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Do I Think You're Beautiful? Monologue

Do I Think You're Beautiful? by Sonny Burnette
Character: Brad
Gender: Male
Age (range): 35-55
Style: Comedy
Length: 3 minutes


Background Info: A man is asked 'THE' loaded question by his girl ["Do you think I'm beautiful?"] and tries his best to properly squirm out of the situation.

Monologue: "Do I think you're beautiful?" You know I hate loaded questions, Kim. But, okay, I'll play your little game if it'll make you happy.

Your legs. Long. Shapely. There might be just the slightest bow to them, but it's not really noticeable. ... Doesn't seem to interfere with the walking. Hey, I wouldn't give the bow another thought.

And you've got one heck of a trim chest. I mean, who wants to see excess baggage in that area? Certainly not me; that's for sure. Now don't get me wrong; I could probably handle the excess if it were there, but thank God it's not. A, B, C, D. Cup sizes? ... Just letters of the alphabet to me. In fact, I don't even think about 'em, especially the letter D.

Your arms. Kim, I've always meant to tell you that I think it's really cool how you bleach your arm hair. I'm not sure I would have ever thought of that if I were a girl. Kudos.

Your neck. Hey, it's a perch for your head. What else can I say? ... except that, maybe you should have that big mole looked at, ... honey.

Your face. Love that broad skull of yours, Kim. What's the term, brachycephalic? You know, I think scientists no longer believe there is any connection between skull shape and criminal behavior. Really, I don't think anyone notices.

Ah, your hair. ... As ever-changing as the sand dunes of the Sahara. ... As unpredictable as a summer squall on the Pacific. ... As intriguing as a CNN expos´┐Ż.

"Do I think you're beautiful??" Well, honey, I think I would have to say that you're ... you're fairly breathtaking!