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Original Monologue Monologue

Original Monologue by Dave Allen
Character: Unspecified
Gender: Male
Age (range): 30-40
Style: Drama
Length: 3 minutes


Background Info: This character is a British elderly man talking about how he plans to kill his wife - but the audience is given the impression that he is in the courtroom proving his innocence until the very end.

My lord? May I speak to the ladies and gentlemen of the jury before they leave to reach a verdict - and before you, my lord, pass sentence upon that verdict? Thank you.

You have heard that from numerous accounts that for many years I lived a happy and meaningless bachelor existence - and like most bachelors I was rather set in my ways. I was an active member of the local church society - I even belonged to a small musical appreciation group made up of some very close friends.

It was during one of these musical evenings that I first met the woman who was later to become my wife. She was everything a man could hope for - at first... she was beautiful, witty, intelligent... but above all, she shared - or at least she gave the appearance of sharing my interests.

It was only in the following months that I began to see her as she truly was. She created such embarrassing scenes for me that one by one my closest friends began to turn away. There was no escape from her. I had to suffer her sulks, her fits of frenzied rage, her long and accusing silences... and then on the night mentioned by the prosecution she followed me down into the last sanctuary that I had - the cellar.

My mind... snapped. I could take no more. I picked up a hammer... and as she turned to face me mocking laughter fell from her twisted mouth. There was no fear in her eyes. She dared me to hit her. She actually dared me. And God forgive me, but I did... I struck her. Again... and again...

Yes dear? What do you think I'm doing? I'm in the cellar!

Just practicing... just practicing...