Actor Point >> Movie Scripts >> Tropic Thunder Film Script

Tropic Thunder Movie Script

Writer(s) : Ethan Cohen, Ben Stiller, Justin Theroux

Genres : Action, Adventure, Comedy, War

Search IMDb : Tropic Thunder



 
                                 TROPIC THUNDER


                                   Written by

                    Ethan Cohen, Ben Stiller & Justin Theroux

          

          

          ON THE MOVIE SCREEN
          BLACK. The movie has not started yet. After the last real
          trailer plays in the theater, we see THE UNIVERSAL LOGO.
          The globe stops rotating, and STARTS TO BROWN AND CRACK.

          VOLCANOES ERUPT ON IT...

          ACTION TRAILER ANNOUNCER
          In a world where only one man made a
          difference... "n 1a%

          AND WE ZOOM ALL THE WAY IN TO,..
          A POST APOCALYPTIC FIERY TUNDRA... AND ONE MAN...who
          walks across it, looking cool, shirtless, pumped, with
          shades on, holding a BABY in one arm and a FLAMETHROWER
          in the other. . .this is international superstar CHRIS
          MICHAEL SPEEDMAN... there is a GIANT explosion behind
          him... he doesn't even flinch...

          ACTION TRAILER ANNOUNCER
          The one man who made a difference... is
          about to make a difference... Again...
          BLACK... then Speedman, again shirtless, is on an ICEBERG
          and an AVALANCHE is thundering behind him. This time he
          has a SET OF TWINS AND A FLAMETHROWER.

          ACTION TRAILER ANNOUNCER
          Chris Michael Speedman...IS Deke
          Cogan...

          A TITLE BURNS ACROSS THE SCREEN..

          ACTION TRAILER ANNOUNCER

          SCORCHER 3: GLOBAL MELTDOWN

          TITLE FLIES AWAY FOLLOWED BY: SUMMER 2008
          BLACK, then... "
          The NEW LINE LOGO over the stately POMP AND

          CIRCUMSTANCE...

          COMEDY TRAILER ANNOUNCER
          This summer, the halls of academia are
          about to get a lesson in...

          INT. BOARDING SCHOOL

          TRACK ACROSS a bunch of CUTE TEN YEAR OLD SCHOOLBOYS
           sitting at a dining hall table until we get to .JEFF

          PORTNOY, 35, GROSS OUT COMEDY STAR.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 2.
          He has red hair, cut in a page-boy style and is dressed
          in a school boy uniform which is way too small.

          COMEDY TRAILER ANNOUNCER
          .Comedy! From America's favorite fat
          guy... uhh...fat KID...

          HE RIPS A GIANT FART. THE MUSIC NIPEDLE SCRATCHES TO

          "LOUIE LOUIE"...
          An ANGRY HEADMASTER SCOWLS. THE BOYS CRACK UP.

          16,

          COMEDY TRAILER ANNOUNCER
          Jeff Portnoy is having...

          PORTNOY

          (YELLING ON THE TABLE)

          DOODYFOR DINNER!!!

          A GIANT FOOD FIGHT ENSUES AS THE TITLE "DOODY.FOR

          DINNER" FLIES ON..

          COMEDY TRAILER ANNOUNCER
          This summer, lunch is on him!

          A PLATE OF SPAGHETTI IS DUMPED ON HIS.HEAD..

          BLACK
          The FOX SEARCHLIGHT LOGO comes up. AN EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL
          JAMES HORNER TYPE,SCORE PLAYS... i

          EXT. A BEAUTIFUL 400 YEAR.OLD IRISH VICARAGE

          It is an Oscar winning shot at dawn of a brooding
          handsome priest in a monk's robe walking towards the
          church. This is KIRK LAZARUS, who has the intensity of a
          Daniel Day Lewis and the seriousness of a Sean Penn...

          OSCAR WINNING MOVIE

          TRAILER ANNOUNCER
          In a time where to be different was to be
          condemned... and to be condemned was to
          die...

          INT. CHURCH

          Lazarus is. lighting the rosary candles... he glances over
          at another YOUNG PRIEST, who gives him a smoldering
          look. . .Lazarus turns away, tortured...

          

          

          

          
          , Tropic Thunder 3.

          OSCAR WINNING MOVIE

          TRAILER ANNOUNCER
          .one man chose to question his God...
          Lazarus screams angrily at crucifix on the wall:

          LAZARUS
          (Irish brogue)
          You made me! Why can't you... UNMAKE ME!'

          THESE TITLES COME UP ON THE SCREEN AS THE ANNOUNCER

          SPEAKS:

          OSCAR WINNING MOVIE

          TRAILER ANNOUNCER
          Winner of the Palm D'or, The Golden Bear,
          The Laughing Monkey and over 350 film
          critics' '10 BEST' picture lists, and
          hailed by Roger Ebert as "A MASTERPIECE

          THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL EMOTIONS YOU
          NEVER KNEW YOU HAD"... Three time Oscar
          Winner Kirk Lazarus, in two time Oscar
          winning director Clint Eastwood's
          boldest film... "SATAN'S ALLEY".
          THE TITLE HOLDS... then BLACK.
          Now, finally, the movie starts. We see The DREAMWORKS
          LOGO... Which has no music under it... only the low
          pitched SWOOSHING OF A CHOPPER BLADE...

          BLACK
          The thumping blade gets LOUDER AND LOUDER, the BASS LINE
          of "BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE" rising with it
          until finally...

          SMASH CUT TO:

          EXT. VIETNAM -- DAY

          A HUEY COBRA in slow motion, crests an impossibly
          beautiful jungle ridge, flying low and straight at us.

          INSIDE THE COBRA
          A GUNNER sprays fire down at unseen anti-aircraft. All
          that can be see on the ground are whizzing TRACERS flying
          up at the chopper.

          

          

          

          
          "Tropic Thunder 4.
          The chopper skims the treetops heading toward a hot LZ...

          EXT.,, HOT LZ -- DAY

          As the Cobra comes in hard, about TWENTY INFANTRYMEN are
          emerging from the tree-line, in a chaotic fire fight with
          twice as many VC SOLDIERS.
          As the. chopper tries to land, the gunner tosses a couple
          of grenades behind the Americans, sending about ten VC
          flying. But the bulk of the platoon is getting GUNNED
          DOWN by the enemy.
          A. heavy set grunt, FATS, looking like he is in great
          pain, is'running full speed for the chopper, taking fire
          from all over.
          Fats looks a 'lot like JEFF PORTNOY, star of ."Doody For
          Dinner".
          BROOKLYN, an.18 year-old cherry from Brooklyn, is also on
          the move, towards the.chopper...Clutching his thick black
          glasses, and a. map, and triangulating coordinates, he' is
          frantically trying to call in an air strike on his radio
          backpack. A GRENADE EXPLODES ten feet away knocking him
          on his ass.
          He gets up, shaken, just in time to be BAYONETED. through
          the stomach by a VC SOLDIER...
          The VC soldier turns around just in time to be machine-
          gunned down-5y MOTOWN who has all sorts of stomizd
          shit" on his fatigues, an ace of spades in his helmet,
          along with some graffiti scrawl that reads "and God
          spoke" including cut-off sleeves that reveal his
          impressive pipes. He, is a 'bad muthaf.ucka.

          MOTOWN
          That's for Brooklyn, Muthafucka!
          Underneath the hovering chopper, OSIRIS,a black, buffed
          out Rambo-looking Sergeant, is letting loose his M-16
          with abandon, yelling at the pilot to get the bird lower.
          It does.
          Fats grabs. the mortally wounded Brooklyn and slings him
          over his shoulder, Brooklyn's shirt is blown open
          revealing his entrails...in shock, he clutches his liver
          in his right hand, and is trying futilely to put it back
          in his body...

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 5.
          FATS heaves Brooklyn onto the floor of the still-airborne
          chopper just as it gets low enough, and returns to
          firing. He unleashes a hailstorm of lead at the
          approaching VC...

          OSIRIS

          FATS! GET YOUR ASS ON THIS CHOPPER NOW!

          LET'S MOVE!

          4 41
          FATS ignores him and continueb firing. MOTOWN comes
          running up to the chopper...

          OSIRIS (CONT'D)

          YOU TOO, MOTOWNI

          MOTOWN
          (to Osiris)
          SIR! Requesting permission to disobey
          Sergeant's orders, SIR! FOUR LEAF IS

          STILL OUTSIDE THE PERIMETER AND

          UNACCOUNTED FOR!

          OSIRIS

          MOTOWN! GET YOUR DETROIT JUKE BOX JHERI

          CURL IN THIS CHICKENSHIT CHOPPER ASAP.

          THAT GOES FOR YOUR FAT ASS TOO, FATS!

          MOTOWN

          SIR! FUCK YOU SIR! WE DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT

          FOUR LEAF, SIR!

          OSIRIS

          THAT'S JUST HOW BOOKS GOT HIS JEW ASS

          KILLED AND MEATBALL'S WOP ASS BOUGHT THE

          SIX BY THREE FARM! YOU GET ON THIS BIRD,

          PRIVATE!

          CHOPPER PILOT
          Sir! We gotta DIDI NOW! Air strike
          confirmed! This place is gonna be toast
          in about thirty seconds!
          Osiris turns on Motown, pulling his .45 in the midst of
           the mayhem. He pushes it up into Motown's neck.

          OSIRIS

          FOUR LEAF IS DEAD MEAT, SOLDIER! AND YOU

          GOT ZERO 0' HUNDRED HOURS TO GET YOUR ASS

          ON THIS CHOPPER BEFORE YOU JOIN HIM!
          Osiris, standing on the skid, motions for the chopper
          pilot to take off.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 6.
          Motown looks to Fats,:then reluctantly jumps on the
          chopper...It begins to hover...

          OSIRIS(CONT'D)

          FATS! YOU GET ON THIS BIRD NOW! YOU HEAR

          ME YOU MUTANT MOTHER--

          BROOKLYN
           A 1, I qft
          (a soft whisper) I Id
          Sarge...
          .We PUSH IN ON BROOKLYN dramatically as he raises his
          head. Looking off to the tree line, he points a crooked
          finger...

          BROOKLYN
          It's him. It's Four Leaf...
          Everyone turns to-see...
          FOUR LEAF, who looks a lot like CHRIS MICHAEL SPEEDMAN
          from the "Scorcher" trailer, . burst through the treeline,
          half limping, half crawling heroically through the
          massive firefight in SLOW MOTION.
          He is being chased.by about-FIFTY _VIET...CONG SOLDIERS...
          Everyone on board seems mesmerized. Osiris sees it, and
          can't believe his eyes... nevertheless, he screams to the
          pilot. I

          OSIRIS

          GO! GO!
          Fats, still on the ground, in defiance of Osiris, grabs
          the chopper's runner, and in a superhuman show of
          strength, OR IS IT WEIGHT, holds it with-all-his might,
          preventing it from flying away.
          The pilot struggles with the controls, as Fats continues
          his barrage of bullets with his machine gun arm,
          providing weak cover for Four Leaf.
          The chopper is now gaining momentum, and pulls Fats about
          ten feet-off-the ground. He is, about to lose his battle
          with the helicopter.
          Four Leaf, riddled with bullets, and delirious, is
          fighting a losing battle to gain ground... He doesn't
          even have a gun...

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 7.
          Osiris looks at the dejected faces of his men, then at
          Fats... a flash of anger and compassion comes over his
          face.. .
          FOUR"LEAF, Christ-like and arms extended, sinks to his
          knees, his body now absorbing unbelievable amounts of
          lead...

          OSIRIS

          I HOPE YOU FAGGOTS LIKE HAMBURGER BECAUSE

          THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M GONNA BE

          BRINGING BACK TO THIS BIRD.. .COVER ME!
          Weak smiles flicker across the face of the men as they do
          just that... unleashing lead all around Osiris as he jumps
          out of the chopper like an Apache warrior.
          Fats drops off the runner of the chopper, shooting his
          machine gun in cool SLO MO.
          Screaming a war cry, Osiris makes a beeline for Four
          Leaf. Dancing between the raindrops, he dodges tracer
          fire ...
          Osiris finally makes it and kneels beside Four Leaf,
          cradling his head. Four Leaf's eyes are glassy, and his
          body and arms are ripped open all over like a rag doll.

          FOUR LEAF
          Get outta here. I'm worm food, man, you
          dig?

          OSIRIS
          (beginning to cry)
          What, and give up all that California
          pussy you been talking about? Shiiit.
          Someone's gotta show me around L.A...

          FOUR LEAF
          (cracking a bloody smile)
          Shit. . .the only way you're gonna get a
          piece of LA pussy if is you go out to the
          graveyard and dig some up...
          Osiris looks down at Four Leaf's now missing arms...

          OSIRIS
          Well ...y...you better come along and
          bring the shovel...
          He starts to choke up.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 8.

          FOUR LEAF
          I'm scared,. Sarge. 'Scared I ain't never
          gonna see another sunset.
          (long philosophical beat)
          Why does a man want to pick up sticks
          against another man... 'Stead of usin'
          them sticks. to prop a man up?
          Osiris nods, now crying like a baby... �4Id Iu I. Igft

          OSIRIS'

          DON'T YOU DIE ON ME FOUR LEAF... .THAT'S AN

          ORDER!!!

          FOUR LEAF
          (beginning to fade)
          Hold my hands... 'cause I got somethin'
          to say...
          Osiris looks down.at Four. Leaf's bloody, stringy stumps.
          There's nothing to hold...

          FOUR LEAF
          Are, you holding them?

          OSIRIS_

          (WEEPING)
          Oh, I'm holding them..

          FOUR LEAF
          I ain't never been worth a. nothin' in
          this life, and it's kinda late to start
          b e i' a somethin' now. But you... you
          are my... b-b-brother.
          Four Leaf screws.up.his .face and begins to cry--except
          that he can't. He tries again... and can't.. Hescrews
          up his face grotesquely...

          FOUR LEAF
          You are my...
          WE NOW PULL BACK TO REVEAL we are actually on location
          shooting this war scene with about 50 CREW MEMBERS
          watching, surrounded by millions of dollars worth of film
          equipment.
          Four Leaf, actually the superstar. playing him, Speedman,
          is getting increasingly self-conscious, becoming more and.
          more aware of the-crew waiting for him to cry.
          The actor playing Osiris, KIRK LAZARUS, is also getting
          uncomfortable holding Speedman's not-crying head.

          

          

          

          
          ,, Tropic Thunder 9.

          (YES, LAZARUS WAS WHITE AND IRISH IN THE SATAN'S ALLEY
          TRAILER, now he is AFRICAN AMERICAN and speaks with an
          American accent-- IT WILL BE EXPLAINED SOON!)
          The person perhaps most upset about it all is the skinny'
          young British director, DAMIEN DORFMAN. Coiled at the
          monitor and covered in bug bites and sunblock, wet towels
          around his neck, and clearly not made for jungle
          life.. .he' mouths the words "you are my brothers..'." as
          if trying to will the tears from Speedman's dry eyes.

          SPEEDMAN
          (breaking character)
          I'm sorry, can we cut, Damien?
          Damien grips his headphones in confusion, looking around
          to his cadre of assistants and ADs...
          The chopper continues to hover, soldiers continue to
          fight, except a few are starting to wonder what's going
          on.

          SPEEDMAN
          CUT! We gotta cut, Dorf!

          DAMIEN

          (CONFUSED)
          What? What did he say?
          (to 1st AD)
          Play it through! Still rolling!
          Now the extras have stopped fighting -- except for a few
          way far back.

          1ST AD
          Play it through! Still rolling!

          SPEEDMAN
          No! Not still rolling! Cut!
          Damien runs towards Speedman.
          Fats, who is young fat comedy gross-out star JEFF
          PORTNOY, gets up from the ground, rubbing his butt.

          PORTNOY
          OW, SHIT! I fell right on my ass bone!
          Other "dead" extras begin to hold their heads up and look
          around. Some are amputee stuntmen.

          

          

          

          

          11
          Tropic Thunder 10.

          1ST AD
          (into megaphone)
          Damien? Are we cutting?
          1st AD jumps off the scaffold, running towards the
          director. Tekkies scurry around, lots of confusion. Are
          they cut, or what?
          Brooklyn,'.played by the not-famous KEVIN SANDUSKY,Ihold s
          his bloody "liver" up to hand off to someone.

          SANDUSKY:
          Mr. Dorfman? Are we cutting sir? Cause .I
          think they put w ay too much blood in my
          liver again.

          DAMIEN
          STILL ROLLING! Get down Kevin, you're
          dead!
          Sandusky immediately complies, he seems to be the only
          actor listening to the director.

          SPEEDMAN
          I'm sorry.. I can't do it, Dorff.
          Damien runs up to Speedman. They are the center of
          attention -- the whole crew watching them.

          DAMIEN
          It's good, keep going. This is a big shot
          so keep going, let it come. No arms,
          you're hanging on, it's-al-1-coming out...
          It's real, death, life, brotherhood and
          we just... let's keep it going now...
          He starts to back out, turning his finger in the "still
          rolling" motion. He gives a thumbs up to the AD.

          SPECIAL EFFECTS PYRO CONTROL TOWER
          CODY, the GRIZZLED LOOKING PYROTECHNIC EFFECTS.GUY, paces
          in an elaborate tower rigged with EFX detonation
          equipment.
          He is surrounded by a throng of local ASIAN TECHNICIANS
          who all hold various types of buttons, and detonators.
          He punches buttons, and surveys the chaos, trying to
          figure out what's going on.

          CODY
          Is that the signal?

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 11.
          The assistant doesn't appear to,understand English. He
          shrugs. Frustrated, Cody rips out an earpiece.

          CODY

          DAMIEN! IS THAT THE SIGNAL?

          BACK ON THE ACTORS
          'IYd "'
          Damien has his hands full with Speedman.

          SPEEDMAN
          (above the din of the

          CHOPPER)
          Dorf! Seriously, I think we should cut.
          I mean, Should Osiris be crying too?
          Maybe he shouldn't cry if I'm crying...
          Lazarus abruptly drops Speedman from his arms and gets
          up, shaking his head.

          LAZARUS
          I'm sorry, so, just keep crying or are'we
          cutting??

          DAMIEN
          No, no, it's good.
          Portnoy is walking around massaging his butt.

          PORTNOY
          Damien, I think I broke my ass. Is it
          possible to break your ass?

          DAMIEN
          Get back in character Portnoy! Still
          rolling everyone!
          (to Lazarus)
          Great crying Kirk -- stay with that.
          Chris Michael, don't worry about where
          Kirk is at, just be Four Leaf crying
          right here and now and still
          rolling... and GO!

          SPECIAL EFFECTS PYRO COMMAND AREA
          Cody's crew buzzes around him in a countdown to
          Armageddon...

          CODY
          Did he say "go"?
          (loud into walkie)

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 12.
          CODY,(cont,'d)

          DAMIEN, ARE WE GO FOR EXPLOSION? BECAUSE

          WE GOT ABOUT THIRTY MORE SECONDS TO

          DECIDE IF--

          BACK ON'THE ACTORS
          The 1st A.D. tries to.get Damien to pay attention to
          Cody, but he is too focused on getting Speedman to cry.
          I III I. 11h."

          '111
          Lazarus gets back in position. He effortlessly turns.the
          waterworks back on, sobbing like .,a broken man. Speedman
          .starts to get back into position and then :--

          SPEEDMAN
          Wait, hey, y'know, maybe- is it the
          line? "You are my brothers"? I don't
          think I would.say that. Four Leaf
          wouldn't say that.

          DAMIEN
          Yes, well-you see, Four Leaf was there
          and he did say that. So...
          Right. So let's just go...

          SPEEDMAN
          Is he here, or is he-'at the.hotel?
          Because I would love to run it by him.

          1ST AD
          Damien! The chopper! I got to let them
          go! We,need to pull the plug on the
          treeline burst if you're cutting!

          LAZARUS
          You know what, this is nuts. You got my
          take. I'm done.
          (to Speedman)
          Movie star. We'll be here till Chinese
          New Year waitin.' for my man to. cry.

          DAMIEN
          Kirk! Wait!
          Lazarus keeps walking.

          DAMIEN
          Kirk!

          LAZARUS
          .You got my take.

          

          

          

          

          ,I
           Tropic Thunder 13.

          –" )
          A CELL PHONE RINGS -- A HIP HOP RING TONE. MOTOWN, who is
          played by rap superstar and budding media mogul
          REDYKULOUS, pulls the phone out and checks his text
          message.

          REDYKULOUS
          Hey, can we get this going? I got peeps
          coming to my room to rub me down at 4.
          Bitches, too.
          His phone rings again.

          REDYKULOUS
          (into phone)
          Hey! What's up! Naw, nothing -- same
          soup, just re-heated, you know?
          Redykulous wanders off in another direction. The AD is
          now yelling into Damien's ear.

          DAMIEN
          (losing it)
          EVERYONE! Please! The chopper only has so
          much gas!
          PORTNOY, trying to lighten the mood, rips a huge FART.

          PORTNOY
          Plenty of gas right here, D-man!
          (then feeling the pain in his

          BUTT)

          OWW1

          REDYKULOUS
          Hey, yo! I am trying to have a
          conversation here!

          DAMIEN
          Okay, fine! Fuck me! What the fuck do I
          know? I'm just the fucking...
          (inarticulate snarl)
          Godfuckit!
          Damien throws his headphones off in frustration... and
          throws up his hands.

          SPECIAL EFFECTS TOWER
          Cody, sees Damien throw up his hands.

          

          

          

          

          11
          Tropic Thunder 14.

          CODY
          There's the signal! GO! GO! GO! Let's
          light this puppy up! Let's go freaking
          11 TET here!! i
          Cody and his assistants push plungers, buttons, pull
          levers, and drag metal wands over long lines of wired
          nails, they spark and fizz...

          WIDE SHOT'
          Damien is-still throwing his fit when...

          AN EXPLOSION TURNS THE ENTIRE TREE LINE INTO ACURTAIN OF

          FLAMES.

          ON CODY
          climaxing with joy as he barks commands and pushes ever
          more buttons..

          THE BLAST
          blows the helicopter backwards into a bank of lights,'
          causing them to tip.and-begin a GIGANTIC CHAIN REACTION
          that takes down most of the equipment, then finally THE

          TOWER WITH CODY AND HIS ASSISTANTS!
          Men jump like fleas. Cody lands on his back, in pain,
          .which he seems to like.

          CODY

          (1 T)
          That was good for me.
          Damien's mouth hangs open in shock. There is a strange
          quiet on the set.

          DAMIEN

          (WHISPERING)
          .Did we get that on film?
          The cameraman turns to the AD and then back to Damien,
          looking a bit scared.

          CAMERAMAN
          Sorry, Damien.'Chris Michael was saying
          to cut, so we cut--
          The AD comes up to the lost looking Damien.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 15.

          1ST AD
          (to Damien)
          I'm gonna have to call it, Damien.
          Damien is silent, stunned.

          1ST AD
          (into megaphone)
          Okay, that's a wrap for'today. If you are !IN
          injured, please find the set medic.
          Speedman, looking as if he had nothing to do with what
          just happened, walks toward Damien.

          SPEEDMAN
          I think I got another in me if you want
          to go again, Damien.
          Damien looks at the scorched treeline behind them.
          Speedman looks too, then looks back at Damien.

          SPEEDMAN
          Your call.
          In the background, Cody is casually putting out a fire on
          his lap. He gives an 'I'm O.K.' gesture to no one in
          particular.

          CUT TO:
          El TELEVISION OPENING GRAPHICS
          After a flashy montage, JULIE MORAN, the cute El News
          Daily reporter, walks through the Tropic Thunder set in a
          halter top, talking to camera:

          JULIE
          Well, it might look like 1969 here in the
          tiny Southeast Asian country of Bien Den
          Phu, but it is 2007, and they are making
          history. We are here with an E!
          exclusive, the first look behind the
          scenes at what Hollywood insiders are
          calling the most expensive war movie ever
          produced. It's called "Tropic Thunder",
          and first time Director Damien Dorfman
          has assembled an all-star cast to play
          the forgotten grunts who perished near
          here more than 35 years ago.

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 16.
          JULIE (cont'd)
          Heading up the ensemble, the highest
          grossing action star of all time, Chris
          Michael Speedman...
          d I

          VARIOUS SHOTS OF SPEEDMAN AT PREMIERES, PRESS CONFERENCES

          JULIE .
          But the last few films have-not "blown
          up" for Speedntan as he's struggled to
          broaden his range as an.-actor.. First, an
          attempt to change gears with a comedy...

          INT. BANK - SCENE FROM "CHITLIN AND THE DUDE"

          Speedman'and Martin Lawrence, both with guns, are holding
          up a bank -- Speedman in drag. They yell at each other
          in that uptight-white-guy/loose-cannon-black-guy action
          comedy style.

          JULIE (V:O.)
          The disappointing "CHITLIN AND THE DUDE",
          was followed.with last year's failed
          venture into serious dramatic
          territory...

          EXT. PONY FARM - SCENE FROM "SIMPLE JACK" - DAY

          :Speedman,..innoveralls and with a bad haircut, dressed as
          a farm hand. He holds a pony_by the reins as he "talks"
          to it by rubbing his nose on the pony's neck.

          JULIE (V.0.)
          ."Simple Jack", the story-of a mentally
          impaired farm hand who can "talk" to
          animals was a box office disaster that
          many critics called one of the worst
          movies of all time.

          SPEEDMAN
          (as Simple Jack)
          You mu-mu-muhhh make me'ha-aaaapy.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 17.

          EXT. TROPIC THUNDER SET -- DAY


          JULIE
          (to camera)
          But now, the question is can Speedman "mu-
          mu-make" audiences happy in the true life
          story of war hero Four Leaf Tayback in
          "Tropic Thunder". And,' possibly a shot „ 1. -4416
          at that elusive gold statuette?

          EXT. TROPIC THUNDER SET -- DAY

          Julie sits with Speedman. With them is the real FOUR
          LEAF, a stoic, grizzled man of few words.

          SPEEDMAN
          (very serious)
          All I want is to make the real Four Leaf
          here proud. It's his story, he lived it
          and wrote it in his book. That's why
          we're here. But really, I mean, how cah
          we begin to understand what he-- what you
          --went through?
          Four Leaf fixes his stoic, steely gaze on the horizon for
          a beat. He lifts his hands up, and we see he has only
          two HOOKS.
          Speedman studies him closely, aping his gestures, trying
          to "get inside" him as much as possible.

          FOUR LEAF

          (MYSTICAL)
          When I lost these...
          (holds his hooks up)
          It was as if I saw through these for the
          first time..'.
          (indicates his eyes)
          And it was only then that I really began
          to use these...
          (indicates his ears)

          SPEEDMAN
          That's great. He's like a... Buddha or
          something. Maybe I should rub his belly
          for luck!
          He laughs, but quickly realizes Four Leaf doesn't find it
          funny.

          

          

          

          
          ,Tropic Thunder 18.

          JULIE
          (to Speedman)
          Like for a lucky Oscar nod this time?
          Maybe you should rub Kirk Lazarus's
          belly! He already has three!
          Speedman laughs uncomfortably, trying to seem
          unperturbed. i
           "I' 0, nM y

          L

          CUT TO:

          A SERIES OF SHOTS OF KIRK LAZARUS
          In his normal.look, CAUCASIAN and IRISH, much like he was
          in the "Satan's Alley" trailer...

          - JULIE (V.0.)
          Three time Oscar winner Kirk Lazarus,
          reclusive, brilliant Irishman, considered
          by many.'the best actor of his generation,
          and also a known bad boy...
          Stills of a DRUNKEN LAZARUS outside a New York Bar,
          punching a paparazzo...

          JULIE
          . is famous for his total immersion
          into whatever role he plays. To.transform
          into the role of the African American
          Sergeant who saved_Four Leaf's life...

          INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE

          Lazarus is examined by a doctor.

          AJULIE (V.0.)
          Lazarus-went - to shocking, and
          controversial lengths...

          INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - A FEW WEEKS LATER

          Lazarus lies in a hospital bed,, covered in bandages.

          JULIE
          After undergoing experimental
          pigmentation alteration procedures in a
          Singapore clinic, this was the startling
          result.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 19.
          A doctor dversees as nurses carefully peel the bandages
          off Lazarus's head. Lazarus is now Black.

          INT.''TROPIC THUNDER PRE-SHOOT PRESS CONFERENCE

          In the hotel, with THE ENTIRE CAST sitting in front of a
          banner touting the movie's title.
          Lazarus speaks in his "Osiris" character voice we heard
          at the beginning of the film -- one that he will NEVER

          DROP.

          LAZARUS

          (OSIRIS VOICE)
          There are all these young brothers who
          got no role models but a bunch of pimp-
          acting rappers, who glamorize a life of
          gangsterism and womanizing. I'm just
          grateful to have this opportunity to be
          able to represent.
          Redykulous hears this, looks pissed.

          SERIES OF SHOTS OF DAMIEN DORFMAN
          Getting awards, shooting documentary footage in SIERRA
          LEONE of warring tribesmen.

          JULIE (V.0.)
          British documentary director Damien
          Dorfman has never made a theatrical movie
          before, but his mission, he says, is to
          bring a reality to the film that he feels
          is missing from most Hollywood epics.

          INT. TROPIC THUNDER PRE-SHOOT PRESS CONFERENCE


          DAMIEN
          My goal, quite simply, is for an audience
          member to walk out of the cinema, feeling
          as if they were IN Vietnam for two hours.
          Quite literally.

          REPORTER
          Are you intimidated about working with
          actors for the first time?

          DAMIEN
          Intimidated?

          (CHALLENGING)

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          

          1
          Tropic Thunder 20.
          DAMIEN (cont'd)
          Not really, mate. I tell you what's
          intimidating. Filming a seven-foot Hutu
          warrior who is readylto shove his machete
          up your ass if you look at him cockeyed.

          (BEAT)
          That's intimidating. I think I ban handle
          actors of the unarmed variety.

          CUT TO:

          JULIE (V.0.,)
          Well, he'll certainly have his hands full
          with king of comedy Jeff Portnoy.

          INT. COURTROOM - VIDEO

          A fuckedlup looking PORTNOY being taken away by a
          .bailiff.

          JULIE (V.0.)
          After being arrested for heroin, cocaine
          and crack possession, Portnoy is out to
          prove he can. stay clean and get audiences
          addicted to seeing him in a movie without
          any potty. humor...

          HIP HOP VIDEO -- MIAMI -- DAY
          REDYKULOUS struts out and does a ridiculously lewd dance
          with about FIVE HIP HOP ASSES. surrounding his face.

          JULIE
          And from the world of hip-hop, multi.--
          platinum selling rapper, producer, and
          clothing designer Redykulous, and star of
          his own hi't reality show "Utterly
          Redykulous".

          INT. TROPIC THUNDER PRE-SHOOT PRESS CONFERENCE

          Redykulous is in his "REDYKWEAR" sweats.

          REDYKULOUS
          As far as Redykulous is concerned, you
          .know, I 'always believed you've got to
          exploit every opportunity.
          He holds up a can of "PYMP SWEAT".

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 21.

          REDYKULOUS
          That's why my new sports drink Pymp Sweat
          is the official beverage on the set of
          Tropic Thunder, as well as my new energy
          bar, the "Bust-A-Nut", with all proceeds
          going to clean up land mines in this
          previously war ravaged area.

          EXT. HOTEL POOL -- DAY


          JULIE
          At a reported budget north of $200
          million, Tropic Thunder could end up
          costing almost as much as the real war!
          But the good news for Damien Dorfman and
          his troops -- the Oscar buzz is already
          starting! So for El News I'm Julie--
          All of a sudden Portnoy, wearing a Tropic Thunder cap all
          askew and surfer shorts with no shirt, bursts out of the
          bushes. He screams wildly and GRABS Julie, who cracks up
          laughing at his "stunt". '

          PORTNOY
          (silly voice)
          Me so horny!! Me so horny!!
          He jumps into the pool with her! What a crack up!

          CUT TO:

          EXT. RUN DOWN "RESORT" HOTEL -- DAY

          It is the one hotel in the area, and it looks like it has
          been through a war, which it probably has. It has been
          taken over as the Tropic Thunder production headquarters.
          We see a mix of PRODUCTION PEOPLE and HOTEL WORKERS.

          VOICE OF TODD
          We're shutting you down, Dorf.

          INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE -- DAY

          Damien sits behind his desk, looking scared. Vietnam
          photos, maps, and sketches cover the walls. Standing in
          the office are ASSORTED CREW, including Cody and Four
          Leaf, who whittles a stick with his hooks, never looking
          up.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 22.
          They are all staring at a speaker phone.

          DAMIEN
          You can't do that Todd.

          VOICE OF TODD I
          Yes we can.. The dailies are not good.

          DAMIEN
          Dailies are always bad! Bad dailies, good
          movie! Isn't that what they say?

          VOICE OF TODD
          I never heard that saying. Look, Damien.
          Fact: You're. three weeks behind and
          you've been shooting for five days. Fact:
          we greenlit this project at a very
          specific number, a number Walter and I
          could get in bed. with, and fact--.

          DAMIEN ,. _.
          (starting to lose it)
          Todd, it really isn't necessary for you
          to,keep saying "fact" before everything.
          It's kind of implied, that if you are
          saying.it--

          VOICE OF TODD
          Alright.. I'm just.trying to keep the
          emotion out of it, so I thought I would
          say."fact" before each fact, so it would
          be less-upsetting -- I

          VOICE OF WALTER
          Ok, Damien, this is Walter, I'm just
          gonna jump in.and bad-cop.it here for a
          second. Dude, I mean, 46,000 dollars for
          Chris Michael Speedman's masseuse's
          miscellaneous living expenses? It sounds
          like the inmates are running the asylum.

          DAMIEN
          Well, yes, that's exactly-it,.Walter if-
          you actually came out here you would see
          that .these actors are--

          VOICE OF TODD
          (loud out of'nowhere)
          The actors didn't blow up the rainforest
          and forget to turn on the camera Damien!
          I have a lot of tolerance, but when. Lt
          comes to nature I lose it!

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 23.

          R

          IN
          ► VOICE OF TODD (cont'd)
          I will not be called an eco-terrorist, do
          you understand that?
          Damien looks a bit bewildered by that. His hot young
          assistant comes in with a cell phone.

          11

          HOT YOUNG ASSISTANT
          Sorry.
          (whispering to Damien)
          It's Chris Michael, he says it's
          important.
          Damien, shaking now, steps out on to the balcony and
          slides the glass door shut.

          EXT. RUNDOWN BALCONY -- DAY

          Though the hotel is a shambles, the view out on to the
          bay is spectacular.

          DAMIEN
          (trying to seem calm)
          Yes, Chris!?

          EXT. SPEEDMAN'S PALATIAL BEACHFRONT ESTATE

          In stark contrast to the hotel where everyone else is
          living, Speedman is in what looks like an Asian
          presidential palace overlooking the ocean.
          SPEEDMAN is standing on the deck, trying hard to hold the,
          phone with his hook hands. "Simple Jack" plays on a flat
          screen inside.

          SPEEDMAN
          Hey, Dorf. Just wanted to call and throw
          a little pep talk your way. I know today
          was rough, and you're probably mad at
          yourself for not getting the shots, but
          that's the way these movies go. We all
          boot it from time to time, and today was
          just one of those days. Happens.

          DAMIEN
          (sickly sweet)
          Yes it does. It does. Though I do think
          you have to realize Chris, that you are
          somewhat responsi--

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 24.

          SPEEDMAN
          Oh, also needed to let you know, and I.
          .know you're like wrapped up with the
          movie, but I really need that new chef
          like we talked about, you know to really 4
          get that super-ripped thing happening.
          This guy is great but all he makes are
          dumplings. And they stiill haven't worked
          out the TiVo thing. III I. I I 4I

          DAMIEN'
          Right. well those things... those. 4,

          4,
          things ...I'm dealing with bigger issues
          right now Chris --

          SPEEDMAN
          Yeah, of course, I just know we talked
          about getting super-super-ripped for that
          starvation sequence
          Speedman's other line goes. He sees the caller I.D.

          SPEEDMAN
          Oh,, shit-- can you hang on a sec, D?
          He switches over,, but it takes a few seconds with the
          hooks.

          SPEEDMAN
          Rick?.

          CUT TO:

          INT. AGENCY OFFICE -- L.A. - DAY

          RICK PECK, head of the Peck Agency, sits in his office,
          overlooking. Los Angeles. He has a headset on.

          PECK.
          Guess what I'm staring at right now?

          WE INTERCUT BETWEEN SPEEDMAN AND PECK

          SPEEDMAN
          What?

          PECK
          I'm looking at your ugly mug on the back
          of Vanity Fair magazine in beautiful
          living color with the two cute cuddly
          pandas from cuteville. It's insane.

          

          

          

          

          I
          Tropic Thunder 25.
          We see Pedk is holding a Vanity Fair with an ad on the
          back: it is a picture of Speedman looking earnest,
          holding two baby PANDAS. The caption reads:

          "PANDAS...THEIR SURVIVAL IS NOT SO BLACK AND WHITE"

          PECK
          The credibility factor that the pandas
          give you is priceless, and strangely, if'
          you see this picture, what really strikes
          me is the credibility that you give them.
          I've been getting psychotic feedback all
          day. Hey did you get the basket I sent?
          WE SEE: A survival-themed gift basket in a camouflage
          backpack, There's a satellite phone, camouflage
          sunblock, etc.

          SPEEDMAN
          Yeah. Thanks.

          PECK
          You sad? What's wrong?

          SPEEDMAN
          No I'm fine. I've just been having a
          tough time over here. They still havn't
          got the TiVo hooked up and... I don't
          know... Lazarus is getting all this Oscar
          buzz already --

          PECK
          Is that what this is about? Crazy Kirk
          Lazarus goes and places his entire body
          in some experimental Malaysian dipping
          sauce so he can actually be black, of
          course he's gonna get buzz. Listen to
          what I am telling you. He is clinically
          mentally not right.

          SPEEDMAN
          Yeah but the way they talk about him. I
          mean, he played a retarded guy and won an
          Oscar, I play a retarded guy and don't
          even get a nomination. I don't know, I
          mean you said "Simple Jack" would be my
          "Elf" but with Oscars. Those were your
          exact words.

          

          

          

          

          1
          Tropic Thunder 26.

          PECK
          I don't believe those were my exact words
          but let's get beyond that to the root of
          this. Remember the moment you chose to do,
          this', and I wanted you to do the ESP
          robot thing with Wolfgang Petersen? And I
          said stay home be happy and you said "no,
          Rick I need to play a real human being"
          and I said "okay" and then I said "are
          you sure?" and you said that you needed
          this-for your soul?

          SPEEDMAN
          Yes but --

          PECK
          Which I totally respected and now you're
          doing the crazy surfer three..sixty move
          on me,..which I love by the-way-- but-you
          said fuck it, I gotta do it for my soul
          And-that's why I hate you.. Because you
          were RIGHT. And you're in. the Phuc Long
          fucking Delta,. in the real mud, with-
          leeches in your hair, 20,000 mil
          es from
          Fatburger.being an actor-And, I would
          wager, forcing everyone around you to
          rise to your level. Am I right? I mean
          you are over there forcing a bunch of
          PUSSY actors to gel, straighten up and.
          become a platoon. And it hurts. Am I
          right?
          Speedman actually seems tohave bought-this

          SPEEDMAN
          Yeah. You are right.

          PECK
          Alright, that's what.I thought. Now get
          to work genius soldier. I'll handle the
          .TiVo.
          Peck hangs up abruptly.

          ON SPEEDMAN
          Speedman punches the button on his cordless and puts. it
          down. He ponders Rick's words as he gets caught up
          watching the end scene of "SIMPLE JACK" on his TV.
          He has forgotten Damien is on the other line.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 27.

          EXT. RUNDOWN BALCONY -- DAY

          Damien stands holding the phone, still on hold. Through
          the glass, we see the entire crew waiting silently behind
          him.

          SPEEDMAN ON TV (O.S.)
          (as Simple Jack)'
          Shu-sure is a puh-puh-purty
          sssssssunrise, uh-uh-uh-uh-ain't it?

          DAMIEN
          Chris? You there? Hello?
          Finally, after a few moments of listening to this, Damien
          explodes. He throws the phone on the ground and jumps up
          and down on it. He notices the crew staring at him. He
          tries to look as if that just didn't happen.
          He opens the sliding glass, and heads straight to the
          door. He continues walking through his office, out into
          the main offices. He motions for his assistant to join
          him.

          VOICE OF TODD
          Damien? This is not going to go away! I'm
          going to be on my cell all day -- I'm
          going to a funeral but I'm keeping it on.
          That's Where we're at with this!

          OUTSIDE OF DAMIEN'S OFFICE
          He walks with purpose, followed by his assistant.

          DAMIEN
          Get everyone together! We are having a
          cast meeting" tonight! No choice! Everyone
          must attend. I am putting my foot down!

          HOT YOUNG ASSISTANT
          Oh... I don't think I can do that,
          Damien. Chris is having that "End of
          First Week" party at his place tonight.
          Everybody's going.
          Damien's eyes twitch oddly.

          CUT TO:

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 28.

          EXT. SPEEDMAN'S PALATIAL BEACHFRONT ESTATE -- NIGHT

          It is an APOCALYPSE NOW theme party. Vegas style. Tiki
          torches,, buffets. PLAYBOY PLAYMATE DANCERS circa 1967 are
          dancing on a deck in front of a banner that reads "ONE
          WEEK DOWN!". The crew and cast are partying their asses
          off.
          i n �� i nM�'al
          WAITERS, dressed like bald Marlon Brandos in full face
          camo, serve hors d'oeuvres.
          PORTNOY, not looking very sober, jumps up on the stage
          with the dancers and starts doing a striptease.

          ENTRANCE TO THE DECK
          Damien walks in, watching this scene from Caligula going
          down. He looks in a deep funk.
          Portnoy STAGE DIVES straight onto the lawn, landing with
          a thud in front of Damien.

          DAMIEN,
          Jeff. Jeff are you alright?.We.need to
          talk -- as.a cast, as a platoon, right
          now.

          PORTNOY
          (sick and drunk)
          Dorfie-- did you happenito see that grip
          withthe bandana?-The big guy?-I was
          supposed to meet him here. He has a-
          package of mine.
          Kevin Sandusky ("Brooklyn" from the movie) comes up to
          them, looking fresh faced and eager.

          SANDUSKY.
          Hey Mr. Dorfman. Jeff. You O.K? That was
          some hit you took today.

          PORTNOY

          (BEAT)
          Who are you?

          SANDUSKY
          I'm Kevin. Are you serious? Kevin
          Sandusky? I'm playing Brooklyn?

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 29.

          PORTNOY
          Oh yeah. Right. Hey, have you seen that
          grip with the bandana?

          SANDUSKY
          Uh, no. I think--
          But Portnoy is off already looking for his drug
          connection. They both watch him go.

          SANDUSKY
          Hey, Mr. Dorfman, I was hoping to find
          you. I know this is a party, but this
          afternoon after work I was breaking down
          my M-16, and I have to say, in the night
          watch scene, a minute and a half is a
          pretty short amount of time to assemble
          it.

          DAMIEN

          (TOUCHED)
          You actually care, don't you?

          SANDUSKY
          Oh, yeah. Of course. This is a huge
          opportunity. To be working with all these
          great actors, and you.

          DAMIEN
          You're the only one who auditioned.
          You're the only one who did the two week
          boot camp, Sandusky.

          SANDUSKY
          Yeah, I know. It was kind of weird.
          Wasn't the point that we were all
          supposed to bond?

          DAMIEN

          (BITTERLY)
          Yes, that was the point.
          Damien, grabs a drink from a passing tray, and downs it.
          We follow A WAITER as he passes Speedman with a tray of
          food.
          Speedman, ungracefully and with his hook hands, grabs a
          spring roll off the tray. He resumes talking to LAZARUS
          who is deeply uninterested.

          

          

          

          

           I

           I
          r Tropic Thunder 30.

          SPEEDMAN
          I guess I just watched some retarded
          people. I mean, I spent a lot. of time.
          with them... watching them.. Watching all
          the retarded stuff they did.

          LAZARUS
          Huh, I always found mere observation a
          little rudimentary. Gotta dig deeper to
          mine the true emotional,paydirt. Diagram
          the source of the pain. Then live it.

          SPEEDMAN
          (trying. to keep up)
          Exactly! With Jack. I was, for the
          first time in-my life..
          (searches for the word)
          Retarded. I was retarded.in.the trailer,
          retarded at home., Brushing my. teeth
          retarded. In a `weird way I had to
          unlearn what it was to be... .NOT
          retarded.

          LAZARUS
          Yeah... but Simple Jack thought he was
          smart. Or, rather, didn't think he was
          retarded. So you can afford to play
          retarded', being a smart actor. Tricky
          tricky stuff. Hats off for going. there.
          Especially.knowing how the Academy is
          about that shit.
          Speedman is lost:

          SPEEDMAN
          About what?

          LAZARUS
          (with 'a chuckle)
          Are you serious? Everyone knows you
          don't ever go fully retarded!

          SPEEDMAN
          How do you mean?
          Lazarus sets his. drink down. School's in session.

          LAZARUS
          Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man.
          Looked retarded. Acted retarded. NOT
          retarded. He could count toothpicks,
          cheat at cards. Autistic. Sure. NOT
          retarded. HANKS'. Forest Gump. Slow? Yes.

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 31.
          LAZARUS (cont'd)
          Retarded? Maybe. Had braces on his legs,
          he charmed the pants bff Nixon, and won a
          ping-pong competition. Peter Sellers,
          "Being There", infantile? Yes.
          Retarded? No.
          He claps a hand on Speedman's shoulder.

          LAZARUS
          You went full retard, man. You never go 14
          full retard. Don't believe me? Ask Sean
          Penn, 2001, I am Sam. Went full retard.
          Went home empty handed.
          Speedman sees this for the truth it is. How could he be
          so stupid?

          LAZARUS
          (cruelly, driving it home)
          But hey, man! Who knows? Four Leaf could
          be your ticket to Oscar gold. I'd lose
          the hook hands though... cripples don't
          give the Academy wood either.

          SPEEDMAN

          (DAZED)
          Oh.
          Lazarus laughs and excuses himself by rattling his glass
          and heading for the bar. Speedman stands hurt, delicately
          holding the spring,roll in his hook.

          ON THE OTHER SIDE,OF THE ROOM
          Damien paces the party. He looks more miserable and high
          strung than ever. He discovers Redykulous, surrounded by
          his posse and a CAMERA CREW.

          DAMIEN
          Redykulous... I need to talk to you.

          REDYKULOUS
          What up, money.

          DAMIEN
          (in a hushed tone, aware of
          the cameras)
          We're having a cast meeting, right now
          We need to come together as a unit --
          The camera crew moves in for the close-up. . .making Damien
          uncomfortable ... Redykulous takes it in stride. Throughout
          the scene he is TEXT MESSAGING someone.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 32.

          REDYKULOUS
          Uh-huh...
          Damien is made uncomfortable by the cameraman who has i
          started manually zooming in and out on him in a dutch
          style camera move...
          DAMIEN i
          Do you mind if we step away for a moment?

          REDYKULOUS
          From what?
          Damien tries to indicate the crew.

          DAMIEN
          (whispering even lower now)
          From the...uh...you know... .this area..

          REDYKUL:OUS
          Oh, I see...sure
          They take a few steps away from the bar... The entire
          camera crew follows.

          DAMIEN
          Oh. Hah! No, I mean away from the
          cameras.
           you understand?. Away from
          (indicating the crew)
          them...

          REDYKULOUS
          No.

          DAMIEN
          What?

          REDYKULOUS
          No. I can't do that. If Redykulous
          steps away from the cameras then my
          .people don't get to see the real
          Redykulous. The show is called "Utterly
          Redykulous".

          DAMIEN
          Well this is about work ...my show so to.
          .speak. Do you understand?

          REDYKULOUS
          I guess. But not really. Your show and
          my show are the same thing. This is gonna
          help your show, trust me.

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 33.
          REDYKULOUS (cont'd)
          My show AND the soundtrack drops the same
          time "Tropic Thunder opens. So you get
          that crossover audience everybody wants
          on your opening weekend, which will
          dictate your revenue streams all the way
          through DVD release, pay per view,
          etcetera.
          Damien thinks this over for a second. It does sort of
           make sense. He then notices the chmera crew pushing in k I , 1 '144%
          for a close up He awkwardly tries to get away from
          them...

          DAMIEN
          Excuse me, everyone! If I could have
          your attention!
          Nothing. No one notices except Speedman. Damien grabs a
          couple bottles off the bar and BANGS them together.

          DAMIEN
          Sorry to break up the party, but I just
          wanted to call your attention to a cast
          meeting tonight! Big meeting! Future of
          the film depends on it!

          (UNRAVELING)
          Not to mention my entire bloody life!
          Damien in a final cry of frustration, SMASHES a bottle on
          the bar. He succeeds only in cutting his hand.

          DAMIEN

          GODFUCKITI SHIT!
          Speedman comes up, placing a calming hook on Damien's
          shoulder. He steps to the fore.

          SPEEDMAN
          (slowly, deliberately)
          "When... we.'.. put... aside... our...
          differences... we see we're kind of the
          same."
          Within moments, the place settles completely.

          SPEEDMAN
          (Long beat...-then almost
          quietly.)
          "When we put aside our differences, we
          see we're kind of the same. Let's be
          friends, I know we will do great things
          together."
          (beat, then more upbeat)

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 34.
          SPEEDMAN (,cont'd)
          That's a quote from my children's book,
          "The Boy Everybody-Was Jealous Of." I
          know it's just a book for. kids, but I
          think it applies to.making a movie as
          well. 'Course... I know a lot of the
          reason things are maybe messed up is ME.
          The guys look at each other -- maybe he's not so bad.

          SPEEDMAN
          I was looking-at it all backwards. You
          guys are lost. You heed.me to.lead you,
          to help you gel, and straighten.up --
          like a PLATOON!
          A long beat.

          PORTNOY
          (drunk out of his mind)
          Hey,. Speedman! That bullshit pep'talk
          made me.H-h-h-h-h-happy!
          The entire party cuts.up.in loud hysterics. Speedman
          looks hurt. The DJ puts on-a Redykulous track really
          loud, and the, place gets even crazier.

          EXT. BEACH - LATER

          Damien, drunk, walks along, illuminated by the light of
          the moon. He holds' a bottle of wine, which.he chugs..In
          the distance, the party rages.

          FOUR LEAF-CO .. S . )
          When a herd loses its way, the shepherd
          must kill the bull that leads them
          astray..
          Damien turns around., startled. FOUR LEAF is standing
          eerily in the bushes by the sand.

          FOUR LEAF
          You don't know which way is up, do you
          private`? You couldn't find a dixie
          coonskin with an Ohio hooker holding your
          prick. and showin' you the way...
          Damien doesn't know what the fuck that meant.
          Four Leaf moves to him, staring deep into his eyes.
          Damien's eyes widen in fear.

          

          

          

          

          ,I

          I
          „Tropic Thunder 35.

          FOUR LEAF
          A raindrop cannot carve a valley. An ant
          cannot defeat a buffalo. But a tempest
          can cleave that mountain to make the
          valley, and an army of ants can fell the
          mighty buffalo.

          DAMIEN
          (seeing the wisdom of this)
          Yes...

          FOUR LEAF
          If the lion, although king of the jungle,
          is thrown into the sea, he will
          drown... but...if...

          (PAUSE)
          He...lives in the...water, for many
          years, he will.. .grow gills ... . do you
          understand?
          (long pause)

          DO YOU!?
          He lunges at Damien and grabs him by the collar with both
          hooks. '

          DAMIEN
          (near tears now)
          I want to!!! But not really!!

          (BEAT)
          Someone's an ANT? Or something???

          FOUR LEAF
          I put my story in your limp Brit hands
          and you will not fail me!!
          (long pause)
          My boys were worse pussies than these
          guys. But the shit is what made us a
          unit. A whole. You must put them in the

          SHIT.
          He releases Damien and takes a large draw on his
          cigarette...

          FOUR LEAF
          There's a place. About a hundred clicks
          from here, as the crow flies. Deep in the
          jungle. No trailers, no port-a-potties.
          Nothing but triple canopy jungle and
          cockroaches the size of melons.
          Damien seems intrigued yet a little freaked out by his
          weirdness.

          

          

          

          

          1
          Tropic Thunder 36.

          DAMIEN
          And...?

          FOUR LEAF
          Rig up your documentary cameras'in that
          jungle, give me and Cody a few of those
          smoke bombs and some charges and we could
          light up the jungle so those lily-dick
          actors would think they were in the
          middle of. Hamburger Hill. You.get them
          thinking they're getting shot at, and
          you'll have your movie.
          Suddenly, Four Leaf slaps his neck with his hook as
          though he has been bitten. He holds out a small squished
          mosquito' between the claws of his prosthesis.

          FOUR LEAF
          You must put them.under your thumb the
          way this. bug is under mine... .under YOUR
          control.

          DAMIEN
          I see ...yes ...They would 'be under my
          total control... finally. I could shoot
          the whole movie there. Gritty. Dirty.
          Away from their pampered pussy posses and
          helpers...

          FOUR LEAF
          Yes... yes...

          DAMIEN
          Put them in the real shit. Film them
          with real fear in their eyes. REAL FEAR!

          .REAL EMOTION! YES! YES, FOUR LEAF, FUCK

          YES!!
          Damien and Four Leaf share a crazed look. COOL MUSIC UP
          as WE PUSH IN and...

          CUT TO:

          EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT

          A CHOPPER skimming the treetops, illuminated by a lonely
          moon...

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 37.

          IN THE CHOPPER
          Cody is piloting. Damien and Four Leaf are in the back
          sitting, across from Speedman, Portnoy, Redyk and Lazarus
          and Sandusky.
          We move across the faces of the actors, all in
          brainbuckets, who all look confusted and unhappy, except
          for Sandusky who seems excited.
          Speedman clutches the camouflaged gift bag from his agent
          Rick Peck.

          PORTNOY

          (FINALLY)
          So, uh, any idea how long we'll be gone?
          Because I left most of my... vitamins
          back at the hotel.
          The other actors chime in with similar concerns,
          regarding sleeping arrangements, make up facilities,
          etc... '

          FOUR LEAF
          Save your breath, maggots!
          They all shrink back. Four Leaf's fierce posture is
          undercut as the helicopter lurches, sending Damien
          sprawling onto hire.

          DAMIEN
          That's•right. Maggots.

          EXT. JUNGLE - DAWN

          The chopper lands in a small clearing as the sun rises
          behind a mountain.

          IN THE CHOPPER
          Damien and Four Leaf, in DI mode, hustle the "grunts" off
          the chopper.

          DAMIEN

          GO!!!
          Apparently they are not moving fast enough -- Four Leaf
          and Damien shove the guys out of the chopper onto the
          ground.

          

          

          

          
          .Tropic Thunder 38.

          FOUR LEAF

          MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!
          The group, scared shitless, start falling out of the
          doors of the chopper, more like a bunch of oysters than a
          crack platoon.
          Four leaf jumps on the skid of thy chopper and motions to
          Cody, who lifts off. It kicks�up a violent backwash, 0, Iq y
          forcing the guys to duck. and cover.

          FOUR LEAF
          See you in hell!
          As the noise of the helicopter fades, the group starts.
          trying to orient itself in their new surroundings.' The
          Jungle. Black, dense, unforgiving.
          All around them can be seen the remnants of a war that
          has been over for thirty years. A grave marker,. half of
          an old rusted out•'downed chopper.
          All are absorbing the spookiness, except Portnoy who
          seems very upset.

          PORTNOY
          This is bullshit!
          Damien marches over to him, and SLAPS HIM REPEATEDLY in
          the face.

          PORTNOY I
          (clutching his cheeks)

          OWW! FUCKIN' JESUS, DUDE!

          DAMIEN

          YOU'RE SITTING ON A NEST OF HOSTILE V.C.

          ENEMY. CONGRATULATIONS FATS. YOU JUST GOT

          US ALL KILLED! ANYBODY ELSE CARE TO GIVE

          AWAY OUR POSITION TO CHARLIE!!
          Silence.

          DAMIEN

          CELL PHONES!
          Everyone hands over their phones.
          Speedman, however, turns away from the group, getting his.
          satellite phone out of the gift bag. He surreptitiously
          stows it down the front of his pants.

          

          

          

          
           ,. Tropic Thunder 39.

          I" ►
          Damien dumps them in a pile and finds a large boulder. HE
          smashes the phones with a draatic flair. The guys GROAN.
          Damien turns on them with a crazy gleam in his eye.

          DAMIEN
          Okay, girls... now that I have your
          attention, I will tell you fuckfaces what
          we're doing here. You are no longer
          actors in a movie. You,are grunts in a
          war. These men around you are your
          brothers.
          The guys look at each other, unhappy.

          DAMIEN
          Congratulations. You've just landed in
          "the shit". Your objective is to head
          north and liberate the village at D'ang
          Kwook Hill, at which point "Four Leaf"
          gets himself captured, at which point you
          rescue him, at which point we will
          chopper you home. We will also be
          rigging this entire valley of death with
          hidden cameras so that every glorious
          moment gets on film. And believe me it
          WILL be glorious. If it looks real,
          chances are good it probably is. You
          wanted to be actors? You wanted to
          occupy the skin of another human being?
          Get ready to occupy the skin of a
          terrified U.S. Infantry grunt, surrounded
          by death, crawling up Satan's arsehole.
          There's going to be enemy fire. Booby
          traps. Your own personal little slice of
          the 'Nam.
          The group shares a look -- "What's going on?"
          He pulls out a laminated packet.

          DAMIEN
          (to Spe?dman)
          "Four Leaf", since you're the Captain
          here, here's the scene list and the map.
          (he throws them at him)
          Think you can handle it? From now on,
          Whatever we get on film is our movie,
          period.
          Damien pulls out a walkie-talkie.

          

          

          

          
          .Tropic Thunder 40.

          DAMIEN
          THIS is your only link to, the real world.
          It will be used only in an emergency or
          to replenish our supplies if absolutely
          necessary. This is NOT a cell phone.
          This radio goes'to the chopper, and the
          chopper ONLY. The chopper is GOD, and I
          am Jesus Christ his SONI!! You will'
          depend on and pray 'to US!! And nobody �i�� i n I' �IMd�4
          gets home until we get the shots!
          (loud and confident)
          Now... let's'put the greatest war movie
          ever in the can!
          With that, Damien marches toward the treeline and'steps
          on a dormant LAND MINE left sleeping for decades., BLOWING'

          HIM TO BITS.
          The group stands absolutely stock still for several long
          beats until...

          SPEEDMAN
          Whoa.

          EXT. JUNGLE. -- A HALF MILE AWAY

          A group of about SIX ASIAN GUERILLA FIGHTERS, well armed
          and scary looking,,. notice the sound of the explosion.
          They begin talking very seriously in a foreign language.
          One of them grabs a radio:

          GUERILLAS

          (SUBTITLES)
          < We have heard an explosion, in the
          northern sector.>

          A UNKNOWN VOICE
          (crackling over walkie
          talkie),
          .
          They lock and load, heading towards the actors...

          EXT. JUNGLE -- A.HILLTOP CLEARING

          Four Leaf scans the horizon while. Cody sets up high-tech
          equipment, including monitors and cameras and detonation
          devices.

          

          

          

          

          I
          Tropic Thunder 41.

          CODY
          So, I'm thinkin' as soon as Damien gives
          us the go ahead, we'�ust their cherry
          with a few airbursts, then alpha-alpha
          till they come running right at, us, then
          a good of fashioned firefight,
          maintaining our distance.
          Four Leaf ignores him, instead looking around the jungle,
          looking almost lost.

          CODY
          I been meaning to tell ya the whole
          shoot. I'm probably one-a your biggest
          fans. Your book was kinda my "Catcher in
          the Rye". It inspired me to become a gyro
          man.
          Four Leaf gives Cody nothing -- except his usual stoic
          stare.

          CODY
          I'm actually sort of a war nut. I mean I
          never was in the service, but for me
          blowing shit up in a war films is sort of
          my way of paying tribute to the real
          deal. And you sir, are the real deal.
          Nothing.

          CODY
          Hey, I was wonderin' what kind of sidearm
          you carry? Looks to me like a--

          FOUR LEAF
          (very scary)
          I don't know what it's called. I just
          know the sound it makes when it takes a
          man's life.
          Cody, a little spooked, picks up his radio.

          CODY
          Ok, we're ready to rock and roll.
          (to walkie-talkie)
          Damien, come in. Cameras are up,
          ordinance are up. Ready to kick the tires
          and light the fires on your say so.

          

          

          

          

          11
          Tropic Thunder 42.

          EXT. JUNGLE - THE ACTORS

          WE are close on the seemingly broken.walkie talkie,.which
          has heard none of this. We PULL BACK to reveal the guys,
          staring at Damien's corpse in total shock. All except
          Speedman, who looks on with a smirk.

          PORTNOY
          I think he's like... dead.

          SPEEDMAN:
          (with a chuckle)
          Nice, very nice, Dorf. . .Very nice,
          wherever you're hiding!

          REDYKULOUS
          I don't think he's hiding.. I think he
          just died!
          Sandusky leans down towards the off screen corpse.
          pulls a wrist into frame.

          SANDUSKY
          He doesn't. have a pulse ...or a head.
          He then grabs a bent and rusty.piece of metal.

          SANDUSKY
          Must've been one of those Claymore mines.
          This old Jungle must.be full of them.,

          REDYKUZOUS
          You bet your ass it is. That's why a
          percentage of my Pymp Sweat Profits are
          helpin' solve the problem!
          Damien's corpse emits a disturbing death rattle.
          Speedman busts up laughing. They turn to him -- what the
          hell?
          Speedman throws an-arm.around Sandusky, -like an indulgent
          older brother.

          SPEEDMAN
          C'mon! Don't you get it? This is what
          .Dorf was talking about -- our slice of
          the Nam! He's trying to get in our
          heads!

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 43.

          GUERRILLAS P.O.V -- FROM THE SURROUNDING JUNGLE
          They are right behind the treeline, watching the guys
          from about thirty feet.

          SPEEDMAN
          That whole "life and death" speech in the
          chopper? He's meshing 'with us! What do
          you think all that "playing God" was
          about?
          The guys breathe a huge collective sigh of relief --
          except Lazarus.

          LAZARUS
          Are you nuts, shithead? The dude is
          dead!!
          Sandusky looks unsure. He doesn't want to take sides.

          SPEEDMAN
          Kirk. I know you're the big fancy actor
          here, but, no offense, I've done a lot
          mote effects driven event films, and I
          think I can spot a prop body.

          ON THE GUERRILLAS
          The LEAD guerilla signals for all his guys to hold their
          fire and pick their targets...

          ON THE ACTORS
          Suddenly, The walkie-talkie lying on Damien's body
          crackles to life:

          CODY (ON WALKIE)
          -- I repeat, we are now go for mission!

          DAMIE--
          The walkie crackles unintelligibly. Speedman picks it up,
          showing it to the guys. See?

          SPEEDMAN

          (SMIRKING)
          Alright, can we start the scene now? Or
          do you need a formal invitation?!
          (checking the list)
          Scene 12A, ext. Jungle. Day. Ambush.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 44.
          Speedman closes his eyes, taking a second to get into
          character. He opens them, and grabs. his gun and creeps
          towards the bushes, stealthily..

          SPEEDMAN
          (as Four Leaf)
          I got a baaaad feeling on this one, Fats.
          The group remains motionless., Speedman gives Portnoy a ,M in MAIM
          "c'mon!" type look. Portnoy doesn't know what he means...

          SPEEDMAN
          I said, I got a baaad feeling on this
          one, Brooklyn...
          Oh! He's acting!
          Sandusky hesitantly takes the cue, and starts walking.
          stealthily around.with him, on high.alert.for Charlie.
          Swinging his gun unpredictably.

          ON THE GUERILLAS
          They are a mere ten or fifteen feet from Sandusky on the
          other side of the. trees... they back off as. he waves his
          gun...

          BACK ON THE ACTORS'

          SANDUSKY
          (-as Brooklyn)
          Me too, cap'n.

          (BEAT)
          Hey, cap?: If.I told you something,
          something kinda personal, you wouldn't
          think I was crazy, right?

          SPEEDMAN
          Naw, man. I know you ain't crazy
          Brooklyn...

          SANDUSKY
          Well,. if I told you that I, I never
          actually, well, been with a girl...you
          wouldn't, like, think I was, like, queer
          .or nothin'... would you.?

          SPEEDMAN
          .Naw, man... I wouldn't think you was a
          queer.

          

          

          

          

          ,I
           Tropic Thunder 45.

          I" ►
          Redykulous shrugs and joins in, too:

          REDYKULOUS
          (acting really "black guy"

          SCARED)
          Sh...sh...shit ...When I get back to the
          world, I'm gonna find me the finest piece
          of Detroit nubian mugambo, and fuck it
          till I broke its back.

          PORTNOY
          The last "mugambo" you ever tasted was in
          your momma's soup bowl. I wouldn't mind
          slurpin' on a little of that --

          SPEEDMAN
          That's enough outta you Fats. Don't you
          worry, Brooklyn. You gotta lotta days a
          fucking ahead of you and I for one ain't
          gonna let Charlie...
          Lazarus can't handle it anymore.

          LAZARUS
          What the FUCK is wrong with you people?!
          Speedman shoots him a look then takes a few steps back.
          He addresses the treeline.

          SPEEDMAN
          Sorry Damien! Back to one... action!
          (he gets back in character)
          Don't you worry, Brooklyn, You gotta

          LOTTA--

          LAZARUS
          Yo, asshole! Mothafucka just DIED!
          Speedman sighs, annoyed.

          SPEEDMAN
          How many more takes you wanna wreck? Some
          of us are taking this seriously.
          Lazarus looks likes he wants to explode. But instead he
          becomes eerily calm. He begins an impressive
          transformation -- Everything except for his skin color
          returns to his real identity, a pompous Irish prick.

          LAZARUS
          (Heavy Irish)
          Jaysus! There isn't going to be any
          movie, ya gobshite!

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 46.
          LAZARUS (cont'd)
          Damien is dead, Speedman. Yes,_the show
          must go on, but this is feckin' madness.

          PORTNOY
          (re: Lazarus transformation) i
          Wow. That was really cool.

          THE GUERILLAS
          Are watching this, poised to attack.

          BACK ON THE ACTORS
          Speedman and Lazarus argue, more heated now.

          SPEEDMAN
          Excuse me Kirk, I think you dropped
          something.
          He mimes picking something , off, the ground.

          SPEEDMAN
          It's called your character. Don't worry,
          I won't tell the Academy!
          Suddenly: GUNFIRE FROM EVERYWHERE! The Guerrillas have
          seized the moment.
          The actors all immediately hit the dirt, except for
          Speedman,.who just looks annoyed and blase as dirt and
          debris kicks up all around him.

          SPEEDMAN
          You happy now? We're out of position for
          the effect! Am I the only one who read
          .the script?! This is the ambush!
          A tree aboveSpeedman gets hit, explodes, sprays chunks
          of wood and shrapnel everywhere.

          SANDUSKY
          I think they're really shooting at us!

          SPEEDMAN
          What are you guys worried about? These
          guys are pros. The unions would tear
          them a new ass-if any of us got hurt.
          The actors stay down, looking scared.

          SPEEDMAN
          Come on, you guys! Let's use this!

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 47.
          No one follows Speedman's lead., Fine, he'll go it alone.
          Speedman begins shooting at the guerillas alone, and
          doing a very good job of it, going through an assortment
          of absurd action style maneuvers throughout.
          Redykulous looks around, and then decides to get up and
          join him. Sandusky and Portnoy look at each other -- what
          the heck -- and follow. They all fire at the unseen
          enemy, letting out very convincing WAR CRIES.

          ON THE GUERRILLAS
          Not knowing it's only blanks, and awed by the power of
          the actors' automatic weapons, and the intensity of their
          screams, they drop back...

          GUERILLA LEADER
          
          The guerillas hastily go through their packs hooking up
          RPGs...

          EXT. JUNGLE - HILLTOP CLEARING

          Four Leaf looks out into the jungle below, he can hear
          the firefight, but, Cody can't.

          FOUR LEAF
          Hear that?
          Cody is preoccupied with the radio and the explosives.

          CODY
          What? I still can't get Damien on the
          radio. I bet he forgot how to use the
          Walkie again. What do you say we get a
          little... pro-active?
          Cody, very excited, grabs a plunger.

          BACK ON THE ACTORS
          Still fighting, oblivious that the guerillas are about to
          blow them to kingdom come with RPGs.
          But before the guerillas have a chance--

          

          

          

          

          I
          t' Tropic Thunder 48.

          ON CODY
          He pushes down the plunger...

          ON THE GUERILLAS

          BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!!
          Dirt flies, the guerillas don't know what the hell is
          going on =- except that someone is suddenly bombing the
          shit out of them. They beat a hasty retreat.

          EXT. JUNGLE HILLTOP CLEARING

          Cody and Four Leaf watch Cody's handiwork with
          binoculars. A smoke cloud slowly rises from the jungle.

          CODY
          Right on!! I bet Damien heard that!.
          Cody turns to Four Leaf, and finds himself staring
          straight at 10 GUERILLA FIGHTERS with their submachine
          guns pointed straight at them.

          CODY
          Oh shit.

          FOUR LEAF
          Oh yeah.
          And with that Cody and Four Leaf are.RIFLE BUTTED out of
          consciousness...

          EXT. JUNGLE -- THE ACTORS

          Speedman motions for everyone to "cease fire".

          SPEEDMAN

          (PUMPED)
          Aaaaand... CUT! Jesus!. Alright! That's
          the trailer 'right there!

          REDYKULOUS
          That was some sick shit! I wasn't even
          thinking bout the camera!
          The guys' adrenaline is flowing, they do high fives all
          around. Lazarus is not happy. He looks off into the
          jungle, sensing that someone was out there.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 49.

          SANDUSKY'
          So what do we do now?
          Speedman pulls out the map, frowns at it.

          SPEEDMAN
          Damien said to head north. I'm guessing
          they've got more of these "battles" and
          Viet Congs rigged for uls on the way.
          (into it)
          Alright, let's hump-our shit to D'ang
          Kwook! Let's didi double time! We got a
          lot of clicks to cover!
          Speedman heads off into a particularly dense section of
          jungle. After a beat, he reappears, looking a little
          lost.

          SANDUSKY
          Uh...Sir, isn't it that way?
          Kevin points in the other direction. Speedman glances
          down at the map, which he rotates around, right side up
          now.

          SPEEDMAN
          Oh yeah. Thanks, uh...

          SANDUSKY
          (can't believe it)
          Kevin. Kevin Sandusky.

          SPEEDMAN
          Right. Okay, To D'ang Kwook! Lets do-it-
          to-it!
          Everyone follows Speedman. Lazarus, very reluctantly,
          brings up the rear, still looking off into the jungle. A

          EXT. FLAMING DRAGON COMPOUND - ESTABLISHING

          It is a large, secret heroin processing facility,
          surrounded by barbed wire fencing. It is in a clearing
          in the jungle, by a small river.
          There's a GUARD TOWER overlooking a main gate, which
          leads into a big open courtyard area. The main structure
          is a low, concrete military-looking building.
          It's all populated with tough-looking, well-armed
          badasses.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 50.
          CODY AND FOUR LEAF, both hog-tied and unconscious, are
          marched through the courtyard, and into a building.

          INT. FLAMING DRAGON COMPOUND - COMMAND CENTER

          We are behind the back of the person who is in charge. In
          front of him, we see workers busily manufacturing tar
          heroin, in a sweatshop like atmosphere.
          A cadre of guerilla fighters domes in, sweaty and tired.
          The Lieutenant steps to the fore -- this is BYONG. He's
          badly shaken.

          BYONG
          
          The Unseen Leader shakes. his head.

          UNSEEN LEADER
          .

          BYONG
          

          UNSEEN LEADER.
          .

          EXT. BAMBOO FOREST -- DAY

          The actors are slogging along, through a tall thicket of
          bamboo. They look exhausted -- except for Speedman, who
          always manages to look like.a.movie star.

          PORTNOY
          So... we're just supposed to keep
          walking?

          SPEEDMAN
          We'll see some action soon enough. And
          try to stay in character. We're on
          camera..

          PORTNOY
          What do you mean "soon"?

          

          

          

          

          ,I
          Tropic Thunder 51.

          SPEEDMAN
          Whenever Damien decides it's time, I
          guess.

          PORTNOY
          When's that?

          SPEEDMAN
          I don't know. That's the whole point.
          Damien wants us tired and confused.

          REDYKULOUS
          Yeah, well I'm definitely qualifying for
          those objectives.
          Everyone chimes in -- they all need a break. Lazarus
          notices the mutinous vibe and smiles.

          SPEEDMAN
          Fine, fine. Okay, let's take a break,
          but be on the lookout for anything.
          Charlie doesn't care if you're on a break
          or not.
          Speedman plunks down and opens the map. He seems puzzled.
          Lazarus eyes him suspiciously. Sandusky walks off to take
          a leak. Lazarus then watches him go.
          Off to the side, Sandusky starts to pee. He hears
          something rustle next to him.

          LAZARUS (O.S.)
          Psst. Hey.
          Sandusky turns to see Lazarus peeing uncomfortably close
          to him.

          LAZARUS
          Speedman is watching. I don't have much
          time. I don't really need to piss. I
          need to talk to you. You went to the
          boot camp Sandusky, right? You can read
          that map?

          SANDUSKY
          Yeah...

          LAZARUS
          Good, good. Speedman is a tosser. That
          hoor's melt really thinks this is a
          movie. And he's got the lot of ya
          convinced.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 52.

          SANDUSKY
          You saying you don'tithink they're
          filming us?

          I

          LAZARUS
          Of course not! It's only a matter of
          time before he walks us into more mines
          or more of whoever the hell was shootin',
          at us. That muppet's going to get us all
          killed. I need to convince everyone.to
          turn around, but I .can't do it without
          the map. You're the only one who can
          read it. Can I count on you?

          SANDUSKY
          Well, yeah, I.guess. But

          LAZARUS
          Good man, Good man.
          Lazarus makesa big show of pretending he's done peeing,
          shaking, etc.., and heads back to the group.
          Speedman eyes Lazarus. What is he up to?
          Sandusky is just getting comfortable, begins to pee
          again. He hears another rustle. He turns.to see
          Speedman, right next to him.

          SPEEDMAN
          I'm gonna level with you, bro. I don't
          need to pee. I need to talk to you.
          Speedman surreptitiously takes out a can of Pymp Sweat
          and sticks the tip of his Bowie knife into it, to create
          a red pee.stream.

          SPEEDMAN
          Lazarus is insane. He's freaking out, and.
          he's gonna.ruin the whole movie for all
          of us. The men respect you, because you
          went to boot camp and rehearsal.
          (patting his shoulder)
          And you're pretty handy with that map. I
          need you on my side, Kyle.

          SANDUSKY
          Kevin.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 53.

          SPEEDMAN-
          If you stick with the program, I'm gonna
          talk to some of the Dreamworks
          brass... there'll probably be a Teen
          Choice award in it for you. You have
          that potential.

          SANDUSKY
          Well, I --

          SPEEDMAN
          Good man. Good man.
          Speedman rejoins the group, gives Lazarus a cocky look.

          EXT. JUNGLE - ELSEWHERE - LATER

          The guys continue to trudge along a hugely overgrown
          path. Speedman machetes through the overgrowth.

          SPEEDMAN
          If we stay on this trajectory we should
          be reaching the village any minute now.
          At the end of the line, we hear a few groans emanating
          from Portnoy.

          SPEEDMAN
          Buck up,, Fats ...we got a long road ahead
          of us...

          PORTNOY

          (SICK)
          No... its just that I don't feel so hot...
          I left my medication at the hotel.

          REDYKULOUS
          (to himself, snickering)
          Yeah, I'd like to check out some of those
          "meds" for my own self.
          Lazarus moves up to Speedman.

          LAZARUS
          Look, ya eejit, I mean, if there was a
          village don't you think we would have hit
          it by now?

          SPEEDMAN
          Quit your carping, we're right where
          we're supposed to be!

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 54.
          WHUMP! All of a sudden Speedman disappears out of
          frame...
          We see he has fallen chest deep into the edge of a SLOW

          MOVING RIVER.

          LAZARUS
          .(laughing)
          Hey, Is there a feckin' river on that
          map?
          S.pee`dman refers to the'now sopping wet map.

          SPEEDMAN
          Yes! There is! Its just a little more'
          down to the... lefty-down part from the:
          village.
          (checking the scene list)
          Anyway,. this feels like the Sampan, Boat
          Raid at the end of the second act.

          LAZARUS
          I don't see a "Sampan" boat!

          SPEEDMAN
          Any second now one should come by.
          Alright men, into the water!
          Everyone'except Lazarus reluctantly gets into the water.
          They all hold their rifles above their heads.

          LAZARUS I
          - L-et-'-s-stop this-char-ade-,sha-l-l-we? We
          need to quit faffin' about and turn.
          around NOW! And...
          Lazarus grabs Sandusky.

          LAZARUS
          Sandusky agrees. with me. Don't you,
          Sandusky?
          Kevin is caught, not sure what to d

          SPEEDMAN
          Wait! First of all...
          Now Speedman grabs him.

          SPEEDMAN
          Kelvin believes in this movie. And,
          second, need I remind you,. I am your
          superior officer.

          

          

          

          
          ,. Tropic Thunder 55.


          LAZARUS
          No, yer an actor. Arid if memory serves,
          a pretty shite one.
          The actors react -- Damn! Oh Snap! Shit! Speedman steels'
          himself.

          SPEEDMAN
          THAT'S THE WAY OUT! That's our only
          chance!

          PORTNOY
          Yeah, but maybe we should stay here until
          they send help! Or maybe try to get back
          to the hotel.

          SPEEDMAN
          Help from where! Need I remind you that
          Damien's orders were to --
          (right at Lazarus)
          --stay in character.
          (to the guys)
          Now, I already have an international box
          office presence, but for some of you, I'm
          guessing you might not want to screw this
          movie up!
          This actually seems to affect the actors. Lazarus can't
          believe it.

          SPEEDMAN
          .okay...C'mon, boys! This way. Let's go
          get those Viet Congs!
          Lazarus throws down his gun. He's had it.

          LAZARUS
          Jay-sus Fuck! It's Viet Cona! Not Viet
          Congs! Viet Cong, you plunker! And, hey,
          if you're so sure of yourself, why don't
          you let Kelvin have a look at the map?!
          Kevin doesn't know what to do -- he doesn't want to get
          in the middle of this. Speedman continues to be the tough
          guy.

          SPEEDMAN
          Be my guest.
          Speedman hands over the soggy map. Kevin looks. After a
          long beat...

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 56.

          SANDUSKY
          We've been going the wrong way. 'We were
          supposed to be doing this:
          Sandusky traces his finger along the correct route -- a
          clearly marked, northward arrow.

          SANDUSKY
          instead, we did this. i I �1d Iv I. 11M%
          Sandusky draws a line due East --..into a. section of the.
          map clearly marked with scary skull and cross-bone type 14 %
          warnings.

          PORTNOY
          (holding his stomach)
          Oh, man, this is not' cool, this is not
          cool at all.
          Speedman grabs the map back from Sandusky.

          SPEEDMAN
          I can't believe you people!. You're
          pussing out on me? We are supposed to be
          a unit!

          LAZARUS
          No one is "pussing out." They just
          prefer not. to die.out here. Sandusky, can
          you get'us back to the landing zone
          without the map?

          SANDUSKY
          It might be tricky, but maybe.

          LAZARUS
          Okay, which is it, gentlemen? Playin' war
          with Mister Box Office? Or staying
          alive? 

          SPEEDMAN
          Unbelievable!. Are you guys really gonna
          abandon this movie?
          A long tense. beat -- finally, Sandusky walks towards
          Lazarus. Everyone follows him.
          Speedman looks stunned. After a moment, he shakes his
          head and begins crossing the river, holding his rifle
          with both hands over his head.

          

          

          

          
          ,. Tropic Thunder 57.

          SPEEDMAN
          So that's the way it,,is, huh? Fine! I'll
          finish the movie alone!
          (turns to Lazarus, under his

          BREATH)
          And when I give my acceptance speech,
          I'll be sure to thank you, Lazarus, for
          staying out of that scene. And come Oscar
          night, we'll see who feels a little "full
          retard"!
          He reaches the other side of the river.

          SANDUSKY
          Chris, You have no idea where you're
          going!

          SPEEDMAN
          Yeah, I do!
          (consulting the scene list)
          I'm going to "EX'S. JUNGLE. DUSK. FOUR
          LEAF PINNED DOWN AND ALONE". And, I can
          shoot it alone.
          They'watch him trudge into the foliage.
          U2'S "BULLET THE BLUE SKY" comes up as the men watch
          Speedman disappear...

          EXT. MOUNTAINOUS JUNGLE -- SUPER WIDE -- DUSK

          We slowly push in on a lone figure silhouetted against
          the purple sky, trudging along the top of a trail to
          nowhere.

          CLOSER
          Speedman walks through the scary jungle, exhausted. He is
          tired, lonely and hungry. The jungle is making all sorts
          of terrifying noises. Finally he stops and regards the
          treeline.

          SPEEDMAN
          DORF!...CODY?!...What's the deal with a
          meal break? Are they gonna chopper stuff
          in later on? I don't wanna be a prima
          donna or anything, but, we gotta eat,
          right?

          (PAUSE)
          Damien?

          

          

          

          
          P- 'Tropic Thunder 58.
          Clearly no answer.
          He trudges a bit further finally 'plunking down.by the
          trunk of a huge tree. ,
          He empties his pack, within which is the gift bag.from
          his.agent. He 'surveys his wares: An i-pod. Nano, an In
          Style magazine, a neck pillow, Cherry Chapstick, a,
          tonight--show baseball hat, some packets of equal, and an
          unopened "MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS' DVD.

          EXT. JUNGLE -,DUSK

          Our Guys, led by Lazarus, are humping through a dense
          section of jungle. Portnoy is beginning to make all
          sorts of pained and horrible noises.

          PORTNOY
          Uhhh... .UHHHHHHHH.

          (PAUSE)
          Ohhhhh-Maaaaaaannn...I'm cold. It's

          FREEEZING..

          REDYKULOUS

          WOULD YOU PAH-LEEZE.SHUT THE FUCK UP!-

          PORTNOY
          (after a beat)
          Ohhh GOD! Is'anybody BOILING!? It's like
          a sweat lodge out here!

          LAZARUS
          Make a note gentlemen,. unwittingly,
          Jeffrey Portnoy is joining the proud
          ranks of those of us who have suffered
          for art.
          (to Portnoy)
          A new frontier for you, Funny Man. When
          this is all over, you might have more
          than flatulence to offer an audience.
          Portnoy looks a little hurt.

          REDYKULOUS
          You know what? I think I actually liked
          you better when you were a nigga.

          LAZARUS
          You know, Redykulous', I respect what it
          is you do, the rapping, the rhyme-talking
          -- invented by the Irish I might add.

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 59.
          LAZARUS (cont'd)
          Yet you ooze this hostility towards me.
          Why do you think that-is?

          REDYKULOUS
          "Why"?! I dunno...maybe because they had
          one good part for a black man in this
          movie and they gave it to a white guy.

          LAZARUS
          Oh...I see...Put another way -- you're
          mad because I can act "black" better than
          you can.

          SANDUSKY
          Take it easy guys...

          REDYKULOUS
          (to Sandusky)
          You better rein in 'black like me' over
          here, before I put a foot in his white
          ass...

          LAZARUS
          Niggaz always got to be niggaz.
          This is truly over the line. Redykulous lunges at
          Lazarus. They fight.
          Redykulous throws a wide punch, that Lazarus deftly
          avoids, that hooks Portnoy right in the jaw.
          Sandusky jumps in and pries them apart.

          SANDUSKY
          Okay! That's enough! Jesus Christ! It's
          not enough we have people shooting at us!
          Now we have to kill each other?! Let's
          pull it together! This place is full of
          land mines! Or doesn't anyone's sense
          memory recall our director being blown
          up by onel?
          That shut them up.

          LAZARUS
          Sandusky is right... we could all learn a
          little from his common sense approach.
          From now on we walk Indian style,
          footstep upon footstep. Sandusky. . .you
          take first position.
          He breaks off a branch, and hands it to Sandusky, and
          pushes him out front. Sandusky gives him a look.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 60.

          LAZARUS
          Your bravery shames us.
          Sandusky reluctantly starts down the path, tapping for
          land mines with the branch. The guys follow at a VERY
          safe distance.
          EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT AM l u I, I nhy
          CLOSE. ON Speedman's face. After a beat.a drop of water
          hits him in the.forehead. Then another.
          PULL BACK to reveal a pathetic shelter made. out of
          headphone. wire, and the In Style magazine.' The drip-is
          now becoming full on RAIN.
          He clutches an Equal packet and. the Cherry Chapstick.
          Gently, he puts the chapstick-to his face and takes a
          tentative bite, as though he were eating human flesh. He
          then tears open the Equal packet and empties its contents
          into his hand,.and takes. a lick, savoring every granule.
          He hears a rustling in the bushes across from him. A
          rodent? Food? Excited, he pulls out his Bowie knife and
          begins to stalk his prey.
          Now another movement behind.the bush, and a flash of.
          fur...
          Stealthily, he moves towards it. With cat like quickness,
          and knife drawn, he lunges onto the bush, A HUGE ROAR is
          heard...

          QUICK SHOTS OF: FANGS, BLOOD, AN EYEBALL, A HUGE PAW...
          Speedman is slashed, SOMETHING has got him in a choke
          hold...
          He reels around screaming.and stabbing wildly, brutally
          pummeling his attacker. He is. covered in blood, but
          looks ecstatic.

          SPEEDMAN
          Die! Die, you son of a bitch! Die!
          Speedman deals a death blow. And unleashes a primal
          VICTORY SCREAM. Spent, he finally gets a good look at
          his victim:
          A.small, cute, cuddly PANDA...
          Speedman looks horrified...

          

          

          

          
          ,i
           ,Tropic Thunder 61.

          I" 1
          FLASH on a SERIES OF STILLS from SPEEDMAN'S PANDA PHOTO

          SHOOT...
          He stumbles back against a tree.
          Suddenly we hear an odd VIBRATING SOUND. He jumps, and -
          frantically jams his hands in his pants it is the
          forgotten satellite phone he hid there way back when.

          CLOSE ON PHONE -- CALLER ID SAYS "RICK PECK"
          Speedman answers...

          INT. AGENCY OFFICE -- L.A. --DAY

          Rick is on a Pilates machine in is office with a HOT
          PILATES INSTRUCTOR working him out.

          RICK
          I got the personal attache of Bien Den
          Phu's ambassador to the United Nations of
          America delivering a TiVo directly to
          your bedroom. But the bad news is you
          gotta sit down and have monkey brains
          with him or some ceremonial shit for the
          local paper.

          WE INTERCUT BETWEEN THEM

          SPEEDMAN

          (FREAKED)
          I killed one rick. The thing I love more
          than anything in the world...

          RICK
          A hooker? You killed a hooker? Calm
          down, it's fine. This is a no-brainer.
          Thank GOD you're out of the country.

          SPEEDMAN
          No! A Panda! I killed a panda!

          RICK
          You WHAT? Uhy. Heavy shit National Park.
          Oh jeesus...take a breath.. .did anybody
          see you?

          SPEEDMAN

          YOU HAVE TO HELP ME RICK!

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 62.

          RICK
          Chill zone, buddy, 1im thinking. Did
          anyone see you do this?

          I

          SPEEDMAN
          I don't think so. I'm out in.the bush.
          Alone.

          RICK
          Alright. Listen to me. I want.you to.get
          your hands on some-bleach, some hydrogen
          peroxide and some lime. Your gonna wanna
          cut the body in quarters ... the femurs are
          gonna be a bitch... that's normal...
          Speedman'nods eagerly, absorbing it all, not noticing a

          PIANO. WIRE BEING SLIPPED AROUND HIS NECK...
          Suddenly, he'is being choked.-He drops the phone, gasping
          for.air...

          RICK (O.S.)
          Chris? Breathe.! It's gonna be ok.. I'm
          calling that publicist right now, the one
          J Lo hired when she was'hammered and
          killed that kid with her Jetski.
          A guerilla shoots the phone. They quickly tie Speedman.up
          and whisk him'off into the jungle.

          EXT. FLAMING DRAGON COMPOUND -- DAWN

          Speedman is being led through the courtyard in:shackles.
          He looks up to the guard towers.
          There are security cameras everywhere. In Speedman''s
          mind, movie cameras. He nods, into it.

          SPEEDMAN
          (under his breath)
          Alright. P.O.W camp. Scene 67..Bring it
          on Dorf.

          INT. CODY AND FOUR LEAF'S DETENTION HUT

          Cody is just coming to. Four Leaf is already at the
          slatted window, watching...

          CODY
          Where are we?

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 63.

          FOUR LEAF
          In a detention hut. And they got
          Speedman...

          FOUR LEAF'S P.O.V. --
          A guard shoves Speedman hard with a rifle butt. Speedman
          over "acts" the pain.

          BACK ON CODY AND FOUR LEAF
          Cody gets up, starting to freak out

          CODY
          What? Why? We gotta get outta here! Are
          they gonna kill us?
          Four Leaf turns on him, grabbing him with one of his
          hooks.

          FOUR LEAF
          Pull it together private! Shut your trap
          before you get us killed! You understand
          me , lilydick? !
          Cody backs off, still scared.

          INT. INTERROGATION ROOM -- LATER

          Speedman is in a windowless hut, his feet and hands tied
          to a chair.
          There are security cameras in the corners of the room,
          which Speedman continually plays to.
          Byong stands across from him, watching him calmly.

          A

          BYONG
          What were you doing in our poppy fields?

          SPEEDMAN

          (CONFUSED)
          Poppy fields?

          BYONG
          Who sent you here?

          SPEEDMAN

          ("ACTING")
          Corporal Four Leaf Tayback...Serial
          number 694529987.

          

          

          

          
          'Tropic Thunder 64.

          BYONG

          (CALMLY)
          Perhaps some hot tea will make conversing.
          a little easier?

          SPEEDMAN
          You bastard.

          BYONG
          What? just thought you might like.
          some...

          SPEEDMAN
          Corporal Four Leaf Tayback. And oh.
          yeah. . .THIS is from my uncle... SAM!
          He HEAD BUTTS Byong in the face,. sending him reeling into
          the back wall.
          Beat.

          SPEEDMAN
          (under his breath)
          You.ok? You leaned into it, man.orry.

          CUT TO:

          EXT. BAMBOO CAGE --.DAY

          A pissed off Byong and a couple of guards throw Speedman
          into a small cage that is suspended by rope over the edge
          of-a marsh.
          He looks around, impressed with the production design. He
          looks up,.sees another security camera observing him. He
          turns it on.

          SPEEDMAN
          May God protect you from the mighty arm
          of the 51st Tropic Thunder to the end! My
          men will seek you out and mete. out a
          cruel justice!-
          Byong and the guards look at him, a bit confused.

          CUT TO:

          EXT. RICE PADDY -- DAY

          Looking up we see a circle of faces. Our guys, looking
          down on something awful.. . .that thing is:

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 65.
          PORTNOY, delirious and groaningt

          SANDUSKY
          I think he's dead.
          A wet fart seeps out of Portnoy.

          REDYKULOUS
          No. Just smells like hens dead. Smelled

          44M
          like that all night.

          LAZARUS
          What's wrong with him?

          PORTNOY

          (LYING)
          Nothing! Probably just the beginning
          stages of some ... . kinda...jungle fever.
          More bad noises.

          PORTNOY
          If we can work out some rig to carry m�? I
          think it might subside in a little bit...
          No one touches him.

          LAZARUS
          Alright. Sandusky?
          Sandusky looks up at him. Is he serious?

          SANDUSKY
          What?

          LAZARUS
          You and Redykulous are gonna have to
          carry Portnoy. God help you.
          He marches off.

          SANDUSKY
          God help me?

          REDYKULOUS
          God help him that bitch ever find his
          blackface minstrel show ass alone with me
          in the real world.
          Redykulous and Sandusky shake their heads and gather up
          Portnoy on a make shift stretcher.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 66.

          EXT. HILLTOP

          Our guys are humping, with Fats in the makeshift
          stretcher.
          They look exhausted. As they crest. the ridge, Redykulous
          spots something.
          ''I , I n n4�N11

          REDYKULOUS
          Look!
          From behind, Sandusky grabs him and forces him to the
          ground.

          SANDUSKY
          SHH! Everybody down!
          The guys hit the dirt. Lazarus crawls up to join them.
          He pulls out his binoculars, and surveys the scene.

          I

          BINOCULAR POV
          It is the Flaming Dragon compound...

          ON THE GUYS

          " LAZARUS
          Fook me! I knew it!

          -SANDUSKY
          Knew what?

          LAZARUS
          "EXT. P.O.W. PRISON CAMP -- DAY"! Oranges
          and Lemons,,, the bells of St. Clements.
          Speedman was right. We 'are shooting the
          movie.
          Sandusky grabs the binoculars and starts'looking...

          LAZARUS
          (to himself),
          How could I be so stupid.

          SANDUSKY
          I don't think so... . looks to me like some
          sort of heroin processing plant. Look at
          the cooking vats, and the guards.
          Sandusky continues looking through the binoculars.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 67.

          LAZARUS
          How do you know all,this?

          SANDUSKY
          It was a long trip. I read the in-flight
          magazine. We're in the Golden Triangle,
          the biggest drug producer in the world.
          Uh-oh.

          BINOCULAR POV
          It is SPEEDMAN, who is being dipped in and out of the
          water in his bamboo cage, while a bunch of guards stand
          around and laugh. Whenever he comes up for air, he is

          YELLING:

          SPEEDMAN

          CUT!1
          (into the water, then out)

          CUT1!

          BACK TO 'SCENE

          LAZARUS
          What do you see?

          SANDUSKY
          It doesn't look good.
          Lazarus grabs the binoculars.

          LAZARUS
          Sweet Mother of Jaysus.
          Suddenly: GUNFIRE ERUPTS ALL AROUND!
          A BAND OF GUERILLAS have spotted them and are running at
          them, firing automatic weapons...
          The guys scream, and start a frantic retreat down the
          hill. Portnoy suddenly gets well enough to run out of his
          stretcher for dear life...
          In fact, he is actually beating them down the hill.. .when
          suddenly WHUMP! He falls into a PIT!

          PORTNOY

          HELP! GUYS! WAIT!
          REDYKULOUS stops and turns around and runs back to him,
          heroically pulling him out. BUT...

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 68.
          There is more fire coming all around. He gives up,
          reverses tactics, and starts KICKING PORTNOY IN THE
          CHEST, trying to KICK HIM INTO THE HOLE !

          11

          PORTNOY
          Ow! Fuck Dude! What the fuck?!
          He screams in pain! Finally, WHUMP!! He disappears
          into the'hole. REDYKULOUS whistles for the guys to join
          him, and they all pile into the hole.

          IN, THE HOLE
          Totally black... . they huddle, trying to muffle their
          heavy breathing...

          ABOVE. THE HOLE
          The guerillas all frantically look around for the guys.
          No sign of them. One of them signals for them to keep
          moving.

          HOLE
          Footsteps can be heard above leaving the area. Sandusky
          lights a match. Portnoy is weeping in pain.

          SANDUSKY
          Must be one of those underground tunnels.
          The-cou-ntr-y-is-l-itte-red-with them. Je-f-f
          must have found one of the entrances,:.
          Portnoy is on his side in pain, whimpering.

          PORTNOY
          My ass...I think I took one in the ass...

          SANDUSKY
          Lemme see...
          Sandusky rolls him.over, and off camera, helps him remove
          his pants... All the guys recoil in horror.

          REDYKULOUS

          AWW JEEESUS MAN!

          SANDUSKY
          How did it get infected so fast?
          More ad libs of disgust...

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 69.

          SANDUSKY'
          Okay Jeff...This is gonna hurt like hell,
          but I have to take my finger and see how
          deep the slug is, and if I can dig it
          out. Take a breath. Redykulous, hold his
          hand...
          Beat... Sandusky puts his hand off camera.

          I

          PORTNOY
          Hey Dude! What are you doing! Cut it
          out! That's not the bullet hole. The
          bullet hole is over here!
          It dawns on the guys that they have NOT been looking at
          the bullet hole. Ad-libs of even MORE disgust.

          SANDUSKY
          OH! my bad. You just got grazed. You're
          gonna be fine.

          EXT. BAMBOO CAGE -- DAY

          Speedman is exhausted, slumped in his cage. He is covered
          in a few leeches. Byong appears with his usual cadre of
          guards. He nods, and they grab Speedman, and drag him
          out of the cage.

          EXT. FLAMING DRAGON HQ - COURTYARD

          Byong leads Speedman to the center of the courtyard. A
          HUSH falls over the soldiers.
          They begin to part, as someone very important is
          arriving.
          Finally, the unseen leader emerges. He is a LITTLE BOY,
          no older than 12 years old, but has the eyes of a killer.
          He smokes a cigar. This is TRAN.
          He stops in front of Speedman, staring him down. Then, in
          a show of alpha male dominance, he tears his shirt off,
          revealing an impressive set of gruesome tattoos -- a
          flaming dragon raping a monkey, raping a skull, raping a
          rat. He holds a stick.

          SPEEDMAN

          (WARILY)
          Uhhh..I don't think I got the new
          pages...

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 70.

          TRAN

          YOU ARE A TRESPASSER IN MY POPPY FIELDS!

          YOU ARE D.E.A. SCUM! WE HAVE SHOT DOWN

          YOUR HELICOPTER, AND SOON WE WILL KILL

          YOUR COMPATRIOTS!.
          Tran points across the courtyard where...
          A"4 Iv I. InM y
          CODY AND FOUR LEAF ARE MARCHED OUT. Cody looks scared out.
          of his mind. Speedman takes this in.
          Traci nods, and TWO GUARDS start to BEAT THE BEJEESUS out
          of Cody and Four Leaf. Then Tran gets out his own stick
          and starts to BEAT SPEEDMAN...

          TRAN

          DO YOU WANT THEM TO DIE? DO YOU WANT THEM

          TO DIE!!

          SPEEDMAN
          No! Puh-Puh-pulease don't h-h-h-hurt
          them... I
          Tran cocks his head curiously. He stops beating him..He
          signals.for the guards to stop beating the others. A long
          beat.

          TRAN
          Say that. again.,

          SPEEDMAN
          Please don't hurt them?I

          TRAN
          No...like you did before!
          Silence.

          TRAN

          SAY IT!
          He threatens to hit him, Speedman recoils.

          SPEEDMAN
          Puh-puh-puhlease don't h-h-hurt them?
          A hush falls over the crowd. Tran'seyes widen.

          TRAN

          NAYAM NOOK SNEP JAWK!
          (louder, to the crowd)

          NAYAM NOOK SNEP JAWK!!

          

          

          

          
           Tropic Thunder 71.

          IP 1

          INT. TRAN'S QUARTERS -- DAY

          Speedman is now seated in a comfortable, ornate chair,
          though his feet and hands are still bound. Tran and
          Byong and a few cohorts, stand across from him,
          whispering.

          TRAN'S ENTOURAGE
          Nyam nook snep jawk...

          SPEEDMAN
          Please! Excuse me, What are you saying?

          TRAN
          Nyam nook snep Jawk!
          (almost shyly)
          You are Simple Jack?

          SPEEDMAN
          What? You.. You saw Simple Jack?

          TRAN
          We love the tale of this man, Simple
          Jack.
          Tran snaps his fingers, and an assistant shows Speedman a
          battered VHS BOX OF SIMPLE JACK. Speedman looks lovingly
          at it.

          TRAN
          We do not have many luxury here. Simple
          Jack is the only movie we possess. We
          have watched it many, many times. How is
          the word? Genius?
          Speedman smiles big. They smile back at him. It's a
          small world after all.

          BODYGUARD
          (broken English)
          You should have got Oscar.

          SPEEDMAN
          Thanks. I mean even just the
          nomination...

          TRAN
          You were nominated?

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 72.

          SPEEDMAN
          No, I mean it is great to.be nominated,..
          if you are, or that's what I hear.
          Whatever. It's a popularity contest.
          It's totally political, you have to lobby
          for like a year for it...

          TRAM
          SHUT UP NOW. ilia i n nMd

          (BEAT)
          My apologies for almost.beating you to
          death before.

          SPEEDMAN
          No problem. So are you going to let me
          go?

          TRAN
          No. We will hold.you,for ransom.--.much
          more money now..
          He pulls out a cell phone.

          TRAM
          Is it possible to.have picture?

          SPEEDMAN
          Oh, sure, absolutely.
          Speedman tries to throw an arm around Tran, a guard grabs
          the arm., and twists it back. Speedman shrieks in pain.

          TRAN
          You mustn't touch me.
          The guard snaps the picture.

          ABODYGUARD
          That came out really good.

          EXT. FLAMING DRAGON COURTYARD -- NIGHT

          The entire camp is assembled. Guards lead Speedman onto a
          platform; behind Tran.

          TRAM
          
          The people CHEER some more. Tran turns to Speedman.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 73.

          TRAN
          Now, do the movie.

          SPEEDMAN
          Excuse me?

          TRAN
          Do the movie.

          SPEEDMAN
          The whole movie?

          TRAN
          Yes. Begin.

          SPEEDMAN
          Hey, I know you're big fans and that's

          GREAT--
          Tran smacks Speedman in the, head with a rifle butt.
          Speedman crumples to the ground. The crowd cheers.

          SPEEDMAN

          OW!!
          Tran stands over him, screaming into his face:

          TRAN

          YOU WILL PERFORM, DO YOU UNDERSTAND??

          YOU WILL PERFORM OR DIE11! MONKEY-

          SWINE!1
          Speedman gets up, begins a scared, unenthusiastic

          PERFORMANCE:

          SPEEDMAN
          Aww, puh-puh-Pa! Whu-why you guh-got to
          muh-muh-make ffffffun of me?

          TRAN
          More stupid!

          SPEEDMAN
          Awww, puh-puh-paaaa...
          Tran turns to one of his men

          TRAN
          Get him some overalls! And give him the
          Simple Jack haircut!

          CUT TO:

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 74.

          EXT. HOLE -- DUSK

          Sand}asky slowly lifts his head out, surveying the
          territory. It looks clear. He drops back down.

          INT. HOLE -- DUSK

          The actors look miserable. Portnoy-looks.like his face is
          going to fall off

          SANDUSKY
          It looks clear, but I can't be sure. I
          say we stay in here till it's dark.

          REDYKULOUS
          I can't believe this is how it ends for
          Redykulous. I'm a triple platinum
          recording artist., Shit.

          PORTNOY
          (shivering and wheezing)
          I gotta get back to the hotel. I'm not
          gonna make.it...

          SANDUSKY
          Forget it. That guard patrol knows we're
          out'here. They'll be looking for us.
          Anyway, Speedman's in that compound. And
          no one else knows but us.

          LAZARUS
          That's right. So here's the plan.
          Everyone leans forward expectantly.

          LAZARUS
          We sneak out of here, make our way back
          to the hotel and once we're safe, we
          alert the government of Speedman's
          situation.

          REDYKULOUS
          Sounds good.

          SANDUSKY
          Whoa whoa whoa ... . wait! So, we're just
          gonna leave him here?

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 75.

          REDYKULOUS
          Yeah, and I don't wanna spend another
          minute getting the full on smell'o vision
          in this hole with his stinky ass.
          Everyone agrees. They start packing up. Sandusky looks
          horrified.
          SANDUSKY Au II4
          WAIT! Look, I don't think I've met a more
          wildly self involved human than Speedman,
          but you're just gonna leave him here? I
          mean, come on. He's a person, guys.
          These drug lords are killers. I mean,
          they eat their enemies. We leave him
          alone now, he doesn't have a chance in
          hell.

          LAZARUS,
          That tosser is in there because of his
          own stupidity. As far as I'm concerned,
          he brought it on himself.

          REDYKULOUS
          Besides, how could we possibly rescue
          him? Get real, Sandusky, we don't know
          what the fuck we doing out here.

          SANDUSKY
          We've gotten this far. Look, we're making
          a movie about one of the greatest rescues
          ever. It's a true story,, right? I mean,
          those guys weren't superheroes! They
          were just put in extra-ordinary
          circumstances, and they rose to the
          occasion.

          PORTNOY
          Yeah, but they were trained soldiers.
          They knew how to take care of themselves.

          SANDUSKY
          And we don't? They believed they could do
          it. They believed in each other. Look,
          I'm not saying it's gonna be easy.

          (BEAT)
          I mean, some of us might not come back.

          REDYKULOUS
          You mean, like, not on the same flight?
          Sandusky just looks at them. They know that is not what
          he meant.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 76.

          PORTNOY

          I NEED MY DRUGS!

          SANDUSKY
          Jeff -- I know this is really hard for
          you,.•but you're gonna have to kick some
          time, and it might as well be now.
          (he turns to Lazarus)
          Kirk, I've always admired you as an
          actor. But as a person, I have to say,
          not that impressive.' You got a.few
          Oscars. Got any balls?
          Lazarus takes this in.

          SANDUSKY
          Redyk. Whadda.you say? You talk a good
          game, but how's it gonna feel when you're
          sipping Cristalle with your homies.in the
          hot tub back in.Cali knowing you left.a
          man to die back here? You gonna rhyme
          about that? ,
          There is a long beat.

          REDYKULOUS
          Shit. I only wish they was filming this
          for my show. I'm in.
          He looks to LazaruS.,Lazarus takes a long dramatic pause..
          Then...

          LAZARUS
          (with resolve)
          We could fooster about for donkey's
          years..Let:'s quit acting the maggot and
          nix that mentaller.
          The guys look at each other. What did that mean?

          LAZARUS.
          I'm in!

          CUT TO:

          INT. AGENCY OFFICE.- LOS ANGELES --DAY

          Peck squeezes a stressball as his HOT YOUNG ASSISTANT
          comes in.

          HOT YOUNG ASSISTANT
          Chris Michael is on the line.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 77.

          RICK
          (he hits a button)
          Chris? What is this craziness?

          SPEEDMAN (V.0.)
          Hi, Rick. It's Chris--

          INT. FLAMING DRAGON COMPOUND - COMMAND CENTER

          Byong presses pause on a tape recorder he's holding up to
          Chris's satellite phone. Tran watches, very serious.

          RICK (O.S.)
          Chris?

          WE INTERCUT BETWEEN THEM

          BYON G
          Yes, that was Chris. But you will not
          speak with him again. And do not bother
          trying to trace this call.

          RICK
          What's going on? Who is this?

          BYONG
          We are Flaming Dragon. Speedman is with
          us now.
          There is a long silence as Rick processes this. Then he
          nods slowly.

          RICK
          Oh. Really. Well I never heard of your
          little agency. But if you wanna poach my
          client? Lemme tell you something. His
          career's been in a death spiral since
          Simple Jack, so why don't you all go fuck
          yourselves! Oh, and I bet he hasn't even
          told you about the whole panda thing! He
          killed a panda! And next time you're at
          a cocktail party with Paris Hilton, or at
          Kate Mantellini's choking down some egg
          whites with Ron Howard, DON'T LET THAT
          SLIP, because chances are, I ALREADY DID!
          Rick slams the phone down.

          

          

          

          

          I
          Tropic Thunder 78.

          INT. FLAMING DRAGON COMPOUND -'COMMAND CENTER

          Byon,g stares at the phone, amazed. He looks to Tran.

          TRAN
          

          (BEAT)
          

          EXT. HILLTOP -- NIGHT

          Up on the.hill., our guys. are back up top, watching
          Speedman through binoculars.

          BINOCULAR POV.-- FLAMING DRAGON COURTYARD
          Speedman is acting like Simple Jack, with his new bad
          haircut.,He is performing for a small group, of chuckling.
          GUARpS.

          EXT. HILLTOP -- NIGHT


          LAZARUS
          Jaysus! We're too late. They brained him!
          REDYKULOUS grabs the binoculars. Sees for himself.

          REDYKULOUS
          He's right, man, that ain't right.
          Messin' with a man's brain.

          SANDUSKY
          We gotta get him outta there...

          EXT. HILLTOP -- NIGHT -- LATER

          The guys have set up a camp, with.a small fire. Everyone
          watches as Sandusky diagrams a plan in the dirt.

          SANDUSKY'
          Here's us. Here's the compound.Here's
          where Speedman was. It looks like they
          move him at night, cause he's not here
          now. Unfortunately we have no idea what
          the layout of that place is.

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 79.
          SANDUSKY (cont'd)
          But Speedman does. If we can get in
          there, and find him, maybe he can help us
          sneak him out.

          PORTNOY
          (sweating and in pain)
          I got an idea.
          Everyone turns to Portnoy.

          11 N 0 6 III4"

          PORTNOY
          It might be a little crazy, but...

          REDYKULOUS
          Crazy is better than nothin'.

          SANDUSKY
          What is it?

          PORTNOY
          (intermittent pain noises)
          Back in '98, I did a low budget titty
          comedy for skinemax, "Sex Camp". Anyway,
          me and the campers from the uncool camp
          had to break into the rich girls' camp.
          So we did it by building a catapult.
          They shot us over the wall and we
          parachuted down.
          The guys all look at each other... then finally:

          LAZARUS
          That's the stupidest idea I've ever
          heard.

          SANDUSKY
          Yeah. Sorry Portnoy. That's lame. I say
          we wait till just before dawn and sneak
          over the fence. Take our chances. You
          guys ok with that?
          The group nods in approval.

          SANDUSKY
          Good. Then let's get some rest. Me and
          Redyk are on first watch.
          (to Lazarus)
          I'll wake you in two hours, and we'll
          switch.
          They break up. Portnoy comes up to Sandusky, extremely
          freaked out.

          

          

          

          

          I
          Tropic Thunder 80.

          PORTNOY
          I'm not gonna make it.

          SANDUSKY
          Yes you are.

          PORTNOY
          Then you gotta tie me up. I'm serious.
          Tie me to a tree. No matter how much I
          scream, or however much-I plead, you.must
          not untie me. I will be cunning, I will
          be in pain, and Iwill lie. The devil
          works this way. I will say, do, and
          excrete many regrettable things. But.no
          matter what.. .you must leave me alone.
          Beat..

          SANDUSKY
          Okay.. .Lazarus, you heard him. Tie him
          up. We'll get you through it.

          EXT. FLAMING DRAGON. COMPOUND -- NIGHT

          Speedman has now been moved back to the cage. He is doing
          a "late show" for a crowd of toothless old women. A
          bodyguard plays a supporting female role, he wears a mop
          for a wig.

          BODYGUARD
          (heav-i-l-y-accented Eng-l-is-h)
          Jack...I could never go
          -to the county ho-
          down with you. I would be laughed out of
          town. And what would Chet say?
          The bodyguards laugh woodenly at Speedman.

          SPEEDMAN
          B-b-b-b-but I am a G-g-g-ggggoood Dd-d-d-
          d-dancer.
          Speedman bows, exhausted and exhilarated. The old women
          .politely applaud. A new group forms in front of his cage.
          Speedman stands. He sighs, and begins the movie over
          again...

          SPEEDMAN
          Shu-sure is a puh-puh-purty
          sssssssunrise, uh-uh-uh-uh-ain't it?

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 81.

          BODYGUARD
          Go do your chores, slowpoke!!

          INT. CODY AND FOUR LEAF'S DETENTION HUT -- CONTINUOUS

          Cody and Four Leaf watch through the slat in their
          window.
          11l I I, I. Inti"

          FOUR LEAF
          That poor bastard. Looks like they coo-
          coo nested him.

          CODY

          (IMPATIENT)
          So what's the plan?

          FOUR LEAF
          What plan?

          CODY
          To get us out of here? Come on man, yoi4
          lived this, you gotta have an idea of how
          we can get out of here? Right?
          Four Leaf looks a little at a loss...

          FOUR LEAF
          (trying to be stoic)
          Sometimes the flowing stream can only
          move when... the water... dries up.

          CODY
          No offense, but what the hell does that
          mean?

          FOUR LEAF
          It means I'm,sick of your yappin'!

          CODY
          Come on man, you heard him back there.
          They wanna off us! We gotta escape! You

          GOTTA--
          Four Leaf suddenly puts his hook hand right up to Cody's
          neck. Cody instinctively blocks it with his hand.

          FOUR LEAF
          I gotta what? Take on the whole compound
          by myself!

          CODY
          Stop it man! You're chokin' me!

          

          

          

          
          .Tropic Thunder 82.
          Cody tries to push him away. They get into a wrestling
          match, hand to hook... Cody is pushing against Four
          Leaf... then four Leaf tries to pull away.. But Cody
          holds on to his hooks... he holds on until... HE PULLS
          THEM OFF! Revealing... TWO PERFECT HANDS.

          CODY
          AHH! Who the hell are you?
          Four Leaf looks down, sheepishly.

          EXT. CAMPSITE -- NIGHT

          PORTNOY,. tied to a tree, looking miserable and fidgety..
          We TRACK PAST HIM to...
          SANDUSKY AND.REDYKULOUS, who sit upright, back to back,
          leaning against one another. Sandusky smokes a
          cigarette. It's quiet except for the hum of cicadas, and.
          the odd jungle noise.

          SANDUSKY
          Wow... .look at all those stars. Makes a
          guy feel pretty small.

          REDYKULOUS
          Yup.

          SANDUSKY
          Back in LA, we don't get stars like this.
          I wonder why there are so many here?

          PORTNOY (O.S.)
          Ohhhh...jeeesssusss..it's horrrrible.:...

          REDYKULOUS
          Man, how can;, you be talking about stars?
          We might not make it outta here tomorrow.

          SANDUSKY
          I don't know. I give us pretty good odds.
          Redykulous looks at'his watch, and lets out a chuckle.

          SANDUSKY
          What's so funny?

          REDYKULOUS
          Nothin'..

          PORTNOY (O.S.)
          .I can't feel my legs!...

          

          

          

          
           'tropic Thunder 83.

          I" 1

          REDYKULOUS
          I'm just thinking about Lill Kantankerous
          Bitch.

          SANDUSKY
          Who?

          PORTNOY (O.S.)

          (DRY HEAVES)

          REDYKULOUS
          She's a rapper I'm producing, a twelve
          year old girl. Her first single drops
          tomorrow and I'm not even gonna be there
          to see it.

          PORTNOY (O.S.)
          Ohhhhh GOD! THERE'S BARBED WIRE IN MY

          URINE!

          REDYKULOUS
          I pulled her off the streets six months
          ago.

          SANDUSKY
          You did that?

          REDYKULOUS
          Well, not literally, she was trapped in a
          dead end record deal with Rick Rubin.
          Didn't even have a lawyer. Huh. And here
          I am on the other side of the world.
          About to die for a guy I barely even
          know. Makes Redykulous wonder what's it
          all about.

          SANDUSKY
          Yeah. . .well at least you have someone to
          think about.

          PORTNOY (O.S.)

          (TTTTTHHHHWWAAAAAPPP... GURGLE)

          REDYKULOUS
          You single?

          SANDUSKY
          Yeah,... .I guess. I dunno. I got a girl.
           But it's not too serious.

           PORTNOY (O.S.)

          (FFFAAAARRRRTTT... . FFFAAAARRRTTTT)

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 84.

          PORTNOY (O.S.)

          MY EYES! SOMEONE RIP OUT MY FUCKING

          EYES!!!! (VOMITING NOISE)

          SANDUSKY
          I don't think we're in love.

           PORTNOY (O.S.)
          Ohh... . thank God...its Over ...it's
          finally over...

          SANDUSKY:
          It'.s kind of depressing. That feeling of
          not having anyone who really loves you..
          Redykuloils. puts his arm around Sandusky to comfort him..

          REDYKULOUS
          Hey, it's cool.. I think you're extremely
          lovable.
          Weird silence.

          SANDUSKY
          What?

          REDYKULOUS
          (removing his arm)
          I mean like ...like,. I know what you mean.
          I have love problems myself!

          PORTNOY.(O.S.)

          OH-H-GOD-! ITS--NOT-OVER!

          SANDUSKY
          .No you don't. What would the great
          Redykulous, know about Girl Problems.
          You're ten girls deep 24 hours a day!

          REDYKULOUS
          .That's the problem.
          Silence.

          SANDUSKY
          How do you mean?

          PORTNOY (O.S.)

          (HUGE FART, BELCH VOMIT!)

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 85.

           PORTNOY (O.S.)
          OHH GOOD!!!1 make it
          stop! ... .Pahllleeeeeese!

          REDYKULOUS
          Jeesus, I can't believe I'm gonna tell
          you this...
          Beat.

          REDYKULOUS
          I'm... .I like guys.

          SANDUSKY
          What? But...

          PORTNOY (O.S.)
          Ohh...phew...

          REDYKULOUS
          I know-impossible huh. That's what I
          say sometimes, but its true. Talk abort
          living a loveless life. At least you
          have someone who loves you. I don't even
          have that.

          PORTNOY (O.S.)
          (THE SOUND OF GIVING BIRTH... then:)

          OH MY GOD. MY SKIN IS A MILLION PIECES OF

          SHATTERED GLASS RUBBING AGAINST AN OPEN

          WOUND!

          REDYKULOUS
          When I think of the nights, alone in my
          penthouse, when I've longed for the
          gentle touch of another dude, to feel his
          skin against mine, or his sweet breath on
          my face.

          PORTNOY (O.S.)

          (LOUD SNORING)

          SANDUSKY
          All this from the same guy who
          wrote"Niggaz Gotta Bust a Nut on a Ho".

          PORTNOY (O.S.)

          (LOUD VOMITING)

          REDYKULOUS
          Yeah, well, let me let you in on a big
          secret.

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          
          .Tropic Thunder 86.
          REDYKULOUS,(cont'd)
          Most of the time, when I'm writing about
          ho's in my songs, 'I really mean Niggaz.
          Creatively, that's the only way I can
          cope.

          SANDUSKY
          So what! You're gay! You're also a great
          artist and-businessman ... why not rap
          about that?
          �u I° I. 11�jm

          REDYKULOUS
          Yeah right. And watch my clothing line,
          e4�
          sports drink,jewelry, nutrition, bars,
          and fragrances go south? It's all such a
          lie.
          Now he begins to cry .a. little. Sandusky embraces him.

          SANDUSKY.
          Shhh...shhh... .shhh..shhh..shhh... .That's
          it...let it out.

          PORTNOY (O.S.)

          (LOUD VOMITING)

          REDYKULOUS
          (muffled, crying in his

          SHOULDER)
          If you tell anyone I'll have someone
          shoot your. ass.

          SANDUSKY
          I'm not gonna tell anyone, and your not
          gonna shoot me... .th-at's it...l-et -tout.
          Redykulous pulls back, and collects himself.

          REDYKULOUS
          Aww shit... (sniff sniff) I can't. believe
          it's possibly the last day of my life,
          and I'm not even gonna be able to let my
          fans know how truly 'Utterly Redykulous I
          really am.

          SANDUSKY
          (with total sincerity)
          Listen, I know how utterly Redykulous you
          are. Even for just.thisone
          moment. . .and sometimes that enough.

          PORTNOY (O.S.)

          (SOUND LIKE A GALLON OF SQUID BEING

          DUMPED INTO AN ALUMINUM PAIL)

          

          

          

          

          I
          Tropic Thunder 87.

          REDYKULOUS
          Thanks man.

          CUT TO:

          INT. CODY AND FOUR LEAF'S DETENTION HUT -- NIGHT

          Cody, still awkwardly holding the hooks, is yelling at
          Four Leaf.

          CODY
          So all of "Tropic Thunder" is bullshit?

          FOUR LEAF
          No! Four Leaf and his men were real, it
          happened!

          CODY
          Are you even a VET!?

          FOUR LEAF
          YES! Well ...no! I mean, kinds! Yeah! Not
          exactly. I served honorably in what they
          called the "forced service". Sanitation
          Detail at the United States Pentagon.

          CODY
          So you were some two bit criminal who got
          caught and sentenced to clean toilets at
          the Pentagon? I IDOLIZED YOU MAN!

          FOUR LEAF
          God-dammit, would you LISTEN! I was a
          fuckup, sure, but one day as I was
          cleaning the office of some Top-Brass big-
          wig, I came across a file headed for the
          shredder marked top secret. It was Four
          Leaf Tayback's file. A nobody. No family.
          Nothing. Killed in Action. They were
          gonna bury the whole thing. Total black
          op.

          CODY
          So you decided to take his identity?

          FOUR LEAF
          NO! I gave him one! I wrote the story
          And I gave the American people a hero!
          Yes, I am not technically Four Leaf, but
          if I didn't pretend to be him then nobody
          woulda ever known who he was! See what
          I'm sayin'?

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 88.

          CODY
          And you cashed in!

          FOUR LEAF
          I was a fuck up my whole life! This guy
          had a story worth-telling, and nobody
          woulda ever known!
          Cody slumps in the corner, looking spent and lost.

          FOUR LEAF
          I'm sorry, man.. I'm responsible: for this
          .whole mess.

          EXT. JUNGLE -- PRE-DAWN

          PORTNOY wakes up, still tied to. the tree, looking like
          shit. But realizes something-that makes him ecstatic:

          PORTNOY
          I'm clean! I'M CLEAN!!!!!
          He struggles to his feet, doing a celebratory dance. He
          immediately gets nauseous again and heaves.

          PORTNOY
          (still sick, but cheery)
          My ' life .be_gins today!

          CUT TO:

          CLOSE ON THE FLAMING DRAGON INSIGNIA
          Pull back to reveal that it is on a piece of paper being
          pulled from a fax machine.
          The text below reads:
          "Flamingg. Dragon has Speedman.lfyou want him, the price is $5O Million."
          There's a phone number below it.
          Reveal we're in...

          INT. AGENCY OFFICE -- LOS ANGELES -- DAY.

          Rick frowns at the fax. His Hot Assistant comes in.

          

          

          

          
          ,, Tropic Thunder 89.

           HOT YOUNG ASSISTANT
          Rick, you better check your email.
          He punches up his email. He opens a video attachment. We

          SEE:

          ON RICK'S COMPUTER
          A bad quality video of Speedman sitting in the
          interrogation room.

          BYONG(V.O.)
          Mr. Rick Peck. So far you have refused
          to give us the respect we asked for.
          Maybe this will change your mind.
          Please state your name.

          SPEEDMAN
          Chris Michael Speedman.

          BYONG (V.0.)
          Who do you work for, Mr. Speedman?

          SPEEDMAN
          Well, I guess that really varies from
          project to project--
          Byong SCREAMS at Speedman, who cowers. Even Rick
          flinches.

          TRAM (V.0.)
          Wrong answer!! You work for me now!! Do
          you understand! Like my desk or my gun,
          you are mine and you exist for me!!

          SPEEDMAN
          Yes! I work for you!

          ON RICK

          PECK

          (IMPRESSED)
          He really knows how to handle a client.
          He hands the assistant the fax.

          PECK
          Get this yutzle on the phone. Now.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 90.

          I

          INT. FLAMING DRAGON COMPOUND -+., COMMAND CENTER

          Tran,,and Byong sit by a phone. Byong looks impatient., i
          Beat. The phone rings! Byong answers.

          BYONG
          Yes.

          INT. RICK PECK'S OFFICE


          RICK
          I saw your 'little fax, Flaming Fuckwads.
          I bet you thought I was just. going to lie
          here and take it. Well, wrong! My name
          is Rick Peck, not Rick Shaw,..and you are
          not gonna take me.for a ride, you
          industrious fuck; I don't care who you
          people think you are, but I am coming.
          there, and I am going to jack you up! I
          am bringing the heavy artillery, my
          friend, so you'd better be prepared for a
          blood bath.! I am walking out of there
          with Chris Speedman whether you, or he,
          likes it or.not!
          Rick slams down the phone, enjoying himself.

          INT. FLAMING DRAGON COMMAND CENTER

          Byong and Tran are stunned.

          TRAN
          
          Byong turns to his lieutenants.

          BYONG
          

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 91.

          INT. RICK PECK'S OFFICE


          RICK
          Shandra, get tech support to put a trace
          on this email attachment, let's find out
          where this "Flaming Dragon" agency is!
          Call the travel department. See if they
          got a nonstop to Bien-Ben-Wherever-the
          fuck-it-is!

          EXT. FLAMING DRAGON COMPOUND -- PRE DAWN

           SERIES OF SHOTS as the guerillas ready for an attack...

          EXT. CAMPSITE -- PRE-DAWN

          The guys are suiting up for combat. They apply burnt cork
          to their faces for camouflage.

          SANDUSKY
          This is it. You know what you need to
          do.' Tropic Thunder on three, two, one...

          GUYS

          TROPIC THUNDER!
          They make their way down the hill.

          EXT. FENCE LINE -- PRE-DAWN

           They reach the fence. The coast looks clear and they each
          scamper over...
           Finally, it's PORTNOY'S turn. He's clearly too heavy.
           The fence groans under'his weight. He launches himself --
          and...
          THWANG!!! Slams painfully into the razor wire of the
          fence.
          GUARDS hear the noise. They raise their weapons and
          listen.. They see nothing in the pre-dawn darkness...
          The actors run to the wall and clumsily pull PORTNOY
          down, just in time.
          Everyone's inside the perimeter... they quickly make their
          way along the fence line to the entrance of the main
          building, ducking away to avoid a LONE GUARD.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 92.

          INT. MAIN BUILDING

          Sandusky makes a series of hand gestures, indicating for
          them to'split up and search for Speedman. A beat. The
          guys all shrug, not understanding. Sandusky repeats the
          hand gestures. Finally he has to speak.
          i 1, 11 11^�%

          SANDUSKY I 4I4
          (in a loud whisper, also
          signalling what.he's saying)
          FAN OUT! 'GO ROOM BY ROOM ! IF YOU SEE, nci 16,
          SPEEDMAN, give the signal!
          We follow PORTNOY, working his wayldown a hall. He peaks
          around a half opened door...

          A DARKENED ROOM
          .PORTNOY turns on his flashlight to reveal he is in fact
          in... HEROIN HEAVEN! Wall to wall packets, ready,for
          shipment.. PORTNOY is paralyzed. He spots a box with the
          words "For U.S.A., 100% pure, dilute before ingesting".
          His mouth LITERALLY waters, and'a drop. of .spittle oozes
          from his bottom lip. He doesn't know what to do. He
          gently takes two handfuls of the heroin from the box.
          marked "pure". It's like holding two grenades...

          HALLWAY
          Sandusky moves silently toward a door. He kicks it'open
          to reveal...

          SPEEDMAN
          Shackled to the floor. Delirious, he sits bolt upright.

          SPEEDMAN
          You mu-mu-make me ha-aa-ppy.

          SANDUSKY
          Oh sweet Jesus. Hold tight, Buddy! I'll
          be right back!
          Sandusky runs off to get the guys.

          

          

          

          
           Tropic Thunder 93.

          I" 1

          HALLWAY
          Sandusky rounds up Redyk and Lazarus, points to both of
          his eyes, signalling that he's got "eyes",on Speedman.
          They take a step in that direction. Redykulous stops
          them, and makes a made up, absurd signal for "Where is
          Portnoy?", somehow trying to mime looking for a fat guy.
          No one knbws what he is doing.

          REDYKULOUS

          (FRUSTRATED)
          Where is Portnoy?!

          SANDUSKY
          Shhh!
          A muffled, anguished animal noise that could only be
          PORTNOY emanates from a nearby door. They run towards it.
          Redykulous kicks it in.

          HEROIN HEAVEN
          The 'gang flies in, to discover Portnoy holding the bags,
          crying.

          REDYKULOUS
          What are you doing, man!

          SANDUSKY
          Come on, let's go! We found Speedmani

          PORTNOY
          I don't care! It doesn't matter what I
          do! I'll always be a screw-up! No one
          will ever respect me...

          REDYKULOUS
          That's not true! Listen, back in the
          day, I used to think I couldn't produce a
          record simply because...

          SANDUSKY
          .he's gay.
          Uh-oh. That's not what Redykulous was about to say. Beat.

          REDYKULOUS
          Actually I was going to say poor.

          SANDUSKY
          Sorry...

          

          

          

          

          I
          Tropic Thunder 94.

          LAZARUS
          Listen.. .Don't be crazy Portnoy --you're
          not a fuck up. You'make millions of
          people laugh!

          PORTNOY
          You said my farts made them laugh! Leave
          me ALONE!!

          REDYKULOUS.,
           That ain't true Portnoy! Lotta people be
          fartin' and not be gettin' 20 large a pop
          for it!

          OUTSIDE THE DOOR
          .TWO GUARDS hear the noises inside, head. in to check it
          out.

          HEROIN ROOM
          The guys hear the guards enter the far side of the room.
          They can't see the guys through the.shelves packed with
          heroin packets.

          SANDUSKY
          Damnit! We need to go!

          PORTNOY
          No, I can't do it.
          (-l-ooking-in the-pac-ket )
          I need it! I need it!! This'is all I
          deserve.

          REDYKULOUS
          Come on, man...
          And.the guards emerge. around a corner! They jab their
          rifles.at:the guys and SCREAM AT THEM TO PUT THEIR HANDS

          UP!
          The guys all slowly raise their hands...
          Then, in a moment of craziness, PORTNOY CHARGES THE

          GUARDS, PIE-ING THEM IN THE FACE WITH THE HEROIN PACKETS.

          PORTNOY

          LAUGH AT THAT!! LAUGH AT THAT BASTARD!!
          The guards let off a BURST OF MACHINE GUN FIRE as Portnoy
          grinds it into their noses...

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 95.

          INT. CODY AND FOUR LEAF'S DETENTION HUT -- CONTINUOUS

          They hear the fire. Four Leaf runs to the window. Through
          it he sees the commotion...

          CODY
          What?

          FOUR LEAF
          Something's happening! Get me the hooks!

          HEROIN ROOM
          Portnoy watches as the white faced guards fall to their
          knees, choking and groggy. After a beat, they collapse.

          PORTNOY
          Let's move! We got about sixteen hours
          before they wake up!
          They run out.

          SPEEDMAN'S CELL
          The guys run in. Redykulous breaks the lock off
          Speedman's ankle with his rifle butt. Sandusky keeps
          watch by the door.,

          REDYKULOUS,
          C'mon! We're busting you out!

          SPEEDMAN
          Muh-my nnnname is Juh-Jack. Some folks
          call muh-me Simple Juh-Jack.

          REDYKULOUS
          What's wrong with him?

          SANDUSKY
          I think he thinks he's Simple Jack. Like
          from the movie?

          LAZARUS'
          Shite. I was afraid of this. The same
          thing happened to me when I played Neil
          Armstrong in "Moonshot". They found me in
          an alley in Burbank re-entering the
          Earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator
          box.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 96.

          REDYKULOUS
          I heard that movie was good.

          SANDUSKY
          Can you fix him?!

          LAZARUS
          I'll try.
          Lazarus takes Speedman's face in his hands, forces him to
          look at him.

          LAZARUS
          .You're Chris Michael Speedman!

          SPEEDMAN
          Ah 1-1-likes pie.

          LAZARUS
          You're the greatest star in the world!
          There's a flicker of intelligence in Speedman's eyes. It
          passes.

          INT. CODYAND FOUR LEAF'S DETENTION HUT -- CONTINUOUS

          Four Leaf wedges one of the hooks in the. door jamb, and
          Cody does the same with the other. In one fell swoop,
          :they bust. the door off its hinges.

          E-X-T . DE-T-EN-T-ION-HU-T----DAWN-
          They emerge into the chaos. IT IS DAYLIGHT NOW. A GUARD
          runs by, Four Leaf uses the hook to trip him up. Cody
          knocks him out and grabs his machine gun. He tosses the
          guard's pistol to Four Leaf.

          CODY
          By the way, what's your name anyway?

          FOUR LEAF
          Marvin Kaminsky.

          CODY
          you ever been in this jungle?

          FOUR LEAF
          Nope. First time outta the states
          actually.
          He shoots off a round and they run for cover.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 97.

          INT. SPEEDMAN'S CELL -- CONTINUOUS

          Lazarus is right in Speedman's face. He seems to be
          getting clearer...

          LAZARUS
          The world needs you! It` needs its stars!
          You make people forget how awful and 1� I Ii I. 1 ,14M
          depressing their lives are! People love
          your work! And... I love your work, too.
          Speedman is quiet.

          SPEEDMAN I
          Uhhhh-uh-I'm... Spah-speeedman?

          LAZARUS
          Simple Jack was magnificent!

          SANDUSKY
          Is it working?

          LAZARUS
          JESUS! Give me time, Sandusky! I'm not re-
          programming a VCR!!
          (back to Speedman)
          You really committed yourself. And for
          that you DESERVED AN OSCAR!
          Speedman registers this.

          LAZARUS

          (FRUSTRATED)

          C'MON CHRIS! DAMMIT! YOU MUST KNOW WHO

          YOU ARE!
          Lazarus's own words make him stop and think.

          LAZARUS
          (almost to himself)
          You know who you are... . you do Chris.
          Long beat.

          LAZARUS
          Unlike me. What am I doing? I can't do
          this. How can I convince a man he is who
          we know he is, when I can't even convince
          myself of the same thing.
          He lets go of Speedman, and begins to break down.

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 98.

          REDYKULOUS
          Yo, c'mon, man! Why is everybody gettin'.
          so insecure alla a sudden?! You're Kirk
          Lazarus! You're like the greatest actor
          in the motherfuckin' world!

          SANDUSKY
          Guys, let's go, we gotta get outta here!
          I it I. 11h.4%

          LAZARUS
          Am I Redykulous? ... AM I!...Or.am I just
          acting like that's who I am?
          No. The sad fact is... I'm not Sergeant
          Osiris. . .or Father O'Malley ...or' Neil
          .Armstrong. I'm not even .Kirk Lazarus.
          (a beat)
          I have no idea who I am.
          The guys look at him... it's the first time he has let
          his guard down.

          SANDUSKY
          Kirk, this is NOT the time!

          LAZARUS
          And I guess when you-do themath... .and
          boil it all down, I've invented myself so
          many times... .became so many
          people... .that at the end of the.day...I'm

          NOBODY.'

          REDYKULOUSI
          Bull-s-hit! Y-ou-l-isten to-me .-.-Y-ou-a-r-e-who
          you want to be, and you-have to OWN. THAT!
          Look at me! I'm GAY and, I'm proud!
          He winks at Sandusky.

          REDYKULOUS
          That's right! We're.not what we're
          called, or who we pretend to be. We are
          what we are in our hearts. And to me,
          looking into your heart, you're a hero..
          Lazarus looks to Redykulous.

          LAZARUS
          You mean that?

          REDYKULOUS
          .Yup.

          (BEAT)

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          
          '- -Tropic Thunder 99.
           REDYKULOUS (cont'd)
          And one of the finest pieces of black ass
          I ever seen come out of Belfast.
          Thera,... from off camera.

          SPEEDMAN
          And I'll second that.
          They all'turn to see...SPEEDMAN. The million-dollar smile
          is back!

          SPEEDMAN
          Now let's get the hell outta here!
          Speedman leads the men to the door. Sandusky tosses
          Speedman'a machine gun.

          SPEEDMAN
          Thanks Kevin.

          SANDUSKY
          My name...you remembered my name. You
          gotta show us the way outta here Chris.

          SPEEDMAN
          Follow me.
          This time they do...

          HALLWAY
          The guys run toward the opening to the courtyard,
          Speedman leading the way...

          EXT. FLAMING DRAGON COURTYARD -- CONTINUOUS

           They huddle close to the wall, unseen, surveying the
          situation: about 20 GUARDS on full alert... a JEEP about
          30 feet away... beyond that, A HELIPAD with the
          compound's chopper, maybe 200 yards in the distance...

          SPEEDMAN
          That's their supply chopper.

          SANDUSKY
          If we could create a diversion, we could
          get to that jeep and drive it right over
          there...

          

          

          

          

          I
          "Ttopic Thunder 100.

          PORTNOY
          Anybody here know how to fly a
          helicopter? Cause that would come in,
          handy too.

          SPEEDMAN
          You want a diversion? I'll give you a
          diversion. Is this baby loaded?
          He holds up the machine gun...

          SANDUSKY
          Yeah, but...
          And with'that, Speedman runs out in to the courtyard,..
          the opposite direction from the jeep, doing a CRAZY WAR'

          WHOOP...
          A BUNCH OF GUARDS turns to,see.him... he does a-SUPER
          MACHO TUCK AND ROLL, landing perfectly and EMPTYING HIS

          CARTRIDGE ON. THE GUARDS...

          SANDUSKY
          (to.himself)
          .they're blanks...
          There is a long moment of silence as the guards just
          stare at Speedman. He seems a. bit surprised that. they are
          not dead,. as do the guards themselves. They cock their
          weapons, about to shoot him when.,..
          A HAIL OF-BULLET FIRE-erupts-behind-the-gu-ards... They
          turn...WE REVEAL CODY AND FOUR LEAF BEHIND THEM, THEIR

          GUNS FIRING INTO THE AIR!!

          SANDUSKY
          Let's move!
          The.guys jump into the jeep, Sandusky at the wheel, and
          'gun it..

          SANDUSKY
          Chris, come.on!
          Speedman jumps. into the jeep as it passes by. They are
          speeding toward the helipad.

          SPEEDMAN WATCHES FOUR LEAF AND CODY, WHO CONTINUE

          SHOOTING AT THE GUARDS...

          SPEEDMAN
          Four Leaf! Effects guy! Come on!!

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 101.
          But they can't break away, they-are trying to run toward
          the jeep but are under too much fire...

          SPEEDMAN

          WE GOTTA GET THEM, GO AROUND!!
          Sandusky swings the wheel hard. . .the jeep careens back
          toward the firefight...they come in hard, and SKID TO A

          STOP NEXT TO FOUR LEAF AND CQDY..1.
          Cody jumps in the jeep, but FOUR LEAF DOESN'T...

          SANDUSKY
          Get in the Jeep!

          FOUR LEAF
          You go... I got real bullets! I'll cover
          you.. It's the only way you'll make it!

          CODY
          Marvin, you gotta --

          FOUR LEAF
          Just go!!
          Sandusky looks at Speedman... they both know he's right.
          They go... leaving Four Leaf in the dust, still firing...
          The jeep speeds up to the helipad... the guys jump out.
          Just as the last guy is out...

          BOOM! A HUGE BLAST FLIPS THE JEEP INTO THE AIR...
          Across the courtyard is TRAN... who just fired an RPG at
          our guys!
          The guys are freaked and shaken, but start to get in the
          chopper... Sandusky pushes Cody in...

          A

          SANDUSKY
          Start the chopper now Cody!
          Cody nods, getting his bearings... and hitting the
          ignition...the BLADES SLOWLY HUM TO LIFE, BEGINNING TO
          TURN... Portnoy grabs Cody's gun and hangs by the runner,
          shooting towards approaching guards...

          WHAT WE SEE NEXT SHOULD PLAY OUT VERY MUCH THE SAME AS

          THE OPENING OF THE MOVIE:
          Tran is reloading his RPG...

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 102.
          REDYK and LAZARUS GET. IN, and SPEEDMAN grabs a live
          machine gun off the ground and fires toward TRAN and his
          men.

          LAZARUS

          WE GOTTA GO NOW!! LET'S MOVE!!

          CODY

          BUT FOUR LEAF --

          LAZARUS

          WE'RE. ALL DEAD MEAT IF WE DON'T.LIFT OFF

          NOW!! DO IT CODY!!
          Cody reluctantly pulls up the throttle. The chopper.
          begins to LIFT OFF...

          SPEEDMAN.

          FOUR LEAF IS STILL OUT THERE!

          LAZARUS

          WE GOTTA GO! PORTNOY GET YER ASS IN THIS

          CHOPPER!!

          PORTNOY

          I'M TRYING!!
          Portnoy is not being heroic, he, is genuinely having
          trouble getting in.-the chopper.
          But then Speedman sees something...

          SPEEDMAN
          It's him...

          SPEEDMAN'S POV
          FOUR LEAF... much-like.Speedman playing him in the
          beginning of the. movie... Arms extended, his body riddled
          with bullets...

          LAZARUS

          FOOCK!
          Cody lowers the chopper ... Speedman jumps out...

          SPEEDMAN
          Cover me!
          Speedman runs towards Four Leaf, through a hailstorm of
          bullets...PORTNOY AND THE GUYS PROVIDE AS MUCH COVER AS

          THEY CAN...

          

          

          

          
          i- Tropic Thunder 103.
          Speedman reaches Four Leaf and collapses beside him,
          cradling his head.
          Trap's men continue to bear down on them...

          FOUR LEAF
          Go on...get outta here. I'm worm food,
          you dig?

          SPEEDMAN

          DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!
          (then totally surprised)
          You have hands?

          ON THE CHOPPER
          The guys are busy shooting off their attackers, but they
          see this moment happening...

          BACK TO SPEEDMAN AND FOUR LEAF
          The life is draining from Four Leaf (Marvin)...

          FOUR LEAF
          I ain't Four Leaf, Chris. We're in this
          mess because of me.

          SPEEDMAN
          (can't get over it)
          How did you get hands?

          FOUR LEAF
          I ain't never been worth a nothin'...and
          it's too late to start bein' a somethin'
          now.
          Speedman tries to understand. He is welling up with
          emotion.. .real emotion.

          FOUR LEAF

          (SINCERELY)
          But you... you can tell the story. . .You
          have to tell the real story...
          And Four Leaf... or Marvin... dies.
          Speedman begins to weep. Tears. Yes, he is crying, for
          real...

          AND WE PULL BACK TO REVEAL THIS PLAYING ON A GIANT VIDEO

          SCREEN AT THE OSCARS...

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder 104.
          Only... LAZARUS (CAUCASIAN AGAIN BUT LOOKING ALOT LIKE
          FOUR LEAF) is now playing FOUR LEAF, (Or Marvin), dead in
          Speedman's arms...

          INT. ACADEMY AWARDS THEATER,

          SPEEDMAN sits in.the audience, suirrounded-by his Tropic �i'4 1, I. 1 ,1M
          -Thunder compatriots. Everyone watches with rapt
          attention...

          ON SCREEN

          SPEEDMAN
          Don't you die on me! Don't you...
          And his weeping continues. He then looks up. to see:

          20 GUERRILLAS RUNNING AT HIM, SHOOTING WILDLY...

          MOVIE STAR STYLE, HE UNLEASHES A BARRAGE OF MACHINE GUN

          FIRE, MOWING THEM DOWN,..

          HE SLINGS FOUR LEAF/MARVIN OVER HIS SHOULDER, AND RUNS

          FOR THE CHOPPER, STILL SHOOTING;..

          HE GETS THERE WITH PORTNOY, REDYK AND SANDUSKY PULLING

          HIM UP AND IN AS THEY TAKE OFF, LEAVING HELL BEHIND.

          THE IMAGE FREEZES.

          INT. ACADEMY AWARDS THEATER

          The audience applauds wildly. HILARY SWANK opens the
          envelope at the podium...

          A

          HILARY SWANK
          And the Oscar goes to...Chris,Michael
          Speedman as himself in ".PLAYING HOOKY

          THE REAL TRUE STORY OF THE LIFE AND DEATH

          OF FOUR LEAF TAYBACK AND THE MAN WHO

          PRETENDED TO BE HIM".
          The audience erupts in applause. Speedman gets up,
          hugging Redyk, Portnoy, Sandusky. Even Cody is there...
          As he gets near.the stage, KIRK LAZARUS (CAUCASIAN BUT
          LOOKING LIKE HIS-ORIGINAL SELF), with his own Oscar in
          hand, bear hugs him...

          

          

          

          
           i-Tropic Thunder 105.

          I" ►

          ANNOUNCER
          This is Chris Michael Speedman's first
          Oscar. He joins four time Oscar winner
          Kirk Lazarus, tonight's Best Supporting
          Actor winner for the role of Marvin
          Kaminsky...
          And we FREEZE on Speedman and Lazarus, grinning eat to
          ear, arms' around each other, awards in hand...

          WE FADE SLOWLY TO BLACK
          After a few moments...

          CUT TO:

          EXT. FLAMING DRAGON COURTYARD -- DAY

          Peck is tied up, in ragged, prisoner clothes, hanging in
          the cage. He has been there a while.

          PECK
          Ok, look, you wanna go through this
          again, let's do it. I see more for you
          than this. This whole 'big fish in the
          little scary jungle pond' thing. I see
          you as a front man, as a leader, not just
          of this little rebel guerilla warrior
          group. I see it big picture. Is it music,
          is it movies? Is it a series on Fox? I
          don't know. But I do know it is not
          happening with you staring at me doing my
          "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings" routine
          for you and the peanut gallery for
          another six months. It's old school
          already.
          TRAN and some HENCHMEN watch, unamused. Tran nods, one of
          the henchmen turns a handle which lowers the cage into
          the water. After a moment, it comes back up with a
          soaking Peck.

          PECK
          (not missing a beat)
          And it makes me sad to see you chomping
          on the stogie and you're not even
          fourteen or whatever. I'm thinking "what
          hole does that need to fill, that you
          have to keep dipping me into the water to
          somehow feel better about yourself?" I
          can be a partner to you, not just a
          captive.

          (MORE)

          

          

          

          
          Tropic Thunder

           106.
          PECK (cont'd)
          But you have to allow me into your inner
          workings, into your headspace to
          facilitate that. And"to do that you gotta
          let me outta the cage,'both figuratively
          and literally. Until you can let me go, I
          you.can't let you go. Do you get that?
          He gets dunked in the water again.

          PECK
          Obviously not. Dare I bring up.a sore
          subject. Can we do a little business on
          the blackberry privileges? Cause you're
          killing me here.

          BLACK


                              THE END