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Unpublished Monologue

Unpublished by Anonymous
Character: Janet
Gender: Female
Age (range): Late Teens
Style: Comedy
Length: 2 minutes


I refuse to join a sorority. The pressure to "pledge" at this campus is ridiculous and an embarrassment to the human race. I realized in high school that the more you try to be popular, the more unattractive you become. I don't need to mention this, but I was unanimously elected Homecoming Queen. Did I campaign for the votes? Negative. I was also head cheerleader. Did I sleep with the quarterback? Penalty declined. I was even 1st runner up to valedictorian. Did I demand a recount? It's called "graciousness," people. Life, in the context of college, is about hoeing your own garden not admiring your roommate's. And that is why I've chosen horticulture as my major. I am here to bloom. Now pass me that beer bong before I lose my buzz.