.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Mrs. Plummer, I have to tell you that I
                    did everything I could...
          
                                  JULIE
                    Charles was in a dangerous business. I
                    knew it when I married him. No one's to
                    blame here.
                            (beat)
                    Everyone thinks that Charles told me or
                    the kids where he hid it. And until
                    G.H.O.S.T. is found, we're all in danger.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Nothing will happen to your family as
                    long as I'm here. I've dealt with much...
          
          Suddenly from behind Shane's head a DUCK appears and
          NIBBLES his ear. Shane spins in full fight stance. He
          sees the Duck... and relaxes. Sort of.
          
                                 JULIE
                    That's Gary. He was Charles'.
          
          The duck QUACKS angrily. Confused, Shane returns to "at
          ease," keeping one eye on the duck.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Mrs. Plummer-
          
                                 JULIE
                    Call me Julie.
          
          Beat.
          
                                 SHANE
                    ... Mrs. Plummer, I'll go secure the
                    perimeter.
          
                                 JULIE
                    I'm glad you're here-
          
          
          
          
                                                                    13.
          
          
          
          But Shane is already gone.
          
                                                                 CUT TO:
          
          MONTAGE. MILITARY MUSIC PLAYS:
          
          Shane secures the area.       He paces off the yard.
          
          He mounts surveillance cameras in the eaves.
          
          He attaches contact alarms in the doors and windows.
          
          Shane climbs a telephone pole, opens the circuit box and
          TAPS the phones.
          
          Shane, now wearing an EAR TRANSMITTER, crawls through the
          shrubs, hiding electric eyes.
          
           Nighttime -- the family eats dinner. We slowly pull
          out... through the kitchen window... and reveal Shane
          with night vision goggles on scoping the property.
          
          The phone RINGS inside. Through the window, Julie
          casually answers it. Shane touches his ear transmitter
          and LISTENS as he walks into the house.
          
                                 BILL (o.s.)
                    Julie, it's Bill Fawcett. I have some
                    potentially good news.
          
                                    JULIE
                    What is it?
          
                                 BILL (o.s.)
                    A safety deposit box under Charles' name
                    was just found in Switzerland. I think
                    it could contain GHOST.
          
                                 JULIE
                    That's wonderful. This could all be over!
          
                                 BILL (o.s.)
                    There's a catch. Swiss law says only his
                    family can access it. I'm going to need
                    you on a plane tomorrow morning.
          
          INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
          
          Shane, listening to the conversation, enters-
          
                                 JULIE
                    I'll be there.
          
                     
          
          
                                                                  14.
          
          
          
          Julie and Shane share a look.
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/FOYER - MORNING
          
          Julie, with her suitcase, Shane, Helga and the Kids stand
          in the doorway. Zoe listens to her I-Pod ignoring the hug
          Julie gives her.
          
                                 JULIE
                    Don't worry about the Kids, Helga will
                    handle everything. (Worried:) But if
                    there is an emergency, all the emergency
                    numbers are on the fridge. And on the
                    phone. And on the back door...
          
                                 ZOE
                    Mom -- we'll be fine, chill.
          
                                 JULIE
                           (a little choked up:)
                    I know, it's just... I am a mom, it's my
                    job to worry. ... I love you guys. I'm
                    gonna miss you. I'll be back in 48 hours.
                    And guys, whatever Lieutenant Wolfe asks
                    you to do... do it. Okay?
          A
           ll the children nod in agreement except Zoe who pops her
          chewing gum bubble.
          
                                 JULIE (CONT'D)
                    Lieutenant, I don't want you to worry
                    about anything except the safety of my
                    children. Helga will take care of
                    everything else.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Don't worry. They'll be safe with me.
          
                                 HELGA
                    Everything will be fine, Mrs. Plummer.
          
          Julie gets in the car and it drives away. Shane turns
          back to the kids who loom in the doorway.
          
                                 HELGA (CONT'D)
                    Tell me, are you licensed to kill?
          
                                 SHANE
                    ... No.
          
                                 HELGA
                           (she frowns)
                    Too bad.
          
          H
          
          
          
          
          S
          
          
          
          
                                                                 15.
          
          
          
          Helga trudges up the path and in.
          
          INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
          
          Shane, on a short ladder, screws in a surveillance camera
          into the corner of a wall when he hears:
          
                                 MALE VOICE (o.s.)
                    Prepare to be annihilated!
          
          Lulu SCREAMS. The sound of MACHINE GUN FIRING.
          Immediately, Shane leaps off the ladder and bounds down
          the stairs two at a time and into the...
          
          INT. HOUSE/FAMILY ROOM - NIGHT
          
           hane rushes in -- and finds Lulu screaming and giggling
          in front of a VIDEO GAME. Shane shakes his head.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Could you turn that dow-
          
          And Shane spies half of Todd's face peeking around a
          corner staring at him...
                                 S
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Hey-
          
          Todd disappears. WAAAAA!! WAAAAA!! Shane spins, looks
          around for the CRYING BABY... can't find him.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    ... Where's the baby?
          
          Without looking Lulu points. A diapered Peter stands in
          the half full AQUARIUM, pouring in Cheerios. Helga
          enters holding the wailing Tyler. Gary suddenly FLIES by -
          - WHRRP! Shane ducks. Shane scowls at Helga:
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    You run a very loose ship.
          
                                 HELGA
                    You don't like it? You're the SEAL. You
                    do something. I make bottle.
          
           elga stomps out. Shane heads down the hall, when in the
          corner of his eye -- he sees A FIGURE SCURRY ACROSS THE
          BACK LAWN. Shane turns off the light. He shuts off the
          window alarm and sneaks out silently.
          
                                                                   16.
          
          
          
          EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - BACK YARD - CONTINUOUS
          
          The yard is littered with toys. In the middle is a
          TRAMPOLINE. He spots the Figure climbing the TRELLIS.
          Shane runs, jumps onto the trampoline. He flies in the
          air and latches onto the figure. They both tumble to the
          ground.
          
          Shane yanks off the DARK FIGURE's hood, revealing SCOTT
          (16) a nervous teenager. He's dazed, but alright, wearing
          SHARPER IMAGE night vision goggles.
          
                                 SCOTT
                    ... Zoe?
          
          Zoe runs out the door, setting off the PIERCING ALARM.
          
                                 ZOE
                    He's my boyfriend, tool.
          
                                 SHANE
                    So you're the one who broke in.
                    Zoe -- go back inside.
          
                                 ZOE
                    Okay, fine... come on Scott.
          
          Shane grabs Scott by the scruff of the neck.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Not with this kid. (to Todd:) You --
                    Gimme twenty!
          
          Freaked, Scott fumbles for his wallet and gives Shane a
          twenty dollar BILL.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    I meant PUSH-UPS!
          
          Befuddled, Scott starts to   do lame push-ups. Shane grabs
          the back of Scott's shirt,   LIFTING him in the air,
          spinning him away from the   house like a marionette. Scott
          runs off, calling out from   across the street.
                                 S
                                  COTT
                    ... I'll call you, Zoe!
          
          Zoe storms inside. Shane stands there, fuming. The
          Alarm's still blaring. The window of the house next door
          opens: a Korean couple, THE CHUNS, pop their heads out.
          They're arguing with each other in Korean. Shane
          addresses them, IN PERFECT KOREAN with subtitles:
          
          S
          
          
          
          
                                 S
          
          
          
          
                                                                17.
          
          
          
                                 SHANE
                    My apologies. We had an intruder. A
                    simple misunderstanding.
          
                                 MR. CHUN
                           (perfect English, no accent)
                    We speak English, Kojak.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Oh. Sorry.
          
                                 MRS. CHUN
                    ... Look, about the 2000 decibel alarm
                    and the kleig lights and stuff... we own
                    a bakery, so we're up kind of early.
                    Would you mind?
          
                                 SHANE
                    Sorry.
          
          Shane pulls a remote control from his pocket and clicks
          it. The alarm stops.
          
                                 MR. CHUN
                    Thanks a bunch. Oh, and we found this in
                    our pool filter... Try to keep that zoo
                    reigned in, huh baby-sitter?
          
          Mr. Chun tosses him the TROLL DOLL and slam their window
          shut. Shane's about to head inside, he pulls a tiny
          camera phone from his pocket, and snaps a shot of the
          Chun's car in their driveway.
          I
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - NIGHT
          
           hane marches Zoe up the stairs. Loud, angry rock music
          blares from Todd's room.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Your mother thought you were in real
                    danger. You should have told her the
                    truth.
          
                                 ZOE
                    Who do you think you are -- my dad?
          
          Zoe starts to turn -- then suddenly spins and tries
          kicking him in the CROTCH. But Shane catches her foot --
          and whirls her away. She has to hop on one foot, to not
          fall over. He "hops" her down the hall to her room.
          
          S
                    W
          
          
          
          
                                                                 18.
          
          
          
                                 ZOE (CONT'D)
                    Let me go! It's Saturday night.   I have
                    plans!
          
          Zoe's back to her door, Shane flips her foot in the air.
          Zoe falls backwards into the room. Shane shuts her door.
          
                                   SHANE
                    Not anymore.
          
          Shane marches back down the hall, bangs on Todd's door-
          
                                   SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Lights out.
          
                                   TODD (o.s.)
                    Bite me!
          
          Shane frowns, continues down the hall. He passes the
          NURSERY (Peter and Tyler's room), where Helga is singing
          a lullaby: (as annoying Has something Barney might sing).
          
                                  ELGA
                    When you're down and low, lower than the
                    floor.
                    And you feel like you ain't got a chance.
                    Don't make a move `til you're in the
                    groove, and do the Peter Panda Dance.
                    Just hop three times like a kangaroo --
          
          She does a little "dance" that goes with the lullaby: She
          hops forwards three times, then "crab-walks" sideways.
          
                                 HELGA (CONT'D)
                    Sidestep twice, just like the crabs do.
                    Three steps forward, one step back.
          
          She does. The Children, in bed -- laugh and laugh.
          
                                 HELGA (CONT'D)
                    Then quick like a turtle lie on your
                    back!
                     riggle like a snake `til you can't no
                    more.
          
           he wriggles on the floor. Then jumps up, to their beds.
          Shane shakes his head, keeps walking-
          
                                 SHANE
                    This family's in for a rude awakening.
          
                                   T
          
          
          
          
                                   Z
          
          Z
          T
          
          
          
          
                                                                  19.
          
          
          
          EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - DAWN
          
          The sun rises over the neighborhood, warm orange light.
          
          INT. HOUSE - SAME TIME
          
          Everyone is asleep. In the bedrooms, a SERIES OF SHOTS:
          
          L
          Tyler snores in his crib.       Peter in his bed.
          
           ulu is surrounded by stuffed animals.
          
           odd is out cold, motionless.
          
           oe is wrapped in blankets. Until A TRUMPET BLARES
          "REVEILLE"! Zoe jumps, like she's been electrocuted.
          
                                     OE
                    Huh?   Wha--?!
          
          INT. TODD'S ROOM - MORNING
          
          Todd sits up, disoriented, not understanding what's
          happening. The Whistle GETS LOUDER. Suddenly his door
          flies open -- and Shane strides in with a BOOM BOX. Todd
          blinks groggily.
          
                                 TODD
                    W-what are you doing??!
          
                                 SHANE
                    You're burning daylight. Move.       Move.
          
                                  ODD
                    It's Sunday...!
                           (he squints at a clock)
                    And it's six a.m. You're insane.
          
          Todd pulls the blanket over his head. Shane flips the
          mattress over spilling Todd to the floor.
          
                                   SHANE
                    Now move it!
          
          Todd scrambles to his feet and out the door.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
          
          All the little kids are CRYING. Covering their ears.
          Helga runs through in hair curlers, half-asleep and
          angry, carrying the crying baby.
          
                                   L
          
          
          
          
                                                                20.
          
          
          
                                 HELGA
                    (She curses in Romanian)
          
                                 SHANE
                    Hey. Not in front of the kids.
          S
           he gives him a look of disbelief.
          
                                 HELGA
                    What's it matter? Nobody speaks Romanian.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Usca mi-as chilotii pe crucea lu mata!
          
          Helga narrows her eyes, shocked.
          
                                 HELGA
                    (She curses Again, in Romanian.)
          
          Shane's jaw drops.
          
          INT. KITCHEN - LATER
          
          The children are assembled, lined up tallest to shortest.
          At the end on the floor is Baby Tyler, sucking on a
          bottle. Shane firmly starts his Patton speech:
          
                                 SHANE
                    Listen up, ladies. Your behavior is
                    unacceptable. In order to maintain a
                    state of safety we need to maintain a
                    state of discipline and order. I've only
                    got one rule: Everything is done my way.
                    No highway option. Do you copy?
          
                                   LULU
                    Do you copy?
          
                                  SHANE
                    What?   I said -- do you...
          
                                  LULU
                            ("copying" him)
                    What?   I said -- do you...
          
                                 SHANE
                    Do not copy me!
          
                                  ULU
                    Make up your mind.
          
                                 L
          
          
          
          
                                                                  21.
          
          
          
          Shane starts to speak then thinks better, he's furious.
          Everyone stares blankly -- a tense silence. It's broken
          by the sound of a large AIR BUBBLE from the aquarium.
          
                                    ULU (CONT'D)
                    P
                     eter farted.
          
          Everyone cracks up. Shane tries to maintain decorum. He
          reaches into his bag and unpacks a set of small high-tech
          SECURITY BRACELETS with a red light and a covered button.
          He straps one to each Kid's wrist.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Tracking devices. Now that I know I can't
                    trust you... Never take them off. The
                    panic button is only for emergencies.
                    Touch that -- you better be dying, or
                    you're dead.
          
                                 ZOE
                    I am not wearing that. Just because my
                    mom's paranoid doesn't mean we have to
                    take orders from you.
          
          He yells at her, Marine sergeant style:
          
                                 SHANE
                    Let me explain how the chain of command
                    works. I tell you what to do -- and you
                    do it. End of chain. Now I'm not gonna
                    have time to learn your names. So you are
                    -- (pointing) Red 1, Red 2, Red Leader,
                    Red baby... wait, where's the older male?
                    There were five.
          
                                 HELGA
                           (mysterious)
                    He walks like Dracula, with footsteps
                    silent like death --
          
          Shane looks to Zoe for translation.
          
                                 ZOE
                    He's in his room.
          
          Angry, Shane bounds up the stairs.
          
          INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - SAME TIME
          S
           hane marches to Todd's shut door. He tries the knob,
          but it's locked. Shane bangs hard on it.
          
          S
          
          
          
          
                                                                  22.
          
          
          
                                   SHANE
                    Red 4!    Open this door!
          
          No answer. Shane turns away from the door and DONKEY
          KICKS it...SMASH! The wood CRACKS, then CRASHES inward.
          The entire frame collapses.
          
          INT. TODD'S ROOM
          
           hane charges in-
          
                                 SHANE
                    It didn't have to go down like-
          
          Todd isn't there. Down the hall -- a FLUSH. Oops.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
          
          The bathroom door opens, and Todd comes sauntering back.
          He sees Shane, the destroyed door and wall...
          
                                 SHANE
                    All I need is a hammer and some plaster
                    of Paris. I can fix this.
          
          A piece of the ceiling falls, hits Shane on the head.
          
                                 TODD
                    Can I get by?
          
          Embarrassed, Shane steps aside, then mutters-
          
                                 SHANE
                    Here's your bracelet. If you'd been
                    wearing it, this wouldn't have happened.
          
          Shane SNAPS it onto Todd's wrist, and head down the hall,
          patrolling. Zoe comes up the stairs, to her room. She
          stops at Todd's door -- they glare at Shane.
          
                                 ZOE
                    He has to go.
          
          Todd nods in agreement.
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - MORNING - LATER
          S
           hane does one-handed push ups in the living room while
          the Duck watches. With his other hand he loads the PHOTO
          of the Chun's license plate into his laptop computer.
          His head shifts, he hears something suspicious -- the
          rumble of a car approaching.
          
                                    L
          
                                    S
          
          
          
          
                                                                   23.
          
          
          He rushes for the front door, clicks his alarm remote and
          opens it, just as -- WHACK -- the MORNING PAPER connects
          with his face, hard. From off-screen we hear a PAPERBOY.
          
                                    PAPERBOY (O.S.)
                    SORRY DUDE!
          
          Shane rubs his nose. Lulu screams at the top of her
          lungs. Shane turns, to see that Peter is chasing her,
          wearing a towel as a sheet. He pretends to be a ghost.
          
                                    PETER
                    Whhhoooooo!
          
                                 LULU
                    Stop it, Peter!
          
          Lulu hides behind Shane. Peter Booos again. Lulu screams.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Hey, hey, good soldiers aren't afraid of
                    anything.
          
                                 LULU
                    This house is haunted. Daddy even said
                    so. He said there's a ghost.
          
          And then it hits Shane.       His eyes light up.
          
                                  SHANE
                    Really?   And where is this ghost?
          
                                     ULU
                    I don't know.     I've never seen it.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - LATER
          
          Shane walks slowly down the hall. As he walks he glides
          his hands along the wall, feeling, pushing, scanning the
          ceiling. Searching.
          I
          INT. STAIRWAY - SAME TIME
          
          Todd and Zoe kneel on the stairs. They surreptitiously
          pour COOKING OIL all over the wood.
          
          Then -- a creak. Zoe whispers.
          
                                 ZOE
                    Here he comes...!
          
          Zoe and Todd run downstairs and hide behind the couch.
          
          F
          
          
          
          
                                                                24.
          
          
          
          Shane strides to the top step and RAPS on the wall. He
          RAPS again, listening for hollow spaces. Nothing. Shane
          lifts his left foot out to take a step down...
          
          When he hears an alert from his laptop. He goes back to
          the living room, then turns his attention to his laptop.
          MR. Chun's photo appears next to a VEHICLE REGISTRATION.
          Shane scans it...
          
          Todd and Zoe's faces fall. The footsteps again-
          
                                 TODD
                    He's coming back-
          
          But Helga, carrying a huge laundry basket, appears, takes
          a step onto the stairs --
          
                                  HELGA
                    AHHH!!!
          
          BUMP! BUMP! BUMP! She flies down the greased stairs,
          BANGING her head and ass on each step, all the way down.
          
            inally, BAM! Helga HITS the bottom with a mighty crash.
          She screams, as laundry flutters down from above.
          T
           IGHT - ZOE AND TODD
          
          They gulp, terrified.
          
                                  ZOE
                    Uh-oh.
          
          EXT. SWISS BANK - DAY
          
          Establishing.
          
          INT. SWISS BANK - DAY
          
          Bill and Julie, looking jet-lagged, sit across a desk
          from a SWISS BANKER. He seems to be about 100 years old.
          He's reading a HUGE stack of paperwork with a magnifying
          glass, mouthing along in FRENCH. It's taking him a LONG
          time. They wait patiently -- til their patience runs out.
          
                                 BILL
                    As we discussed, this is an urgent
                    matter.
          
          The Banker puts up a finger to "shush" him. Then looks
          back to the paperwork, then licks his finger to turn the
          page. He licks his finger again, but can't get the page
          to turn.
          
                                                                     25.
          
          
          He feebly gets up, and shuffles across the room to a
          WATER COOLER. He fills a paper cup with water and
          shuffles back to his desk. He dips his finger in the
          water to turn the page.
          
                                 JULIE
                    Can't you call somebody? Do something to
                    get us around all this paperwork?
          
                                 BILL
                    Sorry. Not in Switzerland, I can't.
          
           Bill can't stand it anymore. He jumps to his feet.
          
                                  BILL (CONT'D)
                    This is absurd. If we can't get some
                    faster service, we're going to have to
                    file a complaint.
          
          The Banker looks at him blankly.
          
                                   BANKER
                    Marcel!
          
          Another Banker, MARCEL, enters.
          
                                   MARCEL
                    Oui.
          
                                 BANKER
                    Je ne comprende pas.
          
                                 MARCEL
                           (to Bill and Julie:)
                    I'm so sorry, the chief does not speak
                    English. But I can tell you -- you will
                    have access to the box tout-suite. As
                    soon as your background checks clear.
          
                                 JULIE
                    Thank you. How long is that?
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - SAME TIME
          
          Helga, suitcases in hand, heads to the door -- Shane
          tries to block her path. Peter's in the aquarium. The
          duck flies around, QUACKING.
          
                                    HELGA
                    AGGH!     These brats!   Sugi Pula!
          
                                 SHANE
                    Red Leader, remain calm --
          
          
                                                                   26.
          
          
          
                                 HELGA
                    I am calm. I QUIT, that makes me calm!
          
                                 SHANE
                    Let's not be hasty.
          
          Suddenly, RING! Amid the chaos, Shane moves for the
          phone. Helga takes the opening and runs for the door. He
          grabs her suitcase. As she tries to wrestle it away,
          Shane picks up the receiver.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Hello---
                           (sees Helga crawling away)
                    Don't even think about it.
          
          The suitcase handle breaks off, and Helga dashes for the
          door. Shane dives, grabbing her foot. He DRAGS her back.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Ah, Mrs. Plummer.
                           (covering the phone, so Julie
                            can't hear the struggle)
                    No no -- everything's fine. You're gonna
                    be gone how much longer?
          
           here's a pause, the camera DOLLY/ZOOMS as he says it:
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Five business days?
          
           elga's shoe comes off -- Helga falls forwards, and Shane
          falls back, against the counter.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    That is not a problem. Just doing my...
          
          He picks up his hand, that landed on a diaper.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Duty.
          
          Helga's at the door. Shane body-checks it closed. Helga
          struggles to get him off. CRUNCH. Helga chomps down on
          Shane's hand...
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Ah! Things are GREAT!!! You do what you
                    have to do.
          
          Shane lets go. Helga scampers out the door.
          
          
          
          
                                                                    27.
          
          
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Take care, Mrs. Plummer.
          
          Shane hangs up the phone, as Helga makes a dash down the
          path to a waiting cab.
          
          EXT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane chases Helga to the cab.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Red Leader! I command you to come back!
                    That is a direct order! You can't leave
                    a man behind!!
          
          Helga jumps in the cab.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                           (SCREAMING)
                    I don't know the Peter Panda song!!
          
          As the cab pulls away, in the rear window, Helga glares
          back, then does an obscene Romanian hand gesture.
          
          ANGLE - SHANE
          
          His jaw drops in disbelief. He drops his head, defeated.
          Then -- he slowly glances up.
          
          ACROSS THE STREET
          
          The Korean couple is staring at him, dumbfounded.
          
                                 KOREAN WOMAN
                    Don't worry, if she loves you, she'll
                    come back.
          
          ANGLE - SHANE
          
          Rises, takes a deep breath and strides inside.
          
          INT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane enters... to find the kids are all gloomy.    The
          baby cries. Shane awkwardly picks the baby up.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Okay, listen up. There's been a change of
                    plans. Your mom's not coming back as
                    soon as she thought...
          
          
          
                                                                     28.
          
          
          
                                   LULU
                             (worried)
                      When is she coming back?
          
                                   SHANE
                      Soon. In the meantime, we're just gonna
                      have some more big fun.
          
                                   TODD
                      That's what we've been doing?
          
                                   LULU
                      But tomorrow's a school day.
          
                                   ZOE
                      I need a signed release for Driver's Ed!
          
                                   LULU
                      I've got Brownies!
          
          Shane reacts, inundated.
          
                                   SHANE
                      Whoa, WHOA! HALT! We'll take this hill
                      one inch at a time. Only then can we
                      rise to the challenge. All for one, and
                      one for all!
          
                                   LULU
                             (singing)
                      "Be all that you can be!"
          
                                   SHANE
                      That's Army. I'm Navy.     But I appreciate
                      your enthusiasm.
          
              nice moment.   Until -- FWRPPPP!
          
                                   SHANE (CONT'D)
                      Tell me that was the duck?
          
          FWRPPP!    WE zoom in on the baby's leering face.
          
           hane quickly moves the Baby away from his body. Pure
          self-preservation, everyone bolts from the room.
          
                                    SHANE (CONT'D)
                      Hey.   HEY!
          
          Nobody will help.     Even Peter runs, holding his nose.
          
          
                                                                  29.
          
          
          
          CLOSE-UP - SHANE
          
          He gulps.
          
          INT. BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane enters, holding out the Baby at full arm's length.
          He lowers Tyler onto a changing pad, takes a deep breath,
          then pulls out PLIERS and a SCREWDRIVER. Using the tools
          as chopsticks, he cautiously unfastens the diaper... And
          then -- it flops open. SShane GROANS, repelled.
          
                                   SHANE
                      The things I do for my country.
          
          Shane tries approaching -- he can't do it. Aghast, he
          looks around for a solution. Then: Shane picks up the
          Baby and dips the bottom half in the toilet, then
          FLUSHES, over and over and over.
          
          INT.   HALLWAY - NIGHT
          
          Shane patrols the hall, making sure all the doors and
          windows are locked. Lulu is in her pj's.
          
          A hand tugs on Shane's shirt, he looks down to see Lulu.
          
                                   LULU
                      Hi. Zoe thinks you look like the Hulk. I
                      think you're cute.
          
                                   SHANE
                             (unsure how to respond...)
                      Thank you.
          
          Lulu doesn't go away, she just stares at him, it starts
          making Shane uncomfortable.
          
                                   LULU
                      Do you know Kung Fu?
          
                                     SHANE
                      Affirmative.
          
                                   LULU
                      Did you ever punch someone so hard that
                      their head came off?
          
           hane walks away from Lulu. She follows. Shane is again
          twirling the MEDAL in his fingers. Lulu follows at his
          heels, like a puppy.
          
                       
          
                                                                  30.
          
          
          
                                 LULU (CONT'D)
                    What's that medal for?
          
                                 SHANE
                    None of your business.
          
                                 LULU
                    I'll trade you a SpongeBob button for it.
          
          Shane walks room to room, pulling down the shades on
          every window.
          
                                 LULU (CONT'D)
                    Is that so people can't hurt us?
          
          He bends down to her level, and tries to sound sweet:
          
                                 SHANE
                    I think -- it's time for you take a nappy-
                    poo, in beddibye land, little girl.
          
          Lulu looks at him, like he's an idiot.
          
                                 LULU
                    Do I look like I'm five to you?
          
          Lulu sulks off to bed, and shuts off her light.
          
          All the lights are out, all the kids asleep. Shane
          breathes a sigh of relief, and patrols.
          
          INT. KITCHEN - BREAKFAST - MORNING
          
          The Kids are dressed for school. On the table in front of
          each place is a tan BAG. The kids sit down at their
          designated spots, confused by the MRE's (MEALS READY TO
          EAT) in front of them.
          
                                 SHANE
                    What are you waiting for?    Dig in.
          
          Todd, Lulu and Zoe all tear open their bags.
          
          Todd pulls out a bag of CORN BEEF HASH and a Snickers
          bar. Zoe pulls out a bag of FETTUCCINE ALFREDO and some
          matches. Lulu takes out a bag of turkey slices and a
          coffee packet. Shane smiles, proud of his accomplishment.
          The Kids stare at "breakfast," dubious.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Don't worry, I can get lots more of
                    those. And I've survived off this stuff
                    for months.
          
                                
          
          
                                                                  31.
          
          
          
                                 ZOE
                    Like I'm really gonna eat all those
                    carbs.
          
          Shane turns to address them:
          
                                 SHANE
                    Okay, ladies. Your mama -- is not here to
                    take care of you now. So -- here's how
                    it's gonna be. We're gonna pull together,
                    all for one, one for all. If I say in,
                    you stay in, if I say out, you go out...
          
          Peter stands in his chair, dancing...
          
                                 PETER
                    Ba ba do the hokie pokey...
          
                                   SHANE
                    I did not say at ease!
          
          Peter's eyes fill with tears.
          
                                 ZOE
                    He's only two, he doesn't have any idea
                    what you're talking about. I don't have
                    any idea what you're talking about...
          
          Shane sighs. Lulu asks Shane:
          
                                 LULU
                    Can you kill a man with your bare hands?
          
                                 SHANE
                    You play too many video games. (then:)
                    Yes.
          
                                 LULU
                    ... I can cross my eyes. Wanna see?
          
                                  SHANE
                    Negative.
          
          Lulu crosses her eyes at Shane, then at Tyler -- who
          SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. Shane turns to Lulu.
          
                                 LULU
                    Tyler hates it when I do that...
          
          Peter starts bawling, too. He runs away, crying. The
          table cloth is yanked to the floor. And the phone rings.
          Shane answers, trying to hear over the screaming.
          
          
          
                                                                32.
          
          
          
                                 SHANE
                    Plummer residence... yes, I know it's
                    Monday. Oh. Thank you, sir.
          
          He hangs up. Zoe smiles at him, innocently.
          
                                 ZOE
                    Who was that?
          
                                 SHANE
                    Your vice principal. He said if you're
                    late again, you and Todd are expelled. He
                    wants to see you in his office. With your
                    ... legal guardian.
          
          INT. GARAGE - MOMENTS LATER
          
          The garage door opens, dramatically unveiling Shane. He's
          wearing Tyler in a SNUGGLE. Across his chest, he's got a
          bandoleer of baby-bottles and juice boxes. Shane can't
          hide his contempt as he sees: Julie's WHITE MINIVAN. A
          bumper sticker declares "World's Greatest Mom." Shane
          puts Tyler in a CAR SEAT. Its interlocking buckle
          connects FOUR WAYS. Shane fumbles with it for a while.
          It just doesn't add up...
          
                                 LULU
                    We're gonna be late.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Not on my watch.
          
          Shane TIES the buckles in a fancy knot.
          
          EXT. GARAGE - MOMENTS LATER
          
          The car speeds out of the drive, backwards at sixty
          m.p.h.. It does a skidding 180 and heads down the street.
          
          EXT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL - 9:29 A.M.
          
          A big suburban school, Busses and PARENTS are parked at
          the curb, STUDENTS of all ages are hurrying inside. The
          Minivan skids completely sideways, into a TINY parking
          spot -- a death defying, perfect parallel park.
          
          INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
          
          CLOSE UP ON: a stopwatch. It hits ZERO, and at that
          moment, the SCHOOL'S BELL RINGS.
          
          Holding the stopwatch is the VICE PRINCIPAL MURNEY
          (50's). He's HUGE and mean.
          
                  
          
          
                                                                33.
          
          
          
                                 MURNEY
                    I always said these kids didn't need a
                    baby sitter, they needed a parole
                    officer. Looks like Mrs. Plummer finally
                    listened.
          
          He glares at Shane, and the Kids: Shane sits with Tyler
          in a Snuggle, holding Peter on a harness, as he plays on
          the floor. The Kids are seated around him, mortified.
          
                                  MURNEY (CONT'D)
                           (To Shane)
                    What's your name, son?
          
                                 SHANE
                    Wolfe. Shane. Lieutenant. I'm in charge
                    of watching these kids for... a few days.
          
          Murney is unimpressed.
          
                                 MURNEY
                     aby-sitter huh. Well, whatever work you
                    can get. I'm Murphy. Duane. V.P in charge
                    of discipline, conduct and truancy. Top
                    to bottom, K thru 12. You're in my house
                    now, boy. I coach wrestling, too. (re:
                    Todd:) And the creeper here played hookey
                    from every wrestling practice this month.
          
          The Kids crack up. Murney is furious.
          
                                 MURNEY (CONT'D)
                    She's missed twenty-two Driver's Ed
                    classes. Out of twenty-three. They're the
                    worst students in my school.
          
                                    OMAN'S VOICE
                    Your school?
          
          Murney grimaces as PRINCIPAL CLAIRE NELSON (early 30's)
          enters. She's attractive, assured, tough. He withers.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Good morning kids. What are you doing in
                    my office, Murney?
          
                                 MURNEY
                    I was explaining, that as vice principal,
                    I am in charge of....
          
          
                                                                     34.
          
          
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Very little. I thought I asked you to
                    find out who stuck to the baloney slices
                    to the cafeteria ceiling with mustard?
          
                                 MURNEY
                    I'm got some leads. (then, confidential:)
                    My informant's about to crack.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Then hop to it. I think I can handle this
                    from here.
          
          The opens the door for Murney. He exits, fuming.     The
          BELL rings.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Red 1, Red 2. Get moving.
          
          The teens hustle off to their classes. Shane checks his
          TRACKER -- two little red DOTS move away. Good.
          
          Principal Claire eyeballs him... staring him up and down,
          as he casually holds the three kids.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    So. You're the new baby-sitter?
          
                                 SHANE
                    Bodyguard. You see, Mrs. Plummer called
                    my captain, she thought the kids needed -
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    It's okay, Lieutenant, I was briefed of
                    the situation by Mrs. Plummer. She told
                    me all about you.
          
          She notices NAVY SEAL tattoo on his upper arm. Claire
          sees this -- and suddenly reacts, impressed.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D)
                    Lieutenant, huh? You with "The Teams?"
                           (Shane nods.)
                    Petty Officer Third Class Claire Nelson
                    at your service.
          
                                 SHANE
                    ... You're kidding?
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Four years at Naval base Coronado.   The
                    Service paid for my college.
          
          
          
                                                                   35.
          
          
          
          Shane stares not sure whether to believe. On the spot,
          Claire looks nervously around. She lifts her pants leg...
          revealing a tiny ANCHOR TATTOO on her ankle.
          
                                   SHANE
                      "Honor, Courage...
          
                                   PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                      Commitment". That's the way I live my
                      life, and the way I run my school.
          
                                   SHANE
                      Can't be too careful. So. Permission to
                      stick around and keep eyes on the kids?
          
          She smiles.
          
                                   PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                      Permission granted. Welcome aboard. Just
                      try not to frighten the children.
          
                                   SHANE
                      No one will even notice I'm here.
          
                                                          JUMP CUT TO:
          
          EXT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL - MID-MORNING
          
          Shane, dead serious, (Tyler in Snuggle) is riding the see-
          saw in the school's playground. Peter rides on the other
          side with a group of KIDS, to balance Shane. Shane types
          on his laptop: CLAIRE NELSON. A picture of Claire in a
          Naval uniform pops up as well as her stats...
          
                                   SHANE
                      Clean as a whistle.
          
          Shane closes the computer, picks up a pair of binoculars.
          
           BINOCULARS P.O.V. as Shane goes from window to window of
          the school: Zoe is glaring at him through the window from
          her seat in a class. Todd, sitting in the back row of a
          class, yanks his hood over his head. Lulu waves from 2nd
          Grade, delighted.
          
          Along line of FIRST GRADERS wait for the seesaw.
          
                                   SHANE (CONT'D)
                      Back off. Official Business.
          
                           
          
          
                                                                36.
          
          
          
          ON THE PLAYGROUND:
          
          Shane stands with his Baby snuggle. Peter is running in
          circles around him on his harness, like a tether ball. He
          checks his tracking device...
          
          INT. CAFETERIA - LUNCH TIME
          
          BINOCULARS P.O.V.: Five hundred students eat at long
          tables. Zoe, with a group of HIP FRIENDS, turns her back
          to him embarrassed. Todd, in line to get lunch, does the
          same. Lulu sees Shane and waves.
          
          Shane puts down his binoculars. He turns to the person in
          front of him, with stern intensity.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Give up now. Save us both a world of
                    pain. Now -- last time: Open the hanger,
                    Black Hawk coming in.
          
          Reveal: Shane is talking to Tyler, in his safety seat --
          trying to get him to eat. Beside Shane, Peter is
          destroying a sandwich with animal crackers.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Open in T minus three, two, one...
          
          Tyler gurgles, ignoring him. Shane sighs. Principal
          Claire sits next to Shane with her lunch tray.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    What would you say is the secret with
                    kids, Mr. Wolfe?
          
                                 SHANE
                    Show no weakness.
          
                                  RINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    I'll drink to that. (she toasts, with
                    milk.) Shane... Can I call you Shane?
          
                                 SHANE
                    ... Sure.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    So. When you agreed to serve your
                    country, I bet you didn't know you'd be
                    serving creamed bananas to one year olds,
                    huh?
          
          Shane gives her a look. Principal Claire smiles.
          
                     
          
                                                                   37.
          
          
          
                                 SHANE
                    Hey -- I out rank you, you know.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Not here, you don't. You're on dry land,
                    lieutenant. (she looks at his chair)
                    Well, not so dry where you're sitting, I
                    guess.
          
          Shane sees that Tyler is pouring his juice Box all over
          Shane's pants. He yanks Tyler away from him.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Oh, man...
          
          Tyler starts to cry -- but Shane stops him from crying by
          making a funny face. Tyler laughs. Claire smiles.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Don't take this personally -- but you're
                    pretty good at this. Seriously, I'm
                    impressed. A whole day, and all three
                    Plummer's stayed out of trouble.
                    That's... unusual.
          
          Suddenly there's a huge crash around the corner, and the
          sound of Students in an uproar. Shane hands Tyler off to
          the Principal and leaps over the table...
          
          INT. LUNCH-LINE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Students are in a ring, cheering, as four STUDENTS in
          Wrestling Jackets hold Todd. One reaches down and gives
          Todd a "wedgy" then another WRESTLER punches him. Todd
          slips out of their hold and decks the Wrestler. VP Murney
          is watching, but not stopping it. Zoe, in the crowd,
          cheers Todd on:
          
                                 ZOE
                    Kick his butt, Todd!
          
          Shane and Claire push through the Students. As soon as
          they see the Principal, the crowd freezes.
          
                                  RINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Who started this?
          
          Silence. Then vice principal Murney steps forward.
          
                                 MURNEY
                    He did. (Todd)
          
          
                                                                    38.
          
          
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Todd started a fight with five students
                    at once?
          
          Shane turns to Todd, and "punches fists" with him,
          impressed.
          
                                 MURNEY
                    The kid's mixed up. Look at him.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    If I catch anyone on the team fighting
                    again, next week's tournament is off. I
                    don't care who starts it.
          
          Murney smirks, and gives her a "I'll handle it" wink.
          
                                 MURNEY
                    You heard the lady. Any more fighting and
                    there'll be no more wrestling. Personally
                    I think that's a little harsh. Boys'll be
                    boys. (low, to Todd:) `Scept for Plummer
                    here.
          
          Todd lunges at him. Shane effortlessly grabs Todd and
          Judo FLIPS HIM -- Todd lands on his feet, sticking the
          landing. No one is more Ssurprised than Todd and Shane.
          
                                 SHANE
                    ... Nice moves, man.
          
          The Bell rings, the crowd breaks up. Murney approaches
          Shane.
          
                                 MURNEY
                    Pretty slick, Frogman -- I'm a black belt
                    myself. S'why they asked me to coach the
                    wrestling team.
          
          Murney makes a loud Kung Fu CRY and throws a punch,
          stopping an inch from Shane's head. Shane doesn't flinch.
          
                                 MURNEY (CONT'D)
                    See -- total control. Maybe you could
                    stop by practice, we'd show the boys how
                    a couple of pros do it, what do you say?
                    Come on, promise I'll go easy on you.
          
                                 SHANE
                    ... Sorry, sir. I'm on duty.
          
                           
          
          
                                                                39.
          
          
          
                                 MURNEY
                    Oh, yeah. That's right. I forgot you had
                    to baby-sit. Maybe some other time then.
          
          Shane puts an arm over Todd's shoulder. Todd shakes him
          off and heads to class. Murney snickers to Claire:
          
                                 MURNEY (CONT'D)
                    Looks like pretty boy there's all bark
                    and no bite.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    ... Don't even think it, Murney. He'd
                    kill you so fast, I wouldn't even have
                    time to get my camera.
          
          INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - 2:55
          
          Shane looks exhausted. Peter is asleep in his shoulder,
          Tyler is crying, as he keeps watch. The Principal strolls
          up.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Another day, another dollar twenty, minus
                    taxes... aren't you gonna change him?
          
                                 SHANE
                    I'd love to, for one who'll eat, and not
                    cry.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    That's not what I mean, Lt.
          
          Then Shane smells what she means -- Tyler's diaper is
          full. Shane recoils in disgust, holding Tyler out like a
          grenade.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Oh -- change him. Roger that. Uh...
          
          Panicked, he pushes Tyler towards the Principal.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Sirnosir. Not my job.
          
                                 SHANE
                    But...
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Instructions are right on the box.
                    Bathroom's down the hall. Have fun.
          
                                                                   40.
          
          
          
          Just then, an alarm in his Jacket GOES OFF. He looks at
          his tracker: it's flashing RED 3 RED 3. Shane hands off
          Peter and Tyler to the Principal.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Emergency!
          
          INT. 2ND GRADE HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane runs down the hall, following his tracking device.
          It leads him to a door. He bursts though it, doing a
          shoulder roll.
          
          INT. 2ND GRADE CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          2ND GRADERS are sitting on the floor. Lulu is in front of
          the class, with the Panic Button in her hand. The board
          reads: SHOW AND TELL. Shane lands in fight stance -- the
          Class applauds. Next to Lulu is a very upstaged LITTLE
          BOY with a FROG. Lulu sticks her tongue out at him.
          
                                 LULU
                    See! My nanny can kick your nanny's butt.
          
          Shane is furious, but the FINAL BELL rings. At that
          moment, his Tracker Alarm sounds again. He looks:
          
          CLOSE-UP ON THE TRACKER SCREEN: Two DOTS labeled RED 1
          and RED 2, are heading away from the school fast.
          I
          INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane runs with Lulu through the mob of Kids. He hands
          her to the Principal.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Thanks.
          
          EXT. EAST BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane dives into the Minivan. The DOTS on the tracker are
          headed North. He speeds away after them.
          
          EXT. BUSY INTERSECTION - MOMENTS LATER
          
          The BLINKING DOTS on his tracker are side by side, racing
          down the road ahead of Shane. They make a sharp right.
          Shane makes a right, almost tipping the minivan. He
          blasts through a red light.
          
          
                                                                   41.
          
          
          
          EXT. IN FRONT OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE - MOMENTS LATER
          
          He turns a corner -- a PLYWOOD WALL surrounds the site.
          He leaps out of the minivan. He looks at the tracker: Zoe
          and Todd are dead ahead, through the fence.
          
          EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Two BIG CONSTRUCTION workers are standing on the other
          side of the plywood wall -- Shane KICKS out one entire
          section, and charges through.
          
                                 CONSTRUCTION WORKER
                    What hell do you think you're doing?
          
          He turns around, to see several CONSTRUCTION WORKERS, all
          brandishing tools.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Tell me where the kids are and I'll let
                    you all live!
          
                                 CONSTRUCTION WORKER
                    Buddy, you're about to get a beat down.
          
          Three Workers rush him. Shane easily takes them out. The
          remaining Workers give Shane a scared look -- then RUN.
          
          ANGLE - SHANE
          
          He's alone. He catches his breath, then checks his
          tracker. Todd and Zoe's BEEPS are coming from a MANHOLE.
          
          Shane pries off the manhole cover.    He looks down.
          
          IN THE MANHOLE - It's dark and dank.
          
          No sweat. Shane lowers himself down.
          
          INT. SEWER - SAME TIME
          
          Shane lands shoulder deep in DISGUSTING SLUDGE. He
          winces, then checks the tracker -- the DOTS are CLOSE,
          feet away. Shane trudges through the river of muck.
          
                                  SHANE
                    Red 1?   Red 2?
          
          It's horrific. The DOTS BEEP LOUDER. He's almost there!
          He splashes around a corner -- then gasps -- he sees the
          blinking lights below the surface. He takes a deep
          breath and dives under. He comes up for air with ZOE and
          TODD'S HOMING BEACONS. A note is tied to them: "Ha! Ha!"
          
                                                                  42.
          
          
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER
          
          Principal Claire sits with the Kids in the living room.
          From outside, they hear the front door open, and the
          sound of OMINOUS, SQUISHY footsteps.
          
          Then the door swings open, revealing Shane, looking like
          a Swamp Creature. Everyone gasps, then covers their
          noses. A CUTE YOUNG COP enters behind Shane. Todd
          stiffens. Zoe fixes her hair. The Cop looks at them.
          
                                 CUTE COP
                    14 year old Male, weird hair. 16 year old
                    female. Ditto. (into his radio:) Cancel
                    that a.p.b..
          
          The Cop turns to Shane, with a smirk.
          
                                 CUTE COP (CONT'D)
                    In the future, use our nonemergency
                    number. That's the one to call if
                    nobody's fleein' or bleedin'.
          
          The Cop leaves, Zoe checks him out as he goes...
          
                                 CLAIRE
                    Shane are you okay?
          
                                 SHANE
                           (eerily calm:)
                    Just fine, thank you.
          
          Covering her nose. The smell is BAD.
          
                                 CLAIRE
                    I should probably get going then. If you
                    need anymore help... Call.
          
          She practically GAGS as she passes him. Shane looks
          around at Scott and Zoe, he doesn't say anything, but
          with his hand he makes a "my eyes on you" gesture.
          
          INT. BATHROOM - LATER
          
          Shane is in the shower. He pours an entire bottle of
          SHAMPOO over himself.
          
          INT. BACK YARD - DAY
          
          Shane BURNS his clothes in the barbecue.
          
                              
          
          
                                                                43.
          
          
          
          INT. KITCHEN - LATER
          
          Tyler is in a high-chair, Peter rocks in a cradle-swing.
          
          Shane enters, in just a towel. He sees on the fridge;
          Helga'S SHOPPING LIST -- all junk food. He looks at it,
          cringing in disgust, before he notices:
          
          Sitting around the table are Lulu's entire BROWNIE TROOP -
          - a dozen little girls in uniforms, they're staring at
          him. The Brownies applaud, and whistle.
          
                                 BROWNIE
                     oo hoo! Hubba hubba!
          
          Shane covers up and leaps into the Family Room, pulling
          Lulu after him.
          
          INT. FAMILY ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
                                 SHANE
                    Who are those people?
          
                                 LULU
                    It's my troop, it's Monday. Monday,
                    Wednesday and Saturday are troop nights.
          
                                 SHANE (O.S.)
                    Get rid of them.
          
                                 LULU
                    I can't. Everybody's parents go out on
                    troop nights. They won't be home `til
                    ten. Mom's our den mother.
          
          Lulu starts to sniffle, close to tears.
          
                                 LULU (CONT'D)
                    Tonight we're supposed to sell cookies.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Selling cookies isn't imperative to my
                    mission.
          
                                 LULU
                    We have to. If we don't sell enough
                    cookies, we can't go the Jamboree, and if
                    we can't go to the Jamboree.
                           (whispers:)
                    Come on, Shane. You gotta help me out.
                    They already think I'm a loser. And it's
                    not like I have any other friends, cause
                    mom never lets me out of her sight...
          
                                                                 44.
          
          
          
          Lulu's about to burst into tears. Shane sighs.
          
          INT. KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane, back in "uniform," paces in front of the Brownie
          Troop. They are assembled, at attention, Indian Style.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Alright, ladies. Here's how it's gonna
                    be. Tonight, I'm gonna be your den --
                    commander. That means if you want to live
                    to see tomorrow, do as I say. DO WE
                    UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER?
          
          The Brownies stare art him in stunned silence.
          
                                 BROWNIE
                    Den Mother? ... I'm scared of you.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Good. Now -- wait here.
          
          INT. LIVING ROOM - A LITTLE LATE
          
          The Brownies are in the living room, unpacking boxes of
          cookies, getting ready to go. Zoe's on the phone.
          
                                 ZOE
                    ... yeah, he's a total psycho. I think
                    mom found him from one of those Tough
                    Love boot camps or something...
          
          Shane blows passed her, revving a cordless POWER DRILL.
          
          VARIOUS SHOTS: As Shane uses the drill to seal every
          window and door. He's not just locking them -- he's
          SCREWING THEM SHUT WITH DRYWALL SCREWS.
          
          INT. ZOE'S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane's finishing up the last window.
          
                                 ZOE
                    This is totally cruel and unusual! You
                    can't do this -- we could run out of air!
          
          Shane lifts her window so it's open a HALF INCH, then
          drills it into place. Shane ushers the Troop out the
          door, then loads Peter and Tyler into TWO SNUGGLES -- one
          attached to his front, the other to his back. Shane
          closes the front door and attaches a "Club" lock to it.
          
                 
          
                                                                 45.
          
          
          
          EXT. DRIVEWAY - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane Loads the brownies and toddlers into the minivan.
          
          As the minivan pulls out of the driveway, the camera
          CRANES up to...
          
          ZOE'S WINDOW:
          
          Inside, Zoe picks up the phone, hits speed-dial.
          
                                 ZOE
                     .. he's got us on lock-down, it's like
                    Oz or something. No, not munchkin Oz --
                    HBO Oz. (she listens:) Hm... I dunno if
                    that's a good idea, Scott...
          
          EXT. GROCERY STORE - PARKING LOT - AFTERNOON
          
          Shane pulls the minivan into the crowded parking lot --
          the Brownies are all singing 99 Bottles of Beer on the
          Wall at the top of their lungs.
          
          EXT. GROCERY STORE - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane (double-Snuggled) helps the Brownies set up a card
          table to display their cookies.
          
                                 SHANE
                    I gotta get supplies. I can see you
                    through the window, but if anything
                    happens...
          
                                 LULU
                           (flashing her bracelet)
                    I know.
          
          INT. GROCERY STORE - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane watches the Brownies on the store's CLOSED CIRCUIT
          monitor, as he pushes a cart into the store. He looks
          around at the bright, colorful boxes of Children's
          Cereals, Rainbow Fruit Roll-Ups, Snack packs... NOTHING
          looks familiar -- nothing even looks like food.
          
          He sees: a huge, 100 pack VALUE CASE of SPAM. He smiles.
          Tyler looks at him -- "what are you, nuts?"
          
          EXT. GROCERY STORE - CONTINUOUS
          
          The Brownies are trying to sell the cookies, but they're
          very shy. SHOPPERS blow passed them without even noticing
          them. One of the Brownies spots something...
          
                              
          
                                                                46.
          
          
          
                                 BROWNIE
                    Oh no... they're back.
          
          SLOW MOTION: In a shot out of Reservoir Dogs, we see who
          she means: A group of bad ass, chubby CUB SCOUTS. They're
          headed straight towards the cookie table, menacingly.
          
                                 UGLY CUB SCOUT
                           (to another Scout)
                    Hey Skeever, what's stinky and floats
                    `til you flush `em?
          
                                 2ND SCOUT
                    Brownies?
          
          The Scouts cackle. The Ugly Scout yanks a box of cookies
          away from Lulu. He rips it open, dumping the cookies on
          the ground and grinding Uthem with his foot.
          
                                 UGLY CUB SCOUT
                    This is Troop 16 territory. How are we
                    supposed to sell raffle tickets when this
                    place reeks of your skanky cookies?
          
                                 2ND SCOUT
                    BEAT IT, before I get my face punching
                    badge on you.
          
          The Brownies take off running, clutching their boxes. One
          of the Scouts grabs Lulu -- she tugs and tugs, but can't
          get away. Finally, the Cub Scout takes her SCARF. He
          laughs, and lets her go. The Cub Scouts high-five.
          
          EXT. GROCERY STORE - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane heads to the Brownie's table -- but Lulu and the
          Brownies are gone. In their place are the Chubby Scouts.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Where are my troops?
          
                                 UGLY CUB SCOUT
                    ... I haven't seen anybody, you Skeever?
          
                                 2ND SCOUT
                    Nope. You wanna buy a raffle ticket?
                    We're trying to win .22's.
          
          Around his neck, Shane's monitor starts beeping. Shane
          takes off running in the direction of the signal.
          
                  
          
                                                                   47.
          
          
          
          EXT. PARKING LOT - SECONDS LATER
          
          Shane runs up to the minivan. The Brownies are huddled
          behind it, trembling.
          
                                 SHANE
                    What happened? (No one answers) Well?
          
                                 LULU
                    Those boys over there broke our cookies.
          
          Shane eyes the Cub Scouts. Dead serious:
          
                                 SHANE
                    Well then -- I'm afraid I have to
                    eliminate them. If I don't come back --
                    avenge my death.
          
          He heads toward the Scouts. The Brownies scream.
          
                                 BROWNIES
                    No!
          
          Shane stops. He bends down, and points at Lulu's Panic
          button. He firmly tells Lulu, who's close to tears:
          
                                 SHANE
                    This is not a toy. I'm here to protect
                    you. Not cookies. Get in the car, we're
                    going home.
          
                                 BROWNIE
                    You can't take us home yet, you're
                    supposed to take us to dinner.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Where?
          
          INT. CHUCK E. CHEESE - A LITTLE LATER - DAY
          
          An extreme CU of the Chuck E. Cheese MANAGER. He wears
          braces and head-gear, which causes him to lisp.
          
                                 MANAGER
                    Welcome to Chuck E. Cheese!
          
          Wider reveals...CHAOS. SCREAMING CHILDREN everywhere.
          On stage, the Chuck E. Cheese automaton band JAMS.
          
                                 SHANE
                    I wish I were in Chechnya.
          
          A LITTLE LATER:
          
                 
          
                                                                   48.
          
          
          
          Brownies are running around, playing video games and skee
          ball. Shane's watching Peter, in the PLASTIC BALL POOL,
          while he holds Tyler in the Snuggle. The Manager
          approaches Shane.
          
                                 MANAGER
                    Anything elsh I can do for you?
          
                                 SHANE
                    In a big glass (he shows him)   This much
                    ice... this much cyanide.
          
          The Manager laughs, but the headgear seems to hurt his
          face when he smiles.
          
                                 MANAGER
                    How `bout a re-fill on that pischer of
                    Mischer Pibb?
          
                                   SHANE
                    What?
          
                                 MANAGER
                           (gesturing:)
                    Pischer of Mischer Pibb?   Mischer Pibb?
          
          Frustrated, the Manager picks up a pitcher and exits.
          Lulu approaches, she grabs Shane by the sleeve and drags
          him over to the stand up Mortal Kombat game.
          
                                   LULU
                    Let's fight!
          
                                 SHANE
                    I'm watching your brother...
          
                                 LULU
                    I pressed two player. I thought you liked
                    combat. Unless you're scared.
          
          Shane doesn't like the sound of that. He steps up to the
          machine. He cracks his knuckles, stretches. Then he takes
          a joy stick. He checks over his shoulder -- Peter's
          happily splashing about in the plastic balls.
          
          ON THE SCREEN: they each select a fighter. Lulu picks a
          small female character. Shane picks a man who looks LIKE
          SHANE. They begin, Lulu screams out with her fighter, in
          unison:
          
                                 VIDEO GAME/LULU
                    Prepare to be annihilated!
          
                                
          
                                                                49.
          
          
          
          She leaps over Shane in a somersault and throws a DOZEN
          throwing stars. Then kicks him in the head repeatedly.
          
                                 SHANE
                    That's not fair. Nobody can jump thirty
                    feet.
          
                                 LULU
                    The Hulk can.
          
                                 SHANE
                    That wasn't a documentary.
          
          The second round starts, Brownies have gathered around to
          watch. Lulu's fighter does a series of kicks. Shane can't
          even get one punch in -- she pins him to the ground,
          kneels on his head, then kicks him in the face. Shane is
          taking it really seriously. He's really mad.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    This isn't fair. My joystick's broken.
          
                                 LULU
                    You wanna switch?
          
          They switch sides. Round three starts. Lulu's fighter
          picks up Shane's in the air, spins her, then cracks her
          in half over his knee... and then a kick in the face.
          
                                 SHANE
                           (re: the Snuggle)
                    You don't have a baby on your chest...
          
          Lulu's having fun now, she's just avoiding Shane's
          fighter, dancing, jumping, while he pounds the buttons,
          swinging and missing... Shane's really fuming.
          
                                 LULU
                    You're not even trying...
          
                                 SHANE
                    I AM TOO TRYING.
          
                                 LULU
                    Too slow... come on -- take a shot...
                    oops too slow... swing and a miss...
          
          She keeps dancing. It's really annoying. Shane's working
          the joy stick hard, slamming buttons, but he can't hit
          her. He is KO'd. She does a very obnoxious VICTORY DANCE.
          
                               
          
                                                                  50.
          
          
          
                                 LULU (CONT'D)
                    In your face! I am the greatest hand-to-
                    hand combat champion in the entire world!
          
          Shane screams and RIPS THE JOYSTICK OFF THE MACHINE.
          Sparks fly. Shane looks around to see if the staff
          noticed. He and the Brownies sneak away, leaving the
          sizzling machine, its joystick dangling by its wires.
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Zoe's on the phone, the Zhouse is quiet.
          
                                 ZOE
                    Mom -- stop worrying.
          
                                                        INTERCUT WITH:
          
          INT. HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
                                 JULIE (ON THE PHONE)
                    I'm a mom, it's my job to worry.
          
                                 ZOE
                    Seriously, everything's cool. The guy's
                    just a control freak.
          
                                 JULIE
                    It's only a few more days. I hate leaving
                    you, but you know I have to do this. I
                    love you.
          
                                 ZOE
                    I know. Don't worry, we're okay. Tonight
                    I'm just doing homework -- in my cell.
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          As Zoe hangs up, we WIDEN OUT: The house is PACKED with
          TEENAGERS: they're keeping quiet until the phone is in
          its cradle, then the TEENAGE DJ starts the music back up.
          
          Zoe looks around at the mess. She turns to Scott, who
          doesn't seem concerned at all.
          
                                 ZOE
                    Dude, this is outta hand. Who are all
                    these people?
          
                                 SCOTT
                    Jus' ma peeps. And the folks who read my
                    BLOG.
          
                                                                   51.
          
          
          
          Zoe rolls her eyes, then notices a WEIRD SWEATY KID,
          who's throwing mustard covered baloney slices at the
          ceiling, where they stick with a satisfying SQUISH.
          
                                 ZOE
                    Dude, not cool...
          
          VARIOUS SHOTS - The Plummer House:
          
          - Its a huge party: the place is JAMMED, kids everywhere.
          
          - Teenagers come and go through the kitchen's DOGGY DOOR.
          
          EXT. MALL PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane (Tyler in Snuggle), loads Brownies into the
          minivan, counting them. Barking at them like Marines:
          
                                 SHANE
                    Move, move, move! Go go!
          
          EXT. SUBURBAN ROAD - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane drives, the Brownies are singing 99 Bottles...
          again. Suddenly, a look of horror comes across Shane's
          face... he spins the minivan in a 180 and floors it.
          
          INT. CHUCK E. CHEESE - LATER - DUSK
          
          Shane (Tyler in Snuggle) bursts in, the Brownies follow.
          We see what he forgot: PETER, still happily playing in
          the pool of plastic balls. The Manager is watching him.
          
                                 MANAGER
                    I figured you'd come back for him -- they
                    almost always do.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Inexcusable, to leave a man behind like
                    that...
          
                                 MANAGER
                    Relax, we once found a kid in the ball
                    pool when we opened in the morning --
          
          Shane wades into the ball pool and pulls Peter out, which
          is fine, except that he's MISSING HIS DIAPER.
          
                                 MANAGER (CONT'D)
                    WHOA, Whoa. Not okay, freestyling in the
                    ball pool -- not okay.
          
          S
          
          
          
          
                                                                    52.
          
          
          
          Shane grimaces. He holds his breath, and goes down for
          the diaper. He disappears under the balls -- for a long
          time. The Manager and the Brownies share a concerned
          look. He's still down there. Silence.
          
                                 LULU
                    Should we send someone in after him?
          
          He surfaces, gasping. He's holding the diaper, out away
          from him. He charges across the room with the diaper.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Clear out! GO GO GO!
          
          And he bursts out the other doors, at a full run.
          
          EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - NIGHT
          
          Shane is exhausted, as he pulls up in the Minivan. He
          gets out -- and groans in disbelief. It's insanity: HIP
          HOP blasts, gyrating TEENAGERS everywhere, chugging
          drinks, making out, peeing in the bushes, jocks throwing
          footballs.
          
          Reeling, Shane takes Lulu, Peter and Tyler up the path.
          He protectively guides them past the craziness -- until a
          football suddenly WHIZZES by. Outraged, Shane snatches
          it mid-air -- then CRUSHES the ball. POP!
          
           hane gives a blood-curdling stare.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Party's over.
          
          The jocks flinch, scared, then RUN.   Shane unlocks the
          CLUB lock off the door.
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
          
          Inside is worse, a total wreck.   Zoe's dancing with
          Scott.
          
          Shane drags the needle across a record at the D.J.'s
          turntables. Everyone recoils from the horrible sound.
          
                                 SHANE
                    No one leaves until this house is
                    spotless! I want to be able to eat off
                    the floor! The latrine! Hell, I wanna
                    be able to eat in the kitchen!!
          
          Nervous glances -- then everybody suddenly RUNS for the
          back! Shane is confused, trying to understand...
          
                                                                  53.
          
          
          then he intuitively dashes past them! He's scoping the
          surroundings... windows... vents... AH! The doggy door!
          
          Scott is halfway through the doggy door when Shane grabs
          his ankles and yanks him back in. Shane holds Scott
          upsidedown by his ankles.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Oh no you don't. Now, we're gonna do this
                    my way -- no highway option.
          
          Just then: A MUSTARD SOAKED BALONEY SLICE drops from the
          ceiling, sticking to the TOP of Shane's head. PLOP.
          Shane's eyes narrow, he takes it off, trying to maintain
          his dignity. He fumes...
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                     Start swabbing, ladies.
          
          He hands Scott the mop. Scott gulps - and starts mopping.
          
                                                       DISSOLVE TO:
          
          CLEANING THE HOUSE.
          
          Miserable TEENS scrub. In a bathroom, Scott and Zoe, in
          Playtex gloves, furiously clean. Scott scrubs the toilet
          with Pinesol as the Duck swims in the top of the toilet.
          
                                 SCOTT
                    This is officially the worst party ever.
          
                                 ZOE
                    It was YOUR idea! I don't even know most
                    of these losers.
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY - NIGHT
          
          Shane inspects the house, as kids clean. Shane wipes a
          finger down the sofa. Clean. He lifts the sofa, and rubs
          his finger UNDER IT. He holds it up to a KID... residue.
          The Kid quickly starts cleaning again.
          
          A GIRL reorganizes a stack of CD'S. Shane goes over
          them, straightening -- then he notices something. He
          pulls out a CD: It is a home-burned disk, labeled with a
          Sharpie. It reads: GHOST. Oh my god...
                                                               CUT TO:
          
          EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - SIMULTANEOUS
          
          Two DARK CLAD FIGURES watch, through binoculars. They see
          Shane find the CD, and walk out of sight.
          
          
                                                                  54.
          
          
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE/STUDY - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane quickly tucks the CD into his pocket.
          
                                                               CUT TO:
          
          EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - ALMOST DAWN
          
          A long line of exhausted party-goers files out. Scott's
          the last one to leave.
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - VARIOUS
          
          Shane works his way through the house. It's SPOTLESS:
          counter tops glisten, furniture polished. It looks like
          Better Homes and Gardens. He heads upstairs. Zoe blows
          past him -- into the bathroom, where she throws up. Shane
          sits down, outside the bathroom door.
          
                                 ZOE
                    ... Thanks a lot, Rambo. My friends will
                    never come here again.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Those people aren't your friends. They
                    show no respect for you or your house.
                    Because you have no respect for yourself.
          
                                 ZOE
                    I do too respect myself.
          
           ueasy, she pukes again. Shane hands her a handkerchief.
          
                                 SHANE
                    You got barf on your tank top.
                    (Announces:) Company, downstairs!
          
          He walks down the hall, Zpounding on doors.
          
                                 ZOE
                    You're not my dad!
          
          Shane stops. Lulu and Todd step into the hall. Zoe gets
          up, shaky and furious, and screams in Shane's face.
          
                                 ZOE (CONT'D)
                    We hate you, you hate us. You're like a
                    robot. Why don't you just leave us alone?
          
          Silence. Lulu's crying, Todd picks her up. Shane stands,
          helpless. After a beat...
          
                
          
          
                                                                  55.
          
          
          
                                 SHANE
                    You're right, Red 1. I'm not the man for
                    this job.
          
                                 LULU
                    Shane --!
          
                                 SHANE
                    In all my years I have never been treated
                    with such disrespect. Not even from the
                    enemy. Don't worry, as soon as your mom
                    comes back, I'm gone.
          
          Suddenly -- the power goes out.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Now what?
          
                                 ZOE
                    (sighs, tired) It's Scott...
          
                                 SHANE
                    Puberty... talking doesn't do any good.
                    Go to your rooms.
          
          Suddenly, TWO NINJAS, all in black BURST in through the
          window. Shane spins in fight-stance.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                           (to the kids:)
                    Go!
          
          Terrified, Zoe and Todd scoop up the kids and rush down
          the hall.
          
          The Ninjas pull a retractable KENDO STAFFS. Wielding them
          with great skill. It takes all of Shane's skill to fend
          them off -- the three fight, close-quarters and fast.
          Until Shane pulls down attic's spring-loaded FOLDING
          LADDER and clocks a Ninja with it. He goes down, but
          Shane is SHOCKED from behind by the other NINJA. The
          Ninjas attack, fiercely -- they're good. Their Kendo
          staffs hiss with a powerful ELECTRIC CURRENT. The Ninjas
          knock Shane backwards down the stairs...
          
                                 NINJA
                    GHOST -- hand it over!
          
          They leap down after him, pounding him with their staffs,
          knocking him into...
          
          
          
                                                                56.
          
          
          
          INT. PLAYROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          There are TOYS EVERYWHERE -- like a tornado hit a TOYS-R-
          US. Shane fends the Ninjas off. He spots a BASEBALL BAT,
          and grabs it, facing them, fiercely. They step back...
          
                                 SHANE
                    Okay -- who wants some?
          
          Shane swings the bat down on a Ninja's head: It's a
          whiffle bat, it makes a silly thunk. Shane and the Ninja
          share a surprised look -- then the Ninjas charge. Shane
          fends them off with his Whiffle bat. With his foot, he
          picks up a FISHER PRICE CORN-POPPER, and uses them both
          to fend off blows. It rattles and pops as he fights with
          both Toys -- until a Ninja breaks them with one blow.
          Shane sees a FARMER JOHN TALKING GAME. He jumps up onto a
          shelf and grabs it. He pulls the string, and swings the
          plastic disk like a deadly bolo.
          
                                 FARMER JOHN GAME
                    The rooster goes...
          
          WHACK, he hits a Ninja in the head. He swings the Farmer
          John like a bull whip -- until a Ninja knocks the shelf
          over. Shane crashes down, toys fly, several FURBIES hit
          the floor. They echo the fight:
          
                                 FURBIES
                    Ow! Ow!
          
          Shane sees: The Ninjas are wearing only Ninja socks -- no
          shoes. He grabs a barrel of LEGOS, and flings them all
          over the floor. The Ninjas move towards him -- the Legos
          and Jacks dig into their feet.
          
                                 NINJA/FURBIES
                    Ow! Ow ow! Crap!
          
          The Ninjas fight as they hobble around, avoiding Legos,
          Shane runs to the changing table, then violently squeezes
          DESITIN at a NINJA, blinding him.
          
          Shane hangs in the doorway and swings at them, KICKING a
          Ninja in the chest. The Ninja CRASHES through the window!
          
           he other Ninja looks up, fearful. Suddenly he grabs a
          bottle of BABY POWDER. He sprays it in Shane's face...
          POOF! The room fills with a CLOUD OF WHITE.
          
          ANGLE - SHANE
          
                                                                   57.
          
          
          
          He squints, blinded. The cloud dissipates... and Shane
          sees he's now alone. He runs to the broken window.
          
          OUTSIDE:
          
          The Ninja's are long gone. Shane bangs the window sill,
          disappointed to have lost them.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - SECONDS LATER
          
          Composing himself, Shane approaches Zoe's door.     He
          quietly knocks.
          
                                   SHANE
                     Kids.   It's safe. You can open up.
          
          A long pause -- then the door creaks open. The kids run
          out and hug Shane with all their strength, bawling. Todd
          and Zoe enter, terrified. Shane isn't sure what to do...
          Then, he hugs Peter and Lulu. He really hugs them.
          
                                  LULU
                     Please don't leave us Shane.
          
                                  SHANE
                     I'm not going anywhere.
          
          He hugs them, even Zoe is crying and hugging Shane.
          
                                  ZOE
                     I'm sorry for giving you a hard time.
          
                                  SHANE
                     Shhh... It's okay.
          
                                  TODD
                     Who were they? What did they want...?
          
                                  SHANE
                     They're looking for a program, that your
                     father invented.
          
                                  ZOE
                     So Mom's not paranoid? There really are
                     people out to get us.
          
          He takes out the CD labeled GHOST.
          
                                  SHANE
                     They're not after you. They want this.
                     But nothing's gonna happen to you, as
                     long as I'm here. And I'm not going
                     anywhere.
          
                                                                   58.
          
          
          
          The kids shudder, relieved. They hug him tighter. He
          looks Zoe, eye to eye. He dries her tears:
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    But I can't do this without your help,
                    okay? We need a little more cooperation
                    here. (the Kids nod) Tell you what --
                    let's start over. From now on, you listen
                    to me, and do what I say. (to Zoe and
                    Todd:) And I... I'll listen to you too.
                    Deal? Truce -- okay?
          
          Zoe and Todd nod. Shane offers his hand to shake. They
          shake -- then they hug him, too.
          
          INT. LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane and the Kids sit around Shane's computer. Shane
          slips the Ghost CD in the disc drive, pushes play --
          
                                 SHANE
                    C'mon c'mon c'mon...
          
          CLOSE-UP - COMPUTER MONITOR
          
          The SOUND comes on: it's MUSIC. "Unchained Melody." And
          then, PICTURE: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze at a pottery
          wheel. Shane is furious -- a long pause. Then...
          
          Zoe laughs: she can't help it, it's been a long night.
          Then, the other kids join in. Soon, even Shane is
          laughing too: the telephone RINGS -- they all jump,
          startled. Zoe answers it, all smiles, she tries to play
          it cool and not frighten her mother:
          
                                 ZOE
                    Hey mom we're fine, absolutely nothing
                    happened you should worry about. Nope.
          
          Shane takes the phone.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Mrs. Plummer... two men tried to get into
                    the house tonight.
          
                                                       WE INTERCUT:
          
          INT. HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
                                 JULIE
                    Oh my god!
          
                              
          
          
                                                                     59.
          
          
          
                                 SHANE
                    No - it's okay. They're gone, everyone's
                    fine. They were looking for GHOST, but
                    they didn't find it. You have any luck?
          
                                 JULIE
                    Well, yes and no. We found something in
                    the box... But we're not sure what it is.
                    Bill thinks it's part of the GHOST. It
                    looks like some kind of "key". We just
                    don't know what its for.
          
          She holds up the strange, metal two pronged KEY.
          
                                 JULIE (CONT'D)
                    The good news is I'll be home in two
                    days, as soon as the customs paperwork
                    clears.
          
                                 SHANE
                           (very genuine)
                    ...So soon? We were just starting to have
                    fun. Don't worry -- we'll be just fine.
          
          EXT. SCHOOL - MORNING
          
          Early morning, students run in to school. The minivan
          pulls up, and Shane emerges with the five kids.
          
                                 SHANE
                    I gotta warn you guys: From now on, I'm
                    gonna be sticking even closer.
          
          INT. LULU'S CLASSROOM - DAY
          
          The TEACHER shows the children how to dye Easter eggs.
          
          ANGLE on Lulu, making a mess of an egg.   She smiles.
          
          ANGLE on Shane, squashed at a little desk.   He dips an
          egg in some purple dye.
          
          EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - DAY
          
          Driver's Ed. An obstacle course with cones. Zoe
          nervously drives a small sedan, a crazed TEACHER next to
          her. He is gesticulating, SCREAMING, reacting each time
          she HITS the gas, then BRAKES, HITS the gas, then BRAKES.
          
          Shane stands off to the side, shaking his head.    Peter
          and Tyler are tight in their Snuggles.
          
                                                                60.
          
          
          
          INT. LULU'S CLASSROOM - LATER
          
          The TEACHER hangs a series of cute "Turkey Hand" drawings
          above the blackboard (the kind where your fingers make
          the feathers). She hangs one of a HUGE HAND, and smiles
          at Shane, who sits in the back, sunglasses on. Shane
          nods, "yeah, I know it's good." Then...
          
                                 VOICE (OVER THE PA:)
                    Will Shane Wolfe please report to Vice
                    Principal Murney in the gym.
          
          Lulu's classmates all chant, in unison:
          
                                 SECOND GRADERS
                    Ooooooooh! (You're in trouble!)
          
          INT. THE GYM - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane enters. Zoe sits in a folding chair, mortified. She
          is holding a broken-off SIDE VIEW MIRROR. Murney stands,
          Principal Claire next to him. They look concerned.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Don't worry. So, she wrecked a driver's
                    Ed. car -- she'll pay for the damage...
          
                                 MURNEY
                    That? Lady drivers, what do you expect.
                    No, it's not that -- it's the boy...
          
                                 SHANE
                    Red two? I mean Todd?
          
          Claire nods. Shane gives Zoe a look. Zoe shrugs.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Ordinarily I would wait for his mother to
                    return... but -- I'm a bit concerned, and
                    I'm not sure what to do...
          
                                 SHANE
                    Has he been skipping class?
          
                                PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Well -- yes. He does always miss sixth
                    period. But this...
          
          Murney calls into the hallway. Todd enters. Shane stops,
          in shock: Todd's long hair is all shaved off, he now has
          a bleach blonde BUZZ CUT, giving him a "skinhead" look.
          
                
          
          
                                                                  61.
          
          
          
                                 MURNEY
                    This is how he showed up to practice. And
                    that's not all. I was doing a little re-
                    con in his locker... and I found this:
          
          Murney hands Shane a book and Shane flips through it.
          It's a book of photographs of NAZI UNIFORMS. Shane
          scowls.
          
                                 MURNEY (CONT'D)
                    If he'd had Hustler or something, boys
                    will be boys -- but this is just sick.
          
                                 SHANE
                    He's not a NAZI.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    It's certainly not normal.
                           (pulls Shane aside.)
                    See if you can talk to the boy.   Find out
                    what's going on.
          
          Shane shakes his head: Todd is worse than he thought.
          Todd and Zoe stand to go, and Shane walks them out.
          
          The WRESTLING TEAM is assembled, stretching. They snicker
          and shake their heads at Todd, as he passes. Shane walks
          the kids out, and Murney chases after him.
          
                                 MURNEY
                      hope you won't go light on him -- that
                    whole family's no good, if you ask me.
          
                                 SHANE
                    I'll talk to him.
          
                                 MURNEY
                    You're a good man, Shane. Bet you're a
                    hell of a fighter on the mats, huh?
                           (Shane ignores him, and keeps
                            walking.)
                    Maybe sometime we oughta strap up, we'll
                    give these boys a treat.
          
          He "fake-punches" one of his Boys -- who flinches like
          Murney has maybe hurt him a couple times. Murney laughs.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Another time, maybe...
          
                                 MURNEY
                    It's a date then. I'll show you a couple
                    moves. I promise I won't hurt you.
          
                              
          
                                                                   62.
          
          
          
          Shane walks away. Without warning, Murney lets out a Kung
          Fu SCREAM, and leaps at Shane, kicking him in the BACK,
          Shane trips forwards to his knees. Murney tells his team:
          
                                 MURNEY (CONT'D)
                    See that? You never know when your
                    adversary is going to strike!
          
                                 SHANE
                    Did you kick me in the back? Is there a
                    footprint on my jacket?
          
          Shane dusts off his back, and leaves.
          
                                 MURNEY
                    Come on Frogman! Don't be a sissy!
          
          Shane turns back. It looks like Shane might fight, but
          instead he takes a deep breath, and leaves. Murney shakes
          his head, and snickers to his Team.
          
          EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - A LITTLE LATER
          
          The minivan pulls up, with Shane and all the Plummers
          piled in. Shane parks, Todd runs towards the house. Shane
          holds Todd back by the arm.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Wait Todd, I want to talk to you...
          
           odd yanks his arm away and runs into the house.
          
          INT. TODD'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane knocks on Todd's door. Nothing. He enters. The
          window is wide open, Shane checks his window alarm --
          there's a REFRIGERATOR MAGNET stuck to it, keeping the
          contact, so the alarm didn't go off.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Smart kid.
          
          Shane looks out the window -- far down the block, he can
          see Todd, running around the corner. Shane hops out the
          window. He sees Zoe, peering out her window.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Zoe, you're in charge. If anyone gets
                    within forty clicks of the perimeter,
                    signal me. Keep all doors sealed, do your
                    homework, preheat the oven, and make sure
                    Lulu brushes her teeth!
          
          
                                                                   63.
          
          
          
          He starts to shut the window, but the Duck leaps up on
          the sill.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    You want in or out?
          
          The Duck leaps out. Shane screws the window shut. On the
          corner, Shane sees Todd climbing on to a CITY BUS.
          
          Shane picks a GIRL'S BICYCLE up off the front lawn. It's
          pink, with a flowered basket. It's small for him, but he
          hops on and pedals furiously after the bus.
          
          EXT. CITY STREET NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane, on the girl-bike, pedals after the bus. A few
          HOMEBOYS watch him pass, curiously. He nods back, tough.
          
          EXT. OLD WAREHOUSE - DOWNTOWN D.C. - NIGHT - LATER
          
          The bus stops in a rundown neighborhood Todd hops off the
          bus. Shane's arrives a moment later, dripping sweat. He
          stashes the bike behind a mailbox...
          
          Shane'S P.O.V.: At the entrance to the old warehouse,
          Todd meets up with three other TEENAGE BOYS, they're
          dressed in brown HITLER YOUTH UNIFORMS, they head inside.
          
          Shane follows them, stealthily.
          
          INT. OLD WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane follows the Hitler Youth into a large room, set up
          with folding chairs. He hides in a dark corner. Todd and
          the Hitler Youth enter, and take seats. A CREEPY MAN in
          a scarf walks out, and stands in front of them. Shane
          watches as the MAN addresses the Hitler Youth.
          
                                 MAN
                    Alright. All my Nazis are finally here.
                    Okay, I want all of you at attention.
          
          The Nazis stand at attention. Shane is horrified...
          
                                 MAN (CONT'D)
                    And on stage left - (he yells) VON
                    TRAPPS! I need my Von Trapps!
          
           hane watches... as a group of blonde ACTORS, all dressed
          in lederhosen as the SINGING VON TRAPP family enter, and
          join the "Nazis." There's also a few NUNS, a CAPTAIN VON
          TRAPP, and a MARIA. The Creepy Man is, in fact, a good
          natured, slightly foppish DIRECTOR.
          
          
                                                                64.
          
          
          
                                 DIRECTOR
                    Okeydokey. Starting from where we left
                    off Gimme Rolf and Liesl -- let's give
                    You are Sixteen a run up der flagpole...
          
          Todd heads up to the stage, the Director arranges him and
          the ACTRESS PLAYING LIESL (40ish) into position. An
          ACCOMPANIST begins on piano, Todd sings, remarkably well:
          
                                 TODD
                    You wait little girl, on an empty
                    stage/for fate to turn the light on/your
                    life little girl, is an empty page/that
                    men will want to write on...
          
                                 ACTRESS/LIESL
                    To write on...
          
                                 TODD
                    You are sixteen, going on seventeen...
          
          Shane bursts into laughter. His whole face lights up for
          the first time ever...
          
          Todd and Liesl dance. Todd is good, but nervous. He
          attempts a spinning kick, but he slips, and hits the
          stage, clutching his ankle. He gets up, and limps to the
          seats. The Director walks onto the stage, upset. He
          looks up, to heaven:
          
                                 DIRECTOR
                    Baby Jesus, have I done some unspeakable
                    evil that I deserve to be saddled with
                    the world's worst production of Sound of
                    Music? (he shouts, at the cast:) We open
                    in a week. The set's not finished... The
                    cast is a bunch of clumsy goats -- every
                    kick ball change would make Bob Fosse dig
                    himself out of the earth, so he could
                    have a heart attack again.
          
                                 TODD
                    I'm sorry... I'll get it right.
          
                                 DIRECTOR
                    None of you will ever get it right! Which
                    is why, I quit.
          
          He throws down his script. The Cast is stunned.
          
                                 DIRECTOR (CONT'D)
                    And with that, he exits stage right...
                    end scene.
          
                              
          
          
                                                                   65.
          
          
          
          And, on his own cue... he exits stage right, in a huff.
          The entire cast looks to Todd, fuming.
          
          Shane jumps up from his hiding place, startling
          everybody. Everyone steps back. Todd is terrified.
          
          Shane kneels down beside Todd. He closes his eyes, and
          begins rubbing his hands together like Mr. Miyagi.
          
                                 LIESL
                    You gonna fix him?
          
                                 SHANE
                    No. My hands are freezing.
          
          Shane grabs Todd's ankle hard and unceremoniously CRACKS
          it, and yanks him to his feet.
          
                                 TODD
                    I'm not going to quit. I hate wresting...
          
                                 SHANE
                    AT EASE. (Todd shuts up) Would you
                    listen, just once? Look, I don't know a
                    hell of a lot about this kinda stuff,
                    but... You're good. A lot to learn, but
                    with hard work, discipline -- you could
                    make a go of this.
          
                                 TODD
                    ... but what about Murney?
          
                                 SHANE
                    That guy's an idiot.
          
          Todd smiles, relieved. They sit on the edge of the stage.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    "Sound of Music" is a great show. My dad
                    took me to see it when I was a kid.
          
          Shane smiles wistfully. Todd relaxes.
          
                                 TODD
                    You don't seem like the musical type.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Come on. Julie Andrews was hot.
          
                                 TODD
                    What if... girls'll think I'm... weird or
                    something?
          
                                                                66.
          
          
          
                                 SHANE
                    You know what girls think is weird?
                    Wrestling. Men in leotards pinning each
                    other to the floor? I've never understood
                    that. Chicks dig guys who can dance.
          
                                 TODD
                    Doesn't matter now anyway... show's
                    off... it's over.
          
          Shane looks at the Cast, they look pretty glum as they
          pack up their costumes. Todd looks devastated -- only a
          moment after Shane saw him happier than ever. Shane
          straightens up, grabbing Todd by the shirt collar. BEAT.
          
                                 SHANE
                    COMPANY -- CENTER STAGE!
          
          Everyone looks around, they're not sure what to do... off
          Shane's glare, they quickly assemble on stage.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    DO YOU, OR DO YOU NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES
                    TO PERFORM THIS MUSICAL?
          
          There's some mumbling. Liesl chimes in.
          
                                 LIESL
                    We don't have a director...
          
          Shane shakes his head.
          
                                 SHANE
                    No director? I have directed rescue
                    missions in Afghanistan! I've directed
                    numerous snatch and grabs in countries
                    who's names you are not allowed to know.
                    I have choreographed multi-pronged
                    amphibious landings and stealth air
                    attacks!
                           (full of bravado)
                    Do you think I have the stomach to whip
                    this production into shape, or not?
          
          Everyone nods... Todd looks up at Shane. He smiles.
          
                                   TODD
                    Yes.
          
                                   SHANE
                    YES WHAT?
          
                           
          
          
                                                                67.
          
          
          
                                 TODD/CAST
                    YESSIR.
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - LATER
          
          Shane's patrolling the hallway. He hears Zoe in her
          room, BREAKING something, angrily. He peeks in -- just as
          Zoe THROWS her cell-phone into the wall, furious.
          
                                 SHANE
                    ... What's up?
          
                                 ZOE
                           (embarrassed)
                    Nothing... It's stupid... Scott. I called
                    him in his room, another girl picked up
                    the phone. I know it's no big deal. I
                    don't know why I let it get to me.
          
                                 SHANE
                    I don't see what you see in this guy.
          
                                 ZOE
                    It's just nice to think someone's
                    thinking about you, you know?
                                 S
                                 SHANE
                           (He nods)
                    It won't happen again.
          
                                 ZOE
                    ... No wait! ...What are you gonna do?
                    You're not gonna hurt him are you?
                    Promise you won't touch him.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Okay. I promise. I won't touch him.
          
          Shane exits. He turns out the light.
          
          INT. LULU'S ROOM - LATER
          
          Shane tucks Lulu into bed.
          
                                  ULU
                    Tell me a story.
          
          Shane looks at her surprised. He sits on the bed...
          Stumped. Then he starts:
          
                                SHANE
                    Okay. Let's see. Once there was a family
                    of Elves.
                                (MORE)
          
                                 T
          
          
          
          
                                 S
          
          
          
          
                                 L
          
          
          
          
                                                                 68.
                                 SHANE(CONT'D)
                    One day, the little Elf family -- Uh.
                    Went into the magic forest. To find a
                    secret gnome... facility, where gnomes
                    where turning mushrooms into... Uranium.
                    The elves had to go in and take it out.
          
                                  ULU
                    Why?
          
                                 SHANE
                    They were ordered to. By the Elf Unit
                    commander at Elf station bravo. So --
                    they waited for cloud cover, and they
                    came in from the north...
          
          As Shane finishes the story, he illustrates, setting up
          the scene with DOLLS, on Lulu's floor.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    The Elf Team decided on an L Ambush -- so
                    three elves formed a base leg and laid
                    down a heavy suppressive fire on the
                    gnomes while the others maneuvered around
                    to the right flank and walked through
                    finishing off anything left alive... I
                    mean standing...                    D
                                                         ISSOLVE TO:
          
          AN HOUR LATER:
          
          Shane's really into the story. Lulu's fallen asleep.
          Shane's eyes are brimming with tears as he finishes:
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    ... And not one Elf got left behind that
                    day. We got `em all. Even, the teeniest
                    little elf of all -- Rodriquez.
          
          Then, from across the hall, Peter WAILS.   Todd pops his
          head in the door.
          
                                  ODD
                    You have to do the Panda Dance... or he
                    won't stop.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Oh, c'mon... I can't remember that thing.
          
                                 TODD
                    I'll write it down for you...
          
          The wails get louder and LOUDER...
          
                                 S
          
          
          
          
                                                                   69.
          
          
          
          INT. NURSERY - CONTINUOUS
          
          Tyler's asleep. Shane sighs, and whispers to Peter,
          reading from Todd's notes:
          
                                 SHANE
                    When you're down and low, lower than the
                    floor. And you ain't got a chance. Don't
                    make a move `til you're in the groove,
                    and do the Panda Dance...
          
          Peter starts bawling. Shane doesn't know what's wrong.
          Todd calls from the doorway...
          
                                 TODD
                    You have to do the dance. Like dad used
                    to do. He made it up for him.
          
          Shane sighs. He sings again, mortified. He does the dance
          as he sings... Shane hops forward three times.
                                 S
                                 SHANE
                    Just hop three times like a kangaroo --
                    Sidestep twice, just like the crabs do.
          
          Peter applauds. Humiliated, Shane crab-walks sideways.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Take three steps forward and one step
                    back... (He does.)
          
          EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - MORNING - THE NEXT DAY
          
          As Mr. Chun gets his paper, Shane, (Tyler in the
          snuggle), hands out bag lunches as the Kids load into the
          minivan. Shane turns and catches Mr. Chun, staring.
          
                                 SHANE
                    What are you looking at?
          
          INT. GARAGE - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Todd sits in the back of the Minivan, listening to Sound
          of Music on his Walkman, Lulu is next to him, with her
          Gameboy, Zoe and Peter are half asleep. Shane climbs into
          the PASSENGER SEAT. Zoe realizes he's staring at her,
          through the mirror.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Today you drive.
          
          T
          
          
          
          
                    A
          
          
          
          
                                                                   70.
          
          
          
          The Kids sit bolt upright. They turn to Zoe, terrified.
          She gets out in shock, and gets in the driver's seat. The
          other Kid's seat belts CLICK loudly.
          
                                 ZOE
                    But -- I can't even pass driver's Ed.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Exactly.
          
                                 ZOE
                    Have you given a driving lesson before?
          
                                 SHANE
                    N
                     ot in a car, no... but it's a lot like
                    a Bradley Assault Vehicle.
          
                                 TODD
                    Especially when Zoe's driving.
          
          The Kids share a dubious look. Zoe backs jerkily out.
          
          INT. MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS
          
          Zoe is super-tense as they drive. Shane is nervous, but
          trying not to show it. Lulu and Todd are terrified.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Do you know what causes most accidents?
                     ttention span. The most important thing
                    is that you keep an absolute focus on...
          
          Zoe's looking RIGHT at him, not the road.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    THE ROAD! Don't look at me...
          
                                 ZOE
                    What?!?
          
           he Minivan brakes abruptly at a red light, just as a
          semi SCREAMS through the intersection. Shane is shaky.
          
                                 ZOE (CONT'D)
                    You wanna drive?
          
                                 SHANE
                    No. Keep going. I trust you.
          
          Zoe is surprised. Touched. She pulls out, jerkily.
          
                                 S
          
          
          
          
                                 P
          
          
          
          
                                                                   71.
          
          
          
          EXT. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL - LATER
          
          Zoe pulls to the curb, almost tapping a bus's rear
          fender. Shane unclenches his teeth.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Good. Next lesson, 1500 hours.
          
          Zoe smiles. And the other Kids all bolt from the car,
          terrified. Lulu makes a big show of kissing the ground.
          
                                 ZOE
                    Ha ha ha. Very funny.
          T
           hey head into the school.   Shane spots something.
          
          ANOTHER ANGLE reveals: SCOTT (Zoe's boyfriend), with a
          few FRIENDS, laughing, being obnoxious. Shane jumps out
          of the car. Before Scott knows what's happened, Shane's
          LIFTED him in the air by his backpack. Scott's terrified.
          
                                 SHANE
                    I know 437 ways to hurt a man without
                    touching him. Broken promises lead to
                    broken legs. Do we understand each other?
          
          Scott nods, trembling. Shane lets him down and heads into
          school.
          
          INT. BETHESDA K-12 SCHOOL, CAFETERIA - LUNCHTIME
          
          Shane (Peter in lap, Tyler in snuggle) keeps an eye on
          the Kids at their tables. KIDS boisterously run past.
          Suddenly -- Claire BARKS out.
          
                                  RINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    CHILDREN... STOP RUNNING!!
          
          The kids instantly freeze. Claire strides into view.
          She's wearing a cute dress, and a little make-up.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D)
                           (a long, severe stare)
                    Now... WALK! DOUBLE TIME.
          
          Chastened, the kids gulp and orderly march away. Shane's
          eyes alight, impressed.
          
                                  SHANE
                    Wow.   I'm glad I never had you for a CO.
          
                                 S
          
          
          T
          
          
          
          
                                 P
          
          
          
          
                                                                72.
          
          
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                           (she coyly smiles)
                    I've noticed improvement in your troops
                    lately, too. Noon and none of them have
                    been called to my office. It's a miracle.
          S
           he sits beside him, and offers him a milk.
          
                                  RINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D)
                    Buy you a drink, sailor?
          
                                 SHANE
                    Thanks.
          
           hey eat in silence. Shane`s not so good at small talk.
          She's waiting for him to say... something.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    You look nice today.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    This old thing? Well, you never know who
                    you're going to run into.
          
          She smiles. He smiles back... Suddenly, there's a
          commotion: Murney is marching Todd towards them, dragging
          him by the ear. Principal Claire sighs "not again." In
          one move, Shane leaps over the table. Principal Claire
          watches him leap:
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE (CONT'D)
                    ... Love it when he does that.
          
          Murney shoves Todd forward.
          
                                 MURNEY
                    I've had it. I just caught this boy
                    dancing under the bleachers like some
                    kind of Bavarian fruitcake.
          
          Murney gets up in Shane's face.
          
                                 MURNEY (CONT'D)
                    I want this freak outta my school and
                    into treatment. Somebody needs to give
                    this punk a talking to...
          
                                 TODD
                    Hey. I'm right here. Talk.
          E
           veryone is shocked that Todd talked back. A hushed
          whisper goes through the cafeteria. Murney turns around.
          
                                 M
          
          
          
          
                                                                   73.
          
          
          
                                 MURNEY
                    You got something to say? Boy?
          
                                 TODD
                    Yeah. Yeah I do. I quit, Murney.
          
          A hushed "oooh" goes through the Students.
          
                                 MURNEY
                    Winners never quit, boy. What're you so
                    scared of, Freak?
          
          The Students snicker. Todd looks, intimidated. Then:
          
                                 TODD
                    I am not scared. I... I want to sing.
          
          Silence. No one's sure they heard him right. Todd pulls
          out a stack of SOUND OF MUSIC FLYERS and hands them out.
          Todd is on the poster in his Rolf costume. Principal
          Claire takes one: she laughs, now it all makes sense.
          
                                 TODD (CONT'D)
                    I'm in Sound of Music. It opens Friday...
          
                                 MURNEY
                    A musical? You're blowing off wrestling
                    for a musical? (to Shane:) This is what
                    happens when there's no man in the house.
          
                                 TODD
                    There is a man in my house -- me. (Murney
                    turns:) Let's get one thing clear. I'm
                    not quitting cause I hate wresting. I'm
                    quitting because you're a bad coach. You
                    suck. The whole team wants to quit. I'm
                    the only one with the guts to do it.
          M
           urney looks over at the Team. They look to the ground
          sheepishly, Todd's telling the truth. Murney looks
          around, humiliated, furious --
          
                                  URNEY
                    So -- you're a tough guy now?
          
          Murney takes ONE STEP towards Todd -- Shane steps between
          them, protecting him.
          
                                 MURNEY (CONT'D)
                    Stay out of this, baby sitter!
          
          Murney glares at him -- face to face. So calm, it's scary
          
                    S
          
          
          
          
                                                                   74.
          
          
          
                                 SHANE
                    You said you wanted to wrestle. You win.
                    Let's do it.
          
          Everyone is watching. Murney did not expect to be called
          out. His voice cracks -- then he regains his calm:
          
                                 MURNEY
                    After school. The Gym. Your ass is mine.
          
          He storms out. There is a stunned moment -- and then a
          mob of Students, and a lot of CUTE GIRLS, swarm Todd,
          taking flyers. Shane gives Todd a proud thumbs up.
          
          A QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS: Of STUDENTS whispering to other
          STUDENTS, passing notes: A Kid opens a note -- it reads:
          "Murney's getting his ass kicked. 3:00."
          
          INT. GYM - 3:00
          
          The bleachers are PACKED. Murney struts out onto the mat.
          The two fighters begin circling one another. The
          Wrestlers scream for Murney. Todd cheers Shane on.
                                 M
                                  URNEY
                     on, you're about to enter Murney's house
                    of pain.
          
                                 SHANE
                    I'll be sure to lock up when I'm through.
          
          Murney roars and CHARGES Shane. Shane defensively uses
          Murney's momentum to flip him halfway across the mat.
          WHAM. Murney lands on his back.
          
          The Wrestlers mouths drop. Murney, shocked, climbs to his
          feet and CHARGES again, Shane side-steps, and sweeps
          Murney -- sending him right into the wall, hard.
          
          Murney bounds to his feet, rushes Shane. Shane DIVES
          OVER Murney, grabs onto Murney's waist. Shane's momentum
          pulls Murney backwards -- BAM. Murney's shoulders hit the
          mat with Shane smiling down on him.
          
          Todd flops to the mat, raises his hand and SLAPS it down-
          
                                 TODD
                    Pinned!
          
          Shane stands. Shane throws an arm around Todd, and they
          head out. The Wrestling Team huddles around Murney, who's
          quietly twitching on the ground, mumbling something.
          
                                  S
          
          
          
          
                                                                     75.
          
          
          
                                  TODD (CONT'D)
                    Is he okay?
          
                                 SHANE
                    Dislocated nerve, that's all. He'll be
                    fine in (checking his watch) two months.
          
                                 TODD
                    That was awesome.
          
          They walk out. The crowd cheers. Claire, too. Shane
                                 S
          smiles at her as he passes. She gives him a thumbs up.
          
                                 SHANE
                           (to Todd)
                    Let's go, Todd. I got my troops waiting.
          
                                                               CUT TO:
          
          EXT. FOREST - DAY
          
          Shane marches the Brownies through a FOREST.    He wears
          Peter and Tyler in front and rear Snuggles.
          
                                 SHANE
                    If you're ever lost in the woods, the
                    first thing you have to do is find a
                    source of drinking water! And make sure
                    it's potable. If you're not sure, boil
                    it for thirty minutes!
          
          The girls are loving it, fascinated.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    You have to eat, right? Well let me tell
                    you you're not gonna find Girl Scout
                    cookies out here.
          
                                 LULU
                    We're Brownies.
          
                                   SHANE
                    No brownies   either. A lot of roots are
                    edible. So    is some tree bark. When I
                    HALO'd into   Rwanda, I lived off the
                    underground   fern stem for three weeks!
          
          Shane kicks over a ROCK.    Underneath are crawling BUGS.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Insects. They look nasty but they're full
                    of nutrients that may save your life.
          
                                                                76.
          
          
          
          He scoops up some bugs and EATS them.
          
                                 BROWNIE
                    He's eating Roly-Polies!
          
          The Brownies are frozen in shock.
          
                                 SHANE
                           (mouth full of bugs:)
                    Wots of pwotien!
          
          E
          UPBEAT MUSIC kicks in over the following MONTAGE:
          
          EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - FRONT LAWN - DAWN
          
          Shane leads the Brownie Troop through Combat exercises.
          In unison, the Girls PUNCH, KICK. PUNCH, PUNCH, KICK.
          Shane's got Tyler's cradle next to him, in between
          punches, in perfect tempo, he reaches out and rocks it.
          The Duck watches all this -- fascinated.
          
          EXT. MALL PARKING LOT - EARLY MORNING
          
          The lot is empty. Shane and Zoe sit in the minivan, Shane
          holds a stopwatch. He signals her, she burns rubber, and
          races through a slalom of orange cones -- she hits EVERY
          ONE -- the wheel hubs are CLOGGED with cones. She skids
          to a stop just short of the "Severe Tire Damage" spikes.
          
          INT. NURSERY - DAY
          
          Shane changes Tyler's diaper WITH ONE HAND. In his other
          hand he's reading The Brownie Handbook. It's open to a
          page that reads "Knot Tying."
          
          INT. OLD FACTORY - DAY
          
          The CAST is assembled on stage, where Shane has set up a
          scale model of the set on the floor. He illustrates the
          stage directions, by moving around toy army men:
                                 S
                                 SHANE
                    Okay -- we'll put Von Trapps here, here,
                    and... here at the top of the stairs. Now
                    the Nazis are gonna come in, this way --
                    and the Von Trapp is set...
          
          He laughs at his own joke... The Kids don't get it.
          
          EXT. MALL PARKING LOT - DAY
          
          Zoe leaps into the minivan through the windows. Zoe peels
          out and weaves the cones...
          
                                   T
          
          
          
          I
          
          
          
          
          E
          
          
          
          
                                                                   77.
          
          
          she only clips one, it teeters, but doesn't fall. Shane
          gives her a signal, she throws it in reverse and drives
          the course backwards.
          
          EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - FRONT LAWN - DAY
          
          Lulu, in   her BROWNIE uniform, ties a complicated knot --
          we WIDEN   to see she's tying Shane's hands behind his
          back, as   the Brownie troop watches. He counts "1,2,3..."
          and then   begins wriggling free. They watch closely.
          
          EXT. MALL PARKING LOT - DAY
          
          Shane and Zoe are huddled under the minivan's dashboard.
          Shane's showing her the IGNITION WIRES.
          
          EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - BACK YARD - DAY
          
          Shane has the Brownies assembled. He's attached SOFA
          CUSHIONS to himself. The Brownies attack, mercilessly.
          
          INT. NURSERY - DAY
          
          Shane changes Tyler's diaper RAPID-SPEED.    Hands a blur.
          
          INT. OLD FACTORY - NIGHT
          
          Todd and "Liesl" work on the You Are Sixteen dance.
          
                                    ODD
                      ... your life little girl, is an empty
                      page/that men will want to write on...
          T
           odd tries the spinning kick, but blows it, landing hard.
          Shane blows a WHISTLE.
          
                                   SHANE
                      Why don't we just let the Nazis win
                      tonight -- huh? Now. From the top --
                      think of yourself as a gazelle prancing
                      over the plains. Graceful.
          
          Todd tries the kick. THUD!    Shane BLOWS the whistle.
          
                                    SHANE (CONT'D)
                      Gazelle.   Prancing. Graceful.   Again.
          
          INT. NURSERY - NIGHT
          
          At the end of Peter's crib, Shane performs the "Panda
          Dance." Singing and doing all the moves -- he's got it
          down, adding a James Brown flourish, now and then.
          
                                  U
          
          
          
          
                                                                 78.
          
          
          
                                 SHANE
                    Don't touch that dial sleep for a while --
                    HEAAAY! And say good night, Peter Panda.
          
          He does a spin kick. Then he tucks Peter in.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Good night, Peter.
          
                                 PETER
                           (going to sleep)
                    Good night, daddy.
          
          Shane is so touched, he almost bursts into tears. He
          kisses Peter on the forehead.
          
                                 SHANE
                    I'm not your daddy, Peter. But sweet
                    dreams.
          
                                                         MONTAGE ENDS
          
          EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - EVENING
          
          The Brownies sit at their cookie table beside the door.
          Across the lot, the Chubby Cub Scouts, at their own
          table, see them. The Scouts head towards the Brownies.
                                 U
                                  GLY CUB SCOUT
                    Hey Skeever, what's in a Girl Scout's
                    pants when she has diarrhea?
          
                                  2ND SCOUT
                    Brown...
          
          He stops short, the Brownies have moved into a FORMATION,
          ready to strike, Lulu at the front: it's (kind of) scary.
          
                                 LULU
                    Go away and we won't hurt you.
          
          The Scouts share a look -- they LAUGH. The head Scout
          steps forward and grabs Lulu's cookies. In one move, she
          spins out of the way and pulls off his neckerchief.
          
                                   GLY CUB SCOUT
                    Gimme that!
          
          He grabs the neckerchief, but like lightning, she wraps
          it around his arm, tying him. She shoves a cookie in his
          mouth.
          
                                                                 79.
          
          
          
                                 LULU
                    Uh oh. You're gonna have to pay for that.
          
          The Scout struggles, the Other Scouts are scared.
          
                                 UGLY CUB SCOUT
                    Let go! Let go -- MOMMY!
          
          She lets him go -- in a FLIP, he lands on the ground
          hard. Lulu lets out another "kia!" The Girls move
          forward in unison, striking a cool pose.
          
          INT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane shops, wearing the double snuggle. As he's
          comparing prices -- he sees, on the security monitor: The
          Brownies attacking the Cub Scouts. He smiles, proud.
                                 S
                                 SHANE
                    That's my troop.
          
          EXT. "PRICE CLUB" STORE - A MOMENT LATER
          
          The Cub Scouts have all been tied with their own bandanas
          to the CART CORRAL. Shane comes out of the store, and
          catches Lulu, using his "catchphrase."
          
                                 LULU
                    From now on, you do things our way -- no
                    highway option!
          
          The Scouts nod, terrified. Shane gives her a stern look,
          then LAUGHS.
          
          INT. VAN - DRIVING - DUSK
          
          Shane drives. The Brownies joyously CHANT a MARCH.
          
                                 BROWNIES
                    I don't care what has been said,
                    Brownies rock! Full speed ahead!
                    Give me guff, I'm in your face!
                    Brownies rule the human race!
          
                                 SHANE
                    Sound off!
          
                                 BROWNIES
                    One two! Three four! One TWO THREE FOUR!
          
          INT. PLUMMER HOUSE - UPSTAIRS - LATER
          
          Shane works his way down the hall, checking on the kids:
          
                    N
          
          
          
          
                                                                  80.
          
          
          
          - LULU'S ROOM: LULU is asleep.
          
          - TODD'S ROOM: The door is OPEN -- Shane peers in. Todd
          has a SWITCHBLADE. He is practicing with it, clicking it
          open, tossing it hand to hand. Off Shane's look:
          
                                 TODD
                    West Side Story auditions in two weeks...
          
          Shane takes the switch blade, and performs an AMAZING
          trick with it, spinning Sit like a pro.
          
                                 SHANE
                    It's all in the wrist...
          
          He heads down to Zoe's room and peaks in -- SHE'S NOT IN
          BED. He rushes in -- but she's out on...
          
          EXT. BALCONY - NIGHT
          
          Zoe sits on the railing, she seems sad. Shane approaches.
          
                                   ZOE
                    Don't worry.    I'm not gonna jump.
          
                                 SHANE
                    What's wrong... Scott?
          
                                 ZOE
                     o. Scott's fine. I don't know what you
                    did, but he's really straightened up.
                    Flowers, phone calls. ...I've never been
                    in love like this before.
          
          Shane nods.
          
                                 SHANE
                    How long you been together?
          
                                   ZOE
                    A month...
          
                                 SHANE
                    That's longer than any relationship I've
                    ever had.
          
                                 ZOE
                    You're okay, Shane. I'm not used to
                    anyone giving me the benefit of the
                    doubt. My teachers don't trust me. Mom
                    doesn't. My dad didn't care about us, he
                    was never here...
          
                                   Z
          
          
          
          
                                   Z
          
          
          
          
                                   S
          
          
          
          
                                                                 81.
          
          
          
                                 SHANE
                           (interrupts her, stern:)
                    Hey. Your father cared about you very
                    deeply. He told me you were the greatest
                    things in his life. That what's bothering
                    you? Cause -- we can talk about it, if
                    you want.
          
          Zoe's eye well up, then she cries. Shane holds her.
          
                                 ZOE
                    I miss him so much...
          
          Shane is a little taken by surprise. Then -- he decides
          to answer. He takes his Sfather's MEDAL out of his pocket.
          
                                 SHANE
                    This was my dad's. He was the only family
                    I ever had. Mom left when I was little,
                    cause dad was always gone. Two years
                    in... an indisclosable locale. Another
                    six in... Another indisclosable locale. I
                    didn't really have a home, so I went to
                    military school -- then one day my mom
                    got the letter. No more dad.
          
          He looks at the Medal.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    I always wanted to be just like him. I'm
                    starting to realize, I never really knew
                    him. I don't know if I'm like him or not.
          
                                 ZOE
                    That's horrible, Shane.
          
                                 SHANE
                    The hardest part was living without any
                    details...why? How? Where? I always
                    wondered if he thought about me.
          
                                   OE
                    Me too.   So how did you get through it?
          
                                 SHANE
                    You could say I just shut down my
                    emotions. I turned off all feelings and
                    dedicated myself to becoming the perfect
                    soldier.
          
                                  OE
                    I never even got to say good bye.
          
                                    J
          
          
          
          
                                                                  82.
          
          
          
          A tear runs down Zoe's face. She throws her arms around
          Shane. The phone rings. Shane answers it.
          
                                                        INTERCUT WITH:
          
          J
          INT. HOTEL - CONTINUOUS
          
           ulie's on the other end.
          
                                 JULIE
                    The red tape is cleared up, we're on the
                    first plane in the morning.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Zoe runs down the hall, telling the family:
          
                                 ZOE
                    Mommy's coming home! Mommy's coming home!
          
          Everyone wakes up, happy, sleepy!
          
                                    TODD
                    When?
          
                                 ZOE
                    Tomorrow morning!
          
                                    PETER
                    Mama!
          
          Excited, the kids are all abuzz, talking excitedly.
          
          ANGLE - SHANE
          
          He's left alone.
          
          EXT. BACK YARD - LATE NIGHT
          
          The house is dark. Shane sits in a lawn chair, scoping
          the area with NIGHT VISION GOGGLES ON. Gary sits in the
          next chair. Shane sighs morosely.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Just another assignment. No reason for
                    personal attachments.
          
          Shane takes a sip out of a juice box. He pets the Duck.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Hey Gary, your wings aren't clipped. How
                    come you don't fly away?
                           (pause)
                                 (MORE)
          
          T
          
          
          
          
                                  S
          
          
          S
          
          
          
          
                                  S
          
          T
          
          
          
          
                                                                  83.
                                  SHANE(CONT'D)
                    I guess you've got it good.    Kids to play
                    with. Three squares a day.
          
           he Duck stares, unblinking.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    All quiet on the western front. I guess I
                    better fix that Playroom window.
          S
           hane rises.
          
          INT. GARAGE - NIGHT
          
           hane turns the light on. Gary follows Shane as he looks
          for tool. Suddenly, the Duck starts quacking... Shane
          turns. Gary's foot is caught in a grate.
          
                                 SHANE
                    What happened, Gary?
          
          Shane gets down on his hands and knees and gently pries
          Gary's foot from the grate. Shane is about to stand when
          something below catches his eye.
          
          Shane pulls out a pen flashlight, shines it down the
          grate... we see a CRANK WHEEL.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    What do you suppose this is?
          
          Shane tugs at the grate until it pops off. Shane grips
          the valve and tries turning it. Nothing. He tries harder,
          muscles rippling, and then it gives... The wheel spins.
          
           he floor opens, revealing a CIRCULAR STAIRCASE, leading
          below the garage. Shane steps down it...
          
          INT. BOTTOM OF STAIRS - CONTINUOUS
          
          There's a small room, and a hall leading to a STEEL DOOR.
          It's solid and inscrutable. No hinges or cracks. The only
          break in its surface is a strange, TWO-PRONGED KEYHOLE.
          Shane looks on stunned...
          
                                                         DISSOLVE TO:
          
          INT. GARAGE - MORNING
          
          Shane's at the Steel Door. He has high-tech tools laid
          out in front of him. He's been trying, unsuccessfully, to
          crack the lock all night. The Kids are watching his
          progress, Lulu hands him a tool. Shane dials a phone.
          
                                                            INTERCUT:
          
                                  B
          
          
          
          
                                  S
          
          
          
          
                                                                  84.
          
          
          
          EXT. SEDAN - MOVING
          
          We pan up from the WHITE "US GOV" license plates to Bill
          at the wheel. Julie sits beside him. Bill's cell phone
          rings, he answers it.
          
                                SHANE
                    Sir! Excellent news. I think I found
                    GHOST.
          
          Bill reacts, excited.
          
                                 BILL
                    ... Do you have it?
          
                                 SHANE
                    No. It's in a steel vault. I've been
                    trying all night, can't crack it, sir.
          
                                  ILL
                           (remaining calm)
                    Good! Good work. Okay, don't do
                    anything further. We'll be there shortly
                    -- don't do anything `til I get there.
          
                                                             BACK TO:
          
          INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane smiles, pleased, and hangs up. Then we slowly MOVE
          UP. Away from Shane... towards the neighbor's house.
          W
           e PUSH INTO the house. Through a window... revealing
          the Korean neighbors standing in the dark. Silently
          spying on Shane. An ominous pause.
          
                                  MRS. CHUN
                    GHOST.
          
                                                             CUT TO:
          
          INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
          
                                 SHANE
                    One things for sure. After we turn this
                    in to my CO, whoever's been bothering you
                    guys won't be bothering you anymore.
          
          Everyone reacts happily, relieved.   Except for -- Lulu.
          She looks stricken.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    What's wrong, Lulu? You should be happy.
          
          I
          
          
          
          
                                                                   85.
          
          
          
                                 LULU
                    But, Shane -- does that mean you'll have
                    to go?
          
          CLOSE-UP - SHANE
          
          He goes silent.    Tongue-tied, he has no answer.
          
                                 SHANE
                    You guys better get ready.    Your mom
                    should be home soon.
          
                                                               CUT TO:
          
          EXT. HOUSE - DAY
          
          Bill's Sedan pulls up.    Julie and Bill hop out.
          
          INT. JULIE'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Julie opens the door, comes into the dark hall. Bill is
          carrying her suitcases.
          
                                 JULIE
                    I had a fight with Zoe when I left, so
                    they probably trashed the place...
          
          She trails off...
          
                                 BILL
                    What's wrong?
          
          They listen -- they hear, in the next room, Kids singing
          a beautiful, a capella version of The Hills are Alive
          (with The Sound of Music). She turns on the lights --
          what she sees makes her drop her luggage, in shock.
          J
          JULIE'S P.O.V.: The house is spotless. The rug is
          vacuumed. The fish tank is clear, filled with healthy
          TROPICAL FISH.
          
                                 KIDS VOICES
                           (singing, a capella)
                    ... with songs they have sung, for a
                    thousand years...
          
          Dumb-struck, Julie goes to the...
          
          INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
          
          The kitchen is sparkling clean, no dishes in the sink.
          She sees, attached to the fridge with magnets: A flyer
          for Sound of Music, featuring Todd.
          
                              (
          
          
          
          
                                   B
          
          
          
          
                                                                 86.
          
          
          
          JULIE almost faints. Bill steadies her. She staggers
          to...
          
          INT. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane and the Kids are holding up a home-made sign:
          WELCOME HOME, MOM! Todd pushes STOP on a CD player: The
          Sound of Music stops.
          
          Zoe is in a conservative dress, Todd a button down and
          khakis: barely recognizable. Lulu has bows in her hair.
          Peter is fresh faced, smiling, Tyler is asleep: a picture-
          perfect family.
          
                                 ZOE
                    Welcome home, mom.
          
          Julie starts bawling. The Kids rush forward and hug her.
          Across the room, Shane sees Bill enter. Shane stiffens
          and salutes proudly.   S
                                   SHANE
                    Captain.
          
                                 BILL
                           (he smiles wryly, then
                            salutes back)
                    Good job, Lieutenant.
          
          INT. GARAGE - DAY
          
          Shane leads Bill inside. Bill holds the pronged key.
          
                                  ILL
                    I'm really proud of you, Shane. I'm
                    giving you your choice of assignment,
                    anywhere you want. You just name it.
          
                                 SHANE
                    That's kind of you, Sir...
                            pause)
                    But I'll have to think about it.
          
          Bill stops, surprised.   Shane continues, a bit reluctant.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Sir, all I've never known is the
                    military. At nine years old my father
                    put me in cadet school and from there I
                    never looked back. Don't get me wrong, I
                    wouldn't trade it for anything and I have
                    no regrets...
          
          S
          
          
          
          
                                   S
          
          
          
          
                                                                    87.
          
          
          
                                 BILL
                    I should hope not.
          
                                 SHANE
                    But being with these kids has made me
                    feel like there's more to life than
                    taking out your enemy. And I think I
                    want to explore that some more.
          
          Suddenly, an ANGRY VOICE.
          
                                 MAN'S VOICE
                    PUT YOUR HANDS UP!!
          
          WIDE
          
          Shane and Bill spin, startled.    The CHUNS strides up,
          GUNS DRAWN.
          
                                 MRS. CHUN
                    Give US THE KEY!
          
                                 SHANE
                    Mr. and Mrs. Chun?     They checked out-
          
                                   KOREAN MAN
                    H
                        ands up!
          
          Compliant, Shane puts his hands behind his head. He
          takes a submissive position... Mrs. Chun comes closer,
          reaching for Bill's key... Shane shoots Bill a glance...
          
                                   SHANE
                    NOW!
          
          Shane SPINS and grabs both guns! He WHACKS the Koreans'
          forearms, while SLAMMING their heads together.
          
           hane takes control! He smiles, relishing a second of
          glory -- when suddenly, CRACK! A third gun BUTTS him in
          the head.
          
          CLOSE-UP - SHANE
          
          Lights out. He turns, startled, and starts to fall.
          Disoriented, confused, he looks up as he drops...
          
          SHANE'S POV
          
          He is losing consciousness. Things are spinning... woozy.
          
                                   B
          
          
          
          
                                                                        88.
          
          
          
                                  KOREAN MAN
                            (arguing with Bill)
                     You promised us GHOST months ago!
          
                                  BILL
                     I'm sorry, Mr. Chun. There were delays...
          
          Shane peers in confusion, then passes out.
          
                                                          FADE TO BLACK.
          
          FADE IN:
          
          INT. NURSERY - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Julie and the Kids are on the floor, tied up. Peter and
          Tyler are caged in the play pen. Peter has a JUICE BOX.
          The Korean Man (Mr. Chun) secures the room, closing the
          window shades. Bill checks the knots binding the
          children. They whimper, scared.
                                 L
                                    ULU
                     SHANE!!
          
                                  BILL
                     He won't be baby-sitting you anymore.
          
          He GAGS the kids.    Julie glares, livid.
          
                                  JULIE
                     I trusted you. Charles trusted you. So
                     did the Department of Defense.
          
                                   ILL
                     North Korea pays better.
                            (to Mr. Chun)
                     Keep an eye on them. You -- with me.
          
          Bill GAGS Julie. The Kids are furious. Bill and Mrs. Chun
          exit.
          
          INT. GARAGE - DAY
          
          Shane lies unconscious. Bill and Mrs. Chun approach the
          steel door. Bill inserts the two-pronged key... and it
          CLICKS. The door HUMS, then slides OPEN!
          
          Inside is a dark corridor.      Bill grins.   They enter...
          
          INT. SECRET VAULT
          
          Light is at the end.    They anxiously tiptoe, reaching...
          
                                                                 89.
          
          
          
          THE VAULT! Spare, bright and white. The floor is
          covered with square tiles. At the far end is a LARGE
          ELEVATED SAFE. Beside the safe is a red switch, with two
          settings: ARMED and DISARMED. It's set on ARMED. The air
          is filled with an ominous, low-pitched HUM, like a
          monstrous computer. Bill eyes the safe.
          
                                 BILL
                    You bring your stethoscope?
          
                                  MRS. CHUN
                    No.   But I've got some C4.
          
          She confidently strides toward the safe -- which sets off
          hidden flame-throwers in the walls. A jet blast of FLAME
          shoots out! She leaps back just in time, but the shoulder
          of her jacket is on fire. Bill pats out the flames with
          his own jacket. Chun is Bokay, just missing BOTH eyebrows.
          
                                  ILL
                    Charles never made things easy.
          
          Mrs. Chun's eyebrows are neatly, completely SINGED OFF.
          
                                 MRS. CHUN
                    Just... had eyebrows... done.
          
          INT. HOUSE - SAME TIME
          
          Mr. Chun guards the kids, eyeballing them icily.
          
          Lulu "looks" scared. But behind her back, we reveal her
          HANDS untying her ropes! Freed, she hits her panic
          button! O.S., BEEPING. Lulu grins hopefully: Shane's
          coming! A beat... then Mr. Chun pulls the Tracker from
          his pocket. He sneers.
          
                                 MR. CHUN
                    Think I'm stupid? Now stop bothering me.
          
          Lulu frowns, then leans back against Zoe. With a rapid
          blur of finger-work, she unties Zoe! Then -- needing a
          distraction, she signals Tyler and crosses her eyes.
          
          Tyler GASPS, horrified -- and SCREAMS HIS LUNGS OUT.
          
          Chun spins, startled -- and Lulu quickly ROLLS across the
          room! She lands against Todd, quickly assuming a fake
          bound position, as if she hadn't moved.
          
          Mr. Chun whirls -- the Kids look innocent. Mr. Chun is
          confused for a second: "wasn't he tied to the other one?"
          
          I
          
          
          
          
          W
          
          
          
          
                                   Z
          
          
          
          
                                                                   90.
          
          
          
          BEHIND TODD - Lulu frantically unties Todd's ropes --
          it's gonna be close...
          
          Chun scowls. Skeptical, he steps closer... He leans down
          to look at Todd's ropes Z--
          
                                    OE
                    Now Peter!
          
          Peter SQUIRTS JUICE into Mr. Chun's face. The Kids use
          the distraction: Todd POPS to his feet, then LEAPS into
          his SPIN KICK: it connects with Mr. Chun's head.
          
                                    OE (CONT'D)
                    Let's GO!
          
          All the kids bounce up. They untie Julie, then scoop up
          Peter and Tyler. Mr. Chun growls and starts to stagger
          up. Lulu lands in Karate stance and calls out:
          
                                   LULU
                    Hi ya!
          
          The other Kids take off, Mr. Chun looks at Lulu.   Mr.
          Chun laughs:
          
                                   MR. CHUN
                    That's cute.
          
           HAM without warning, Lulu SWEEPS Mr. Chun's leg, he
          drops to his knees in pain, then, when he's at her level,
          she KICKS him right in the nuts. It HURTS.
          
          Mr. Chun tries to grab her by the wrist, but Lulu EVADES
          with her cool, snake-like move. Lulu runs, slamming the
          door behind her. Mr. Chun gets up and turns the
          doorknob, but the door won't budge...
          
          INT. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY - CONTINUOUS
          
          Zoe shoves a chair between the door and the opposite
          wall, they're trapped inside.
          
          INT. NURSERY - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mr. Chun punches the door, making a small hole. He
          reaches out to knock the chair away but he can't quite
          reach. He puts his face up to the hole he's made...
          I
          INT. OUTSIDE THE NURSERY - CONTINUOUS
          
          Todd's outside with a FIRE EXTINGUISHER: he blasts Mrs.
          Chun's face.
          
          M
          
          E
          
          
          
          
                                    M
          
          
          
          
                                                                  91.
          
          
          
          INT. NURSERY - CONTINUOUS
          
          Mr. Chun falls back from the door, his face COATED in
          white. He yells out furious!
          
                                 MR. CHUN
                    That stuff doesn't hurt.
          
          He sticks his face out the hole... DONNGGG -- Todd hits
          him square in the face with the fire extinguisher ITSELF.
          
          EXT. FRONT DOOR - SAME TIME
          
          The family comes scrambling out -- but as Julie exits, a
          HAND suddenly GRABS her.
          
                                    JULIE
                    AGGGH!
          
          She SCREAMS. Bill lurches into view, clutching her! The
          kids are horrified. They start to run back, but she
          urgently gestures --
          
                                    JULIE (CONT'D)
                    Keep going!     RUN! Go GET HELP!!!
          
          The kids fret, unsure, then nod and run to the side
          garage. Zoe and Todd load the kids into the minivan.
          
                                  ZOE/TODD
                    Hurry!   C'mon! Buckle up!!
          
          INT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Bill pulls Julie inside. Mrs. Chun listens to Mr. Chun ON
          THE RADIO, speaking in Korean:
          
                                  RS. CHUN
                    They're headed for the car!
          
                                 BILL
                    Relax -- I've got the keys, they're not
                    going anywhere...
          
          INT. MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS
          
          SPARKS FLY as Zoe hot-wires the minivan. She floors it...
          
          EXT. HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
          
           r. Chun comes racing around the house -- as SCREEEECH!
          The van suddenly FLOORS out, almost clipping him!
          
          Z
          
          
          
          
                                    Z
          
          
          
          
                                                                 92.
          
          
          
                                    MR. CHUN
                    ARGHH!
          
          Chun falls, as the van PEELS backwards down the driveway,
          and 360's. RRRR! It shifts into drive and ROARS away.
          Chun hops into Bill's car and races after them.
          
          INT. VAN - CONTINUOUS
          
          Zoe floors it.
          
                                   OE
                    Omigod!   What are we doing??!
          
                                 TODD
                    Let's look for a cop!
          
          WIDE
          
          The sedan GUNS its engine, gaining on them.
          
           oe runs a yellow. She hits the curb and goes AIRBORNE.
          WHOOOOOO! The kids SCREAM, as they sail through the
          intersection! The sedan keeps chasing.
          
          INT. GARAGE - SAME TIME
          
          Bill has Julie at gunpoint, leading her to the secret
          door. They step past Shane's body, lying on the concrete.
          
                                 BILL
                    How does it work?
          
                                 JULIE
                    How does what work?
          
                                 BILL
                    Don't play dumb. It's getting old. I want
                    to know how to get through the booby
                    traps. What's the code?
          
                                 JULIE
                    I don't know any code -- Charles didn't
                    tell me about the room...
          
                                 BILL
                    If I knew Charles had hidden it so well,
                    I wouldn't have killed him so soon. Don't
                    make me kill you too.
          
          Julie GASPS, chilled. Then, a CRACKLING of static.    Mrs.
          Chun exits the vault, holding a military RADIO.
          
          B
          
          
          
          
                                                                   93.
          
          
          
                                 MRS. CHUN
                    Mr. Bill, my husband has question:
          
                                 MR. CHUN (OVER THE WALKIE)
                    I have a clean shot at their tires. It's
                                 B
                    risky, they might wreck...
          
                                    ILL
                    ... Do it.
          
                                   JULIE
                    NO!
          
          Julie goes frantic, emotional.
          
                                 SHANE (O.S.)
                    Bill, don't hurt the kids.
          
          Surprised, everyone looks down.
          
          ANGLE - SHANE
          
          They look over -- Shane is standing in the doorway.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    I know the code. I'll get you in... just
                    please don't hurt anyone.
          
           ill eyes him. The men stare down, Bill deciding if he
          can trust him. Then -- he clicks "talk" on the radio.
          
                                 BILL
                    Change of plan. Bring them back
                    unharmed.
          
          Bill uncuffs Shane.
          
          EXT. BUSY STREET - DAY
          
          The vehicles race, Chun just inches from the kids' tail.
          He tries to pass them on the right. It's like a chariot
          race, Chun zooming by, half on the sidewalk, to cut them
          off!
          
          INT. MINIVAN - CONTINUOUS
          
          Todd scrambles into the back seat. He does something we
          can't see, as Zoe drives.
          
                                 ZOE
                    What's taking you?
          
                                                                             94.
          
          
          
                                    TODD
                       Don't wait for me!
          
          The sedan pulls up beside them. Zoe makes a very lewd
          gesture at him. It throws Mr. Chun off for a beat.
          
                                         TODD (CONT'D)
                       Now!
          
          Zoe floors it, Mr. Chun is now face to face with Todd --
          who throws a dirty diaper into the his face. Mr. Chun
          swerves and almost wrecks. Lulu starts PELTING Mr. Chun
          with debris: milk cartons, crayons, orange peels.
                                 M
                                          R. CHUN
                       Aah!     HEY --
          
          Rubbish clobbers him. Exasperated, Mr. Chun ROLLS UP his
          window, then POUNDS the gas! Faster! About to pass...
          
          Zoe looks over. Chun is pointing a gun!             She suddenly
          PULLS the emergency brake.
          
          WIDE
          
          RRRRRRRR!!    The Van SPINS into a squealing 360.
          
          Mr. Chun SCREAMS, disoriented, and loses control.
          
          In the van, Peter laughs.
          
                                         PETER
                       Wheee!
          
          The Van spins madly. The sedan skids and PLOWS into a
          store window. CRASH!! The kids cheer, triumphant.
          
          INT. SECRET VAULT - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Shane scopes out the vault. The walls and ceilings are
          covered with high-tech weaponry. Mrs. Chun holds Julie.
          Bill waits impatiently. Shane is figuring his options...
          
                                    SHANE
                       Anybody got any perfume?          Hair spray...
                       breath freshener...
          
          A bewildered beat -- then Julie pulls out a tube of
          Binaca. Shane SQUIRTS it, revealing in the mist a myriad
          of crisscrossing LASER BEAMS.
          
          Shane steps forward. He speaks aloud, confidently:
          
                                  J
          
          
          
          
          B
          
          
          
          
                                  B
          
          
          
          
                                                                95.
          
          
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Zoe, Todd, Lulu, Peter, Tyler!
          
          Bill reacts, puzzled.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    The key is the kid's names. Watch.
          
          Shane steps forward - ZAP! The floor tile SHOCKS HIM,
          sending him flying backwards. Bill laughs. Shane gets up,
          in pain.
          
                                   ILL
                    You think this is a game?!
                                 S
                                 SHANE
                    But... That was the code! I swear! I saw
                    Plummer use it on his briefcase.
          
                                 BILL
                    Code or no code, go get it -- now.
          
           ill cocks his gun. Sweat drips down Shane's face. He
          mists the air to see the beams: He steps forward, over
          one beam and ducking under another -- he miscalculates: a
          BURST OF FLAME blazes from the ceiling like a giant blow
          torch, Shane leaps back, landing on his hands and knees.
          
                                 JULIE
                    (to Bill) You can't make him do this --
                    He doesn't have a chance.
          
          CLOSE-UP - SHANE
          
          Shane's thinks. He notices a GROOVE carved in the floor,
          not quite centered to the room. He feels the Groove.
          Something she said...
          
                                 SHANE
                           (thinking)
                    Haven't got a chance.
          
          Shane feels the Groove in the floor. He thinks. He looks
          up at the ceiling (bottom of the first floor).
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                           (sings softly to himself)
                    ... When you're down and low, lower than
                    the floor. And you haven't got a chance.
                    Don't make a move `til you're in the
                    groove, and do the Peter Panda Dance.
          
          E
          
          
          
          
                                                                96.
          
          
          
          Shane LAUGHS sharply. That's the code! He shares a look
          with Julie. Bill and Julie share a look -- they have no
          idea what he's laughing about.
          
          Calmness comes to Shane's face. He takes a deep breath,
                                 S
          facing forwards:
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Just hop three times like a kangaroo --
          
          He hops forwards three times, fearlessly. NOTHING
          HAPPENS. No BOOBY TRAPS are set off.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Sidestep twice, just like the crabs do.
          
          He steps sideway, across two tiles. Again -- NOTHING
          HAPPENS. It dawns on Julie what he's doing. Julie smiles,
          relieved. Shane he steps forwards, then back:
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    Three steps forward and one step back.
          
          When he steps back -- A SPRING-LOADED SPIKE launches down
          from the ceiling, imbedding itself where he was standing.
          Shane is rattled, his focus gone. Until Julie shouts:
          
                                 JULIE
                    QUICK LIKE A TURTLE LIE ON YOUR BACK!
          
          Shane snaps out of it and flops down on his back -- just
          in time: FLAMES SHOOT FROM BOTH WALLS right at him. If
          he'd been standing, he'd be toast.
          
          EXT. BUSY INTERSECTION - SIMULTANEOUS
          
          The Minivan blasts through another yellow.
          
                                 LULU
                    Look out Zoe! Rollers!
          
          There is a POLICE CAR cruising the street ahead of them.
          Zoe blows past it. Inside is the Cute Cop. The Squad
          Car's lights flash on, and he catches up with the minivan
          -- it takes a while, they're FLYING.
          
                                 ZOE
                    Come on. Use the gas, not the brake, 5-0.
          
          Zoe slows down so the Police Car can pull up beside her.
          The Cute Cop shouts over at Zoe.
          
                                                                 97.
          
          
          
                                 CUTE COP
                    I'd say you could lose your license --
                    but you haven't got one!
          
                                 ZOE
                    People are trying to kill us. They have
                    my mom, and our bodyguard -- you have to
                    follow me!
          
                                 CUTE COP
                    Just pull over!
          
                                 ZOE
                    Fine. Don't follow me!
          
          She swerves into the Squad Car, almost running it off the
          road. Zoe U-turns, and speeds back towards her house. The
          Squad Car turns around and chases her.
          
          EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - MOMENTS LATER
          
          The Minivan speeds by. The Squad Car is on its tail. It
          is joined by MORE SQUAD CARS. Following the chase, at a
          safe distance, is Mr. Chun in his now-wrecked sedan.
          
          EXT. SCHOOL - SAME TIME
          
          Murney and Claire are watching a SOCCER GAME.   He's in a
          NECK-BRACE.
          
                                 MURNEY
                    That Baloney Bandit struck again. I
                    accept full responsibility. My
                    intelligence proved to be faulty, but if
                    I had more resources...
          
          She shakes her head, Suddenly, the Minivan SPEEDS by.
          VROOOOM! Then the Police Car CHASES by. VROOOM!! Then --
          FIVE MORE POLICE CARS ZOOM BY. VROOOOOOM!!!
          
                                 MURNEY (CONT'D)
                           (not that surprised:)
                    I told you not to pass her in Driver's
                    Ed.
          
          Claire frowns, concerned...
          
          INT. PLUMMER BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS
          
          Shane is on the floor, sliding forward, nervously.
          
                              
          
                                                                  98.
          
          
          
                                 SHANE
                    Wriggle like a snake `til you can't no
                    more. Then better jump quick, like there
                    ain't no floor.
          
          Shane jumps up just AS THE FLOOR UNDER HIM DROPS AWAY,
          revealing a pool of liquid. Shane has wedged himself in
          the corner. A bead of his sweat falls into the liquid,
          and sizzles in a cloud of smoke. It's acid.
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                           (to himself, to calm down)
                    Almost done, almost done... "Just hold
                    your breath, and jump to the left."
          
          He jumps, to the left of the HOLE. He lands in front of
          THE SAFE. He's relieved -- then nozzles spray YELLOW GAS
          at him. He holds his breath just in time. Still holding
          his breath:
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    And that's the Peter Panda Dance.
          
          He flips the switch to DISARMED. The safe's red light
          turns green. Immediately, the flamethrowers and blowguns
          retract! The gas gets sucked into grates. The whole
          room goes SILENT. Whew.
          
          Bill looks around. He nervously steps forward - he waves
          his hand over the floor, and jumps back. Nothing happens.
          
          Bill signals for Mrs. Chun to go first. She gestures
          back: you go. It's a stand-off. Finally, Bill takes a
          breath -- and walks across the room. The Booby Traps are
          disarmed. Mrs. Chun follows, pulling Julie along.
          
                                 BILL
                    Thank you, Shane. You were always my best
                    man. I knew you'd figure it out.
          
          Shane scowls, disgusted.
          
                                 BILL (CONT'D)
                    You know, if you're willing to join up,
                    I'd be happy to cut you in on the
                    proceeds. What do you say -- we make a
                    good team?
          
                                 SHANE
                    I was devoted to you, sir. And you
                    betrayed all of that. All that we stand
                    for.
          
                             
          
          
                                                                  99.
          
          
          
          Beat.   Bill shrugs.
          
                                  BILL
                     I'll take that as a "no."
          
          Bill turns to the safe. He starts to reach for the
          dial... then catches himself. Something's not right.
          
                                  BILL (CONT'D)
                     ... I think you better open it.
          
          Shane reaches for the safe, before he reaches the dial --
          
                                  BILL (CONT'D)
                     Wait. That's just what you want isn't it?
          
          Bill thinks, trying to read Shane's poker face. Shane
          shrugs. Bill gestures to Mrs. Chun.
          
                                    BILL (CONT'D)
                     You open it.
          
          Mrs. Chun doesn't budge.
          
                                  BILL (CONT'D)
                     Oh come on. I walked the floor first.
          
          Reluctantly - Mrs. Chun reaches out, and touches the
          dial. Nothing happens. Relief. She turns it, and ZAPPPPP!
          1000 volts ELECTROCUTES her, her hair on end, shaking
          from the voltage...
          
          Bill is off guard, Shane kicks his gun away! The gun
          skids into the acid and plunges, SIZZLING. Bill is
          incensed, but Shane gazes coldly.
          
                                  SHANE
                     There will be no mercy.
          
                                  BILL
                     None requested.
          
          Full of himself, Bill LUNGES. And he's strong!     He
          shoves Shane back, then PUNCHES him in the gut.
          
          Shane glares, then returns an onslaught of BLOWS.
          Shane's fury is unleashed: A volley of attacks, hitting
          Bill's arms, head, legs! He's crazed, unrelenting.
          
          But suddenly Mrs. Chun LEAPS onto his back.
          
                                    MRS. CHUN
                     AAAAAA!
          
                                                                  100.
          
          
          
          She SCREAMS and grabs his throat. Shane struggles to
          lose her. Suddenly, he drops and FLIPS her. She
          catapults, stumbles backwards across the room, and stops
          just inches from the acid! She teeters, tottering,
          unable to gain her balance.
          
          Shane shakes his head, then runs to grab her outstretched
          hand. She smiles, saved. But he's unforgiving.
          
                                 SHANE
                    You're a... terrible neighbor.
          
          Shane COLD-COCKS her, knocking her out. Suddenly --
          
                                  JULIE
                    Shane!   Watch out!
          
          Bill is charging him.   Shane whirls, delivering a
          ROUNDHOUSE KICK. OOF!   Bill gets slammed in the chest.
          
          Bill tumbles, the wind knocked out of him. He jumps to
          his feet, delivering a series of hard punches, which
          Shane deflects -- they tangle like pro's. It's clear the
          both have the same training. They punch, spin, kick,
          connecting only occasionally. Bill wheels around and
          lands a kicks squarely in Shane's chest. Shane tumbles,
          landing on his back in front of the safe.
          
          ANGLE - BILL
          
          He steps over Shane. Leering mercilessly, he jabs the
          spike against Shane's throat.
          
                                 BILL
                    Any last words?
          
          Julie gasps. Shane narrows his eyes, then whispers/sings.
          
                                 SHANE
                    ... Say, good night, Peter Panda!
          
          The CODE! A BELL rings, and the safe door flies open!
          SLAMMING Bill in the head! BONG! Bill's collapses and
          drops. K.O.!
          
          EXT. PLUMMER'S STREET - SAME TIME
          
          The minivan races toward the house.   The Police Cars
          chase after, SIRENS wailing.
          
          IN THE VAN, everyone is SCREAMING.
          
                              
                                                                   101.
          
          
          
                                 TODD
                    Zoe! You're going too fast!! You're not
                    gonna have enough time to stop-
          
                                 ZOE
                    Hey, I'M the one in Driver's Ed!    I think
                    I know what I'm doing!!
          
          WIDE
          
          She squeals into the driveway, then BRAKES.
          
          But it's too late. The van SKIDS, smoke BURNING from the
          tires -- and hits a tree. The Kid spill out and run.
          
          The lead Police Car screeches to a stop.   POLICE leap
          from the car.
          
          INT. SECRET VAULT - SAME TIME
          
          Shane and Julie stare at each other, then look in the
          safe:
          
          Inside, the cavernous metal box holds but one object: A
          tiny COMPUTER CHIP. Shane gently removes it.
          
                                   SHANE
                    ... GHOST.
          
          They look in silence. She smiles at Shane, grateful.
          
                                 JULIE
                    Thank you Shane. It's finally over. Now
                    we can go back to our peaceful...
          
          Then -- a sudden AMPLIFIED VOICE from behind them:
          
                                  ULLHORN (V.O.)
                    FREEZE! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!
          
          EXT. HOUSE - SAME TIME
          
          Total commotion. The kids clamber from the van, with
          their hands raised. Cops surround them. Even Peter and
          Tyler have their little hands over their heads.   The
          garage door raises, Shane steps out.
          
                                   SHANE
                    Whoa, WHOA!    What are you doing to these
                    kids??
          
                                 CUTE COP
                    FREEZE. HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.
          
                                                                102.
          
          
          
          Cops cover Shane and Julie, Julie and Shane Freeze.
          
                                 ZOE
                    But, officer...
          
                                 CUTE COP
                    I said FREEZE. Zoe, you're in a lot of
                    trouble... Reckless endangerment!
                    Driving without a license. Numerous,
                    uh... trafficS violations --
          
                                 SHANE
                           (cutting him off)
                    These kids are heroes. They just aided
                    in exposing a high-level espionage ring.
                    I suggest you call the FBI. Now.
          
          Silence. The Cops are unsure what to do. He scoffs.
          
                                 CUTE COP
                    You expect me to believe any of that?
          
          Suddenly -- a CRAZED SCREAM.
          
                                  MR. CHUN (O.S.)
                    EVERYBODY!   HIT THE GROUND!!!
          
          WIDE
          
          Everyone spins. Mr. Chun stands inside the gate,
          pointing a ROCKET LAUNCHER. He's disheveled and manic.
          
                                 MR. CHUN (CONT'D)
                    I WANT THE GHOST, TEN MILLION DOLLARS,
                    AND A DIRECT FLIGHT TO PYONGYANG!
          
          The cops freeze, helpless. Shane weighs his not so many
          options... Nobody is sure what to do.
          
          But then -- a WOMAN suddenly flips over the fence, vaults
          onto Chun, and KNOCKS him out with a Karate Chop.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Ya!!
          
          Claire lands on her feet, triumphant. Even Chun is
          amazed, as he turns his head, Shane spins, and grabs the
          rocket launcher.
          
          CLOSE-UP - SHANE
          
          He breaks into a big grin.
          
                                                                  103.
          
          
          
          CLOSE-UP - CLAIRE
          
          She proudly smiles back at him.
          
          ANGLE - THE CUTE COP
          
          He's flummoxed. This chaos is unsolvable.    Beaten, he
          reaches for his radio.
          
                                 COP
                    I think I'll call the FBI.
          
                                                        DISSOLVE TO:
          
          EXT. PLUMMER HOUSE - LATER
          
          F.B.I. AGENTS swarm the area. Bill and the Chuns are
          being hauled away in cuffs. Julie huddles with the kids.
          Shane talks with an F.B.I. Agent.
                                 F
                                  .B.I. AGENT
                    Mr. Wolfe... that was nice work.   You're
                    a one-man battalion.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Just doing my job.
          
                                 F.B.I. AGENT
                    The Bureau is always looking for good
                    men. Do you have a card or something?
          
          The Agent hands him a BUSINESS CARD, then walks off.
          Shane examines it, swelling with pride.
          
          INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
          
          The Kids are looking around, watching the FBI Agents
          work. Lulu is following one of the FBI Agents around.
          
                                 LULU
                    Do you have to wear that thing in your
                    ear all the time?
          
                                 FBI AGENT
                    Yes.
          
                                 LULU
                    Does it itch?
          
                                 FBI AGENT
                    Yes...
          
                                                                  104.
          
          
          
          Zoe is looking at the safe. She sees, fallen onto the
          floor, from the safe, a letter. Her siblings, and Julie
          notice, and gather around. Zoe reads the LETTER:
          
                                 ZOE
                    If you're reading this, then Julie found
                    the key. Julie, Tyler, Peter, Zoe, Todd,
                    Lulu -- I want to say: I love you more
                    than anything. I always have.
          
          A tear comes to her eye. The Plummers hug each other.
          
          EXT. THE PLUMMER HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
          
          Claire walks up to Shane. Mock-angry.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    So. What happens now? You'll be stationed
                    somewhere else, right? I guess there's no
                    more reason for you to stick around here.
          
          Shane looks at her. He looks around: at the family. He
          looks at Claire....
          
                                 SHANE
                    Well. I'm kinda, re-conning the
                    situation, here... And to tell the truth.
                    I don't see anything but reasons to stay.
                                 P
                                  RINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    So... What's the next move?
          
          Shane smiles slyly and pulls her close.
          
                                 SHANE
                    ... I don't know. I'm on dry land. You're
                    the superior office. You tell me.
          
                                 PRINCIPAL CLAIRE
                    Well. Summer's almost here. What if you
                    and me did a little amphibious recon
                    mission. On, say -- Maui?
          
                                   SHANE
                    Sir yes sir.
          
          Claire beams. The Plummers all approach, interrupting.
          Zoe gives them a look -- that makes Shane and Claire
          BLUSH. Lulu turns to Shane, sad.
          
                                 LULU
                    This is it. Your work here is through.
                    Guess you have to go now...
          
                                                                  105.
          
          
          
          She puts out her hand, to shake his.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Ah, come here you.
          
          He surprises her with a BEAR HUG -- he hugs the whole
          family at once, squeezing them off the ground. He puts
          them down. Before he goes: he reaches down and gives Zoe -
          - his medal. He squeezes her hand around it.
          
                                   ZOE
                    But...
          
                                 SHANE
                    He would've wanted me to give it to
                    someone I care about. Like he did. Thank
                    you. For everything.
                                 P
                                  ETER
                    Love you, Shane.
          
          TIGHT - SHANE
          
          This is too much.    He wipes his face.
          
                                 SHANE
                    Your dad would be so proud.
          
          Shane bawls -- he can't keep it in. He starts to head
          off, Lulu calls after him:
          
                                 LULU
                    Shane, we're never gonna see you again!
          
                                 SHANE
                    What are you talking about?      I'm gonna
                    see you Friday night.
          
          A long beat.    Julie looks up, baffled.
          
                                 JULIE
                    What's Friday night?
          
          INT. VICTORIA THEATRE, BACKSTAGE - NIGHT
          
          Close on Shane:
          
                                 SHANE
                    Tonight is the night we trained for, and
                    failure is not an option! No detail is
                    too small! We are the BEST! Remember
                    your lines, hit your marks, and stay in
                    character! I expect perfection!
                                 (MORE)
          
          
                                                                 106.
                                  SHANE(CONT'D)
                           (he grins)
                    Now let's break a leg.
          
          Wider reveals the Cast of `The Sound of Music'.
          
                                                              CUT TO:
          
          Shane's military-march version of the musical. Nuns sing
          "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" The Von Trapp
          kids perform "So Long, Farewell."
          
          In the audience, Julie watches in astonishment. She is
          surrounded by her children. Scott: in a suit, his hair
          combed, Claire: dressed to the nines, the little Brownie
          Troop, even Murney. Lulu has a basket in her lap --
          inside: GARY THE DUCK and his new family, the most
          adorable ducklings you ever saw.
          
          They all watch, rapt.
          
          You Are Sixteen begins. Shane watches with bated breath.
          Todd spins. In SLOW MOTION, he leaps into the SPIN KICK.
          It's fantastic -- a Michael Jordan dunk. The AUDIENCE
          goes nuts, Shane stands, and shouts:
          
                                 SHANE (CONT'D)
                    YESSS! (And an Armed forces:) Huu-ah!
          
          The Audience stares at him, until he sits back down,
          beaming with pride.
          
          Finally: "CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN." Hearts swell, as the
          family crosses the papier-m�ch� alps.
          
          A STANDING OVATION. The performers take their curtain
          calls, then giddily gesture Shane to come out. He humbly
          steps into view -- and the house goes crazy. Thundering
          applause. A cellophane bouquet of flowers gets thrust on
          him. Shane smiles, touched. Mission accomplished.
          
                                                            FADE OUT.
          
                                  THE END