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When The Train Comes In Monologue

When The Train Comes In Monologue by Nixon Waterman
Character: Unknown
Gender: Male
Age (range): ?
Style: Comedy
Length: 5 minutes


Well, yes, I calkerlate it is a little quiet here
Fer one who's b'en about the world and traveled fur an' near;
But maybe 'cause I never lived no other place, to me
The town seems 'bout as lively as a good town ort to be.
We go about our bizness in a quiet sort o' way,
Ner think' o' the outside world, exceptin' wunst a day
We gather at the depot, where we laff an' talk an' spin
Our yarns an' watch the people when the train comes in.
Si Jenkins, he's the jestice o' the peace, he allers spends
His money fer a paper which he glances through an' lends
To some the other fellers an' we all take turns an' chat,
An' each one tells what he 'u'd do if he was this er that;
An' in a quiet sort o' way, afore a hour's gone,
We git a purty good idee o' what's a-goin' on,
An' gives us lots to think about until we meet ag'in
The follerin' to-morrer when the train comes in.
When I git lonesome-like I set aroun' the barber-shop
Er corner groc'ry, where I talk about the growing crop
With fellers from the country; an' if the sun ain't out too hot,
We go to pitchin' hoss-shoes in Jed Thompson's vacant lot
Behin' the livery stable; an' afore the game is done
As like as not some feller'll say his nag kin clean outrun
The other feller's an' they take 'em out an' have a spin;
But all git back in town afore the train comes in.
I see it in the papers 'at some folks, when summer's here,
Pack up their trunks an' journey to the seashore every year
To keep from gittin' sunstruck; I've a better way than that,
Fer when it's hot I put a cabbage-leaf inside my hat
An' go about my bizness jes thought it wasn't warm--
Fact is I ain't a-doin' much sense I moved off my farm;
An' folks 'at loves the outside world, if they've a mind to, kin
See all they ort to of it when the train comes in.
An' yit I like excitement, an' they's nothin' suits me more
'An to git three other fellers, so's to make a even four,
'At knows the game jest to a T, an' spend a half a day
In some good place a-fightin' out a battle of croquet.
There's Tubbs who tends the post-office, an' old Doc Smith and me
An' Uncle Perry Louden--it 'u'd do you good to see
Us fellers maul them balls aroun'; we meet time an' ag'in.
An' play an' play an' play until the train comes in.
An' take it all in all I bet you'd have to look aroun'
A good, long while afore you'd find a nicer little town
'An this 'n' is. The people live a quiet sort o' life,
Ner carin' much bout the world with all its woe an' strife.
An' here I mean to spend my days, an' when I reach the end
I'll say, "God bless ye!" an' "Good-bye," to every faithful friend;
An' when they foller me to where they ain't no care ner sin,
I'll meet 'em at the depot when the train comes in.

Credits: Reprinted from Modern Literature for Oral Interpretation. Ed. Gertrude E. Johnson. New York: The Century Co., 1920.