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Pulse Monologue

Pulse by Stacey Lane
Character: Clara
Gender: Female
Age (range): 18 - 25
Style: Comedy
Length: 2 minutes


Background: (Lights come on CLARA, a vision of angelic loveliness, standing center stage.)

CLARA: The day my best friend died, it rained. It was as if the Heavens themselves were –

(In the audience, a cell phone begins to ring. CLARA is noticeably startled by the phone, but presses on, speaking louder over the ringing.)

- crying, mourning the loss of one so young and so innocent. But I shed no-

(The phone continues to ring.)

Oh, my God! You’ve got to be kidding me! Well, is somebody going to answer that? I can’t believe the nerve of- Hello! We’re waiting! We’re all watching. Answer your damn cell phone! If there is anything in the world that pisses me off more as an actor, as an audience member-hell as a human being, it is cell phones in the theatre.

(The cell phone is still ringing.)

Are you gonna get that? In case you didn’t notice, you’re interrupting my performance. Here I am bearing my heart and soul and- Do you people not listen to the twenty announcements they make about turning off your cell phones? Do you not have the common sense to know that I’m trying to perform here and that ringing is going to distract me and everybody around you? Do you not- Answer your phone!

(Crossing into the house on a rampage searching for the phone. The ringing is coming from a purse planted under a seat in the house.)

Where is it? What? You’re too embarrassed to answer your phone now?  Want me to answer it for you? I bet it’s important! It better be considering that you just interrupted- You know we all hate you. Every single person in this theatre hates you right now! God! Make it stop ringing!

(CLARA locates the planted purse, grabs it, and rushes back to the stage. She dumps the contents of the purse onto the stage floor and locates the ringing phone. She hurls it to the ground and then stomps and jumps on it until she is satisfied it will never ring again. She kicks the pieces of cell phone and purse contents out of the way, takes a deep breath, and returns to her opening pose.)

The day my best friend died, it rained. It was -

(In the audience, a cell phone begins to ring out in an annoying musical tone. CLARA looks out, with a mixture of loathing and disbelief, as lights quickly fade to black.)

Published with permission from Stacey Lane. © 2008 Stacey Lane. Please contact the playwright at or StaceyLaneInk[~at~] for performance rights.