Original Piece Monologue
|Original Piece by Cynthia Brace|
All I ever wanted was to make you like me. From the day I met you, I knew you were everything I'd ever thought about. You know how some girls always go on and on about what kind of guy they want and yada, yada, yada? I never wanted to be one of them. Then I met him. I mean, you. You, with those eyes that I get lost in, oh. Those eyes... that don't even see me. I'm a shadow; behind you when the sun hits. But your sun is that preppy blonde cheerleader who giggles and hangs off your arm. You'll never see me. I must be invisible, because I could be in the same room as you, and I'd still be as transparent as ever.
Last Tuesday, when I ran into you in the hall, you helped me up, and smiled at me. Ever since that jumbled conversation, I've been listening so hard I hear a vow in every word you speak, even if you're not speaking to me. But I'm still just that shadow, and you're still that unobtainable goal I strive for.
Not that I'm thinking of you as an object or anything. I should have known you were just part of a misconstrued fairytale before I let you consume me; I should have known that you were one of them, and I could never be. Them, with their collared shirts and designer jeans, that's what you deserve, not me with my black eyeliner, baggy jeans and blasphemous religion.
What was I thinking when I got dressed this morning? This shirt doesn't flatter me; I'm too pale to wear black. And my parents are always nagging at me about my hair... Someday I'll find the way out of this labyrinth; I'll follow the white light. 'Till then I'll be no one. At least that way I'll belong to something. I'll stay hidden in my darkness, cold and unfeeling as I'm supposed to be. I'll show no emotion as I realize that every step towards you is two steps back to the mistake that I run from. Mistake. It's a mistake. It's a mistake! I can't believe what I've done for you. So many times I've gotten lost inside of myself and now all that's left are the scars on my skin.
What am I doing, writing to you? This sounds like I'm constructing a Linkin Park song. I sound so pathetic. You're never going to notice me anyway. It's all a hollow oblivion.