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Danny Boy Monologue

(Screenplay) Danny Boy by Alastair J A Thorne
Character: Richard
Gender: Male
Age (range): 35-55
Style: Drama
Length: 3 minutes


Background Info: Danny Boy is an award winning tragi-comic screenplay that centers around a charming old Irish ex-pat in the twilight of his days who escapes from an English state nursing home for a final roust about. Richard is Danny's much younger brother, a typical English lager lout. He spends his wasted life drinking, eating, fighting, and occasionally playing rugby. He has a working class west country English accent (Bristol). At this point in the action Richard and his mates are doing a miserable job of trying to find Danny before the police do. They're useless pillocks and deep down they know it. This outbusrt is the first time we see Richard's true and deep feelings about his "on the run" brother start to come out. Richard is launching in on one of his cohort's, Tosser, who's just enviously pointed out a posh old chap doing 80mph in a classic sports car with a walking frame strapped to the back of it.

You wanna be like that cunt?

What? You're going to all of a sudden be slim, lily white, have pansy's hands, play croquet, just 'cause you're old? Bollocks. Old age is for people like that bastard. Done nothing more than play tennis all their lives.

Nice? It'd be fuckin' nice. Nice! You'll be lucky if you reach sixty, you bastard. And if you do make it - they'll put you in a fucking borstal - looney bin - prison, with a sign out front saying "nursing home." No fucking tennis courts. Nothing. It's like "Sit here watch TV and get round to dying some time soon, eh?" Then you lose interest, 'cause there isn't anything. You lose interest in smiling, in sitting up, in getting up, in going to the toilet, in looking out of the window. But there's still TV - but they've thought of that - it's on a special channel that only shows Corrers and Sale of the Fucking Century. Once you really lose interest, then you need the nursing, see. And some poor bastard like Sean will do the nursing, which involves assisted shitting, shit cleaning, and assisted shit eating, shit drawing on the wall, and shit telly.

That's what its going to be like when you're old, mate.