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A Friend In LA Monologue

A Friend In LA by Les Marcott
Character: Vic
Gender: Male
Age (range): 25-40
Style: Comedy
Length: 3 minutes


You see I've got this friend in LA who owes me a favor. I took a bullet for him one time. These guys he owed some money to were chasing him down an alley. Hell, I was just tagging along, didn't know what was going down. They started shooting, missed my friend but got me in the shoulder.

Look at the scar. It's a beaut, ain't it? I know all this time you were thinking it was a birthmark. He said if there was anything that he could ever do for me... to just ask. After all I kinda sorta saved the guy's life. Well guess what? This friend has an uncle in the movie business, a producer. I'm gonna run my screen play by him. I just know he'll love it. It's got everything Hollywood crashes, drugs, raw unbridled sex with a heavy emphasis on unbridled.

And you baby are gonna be the femme fatale. All those years of acting classes are gonna pay off. I'm so excited, there's a million thoughts going through my head. But first baby we need to surround ourselves with all the accoutrements of major Hollywood players. Got to get us some clothes from Rodeo Drive or maybe the closest thrift store, shades, got to have the shades. Maybe a small dog, and a cell phone. Cuz you ain't shit without a cell phone. But who says it has to work. Just carry one. And we've got to ditch our car baby. Who's gonna take us seriously if we're driving a 1990 Oldsmobile with Kentucky plates. Image is everything baby. Everything. Got to have us an entourage, some hangers on.

My cousin Leon lives in LA. He's currently unemployed. We'll give him some beer and cigarette money to be a hanger on and a gopher. Just keep your eye on him. He's a little loopy, had a head injury a few years back. Speaking of much do you have baby? Five dollars? (disbelief) Well, that might be a problem.