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Four Rooms Monologue

Four Rooms by Allison Anders
Character: Chester
Gender: Male
Age (range): 18 - 55
Style: Comedy
Length: 2 minutes


Chester: Knock it off, you're making my friend Ted here uneasy. Pay no attention to Norman here, Ted, he's just f#@kin' wit' ya, that's all. That's from Quadrophenia. Now me, myself, when I think of bellboys I think of--"bellboy" isn't an insult, is it? Is there another name for what you do that I'm ignorant of? Bellman, bellperson... Good. I'm glad they haven't changed that. There's a friendliness to "bellboy." As I was saying, Ted, when Norman thinks of bellboys, he thinks of Quadrophenia. But me, when I think of bellboys, I think of The Bellboy, with Jerry Lewis. Didja ever see The Bellboy? You should, it's one of Jerry's better movies. He never says a word through the entire film. A completely silent performance. How many actors can pull that off? And he has to go to France to get respect. That says it all about America right there. The minute Jerry Lewis dies, every paper in this f#@kin' country gonna write articles calling the man a genius. It's not right. It's not right and it's not fair. But why should that surprise anybody? When has America ever been fair? We might be right every once in a while, but we're very rarely fair.