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Sweethearts Monologue

Sweethearts by Aleks Horvat
Character: Jasmine
Gender: Female
Age (range): 18-35
Style: Comedy
Length: 3 minutes


Background Info: A very manic Jasmine is meeting her blind date for the first time.

Do you have a light? I need a smoke so desperately and you don't smoke. I'm sure you don't smoke. Or maybe you DO smoke and I'm judging a book. Am I being hasty? I know I"m being manic but I really need a cigarette. Second hand smoke does kill. I was reading one of my fathers medical journals. I have a predilection for reading medical journals. That was a big word. That was obnoxious wasn't it? Sorry! I do that sometimes-I think I'm trying to impress you. But I have all these medical journals in my apartment, unrecycled. I have copious amounts-there I go again-copius amounts of unrecycled paper just sitting in my apartment. It's really criminal. What I SHOULD do to be conservative and enviro-friendly is to get online. Are you online? I'm looking really forward to webstock. I think that kinda of thing you can change our democracy. Do you have an Email address that I can Email you..something?-Ten years ago I almost drown in my bathtub.And um..did you know that when you're starting to drown and the water is coming into your lungs its similar to sleeping-or the FEELING is similar to sleeping. I mean I don't know. I didn't drown or anything. It was kinda funny. I guess you had to be there. But if you think of the Titanic and all of those people ''asleep'' in their deckchairs. It is a FAR more palatable tragedy.-What? Do I seem crazy? I'm not crazy! I may talk a lot but I'm not crazy. If you met someone really crazy I'm telling you, you'd know. The most disturbed person I ever met was my roommate Elizabeth. She was a borderline paranoid schizophrenic, worst halitosis in the world, bar none-and she was attracted to me-ewwwww. Although, she did come from a very wealthy family so when they came to take her out to dinner I cashed in my chips on that one. Don't look at me like that-YES I spent some time in a hospital. So! I'm not crazy. I'm NOT CRAZY! Although a lot of people do agree my Mom should have never had children. I shan't, I've had my tubes tied.